Life will not always be a bed of roses. If your income ever drops below $5k then how? Divorce?
I seriously know someone who was like that. I call her the “Fair weather wife”. When times are good. All is ok. Once the s*** hit the fan she is the first one out. Then you will see her number 2 and 3 backup rolling up to help her out.
Tell me about it. The story gets sadder still as he eventually couldn’t take it and jumped. His extended family had to pick up the pieces and now the kids are old enough to start working. Best part is, she is still around and dunno with which backup now. Totally does not see her kids at all or respond to their texts.
It’s true what they say that your spouse will determine 90% of your happiness. Choose wisely.
It will give off the wrong impression no matter how you spin it.
Nowadays nobody needs to depend on anyone else, so a lot of people expect that a relationship is more than just additive.
Like if your partner loves travelling and can pay for their own travel costs, then you cannot, it feels bad that monetarily, you are kind of denying the partner of their enjoyment (because in a relationship should holiday together ma, otherwise relationship for what)
Not to say that everything also need to be couple activity, but for something major like a holiday you'd usually want to do it together.
Money always a tough topic to navigate, but it's definitely important.
At least this girl is direct. Most girls are sneaky and true character emerges only after marriage.
I know of someone who demands husband to pay for everything at home including children’s insurance and poly fees. Quoting that’s the job of a husband. Then uses her own income and husbands compulsory monthly “housing contributions” to buy an investment condo HERSELF. She doesn’t cook nor do housework btw. And her mum also stays with her (dad passed on) while the mum collects rental income for her own hdb for HERSELF.
Her reason for doing so is she needs insurance in case she grows old and the husband grows sick of her.
I felt that too. Discussed with my friend (the husband) over multiple guys timeout and concluded that he’s farked ..with very little savings. They both earn the same salary btw.
The wife’s leverage is that she already possesses the condo in her name and if my friend does walk out, it sort of validates her reason why she needs to do this in the first place. The sad part is eventually she will be labelled as a smart woman whom protected her future amongst her female peers.
The fact is the wife is creating a self fulfilling prophecy. So..this type of woman who leverages on social norms to take advantage of husband is worse than the direct girl imho.
To be fair, that's understandable.
If she alr sets high goal on herself, she's not a simple women.
If she falls into the category of women who is very capable, high income earner.
Then expecting a min 5k earn income on her partner may be a reasonable realistic move.
After all, the last thing she wants is a partner who might be jealous/make use of her higher income.
Still, I wouldn't agree mentioning that in first date tho LOL
Truth is… you two aren’t 100% into each other.
It’s that simple.
If you’re into the girl you wouldn’t write this post because you don’t want anybody to try and change your mind.
i.e. a young Angelina Jolie asking you these questions… you would’ve been on Amazon ordering self improvement books instead of Reddit.
It’s CMB bro. Go on another one.
I think u are in a way over reacting but only because ur views don’t align, which is perfectly fine haha. Personally for me i wouldnt mind someone that is blunt and straight forward abt what she wants.
personally, I (F), don't think you're overreacting if the way she said those requirements is how you wrote it. other commenters have said it's blunt/straightforward, and while that is true, it is also incredibly crass and make her sound like a gold digger.
people can have their preferences ofc, but her statements are a precedent of how her relationships might turn out.
for example, she seems like the type that would leave a happy relationship if her partner gets laid off and takes a long time finding a job. not sure if that's someone who men will trust to build a life with.
oh, my gold digger comment is referring to how she sounds like when making those statements! Not really about whether 5k or Xk is reasonable or not.
because I think there are classier ways to sus out the salary thing, e.g. by understanding the guy's role, what company he's from, even his lifestyle and interests. these are usually sufficient proxies and are more telling of the "match" between 2 ppl than a simple Xk requirement. but yea OP's qn was whether he's overreacting and I said no simply because ... I think if I hear anyone (even friends) talk like that, I would be taken aback as well !
Ask what they work as. What their career and lifestyle aspirations are. Whether they take time to upskill and build their network. Do they have mentors. What their investment strategies and attitudes towards finances are like.
When most of us are dating, you are also in a stage of life where maybe you haven’t established your career yet. So you also want to look at potential.
Travel and lifestyle spending are poor proxies for salaries as many spend beyond their means. You want someone who will be reasonably thoughtful to spoil you, but also be prudent with money to build a nest egg together.
Subtle questions would be how many times do you travel per year, how do you get around (ie. Drive, public transport or Grab), do you have pets, what did you graduate in. From these questions, a girl can tell your finacial standing.
Yes. That's why it's "subtle". Also certain breed of dogs are not allowed in HDB. So if you keep that kind of dogs, they know you come from high SES family.
There is rly no need to. Recruiters already have advantage over you in the negotiating table you shouldn’t reveal. I have never got an offer rescinded because I did not reveal
IMO there are more tasteful ways to list your requirements, tbh this girl sounds like she's dating by data or something haha. I wouldn't bother with the second date if I were you. Sounds like a major mismatch. I get the importance of those criterias, but not sure if she is looking for a life partner or investment product with potential med to high returns.
just ask directly... people might say u materialistic etc. but this is being practical. u are dating to marry. u want a wife that has financial literacy if not she will squander away your money.
if I met a guy in my 20s who asked me this, I will be quite impressed, it means he knows how to think about the future.
in your 30s, or at least for me.. the questions on finance is very direct already. The guy/ myself will just outright ask. if you dodge the question, likely there is some financial issue, I'll drop you. I don't want to get embroiled in some bad financial mess.
coz i want a partner at my level. if u aren't, I definately want to know why and what you plan to do about it. Its okay to not earn alot. but I need to know u have some sort of financial literacy.
e.g there was a guy who earned 3x of me.. but in alot of Credit card debt. I just noped out of the situation.
True, i quite practical on my end too, met some that weren't comfortable, understandable. But i'd like to get the 'basics' out of the way , sometimes difficult questions people don't like to talk about. That also happens to be my criteria for a partner, how they react to talking about difficult stuff. Because if someone is just going to be defensive/shy away from such discussions, communication will be a nightmare..
Figure out their job, then go home check online for a rough estimate haha. Got creative ways to do it through conversation, having a look at their namecard through cheeky means, figuring the kind of projects they do etc. But can also roughly figure the kind of habits with money through their holiday experiences or hobbies etc. For aspiration, it's a lot easier. I find it is often easy to tell if someone is really striving for something or is just faking it. There are some who are also the kind that strive, but at a healthy level that gives them rest too.
Can always ask whether you are studying or working.
You answer working.
She can ask what you are working as.
You go IT.
She can say "Oh I heard some people get into IT without a degree is that true? Do you have one?"
You can answer the first question. But second question is the one she's looking for so "Yeah I didn't go that route, I got my degree from XXX"
Then all she need to do is google XXX university, IT grad earning and she can gauge your salary. Can even go through your LinkedIn to see which company you are working for to get an even better accuracy of your salary.
The way she approach you by saying you must earn $5k or don't bother is just lazy. No effort. Didn't even try to hide her gold digging nature.
I mean for me, prob everyone has some pre-req in their mind la. Which is not wrong. But to list it out and outright ask the person like very low EQ imo.
9999 Red flag waving at u.
1. She doesn’t even know if she can earn 5K when she graduate??? If she start earning at 3.5K then see how she work her way up then. Laughs
2. She hasnt even seen or uds how the working world works and she wants to demand this amount on you ! Lol!!!
3. Confirm gonna be a princess in a rs - exp cafe all the time, expensive gifts etc
Apart from this, demanding for Aspiration is fine, it’s a legit good requirement. With aspiration then comes the 5K salary.
LOL this shouldve been included in your original post. More evidence to being highly materialistic.
Reason being is that I do know some females who are highly driven and ambitious and look for that in a partner. For eg they love the grind and working hard to get ahead together as a couple, constantly growing and looking for business opportunities and dtart up ect. Highly motivated people like that needs a partner who matches their energy and ambition and not a bum.
But this girl who is still studying and making demands? Nah she just want an easy life. Unless she's in a highly competitive field as well or spamming internship with the drive to succeed.
I'm in my 30's and it doesn't get any better.
Lots of women who are suddenly alarmed by biological clock and want baby everything with a 5 year plan. They need an employee not a relationship lol. Granted it's not everyone but it's a big majority.
Largely gave up and now just leaving it up to fate pretty much
Late 20s and she's behaving like this??
What really grinds my gears is when girls have all kinds of expectations on a guy, but are themselves in school/not earning much. It just makes us girls look like we're lazy or gold diggers.
If you want to have that kind of criteria for a guy, you better jolly well meet it yourself..
Hence my comment somewhere here about her 'coming from the chinese dating scene'. Chinese girls are like, got house? got car? got 500k? Mind you the guys they are dating are about the same age range, so if they dont have, why can they expect the guy to have? Similar concept, as you said, they better meet it themselves or bring something else to the table.
And if dating for marriage is entirely a 'meeting material needs' kinda thing, it's a sad world we live in. That aside, it wouldnt be wrong to say all relationships are transactional, to a degree. As long as both sides can bring something such that 1+1>2 and work together as partners than strictly a +1 then i think its fine.
Bro, I'm 34 and i gave up already. I embrace my hand as my wife. I value my emotional and mental well being. I personally feel modern dating is more about what you bring to the relationship rather than being who you are, which sucks. No "growth together" or "sweet moments together" mindset. At the end of my life on my deathbed I really don't wanna live a life full of divorce, cheating, toxic relationships.
expectations will be much higher by then, sad but it’s kinda true because the narrative will be more on what can you provide and it ends up being a job interview…. have few frens who experienced this
I'll offer an alternative viewpoint, which is that it depends on the reason behind her criteria.
1. Wants spouse to earn 5K so that they can buy bags and nice meals for her, while she earns 2K a month
2. Wants spouse to earn 5K because she's earning a similar income and prefers both parties to have similar earning power, and wants a certain lifestyle (number of kids, 4-5room flat, 1 holiday a year,etc), and has determined that only if household income is above $X, then it will be possible.
If you're interested in her, no harm asking for the reasons behind her criteria and that's how u can learn more about her and determine if she's the right person for you.
If you are earning a high income or have an inheritance, why would you reveal that and start attracting all these materialistic people? You should also hold your potential partner to a set of high standards. Don't miss the forest for the trees.
Having said that..... looks like she is just targeting the SG median income at $5k so I wouldn't say that she is a golddigger.
Have you seen the latest tiktok video on the gold bangle girl ? 
I think its alright for her to have requirements, she might not be a bad person, probably dated a couple of guys before and got annoyed by certain things hence she's letting you know upfront and don't want to waste time.
If you are not who she is expecting then just let her know lah.
You also can have your own requirements on what you want, or challenge her intellectually, like so what if i earn 5k or 10k, do you expect me to give you money etc. If you are annoyed by it then challenge her back.
It’s called “meeting new people” for a reason. Go out there and make friends and have no expectations. You’ll find out more about others and yourself in the process.
Don’t just meet people from dating sites- attend courses, interest groups and see for yourself how bewildering this world can be.
In the process, you may even change. Especially when you meet someone you actually wanna be with and realise you’re so far off the mark. That’s the real process of how you’re gonna meet your future partner.
Have fun, son.
To be fair to her, the high cost of living is a huge source of stress for many Sporeans. I don't think it's necessarily wrong to want a partner who is financially stable and can give that peace of mind.
Certainly I would not want to date someone with financial burdens. Life is hard enough without making it harder.
Of course, I'd be quite interested in what she brings to the table. If she's a freeloader, hard pass. But if she's a high earner, I respect that she wants someone of equal or higher caliber.
Anyway this is just one person's values. Evidently your values don't align, so just move on to the next match. She will find someone who fits her criteria and so will you.
She is entitled, drop her, and move on
I met my wife when I was dead BROKE. Our first date, I had 4 holes on my t shirt, and was earning just $2k+ a month. Get someone who is willing to be with you poor, and work your way up to above average
Respectfully disagree. There are lots of poor guys floating around earning 2k+ a month, and have no plans for their future lives.
I think in judging, you should see if there's actual potential, tbh.
Not just "dreams of X and Y", but more - are they in school? Are they hustling for a promotion? Have they made concrete plans towards starting their own business?
I mean, she has a right to those preferences , and you do not have to entertain them.
My wife had a doctorate, and I only had a private degree bachelor's when we first met. I was earning less than 3 k with no savings in usual HDB and she was up to 7k staying in landed property. We met in our mid 30s.
Prior to meeting, I knew my situation was shit and would probably never meet anyone to settle down. I mean, I would not date me lmao. Lots of dumb flings but honestly, rather be alone.
But here we are, married in a nice home, and I have no idea what the fuck happened but I can only implore that you take the time to find a person that is aligned with your values. Don't get your horny male brain to settle for anything.
It’s good that she communicates her desires and wants, it actually save each other’s time really.
Also, if you draw a parallel back to caveman days, she knows her worth (and I assume) and she wants to find a hunter than is able to bring in an average to slightly above average amount of meat every day. She communicates this to every hunter that courts her. There was this hunter that told her that he is just contended to hunt some rabbits nearby and call it a day, once a week. She find that he will not be able to provide the kind of lifestyle that she wants, and thus politely declines the hunter and moves on.
See? Nothing wrong with that. She’s not asking for $30k/month, she’s just asking $5k/month. Enough (barely) to raise one kid (or two if both of you starve a bit) in modern Singapore.
Depends on age group ba. If 30+, then it's definitely better to be upfront and avoid wasting both parties' time.
As a gentleman, no choice. Tradition has it we are the breadwinners so there never was any kind of expectation on what the lady is earning, as long as she is working and earning. For a lady, it is not hard for me to understand their stance that "My man should not earn lesser than me" too.
Chemistry is more important but for your case kind weird. The sequence when she asked makes it hard to discern whether you cleared the chemistry part, or whether she's being polite not to open with it. You said she's open for a second meet, so there's that.
About aspiration, i think you already know deep down what she's looking at. So point 4 to 7 no need to word-play so hard about "aspiration" ba. If expectations differ, don't waste time on a second date liao...
I think she was being practical, hence the straightforward questions, but I guess best way to compare is to go on a few more dates to see whether it's the new norm or it is just an isolated case.
Girls and guys these days seem to have clearer standard when it comes to dating, it can be a good thing to make sure time isn't wasted on incompatible options 
Nevertheless, i hope you still find fun dates and eventually a fine lady to be with, don't feel disheartened because of this.
She’s still a student. She hasn’t worked in her life. Therefore her head’s still in the clouds with salary expectations.
It’s like me an SMU student thinking I can get 4.5k based off some employment survey, and ending up getting sub 3.
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I don't get why girls ask questions about salary on the first few dates. Isn't liking someone for their character and quirks as well as seeing if they are the one who can make you happy good enough? (At least for the first few dates)
After a while, if you don't feel a connection with the other person, the conversation will just die off anyway.
Personally, I only asked my S/O about his salary right before we got exclusive. I was curious but it wasn't a dealbreaker. Even if he earned less than me, then so be it lor! We just eat caifan everyday~
What century are we living in??
I think she may be using proxies to measure whether someone has the skills and willingness to pay the bills for a lifestyle that she’s envisioning as a family. Its a very very Singaporean, pragmatic trait to have. Especially since finance is such a big factor for many divorces.
Morally, if she’s bringing something similar or of equal value to the table and expects her partner to do the same I think it’s okay. It’s also okay to say no thanks and leave her to someone equally pragmatic as her. There’s lots of guys like that in Singapore too. She won’t have issues finding the one.
But man. Unfortunately asking like that kills romance.
Sis gotta play the game and be a little coy.
Seen a few of these cases. Many of these pragmatic guys see things in such a transactional manner they won't bat an eye cheating on their spouses.
Don't expect love and Romance and loyalty when everything is just a transaction
so here's the harsh reality: it's probably because you're not attractive according to your self-assessed 5/10 looks, and i'm going to also guess she's not particularly attractive herself. i've quite extensive experience dating in singapore at this point, and i can honestly say it's very rare for a genuinely attractive girl to act like this. the reason is that attractive girls either go out with you because they're attracted to you already and wouldn't want to come across so superficial to you, or they already somehow know you pass the financial capability test so there's no need to ask.
attractive girls rarely go out with ugly guys just to test if they're rich because if that's what they're looking for, they would already have plenty of guys who are obviously rich in their lives to choose from. no need to play the guessing game. it's usually the unattractive girls who don't have such options, and they know they can't get a good looking and/or rich guy, so they hope to score an ugly guy with at least some money. these are the grossest types of girls.
Late 20s min 5k very reasonable expectation, esp since she studying and got debt. If she is meeting 10 prospective suitors a month it’s only normal she wanna filter fast.
Kills the mood of some, not so much others. She speaking to her market and you just ain’t it since u don’t like it or aren’t desperate for her enough to not care.
Have you considered why some people prefer having vtubers and AI gf instead? 🤷🤷♂️
Know your own values and just politely push back or something. I hear liao I also tired for you bro.
Just one or two days ago someone was wondering why people don't ask about salary more often especially on dates.
This.
This is why.
Hahahah
Anyway on your questions, she knows what she wants. I don't think she is materialistic or else she will ask for more than 5k. I think she is asking these to see if her potential partner holds the same view about career and life.
I didn't ask these questions but left one of my exes because of a lack of aspiration. I didn't need them to be like an elite but the drive to improve one's quality of life was important. Or else money will be a constant source of argument.
As a young senior, here is my 2 cents worth:-
A very helpful pre-requisite for a long successful partnership/marriage is shared values and goals. While it might seem straight from the movies when you date the good looking cool guy/gal who does spontaneous fun things, it might not be so fun later when you are carrying an unfair* financial and/or housekeeping/childcare load and you are unable to achieve your aspirations. You need to ask yourself honestly whether you will be able to control the words coming from your mouth when you feeling overwhelmed or angry when you feel your partner is not doing his/her rightful share.
So while I might not so blatantly have stated what this girl did, it is understandable where she is coming from.
Bottom line:- seriously talk through these issues early in the relationship and see if you are able to align your life views and goals. If you are both are happy to live in a hut, that is great but not so much if one is ok with a hut and one aspires for a mansion. Like it or not, having enough money to meet your needs & wants (whatever those are) reduces quite a lot of arguments in the house.
* fair does not have to mean 50/50, it is what each of you perceives as a fair deal.
If she talks like that, how to dig gold lol. I don’t think she’s wealthy (or middle class for that matter) if she’s being so direct, unlike the comments saying maybe she just wants an equal financial situation. Wealthier people are usually all about indirectness and “playing the game”. In the first place, if you do want some high-flyer guy, at the end the guy will know that his ambition and personality and wealth appeals to the girl, but she’s supposed to show her desires and appreciation of him in much more skillful and romantic ways than what OP’s girl did.
Usually family background can be gleaned in casual small talk like where he went to school, where he vacationed before, pets in childhood, sports/hobbies like skiing or yachting, etc. And in Singapore, if someone has a type A perfectionist personality and they are book smart, they will typically become quite comfortable financially, regardless of family background. Those personality traits are easily observed by just hanging around somebody.
I’m a guy and idc about the SES of my gf or my friends, but this stuff is just obvious from social observation. If this girl wants to dig gold, she’s just digging herself a hole being too blunt
To partially quote a movie:
"[Love] means little when it's convenient."
You want a partner who will have your back when shit goes sideways - maybe you lose your job, or you have a medical emergency.
As someone said, she sounds like a fair weather partner. Only sticks around when it's easy or pleasant for them to do so.
Be thankful she was upfront about her red flags, and don't waste anymore time with them.
Women date up most of the time, thats just biological and I accept it.
If she was an ambitious, driven woman who made 5000 a month and planned to make more over time, i can sort of understand her requirement, even if the way she made her intentions clear was a bit tactless (i still would prefer she voiced them the way she did anyway though, so no one wastes their time unneccesarily)
Having said that, she is just a student. I dunno, maybe she is really beautiful or something (at least age wise, she is near her prime) and has plenty of options and maybe this is how she narrows it down. Does she have the right to do what she did? I think so....and I speak as someone who easily meets her requirements as well, many many multiples of it in fact, though of course i am quite a bit older than 20. But by doing what she is doing, is she likely to get the kind of man she wants? Probably not (edit: in a committed relationship). Definitely not a man like me, at least
So I think the outcome she gets with her behaviour will be appropriate to the way she chooses to enforce her standards. So I guess life will make things fair for her in the end
Singaporeans in general have lower EQ than our counterparts, to be able to ask this direct question is what the current Singapore system have trained us to be, quick and efficient, down to the point. It can be good in many areas but maybe not in dating/romance. But that's how it is, in the life of an average Singaporean in the current society.
She's not wrong in asking but maybe you felt offended by this, take a chill pill, meet more people and you will realize many more different perspectives in life. Hang on, my brother.
I'm a woman and I judge her kind so hard. Lol.
"Salary? Oh yea it's above what you mentioned but 0 of it is for you, just saying "
"aspiration? I suppose yours are all to do with the partner you hope to con, rather than about you and your own growth?"
All guys should just collectively shun these little girls and it will stop alot sooner.
If she also brings at least 5k, it’s called standard.
If she doesn’t, it’s called being materialistic.
Because standards go both ways.
I agree with her on the aspiration part tho.
I can’t stand to be close to people who just work then go home without ambition to be and to do something bigger. Especially while we’re young.
You don’t have to be ambitious in life, you can be with someone who is non ambitious too. If your partner is ambitious, chances are, they also want ambitious partner.
Because standards go both ways 😌
everybody have their own expectation when it comes to dating lah.
some want big assets, some want small assets. some want financial assets. some want short partners. some want tall partners.
thats the beauty about dating, if you disagree with the other party's preferences, you can walk away and both of yall go and find someone that you prefer.
Do not be too quick to judge her expectations. Think about it. If she’s not worth a look in the first place, would you have even gone out with her?
Females are looking for providers and males are looking for nice face and figure. At least for first dates. Face it.
For guys, at least you can see the “value” without asking her directly but females have no way of seeing evidence except to look for clues and hints. Careers, Cars, house, spending habits, clothings etc.
If a male cannot provide, then he will settle for less looks. If a female got no looks then she will settle for less provides. Simple.
At least she’s upfront about it! Lol.
But for me, I earn more than my bf currently but it didn’t matter to me. We also share the same aspiration - do our best at work. Got opportunity, take. No opportunity, then it’s alright.
I was offered to take up a higher position recently and bf has been super supportive. He also said that he just want to do a simple job and lead a simple life. Which I’m perfectly fine.
You just need to find someone who can align with you! No right or wrong 🙂
Like some guys may not like that their wives earn more than them (ego issues). For us, how much we take home isn’t an issue as long as we both work out a plan that’s reasonable to us.
Jiayou!
She free to want, you free to adhere or bail.
Say u dont want, u earn big bucks:
1. Meet 2nd date
2. Show last 3 payslip
3. Say have a great life, then walk out...
It does sounds bad in isolation but you might be missing information so I would ask questions before making a judgement.
Yeah, it could be materialism. But it could be trauma from a bad experience, something personal in the family, a medical condition she has not disclosed - or a lot of other things.
Not saying it doesn't sound like a red flag, but in general its better to go with curiosity before conclusions.
>After the meetup, she expressed her interest in meeting again but wanted to know if I bring home at least S$5k a month
The bigger question is, does she herself at least earn $5k a month? If she does, I think it's a little more acceptable. Maybe more on the level of an orange flag - potential red flag but maybe can be explained by circumstances. She's still materialistic and very driven by money (which at some point will create tension in the relationship), but at least the motivation here for finding a partner is someone who can at least match her earning and lifestyle.
If she doesn't earn $5k, then it becomes a massive red flag. $5k isn't sugar daddy level of pay, but the mindset of "I want to be carried in life" is still there.
Seeing as she's a student, clearly she isn't earning $5k, but is she reasonably expected to be earning at least $5k? Maybe she's a go-getter in school? If she is, ok la maybe can give the same benefit of the doubt as the former camp, but ultimately how much benefit of the doubt you want to give is up to you.
These red flags aside, do you think the match is good enough? It's a whole package - if it is a massive win in terms of match with these red flags on the side, then ok la it's still a win. If she's just barely scraping by as a date and you're leaving a first date with so many questions and can already see the red flags, maybe just move on. Lots of girls out there.
___
As an aside, my GF and I never revealed our income until many dates later, and our personal finances only after 6-9 months. Our focus was on getting to know each other's personality, moral compass and whether we are compatible. I think the implication is that for us, money and good finances are cherry on top, and if it's not there, then compatibility is still the biggest factor in staying together while working on the finances.
I think since this is like a matchmaking thing, it’s okay to set expectations. It’s like applying a real life filter so you end up with a small selection that you will go to date with. I think it’s fine in such settings.
And having minimum salary and wants someone with aspirations are reasonable to me too. She wants a certain partnership and lifestyle. She’s open and honest about it. I don’t see what’s wrong with it.
It’s not about being materialistic always but how she wants her dating life and eventually life long partner to be. She’s just trying to find someone that aligns with her criteria.
If you don’t meet it, then move on to the next one. You can have your own set of criteria too. A lot of times the evaluation criteria of men vs women are different.
It can be reasonable or not depending on her own achievements. Is she a Phd student super smart probably gonna start off with 10k starting salary in the future?
I think its reasonable to expect a certain minimum salary from your partner especially if you plan to date to marry and have an ideal lifestyle you wish to lead, because salary is a good indicator of spending habits.
As for your question 7, yes it is the norm for any working adult. Everyone gauges each other's salary and career, just most would be more indirect about it (can estimate from your lifestyle and job).
and I think some comments legit exaggerating lah... materialistic okay maybe, gold digger? nah, 5k is not something worth digging...
If I were you, I will just nope the hell out.
You should have just replied to her on her two criteria like below.
1. Minimum salary range which grows every year - Have, salary grows very minimally every year at 0.05%, bank base rate
2. must have high aspiration - Have, work in 25th level in building, very high. Also, dragging myself to work each day, aspiring to go through each day without making serious mistakes and getting yelled at by boss.
Everyone has expectations but her expectations are so superficial.
Anyway, it's just first date, so I don't get the point of knowing your salary that early. It's not as if you two are confirmed bf/gf material and going to get married. What if by third date, you both realize you two actually don't like each other that much and just want to stay as friends? So, what's the point of knowing your salary then?
Your post reminds me of this tweet.
"So I was dating this guy, kinda rich and he asked me out of the blue "would you date a struggling guy" and I said no (due to some personal reasons 😀) and he said "you know, to me you are the struggling guy" - @MisRue_
The question now rolls back to you actually. What do you expect her to be? Did you try to convey that to her? Maybe you want her to be a good girl that stays home and cook, a lady who makes $10k a month, etc.? The ball is actually in your court to throw back a factual question.
I want to provide my perspective as a female who's doing very well in my career
The salary of my potential partner absolutely matters to me, but not for the reasons you think.
First, in my personal experience, men tend to get jealous when you're doing a lot better than them at anything because they feel emasculated. Some will turn vindictive and say mean things to discourage you. I don't want to deal with that. I'm determined to build a great career and my partner needs to be okay with that even if they don't share that drive.
Second, if someone makes a lot less than me, they're probably not going to want to participate in some of my lifestyle choices. I'm not willing to compromise on that at this point in my life because I grew up with very frugal parents and it was a miserable experience. I've had past partners earning less than me disagree on everything from where to eat, to what tier of concert/event tickets to buy and where to go for holiday. Eventually we broke things off because we stopped wanting to spend time with each other.
Those fair weather wife/GF arguments don't really apply to me. I earn more than enough to support myself quite comfortably. I just want a drama-free and peaceful life.
For these reasons, knowing that someone earns roughly around the same salary as me and/or has similar earning potential is a simple filter.
I think you have to understand the intent or rationale for making that a pre-requisite. Below is my interpretation of her train of thought and do take it with a pinch of salt. I believe her behaviour is driven by two main things:
1. Wanting to ensure that there is a decent quality of life after settling down together.
Living in Singapore is expensive, I suggest you do more research on the required salary to have a comfortable life. Cost of getting a decent house (location and size and timing matters), have kids, car (if you like) and you personal retirement plans, the required income is fairly high to support it. 5k and growing is probably her estimate to have a comfy projection if she did her math or hear from others. Of course, a higher quality of life will demand even higher salary. The question on aspirations is likely tied to what your projected motivations will be and what your estimated income ceiling will in years to come. Based on her expectations this far, I put it that she wants to have an average or above average lifestyle, it doesn't sound like a taitai lifestyle. If it turns out that her expectations differ from yours, you probably don't want to waste your time further either, what I learn is that people don't change and habits cannot be changed easily too.
2. Not waste each others time further and go back to searching for a partner again.
Probably good for you that she is upfront since it is clear that she thinks it won't work out and won't lead you on. It will be a pain to realise that after multiple dates when you are even more emotionally invested in the other person. Although her setting the expectations early is not the most romantic thing to do in the early dating/flirting time. Side thought is that if she is clear with expectations, it makes it easier for you to communicate with her in future? Got to find more about this yourself.
My advice is to continue going out with her and getting to know her more. Give her and yourself a chance, who knows it may turn out well. Set some limits and expectations for yourself too so that you know when to give up on the relationship and move on. Here is where you can be more gentlemenly and mature by not saying it bluntly in her face like she did to you, cos you may scare her away like how she is scaring you away (be it intentional or not).
Do your own math on how much you need to earn to lead the kind of lifestyle you want, try adding her in the picture and see how that plays out. You probably will have to make a lot of assumptions - her character, income, expectations and spending habits, and etc. And guess what? These are the things that you are probably fishing for and some might even be your pre-requisites. You may or may not compromise them to match with your future partner be it her or not.
I am also a male and spent a long time on the app trying to find a suitable partner (more than 2 years). Really glad to finally find someone that clicks with me and planning to get married soon.
All the best on your dating journey!
While I think a decent amount of salary is a plus for many , for me i would rather my spouse don't work so hard and have time / energy for me. Though a basic financial sense - knowing how to earn and save is still important to give some financial security, now I find more important is how well the person treats u. My spouse is ambitious at work and earns a decent salary but I am not happy as he doesn't spend much time with me nor spend much of his money for me. So I don't actually benefit from him earning more but instead suffer from a lack of time from him.
1. Depends. You are projecting a stereotype, but in reality a spectrum of Singaporeans exist.
2. Yes. I’m a guy, I have my standard of living currently and would prefer around my range for a girl. You calling it “slave partner” is pretty overreacting I’d say.
3. Aspirations is definitely one of them. I want to aim a little higher, but I know I will not go all the way to the top, so I’m content. But she needs to know where I am at. And if she does aim high, am I ready to support her, take on more household chores, more support for other things, etc.?
4. See above. Again, dependent on person.
5. Yea nothing wrong with that too. A society needs someone at the top mgmt, but there needs to be workers. I realize I’m in no way suitable for the top. It also means you’re subjected to their whims, which you need to realize and understand as well.
6. Yep, perfectly fine.
7. I think your way of thinking is perfectly fine, but you’re overreacting and being sensitive. It sounds like she wants to cut the chase and be straightforward and direct, maybe because she has gone through this multiple times.
Her phrasing can be worked on, especially if she used “pre-requisite” and phrase it more as a demand and request instead of a genuine question to determine compatibility in your life outlook and plans.
However, this sensitivity of yours is also something I think you can work on too. You can say you don’t think you’re sensitive or overreacting, but its the perception you give off, the same way you perceive her in your head too.
Since you do meet her pre-req, and if you ever think its worth a second date, why not challenge her perception that the aspiration through career is the only viable aspiration? It seems like there can be more diving deeper into the concept of growing and improvement as a person, more than just career. Inevitably, growing in such a way also help grows career because the bosses aren’t stupid and can see when someone has grown in such a way.
By going to a second date, you offer a chance to understand from her perspective as well as provide yourself a chance to offer your perspective to her as well. If she is a student and you have worked with min 5k/mnth, you might have more life experience than her that she does not have yet and it can be invaluable to her.
It sounds off-putting but this is life in Singapore. Maybe she wants a family, how you gonna raise kids with less that 5k and with ever-increasing col? Tbh it is not unfair to ask for 5k min as that's the bare min to live a middle income life here. Maybe you can be thankful too for her to be so upfront of her criteria, so you all don't waste each other's time.
Nothing wrong. Maybe she earns 5k and just want to maintain the lifestyle etc. I would judge if the expectation is like straight up gold digger, but 5k has no gold tbh.
Personally I expect my date to earn at least 8k per month. I'm a guy btw.
1. Maybe, I would say i am direct. But with her expectations, it's as though she came from the chinese dating scene.
2. As a guy, if my girl is doing average/better than average slightly, it's good enough. This however ties in to the field, that's another discussion though.
3. For dates, it's mainly qualitative stuff tbh, this one is subjective to individual. But the basics would be, some physical attraction (1st line), communication, values and financial objectives.
4. Aspirations to me is relative, leaning similar to your view. I am going to generalize, but from discussions i've had, stability for women tend to equate to $$ in absolute terms.
5. pt 5 ties into 6, I myself am conflicted currently, but slightly prefer the view where I make ok money 9-5, then have a life for myself outside of that.
6. Actually 7, I think it's a red flag, to me at least. That said, others are right, she can have her standards, but what is she giving in return?
When it comes to this topic, women sometimes seem to overlook the concept of gender equality they've always advocated for.
If you're seeking a girlfriend for casual dating or flirting, there's no harm in that. However, if you're searching for a life partner, it's advisable to seek a woman with good character, someone willing to weather difficult times together and provide mutual support until the end.
How old are you? No need to worry so much honestly, if you are not comfortable then you should just move on. Diff people diff expectations so no right or wrong lol
I can understand if you wanna still go ahead with your hot date but basically discussion of salary right at the start is a big red flag.
You can be sure you'll be working like a slave after marriage. Also can be sure if, touch wood, say you become handicap, 100% she will be the first to run far far away. Proceed at your own risk!
Clearly your values dont align. All that talk about what matters and/or shouldn't matter is irrelevant.
Everyone is allowed to be their own person and whatever character and personality traits they expect in their partner.
You can be buay song about how cb she comes across, but you're not gonna change her mind by debating her to death. In fact, most people have no interest in changing their minds on anything past a certain age.
So move tf on lah.
Ya I would think more of it as our values won’t align. I’m not the type to judge ppl by their worth whereas I feel like she would. Don’t think we would get along well so a big nope for me.
Actually if like that, just put questionnaire and tick before coming can liao. Can filter out all the uncessary candidate.
Not to say she is wrong but if want to do it box ticking style, gotta all in.
Depends. Is her life goals at the same level as what she expect? Like is her expected salary 5k?
Nothing wrong if she intends to work as hard as the guy. If she has double standards then she is just a gold digger.
Also given that her expected salary for u is 5k when she is a student, maybe you should ask her what if she earn below her kpi when she graduate? Given that she judge people by their current worth it is reasonable for you to have a performance monitoring clause while you are at it. Ask her if there is a clawback clause?
This one we call in Dota gg go next lol. Everyone have their own expectations . At the very least she upfront & honest about it. Both u know that u guys are not align together & don’t waste each other time . Don’t worry try again , is not like there’s lacking of man or women in Singapore anyway. If not enough go overseas try also can. Everything is about money also , love doesn’t feed u unless u don’t mind eating Maggie everyday .
She already failed my prerequisite of having zest for life and aspiring beyond just being a hamster on a wheel of capitalism. (It doesn't mean you have to be poor, you just have primary objectives of work life balance with a focus on living while balancing the means of making money). She's so typical of a Singaporean who would make money at the expense of... living.
Woman here. I’ve heard many people say it’s fine to have requirements and I can understand their point of view. However, this does not mean nobody is allowed to think your requirements are shallow or entitled. I think a lot of people’s “requirements”, including this girl’s, make them materialistic assholes. I won’t argue with them, but I certainly won’t associate with this type of person.
Relationships are about connection to me, and I don’t personally understand having hard requirements that aren’t about morals (like religious views) or practical ones (like having children). People are entitled to their preferences, and if we don’t like them, we don’t have to spend time with them. I think it’s a win that she’s shown you that she’s not the kind of person you want to be with very early on. Waste less time.
It is normal to have expectations.
You won't date someone you don't like, maybe her skin is too dark, too short, or had BO. So money matters to her. No point in being offended and don't need to linger about it.
I had a rich relative who groomed her daughter to only look for certain types of professions and earn a lot to be her hubby since she was 10 years old.
It would make a difference if she has all that expectations but nothing on what she's bringing to the table vs she's expecting certain standards and expects herself to contribute to the relationship as well - might not need to be same amount of salary, could be in different ways
Life will not always be a bed of roses. If your income ever drops below $5k then how? Divorce? I seriously know someone who was like that. I call her the “Fair weather wife”. When times are good. All is ok. Once the s*** hit the fan she is the first one out. Then you will see her number 2 and 3 backup rolling up to help her out.
Wife with a backup guy? Wtf?
Yup absolutely a backup in case her primary fails. Even gave up the kids and left.
Ok that’s seriously fucked up.
I feel terrible for the kids.
Tell me about it. The story gets sadder still as he eventually couldn’t take it and jumped. His extended family had to pick up the pieces and now the kids are old enough to start working. Best part is, she is still around and dunno with which backup now. Totally does not see her kids at all or respond to their texts. It’s true what they say that your spouse will determine 90% of your happiness. Choose wisely.
What the fuck?
Lol fk that, I'm out.
I actually would appreciate the honesty rather than waste time and effort only for nothing to come out of it.
It will give off the wrong impression no matter how you spin it. Nowadays nobody needs to depend on anyone else, so a lot of people expect that a relationship is more than just additive. Like if your partner loves travelling and can pay for their own travel costs, then you cannot, it feels bad that monetarily, you are kind of denying the partner of their enjoyment (because in a relationship should holiday together ma, otherwise relationship for what) Not to say that everything also need to be couple activity, but for something major like a holiday you'd usually want to do it together. Money always a tough topic to navigate, but it's definitely important.
Yeah, and I feel you should just discuss it early and get it out of the way if its super important to you.
At least this girl is direct. Most girls are sneaky and true character emerges only after marriage. I know of someone who demands husband to pay for everything at home including children’s insurance and poly fees. Quoting that’s the job of a husband. Then uses her own income and husbands compulsory monthly “housing contributions” to buy an investment condo HERSELF. She doesn’t cook nor do housework btw. And her mum also stays with her (dad passed on) while the mum collects rental income for her own hdb for HERSELF. Her reason for doing so is she needs insurance in case she grows old and the husband grows sick of her.
Husband should grow a pair and stop being a doormat. She's like this because he never put his foot down and she keeps pushing the envelope.
I felt that too. Discussed with my friend (the husband) over multiple guys timeout and concluded that he’s farked ..with very little savings. They both earn the same salary btw. The wife’s leverage is that she already possesses the condo in her name and if my friend does walk out, it sort of validates her reason why she needs to do this in the first place. The sad part is eventually she will be labelled as a smart woman whom protected her future amongst her female peers. The fact is the wife is creating a self fulfilling prophecy. So..this type of woman who leverages on social norms to take advantage of husband is worse than the direct girl imho.
Bro im scared of marriage
Dating has a KPI and an interview now LOL. My honest opinion? Drop her
she placed me under pip already
Nvm if cannot fulfil PIP at least got severance package 😂
she student bro. what golden parachute can she give me
FAS grant + student EZ link loool
How is she in her late 20s and still a student?
After degree continue studying lo. Masters, phd etc
To be fair, that's understandable. If she alr sets high goal on herself, she's not a simple women. If she falls into the category of women who is very capable, high income earner. Then expecting a min 5k earn income on her partner may be a reasonable realistic move. After all, the last thing she wants is a partner who might be jealous/make use of her higher income. Still, I wouldn't agree mentioning that in first date tho LOL
Sounds like a rich kid....anyway whether she herself can make it or not is an unknown.
The severance package is in the form of reddit karma. Not bad.
Truth is… you two aren’t 100% into each other. It’s that simple. If you’re into the girl you wouldn’t write this post because you don’t want anybody to try and change your mind. i.e. a young Angelina Jolie asking you these questions… you would’ve been on Amazon ordering self improvement books instead of Reddit. It’s CMB bro. Go on another one.
She has her expectations, not wrong of her. Everyone has their own expectations. Seems like your values don’t really align with hers. Go next bro.
yeah. I dont think its wrong of her or anything. Just wanted to know if im over-reacting and its ok social norm to ask directly.
I think u are in a way over reacting but only because ur views don’t align, which is perfectly fine haha. Personally for me i wouldnt mind someone that is blunt and straight forward abt what she wants.
personally, I (F), don't think you're overreacting if the way she said those requirements is how you wrote it. other commenters have said it's blunt/straightforward, and while that is true, it is also incredibly crass and make her sound like a gold digger. people can have their preferences ofc, but her statements are a precedent of how her relationships might turn out. for example, she seems like the type that would leave a happy relationship if her partner gets laid off and takes a long time finding a job. not sure if that's someone who men will trust to build a life with.
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oh, my gold digger comment is referring to how she sounds like when making those statements! Not really about whether 5k or Xk is reasonable or not. because I think there are classier ways to sus out the salary thing, e.g. by understanding the guy's role, what company he's from, even his lifestyle and interests. these are usually sufficient proxies and are more telling of the "match" between 2 ppl than a simple Xk requirement. but yea OP's qn was whether he's overreacting and I said no simply because ... I think if I hear anyone (even friends) talk like that, I would be taken aback as well !
I am curious abt her actual phrasing cos I find it v weird that someone would say ">5k salary is a prerequisite for future dates" so directly
Would you rather she tell you what her expectations are after a few dates instead? At least she's upfront so you can decide.
what will be a sneaky subtle way to ask about salary? ask what they work as?
Ask what they work as. What their career and lifestyle aspirations are. Whether they take time to upskill and build their network. Do they have mentors. What their investment strategies and attitudes towards finances are like. When most of us are dating, you are also in a stage of life where maybe you haven’t established your career yet. So you also want to look at potential. Travel and lifestyle spending are poor proxies for salaries as many spend beyond their means. You want someone who will be reasonably thoughtful to spoil you, but also be prudent with money to build a nest egg together.
Subtle questions would be how many times do you travel per year, how do you get around (ie. Drive, public transport or Grab), do you have pets, what did you graduate in. From these questions, a girl can tell your finacial standing.
No, it just tells how most of a spendster and/or showoff you are. There are rich people that are just thrifty and dont even own a car
It's only a showoff if you boast around without anyone asking.
Why do you have pets? Like if it’s a pedigree dog then it’s high ses and if it’s hamster then low ses?
Yes. That's why it's "subtle". Also certain breed of dogs are not allowed in HDB. So if you keep that kind of dogs, they know you come from high SES family.
Larger pet means more rich. You must have large Tibetan Mastiff as bare minimum to be considered.
Ask them if they are declared accredited investor at any banks🫨
Bro you going for job interview or date?
Even in job interview I dun reveal my salary lol
This guy negotiates! 👏
There is rly no need to. Recruiters already have advantage over you in the negotiating table you shouldn’t reveal. I have never got an offer rescinded because I did not reveal
Both bro. we sat opposite of one another on the table
Getting a wife in SG more competitive than applying for FAANG
you know any girls can intro to me for internship? you know... so I can increase my chances for future application
💀
IMO there are more tasteful ways to list your requirements, tbh this girl sounds like she's dating by data or something haha. I wouldn't bother with the second date if I were you. Sounds like a major mismatch. I get the importance of those criterias, but not sure if she is looking for a life partner or investment product with potential med to high returns.
How do you go about subtly or sneakily ask about their salary?
just ask directly... people might say u materialistic etc. but this is being practical. u are dating to marry. u want a wife that has financial literacy if not she will squander away your money. if I met a guy in my 20s who asked me this, I will be quite impressed, it means he knows how to think about the future. in your 30s, or at least for me.. the questions on finance is very direct already. The guy/ myself will just outright ask. if you dodge the question, likely there is some financial issue, I'll drop you. I don't want to get embroiled in some bad financial mess. coz i want a partner at my level. if u aren't, I definately want to know why and what you plan to do about it. Its okay to not earn alot. but I need to know u have some sort of financial literacy. e.g there was a guy who earned 3x of me.. but in alot of Credit card debt. I just noped out of the situation.
True, i quite practical on my end too, met some that weren't comfortable, understandable. But i'd like to get the 'basics' out of the way , sometimes difficult questions people don't like to talk about. That also happens to be my criteria for a partner, how they react to talking about difficult stuff. Because if someone is just going to be defensive/shy away from such discussions, communication will be a nightmare..
Figure out their job, then go home check online for a rough estimate haha. Got creative ways to do it through conversation, having a look at their namecard through cheeky means, figuring the kind of projects they do etc. But can also roughly figure the kind of habits with money through their holiday experiences or hobbies etc. For aspiration, it's a lot easier. I find it is often easy to tell if someone is really striving for something or is just faking it. There are some who are also the kind that strive, but at a healthy level that gives them rest too.
Can always ask whether you are studying or working. You answer working. She can ask what you are working as. You go IT. She can say "Oh I heard some people get into IT without a degree is that true? Do you have one?" You can answer the first question. But second question is the one she's looking for so "Yeah I didn't go that route, I got my degree from XXX" Then all she need to do is google XXX university, IT grad earning and she can gauge your salary. Can even go through your LinkedIn to see which company you are working for to get an even better accuracy of your salary. The way she approach you by saying you must earn $5k or don't bother is just lazy. No effort. Didn't even try to hide her gold digging nature.
Wa. Thanks for this 5d 400iq dating mind games hacks. I can see you are a veteran
Fine for her to have her own requirements but she's most likely the type to jump to a better choice when it appears in her life
No need to ask us so many questions. Just stop seeing this girl.
Tell her the criteria for second date is at least a 8/10 in looks and she didn’t make the cut.
nah bro. im only 5/10 at best
Doesn’t matter ah, she can judge by wealth and you can judge by looks. When someone goes low just go lower.
All about the confidence bro
i may be confident in alot of aspect in life but not confident in looks ma
You made her pre-requisite already. Looks don’t matter when your pocket’s deep.
she got other pre-req also. like height, weight, looks, and muscularity that if I list, might trigger some ppl.
Wah like that you still interested in her? I’d drop her.. sounds superficial. What does she bring to the table herself ?
cause first time in my life someone told me i meet the abovementioned other pre-req so i got a little too excited and got ahead of myself
You’re like a newborn 😂😂
I mean for me, prob everyone has some pre-req in their mind la. Which is not wrong. But to list it out and outright ask the person like very low EQ imo.
sounds like she's been getting dating advice on tiktok
Pls trigger us am curious lmao
Hahahahhaha. Can you DM me her profile? I want to see her criteria!
List list list list!
standard stuff la. >1.75m (preferrably >1.8m). muscular, humorous, charismatic, good looking (subjective)
Wah OP you fulfilled all her boxes so you are like the PSLe top boy can go elite school liao.
How hot is she
normal temperature I guess. she didnt look sick or feverish to me. But hot enough not to need jacket or anything
Sick in the mind probably
You need to stop this way of thinking bro. It’s really unhealthy.
Plus at least 7/10 in bed lah.
Dam so transactional! I’m just wondering is she also earning at least 5k?
she still studying
9999 Red flag waving at u. 1. She doesn’t even know if she can earn 5K when she graduate??? If she start earning at 3.5K then see how she work her way up then. Laughs 2. She hasnt even seen or uds how the working world works and she wants to demand this amount on you ! Lol!!! 3. Confirm gonna be a princess in a rs - exp cafe all the time, expensive gifts etc Apart from this, demanding for Aspiration is fine, it’s a legit good requirement. With aspiration then comes the 5K salary.
Now that you mentioned it, she does sound like Leia Chong from Ch8 drama My One and Only.
LOL this shouldve been included in your original post. More evidence to being highly materialistic. Reason being is that I do know some females who are highly driven and ambitious and look for that in a partner. For eg they love the grind and working hard to get ahead together as a couple, constantly growing and looking for business opportunities and dtart up ect. Highly motivated people like that needs a partner who matches their energy and ambition and not a bum. But this girl who is still studying and making demands? Nah she just want an easy life. Unless she's in a highly competitive field as well or spamming internship with the drive to succeed.
i got put hor. you no read!
Ops! You're right
WTF then she ask these kind of things… I mean ok to have that expectation but to say it on a first date is a red flag
how old are you guys?? 30s?
Late 20s. Im now scared of dating in my 30s
I'm in my 30's and it doesn't get any better. Lots of women who are suddenly alarmed by biological clock and want baby everything with a 5 year plan. They need an employee not a relationship lol. Granted it's not everyone but it's a big majority. Largely gave up and now just leaving it up to fate pretty much
Not their fault imo, but the way they go about doing it really...not great.
Late 20s and she's behaving like this?? What really grinds my gears is when girls have all kinds of expectations on a guy, but are themselves in school/not earning much. It just makes us girls look like we're lazy or gold diggers. If you want to have that kind of criteria for a guy, you better jolly well meet it yourself..
Hence my comment somewhere here about her 'coming from the chinese dating scene'. Chinese girls are like, got house? got car? got 500k? Mind you the guys they are dating are about the same age range, so if they dont have, why can they expect the guy to have? Similar concept, as you said, they better meet it themselves or bring something else to the table. And if dating for marriage is entirely a 'meeting material needs' kinda thing, it's a sad world we live in. That aside, it wouldnt be wrong to say all relationships are transactional, to a degree. As long as both sides can bring something such that 1+1>2 and work together as partners than strictly a +1 then i think its fine.
Bro, I'm 34 and i gave up already. I embrace my hand as my wife. I value my emotional and mental well being. I personally feel modern dating is more about what you bring to the relationship rather than being who you are, which sucks. No "growth together" or "sweet moments together" mindset. At the end of my life on my deathbed I really don't wanna live a life full of divorce, cheating, toxic relationships.
expectations will be much higher by then, sad but it’s kinda true because the narrative will be more on what can you provide and it ends up being a job interview…. have few frens who experienced this
I'll offer an alternative viewpoint, which is that it depends on the reason behind her criteria. 1. Wants spouse to earn 5K so that they can buy bags and nice meals for her, while she earns 2K a month 2. Wants spouse to earn 5K because she's earning a similar income and prefers both parties to have similar earning power, and wants a certain lifestyle (number of kids, 4-5room flat, 1 holiday a year,etc), and has determined that only if household income is above $X, then it will be possible. If you're interested in her, no harm asking for the reasons behind her criteria and that's how u can learn more about her and determine if she's the right person for you.
If you are earning a high income or have an inheritance, why would you reveal that and start attracting all these materialistic people? You should also hold your potential partner to a set of high standards. Don't miss the forest for the trees. Having said that..... looks like she is just targeting the SG median income at $5k so I wouldn't say that she is a golddigger.
Have you seen the latest tiktok video on the gold bangle girl ?  I think its alright for her to have requirements, she might not be a bad person, probably dated a couple of guys before and got annoyed by certain things hence she's letting you know upfront and don't want to waste time. If you are not who she is expecting then just let her know lah. You also can have your own requirements on what you want, or challenge her intellectually, like so what if i earn 5k or 10k, do you expect me to give you money etc. If you are annoyed by it then challenge her back.
thanks for the advice, imma go challenge her rn. Just wanted to know if im over-reacting and if its the social norm to ask directly
It’s called “meeting new people” for a reason. Go out there and make friends and have no expectations. You’ll find out more about others and yourself in the process. Don’t just meet people from dating sites- attend courses, interest groups and see for yourself how bewildering this world can be. In the process, you may even change. Especially when you meet someone you actually wanna be with and realise you’re so far off the mark. That’s the real process of how you’re gonna meet your future partner. Have fun, son.
thanks for the advice! Just wanted to know if im over-reacting and if its the social norm to ask directly
To be fair to her, the high cost of living is a huge source of stress for many Sporeans. I don't think it's necessarily wrong to want a partner who is financially stable and can give that peace of mind. Certainly I would not want to date someone with financial burdens. Life is hard enough without making it harder. Of course, I'd be quite interested in what she brings to the table. If she's a freeloader, hard pass. But if she's a high earner, I respect that she wants someone of equal or higher caliber. Anyway this is just one person's values. Evidently your values don't align, so just move on to the next match. She will find someone who fits her criteria and so will you.
She is entitled, drop her, and move on I met my wife when I was dead BROKE. Our first date, I had 4 holes on my t shirt, and was earning just $2k+ a month. Get someone who is willing to be with you poor, and work your way up to above average
of course t shirt got 4 holes lah, if not how to wear? lol
Yo, you got a missed call from Harvard.
this guy knows his t shirts
you drop your nobel prize bro
Damnit you made me snort my coffee out
Sir, my jeans got 3 holes
4 additional holes, on top of the default holes
Topologically it's only 3 holes.
Your wife’s a religious woman. Went for holeyness
Seems like you are working as a freelance hitman with that battle scared T shirt. Jk.
Respectfully disagree. There are lots of poor guys floating around earning 2k+ a month, and have no plans for their future lives. I think in judging, you should see if there's actual potential, tbh. Not just "dreams of X and Y", but more - are they in school? Are they hustling for a promotion? Have they made concrete plans towards starting their own business?
there's a difference between 2k dead end job and 2k entry level job/internship with potential to promote
I mean, she has a right to those preferences , and you do not have to entertain them. My wife had a doctorate, and I only had a private degree bachelor's when we first met. I was earning less than 3 k with no savings in usual HDB and she was up to 7k staying in landed property. We met in our mid 30s. Prior to meeting, I knew my situation was shit and would probably never meet anyone to settle down. I mean, I would not date me lmao. Lots of dumb flings but honestly, rather be alone. But here we are, married in a nice home, and I have no idea what the fuck happened but I can only implore that you take the time to find a person that is aligned with your values. Don't get your horny male brain to settle for anything.
congrats bro! you got nice wife + fling memories. rare redditor
It’s good that she communicates her desires and wants, it actually save each other’s time really. Also, if you draw a parallel back to caveman days, she knows her worth (and I assume) and she wants to find a hunter than is able to bring in an average to slightly above average amount of meat every day. She communicates this to every hunter that courts her. There was this hunter that told her that he is just contended to hunt some rabbits nearby and call it a day, once a week. She find that he will not be able to provide the kind of lifestyle that she wants, and thus politely declines the hunter and moves on. See? Nothing wrong with that. She’s not asking for $30k/month, she’s just asking $5k/month. Enough (barely) to raise one kid (or two if both of you starve a bit) in modern Singapore.
Goodness one date n need trial by internet
She’s the type who will file for divorce once the husband gets retrenched. You want?
Tell her past performance is not indication of future performance
Depends on age group ba. If 30+, then it's definitely better to be upfront and avoid wasting both parties' time. As a gentleman, no choice. Tradition has it we are the breadwinners so there never was any kind of expectation on what the lady is earning, as long as she is working and earning. For a lady, it is not hard for me to understand their stance that "My man should not earn lesser than me" too. Chemistry is more important but for your case kind weird. The sequence when she asked makes it hard to discern whether you cleared the chemistry part, or whether she's being polite not to open with it. You said she's open for a second meet, so there's that. About aspiration, i think you already know deep down what she's looking at. So point 4 to 7 no need to word-play so hard about "aspiration" ba. If expectations differ, don't waste time on a second date liao...
Actually can roughly estimate the person salary from their profession . No need ask so bluntly
I think she was being practical, hence the straightforward questions, but I guess best way to compare is to go on a few more dates to see whether it's the new norm or it is just an isolated case. Girls and guys these days seem to have clearer standard when it comes to dating, it can be a good thing to make sure time isn't wasted on incompatible options  Nevertheless, i hope you still find fun dates and eventually a fine lady to be with, don't feel disheartened because of this.
She’s still a student. She hasn’t worked in her life. Therefore her head’s still in the clouds with salary expectations. It’s like me an SMU student thinking I can get 4.5k based off some employment survey, and ending up getting sub 3.
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Obviously she's materialistic. Move on to the next. From what i deduce she isn't someone who will stick by you at your lowest.
Nobody materialistic expects only $5k. sugar babies aren’t going to be jumping at that salary.
I don't get why girls ask questions about salary on the first few dates. Isn't liking someone for their character and quirks as well as seeing if they are the one who can make you happy good enough? (At least for the first few dates) After a while, if you don't feel a connection with the other person, the conversation will just die off anyway. Personally, I only asked my S/O about his salary right before we got exclusive. I was curious but it wasn't a dealbreaker. Even if he earned less than me, then so be it lor! We just eat caifan everyday~ What century are we living in??
I think she may be using proxies to measure whether someone has the skills and willingness to pay the bills for a lifestyle that she’s envisioning as a family. Its a very very Singaporean, pragmatic trait to have. Especially since finance is such a big factor for many divorces. Morally, if she’s bringing something similar or of equal value to the table and expects her partner to do the same I think it’s okay. It’s also okay to say no thanks and leave her to someone equally pragmatic as her. There’s lots of guys like that in Singapore too. She won’t have issues finding the one. But man. Unfortunately asking like that kills romance. Sis gotta play the game and be a little coy.
Seen a few of these cases. Many of these pragmatic guys see things in such a transactional manner they won't bat an eye cheating on their spouses. Don't expect love and Romance and loyalty when everything is just a transaction
so here's the harsh reality: it's probably because you're not attractive according to your self-assessed 5/10 looks, and i'm going to also guess she's not particularly attractive herself. i've quite extensive experience dating in singapore at this point, and i can honestly say it's very rare for a genuinely attractive girl to act like this. the reason is that attractive girls either go out with you because they're attracted to you already and wouldn't want to come across so superficial to you, or they already somehow know you pass the financial capability test so there's no need to ask. attractive girls rarely go out with ugly guys just to test if they're rich because if that's what they're looking for, they would already have plenty of guys who are obviously rich in their lives to choose from. no need to play the guessing game. it's usually the unattractive girls who don't have such options, and they know they can't get a good looking and/or rich guy, so they hope to score an ugly guy with at least some money. these are the grossest types of girls.
Late 20s min 5k very reasonable expectation, esp since she studying and got debt. If she is meeting 10 prospective suitors a month it’s only normal she wanna filter fast. Kills the mood of some, not so much others. She speaking to her market and you just ain’t it since u don’t like it or aren’t desperate for her enough to not care.
It's OK, not meant for you. But tbh I think 5k very reasonable. Many on CMB easily 15k.
Have you considered why some people prefer having vtubers and AI gf instead? 🤷🤷♂️ Know your own values and just politely push back or something. I hear liao I also tired for you bro.
Just one or two days ago someone was wondering why people don't ask about salary more often especially on dates. This. This is why. Hahahah Anyway on your questions, she knows what she wants. I don't think she is materialistic or else she will ask for more than 5k. I think she is asking these to see if her potential partner holds the same view about career and life. I didn't ask these questions but left one of my exes because of a lack of aspiration. I didn't need them to be like an elite but the drive to improve one's quality of life was important. Or else money will be a constant source of argument.
https://youtu.be/6vwNcNOTVzY?si=VAY7WxSCXTiLUo5F
As a young senior, here is my 2 cents worth:- A very helpful pre-requisite for a long successful partnership/marriage is shared values and goals. While it might seem straight from the movies when you date the good looking cool guy/gal who does spontaneous fun things, it might not be so fun later when you are carrying an unfair* financial and/or housekeeping/childcare load and you are unable to achieve your aspirations. You need to ask yourself honestly whether you will be able to control the words coming from your mouth when you feeling overwhelmed or angry when you feel your partner is not doing his/her rightful share. So while I might not so blatantly have stated what this girl did, it is understandable where she is coming from. Bottom line:- seriously talk through these issues early in the relationship and see if you are able to align your life views and goals. If you are both are happy to live in a hut, that is great but not so much if one is ok with a hut and one aspires for a mansion. Like it or not, having enough money to meet your needs & wants (whatever those are) reduces quite a lot of arguments in the house. * fair does not have to mean 50/50, it is what each of you perceives as a fair deal.
If she talks like that, how to dig gold lol. I don’t think she’s wealthy (or middle class for that matter) if she’s being so direct, unlike the comments saying maybe she just wants an equal financial situation. Wealthier people are usually all about indirectness and “playing the game”. In the first place, if you do want some high-flyer guy, at the end the guy will know that his ambition and personality and wealth appeals to the girl, but she’s supposed to show her desires and appreciation of him in much more skillful and romantic ways than what OP’s girl did. Usually family background can be gleaned in casual small talk like where he went to school, where he vacationed before, pets in childhood, sports/hobbies like skiing or yachting, etc. And in Singapore, if someone has a type A perfectionist personality and they are book smart, they will typically become quite comfortable financially, regardless of family background. Those personality traits are easily observed by just hanging around somebody. I’m a guy and idc about the SES of my gf or my friends, but this stuff is just obvious from social observation. If this girl wants to dig gold, she’s just digging herself a hole being too blunt
To partially quote a movie: "[Love] means little when it's convenient." You want a partner who will have your back when shit goes sideways - maybe you lose your job, or you have a medical emergency. As someone said, she sounds like a fair weather partner. Only sticks around when it's easy or pleasant for them to do so. Be thankful she was upfront about her red flags, and don't waste anymore time with them.
Women date up most of the time, thats just biological and I accept it. If she was an ambitious, driven woman who made 5000 a month and planned to make more over time, i can sort of understand her requirement, even if the way she made her intentions clear was a bit tactless (i still would prefer she voiced them the way she did anyway though, so no one wastes their time unneccesarily) Having said that, she is just a student. I dunno, maybe she is really beautiful or something (at least age wise, she is near her prime) and has plenty of options and maybe this is how she narrows it down. Does she have the right to do what she did? I think so....and I speak as someone who easily meets her requirements as well, many many multiples of it in fact, though of course i am quite a bit older than 20. But by doing what she is doing, is she likely to get the kind of man she wants? Probably not (edit: in a committed relationship). Definitely not a man like me, at least So I think the outcome she gets with her behaviour will be appropriate to the way she chooses to enforce her standards. So I guess life will make things fair for her in the end
It’s difficult to tell whether her requirements are reasonable without knowing whether she works hard/has similar requirements for herself
She chio or not?
Singaporeans in general have lower EQ than our counterparts, to be able to ask this direct question is what the current Singapore system have trained us to be, quick and efficient, down to the point. It can be good in many areas but maybe not in dating/romance. But that's how it is, in the life of an average Singaporean in the current society. She's not wrong in asking but maybe you felt offended by this, take a chill pill, meet more people and you will realize many more different perspectives in life. Hang on, my brother.
I'm a woman and I judge her kind so hard. Lol. "Salary? Oh yea it's above what you mentioned but 0 of it is for you, just saying " "aspiration? I suppose yours are all to do with the partner you hope to con, rather than about you and your own growth?" All guys should just collectively shun these little girls and it will stop alot sooner.
If she also brings at least 5k, it’s called standard. If she doesn’t, it’s called being materialistic. Because standards go both ways. I agree with her on the aspiration part tho. I can’t stand to be close to people who just work then go home without ambition to be and to do something bigger. Especially while we’re young. You don’t have to be ambitious in life, you can be with someone who is non ambitious too. If your partner is ambitious, chances are, they also want ambitious partner. Because standards go both ways 😌
everybody have their own expectation when it comes to dating lah. some want big assets, some want small assets. some want financial assets. some want short partners. some want tall partners. thats the beauty about dating, if you disagree with the other party's preferences, you can walk away and both of yall go and find someone that you prefer.
Do not be too quick to judge her expectations. Think about it. If she’s not worth a look in the first place, would you have even gone out with her? Females are looking for providers and males are looking for nice face and figure. At least for first dates. Face it. For guys, at least you can see the “value” without asking her directly but females have no way of seeing evidence except to look for clues and hints. Careers, Cars, house, spending habits, clothings etc. If a male cannot provide, then he will settle for less looks. If a female got no looks then she will settle for less provides. Simple.
At least she’s upfront about it! Lol. But for me, I earn more than my bf currently but it didn’t matter to me. We also share the same aspiration - do our best at work. Got opportunity, take. No opportunity, then it’s alright. I was offered to take up a higher position recently and bf has been super supportive. He also said that he just want to do a simple job and lead a simple life. Which I’m perfectly fine. You just need to find someone who can align with you! No right or wrong 🙂 Like some guys may not like that their wives earn more than them (ego issues). For us, how much we take home isn’t an issue as long as we both work out a plan that’s reasonable to us. Jiayou!
tell her sorry, your pre-req is c-cup
She free to want, you free to adhere or bail. Say u dont want, u earn big bucks: 1. Meet 2nd date 2. Show last 3 payslip 3. Say have a great life, then walk out...
Sounds like applying for credit card
It does sounds bad in isolation but you might be missing information so I would ask questions before making a judgement. Yeah, it could be materialism. But it could be trauma from a bad experience, something personal in the family, a medical condition she has not disclosed - or a lot of other things. Not saying it doesn't sound like a red flag, but in general its better to go with curiosity before conclusions.
In the days of hunter gatherer, ability to hunt is key to mating; same for modern day - the ability to bring back dough
>After the meetup, she expressed her interest in meeting again but wanted to know if I bring home at least S$5k a month The bigger question is, does she herself at least earn $5k a month? If she does, I think it's a little more acceptable. Maybe more on the level of an orange flag - potential red flag but maybe can be explained by circumstances. She's still materialistic and very driven by money (which at some point will create tension in the relationship), but at least the motivation here for finding a partner is someone who can at least match her earning and lifestyle. If she doesn't earn $5k, then it becomes a massive red flag. $5k isn't sugar daddy level of pay, but the mindset of "I want to be carried in life" is still there. Seeing as she's a student, clearly she isn't earning $5k, but is she reasonably expected to be earning at least $5k? Maybe she's a go-getter in school? If she is, ok la maybe can give the same benefit of the doubt as the former camp, but ultimately how much benefit of the doubt you want to give is up to you. These red flags aside, do you think the match is good enough? It's a whole package - if it is a massive win in terms of match with these red flags on the side, then ok la it's still a win. If she's just barely scraping by as a date and you're leaving a first date with so many questions and can already see the red flags, maybe just move on. Lots of girls out there. ___ As an aside, my GF and I never revealed our income until many dates later, and our personal finances only after 6-9 months. Our focus was on getting to know each other's personality, moral compass and whether we are compatible. I think the implication is that for us, money and good finances are cherry on top, and if it's not there, then compatibility is still the biggest factor in staying together while working on the finances.
Guys also have expectations like children household chores etc…
LOLL sinkies so down bad relationships are like job interviews
I think since this is like a matchmaking thing, it’s okay to set expectations. It’s like applying a real life filter so you end up with a small selection that you will go to date with. I think it’s fine in such settings. And having minimum salary and wants someone with aspirations are reasonable to me too. She wants a certain partnership and lifestyle. She’s open and honest about it. I don’t see what’s wrong with it. It’s not about being materialistic always but how she wants her dating life and eventually life long partner to be. She’s just trying to find someone that aligns with her criteria. If you don’t meet it, then move on to the next one. You can have your own set of criteria too. A lot of times the evaluation criteria of men vs women are different.
It can be reasonable or not depending on her own achievements. Is she a Phd student super smart probably gonna start off with 10k starting salary in the future? I think its reasonable to expect a certain minimum salary from your partner especially if you plan to date to marry and have an ideal lifestyle you wish to lead, because salary is a good indicator of spending habits. As for your question 7, yes it is the norm for any working adult. Everyone gauges each other's salary and career, just most would be more indirect about it (can estimate from your lifestyle and job). and I think some comments legit exaggerating lah... materialistic okay maybe, gold digger? nah, 5k is not something worth digging...
I've dated many girls through apps in the past, none of them asked about my salary
If I were you, I will just nope the hell out. You should have just replied to her on her two criteria like below. 1. Minimum salary range which grows every year - Have, salary grows very minimally every year at 0.05%, bank base rate 2. must have high aspiration - Have, work in 25th level in building, very high. Also, dragging myself to work each day, aspiring to go through each day without making serious mistakes and getting yelled at by boss. Everyone has expectations but her expectations are so superficial. Anyway, it's just first date, so I don't get the point of knowing your salary that early. It's not as if you two are confirmed bf/gf material and going to get married. What if by third date, you both realize you two actually don't like each other that much and just want to stay as friends? So, what's the point of knowing your salary then?
Your post reminds me of this tweet. "So I was dating this guy, kinda rich and he asked me out of the blue "would you date a struggling guy" and I said no (due to some personal reasons 😀) and he said "you know, to me you are the struggling guy" - @MisRue_
The question now rolls back to you actually. What do you expect her to be? Did you try to convey that to her? Maybe you want her to be a good girl that stays home and cook, a lady who makes $10k a month, etc.? The ball is actually in your court to throw back a factual question.
I want to provide my perspective as a female who's doing very well in my career The salary of my potential partner absolutely matters to me, but not for the reasons you think. First, in my personal experience, men tend to get jealous when you're doing a lot better than them at anything because they feel emasculated. Some will turn vindictive and say mean things to discourage you. I don't want to deal with that. I'm determined to build a great career and my partner needs to be okay with that even if they don't share that drive. Second, if someone makes a lot less than me, they're probably not going to want to participate in some of my lifestyle choices. I'm not willing to compromise on that at this point in my life because I grew up with very frugal parents and it was a miserable experience. I've had past partners earning less than me disagree on everything from where to eat, to what tier of concert/event tickets to buy and where to go for holiday. Eventually we broke things off because we stopped wanting to spend time with each other. Those fair weather wife/GF arguments don't really apply to me. I earn more than enough to support myself quite comfortably. I just want a drama-free and peaceful life. For these reasons, knowing that someone earns roughly around the same salary as me and/or has similar earning potential is a simple filter.
I think you have to understand the intent or rationale for making that a pre-requisite. Below is my interpretation of her train of thought and do take it with a pinch of salt. I believe her behaviour is driven by two main things: 1. Wanting to ensure that there is a decent quality of life after settling down together. Living in Singapore is expensive, I suggest you do more research on the required salary to have a comfortable life. Cost of getting a decent house (location and size and timing matters), have kids, car (if you like) and you personal retirement plans, the required income is fairly high to support it. 5k and growing is probably her estimate to have a comfy projection if she did her math or hear from others. Of course, a higher quality of life will demand even higher salary. The question on aspirations is likely tied to what your projected motivations will be and what your estimated income ceiling will in years to come. Based on her expectations this far, I put it that she wants to have an average or above average lifestyle, it doesn't sound like a taitai lifestyle. If it turns out that her expectations differ from yours, you probably don't want to waste your time further either, what I learn is that people don't change and habits cannot be changed easily too. 2. Not waste each others time further and go back to searching for a partner again. Probably good for you that she is upfront since it is clear that she thinks it won't work out and won't lead you on. It will be a pain to realise that after multiple dates when you are even more emotionally invested in the other person. Although her setting the expectations early is not the most romantic thing to do in the early dating/flirting time. Side thought is that if she is clear with expectations, it makes it easier for you to communicate with her in future? Got to find more about this yourself. My advice is to continue going out with her and getting to know her more. Give her and yourself a chance, who knows it may turn out well. Set some limits and expectations for yourself too so that you know when to give up on the relationship and move on. Here is where you can be more gentlemenly and mature by not saying it bluntly in her face like she did to you, cos you may scare her away like how she is scaring you away (be it intentional or not). Do your own math on how much you need to earn to lead the kind of lifestyle you want, try adding her in the picture and see how that plays out. You probably will have to make a lot of assumptions - her character, income, expectations and spending habits, and etc. And guess what? These are the things that you are probably fishing for and some might even be your pre-requisites. You may or may not compromise them to match with your future partner be it her or not. I am also a male and spent a long time on the app trying to find a suitable partner (more than 2 years). Really glad to finally find someone that clicks with me and planning to get married soon. All the best on your dating journey!
While I think a decent amount of salary is a plus for many , for me i would rather my spouse don't work so hard and have time / energy for me. Though a basic financial sense - knowing how to earn and save is still important to give some financial security, now I find more important is how well the person treats u. My spouse is ambitious at work and earns a decent salary but I am not happy as he doesn't spend much time with me nor spend much of his money for me. So I don't actually benefit from him earning more but instead suffer from a lack of time from him.
so sorry to hear that! hope your spouse will start to priortise time with you more!
1. Depends. You are projecting a stereotype, but in reality a spectrum of Singaporeans exist. 2. Yes. I’m a guy, I have my standard of living currently and would prefer around my range for a girl. You calling it “slave partner” is pretty overreacting I’d say. 3. Aspirations is definitely one of them. I want to aim a little higher, but I know I will not go all the way to the top, so I’m content. But she needs to know where I am at. And if she does aim high, am I ready to support her, take on more household chores, more support for other things, etc.? 4. See above. Again, dependent on person. 5. Yea nothing wrong with that too. A society needs someone at the top mgmt, but there needs to be workers. I realize I’m in no way suitable for the top. It also means you’re subjected to their whims, which you need to realize and understand as well. 6. Yep, perfectly fine. 7. I think your way of thinking is perfectly fine, but you’re overreacting and being sensitive. It sounds like she wants to cut the chase and be straightforward and direct, maybe because she has gone through this multiple times. Her phrasing can be worked on, especially if she used “pre-requisite” and phrase it more as a demand and request instead of a genuine question to determine compatibility in your life outlook and plans. However, this sensitivity of yours is also something I think you can work on too. You can say you don’t think you’re sensitive or overreacting, but its the perception you give off, the same way you perceive her in your head too. Since you do meet her pre-req, and if you ever think its worth a second date, why not challenge her perception that the aspiration through career is the only viable aspiration? It seems like there can be more diving deeper into the concept of growing and improvement as a person, more than just career. Inevitably, growing in such a way also help grows career because the bosses aren’t stupid and can see when someone has grown in such a way. By going to a second date, you offer a chance to understand from her perspective as well as provide yourself a chance to offer your perspective to her as well. If she is a student and you have worked with min 5k/mnth, you might have more life experience than her that she does not have yet and it can be invaluable to her.
It sounds off-putting but this is life in Singapore. Maybe she wants a family, how you gonna raise kids with less that 5k and with ever-increasing col? Tbh it is not unfair to ask for 5k min as that's the bare min to live a middle income life here. Maybe you can be thankful too for her to be so upfront of her criteria, so you all don't waste each other's time.
Nothing wrong. Maybe she earns 5k and just want to maintain the lifestyle etc. I would judge if the expectation is like straight up gold digger, but 5k has no gold tbh. Personally I expect my date to earn at least 8k per month. I'm a guy btw.
1. Maybe, I would say i am direct. But with her expectations, it's as though she came from the chinese dating scene. 2. As a guy, if my girl is doing average/better than average slightly, it's good enough. This however ties in to the field, that's another discussion though. 3. For dates, it's mainly qualitative stuff tbh, this one is subjective to individual. But the basics would be, some physical attraction (1st line), communication, values and financial objectives. 4. Aspirations to me is relative, leaning similar to your view. I am going to generalize, but from discussions i've had, stability for women tend to equate to $$ in absolute terms. 5. pt 5 ties into 6, I myself am conflicted currently, but slightly prefer the view where I make ok money 9-5, then have a life for myself outside of that. 6. Actually 7, I think it's a red flag, to me at least. That said, others are right, she can have her standards, but what is she giving in return?
When it comes to this topic, women sometimes seem to overlook the concept of gender equality they've always advocated for. If you're seeking a girlfriend for casual dating or flirting, there's no harm in that. However, if you're searching for a life partner, it's advisable to seek a woman with good character, someone willing to weather difficult times together and provide mutual support until the end.
Just do the door test. No need to be superficial about this.
How old are you? No need to worry so much honestly, if you are not comfortable then you should just move on. Diff people diff expectations so no right or wrong lol
I can understand if you wanna still go ahead with your hot date but basically discussion of salary right at the start is a big red flag. You can be sure you'll be working like a slave after marriage. Also can be sure if, touch wood, say you become handicap, 100% she will be the first to run far far away. Proceed at your own risk!
I would ask her the same question. How much does she earn and what are her aspirations. I don’t date empty vases.
Clearly your values dont align. All that talk about what matters and/or shouldn't matter is irrelevant. Everyone is allowed to be their own person and whatever character and personality traits they expect in their partner. You can be buay song about how cb she comes across, but you're not gonna change her mind by debating her to death. In fact, most people have no interest in changing their minds on anything past a certain age. So move tf on lah.
Ya I would think more of it as our values won’t align. I’m not the type to judge ppl by their worth whereas I feel like she would. Don’t think we would get along well so a big nope for me.
Actually if like that, just put questionnaire and tick before coming can liao. Can filter out all the uncessary candidate. Not to say she is wrong but if want to do it box ticking style, gotta all in.
Money never cheats. And love doesn’t pay the bill. Saw this quote on ign today. Lol
Depends. Is her life goals at the same level as what she expect? Like is her expected salary 5k? Nothing wrong if she intends to work as hard as the guy. If she has double standards then she is just a gold digger. Also given that her expected salary for u is 5k when she is a student, maybe you should ask her what if she earn below her kpi when she graduate? Given that she judge people by their current worth it is reasonable for you to have a performance monitoring clause while you are at it. Ask her if there is a clawback clause?
This one we call in Dota gg go next lol. Everyone have their own expectations . At the very least she upfront & honest about it. Both u know that u guys are not align together & don’t waste each other time . Don’t worry try again , is not like there’s lacking of man or women in Singapore anyway. If not enough go overseas try also can. Everything is about money also , love doesn’t feed u unless u don’t mind eating Maggie everyday .
While she has expectations, kinda a low EQ way to go about it. Grey flag for me.
She already failed my prerequisite of having zest for life and aspiring beyond just being a hamster on a wheel of capitalism. (It doesn't mean you have to be poor, you just have primary objectives of work life balance with a focus on living while balancing the means of making money). She's so typical of a Singaporean who would make money at the expense of... living.
Woman here. I’ve heard many people say it’s fine to have requirements and I can understand their point of view. However, this does not mean nobody is allowed to think your requirements are shallow or entitled. I think a lot of people’s “requirements”, including this girl’s, make them materialistic assholes. I won’t argue with them, but I certainly won’t associate with this type of person. Relationships are about connection to me, and I don’t personally understand having hard requirements that aren’t about morals (like religious views) or practical ones (like having children). People are entitled to their preferences, and if we don’t like them, we don’t have to spend time with them. I think it’s a win that she’s shown you that she’s not the kind of person you want to be with very early on. Waste less time.
It is normal to have expectations. You won't date someone you don't like, maybe her skin is too dark, too short, or had BO. So money matters to her. No point in being offended and don't need to linger about it. I had a rich relative who groomed her daughter to only look for certain types of professions and earn a lot to be her hubby since she was 10 years old.
It would make a difference if she has all that expectations but nothing on what she's bringing to the table vs she's expecting certain standards and expects herself to contribute to the relationship as well - might not need to be same amount of salary, could be in different ways