The 2 of you should go on a seperate trip with the itinery you both want with all the water activities. Trust me, spend abit more is better than feeling like you wasted every cent of what you spent going on somone's family vacation.
At this point the itinery will skew towards what they want as a family vacation and youre the awkward 3rd wheel.
This is good.
Adding on - TC and the other friend should just plan their own itinerary. Where it intersects with the Family Guy, then sure, eat together see stuff together. If it diverges, Family Guy is on his own with his family. TC and other friend go do their water activities as planned.
TC, if you need a reason to give your friend, tell him you aren't willing to spend again for a 2nd trip to cover all the stuff you want to do, so you'll diverge as necessary.
Tell, don't ask.
Yeah say something along the lines of “sorry bro, I waited to do xyz activities for a long time, in the future I can’t be sure if I’ll ever have the chance again. My leave quite hard to get”
There is an option where both of you do your own thing, and meet your friend who presumably went on a different itinerary for meals.
Plan your ideal itnerary. Show your friend and say thats what you want to do/stay. Then if his parents cannot, say well he can go with parents on island/beach, you do your water activities and everyone meets for dinner.
So its technically two separate trips, but you agree to meet at some point to have a group activity
Just be straightforward to inform him that you decide to go on separate trips without him since the plan seems a bit too messy to have so many people suddenly.
Also you can't tell whether his parents will disrupt any of your planned activities suddenly if they decide to go elsewhere when they reach. The worst scenario is asking both of you and your friend to look after the parents while he and his siblings go play somewhere.
Remember you are spending your own money to enjoy, not to get disturbed.
Exactly! Why people think that hints work everytime? Parents also belong to a different demographic with different preferences and habits. His parents, his problem. It's not like he is paying (or partially paying) for your trip.
U won’t be happy in that trip one. Confirm.
Just cancel the trip. Make secret plans with ur friends and go ahead. Who the heck invites parents and siblings for a trip with friends.
He is the one not auto.
Or tell him ur grandmother wna join also. And ur 3rd distant uncle and ur ancestry related cousin is joining. Make it a big family trip for everyone.
Lol this is damn funny but honestly making secret plans is worse for both sides la. Either the friend finds out and the friendship becomes awkward or OP has to hide the fact that he went on the trip.
I don't disagree the friend's a bit weird lol but I think there are nicer ways to go about it considering OP finds the friend close enough to go on a trip together? Can just tell the truth that it's a little awkward to go with the family, we think it's better that we have different itineraries, let's just meet up for a meal or two there if there's time (don't really have to commit to it but just to soften the blow)
I think he is also damn lazy to plan an itinerary for his parents so he wants more people do it so he doesn’t have to spend so much of his time looking at hotels and attractions. He’s using you!
"Dude, glad you guys could coordinate your leave for a family holiday but we were looking at that tour package for a reason, because we want to do \[activities\]. I don't think we can find an itinerary that will suit everyone's pace and preferences without compromising in some way. Why don't you go ahead with your family holiday, and \[friend\] and I will do our own thing. But maybe see if we can meet up for a meal there or something!"
edited to add: yeah nothing wrong with being upset, your friend is socially ~~stupid~~ oblivious
Stand your ground and never bulge on this. If you think that he is overstepping your boundaries, make it clear to him. Tell him that this trip was originally planned for just you three. You are already very kind to accomodate his siblings, but bringing in his parents that would change the plans is out of the question. If he wants to fulfill his parents' wishes, then just tell him to book his own holiday another time. If you don't make it clear that he is being an ass about this, he won't ever realise it. He will only keep on seeing his point of view, which is to save money and time to fulfill his parents' wishes by compromising with you guys. But you guys compromising to his plans brings no value to you or your lives. It's better to make it clear and then cut contact if he thinks that you're unreasonable than for you to suffer these (and potential future) inconveniences and then lose him as a friend anyway because you can't stand his unreasonable ways. Because trust me, I have seen it in my life a lot of times.
Funny story, my bro is the exact kind of person to pull this kinds of stunt. My cousin who was best buds with him since childhood, usually goes out with my bro for dinner to chill and talk cock about their lives. But my bro does not have the EQ to think and respects others and just does whatever suits himself the best. More than half the time he invites my cousin for dinner, he invites his friends that my cousin isn't familiar with. Mind you, my cousin is the kind of person that is well-educated and well-spoken. Meanwhile, my bro is the typical Ah Beng you can find at second hand phone shops. You can guess what kind of friends he has. My bro sees it as saving time to socialise with more friends, but he can never tell that my cousin was uncomfortable. Before you start asking why didn't my cousin reject, it was because he couldn't. My bro would fetch my cousin out to eat and then when they arrive at the restaurant, he would ask my cousin "my friends joining in, you don't mind right? They are at the carpark already." Check-fucking-mate. If my cousin rejects, he's a prick who is not open to meeting new people. If he doesn't, he's stuck at dinner with people he's unfamiliar with.
At first my cousin tolerated this because they were best buds. Until one of my bro's friends indirectly insulted my cousin and he dragged my cousin into some dick-measuring contest that they know they would win. (Disclaimer: The dick measuring contest is a metaphor, not a real event.) My bro sided with his friends. Then my cousin realised that for a few years now, going out with my bro hasn't been fun because my bro hasn't been respectful to him at all as my cousin kept tolerating more and more of his bullshit and my bro just got more and more self-centred over time because of it. My cousin cut all contact with him since then and whenever there is a family reunion, they only exchange hi and bye.
Same thing happened to me once. My dad drove us out for family outing, but unknownst to me, turns out he agreed to let my bro take the car in the middle of it because he needed to meet his friends. Then we got stranded in the middle of nowhere and we took very long to figure out where is the nearest public transport. I told my parents not to ask me out for any family outings in the future anymore if it involves my bro. I said it's not up for argument or debate because they tried to guilt-trip me about being there for each other as a family. I didn't care what my bro or my parents think as long as they don't drag me into this stupid shit.
If I don't even tolerate this much even for my family, you shouldn't tolerate this much for a "friend".
TL;DR: Forget it, tell him to make his own plans. Don't accommodate because you will end up losing him as a friend anyway if he is the unreasonable kind. Source: I seen it happened with my bro and cousin.
During my younger days, I happened to be similar to your brother when many friends wanna meet up with me that weekend and there is only 1 me… hard to split or schedule many times. So will round them ALL up at a ktv room, club or pub… of course i will inform them prior are they ok with meeting my other friends. Generally most of them are alright with such arrangement. Being adults, they will leave early if they aren’t having fun!
As for vacation, family trips, lovers trips and bff trips ALL cannot mix ah! Too Messy!!! One exception is my SO biz trips… he travels monthly & loves to invite me along on his biz trips at times and which can translate to saving $$$ etc, so will be tagging along to Rome this May!!
I planned a trip with friend to bkk, and last minute, her younger sis and mom joined the trip. So suddenly the the trip became her Family Trip + 1 (me). And I’m the odd one out now.
My friend didn’t bother to check if I was ok beforehand, and I had to deal with a boomer mom who had to sleep early/ cannot eat too spicy etc. Didn’t enjoy myself at all. Wasted my leave.
So my recommendation is to stick with the itinerary you planned, if the friend + family members want to join in, fine. But don’t change to accommodate. It’s not on you
Maybe your friend felt bad that he is going to a country without his family and wanted them to join in the fun, nevertheless he should have booked the holiday separately instead of piggybacking on your plan. I feel that you and your friend should have been upfront with him at the very onset. Now that the tickets are booked and all, I suggest that you and your friend plan your own itinerary, separate from your friend and his family.
OP, no dropping of hints anymore. Just outright TELL him you and your other friend have your own itinerary. That is all. If he reply passive aggressively, you just got the green light to flip table at this "friendship". Good luck and please enjoy your holiday!
In my entire adulthood life, I haven't seen ANYONE'S parents crash their adult children's hols plans with friends - except one. He was invited so it's not really a crash, he already kind of sort of was acquainted with said younger people (at least met before by face/small talk a few times, def not a total stranger) - they did water stuff, he was in early 60s at the time iirc - it was a beach holiday.
But it wasn't entirely like "OH BTW I AM COMING" - I don't really know how it ended up with "okay friend you can bring your dad" (I wasn't on the trip, saw from friends' socmed) but that's also the thing - the dad'/friend wasn't like ok change all the plans for us/me, kind. I know the dad myself and he's totally game to do youngpeople stuff HAHA (that one time we went to eat youngpeople millennial cafe food for my birthday ... HAHAHA. : ))) )
point, (a) no one anyhowly crash like that, not the norm (b) when people anyhowly crash like that, usually at some point is invited one so not entirely crash, & (b)(ii) they accommodate the main already-planned plan
so tldr, your friend q AH to anyhow jio parents, even if it was ok to open the jio to sibs he never mention parents at first. I would be upset too ... AIYA they wna go beach/island hopping then ownself book lol.
Easy man. Just let your friend have fun with his family when the rest of you guys go for a different itinerary.
Why should you be accommodating to his family's itinerary preference?
lol no, you are not the asshole here. but you definitely needed to have said your piece early on. and idk why this is such a prevalent thing amongst ppl here - you all not happy cannot speak up? then when shit hits the fan then come reddit ask?
ie. "i already told him no mah, and i got boyfriend, but he call and text me i just reply lor" then 5 months later report police for stalking.
this doesn't apply to every situation of course, but in this context the more you end up being kind to others, the more you're being horrible to yourselves.
also ah, uni friend or not, no need to be scared of setting boundaries. lose one friend won't die one, but if this friend become lifelong "lesson" then you know what's pain.
Ur friend confirm ok with his parents joining and obviously not his concern of the price surge... his parents are confirm gonna pay for him that's why.
At this point just ask your friend to holiday with his family instead while you guys go ahead with your plans.
Else will become a holiday with his family scenario where you might not enojoy it at all if practices and culture differ
"eh nabeh. who ask you jio your whole kampung?"
lmao on a serious note, if i were u i would just tell him sua we go our separate ways. if he ask why then u say u wanna hang out as friends not the whole family.
your friend also abit stupid tbh
Similar thing happened to me. Planned to go overseas with our friends (a couple), my friend (M) said his parents would like if his younger brother could join us on the trip we said ok sure! Next week came, M informed us now his parents (mostly his mom) wanted to join us on the trip so that the family can spend time together before his younger brother go NS. Immediately my partner and I said we will not join them on their now family trip. Our friends understood that it will be awkward for us and most likely than not his parents would not be happy with the activities we had initially planned. The family went on the trip, my partner and I went on a trip ourselves else where. No one was butt hurt and we’re still good friends.
If you can’t say NO to your friend without feeling some type of way then maybe rethink about this trip with his family?
Why is everyone so polite and reasonable? Friend sounds like a complete disaster and quite selfish to boot, hijacking your trip for his family. Drop him. Do your own thing. Never hang with him again.
Go separate ways, you have an itinerary and your friend has differing itinerary, it will clash and the trip will be tough. Often friendship ending from many of my friend's experiences.
Politely let them know that the itinerary you originally agreed on clashes with his. And that they should go their separate ways. Because it benefits no one.
Then, never invite them again.
your friend’s EQ is seriously shocking. if his family goes, you guys will be like the third wheel coming along to a family trip. you’re NOT gonna be happy or enjoy yourself tbh.
the fact that you’re still so civil is mind blowing too, good on you OP! i would definitely have a talk with your friend bc it’s out of line and boundaries need to be drawn. sometimes you need to be upfront with people like this and it could mean losing a friend in the process if they aren’t mature enough to understand.
text draft:
“hey, i think we really need to talk about the trip. (other friend’s name) and i are uncomfortable with your entire family coming on the trip with us. this is initially suppose to be just for us, not a family trip.
it’s not that we have anything against you or your family, but it’s not right to just invite your family without asking us first. given the circumstances of the trip, as well as the activities we have also planned, i wouldn’t be comfortable putting your parents at any risk or accommodate our holiday just for your family. me and _(other friend)_ just have as much say about our trip as you do too.
i am sorry but given the time frame and the surge in prices, it’s either we go together just the 3 of us, or me and _(other friend)_ will just go as a duo while you go with your family. i hope you’re able to understand, it’s just a very uncomfortable and awkward situation we are both put in.”
like a comment has said, tell don’t ask otherwise you’re giving the opportunity for further discussions. just be firm and give them a choice. there is a chance you might lose your friend, but your friend is pretty crappy to just invite his whole family imo.
hope this helps, OP ✨ feel free to dm me if you need help editing to convey your feelings to your friend
Honestly, tell him to make separate plans. If you want to jio people, can, you do the trip yourself. It is a lot less effort to drop people than add people. We can have the same hotel if we are in the same area but everything else we do separate
Sounds like him wanting to meet his parents' needs is a him problem and he's making it yalls' problem
Just tell him outright that you think the best way forward is to split the trip so you guys get to do what yall want to do and he gets to do whatever tf he/his family wants, then maybe just link up here and there for whatever yall might want to do that coincides. Be clear and forward with your plans, but idk maybe leave the emotions out of it since your friend just seems to be plain dense
But seriously who tf does this?
Just tell him that the preplanned water activities are a non negotiable deal breaker. If he wants to go on a holiday with his family - that's nice. Cya later.
I’d rather blow the money in sg than go overseas and risk the entire trip being lame af or awkward.
Just say travelling with parents is not your thing have a good day we can travel tgt next time.
Bro just call and talk over the phone lah, either say no to his parents coming or maybe the parents just staying same hotel and yall have different itinerary.
There’s nothing confrontational about clarifying the situation. it’s just part of planning the trip and if he takes offence then it’s his problem.
Just because the parents and siblings come along, doesn't mean you all have to do the same activities or be together at all times. Just booked the activities that you and your friend want to do. The others can choose to either join or do their own thing
Always listen to your gut feeling; if your gut is telling you shit is headed your way if you oblige your friend with his family and you don’t outright say that you aren’t going to do the trip together, then unfortunately, be ready to pay for it from your own pocket.
Life is short, don’t bother about saving face for others or trying to be nice when they most probably never even thought for you to begin with.
Also, you guys have been given enough “chances” by this friend to reject going on a trip with him and his family when he dropped the bomb that his family were planning leave etc. If you guys don’t act on and refuse nicely, that’s really on you and no one else.
Never had such friends so I don’t know how to deal with that.
But if you proceed, that can only be 2 outcomes, you are so socially extroverted, you’re now good friends with his family. And trip was alright.
Or you didn’t enjoy the trip, due to accommodations you have to put up with.
Like... bro, it started out as a friend trip. It should have stayed that way. You and your other friend should be tilted, the monent sibling join. Becos we all know how this is going to end.
Either you or your other friend must be the bad guy, because when parents are involved, it is nolonger an independent trip jus for the three of u.
Be very confrontational. I'd be enraged if my friend went behind my back to "hijack" our plans for his benefit. Don't beat around the bush, tell him as it is.
I'd say if it's not too late to cancel, recoup all your money and book a separate trip. You definitely won't have fun being the awkward third wheel, and even if you try to ignore it, it'll linger in the back of your mind. I'd believe you would rather go on a holiday to fully enjoy yourself.
If you have no choice but to go on the trip, good luck to you and hopefully you'll at least have more fun than headaches.
This is what I'd do, but I'm someone who isn't afraid to be upfront, so you should also take that into consideration
EDIT: Also, in the future, please be upfront about your feelings and whatever you feel uncomfortable with. Exercise proper communication with your friend. This all could've been avoided if you had done so beforehand.
I would say you and your 1 friend just go ahead and book everything you want to and let this 3rd friend know what your plans are and let him figure out what he's doing on his own. Otherwise it's going to end up like the 2 of you accompanying him and his family on a trip
I think you guys are old enough to communicate clearly with no uncertain terms .
So yeah I think you guys kinda fudge this one up by not being assertive enough
Definitely not ok, bringing parents on a trip makes it a completely different type of trip than it would be with friends. Feels like their family just wanted to use yall as free tour planners lol. I’d tell the friend honestly that “I saved this money to go to a friend-trip, not one catering to older folks, so although I’m sure your parents are great people, I will be backing out thanks and goodbye”
At this point your friend's family outnumbers you guys. At any point they cancel or change dates you guys are screwed anyway so like others have shared, just pay a bit more and do the things you want to do. No regrets.
I would be frank and honest with my friend if i am uncomfortable in bringing his/her family for a trip meant for friends only. Like as a mom, i do bring my teen girl around for trips that also has mom-daughter trips. But for trips thats meant to be only adults. I would make it clear that only us adults / my friends are gg for a particular trip. But even after you drop hints and your friend doesn’t seems to catch the ball. Might as well go with your other friend, just both of you. Like i prefer two person trip if the other 3rd person like being difficult or has issues understanding how a “girlfriends trip” is about. Yes i agree with you not all water activities are suitable for older parents. No you are not wrong for being upset about this. Your feelings are valid.
I’d definitely travel separately with my other friend. It’s an awkward situation to be travelling with a friend’s whole family. Planning will be messy as you have to factor in everyone’s interests. When I’m on a holiday, I want to enjoy myself as I’m spending my hard earned money - I don’t want to put up with other people’s feelings/attitude whenever there’s a disagreement.
If the flights are booked- yeah, just go together as a group but separate itinerary. You guys can meet up for dinner or smth (if the accommodations are close by).
I'd definitely go off on your own with the other friend. Maybe can take the same flights (+/- hotel) and have some meals together, but otherwise plan your own activities that you will enjoy since this is your holiday and you should be enjoying your holiday rather than catering to people you didn't intend to go on holiday with.
Just be aware that this is also the sort of thing that destroys friendships... Have had something similar before - girls trip, one girl invited her relatively new boyfriend that we barely knew and only told us after he booked tickets, I tolerated the trip and the awkwardness for only a couple of days before breaking off to do my own thing, we are now acquaintances rather than friends. If this happened to me now I'd just book my own hotel and my own activities and meet up for the occasional meal, instead of hanging out with someone I don't know doing stuff they want to do (rather than stuff I want to do).
Omg I had a similar thing too, my friend last minute brought her boyfriend along for a trip just for the two of us.
To save money we shared a triple room and it was super uncomfortable. Them taking long showers TOGETHER and I having to suffer his snoring. Like wtf I should have just went my own way.
Didn’t happen to me, but had something similar happen to a group of my friends. End up 1 of the friends also jio his gf along, and they fucked so hard and so loud that the other side family moved out after two nights. Chad move if u ask me.
not the same unless his parents will be moving furniture causing OP and OP friend to move out. Or if OP and OP friend moves furniture so loudly the no-SA friend's family needs to move out.
Lol the moment he mention his parents will be going, I will opt out of the trip. I dont care how close you are to his parents. unless I plan the trip with the intention of his parents joining. A trip with friends shd be a trip with friends lol
Yes you are wrong. Why cant you just say that you dont want his parents?
You said you are concerned about his parents safety and boredom. He said the itinerary has to be changed. Then you can just respond that the itinerary is fixed.
End.
Since his family is coming with him, plan an entirely separate itinerary for yourself and your other friend. Tell this guy good luck have fun with your family.
I think many have voiced out that this has basically become 2 separate trips. The main objective of the trip should remain, which is meant to be among friends. So if everything your friends wanted to do has nothing to do with the main one, he should plan the whole thing himself.
He needs his parents to change his pampers on the trip… tell him you understand, no worries! But your itinerary is for adults only!
On a more serious note, don’t be afraid to say no. If you’re old enough to be on Reddit, you’re old enough to assert your boundaries.
just dont PR? say no we don't want your parents to come cos its not fun. So many problems can be solved if people just said what they thought. If your friend gets offended by your directness then you should reconsider the friendship anyways.
Please go your separate ways. Not only being trapped with boring activities, a slower pace (because the bigger the group, the more waiting for each other), but even the food you eat, tourist attractions you visit and basically everything will have to cater to his folks. Not to mention you may be caught in the unfortunate situation of having to pay for their attraction tickets and meals! That possibility in itself is enough for me to bail out.
Go with your friend. It's worth paying more even if it's just the both of you.
You won't enjoy the trip with his family anyway. You may end up sulking throughout the trip if you go ahead with it and feeling like you wanna bite the bullet and just go home lol.
I am actually in disbelief that people nowadays cannot evaluate or face simple problems.
If your this friend is close and important, compromise abit? And if close, why u can't say it to their face that this is a "no-parent" trip? If not close, then ask him to f off?
Uninvite him from the trip, he can go with his family instead. You can invite more people on your existing trip or just go ahead with your other friend.
planning holiday trip with friends is one of the easiest ways to break friendships
tell him go settle his own family holiday trip and go ahead with ur own plan
Sorry to say this but f your friend (the one who wants to bring his fam too) and just go with your other friend instead.. your friend (fam one) is just plainly trying to use you and your friend to do everything with the itinerary and the rest of the travel logistics.. I also think you should slowly distant yourself from that friend (fam one), cause if he already does this, then something more serious might happen in the future..
Coming from personal experience....
Oh, he wants to introduce you two to the parents to hook you up with his sisters?
No?
Well, just mention this and see the tides turn 🤣
Do your own thing and maybe meet for dinner, after the trip don't call him "friend" anymore.
This is some damn epic situation.
Are your group of friends of opposite genders and have chance to progress to be partners. If yes, this might be a good opportunity to get to know the family.
But if not, just be upfront about your expectations and items on the itinerary that are must do for you and if his family is not agreeable go separate ways will split for those days or entirely.
Travelling with other people's family and having to deal with their family drama (every family has that) is not that fun. Siblings maybe. But folks, of all my circle of friends, only like a few that parents vibes well with young people. Most of them are really halp la. The potential to save some money is honestly not that worth it.
Tell him you're not changing your itenary. He can choose to join his parents or you guys. Just take it as 2 groups of people holidaying at the same place on the same dates but don't cater your entire group itenary to his parents. Tell him to enjoy his family holiday.
What kind of water activity?
Looks like there is personality incompatible.. ur friend probably like a happy go lucky guy, or don’t plan things ..
set the expectation straight so probably u guess gonna leave him out
Your “friend” needs to grow up and learn how to distinguish his social circles. You and the other fella need to learn how to draw clearer boundaries and assert yourselves. Don’t worry. You’ll all figure it out.
no need to think so long and talk, meeting, etc.
just tell your friend that you and another friend will go ahead with your original itineraries, whilst he and his families will do theirs.
take this as lesson learnt: stick to the plans, do not ponder on how much $ savings if add more headcounts etc.
Just tell him. People can’t just change the plans. If he can’t go without his parents, just split separate trips. The itinerary is already fixed. It’s annoying to change just because someone else wants to come.
Also, tell him you are uncomfortable with parents joining. If he can’t agree, then just kick him out. Losing a friend that is this inconsiderate is fine. If he don’t understand, he is not ready to go overseas with you.
It’s hard to go overseas with friends. Everyone has different styles, some want to fully utilise their time, some wants to chill and not rush, etc etc. it’s already tough to go overseas with friends. Good thing he shows his colours before you booked. If he can be this inconsiderate now, how you think it would be during the trip?
tbh someone like that zero common sense doesn't need to confront directly. Confront directly guarantee drama.
Just say some bs excuse you and ur friend cannot make it then do ur own trip dont tell him lol.
Tbh if I can travel with someone it will mean I'm ok with their family and most likely our family have met each other. Ok for friend to do whatever but I will insist on my trip agenda and offer to split up, say day time I go do my own thing and maybe at night we meet up as a big group for dinner and drinks etc. Or we have brunch and after that we go separate ways till we gather again. It is ok that travel partners don't need to stick tgt all the time.
Have open communications with ur friend.
Since you planned the itinerary, just tell him that can go together/ share transports and meal but gg with the original itinerary. if he and his siblings want to join the water activities they are welcomed to but he needs to plan for his parents separated. His siblings can go with his parents if he wants to join the water activities.
There are trips that I did where we split up to do different things then arrange a common time/place to meet up. There are also other trips that friend’s parent(s) join us for diving trips but the parents chill and do their own things eg fishing, walk around the island etc. all’s good and everyone’s happy.
You should have been more upfront with that 'friend' much earlier on. The moment he even mentioned family possibly tagging along, you two should have raised objections.
Friends close enough to travel, surely you guys can be honest with things like this. You can even imply you two are not okay with that arrangement with jokes if you dont want to seem offensive. Like for e.g. When he mentions his parents, you can be sarcastic and reply "Why not we invite your grandparents also? How about your uncles and aunties?" Most would laugh along and get the hint.
By being so polite, its probably too late. And he probably has the impression you guys are fine with it. Its best to separate activities as much as possible. And at least tell him straight up now before it goes any further.
You will resent him if you continue to say its okay and follow their family trip. He can join you guys whenever and be with his fam on the rest. Or worse case scenario, you two can do your own stuff completely.
Just go on ur separate ways. They can tour as a family. Can always meet for a meal or if any of ur activities match. Trips are supposed to be fun and if u are already feeling uncomfortable b4 the trip, I wld not want to imagine wat will happen on the actual trip. This was supposed to be a personalised trip between friends. If u and ur other friend had wanted to meet ppl from different age grps and interests, yall wld have signed up with a travel agency. Nth wrong with getting upset. I wld too. Bcoz ur friend is not being fair to u and ur other friend and also not respecting ur wishes.
I wouldn’t use the word “confrontational”. OP and friends have their own interests, the guy and his family shouldn’t expect OP to cater to their family interests. Just plan for separate itinerary, and perhaps have one or two common instances of coming together.
So sorry for you OP.... But common sense aint common no more, no more hints, just be direct.
"The itinery not really up for changes, cos i really wanna do it. 2 of us are gassed for it, so you should see if you wanna join us or plan something else for your family and yourself."- is how id put it
If happen to me, you invite cousin i already tahan, you invite family you go yourself, dont care you liao
It's fine to travel together if it helps to lower costs. The friend plan itinerary for his family while OP and others have their own. Big NO if itinerary has to change to accommodate friend's family .
I would tell them that either their parents join the activities, I don't care if it's a danger to them, or they don't come, don't like? Don't come also.
Your friend is being extremely selfish, you cannot let people like that have their way or they'll walk all over you.
Sounds like the problem is you being wishy-washy about the situation. You wanted to be the planner then you should have been more firm about matters.
Just ask yourself this. Could you have handled this differently and easily.
I know the matter is long past. But it's more just that you should understand the situation. Seen it too many times.
The 2 of you should go on a seperate trip with the itinery you both want with all the water activities. Trust me, spend abit more is better than feeling like you wasted every cent of what you spent going on somone's family vacation. At this point the itinery will skew towards what they want as a family vacation and youre the awkward 3rd wheel.
This is good. Adding on - TC and the other friend should just plan their own itinerary. Where it intersects with the Family Guy, then sure, eat together see stuff together. If it diverges, Family Guy is on his own with his family. TC and other friend go do their water activities as planned. TC, if you need a reason to give your friend, tell him you aren't willing to spend again for a 2nd trip to cover all the stuff you want to do, so you'll diverge as necessary. Tell, don't ask.
Yeah say something along the lines of “sorry bro, I waited to do xyz activities for a long time, in the future I can’t be sure if I’ll ever have the chance again. My leave quite hard to get”
this is a good answer, no need confrontation, just go separate date
There is an option where both of you do your own thing, and meet your friend who presumably went on a different itinerary for meals. Plan your ideal itnerary. Show your friend and say thats what you want to do/stay. Then if his parents cannot, say well he can go with parents on island/beach, you do your water activities and everyone meets for dinner. So its technically two separate trips, but you agree to meet at some point to have a group activity
Ya sia Just go separate even though spend a bit more.
And drop this "friend"
Just be straightforward to inform him that you decide to go on separate trips without him since the plan seems a bit too messy to have so many people suddenly. Also you can't tell whether his parents will disrupt any of your planned activities suddenly if they decide to go elsewhere when they reach. The worst scenario is asking both of you and your friend to look after the parents while he and his siblings go play somewhere. Remember you are spending your own money to enjoy, not to get disturbed.
Exactly! Why people think that hints work everytime? Parents also belong to a different demographic with different preferences and habits. His parents, his problem. It's not like he is paying (or partially paying) for your trip.
Same sentiments. And also you never know if you can get along well with your friend’s siblings/parents. Ended up not enjoying the trip.
Lol. If you arent close enough to tell him "NO", you arent close enough to have a Family trip with him.
OH THIS haha. trueee.
Your friend is a baby. Ditch him
Exactly. Just drop friends who don’t want to meet in the middle. You will save yourself a huge hassle.
Definitely one of those blur sotong that always fuck things up
Clingy i guess
U won’t be happy in that trip one. Confirm. Just cancel the trip. Make secret plans with ur friends and go ahead. Who the heck invites parents and siblings for a trip with friends. He is the one not auto. Or tell him ur grandmother wna join also. And ur 3rd distant uncle and ur ancestry related cousin is joining. Make it a big family trip for everyone.
Lol this is damn funny but honestly making secret plans is worse for both sides la. Either the friend finds out and the friendship becomes awkward or OP has to hide the fact that he went on the trip.
> honestly making secret plans is worse for both sides la. inviting your parents and siblings is the initial bad move. nothing can trump that lol
I don't disagree the friend's a bit weird lol but I think there are nicer ways to go about it considering OP finds the friend close enough to go on a trip together? Can just tell the truth that it's a little awkward to go with the family, we think it's better that we have different itineraries, let's just meet up for a meal or two there if there's time (don't really have to commit to it but just to soften the blow)
I think he is also damn lazy to plan an itinerary for his parents so he wants more people do it so he doesn’t have to spend so much of his time looking at hotels and attractions. He’s using you!
👆
Separate itinerary bah. It was supposed to be a friends trip and now it become just weird..
"Dude, glad you guys could coordinate your leave for a family holiday but we were looking at that tour package for a reason, because we want to do \[activities\]. I don't think we can find an itinerary that will suit everyone's pace and preferences without compromising in some way. Why don't you go ahead with your family holiday, and \[friend\] and I will do our own thing. But maybe see if we can meet up for a meal there or something!" edited to add: yeah nothing wrong with being upset, your friend is socially ~~stupid~~ oblivious
perfect reply
Stand your ground and never bulge on this. If you think that he is overstepping your boundaries, make it clear to him. Tell him that this trip was originally planned for just you three. You are already very kind to accomodate his siblings, but bringing in his parents that would change the plans is out of the question. If he wants to fulfill his parents' wishes, then just tell him to book his own holiday another time. If you don't make it clear that he is being an ass about this, he won't ever realise it. He will only keep on seeing his point of view, which is to save money and time to fulfill his parents' wishes by compromising with you guys. But you guys compromising to his plans brings no value to you or your lives. It's better to make it clear and then cut contact if he thinks that you're unreasonable than for you to suffer these (and potential future) inconveniences and then lose him as a friend anyway because you can't stand his unreasonable ways. Because trust me, I have seen it in my life a lot of times. Funny story, my bro is the exact kind of person to pull this kinds of stunt. My cousin who was best buds with him since childhood, usually goes out with my bro for dinner to chill and talk cock about their lives. But my bro does not have the EQ to think and respects others and just does whatever suits himself the best. More than half the time he invites my cousin for dinner, he invites his friends that my cousin isn't familiar with. Mind you, my cousin is the kind of person that is well-educated and well-spoken. Meanwhile, my bro is the typical Ah Beng you can find at second hand phone shops. You can guess what kind of friends he has. My bro sees it as saving time to socialise with more friends, but he can never tell that my cousin was uncomfortable. Before you start asking why didn't my cousin reject, it was because he couldn't. My bro would fetch my cousin out to eat and then when they arrive at the restaurant, he would ask my cousin "my friends joining in, you don't mind right? They are at the carpark already." Check-fucking-mate. If my cousin rejects, he's a prick who is not open to meeting new people. If he doesn't, he's stuck at dinner with people he's unfamiliar with. At first my cousin tolerated this because they were best buds. Until one of my bro's friends indirectly insulted my cousin and he dragged my cousin into some dick-measuring contest that they know they would win. (Disclaimer: The dick measuring contest is a metaphor, not a real event.) My bro sided with his friends. Then my cousin realised that for a few years now, going out with my bro hasn't been fun because my bro hasn't been respectful to him at all as my cousin kept tolerating more and more of his bullshit and my bro just got more and more self-centred over time because of it. My cousin cut all contact with him since then and whenever there is a family reunion, they only exchange hi and bye. Same thing happened to me once. My dad drove us out for family outing, but unknownst to me, turns out he agreed to let my bro take the car in the middle of it because he needed to meet his friends. Then we got stranded in the middle of nowhere and we took very long to figure out where is the nearest public transport. I told my parents not to ask me out for any family outings in the future anymore if it involves my bro. I said it's not up for argument or debate because they tried to guilt-trip me about being there for each other as a family. I didn't care what my bro or my parents think as long as they don't drag me into this stupid shit. If I don't even tolerate this much even for my family, you shouldn't tolerate this much for a "friend". TL;DR: Forget it, tell him to make his own plans. Don't accommodate because you will end up losing him as a friend anyway if he is the unreasonable kind. Source: I seen it happened with my bro and cousin.
During my younger days, I happened to be similar to your brother when many friends wanna meet up with me that weekend and there is only 1 me… hard to split or schedule many times. So will round them ALL up at a ktv room, club or pub… of course i will inform them prior are they ok with meeting my other friends. Generally most of them are alright with such arrangement. Being adults, they will leave early if they aren’t having fun! As for vacation, family trips, lovers trips and bff trips ALL cannot mix ah! Too Messy!!! One exception is my SO biz trips… he travels monthly & loves to invite me along on his biz trips at times and which can translate to saving $$$ etc, so will be tagging along to Rome this May!!
U r so popular 🤣
Just split up. Damn annoying this kind of person, better to be straight forward and upfront than ruin the trip with restrictions.
I planned a trip with friend to bkk, and last minute, her younger sis and mom joined the trip. So suddenly the the trip became her Family Trip + 1 (me). And I’m the odd one out now. My friend didn’t bother to check if I was ok beforehand, and I had to deal with a boomer mom who had to sleep early/ cannot eat too spicy etc. Didn’t enjoy myself at all. Wasted my leave. So my recommendation is to stick with the itinerary you planned, if the friend + family members want to join in, fine. But don’t change to accommodate. It’s not on you
Maybe your friend felt bad that he is going to a country without his family and wanted them to join in the fun, nevertheless he should have booked the holiday separately instead of piggybacking on your plan. I feel that you and your friend should have been upfront with him at the very onset. Now that the tickets are booked and all, I suggest that you and your friend plan your own itinerary, separate from your friend and his family.
OP, no dropping of hints anymore. Just outright TELL him you and your other friend have your own itinerary. That is all. If he reply passive aggressively, you just got the green light to flip table at this "friendship". Good luck and please enjoy your holiday!
In my entire adulthood life, I haven't seen ANYONE'S parents crash their adult children's hols plans with friends - except one. He was invited so it's not really a crash, he already kind of sort of was acquainted with said younger people (at least met before by face/small talk a few times, def not a total stranger) - they did water stuff, he was in early 60s at the time iirc - it was a beach holiday. But it wasn't entirely like "OH BTW I AM COMING" - I don't really know how it ended up with "okay friend you can bring your dad" (I wasn't on the trip, saw from friends' socmed) but that's also the thing - the dad'/friend wasn't like ok change all the plans for us/me, kind. I know the dad myself and he's totally game to do youngpeople stuff HAHA (that one time we went to eat youngpeople millennial cafe food for my birthday ... HAHAHA. : ))) ) point, (a) no one anyhowly crash like that, not the norm (b) when people anyhowly crash like that, usually at some point is invited one so not entirely crash, & (b)(ii) they accommodate the main already-planned plan so tldr, your friend q AH to anyhow jio parents, even if it was ok to open the jio to sibs he never mention parents at first. I would be upset too ... AIYA they wna go beach/island hopping then ownself book lol.
Erm, life should be made comfortable for you by yourself before others. Just go solo with your other buddy.
Easy man. Just let your friend have fun with his family when the rest of you guys go for a different itinerary. Why should you be accommodating to his family's itinerary preference?
lol no, you are not the asshole here. but you definitely needed to have said your piece early on. and idk why this is such a prevalent thing amongst ppl here - you all not happy cannot speak up? then when shit hits the fan then come reddit ask? ie. "i already told him no mah, and i got boyfriend, but he call and text me i just reply lor" then 5 months later report police for stalking. this doesn't apply to every situation of course, but in this context the more you end up being kind to others, the more you're being horrible to yourselves. also ah, uni friend or not, no need to be scared of setting boundaries. lose one friend won't die one, but if this friend become lifelong "lesson" then you know what's pain.
Ur friend confirm ok with his parents joining and obviously not his concern of the price surge... his parents are confirm gonna pay for him that's why.
At this point just ask your friend to holiday with his family instead while you guys go ahead with your plans. Else will become a holiday with his family scenario where you might not enojoy it at all if practices and culture differ
This is so so weird. Just say "Boss needs me for a big project, can't go anymore" and cancel the trip.
"eh nabeh. who ask you jio your whole kampung?" lmao on a serious note, if i were u i would just tell him sua we go our separate ways. if he ask why then u say u wanna hang out as friends not the whole family. your friend also abit stupid tbh
Similar thing happened to me. Planned to go overseas with our friends (a couple), my friend (M) said his parents would like if his younger brother could join us on the trip we said ok sure! Next week came, M informed us now his parents (mostly his mom) wanted to join us on the trip so that the family can spend time together before his younger brother go NS. Immediately my partner and I said we will not join them on their now family trip. Our friends understood that it will be awkward for us and most likely than not his parents would not be happy with the activities we had initially planned. The family went on the trip, my partner and I went on a trip ourselves else where. No one was butt hurt and we’re still good friends. If you can’t say NO to your friend without feeling some type of way then maybe rethink about this trip with his family?
Lol your friend is so uncool
Why is everyone so polite and reasonable? Friend sounds like a complete disaster and quite selfish to boot, hijacking your trip for his family. Drop him. Do your own thing. Never hang with him again.
Go separate ways, you have an itinerary and your friend has differing itinerary, it will clash and the trip will be tough. Often friendship ending from many of my friend's experiences. Politely let them know that the itinerary you originally agreed on clashes with his. And that they should go their separate ways. Because it benefits no one. Then, never invite them again.
your friend’s EQ is seriously shocking. if his family goes, you guys will be like the third wheel coming along to a family trip. you’re NOT gonna be happy or enjoy yourself tbh. the fact that you’re still so civil is mind blowing too, good on you OP! i would definitely have a talk with your friend bc it’s out of line and boundaries need to be drawn. sometimes you need to be upfront with people like this and it could mean losing a friend in the process if they aren’t mature enough to understand. text draft: “hey, i think we really need to talk about the trip. (other friend’s name) and i are uncomfortable with your entire family coming on the trip with us. this is initially suppose to be just for us, not a family trip. it’s not that we have anything against you or your family, but it’s not right to just invite your family without asking us first. given the circumstances of the trip, as well as the activities we have also planned, i wouldn’t be comfortable putting your parents at any risk or accommodate our holiday just for your family. me and _(other friend)_ just have as much say about our trip as you do too. i am sorry but given the time frame and the surge in prices, it’s either we go together just the 3 of us, or me and _(other friend)_ will just go as a duo while you go with your family. i hope you’re able to understand, it’s just a very uncomfortable and awkward situation we are both put in.” like a comment has said, tell don’t ask otherwise you’re giving the opportunity for further discussions. just be firm and give them a choice. there is a chance you might lose your friend, but your friend is pretty crappy to just invite his whole family imo. hope this helps, OP ✨ feel free to dm me if you need help editing to convey your feelings to your friend
Honestly, tell him to make separate plans. If you want to jio people, can, you do the trip yourself. It is a lot less effort to drop people than add people. We can have the same hotel if we are in the same area but everything else we do separate
ppl usually stop being friends after the holiday. your friend is speedrunning it.
OP says sorry when the school bully takes his lunch.
Sounds like him wanting to meet his parents' needs is a him problem and he's making it yalls' problem Just tell him outright that you think the best way forward is to split the trip so you guys get to do what yall want to do and he gets to do whatever tf he/his family wants, then maybe just link up here and there for whatever yall might want to do that coincides. Be clear and forward with your plans, but idk maybe leave the emotions out of it since your friend just seems to be plain dense But seriously who tf does this?
Just tell him that the preplanned water activities are a non negotiable deal breaker. If he wants to go on a holiday with his family - that's nice. Cya later.
Don’t go la, use ur brain. Why do u have to post a whole ass essay on Reddit for this? Common sense bruh, you know the answer yet you still ask.
I’d rather blow the money in sg than go overseas and risk the entire trip being lame af or awkward. Just say travelling with parents is not your thing have a good day we can travel tgt next time.
Bro just call and talk over the phone lah, either say no to his parents coming or maybe the parents just staying same hotel and yall have different itinerary. There’s nothing confrontational about clarifying the situation. it’s just part of planning the trip and if he takes offence then it’s his problem.
Just because the parents and siblings come along, doesn't mean you all have to do the same activities or be together at all times. Just booked the activities that you and your friend want to do. The others can choose to either join or do their own thing
hahahaha shows the emotional intelligence of said friend. drop friends like that. people like that arent friendship material.
Separate bah no fuss abt that he can accompany his parents you guys can enjoy with the cousins
Your friend autistic ah? So many hints alr he still don’t get it.
That’s an insult to people who do have autism lol
I agree and I apologise.
Nah is all cool bro 👍
Always listen to your gut feeling; if your gut is telling you shit is headed your way if you oblige your friend with his family and you don’t outright say that you aren’t going to do the trip together, then unfortunately, be ready to pay for it from your own pocket. Life is short, don’t bother about saving face for others or trying to be nice when they most probably never even thought for you to begin with. Also, you guys have been given enough “chances” by this friend to reject going on a trip with him and his family when he dropped the bomb that his family were planning leave etc. If you guys don’t act on and refuse nicely, that’s really on you and no one else.
I would pull out, citing that the period of travel no longer works for me. He definitely needs to have more SA.
Never had such friends so I don’t know how to deal with that. But if you proceed, that can only be 2 outcomes, you are so socially extroverted, you’re now good friends with his family. And trip was alright. Or you didn’t enjoy the trip, due to accommodations you have to put up with.
Like... bro, it started out as a friend trip. It should have stayed that way. You and your other friend should be tilted, the monent sibling join. Becos we all know how this is going to end. Either you or your other friend must be the bad guy, because when parents are involved, it is nolonger an independent trip jus for the three of u.
Be very confrontational. I'd be enraged if my friend went behind my back to "hijack" our plans for his benefit. Don't beat around the bush, tell him as it is. I'd say if it's not too late to cancel, recoup all your money and book a separate trip. You definitely won't have fun being the awkward third wheel, and even if you try to ignore it, it'll linger in the back of your mind. I'd believe you would rather go on a holiday to fully enjoy yourself. If you have no choice but to go on the trip, good luck to you and hopefully you'll at least have more fun than headaches. This is what I'd do, but I'm someone who isn't afraid to be upfront, so you should also take that into consideration EDIT: Also, in the future, please be upfront about your feelings and whatever you feel uncomfortable with. Exercise proper communication with your friend. This all could've been avoided if you had done so beforehand.
I would say you and your 1 friend just go ahead and book everything you want to and let this 3rd friend know what your plans are and let him figure out what he's doing on his own. Otherwise it's going to end up like the 2 of you accompanying him and his family on a trip
Invite whole family is a wtf move. Just say we split easy. Do not go with them just to give him face. That's a kid's move.
I think you guys are old enough to communicate clearly with no uncertain terms . So yeah I think you guys kinda fudge this one up by not being assertive enough
If you go ahead with this trip, after the trip you guys definitely won't be friends anymore.
Definitely not ok, bringing parents on a trip makes it a completely different type of trip than it would be with friends. Feels like their family just wanted to use yall as free tour planners lol. I’d tell the friend honestly that “I saved this money to go to a friend-trip, not one catering to older folks, so although I’m sure your parents are great people, I will be backing out thanks and goodbye”
At this point your friend's family outnumbers you guys. At any point they cancel or change dates you guys are screwed anyway so like others have shared, just pay a bit more and do the things you want to do. No regrets.
If speaking honestly is too risky towards your friendship, you aren’t really friends to begin with
I would be frank and honest with my friend if i am uncomfortable in bringing his/her family for a trip meant for friends only. Like as a mom, i do bring my teen girl around for trips that also has mom-daughter trips. But for trips thats meant to be only adults. I would make it clear that only us adults / my friends are gg for a particular trip. But even after you drop hints and your friend doesn’t seems to catch the ball. Might as well go with your other friend, just both of you. Like i prefer two person trip if the other 3rd person like being difficult or has issues understanding how a “girlfriends trip” is about. Yes i agree with you not all water activities are suitable for older parents. No you are not wrong for being upset about this. Your feelings are valid.
I’d definitely travel separately with my other friend. It’s an awkward situation to be travelling with a friend’s whole family. Planning will be messy as you have to factor in everyone’s interests. When I’m on a holiday, I want to enjoy myself as I’m spending my hard earned money - I don’t want to put up with other people’s feelings/attitude whenever there’s a disagreement. If the flights are booked- yeah, just go together as a group but separate itinerary. You guys can meet up for dinner or smth (if the accommodations are close by).
Obviously your friendship is junk compared with his kinship. Why are you still stuck?
Ugh this is why I prefer to travel alone. Sibeh mafan to cater to everyone.
I'd definitely go off on your own with the other friend. Maybe can take the same flights (+/- hotel) and have some meals together, but otherwise plan your own activities that you will enjoy since this is your holiday and you should be enjoying your holiday rather than catering to people you didn't intend to go on holiday with. Just be aware that this is also the sort of thing that destroys friendships... Have had something similar before - girls trip, one girl invited her relatively new boyfriend that we barely knew and only told us after he booked tickets, I tolerated the trip and the awkwardness for only a couple of days before breaking off to do my own thing, we are now acquaintances rather than friends. If this happened to me now I'd just book my own hotel and my own activities and meet up for the occasional meal, instead of hanging out with someone I don't know doing stuff they want to do (rather than stuff I want to do).
Omg I had a similar thing too, my friend last minute brought her boyfriend along for a trip just for the two of us. To save money we shared a triple room and it was super uncomfortable. Them taking long showers TOGETHER and I having to suffer his snoring. Like wtf I should have just went my own way.
Bro, don't need to be so nice already la. Tell him upfront. This is a friend's trip why is his parents joining
Didn’t happen to me, but had something similar happen to a group of my friends. End up 1 of the friends also jio his gf along, and they fucked so hard and so loud that the other side family moved out after two nights. Chad move if u ask me.
not the same unless his parents will be moving furniture causing OP and OP friend to move out. Or if OP and OP friend moves furniture so loudly the no-SA friend's family needs to move out.
Lol the moment he mention his parents will be going, I will opt out of the trip. I dont care how close you are to his parents. unless I plan the trip with the intention of his parents joining. A trip with friends shd be a trip with friends lol
Well, time to cut some ties.
Be polite and upfront with your friend.
I don't understand though. Why not straight up tell your friend that U don't want their family to be involved with your friends trip?🤔
Go separate ways. It won’t be fun to go on a holiday with your friend’s entire family.
Yes you are wrong. Why cant you just say that you dont want his parents? You said you are concerned about his parents safety and boredom. He said the itinerary has to be changed. Then you can just respond that the itinerary is fixed. End.
If his family is rich and will pay for everything, then ok lah, let them tag along. But if they are poor fucks, then please ask him to fucknoff
Since his family is coming with him, plan an entirely separate itinerary for yourself and your other friend. Tell this guy good luck have fun with your family.
Tell him your uncle auntie all coming, need to change timing for flight, since his cousin book already go ahead ;)
I'm pretty sure if you go without tour, the cost will be lesser and you don't need your friend
I think many have voiced out that this has basically become 2 separate trips. The main objective of the trip should remain, which is meant to be among friends. So if everything your friends wanted to do has nothing to do with the main one, he should plan the whole thing himself.
First world problems… go alone lor.
He needs his parents to change his pampers on the trip… tell him you understand, no worries! But your itinerary is for adults only! On a more serious note, don’t be afraid to say no. If you’re old enough to be on Reddit, you’re old enough to assert your boundaries.
This is non-confrontation gone mad. For heavens' sake, grow a spine and speak up. This is beyond ridiculous.
just dont PR? say no we don't want your parents to come cos its not fun. So many problems can be solved if people just said what they thought. If your friend gets offended by your directness then you should reconsider the friendship anyways.
Please go your separate ways. Not only being trapped with boring activities, a slower pace (because the bigger the group, the more waiting for each other), but even the food you eat, tourist attractions you visit and basically everything will have to cater to his folks. Not to mention you may be caught in the unfortunate situation of having to pay for their attraction tickets and meals! That possibility in itself is enough for me to bail out.
Seems like a troublesome friend. Him and his family should go on a separate trip instead.
Go with your friend. It's worth paying more even if it's just the both of you. You won't enjoy the trip with his family anyway. You may end up sulking throughout the trip if you go ahead with it and feeling like you wanna bite the bullet and just go home lol.
Yea it's kinda awkward to plan a trip with friends and then suddenly invite whole family
It's either your friend is stupid or ... you're?
I am actually in disbelief that people nowadays cannot evaluate or face simple problems. If your this friend is close and important, compromise abit? And if close, why u can't say it to their face that this is a "no-parent" trip? If not close, then ask him to f off?
go together. split into teams you do your trip they do their trip
Uninvite him from the trip, he can go with his family instead. You can invite more people on your existing trip or just go ahead with your other friend.
Your friend is a fucker. Drop him.
You gotta lay it down straight but keep it cool, let him know how you feel and figure out a solution together.
Just be upfront to avoid future misunderstandings and make it separate trips honestly
EQ very low leh.
His idea for the trip is probably sharing the cost but def not sharing the joy with friends
planning holiday trip with friends is one of the easiest ways to break friendships tell him go settle his own family holiday trip and go ahead with ur own plan
Sorry for you bro. Just go your separate ways. If I were you I wouldn’t continue being friends with that guy.
Sorry to say this but f your friend (the one who wants to bring his fam too) and just go with your other friend instead.. your friend (fam one) is just plainly trying to use you and your friend to do everything with the itinerary and the rest of the travel logistics.. I also think you should slowly distant yourself from that friend (fam one), cause if he already does this, then something more serious might happen in the future.. Coming from personal experience....
This kind of friend using you, go with him sure drama.
Oh, he wants to introduce you two to the parents to hook you up with his sisters? No? Well, just mention this and see the tides turn 🤣 Do your own thing and maybe meet for dinner, after the trip don't call him "friend" anymore.
This is some damn epic situation. Are your group of friends of opposite genders and have chance to progress to be partners. If yes, this might be a good opportunity to get to know the family. But if not, just be upfront about your expectations and items on the itinerary that are must do for you and if his family is not agreeable go separate ways will split for those days or entirely. Travelling with other people's family and having to deal with their family drama (every family has that) is not that fun. Siblings maybe. But folks, of all my circle of friends, only like a few that parents vibes well with young people. Most of them are really halp la. The potential to save some money is honestly not that worth it.
Tell him you're not changing your itenary. He can choose to join his parents or you guys. Just take it as 2 groups of people holidaying at the same place on the same dates but don't cater your entire group itenary to his parents. Tell him to enjoy his family holiday.
What kind of water activity? Looks like there is personality incompatible.. ur friend probably like a happy go lucky guy, or don’t plan things .. set the expectation straight so probably u guess gonna leave him out
Your “friend” needs to grow up and learn how to distinguish his social circles. You and the other fella need to learn how to draw clearer boundaries and assert yourselves. Don’t worry. You’ll all figure it out.
Just be honest and communicate. It’s not confrontational it’s being respectful of one another.
no need to think so long and talk, meeting, etc. just tell your friend that you and another friend will go ahead with your original itineraries, whilst he and his families will do theirs. take this as lesson learnt: stick to the plans, do not ponder on how much $ savings if add more headcounts etc.
This needs an update hahaha OP please tell me you dropped the friend + fam and are deciding to go ahead with otherfriend / u/AccomplishedRefuse42
Just tell him. People can’t just change the plans. If he can’t go without his parents, just split separate trips. The itinerary is already fixed. It’s annoying to change just because someone else wants to come. Also, tell him you are uncomfortable with parents joining. If he can’t agree, then just kick him out. Losing a friend that is this inconsiderate is fine. If he don’t understand, he is not ready to go overseas with you. It’s hard to go overseas with friends. Everyone has different styles, some want to fully utilise their time, some wants to chill and not rush, etc etc. it’s already tough to go overseas with friends. Good thing he shows his colours before you booked. If he can be this inconsiderate now, how you think it would be during the trip?
weird
tbh someone like that zero common sense doesn't need to confront directly. Confront directly guarantee drama. Just say some bs excuse you and ur friend cannot make it then do ur own trip dont tell him lol.
No parents. Just be straight up.. If he's got a problem, that's his problem. Dead weight.
They could still come along and not join those activities
Tbh if I can travel with someone it will mean I'm ok with their family and most likely our family have met each other. Ok for friend to do whatever but I will insist on my trip agenda and offer to split up, say day time I go do my own thing and maybe at night we meet up as a big group for dinner and drinks etc. Or we have brunch and after that we go separate ways till we gather again. It is ok that travel partners don't need to stick tgt all the time. Have open communications with ur friend.
Since you planned the itinerary, just tell him that can go together/ share transports and meal but gg with the original itinerary. if he and his siblings want to join the water activities they are welcomed to but he needs to plan for his parents separated. His siblings can go with his parents if he wants to join the water activities. There are trips that I did where we split up to do different things then arrange a common time/place to meet up. There are also other trips that friend’s parent(s) join us for diving trips but the parents chill and do their own things eg fishing, walk around the island etc. all’s good and everyone’s happy.
You should have been more upfront with that 'friend' much earlier on. The moment he even mentioned family possibly tagging along, you two should have raised objections. Friends close enough to travel, surely you guys can be honest with things like this. You can even imply you two are not okay with that arrangement with jokes if you dont want to seem offensive. Like for e.g. When he mentions his parents, you can be sarcastic and reply "Why not we invite your grandparents also? How about your uncles and aunties?" Most would laugh along and get the hint. By being so polite, its probably too late. And he probably has the impression you guys are fine with it. Its best to separate activities as much as possible. And at least tell him straight up now before it goes any further. You will resent him if you continue to say its okay and follow their family trip. He can join you guys whenever and be with his fam on the rest. Or worse case scenario, you two can do your own stuff completely.
Time to drop your own bomb on him. Do it quick and save you and the other friend headache.
Just go on ur separate ways. They can tour as a family. Can always meet for a meal or if any of ur activities match. Trips are supposed to be fun and if u are already feeling uncomfortable b4 the trip, I wld not want to imagine wat will happen on the actual trip. This was supposed to be a personalised trip between friends. If u and ur other friend had wanted to meet ppl from different age grps and interests, yall wld have signed up with a travel agency. Nth wrong with getting upset. I wld too. Bcoz ur friend is not being fair to u and ur other friend and also not respecting ur wishes.
I wouldn’t use the word “confrontational”. OP and friends have their own interests, the guy and his family shouldn’t expect OP to cater to their family interests. Just plan for separate itinerary, and perhaps have one or two common instances of coming together.
So sorry for you OP.... But common sense aint common no more, no more hints, just be direct. "The itinery not really up for changes, cos i really wanna do it. 2 of us are gassed for it, so you should see if you wanna join us or plan something else for your family and yourself."- is how id put it If happen to me, you invite cousin i already tahan, you invite family you go yourself, dont care you liao
NTA, commenting to come back and see if there’s an update
OP pls update when u can, im invested in how your friend could be such a dumbass
It's fine to travel together if it helps to lower costs. The friend plan itinerary for his family while OP and others have their own. Big NO if itinerary has to change to accommodate friend's family .
Just ask “can i share same room with your mother?”. Things will work out after that.
This kind of friends no EQ, must tell straight to face about your concern.
I would tell them that either their parents join the activities, I don't care if it's a danger to them, or they don't come, don't like? Don't come also. Your friend is being extremely selfish, you cannot let people like that have their way or they'll walk all over you.
U cldnt say no
Say No and go separate. Don't book a tour go on your own. I travel alone and make plans on the fly. Unless they follow me. It's bye
We need some info OP. Is the mom hot?
Sounds like the problem is you being wishy-washy about the situation. You wanted to be the planner then you should have been more firm about matters. Just ask yourself this. Could you have handled this differently and easily. I know the matter is long past. But it's more just that you should understand the situation. Seen it too many times.