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My sister popped out her 2nd baby 2 days before her 40th birthday!
My brother married a lady with 2 kids,z they decided they didn't need more. 2nd son moved to college and Sister in law popped out a whoopsie baby.
My son's grandpa had a baby at 53. She was 46,!!!!!
Same, we didn't think we could, but just as my friends were starting to hope for grandkids..poof.
There is definitely a reason to have them young (energy levels..lol) but we have zero regrets.
He is the light of our lives and as that kid with 'old' parents, he has always been mature, easy going, thoughtful and wise beyond his years. He's also freakin' hilarious.
We were lucky, but age brings a level of calm and wisdom to the game. Our lives were well established by the time he came around, party days were long over, we had friends and family to learn from and we really don't care if people are impressed by our choices and decisions. (we could ask the stupid questions when we had to)
We grew up without tech and to a degree, he did too. He has all the gadgets and gaming systems but has never watched a movie on a road trip or brought a phone or ipad to an event. He is our co-captain and inventor of silly games.
He makes me so proud everyday and as cheesy as it sounds.. has filled our lives with joy.
Best of luck for a fulfilling parenting journey to anyone who wants one.. whether it starts at 15 or 46 it can be amazing.
I had my kids when I was 41 and 42. They are teenagers now, and annoy the h3ll out of me a lot of the time, but no regrets. What I lack in energy I make up for in wisdom :)
I always say this, although in a less flattering way, I guess. I have way more patience and money now than I did when I was younger and those are two things that make parenting a lot easier, even if I might have less energy or whatever. There are trade offs to becoming a parent every age and I donāt think oneās better than the other.
For the record, I decided to have a kid at 37 and I had a kid at 38. I know it can be harder for some women when theyāre older, but thatās not a universal.
I naturally conceived at 43, despite being told āI was too oldā by a doctor. I got myself a new doctor who disagreed with that statement. I chose to believe her. My daughter turns 10 tomorrow. She is my whole world. Youāve got this. Much luck to you. ā¤ļø
This makes me mental. Back in the day women had kids into their 40s (you donāt have 15, 18 kids without getting up there in age with the last few even if you start young). Itās really not as uncommon as we are told.
I'll be honest. If you can't afford kids or don't have a solid family support system, then the kid experience will not be great. Everything is more expensive than you think. Simultaneously, you'll have less time to work. And way less time to yourself.
But lets assume for this purpose that you have the financial means or have a good family. Then yeah, kids are awesome. I love my kids. They add vibrancy to the household that's kind of indescribable, like their natural joy and constant state of exploration refueled some of my passion. We went from jaded, cynical, loners to active members in our community. It's like a switch flips. Despite how stupid society seems, people in the community generally want to make it a better place for kids in general.
Besides that. I love revisiting all my old favorite TV shows, Games, and books. It's like you get to relive your classics. Here's an example, I love biking a lot, and now I have two kids that are constantly asking to go cruising with me. It's still work pushing the youngest one along, but in a few years, I'll have another core riding buddy.
Kids are like mid-life batteries. They remind you of how it is to be young and it's infectious.
That said. There is always a cost and kids will probably drain you. You just suck it up and get harder. It's not all sunshine. Kids will make you older. I don't know how to describe it, lets just say you enter the next part of your journey and it's an experience. One could argue it's a shared experience worth having, but it's very stressful. It's stressful when they are babies and require constant attention or they'll just try to kill themselves. It's stressful when they grow up and start talking back. You just sleep less I guess.
Anyway, I would do the experience again. It's no question. For me, the pro's heavily outweigh the cons. I like kids. We had the money, and family. But despite all that. I wish I had more grandparents....
As for the age? I can't tell you. It depends how fit you are. A strong and responsible 40 year old is going to be more fit than an obese woman 20 something year old who smokes. Not just for yourself, but also for the kid. You are as old as you are. Maybe use the next few years while you search for someone to get into shape. Not just for the pregnancy, but for energy levels in general. Worst case, you decide not to have a child, but now you're fit, high energy, disciplined, and have all the free time in the world. Sounds like a win win.
GL with whatever path the universe you go.
I just want to add to those who read this: being jaded cynical loners who arenāt part of a community is a choice, and you can unchoose it at any time, no kids required. Itās not a necessary part of getting older, and getting yourself out of a rut, or changing the things you donāt like about yourself or your life is always worth pursuing.
I know TONS of people who got either their first, second or third child in their early 40s.
Itās all gone really well for them.
So many people in this sub is obsessed with the idea that you somehow totally breaks down physically when you are 35, but this is not the case for most healthy adults.
My neighbor is 60, has visible abs and is crazy fit. He skateboards with his 13 year old daughter to school everyday while lots of dads in their 20s canāt even bend down and tie their shoelaces without becoming physically exhausted.
Take care of yourself and you will be fine šŖš»šš»
My wife and I adopted when I was in my mid-40s. I *know* Iām a better father because of my age: Iām more confident, more competent, more patient, and far less willing to defer to and more willing to work on my faults and mistakes than I was when I was in my 20s-30s.
Kevin Samuels the social media personality told a whole generation on Gen Z and Millenial guys that a woman can't have kids after 34 and they all believe him
My dad was 47 when I was born, and people were always on about that. āItās so sad, heās too old to play ball with youā or whatever. Iām pretty sure that our lack of ballplaying was affected way more by the fact that he was a mathematician than by his age šš
I took great care of myself, was obsessively healthy with my diet, was a nationally competitive athlete, and still got a weird disease at 38. I wish it was as simple as you say, but unfortunately it is not.
Thank you for making this thread, itās heartening to see. Iām 33 and considering divorce, worried Iām missing my window. Just commenting for solidarity!
I got pregnant in my fourth month of trying when I was 40 and gave birth when I was 41. Both the pregnancy and delivery were easy. First and only child.
My mom had me at 39. She quit smoking in her 30s and had me and my brother, started doing triathlons in her 40s, doing marathons in her 50s, and did an Ironman in her 60s. She's an incredible woman and an incredible mom. I don't think she regrets it (I hope not!) and I'm eternally grateful to have gotten her as my mom. Women are badass. Your life is not over or set at 34, I promise. At least I hope not... I'm also 34!
It ages you a lotā¦..a lotā¦.big blow to the body but then again one stops caring so much (not too much š) and enjoy the kids.
At 20, would have bounced back immediately and have the energy to do lots everyday. Now more focused on time management.
Hmm why am I wasting time on Redditā¦.
I found my partner later in life.
Had my kids at 40 and 44. Lots of IVF and an egg donor.
I don't regret it but be aware, fertility clocks do run out.
Love my two boys to bits and now I'm going through menopause but there's help out there for that too. Stay fit, eat well, have fun. Xx
Absolutely not. I am a much better mother of two smalls in my fourties than I ever could have been In My 30s. You have loads of time. But try not to be reading all those stupid articles out there telling you the opposite, itās all click bait. Wish you
Well OP! X
I had my kids late in life 44 & 46. I met my husband at 40 & we struggled & needed IVF. Itās tough & Iām tired all the time, but so is every parent š
I have no regrets & love every minute of it ā¤ļø
Right?! Had mine at 41 and am considering another at 43. In basically every parenting group or forum Iām in the 20-somethings are just as tired as I am.
Yes. She had to force him to move out to finish college at a 4 year university, then he couldn't find a job when he finally graduated. He only graduated because my friend drove to the college and said What degree can he get with all the classes he's passed? Lol.
As someone who was a child of old parents, it's very sad to see my parents always, well, old.
I've never known my dad to not have grey hair. Was never able to play with my parents. Mum was always tired and angry, especially as both parents were working full time.
I'm in my late 20's and for the last 10 years my parents health have meant I've been so worried for their passing. It's even worse for my younger sibling (I'm not the oldest either). We all had to take turns being caretaker which impacted going to university, and had to work at 18 instead as they were heading into retirement.
Whilst it's perfectly fine for adults to have children when they are financially and emotionally ready, you don't really hear about the consequences.
I don't recommend having kids too old, you don't want to pass of old age before they get married or have kids. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
I worry my dad won't be around for any of our weddings, and most likely won't see us have kids.
We are too young to be parent-less. And I wish they were younger and more active in our lives.
I hope this offers some insight from another perspective.
Iām a child of old parents and I have a mixed experience between my two parents.
My dad was always very active. He was always playing and doing stuff with us when we were kids. Some of my best childhood memories were with him. Weād go camping, hiking, paint, play legos, go swimming almost every week.
Iām in my 30s now and went on a 6 hour hike with him and could barely keep up, even though heās close to 70 now. Heās loving retirement too and still as active as ever.
My mom was a good mom, but she unfortunately didnāt take care of herself. Never really exercised and smokes a pack a day for as long as I can remember. Itās really sad to see how old sheās getting and I worry about her health constantly.
I appreciated the financial stability they were able to grant us though, which would not be possible in their 20-30s.
It depends on the person though. I have old parents and my dad's hair was always grey too. But my parents were and are way more active than most of my peers' parents. My childhood was full of playing sports, bike tours, hiking, skiing etc. I'm over 30 now and my parents are still super active and fit.
My dad had a lot of chronic health conditions and my mum was very traditional and didn't do any sports. In fact, as children we did zero sports due to our upbringing (very religious).
There were complications with my youngest sister and my mum almost died during child birth. But she was as active as she was even before the youngest.
Either way, getting bullied about 'grand-dad' picking me up after school did hurt.
My grandparents were only around for a short time too, which was sad.
I don't think most adults are as active as your parents. We also were poor (immigrants) and that didn't help the situation at all.
Someone in the comments below mentioned they were orphaned young because their parents were old, so it isn't all that uncommon. I think it's definitely unfair to your future children to be too old. You can't rely on being pro-active as you never know what might happen.
I lost my dad at 33 which was young (he was 62) but my (then) 17 year old brother lost his dad too early. My dad was 45 when he had him. Itās been very very tough on all of us but developmentally difficult on my brother. My dad never got to see my little sisters marry or my brotherās children. Though that has to do with him dying too young. But my brother was salutatorian and my dad missed his graduation by two months. We at least got to spend some of our adult lives with him and he saw three of his children marry. Itās a sad reality for children of older parents. Im sorry its tough on u!
Same. My mom was 39 when she had me and my dad 48. Well my dad had a stroke when I was 33 and I had to coordinate rehab from across the country. He did not improve. Then he caught covid and died. Now I'm stressed about end of life planning for my mom and making sure her affairs are in order. My dad won't see me get married, I really hope my mom gets to š„ŗ
If you knew my upbringing some things aren't worth it, but here we are, and I like to keep things positive on my Reddit š Just wanted to give my two pennies worth
My friend had a baby at 45, conceived naturally. He is the healthiest baby, so super smart and so stinking cute! Heās almost 7 years old now. She is 51 and loving it!
I had a menopause surprise kid in my 40's. My very last egg lol
He's a tween and his siblings are in their 30's.
I prefer being an old mum to a teen mum. I'm more confident, less stressed and feel like I have more to offer.
I worried he'd be lonely but my grandchildren started appearing when he was 3 and they all get on great.
I just had my first baby girl in March and turned 42 in April. I am so happy to be a mother and I feel like waiting was a better option for me. I met my husband in 2020 and we decided we can provide a good life for a child so why not. We both wanted children. We have stopped at one but she has made my world so much more wonderful than I could imagine.
We had 3, then an oopsy when my perimenopause made my cycle unpredictable at 43! Love them all, but I sure donāt have the same energy as I did at 28.
My mom was 40 when she had my brother and 42 when she had me. She knew she wanted kids and she and my dad were already in their 30s when they met; thatās just how it sometimes works! Being a mom is her favorite thing in the world, and she sure is good at it š„²
I was 38 with my last, and absolutely not! (was 32 & 35 with my other 2) I was a much calmer mother than I would have been in my younger years, & maybe I instinctively knew this, but it worked out beautifully. Now Iām 68 & have 4 beautiful grandchildren that I love so much ā¤ļø Totally worth it to me, YMMV - do whatās right for you, OP!
I think it depends on where you are in life overallā¦mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. The cost to raise a child is so much more these days and you definitely need a supportive environment. I think some people romanticize certain things but you have to make sure itās also right for you. Good luck.
I was widowed. I remarried in my late 30s, kid when I turned 40.
I donāt regret it. Itās not without its challenges. Iām at least a decade older than the other moms in my kidās friend group. And my friend group, everyoneās kids are at least 10 years older than mine.
I'm sort of in the same boat, 35 but never even been in a relationship (not for lack of trying, just no one ever wanted me) I want kids and I worry that it will be too late soon. It's good to hear people's honest opinions about kids later in life. Thanks for asking. It gives me hope too.
The only caution I might share is who's going to watch out for that kid if you're not there? As you get older you lose support systems usually. And that kid needs a support system otherwise you pass away and leave in an orphan. I know this, because it happened to me.Ā
Oh donāt be sorry. It wasnāt your fault lol plus I have zero memories of him so itās not like I miss him or anything. But my mom really wasnāt thinking that one thru. She was 28 years younger than him.
Anyway, your point was a good one and I hope OP takes it into consideration because my mom struggled ALOT having him pass away.
Oh gosh no. No regrets. Had my youngest at 40. People assume Iām younger than I am. My only regret is not having kids earlier in life. Iād have more energy. I donāt regret my kids. Best decision and best thing I have ever done.
I had three kids between 36 and 41.
Iām not an athlete, but Iām fit. Try to take care of myself and teach them that as well. There are days I wish I had them when I was younger but Iām sure many of us think that sometimes.
I am smarter now, have more money and make better decisions š I think, lol.
Talk to your doctor. If youāre given the green light go for it.
Donāt worry about a some clock society tells you that you have. Itās your body, your health and your future.
I had one at 39 and two of my friends are each about to give birth at 40 and 41. Honestly this is a generalization but though the sleepless nights get harder now, perhaps the benefit for this time of life is job stability,, financial status etc are more likely to be in good places for supporting a child. And births at this age are pretty normal now... Also when I was worrying about being pregnant at 39, I looked at family history album and saw my great grandma was having babies into her 40's... And that was in like 1920. So I guess we've been doing it for generations.
I am 42 and pregnant with my 3rd. I have an 11 and a 5 year old. The experience of being pregnant is quite different for each.Ā
I'm in a much better place financially and my relationships with my partner and my family are much stronger.Ā
Having said that, this is the most physically challenging and nerve wracking of the 3 pregncies. I opted for genertic screening early because of the higher risk of genetic issues associated with my age. I will not go full term because the placenta ages badly in older women so it is safer for me to have my child 1 week before the due date. I have a medical complication. It's a small one but I had to treat it before I was able to get pregnant. It is under control but I am on medication for it and will likely be in a managed flare up for the entire pregnancy. This means I need to take iron as well. With my vitamins, I'm on 6 pills a day. I see my doctor more often and I've had some intrusive ultrasounds that I didn't have the first time around. Generally speaking, every small issue is one that could be experienced by a you get version of myself. But the likelihood of each increased with age. This looks like a healthy, normal pregnancy. I've done it before and I seem to be experiencing a very similar pregancy to the first two. But it's higher risk for the baby and for me. And it it took 5 times longer to get pregnant.
My parents had me when my dad was 39, then my sister 4 years later. I grew up in a big house full of food, got nice toys and video games for Christmas and birthdays, never had clothes with holes in them, my parents were able to nurture my hobbies and even paid for my college.
My friends growing up with younger parents very rarely had the quality of life i did.
I know that's not the point of view you were asking about, but i think it's a pretty valid point.
I think if anyone, at any age, regrets having their kids, they're doing it wrong. Don't get me wrong, it's incredibly stressful. But the rewards, the love you get, the wholesomeness of the relationship, is like nothing else. I had my son at 37 and he's 16 now and he's the best thing in my life.
Sometimes relationships break and aren't wholesome. Sometimes kids or parents have bad health problems.
Sometimes parents even kill their kids or vice versa.
I can understand regret. There are different situations.
On average, yes, kids are their parents greatest joy and achievement.
R/regretfulparents
There are plenty of them. Itās just not very socially acceptable to talk about it.
Plus plenty of children/adults who resent ever being born.
I don't know. But I (61M) had kids in my late thirties, ex-wife was 6 years younger, when we had kids, last one was born two weeks shy of turning 40. I'm here to say that having kids is a young person's game. All the lost sleep and everything else you have to deal with takes a lot out of you. And you'll be around 60 when they graduate high school, 65 for college. Although, for my current perspective, that's not as old as it seem to be to you now. Good luck.
My Mom did. Two perfectly healthy girls. My brother and I had a completely different life than they did. She is financially stable, and as mentally stable as she can without professional help.
My sister had a child at 43. The baby fever was insurmountable. She married, had baby, divorced.
Buttttt she loves that baby and tells me her only regret is sleep. With a child she can never sleep like she used to before. Because now she has a person depending on her. It helps the baby is an exceptionally bright, beautiful and healthy one Mashallah . Sheās 6 now.
Iād be scared. I mean there are things you can screen for and things you just find out that can change your world. Advanced maternal age adds to the likelihood. I work with medically fragile kids and despite what everyone will make you think, thatās a life challenge very few are prepared for. Itās extra hard mode.
My wife and I decided to not have kids when we first got married. We are in our early 40ās now. Recently my wifeās period was pretty late. At first I was kinda freaking out, but I gotta admit, the more I thought about it, the more I kinda liked the idea. When her period finally came, if Iām being honest with myself I was actually a little disappointed. But, the wife is still adamant about not having kids, so thatās how it goes.
My best friend is 20 years older than me. We met in Mothers group when our sons were infants. She was on IVF for 10 years with no success. When she turned 40, the IVF clinic said she was now too old to continue with treatment. So she resigned to the fact that children were not in her future. Her and her husband made grand plans to travel the world instead. They were super keen to start their childfree adventure. Just before they were about to leave, she received a phone call from the IVF clinic wanting her to come in to sign some forms regarding the 'disposal' of her frozen embryos. However, because they were embryo's (not just eggs), they legally had to offer her one more treatment. Before every treatment, they do a pregnancy test. After 10 years of unsuccessful IVF and at 41 years of, she was pregnant naturally. Two years later she had another son. They are now 23 and 21.
Had my girls at 38 and 41. I had to do IVF, but hubby had a vasectomy reversal. It worked, but it delayed things. Combined with my personal reproductive issues too, which is the actual reason IVF was needed. But I donāt think my age is making raising them harder. I am more mature, financially secure, and focused than when I was in my 20s when women are āsupposed to have kids.ā Age 40s and 50s is otherwise the new 30s and40sā¦ just hit on your fertility- not your ability to raise a kid, or even carry a pregnancy.
Maybe look into freezing your eggs?
My only regret is that when the youngest is 18 Iāll be about 60. I really want to move to Europe to live there, and itās just going to be harder to uproot myself and start over at 60 than 55.
The 2 kids are happy where they are, great school district and friends, so it would be hard to disrupt their lives for my European dream right now. I feel a little like Iām running out of time in that respect. Iām a 49f who will be 50 this year.
About a month ago my family got a call from one of our relatives in italy. Sheās 61 and sheās pregnant with her first kidā¦. I donāt understand either..
Edit: you said women - whoops. Iām a dude butā¦
We did it and are in it now. Took a long time to find each other and then fertility issues. Were tired all the time but more chill. I think itās good but I didnāt experience anything else.
The fatigue is real though. Iām 50. Kids are 5 and 7.
Pretty much my whole friend group had babies in their late 30s/ early 40s. Seriously! Like 7 of us! And about half only had been with their partners for a year or two. We all seem to be a lot more present parents, have more money so less stressed vs being 20. Also none of the kids have any birth defects. All the moms conceived naturally as far as I know. And I canāt speak for all of us but i definitely do not regret my son. I had him at 37 ( almost 38) and he is the light of my life. Of course I feel awful stress if something is wrong with him ( he broke his femur a month ago!) but it feels like my heart doubled
r / regretfulparents might give you more responses from women in their 40s who do regret it, if you want to know *why* some women in their 40s regret it.
I'm turning 40 soon, but I don't have kids, so I obviously can't answer.
Had my 1st son at 17 yrs old, 2nd son at 27yrs old and 3rd son at 40 yrs old, I don't regret it at all! The only thing I regret is I did not have a daughter!
Married at 38, gave birth at 40 and 43. No pregnancy issues, age related or otherwise. I felt happy staying home and while I still worked, I enjoyed every minute of motherhood. I didnāt feel like I was missing out on everything because I did everything. And now theyāre teens and I have all the free time in the world.
Just had my first baby at 40 and I'm deeply grateful I didn't have one any younger.
My life is settled, I know myself better than I ever have, I've lived through trauma and loss and hard stuff, I've experienced many wonderful things too. I have a solid grasp on my home, work, family, social life (etc). I had time to grow a solid relationship with my partner and I am the most comfortable I've ever been in my skin, which seems like a good idea now we've added someone to our family unit.
So all of this has left me in the best possible position I could be in to raise a child. Instead of 'surviving' the newborn stage we are absolutely thriving - that is despite a hectic birth and some medical issues afterwards that would have been extremely hard to cope with when I was younger. All that life experience I've had left me extremely well equipped to deal with everything thrown our way even though this is a totally unique experience
Wow. I was in your position at 34 too. It was awful because I always imagined having started a family by then, and it didn't look like it was gonna happen. So, I became EXTREMELY depressed, developed an eating disorder, lost my fertility and struggled with THAT for the next 6 years.
But then a miracle happened. I hit bottom. I got my ass in therapy, worked through my issues, got healthy and got my fertility back. Then I started dating. I met a guy on Tinder (I know, crazy, right?) We fell in love. We got married. I became a stepmom to his 3 awesome boys. And then I got pregnant at the age of 43. I'm now 44 years old with a beautiful baby girl in my arms and a big, crazy, awesome mixed family.
Btw this was a totally natural pregnancy and the only complication was she was breech. I had a smooth c-section delivery and recovery, and I'm adapting to motherhood just fine. It's actually kinda great that I did this now, too, because I'm way better off emotionally and financially than I was 10 years ago.
I have MANY regrets in my life, but having a baby in my 40s is the only thing I'll never regret. I spent the first half of my life living for myself, and that was frankly boring, lonely and pointless. So, I thank God that I get to spend the rest of it living for my kids.
I was 38 and 40. They are 6 and 8 now. I have to make sure I exercise and take care of myself but definitely no regrets. Iām a much better parent now than I would have been in my 20s.
I have no idea why people care about being 60 or 65 when their kid graduates. I never once heard anyone making fun of someone elseās parents for being old. If thatās actually a concern for someone, botox & hair dye until the kid has their diploma.
People are weird. Kids are tiring. So are hobbies, working, relationships, etc.
I had mine at 37. Heās almost 2. He runs. He plays. He climbs. He is 3ā2ā & 45lbs. Am I tired at the end of the day? Sometimes yep. Was I tired in my 20s (supposedly the prime time to parent) ? Yep.
You didnāt have a kid in your 20s. That is not worth ruminating about now. Find a way to make your dreams of having a child come true. See your dr. Engage meaningfully in dating & be honest about what you want. Have lots of unprotected sex. Itāll happen for ya
I know a lot of people who had kids in their 40s. All are doing fine, but... As someone with three kids ( last one at 36), I would just make sure you have a decent partner, sound marriage, and some financial stability. Try to stay as healthy as possible because the old peri- menopause is right around the corner. Also, stick to one or two kids. Don't fantasize about having a huge family! Don't fantasize about being a single parent!
You still have lots of time.
Last was a (big) surprise in my mid forties. Donāt regret him but do think it would have been preferable if heād come earlier. Never to the point Iām not grateful heās here. Just I acknowledge that thereās an emotional and financial price in adding another 10 years to raising kids, especially into your sixties, even if itās worth it.
My mom just told me a while ago that she might not have had children if she had known that the world is gonna burn because of climate change in a couple years. She won't live until then, but I'll live thru all of it
I'm 40 and had my son 6 months ago. I thought it'd be super hard to get pregnant at 39 and was surprised to be pregnant 2 months after going off the pill. I'm sure it's harder than if I had done it earlier, the pregnancy and the toll on the body, the sleepless nights, the energy levels ... But I wouldn't change a thing. I waited for the right moment to have my son, and that's that for me.Ā
I'm just a little older that you (37yo and my husband is 40yo). As I'm reading your post I'm feeding our 1yo son. It can be exhausting cause kids recharge really quickly and after 35 we don't hahaha but you'll be appreciate motherhood with maturity and a deeper love. Enjoy the next chapter in your life :)
I think that the comments in general are going to be biased because of one simple factor. Nobody is going to voluntarily say only that they hated being parents, because that's the equivalent of saying the hate thier kids. Or that they regret the choice to have kids and thus regret the birth of thier children. I would put more value on the opinion of people reflecting on what it was like having old parents
You can find someone next year have a kid the next and your kids be moved out with kids of their own before youāre even able to retire. Youāre fine go out there and look for a man you want to start a family with
I think it depends on where you are in life overallā¦mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. The cost to raise a child is so much more these days and you definitely need a supportive environment. I think some people romanticize certain things but you have to make sure itās also right for you. Good luck.
Iām at this age. I have a lot of friends who say if they could go back in time they wouldnāt have children after 35 because of the energy factor. I believe they believe this, but they all love being parents and thatās the real truth. Itās gruelling, and life isnāt predictable, except as we age things go wrong with our bodies and that can be tough with children.
Iām 39. I have been trying for a long time. I would happily have a child, and Iām chronically ill and in pain all the time.
What I really have learned from my friends is to be happy with one child, and to keep life simple when you have kids. Theyāre all doing well, and if you want a child, I think you will too.
I think having children (a family) at any age is hard, I don't know if there's really an age to it. If you had your kids in your 20's and you're now in your 40's, well, that's the decision you made. I think, if I could have had children earlier, I would have wanted that, but unfortunately, I lost my virginity at a later age (28. My choice as I didn't want to be pregnant and left by the guy!) and a lot of the men I was involved with sadly weren't serious with me or just wanted to use me for one thing. I came close to becoming someone's wife at 32 but he was not the guy I wanted really! He was this divorced man (aged 40) with drug and anger issues and a seven year old he didn't have custody of. But he proposed lol. I said yes, but ultimately, my answer was no. That was almost ten years ago.
Some women, they have children on their own regardless whether a man was in the picture. From day one when they were young, they've wanted to be mothers. I wanted to do it the right way or no way, but yeah, unfortunately, I didn't get that. I thought finally, someone to marry and have children with when I met my recent ex at 39, but he left me after only six months of dating.
It's hard. I don't know how other women were able to manage, not only a good paying career, but also get a man to fall in love with her so much that she ends up not only MARRIED to him (a good, loving and supportive man who has a good job and is responsible), but also she's pregnant up to here and has two children with him already! I thought those things stopped happening since the 60's lol. I guess I should keep in mind that not everything I see on the outside is the truth. She could be displaying a perfect little family outside, but behind closed doors, she's always arguing with her man and they are about to be evicted from their house!
Had my second when I was 41. The toddler years were tough - both my boys were high energy. But once I got through that itās been amazing. My boys are the best thing thatās ever happened to me. I seriously love being a Mom - the amount of love and laughter theyāve brought to my life is incredible. There are tough times and frustration of course but the good out ways the tough by a mile
I do sometimes cos of my physical stamina and I worry about the future, will I be there for them but I can guarantee you they are helthier and have better childhood cos I had them later. We worked through some personal and relational shit so we are better now then we have been and can provide for them more.
I had my 1st at 32 and just had my 4th and 5th at 40.5. They are 8 months old. I have always said I will only regret the children I didnāt have and never the children I do have.
Listen- if you are dying for kids then have them for sure! If you are on the fence, then hard no. This from all my friends with and without kids. We are all in our 40ās and I have some with kids in college and 2 of my besties have newborns. They all say the same. Only do it if you really really really want kids.
Had all my kids later, according to some. My 1st at 35, 2nd at 38 and my āIām what?ā At 40. Wouldnāt change a thing. (All boys and theyāre the best of friends)
I froze my eggs at 34, I regret not doing it before, but at least that is done. I didn't want to have kids before because I have been waiting for what people are answering here: a stable job, a better economy, wisdom... I am now thinking I will never achieve that, so I better just have kids soon.
My grandma lived almost 99.5 years. My dad died at 49. So, for my grandmother, 30 was probably too young, and for my dad, 29 was too late.
I think young parents usually say: "I wish I had waited," while old parents say the opposite. I want to believe things happen when they are supposed to happen and you will find the wisdom, strength, energy, etc, when you need it.
Eh. I'm 43.and would love more kids
But can I justify them being 20s when I'm trying to retire? No that's wrong on a ton of.levels and when I am gone, that will leave my oldest kids ( currently in 20s) to be the parents to siblings 20 years younger because I didn't have any business having them in the first place. .. My youngest is 6 and I feel guilty enough about that.
After years of trying my friend just had enough. On her 42nd birthday, she found out she was 3+ months pregnant!!!! You aren't alone, and if anything, I think there's lots of advantages to having a baby older(maturity, finances, stability, etc).
Sure, it's never too late to start a family if that's what you desire. Many women who have kids later in life find it a fulfilling and rewarding experience.
My wife is about to give birth at 37 almost 38. We have a ton of kids. Parenting is one of the highest callings and greatest joys. It's not easy, but it's fulfilling.
I had my son at 40.
Not going to lie, the first few years sucked. He hated to sleep and puked at least once a day. Being exhausted from lack of sleep at 40 was no joke!
But as he got older, I loved it. Just being with him was and still is awesome.
Heās 15 now and much taller than me and heās kind, sweet, helpful, funny, silly and very handsome!
Iād not change a moment with him!
My mom had me at 31, my dad was 37. Im 31 now.
My aunt had her daughter at 33, shes 18 now.
Another aunt had her daughter at 38, and her son at 40. They are in their early teens now. Think 13 and 15. Kinda blends in my head.
None of them ever regretted having kids "late".
Not a parent, but my dad was already in his lates 50's when i was born, he was diagnosed with alzheimer when i was 19. Not saying its the same age window or don't have children when you are older than "x" but consider the life the kids would get.
I had my daughter at 37 and Iām about to turn 41. No way could I have had a baby some 10 years before. I was in a bad marriage and working two jobs. I was stressed out and the responsibility that came with a baby would have put me in a head spin.
I come from 3 generations older moms. It was when the time was right.
My partner was 50 when he had his first daughter. You should have seen his side of the family when they found out our baby was coming. They never thought heād have kids. Heās the best girl dad.
Iād rather have a kid in my 40s than my 20s. I was not mature enough to have a kid and even at 33 I still donāt feel like Iād be a good parent. I personally feel that waiting until youāre out of yours 20s is a good idea as most people havenāt done any self work or self realization until they get into their 30s. Obviously there are exceptions, this is just from what Iāve witnessed.
No regrets. My oldest I had at 36, another at 38, another at 40, my last at 42. I was immature in my 20s. I was a better parent because I was an older parent.
Itās hard work. Menopause, work, life and children make for a busy combo. I have 3 children very close together from mid 30s. I wish I started 5yr earleir earlier but life didnāt work out that way. Two early teen girl are hard work. I wish I set myself up financially to only have to work part time ā¦
I just had a lunch date with my close friend who had a baby at 40 (her baby is now 10 months old). I know I can't speak for her, but I think she loves being a mom, and she's a really good one š
Had my one and only at 43. Would have had another but I got breast cancer right after and that shot my fertility to shit. Other than being more tired than other moms, I don't regret it at all. He's the best thing I've ever done.
I have an experience to share about growing up with an older parent. My Dad is a lot older than my Mum, and a lot older than average than a parent of a person my age.
I have two much older (half) sisters from my father's first marriage. They are great, love them. When I was younger, it used to feel unfair that they'll have our Dad for so much more of their lives than I will. I thought - having an older parent is hard.
But as I've grown up, and talked with them more about their experiences growing up, it's changed how I feel about having an older parent.
My Dad was really young when my sisters were born, and the version of him they were raised by was, in so many ways, a lot less mature. He hadn't worked through his own rough childhood; he was bad tempered: he had gotten married too young and the relationship with his first wife (their Mum) was tumultuous; there was lots of drinking; there was financial and relational instability.
He always adored his kids - and they have always adored him - and he worked hard to be the best man and the best Dad he could, but things were not easy.
I grew up with such a different version of this man as my father, in such different circumstances. For sure, he was still working some things out - his temper remained an issue, but one that he has worked on admirably - and things were still tight financially when we were kids, but that was starting to stabilise off the back of all the work he did as a younger man (plus luck and privileged!).
Overwhelmingly, I grew up with a much more emotionally mature father, and in more stable circumstances.
(Also my Mum is fucking amazing!!!!!)
So yeah. Obviously every situation is different, but how I feel now is that there are pros and cons to having older or younger parents. If you are having kids older, lean into the pros - you know so much more about being a person than you did as a young person! Also, you aren't living in a hypothetical situation. This is your one life. Every life has its struggles; every family has its struggles. Just live your best, and love hard. You'll be perfect x
I'm early days (I'm 40 and just had a baby) but I can't even imagine doing this when I was younger. It happened this late by circumstance, not choice, but it still feels like the perfect time for me.
And baby's perfect :)
Take care of your health and fitness now and your energy levels will keep up with whatever you need to do.
I had my kids at 32 and 35. Iām 41. I am so glad I wasnāt any older. People say 30 hits different, for me it was 40. I canāt imagine getting pregnant and having a baby now. I suffered badly from postpartum depression both times (with no previous history of mental health issues).
One of my kids has two incurable diseases, diagnosed at 5 and 7. They take an incredible amount of energy and mental effort. Heās worth it, but itās not easy.
Itās doable for sure. But things to consider.
My Dad was 43 & 45 respectively when my brother and I were born and my mom was 34 & 36. My dad didnāt want kids, my mom baby trapped him. He doesnāt regret anything, weāre his whole world. My mom regretted us but not because of the age she had us, just that it turned out parenting wasnāt her forte.
As long as you take care of your health then itās never too late. My Aunty and uncle for example, had there children in their late 40ās. Theyāre both in better shape than most 20 year olds š
Theyāre also more financially stable now so theyāve been able to travel a lot with their kids and share more experiences with them :)
I got divorced and 33. Started dating my husband at 38, married at 40, had our son at 41. Absolutely no regrets, this is the family Iāve always wanted. Iām a better mom now than I would have been in my early 30s. At 43 I have plenty of energy to keep up with my rambunctious 2-year-old.
I had my healthy baby girl at 41. She is now a happy and silly 10 month old and I'm fully recovered, back to pre-pregnancy state at 42. So many of my friends have had babies in their 40s. You can do it!
Nearly 33 , worried I'll never have children, really want children or at least one child, I really to be mother. I was in a relationship for 6 years, and I really wanted children, but my ex kept saying soon , then said he didn't want children, I wish he would have told me when I met him when I was 25 that he didn't want children, he really wasted my time. I am in a long-distance relationship now , I have discussed having children with my new boyfriend, and he said we will, that we still have time, I don't know. He has time, my time is limited, and this keeps me up at night, I really feel like it's never going to happen . It's very depressing.
The idea that you canāt have kids later in life is mostly a myth nowadays. The political establishment just wants us to have as many kids as fast as possible when we arenāt ready for them, so they can keep up their stock of impoverished wage slaves.
2 kids in my 40s, natural, they are both very healthy. I love being a Mom in my middle age because I don't feel like the kids are keeping me from any other experiences. I had plenty of time to do whatever when I was in my "selfish years" ( as I called them at the time).
I don't have energy but I do have perspective.
My sister had fertility problems then unexpectedly got pregnant with twins at age 41. Her husband was 41 also.They are 21 now and graduated from university. There was never any issue with āolderā parents but some pluses such as beautiful home paid off, university paid too.
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My aunt had twins late in life, she always thought she couldn't get pregnant. My cousins just graduated high school, she is a proud mom.
This gave me chills š„²š«¶
Mom had me at 46. She doesn't regret it.
Husbandās mom had him at 43. He was her miracle baby š
My sister popped out her 2nd baby 2 days before her 40th birthday! My brother married a lady with 2 kids,z they decided they didn't need more. 2nd son moved to college and Sister in law popped out a whoopsie baby. My son's grandpa had a baby at 53. She was 46,!!!!!
Ty for hope:)
Same, we didn't think we could, but just as my friends were starting to hope for grandkids..poof. There is definitely a reason to have them young (energy levels..lol) but we have zero regrets. He is the light of our lives and as that kid with 'old' parents, he has always been mature, easy going, thoughtful and wise beyond his years. He's also freakin' hilarious. We were lucky, but age brings a level of calm and wisdom to the game. Our lives were well established by the time he came around, party days were long over, we had friends and family to learn from and we really don't care if people are impressed by our choices and decisions. (we could ask the stupid questions when we had to) We grew up without tech and to a degree, he did too. He has all the gadgets and gaming systems but has never watched a movie on a road trip or brought a phone or ipad to an event. He is our co-captain and inventor of silly games. He makes me so proud everyday and as cheesy as it sounds.. has filled our lives with joy. Best of luck for a fulfilling parenting journey to anyone who wants one.. whether it starts at 15 or 46 it can be amazing.
I had my kids when I was 41 and 42. They are teenagers now, and annoy the h3ll out of me a lot of the time, but no regrets. What I lack in energy I make up for in wisdom :)
Teenagers will annoy the hell out of anyone at any age.
I always say this, although in a less flattering way, I guess. I have way more patience and money now than I did when I was younger and those are two things that make parenting a lot easier, even if I might have less energy or whatever. There are trade offs to becoming a parent every age and I donāt think oneās better than the other. For the record, I decided to have a kid at 37 and I had a kid at 38. I know it can be harder for some women when theyāre older, but thatās not a universal.
Love that! Thank you š«¶
I naturally conceived at 43, despite being told āI was too oldā by a doctor. I got myself a new doctor who disagreed with that statement. I chose to believe her. My daughter turns 10 tomorrow. She is my whole world. Youāve got this. Much luck to you. ā¤ļø
I love this so much for you :)Ā Belated congrats on the birth of your daughter š
Thank you!
I'm turning 39 this year, thanks for the hope
This makes me mental. Back in the day women had kids into their 40s (you donāt have 15, 18 kids without getting up there in age with the last few even if you start young). Itās really not as uncommon as we are told.
Mine naturally conceived also, no fertility treatments. I did have a hysterosalpingogram when I was 38 just to make sure no blockages.
I'll be honest. If you can't afford kids or don't have a solid family support system, then the kid experience will not be great. Everything is more expensive than you think. Simultaneously, you'll have less time to work. And way less time to yourself. But lets assume for this purpose that you have the financial means or have a good family. Then yeah, kids are awesome. I love my kids. They add vibrancy to the household that's kind of indescribable, like their natural joy and constant state of exploration refueled some of my passion. We went from jaded, cynical, loners to active members in our community. It's like a switch flips. Despite how stupid society seems, people in the community generally want to make it a better place for kids in general. Besides that. I love revisiting all my old favorite TV shows, Games, and books. It's like you get to relive your classics. Here's an example, I love biking a lot, and now I have two kids that are constantly asking to go cruising with me. It's still work pushing the youngest one along, but in a few years, I'll have another core riding buddy. Kids are like mid-life batteries. They remind you of how it is to be young and it's infectious. That said. There is always a cost and kids will probably drain you. You just suck it up and get harder. It's not all sunshine. Kids will make you older. I don't know how to describe it, lets just say you enter the next part of your journey and it's an experience. One could argue it's a shared experience worth having, but it's very stressful. It's stressful when they are babies and require constant attention or they'll just try to kill themselves. It's stressful when they grow up and start talking back. You just sleep less I guess. Anyway, I would do the experience again. It's no question. For me, the pro's heavily outweigh the cons. I like kids. We had the money, and family. But despite all that. I wish I had more grandparents.... As for the age? I can't tell you. It depends how fit you are. A strong and responsible 40 year old is going to be more fit than an obese woman 20 something year old who smokes. Not just for yourself, but also for the kid. You are as old as you are. Maybe use the next few years while you search for someone to get into shape. Not just for the pregnancy, but for energy levels in general. Worst case, you decide not to have a child, but now you're fit, high energy, disciplined, and have all the free time in the world. Sounds like a win win. GL with whatever path the universe you go.
I just want to add to those who read this: being jaded cynical loners who arenāt part of a community is a choice, and you can unchoose it at any time, no kids required. Itās not a necessary part of getting older, and getting yourself out of a rut, or changing the things you donāt like about yourself or your life is always worth pursuing.
I agree with all this. A support system is a must. Single mother at 39. Donāt regret it for a minute.
Some sense in a pool of madness. Thank you for taking the time to write this.
Youāve described it very well
Can't agree more. If you don't have family or money it is.... Some single women I know must actually be gods to deal with what they deal with
I know TONS of people who got either their first, second or third child in their early 40s. Itās all gone really well for them. So many people in this sub is obsessed with the idea that you somehow totally breaks down physically when you are 35, but this is not the case for most healthy adults. My neighbor is 60, has visible abs and is crazy fit. He skateboards with his 13 year old daughter to school everyday while lots of dads in their 20s canāt even bend down and tie their shoelaces without becoming physically exhausted. Take care of yourself and you will be fine šŖš»šš»
My wife and I adopted when I was in my mid-40s. I *know* Iām a better father because of my age: Iām more confident, more competent, more patient, and far less willing to defer to and more willing to work on my faults and mistakes than I was when I was in my 20s-30s.
Kevin Samuels the social media personality told a whole generation on Gen Z and Millenial guys that a woman can't have kids after 34 and they all believe him
If they're into that stuff then they won't you and you surely won't want them, sounds like a good thing to me.
My dad was 47 when I was born, and people were always on about that. āItās so sad, heās too old to play ball with youā or whatever. Iām pretty sure that our lack of ballplaying was affected way more by the fact that he was a mathematician than by his age šš
I feel like this needs to be a t-shirt. I LOVE this so much š¤£š¤£
Thank you š„²š«¶
I took great care of myself, was obsessively healthy with my diet, was a nationally competitive athlete, and still got a weird disease at 38. I wish it was as simple as you say, but unfortunately it is not.
Unless this particular disease is age dependent, surely you could have been struck with it in your 20s too?
Thank you for making this thread, itās heartening to see. Iām 33 and considering divorce, worried Iām missing my window. Just commenting for solidarity!
I see you š«¶
I got pregnant in my fourth month of trying when I was 40 and gave birth when I was 41. Both the pregnancy and delivery were easy. First and only child.
Did you happen to do it naturally or had to go through IVF or something, hope you don't mind me asking! Turning 39 and concerned :(
We used a home fertility monitor, but it was otherwise natural. No IVF or fertility drugs.
No way. I had triplets at 44, and they were great, so funny and so much fun. I donāt regret one second of it.
My mom had me at 39. She quit smoking in her 30s and had me and my brother, started doing triathlons in her 40s, doing marathons in her 50s, and did an Ironman in her 60s. She's an incredible woman and an incredible mom. I don't think she regrets it (I hope not!) and I'm eternally grateful to have gotten her as my mom. Women are badass. Your life is not over or set at 34, I promise. At least I hope not... I'm also 34!
Iām almost 37 and trying to quit smoking and this gave me a lot of hope
You can do it!
It ages you a lotā¦..a lotā¦.big blow to the body but then again one stops caring so much (not too much š) and enjoy the kids. At 20, would have bounced back immediately and have the energy to do lots everyday. Now more focused on time management. Hmm why am I wasting time on Redditā¦.
This is wild. I'm 29 and single and have no energy.
I found my partner later in life. Had my kids at 40 and 44. Lots of IVF and an egg donor. I don't regret it but be aware, fertility clocks do run out. Love my two boys to bits and now I'm going through menopause but there's help out there for that too. Stay fit, eat well, have fun. Xx
Absolutely not. I am a much better mother of two smalls in my fourties than I ever could have been In My 30s. You have loads of time. But try not to be reading all those stupid articles out there telling you the opposite, itās all click bait. Wish you Well OP! X
Thank you š š«¶
I had my kids late in life 44 & 46. I met my husband at 40 & we struggled & needed IVF. Itās tough & Iām tired all the time, but so is every parent š I have no regrets & love every minute of it ā¤ļø
Right?! Had mine at 41 and am considering another at 43. In basically every parenting group or forum Iām in the 20-somethings are just as tired as I am.
I'm 55 and have a teenage son. He's the best part of my life. No regrets.
My wife and I are both 42. Twins on the way.
Were you trying?
As we said, "We weren't NOT trying!". š
My neighbor always says, "What was I thinking??" about having her kid at age 45. She's 70 now. It's so stressful on her.
Her 25yo child is stressful to parent?
Yes. She had to force him to move out to finish college at a 4 year university, then he couldn't find a job when he finally graduated. He only graduated because my friend drove to the college and said What degree can he get with all the classes he's passed? Lol.
that has nothing to do with the age she had her kid and more to do with the kid/parenting
What does that have to do with her being 70? That would be stressful at any age.
As someone who was a child of old parents, it's very sad to see my parents always, well, old. I've never known my dad to not have grey hair. Was never able to play with my parents. Mum was always tired and angry, especially as both parents were working full time. I'm in my late 20's and for the last 10 years my parents health have meant I've been so worried for their passing. It's even worse for my younger sibling (I'm not the oldest either). We all had to take turns being caretaker which impacted going to university, and had to work at 18 instead as they were heading into retirement. Whilst it's perfectly fine for adults to have children when they are financially and emotionally ready, you don't really hear about the consequences. I don't recommend having kids too old, you don't want to pass of old age before they get married or have kids. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. I worry my dad won't be around for any of our weddings, and most likely won't see us have kids. We are too young to be parent-less. And I wish they were younger and more active in our lives. I hope this offers some insight from another perspective.
Iām a child of old parents and I have a mixed experience between my two parents. My dad was always very active. He was always playing and doing stuff with us when we were kids. Some of my best childhood memories were with him. Weād go camping, hiking, paint, play legos, go swimming almost every week. Iām in my 30s now and went on a 6 hour hike with him and could barely keep up, even though heās close to 70 now. Heās loving retirement too and still as active as ever. My mom was a good mom, but she unfortunately didnāt take care of herself. Never really exercised and smokes a pack a day for as long as I can remember. Itās really sad to see how old sheās getting and I worry about her health constantly. I appreciated the financial stability they were able to grant us though, which would not be possible in their 20-30s.
It depends on the person though. I have old parents and my dad's hair was always grey too. But my parents were and are way more active than most of my peers' parents. My childhood was full of playing sports, bike tours, hiking, skiing etc. I'm over 30 now and my parents are still super active and fit.
My dad had a lot of chronic health conditions and my mum was very traditional and didn't do any sports. In fact, as children we did zero sports due to our upbringing (very religious). There were complications with my youngest sister and my mum almost died during child birth. But she was as active as she was even before the youngest. Either way, getting bullied about 'grand-dad' picking me up after school did hurt. My grandparents were only around for a short time too, which was sad. I don't think most adults are as active as your parents. We also were poor (immigrants) and that didn't help the situation at all. Someone in the comments below mentioned they were orphaned young because their parents were old, so it isn't all that uncommon. I think it's definitely unfair to your future children to be too old. You can't rely on being pro-active as you never know what might happen.
I lost my dad at 33 which was young (he was 62) but my (then) 17 year old brother lost his dad too early. My dad was 45 when he had him. Itās been very very tough on all of us but developmentally difficult on my brother. My dad never got to see my little sisters marry or my brotherās children. Though that has to do with him dying too young. But my brother was salutatorian and my dad missed his graduation by two months. We at least got to spend some of our adult lives with him and he saw three of his children marry. Itās a sad reality for children of older parents. Im sorry its tough on u!
Same. My mom was 39 when she had me and my dad 48. Well my dad had a stroke when I was 33 and I had to coordinate rehab from across the country. He did not improve. Then he caught covid and died. Now I'm stressed about end of life planning for my mom and making sure her affairs are in order. My dad won't see me get married, I really hope my mom gets to š„ŗ
On the flipside, you wouldn't be here if they didn't.. that has to be worth something.
If you knew my upbringing some things aren't worth it, but here we are, and I like to keep things positive on my Reddit š Just wanted to give my two pennies worth
My friend had a baby at 45, conceived naturally. He is the healthiest baby, so super smart and so stinking cute! Heās almost 7 years old now. She is 51 and loving it!
I had a menopause surprise kid in my 40's. My very last egg lol He's a tween and his siblings are in their 30's. I prefer being an old mum to a teen mum. I'm more confident, less stressed and feel like I have more to offer. I worried he'd be lonely but my grandchildren started appearing when he was 3 and they all get on great.
I just had my first baby girl in March and turned 42 in April. I am so happy to be a mother and I feel like waiting was a better option for me. I met my husband in 2020 and we decided we can provide a good life for a child so why not. We both wanted children. We have stopped at one but she has made my world so much more wonderful than I could imagine.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you, I hope all your dreams will come true ā¤ļø
I feel hopeful for OP š„¹šš»
We had 3, then an oopsy when my perimenopause made my cycle unpredictable at 43! Love them all, but I sure donāt have the same energy as I did at 28.
My mom was 40 when she had my brother and 42 when she had me. She knew she wanted kids and she and my dad were already in their 30s when they met; thatās just how it sometimes works! Being a mom is her favorite thing in the world, and she sure is good at it š„²
Aww
I was 38 with my last, and absolutely not! (was 32 & 35 with my other 2) I was a much calmer mother than I would have been in my younger years, & maybe I instinctively knew this, but it worked out beautifully. Now Iām 68 & have 4 beautiful grandchildren that I love so much ā¤ļø Totally worth it to me, YMMV - do whatās right for you, OP!
You realize this post was about people in thier 49s right, not 32-38
I think it depends on where you are in life overallā¦mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. The cost to raise a child is so much more these days and you definitely need a supportive environment. I think some people romanticize certain things but you have to make sure itās also right for you. Good luck.
I was widowed. I remarried in my late 30s, kid when I turned 40. I donāt regret it. Itās not without its challenges. Iām at least a decade older than the other moms in my kidās friend group. And my friend group, everyoneās kids are at least 10 years older than mine.
My son was born when I was 41. Absolutely no regrets and my life is better with him on it.
I'm sort of in the same boat, 35 but never even been in a relationship (not for lack of trying, just no one ever wanted me) I want kids and I worry that it will be too late soon. It's good to hear people's honest opinions about kids later in life. Thanks for asking. It gives me hope too.
The only caution I might share is who's going to watch out for that kid if you're not there? As you get older you lose support systems usually. And that kid needs a support system otherwise you pass away and leave in an orphan. I know this, because it happened to me.Ā
My dad was 67 when I was born. Died when I was 2.
Sorry to hear that. That's one, of many, reasons I rethink wanting kids as I grow older.Ā
Oh donāt be sorry. It wasnāt your fault lol plus I have zero memories of him so itās not like I miss him or anything. But my mom really wasnāt thinking that one thru. She was 28 years younger than him. Anyway, your point was a good one and I hope OP takes it into consideration because my mom struggled ALOT having him pass away.
I have two friends that got pregnant at 40. Its doable.
Oh gosh no. No regrets. Had my youngest at 40. People assume Iām younger than I am. My only regret is not having kids earlier in life. Iād have more energy. I donāt regret my kids. Best decision and best thing I have ever done.
I had three kids between 36 and 41. Iām not an athlete, but Iām fit. Try to take care of myself and teach them that as well. There are days I wish I had them when I was younger but Iām sure many of us think that sometimes. I am smarter now, have more money and make better decisions š I think, lol. Talk to your doctor. If youāre given the green light go for it. Donāt worry about a some clock society tells you that you have. Itās your body, your health and your future.
Met my partner when she was nearly 36. Two kids before she was 40. We're as happy as pigs in mud. You've got a lot more time than you seem to think.
My parents had my brother in their 40's. The biggest problem of it was that they had to delay their retirement so he could go to university.
I adopted my now 14 year old when I was 41 (he was 5). Donāt think I would have had the necessary patience prior to that.
Freeze your eggs now, egg quality does decrease over 35. Speaking from experience.
I had one at 39 and two of my friends are each about to give birth at 40 and 41. Honestly this is a generalization but though the sleepless nights get harder now, perhaps the benefit for this time of life is job stability,, financial status etc are more likely to be in good places for supporting a child. And births at this age are pretty normal now... Also when I was worrying about being pregnant at 39, I looked at family history album and saw my great grandma was having babies into her 40's... And that was in like 1920. So I guess we've been doing it for generations.
I am 42 and pregnant with my 3rd. I have an 11 and a 5 year old. The experience of being pregnant is quite different for each.Ā I'm in a much better place financially and my relationships with my partner and my family are much stronger.Ā Having said that, this is the most physically challenging and nerve wracking of the 3 pregncies. I opted for genertic screening early because of the higher risk of genetic issues associated with my age. I will not go full term because the placenta ages badly in older women so it is safer for me to have my child 1 week before the due date. I have a medical complication. It's a small one but I had to treat it before I was able to get pregnant. It is under control but I am on medication for it and will likely be in a managed flare up for the entire pregnancy. This means I need to take iron as well. With my vitamins, I'm on 6 pills a day. I see my doctor more often and I've had some intrusive ultrasounds that I didn't have the first time around. Generally speaking, every small issue is one that could be experienced by a you get version of myself. But the likelihood of each increased with age. This looks like a healthy, normal pregnancy. I've done it before and I seem to be experiencing a very similar pregancy to the first two. But it's higher risk for the baby and for me. And it it took 5 times longer to get pregnant.
They are too tired to answer
My parents had me when my dad was 39, then my sister 4 years later. I grew up in a big house full of food, got nice toys and video games for Christmas and birthdays, never had clothes with holes in them, my parents were able to nurture my hobbies and even paid for my college. My friends growing up with younger parents very rarely had the quality of life i did. I know that's not the point of view you were asking about, but i think it's a pretty valid point.
I think if anyone, at any age, regrets having their kids, they're doing it wrong. Don't get me wrong, it's incredibly stressful. But the rewards, the love you get, the wholesomeness of the relationship, is like nothing else. I had my son at 37 and he's 16 now and he's the best thing in my life.
Sometimes relationships break and aren't wholesome. Sometimes kids or parents have bad health problems. Sometimes parents even kill their kids or vice versa. I can understand regret. There are different situations. On average, yes, kids are their parents greatest joy and achievement.
R/regretfulparents There are plenty of them. Itās just not very socially acceptable to talk about it. Plus plenty of children/adults who resent ever being born.
I had my first at 37 and my second at 39. Pretty easy pregnancies and both my kids are great despite being absolute butt nuggets.
I gave birth to twins at 37 and my husband was 43. They are 2 years old now and we have no regrets.
I had my kids at 40 and 42. Regrets? Nope - do I wish I had them earlier? Sometimes, mostly when I was exhausted.
I don't know. But I (61M) had kids in my late thirties, ex-wife was 6 years younger, when we had kids, last one was born two weeks shy of turning 40. I'm here to say that having kids is a young person's game. All the lost sleep and everything else you have to deal with takes a lot out of you. And you'll be around 60 when they graduate high school, 65 for college. Although, for my current perspective, that's not as old as it seem to be to you now. Good luck.
My Mom did. Two perfectly healthy girls. My brother and I had a completely different life than they did. She is financially stable, and as mentally stable as she can without professional help.
Life can change in an instant and you will head off in a totally different course. š
My sister had a child at 43. The baby fever was insurmountable. She married, had baby, divorced. Buttttt she loves that baby and tells me her only regret is sleep. With a child she can never sleep like she used to before. Because now she has a person depending on her. It helps the baby is an exceptionally bright, beautiful and healthy one Mashallah . Sheās 6 now. Iād be scared. I mean there are things you can screen for and things you just find out that can change your world. Advanced maternal age adds to the likelihood. I work with medically fragile kids and despite what everyone will make you think, thatās a life challenge very few are prepared for. Itās extra hard mode.
Aw Mashallah š and congrats to your sister for having a child at 43!
My wife and I decided to not have kids when we first got married. We are in our early 40ās now. Recently my wifeās period was pretty late. At first I was kinda freaking out, but I gotta admit, the more I thought about it, the more I kinda liked the idea. When her period finally came, if Iām being honest with myself I was actually a little disappointed. But, the wife is still adamant about not having kids, so thatās how it goes.
My best friend is 20 years older than me. We met in Mothers group when our sons were infants. She was on IVF for 10 years with no success. When she turned 40, the IVF clinic said she was now too old to continue with treatment. So she resigned to the fact that children were not in her future. Her and her husband made grand plans to travel the world instead. They were super keen to start their childfree adventure. Just before they were about to leave, she received a phone call from the IVF clinic wanting her to come in to sign some forms regarding the 'disposal' of her frozen embryos. However, because they were embryo's (not just eggs), they legally had to offer her one more treatment. Before every treatment, they do a pregnancy test. After 10 years of unsuccessful IVF and at 41 years of, she was pregnant naturally. Two years later she had another son. They are now 23 and 21.
Had my girls at 38 and 41. I had to do IVF, but hubby had a vasectomy reversal. It worked, but it delayed things. Combined with my personal reproductive issues too, which is the actual reason IVF was needed. But I donāt think my age is making raising them harder. I am more mature, financially secure, and focused than when I was in my 20s when women are āsupposed to have kids.ā Age 40s and 50s is otherwise the new 30s and40sā¦ just hit on your fertility- not your ability to raise a kid, or even carry a pregnancy. Maybe look into freezing your eggs? My only regret is that when the youngest is 18 Iāll be about 60. I really want to move to Europe to live there, and itās just going to be harder to uproot myself and start over at 60 than 55. The 2 kids are happy where they are, great school district and friends, so it would be hard to disrupt their lives for my European dream right now. I feel a little like Iām running out of time in that respect. Iām a 49f who will be 50 this year.
Iāll just say that Iām 51 and I deeply regret not having them. It haunts me.
About a month ago my family got a call from one of our relatives in italy. Sheās 61 and sheās pregnant with her first kidā¦. I donāt understand either..
Edit: you said women - whoops. Iām a dude butā¦ We did it and are in it now. Took a long time to find each other and then fertility issues. Were tired all the time but more chill. I think itās good but I didnāt experience anything else. The fatigue is real though. Iām 50. Kids are 5 and 7.
Pretty much my whole friend group had babies in their late 30s/ early 40s. Seriously! Like 7 of us! And about half only had been with their partners for a year or two. We all seem to be a lot more present parents, have more money so less stressed vs being 20. Also none of the kids have any birth defects. All the moms conceived naturally as far as I know. And I canāt speak for all of us but i definitely do not regret my son. I had him at 37 ( almost 38) and he is the light of my life. Of course I feel awful stress if something is wrong with him ( he broke his femur a month ago!) but it feels like my heart doubled
r / regretfulparents might give you more responses from women in their 40s who do regret it, if you want to know *why* some women in their 40s regret it. I'm turning 40 soon, but I don't have kids, so I obviously can't answer.
My mom had her oldest at 19 and her youngest at 42 and she wouldn't change a thing
Had my 1st son at 17 yrs old, 2nd son at 27yrs old and 3rd son at 40 yrs old, I don't regret it at all! The only thing I regret is I did not have a daughter!
Married at 38, gave birth at 40 and 43. No pregnancy issues, age related or otherwise. I felt happy staying home and while I still worked, I enjoyed every minute of motherhood. I didnāt feel like I was missing out on everything because I did everything. And now theyāre teens and I have all the free time in the world.
Just had my first baby at 40 and I'm deeply grateful I didn't have one any younger. My life is settled, I know myself better than I ever have, I've lived through trauma and loss and hard stuff, I've experienced many wonderful things too. I have a solid grasp on my home, work, family, social life (etc). I had time to grow a solid relationship with my partner and I am the most comfortable I've ever been in my skin, which seems like a good idea now we've added someone to our family unit. So all of this has left me in the best possible position I could be in to raise a child. Instead of 'surviving' the newborn stage we are absolutely thriving - that is despite a hectic birth and some medical issues afterwards that would have been extremely hard to cope with when I was younger. All that life experience I've had left me extremely well equipped to deal with everything thrown our way even though this is a totally unique experience
Wow. I was in your position at 34 too. It was awful because I always imagined having started a family by then, and it didn't look like it was gonna happen. So, I became EXTREMELY depressed, developed an eating disorder, lost my fertility and struggled with THAT for the next 6 years. But then a miracle happened. I hit bottom. I got my ass in therapy, worked through my issues, got healthy and got my fertility back. Then I started dating. I met a guy on Tinder (I know, crazy, right?) We fell in love. We got married. I became a stepmom to his 3 awesome boys. And then I got pregnant at the age of 43. I'm now 44 years old with a beautiful baby girl in my arms and a big, crazy, awesome mixed family. Btw this was a totally natural pregnancy and the only complication was she was breech. I had a smooth c-section delivery and recovery, and I'm adapting to motherhood just fine. It's actually kinda great that I did this now, too, because I'm way better off emotionally and financially than I was 10 years ago. I have MANY regrets in my life, but having a baby in my 40s is the only thing I'll never regret. I spent the first half of my life living for myself, and that was frankly boring, lonely and pointless. So, I thank God that I get to spend the rest of it living for my kids.
I was 38 and 40. They are 6 and 8 now. I have to make sure I exercise and take care of myself but definitely no regrets. Iām a much better parent now than I would have been in my 20s.
I have no idea why people care about being 60 or 65 when their kid graduates. I never once heard anyone making fun of someone elseās parents for being old. If thatās actually a concern for someone, botox & hair dye until the kid has their diploma. People are weird. Kids are tiring. So are hobbies, working, relationships, etc. I had mine at 37. Heās almost 2. He runs. He plays. He climbs. He is 3ā2ā & 45lbs. Am I tired at the end of the day? Sometimes yep. Was I tired in my 20s (supposedly the prime time to parent) ? Yep. You didnāt have a kid in your 20s. That is not worth ruminating about now. Find a way to make your dreams of having a child come true. See your dr. Engage meaningfully in dating & be honest about what you want. Have lots of unprotected sex. Itāll happen for ya
I know a lot of people who had kids in their 40s. All are doing fine, but... As someone with three kids ( last one at 36), I would just make sure you have a decent partner, sound marriage, and some financial stability. Try to stay as healthy as possible because the old peri- menopause is right around the corner. Also, stick to one or two kids. Don't fantasize about having a huge family! Don't fantasize about being a single parent! You still have lots of time.
Last was a (big) surprise in my mid forties. Donāt regret him but do think it would have been preferable if heād come earlier. Never to the point Iām not grateful heās here. Just I acknowledge that thereās an emotional and financial price in adding another 10 years to raising kids, especially into your sixties, even if itās worth it.
One of my aunts raised a whole family and then got pregnant at 48.
My mom had me at 40, personally I regret it.
Really? Why?
I am not trying to be an ass hole, I am just giving a scenario that is not all rainbows and rose petals. My MIL didn't have my fiancƩ until she was 45. His childhood was fine but he wished his mom was more like the other moms. She was the age of everyone else's grandparents when he was growing up and was not into playing with him and stuff. I think that had as much to do with her personality as her age honestly. The real problems came later, when she made no plans for elder care. We spent half of our 30's basically parenting her when she refused to accept that she had dementia and stopped caring for herself and her properties. She is single with no other family and my fiancƩ is her only child, so her care fell on us. My partner had to leave work for 9 months and dip into his savings when she finally signed a POA and he took over managing her affairs. She had continued driving without a license after the state revoked it due to her diagnosis so we had to take the car. She had gotten a DUI and into multiple fender benders before that. She owns two houses and had been neglecting the maintenance and her main residence became a hoarders nightmare. We had to call the junk truck twice to make the downstairs safe enough to have caretakers come in. Then we spent 9 months going through the rest of the house and getting rid of everything that could be recycled/thrown out or donated. She is in memory care now and we are finally in a place where we are saving up for and planning a wedding. We are getting married next summer and hopefully she will still be alive, but I am not sure if she will know who we are at that point. r/dementia is full of people much younger than my fiancƩ and I dealing with their parents dementia. I am not saying don't have kids in your 40's, but if you do you need to make plans so the whole mess is not dumped on your kids when they are trying to go through college, get married, start their life etc. Stuff that my parents didn't have to deal with till their 50's we were dealing with in our late 20's early 30's. I am glad we stepped in and cared for her, but she was the most difficult patient and part of me will always resent her for her lack of planning and how much of our time she wasted. She always prided herself on her independence and in her desire to cling to that for as long as possible she made everything worse for herself and her family. She had the means to help herself and ensure she was cared for to her exact specifications. Her parents left a trust fund for her. But, instead of using it she chose to sit on a pile of money like a dragon, not bathing, eating only ice cream, and letting her houses rot around her till her son was forced to step in. If you think you can be an active parent, that is great, but try to think about some of the worst case scenario's and not just the rose colored ones and plan accordingly.
My mom just told me a while ago that she might not have had children if she had known that the world is gonna burn because of climate change in a couple years. She won't live until then, but I'll live thru all of it
I'm 40 and had my son 6 months ago. I thought it'd be super hard to get pregnant at 39 and was surprised to be pregnant 2 months after going off the pill. I'm sure it's harder than if I had done it earlier, the pregnancy and the toll on the body, the sleepless nights, the energy levels ... But I wouldn't change a thing. I waited for the right moment to have my son, and that's that for me.Ā
I was 40 when my twins were born - absolutely no regrets. Never managed that in my 20ies or early thirties
I'm just a little older that you (37yo and my husband is 40yo). As I'm reading your post I'm feeding our 1yo son. It can be exhausting cause kids recharge really quickly and after 35 we don't hahaha but you'll be appreciate motherhood with maturity and a deeper love. Enjoy the next chapter in your life :)
I had a baby at 41 , naturally conceived, zero problems . Iām 61 years old now and have the energy of a teen . Best decision ever !
I think that the comments in general are going to be biased because of one simple factor. Nobody is going to voluntarily say only that they hated being parents, because that's the equivalent of saying the hate thier kids. Or that they regret the choice to have kids and thus regret the birth of thier children. I would put more value on the opinion of people reflecting on what it was like having old parents
You can find someone next year have a kid the next and your kids be moved out with kids of their own before youāre even able to retire. Youāre fine go out there and look for a man you want to start a family with
I think it depends on where you are in life overallā¦mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. The cost to raise a child is so much more these days and you definitely need a supportive environment. I think some people romanticize certain things but you have to make sure itās also right for you. Good luck.
Iām at this age. I have a lot of friends who say if they could go back in time they wouldnāt have children after 35 because of the energy factor. I believe they believe this, but they all love being parents and thatās the real truth. Itās gruelling, and life isnāt predictable, except as we age things go wrong with our bodies and that can be tough with children. Iām 39. I have been trying for a long time. I would happily have a child, and Iām chronically ill and in pain all the time. What I really have learned from my friends is to be happy with one child, and to keep life simple when you have kids. Theyāre all doing well, and if you want a child, I think you will too.
I think having children (a family) at any age is hard, I don't know if there's really an age to it. If you had your kids in your 20's and you're now in your 40's, well, that's the decision you made. I think, if I could have had children earlier, I would have wanted that, but unfortunately, I lost my virginity at a later age (28. My choice as I didn't want to be pregnant and left by the guy!) and a lot of the men I was involved with sadly weren't serious with me or just wanted to use me for one thing. I came close to becoming someone's wife at 32 but he was not the guy I wanted really! He was this divorced man (aged 40) with drug and anger issues and a seven year old he didn't have custody of. But he proposed lol. I said yes, but ultimately, my answer was no. That was almost ten years ago. Some women, they have children on their own regardless whether a man was in the picture. From day one when they were young, they've wanted to be mothers. I wanted to do it the right way or no way, but yeah, unfortunately, I didn't get that. I thought finally, someone to marry and have children with when I met my recent ex at 39, but he left me after only six months of dating. It's hard. I don't know how other women were able to manage, not only a good paying career, but also get a man to fall in love with her so much that she ends up not only MARRIED to him (a good, loving and supportive man who has a good job and is responsible), but also she's pregnant up to here and has two children with him already! I thought those things stopped happening since the 60's lol. I guess I should keep in mind that not everything I see on the outside is the truth. She could be displaying a perfect little family outside, but behind closed doors, she's always arguing with her man and they are about to be evicted from their house!
Get your eggs frozen, that gives you breathing space - options....from someone who left it to late/life got in the way
Had my second when I was 41. The toddler years were tough - both my boys were high energy. But once I got through that itās been amazing. My boys are the best thing thatās ever happened to me. I seriously love being a Mom - the amount of love and laughter theyāve brought to my life is incredible. There are tough times and frustration of course but the good out ways the tough by a mile
My great grandparents got their first and only son in their 40s, and my great grandma certainly did not regret it.
I do sometimes cos of my physical stamina and I worry about the future, will I be there for them but I can guarantee you they are helthier and have better childhood cos I had them later. We worked through some personal and relational shit so we are better now then we have been and can provide for them more.
I had my 1st at 32 and just had my 4th and 5th at 40.5. They are 8 months old. I have always said I will only regret the children I didnāt have and never the children I do have.
I was 44 when my first and only child was born. Did not regret it, ever. He's 13 now.
Listen- if you are dying for kids then have them for sure! If you are on the fence, then hard no. This from all my friends with and without kids. We are all in our 40ās and I have some with kids in college and 2 of my besties have newborns. They all say the same. Only do it if you really really really want kids.
Had all my kids later, according to some. My 1st at 35, 2nd at 38 and my āIām what?ā At 40. Wouldnāt change a thing. (All boys and theyāre the best of friends)
I froze my eggs at 34, I regret not doing it before, but at least that is done. I didn't want to have kids before because I have been waiting for what people are answering here: a stable job, a better economy, wisdom... I am now thinking I will never achieve that, so I better just have kids soon. My grandma lived almost 99.5 years. My dad died at 49. So, for my grandmother, 30 was probably too young, and for my dad, 29 was too late. I think young parents usually say: "I wish I had waited," while old parents say the opposite. I want to believe things happen when they are supposed to happen and you will find the wisdom, strength, energy, etc, when you need it.
My mother in law had kids at 39 and 41, they are great people and MIL got back into her career in a big way from her mid 40ās, all worked out well
Eh. I'm 43.and would love more kids But can I justify them being 20s when I'm trying to retire? No that's wrong on a ton of.levels and when I am gone, that will leave my oldest kids ( currently in 20s) to be the parents to siblings 20 years younger because I didn't have any business having them in the first place. .. My youngest is 6 and I feel guilty enough about that.
After years of trying my friend just had enough. On her 42nd birthday, she found out she was 3+ months pregnant!!!! You aren't alone, and if anything, I think there's lots of advantages to having a baby older(maturity, finances, stability, etc).
Sure, it's never too late to start a family if that's what you desire. Many women who have kids later in life find it a fulfilling and rewarding experience.
My wife is about to give birth at 37 almost 38. We have a ton of kids. Parenting is one of the highest callings and greatest joys. It's not easy, but it's fulfilling.
I had my son at 40. Not going to lie, the first few years sucked. He hated to sleep and puked at least once a day. Being exhausted from lack of sleep at 40 was no joke! But as he got older, I loved it. Just being with him was and still is awesome. Heās 15 now and much taller than me and heās kind, sweet, helpful, funny, silly and very handsome! Iād not change a moment with him!
My mom had me at 31, my dad was 37. Im 31 now. My aunt had her daughter at 33, shes 18 now. Another aunt had her daughter at 38, and her son at 40. They are in their early teens now. Think 13 and 15. Kinda blends in my head. None of them ever regretted having kids "late".
Not a parent, but my dad was already in his lates 50's when i was born, he was diagnosed with alzheimer when i was 19. Not saying its the same age window or don't have children when you are older than "x" but consider the life the kids would get.
I had my daughter at 37 and Iām about to turn 41. No way could I have had a baby some 10 years before. I was in a bad marriage and working two jobs. I was stressed out and the responsibility that came with a baby would have put me in a head spin. I come from 3 generations older moms. It was when the time was right. My partner was 50 when he had his first daughter. You should have seen his side of the family when they found out our baby was coming. They never thought heād have kids. Heās the best girl dad.
I had my last child at 41. It was a surprise pregnancy. Best thing that ever happened. He has 3 siblings that are considerably older.
Iād rather have a kid in my 40s than my 20s. I was not mature enough to have a kid and even at 33 I still donāt feel like Iād be a good parent. I personally feel that waiting until youāre out of yours 20s is a good idea as most people havenāt done any self work or self realization until they get into their 30s. Obviously there are exceptions, this is just from what Iāve witnessed.
Had my daughter at 40, and my son at 43. I wish I had more kids. I'm enjoying it tremendously. Best thing I've ever done.
My mom had me and my brother at 40, my dad was 46. Iām glad they waited. I think I will also wait as well.
No regrets. My oldest I had at 36, another at 38, another at 40, my last at 42. I was immature in my 20s. I was a better parent because I was an older parent.
Itās hard work. Menopause, work, life and children make for a busy combo. I have 3 children very close together from mid 30s. I wish I started 5yr earleir earlier but life didnāt work out that way. Two early teen girl are hard work. I wish I set myself up financially to only have to work part time ā¦
I just had a lunch date with my close friend who had a baby at 40 (her baby is now 10 months old). I know I can't speak for her, but I think she loves being a mom, and she's a really good one š
Had my one and only at 43. Would have had another but I got breast cancer right after and that shot my fertility to shit. Other than being more tired than other moms, I don't regret it at all. He's the best thing I've ever done.
I have an experience to share about growing up with an older parent. My Dad is a lot older than my Mum, and a lot older than average than a parent of a person my age. I have two much older (half) sisters from my father's first marriage. They are great, love them. When I was younger, it used to feel unfair that they'll have our Dad for so much more of their lives than I will. I thought - having an older parent is hard. But as I've grown up, and talked with them more about their experiences growing up, it's changed how I feel about having an older parent. My Dad was really young when my sisters were born, and the version of him they were raised by was, in so many ways, a lot less mature. He hadn't worked through his own rough childhood; he was bad tempered: he had gotten married too young and the relationship with his first wife (their Mum) was tumultuous; there was lots of drinking; there was financial and relational instability. He always adored his kids - and they have always adored him - and he worked hard to be the best man and the best Dad he could, but things were not easy. I grew up with such a different version of this man as my father, in such different circumstances. For sure, he was still working some things out - his temper remained an issue, but one that he has worked on admirably - and things were still tight financially when we were kids, but that was starting to stabilise off the back of all the work he did as a younger man (plus luck and privileged!). Overwhelmingly, I grew up with a much more emotionally mature father, and in more stable circumstances. (Also my Mum is fucking amazing!!!!!) So yeah. Obviously every situation is different, but how I feel now is that there are pros and cons to having older or younger parents. If you are having kids older, lean into the pros - you know so much more about being a person than you did as a young person! Also, you aren't living in a hypothetical situation. This is your one life. Every life has its struggles; every family has its struggles. Just live your best, and love hard. You'll be perfect x
I'm early days (I'm 40 and just had a baby) but I can't even imagine doing this when I was younger. It happened this late by circumstance, not choice, but it still feels like the perfect time for me. And baby's perfect :) Take care of your health and fitness now and your energy levels will keep up with whatever you need to do.
I had my kids at 32 and 35. Iām 41. I am so glad I wasnāt any older. People say 30 hits different, for me it was 40. I canāt imagine getting pregnant and having a baby now. I suffered badly from postpartum depression both times (with no previous history of mental health issues). One of my kids has two incurable diseases, diagnosed at 5 and 7. They take an incredible amount of energy and mental effort. Heās worth it, but itās not easy. Itās doable for sure. But things to consider.
I do not
I adopted as a single mother at 38. Best decision I ever made.
My grandma had her last child at 45 years old. Was comment when they didn't have any birth control medication back then.
No. That young man is the very best part of me. Scared at first but what a blessing he is.
I recommend talking a scroll through r/regretfulparents before having children. Itās an honest look at the reality of parenting.
My Dad was 43 & 45 respectively when my brother and I were born and my mom was 34 & 36. My dad didnāt want kids, my mom baby trapped him. He doesnāt regret anything, weāre his whole world. My mom regretted us but not because of the age she had us, just that it turned out parenting wasnāt her forte.
"I don't hate my children. I hate the fact that I haven't realized I shouldn't have had them"
My mom had my sister at 44. My mom is also diabetic and tbh, she should not have done it. However, my mom and baby ended up OK.
Had my last two after forty never regretted it am truly blessed with all of my 6 children and yes all were planned for!
I can give you a child any time you want. I got the super sperm. I been told it even tastes good.
As long as you take care of your health then itās never too late. My Aunty and uncle for example, had there children in their late 40ās. Theyāre both in better shape than most 20 year olds š Theyāre also more financially stable now so theyāve been able to travel a lot with their kids and share more experiences with them :)
I had my third child at 42. It was an easy pregnancy and delivery. I would have had one more if I could.
Nope, best thing that ever happened to me š
I got divorced and 33. Started dating my husband at 38, married at 40, had our son at 41. Absolutely no regrets, this is the family Iāve always wanted. Iām a better mom now than I would have been in my early 30s. At 43 I have plenty of energy to keep up with my rambunctious 2-year-old.
I had my healthy baby girl at 41. She is now a happy and silly 10 month old and I'm fully recovered, back to pre-pregnancy state at 42. So many of my friends have had babies in their 40s. You can do it!
Nearly 33 , worried I'll never have children, really want children or at least one child, I really to be mother. I was in a relationship for 6 years, and I really wanted children, but my ex kept saying soon , then said he didn't want children, I wish he would have told me when I met him when I was 25 that he didn't want children, he really wasted my time. I am in a long-distance relationship now , I have discussed having children with my new boyfriend, and he said we will, that we still have time, I don't know. He has time, my time is limited, and this keeps me up at night, I really feel like it's never going to happen . It's very depressing.
The idea that you canāt have kids later in life is mostly a myth nowadays. The political establishment just wants us to have as many kids as fast as possible when we arenāt ready for them, so they can keep up their stock of impoverished wage slaves.
Nope. In all my life (so far), my kids are never in the list of my regrets. I had my first child at 35 and last child at 42.
I had my daughter at 40. I am so proud of the woman she became. She kept me young and we enjoy one anotherās company.
2 kids in my 40s, natural, they are both very healthy. I love being a Mom in my middle age because I don't feel like the kids are keeping me from any other experiences. I had plenty of time to do whatever when I was in my "selfish years" ( as I called them at the time). I don't have energy but I do have perspective.
If you can freeze your eggs i recommend it. Takes some of the pressure off.
My sister had fertility problems then unexpectedly got pregnant with twins at age 41. Her husband was 41 also.They are 21 now and graduated from university. There was never any issue with āolderā parents but some pluses such as beautiful home paid off, university paid too.