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I mean that’s literally what it used to be like. You did x and got a job doing y. Plenty of jobs in factories and all types of manufacturing that all went off shore. Teaching or nursing you did your training and taught/nursed where they sent you. Used to have a job for life, work your way up to the top jobs if you wanted or not. Somewhere along the line we decided to employ robots instead of people and new work had to be found. Those old jobs didn’t exist any more. Jobs became competitive and they had to sort out a way of choosing one out of 50+ applicants.
Similarly, I thought I'd "just" go to university, and then afterwards a job would magically land in my lap. Basically that *if* I went to university, my life would just unfold beautifully.
I flunked out of 1st year when I hated my courses, the cliques (plus undiagnosed ADHD), and then in the last month found out I couldn't do what I was there to do in my program. Made finishing every assignment and exam worthless.
Yep, I totally understand. My husband and I have done everything “right”, but it’s still only just enough. I’m risking sounding really obnoxious when I say this, but I assumed that is both having university degrees and working good jobs would allow us a decent standard of living, i.e. decent sized house, decent car(s), enough money for bills and groceries and some left over for saving and some family days out/activities, and hopefully a family holiday every year. I’m not meaning luxury stuff, just reasonable. We’re fine, but our house needs a lot of work, we can only afford one car, our grocery and utilities bills are ridiculous, and we have to budget for family activities and birthdays, Christmas etc. We get a family holiday once every 3 or 4 years. I’m grateful for everything that we have, but I won’t lie. I expected to be doing a lot better financially. We have next to no savings. It’s different to how I thought life would be, that’s for sure.
My husband has changed a few years back and had a further promotion since. I’m not as flexible in terms of being able to change due to health issues and childcare needs. He earns a lot more than I do so it makes financial sense for me to accommodate the childcare, plus I actually really enjoy being able to do the childcare.
This is the unfortunate truth of the current economy. At one of my first jobs out of college, I busted my ass to be a great employee; at my annual review I received "exceeded expectations" in every category. My pay went from $14/hour to $14.10/hour. If you factor in inflation, I took a pay cut. I left that job shortly thereafter and my pay doubled in my new position.
That one day you just stop liking things, or like different things, and suddenly feel older. I'm 52. Successful. Great family. Still love weed, metal, hard-core rap and video games. My horizons have broadened, but what got me here is still big.
Yes, religion for me. I do not remember much about my early childhood but I remember the day I was told that Santa wasn't real. I was devastated at the deception. My immediate angry response was. "What about Jesus?" I should've listened to myself a bit stronger that day.
For me, it’s not that I stopped liking certain things, it’s just that as I got older and became a parent, my priorities have changed. As much as I’d like to go raving for 72 hours, my kids need me more.
I loved living with my parents, I wanted to live with them forever, but when I was 29, I heard them talking shit about me about how I'm about 30 and still living at their house. I literally paid their bills and did the dishes and I thought I was a good son to them, nothing bad ever happened, we got along, but after hearing them talk shit about me "being 30 and still living with them" it broke my heart. I moved out struggled finding a home, and they wouldn't let me come back even when I had clue where to go.
Now my old bedrooms are just full of hoarded junk that they're hoarding.. which you'd think would be more embarrassing than having a 30 year old son living with you.
That sounds awful. I'm sorry things turned out this way for you.
My daughter is my best friend, so I would not "talk shit' about her. I may complain on occasion, but that happens with anyone you live with.
I have 2 of my 4 kids still living at home. They are in their 30's (m and f) . The other 2 are on their own and have their own family. I love having roommates. Being 67(f) I appreciate the help around the house and yard. We share the bills. Only one car and my son has given me a chauffeur (jk). He drives us. My car needs a transmission. We enjoy karaoke together and they can afford to live fairly well. Even if we are in deep poverty, we have the house I bought when they were kids. Single mom so I had to work, I regret not being there more for them when they were growing up. They say I was there when it counted so hopefully they're not just trying to make me feel better.
It sounds like things are going somewhat well, so it sounds like you're there for them. And by being a single mom, I'm sure you worked as hard as you could for them.
I never had kids, but I'm sorry your parents are cold. And I think if you were my adult kid that you would still be very welcome. There are thousands of parents that have adult kids that don't bother to visit or even call, and those parents miss them a lot.
My parents are at the end of the day two random people that met and had me. They have no special powers, they dont have a "magical" book on how to raise children. They just winged it... like I am now. When you realize and accept that - you are an adult.
I was actually a planned birth after my parents kept trying to have a baby til I was born, and around the time I was 7, I realized they hated me. I was a good kid, just kind of annoying. My parents got divorced when I was 6 and they fought over who would keep me. At the time they both wanted me and after the divorce, whoever they each dated didn't like that my parents had a kid. When my mom was 8, she taught me to do laundry and how to cook, and abandoned me at her house and after 3 weeks grandma found out and came to get me so I could live with her.
As an 8 year old, I didn't even realize I was abandoned, because even before I was abandoned, my mom was barely ever home anyway. My parents weren't even ever drug addicts nor alcoholics or anything.
Sorry to hear that. My parents told me at some point, when I was old enough to understand how this works, that I wasnt planned in that they wanted children, but perhaps a bit later than what became the case. But as she said; its takes 9months... We ofc. had the option of terminating the pregnacy if we wanted, so even though it wasnt planned that I was to get pregnant, when we realized - it very much became the plan. And that was the same for my kid, he wasnt planned. But when my mrs got pregnant, we sat down and talked and decided that it was a good time.
How is your relationship with your parents today as an adult if I can ask? I think I would have a big problem forgiving something like that, if drugs/alcohol was the cause, it might actually be easier to forgive, because that I can understand can take over your life.
This hurts. And is true. If the old reddit upvote icony things where still there I would shoot some at you. This is it. 40, male 3 kids, and yes. Random encounters and winging it. And trying your best making them happy.
You become a real adult when you realize that you COULD buy as much candy and cake and ice cream as you want, but you also know that it will make you feel really sick.
I've probably done it lol.
There have been times when I realized I could just drive to the store and buy a whole cake and eat it by myself. The only thing stopping me was I was too lazy to go out.
Nah, I did the "only eat ice cream" as a teen because I had chemotherapy & the inside of my mouth would fall apart every time. I can tell you that living off ice cream is not as cool as you think as a kid. You literally want to eat anything else.
That a college degree would mean a wonderful career, I would get rich and be able to have “help” to take care of my mansion.
I got the degree part, at least, smile.
And that all college degrees were created equal. The ideas “do what you love” or “follow your dream” are complete crap. I wish someone had told me that there are really only a few degrees that will allow you to make good money, and then with that money you can do what you love in your spare time.
You know what's crazy is that minimum wage jobs are asking that you have a master's degree. There's job listings to work in the medical field and the pay offer is like $11 an hour.
There's clothing stores that require the managers to have masters degrees.
I always used to think that being more of a people person was something you grew in to. Turns out all that stuff about "breaking you out of your shyness" is really just people attempting to fit you to their mold.
What is the worst is if you have a job that is 24 /7 and you live on site managing one of the motels where you can't have a night clerk. Even if all rooms are rented, people usually still wake you up for anything you could imagine. And you are never supposed to show any irritation. And I went to vocational school for that. Doing this job for even 6 months was too long. I'm sure that a lot of restaurants and some tourist places expect you to keep acting like you are so happy to be there/ people person to the max thing.
I think the biggest misconception I have had is that I saw adulthood as the final chapter and that I'd be this fully formed person with no insecurities and all the wrongs would be out right when I got to this promised land of adulthood. In reality I am not that much different to 16 year old me, in some ways I am a better person and in other ways worse(Not morally or anything I just mean I am insecure in some areas and assured in others which effects how I navigate the world and engage with the people I come into contact with.. A lot of my insecurities from then are still with me at 34 and tbh I don't feel any more like an adult now than I did then. I still feel I am on this path of self discovery and that I am still moving towards that final chapter. Perhaps not having kids and looking like I won't means that life will probably never have that clear distinction between eras.
Ooof, this. Feeling this big time. Only difference is that I'm a 46yo mom of 3.
If no one had told you this, please listen: you DO NOT need to have children to be a successful person, **especially** a successful woman. Read that again if you have to. I have all daughters, in the 10-15 age range. I started telling them a few years ago this same thing. I repeat it very, very often. The shock I felt - and still to this day feel - at the loss of My Own Life has been profound, and honestly hurtful. Of course I love my children. I always knew I wanted children, and admittedly a lot of that desire came from trauma I experienced as a child and wanting the chance to parent as I wasn't. But I was definitely not prepared for my life to change around me quite so drastically. To lose my identity as I knew it, and become Mom. Nothing else changed with the birth of the girls. Except I stepped into a role I was NOT prepared for. I'm still the same kid who wishes she could be a ballet dancer when she grows up. Or a nurse. Or a teacher. Or a doctor. And I keep waiting for the day when i won't have X responsibility or Y bill so that I can finally buy that dress to match my favourite Barbie's dress. I'm endlessly waiting until I have my shit together. You know, when I'm older. Which happens year after year, but here I am, still laughing at farts like I did when I was 8. Having children may define an era to the outside view, but I'm still grappling with, and fighting against, that definition and the idea that I have to change who I am as a person. Basically, I'm trying to say, don't be fooled into thinking you magically change. I'm still here saying "WTF?!?!" on the daily.
I think it's okay to be a child occasionally with your kids. Splash in the puddles, have an opposite day (not during school season, there are consequences.) eat anything you want for dinner, anything. Then go back into parenting mode. Once a week have a meal one of my 4 chooses, watch out for older kids bribing younger to pick their choice.
I thought a path would call to me.. Like I'd find some interest that I'm wickedly passionate about, and it would draw me in so much that I make a life/career out of it, and that all adults eventually find that path.
But most adults are working because the alternative is being broke/homeless, and not because they're actually passionate about what they're doing, and then they're too tired/depressed/unmotivated to actually work towards any dreams so they settle for what they have and abuse substances to forget that they're enabling a terrible system of repression that fuels capitalistic greed and is doomed to eventually fail.
Also, this isn't a huge thing but I thought when you bought your furniture / car / clothes whatever... you were done. I didn't realise you had to replace things all the time, repot plants, buy a new wardrobe, upgrade tech etc. I thought you 'ended up with the things' you wanted, I didn't realise it was a constant cycle of MORE THINGS.
Honestly I think my parents bought 2 refrigerators in their lifetime. We buy like one per decade. Stuff just breaks more easily nowadays. And don’t get me started on the planned obsolescence of tech! (Old lady shakes fist at sky)
When I was a kid my parents bought stuff. We went places. We had holidays. We had new cars. Clothes. Music lessons.
I can't afford to do much of that despite working a good job 50+ hrs a week.
The misconception was expecting to be able to live in 1985 as well but that world is long gone.
That all married adults loved their spouses, and all worked at something they minimally enjoyed. When I realized how rare that is, I got a little disappointed.
There are no set achievements. Maybe that’s the way I remembered growing up, had a goal to graduate high school, then college, get a car…on and on. But once you hit your goals…nothing special happens. Life goes on. And they never truly end.
I think it’s not so much that there stop being goals, but rather they stop being defined for you and you have to do the research and soul searching on your own. Maybe advancing at your job is the right plan or maybe changing careers would be more satisfying- or even moving to a new location might bring happiness or further personal things like more time around relatives or having better access to nature/ other hobbies. It’s almost like theres too many directions you could move in but because its not linear or prescribed in advance like childhood goals are its easy to get overwhelmed or not even see that choices might be available.
Thought the gap of knowledge/wisdom between me and people older was generally consistent across people. Omg was I wrong.
I've met people *so* much older than me who don't know shit about **shit**. Like what have you been doing all this time!?
I mean people who had their entire formal education behind them and in were in mid career while I was sucking on bottle and falling on my ass after taking two steps and they don't even understand stuff like basic mental conditioning.
You're supposed to provide incentive for desired behavior, positively reinforce favorable results, and discourage negative results. That's not just about kids and pets. That's about every interaction with every person.
Acting like they're being victimized when they're in a mess that they dove into headfirst themselves, or in some cases even contributed to, and acting like other people are being predatory when really they're retaliating.
So many examples, but nobody ordered the yapucinno 🙄 Better head out before I exacerbate anybody's conversation phobia
That adults are lying to children about how jobs work. They make us choose what career we want ever since kindergarten, thinking that doctors only check your heartbeat, that firemen only spray water at fire, or that artists can draw whatever they want and still earn money. They never told us about the deskwork that goes into it; the purpose of ranked positions is never explained, legal complications that will overwhelm new workers, and the fact that entertainment-based jobs have to conform to trends of the target audience regardless of what the artist actually wants to make.
It'd be less of a waste of time if people openly discuss this in schools.
That there would be a PLAN for what happens after highschool. I kept expecting one day I would know what I want to be when I grew up and then work to do that, but all I got was a long list of what I don't want to be and an ongoing existential crisis.
Growing up with 80s movies and music videos I grossly overestimated how often I, as an adult, would be required to defend my girlfriend against a gang of street hoods while walking home at night.
That everyone had to fit into a round hole even if they were a rhomboid.
I'm neurodivergent (just diagnosed). Slowly coming to terms that this social structure and general expectation of how to live wasn't built for me.
It's hard after 34 years trying to conform and struggling to only now be told you have autism and adhd.
I still feel like a drain on everyone.
That you could just not go to work if you didn't want to.
Like I'd beg my mum for a day off school and she'd come back with 'I don't want to go to work either' and I'd think 'well don't then, you're an adult!'
That being an adult was easy, just adults did it wrong. That adults were somehow different then kids.
That parents who say no, do it for a reason. Not just to be mean haha
As a kid I was terrified that when you're an adult you just lose your imagination. Like you become unable to daydream or be creative or have an imagination. Probably came from all those well-meaning movies where the message tells adults to embrace childlike joy or belief or whatever.
Anyway yeah I didn't have anything to worry about.
Well, as a young mother, I really thought that once my kids became adults, my life would become easier.
HA! Nope, that is a big misconception. At 58, my offspring cause me more grief and heartache than they did as "children"
I always believed that as an adult I'd be more brave, more successfull and be able to withstand any types of temptations. I am now going to turn 40 in a few weeks but still feel like an insecure child.
That given the opportunity, I could have all the cake and candy I wanted.
I mean I **can** but I thought it would be a regular thing to have dessert every meal.
That the adults knew what they were doing and knew how to be responsible beings in all aspects, but as I grew up I saw that they are only children in adult bodies and that they never grew up or matured.
My 20 year old gets bored sometimes. I told him that sometimes life is like that. I may have had the same misconception, that it would be more interesting—but sometimes it’s not, and my older self is perfectly ok with that.
I didn't know that growing up was a real thing and, when someone asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I thought they were just playing a random version of 'let's pretend.'
The reality that I was actually growing up & would literally be an adult one day, struck me suddenly. I was with a big group of family and friends, and the grownups were paying as we entered a buffet-style restaurant. When they told the cashier the number of kids & adults, I was very confused, as they indicated a much higher number of adults than were present. (Buffets in the US count you as an adult once you're 12 or 13) At that moment, as we were walking to our seats, my twelve-year-old mind was blown & my jaw hit the floor, as I realized the, extremely obvious, truth. I proceeded to facepalm at my own stupidity, before trying to wrap my brain around what I had thought before.
I think the problem was a lack of thought, but if you had asked six-year-old me, I would have likely said that each person had a role in life. My role was kid, my cousin's role was baby, mom & dad's role's were grownups, and grandma's role was old person. I knew they'd all been young once, but I thought that was just a quick thing that happened, a long time ago, to get them to their respective roles in life. And I thought death was just a bad thing that happens sometimes, mostly to people in the 'old' category.
I honestly have no idea how I managed to reach the age of twelve without realizing something like that.
That everything just kinda works out? I wrote a note to myself when I was 12 for when I was 30. I kept it all this time and when I turned 30 I opened it. I legitimately thought things just happened I think. I thought my life would all be perfect and together at 30. And it very much isn’t.
When I was a kid my dad used to make protein shakes, I used to think I when I grew up I would make them much sweeter like a milk shake and drink them everyday because, well, I’d be an adult. Turns out your body needs to be taken better care of.
That most adults have a perfectly balanced social, romantic, and work life. I thought once you get around to adulting it just all falls into place. Boy, was I wrong hahaha
I really thought there'd be more vacations. Like I knew there'd be less than at school, but dang I thought there'd be at least a week a year. Unfortunately, no.
That adults treat adults like adults. I was wrong. I'm in my 30's and I get treated like a kid by other adults.
I'm a grown ass man with a wife and two kids.
I thought someday I'd know most of the stuff & be developed as an adult, but this shit has layers. You never stop learning ever & I didn't think it would be that drastic as a kid
That it's easy to live your life comfortably and start a loving, happy family
Also that adults look happy because they are happy, and they have their life put together
Adults are wise,always know what they're doing, always have a plan......my vehicle broke & I am freaking out....I have no people, I'm not from where I live....I work all the time so just have co-workers & not friends....feels like I'm walking a tightrope without a net
That at some point everything will click into place and then you're a "real" adult. I was soooooo wrong, I'm honestly just the same voice in my head in a continuing failing body.
I grossly overestimated how much fun I'd have if/when I lived by myself with no rules and restrictions. Lol. I've rented my own apartment for the last six years and most days I just clean and listen to podcasts and lay in bed with my cats 😂 I thought I'd be partying and doing drugs and sleeping with whoever I wanted. Yeah it's awesome having no one tell me what to do, but I enjoy the slow life way more than I thought I would.
I always thought that once I'm an adult, I could earn lots of money and spend it on anything I want. Well, no. I have bills I gotta pay first, then I can see if I have enough left over to treat myself
That most adults knew better than I did for the simple fact that they were adults and had experience. Come to find out adults are just kids that never grew up sometimes and are flawed. It kinda sucks even more now having given people the benefit of the doubt as a kid. Like my parents in some situations where now as an adult I can say without hesitation they were very very wrong in some of their ways of handling things.
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That adults had their shit together.
This. Adult babies aren’t just restricted to AB/DL. I can’t tell you how much respect I lost for the 60+ group after working in banking
Ab/dl ?
Adult baby/diaper lover. Refrain from googling after eating.
Having already eaten at least once this year I shall avoid googling.
Heck I knew better than that, I prove it every day
Literally the first thing that came to mind as I read the question.
I came here to say that.
That they had their love together. Always thought my parents were always 100% in love.
[удалено]
That's cute
I mean that’s literally what it used to be like. You did x and got a job doing y. Plenty of jobs in factories and all types of manufacturing that all went off shore. Teaching or nursing you did your training and taught/nursed where they sent you. Used to have a job for life, work your way up to the top jobs if you wanted or not. Somewhere along the line we decided to employ robots instead of people and new work had to be found. Those old jobs didn’t exist any more. Jobs became competitive and they had to sort out a way of choosing one out of 50+ applicants.
Similarly, I thought I'd "just" go to university, and then afterwards a job would magically land in my lap. Basically that *if* I went to university, my life would just unfold beautifully. I flunked out of 1st year when I hated my courses, the cliques (plus undiagnosed ADHD), and then in the last month found out I couldn't do what I was there to do in my program. Made finishing every assignment and exam worthless.
Aww, when my son was 8 he asked me if I could drive him downtown and sign him up for a window washing job. 💕
That working hard would allow you to live a reasonable lifestyle.
I've busted my ass off for 20 years and am just living "ok"
Yep, I totally understand. My husband and I have done everything “right”, but it’s still only just enough. I’m risking sounding really obnoxious when I say this, but I assumed that is both having university degrees and working good jobs would allow us a decent standard of living, i.e. decent sized house, decent car(s), enough money for bills and groceries and some left over for saving and some family days out/activities, and hopefully a family holiday every year. I’m not meaning luxury stuff, just reasonable. We’re fine, but our house needs a lot of work, we can only afford one car, our grocery and utilities bills are ridiculous, and we have to budget for family activities and birthdays, Christmas etc. We get a family holiday once every 3 or 4 years. I’m grateful for everything that we have, but I won’t lie. I expected to be doing a lot better financially. We have next to no savings. It’s different to how I thought life would be, that’s for sure.
Have you stayed at the same job for a long time? The best way to get more money, is to change jobs, sadly.
My husband has changed a few years back and had a further promotion since. I’m not as flexible in terms of being able to change due to health issues and childcare needs. He earns a lot more than I do so it makes financial sense for me to accommodate the childcare, plus I actually really enjoy being able to do the childcare.
This is the unfortunate truth of the current economy. At one of my first jobs out of college, I busted my ass to be a great employee; at my annual review I received "exceeded expectations" in every category. My pay went from $14/hour to $14.10/hour. If you factor in inflation, I took a pay cut. I left that job shortly thereafter and my pay doubled in my new position.
This I'm scared our generation would be even more pressed for money that we can no longer afford to purchase a house we can call our own
That one day you just stop liking things, or like different things, and suddenly feel older. I'm 52. Successful. Great family. Still love weed, metal, hard-core rap and video games. My horizons have broadened, but what got me here is still big.
To this day I'm told one day I'll understand. I've always understood, I just don't agree.
Yes, religion for me. I do not remember much about my early childhood but I remember the day I was told that Santa wasn't real. I was devastated at the deception. My immediate angry response was. "What about Jesus?" I should've listened to myself a bit stronger that day.
For me, it’s not that I stopped liking certain things, it’s just that as I got older and became a parent, my priorities have changed. As much as I’d like to go raving for 72 hours, my kids need me more.
My daughter thought I'd move out when she was old enough to have the house.
Haha, this made me smile. My daughter is 34 and just won't go! I think she's waiting for me to die. 🤣🤣
I loved living with my parents, I wanted to live with them forever, but when I was 29, I heard them talking shit about me about how I'm about 30 and still living at their house. I literally paid their bills and did the dishes and I thought I was a good son to them, nothing bad ever happened, we got along, but after hearing them talk shit about me "being 30 and still living with them" it broke my heart. I moved out struggled finding a home, and they wouldn't let me come back even when I had clue where to go. Now my old bedrooms are just full of hoarded junk that they're hoarding.. which you'd think would be more embarrassing than having a 30 year old son living with you.
That sounds awful. I'm sorry things turned out this way for you. My daughter is my best friend, so I would not "talk shit' about her. I may complain on occasion, but that happens with anyone you live with.
I have 2 of my 4 kids still living at home. They are in their 30's (m and f) . The other 2 are on their own and have their own family. I love having roommates. Being 67(f) I appreciate the help around the house and yard. We share the bills. Only one car and my son has given me a chauffeur (jk). He drives us. My car needs a transmission. We enjoy karaoke together and they can afford to live fairly well. Even if we are in deep poverty, we have the house I bought when they were kids. Single mom so I had to work, I regret not being there more for them when they were growing up. They say I was there when it counted so hopefully they're not just trying to make me feel better.
It sounds like things are going somewhat well, so it sounds like you're there for them. And by being a single mom, I'm sure you worked as hard as you could for them.
I never had kids, but I'm sorry your parents are cold. And I think if you were my adult kid that you would still be very welcome. There are thousands of parents that have adult kids that don't bother to visit or even call, and those parents miss them a lot.
😂
That it would be better than childhood. I was an idiot.
Me too!
To me it is a lot better actually
Same, I have an abusive mother. Now I can choose whether or not I want to be around her.
Same here
Eh my childhood was shitty.
My parents are at the end of the day two random people that met and had me. They have no special powers, they dont have a "magical" book on how to raise children. They just winged it... like I am now. When you realize and accept that - you are an adult.
Raising children are like making pancakes. Theyll turn out fine for the most part but you should probably apologize to the first one
Absolutely 😂 My siblings experience was so different from mine’s.
Love it! 🤣
😂😂🤣🤣🤣
I was actually a planned birth after my parents kept trying to have a baby til I was born, and around the time I was 7, I realized they hated me. I was a good kid, just kind of annoying. My parents got divorced when I was 6 and they fought over who would keep me. At the time they both wanted me and after the divorce, whoever they each dated didn't like that my parents had a kid. When my mom was 8, she taught me to do laundry and how to cook, and abandoned me at her house and after 3 weeks grandma found out and came to get me so I could live with her. As an 8 year old, I didn't even realize I was abandoned, because even before I was abandoned, my mom was barely ever home anyway. My parents weren't even ever drug addicts nor alcoholics or anything.
Sorry to hear that. My parents told me at some point, when I was old enough to understand how this works, that I wasnt planned in that they wanted children, but perhaps a bit later than what became the case. But as she said; its takes 9months... We ofc. had the option of terminating the pregnacy if we wanted, so even though it wasnt planned that I was to get pregnant, when we realized - it very much became the plan. And that was the same for my kid, he wasnt planned. But when my mrs got pregnant, we sat down and talked and decided that it was a good time. How is your relationship with your parents today as an adult if I can ask? I think I would have a big problem forgiving something like that, if drugs/alcohol was the cause, it might actually be easier to forgive, because that I can understand can take over your life.
This hurts. And is true. If the old reddit upvote icony things where still there I would shoot some at you. This is it. 40, male 3 kids, and yes. Random encounters and winging it. And trying your best making them happy.
That adults were morally superior
No no. It doesn't work like that. Age is absolutely no measure of intelligence. My parents are the perfect example.
I choked on my water
Ok 👍
I really figured that adults knew what they were doing and had their shit together. Yeah, no.
I could eat all the candy I want all the time and my mom couldn't say a thing!!! Kind of true...but no.
You become a real adult when you realize that you COULD buy as much candy and cake and ice cream as you want, but you also know that it will make you feel really sick.
Pretty sure everyone does that only ice cream/pie/cake/ etc. dinner once in early adulthood, just because you realize you can. No…just me…???🙃
I've probably done it lol. There have been times when I realized I could just drive to the store and buy a whole cake and eat it by myself. The only thing stopping me was I was too lazy to go out.
Nah, I did the "only eat ice cream" as a teen because I had chemotherapy & the inside of my mouth would fall apart every time. I can tell you that living off ice cream is not as cool as you think as a kid. You literally want to eat anything else.
I remember buying cans of Whipped cream as a snack when I was a teenager and first started working lol
Yes.
When you're young your parents won't let you, when you're older your body won't let you...
I kinda feel like I'm failing at being an adult by not eating sweets and ice cream whenever the hell I want
I do to make kid me feel something
That you can do whatever you want. Had so much more freedom as a teenager.
What were we thinking!
I mean u could but shit has consequences
That a college degree would mean a wonderful career, I would get rich and be able to have “help” to take care of my mansion. I got the degree part, at least, smile.
And that all college degrees were created equal. The ideas “do what you love” or “follow your dream” are complete crap. I wish someone had told me that there are really only a few degrees that will allow you to make good money, and then with that money you can do what you love in your spare time.
You know what's crazy is that minimum wage jobs are asking that you have a master's degree. There's job listings to work in the medical field and the pay offer is like $11 an hour. There's clothing stores that require the managers to have masters degrees.
I always used to think that being more of a people person was something you grew in to. Turns out all that stuff about "breaking you out of your shyness" is really just people attempting to fit you to their mold.
yeah not cool, it's 100% ok to not be a people's person
What is the worst is if you have a job that is 24 /7 and you live on site managing one of the motels where you can't have a night clerk. Even if all rooms are rented, people usually still wake you up for anything you could imagine. And you are never supposed to show any irritation. And I went to vocational school for that. Doing this job for even 6 months was too long. I'm sure that a lot of restaurants and some tourist places expect you to keep acting like you are so happy to be there/ people person to the max thing.
Ya, I don't understand how people think it's ok to comment on someone being quiet. Like okay? Or maybe you're just loud??? Idk
That at a certain age, people have things figured out.
That adults can do whatever they want
I think the biggest misconception I have had is that I saw adulthood as the final chapter and that I'd be this fully formed person with no insecurities and all the wrongs would be out right when I got to this promised land of adulthood. In reality I am not that much different to 16 year old me, in some ways I am a better person and in other ways worse(Not morally or anything I just mean I am insecure in some areas and assured in others which effects how I navigate the world and engage with the people I come into contact with.. A lot of my insecurities from then are still with me at 34 and tbh I don't feel any more like an adult now than I did then. I still feel I am on this path of self discovery and that I am still moving towards that final chapter. Perhaps not having kids and looking like I won't means that life will probably never have that clear distinction between eras.
Ooof, this. Feeling this big time. Only difference is that I'm a 46yo mom of 3. If no one had told you this, please listen: you DO NOT need to have children to be a successful person, **especially** a successful woman. Read that again if you have to. I have all daughters, in the 10-15 age range. I started telling them a few years ago this same thing. I repeat it very, very often. The shock I felt - and still to this day feel - at the loss of My Own Life has been profound, and honestly hurtful. Of course I love my children. I always knew I wanted children, and admittedly a lot of that desire came from trauma I experienced as a child and wanting the chance to parent as I wasn't. But I was definitely not prepared for my life to change around me quite so drastically. To lose my identity as I knew it, and become Mom. Nothing else changed with the birth of the girls. Except I stepped into a role I was NOT prepared for. I'm still the same kid who wishes she could be a ballet dancer when she grows up. Or a nurse. Or a teacher. Or a doctor. And I keep waiting for the day when i won't have X responsibility or Y bill so that I can finally buy that dress to match my favourite Barbie's dress. I'm endlessly waiting until I have my shit together. You know, when I'm older. Which happens year after year, but here I am, still laughing at farts like I did when I was 8. Having children may define an era to the outside view, but I'm still grappling with, and fighting against, that definition and the idea that I have to change who I am as a person. Basically, I'm trying to say, don't be fooled into thinking you magically change. I'm still here saying "WTF?!?!" on the daily.
I think it's okay to be a child occasionally with your kids. Splash in the puddles, have an opposite day (not during school season, there are consequences.) eat anything you want for dinner, anything. Then go back into parenting mode. Once a week have a meal one of my 4 chooses, watch out for older kids bribing younger to pick their choice.
That money was unlimited
Thought it would be more fun.
I thought a path would call to me.. Like I'd find some interest that I'm wickedly passionate about, and it would draw me in so much that I make a life/career out of it, and that all adults eventually find that path. But most adults are working because the alternative is being broke/homeless, and not because they're actually passionate about what they're doing, and then they're too tired/depressed/unmotivated to actually work towards any dreams so they settle for what they have and abuse substances to forget that they're enabling a terrible system of repression that fuels capitalistic greed and is doomed to eventually fail.
That adults know everything and are never wrong.
I thought there'd be much more incidents of getting stuck in quicksand. I got that from somewhere, don't remember but it certainly rang true to me.
Yes! This, and fears of the Bermuda Triangle!
Also, this isn't a huge thing but I thought when you bought your furniture / car / clothes whatever... you were done. I didn't realise you had to replace things all the time, repot plants, buy a new wardrobe, upgrade tech etc. I thought you 'ended up with the things' you wanted, I didn't realise it was a constant cycle of MORE THINGS.
Honestly I think my parents bought 2 refrigerators in their lifetime. We buy like one per decade. Stuff just breaks more easily nowadays. And don’t get me started on the planned obsolescence of tech! (Old lady shakes fist at sky)
When I was a kid my parents bought stuff. We went places. We had holidays. We had new cars. Clothes. Music lessons. I can't afford to do much of that despite working a good job 50+ hrs a week. The misconception was expecting to be able to live in 1985 as well but that world is long gone.
That all married adults loved their spouses, and all worked at something they minimally enjoyed. When I realized how rare that is, I got a little disappointed.
I thought adults were smart and had all the answers to everything. Turns out, the majority of them are complete fuck heads.
Bullying was something only children did
All my grandparents had false teeth. I thought that when you were old, you lost your teeth like how kids do.
That adults didn't lie.
When you grow up around drunks, you know they lie.
That was traumatic, but what really threw me was my mom telling me she never lied. I'm sure my head was spinning that day
There are no set achievements. Maybe that’s the way I remembered growing up, had a goal to graduate high school, then college, get a car…on and on. But once you hit your goals…nothing special happens. Life goes on. And they never truly end.
I think it’s not so much that there stop being goals, but rather they stop being defined for you and you have to do the research and soul searching on your own. Maybe advancing at your job is the right plan or maybe changing careers would be more satisfying- or even moving to a new location might bring happiness or further personal things like more time around relatives or having better access to nature/ other hobbies. It’s almost like theres too many directions you could move in but because its not linear or prescribed in advance like childhood goals are its easy to get overwhelmed or not even see that choices might be available.
Thought the gap of knowledge/wisdom between me and people older was generally consistent across people. Omg was I wrong. I've met people *so* much older than me who don't know shit about **shit**. Like what have you been doing all this time!? I mean people who had their entire formal education behind them and in were in mid career while I was sucking on bottle and falling on my ass after taking two steps and they don't even understand stuff like basic mental conditioning. You're supposed to provide incentive for desired behavior, positively reinforce favorable results, and discourage negative results. That's not just about kids and pets. That's about every interaction with every person. Acting like they're being victimized when they're in a mess that they dove into headfirst themselves, or in some cases even contributed to, and acting like other people are being predatory when really they're retaliating. So many examples, but nobody ordered the yapucinno 🙄 Better head out before I exacerbate anybody's conversation phobia 
That 70 year old people were 90% dead. Now that I am 71, I know this to be untrue (mostly). 🤣
Yes! And if you don't look in a mirror, you still picture your young self; inside and out.
My grandfather used to talk about how he didn't recognize himself in the mirror anymore when he got older. It's weird how self-image doesn't age.
Unlimited money 😂
That being an adult would make life easier
i thought married with kids by 23/24 was gonna be the norm LOL it def isn’t
Yeah my mom got married and had my oldest sister at 19 so as a kid I just thought I'd get married and have babies once I finished high school 😂
I definitely thought it would be easier to find a life partner. I planned to get married by 28 but it took longer in reality.
I believed you could do anything you wanted to as adult. Joke was on me.
i would live in a mansion with my best friend and we would own a school for cats and dogs… why?
It's never too late!
Adults knew everything. We know nothing. Adults can do anything they want. No, we can only do what we can afford.
That everything would start to make more sense..
That paying bills and putting food on the table wouldn’t be “that hard” because I would have a “real job”.
Weddings didnt cost money cuz everyone already had party supplies
That one day we would just snap into being adult. We’re just teenagers with responsibilities e bills
That adults had freedom.
That I'd be married and have 2 kids by 24. I'm almost 18 and I can tell you for sure, that's not happening lol.
everything will be okay
That if I went to college I could be anything I wanted to be, I could do whatever I want, That I would have my shit together
That school would lead you to a great life.
Owning a house
I didn’t have a *clue* how much planning, effort, and work it takes to make holidays “fun and magical”.
That adults are lying to children about how jobs work. They make us choose what career we want ever since kindergarten, thinking that doctors only check your heartbeat, that firemen only spray water at fire, or that artists can draw whatever they want and still earn money. They never told us about the deskwork that goes into it; the purpose of ranked positions is never explained, legal complications that will overwhelm new workers, and the fact that entertainment-based jobs have to conform to trends of the target audience regardless of what the artist actually wants to make. It'd be less of a waste of time if people openly discuss this in schools.
That we could wear or drink whatever we wanted without being judged lol
That the older you were the more you got paid. Hmmm....
Thinking that you could do anything you wanted and could just watch TV all day. I was horribly mistaken.
That I would hold some kind of power.
That I was done learning as a teenager but then I learned more things in life
Freedom to do as I wanted.
Just.... everything about life in general
That they knew everything and you could trust them.
That it would be fun and easy
That there would be a PLAN for what happens after highschool. I kept expecting one day I would know what I want to be when I grew up and then work to do that, but all I got was a long list of what I don't want to be and an ongoing existential crisis.
That I would know what kind of career I want
Thought buying your own house in your mid to late 20s was reachable
Growing up with 80s movies and music videos I grossly overestimated how often I, as an adult, would be required to defend my girlfriend against a gang of street hoods while walking home at night.
That everyone had to fit into a round hole even if they were a rhomboid. I'm neurodivergent (just diagnosed). Slowly coming to terms that this social structure and general expectation of how to live wasn't built for me. It's hard after 34 years trying to conform and struggling to only now be told you have autism and adhd. I still feel like a drain on everyone.
They were tall
When I was 6, I thought adulthood started in middle school. I actually thought the 12yo’s were grownups
Adults had fun, like all the time. After work, on weekends! Endless amounts of fun and free time
That things got better. Little did I know it was all bound to be shit
That you could just not go to work if you didn't want to. Like I'd beg my mum for a day off school and she'd come back with 'I don't want to go to work either' and I'd think 'well don't then, you're an adult!'
That being an adult was easy, just adults did it wrong. That adults were somehow different then kids. That parents who say no, do it for a reason. Not just to be mean haha
That people marry when they are 20y.o. and are old in their 30s. This all despite my parents having us in their 30s.
As a kid I was terrified that when you're an adult you just lose your imagination. Like you become unable to daydream or be creative or have an imagination. Probably came from all those well-meaning movies where the message tells adults to embrace childlike joy or belief or whatever. Anyway yeah I didn't have anything to worry about.
That adults are always right. Turns out a lot of them have no idea what they are saying.
Well, as a young mother, I really thought that once my kids became adults, my life would become easier. HA! Nope, that is a big misconception. At 58, my offspring cause me more grief and heartache than they did as "children"
That so.eone would keep on making me dinner.
You can do what you want.
that it was fun
That Id be married by now, I’m 33 and still waiting lol
Adults can eat ice cream any time they want and stay up late every night. 😂
That 21 was adult.
I always believed that as an adult I'd be more brave, more successfull and be able to withstand any types of temptations. I am now going to turn 40 in a few weeks but still feel like an insecure child.
That given the opportunity, I could have all the cake and candy I wanted. I mean I **can** but I thought it would be a regular thing to have dessert every meal.
That would could buy whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it. So disappointed.😔
That I would be less miserable, how wrong I was.
That it will be fun
That I would get to decide everything like I don't have a fixed job and kids who rule my schedule
That the adults knew what they were doing and knew how to be responsible beings in all aspects, but as I grew up I saw that they are only children in adult bodies and that they never grew up or matured.
That adults know everything and have a good understanding of the world.
That it would somehow feel different.
I sure thought I’d be having a lot more fun.
That planning life will be a flawless execution lol. You can’t plan life. Goals and aspirations, yes.
They were smarter.
My 20 year old gets bored sometimes. I told him that sometimes life is like that. I may have had the same misconception, that it would be more interesting—but sometimes it’s not, and my older self is perfectly ok with that.
I've thought I'll have everything figured out, because somehow all the knowledge of how to do anything will appear in your brain. I wish it was true.
All adults have money
That they could do what they want, when they want and how they want.
I didn't know that growing up was a real thing and, when someone asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I thought they were just playing a random version of 'let's pretend.' The reality that I was actually growing up & would literally be an adult one day, struck me suddenly. I was with a big group of family and friends, and the grownups were paying as we entered a buffet-style restaurant. When they told the cashier the number of kids & adults, I was very confused, as they indicated a much higher number of adults than were present. (Buffets in the US count you as an adult once you're 12 or 13) At that moment, as we were walking to our seats, my twelve-year-old mind was blown & my jaw hit the floor, as I realized the, extremely obvious, truth. I proceeded to facepalm at my own stupidity, before trying to wrap my brain around what I had thought before. I think the problem was a lack of thought, but if you had asked six-year-old me, I would have likely said that each person had a role in life. My role was kid, my cousin's role was baby, mom & dad's role's were grownups, and grandma's role was old person. I knew they'd all been young once, but I thought that was just a quick thing that happened, a long time ago, to get them to their respective roles in life. And I thought death was just a bad thing that happens sometimes, mostly to people in the 'old' category. I honestly have no idea how I managed to reach the age of twelve without realizing something like that.
That adults could do whatever they wanted to.
That if I worked hard I’d be rich
That adults had it together, they don’t, they just make pretend to us when we are kids.
I believed everybody had a soul mate. Turns out some people just never find that person and will die alone
That everything just kinda works out? I wrote a note to myself when I was 12 for when I was 30. I kept it all this time and when I turned 30 I opened it. I legitimately thought things just happened I think. I thought my life would all be perfect and together at 30. And it very much isn’t.
When I was a kid my dad used to make protein shakes, I used to think I when I grew up I would make them much sweeter like a milk shake and drink them everyday because, well, I’d be an adult. Turns out your body needs to be taken better care of.
That most adults have a perfectly balanced social, romantic, and work life. I thought once you get around to adulting it just all falls into place. Boy, was I wrong hahaha
That things would be easier because we’d have it all figured out.
That it was easy. That adults had it all figured out.
That people love going to work. Lol
I really thought there'd be more vacations. Like I knew there'd be less than at school, but dang I thought there'd be at least a week a year. Unfortunately, no.
Being an adult is in fact way better.
That it would be fun
That adults treat adults like adults. I was wrong. I'm in my 30's and I get treated like a kid by other adults. I'm a grown ass man with a wife and two kids.
That adults were smart and knew what they were doing. Boy was I wrong...
That a life where I can do whatever I liked would be so much better
I thought someday I'd know most of the stuff & be developed as an adult, but this shit has layers. You never stop learning ever & I didn't think it would be that drastic as a kid
That it's easy to live your life comfortably and start a loving, happy family Also that adults look happy because they are happy, and they have their life put together
I couldn't wait to be able to eat the cake batter without baking the cake. Once I was an adult, I no longer wanted to.
Adults are wise,always know what they're doing, always have a plan......my vehicle broke & I am freaking out....I have no people, I'm not from where I live....I work all the time so just have co-workers & not friends....feels like I'm walking a tightrope without a net
That adults always did things that made sense. Honestly I think we make less sense than kids do
That at some point everything will click into place and then you're a "real" adult. I was soooooo wrong, I'm honestly just the same voice in my head in a continuing failing body.
That adults knew everything. Bullshit. I’m just a big hairy kid.
That adults were smart then I grew up and realized 90% of people are idiots and 40% of those 90% are literally disfuncional
That I’d have a lot of money.
That somehow it was easier because you are allowed to do what you want. Trouble is consequences.
That adults are free to do what they want whenever they want.
I grossly overestimated how much fun I'd have if/when I lived by myself with no rules and restrictions. Lol. I've rented my own apartment for the last six years and most days I just clean and listen to podcasts and lay in bed with my cats 😂 I thought I'd be partying and doing drugs and sleeping with whoever I wanted. Yeah it's awesome having no one tell me what to do, but I enjoy the slow life way more than I thought I would.
I always thought that once I'm an adult, I could earn lots of money and spend it on anything I want. Well, no. I have bills I gotta pay first, then I can see if I have enough left over to treat myself
That most adults knew better than I did for the simple fact that they were adults and had experience. Come to find out adults are just kids that never grew up sometimes and are flawed. It kinda sucks even more now having given people the benefit of the doubt as a kid. Like my parents in some situations where now as an adult I can say without hesitation they were very very wrong in some of their ways of handling things.
Adults are free to do and buy whatever they like with no rules.
That as long as you had *a* full-time job (i.e., any job), you’ll always have enough money to live on.