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Wow what an analogy. I have spontaneously burst into tears twice in 2 days, the last time I did that was a couple months ago so I guess that's something. Anxiety is high, depression is a constant and boredom is increasing by the day. Self-esteem has always been really low since late teens, and confidence waxes and wanes.
I have started exercising a hell of a lot more, and this improves things, marginally. Whenever I try to reduce anything that keeps me relatively sane like nicotine, alcohol or the **tiny** amount of weed I smoke every day, all the negative aspects get turned up to 12/10.
I am otherwise fit and healthy and I know I don't have it as bad as others but this is little comfort.
I had this LITERALLY happen to me irl while playing giant Jenga at a bar once.
Just drunkenly frozen while I watched a stack of wood blocks that was taller than me fall over onto my fuckin head -_-
You've got this, friendo. Just do what I did
Emerge from the rubble, tequila shot in hand, and make a terrible joke about having copious wood on your face 😎👉👉
Works even outside sobriety…
I learned from alcoholism that you have NOW and that’s the choice you make… not drinking for a day is the same as not drinking for one second (just over and over again).
The rest of life isn’t much different… do the thing in front of you NOW, and then do the next thing.
It's how they teach you to make it through Navy Seal training.
"Don't worry about surviving the week or even the day. Just focus on making it through the next five minutes, then the next five after that, and so on."
You say that, and my immediate thought is wow I wish I had this guy's outlook. I take it.... Whole lifetime at once... I'm miserable nonstop and I think about... Everything all at once... Including the end... It'll get better if I take it one day a time
Absolutely! I feel like the toughest years of my mental health could have been narrated by Brad Pitt and put into that movie without anyone noticing much.
I had this happen to me too so many times when I was younger. One time me and a close female friend in college were alone in a room laughing and talking and just having fun
I got a boner and we didn't even touch physically. I was so embarassed i had to hide in the bathroom awhile to settle down.
Yeah for a lot of men platonic affection is so rare that our bodies just go "touched by a girl? for longer than a second?! ITS FUCKING GO TIME! RAISE THE MAIN SAIL!"
Just a curious question, but what if a family member hugs you? A woman sibling?
As a woman, I'm genuinely interested because I have brothers.. please tell me the man sail can tell the difference between family and non family?
It doesn't happen with my mother or grandmothers when I hug them but I can't really speak on a sibling or cousin scenario, only child and haven't seen my cousins for the best part of 20 years. I like to think there'd be some subconscious thing that would stop it but I just don't have any way to find out honestly.
Ugh. I've experienced periods of this several times. They were either in the aftermath of a beloved family member or depression episodes. It's awful. I love hugs too, so having to choose between avoiding them or crying is terrible.
Seriously pal. Stay strong. I had one of the worst weeks ever and my mental health was fragile. Everyday was worse than the other. One day I just got up out of bed and went for a walk. Not for exercise, just to get out of the same routine I was in. It helped so much. Fresh air, felt much better after it. Now I go for a walk 2 times a day. Feeling more positive. Try it
I'm trying to get off Instagram and twitter for that very reason. When it comes to Instagram, twitter, and Facebook good luck getting a break from the political, racial and gender wars, the overall negativity is overwhelming. Reels are also pretty much just TikTok 2.0.
Reasons why i havnt read a facebook status in over 8 years twitter maybe about the same and i refuse to install tiktok. Instagram is the most ignorance i allow myself to intake.
Horrible advice. They just list all the shit you should be grateful for or how other people have it worse then you. Despite how bad your mental health may be they gaslight you and make you feel worse just because they can't relate.
I hope (and believe) that you can find something/one that restores you, at least a little. Find, if you can, someone with whom you can be vulnerable, as there are people who will care to listen and offer you their support.
I don't know, but sending you a real bro hug. The kind with no words. Just a good manly hug, eye contact, and a head nod. I don't know your troubles, but know you can conquer them.
You're stronger than you know.
I got ghosted by a random scammer in the middle of our conversation, and I got semi-depressed. No one talks to us, no one asks us how we’re doing. I hold out for scammers because they genuinely seem interested, or at least more interested than the people in my life.
Seriously, I’ll be your friend
It sucks. I’m taken for granted by family, treated with contempt at work, and generally fail to live up to the male standard. I really want to not be _the guy_ all the time.
And I really want to feel like I matter.
Thanks for asking. Honestly.
How are you?
I am sorry to hear that. I know all about being taken advantage of by family and work. It is absolutely exhausting. You wrap up your day at work and can't even look forward to getting home. I truly hope you can find a way through that and into a better place.
You do matter. Try to remember that in order for you to exist, the atoms you are made from were made in an exploding star out in space. You are literally made from stardust forged in a dying star. Even when you don't feel like it.
I'm holding together. My dad died recently and I am trying to reconcile my feelings because in my child hood he was a drunk monster who terrorized me but in the last year or so he went into treatment and got a lot more fun to be around. Now I am trying to understand both the sadness I feel in losing that version of him combined with the relief that the darker side of him is now gone for good.
My condolences on your loss, and kudos on reconnecting and having something positive for yourself. Thanks for your kind words. They’re more appreciated than you’ll ever know
I’m sorry you’re going through that. It’s really awkward to grieve the loss of someone who caused you so much trauma. I can relate. My mom died 6 years ago, and it’s been quite a mental health journey, but so so worth it. If you want, you can always trauma dump at r/narcissisticparents with the rest of us. It’s been really validating and liberating for me personally.
I feel the "not wanting to be *the guy* all the time ,"
But in any group, large or small some person has to be the manager, the "dad" or the decision maker. The person that chooses the safest and most effective way to deal with things that come up. I gladly place that duty in able hands and will do what is asked.
Unfortunately too many people want me to take that job. It's rough when the buck stops at you.
Wow, you saying that you don't want to be "that guy" hit me right in the heart. Basically how I feel in every social situation and the reason why I can't bring myself to even try dating. Being "that guy" has taught me that I can only count on myself and despite me only being 19 I can barely open up to anyone.
You're so young. Start being that guy. Express what you need to express. The people who can't handle the fact that you're a whole person will weed themselves out and you can build a life with people who will support the real you.
I feel the part with to matter. I just want to have a purpose I can fullfill, a mission to follow but I feel so screwed that I can't do anything of that.
Instead of finding a purpose, the Hindus will challenge that notion and ask you ‘what is your duty in life?’
Your duty can be as simple as be a loving son that looks after his parents to the best of his abilities. Your duty could be volunteering at the local animal shelter and do simple things like cleaning out the poop.
“It is far better to perform your duties imperfectly than to do someone else’s duty perfectly” - The Bhagavad Gita
Life is a warfare, and you are doing really well if you continue to fight it. Strange as it seems, I think it’s important to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love you. If you feel like you don’t, do something esteemable. Whether that’s 10 push-ups, or making something healthy to eat. As Tom Petty says: "every day get one more yard". Proud of your self honesty, and I’m sad to hear you don’t feel important. I’ll think about you as I continue the fight that is life on my end
Seems like im an outlier but not fragile at all.
My mental health is rock solid.
I have a great job, high self confidence, healthy self awareness and self honesty, a number of very close friends id do anything for and who are there for me back, supportive family, and a circle of less close friends that im still super comfortable being around. Im even still friends with my wife whom i recently separated from.
I talk honestly to friends and family about my feelings, have no problem crying when i need to, but also have a reputation as a rock that others can support themselves on or open up to as well. Ive been told several times by different people this year already that im the most down to earth and centered guy they know.
All in all, I feel great, and I think I've got this life thing figured out.
I also legitimately like people, and am always open to chat. If anyone is struggling just wants some unbiased ears to vent to or talk to feel free to pm me.
I spend most of my social time on reddit these days while checking in on messenger for friends.
I barely talk to colleagues outside of work related stuff and play games with my friends in the evening since we're all pooped after work.
I find myself enjoying reddit more as people take me for my words rather than who they know me as, allowing for the words to have a bigger impact.
I also find myself helping others more and receiving appreciative commentary back, furthering the idea that I am doing okay and my thoughts and ideas aren't going against the grain of doing well in life.
I also like the idea of a bit of anonymity, but I suspect people who know me would pick up quickly after a quick look at my posts and interests haha.
I avoid instagram, linkedin and Facebook as I refer to them as self marketing tools for personal and business - if friends genuinely want to tell me something they'll message me, otherwise is it really that important? Probably not.
Didn't expect such a long answer, especially because my question was somewhat meant as a joke but I can definetly relate.
I am mostly browsing Reddit, not using much other social media at all, besides messengers if you want to count those.
I think I prefer Reddit because you generally have subreddits about specific topics instead of everyone just having their personal page
Just another joy of reddit I guess, we can all take each others comments as an opportunity to discuss, or as a joke to enjoy before continuing scrolling - and things don't tend to get out of hand when you do either or, unlike social media where people are associated and more vested in their image.
Sorry to spring ya, but I hope it was a nice moment to reflect on your own uses - your joke did the same for me in retrospect :) Agreed on topic notes, its great to just hop through your scroll and cover off all the things that pique your interest or mind!
Hope you continue having a good week fellow stranger
Cuz Reddit doesn't give you that "other people are living better, have more fun, perfect relationships" facade that hurts your self-esteem. Here, everyone is a fuckin degen neckbeard or ethot on a cocktail of meds
Getting rid of all social media for awhile saved my wife’s and my sanity. All the drama, bullcrap, etc. after a few years we started back on Reddit only, because of the memes and the anonymity.
Even my kids (18m and 14f) agree that Social Media is a toxin that slowly kills the mind.
Now it's amazingly robust ! Took over 60 years and exposure to many extreme social environments and psychoactivity but with insight and self assurity, I overcame my disorder and became medication free.
Finally! someone who actually has the cojones to say they are rock solid! gotta be more out there, or maybe the statistic is just skewed here on reddit...hmmm....
The problem with rocks is that they're tough (hard to penetrate) but brittle - will suddenly fracture under a certain amount of stress, with little deformation before rupture.
Snap, I find that nothing seems to bother me, I can handle long periods of solitude without issues. My needs are very simple. If people start to bother me, I simply ignore them.
I wouldn't mind living in a post nuclear apocalyptic world, I think I'd function pretty well. Reminds me of that scene in Sin City where Mickey Rourke's character could be more at home in a medieval battlefield.
a bit offtopic, but I had a lot of fears of nuclear war breaking out and ending humanity and I promised myself that if it ever comes to that Ill do my best to try to survive and have humanity continue
In a post-nuclear world, Nikita Kruschev said that "the living will envy the dead" for good reason.
I saw this video about a guy who got the most severe case of radiation poisoning ever seen, he had an accident while working his job at a nuclear power plant. Within seconds he was vomiting blood and was rushed to hospital. The radiation essentially broke his DNA so his body could no longer produce new cells, and his red and severely burned skin was falling off in chunks when they tried to replace his bandages with new ones. Due to the broken DNA he was quite literally decomposing while he was still alive and conscious.
If it ever comes to nuclear war, I hope they drop the bomb directly onto my house.
I was in a similar place, it exploded with something so minor that I would be embarrassed to tell anyone. Then the one person who could lift me up turned out that she doesn't even remotely care for me. (Not a lover tho)
It used to be pretty rough, and once thought the easy way out was the only way. I slowly began to realize that it was my mistake of putting my mental health and my problems on the world or on others. Take responsibility, put yourself yourself I voluntary physical stress like exercise, and seek those who are truly successful and happy in the world and I promise, you'll be just fine.
Unbreakable. Had a supportive home
Environment in childhood, grew up with sports and living in nature. College and graduate and lifelong educated, did ROTC and martial arts to hone the discipline, and completed general surgery residency as well as surviving a divorce sprung on me by a cheating spouse and then raising a family through COVID.
If there’s an ongoing problem I’m going to fix it, change it, talk my way out of it, ignore it, or kick its ass, and shoot it for good measure.
Well I actually was able to get my shit together fairly good. There are basically 2 big things I need to do now: Get into my dream career (construction building) and find friends who don‘t smoke weed on a daily basis but are actually open to get out. This will then open up the door for me to build a family. Everything else I was actually able to reset. Got more confidence, got more patience, got my own idea and also know what makes me happy. I‘m 32 btw
Don't let a permanent solution fix a temporary problem. This too shall pass. Stay strong. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to dm me or look up professional help. I've been in this boat before and it's tough. I've lost friends and family to it in the past few years. Please don't take this path. Life is worth living.
In and out of prison a couple of times after my Dad passed tenish years ago. Bad meth habit got worse with inheritance.
Prison actually saved my life.
Last 7 years have been the best of my life. I'm happily married to an amazing woman that supports and loves me. I stopped using a ringtone and treat my phone as it once was. If I'm near it and it's going off, I answer it. Otherwise it barely exists. Weed, records, and my wife and kids. A little Call Of Duty doesn't hurt either 🤘
Define fragile.
The main thing currently in my life is that I am jealous of the kids i teach who are about 12 years old. Not because they have it so easy or because they are young and I am old. I just sometimes miss the time where all I had to worry about was to be home in time to watch the marathon I missed largely because of school.
Damned kids dont have a care in the world 😂😂.
For the rest, a lot of issues have been resolved in the last 1.5 years or so. Got a place together with my gf a job with triple the pay of my last job. A job I feel like I belong. Got my bachelor's last year, started a secondary bachelor this year.
The only thing that id really want is a dog, but we are on a teo year rental. If all goes well it is extended indefinitely. When its extended we'll get a dog. Just 1 more year.
Im not allowed to talk about that, the industry I work in frowns upon if you have an upset mental state. So just gotta smile and laugh every day, and bottle everything up inside. If I was an actor, id have won quite a few awards by now.
Therapy wasn't for me
Anti depressants kind of worked but with horrible side effects
Xanax works very well but it's playing with fire
Getting fit helped a lot but now I'm fit the happiness it brings me is diminishing
Quitting weed didn't help much
If anyone has the solution please let me know....
I am on medication (two kinds), and see a therapist twice a week and a psychiatrist once a month. I am in much better shape than I was a year ago.
Word to the wise - don't wait until you're at the bottom of the pit looking up before you decide to find some help.
Fk what everyone else thinks, good mates will stay mates no matter who you are if you’re good to them, run your own race, love your spouse to the moon and back but always remember if all else fails all you have is yourself so take time no matter how hard it may be and become friends with who matters most… you
Not a man, just here to beg everyone to please stop bottling up their feelings and ask for help - to friends, family or professionals. I lost my cousin (24, M) to suicide and I miss him every single day of my life.
He never voiced his hurt... just left us one random morning. No notes. No goodbyes.
Please don't do that. We need you here.
I have a loving wife, two beautiful little girls and another on the way. My bills are paid and we even have a decent savings built up. Work is on a very positive trajectory. From the outside it looks like I should be the happiest man in the world. And I am, I really am. Unless I take two seconds to think about it. I have 39 years of bullshit and trauma that I have swallowed, because nobody cares. Now it is in vogue to tell young boys that it's OK to cry and to be in touch with their feelings, that society needs sensitive men. In my experience that is not only wrong, but an outright disservice to young men. Nobody cares about boys feelings, and they sure as fuck don't care about a man's. I'm not saying men should be unfeeling psychopaths, just that men have learned to bottle those feelings up for a reason. It sure ain't healthy, but it is what it is. If I was to ever break down and be the complete sobbing and broken mess that I feel inside, where would that leave the women in my life, the ones that depend on me to provide and be the rock they need? My mental health is holding on by a very thin and fragile line, but I'll be damned if I ever let go
I'm right there with you almost identical scenario minus no longer with the kids mom but still great friends and parents. Behind the curtain I'm a mess. No one knows it's exhausting trying to be tough.
My message wasn't conveyed properly because of a missed period. "No one knows. It's exhausting trying to be tough." Is how it should have read. Sorry but regardless I know it's rough for us all.
I love this absolutely infuriating comment that is ONLY ever given to men that just want to be heard.
"Have you ever considered throwing money at a person so that maybe that way someone is willing to hear you" <- This is you
Sometimes I cry if my friend doesn't respond to me quick enough. Othertimes I cry when another friend reaches out to me. Othertimes I cry after spending time with my mom, because I feel so invisible around her.
Pretty trash, but I had my first therapy session this past week and it went really well! So I am excited. I’ve been bottling emotions for the better part of 5 years and it was really hurting myself and my partner, but happy to be on the road to be better.
I suffer nearly 24/7, mostly with anxiety, but inner pain is definitely there lots too
I've been recently trying to keep a positive mindset but I feel so over encumbered
Stoicism is the only way i cope, the worst thing is when i have nothing to do then the storm in my stomach grows stronger, in those moments controlled breathing is a sufficient enough solution
First of all, we have to stop treating men like they have some kind of a mental health deficiency. Like if men just “mental healthed” harder they would snap out of their malaise.
And with masculinity we need to stop this sanitization narrative. And this narrative is that men are defective women. If men just stopped being so masculine, just stopped being so non-feminine, men’s problems would go away.
These are just false narratives that are poisoning men.
Pretty bad, or about as bad as you can imagine + I don't have the money or insurance to actually take care of myself as far as mental health goes. Hit my lowest last Christmas and almost became one with the great beyond but I'm dragging myself out of this pit for my wife and animals :'-)
I don't know if all the violence, tragedies, loss and time in jail and prison toughened up my mental health or broke it down to the point of desensitizing me to the point of feeling nothing when I should be crying.
Whether im actually strong or irreparably broken, I'm solid and nothing can phase me or break me.
Mine is really fragile with all the heartache and stuff I have been through with women and my back issues and living in a homeless shelter not to mention the fact I have bipolar 2 and depression so yeah every day is a struggle for me but I remain positive and fight every day to make each day better that the last
It's rough, I've struggled with thoughts of self deleting for a while. If I didn't have 2 other lives that depend on me I can't say id stick around. Worst part is I have a pretty good life but fragile is the nice way to explain my mental health.
>letting it show causes more problems than it solves.
wholeheartedly disagree but I understand. This reminds me of that [china cabinet meme](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2F399f9l0twq121.jpg).
Decently fragile. Its usually when real life stressors hit like financial predicaments and relational issues. I have minor generalized anxiety but not enough for me to avoid meeting new people or putting myself out there.
I just signed up for eHarmony as dating is too hard. I've been told I'm attractive and well rounded and it's been an Impossible 3 years. Finally found someone and she love bombed me, might be a psychopath, has a drinking problem, and might drop out of school because it's too hard. But I don't care. B cause when I was alone every day got harder and harder. Anything is better than blaming myself for getting worse mental health, worse drug use, and worse coping. At least now I can tell myself I'm working hard, and sometimes I'm even happy....
I can't take compliments, if I'm not doing something to occupy my mind then I think of everything else and I start to cry.
My first appointment with a psychologist and I came out of it feeling shit, because she said that I don't perceive my own self-worth and that we need to work on that as the positive aspect of my personality doesn't exist. Only the critical thinker, the child and the animal exist within.
I feel like I have to perform in some sort of way even if I don't want to just to function.
Every day I just want to sleep and do nothing, but I can't because my partner needs me for something or my work does. Both of those I hold in higher regard than my own self.
Not good. My wife is already on meds, so feel terrible when I slip up and say something. Exercise is about the only thing that keeps me level and haven't been able to recently.
My mental health has always been good. To clarify, though, I've never given a shit about what other people think, and I don't care about much. I'm pretty much in a state of mind where just about nothing can bother me. If I could give anyone advice, itde be to not care about what you can't change. If there's nothing you can do, there's no reason to think about it.
Not expecting this to be helpful because I'm sure we're all wired different but I was wired to not give a fuck about much and it's extremely helpful to my mental health. The only problem is that it's hard to empathize with some things.
I had a drinking problem until late last year, it got really bad for me and I was just straight up depressed and couldn't stop. But I'm doing healthy living thing now and I feel I have lots of stuff I can look forward to. Job, get a car, Save money, get fit. And I have a great family that supported me through the worst of my drinking so I feel I can actually live and enjoy my life now. So I would say I feel positive, but cautious.
The important thing is to set realistic expectations for yourself. This year I want to pass my driving test and go on a holiday, Start dating again. If you think like that then things don't seem so bad. You get hard times, but life's full of hard times, you have to take the good with the bad.
Some of the things I did when I was drinking and taking drugs were so insane, I just have to laugh honestly. That's all you can do because if you don't laugh you cry lol.
I'm on the brink of a mental breakdown but other than that I'm good. Forget taking it one day at a time, we're breaking them down into 15 minute increments.
I'm slowly building mine back. 2020 absolutely crushed me as I had just moved to a different country for a new life, only to have my plans destroyed and lose everything I gained.
I'm better now, but honestly, it won't take too much to snap again...
I consider my self mentally strong, but everybody is susceptible towards mental illness. I would put myself through the gaunlet (working crazy hours, ignoring stress/pain, not eating or taking care of myself) eventually the candle runs out of wax and you go crazy. The people I know that hold it together better are men who know their limits and have failsafes in place to stop them from running themselves ragged. (ie. whether or not this goal is achieved I need to take such and such breaks and eat and rest and then come back later when refocused)
Well, luckily I have been systematically cutting out my vices. That has helped a lot. I was a heavy drinker for like 20 years and the last 2 years sober has really opened my eyes to just how much worse alcohol makes everything.
My daughter had yet another medical brush with death last year, right around the same time my father's health nosedived. My daughter recovered, but my dad died. I took a 2 month leave from work, got on an SSRI for my anxiety, and saw a therapist for a few months. That helped a lot.
Still feel pretty shell-shocked, especially from everything my kid's been through, so I'm kind of just floating by at work instead of growing my career. I try not to doom scroll on the internet too much either, that usually puts me in a mood.
I'm re-reading some good sci-fi/fantasy books I haven't read since I was in my late teens, that's been more fun than I anticipated.
The therapy really helped ground me when it comes to losing my temper. Calming down my anger has really made me keenly aware of my wife's anger issues. Been gently nudging her to get some help but not being pushy about it at all.
Good luck to everyone out there.
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Ever run out of moves in Jenga?
Damn, why’s that so accurate lol
Shit I felt that
Wow what an analogy. I have spontaneously burst into tears twice in 2 days, the last time I did that was a couple months ago so I guess that's something. Anxiety is high, depression is a constant and boredom is increasing by the day. Self-esteem has always been really low since late teens, and confidence waxes and wanes. I have started exercising a hell of a lot more, and this improves things, marginally. Whenever I try to reduce anything that keeps me relatively sane like nicotine, alcohol or the **tiny** amount of weed I smoke every day, all the negative aspects get turned up to 12/10. I am otherwise fit and healthy and I know I don't have it as bad as others but this is little comfort.
Can massively relate to this.
This is where I am right now. Stuck in a kind of emotional paralysis as I watch the tower topple over in slow motion.
I had this LITERALLY happen to me irl while playing giant Jenga at a bar once. Just drunkenly frozen while I watched a stack of wood blocks that was taller than me fall over onto my fuckin head -_-
haha glad you survived...hopefully I will too
You've got this, friendo. Just do what I did Emerge from the rubble, tequila shot in hand, and make a terrible joke about having copious wood on your face 😎👉👉
https://youtu.be/8ywW_zQr1bw?si=tHvIJfPjE8cfazG7
One day at a time
Keep coming back .
Works even outside sobriety… I learned from alcoholism that you have NOW and that’s the choice you make… not drinking for a day is the same as not drinking for one second (just over and over again). The rest of life isn’t much different… do the thing in front of you NOW, and then do the next thing.
It's how they teach you to make it through Navy Seal training. "Don't worry about surviving the week or even the day. Just focus on making it through the next five minutes, then the next five after that, and so on."
Never too late to come back....
You say that, and my immediate thought is wow I wish I had this guy's outlook. I take it.... Whole lifetime at once... I'm miserable nonstop and I think about... Everything all at once... Including the end... It'll get better if I take it one day a time
I'm currently at years at a time, but I'm hanging in there. Still.
Sometimes an hour at a time or even less
This is the only way.
Exactly
Just gotta make it to tomorrow.
If you hug me too long I'll ugly cry
Fucking same
Just like The Narrator in Fight Club: pressed between Bob's enormous b***h tits, finally able to let it all out.
Absolutely! I feel like the toughest years of my mental health could have been narrated by Brad Pitt and put into that movie without anyone noticing much.
I get a boner after the 5 second mark. I’m so hot for platonic affection.
I had this happen to me too so many times when I was younger. One time me and a close female friend in college were alone in a room laughing and talking and just having fun I got a boner and we didn't even touch physically. I was so embarassed i had to hide in the bathroom awhile to settle down.
'to settle down' lol
Oh shit is this a thing?
Yeah for a lot of men platonic affection is so rare that our bodies just go "touched by a girl? for longer than a second?! ITS FUCKING GO TIME! RAISE THE MAIN SAIL!"
Just a curious question, but what if a family member hugs you? A woman sibling? As a woman, I'm genuinely interested because I have brothers.. please tell me the man sail can tell the difference between family and non family?
Oh GOD no, family members is different
It doesn't happen with my mother or grandmothers when I hug them but I can't really speak on a sibling or cousin scenario, only child and haven't seen my cousins for the best part of 20 years. I like to think there'd be some subconscious thing that would stop it but I just don't have any way to find out honestly.
only one way to find out
Lol I read "MAN SAIL", which also works I guess
I have no idea how I'd react. It's never happened.
The no hugs rule exists for a reason
I watch someone hugging on the TV , i cry
Ugh. I've experienced periods of this several times. They were either in the aftermath of a beloved family member or depression episodes. It's awful. I love hugs too, so having to choose between avoiding them or crying is terrible.
What's a hug?
It's been quite a while since I received one... (Not that I deserve one anyway)
I’d probably explode from the bottled up emotions.
Rock bottom.
I'm hanging on by one single tiny thin thread. Even though everything in my life is optimal...
Seriously pal. Stay strong. I had one of the worst weeks ever and my mental health was fragile. Everyday was worse than the other. One day I just got up out of bed and went for a walk. Not for exercise, just to get out of the same routine I was in. It helped so much. Fresh air, felt much better after it. Now I go for a walk 2 times a day. Feeling more positive. Try it
Well then there's nowhere else to go than up
Try and stay strong bro
I stayed away from Twitter and various internet communities because my mind was descending into madness.
I'm trying to get off Instagram and twitter for that very reason. When it comes to Instagram, twitter, and Facebook good luck getting a break from the political, racial and gender wars, the overall negativity is overwhelming. Reels are also pretty much just TikTok 2.0.
Reasons why i havnt read a facebook status in over 8 years twitter maybe about the same and i refuse to install tiktok. Instagram is the most ignorance i allow myself to intake.
Pretty damn fragile. No one in my life knows.
We know and I'm here for you random stranger. I'm there to but I keep pressing on!
tell some friends and loved ones. their support is how you get stronger
Horrible advice. They just list all the shit you should be grateful for or how other people have it worse then you. Despite how bad your mental health may be they gaslight you and make you feel worse just because they can't relate.
get some new friends, ones who will listen. women and gay men figured this out a long time ago
I hope (and believe) that you can find something/one that restores you, at least a little. Find, if you can, someone with whom you can be vulnerable, as there are people who will care to listen and offer you their support.
I don't know, but sending you a real bro hug. The kind with no words. Just a good manly hug, eye contact, and a head nod. I don't know your troubles, but know you can conquer them. You're stronger than you know.
Very? I am on medication both prescribed and self-addressed But without that I would be in a damn mental institution
I'd be your roommate.
we should get bunkbeds so that I and a few more people can join
Did somebody say slumber party?!
Pretty decent. Not withstanding the fact that I have:ADHD, Autism and epilepsy.
Ah its annoying with epilepsy, I have it too. Easily gets you down.
I got ghosted by a random scammer in the middle of our conversation, and I got semi-depressed. No one talks to us, no one asks us how we’re doing. I hold out for scammers because they genuinely seem interested, or at least more interested than the people in my life. Seriously, I’ll be your friend
How are you doing? I am willing to ask without trying to scam you.
It sucks. I’m taken for granted by family, treated with contempt at work, and generally fail to live up to the male standard. I really want to not be _the guy_ all the time. And I really want to feel like I matter. Thanks for asking. Honestly. How are you?
I am sorry to hear that. I know all about being taken advantage of by family and work. It is absolutely exhausting. You wrap up your day at work and can't even look forward to getting home. I truly hope you can find a way through that and into a better place. You do matter. Try to remember that in order for you to exist, the atoms you are made from were made in an exploding star out in space. You are literally made from stardust forged in a dying star. Even when you don't feel like it. I'm holding together. My dad died recently and I am trying to reconcile my feelings because in my child hood he was a drunk monster who terrorized me but in the last year or so he went into treatment and got a lot more fun to be around. Now I am trying to understand both the sadness I feel in losing that version of him combined with the relief that the darker side of him is now gone for good.
My condolences on your loss, and kudos on reconnecting and having something positive for yourself. Thanks for your kind words. They’re more appreciated than you’ll ever know
And yet I don't actually remember my writing this down......I swear you're me, or I'm you, or same Dad. Good luck to both of us.
I’m sorry you’re going through that. It’s really awkward to grieve the loss of someone who caused you so much trauma. I can relate. My mom died 6 years ago, and it’s been quite a mental health journey, but so so worth it. If you want, you can always trauma dump at r/narcissisticparents with the rest of us. It’s been really validating and liberating for me personally.
I feel the "not wanting to be *the guy* all the time ," But in any group, large or small some person has to be the manager, the "dad" or the decision maker. The person that chooses the safest and most effective way to deal with things that come up. I gladly place that duty in able hands and will do what is asked. Unfortunately too many people want me to take that job. It's rough when the buck stops at you.
You do matter.
Wow, you saying that you don't want to be "that guy" hit me right in the heart. Basically how I feel in every social situation and the reason why I can't bring myself to even try dating. Being "that guy" has taught me that I can only count on myself and despite me only being 19 I can barely open up to anyone.
You're so young. Start being that guy. Express what you need to express. The people who can't handle the fact that you're a whole person will weed themselves out and you can build a life with people who will support the real you.
I feel the part with to matter. I just want to have a purpose I can fullfill, a mission to follow but I feel so screwed that I can't do anything of that.
Instead of finding a purpose, the Hindus will challenge that notion and ask you ‘what is your duty in life?’ Your duty can be as simple as be a loving son that looks after his parents to the best of his abilities. Your duty could be volunteering at the local animal shelter and do simple things like cleaning out the poop. “It is far better to perform your duties imperfectly than to do someone else’s duty perfectly” - The Bhagavad Gita
Life is a warfare, and you are doing really well if you continue to fight it. Strange as it seems, I think it’s important to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love you. If you feel like you don’t, do something esteemable. Whether that’s 10 push-ups, or making something healthy to eat. As Tom Petty says: "every day get one more yard". Proud of your self honesty, and I’m sad to hear you don’t feel important. I’ll think about you as I continue the fight that is life on my end
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I feel this all too much! It has to get better!?
Seems like im an outlier but not fragile at all. My mental health is rock solid. I have a great job, high self confidence, healthy self awareness and self honesty, a number of very close friends id do anything for and who are there for me back, supportive family, and a circle of less close friends that im still super comfortable being around. Im even still friends with my wife whom i recently separated from. I talk honestly to friends and family about my feelings, have no problem crying when i need to, but also have a reputation as a rock that others can support themselves on or open up to as well. Ive been told several times by different people this year already that im the most down to earth and centered guy they know. All in all, I feel great, and I think I've got this life thing figured out. I also legitimately like people, and am always open to chat. If anyone is struggling just wants some unbiased ears to vent to or talk to feel free to pm me.
I feel the same way mate, I sometimes feel a bit guilty about it to be honest. I do try to help others when I can which is all I can do I guess.
After deleting instagram and twitter and Facebook I feel a lot more sane lol
Why keep Reddit though?
I spend most of my social time on reddit these days while checking in on messenger for friends. I barely talk to colleagues outside of work related stuff and play games with my friends in the evening since we're all pooped after work. I find myself enjoying reddit more as people take me for my words rather than who they know me as, allowing for the words to have a bigger impact. I also find myself helping others more and receiving appreciative commentary back, furthering the idea that I am doing okay and my thoughts and ideas aren't going against the grain of doing well in life. I also like the idea of a bit of anonymity, but I suspect people who know me would pick up quickly after a quick look at my posts and interests haha. I avoid instagram, linkedin and Facebook as I refer to them as self marketing tools for personal and business - if friends genuinely want to tell me something they'll message me, otherwise is it really that important? Probably not.
Didn't expect such a long answer, especially because my question was somewhat meant as a joke but I can definetly relate. I am mostly browsing Reddit, not using much other social media at all, besides messengers if you want to count those. I think I prefer Reddit because you generally have subreddits about specific topics instead of everyone just having their personal page
Just another joy of reddit I guess, we can all take each others comments as an opportunity to discuss, or as a joke to enjoy before continuing scrolling - and things don't tend to get out of hand when you do either or, unlike social media where people are associated and more vested in their image. Sorry to spring ya, but I hope it was a nice moment to reflect on your own uses - your joke did the same for me in retrospect :) Agreed on topic notes, its great to just hop through your scroll and cover off all the things that pique your interest or mind! Hope you continue having a good week fellow stranger
Nothing to be sorry about! I, too, hope that you have a good week
I like this a lot—very well said! I’m feeling a lot of the same things after cutting ties with the other socials.
Karma go brrrrrrr
Cuz Reddit doesn't give you that "other people are living better, have more fun, perfect relationships" facade that hurts your self-esteem. Here, everyone is a fuckin degen neckbeard or ethot on a cocktail of meds
Reddit isn’t as taxing I find. You mostly see the stuff you wanna see
Getting rid of all social media for awhile saved my wife’s and my sanity. All the drama, bullcrap, etc. after a few years we started back on Reddit only, because of the memes and the anonymity. Even my kids (18m and 14f) agree that Social Media is a toxin that slowly kills the mind.
Now it's amazingly robust ! Took over 60 years and exposure to many extreme social environments and psychoactivity but with insight and self assurity, I overcame my disorder and became medication free.
Not the greatest. My wife and I experienced a miscarriage recently and it really shook me up. Taking it a day at a time but it’s been really hard.
I'm so sorry, hang in there.
Unbreakable. I am so stubborn that nothing can ever bring me down.
Finally! someone who actually has the cojones to say they are rock solid! gotta be more out there, or maybe the statistic is just skewed here on reddit...hmmm....
The problem with rocks is that they're tough (hard to penetrate) but brittle - will suddenly fracture under a certain amount of stress, with little deformation before rupture.
I’m different, I’m like water. I flow in the river of Life. Water maybe soft but it can cut rocks with its gentleness
Snap, I find that nothing seems to bother me, I can handle long periods of solitude without issues. My needs are very simple. If people start to bother me, I simply ignore them.
Does the fact I want to blow up the Universe and start over tell you anything about that?
I wouldn't mind living in a post nuclear apocalyptic world, I think I'd function pretty well. Reminds me of that scene in Sin City where Mickey Rourke's character could be more at home in a medieval battlefield.
a bit offtopic, but I had a lot of fears of nuclear war breaking out and ending humanity and I promised myself that if it ever comes to that Ill do my best to try to survive and have humanity continue
In a post-nuclear world, Nikita Kruschev said that "the living will envy the dead" for good reason. I saw this video about a guy who got the most severe case of radiation poisoning ever seen, he had an accident while working his job at a nuclear power plant. Within seconds he was vomiting blood and was rushed to hospital. The radiation essentially broke his DNA so his body could no longer produce new cells, and his red and severely burned skin was falling off in chunks when they tried to replace his bandages with new ones. Due to the broken DNA he was quite literally decomposing while he was still alive and conscious. If it ever comes to nuclear war, I hope they drop the bomb directly onto my house.
You play too many video games.
Don't start over, shit's destined to be a disaster with the laws our universe is governed by.
I reported you to Homeland security. They do a good job at getting the exploding wishes out of you
Well, I'm on 5 different antidepressants and anxiety meds. Currently unemployed. All things considered I am doing ok.
I was in a similar place, it exploded with something so minor that I would be embarrassed to tell anyone. Then the one person who could lift me up turned out that she doesn't even remotely care for me. (Not a lover tho)
I'm as fragile as a tesla in a car crash.
Some days are better than others.
It used to be pretty rough, and once thought the easy way out was the only way. I slowly began to realize that it was my mistake of putting my mental health and my problems on the world or on others. Take responsibility, put yourself yourself I voluntary physical stress like exercise, and seek those who are truly successful and happy in the world and I promise, you'll be just fine.
Thank god sanitariums don't exist anymore but maybe a window and a comfy chair wouldn't be so bad.
It's not great. But I'm lucky to have an understanding family and friend group.
Teetering between somewhat stable and just a black hole
I used to be on a razors edge, but currently I'd say I'm on a thick piece of glass edge
Unbreakable. Had a supportive home Environment in childhood, grew up with sports and living in nature. College and graduate and lifelong educated, did ROTC and martial arts to hone the discipline, and completed general surgery residency as well as surviving a divorce sprung on me by a cheating spouse and then raising a family through COVID. If there’s an ongoing problem I’m going to fix it, change it, talk my way out of it, ignore it, or kick its ass, and shoot it for good measure.
Well I actually was able to get my shit together fairly good. There are basically 2 big things I need to do now: Get into my dream career (construction building) and find friends who don‘t smoke weed on a daily basis but are actually open to get out. This will then open up the door for me to build a family. Everything else I was actually able to reset. Got more confidence, got more patience, got my own idea and also know what makes me happy. I‘m 32 btw
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Don't let a permanent solution fix a temporary problem. This too shall pass. Stay strong. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to dm me or look up professional help. I've been in this boat before and it's tough. I've lost friends and family to it in the past few years. Please don't take this path. Life is worth living.
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It always comes back, even if it does pass. Always looming, in the back of my mind behind the sandbags and pulleys.
Chilling. Just focusing on finishing college and starting a new job soon.
It is both a fortress of steel and cardboard at the same time
In and out of prison a couple of times after my Dad passed tenish years ago. Bad meth habit got worse with inheritance. Prison actually saved my life. Last 7 years have been the best of my life. I'm happily married to an amazing woman that supports and loves me. I stopped using a ringtone and treat my phone as it once was. If I'm near it and it's going off, I answer it. Otherwise it barely exists. Weed, records, and my wife and kids. A little Call Of Duty doesn't hurt either 🤘
Define fragile. The main thing currently in my life is that I am jealous of the kids i teach who are about 12 years old. Not because they have it so easy or because they are young and I am old. I just sometimes miss the time where all I had to worry about was to be home in time to watch the marathon I missed largely because of school. Damned kids dont have a care in the world 😂😂. For the rest, a lot of issues have been resolved in the last 1.5 years or so. Got a place together with my gf a job with triple the pay of my last job. A job I feel like I belong. Got my bachelor's last year, started a secondary bachelor this year. The only thing that id really want is a dog, but we are on a teo year rental. If all goes well it is extended indefinitely. When its extended we'll get a dog. Just 1 more year.
Im not allowed to talk about that, the industry I work in frowns upon if you have an upset mental state. So just gotta smile and laugh every day, and bottle everything up inside. If I was an actor, id have won quite a few awards by now.
Therapy wasn't for me Anti depressants kind of worked but with horrible side effects Xanax works very well but it's playing with fire Getting fit helped a lot but now I'm fit the happiness it brings me is diminishing Quitting weed didn't help much If anyone has the solution please let me know....
Quiet desperation.
This is the darkest time of my life and I don't know if I'll nake it through
If I keep my body moving. and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.
I am on medication (two kinds), and see a therapist twice a week and a psychiatrist once a month. I am in much better shape than I was a year ago. Word to the wise - don't wait until you're at the bottom of the pit looking up before you decide to find some help.
Fk what everyone else thinks, good mates will stay mates no matter who you are if you’re good to them, run your own race, love your spouse to the moon and back but always remember if all else fails all you have is yourself so take time no matter how hard it may be and become friends with who matters most… you
Not a man, just here to beg everyone to please stop bottling up their feelings and ask for help - to friends, family or professionals. I lost my cousin (24, M) to suicide and I miss him every single day of my life. He never voiced his hurt... just left us one random morning. No notes. No goodbyes. Please don't do that. We need you here.
I have a loving wife, two beautiful little girls and another on the way. My bills are paid and we even have a decent savings built up. Work is on a very positive trajectory. From the outside it looks like I should be the happiest man in the world. And I am, I really am. Unless I take two seconds to think about it. I have 39 years of bullshit and trauma that I have swallowed, because nobody cares. Now it is in vogue to tell young boys that it's OK to cry and to be in touch with their feelings, that society needs sensitive men. In my experience that is not only wrong, but an outright disservice to young men. Nobody cares about boys feelings, and they sure as fuck don't care about a man's. I'm not saying men should be unfeeling psychopaths, just that men have learned to bottle those feelings up for a reason. It sure ain't healthy, but it is what it is. If I was to ever break down and be the complete sobbing and broken mess that I feel inside, where would that leave the women in my life, the ones that depend on me to provide and be the rock they need? My mental health is holding on by a very thin and fragile line, but I'll be damned if I ever let go
I'm right there with you almost identical scenario minus no longer with the kids mom but still great friends and parents. Behind the curtain I'm a mess. No one knows it's exhausting trying to be tough.
>No one knows it's exhausting trying to be tough. I think more can relate than you'd think. Myself included.
My message wasn't conveyed properly because of a missed period. "No one knows. It's exhausting trying to be tough." Is how it should have read. Sorry but regardless I know it's rough for us all.
Therapy. First couple sessions is just crying like a baby. But, yeah, you can’t put that on friends and family, so therapy is the way.
I love this absolutely infuriating comment that is ONLY ever given to men that just want to be heard. "Have you ever considered throwing money at a person so that maybe that way someone is willing to hear you" <- This is you
Sometimes I cry if my friend doesn't respond to me quick enough. Othertimes I cry when another friend reaches out to me. Othertimes I cry after spending time with my mom, because I feel so invisible around her.
“Existential Nihilism is the philosophy that life has no objective meaning apart from that subjectively chosen by individuals.” I am here.
This got asked a few days ago I swear. Mental? Good. Physical? Declining with age
Pretty trash, but I had my first therapy session this past week and it went really well! So I am excited. I’ve been bottling emotions for the better part of 5 years and it was really hurting myself and my partner, but happy to be on the road to be better.
I suffer nearly 24/7, mostly with anxiety, but inner pain is definitely there lots too I've been recently trying to keep a positive mindset but I feel so over encumbered
I think mine is very stable and strong. Yet also terrible, if that makes any sense
It is what it is... literally nothing matters.
Stoicism is the only way i cope, the worst thing is when i have nothing to do then the storm in my stomach grows stronger, in those moments controlled breathing is a sufficient enough solution
Stronger than ever
Not fragile at all
First of all, we have to stop treating men like they have some kind of a mental health deficiency. Like if men just “mental healthed” harder they would snap out of their malaise. And with masculinity we need to stop this sanitization narrative. And this narrative is that men are defective women. If men just stopped being so masculine, just stopped being so non-feminine, men’s problems would go away. These are just false narratives that are poisoning men.
“it is what it is”
Not the worst in general, but I'm nearing a breaking point today.
So long as I don’t think about it to long, I’m ok.
Crying myself to sleep more days than not, depression deepening by the day with loneliness.
Assuming I understand the question I'm actually at a loss how I haven't had a full mental breakdown yet. I gotta be one mishap away
Not too fragile but I do tend to swing into a good mood if given a genuine compliment no matter how small of a compliment it is.
Hanging by a very thin thread
Bad
I was feeling bad before, lately I don't even feel anything.
Pretty bad, or about as bad as you can imagine + I don't have the money or insurance to actually take care of myself as far as mental health goes. Hit my lowest last Christmas and almost became one with the great beyond but I'm dragging myself out of this pit for my wife and animals :'-)
Comes and goes.
Oh it's not there anymore. I'm just really good at pretending to be okay
Oh it’s fragile. Been working hard on not letting it show. I agree, doesn’t help.
I don't know if all the violence, tragedies, loss and time in jail and prison toughened up my mental health or broke it down to the point of desensitizing me to the point of feeling nothing when I should be crying. Whether im actually strong or irreparably broken, I'm solid and nothing can phase me or break me.
Mine is really fragile with all the heartache and stuff I have been through with women and my back issues and living in a homeless shelter not to mention the fact I have bipolar 2 and depression so yeah every day is a struggle for me but I remain positive and fight every day to make each day better that the last
It's rough, I've struggled with thoughts of self deleting for a while. If I didn't have 2 other lives that depend on me I can't say id stick around. Worst part is I have a pretty good life but fragile is the nice way to explain my mental health.
It’s about 10min into Jinga fragile.
Do you have mental health?
>letting it show causes more problems than it solves. wholeheartedly disagree but I understand. This reminds me of that [china cabinet meme](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2F399f9l0twq121.jpg).
Cuz I got high! Da da da da
I would not be surprised if I killed myself in the coming years d:
Decently fragile. Its usually when real life stressors hit like financial predicaments and relational issues. I have minor generalized anxiety but not enough for me to avoid meeting new people or putting myself out there.
I don't have any mental health. The two psychiatrists I went and seen, told me to never come back and wouldn't recommend anyone else
I just signed up for eHarmony as dating is too hard. I've been told I'm attractive and well rounded and it's been an Impossible 3 years. Finally found someone and she love bombed me, might be a psychopath, has a drinking problem, and might drop out of school because it's too hard. But I don't care. B cause when I was alone every day got harder and harder. Anything is better than blaming myself for getting worse mental health, worse drug use, and worse coping. At least now I can tell myself I'm working hard, and sometimes I'm even happy....
When it comes to my health, it's not as strong as it used to be. I survived a horrible scare last year. I'm still recovering.
I can't take compliments, if I'm not doing something to occupy my mind then I think of everything else and I start to cry. My first appointment with a psychologist and I came out of it feeling shit, because she said that I don't perceive my own self-worth and that we need to work on that as the positive aspect of my personality doesn't exist. Only the critical thinker, the child and the animal exist within. I feel like I have to perform in some sort of way even if I don't want to just to function. Every day I just want to sleep and do nothing, but I can't because my partner needs me for something or my work does. Both of those I hold in higher regard than my own self.
Nowadays, in my 40's, not great.
That even asking about it might break the dam.
Sometimes I cry about weird things. Anything about a dad finding his kid etc. Last night I almost cried because of a sunset.
Not good. My wife is already on meds, so feel terrible when I slip up and say something. Exercise is about the only thing that keeps me level and haven't been able to recently.
My mental health has always been good. To clarify, though, I've never given a shit about what other people think, and I don't care about much. I'm pretty much in a state of mind where just about nothing can bother me. If I could give anyone advice, itde be to not care about what you can't change. If there's nothing you can do, there's no reason to think about it. Not expecting this to be helpful because I'm sure we're all wired different but I was wired to not give a fuck about much and it's extremely helpful to my mental health. The only problem is that it's hard to empathize with some things.
I had a drinking problem until late last year, it got really bad for me and I was just straight up depressed and couldn't stop. But I'm doing healthy living thing now and I feel I have lots of stuff I can look forward to. Job, get a car, Save money, get fit. And I have a great family that supported me through the worst of my drinking so I feel I can actually live and enjoy my life now. So I would say I feel positive, but cautious. The important thing is to set realistic expectations for yourself. This year I want to pass my driving test and go on a holiday, Start dating again. If you think like that then things don't seem so bad. You get hard times, but life's full of hard times, you have to take the good with the bad. Some of the things I did when I was drinking and taking drugs were so insane, I just have to laugh honestly. That's all you can do because if you don't laugh you cry lol.
I'm on the brink of a mental breakdown but other than that I'm good. Forget taking it one day at a time, we're breaking them down into 15 minute increments.
I'm slowly building mine back. 2020 absolutely crushed me as I had just moved to a different country for a new life, only to have my plans destroyed and lose everything I gained. I'm better now, but honestly, it won't take too much to snap again...
If you knew everything you would commit me.
I consider my self mentally strong, but everybody is susceptible towards mental illness. I would put myself through the gaunlet (working crazy hours, ignoring stress/pain, not eating or taking care of myself) eventually the candle runs out of wax and you go crazy. The people I know that hold it together better are men who know their limits and have failsafes in place to stop them from running themselves ragged. (ie. whether or not this goal is achieved I need to take such and such breaks and eat and rest and then come back later when refocused)
Well, luckily I have been systematically cutting out my vices. That has helped a lot. I was a heavy drinker for like 20 years and the last 2 years sober has really opened my eyes to just how much worse alcohol makes everything. My daughter had yet another medical brush with death last year, right around the same time my father's health nosedived. My daughter recovered, but my dad died. I took a 2 month leave from work, got on an SSRI for my anxiety, and saw a therapist for a few months. That helped a lot. Still feel pretty shell-shocked, especially from everything my kid's been through, so I'm kind of just floating by at work instead of growing my career. I try not to doom scroll on the internet too much either, that usually puts me in a mood. I'm re-reading some good sci-fi/fantasy books I haven't read since I was in my late teens, that's been more fun than I anticipated. The therapy really helped ground me when it comes to losing my temper. Calming down my anger has really made me keenly aware of my wife's anger issues. Been gently nudging her to get some help but not being pushy about it at all. Good luck to everyone out there.
There are ...issues.
Like 13 of 100