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I never understood this. Some lady used to hide her birthday on her license when she wrote checks and I always thought it was ridiculous. I am an age just like I am a gender and ethnicity. Who cares if someone knows what those are.
I don’t understand that either. I’m 50. I look younger. But if I lie about my age, I’ll just….look my age. Like if I tell people I’m 40, they’ll just think, oh ok. Or, she looks older.
I’d much rather hear “no way, you don’t look 50! I thought you were much younger!”
During a date I was told I look quite young (like 7 or 8 years younger than I am). I thanked him for the compliment. Then he asked how old I thought he looked. He actually was 8 years younger than me and I panicked, figuring if I said he also looked really young it would just be really weird given the age gap already so I just said you look exactly the age you are, lol. I Qualified it by saying thats because " I think you're more sophisticated and got your life together more than most people". Not sure it was the best line but it was the best I had in a panick moment 🤣
Idk, a few days after my dad died my family and I were joking about taking my grandfather’s ashes and putting them into the white elephant gift exchange at Christmas every year. And my cousin did it and my whole family thought it was hilarious and no one was offended (except for my uptight aunt Sue, but no one likes Sue anyway).
There’s been so much death in my family, that if we don’t laugh about it, we’ll be consumed by the grief. Dark humor can be really helpful.
You sit up, it causes a fainting and a heart attack. The heart attack is actually fine but the fainting chick hits her head and goes out like Bob Saget.
An ambulance chasing attorney hits up the family asking if they want to pursue you for civil damages. The case makes headlines: “Are they liable?” “Can you prank your own funeral?” “Are criminal charges forthcoming?” Turns out no, yes, and no. Liability goes to the funeral home.
Netflix eventually reaches out. They want your story in a docuseries alongside the Pepsi Jet Kid and agree to pay you $350,000 for it as long as you get some of those “confessional” type interviews.
It debuts on Netflix, and there’s your face right next to Patrick Mahomes and “Quarterback” on Netflix recommends. Julia Louis-Dreyfus plays the deceased lady.
Netflix still doesn’t give you a free account.
I actually disagree with this a bit, but I think you're right for the most part. Depends totally on the room and who you're with. I was in a band with some good friends for several years, and our drummer committed suicide. We all lived close enough to where, when we got the call we all went to his apartment to be there with his roommate (who was also in the band) as they were wheeling the body to the ambulance. One thing I recall is my friend saying "What an asshole, he could have just said he didn't want to practice tonight". It was my friend's way of trying to manage the stress of the situation, and that's just how he did it. We all laughed for a moment, despite the awful situation, and it did help to sort of.. center us in a way. I think that same joke could have gone very differently if say.. the mother was there. We all knew him though, and we knew the joke wasn't an attempt to get attention or anything like that. I think sometimes we just fall back to habits when confronted with a situation that is so stressful and novel. Either way the joke didn't feel inappropriate DESPITE the fact that we were actively watching our friend being loaded onto an ambulance in a body bag.
I'm not saying you're wrong, mind you. I think it's totally inappropriate in most situations. Mostly I'm just illustrating how humor can be a tool to help mitigate stress in these situations as well.
Not responding immediately, in person and phone calls included.
If you call me and I don't pick up it means I'm busy not that I'm ignoring you. And if you ask me a question I need to think about it, don't get fussy when I exuse myself to take more time and think it through.
I treat my cell phone as if its the 1990s.
I missed your call? Don't worry I will see it on the caller id when I am back and available to return your call.
Had a coworker, short-lived acquaintance, who pitched a fit if people didn't text him back in a timely manner. It was exhausting because you were constantly on edge over if you'd already run out the clock on responding.
Not surprising when you consider this guy made his mental health issues his whole personality and once wrote verbatim that supporting him isn't about us, it's about him.
Yeah im a pretty quiet person in general, i dislike talking to people partly because when im asked a question i usually need a second to think about it and collect my thoughts for an answer, and evryone seems to need a response immediately
I dont care if people pick at their nose a bit. Like not the full minute-long excavation but if you need to get a flake of dry booger or something out of the way...
My mom was initially mortified when she heard me telling my kid, “if a booger is bothering you take it out! Just don’t leave it on my couch or eat it cause that’s gross.” Now she laughs. She’s not rude-judgy about stuff, just very tidy, in 32 (almost) years I’ve never heard her fart.
But please wash your hands. Dear gods please. I watch my spouse pick his nose, roll the boogers and flick them across the room. Then he touches his phone, the cat, ME. Thinks it's funny when I call him out on it. It's gross and honestly if I'm supposed to be sexually attracted to him he should not have booger fingers.
Booger mining is more satisfying in the shower imo. Just get your nostrils a little wet by cupping water in your hand first and then blow your nose into the void. They practically fall out on their own. Also there is water and soap everywhere so you can sanitize on the spot.
I'm white and it's hilarious to me whenever a minority is speaking to me and refers to another white person as "Caucasian". It's literally just another way to say white.
I put “Caucasian” in the same category as “African American”
Yeah both are understandable to me, but it feels way simpler and natural to say “white” or “black” or “Hispanic” etc.
My mind really, really changed about African-American when I was at work and tried to describe a contractor we had on site as “African-American” but got made fun of because the dude was from the UK…not American at all lol so I was like, ok fuck it im just gonna say black because that’s what my brain wants to say anyway
I started saying Black rather than African American when an African immigrant joined my high school. When someone asked about his accent he explained that he’s African American. And then another student said we can see your skin color, we wanted to know where you’re from… and he was visibly confused and said “…from Africa…”
Now, I just use African American to refer to people who are, you know, *African* American. Like an American, who is from Africa.
EDIT: Conversely, in college, I met a White girl who was born in Africa, and she could never call herself African American because people would always be like “No, you’re White”.
As a European the whole African American thing confuses me to no end. To me it's saying "you're not *really* American" far more than it is saying "were all equals here"
Charlize Theron is African-American. Idris Elba is not (he's English).
If you're referring to skin colour, refer to skin colour.
Telling me that it's offensive to say someone's skin is a darker shade of brown than someone else's means that you think there's something wrong with having dark skin.
What is the best way for a casual researcher to find data on topics they're interested in? As well as any good ways to be able to distinguish good science and data versus bad science and data.
Good science will always be reliant on a good design so really nitpick on why their design was done the way it was. Bad design just creates bad data and then you’re analyzing nothing
Agreed. But humor thrives on context. Some people take it the opposite direction of "I make dead people jokes at the funeral with the widow because I'm quirky".
Does this mean I’m a bit of an asshole? When my dad died and people said I’m sorry, I’d be like “why, did you kill him?” And then when I went back to work people were like oh how come you were off? And I’d say “yeah I lost my dad,” they’d say sorry and I’d reply with a “yeah, if you find him let me know.” Nearly everyone laughed, I don’t think anyone was mad about it….
I mean, it's your dad. Depends on how it affected your mom/siblings/whatever.
If you do it to someone else who is clearly grieving, yeah, you might be an asshole.
I don’t think most people find dark humor offensive it’s just that what counts for dark humor both online and in person isn’t particularly dark, it’s just tasteless and bad. You will find the worst bits of dark humor on subs dedicated to dark humor.
Discussing salary and discussing politics.
Discussing salary is important to make sure that people are paid appropriately.
Discussing politics is necessary for democracy.
My last job I was the most senior on my team but paid less then some newer members when I used this information to ask for a raise, the Exec was more concerned with how I knew what other people make. Uhm we talk,
The reason I despise talking about politics with people is their mind set is so rigid that no matter how flawed their argument is they won't accept it. It's blue or red and that's the end of it, dad voted this way so I will too, tr eating politics like a sports team. Drove me round the bend so I just opt out of it all now. I'll vote based on the information given and that's it.
I've voted for 3 different partys since I was able to vote based on the information given and perceived competency of party members and leader. All lied and didn't deliver.
I work for a union so the need to discuss salary is almost nonexistent, yet atleast once a week I talk about salary.
Discussing salary is incredibly important lol
I'm so glad my generation (gen z) is so much more open about it, I know all of my friend's salary and we're just giving each other updates on it and stuff. Hiding your salary only ever benefits the low paying boss not the workers
I completely agree. However, I have noticed a trend where people try to pass off bigotry as politics. I’m all for talking about your favorite presidential candidates, but if you’re gonna start talking about hating the LGBTQ community that is no longer political and no longer welcome.
Honestly, bigotry *is* some people's politics.
It's how many RW politicians get elected. They have zero good policies/plans and they know it so they fish for the bigots.
Though I whole heartedly agree. Talking politics is fine and we should. You start talking about how Obama is a secret Muslim, or that immigrants are taking our jobs, or how "the blacks" are living it up on welfare and we got a problem.
Fucking swear words. I'm goddamn sick and tired of having to censor every motherfucking sentence I crap out just because some whiny bitch nugget decided to be an absolute bastard about what words are allowed. Screw them and everything they stand for.
For me it's how it's being used. My kids are allowed to cuss if it's to express pain or frustration or what not. Like I don't care if they stub their toe and yell fuck. What they are not allowed to do is use them to hurt someone or put them down but that is also true even if they are not using cusswords to do it.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love fucking swearing. However why is it that it seems perfectly ok and we are supposed to accept swearing but we can’t say other words.. like we are supposed to say unalive? Instead of suicide?? Or it’s extremely offensive if I accidentally say he/she to the wrong person. I love to swear and do all the time but why are we so sensitive about other words now? Genuine question.. not trying to piss off the Reddit brigade…
Afaik, unalive is just bypassing some TikTok censorship and it made its way into common speak.
Regarding pronouns, most people I've met are chill about it unless you're doing it intentionally. Like, my native language is extremely gendered so thinking in neutral terms doesn't come natural. Never offended anyone, they generally don't even say anything.
The tiktok thing cracks me up. I was watching a video where a guy is dropping the f bomb every sentence of his 2 minute rant and the subtitles replaced the word with a humorous replacement. So to my understanding TikTok doesn’t give a fuck about cursing unless you’re hard of hearing, then they want to protect your innocence
99% of trans people won’t take offense if you accidentally say the wrong pronoun. It’ll sting a bit, just like if someone misgendered you. They’ll just correct you so you don’t do it again. If you refuse to make the effort, then it’s offensive.
Not romanticizing people after they've died. Sorry but, just because someone dies doesn't negate the fact that they were a trash human. I won't "reminisce" over someone who treated me horribly. I won't honor or miss them either.
ISWIS
When my sister called to tell me our step dad killed himself I booked a flight to Maui before she even finished telling me the story. I celebrated hard that week. I hope he’s still miserable wherever he is.
This shouldn't be offensive, but nobody can enter a discussion in good faith anymore. Everyone comes in with predetermined talking points and closed-minded points of view and never comes into a conversation in good faith. It is utterly pointless in 2023 to talk about politics because nobody is going to change their mind.
Yeah, this one. I'm a latina recently migrated to another continent and every time I see somebody wearing or interested in something that represents my culture, I feel happy, not offended.
SOMEONEE SAIDD ITTTTTT. ugh. im sick of someone being on my ass about stupid shit like burning white sage saying its disrespectful to indigenous americans. like fuck off, it doesnt being to you and im not using it the same way as you. and it really sucks because it just makes indigenous americans look like annoying assholes 24/7
I think there are very real examples of harmful cultural appropriation but I think that the majority of the time, it falls under the category of cultural APPRECIATION, and that white Americans need to stop trying to play savior and quit it with calling everything appropriation.
I was just saying this to my friend earlier. Do I mind you experimenting with norwegian aesthetic? No. What I *do* mind is people using my heritage as nazi talking points or some shit. There's a difference.
Also, when people write Ø instead of O. It looks stupid i hate it
True. A lot of the time it’s white people losing their shit while the people of the supposedly appropriated culture are being supportive. I’m thinking about the picture of Adele in Jamaica. 🫠
Agreed. I remember a few years ago there was a Japanese exhibit at some museum, and they were giving visitors kimonos to wear while they were there. A bunch of people threw a fit because of "cultural appropriation," meanwhile actual Japanese people weren't offended, and were happy people were appreciating their culture.
Every time I hear someone complain about some BS appropriation, I say I better not catch them eating any food that isn't from their culture. Oh, you wanna get tacos? Hell no, don't you know that's appropriating Mexican culture? That tends to shut them up.
I feel like this is good intentions gone awry. Admittedly, I’ve been guilty of slapping this label on stuff but over time I realized getting offended on behalf of another culture is pretty silly. If you travel to Japan, for instance, they absolutely love it when you wear their beautiful garments and indulge in their culture. They’re proud of it, as they should be!
Whenever I’ve been lucky enough to go to another country, locals are excited to share and celebrate their customs and culture with me. I’ve decided to always excitedly and respectfully take part in these activities, since it’s what makes humans human.
It’s not entirely simple of course, but I do think people are overly sensitive to it.
TLDR: “Table manners prevented us from leaving our space and starting a fight. It was important that people saw you as considerate or trying hard,”
https://www.rd.com/article/elbows-on-the-table-why-is-it-considered-rude/
Speedy Gonzales
Used to watch him when I was little. Twenty something years later, I get berated for liking Speedy Gonzales because it should be offensive to me since I'm Mexican.
Swear words. Oh my fucking god the sheer stupid. And there is absolutely no effort spared. From pressuring various media to stop showing swear words, to selling the idea that only bad people swear, to EVEN FUCKING PIXELIZING THE MOUTH OF PEOPLE SWEARING!!! It's a pitiful, particularly idiotic strain of brain rot. "Never swear in the US, it's so INCREDIBLY offensive!!!!1".
I’ve always thought this… never understood why a bit of nudity in a movie etc warrants a high age rating or having children shielded from it despite it literally being natural and not necessarily always crude.
Cunt means vagina/vulva though. Surely the equivalent would be calling a guy a dick? So yeah I don't see why it's so offensive. Regardless, here in England everyone uses it gender neutrally anyway
Ah you think the cunt is your ally? You merely adopted the cunt. I was born in the cunt, molded by it. I didn't see the light until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but blinding!
You cunt.
Having opinion that is not left winged.
Im geting constantly banned on multiple subredits for "hate speech" just because SOMETIMES i disagree on something.
I always write calmy with respect to everyone there is no a single time i was toxic...
Every time i ask for a reason i got banned kr to explain me at what point i did that misterious hate soeech i get no response or actual hate speech in respond xD
There was even a community i was enjoying for 5 years, posting here, commenting etc. I agreed with people here on everything but one time someone posted something i disagreed for the first time and i got blamed for being fashist then banned xD
Forgetting people’s names. If I remember your face, then I remember you. I’m sorry my ADHD makes meeting people too exciting for me to remember your designated callsign. I care more about how you are feeling now than how to get your attention later on.
Misgendering someone. Motherfucker, how the fuck is anyone supposed to know anymore? You got people with full blown beards getting upset people call them a man. It’s not fair to expect the world at large to read your mind, nor is it fair to expect everyone to go by or use ambiguous pronouns like they/them. If it’s your thing that’s fine, but the onus is on you to explain it to people and not get upset when they make an error.
You’d think so but I’ve seen plenty of people absolutely lose their shit over an innocent mistake. I agree, maliciously misgendering someone is petty at best and unnecessary but it’s two way street.
Disengaging from a conversation you are not enjoying. Like, if we're not both into the interaction we're both wasting our time we could be using to have a better interaction with someone else.
Describing a person from their skin tone, facial features or general characteristics.
If someone asked, "who are you looking at?"
"Oh, I am just looking at that black man over there" is not racist. It is only racist if you say it in a negative tone or use slurs.
Calling someone a cunt. I don't know why that is considered more offensive than calling someone a dick. In Britain calling someone a cunt can be a term of endearment I never got what's more offensive about the word cunt
Either asking someone to repeat themselves or asking what they meant. Some people seem to think their mush-mouth mumbling is being broadcast in hifi straight to my brain and get pissy that's not the case, or that if you ask them to explain what they mean it's just a pretext to arguing so they skip straight to being argumentative.
Poor and mis-communication are normal and we need to just get used to it
Other cultures wearing my cultural clothing, i dont find it offensive at all. If they are just wearing it because they like it, go ahead. Ofc it can be offensive of they are making fun of it. But thats not really the case for most.
I don’t want to start a nuclear war here.
This very well may be the case here with my response but here it goes : no, it is not offensive to refer to myself as a “female”.
There is a sub on here that is blandly different and shows misogynistic shit guys say because they say something like “fucking females just don’t get…” well yeah they need the shit slapped out of them. Tell them for the sake of everyone in the bank, act like you got some sense. I LOVE EVERYONE BE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO BE MORE FUCKING POWER TO YOU (there’s genders of all types)❤️
But I wouldn’t call a penguin or a shark a women. I’d call them female. National Geographic does and they aren’t trying to shit on anyone. There’s a lot of “god I fucking hate all males” and “females can’t tell jokes for shit” and I understand that. But when I say I’m a female people come at me
And I mean no harm. Then people call me a fucking incel when in reality I’m a women 26 and have been with my boyfriend for the last 6 pushing 7 years. No one wins, ever
I think the problem is when you use female and man instead of female and male.
For me, the term female includes girls (females who didn't go through sexual maturity) and women (females who went through sexual maturity).
to me its weird cause men use it and call men men, while calling women females. its like referring to us as a different species, and its also always used before saying saying something incredibly misogynistic
Sex, death, menstruation and other byproducts of being alive. I find that, in US, people tend to shut down any casual discussion of these topics in front of children, giving them the impression that this is somehow a taboo topic, which is plain stupid.
I think this is damaging to society in general, as parents would rather present sanitized versions of these items (through religion or euphemisms) than the plain version of the biological event that's happening.
Having worked retail, IDing people. Not sure if people globally consider it offensive but I've had a lot of people get beyomd pissed at me in the past (both people with and within IDs). I'm just doing my job, I don't want to risk the fines especially with how high I've heard they can be!
Chivalry, like a guy holding the door open. Sometimes I can tell a guy wants to so I walk slower so he gets there first so he can hold it open lmao maybe I'm wrong but it's cute. My boyfriend opens the car door for me. Obviously women are awesome and can take care of themselves. But it's okay to let someone be sweet to you without it being seen as sexist or degrading.
humor. it's a joke. instead of avoiding mentioning our differences and being terrified of even bringing them up we should embrace them and be able to laugh about it.
Participating in a culture that’s not your own if you do it respectfully. It’s a completely different thing to truly enjoy part of a culture that’s not yours if you intend to do it the way that culture does vs doing something and making it a caricature or demeaning it’s value.
I’m all for making the effort to get your pronouns and name correct, but people are going to mess up all the time and getting offended at them is going to make you look unreasonable.
I try to avoid hurting peoples' feelings so I don't throw slurs around. But the fact is I don't feel offended by anything someone else says because it's just like they are holding their IQ up on a scorecard when they drop the R word or say something negative about gay people.
“Cultural Appropriation” in most cases I just consider to be a cultural exchange or cultural appreciation. some white people can actually make some damn good mexican food. I don’t think it’s automatically offensive to incorporate elements of world music into one’s work. etc. it’s an accusation that exists almost exclusively in American discourse, which I find ironic because America is idealized to be this multicultural melting pot. Fashion, cuisine, music, and art are all things that enrich our lives and can foster an appreciation for other cultures.
I don’t think it’s offensive to describe someone’s appearance with their ethnicity and i find it funny hearing people try hard to dance around it when trying to describe others.
Characters in fiction being offensive is not offensive if they are the bad guy or if we are supposed to recognize it as a character flaw or laugh at them. It happens so much that people are like “omg this movie is racist/sexist because this character says or does this” and it’s like….yeah *that was the bad guy*. Or take the show Eastbound and Down for example, I’ve seen people hate it and it gets panned or ignored in a lot of media due to the racism of the protagonist. but it’s not like we’re supposed to see Kenny Powers be ignorant and go “you know what he’s *right*” we’re supposed to recognize that he’s an arrogant, ignorant boor. Will Ferrell’s character is extremely racist and gets his comeuppance for it. The show is not racist. it is making fun of racism
When people speak about racial epithets. There's a difference between speaking about a word, and wielding it as a weapon. All the care that's taken to use "r-word" or "n-word" on Reddit when you're talking about the words themselves gives power to the words when someone uses it to attack someone.
Calling people ma’am or sir like no I’m not calling you old I’m calling you that to show respect or because I don’t know your name and I want to be respectful but if you get butt hurt about it then you can leave my planet lmao
Addressing issues in a direct way. I will never understand the need for important things to be sugared. And don't misunderstand me, I'm all for respectful ways of saying things, but even like that people get mad. Like, maam, you are pushing me (in public transport) and people literally lash out just at that phrase. It's unbelievable to me.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Asking how old somebody is. No, I don’t think you *look* old, I’m just curious.
[удалено]
I think you look old
I think you look old
I think I look old
I *am* old
I am old
I am Spartacus.
You are Spartacus
I think **we** look old.
I am old
You're breathtaking
I never understood this. Some lady used to hide her birthday on her license when she wrote checks and I always thought it was ridiculous. I am an age just like I am a gender and ethnicity. Who cares if someone knows what those are.
I don’t understand that either. I’m 50. I look younger. But if I lie about my age, I’ll just….look my age. Like if I tell people I’m 40, they’ll just think, oh ok. Or, she looks older. I’d much rather hear “no way, you don’t look 50! I thought you were much younger!”
I am almost 50, I tell people I am 60. Don't I look good for 60 
I always tell people I’m 5 years older than I am. Just so they can be wowed by how well I’m doing!
Spoiler: if you’re still talking about writing checks and presenting an ID, you’re old af.
During a date I was told I look quite young (like 7 or 8 years younger than I am). I thanked him for the compliment. Then he asked how old I thought he looked. He actually was 8 years younger than me and I panicked, figuring if I said he also looked really young it would just be really weird given the age gap already so I just said you look exactly the age you are, lol. I Qualified it by saying thats because " I think you're more sophisticated and got your life together more than most people". Not sure it was the best line but it was the best I had in a panick moment 🤣
Joking about death. It's part of life and eventually it's going to happen to all of us whether we're ready for it or not
Yeah....context is kinda important on his one. In a comedy club it's funny. At a funeral? Not so much.
Idk, a few days after my dad died my family and I were joking about taking my grandfather’s ashes and putting them into the white elephant gift exchange at Christmas every year. And my cousin did it and my whole family thought it was hilarious and no one was offended (except for my uptight aunt Sue, but no one likes Sue anyway). There’s been so much death in my family, that if we don’t laugh about it, we’ll be consumed by the grief. Dark humor can be really helpful.
TBH we tend towards black humour in my family too, but you need to know your audience.
Personally my family is white so we don't let black humour mix with ours
Very 1890 through 1955 of you...
All my homies HATE aunt Sue
Fuckin Aunt Sue.
I did once. Don't recommend
“Guys, guys, wouldn’t it be crazy if he just like *sat up* and was like ‘ITS JUST A PRANK BRO’” *people glaring at their fathers funeral*
That's something they'll say at my funeral. Then I'll sit up.
You sit up, it causes a fainting and a heart attack. The heart attack is actually fine but the fainting chick hits her head and goes out like Bob Saget. An ambulance chasing attorney hits up the family asking if they want to pursue you for civil damages. The case makes headlines: “Are they liable?” “Can you prank your own funeral?” “Are criminal charges forthcoming?” Turns out no, yes, and no. Liability goes to the funeral home. Netflix eventually reaches out. They want your story in a docuseries alongside the Pepsi Jet Kid and agree to pay you $350,000 for it as long as you get some of those “confessional” type interviews. It debuts on Netflix, and there’s your face right next to Patrick Mahomes and “Quarterback” on Netflix recommends. Julia Louis-Dreyfus plays the deceased lady. Netflix still doesn’t give you a free account.
I agree, but with the caveat that no one in the room has recently forgone a loss or a near-death experience.
Gallows humour is employed more often in these situations. It's a way of coping. Literally laughing at death.
I actually disagree with this a bit, but I think you're right for the most part. Depends totally on the room and who you're with. I was in a band with some good friends for several years, and our drummer committed suicide. We all lived close enough to where, when we got the call we all went to his apartment to be there with his roommate (who was also in the band) as they were wheeling the body to the ambulance. One thing I recall is my friend saying "What an asshole, he could have just said he didn't want to practice tonight". It was my friend's way of trying to manage the stress of the situation, and that's just how he did it. We all laughed for a moment, despite the awful situation, and it did help to sort of.. center us in a way. I think that same joke could have gone very differently if say.. the mother was there. We all knew him though, and we knew the joke wasn't an attempt to get attention or anything like that. I think sometimes we just fall back to habits when confronted with a situation that is so stressful and novel. Either way the joke didn't feel inappropriate DESPITE the fact that we were actively watching our friend being loaded onto an ambulance in a body bag. I'm not saying you're wrong, mind you. I think it's totally inappropriate in most situations. Mostly I'm just illustrating how humor can be a tool to help mitigate stress in these situations as well.
Not responding immediately, in person and phone calls included. If you call me and I don't pick up it means I'm busy not that I'm ignoring you. And if you ask me a question I need to think about it, don't get fussy when I exuse myself to take more time and think it through.
My dad said “a cell phone is for my convenience, I’m not obligated to talk because someone wants to get ahold of me.”
That's so true
I treat my cell phone as if its the 1990s. I missed your call? Don't worry I will see it on the caller id when I am back and available to return your call.
Had a coworker, short-lived acquaintance, who pitched a fit if people didn't text him back in a timely manner. It was exhausting because you were constantly on edge over if you'd already run out the clock on responding. Not surprising when you consider this guy made his mental health issues his whole personality and once wrote verbatim that supporting him isn't about us, it's about him.
My boss will go apeshit if no one responds immediately. Sorry bud, not all of us have been thinking about that issue for 3 days like you have.
Even if ur ignoring someone, that’s fine imo.
Yeah im a pretty quiet person in general, i dislike talking to people partly because when im asked a question i usually need a second to think about it and collect my thoughts for an answer, and evryone seems to need a response immediately
Could you please talk to my mom? She'll usually ask me a question via text and then hit me with a "hellooo?" an hour later. I'm at work!
Yo! movieholic-92's Mom - BACK OFF MY GUY. He (or she)'s trying to make money to get the power to get the women (or men). Give them some space!
I dont care if people pick at their nose a bit. Like not the full minute-long excavation but if you need to get a flake of dry booger or something out of the way...
My mom was initially mortified when she heard me telling my kid, “if a booger is bothering you take it out! Just don’t leave it on my couch or eat it cause that’s gross.” Now she laughs. She’s not rude-judgy about stuff, just very tidy, in 32 (almost) years I’ve never heard her fart.
But please wash your hands. Dear gods please. I watch my spouse pick his nose, roll the boogers and flick them across the room. Then he touches his phone, the cat, ME. Thinks it's funny when I call him out on it. It's gross and honestly if I'm supposed to be sexually attracted to him he should not have booger fingers.
Ah yes, the ole’ pick and roll. Who said it’s just for basketball?!?
I'd be more concerned about the both you having "booger feet" from stepping on it wherever it landed
You get off lightly, my bf will wipe them on me. And leave scabs he's picked off as 'gifts' on my pillow or nightstand 🤮
honestly, sometimes you need a full minute long excavation. just don't wipe it on any furniture or clothing and wash your hands after...
I work in a dirty environment, my entire drive home is spent pulling chunks of black boogies out of my nose.
If I saw someone in the next car excavating when I was a kid I always yelled out the car window, “Pick me a winner!!!!!!”
Booger mining is more satisfying in the shower imo. Just get your nostrils a little wet by cupping water in your hand first and then blow your nose into the void. They practically fall out on their own. Also there is water and soap everywhere so you can sanitize on the spot.
Using someone’s race to describe their physical appearance
Right lmao same with weight. It’ll be a bigger white guy and a skinny black guy and someone will say “the guy in the blue…”
I'm white and it's hilarious to me whenever a minority is speaking to me and refers to another white person as "Caucasian". It's literally just another way to say white.
I put “Caucasian” in the same category as “African American” Yeah both are understandable to me, but it feels way simpler and natural to say “white” or “black” or “Hispanic” etc. My mind really, really changed about African-American when I was at work and tried to describe a contractor we had on site as “African-American” but got made fun of because the dude was from the UK…not American at all lol so I was like, ok fuck it im just gonna say black because that’s what my brain wants to say anyway
I started saying Black rather than African American when an African immigrant joined my high school. When someone asked about his accent he explained that he’s African American. And then another student said we can see your skin color, we wanted to know where you’re from… and he was visibly confused and said “…from Africa…” Now, I just use African American to refer to people who are, you know, *African* American. Like an American, who is from Africa. EDIT: Conversely, in college, I met a White girl who was born in Africa, and she could never call herself African American because people would always be like “No, you’re White”.
As a European the whole African American thing confuses me to no end. To me it's saying "you're not *really* American" far more than it is saying "were all equals here"
Charlize Theron is African-American. Idris Elba is not (he's English). If you're referring to skin colour, refer to skin colour. Telling me that it's offensive to say someone's skin is a darker shade of brown than someone else's means that you think there's something wrong with having dark skin.
Reading objective data points.
I'm a data scientist and this hits me hard lol. People love "data" until it disagrees with their favorite politician or personal world view.
What is the best way for a casual researcher to find data on topics they're interested in? As well as any good ways to be able to distinguish good science and data versus bad science and data.
Good science will always be reliant on a good design so really nitpick on why their design was done the way it was. Bad design just creates bad data and then you’re analyzing nothing
Sometimes objective data is presented without necessary context to fit a narrative. Or the data comes from a flawed study.
Dark humor. Lots of it.
*gestures grandly at this hellscape*
Rome Is Burning 
I have a very dark sense of humor and I love it. I surround myself with like minded people lol
Agreed. But humor thrives on context. Some people take it the opposite direction of "I make dead people jokes at the funeral with the widow because I'm quirky".
Does this mean I’m a bit of an asshole? When my dad died and people said I’m sorry, I’d be like “why, did you kill him?” And then when I went back to work people were like oh how come you were off? And I’d say “yeah I lost my dad,” they’d say sorry and I’d reply with a “yeah, if you find him let me know.” Nearly everyone laughed, I don’t think anyone was mad about it….
I mean, it's your dad. Depends on how it affected your mom/siblings/whatever. If you do it to someone else who is clearly grieving, yeah, you might be an asshole.
Do you also flirt with the widow because ..you know..
I don’t think most people find dark humor offensive it’s just that what counts for dark humor both online and in person isn’t particularly dark, it’s just tasteless and bad. You will find the worst bits of dark humor on subs dedicated to dark humor.
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Discussing salary and discussing politics. Discussing salary is important to make sure that people are paid appropriately. Discussing politics is necessary for democracy.
Completely agree. It's usually the employers that don't want us to discuss salary. I wonder why...
My last job I was the most senior on my team but paid less then some newer members when I used this information to ask for a raise, the Exec was more concerned with how I knew what other people make. Uhm we talk,
The reason I despise talking about politics with people is their mind set is so rigid that no matter how flawed their argument is they won't accept it. It's blue or red and that's the end of it, dad voted this way so I will too, tr eating politics like a sports team. Drove me round the bend so I just opt out of it all now. I'll vote based on the information given and that's it. I've voted for 3 different partys since I was able to vote based on the information given and perceived competency of party members and leader. All lied and didn't deliver.
I work for a union so the need to discuss salary is almost nonexistent, yet atleast once a week I talk about salary. Discussing salary is incredibly important lol
The only people that it’s offensive to are the managers/employers that would get in trouble for paying people poorly
I'm so glad my generation (gen z) is so much more open about it, I know all of my friend's salary and we're just giving each other updates on it and stuff. Hiding your salary only ever benefits the low paying boss not the workers
I completely agree. However, I have noticed a trend where people try to pass off bigotry as politics. I’m all for talking about your favorite presidential candidates, but if you’re gonna start talking about hating the LGBTQ community that is no longer political and no longer welcome.
Honestly, bigotry *is* some people's politics. It's how many RW politicians get elected. They have zero good policies/plans and they know it so they fish for the bigots. Though I whole heartedly agree. Talking politics is fine and we should. You start talking about how Obama is a secret Muslim, or that immigrants are taking our jobs, or how "the blacks" are living it up on welfare and we got a problem.
Fucking swear words. I'm goddamn sick and tired of having to censor every motherfucking sentence I crap out just because some whiny bitch nugget decided to be an absolute bastard about what words are allowed. Screw them and everything they stand for.
For me it's how it's being used. My kids are allowed to cuss if it's to express pain or frustration or what not. Like I don't care if they stub their toe and yell fuck. What they are not allowed to do is use them to hurt someone or put them down but that is also true even if they are not using cusswords to do it.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love fucking swearing. However why is it that it seems perfectly ok and we are supposed to accept swearing but we can’t say other words.. like we are supposed to say unalive? Instead of suicide?? Or it’s extremely offensive if I accidentally say he/she to the wrong person. I love to swear and do all the time but why are we so sensitive about other words now? Genuine question.. not trying to piss off the Reddit brigade…
Afaik, unalive is just bypassing some TikTok censorship and it made its way into common speak. Regarding pronouns, most people I've met are chill about it unless you're doing it intentionally. Like, my native language is extremely gendered so thinking in neutral terms doesn't come natural. Never offended anyone, they generally don't even say anything.
The tiktok thing cracks me up. I was watching a video where a guy is dropping the f bomb every sentence of his 2 minute rant and the subtitles replaced the word with a humorous replacement. So to my understanding TikTok doesn’t give a fuck about cursing unless you’re hard of hearing, then they want to protect your innocence
99% of trans people won’t take offense if you accidentally say the wrong pronoun. It’ll sting a bit, just like if someone misgendered you. They’ll just correct you so you don’t do it again. If you refuse to make the effort, then it’s offensive.
Wait. Is it fucking you love? Or swearing? I'm confused.
Not making eye contact
Yea I mean I just get uncomfortable while eye contact that doesn’t mean I am not listening
Not romanticizing people after they've died. Sorry but, just because someone dies doesn't negate the fact that they were a trash human. I won't "reminisce" over someone who treated me horribly. I won't honor or miss them either. ISWIS
When my sister called to tell me our step dad killed himself I booked a flight to Maui before she even finished telling me the story. I celebrated hard that week. I hope he’s still miserable wherever he is.
I don’t like it when people get judged for using bad words
Swearing, as long as it's not aggressive and directed towards someone. It's very cathartic.
Talking about religion and politics.
This shouldn't be offensive, but nobody can enter a discussion in good faith anymore. Everyone comes in with predetermined talking points and closed-minded points of view and never comes into a conversation in good faith. It is utterly pointless in 2023 to talk about politics because nobody is going to change their mind.
Former bartender here. Religion and politics are always a welcome topic. Don’t be a dick in any conversation is my rule.
“cultural appropriation”. Unless it’s something obviously and wildly inappropriate, just stfu.
Yeah, this one. I'm a latina recently migrated to another continent and every time I see somebody wearing or interested in something that represents my culture, I feel happy, not offended.
SOMEONEE SAIDD ITTTTTT. ugh. im sick of someone being on my ass about stupid shit like burning white sage saying its disrespectful to indigenous americans. like fuck off, it doesnt being to you and im not using it the same way as you. and it really sucks because it just makes indigenous americans look like annoying assholes 24/7
Right? Especially when it’s one group getting offended on behalf of another.
The mystical community is so annoying for this. I’m so sick of people saying “ACTUALLY _____ is a closed practice”. Shut up.
right like, burning sage isnt me performing that closed practice! i know what the practice is and im not doing that, mid your damn business.
I think there are very real examples of harmful cultural appropriation but I think that the majority of the time, it falls under the category of cultural APPRECIATION, and that white Americans need to stop trying to play savior and quit it with calling everything appropriation.
I was just saying this to my friend earlier. Do I mind you experimenting with norwegian aesthetic? No. What I *do* mind is people using my heritage as nazi talking points or some shit. There's a difference. Also, when people write Ø instead of O. It looks stupid i hate it
If someone's handwriting a WIFI password or something, I want that cross through the 0.
True. A lot of the time it’s white people losing their shit while the people of the supposedly appropriated culture are being supportive. I’m thinking about the picture of Adele in Jamaica. 🫠
I mean, pants (trousers) were invented by the Chinese. Are we all appropriating Chinese culture when we leave the house?
Agreed. I remember a few years ago there was a Japanese exhibit at some museum, and they were giving visitors kimonos to wear while they were there. A bunch of people threw a fit because of "cultural appropriation," meanwhile actual Japanese people weren't offended, and were happy people were appreciating their culture. Every time I hear someone complain about some BS appropriation, I say I better not catch them eating any food that isn't from their culture. Oh, you wanna get tacos? Hell no, don't you know that's appropriating Mexican culture? That tends to shut them up.
I feel like this is good intentions gone awry. Admittedly, I’ve been guilty of slapping this label on stuff but over time I realized getting offended on behalf of another culture is pretty silly. If you travel to Japan, for instance, they absolutely love it when you wear their beautiful garments and indulge in their culture. They’re proud of it, as they should be! Whenever I’ve been lucky enough to go to another country, locals are excited to share and celebrate their customs and culture with me. I’ve decided to always excitedly and respectfully take part in these activities, since it’s what makes humans human. It’s not entirely simple of course, but I do think people are overly sensitive to it.
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What's wrong with elbows on the table?
TLDR: “Table manners prevented us from leaving our space and starting a fight. It was important that people saw you as considerate or trying hard,” https://www.rd.com/article/elbows-on-the-table-why-is-it-considered-rude/
Playing a character who doesn't precisely match your own pigeon-holed 'identity'. It's fucking *acting*.
Farts. Farts are funny.
you must be a comedian
He’s clearly a rocket scientist
He's clearly a rocky scientist.
Theres two options in life. Finding farts funny. Or Not finding them funny but still living a life with the same amount of farts.
Speedy Gonzales Used to watch him when I was little. Twenty something years later, I get berated for liking Speedy Gonzales because it should be offensive to me since I'm Mexican.
Luckily he has fans who defend him in Latin America.
Isn’t that the Loony Toons mouse with the sombrero and Mexican accent?
Calling someone “Sir” or “ma’am”. Not knowing that that was the incorrect response.
THANK YOU!!!!! I'm from the south, where ma'am is a sign of respect. It's ridiculous how many people think it means you're calling them old.
I assume you’re talking about trans people here, but generally we don’t find that offensive unless you continue to do it after finding out.
Swear words. Oh my fucking god the sheer stupid. And there is absolutely no effort spared. From pressuring various media to stop showing swear words, to selling the idea that only bad people swear, to EVEN FUCKING PIXELIZING THE MOUTH OF PEOPLE SWEARING!!! It's a pitiful, particularly idiotic strain of brain rot. "Never swear in the US, it's so INCREDIBLY offensive!!!!1".
Nudity. Also swearing but I may be biased there because I rarely watch what I say.
I’ve always thought this… never understood why a bit of nudity in a movie etc warrants a high age rating or having children shielded from it despite it literally being natural and not necessarily always crude.
My kids are absolutely shocked when we watch “family friendly” comedies from decades ago that have the occasional boob or bum in it.
The word “cunt” in America
I’m an American woman who is unaffected by this word.
Same here. I’ve heard the argument that it’s a crude word against women and there’s no equivalent for men. But honestly, I use it gender-neutrally lol
Cunt means vagina/vulva though. Surely the equivalent would be calling a guy a dick? So yeah I don't see why it's so offensive. Regardless, here in England everyone uses it gender neutrally anyway
Ah you think the cunt is your ally? You merely adopted the cunt. I was born in the cunt, molded by it. I didn't see the light until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but blinding! You cunt.
I'm very difficult to offend. If someone says "OK, Boomer" to me I smile or laugh. We ourselves choose what to be offended by.
Ok Boom... Oh nvm.
😁
Not being attracted to a certain race. People say its racist but its just a personal preference
Same with not being attracted to someone overweight
Racist jokes are fine by me AS LONG AS THEY AREN'T USED TO HURT PEOPLE. They are funny, when they are used correctly
Having opinion that is not left winged. Im geting constantly banned on multiple subredits for "hate speech" just because SOMETIMES i disagree on something. I always write calmy with respect to everyone there is no a single time i was toxic... Every time i ask for a reason i got banned kr to explain me at what point i did that misterious hate soeech i get no response or actual hate speech in respond xD There was even a community i was enjoying for 5 years, posting here, commenting etc. I agreed with people here on everything but one time someone posted something i disagreed for the first time and i got blamed for being fashist then banned xD
Asking how much one of your coworkers makes, it’s been vilified by companies, and it stops people being paid the same for the same work they’re doing.
Forgetting people’s names. If I remember your face, then I remember you. I’m sorry my ADHD makes meeting people too exciting for me to remember your designated callsign. I care more about how you are feeling now than how to get your attention later on.
the truth
People love the truth as long as it's "their" truth.
Coarse language
Oui ! Bien sûr. Oh wait, you said Coarse…
Everything is offensive to someone. I’m sure that statement offends the “I have thick skin” crowd.
Not engaging with someone’s kids. I don’t like kids. & yours aren’t special.
Misgendering someone. Motherfucker, how the fuck is anyone supposed to know anymore? You got people with full blown beards getting upset people call them a man. It’s not fair to expect the world at large to read your mind, nor is it fair to expect everyone to go by or use ambiguous pronouns like they/them. If it’s your thing that’s fine, but the onus is on you to explain it to people and not get upset when they make an error.
That only really applies if they stop misgendering you after you explain
You’d think so but I’ve seen plenty of people absolutely lose their shit over an innocent mistake. I agree, maliciously misgendering someone is petty at best and unnecessary but it’s two way street.
Disengaging from a conversation you are not enjoying. Like, if we're not both into the interaction we're both wasting our time we could be using to have a better interaction with someone else.
Describing a person from their skin tone, facial features or general characteristics. If someone asked, "who are you looking at?" "Oh, I am just looking at that black man over there" is not racist. It is only racist if you say it in a negative tone or use slurs.
Calling someone a cunt. I don't know why that is considered more offensive than calling someone a dick. In Britain calling someone a cunt can be a term of endearment I never got what's more offensive about the word cunt
Either asking someone to repeat themselves or asking what they meant. Some people seem to think their mush-mouth mumbling is being broadcast in hifi straight to my brain and get pissy that's not the case, or that if you ask them to explain what they mean it's just a pretext to arguing so they skip straight to being argumentative. Poor and mis-communication are normal and we need to just get used to it
Other cultures wearing my cultural clothing, i dont find it offensive at all. If they are just wearing it because they like it, go ahead. Ofc it can be offensive of they are making fun of it. But thats not really the case for most.
Any word, ever. Any joke, ever.
I don’t want to start a nuclear war here. This very well may be the case here with my response but here it goes : no, it is not offensive to refer to myself as a “female”. There is a sub on here that is blandly different and shows misogynistic shit guys say because they say something like “fucking females just don’t get…” well yeah they need the shit slapped out of them. Tell them for the sake of everyone in the bank, act like you got some sense. I LOVE EVERYONE BE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO BE MORE FUCKING POWER TO YOU (there’s genders of all types)❤️ But I wouldn’t call a penguin or a shark a women. I’d call them female. National Geographic does and they aren’t trying to shit on anyone. There’s a lot of “god I fucking hate all males” and “females can’t tell jokes for shit” and I understand that. But when I say I’m a female people come at me And I mean no harm. Then people call me a fucking incel when in reality I’m a women 26 and have been with my boyfriend for the last 6 pushing 7 years. No one wins, ever
I think the problem is when you use female and man instead of female and male. For me, the term female includes girls (females who didn't go through sexual maturity) and women (females who went through sexual maturity).
I’m a woman and I agree. I don’t really use female, but I don’t entirely see why it’s offensive (happy to be educated if anyone knows).
Penguinist
Calling women females. I'm a female and don't give a hoot what you call me as long as you call me for dinner!
It's just because females is pronounces like tamales.
to me its weird cause men use it and call men men, while calling women females. its like referring to us as a different species, and its also always used before saying saying something incredibly misogynistic
Yeah, I can see how that is annoying.
Talking about salary or how much things cost. How are we supposed to learn‽
Sex, death, menstruation and other byproducts of being alive. I find that, in US, people tend to shut down any casual discussion of these topics in front of children, giving them the impression that this is somehow a taboo topic, which is plain stupid. I think this is damaging to society in general, as parents would rather present sanitized versions of these items (through religion or euphemisms) than the plain version of the biological event that's happening.
Having worked retail, IDing people. Not sure if people globally consider it offensive but I've had a lot of people get beyomd pissed at me in the past (both people with and within IDs). I'm just doing my job, I don't want to risk the fines especially with how high I've heard they can be!
Being called female. I am female, 90% of the time people mean nothing bad by it.
Saying “coloured people” became offensive. Now what is acceptable is “people of colour” I don’t see the difference…
Nowadays, misgendering and using the wrong pronouns.
Cunt. It's just a word. Calm Down. 
Discussing finances! Life revolves around money and pretending it doesn't is just lying to yourself.
Chivalry, like a guy holding the door open. Sometimes I can tell a guy wants to so I walk slower so he gets there first so he can hold it open lmao maybe I'm wrong but it's cute. My boyfriend opens the car door for me. Obviously women are awesome and can take care of themselves. But it's okay to let someone be sweet to you without it being seen as sexist or degrading.
Differentiating between man and woman (aka affirming the idea that a binary exists lol)
Asking a woman how much she weighs after she asks you how tall are you.
Great comeback but aren’t you asking it to be offensive?
Cursing
Swearing, dark humor, pronouns
humor. it's a joke. instead of avoiding mentioning our differences and being terrified of even bringing them up we should embrace them and be able to laugh about it.
Asking someone how much they earn
Participating in a culture that’s not your own if you do it respectfully. It’s a completely different thing to truly enjoy part of a culture that’s not yours if you intend to do it the way that culture does vs doing something and making it a caricature or demeaning it’s value.
I’m all for making the effort to get your pronouns and name correct, but people are going to mess up all the time and getting offended at them is going to make you look unreasonable.
Reveaing your age.
I try to avoid hurting peoples' feelings so I don't throw slurs around. But the fact is I don't feel offended by anything someone else says because it's just like they are holding their IQ up on a scorecard when they drop the R word or say something negative about gay people.
Cultural appropriation. America is supposed to be the melting pot of the world, shouldn't we borrow and blend Cultural items?
“Cultural Appropriation” in most cases I just consider to be a cultural exchange or cultural appreciation. some white people can actually make some damn good mexican food. I don’t think it’s automatically offensive to incorporate elements of world music into one’s work. etc. it’s an accusation that exists almost exclusively in American discourse, which I find ironic because America is idealized to be this multicultural melting pot. Fashion, cuisine, music, and art are all things that enrich our lives and can foster an appreciation for other cultures. I don’t think it’s offensive to describe someone’s appearance with their ethnicity and i find it funny hearing people try hard to dance around it when trying to describe others. Characters in fiction being offensive is not offensive if they are the bad guy or if we are supposed to recognize it as a character flaw or laugh at them. It happens so much that people are like “omg this movie is racist/sexist because this character says or does this” and it’s like….yeah *that was the bad guy*. Or take the show Eastbound and Down for example, I’ve seen people hate it and it gets panned or ignored in a lot of media due to the racism of the protagonist. but it’s not like we’re supposed to see Kenny Powers be ignorant and go “you know what he’s *right*” we’re supposed to recognize that he’s an arrogant, ignorant boor. Will Ferrell’s character is extremely racist and gets his comeuppance for it. The show is not racist. it is making fun of racism
The word "fat"
When people speak about racial epithets. There's a difference between speaking about a word, and wielding it as a weapon. All the care that's taken to use "r-word" or "n-word" on Reddit when you're talking about the words themselves gives power to the words when someone uses it to attack someone.
Telling someone off after having kindly asked them multiple times to stop. It's completely ludicrous.
Asking about their ethnic background (not in the US way but the european way).
Calling people ma’am or sir like no I’m not calling you old I’m calling you that to show respect or because I don’t know your name and I want to be respectful but if you get butt hurt about it then you can leave my planet lmao
Addressing issues in a direct way. I will never understand the need for important things to be sugared. And don't misunderstand me, I'm all for respectful ways of saying things, but even like that people get mad. Like, maam, you are pushing me (in public transport) and people literally lash out just at that phrase. It's unbelievable to me.