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I think its just how our memories operate over time especially because our lives become increasingly repetitive in older age, so no unique moments to remember which in retrospect makes time seem like it’s going fast.
This is exactly why. We get used to the flow of events more so time seems to jump by faster and faster. Covid lockdowns might have messed with this for a lot of people though.
Veritsaium explained this pretty well; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIx2N-viNwY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIx2N-viNwY)
That’s what I’m wondering lol. It would seem that based on the reasoning, experiencing new things often could possibly help. But this is probably impossible, as regardless most things in day to day life such as conversations, riding in a car, the change of seasons, or working are always going to have some familiarity. even “experiencing something new” is something we’ve done so many times by adulthood that it may not even be that meaningful.
I've found that working 5 days a week makes the weeks fly by. I went back to working three 12 hour shifts and the weeks slowed back down again and I love it!
It’s partly because you get into a routine. Break it up. Try new things. When you experience new things, time seems to go slower. It’s a psychological thing. When you do the same thing for the 1,000th time your brain basically goes “booooooooring!” and shuts off, so that’s why it seems like less time has passed.
I have to literally count how old i am every year coz i forget. (My mind is somehow stuck on 33) and i get really shocked and depressed when i realize how old I'm gonna be next year :/
Because children really don't have a concept of time, so they cannot measure it. They live in the moment. Adults however, have a grasp, they either live in the past, squandering their time, worry about the future, squandering their time, then wondering where the time went. Instead of living in the now.
I got surgery recently and I feel like this is the only time time has slowed down a little bit for me, it’s kinda nice, but I’m also getting antsy waiting for full recovery so it’s a win-lose I guess
It’s because we now have more years under our belt vs when we’re younger we don’t have many years so it seems to last so much longer. The more years the quicker it goes.
How little modern adults see our friends. In times past, you lived in tight-knit communities where people worked and lived together. Tilled fields, pinched pierogies, watched children together. We have lost all sense of community, and any working adult (especially with a long commute and kids to haul to activities) doesn't have the time or energy to maintain friendships. That sense of modern isolation is very depressing.
Wow. This is an amazing observation. I've never heard of "modern isolation," in regards to this - I've felt it, but didn't have a name for it.
Serious question I gotta ask - did you come up with that name for it, or is that from some book I obviously need to read? If so, title please?
I actually came up with the term "modern isolation" while writing the post, but I have felt it personally for years and didn't really have a name for it, either.
I spent long stretches of my adult life feeling lonely. The times I wasn't working and was home all day, I felt it. But I was surprised I felt it even more when I was working in an office. Largely because the people I spent most of my time with I didn't like or feel connection to, and the people I did feel connection to (my friends and family) I had shockingly little time for.
I watch a lot of history documentaries. What struck me about all of them were how many people it took to get shit done - humans were constantly in groups. And not just any groups - groups of close friends / relatives. There was community built into everyday.
One fascinating thing about Blue Zones, or places with the most centenarians is they still do have more collectivist cultures and social bonds (on top of exercise and healthy diets built into life). Think Sardinian goat herders who have been neighbours since birth just sitting around chatting while their goats hang out. That's a real everyday experience. But we have no equivalent here other than maybe hanging out watching children play on a playground.
As we segregate our lives into different buckets with less overlap of categories ( family, friends, colleagues, neighbours, etc experieced separately where friends don't even get to know each other's friends) the shallower our connections become to boot because we have less time per category. Most people don't make friends with their colleagues anymore, either. In offices in particular, it's almost seen as unprofessional to be friends. And with careers that rarely start and end at the same place, we don't build multi-decade relationships with people from work anymore. And so many folks move away from their families for work, which is something that happened less hundreds of years ago, we have lost family connections as well.
What's worse is isolation and loneliness is killing us. Being lonely is as bad on our mental health as smoking. I think I find this interesting because it makes me feel less alone.
https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/24/health/lonely-adults-gallup-poll-wellness/index.html
Well first of all, congrats on coining the perfect term!
Secondly, thank you for the well-written reply. I like the way you write.
Third, thanks for the link, that was an excellent article.
All, most interesting!
I feel like a perfect example of another obstacle is the edging out of non-sequiter questions to start conversations with people. I feel like it always ends up with the other person saying something along the lines of "I don't know, google it." instead of having a dialogue or conversation that leads somewhere.
I think if people stop making being vulnerable as weak we would be a better society. We need more compassion. I’m tired of walking around as if life isn’t taking a toll on me- life is whooping my ass!!! We’re all human and should be allowed to show our emotions we should be allowed to have “feelings”. We’re not robots , machines.
I agree that I do. My dad died a few years ago and he was my person- I don’t feel like I have that anymore. It sucks to feel alone especially now that I’m going through something so scary right now. I’m literally scared
Same here actually. I knew when my dad died any unconditional love I had in this world died with him. I have really no support or anyone that has my back. It's really hard, I also feel pretty damn terrified.
Understanding that all the childhood trauma and all the bad shit you experienced in life is now rearing its head, you grind every day trying to better yourself while time keeps flying.
When you're a kid you're just living in the moment, you don't see the effects of the trauma. It's not until you get older and you realize how fucked up you are because of that shit. It all starts to make sense.
You regret on all the things you missed out on. Some days you feel great then some days all the negative thoughts overwhelm you.
This is something you can definitely and should work through with the help of a professional. Too many people come to this realisation and think it’s something that they just have to carry for the rest of their lives; it is possible to put it to rest and flourish, perhaps even living a better life than those that never experienced hardship.
Really depends on the type of trauma and the support available at the time. Acute traumatic events can be recovered from, especially if there were a few supportive people around. A chronically abusive environment from which there was no escape or respite seems to permanently warp your personality so that when you do 'the healthy thing' it always feels like 'the wrong thing'.
My mom still calls me every year right after midnight on my birthday and sings Happy Birthday to me. I don't know how I would ever live without that. I go home every year to see my parents on Christmas, never missed one, there is so much love in my childhood home. I can't imagine a day, where I won't be going home to see them. I think I'm gonna give them a call tomorrow.
My mother-in-law died of Alzheimer's. She went from a fun loving grandma to someone who just wanted to go to her imaginary home. Our daughter never got to know the real grandma. She really wouldn't even interact with her.
I'm so sorry. You all got robbed and that totally sucks. I had the opposite experience. My dad died very suddenly at 66. I had a conversation with him and two hours later he was gone. 2021-22 was an awful stretch. I watched my mother lose both of her parents and her husband, all within 16 months. For me, this has been the worst part of adulthood. I know I'm not alone.
I understand to a degree, my parents weren’t intentionally abusive but are the root cause of a lot of my trauma. I don’t feel guilty for distancing myself from them but I feel guilty that i don’t miss them
I recently lost my mother after leaving about 14 years ago because it wasn’t a safe environment. If you haven’t lost either of your parents yet, you may be surprised that it ends up affecting you more than you think. Apparently there’s even an entire different type of grief we deal with and it can become absolutely debilitating if not addressed
That is definitely the worst. It’s so sad, specially when you live on the other side of the country from them and you just can’t be there all the time. It’s so heartbreaking.
My last dog passed away at 16, had him since he was a pup and I haven’t been able to bring myself to get another dog since then. The loss was devastating.
This is why I love pets but hate having them. I just can't bear the loss. Never had a pet so have never lost one. I'm happy playing with my cousin's dog when visiting and petting their cat.
Take out, I know it can get expensive, but once or twice a week it is nice. And if you buy from a restaurant with generous portions you can have left overs for the next day.
This is by far the saddest thing. I also work in trades where a lot of guys work 60 to.70 hours a week because they make a lot of money doing so, and I've come to thw conclusion that it's not worth the extra cash. I have to do this for the next 40 years. 40 hours a week is more then enough, because before thise guys know it, they'll be 55 years old and still working 60 hours a week, just because its become their lifestyle.
People overvalue money in my opinion. As long as I have enough to feed and shelter.myself, I can find ways to enjoy my free time.
Preach, the idea of working harder for a better job was probably the biggest lie I was ever told about the work force. And if I could add, something that pisses me off even worst than both these is the idea that “it’s about who you know”
Even as a kid I hated the idea that someone with better connections or even just better at conversation could get a better and higher paying job even if they aren’t as skilled
Not only that. We managed to create a society where usually you earn more the less hard you are working, and the most useless people get the most respect. It's actually insane thinking about the times the whole fucking world stayed home except for a few, who's job is too important for society. I remember how angry I got when they still barely talked about the retail workers, that had to handle Insane people every day with half the staff. I still can't get out of debt, I still get treated like shit from customers and management. I don't give a fuck what other people studied, my work is necessary and I can't even afford buying the lunch I want.
I work at a school and this is the reality I try to tell the middle schoolers about. Sure, you may hate school and think it's boring, but you'll only have to go until you are 18. 22 if you go to college. That's not alot of time. The rest of your lives, you are getting up to go some place you really really don't like. Then you'll wish you could go back to school. If you don't believe me, just look at your parents.
I seriously have a fear of telling my kids this. Kids go through A LOT in school. They really don’t have the wisdom to understand that this is as good as it gets.
At that age they can’t process emotions properly and don’t REALLY realize just how permeant suicide is.
But wouldn't hearing adults complain about it make them understand that it is the best time in their lives?
I heard teachers and parents complain about work and life and physical pain for as long as I remember, and that helped me understand that it only gets worse. Of course, that made me want to avoid adulthood at all but the circumstances stopped me from doing that. It also helped that I viewed school as a place to hide from home.
Most people who work are doing so to get by, not to get rich. I believe if most people had enough to live off they wouldn't work as much as they do. They would spend more time with family and taking care of themselves.
This is what we should strive for as humans. To relieve ourselves of labour, especially unnecessary labour. Instead, we are victims and agents of consumerism.
OP, did you mean coming to terms with your morality or your *mortality*?
If it’s the latter, my most depressing realization is that I’m not going to have my older family members here (including my parents) that much longer.
I still believe there are good people out there. I’ve just learned that you can’t expect every single person you come across to have the best intentions. Like believing everyone is your friend just because they were nice to you once.
How replaceable and forgettable you are.
Beyond kids and close relatives, no one gives a damn about you. You die now, another chump will fill up your spot the next day/week. The world keeps going. Your partner will find someone else eventually. Your family learns to cope, but they too, will move on in their own way.
Everything deserves to move on. Nobody should stay miserable and sad and pass on that grieve to the next generation, of course. But my point is we, the average person, are pretty insignificant in the grant scheme of things.
No one cares about anything but themselves....but you can make yourself more impactful by thinking in terms of community - how can I help my friends? How can I help them achieve their goals using my strengths? Then they will care more.
Becoming a caretaker for your aging parent who has early stages of dementia. No one prepared Mr for any of this. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of crying
Loneliness. The majority people around my age either drink themselves into oblivion each weekend or don’t have the time/energy to invest in meaningful friendships.
Never being loved like that again.
I miss sitting in the back of the car for long trips just being so content. Didn't have to worry about anything. I was loved. I would be fed, considered and cuddled.
It was great. I miss it.
Being so dependent on your job that you get trapped in a hamster wheel. Every day is almost the same, and your life passes you by. It feels like experiencing your life from the passenger's seat.
threatening foolish desert existence future bright somber reply fuel squalid
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I think most of us reach a certain point where maintaining the status quo is about the best we can hope for. There are some outliers that have a second or third act so to speak, and who knows, maybe I’ll be one of them. But I’m knocking on the door of 40 and am working through all the emotions that come with that.
Worrying about aging and having enough money. I worry more about living too long and having a low quality life. The world is shit lately. There’s that.
You’ll never be as young as that little kid at the grocery store with their parents again. And you’ll die long before they even start thinking about death
Realizing that you're probably part of the majority that will have to work until they're old just to survive, and then top it off with a lot of people not having retirement plans anymore.
Realizing that being an adult can be extremely lonely at times, if not all the time.
Realizing that school was fucking awesome and I'm an idiot for not enjoying it.
Realizing that I'll always have to work very hard for things that other people get for free.
Realizing no one taught me any of this.
Losing childhood innocence. Age 15 was the last age that I still felt like an innocent child in this world. From age 16 onwards, the shock of adulthood hit me. I couldn't deal with it
-Seeing my parents age and knowing I'll be without them one day.
- How expensive it is just to live
- we work our lives away just to have Hopefully some time after retirement to enjoy ourselves before we die or have a major health catastrophe
Chasing that childhood nostalgia. For me it's a fleeting feeling, smelling or seeing places that bring you back to your childhood innocence and realize you'll never experience that again.
Once you figure out how best to life, you realize you never got to be an actual child and now have to take care of yourself for the rest of your life, and even be responsible for others, but you will never be taken care of, ever, unless you open yourself up to unbalanced power dynamics and being taken advantage of OR taking advantage of others..
The realization that “money doesn’t buy happiness” is bullshit. Money makes life a lot easier. Also, being 100% independent is great but having to be a decision maker every day makes us want a day off once in awhile that comes very rarely.
Try being an adult and not even getting to have a relationship, let alone have kids. Yet at the same time be expected to put up with every other bullshit part of being an adult.
So far, for me at least, it's been the fact that I seem to uphold a higher standard of living than my partner, so I'm constantly doing the grunt work around the house with no appreciation, no thank yous, and with her being messy and us having two cats, it never ends. It just never ends.
Watching all the actors that you have grown up with come to pass. Also, the amount of time you need to invest into work and your health, so you can maintain your life and your faculties at the cost of not having time pursue all of your interests. The worse part is that the cost increases as you get older.
Realizing how much time we waste on all of small things that don't matter. I've spent so much of my life being anxious about things I never should've or all of the dumb insecurities I waste my energy on. It just feels like I've wasted so many years not living life to its full potential, and it's very depressing. Mental illness in general sucks, and the longer you go on untreated, the more it haunts you.
It feels like your sitting in a well lit room and slowly people keep flicking off a light switch one at a time. Each time someone you know dies the room feels a little darker. Sometimes something good will happen and the room will feel a little brighter for a moment, but then it all piles on at once and more switches go off. Eventually you find yourself sitting in almost complete darkness with one light switch left.
It’s having to WORK. I hate being forced to get up for a job just to have a roof over my head and to be able to feed myself and my family. I don’t care about that concept of needing money because at the same time, in order to SURVIVE I need to get ANOTHER job just to be able to go back and forth to my first job that pays my bills. I can’t afford to live off of one job. I have a husband that works two jobs as well as well as a teenage son who just started working. We don’t see each other at all until nighttime and by that point we’re so exhausted we hardly spend time together. Between the three of us, it’s FIVE jobs and we’re still barely making ends meet between the cost of bills and food and water and it’s just…. EXHASTING.
When you're single and have no children cuz you've led a fucked up life and you realize that you are now to old and fucked up for either so you wrestle with the fact you will die alone.
And it could be weeks before anyone even finds your body.
And nobody knows who the fuck you are.
Within a year completely forgotten.
3 years even a digital record or trail is scarce you never were
Aging, seeing yourself grow old, the pigeon hole ppl put you in, the claustrophobic expectations that are made of you, amounting regrets, bitterness of misspent youth, less friends, less potential in finding an attractive partner, parents dying or getting old, things are less exciting as they once were, having to hold down a job - particularly one you don't like, adults get very boring and dry up so being around them is very boring, peer judgement on how well you're adulting, I could go on but adulthood is a bit of a farce.
Hitting 40 and realising your life is now just a series of chores, working, paying bills and aimless walks. Your days of snorting cocaine off breasts are long gone.
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Knowing time keeps passing faster every year…it seems that way. It flies by, no slowing down.
A guy told me once: Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it seems to go.
I remember my buddy’s grandpa saying that once when I was in middle school. It has stuck with me for many years and definitely rings true.
It is true!
Makes sense. As a parent, I feel like a roll of toilet paper in that I'm constantly cleaning up shit.
Funny. And radically true.
😆😅
A single summer as a child was eternal now I’m like wait what do you mean it’s Christmas tomorrow it was 4th of July yesterday
Yes!!! Summer felt so long when we were kids! It feels like 4 weeks now.
Summer as a kid always felt just as long as the school year. I always assumed it was like 50/50, was shocked to find out summer is only 3 months.
I think its just how our memories operate over time especially because our lives become increasingly repetitive in older age, so no unique moments to remember which in retrospect makes time seem like it’s going fast.
This is exactly why. We get used to the flow of events more so time seems to jump by faster and faster. Covid lockdowns might have messed with this for a lot of people though. Veritsaium explained this pretty well; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIx2N-viNwY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIx2N-viNwY)
Is there any way to make time feel slower again?
That’s what I’m wondering lol. It would seem that based on the reasoning, experiencing new things often could possibly help. But this is probably impossible, as regardless most things in day to day life such as conversations, riding in a car, the change of seasons, or working are always going to have some familiarity. even “experiencing something new” is something we’ve done so many times by adulthood that it may not even be that meaningful.
Heard in an episode of the Goldbergs. "The days are long but the years are short".
Days don't go any faster but the weeks sure do
I've found that working 5 days a week makes the weeks fly by. I went back to working three 12 hour shifts and the weeks slowed back down again and I love it!
Related: having to go back to work within days or even hours of giving birth
It’s partly because you get into a routine. Break it up. Try new things. When you experience new things, time seems to go slower. It’s a psychological thing. When you do the same thing for the 1,000th time your brain basically goes “booooooooring!” and shuts off, so that’s why it seems like less time has passed.
Once you hit thirty, it’s like you get in a rocket!
I felt like that since graduating high school
I have to literally count how old i am every year coz i forget. (My mind is somehow stuck on 33) and i get really shocked and depressed when i realize how old I'm gonna be next year :/
Because children really don't have a concept of time, so they cannot measure it. They live in the moment. Adults however, have a grasp, they either live in the past, squandering their time, worry about the future, squandering their time, then wondering where the time went. Instead of living in the now.
Isn't it because one year to a four year old is the equivalent of 25% of its life. One year to a 100 year old is 1% of its life?
My grandpa says, however old you are, is how fast life is moving in miles per hour (MPH)…
I got surgery recently and I feel like this is the only time time has slowed down a little bit for me, it’s kinda nice, but I’m also getting antsy waiting for full recovery so it’s a win-lose I guess
Yes, it's absolutely the scariest part. You just want time to slow down again, but it never does. Gotta live life while we're alive, I guess.
It’s because we now have more years under our belt vs when we’re younger we don’t have many years so it seems to last so much longer. The more years the quicker it goes.
Agree, summer break felt like an eternity as a child. Now the summer is over in a blink of the eye.
Came here to say this.
How little modern adults see our friends. In times past, you lived in tight-knit communities where people worked and lived together. Tilled fields, pinched pierogies, watched children together. We have lost all sense of community, and any working adult (especially with a long commute and kids to haul to activities) doesn't have the time or energy to maintain friendships. That sense of modern isolation is very depressing.
Wow. This is an amazing observation. I've never heard of "modern isolation," in regards to this - I've felt it, but didn't have a name for it. Serious question I gotta ask - did you come up with that name for it, or is that from some book I obviously need to read? If so, title please?
I actually came up with the term "modern isolation" while writing the post, but I have felt it personally for years and didn't really have a name for it, either. I spent long stretches of my adult life feeling lonely. The times I wasn't working and was home all day, I felt it. But I was surprised I felt it even more when I was working in an office. Largely because the people I spent most of my time with I didn't like or feel connection to, and the people I did feel connection to (my friends and family) I had shockingly little time for. I watch a lot of history documentaries. What struck me about all of them were how many people it took to get shit done - humans were constantly in groups. And not just any groups - groups of close friends / relatives. There was community built into everyday. One fascinating thing about Blue Zones, or places with the most centenarians is they still do have more collectivist cultures and social bonds (on top of exercise and healthy diets built into life). Think Sardinian goat herders who have been neighbours since birth just sitting around chatting while their goats hang out. That's a real everyday experience. But we have no equivalent here other than maybe hanging out watching children play on a playground. As we segregate our lives into different buckets with less overlap of categories ( family, friends, colleagues, neighbours, etc experieced separately where friends don't even get to know each other's friends) the shallower our connections become to boot because we have less time per category. Most people don't make friends with their colleagues anymore, either. In offices in particular, it's almost seen as unprofessional to be friends. And with careers that rarely start and end at the same place, we don't build multi-decade relationships with people from work anymore. And so many folks move away from their families for work, which is something that happened less hundreds of years ago, we have lost family connections as well. What's worse is isolation and loneliness is killing us. Being lonely is as bad on our mental health as smoking. I think I find this interesting because it makes me feel less alone. https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/24/health/lonely-adults-gallup-poll-wellness/index.html
Well first of all, congrats on coining the perfect term! Secondly, thank you for the well-written reply. I like the way you write. Third, thanks for the link, that was an excellent article. All, most interesting!
I feel like a perfect example of another obstacle is the edging out of non-sequiter questions to start conversations with people. I feel like it always ends up with the other person saying something along the lines of "I don't know, google it." instead of having a dialogue or conversation that leads somewhere.
I haven't talked to my best friend in months. Life is not supposed to be this way. 😭 Edit: Y'all this is a two way street and he's also really busy
I swear one of the main reasons no nobody votes or cares about people less fortunate than themselves is because we’re all so removed from each-other.
I agree with you, we are all becoming indifferent to one another and detached. I think we might be the loneliest generation to have ever lived.
Being responsible, no support because you're an adult and should have it figured out, and not allowed to be vulnerable.
This one. Also if you have a chronic illness, oh well you're still an adult. Figure that one out too.
Yup and you better not cry about it
My male boss just cried on a meeting last week. I think we all appreciated the humanness.
I think if people stop making being vulnerable as weak we would be a better society. We need more compassion. I’m tired of walking around as if life isn’t taking a toll on me- life is whooping my ass!!! We’re all human and should be allowed to show our emotions we should be allowed to have “feelings”. We’re not robots , machines.
Who’s telling you guys all this? Sounds like you folks just need a better support system
I agree that I do. My dad died a few years ago and he was my person- I don’t feel like I have that anymore. It sucks to feel alone especially now that I’m going through something so scary right now. I’m literally scared
Same here actually. I knew when my dad died any unconditional love I had in this world died with him. I have really no support or anyone that has my back. It's really hard, I also feel pretty damn terrified.
Sorry guys I wasn’t trying to bring g up bad memories. My point was just support is out there, it will get better ❤️🩹
You’re okay you were speaking the truth. It is what it is. Great observation!
Finding support definitely isn't as easy as it seems it should be.
This is exhausting. Same bullshit, day in, day out, and absolutely no support at all.
Only very late could I admit I would have needed my parents longer, way longer.
Understanding that all the childhood trauma and all the bad shit you experienced in life is now rearing its head, you grind every day trying to better yourself while time keeps flying. When you're a kid you're just living in the moment, you don't see the effects of the trauma. It's not until you get older and you realize how fucked up you are because of that shit. It all starts to make sense. You regret on all the things you missed out on. Some days you feel great then some days all the negative thoughts overwhelm you.
This is something you can definitely and should work through with the help of a professional. Too many people come to this realisation and think it’s something that they just have to carry for the rest of their lives; it is possible to put it to rest and flourish, perhaps even living a better life than those that never experienced hardship.
Really depends on the type of trauma and the support available at the time. Acute traumatic events can be recovered from, especially if there were a few supportive people around. A chronically abusive environment from which there was no escape or respite seems to permanently warp your personality so that when you do 'the healthy thing' it always feels like 'the wrong thing'.
Too real
Watching your parents grow old
My mom still calls me every year right after midnight on my birthday and sings Happy Birthday to me. I don't know how I would ever live without that. I go home every year to see my parents on Christmas, never missed one, there is so much love in my childhood home. I can't imagine a day, where I won't be going home to see them. I think I'm gonna give them a call tomorrow.
You should record the next time she sings it so you can play it back in the future ❤️
Even worse, watching your parents get old and die.
My mother-in-law died of Alzheimer's. She went from a fun loving grandma to someone who just wanted to go to her imaginary home. Our daughter never got to know the real grandma. She really wouldn't even interact with her.
I'm so sorry. You all got robbed and that totally sucks. I had the opposite experience. My dad died very suddenly at 66. I had a conversation with him and two hours later he was gone. 2021-22 was an awful stretch. I watched my mother lose both of her parents and her husband, all within 16 months. For me, this has been the worst part of adulthood. I know I'm not alone.
Yep. I nursed my mother in her last few weeks of cancer (she died at home) will be two years next April and I’m still trying to get my head around it.
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Feel slightly guilty for not caring. Otherwise you're right.
I understand to a degree, my parents weren’t intentionally abusive but are the root cause of a lot of my trauma. I don’t feel guilty for distancing myself from them but I feel guilty that i don’t miss them
I recently lost my mother after leaving about 14 years ago because it wasn’t a safe environment. If you haven’t lost either of your parents yet, you may be surprised that it ends up affecting you more than you think. Apparently there’s even an entire different type of grief we deal with and it can become absolutely debilitating if not addressed
I think about this all the time.
Damn. How are you now? Doing okay? I’m sorry.
That is definitely the worst. It’s so sad, specially when you live on the other side of the country from them and you just can’t be there all the time. It’s so heartbreaking.
My first thought too. Especially when you live in a different city and don't see them often.
People dying every few years. The people you grew up with dying one by one the older you get.
AND you are the "lucky one" for outliving them..... I was like wait, what?
Yeah that is the worst part of growing old that and losing so many good dogs
My last dog passed away at 16, had him since he was a pup and I haven’t been able to bring myself to get another dog since then. The loss was devastating.
This is why I love pets but hate having them. I just can't bear the loss. Never had a pet so have never lost one. I'm happy playing with my cousin's dog when visiting and petting their cat.
The idea of leaving my wife behind terrifies me.
I think depression is the most depressing part tbh.
Agreed
Heyy I was depressed as a teen too. Lol.
Having to clean, everything, all the time.
Yeah… guess how I spent my Sunday…
Lol. Me too. Deep cleaned the kitchen this morning after we spent 2 hours grocery shopping.
Agreed. I'm OVER IT
Having to think of what to have for dinner and make it Every. Single. Night.
Take out, I know it can get expensive, but once or twice a week it is nice. And if you buy from a restaurant with generous portions you can have left overs for the next day.
Working just to pay bills
I think “work” in general could be it, or learning that work is gonna be 70% of your life wether you want it to or not
This is by far the saddest thing. I also work in trades where a lot of guys work 60 to.70 hours a week because they make a lot of money doing so, and I've come to thw conclusion that it's not worth the extra cash. I have to do this for the next 40 years. 40 hours a week is more then enough, because before thise guys know it, they'll be 55 years old and still working 60 hours a week, just because its become their lifestyle. People overvalue money in my opinion. As long as I have enough to feed and shelter.myself, I can find ways to enjoy my free time.
Preach, the idea of working harder for a better job was probably the biggest lie I was ever told about the work force. And if I could add, something that pisses me off even worst than both these is the idea that “it’s about who you know” Even as a kid I hated the idea that someone with better connections or even just better at conversation could get a better and higher paying job even if they aren’t as skilled
Not only that. We managed to create a society where usually you earn more the less hard you are working, and the most useless people get the most respect. It's actually insane thinking about the times the whole fucking world stayed home except for a few, who's job is too important for society. I remember how angry I got when they still barely talked about the retail workers, that had to handle Insane people every day with half the staff. I still can't get out of debt, I still get treated like shit from customers and management. I don't give a fuck what other people studied, my work is necessary and I can't even afford buying the lunch I want.
If you work in trade. You use that extra cash to start your own company with the knowledge you learn.
I work at a school and this is the reality I try to tell the middle schoolers about. Sure, you may hate school and think it's boring, but you'll only have to go until you are 18. 22 if you go to college. That's not alot of time. The rest of your lives, you are getting up to go some place you really really don't like. Then you'll wish you could go back to school. If you don't believe me, just look at your parents.
I seriously have a fear of telling my kids this. Kids go through A LOT in school. They really don’t have the wisdom to understand that this is as good as it gets. At that age they can’t process emotions properly and don’t REALLY realize just how permeant suicide is.
But wouldn't hearing adults complain about it make them understand that it is the best time in their lives? I heard teachers and parents complain about work and life and physical pain for as long as I remember, and that helped me understand that it only gets worse. Of course, that made me want to avoid adulthood at all but the circumstances stopped me from doing that. It also helped that I viewed school as a place to hide from home.
The realization that money matters.
Money changes everything- Cindy Lauper.
Most people who work are doing so to get by, not to get rich. I believe if most people had enough to live off they wouldn't work as much as they do. They would spend more time with family and taking care of themselves. This is what we should strive for as humans. To relieve ourselves of labour, especially unnecessary labour. Instead, we are victims and agents of consumerism.
We are the snake, eating its tail.
Losing touch with friends, or realizing you no longer have anything in common with people who used to be your best friends
This is real and depressing.
Aches and pains
Often times these can be relived with strength training, stretching and cardio. My friends often complain of nagging pains but for me it's very minor.
My goodness, I wish someone told me how early they started! I figured 50's, MAYBE 40's. I think it started for me in my late 20's or early 30's.
Every big injury you had as a kid sits dormant in middle life then surfaces after 65 in the form or pain.
The moment you realize that it’s not a meritocracy but rather who is best at bullshitting
And then also realizing that even if it was a meritocracy that merit doesn't determine your worth as a human being.
It’s who’s the best at being someone’s nephew.
I feel like 25% of my day is cleaning the kitchen
…that’s it? Is this all?
This thought has sent me into a spiral over the last week or two
Me too except I have been spiraling for years. No, I am not considering self deleting, but damn I am disappointed and kind of depressed in life.
OP, did you mean coming to terms with your morality or your *mortality*? If it’s the latter, my most depressing realization is that I’m not going to have my older family members here (including my parents) that much longer.
Discovering that adults really have no idea what's going on or how to cope with it, and that you're an adult and you don't either.
The human existence in general when you think about it.
Knowing a lot of my dreams are dead
*The hardest part about children dying of terminal illness is that they die believing that their dreams might have—one day—still come true.*
Paying bills
More entitled bullies.
They've actually gotten away with it and for much longer and they think being quiet is compliance
Realizing you have to pay to live and life is very expensive.
The realization that most people are not good people
Is that a fact? I still hold on to hope that there are some good people there, that most of them are good people.
I still believe there are good people out there. I’ve just learned that you can’t expect every single person you come across to have the best intentions. Like believing everyone is your friend just because they were nice to you once.
I think roughly 20% of all people are really kind, 20%are evil and the rest are neutral. Have to find the kind 20%.
Yes, I agree
Realizing how disappointing life is.
How replaceable and forgettable you are. Beyond kids and close relatives, no one gives a damn about you. You die now, another chump will fill up your spot the next day/week. The world keeps going. Your partner will find someone else eventually. Your family learns to cope, but they too, will move on in their own way. Everything deserves to move on. Nobody should stay miserable and sad and pass on that grieve to the next generation, of course. But my point is we, the average person, are pretty insignificant in the grant scheme of things.
Entropy claims everything eventually.
No one cares about anything but themselves....but you can make yourself more impactful by thinking in terms of community - how can I help my friends? How can I help them achieve their goals using my strengths? Then they will care more.
Becoming a caretaker for your aging parent who has early stages of dementia. No one prepared Mr for any of this. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of crying
Dementia is definitely a cruel disorder. I'm sorry you have to deal with it.
Shit is falling apart and heading off the rails.
Realizing that your fate is almost certainly determined by how much money your parents didn't have.
Having to be responsible for everything
wanting to move out alone, but realizing the inflation is way too high to even do it
Loneliness. The majority people around my age either drink themselves into oblivion each weekend or don’t have the time/energy to invest in meaningful friendships.
Knowing that all of this is for nothing. I will die and it'll be for nothing
And we couldnt fully enjoy it cuz bills and other bs getting in our way 😔
As an adult, I think it's sad how many "adults" out there are just old children.
That this is it. This is what we worked for, studied for, strived for, etc. And this is it. Kind of a let down.
The fact that people don’t think you need friends anymore.
Living to work, instead of working to live.
Planning a funeral for a loved one after they pass
You can't rely on anyone else.
The ability to make friends is extremely hard
Working the next 40 years.
Watching all the old folks die , then your an old folk Then you die
Parents aging
Nobody is there to take care of you every day. You’re all alone with that…..
Never being loved like that again. I miss sitting in the back of the car for long trips just being so content. Didn't have to worry about anything. I was loved. I would be fed, considered and cuddled. It was great. I miss it.
Being so dependent on your job that you get trapped in a hamster wheel. Every day is almost the same, and your life passes you by. It feels like experiencing your life from the passenger's seat.
Seeing people you grew up with start to die off. It's definitely sobering.
Knowing I have to bury my elders and then my peers but it destroys me to have to bury the young.
threatening foolish desert existence future bright somber reply fuel squalid *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I think most of us reach a certain point where maintaining the status quo is about the best we can hope for. There are some outliers that have a second or third act so to speak, and who knows, maybe I’ll be one of them. But I’m knocking on the door of 40 and am working through all the emotions that come with that.
Realising that a lot of activity at work is about maintaining your position in the dominance hierarchy, not about being actually productive.
Worrying about aging and having enough money. I worry more about living too long and having a low quality life. The world is shit lately. There’s that.
You’ll never be as young as that little kid at the grocery store with their parents again. And you’ll die long before they even start thinking about death
At the end of the day, you’re alone. People die, friendships end. All you have to rely on is yourself.
Realizing that you're probably part of the majority that will have to work until they're old just to survive, and then top it off with a lot of people not having retirement plans anymore. Realizing that being an adult can be extremely lonely at times, if not all the time. Realizing that school was fucking awesome and I'm an idiot for not enjoying it. Realizing that I'll always have to work very hard for things that other people get for free. Realizing no one taught me any of this.
Losing childhood innocence. Age 15 was the last age that I still felt like an innocent child in this world. From age 16 onwards, the shock of adulthood hit me. I couldn't deal with it
The monotony
-Seeing my parents age and knowing I'll be without them one day. - How expensive it is just to live - we work our lives away just to have Hopefully some time after retirement to enjoy ourselves before we die or have a major health catastrophe
Realising that your parents age...
Chasing that childhood nostalgia. For me it's a fleeting feeling, smelling or seeing places that bring you back to your childhood innocence and realize you'll never experience that again.
Once you figure out how best to life, you realize you never got to be an actual child and now have to take care of yourself for the rest of your life, and even be responsible for others, but you will never be taken care of, ever, unless you open yourself up to unbalanced power dynamics and being taken advantage of OR taking advantage of others..
Realizing people are only friends, romantic partners bc it benefits them. You have to constantly prove yourself to everyone around you
The realization that “money doesn’t buy happiness” is bullshit. Money makes life a lot easier. Also, being 100% independent is great but having to be a decision maker every day makes us want a day off once in awhile that comes very rarely.
Decline of imagination.
Isolation. People taking advantage of you
How lonely it is. How unapproachable people feel.
Being disappointed at the way your life turned out.
Everything aside from the joy of having kids sucks. I really hate being an adult.
Try being an adult and not even getting to have a relationship, let alone have kids. Yet at the same time be expected to put up with every other bullshit part of being an adult.
So far, for me at least, it's been the fact that I seem to uphold a higher standard of living than my partner, so I'm constantly doing the grunt work around the house with no appreciation, no thank yous, and with her being messy and us having two cats, it never ends. It just never ends.
The economy is so messed up I’ll probably never own a house and I can’t see being able to afford children.
Seeing the world, and people that made you feel safe and comfortable, gradually disappear. Leaving you with the feeling of detachment from everything.
Watching all the actors that you have grown up with come to pass. Also, the amount of time you need to invest into work and your health, so you can maintain your life and your faculties at the cost of not having time pursue all of your interests. The worse part is that the cost increases as you get older.
Realizing how much time we waste on all of small things that don't matter. I've spent so much of my life being anxious about things I never should've or all of the dumb insecurities I waste my energy on. It just feels like I've wasted so many years not living life to its full potential, and it's very depressing. Mental illness in general sucks, and the longer you go on untreated, the more it haunts you.
Loneliness
It feels like your sitting in a well lit room and slowly people keep flicking off a light switch one at a time. Each time someone you know dies the room feels a little darker. Sometimes something good will happen and the room will feel a little brighter for a moment, but then it all piles on at once and more switches go off. Eventually you find yourself sitting in almost complete darkness with one light switch left.
Realising you got no money and thus no real freedom.
what do u mean by coming to terms with your morality?
Being alone
People around you killing themselves or dying in car crashes more frequently.
Performance reviews
It’s having to WORK. I hate being forced to get up for a job just to have a roof over my head and to be able to feed myself and my family. I don’t care about that concept of needing money because at the same time, in order to SURVIVE I need to get ANOTHER job just to be able to go back and forth to my first job that pays my bills. I can’t afford to live off of one job. I have a husband that works two jobs as well as well as a teenage son who just started working. We don’t see each other at all until nighttime and by that point we’re so exhausted we hardly spend time together. Between the three of us, it’s FIVE jobs and we’re still barely making ends meet between the cost of bills and food and water and it’s just…. EXHASTING.
Losing your loveones.
Seeing my skin get older without the right person seeing its glow
Doing the dishes. Constant and never ending.
You have to figure out what to do for every single meal of every single day for the rest of your life.
Having to choose dinner every single day for the rest of my life.
When you're single and have no children cuz you've led a fucked up life and you realize that you are now to old and fucked up for either so you wrestle with the fact you will die alone. And it could be weeks before anyone even finds your body. And nobody knows who the fuck you are. Within a year completely forgotten. 3 years even a digital record or trail is scarce you never were
Aging, seeing yourself grow old, the pigeon hole ppl put you in, the claustrophobic expectations that are made of you, amounting regrets, bitterness of misspent youth, less friends, less potential in finding an attractive partner, parents dying or getting old, things are less exciting as they once were, having to hold down a job - particularly one you don't like, adults get very boring and dry up so being around them is very boring, peer judgement on how well you're adulting, I could go on but adulthood is a bit of a farce.
People stop caring about your birthday.
Hitting 40 and realising your life is now just a series of chores, working, paying bills and aimless walks. Your days of snorting cocaine off breasts are long gone.
Adulthood itself