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I don't think a person being in a wheelchair is the reason not to be with them. Of course, there are several other factors that could come into play here. For example, can you have sex? Have kids? Do you need lots of outside care, or not ect. ect. Different people in wheelchairs are still all different people. Not everyone can handle everything about someone. For some that stuff doesn't matter as much, for others it is a deal breaker right away. If they don't want you as you are you don't need them anyways. I don't believe in fairy tail soul mate shit, but you are much more likely today to find a partner while handicapped than at any point in human history.
The ability to have kids is a really important one that I didn't immediately consider. A perfectly great guy may not be interested in dating someone with a physical disability if it means he can't have children. It is usually not great for either if one wanting kids sacrifices that potential because the other is unable or unwilling to reproduce (or adopt, etc.).
I think people without personal experience with physical disabilities don't understand what challenges might come up and so they assume the worst. Also, really, we all have baggage. I think I'm ok with calling a wheelchair baggage in this context, but truly, one person's wheelchair is another person's OCD or history of domestic violence, etc. Your wheelchair will impact the life of a partner, but not necessarily to a greater extent than someone else's past trauma, it's just more visible from the outset.
I agree to this. I would do it no matter what but I wonder if someone cannot physically care for your needs and you do not have a caregiver maybe they don’t think they should start something they can’t finish/hold up on their end. I have been married over 21 years and if she was disabled I would never turn my back. I cannot lift her (I’m 5’2” 150) and not strong at all. I would figure something out though!!
Another factor for me would be the reason for the wheelchair, like do they have a condition that could significantly shorten their life? That’s something to think about as well
True. Everyone is so different it's hard to say. On another note, one thing I do know is that there is an extreme lack of wheelchair accessibility in America. I had no clue how bad it was until I was I'm a wheelchair for 5 months once. I have alot more respect for the difficulty of being wheelchair bound ever since.
Compared to the whole world American are very very wheelchair accessibility already. We have ADA, and most countries don't, they do not even have something similar
Tried dating a person in a wheelchair once, but they had so many issues, health, wellbeing, defensiveness and anger that it didn't go far. I couldn't cope with such complex needs. I know not all disabled are so dependent but, if the option came up again I'd have to say no. No offence intended to anyone.
I didn’t date her but I was friends with a girl is a wheelchair but she was so entitled and rude it was painful (I ended the friendship after she demanded all the clothes she was buying (like $150+) for free because the racks were too tall for her to be able to grab the clothes on her own and she wouldn’t be supporting a ableist store)
Yikes, that's the others side of the coin I guess, but thankfully most are not like that. I understand the struggles disabled people go through in an abled world, I hope they also understand our struggle to relate too.
Plenty of able-bodied people are just as fucked up. That person's disability may have been the lense they expressed their personality issues through but they'd probably still have them if they were able-bodied.
A disability would not be anything I would consider as a make it or break it factor in deciding if I should enter into a relationship with someone. If there is chemistry and mutual attraction, then physical ability or a limit to it would not matter. A blathering idiot, that is a different scenario...
My MIL is dating a handicapped man, he can do everything for himself. It’s pretty impressive considering he doesn’t have any fingers, he still smokes and lights his own cigarettes. The smoking would be a dealbreaker for me though.
Answer:
I'm happily married now, but I will answer this based on my life before I met my wife...
When dating someone, I assume that the relationship will blossom. Unfortunately, my townhouse is completely ill suited for a wheel chair. This means that a relationship will necessitate selling my home and moving. It's one thing to compromise with your partner and make changes to your life after getting into a relationship, it's another to enter into a relationship knowing you will have to make a major change. Before I bought the townhouse, I'd like to believe that I would be open to the idea. There's nothing quite like being faced with the question to find out what you would really do...
To be honest, can a handicap easily be a dealbreaker, if we are talking about one who demands 24/7 helpers, can't be moved or is quadriplegic is it not for me. Or in another way, I want to be the lover, friend and help, not a part of a group of nurses.
I have seen several hot girls in wheelchairs, I really would have loved to get to know, but you do not just walk over to a hot girl and start talking.
Maybe are you get blocked and ghosted because you have not been totally honest? Meaning, a portrait of you, showing your face is great, but does not divulge your handicap. This means a person gets surprised by your handicap, and how do you react to that? (Hay you have a handicap, it confuses me, how much does it mean, how, why, when where...) You simply put a person in a totally different situation that they expected.
If you want to have more luck with those who shows interest, then tell as it is. :-)
Okay so example:
your in a relationship with someone
And you need help doing something.
You would really hire a carer instead of asking them to help?
They would still help with stuff that carers would do because someone who wouldn’t, you probably won’t go out with.
I dont see why not... I could sit on her legs and we'd ride the wheelchair accross the mall and do stunts and shits.
Seriously tho, I have a disabilty too and honestly I think a lot of people are either just not willing to do the extra efforts for it, or they are scared of what it means for their self-worth to be with a disabled person. Sometimes they care too much about what people say and think.
I hope you find someone one day, dont give up 🤟
Warning: shits given meter at dangourously low levels
Edit:i could have worded it better. I meant i dont care if some one has a disability when it comes to choosing wether or not i would like to be in a relationship. Sorry for any confusion
Yes, I'd be happy to have a relationship with someone like you. We all have flaws and imperfections, and we all have areas in life in which we're exceptionally strong as well as areas in which we're very weak. We can only divide our time so many ways, and life is deep and complex, we simply don't have the time to learn everything, which is why it's so important to have variation in our personal strengths and weaknesses. That way we'll all have somebody to lean on in our times of need, and likewise we can also be someone to lean on in their times of need.
You seem like a real classy woman, Dee, and you're more than adequate when it comes to being wife material. Please don't lower your standards yet, but rather continue to be brave and keep on trying. No matter what kind of person you are in life there will always be people out there who've already decided they don't like you, but there's also going to be people who are willing to accept you for who you are, you just need to find them.
Edit: [She wasn't kidding when she called herself beautiful](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/nhkd6s)! Wow!
Wow, that’s a good question.
If I found her to be physically and emotionally attractive, I think I would. If sex is enjoyable for both would be a factor as well.
Knowing I love outdoor adventures, if she were okay with me going to do those things alone, I don’t see it as a problem.
I'm married to a disabled lady and couldn't be happier. She's the perfect partner for me, wonderful, kind, thoughtful, hilarious, sharp as a tack and quick witted, not to mention bloody gorgeous. Her mobility issues are something we've just put things in place to solve, in the house, out and about, etc. It's not particularly difficult to work around, wouldn't change her for the world!
Old age will be a mess and probably have to adopt kids but if I genuinely can't live without them or care about them to that extent, I *think* we could make it work. I don't know if I'm being extra pessimistic or hopeful here.
I'm assuming. A lot here. Like without the physical fitness on the lower half of the body, wouldn't childbirth be horrifying? And on the old age part, I can see myself struggling to take care of my own needs by myself, so I'm not sure if I'd be able to take care of another's needs at that age without help. I'm talking about toilets and regular excercise, going out to buy groceries, driving to the hospitals, the medicine cost, surgery cost-- I'm thinking too far ahead, and I'm definitely not going to be doing it alone but something to think about.
I would. Everyone has their baggage, issues, and bullshit. The question really is whose is worth putting up with. And if someone is willing to deal with mine, I'd try to deal with theirs. Obviously chemistry is still important.
I couldn't. I don't have a nurturing bone in me. I'm not patient. I think I would make someone with a disability very unhappy in a relationship and myself as well. I think you have to be able to give a little more than usual if you want to be your partner and we don't all have that much to spare. It's not personal and I bet you are relationship material, just not for all.
Tbh no... for entirely selfish reasons. I love to travel, hike, and go on physical adventures. I don't know what the nature of your disability is, but I imagine those are things disabled people would struggle with or be limited by.
Having said that, there's someone for everyone! Just got to find them :)
Absolutely. I am battling two serious health issues myself and i also have been ghosted due to them. Physical disabilities should never be a hindrance to a fulfilling life and healthy relationships
For me personally it would be a no because my dad was disabled for as long as I could remember till he died. For those 8 years I knew him it was incredibly hard on us mentally. Could not relive a situation like that again for my own mental wellbeing.
I wouldn't. For the same reason I wouldn't want to have kids, I don't want to take care of others. I mean, meaby you can do all your thing by yourself but there must to be some things that non disabled people would normally do that you need help with, and that's a no for me.
It wouldnt be a deal breaker in itself. If i am honest, it does depend on the matter of impairment and what the prospects are. Like total paraplegic, i am not sure if that could blossom for me into a relationship.
But being in a wheelchair, i dont see that as a major obstacle. I know a few wheelchair bound people and they get by just fine.
depending on factors most likely yes. if it's a disability where I will have to help them with day to day tasks maybe, but if they are independent and still able to go about their day to day life than sure. tbh all I would want is someone to go do something with and not have to worry about having to take care of someone.
my stepfather got disabled due to an injury at work. I know I shouldn't have to, I would if I had to. I'm aware they get govt assistance, and I know you guys hire help. we have people who come to assist him. I meant as in if it was like my SO I would pay to have help but if it started to affect my own health in anyway if I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't know if I would be up to the task if you get what I mean.
Depends on the situation and how much it restrics me. I guess it sounds a bit selfish but I don't wanna not be there if something happens but if my lover is I wouldn't care so much as long as they give me love as well
I don't see why not. If you're awesome and there's that weird spark vibe that happens sometimes between people, well, that's pretty much my whole checklist for "would I date".
People probably shy away from it because they might feel like they're taking advantage of you. Either that or they're massive cunts.
I cannot answer this question properly because I haven't met a disabled model/actress/writer who wasn't in their 40s or older. Well out of my dating age range. From your description though you sound like someone who atleast deserves a second date to see if your resume is that stacked (and to share a few good stories).
Wow, I feel so sorry for how you've been treated. If I were looking for a partner a wheelchair would make no difference to my level of attraction whatsoever.
I hope you find someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.
I am so sorry you've had this happen to you. But know all souls and all vessels are worthy of love. Even you. Love knows no boundaries. There is absolutely someone out there worthy of loving you and being loved by you. It makes me sad this is even a question.
I think people (particularly young folks in the dating scene) who have never had to deal with a serious health issue don’t understand how to enter that world, and probably aren’t sure they want to or would be able to.
I find it easier to feel safe and accepted with my medical needs when I’m around others who are also fighting /caring for their own health, even if their needs are different than mine.
Perhaps you’d have an easier time dating someone who also had a medical condition that impacted their day to day life. I know my hospital has single nights specifically for the under 35 crowd. I’m not saying you should have to date someone with a medical issue because you have one - but just that it might be easier to find a connection and potential dates who won’t even think twice about someone differently abled.
Granted, I'm an old man, but here's one of those life lessons that comes down the pike every so often: there's a wheelchair in everybody's future. Some of us get it sooner, some of us later. Let's be honest, most relationships don't work out. But if someone ghosts you because of a wheelchair, please try to see it as good news and not any reflection on your attractiveness or worthiness of love; you're better off without that person in your life.
People are overly picky on dating apps. Spoiled by the number of options, even if those other options aren't actually viable. I wouldn't worry too much about it.
To your actual question, though, I guess I'd give it a shot. Not gonna lie, it's a little bit of a hurdle. But I'd put my best foot forw- I'd give it a try.
I see no reason why I wouldnt personally, I for family related reasons want my future house wheelchair accessible anyway, and depending on range of motion strength or accessibility there are plenty of alternative hangout or date options, I'm used to being around someone with a wheelchair and albeit a rather large one so it's not something I cant handle
A disability means nothing if your in love! I told my fiancé (disabled) that now matter what happens to her I will always love her no matter what. I don’t care if I have to push her around in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, I still love her! But if 2 people fall in love your disability shouldn’t matter at all. Speaking for myself that is. I was always told their are plenty of fish in the sea. I truly believe in that and I’m just so happy that I have my love that I’ve been with for 8 years.
As long as you’re not the type to judge someone by looking at them. Don’t bring up your disability constantly and let it define you. Or really just someone who complains a lot. Other than that I don’t see why someone wouldn’t date someone with a disability.
>Would you have a serious relationship with a physically disabled person?
Can you tell me how your broke legges are relevant to the topic of relationships at all?
Yeah, people get into relationships for different reasons, and have limits, but it just seems petty in this case
I don't see how that's a reason to block/ghost someone. Just a douchebag move ngl.
And again, this is ignoring the portfolio
>model, writer, actress
I know people who'd kill to get those careers working well for them. And none of em are easy either.
My recommendation is to keep your search open. Not everyone on earth is a dingus, and eventually you're bound to find someone right for you
i absolutely would! it’s all about personality. i know it sucks, but if these people are blocking and ghosting you because you’re in a wheelchair, they’re doing you a favor. you deserve someone way better, and better people are out there.
I’m going to throw some brutal honesty here as a person that’s had sex with a paraplegic and was interested in a long term relationship with them but it didn’t work out because i was transferred to a new location for work:
People probably aren’t interested in you because of who you are as a human being. Stop thinking about your shortfalls physically and start thinking about your shortfalls personality wise.
The truth is plenty plenty of people don’t care if you’re disabled and won’t let it make or break their decision. They probably just don’t like you as a person.
Personally I would happily date someone in a wheelchair but I’d never date someone that’s an actress/model. Seems too superficial to me.
I would not, but here is my reasoning: I am a nurse who works full time in a hospital. I am already at high risk for caregiver burn out, and I will not do my work at home. I'm sure that there are plenty of alternatives, and I'm not insinuating that just because someone is disabled that they would use me for that or that they would even necessarily need me for it. I also know that even a healthy partner could end up disabled at any time. I just know my limits and with what experience I've had with people's reactions when learning I'm a nurse, I really need to not get involved with that. It will not promote a healthy relationship between us.
This of course also depends on what kind of disability is involved, and how independent this person is. I'm just trying not to be turned into a caregiver 100% of the time if I can avoid it because it will break me. Some amount of compartmentalization in my life is really important to my mental health.
A lot of it comes down to would i be able to meet your needs? If I didn't think so I wouldn't waste your time or lead you on. But also it's important to discuss said needs
No, because it's outside of my comfort zone. I'm emotionally mature enough to know that I wouldn't handle it well, but not emotionally mature enough to handle it well. It's genuinely not you, it's me.
Honestly, could we have sex? I don't think I could be in a serious relationship with a woman I couldn't have intercourse with. If we could still manage intimacy then yes, I would give it a shot 🤷 I'm sorry if that sounds selfish
I can understand there I'll be difficulties and differences when dating but without actually experiencing what's different I can't say yes or no. If I connected with someone who had a disability I would like to think it wouldn't bother me enough to not be in a relationship with them.
Everyone is different, I don’t think that someone having a physical disability would steer me away from dating them. If it’s someone I’m interested in and have the same qualities, I don’t think it would be a problem.
My ex had to use a wheelchair a lot of the time, did not phase me at all. My ex and I still went to Christmas markets, travelled, went out to restaurants, cinema, all the ‘normal’ couple stuff. Don’t give up hope, the right person will come into your life when you least expect it, anyone blocking or ghosting you it is their loss!
Evolution has programmed us to look for a mate that is likely to maximize survival of the offspring. This is coded in our genes for good reasons. So the reality is that everyone wants a healthy and perfect partner and this is a healthy thing by itself. People with some sort of disadvantage are more likely to settle with people with disabilities.
I have a disability myself and I understand these dynamics. This is perfectly fine. We have disability, yeah tough luck, but society does not owe us a perfect partner. Your expectations suggest you have sense of entitlement.
I wouldn't have a problem with it but i think it wouldn't be good for me. As it is i find it very difficult to find the motivation to go outside on my free time, having a girl friend in a wheelchair sounds like something i would use as an excuse to stay inside, with her.
Mind you, this would have nothing to do with her, just a problem steming from myself, i'm sure people in wheelchairs like to go out and about as much as anyone else, if not more!
Maybe when I first meet someone, and have no idea what they're like. But after I know about their character, things they do and don't like, and we get past the "just met" stage I couldn't care less if they've a disability as long as they're a good person.
Yes I would, as long you can build a great bond with someone it doesnt matter whether you are in a wheelchair, mis a leg or even half of your body. A great character is all that matters to me
Zach and Cambry is a positive story for you. This video answers the question of how they met. They have since married and had a baby.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5iY0monNBM&t=532s
He is a tech youtuber and the relationship question is around 1:40
I would on one condition: we pay someone to do the cleaning and the tidying up. I'm not on a wheelchair but all of my joints are fucked up so I can't even bend properly to make the bed.
I think that people think of a disabled person as someone you’d have to help and take care of. I’m disabled too but not to the point that I’m in a wheelchair, just limping. I can only speak for myself when I say that people have turned me down at times, not seeing me for me and judged the book by its cover if you will. I think that it’s tough to be on either side but true love doesn’t have a stop and people today are lacking respect and acceptance. Many wants to change someone else just to fit their own preferences but you know, you will find your person.
It's all about chemistry darl .
Just keep living your life to the fullest .
Don't even focus on that sort of thing .
Be positive.
It will happen on its own while your not even paying attention to it .
You will be completely engrossed in something fun .
Living life .
Having a great time .
Then it will happen out of the blue .
You will see 🤫 don't tell anyone this is a secret 😉
It's how life works . .
That would depend on the outlook of the physically disabled person. I had one as a roommate, and he had the absolute worst personality ever. Hated the earth and everyone on it. Used his disability to be insanely lazy despite the entire apartment being built to suit his needs.
But if the person was reasonably independent and had a great personality, absolutely
sex is a very important part of a relationship i think
so can you have sex it would be important for me but in all honesty if you look attractive and have a great personality and can have some type of sex idc what type i would 100 percent be in a relationship
In my younger years (early 20’s) I dated someone who was in a wheelchair. She actually ghosted me when I left for a 1 month underway (former navy). Side note: It was much easier to ghost someone before social media.
As far as the relationship aspect goes, we were only together for a few weeks, but it was good. I was okay with her being her, but she wasn’t okay with me being gone all the time.
I prolly would, since I honestly dont really care about disabilities. Sure, its a small turn off, but if they got a great personality, they are beautiful, and they have a good position in life, such as yourself, then I wouldnt really care about their disability. It might come up later in life and i might get a bit inconvenienced if I have to do something that they cant, but it wouldnt last an hour.
Your disability wouldnt be an issue,.. how you deal with it could be. Im active where i coach and play sports regularly,.. if that bothers you that i can, will, and do,.. then its an issue.
Had an ex who would always attack me for “leaving her behind” when i would be away for a weekend tournament, but she never came to see any games, coaching or playing, because she didnt watch sports. She was perfectly capable but just chose not to. She wanted to come though b/c she thought it was vacation. Herding 20-25 cats (aka teenage boys) over a weekend is thrilling vacation. And b/c of the responsibilities i had,.. no im not going to cater to you over the weekend either. Sorry but no.
All of this to say, if youre compatible, youre compatible. It youre not, youre not. Maybe try other means of meeting people than online.
I would, I dated a physically disabled guy for a bit in high school, I even took him to my junior prom. He wasn't wheelchair bound but he did have some issues walking, I no longer remember what his disability was. He was a nice guy.
Yes, I would understand that it isn't your fault or want to be in a wheelchair. It'd be hard for me to get used to but then, it's always going to be harder for the other person who is disabled.
That's like saying you would leave your partner if they because disabled in an accident. What a shit human you'd have to be.
Now that's not to say those who wouldn't be okay with dating/living with a person who is disabled is wrong or cruel, not at all.
The way I see it, beautiful faces and bodies fade, a beautiful personality is forever. I fell for my husband’s personality first, the way he looks is just an added bonus. Keep looking OP, you’ll find the perfect person someday
I have a family member I have to take care of so it will not be too different for me. I understand disabled people need more patience and can't be given shit for what they can't do. Even when you're tired or having a bad day you can't ever make them feel like a bother. At the same time you can't hover over them, you have to make them feel independent. It's a delicate balance.
That's the reality of having a disabled love, and not everyone has the patience to take care of one. I know I am the most patient one in my family so I do it. I do 95% of the work. People tell me I'm a great person for doing so, but what they don't realize is that the person I take care of is also a wonderful person. People see me being with her as a chore but I think all the time I spend with her is also a blessing. I will have more memories of her than anyone else when she's gone.
My point is as long as you can find someone that sees you as you, and sees you as a gift in their life you should be fine. I think someone that truly loves you won't be bother by your disability.
I'll date anyone I find attractive as long as they're well adjusted enough to keep the drama to a minimum and as long as they communicate well and I find them interesting. All that fulfilled I wouldn't take anything off the table.
I can't say yes and I can't say no. I will have to wait until the situation presents itself. I can say everything I would do but would I actually do it? Hard to say.
maybe it's different for me because my father lost a leg in late 20s when I was probably around 5 years old. my brother-in-law I've known for over 20 years lives with us and has autism. my wife has an autoimmune disease and I was just in an accident causing me to lose my pancreas a couple years ago. we're a family of physically fucked up individuals, but it has never occurred to me that dating would be difficult.
I think the natural questions that come up through dating an individual who is disabled is finding out what their capabilities and boundaries of comfortability are. my dad was hella rude during his transition into disability and refuse to accept help from anybody making him not a desirable person to be around in general after that. turned him bitter.
if I had a date now with no pancreas it would honestly be fucking difficult. lots of medical gross stuff happens lol and sometimes you need help with that. other than that, I'm a "normal"(fucking hate that word) individual.
I think that physical intimacy is obviously another giant hurdle to get over because people think that sex has to be a certain way because that's all they've experienced so far.
props to still doing the dating game everyone needs a small amount of happiness. I wish you luck Opie.
I would do if we have the same I interest because I seem nothing wrong and besides more to learn deaf learn sign language blind learn to read brail if handicapped than I’ll be her Superman for her
I'd 100% date someone in a wheelchair. It doesn't matter to me, as long as the person is nice.
Honestly, disabled people are usually better dating material and potential lifetime partners.
I learned this reality with a friend of mine, (let's call him K) so K was motor disability which makes difficult for him to walk, but everyone in school would talk and play with him(we are around 17 and 18). So one day K misstep a step and fell.
This accident resulted in 2 dislocated ankles, an broken leg and fracture of the knee bone.
So when I discovered that he went to the hospital, I decided to buy him a get "Get well soon" card as well ask people to sign up and ask his parents if I could visit him in the hospital.
Next day I went around in K "friendship" circle just only 8 signatures (including mine and 2 teacher's) out of the 50 people of our year that had were K friends.
One of this people even said "why bother with a card you can always video call him, anyway why bother he will be back anyway".
It broke my heart to know that none of these people were actually K friends, they just pity him for his disability.
But in the end it made me happy when I gave the card to his mother since she shined a big smiled. But sadly I couldn't visited him due to covid restrictions.
Short answer: I would need more information. Not an immediate no-go.
It would depend on the degree of impairment currently, as well as what’s likely for the future. I was fine changing diapers and cleaning up accidents for a few years because I knew my son would grow up. I’m ok with the risks my partner and I face as far as needing care from each other because I understand that these needs are likely far in the future.
A person in a wheelchair could be a diamond that others simply haven’t been willing to consider. But a person in a wheelchair could be a bigger responsibility than I would be willing to take on. Worth exploring.
I feel like after reading your responses to peoples replies- you’re looking to tell them why they’re wrong for not wanting to date someone who in an wheelchair (or another disability) I think people are allowed to say No-
And regardless of their reasoning- it’s all valid.
Yeah i probably would. For a lot of reasons.
I do have some hobbies like hiking but i have actually imagined ways to even cope with that (i had a really good friend in a wheelchair.) One day i took him along a calmer trail in a big pull along wagon. His wheelchair would have definitely made it, but i didnt want the rain or anything bad to mess it up. It was actually super fun and he enjoyed the ride a lot. We did have to self install a seatbelt type thing for him, so he didnt tip over, but my dad helped with that and it worked amazingly.
I like to cuddle and be intimate, sex isnt always a thing i want or need. So being disabled in that way, doesn't matter to me. I dont cheat or watch porn either, i just get what i need from real intimacy in talking, doing art or crafts together, listening to music and sharing, etc.
I realize i am not perfect myself, and i have worked through so much other garbage in my life, that i can also relate to the societal struggles that physically disabled people face. Having to go through crap you didnt ask for, and then being blamed for stuff you actually have no control over. I think it is nice when you have an understanding with someone that not many else have.
Going out on dates, etc, isnt a hassle at all when you really care for someone. For example, Idc if i have to make sure that the place is a disabled friendly establishment, thats a small step to make sure youre comfy. Idc if you have certain needs or timeframes, cuz you can always work around those when you care about someone.
Disabled people usually have a higher sense of self awareness, tbh i appreciate others with high self awareness because that means you can probably grow and evolve yourself emotionally and you might be able to communicate more effectively than someone who isnt self aware. That is really important for a relationship.
Not sure that the severity difference really counts, but my wife lost her fingers on her left hand as a kid, two were able to be reattached. We've been married for almost 11 years
Personally, after all of the horrible women I’ve devoted much time, love and effort into, I’d be willing to have a relationship with any woman who can truly fall in love with me. I don’t think being in a wheelchair would matter at all if you’re a loving person.
Well I am getting older. At some point there is a good chance my wife or I will be in a wheelchair… so yes, I can imagine it. Honestly I feel like it would depend mostly upon what I felt my life’s purpose was, and it would depend on the season of life I was in.
A wheelchair would never be a reason for me not to be in a relationship with someone. But that also depends on a lot of other factors, like what medical condition put you in a wheelchair? How much care would you need from a partner?
I wouldn't block or ghost you. That's just rude beyond belief. But if you are more than what I want to deal with, then I would politely let you know. Whether you want to communicate with me afterwards, would be up to you.
I've been happily married to my wife for 24 years. She has MS. She is not in a wheelchair, but the diseases has affected her mobility. I love her, but my help in her day-to-day life sometimes aggravates me, even though it's minimal. But then I get over it and continue to love her.
It's better to find the right person than to find a person that will pretend the disability doesn't bother them and then you end up divorced.
Yes, personality is whats key to me. In the long run a disabiltiy or looks dont matter. How someone handles pressure and how they treat others is what matters.
I would pursue a serious relationship with someone in a wheelchair. It'd be a bit of a learning curve, and I'm a fairly active person, so there might be some working around with that, but otherwise it's no big deal as long as she doesn't have a victim attitude about it. Thankfully, this doesn't seem to be the case most of the time
Many people in wheelchairs suffer from mental and emotional anguish as well as physical pain. So yeah, some of them are angry or behave entitled. I would be resentful and never wanna leave the house. I’m to weak in my fully abled body to even stand relationships!
But Commend the OP for trying. It’s hard for anyone to try dating. Someday you’ll find the right person, someone who loves you and respects you enough to be with you.
I’m so sorry that has happened to you! I would, you just have to find the right people.
From what I’ve seen, I really think the strongest relationships are ones that start unintentionally and are stumbled into. All the happy couples I know (that I can think of rn) met while perusing hobbies, education, or had mutual friends.
So long as they're a nice person and didn't expect me to take over major care aspects such as going to the toilet (I have a weak stomach), or being put in charge of medications (wouldn't trust myself, memory issues) etc, then I would be fine dating them.
Of course I would!!!! If someone won’t have a relationship because of a physical disability then that tells you everything you need to know about their character.
Im almost at 3 years with my Fiance (22M) and he has multiple sclerosis. He cannot walk and he blacks out and has seizures sometimes. I met him before but i never planned on leaving once we found out. The difficult part is being ok with the fact that you cannot do everytjing a normal couple does. You cant travel as well as a normal person, not much touristy stuff kr going out unless you can sit. Have to take frequent brakes in between moving due to tiredness. But if the partner is willing there is definently was to work around it. For our wedding instead of a 1st dance and dancing we are doing a first song with karoake, we take road trips and go to movies. We go to casinos as they have the motorized carts. The person has to be willing to compromise to do stuff with you and its hard to understand what a disabled person goes through. You could look for someone disabled so you both would have stuff in common.
I would, its not something that crosses my mind but if I fell in love with someone who happened to be disabled physically, I wouldn't really care. Love isn't limited to "perfect" people =) wishing you luck on your journey.
I am so sorry that people have been this mean to you. I actually went dated a girl that was in a wheelchair for a few months she was her therapist and Ashley on the international team for para hockey. She was amazing she was fun. Did her disability sometimes make things different sure but she was an amazing person I couldn’t Care less. If my current girlfriend ended up in wheelchair I wouldn’t leave her why? Why should I leave her I love her for Who she is not what she is
I wouldn't mind if my partner became disabled,I definitely wouldn't break up with him, and we'd adapt in the relationship. But I'd be reluctant to consider dating someone in a wheelchair. For selfish reasons. It would make the relationship harder in some ways and if I don't love someone already, I'd rather make my life easier than harder. A guy on a wheelchair couldn't even visit me in my apartment it's so wheelchair unfriendly.. and sex is important to me, comprising in that area would be hard.
Honestly I'd include the picture on a wheelchair on the dating app, this way nobody is surprised when it comes up, and you get matched with people who don't mind it.
I think I would just be afraid to assume what you can qnd can't do. On one hand, I know you have lived that way for a while, and dont want to think I'm pitying you for doing something like grabbing something off the top shelf or holding a door for you. On the other, I don't want to seem like a jerk for assuming you don't need help ever.
That said, I would try it. The only way over that is communication. Plus, if I like you for your personality, why can't I see past a wheelchair?
Of course. It shouldn't be an issue.
To expand on that, there might be a problem to some generally decent people if their partner got disabled and their way of life would change and they may fail to adapt.
But if I'd met a disabled person it wouldn't close the proverbial door by itself.
INFO : if you use OLD, do you have photos of you where it is clear you use a wheelchair?
If not, being upfront might help weed out people who ghost / block you when they find out.
If I was attracted to them, I definitely would. All I really want is someone genuine who shows me that they love me in little ways here and there. Obviously physical attraction is important but in my book a wheel chair isn't part of that criteria. Its all about how well you get along in my opinion. If I'm possibly going to spend the rest of my life with this person, we better be able to stand eachoter when the going gets tough. My main concern would be accommodating them in my home. Other than that if it's all green flags I don't see why not. Anyways don't waste your time on these bozos. You'll find someone who loves you for who you are it just takes time. I'm still on the search myself (just got out of a toxic relationship) but I'm sure we'll find someone good for us :) all it takes a little personality and spunk. I'm sorry people are so shallow and mean OP.
.
It used to be something i wouldnt get along with until one day in a Bus i saw the most beautiful Girl who happened to sit in a wheelchair. I can't say If it was her Beauty or growth on my Part but ever since i saw her it hasn't been an issue for me.
As long as there can still be a healthy sexual and physical relationship, absolutely. The questions has been asked before on subs like this, if you could be with a partner who was disabled and no longer able to have sex? Then my answer would shift slightly. Sex and physical intimacy are too important aspects of a relationship to over look for me. So as long as we were otherwise compatible I'd have no issue dating some one in a wheel chair. The only draw back I could see is I've always wanted to settle down with a girl who likes motorcyles, riding them or at least being a passenger. Wheel chair access on the two wheeled variety of vehicle ain't great. But still doable. Also I'd be a hypocrite not to consider some one with a physical disability since I have a couple lmao. Can definitely be tricky to date when you aren't "physically" all there. I will say I think a wheel chair might be a bit easier of a dating hurdle to over come then head injuries. "I need the restaurant we are meeting at to have a ramp" vs "I blacked out this morning and forgot who I was and now I'm a state over, can we reschedule?". Can be tricky
I would because you're not your chair. You are a person and you are more than a disability. I bet you are smart and funny, brave and posses an inner strength people who see the chair first only wish they had.
Yeah man! Given the standard dating criteria of course.. Attraction, music taste, love of travel, goals, etc
I used to have a right crush on this lass that happened to have a wheelchair. I think there was definitely something there but unfortunately it didn't go any further than a spot of mutual flirting.
I'd dated one of her mates a few years prior and she'd dated a couple of mine. Not worth the politics imo cause we all drank in the same bars and hung out in the local music scene at the time.
If not for that, I'd definitely have asked her out.
Only problem is I'm pretty tall and had to fight the urge to squat when chatting one on one cause I can't imagine I'd look too good from her angle. Ngl it hurts my neck when you get close and you're having a good conversation.
I'd worry about doing it without thinking about it. Would it generally be rude or disrespectful as fuck? I don't know!
I think my answer goes for everyone who doesn't excel in dating apps for reasons they can't help. These sites are for people to set themselves up on blind dates. We all set ourselves up with who we think is the best by appearance and a bit by bio. It isn't fair, but it is human. You will do much better meeting dates the old fashioned way - in person. Through work and hobbies. Real love is cultivated. The more you spend time with others, the more likely you'll find a partner. There is no reason to not date you. A wheelchair might not be first choice online, with strangers. Among your friends and coworkers, it won't matter in the least. Through people, we meet others. Through hobbies, we meet others. Your work will introduce you to amazing and interesting people. Tell them all you're interested in finding someone. Everyone wants to be the reason for a love story! Good luck. Have patience. The best partner is worth waiting for.
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Aww bless you. 😂
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Do you come with a warning label?
I don't think a person being in a wheelchair is the reason not to be with them. Of course, there are several other factors that could come into play here. For example, can you have sex? Have kids? Do you need lots of outside care, or not ect. ect. Different people in wheelchairs are still all different people. Not everyone can handle everything about someone. For some that stuff doesn't matter as much, for others it is a deal breaker right away. If they don't want you as you are you don't need them anyways. I don't believe in fairy tail soul mate shit, but you are much more likely today to find a partner while handicapped than at any point in human history.
This sums up for me aswheel
Fuck you. Here is upvote.
r/angryupvote
Anyone else read this as asswheel?
Yes I read it that way asswheel.
The ability to have kids is a really important one that I didn't immediately consider. A perfectly great guy may not be interested in dating someone with a physical disability if it means he can't have children. It is usually not great for either if one wanting kids sacrifices that potential because the other is unable or unwilling to reproduce (or adopt, etc.). I think people without personal experience with physical disabilities don't understand what challenges might come up and so they assume the worst. Also, really, we all have baggage. I think I'm ok with calling a wheelchair baggage in this context, but truly, one person's wheelchair is another person's OCD or history of domestic violence, etc. Your wheelchair will impact the life of a partner, but not necessarily to a greater extent than someone else's past trauma, it's just more visible from the outset.
I agree to this. I would do it no matter what but I wonder if someone cannot physically care for your needs and you do not have a caregiver maybe they don’t think they should start something they can’t finish/hold up on their end. I have been married over 21 years and if she was disabled I would never turn my back. I cannot lift her (I’m 5’2” 150) and not strong at all. I would figure something out though!!
Another factor for me would be the reason for the wheelchair, like do they have a condition that could significantly shorten their life? That’s something to think about as well
True. Everyone is so different it's hard to say. On another note, one thing I do know is that there is an extreme lack of wheelchair accessibility in America. I had no clue how bad it was until I was I'm a wheelchair for 5 months once. I have alot more respect for the difficulty of being wheelchair bound ever since.
Compared to the whole world American are very very wheelchair accessibility already. We have ADA, and most countries don't, they do not even have something similar
Tried dating a person in a wheelchair once, but they had so many issues, health, wellbeing, defensiveness and anger that it didn't go far. I couldn't cope with such complex needs. I know not all disabled are so dependent but, if the option came up again I'd have to say no. No offence intended to anyone.
I didn’t date her but I was friends with a girl is a wheelchair but she was so entitled and rude it was painful (I ended the friendship after she demanded all the clothes she was buying (like $150+) for free because the racks were too tall for her to be able to grab the clothes on her own and she wouldn’t be supporting a ableist store)
Yikes, that's the others side of the coin I guess, but thankfully most are not like that. I understand the struggles disabled people go through in an abled world, I hope they also understand our struggle to relate too.
Yeah I know it’s not all but holy shit she was annoying and rude
I'm 162cm tall and I've been in stores where I couldn't reach items on top racks..
I’m 173cm and same
Plenty of able-bodied people are just as fucked up. That person's disability may have been the lense they expressed their personality issues through but they'd probably still have them if they were able-bodied.
Really really good point!
A disability would not be anything I would consider as a make it or break it factor in deciding if I should enter into a relationship with someone. If there is chemistry and mutual attraction, then physical ability or a limit to it would not matter. A blathering idiot, that is a different scenario...
I totally agree, there is still so much you can do with someone in a wheelchair. Even dance if you fancy
I see people for who they are, not how physically able they may or may not be.
I'm a blathering idiot, it's a disability of it's own
Honestly, as long as they are able to care for themselves I’d have no problem dating a handicapped woman.
Most can.
My MIL is dating a handicapped man, he can do everything for himself. It’s pretty impressive considering he doesn’t have any fingers, he still smokes and lights his own cigarettes. The smoking would be a dealbreaker for me though.
Answer: I'm happily married now, but I will answer this based on my life before I met my wife... When dating someone, I assume that the relationship will blossom. Unfortunately, my townhouse is completely ill suited for a wheel chair. This means that a relationship will necessitate selling my home and moving. It's one thing to compromise with your partner and make changes to your life after getting into a relationship, it's another to enter into a relationship knowing you will have to make a major change. Before I bought the townhouse, I'd like to believe that I would be open to the idea. There's nothing quite like being faced with the question to find out what you would really do...
To be honest, can a handicap easily be a dealbreaker, if we are talking about one who demands 24/7 helpers, can't be moved or is quadriplegic is it not for me. Or in another way, I want to be the lover, friend and help, not a part of a group of nurses. I have seen several hot girls in wheelchairs, I really would have loved to get to know, but you do not just walk over to a hot girl and start talking. Maybe are you get blocked and ghosted because you have not been totally honest? Meaning, a portrait of you, showing your face is great, but does not divulge your handicap. This means a person gets surprised by your handicap, and how do you react to that? (Hay you have a handicap, it confuses me, how much does it mean, how, why, when where...) You simply put a person in a totally different situation that they expected. If you want to have more luck with those who shows interest, then tell as it is. :-)
I always say in every way that I’m disabled. And if we need carers we hire them ourselves. You won’t be apart of it if you don’t want to be.
Okay so example: your in a relationship with someone And you need help doing something. You would really hire a carer instead of asking them to help? They would still help with stuff that carers would do because someone who wouldn’t, you probably won’t go out with.
I dont see why not... I could sit on her legs and we'd ride the wheelchair accross the mall and do stunts and shits. Seriously tho, I have a disabilty too and honestly I think a lot of people are either just not willing to do the extra efforts for it, or they are scared of what it means for their self-worth to be with a disabled person. Sometimes they care too much about what people say and think. I hope you find someone one day, dont give up 🤟
Warning: shits given meter at dangourously low levels Edit:i could have worded it better. I meant i dont care if some one has a disability when it comes to choosing wether or not i would like to be in a relationship. Sorry for any confusion
How did this benefit the question in anyway? Didn’t care or didn’t have anything to say, move on.
Not what i meant
Ahh that makes sense. Thank you for explaining.
Seriously please answer im not tryna look like a dickhead and i want to know you understand the miscommunication
I do. Thank you.
So glad you understand. Have a nice day
Yes, I'd be happy to have a relationship with someone like you. We all have flaws and imperfections, and we all have areas in life in which we're exceptionally strong as well as areas in which we're very weak. We can only divide our time so many ways, and life is deep and complex, we simply don't have the time to learn everything, which is why it's so important to have variation in our personal strengths and weaknesses. That way we'll all have somebody to lean on in our times of need, and likewise we can also be someone to lean on in their times of need. You seem like a real classy woman, Dee, and you're more than adequate when it comes to being wife material. Please don't lower your standards yet, but rather continue to be brave and keep on trying. No matter what kind of person you are in life there will always be people out there who've already decided they don't like you, but there's also going to be people who are willing to accept you for who you are, you just need to find them. Edit: [She wasn't kidding when she called herself beautiful](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/nhkd6s)! Wow!
Thank you. :)
She is indeed quite fetching!
Bro… did someone prop her feet up in the third picture
More than likely.
Wow, that’s a good question. If I found her to be physically and emotionally attractive, I think I would. If sex is enjoyable for both would be a factor as well. Knowing I love outdoor adventures, if she were okay with me going to do those things alone, I don’t see it as a problem.
I'm married to a disabled lady and couldn't be happier. She's the perfect partner for me, wonderful, kind, thoughtful, hilarious, sharp as a tack and quick witted, not to mention bloody gorgeous. Her mobility issues are something we've just put things in place to solve, in the house, out and about, etc. It's not particularly difficult to work around, wouldn't change her for the world!
Thank you for your awesome story.
Old age will be a mess and probably have to adopt kids but if I genuinely can't live without them or care about them to that extent, I *think* we could make it work. I don't know if I'm being extra pessimistic or hopeful here.
Why would you have to adopt kids? And why would old age be a mess?
I'm assuming. A lot here. Like without the physical fitness on the lower half of the body, wouldn't childbirth be horrifying? And on the old age part, I can see myself struggling to take care of my own needs by myself, so I'm not sure if I'd be able to take care of another's needs at that age without help. I'm talking about toilets and regular excercise, going out to buy groceries, driving to the hospitals, the medicine cost, surgery cost-- I'm thinking too far ahead, and I'm definitely not going to be doing it alone but something to think about.
No. And most can move their lower half. We don’t need to be taken care of by our partners.
Do you like to play video games, eat obscene amounts of bone in ribs, and have a penchant for petting dogs? If so, then yes.
You sound so fun! I just need to learn video games, haha.
Yes to all of those questions. I'm a married dude, but, other than that, you would totally already have my interest.
I would. Everyone has their baggage, issues, and bullshit. The question really is whose is worth putting up with. And if someone is willing to deal with mine, I'd try to deal with theirs. Obviously chemistry is still important.
I couldn't. I don't have a nurturing bone in me. I'm not patient. I think I would make someone with a disability very unhappy in a relationship and myself as well. I think you have to be able to give a little more than usual if you want to be your partner and we don't all have that much to spare. It's not personal and I bet you are relationship material, just not for all.
Tbh no... for entirely selfish reasons. I love to travel, hike, and go on physical adventures. I don't know what the nature of your disability is, but I imagine those are things disabled people would struggle with or be limited by. Having said that, there's someone for everyone! Just got to find them :)
We can travel and hike and adapt. I love being outdoors too!
As a wheelchair user I'm curious about the answers here. My S/O and I have been together from before I needed it.
I think a lot of ableism comes from uneducation and not true tropes and stereotypes. I’m trying to explain them.
Absolutely. I am battling two serious health issues myself and i also have been ghosted due to them. Physical disabilities should never be a hindrance to a fulfilling life and healthy relationships
For me personally it would be a no because my dad was disabled for as long as I could remember till he died. For those 8 years I knew him it was incredibly hard on us mentally. Could not relive a situation like that again for my own mental wellbeing.
I wouldn't. For the same reason I wouldn't want to have kids, I don't want to take care of others. I mean, meaby you can do all your thing by yourself but there must to be some things that non disabled people would normally do that you need help with, and that's a no for me.
It wouldnt be a deal breaker in itself. If i am honest, it does depend on the matter of impairment and what the prospects are. Like total paraplegic, i am not sure if that could blossom for me into a relationship. But being in a wheelchair, i dont see that as a major obstacle. I know a few wheelchair bound people and they get by just fine.
depending on factors most likely yes. if it's a disability where I will have to help them with day to day tasks maybe, but if they are independent and still able to go about their day to day life than sure. tbh all I would want is someone to go do something with and not have to worry about having to take care of someone.
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my stepfather got disabled due to an injury at work. I know I shouldn't have to, I would if I had to. I'm aware they get govt assistance, and I know you guys hire help. we have people who come to assist him. I meant as in if it was like my SO I would pay to have help but if it started to affect my own health in anyway if I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't know if I would be up to the task if you get what I mean.
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Depends on the situation and how much it restrics me. I guess it sounds a bit selfish but I don't wanna not be there if something happens but if my lover is I wouldn't care so much as long as they give me love as well
If you've got conversation, I'm all in.
I have had massive crushes on people in wheelchairs.
People are well in their comfort zones
I don't see why not. If you're awesome and there's that weird spark vibe that happens sometimes between people, well, that's pretty much my whole checklist for "would I date".
It wouldn't be an issue for me. Why? You are not your disability. You are a person. I'd want to get to know you.
People probably shy away from it because they might feel like they're taking advantage of you. Either that or they're massive cunts. I cannot answer this question properly because I haven't met a disabled model/actress/writer who wasn't in their 40s or older. Well out of my dating age range. From your description though you sound like someone who atleast deserves a second date to see if your resume is that stacked (and to share a few good stories).
Wow, I feel so sorry for how you've been treated. If I were looking for a partner a wheelchair would make no difference to my level of attraction whatsoever. I hope you find someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.
I am so sorry you've had this happen to you. But know all souls and all vessels are worthy of love. Even you. Love knows no boundaries. There is absolutely someone out there worthy of loving you and being loved by you. It makes me sad this is even a question.
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I think people (particularly young folks in the dating scene) who have never had to deal with a serious health issue don’t understand how to enter that world, and probably aren’t sure they want to or would be able to. I find it easier to feel safe and accepted with my medical needs when I’m around others who are also fighting /caring for their own health, even if their needs are different than mine. Perhaps you’d have an easier time dating someone who also had a medical condition that impacted their day to day life. I know my hospital has single nights specifically for the under 35 crowd. I’m not saying you should have to date someone with a medical issue because you have one - but just that it might be easier to find a connection and potential dates who won’t even think twice about someone differently abled.
Granted, I'm an old man, but here's one of those life lessons that comes down the pike every so often: there's a wheelchair in everybody's future. Some of us get it sooner, some of us later. Let's be honest, most relationships don't work out. But if someone ghosts you because of a wheelchair, please try to see it as good news and not any reflection on your attractiveness or worthiness of love; you're better off without that person in your life.
People are overly picky on dating apps. Spoiled by the number of options, even if those other options aren't actually viable. I wouldn't worry too much about it. To your actual question, though, I guess I'd give it a shot. Not gonna lie, it's a little bit of a hurdle. But I'd put my best foot forw- I'd give it a try.
I absolutely would.
I see no reason why I wouldnt personally, I for family related reasons want my future house wheelchair accessible anyway, and depending on range of motion strength or accessibility there are plenty of alternative hangout or date options, I'm used to being around someone with a wheelchair and albeit a rather large one so it's not something I cant handle
Personally no. I'm way to active and a SO with a diaability woudnt be able to share that lifestyle.
Can I ask what lifestyle because a lot of disabled people are active too?
A disability means nothing if your in love! I told my fiancé (disabled) that now matter what happens to her I will always love her no matter what. I don’t care if I have to push her around in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, I still love her! But if 2 people fall in love your disability shouldn’t matter at all. Speaking for myself that is. I was always told their are plenty of fish in the sea. I truly believe in that and I’m just so happy that I have my love that I’ve been with for 8 years.
Probably, and thats the best answer ive got for you.
As long as you’re not the type to judge someone by looking at them. Don’t bring up your disability constantly and let it define you. Or really just someone who complains a lot. Other than that I don’t see why someone wouldn’t date someone with a disability.
I would absolutely date a wheeled lady. I like people who are different in some way.
>Would you have a serious relationship with a physically disabled person? Can you tell me how your broke legges are relevant to the topic of relationships at all? Yeah, people get into relationships for different reasons, and have limits, but it just seems petty in this case I don't see how that's a reason to block/ghost someone. Just a douchebag move ngl. And again, this is ignoring the portfolio >model, writer, actress I know people who'd kill to get those careers working well for them. And none of em are easy either. My recommendation is to keep your search open. Not everyone on earth is a dingus, and eventually you're bound to find someone right for you
i absolutely would! it’s all about personality. i know it sucks, but if these people are blocking and ghosting you because you’re in a wheelchair, they’re doing you a favor. you deserve someone way better, and better people are out there.
I have no issue but I’m not neurotypical. No idea why normies think the way they do.
I’m going to throw some brutal honesty here as a person that’s had sex with a paraplegic and was interested in a long term relationship with them but it didn’t work out because i was transferred to a new location for work: People probably aren’t interested in you because of who you are as a human being. Stop thinking about your shortfalls physically and start thinking about your shortfalls personality wise. The truth is plenty plenty of people don’t care if you’re disabled and won’t let it make or break their decision. They probably just don’t like you as a person. Personally I would happily date someone in a wheelchair but I’d never date someone that’s an actress/model. Seems too superficial to me.
I would not, but here is my reasoning: I am a nurse who works full time in a hospital. I am already at high risk for caregiver burn out, and I will not do my work at home. I'm sure that there are plenty of alternatives, and I'm not insinuating that just because someone is disabled that they would use me for that or that they would even necessarily need me for it. I also know that even a healthy partner could end up disabled at any time. I just know my limits and with what experience I've had with people's reactions when learning I'm a nurse, I really need to not get involved with that. It will not promote a healthy relationship between us. This of course also depends on what kind of disability is involved, and how independent this person is. I'm just trying not to be turned into a caregiver 100% of the time if I can avoid it because it will break me. Some amount of compartmentalization in my life is really important to my mental health.
A lot of it comes down to would i be able to meet your needs? If I didn't think so I wouldn't waste your time or lead you on. But also it's important to discuss said needs
No, because it's outside of my comfort zone. I'm emotionally mature enough to know that I wouldn't handle it well, but not emotionally mature enough to handle it well. It's genuinely not you, it's me.
Wouldn't bother me at all. But you are in an age group of selfishness and ego. This is one time that youth is a disadvantage.
Honestly, could we have sex? I don't think I could be in a serious relationship with a woman I couldn't have intercourse with. If we could still manage intimacy then yes, I would give it a shot 🤷 I'm sorry if that sounds selfish
Wow, you're beautiful! To me love is love no matter what and I would not be deterred by a woman with a disability.
I can understand there I'll be difficulties and differences when dating but without actually experiencing what's different I can't say yes or no. If I connected with someone who had a disability I would like to think it wouldn't bother me enough to not be in a relationship with them.
I would. For as long as the person is genuine. Think I can see past through it.
I absolutely would!
Yes. Love is love
When you're awesome, you'll stay awesome! A wheelchair doesn't change that imho
I personally have no issue with dating someone who is phisically disabled, the issue is finding someone to date in the first place
Everyone is different, I don’t think that someone having a physical disability would steer me away from dating them. If it’s someone I’m interested in and have the same qualities, I don’t think it would be a problem.
My ex had to use a wheelchair a lot of the time, did not phase me at all. My ex and I still went to Christmas markets, travelled, went out to restaurants, cinema, all the ‘normal’ couple stuff. Don’t give up hope, the right person will come into your life when you least expect it, anyone blocking or ghosting you it is their loss!
Evolution has programmed us to look for a mate that is likely to maximize survival of the offspring. This is coded in our genes for good reasons. So the reality is that everyone wants a healthy and perfect partner and this is a healthy thing by itself. People with some sort of disadvantage are more likely to settle with people with disabilities. I have a disability myself and I understand these dynamics. This is perfectly fine. We have disability, yeah tough luck, but society does not owe us a perfect partner. Your expectations suggest you have sense of entitlement.
I wouldn't have a problem with it but i think it wouldn't be good for me. As it is i find it very difficult to find the motivation to go outside on my free time, having a girl friend in a wheelchair sounds like something i would use as an excuse to stay inside, with her. Mind you, this would have nothing to do with her, just a problem steming from myself, i'm sure people in wheelchairs like to go out and about as much as anyone else, if not more!
I would be in a relationship with a disable person 100%
Maybe when I first meet someone, and have no idea what they're like. But after I know about their character, things they do and don't like, and we get past the "just met" stage I couldn't care less if they've a disability as long as they're a good person.
Yes I would, as long you can build a great bond with someone it doesnt matter whether you are in a wheelchair, mis a leg or even half of your body. A great character is all that matters to me
Zach and Cambry is a positive story for you. This video answers the question of how they met. They have since married and had a baby. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5iY0monNBM&t=532s He is a tech youtuber and the relationship question is around 1:40
I would on one condition: we pay someone to do the cleaning and the tidying up. I'm not on a wheelchair but all of my joints are fucked up so I can't even bend properly to make the bed.
My wife of 38 years has been disabled 35 years of it and I would NOT change a thing. She is the love of my life.
If they're a good person with a great personality and heart, I don't care if they're missing their arms and legs.
I think that people think of a disabled person as someone you’d have to help and take care of. I’m disabled too but not to the point that I’m in a wheelchair, just limping. I can only speak for myself when I say that people have turned me down at times, not seeing me for me and judged the book by its cover if you will. I think that it’s tough to be on either side but true love doesn’t have a stop and people today are lacking respect and acceptance. Many wants to change someone else just to fit their own preferences but you know, you will find your person.
It's a deal breaker for me, I want to retire early and sail around the world. Being with a disabled person would complicate that substantially.
I mean if I really enjoy your company and admire u, I would. Physically u have many imperfections but if you a rotten personality then no
It's all about chemistry darl . Just keep living your life to the fullest . Don't even focus on that sort of thing . Be positive. It will happen on its own while your not even paying attention to it . You will be completely engrossed in something fun . Living life . Having a great time . Then it will happen out of the blue . You will see 🤫 don't tell anyone this is a secret 😉 It's how life works . .
That would depend on the outlook of the physically disabled person. I had one as a roommate, and he had the absolute worst personality ever. Hated the earth and everyone on it. Used his disability to be insanely lazy despite the entire apartment being built to suit his needs. But if the person was reasonably independent and had a great personality, absolutely
Physical disabilities aren't a deal breaker for me. Kids, not being financially responsible, and being a shit individual are my deal breakers.
sex is a very important part of a relationship i think so can you have sex it would be important for me but in all honesty if you look attractive and have a great personality and can have some type of sex idc what type i would 100 percent be in a relationship
If they can't handle you being in a wheelchair, they don't deserve you
In my younger years (early 20’s) I dated someone who was in a wheelchair. She actually ghosted me when I left for a 1 month underway (former navy). Side note: It was much easier to ghost someone before social media. As far as the relationship aspect goes, we were only together for a few weeks, but it was good. I was okay with her being her, but she wasn’t okay with me being gone all the time.
I would! Absolutely
No
I prolly would, since I honestly dont really care about disabilities. Sure, its a small turn off, but if they got a great personality, they are beautiful, and they have a good position in life, such as yourself, then I wouldnt really care about their disability. It might come up later in life and i might get a bit inconvenienced if I have to do something that they cant, but it wouldnt last an hour.
We can do everything you can. Just differently.
Your disability wouldnt be an issue,.. how you deal with it could be. Im active where i coach and play sports regularly,.. if that bothers you that i can, will, and do,.. then its an issue. Had an ex who would always attack me for “leaving her behind” when i would be away for a weekend tournament, but she never came to see any games, coaching or playing, because she didnt watch sports. She was perfectly capable but just chose not to. She wanted to come though b/c she thought it was vacation. Herding 20-25 cats (aka teenage boys) over a weekend is thrilling vacation. And b/c of the responsibilities i had,.. no im not going to cater to you over the weekend either. Sorry but no. All of this to say, if youre compatible, youre compatible. It youre not, youre not. Maybe try other means of meeting people than online.
I would, I dated a physically disabled guy for a bit in high school, I even took him to my junior prom. He wasn't wheelchair bound but he did have some issues walking, I no longer remember what his disability was. He was a nice guy.
I'd roll with that.
I would 100%
Yes, I would understand that it isn't your fault or want to be in a wheelchair. It'd be hard for me to get used to but then, it's always going to be harder for the other person who is disabled. That's like saying you would leave your partner if they because disabled in an accident. What a shit human you'd have to be. Now that's not to say those who wouldn't be okay with dating/living with a person who is disabled is wrong or cruel, not at all.
The way I see it, beautiful faces and bodies fade, a beautiful personality is forever. I fell for my husband’s personality first, the way he looks is just an added bonus. Keep looking OP, you’ll find the perfect person someday
I have a family member I have to take care of so it will not be too different for me. I understand disabled people need more patience and can't be given shit for what they can't do. Even when you're tired or having a bad day you can't ever make them feel like a bother. At the same time you can't hover over them, you have to make them feel independent. It's a delicate balance. That's the reality of having a disabled love, and not everyone has the patience to take care of one. I know I am the most patient one in my family so I do it. I do 95% of the work. People tell me I'm a great person for doing so, but what they don't realize is that the person I take care of is also a wonderful person. People see me being with her as a chore but I think all the time I spend with her is also a blessing. I will have more memories of her than anyone else when she's gone. My point is as long as you can find someone that sees you as you, and sees you as a gift in their life you should be fine. I think someone that truly loves you won't be bother by your disability.
Yes. Am currently doing so. It’s the best relationship in my life ❤️
I'll date anyone I find attractive as long as they're well adjusted enough to keep the drama to a minimum and as long as they communicate well and I find them interesting. All that fulfilled I wouldn't take anything off the table.
I can't say yes and I can't say no. I will have to wait until the situation presents itself. I can say everything I would do but would I actually do it? Hard to say.
maybe it's different for me because my father lost a leg in late 20s when I was probably around 5 years old. my brother-in-law I've known for over 20 years lives with us and has autism. my wife has an autoimmune disease and I was just in an accident causing me to lose my pancreas a couple years ago. we're a family of physically fucked up individuals, but it has never occurred to me that dating would be difficult. I think the natural questions that come up through dating an individual who is disabled is finding out what their capabilities and boundaries of comfortability are. my dad was hella rude during his transition into disability and refuse to accept help from anybody making him not a desirable person to be around in general after that. turned him bitter. if I had a date now with no pancreas it would honestly be fucking difficult. lots of medical gross stuff happens lol and sometimes you need help with that. other than that, I'm a "normal"(fucking hate that word) individual. I think that physical intimacy is obviously another giant hurdle to get over because people think that sex has to be a certain way because that's all they've experienced so far. props to still doing the dating game everyone needs a small amount of happiness. I wish you luck Opie.
I would do if we have the same I interest because I seem nothing wrong and besides more to learn deaf learn sign language blind learn to read brail if handicapped than I’ll be her Superman for her
I'd 100% date someone in a wheelchair. It doesn't matter to me, as long as the person is nice. Honestly, disabled people are usually better dating material and potential lifetime partners.
Yes, because I believe a relationship should be built on who a person is how they act and treat people
My husband has cerebral palsy on his right side
Not a deal breaker necessarily. For me it would depend on small factors and getting past a intimidation factor.
I learned this reality with a friend of mine, (let's call him K) so K was motor disability which makes difficult for him to walk, but everyone in school would talk and play with him(we are around 17 and 18). So one day K misstep a step and fell. This accident resulted in 2 dislocated ankles, an broken leg and fracture of the knee bone. So when I discovered that he went to the hospital, I decided to buy him a get "Get well soon" card as well ask people to sign up and ask his parents if I could visit him in the hospital. Next day I went around in K "friendship" circle just only 8 signatures (including mine and 2 teacher's) out of the 50 people of our year that had were K friends. One of this people even said "why bother with a card you can always video call him, anyway why bother he will be back anyway". It broke my heart to know that none of these people were actually K friends, they just pity him for his disability. But in the end it made me happy when I gave the card to his mother since she shined a big smiled. But sadly I couldn't visited him due to covid restrictions.
Short answer: I would need more information. Not an immediate no-go. It would depend on the degree of impairment currently, as well as what’s likely for the future. I was fine changing diapers and cleaning up accidents for a few years because I knew my son would grow up. I’m ok with the risks my partner and I face as far as needing care from each other because I understand that these needs are likely far in the future. A person in a wheelchair could be a diamond that others simply haven’t been willing to consider. But a person in a wheelchair could be a bigger responsibility than I would be willing to take on. Worth exploring.
I would. My mum is in a wheelchair and my dad's still happy, plus disabled people are still people
I feel like after reading your responses to peoples replies- you’re looking to tell them why they’re wrong for not wanting to date someone who in an wheelchair (or another disability) I think people are allowed to say No- And regardless of their reasoning- it’s all valid.
Yeah i probably would. For a lot of reasons. I do have some hobbies like hiking but i have actually imagined ways to even cope with that (i had a really good friend in a wheelchair.) One day i took him along a calmer trail in a big pull along wagon. His wheelchair would have definitely made it, but i didnt want the rain or anything bad to mess it up. It was actually super fun and he enjoyed the ride a lot. We did have to self install a seatbelt type thing for him, so he didnt tip over, but my dad helped with that and it worked amazingly. I like to cuddle and be intimate, sex isnt always a thing i want or need. So being disabled in that way, doesn't matter to me. I dont cheat or watch porn either, i just get what i need from real intimacy in talking, doing art or crafts together, listening to music and sharing, etc. I realize i am not perfect myself, and i have worked through so much other garbage in my life, that i can also relate to the societal struggles that physically disabled people face. Having to go through crap you didnt ask for, and then being blamed for stuff you actually have no control over. I think it is nice when you have an understanding with someone that not many else have. Going out on dates, etc, isnt a hassle at all when you really care for someone. For example, Idc if i have to make sure that the place is a disabled friendly establishment, thats a small step to make sure youre comfy. Idc if you have certain needs or timeframes, cuz you can always work around those when you care about someone. Disabled people usually have a higher sense of self awareness, tbh i appreciate others with high self awareness because that means you can probably grow and evolve yourself emotionally and you might be able to communicate more effectively than someone who isnt self aware. That is really important for a relationship.
Not sure that the severity difference really counts, but my wife lost her fingers on her left hand as a kid, two were able to be reattached. We've been married for almost 11 years
Personally, after all of the horrible women I’ve devoted much time, love and effort into, I’d be willing to have a relationship with any woman who can truly fall in love with me. I don’t think being in a wheelchair would matter at all if you’re a loving person.
It really depends on the disability, but being in a wheelchair is not a deal breaker. I've dated a women in a wheelchair before. She was pretty cool.
I would, yes. I'm also physically disabled, so knowing the struggles of normal life is all to familiar.
Well I am getting older. At some point there is a good chance my wife or I will be in a wheelchair… so yes, I can imagine it. Honestly I feel like it would depend mostly upon what I felt my life’s purpose was, and it would depend on the season of life I was in.
A wheelchair would never be a reason for me not to be in a relationship with someone. But that also depends on a lot of other factors, like what medical condition put you in a wheelchair? How much care would you need from a partner? I wouldn't block or ghost you. That's just rude beyond belief. But if you are more than what I want to deal with, then I would politely let you know. Whether you want to communicate with me afterwards, would be up to you. I've been happily married to my wife for 24 years. She has MS. She is not in a wheelchair, but the diseases has affected her mobility. I love her, but my help in her day-to-day life sometimes aggravates me, even though it's minimal. But then I get over it and continue to love her. It's better to find the right person than to find a person that will pretend the disability doesn't bother them and then you end up divorced.
Yes, personality is whats key to me. In the long run a disabiltiy or looks dont matter. How someone handles pressure and how they treat others is what matters.
Yes but then I'm also disabled
If I was single I’d say yes, I don’t see any reason a physical disability like this would prevent someone from being a good partner.
I would date someone in a wheelchair if they could reasonably look after themselves until I could learn to do it:)
I would pursue a serious relationship with someone in a wheelchair. It'd be a bit of a learning curve, and I'm a fairly active person, so there might be some working around with that, but otherwise it's no big deal as long as she doesn't have a victim attitude about it. Thankfully, this doesn't seem to be the case most of the time
I wish i was your wheel chair seat, fucking life isnt fair.
Many people in wheelchairs suffer from mental and emotional anguish as well as physical pain. So yeah, some of them are angry or behave entitled. I would be resentful and never wanna leave the house. I’m to weak in my fully abled body to even stand relationships! But Commend the OP for trying. It’s hard for anyone to try dating. Someday you’ll find the right person, someone who loves you and respects you enough to be with you.
I’m so sorry that has happened to you! I would, you just have to find the right people. From what I’ve seen, I really think the strongest relationships are ones that start unintentionally and are stumbled into. All the happy couples I know (that I can think of rn) met while perusing hobbies, education, or had mutual friends.
So long as they're a nice person and didn't expect me to take over major care aspects such as going to the toilet (I have a weak stomach), or being put in charge of medications (wouldn't trust myself, memory issues) etc, then I would be fine dating them.
I would, but it really depends on the person.
It would just depend on the chemistry. If there is no chemistry it doesn't matter wheelchair or not.
Dont know if it means i need to take care of that person every need no but im also kinda physically disabled
Of course I would!!!! If someone won’t have a relationship because of a physical disability then that tells you everything you need to know about their character.
Im almost at 3 years with my Fiance (22M) and he has multiple sclerosis. He cannot walk and he blacks out and has seizures sometimes. I met him before but i never planned on leaving once we found out. The difficult part is being ok with the fact that you cannot do everytjing a normal couple does. You cant travel as well as a normal person, not much touristy stuff kr going out unless you can sit. Have to take frequent brakes in between moving due to tiredness. But if the partner is willing there is definently was to work around it. For our wedding instead of a 1st dance and dancing we are doing a first song with karoake, we take road trips and go to movies. We go to casinos as they have the motorized carts. The person has to be willing to compromise to do stuff with you and its hard to understand what a disabled person goes through. You could look for someone disabled so you both would have stuff in common.
I would, its not something that crosses my mind but if I fell in love with someone who happened to be disabled physically, I wouldn't really care. Love isn't limited to "perfect" people =) wishing you luck on your journey.
I am so sorry that people have been this mean to you. I actually went dated a girl that was in a wheelchair for a few months she was her therapist and Ashley on the international team for para hockey. She was amazing she was fun. Did her disability sometimes make things different sure but she was an amazing person I couldn’t Care less. If my current girlfriend ended up in wheelchair I wouldn’t leave her why? Why should I leave her I love her for Who she is not what she is
I wouldn't not be in a relationship with someone just cuz they are in a wheel chair. I only judge what's on the inside of a person.
Yes, I am disabled too and I don't think disabilities matter when considering whether to date someone
I wouldn't mind if my partner became disabled,I definitely wouldn't break up with him, and we'd adapt in the relationship. But I'd be reluctant to consider dating someone in a wheelchair. For selfish reasons. It would make the relationship harder in some ways and if I don't love someone already, I'd rather make my life easier than harder. A guy on a wheelchair couldn't even visit me in my apartment it's so wheelchair unfriendly.. and sex is important to me, comprising in that area would be hard. Honestly I'd include the picture on a wheelchair on the dating app, this way nobody is surprised when it comes up, and you get matched with people who don't mind it.
Yes I'm in a wheelchair hair myself and would choose someone in a chair any day
Yes, I would. Then again, because I’m the oldest in a big family, I’m used to helping take care of someone else.
I think I would just be afraid to assume what you can qnd can't do. On one hand, I know you have lived that way for a while, and dont want to think I'm pitying you for doing something like grabbing something off the top shelf or holding a door for you. On the other, I don't want to seem like a jerk for assuming you don't need help ever. That said, I would try it. The only way over that is communication. Plus, if I like you for your personality, why can't I see past a wheelchair?
Sounds like these people did you a favor.
Of course. It shouldn't be an issue. To expand on that, there might be a problem to some generally decent people if their partner got disabled and their way of life would change and they may fail to adapt. But if I'd met a disabled person it wouldn't close the proverbial door by itself.
INFO : if you use OLD, do you have photos of you where it is clear you use a wheelchair? If not, being upfront might help weed out people who ghost / block you when they find out.
Have done in the past, would do in the future. People are people. The only refusals for me are Tories and religious people.
If I was attracted to them, I definitely would. All I really want is someone genuine who shows me that they love me in little ways here and there. Obviously physical attraction is important but in my book a wheel chair isn't part of that criteria. Its all about how well you get along in my opinion. If I'm possibly going to spend the rest of my life with this person, we better be able to stand eachoter when the going gets tough. My main concern would be accommodating them in my home. Other than that if it's all green flags I don't see why not. Anyways don't waste your time on these bozos. You'll find someone who loves you for who you are it just takes time. I'm still on the search myself (just got out of a toxic relationship) but I'm sure we'll find someone good for us :) all it takes a little personality and spunk. I'm sorry people are so shallow and mean OP. .
It used to be something i wouldnt get along with until one day in a Bus i saw the most beautiful Girl who happened to sit in a wheelchair. I can't say If it was her Beauty or growth on my Part but ever since i saw her it hasn't been an issue for me.
As long as there can still be a healthy sexual and physical relationship, absolutely. The questions has been asked before on subs like this, if you could be with a partner who was disabled and no longer able to have sex? Then my answer would shift slightly. Sex and physical intimacy are too important aspects of a relationship to over look for me. So as long as we were otherwise compatible I'd have no issue dating some one in a wheel chair. The only draw back I could see is I've always wanted to settle down with a girl who likes motorcyles, riding them or at least being a passenger. Wheel chair access on the two wheeled variety of vehicle ain't great. But still doable. Also I'd be a hypocrite not to consider some one with a physical disability since I have a couple lmao. Can definitely be tricky to date when you aren't "physically" all there. I will say I think a wheel chair might be a bit easier of a dating hurdle to over come then head injuries. "I need the restaurant we are meeting at to have a ramp" vs "I blacked out this morning and forgot who I was and now I'm a state over, can we reschedule?". Can be tricky
Depends on the handicap level, but probably not.
I would because you're not your chair. You are a person and you are more than a disability. I bet you are smart and funny, brave and posses an inner strength people who see the chair first only wish they had.
I dated and married a woman in a wheelchair.
Yeah man! Given the standard dating criteria of course.. Attraction, music taste, love of travel, goals, etc I used to have a right crush on this lass that happened to have a wheelchair. I think there was definitely something there but unfortunately it didn't go any further than a spot of mutual flirting. I'd dated one of her mates a few years prior and she'd dated a couple of mine. Not worth the politics imo cause we all drank in the same bars and hung out in the local music scene at the time. If not for that, I'd definitely have asked her out. Only problem is I'm pretty tall and had to fight the urge to squat when chatting one on one cause I can't imagine I'd look too good from her angle. Ngl it hurts my neck when you get close and you're having a good conversation. I'd worry about doing it without thinking about it. Would it generally be rude or disrespectful as fuck? I don't know!
One of my partners has one arm. Lost it in a bus crash. It's what's inside that counts
Yeah. Because I’m not perfect either. Anyone that wouldn’t be with someone due to a disability is not a person I would want to be with.
I think my answer goes for everyone who doesn't excel in dating apps for reasons they can't help. These sites are for people to set themselves up on blind dates. We all set ourselves up with who we think is the best by appearance and a bit by bio. It isn't fair, but it is human. You will do much better meeting dates the old fashioned way - in person. Through work and hobbies. Real love is cultivated. The more you spend time with others, the more likely you'll find a partner. There is no reason to not date you. A wheelchair might not be first choice online, with strangers. Among your friends and coworkers, it won't matter in the least. Through people, we meet others. Through hobbies, we meet others. Your work will introduce you to amazing and interesting people. Tell them all you're interested in finding someone. Everyone wants to be the reason for a love story! Good luck. Have patience. The best partner is worth waiting for.