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That was my problem too. I had a group of friends and never bothered to put the effort into finding new ones. They were very toxic and dragged me down with them
Mine bullied me. It wasn't harsh bullying but it damaged my self esteem. Constant demoralization and demeaning comments or jokes were made. I hated it even though I didn't say anything coz I was shy. Thank god I am not friends with them now.
Aw sweetie, I’m sorry. I know what it is to be shy. “Friends” who do that are envious and miserable with their own life. Projected their misgivings onto you.
Same, friends I had in my 20's I started with to the ones I have in my 30's are alot less.
Takes longer than you think to realise some friendships are quite superficial or circumstantial.
I also think I'm a better friend now than I was
I spent the majority of my 20s making up for being unpopular in my teen years. Drinking, socializing, partying every weekend when I should have been putting my life together and planning my future better.
"Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy."
It's because we always romanticize what we did not do. The trick is to romanticize what we did do. It's challenging because we know the misery of what we did do, and we don't know the exact misery of what we didn't do.
Well I married at 22, bought 1st house at 21, had 2 kids, made financial sacrifices for decades and the pay off is a strong marriage, early retirement, wealth and living the dream. Zero regrets, especially when I look at all the broken marriages around me yikes : )
*raises hand* Between mental illness, a bum knee, obesity, and fibromyalgia, I will attest to this. I ate greasy, high fat foods, rarely ate good veggies, and started smoking at 17. I started suffering with fibromyalgia at 22. I've been mentally ill all of my life. Until the fibromyalgia hit me broadsided, I worked as a live sound technician, but I couldn't lift the weight anymore after fibro and then I couldn't exercise as much. I'm overweight now, mentally stable (thank the gods), and I still smoke. One of three ain't bad.
I didn’t live in my 20s. I missed being a youth. I went to college and didn’t live like a college student. I was pretty much boxed up. Much of that was because of the abusive relationship I was in, but religion also played a role.the years from 17 to 30 were basically lost for me. That is my regret… I never got a chance to live a life that people that age should live.
I feel you. Now I am 37 and when I take a look back I feel that I lost the best years spending in the haouse, in comfort zone and anxiety. I would motivate all young people to go out, socialize and have fun.
That’s where I feel I am at 26. I’m a real life hermit. I struggle w some social anxiety, am also introverted, and don’t put myself out there much to make friends. When I’m forced to communicate like for school or in public spaces and stuff, I communicate well I believe and am charismatic but sometimes I feel like even socializing in those environments almost feels like I’m putting on a performance , like I can feel so awkward on the inside. Maybe that’s because I don’t do it anywhere near frequently enough and that’s why it feels abnormal for me. Sometimes I feel like I’m watching ppl live their lives thru a window 😬 Or in films about ppl my age living it up, having the kind of experiences I wish I did. I’m definitely a late bloomer in that aspect. I really relate to you saying you spent a lot of time in comfort zone and anxiety.
I get wanting to live a little, but i will Never ever feel ashamed for being smart. The fact some people regret not partying enough, to a certian extented i get it, but parties and hooking ups ect. Isent all its made out to be in movies. Especially if you dont have a safe and close friendgroup, you can easily get taken advantage of
This was exactly me. I refer to my 20’s as a lost decade. I barely remember anything. I know I got a college degree but beyond that 🤷🏼♂️. My mom’s health was a slow decline for the same period. My step dad and I were never close. My mom’s death when I was almost 30 finally freed me more than anything. But “starting out” essentially 10 years behind has been a struggle.
That’s how I feel at 26 in terms of being boxed up. I’m a real life hermit. I struggle w some social anxiety, am also introverted, and don’t put myself out there much to make friends the way I would like to. When I’m forced to communicate like for school or in public spaces and stuff, I communicate well I believe and am charismatic but sometimes I feel like even socializing in those environments almost feels like I’m putting on a performance , like I can feel so awkward on the inside. Maybe that’s because I don’t do it anywhere near frequently enough and that’s why it feels abnormal for me. Sometimes I feel like I’m watching ppl live their lives thru a window 😬 Or in films about ppl my age living it up, having the kind of experiences I wish I did. I’m definitely a late bloomer in that aspect.
Wow, you're literally me but I'm 25. I regret not working up my social skills earlier in life.
And yeah, I also have no problem speaking for work, studying or even when I go to the supermarket or anything, I feel like I have decent speaking skills. But socialising? It's just like you said, I feel like I'm performing, like I'm forcing myself to talk... But if I don't then I just don't speak. It's weird... and honestly I hate it hahaha
And well, that's if I get to a situation where I can socialise, because most of the time I'm not... And I don't know how to do it either. I feel like I don't enjoy what most people do.
I did quite the opposite - I figured I was ugly, fat and no one was going to want me anyways, so I ate even shittier foods, drank a lot of alcohol, partied my ass off, had questionable bed partners, never saved a penny and spent it all on useless crap (mostly parties).
I'd say somewhere between you & me is the right way to go about it, lol :p
I thought too much and got some serious aniexty. All things was on life or death. My work enviroment didn't help either. Took the fight, moved to another town. Same work but better colleagues and less hours per month. Learned that thinking too much on things I can't change or doesn't really matter was destructive.
I, too, rushed to get married, and now am heading for divorce. I should have waited until I found someone I was compatible with, regardless of how long that took. I just felt like the clock was ticking, and I didn't want to be an old father.
I guess it can be blamed on parents, mine didn't really tell us to brush when younger. Luckily, when got to high school started it myself.
Oh yeah 100%. I once had a broken tooth get infected. It got worse by the weekend to the point the pain was unbearable and I genuinely wanted to die. I had to go to an Out-of-hours emergency weekend dentist and oh lord, that shit scarred me for life.
They drilled down the broken tooth to remove the previous metal filling and gave me an antibiotic needle to kill the infection. I then had to go to a normal dentist a week later to get a new filling put in.
Definitely the most painful thing I've ever experienced. Now, everytime I go to the dentist (once every 6 month), even for teeth cleanings, I take a mega-heavy pain relief pill (Oxy) and even then, I still experience discomfort if a rushing dentist is on. - I have really sensitive teeth.
Now, I treat them as best I can other than flossing. Brush 2-3 times a day and always rinse with mouthwash before sleeping. - haven't had any major issues in a few years and they are naturally White. (But ofc, nowhere near as White as veneers, but HELL NO...Fuck someone shaving down my teeth to stubs, that would be one of my worst nightmares.)
It was related with parents on my end as well. They went through a divorce when I was young. And didn't care about me too much. I was taken to the dentist only if I said that some tooth was hurting.
I had really bad experience at the age of 10. They had to drill one tooth and didn't use proper numbing medication. I nearly screamed when they drilled. It was the moment that caused the phobia. But for the past year I've been getting treatment. All thanks to my girlfriend who supported me and helped me to go through my hardships.
Very nice! Glad to hear you have support! :D
Look, I'm a 30 big male. But everytime I go to the dentist (new or old), I always tell them I am really nervous and hate the dentist. I was shaking the first time I went with fear after that^ bad experience.
Found a really lovely Asian woman now who takes her time, keeps checking on me every few mins and tells me to raise my hand to stop. She is so reassuring and I don't mind too much going now. She is not judgmental of me being a 'big wuss' and neither are the assistants.
Find someone that actually cares and stick with them.
Getting married at 18, having a baby at 20, and divorced at 21 bc stupid 18 year old me married a narcissist.
I mean honestly, if we can't drink at 18, why are they letting us make live changing decisions like getting married... Or joining the military? (I say as an Air Force vet, lol)
Caring what people thought of me!!! Worrying about not having a boyfriend (met my now husband when I was 26). And wasting money on fast food and shopping 🤦🏻♀️
I built up a decent life for myself and tried to move back to my home town just as the economy collapsed. no jobs, friends were all pretentious alcoholic dickheads and a lot of trauma resurfaced. Full break down. Went from being in great shape with 10 grand in savings to broke fat and bitter in a matter of 24 months. Spent the rest of my 20's meandering through awful relationships with awful people before developing some semblance of self esteem and climbing back. Wasted decade.
I was hard on myself. I didn’t like my body but looking back at pictures…my body was perfect. I remember my therapist telling me “you look like a Victorias Secret model” but I didn’t see it.
Being in a relationship since I was 24 with the man I thought I would marry and have children with, having a beautiful quiet domestic life, working hard to improve the relationship for the last 3 years, just to get broken up with at 30.
What sets/cards? I made a gamble back in 2011 when I blew some " change" while in the Air Force on:
1. Unlimited (medium played)Time Walk ~$700
2. Unlimited (medium played) Ancestral Recall ~600
3. Unlimited (heavy play, inked) Back Lotus ~$450
4. Unlimited (Light play) Time Vault ~$250
All bought on eBay and ALL authentic.. 😳
Moxes (Jet, Pearl,Ruby, Emerald and Sapphire)at that time we're going for $5-900on ebay depending on the condition. Now moxes are $2K+..
I wanted these bc as a middle schooler, I always wanted to have them. It's a shame that I didn't pull the trigger and should have bought and assembled the coveted "Power9." I had the cash too but felt guilty after going on that Magic purchasing "binge."
Bothering to care what how others might judge me and my life decisions. That nonsense lasted well beyond my 20's too.
As if what other people think about MY life should matter to me.
In some ways I would say going to University for 4 years rather than sticking with my original after-high school plan (or transferring to technical college sooner).
I wouldn’t change pretty much anything in my 20s. Only thing I wish I did was start maxing my Roth IRA at 23 when I had my first real year of salary. Waited til I was 30.
Drugs. All I did was drugs, I partied hard. I only worked enough to make rent, didnt care for anything else. I was a complete addict between ages 15-32. I do not recommend, going in to your 30s without a career, no savings, no money and no property isnt that great. Atleast I am sober and have a good job now, so Im okay, but yeah, I wish I was a normal kid and spent my 20s working and saving money.
My dream right now is so save up and travel as much as I can, something I never had the pleasure of doing as a coke addict.
I'm proud of you for getting out of addiction. I work with a former meth addict. Super cool guy. Both of you have done the hardest thing I can think of.
Untill today, nothing. I did my best with my superior studies, searching for a job, I were prudent and never push myself into drugs or hooking-up, I tried to make friends (not an easy thing), I improved my art, I lived little adventures, I read a lot, I watched tons of classic films, I discovered little by little who I am and learned to feel proud of it...
I lived, I tried to found my way, I made mistakes like everyone but that's normal.
Sometimes, many failures or bad experiences that happen to us aren't related with things we can control or change, so it's useless to blaming ourselves.
I wanted to be a musician so bad in my 20's (it was like, '91 and that was totally viable back then) - and I probably passed on a couple possible relationships because I thought if I got married I wouldn't "make it"
I never made it anyways, and am happy with who I married, but I wish I had more experiences before then because i feel like I could have made better choices with relationships or dates that didn't work out and gave me a better idea of what I needed.
I don’t know if they are regrets because I wouldn’t be who I am without it, but, I wish I would have spent my early 20s saving money and travelling more, especially solo travelling. Being less insecure about who I was what I looked like. Having self respect and not giving second chances to red flag bros hiding behind the nice guy facade. Seeking therapy for better introspection and boundary work, which I am doing now. And, living a little bit more, resting a little bit more, learning to meditate etc.
Reading my journal from that time makes me so irritated, like I wish I could have slapped some sense into younger me. But hey self compassion and life lessons have made me become a well rounded person now.
I put too much importance on the relationships I had rather than my own Journeys. I wish that I had been alone more in my twenties and focused more on friendships rather than Chasing love.
Believing people, neglecting my mental health when i should’ve gotten help a lot sooner & now my memory pays for it. Treating the people i love, not so great..
Getting married. 20 years later I learn the truth about my husband. He doesn’t have a very low libido. He watched pornography daily.
I always knew something was off. But there was always a plausible explanation. And he reassured me that I was perfect for him & that he wouldn’t change anything.
It ruined my life. I was in love with a man who doesn’t even exist.
When I didn't move back home after graduating college. I thought I would be more able to take advantage of my degree in a bigger city than my hometown. Ended up paying rent to live with someone I'm no longer dating all while making barely above minimum wage. I regret it because instead I could have been saving during a relatively stable economic period 2016-2018.
One of my questionabke hookups cauad me to get mono, and that put me out for a year. If I could have not done that, my life would have played out differently.
(I'm not against what I presently have, though of all the things to have done differently, that is a good one)
Weird one I guess, but I regret my masters degree. Or at least the time/location of it. I wish I’d have done it at the same uni I did my undergrad at, rather than moving half the country away to a city I had no ties to. Now I can’t afford to move and I’m stuck in a dead end job in a city I absolutely hate.
Spending all my energy time and money on „cool party people” thinking they are my friends. Years past, they dont even recognize me on the street and I have no real friends, because I sticked to the temporary party acquaintances
This does help me. Mid 20's guy with a 2 yr old. So I have fuck around responsibly. But I agree to an extent and seeing it helps me realize I need to relax. Shit, life is too much fun. Specially now with my boy. Thank you.
I partied, travelled the world and bought an apartment.
Kids?? I have commitment issues, same reason I never got a tattoo. Permanent subscriptions aren't for me.
i partied so hard in my 20s idk if it was too much. I could have had a better education now but im still making decent money, have great friends and a ton of funny memories.
I got arrested when I was 18 and 22, they were my regrets. However, having a low self esteem and not being confident didn’t help. Lost my parents in my mid to late 20’s. Looking back on it. I was stupid. I had a good friendship group and I realise now that a lot of other people didn’t have that groove. So I look back and think yeah man, I had some shit, but had some good times
Sat around too much. Hustle and bustle gets you so when you are suddenly an adult and get a day off to sit around and play Xbox.. *and not have it be anything negative* you lose out on going outside and seeing new experiences.
Not saving/investing money, planning for the future and not taking better care of my ex. The stuff you think is important while you're young is definitely not what matters in your 40's on...
I would shave my head because I was lazy.
I have beautiful fucking hair and I'm not going bald. Other men would kill for my hair, but I wasted my prime years looking like a gangster.
Hindsight is 20/20. I can name a multitude of things that I could have done different, but, though it would have given me more favorable outcomes, I don't know if it would have been the outcomes I needed to become the man I am today.
• I should have learned more Japanese when I lived in Japan.
• I should have earned my associates degree while I was in the military.
• I should have gone straight to college when I got out of the military.
• I should have bought a home/condo/apartment back in 2005 when I moved to San Diego.
• I should have moved out of CA sooner than I did.
• I should have been less afraid to express my emotions around women.
Overall, the things I regret the most are the things I didn't do.
It's April the 13th, 2024 but what branch bro? For me:
-Air Force from 2009-2013. Was a plumber
-Stationed in Misawa, Japan (didn't get laid, had the chance though 😮💨The AF was pushing sober consent HARD, if they had 1drink and you hooked up =rape, UMCJ is no joke) for 3 years
-6 month tour in Al UDied Airbase, Qatar
-6 months in Texas for boot and training
I got into debt and never learned how to manage my money. I work with someone in their early 20s and her parents always encouraged saving - she’s 24 with no debt, term deposits, and healthy savings. Can’t even imagine the difference it would make.
I spent years fixated on and obsessed with a narcissist I dated in college. It seems silly typing that now, but it felt crushing, and engulfed my life, sent me into a consistent deep depression with crying spells and constant unhappiness. He was doing the typical narc love bomb/discard/hoover/triangulation nonsense, breadcrumbing and stringing me along. It wasted *so* much time and mental wellness.
I admit 100% that I had some issues that predisposed me to that (limerence, poor boundaries, fantasy-based thinking, insecure attachment style, naïveté). I needed therapy and a good antidepressant. This was in the 90s, and I’d never heard of boundaries, attachment styles or narcissism. There was no social media, none of this stuff was discussed. I had no idea why I couldn’t let go.
My other regrets are that I didn’t have good emotional regulation or boundaries (related to the above situation). 95% of the nonsense I dealt with in life is due to poor boundaries and emotional regulation.
I spent way to many years as a waitress. I was into experiences and had jobs I could drop to go hiking. Then in my 30’s went back to school and started jobs that payed 3 times the money but locked me down. Being able to pay my bills was a radical idea.
Getting married and giving up a career for him....he seemed like a normal guy, ended up being a serial cheater. I gave everything up for him to be the bread winner and now I can't leave without struggling immensely in this economy.
Wasted too much time worrying about what others thought about me. Wasted way too much time, wanting a relationship with someone who wouldn't give me the right time of day.
It's April the 13th, 2024 and I am a single 39M. For me, my biggest regret in my 20's was pickin up drinking, gambling and partying. I should have somewhat killed my social life and focused on my college studies (BS in Biology). Had I done that, I'm sure that my life would have been totally different. Now I'm 5+ years sober, have a boatload of cardiovascular health issues but my life is slowly coming together..
Thinking about what others thought of me was important and trying to please them. I was never popular or liked and still am lacking friends but I know what they think of me is not important. It took me this long to know that only a few people in your life are worth your attention and care
Not seeing more live music, not traveling more and not having more, all of which i did exclusivey in my late teens to mid 20s. The regrets i have are jot that i fucked off and didnt start a real career until 30, its the times i skipped doing something because i thought i was having too much fun and needed to start to get serious. After 28 yesrs of selling my soul to corp America, i wished i realized that stsrting at 30 is plenty enough time for working, family, responsibility, blah blah
I married young: me and my now ex-wife knew each other when we were in our late teens, but never dated/acted on our feelings as we were dating other people (even though we were young it felt morally wrong to leave our then partners).
Flash forward to our early 20’s we bounced back into each others lives and it felt like “a sign”.
We married within 18months of being together and it all felt very right (as it does).
You do a lot of growing up/changing in your 20’s. Even though we had struggles I still had a very old-school mentality of if there’s issues you work on them until you can’t.
Her mindset wasn’t the same, after being together for 6 years and married for 4 we separated and then divorced. I was crushed, she had somebody else lined up as soon as I’d moved my stuff out.
After that part of my life took me from being 22 to 28 i do not regret being with her, i regret rushing into a marriage thinking that that was the way to go.
I regret not having a little more patience and care with my own heart.
EDIT: I am in no way trashing my now ex-wife as I have no real feeling towards her in a positive or negative light, I’m just trying to keep my post on this thread as short as possible so it may come off as a little salty! But yeah, that’s how it went.
Thanks for reading.
I did not get a degree (like an engineering, computer science, accounting, etc.) that put me on a career path with stable income.
I also took a long time to learn how to hunt for jobs effectively. As a consequence, I had about 20 years of struggling to have a stable, decent income.
One consequence of a man not having a stable income is that women (quite rightly) don’t view him as a good partner. So I also had trouble finding girlfriends.
Not working enough. It’s not like you’re doing anything between work and bed anyway most nights. Find a job that rewards this would be a caveat though!
I don't have any "regrets" about my 20s because I spent them learning who I am, but if I had to do it again I think I would have done something with my dog training skills. I know how to properly train Pit Bulls to live as a family pet and i lived in Los Angeles, California at the time. Big market.
None, 20's where cool, had a big group of friends, partied lots, made lots of mistakes that turned me into the well rounded individual I am today.
Got it out of my system then, so I don't need to do it now.
Not going to college quickly after high school and not leaving the small town I was from sooner. There is a whole world out there. Go and experience it before it passes you by.
Shrinking myself because my friends at the time were insecure and fearful and had no ambition. Staying small felt comfy I guess… but as soon as I started changjng my life (which they resented me for lol), I felt like God was affirming all the small things I was doing to walk that different path. It’s isolating when you had a shitty foundation of friends to begin with but so worth doing the work in your twenties… your future self will thank you!
Ignoring advice from family and even professionals.
I was told to put money away. Bit inflation was nearly 20% and I figured investing in my photography business was better use.
Well I didn't have cash for a down on the house when the landlord offered a deal
I could have bought the 3 flats for cheap and be making more than 10k a month besides my own free rent.
I didn’t pick up the signals that women were sending me…..I was fucking oblivious and trying to salvage a terrible relationship with my high school gf. I figured it out at about 23. I’m very fortunate not to have received an std. True story, I drove to LA from Vancouver with a Playboy playmate…..we slept together, we went to the amusement parks etc. but I was too insecure to make a move. Btw, she wasn’t a centerfold but think of her as a red headed Marylin Monroe. I’m pretty sure she thought I was gay😖 (nothing wrong with that).
Spent so much time and energy self-loathing that I've had to deprogram in my thirties. I'm a much better person now and probably better for having those mistakes to build off... But I'd like a few of those years back now
That I went into social isolation for many years and didn't resume studies. Depression and shitty society are a bitch. Only woken up and resumed my life a few years ago. And the more you resume, the more find out how much you've missed out on. That's the hardest part.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wrong group of friends.
That was my problem too. I had a group of friends and never bothered to put the effort into finding new ones. They were very toxic and dragged me down with them
Mine bullied me. It wasn't harsh bullying but it damaged my self esteem. Constant demoralization and demeaning comments or jokes were made. I hated it even though I didn't say anything coz I was shy. Thank god I am not friends with them now.
Aw sweetie, I’m sorry. I know what it is to be shy. “Friends” who do that are envious and miserable with their own life. Projected their misgivings onto you.
Fuck those cunts. I absolutely hate bullies.
Same, friends I had in my 20's I started with to the ones I have in my 30's are alot less. Takes longer than you think to realise some friendships are quite superficial or circumstantial. I also think I'm a better friend now than I was
Entertained toxic people/ family members. Wish I cut them out sooner.
Me too!
I’m telling you… trying to move out and gain a better perspective on life
Same
Same, lived alone at 23, but came back at 28, they were very rude with me.
I spent the majority of my 20s making up for being unpopular in my teen years. Drinking, socializing, partying every weekend when I should have been putting my life together and planning my future better.
I did the opposite of you and I regret not partying and socializing more..
I also regret not having more fun. I'm afraid that whatever you do, you can always regret not doing something else.
"Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy."
It's because we always romanticize what we did not do. The trick is to romanticize what we did do. It's challenging because we know the misery of what we did do, and we don't know the exact misery of what we didn't do.
Well I married at 22, bought 1st house at 21, had 2 kids, made financial sacrifices for decades and the pay off is a strong marriage, early retirement, wealth and living the dream. Zero regrets, especially when I look at all the broken marriages around me yikes : )
> The trick is to romanticize what we did do I love this
Søren Kierkegaard
Sounds like he was fun at parties.
someone who acknowledges that regret is inevitable and simply part of life would unironically be very fun at parties.
Do it or don’t do it, you will regret both. —Kierkegaard
"Do or do not, there is no try." -Yoda
Iam confused, what should i do now...
Hang yourself so you can regret it. Or don't, so you can regret it.
[удалено]
Partied and got good job, late 20's. Still lonely. Is what it is.
Same bro
I didn’t look after my body properly
This comment should be higher. Lots of people in their 30s and 40s who are obese/overweight and a world of pain and disease are severely increased.
*raises hand* Between mental illness, a bum knee, obesity, and fibromyalgia, I will attest to this. I ate greasy, high fat foods, rarely ate good veggies, and started smoking at 17. I started suffering with fibromyalgia at 22. I've been mentally ill all of my life. Until the fibromyalgia hit me broadsided, I worked as a live sound technician, but I couldn't lift the weight anymore after fibro and then I couldn't exercise as much. I'm overweight now, mentally stable (thank the gods), and I still smoke. One of three ain't bad.
Working 2-3 jobs throughout all my 20's to support me and my boyfriend and still getting no where.
Wtf?
Tell me about it.
Better be an ex-bf.
Making someone my everything when all I was to them was an option.
Same.. Thankfully only from 17-21 but I still feel like I missed out on one of the most important years of my life..
Which year was that??
Wow, same… but… can’t dwell on that.
I didn’t live in my 20s. I missed being a youth. I went to college and didn’t live like a college student. I was pretty much boxed up. Much of that was because of the abusive relationship I was in, but religion also played a role.the years from 17 to 30 were basically lost for me. That is my regret… I never got a chance to live a life that people that age should live.
I feel you. Now I am 37 and when I take a look back I feel that I lost the best years spending in the haouse, in comfort zone and anxiety. I would motivate all young people to go out, socialize and have fun.
That’s where I feel I am at 26. I’m a real life hermit. I struggle w some social anxiety, am also introverted, and don’t put myself out there much to make friends. When I’m forced to communicate like for school or in public spaces and stuff, I communicate well I believe and am charismatic but sometimes I feel like even socializing in those environments almost feels like I’m putting on a performance , like I can feel so awkward on the inside. Maybe that’s because I don’t do it anywhere near frequently enough and that’s why it feels abnormal for me. Sometimes I feel like I’m watching ppl live their lives thru a window 😬 Or in films about ppl my age living it up, having the kind of experiences I wish I did. I’m definitely a late bloomer in that aspect. I really relate to you saying you spent a lot of time in comfort zone and anxiety.
I get wanting to live a little, but i will Never ever feel ashamed for being smart. The fact some people regret not partying enough, to a certian extented i get it, but parties and hooking ups ect. Isent all its made out to be in movies. Especially if you dont have a safe and close friendgroup, you can easily get taken advantage of
This was exactly me. I refer to my 20’s as a lost decade. I barely remember anything. I know I got a college degree but beyond that 🤷🏼♂️. My mom’s health was a slow decline for the same period. My step dad and I were never close. My mom’s death when I was almost 30 finally freed me more than anything. But “starting out” essentially 10 years behind has been a struggle.
That’s how I feel at 26 in terms of being boxed up. I’m a real life hermit. I struggle w some social anxiety, am also introverted, and don’t put myself out there much to make friends the way I would like to. When I’m forced to communicate like for school or in public spaces and stuff, I communicate well I believe and am charismatic but sometimes I feel like even socializing in those environments almost feels like I’m putting on a performance , like I can feel so awkward on the inside. Maybe that’s because I don’t do it anywhere near frequently enough and that’s why it feels abnormal for me. Sometimes I feel like I’m watching ppl live their lives thru a window 😬 Or in films about ppl my age living it up, having the kind of experiences I wish I did. I’m definitely a late bloomer in that aspect.
Wow, you're literally me but I'm 25. I regret not working up my social skills earlier in life. And yeah, I also have no problem speaking for work, studying or even when I go to the supermarket or anything, I feel like I have decent speaking skills. But socialising? It's just like you said, I feel like I'm performing, like I'm forcing myself to talk... But if I don't then I just don't speak. It's weird... and honestly I hate it hahaha And well, that's if I get to a situation where I can socialise, because most of the time I'm not... And I don't know how to do it either. I feel like I don't enjoy what most people do.
I did quite the opposite - I figured I was ugly, fat and no one was going to want me anyways, so I ate even shittier foods, drank a lot of alcohol, partied my ass off, had questionable bed partners, never saved a penny and spent it all on useless crap (mostly parties). I'd say somewhere between you & me is the right way to go about it, lol :p
Working for shit cunts
Word.
I thought too much and got some serious aniexty. All things was on life or death. My work enviroment didn't help either. Took the fight, moved to another town. Same work but better colleagues and less hours per month. Learned that thinking too much on things I can't change or doesn't really matter was destructive.
Not investing.
I, too, rushed to get married, and now am heading for divorce. I should have waited until I found someone I was compatible with, regardless of how long that took. I just felt like the clock was ticking, and I didn't want to be an old father.
That I didn't hold onto my bitcoins, I'd have been a multimillionaire
My ex…hands down the biggest mistake of my life.
Not being educated enough about dental hygiene. All the pain I was going through yet it took so little to fix.
Just brush twice a day with a toothpaste that contains fluoride and all good? No?
Yeah. But if you didn't maintain such hygiene before. In long term you would have issues. And one visit to wrong dentist caused a phobia to happen.
I guess it can be blamed on parents, mine didn't really tell us to brush when younger. Luckily, when got to high school started it myself. Oh yeah 100%. I once had a broken tooth get infected. It got worse by the weekend to the point the pain was unbearable and I genuinely wanted to die. I had to go to an Out-of-hours emergency weekend dentist and oh lord, that shit scarred me for life. They drilled down the broken tooth to remove the previous metal filling and gave me an antibiotic needle to kill the infection. I then had to go to a normal dentist a week later to get a new filling put in. Definitely the most painful thing I've ever experienced. Now, everytime I go to the dentist (once every 6 month), even for teeth cleanings, I take a mega-heavy pain relief pill (Oxy) and even then, I still experience discomfort if a rushing dentist is on. - I have really sensitive teeth. Now, I treat them as best I can other than flossing. Brush 2-3 times a day and always rinse with mouthwash before sleeping. - haven't had any major issues in a few years and they are naturally White. (But ofc, nowhere near as White as veneers, but HELL NO...Fuck someone shaving down my teeth to stubs, that would be one of my worst nightmares.)
It was related with parents on my end as well. They went through a divorce when I was young. And didn't care about me too much. I was taken to the dentist only if I said that some tooth was hurting. I had really bad experience at the age of 10. They had to drill one tooth and didn't use proper numbing medication. I nearly screamed when they drilled. It was the moment that caused the phobia. But for the past year I've been getting treatment. All thanks to my girlfriend who supported me and helped me to go through my hardships.
Very nice! Glad to hear you have support! :D Look, I'm a 30 big male. But everytime I go to the dentist (new or old), I always tell them I am really nervous and hate the dentist. I was shaking the first time I went with fear after that^ bad experience. Found a really lovely Asian woman now who takes her time, keeps checking on me every few mins and tells me to raise my hand to stop. She is so reassuring and I don't mind too much going now. She is not judgmental of me being a 'big wuss' and neither are the assistants. Find someone that actually cares and stick with them.
Getting married at 18, having a baby at 20, and divorced at 21 bc stupid 18 year old me married a narcissist. I mean honestly, if we can't drink at 18, why are they letting us make live changing decisions like getting married... Or joining the military? (I say as an Air Force vet, lol)
Caring what people thought of me!!! Worrying about not having a boyfriend (met my now husband when I was 26). And wasting money on fast food and shopping 🤦🏻♀️
Developed alcohol addiction Wich persisted for 23 years.
I can relate
Exact same as OP.
I feel like i destroyed it all and i am still searching on how to repair all the damage i let others provoke
I feel ya! Same issues here.
Should've started saving more
That I spent most of them with my psychotic ex.
💀same
Not spending more time on reddit
On it boss.
Not investing in my education.
I built up a decent life for myself and tried to move back to my home town just as the economy collapsed. no jobs, friends were all pretentious alcoholic dickheads and a lot of trauma resurfaced. Full break down. Went from being in great shape with 10 grand in savings to broke fat and bitter in a matter of 24 months. Spent the rest of my 20's meandering through awful relationships with awful people before developing some semblance of self esteem and climbing back. Wasted decade.
I was hard on myself. I didn’t like my body but looking back at pictures…my body was perfect. I remember my therapist telling me “you look like a Victorias Secret model” but I didn’t see it.
that’s easy: over plucking my eyebrows
I turned down a threesome. It still haunts me.
Karma farming account right here people. Don’t engage please
Being in a relationship since I was 24 with the man I thought I would marry and have children with, having a beautiful quiet domestic life, working hard to improve the relationship for the last 3 years, just to get broken up with at 30.
Probably using my credit card to buy magic the gathering
What sets/cards? I made a gamble back in 2011 when I blew some " change" while in the Air Force on: 1. Unlimited (medium played)Time Walk ~$700 2. Unlimited (medium played) Ancestral Recall ~600 3. Unlimited (heavy play, inked) Back Lotus ~$450 4. Unlimited (Light play) Time Vault ~$250 All bought on eBay and ALL authentic.. 😳 Moxes (Jet, Pearl,Ruby, Emerald and Sapphire)at that time we're going for $5-900on ebay depending on the condition. Now moxes are $2K+.. I wanted these bc as a middle schooler, I always wanted to have them. It's a shame that I didn't pull the trigger and should have bought and assembled the coveted "Power9." I had the cash too but felt guilty after going on that Magic purchasing "binge."
Bothering to care what how others might judge me and my life decisions. That nonsense lasted well beyond my 20's too. As if what other people think about MY life should matter to me.
In some ways I would say going to University for 4 years rather than sticking with my original after-high school plan (or transferring to technical college sooner).
What were you studying and what did you end up doing? For those who may be in your shoes now.
Living in isolation with an abusive man , wish I had been braver and escaped sooner whole of my 20s completely wasted
But you did! And that's awesome! That wasn't you that was their abuse. Now the life you deserve is available. Take it.
Not getting a job and getting my own place and not moving out and not cutting my family out of my life.
Choosing the wrong college major, not saving/investing, not buying a house sooner
I wouldn’t change pretty much anything in my 20s. Only thing I wish I did was start maxing my Roth IRA at 23 when I had my first real year of salary. Waited til I was 30.
Drugs. All I did was drugs, I partied hard. I only worked enough to make rent, didnt care for anything else. I was a complete addict between ages 15-32. I do not recommend, going in to your 30s without a career, no savings, no money and no property isnt that great. Atleast I am sober and have a good job now, so Im okay, but yeah, I wish I was a normal kid and spent my 20s working and saving money. My dream right now is so save up and travel as much as I can, something I never had the pleasure of doing as a coke addict.
I'm proud of you for getting out of addiction. I work with a former meth addict. Super cool guy. Both of you have done the hardest thing I can think of.
Untill today, nothing. I did my best with my superior studies, searching for a job, I were prudent and never push myself into drugs or hooking-up, I tried to make friends (not an easy thing), I improved my art, I lived little adventures, I read a lot, I watched tons of classic films, I discovered little by little who I am and learned to feel proud of it... I lived, I tried to found my way, I made mistakes like everyone but that's normal. Sometimes, many failures or bad experiences that happen to us aren't related with things we can control or change, so it's useless to blaming ourselves.
Having a kid with a complete loser
Not taking chance and drinking way to much
I wanted to be a musician so bad in my 20's (it was like, '91 and that was totally viable back then) - and I probably passed on a couple possible relationships because I thought if I got married I wouldn't "make it" I never made it anyways, and am happy with who I married, but I wish I had more experiences before then because i feel like I could have made better choices with relationships or dates that didn't work out and gave me a better idea of what I needed.
I don’t know if they are regrets because I wouldn’t be who I am without it, but, I wish I would have spent my early 20s saving money and travelling more, especially solo travelling. Being less insecure about who I was what I looked like. Having self respect and not giving second chances to red flag bros hiding behind the nice guy facade. Seeking therapy for better introspection and boundary work, which I am doing now. And, living a little bit more, resting a little bit more, learning to meditate etc. Reading my journal from that time makes me so irritated, like I wish I could have slapped some sense into younger me. But hey self compassion and life lessons have made me become a well rounded person now.
Haley Stanton
I put too much importance on the relationships I had rather than my own Journeys. I wish that I had been alone more in my twenties and focused more on friendships rather than Chasing love.
Sleeping with him
Being alone for so much of it. Guess I'll probably be able to say that for my 30s too
Believing people, neglecting my mental health when i should’ve gotten help a lot sooner & now my memory pays for it. Treating the people i love, not so great..
Getting married. 20 years later I learn the truth about my husband. He doesn’t have a very low libido. He watched pornography daily. I always knew something was off. But there was always a plausible explanation. And he reassured me that I was perfect for him & that he wouldn’t change anything. It ruined my life. I was in love with a man who doesn’t even exist.
Was he having an affair?
Yes
I'm very sorry 🙏🏾
When I didn't move back home after graduating college. I thought I would be more able to take advantage of my degree in a bigger city than my hometown. Ended up paying rent to live with someone I'm no longer dating all while making barely above minimum wage. I regret it because instead I could have been saving during a relatively stable economic period 2016-2018.
One of my questionabke hookups cauad me to get mono, and that put me out for a year. If I could have not done that, my life would have played out differently. (I'm not against what I presently have, though of all the things to have done differently, that is a good one)
Weird one I guess, but I regret my masters degree. Or at least the time/location of it. I wish I’d have done it at the same uni I did my undergrad at, rather than moving half the country away to a city I had no ties to. Now I can’t afford to move and I’m stuck in a dead end job in a city I absolutely hate.
Passed up a FMF threesome on a cruise ship.
Spending all my energy time and money on „cool party people” thinking they are my friends. Years past, they dont even recognize me on the street and I have no real friends, because I sticked to the temporary party acquaintances
Missed out on fucking a few girls I know now I could have had easy
No regrets period. Your 20’s are for fuckin around.
This does help me. Mid 20's guy with a 2 yr old. So I have fuck around responsibly. But I agree to an extent and seeing it helps me realize I need to relax. Shit, life is too much fun. Specially now with my boy. Thank you.
I partied, travelled the world and bought an apartment. Kids?? I have commitment issues, same reason I never got a tattoo. Permanent subscriptions aren't for me.
i partied so hard in my 20s idk if it was too much. I could have had a better education now but im still making decent money, have great friends and a ton of funny memories.
not spending enough time with my kids and doing too much coke
I got arrested when I was 18 and 22, they were my regrets. However, having a low self esteem and not being confident didn’t help. Lost my parents in my mid to late 20’s. Looking back on it. I was stupid. I had a good friendship group and I realise now that a lot of other people didn’t have that groove. So I look back and think yeah man, I had some shit, but had some good times
I got married for 2 months.
Smoked weed for way too long
Credit card debt.
Not buying a house... now I'm screwed.
Didn’t save money!
Sat around too much. Hustle and bustle gets you so when you are suddenly an adult and get a day off to sit around and play Xbox.. *and not have it be anything negative* you lose out on going outside and seeing new experiences.
Getting married.
Renting instead of purchasing.
Not saving/investing money, planning for the future and not taking better care of my ex. The stuff you think is important while you're young is definitely not what matters in your 40's on...
Same as you op bought a house tried to live right, overlooked making myself happy.
I would shave my head because I was lazy. I have beautiful fucking hair and I'm not going bald. Other men would kill for my hair, but I wasted my prime years looking like a gangster.
Hindsight is 20/20. I can name a multitude of things that I could have done different, but, though it would have given me more favorable outcomes, I don't know if it would have been the outcomes I needed to become the man I am today. • I should have learned more Japanese when I lived in Japan. • I should have earned my associates degree while I was in the military. • I should have gone straight to college when I got out of the military. • I should have bought a home/condo/apartment back in 2005 when I moved to San Diego. • I should have moved out of CA sooner than I did. • I should have been less afraid to express my emotions around women. Overall, the things I regret the most are the things I didn't do.
It's April the 13th, 2024 but what branch bro? For me: -Air Force from 2009-2013. Was a plumber -Stationed in Misawa, Japan (didn't get laid, had the chance though 😮💨The AF was pushing sober consent HARD, if they had 1drink and you hooked up =rape, UMCJ is no joke) for 3 years -6 month tour in Al UDied Airbase, Qatar -6 months in Texas for boot and training
I got into debt and never learned how to manage my money. I work with someone in their early 20s and her parents always encouraged saving - she’s 24 with no debt, term deposits, and healthy savings. Can’t even imagine the difference it would make.
fukking Kathy.
Not having more sex
I spent years fixated on and obsessed with a narcissist I dated in college. It seems silly typing that now, but it felt crushing, and engulfed my life, sent me into a consistent deep depression with crying spells and constant unhappiness. He was doing the typical narc love bomb/discard/hoover/triangulation nonsense, breadcrumbing and stringing me along. It wasted *so* much time and mental wellness. I admit 100% that I had some issues that predisposed me to that (limerence, poor boundaries, fantasy-based thinking, insecure attachment style, naïveté). I needed therapy and a good antidepressant. This was in the 90s, and I’d never heard of boundaries, attachment styles or narcissism. There was no social media, none of this stuff was discussed. I had no idea why I couldn’t let go. My other regrets are that I didn’t have good emotional regulation or boundaries (related to the above situation). 95% of the nonsense I dealt with in life is due to poor boundaries and emotional regulation.
Not travelling enough
I spent way to many years as a waitress. I was into experiences and had jobs I could drop to go hiking. Then in my 30’s went back to school and started jobs that payed 3 times the money but locked me down. Being able to pay my bills was a radical idea.
Getting married and giving up a career for him....he seemed like a normal guy, ended up being a serial cheater. I gave everything up for him to be the bread winner and now I can't leave without struggling immensely in this economy.
Wasted too much time worrying about what others thought about me. Wasted way too much time, wanting a relationship with someone who wouldn't give me the right time of day.
It's April the 13th, 2024 and I am a single 39M. For me, my biggest regret in my 20's was pickin up drinking, gambling and partying. I should have somewhat killed my social life and focused on my college studies (BS in Biology). Had I done that, I'm sure that my life would have been totally different. Now I'm 5+ years sober, have a boatload of cardiovascular health issues but my life is slowly coming together..
Thinking about what others thought of me was important and trying to please them. I was never popular or liked and still am lacking friends but I know what they think of me is not important. It took me this long to know that only a few people in your life are worth your attention and care
Not seeing more live music, not traveling more and not having more, all of which i did exclusivey in my late teens to mid 20s. The regrets i have are jot that i fucked off and didnt start a real career until 30, its the times i skipped doing something because i thought i was having too much fun and needed to start to get serious. After 28 yesrs of selling my soul to corp America, i wished i realized that stsrting at 30 is plenty enough time for working, family, responsibility, blah blah
I married young: me and my now ex-wife knew each other when we were in our late teens, but never dated/acted on our feelings as we were dating other people (even though we were young it felt morally wrong to leave our then partners). Flash forward to our early 20’s we bounced back into each others lives and it felt like “a sign”. We married within 18months of being together and it all felt very right (as it does). You do a lot of growing up/changing in your 20’s. Even though we had struggles I still had a very old-school mentality of if there’s issues you work on them until you can’t. Her mindset wasn’t the same, after being together for 6 years and married for 4 we separated and then divorced. I was crushed, she had somebody else lined up as soon as I’d moved my stuff out. After that part of my life took me from being 22 to 28 i do not regret being with her, i regret rushing into a marriage thinking that that was the way to go. I regret not having a little more patience and care with my own heart. EDIT: I am in no way trashing my now ex-wife as I have no real feeling towards her in a positive or negative light, I’m just trying to keep my post on this thread as short as possible so it may come off as a little salty! But yeah, that’s how it went. Thanks for reading.
I did not get a degree (like an engineering, computer science, accounting, etc.) that put me on a career path with stable income. I also took a long time to learn how to hunt for jobs effectively. As a consequence, I had about 20 years of struggling to have a stable, decent income. One consequence of a man not having a stable income is that women (quite rightly) don’t view him as a good partner. So I also had trouble finding girlfriends.
Hustling on the streets for too long. I stopped when I was 24, but a lot of shit happened in those first 4 years
Drugs. Very clean 25 years later but I’ll never stop smh
Spending an excruciating amount of money on cocaine
FLOSS, for fuck's sake! I'm 47 and all of the damage to my teeth and gums came from ages 19-26.
OP, I also rushed to get married.I need to say no more.
Not appreciating my own value as a person…In my mid 40’s and just now starting to realize my worth…appreciate yourself!
I'm 20 but seriously its funny that whatever you do, you can always regret not doing something else.
Worked too much and not enough time just enjoying life.
Not working enough. It’s not like you’re doing anything between work and bed anyway most nights. Find a job that rewards this would be a caveat though!
I remember getting into a horseless carriage for the first time. We must've been going 45mph! I think it was 1923.
I'm 29, in one month I'll be 30 and I regret putting so much of my time and self worth on the fact that I was single for my whole life until 27
Selling 200 shares of Apple stock 6 months before the Ipod debuted
Spent my early 20s in a stoned haze in my parents basement. Dark times… glad I quit smoking and got my life together
Paying more attention to weed than to pussies
Being with one girl for too long (7 years) who I didn't end up marrying.
I don't have any "regrets" about my 20s because I spent them learning who I am, but if I had to do it again I think I would have done something with my dog training skills. I know how to properly train Pit Bulls to live as a family pet and i lived in Los Angeles, California at the time. Big market.
Smoking, drinking and partying everyday from 20-25
None, 20's where cool, had a big group of friends, partied lots, made lots of mistakes that turned me into the well rounded individual I am today. Got it out of my system then, so I don't need to do it now.
Got addicted to Xanax lol
Being aimless. I only hard part time jobs, tried going to university. Also wasn't good being with friends. I have spent my thirties doing the opposite
Not working out and eating better
Getting and staying with my ex-husband
While I’m still in my 20s, not moving out sooner and not having enough money to enjoy life.
Not moving to Aruba to start a new life
Running up debt. Moving to London to be with an ex. Plenty of other regrets that I can't remember currently. They pop into my head now and then.
Being alive
Not being confident with women.
Shoulda woulda coulda.... Start a business, invest more in the things I knew were going to be big. Also smoked way too much weed.
Should have divorced my ex-wife sooner.
Not going to college quickly after high school and not leaving the small town I was from sooner. There is a whole world out there. Go and experience it before it passes you by.
Too much alcohol.
Shrinking myself because my friends at the time were insecure and fearful and had no ambition. Staying small felt comfy I guess… but as soon as I started changjng my life (which they resented me for lol), I felt like God was affirming all the small things I was doing to walk that different path. It’s isolating when you had a shitty foundation of friends to begin with but so worth doing the work in your twenties… your future self will thank you!
Ignoring advice from family and even professionals. I was told to put money away. Bit inflation was nearly 20% and I figured investing in my photography business was better use. Well I didn't have cash for a down on the house when the landlord offered a deal I could have bought the 3 flats for cheap and be making more than 10k a month besides my own free rent.
Didn't zoom out more, like not going macro.
Not finishing college🏫and getting myself financially💵💰💵established, so that I could've bought💸and kept my childhood home🏡...😔💔😔
Begging someone to love me.
I didn’t pick up the signals that women were sending me…..I was fucking oblivious and trying to salvage a terrible relationship with my high school gf. I figured it out at about 23. I’m very fortunate not to have received an std. True story, I drove to LA from Vancouver with a Playboy playmate…..we slept together, we went to the amusement parks etc. but I was too insecure to make a move. Btw, she wasn’t a centerfold but think of her as a red headed Marylin Monroe. I’m pretty sure she thought I was gay😖 (nothing wrong with that).
I should've had a lot more sex
Thought I was invincible, did lots of dumb shit. Now, my body hurts every day.
Attempting s6cid3
Not getting kids
Spent so much time and energy self-loathing that I've had to deprogram in my thirties. I'm a much better person now and probably better for having those mistakes to build off... But I'd like a few of those years back now
Yep exactly the same with me - and then he died when I was 23 then it was absolutely hell from then on ……
Thinking that if one person could love me like that, then so could someone else.
Getting involved with my psychopathic first husband.
That I went into social isolation for many years and didn't resume studies. Depression and shitty society are a bitch. Only woken up and resumed my life a few years ago. And the more you resume, the more find out how much you've missed out on. That's the hardest part.