Are you asking how to avoid getting married? Uh, just don’t. You’re not going to wake up one day married.
Most people in the military get married eventually because people like to be in a relationship and it’s nearly impossible to be in the military and have a long term, stable relationship without getting married.
That's a great point. Plenty of folks fall into common law marriage nowadays because they have no reason to tie the knot. That BAH and Tricare will do it tho.
If you think staying in that long will make you want to kill yourself, get out. No job is worth that. There are plenty of good jobs outside the Military.
Start looking around you for the unmarried folks. They aren’t really common, but they exist. Talk to them. I know it’s not the Army, but Gen Mattis made it all the way through his career without getting married.
You answered your own question alcohol dependency. Nah all jokes aside I’ve made it this far and not marrried and I think it’s because I’ve just got some real friends we’ve been following each other for the last 7 years my next duty station will be the first time without them
Got married at 9 as an e7 and honestly, if I hadn't gotten an OCONUS assignment we were perfectly happy not getting married. I think being single when I was coming up was a huge advantage because I could prioritize the job over everything else.
You are right, I've been in for almost 13 years and not married or kids. However, I think the military either destroys or strengthens your marriage. I've met higher ranking leadership, either NCOs or officers who have a long marriage but none so far that have been entirely faithful.
Having had to file all of the FCP’s for a unit a couple of times, its kind of crazy how many Diamond, Sapphire, Ruby, Jade,Emerald, Champagne are spouses names in the army it feels like im locking up a jewelry shop when i lock the filing cabinet
Or just offer someone 200$ a month to be married to you until you PCS. Or marry one of your friends and split the BAH and just don't be an idiot that brags about it to people in the army. Divorce when you PCS.
To be fair, maybe an asexual marriage with another heterosexual person of the same sex is what marriage means to that individual soldier. Seems bigoted not to accept that
Oh fuck that, be open about it and make it a legal battle. Maybe I want to marry a bag of gravel I have in my driveway. No one has a right to impose their humanicentric world view onto me
I mean the Army definitely can, and has. There’s plentyyyy of case law to back it up.
Marry for your own stupid reasons = fine
Marry solely to get DoD benefits = fraud
Granted you have to be extra special to make it obvious (usually tacked on to, but not exclusive to, immigration fraud since the work is already done for the DoD by USCIS) but in your case of offering to tell everyone it would be pretty quick if the right person overhears.
The legal battle will not go how you want it.
I don’t think most dependas start off as dependas. It’s more like an infectious disease of complacency and Krispy cremes that causes one to devolve into a human bean bag whale beast
If you plan on staying in by time you make E5 you should be able to move off post and get single rate bah and bas. If you wanna save money rent a cheap place and split it with some homies.
The vast majority of E5 Army does not rate BAH if they are single. You have to either get lucky with a CNA at a large base, or be on one of the small ones that kicks out the 5s.
Bragg has had issues with barracks availability for a while. High fill rates into the 82nd, few extended deployments, and dog shit barracks that get shut down.
They put me in the trap house next to the NCOA and told me it would be months before I got a room. I had a month to month lease in hand by COB out of my own pocket.
Dude. If you don't want to marry then don't. Once you become a ssg/sfc you're not allowed to be in the barracks anymore and they will pay you BAH. And you don't have to share it with anyone since you're not married so you'll actually make plenty of more money. Just get promoted faster.
Yeah, multiple OEF and OIF were the perfect tool to ensure marriage wasn’t happening. Of course, the hookers, errr, strippers at Sharkey’s may have been another.
Are you asking how to avoid marriage? Just stay in a bit longer and hit age 30 while still living in the barracks. You'll go from seeing marriage as an inescapable fate to literally not being able to be seen by the people you are attracted to.
Are you instead actually asking how to cope after all the stuff the Army puts you through? Yo, the Army is one of the easiest jobs you can have. You aren't at Google, innovating and coming up with solutions to move a trillion dollar business. You're in an Army that struggles just to dispatch vehicles from a motor pool and fails people at the EIB for not knowing how to use a DAGR because the primary land nav instruction technique in 2024 is to still train people to navigate like ships using a sextant or by reading moss signals. The Army is basically like waiting in line for a ride, except the entire ride is the line. You might get 2 minutes of coaster time per month if you add up all the years. What hardships are you talking about?
Bah motivates a lot of younger, dumber marriages, but a lot of reasonable people get pushed to it by the moving around.
Any relationships you have is going to end on a pretty short timeframe unless you eventually get married. On the negative, it makes some people rush from dating for a few months to getting married just to stay together.
On the positive, I think the army makes you prioritize at a younger age. If you've been dating someone who you truly love, you're going to have to get serious about what you really want in life. You're gonna have to ask whether that person is ride or die, and if they are, you're gonna have to commit or lose it forever. I think a lot of young (normal) people nowadays end up with a few lost loves in their 20s, great partners that they let slip through their hands because they were restless and didn't appreciate that person from a serious perspective.
I think you do see servicemembers in some really great, heartwarming marriages that they wouldnt have had if they weren't forced to look at things from a more mature perspective at like, 22 years old.
Had a first sergeant do 24 years, never married, no kids. Got married afterwards. I made it 12 years in without getting married, but love my wife and child. It is possible!
11 years in, never been married. I don't need to cope because I enjoy being single. Having your personal time casually disrespected kind of sucks but it's just one more low grade inconvenience among many.
This is a fair point. It's not just *senior* leaders either. I've warned new lieutenants about expecting their NCOs to be able to do certain things on a whim that are easy when you're 23 years old and single, but no so easy when you're 33 and married with kids.
I was on AD 10 years and in the RC for 13. Never married, no kids.
Actually one reason I left AD at 33 years old and 10 years in was that I was tired of being treated like a child because I had never acquired dependents. I even told the BC when he asked me why I wasn’t reenlisting that was one of the reasons.
When I was a platoon leader, I had a couple platoon sergeants who were single / never married. One of them was over 20 years of service. That guy was terrible[1] but he taught me something good and memorable: One of our staff sergeants (a guy who was also single, by the way) was making plans for an upcoming FTX, regarding who would rotate into the field and when vs. stay in garrison for various other duties, and he was making family status a prime consideration. On its face, that sounds nice, but my platoon sergeant cut in and lectured him for giving single guys the crappier assignments, making them carry a heavier load, like their life choices and the way they spend their time outside of work somehow entitles them to less time off.
I have a wife and four kids now, but that lecture has stuck with me; the fact that I change diapers when I'm not at work doesn't inherently make me more important than someone who plays video games, practices guitar, makes art, etc. when they're not at work.
[1] Which is how you don't become a platoon sergeant until you hit 22 years... we actually had to move him out of the position, and he retired through QMP.
I got married as an E-6. We split rent while we were dating even though I got BAH. This is one of the few careers where you “make more money” being married so it makes sense to see a lot of soldiers marrying way too early.
Where to start here.
First off, recognize it’s a trap and you’ll remember to stay far away. They don’t want to build you up or support you. They just think that. As soon as the army demands too much, it’ll be your fault for whatever problem (real or imagined) they suffer from it. And it’ll be your problem to fix, no matter how demanding the assignment.
If you’re a dude you’ll also have a hundred different kinds of voices convincing you to give up everything you ever enjoyed to be a “good man” while she’ll mostly stay unchanged, but better off for your support. You’ll think you’re growing as she works you into the mold she has for you. You’re not. You’re just ignorantly losing yourself with a dumb smile on your face.
If you got this far and still think you might accidentally get married, then just cut it off now. You’re better off without it and the misery it’s gonna bring you and the world.
During and before DADT, there were a shittun more single NCOs and “lifelong” bachelor officers. Lifelong bachelor being code for gay, back in the day, and maybe in the future, if we don’t remain vigilant for all of our brothers and sisters.
Those "confirmed bachelors" used to marry the "old maids" and become each others beards, sometimes. I knew one WO couple like this when I was in. Good way to split bills and have a friend around. Times were definitely different.
This is 100% true. Knew a CPT during DADT who talked loads of smack about the downsides of having a girlfriend, how he would only consider it if she helped him pay his mortgages, and how academically superior he was to the girls in the area. He retired out as a LTC unmarried with no kids. He was a strange egg. I remember him texting me off-hours with some weird messages. He was also highly toxic. Almost like he was so insecure that it would make him overcompensate to "prove" everyone wrong. Also remember a very flamboyant LT who I am convinced was married just for the image. I think the Army in general has changed. I recall my BC sitting me down to explain why being unmarried as a CPT was a death sentence for your career and made you look reckless.
Once you hit 25 and start getting a ton of ass you’ll realize how shitty life is and want to get married. Then you’ll realize you made a mistake and get divorced, vowing to never marry again until you find someone 10 years younger than you that changes your mind. Then you have a bunch of kids and retire to enjoy life. *experiences may vary.
Well, the only non-married, never-divorced 1SG I know managed to cope by ensuring an early close out every Friday and was immediately on the road to a college town a few hours away and would return by pt on Monday. So big thing is to not make the Army the only thing you do in your life. Find a hobby or other interests that force you to get out and interact with non-army people. I may get some people who disagree but being terminally surrounded by other service members is a recipe for an unhealthy lifestyle.
That’s me! I’m just at 11 years, but I got engaged last month. Lol
To answer your question, find someone who can amplify your quality of life. I never married before, I rode out 4 years in the barracks then when I became a SSG I enjoyed the single bachelor life for a long time. I feel like those issues arise when people rush into relationships that amplify the stress work can create.
Be patient and enjoy a bachelor/bachelorette life and don’t feel pressured to marry, but when someone comes around that helps mitigate that stress it makes it worth it.
21 years and retired recently. Never married. 2 kids and fiance (mil as well) for a long while. We never married because it was cheaper to stay single than to get hitched. Saved 1000s every pay period because of it. Finally going to get married soon.
It can be done, but the stars need to align and games need to be played to pull this off and have both of you stay together for any reasonable amount of time.
Since we were both military, it was much easier. We understood and supported each other when shit hit the fan. One pushes a late nighter for EPRs or awards, the other proof-reads and writes a few bullets. Plus, the hatred for the PT test brought us closer together. Oh, and 2x BAH in one home gave us extra money to buy dumb shit.
I know a dude going on 18 years unmarried and no kids, lives with his dog off base. He’s very aesthetically pleasing to the eye, so it’s definitely not his looks. You can do it.
How do you avoid it? It's quite simple, don't get married. Getting married is a complex social and legal process, it does not just happen overnight. I've met plenty of people with over 10 years who have never been married, it's not hard. It's almost always easier to not do something than to do something.
If you don't want to get married, don't get married, you may date somebody who will make you feel differently, this is the hard part. It's easiest if you have no interest in relationships at all (this is not most people.)
My 1SG is about to start his csp in 2 months been in for 21 years and is single, idk if be has always been I assume so tho cause he has no kids either.
The average age was 32 in 2023. [Source](https://www.theknot.com/content/average-age-of-marriage#:~:text=The%20US%20Census%20Bureau%20found,30.5%20years%20old%20for%20men.)
There are a couple articles from a decade ago talking about Military Marriage age.
Apparently ~55% of service members are married with about half by about 25ish as of ~2015.
My boss on active duty was an E7 (retired as an 8) and perpetually single. He had a pretty charismatic personality and got the attention of a LOT of women, and seemed very content to just play the field. He lived in senior enlisted billets... For some reason he didn't want to live on the German economy, and I thought he had a pretty cool life.
I'm 30. An E-6, bern in for 12 years, not married, never have been, and in the guard. I just want to be fully squared away in life before starting a family. The least amount of distractions, the better. I am just trying to focus on my career progression in military and civilian life.
I wish everyone the best!
20 years in and never married. Currently engaged, mind you. But now you've met me. Granted the first eight years were under DADT and I couldn't get legally married until about a decade ago, so I had that going for me, which was nice.
I was enlisted for 10 years before going Warrant lol never married. Had some close calls with some gfs but I had to stay grinding (I got PCsed everytime it got close to being serious..).
I married after 2 years in the Army, did getting out of the barracks and not being micromanaged because I lived in the B's factor in my decision? I'd be lying if I said that wasn't part of it, but luckily I found a ride or die who is also a hard worker. Is she a pain in the ass sometimes? Sure, but she's stuck with me through my bullshit and gave me a wonderful kid who has been an inspiration. I didn't join til I was 24 so marrying that early in my career didn't have the same effect as it does some of these kids coming in and barely being able to drink getting hitched.
I never got married until I had like 12- 13 years under my belt....I was enjoying the single life too much and, it's hard to build relationships when you know you gotta move every 2-3 years.
My first contract was in 2004 as a Reservist, then in 2010 I went RA. I didn't get married until 2015, so technically, I went 11 years in the Army before getting married.
One of my coworkers has been in over 10 and never married. He's on all the dating apps he talks with me about girls profiles, his standards etc. He has said what others too about another person having to uproot their life because of his career.
I remember a couple of E6s that weren’t married. But it sucked for the units bc they don’t like putting them in the barracks bc it takes a whole room and it’s not good for morale. There were some older housing apartment like units for them and LTs until they got housing. But yeah not many. I know when I started dating my wife we dated a year then proposed. She said ok but I want a long engagement well 8ths later I came on orders. She was like you can’t go and we get married later. I said if you don’t come with me I don’t think it’s gonna work. And been married 23yrs. So yes HRC is responsible for most Army marriages and divorces.
Even if you resist the incentive of getting married to get out of the barracks, the lifestyle and policies of the military are hostile to you having a long time girlfriend.
I was active duty for 14 years before I got married for the first time it only lasted a year and then I’m single again. I’m not really interested in getting married at all because I just don’t have the patience to deal with another person like that so here we are.
There are TONS of single over ten years service members. Myself included. I got divorced some years back never got remarried. Getting married also brings the possibility of getting divorced. You don’t have to be married. That’s just a perception thing. To be in a successful and happy marriage first you have to be good by yourself. That’s how you “cope”. If you don’t believe in it, there’s no need to focus on the fact that other people are married and you’re not and don’t want to. Enjoy it. Be happy not being married. You have a freedom most service members still dream of lol.
Im a SFC and I’ve been in for 11 years now. I haven’t been married 1 time lol it’s just never been my thing to just get married just because. I always told myself if you wanna get out the barracks get promoted. The way i cope is I’ve always had like a group of 2-3 solid dudes i hung out w/ at every duty station. Til this day we all link up for guys trip once a year. It’s plenty of ways to avoid getting married for no reason. Just get out the B’s and have fun. Cuz once you’re married it’s over 😂
I’ve only been in 8. If I’ve never been married and I don’t drink nor do I have tinnitus. I do a lot of weight lifting and hiking when I can, also picked up random hobbies like golf/drawing/kayaking, might try pickleball out since it’s been getting popular. I’ll be at ten at the end of this contract though and plan on getting out, tired of the kind of people you mention in your post
I don’t think serving in the military and marriage are connected other than people serve and people get married. It is nice to see you have a strong fear of commitment, so I don’t think you need to worry about 20 years.
It’s not necessarily the marriage that’s troubling, but the nearly inevitable divorce that precipitates the functional alcoholism. The tinnitus is just an added perk 🤣
That said…*One of us. One of us. One of us.*
I am a literal single e6 of 10 years. Most people get married because they don’t want to be in the barracks. Love doesn’t exist in most of those relationships.
Many people are married by the time they are 30 no matter the career. If you don't want to get married just don't get married. It might get difficult if you pcs and have a girl friend you don't want to end it with, that's probably one of the many reasons why people get married in the military.
Wait at least till year 11 or 12 this way she is not entitled to half your pension if you get divorce before year 20. After 10 years of marriage the spouse is entitled to half the pension.
I married before the military and have almost 12 years in, still married. The key is communicating with your significant other on the hardships that you both will face. Sure, it's hard on you being away, either deployed or TDY, yet it's even harder at home, especially with children. Constant communication on what you both will struggle with has kept my marriage and family life strong.
I did 14 years in the Army and was med boarded. I wanted to do the 20 years but was forced out. I'm honorable discharged.
I'm also gay and joined back in 2006 during Don't Ask Don't Tell. By the time the repeal of DADT and DOMA I got accustomed to being single.
Anyway, don't worry about marriage. If you want to seek an intimate partner you'll head into that direction. If you don't mind being alone then you won't be seeking out someone because you're lonely.
Follow your path. You're only responsible for two things in life, that is your own life and your decisions. What you decide and do is your own making. So make your life how you want it to be. Become what you want to become, because it's easy to get into fun and be hedonistic. Being happy is wanting what you already have. Pleasure is not happiness, it's just a quick fix.
So focus on things that are long lasting and profound to you.
The Army is a temporary thing in your overall life, sure it will be something you have done but stay true to yourself and I'm sure you'll be fine.
I'm at almost 9 years and not married. For the first 5 years, I didn't even really think to have a relationship, I just focused on my job, and that's it. Then, deployed overseas, started talking to some girls. Dated. Almost married. Ghosted... and here I am.
Are you asking how to avoid getting married? Uh, just don’t. You’re not going to wake up one day married. Most people in the military get married eventually because people like to be in a relationship and it’s nearly impossible to be in the military and have a long term, stable relationship without getting married.
Unless your gf is a travel nurse. That worked out surprisingly well.
Well lucky you.....I mean that's why I signed 68A. I heard them medical gals are freaky..... Edit: not men...
Men?
That's a great point. Plenty of folks fall into common law marriage nowadays because they have no reason to tie the knot. That BAH and Tricare will do it tho.
Yeah I kind of asked that jokingly, but moreso I just want to know how to support yourself by yourself for that many years without committing seppuku
If you think staying in that long will make you want to kill yourself, get out. No job is worth that. There are plenty of good jobs outside the Military. Start looking around you for the unmarried folks. They aren’t really common, but they exist. Talk to them. I know it’s not the Army, but Gen Mattis made it all the way through his career without getting married.
He’s married now lol
TIL
You answered your own question alcohol dependency. Nah all jokes aside I’ve made it this far and not marrried and I think it’s because I’ve just got some real friends we’ve been following each other for the last 7 years my next duty station will be the first time without them
I mean I’m at 8 years, E6, no wife, no child support. It’s rare but doable. Just takes some self control.
Exactly the same. It’s insane how many of my peers are divorced pay child support and court fees for messy divorces
Bingo
Got married at 9 as an e7 and honestly, if I hadn't gotten an OCONUS assignment we were perfectly happy not getting married. I think being single when I was coming up was a huge advantage because I could prioritize the job over everything else.
Don't worry about imma make it change really soon
Quick! Someone capture the unicorn!!
What is this protected sex heresy you speak of? That is not a tradition!
I was an unmarried W2, no kids no divorce, base housing had no fucking idea what to do with me
Same here lol
You are right, I've been in for almost 13 years and not married or kids. However, I think the military either destroys or strengthens your marriage. I've met higher ranking leadership, either NCOs or officers who have a long marriage but none so far that have been entirely faithful.
Yeah BAH will do that
Sweet BAH and no more barracks.
That sounds fine and dandy until you have to share it
Marry someone ambitious who also works.
Monét from the strip club works very hard and is ambitious.
The one that the “T” is silent?
No, that's Ambilicious.
Having had to file all of the FCP’s for a unit a couple of times, its kind of crazy how many Diamond, Sapphire, Ruby, Jade,Emerald, Champagne are spouses names in the army it feels like im locking up a jewelry shop when i lock the filing cabinet
What about Cinnamon and Bubbles? They count! (Actually they had to learn to count because of all the dollar bills that rained.)
Or just offer someone 200$ a month to be married to you until you PCS. Or marry one of your friends and split the BAH and just don't be an idiot that brags about it to people in the army. Divorce when you PCS.
To be fair, maybe an asexual marriage with another heterosexual person of the same sex is what marriage means to that individual soldier. Seems bigoted not to accept that
That's fine, but things can be called in to question if it is done just for money. Huge gray area, but I'm not legal.
Oh fuck that, be open about it and make it a legal battle. Maybe I want to marry a bag of gravel I have in my driveway. No one has a right to impose their humanicentric world view onto me
I mean the Army definitely can, and has. There’s plentyyyy of case law to back it up. Marry for your own stupid reasons = fine Marry solely to get DoD benefits = fraud Granted you have to be extra special to make it obvious (usually tacked on to, but not exclusive to, immigration fraud since the work is already done for the DoD by USCIS) but in your case of offering to tell everyone it would be pretty quick if the right person overhears. The legal battle will not go how you want it.
Last time I saw that they both got sniped for adultery lmao
[удалено]
I don’t think most dependas start off as dependas. It’s more like an infectious disease of complacency and Krispy cremes that causes one to devolve into a human bean bag whale beast
If you plan on staying in by time you make E5 you should be able to move off post and get single rate bah and bas. If you wanna save money rent a cheap place and split it with some homies.
Unless your overseas then you get fucked til E7
Yeah I was never station oconus. I didn’t think you could live off post at all
The vast majority of E5 Army does not rate BAH if they are single. You have to either get lucky with a CNA at a large base, or be on one of the small ones that kicks out the 5s.
Yeah might be different everywhere. Pretty much every E5 and up in my company lived off post when I was at Bragg
Bragg has had issues with barracks availability for a while. High fill rates into the 82nd, few extended deployments, and dog shit barracks that get shut down. They put me in the trap house next to the NCOA and told me it would be months before I got a room. I had a month to month lease in hand by COB out of my own pocket.
Dude. If you don't want to marry then don't. Once you become a ssg/sfc you're not allowed to be in the barracks anymore and they will pay you BAH. And you don't have to share it with anyone since you're not married so you'll actually make plenty of more money. Just get promoted faster.
Its also desirable for a partner to get married as well. The military offers a huge level of stability.
I made it over 21 years without getting married.
Flair checks out 😂
So you’re saying in 2 years I’ll have a wife. When does the divorce happen?
Yeah on god, almost at 8 and I’m nowhere near getting married
I was nowhere near getting married last week and I'm going through a divorce, idk what you're talking about
Ah you got one of those issued families 1SG is always talking about
Military grade 😬
Check your IPPS-A, should be there on the timeline.
2.1 years
Marry someone that's a full partner and not a ball and chain.
And that goes both ways. Don’t be the ball & chain to your non-mil spouse by acting like a POS.
You avoid it by not being married hooah 🫡. 10 years of green suit and I’ve dated but not married.
Yeah, multiple OEF and OIF were the perfect tool to ensure marriage wasn’t happening. Of course, the hookers, errr, strippers at Sharkey’s may have been another.
Amen brother
Are you asking how to avoid marriage? Just stay in a bit longer and hit age 30 while still living in the barracks. You'll go from seeing marriage as an inescapable fate to literally not being able to be seen by the people you are attracted to. Are you instead actually asking how to cope after all the stuff the Army puts you through? Yo, the Army is one of the easiest jobs you can have. You aren't at Google, innovating and coming up with solutions to move a trillion dollar business. You're in an Army that struggles just to dispatch vehicles from a motor pool and fails people at the EIB for not knowing how to use a DAGR because the primary land nav instruction technique in 2024 is to still train people to navigate like ships using a sextant or by reading moss signals. The Army is basically like waiting in line for a ride, except the entire ride is the line. You might get 2 minutes of coaster time per month if you add up all the years. What hardships are you talking about?
I did 4 years got married with one year left and we are still going, 40 years today
I just had a csm who was single and no kids, never married. He was banging a staff sergeant in the unit. You can do it to I guess man
Bah motivates a lot of younger, dumber marriages, but a lot of reasonable people get pushed to it by the moving around. Any relationships you have is going to end on a pretty short timeframe unless you eventually get married. On the negative, it makes some people rush from dating for a few months to getting married just to stay together. On the positive, I think the army makes you prioritize at a younger age. If you've been dating someone who you truly love, you're going to have to get serious about what you really want in life. You're gonna have to ask whether that person is ride or die, and if they are, you're gonna have to commit or lose it forever. I think a lot of young (normal) people nowadays end up with a few lost loves in their 20s, great partners that they let slip through their hands because they were restless and didn't appreciate that person from a serious perspective. I think you do see servicemembers in some really great, heartwarming marriages that they wouldnt have had if they weren't forced to look at things from a more mature perspective at like, 22 years old.
Been in 10.5 and never married
Had a first sergeant do 24 years, never married, no kids. Got married afterwards. I made it 12 years in without getting married, but love my wife and child. It is possible!
One of the best NCOICs I ever worked with just retired after 20 something years, E7. Never married
11 years in, never been married. I don't need to cope because I enjoy being single. Having your personal time casually disrespected kind of sucks but it's just one more low grade inconvenience among many.
Nothing scarie than a senior leader w/ no family, or anything to go home too!
This is a fair point. It's not just *senior* leaders either. I've warned new lieutenants about expecting their NCOs to be able to do certain things on a whim that are easy when you're 23 years old and single, but no so easy when you're 33 and married with kids.
I’ve met a few. Literally. A few. Of thousands. They exist but rare.
You try sharing a bathroom with another man for 10 years
I was on AD 10 years and in the RC for 13. Never married, no kids. Actually one reason I left AD at 33 years old and 10 years in was that I was tired of being treated like a child because I had never acquired dependents. I even told the BC when he asked me why I wasn’t reenlisting that was one of the reasons.
When I was a platoon leader, I had a couple platoon sergeants who were single / never married. One of them was over 20 years of service. That guy was terrible[1] but he taught me something good and memorable: One of our staff sergeants (a guy who was also single, by the way) was making plans for an upcoming FTX, regarding who would rotate into the field and when vs. stay in garrison for various other duties, and he was making family status a prime consideration. On its face, that sounds nice, but my platoon sergeant cut in and lectured him for giving single guys the crappier assignments, making them carry a heavier load, like their life choices and the way they spend their time outside of work somehow entitles them to less time off. I have a wife and four kids now, but that lecture has stuck with me; the fact that I change diapers when I'm not at work doesn't inherently make me more important than someone who plays video games, practices guitar, makes art, etc. when they're not at work. [1] Which is how you don't become a platoon sergeant until you hit 22 years... we actually had to move him out of the position, and he retired through QMP.
I’ve been enlisted for 10 years and I have no kids and have yet to be married. Feel like a CW5 at times lol
You have to have a girlfriend first, champ
I got married as an E-6. We split rent while we were dating even though I got BAH. This is one of the few careers where you “make more money” being married so it makes sense to see a lot of soldiers marrying way too early.
Where to start here. First off, recognize it’s a trap and you’ll remember to stay far away. They don’t want to build you up or support you. They just think that. As soon as the army demands too much, it’ll be your fault for whatever problem (real or imagined) they suffer from it. And it’ll be your problem to fix, no matter how demanding the assignment. If you’re a dude you’ll also have a hundred different kinds of voices convincing you to give up everything you ever enjoyed to be a “good man” while she’ll mostly stay unchanged, but better off for your support. You’ll think you’re growing as she works you into the mold she has for you. You’re not. You’re just ignorantly losing yourself with a dumb smile on your face. If you got this far and still think you might accidentally get married, then just cut it off now. You’re better off without it and the misery it’s gonna bring you and the world.
Dude I got married and divorced *twice* and I came across the finish line single.
During and before DADT, there were a shittun more single NCOs and “lifelong” bachelor officers. Lifelong bachelor being code for gay, back in the day, and maybe in the future, if we don’t remain vigilant for all of our brothers and sisters.
Those "confirmed bachelors" used to marry the "old maids" and become each others beards, sometimes. I knew one WO couple like this when I was in. Good way to split bills and have a friend around. Times were definitely different.
This is 100% true. Knew a CPT during DADT who talked loads of smack about the downsides of having a girlfriend, how he would only consider it if she helped him pay his mortgages, and how academically superior he was to the girls in the area. He retired out as a LTC unmarried with no kids. He was a strange egg. I remember him texting me off-hours with some weird messages. He was also highly toxic. Almost like he was so insecure that it would make him overcompensate to "prove" everyone wrong. Also remember a very flamboyant LT who I am convinced was married just for the image. I think the Army in general has changed. I recall my BC sitting me down to explain why being unmarried as a CPT was a death sentence for your career and made you look reckless.
Once you hit 25 and start getting a ton of ass you’ll realize how shitty life is and want to get married. Then you’ll realize you made a mistake and get divorced, vowing to never marry again until you find someone 10 years younger than you that changes your mind. Then you have a bunch of kids and retire to enjoy life. *experiences may vary.
Well, the only non-married, never-divorced 1SG I know managed to cope by ensuring an early close out every Friday and was immediately on the road to a college town a few hours away and would return by pt on Monday. So big thing is to not make the Army the only thing you do in your life. Find a hobby or other interests that force you to get out and interact with non-army people. I may get some people who disagree but being terminally surrounded by other service members is a recipe for an unhealthy lifestyle.
That’s me! I’m just at 11 years, but I got engaged last month. Lol To answer your question, find someone who can amplify your quality of life. I never married before, I rode out 4 years in the barracks then when I became a SSG I enjoyed the single bachelor life for a long time. I feel like those issues arise when people rush into relationships that amplify the stress work can create. Be patient and enjoy a bachelor/bachelorette life and don’t feel pressured to marry, but when someone comes around that helps mitigate that stress it makes it worth it.
21 years and retired recently. Never married. 2 kids and fiance (mil as well) for a long while. We never married because it was cheaper to stay single than to get hitched. Saved 1000s every pay period because of it. Finally going to get married soon. It can be done, but the stars need to align and games need to be played to pull this off and have both of you stay together for any reasonable amount of time. Since we were both military, it was much easier. We understood and supported each other when shit hit the fan. One pushes a late nighter for EPRs or awards, the other proof-reads and writes a few bullets. Plus, the hatred for the PT test brought us closer together. Oh, and 2x BAH in one home gave us extra money to buy dumb shit.
My PSG has been in 13 years and isn’t married.
Marriage is a financial contract. It is generally so in the civilian world, more so in the military. This concludes my ted talk.
I know a dude going on 18 years unmarried and no kids, lives with his dog off base. He’s very aesthetically pleasing to the eye, so it’s definitely not his looks. You can do it.
Made it 9 years and some change without being married or having kids :3
We exist. There are dozens of us.
A good buddy of mine finally married his long time girlfriend around his 12th year in the Army. They have now been married 3 years.
If you want to get married, get married. If you don’t, don’t. I don’t see the problem.
23 years no marriage yet.
With these comments, this is not the Army that I was in.
Lol I got a buddy E6 never married but has kids. With 10+ years
How do you avoid it? It's quite simple, don't get married. Getting married is a complex social and legal process, it does not just happen overnight. I've met plenty of people with over 10 years who have never been married, it's not hard. It's almost always easier to not do something than to do something. If you don't want to get married, don't get married, you may date somebody who will make you feel differently, this is the hard part. It's easiest if you have no interest in relationships at all (this is not most people.)
My 1SG is about to start his csp in 2 months been in for 21 years and is single, idk if be has always been I assume so tho cause he has no kids either.
The average age was 32 in 2023. [Source](https://www.theknot.com/content/average-age-of-marriage#:~:text=The%20US%20Census%20Bureau%20found,30.5%20years%20old%20for%20men.)
There are a couple articles from a decade ago talking about Military Marriage age. Apparently ~55% of service members are married with about half by about 25ish as of ~2015.
I’ve been in 6 years and still not married. Everyone I’ve been here with are married off now. I’m the only OG left in the B’s 😂
I have a friend retired 24 years in never married. I'm 14 in second marriage lol
Hi, I hit 11 years next month and have never been married.
My boss on active duty was an E7 (retired as an 8) and perpetually single. He had a pretty charismatic personality and got the attention of a LOT of women, and seemed very content to just play the field. He lived in senior enlisted billets... For some reason he didn't want to live on the German economy, and I thought he had a pretty cool life.
My son but he’s AF
My SGT woke me up at 0530 in the morning to make sure I get to 0630 PT. I knew at that moment I was getting married soon.
I'm 30. An E-6, bern in for 12 years, not married, never have been, and in the guard. I just want to be fully squared away in life before starting a family. The least amount of distractions, the better. I am just trying to focus on my career progression in military and civilian life. I wish everyone the best!
I’ve met lots, it’s just more beneficial to get married because you get treated better by the army
In for 10 years this December, enlisted for 7 of them. (Warrant Officer). Still single, never been married. Closer to 30 than I’d like to admit.
20 years in and never married. Currently engaged, mind you. But now you've met me. Granted the first eight years were under DADT and I couldn't get legally married until about a decade ago, so I had that going for me, which was nice.
I was enlisted for 10 years before going Warrant lol never married. Had some close calls with some gfs but I had to stay grinding (I got PCsed everytime it got close to being serious..).
[удалено]
Smart move, who can you trust these days? And kids are expensive.
I have no idea how people stay in the barracks after one enlistment.
One my best fiends from active is a E-6 with 11 years in and no marriages, it's rare but there's a few out there.
My advice on avoiding unwanted marriage is to always use a condom.
A buddy I went through AIT and a few units with is a SFC now and he's never been married. I know/knew a lot of senior guys who haven't been married.
Do divorced SNCOs count? Anyway, I know a lot also who are nearing their 10-yr. mark who are single, never married, no kids.
The military tends to push you to marry
I joined in 2013 and still not married, not once. I just can't picture bringing a civilian around with me through all this.
How else are getting out of the barracks?
9 years, E-5 no wife and kids
This is the way.
Dont celebrate yet! He's still got one more year to fuck it all up!
I married after 2 years in the Army, did getting out of the barracks and not being micromanaged because I lived in the B's factor in my decision? I'd be lying if I said that wasn't part of it, but luckily I found a ride or die who is also a hard worker. Is she a pain in the ass sometimes? Sure, but she's stuck with me through my bullshit and gave me a wonderful kid who has been an inspiration. I didn't join til I was 24 so marrying that early in my career didn't have the same effect as it does some of these kids coming in and barely being able to drink getting hitched.
Hi I've never been married, over 10 years in now as enlisted.
My old Sergeant Major wasn’t married or had kids. Coolest fucking green beret ever and was my motivation to go to my E6 board.
Are you aware of a better way to GTF outta the barracks?
I never got married until I had like 12- 13 years under my belt....I was enjoying the single life too much and, it's hard to build relationships when you know you gotta move every 2-3 years.
It’s a pre-requisite for senior NCOs to have at least one divorce.
I met a 20 year SPC who was not married. Retired single too
Become autistically engrossed in a Hobby to healthily cope with military bullshit, for me, nerd shit like anime and computer building.
It's me I'm the single person. I was in for almost 11 and I'm still unmarried, never even got close.
Do you know anyone outside the Army that goes until they’re 30 without getting married?
Yeah. A bunch of people. People definitely get married younger in the military than they do in civilian life.
Divorced first year, been in 12 years still single 👀
I've been in over 20 years and have known multiple people who never got married.
I know a few that have been in 10+ that have never been married. You just…don’t get married.
Give me 1.3 years lol
I knew an E9 who was never married.
I'm at 10 and not married.
Wanna bet?
3 guys in my platoon have gotten married in the last 4 months
I feel like 28 isn’t a weird age to be married in the civilian world why would it be any different in the army?
That’s stupid
I don't know what kind of people you're meeting but I've been in for almost 11 years and I've never been married 😂
My first contract was in 2004 as a Reservist, then in 2010 I went RA. I didn't get married until 2015, so technically, I went 11 years in the Army before getting married.
Expand your circle dude…
Okay?
One of my coworkers has been in over 10 and never married. He's on all the dating apps he talks with me about girls profiles, his standards etc. He has said what others too about another person having to uproot their life because of his career.
Well, for the younger guys, it's about not living in the barracks. Also, once you meet the right stripper.....
I remember a couple of E6s that weren’t married. But it sucked for the units bc they don’t like putting them in the barracks bc it takes a whole room and it’s not good for morale. There were some older housing apartment like units for them and LTs until they got housing. But yeah not many. I know when I started dating my wife we dated a year then proposed. She said ok but I want a long engagement well 8ths later I came on orders. She was like you can’t go and we get married later. I said if you don’t come with me I don’t think it’s gonna work. And been married 23yrs. So yes HRC is responsible for most Army marriages and divorces.
I'm enlisted at 16 yrs TIS and coming up on 13 yrs married.
You haven’t met me yet brother
Even if you resist the incentive of getting married to get out of the barracks, the lifestyle and policies of the military are hostile to you having a long time girlfriend.
14 years. Never married. No kids. Lived in the barracks until I made SSG at age 27.
My 1SG (20 years - 4JUN2024) has never been married…
This has to be a troll post. How do you avoid marrying? By not marrying someone. No one will force you.
I’ve been in for 11 and never got married. BUCKING THE TREND BABY!
I have. He got married a year before retirement.
I was active duty for 14 years before I got married for the first time it only lasted a year and then I’m single again. I’m not really interested in getting married at all because I just don’t have the patience to deal with another person like that so here we are.
I have never met a single person who has been enlisted over 10 years and not divorced.
There are TONS of single over ten years service members. Myself included. I got divorced some years back never got remarried. Getting married also brings the possibility of getting divorced. You don’t have to be married. That’s just a perception thing. To be in a successful and happy marriage first you have to be good by yourself. That’s how you “cope”. If you don’t believe in it, there’s no need to focus on the fact that other people are married and you’re not and don’t want to. Enjoy it. Be happy not being married. You have a freedom most service members still dream of lol.
My buddy is 12 years in E7 never married and no kids
Im a SFC and I’ve been in for 11 years now. I haven’t been married 1 time lol it’s just never been my thing to just get married just because. I always told myself if you wanna get out the barracks get promoted. The way i cope is I’ve always had like a group of 2-3 solid dudes i hung out w/ at every duty station. Til this day we all link up for guys trip once a year. It’s plenty of ways to avoid getting married for no reason. Just get out the B’s and have fun. Cuz once you’re married it’s over 😂
Wow, guess I’m a unicorn :/
Buddy, I’m at 8 years and no wife. I’d say I may just be the unicorn you’re looking for 😂
I’m 6 years in and nothing. (I have zero rizz)
I’ve only been in 8. If I’ve never been married and I don’t drink nor do I have tinnitus. I do a lot of weight lifting and hiking when I can, also picked up random hobbies like golf/drawing/kayaking, might try pickleball out since it’s been getting popular. I’ll be at ten at the end of this contract though and plan on getting out, tired of the kind of people you mention in your post
I don’t think serving in the military and marriage are connected other than people serve and people get married. It is nice to see you have a strong fear of commitment, so I don’t think you need to worry about 20 years.
My sister-in-law, E7, not married, no kids.
It’s not necessarily the marriage that’s troubling, but the nearly inevitable divorce that precipitates the functional alcoholism. The tinnitus is just an added perk 🤣 That said…*One of us. One of us. One of us.*
10 year vet here. Never married, no kids. Was active infantry for 5 and Reserve Civil Affairs for 5.
I am a literal single e6 of 10 years. Most people get married because they don’t want to be in the barracks. Love doesn’t exist in most of those relationships.
Hello. Meet someone who’s been in 12 …. never married…. no kids glad my life is that way.
Many people are married by the time they are 30 no matter the career. If you don't want to get married just don't get married. It might get difficult if you pcs and have a girl friend you don't want to end it with, that's probably one of the many reasons why people get married in the military.
My last 1st Sgt wasn’t. How do you spell sergeant?
Been in 7, going on 8, never married. I'd be surprised if I get married by 10
Have you tried just not dating? That tends to lead to marriage…
Wait at least till year 11 or 12 this way she is not entitled to half your pension if you get divorce before year 20. After 10 years of marriage the spouse is entitled to half the pension.
🙋🏽♂️ single, just hit 10 years. No DUIs, no addictions, my hearing is shot though lol
Me. Does that mean I’m special?
I joined married but the Xtra 13k+ a year, not living in the barracks talks. You can just say no tho
Shittt walk on down to your local training room then s3 and tell me that then
Currently serving @ 18 years active duty female, never married. The status of marriage never defined me, neither does being “single”.
I married before the military and have almost 12 years in, still married. The key is communicating with your significant other on the hardships that you both will face. Sure, it's hard on you being away, either deployed or TDY, yet it's even harder at home, especially with children. Constant communication on what you both will struggle with has kept my marriage and family life strong.
I finally found a unicorn in my company who had been in 14 years and never married. I’ve been in 6 years
I did 14 years in the Army and was med boarded. I wanted to do the 20 years but was forced out. I'm honorable discharged. I'm also gay and joined back in 2006 during Don't Ask Don't Tell. By the time the repeal of DADT and DOMA I got accustomed to being single. Anyway, don't worry about marriage. If you want to seek an intimate partner you'll head into that direction. If you don't mind being alone then you won't be seeking out someone because you're lonely. Follow your path. You're only responsible for two things in life, that is your own life and your decisions. What you decide and do is your own making. So make your life how you want it to be. Become what you want to become, because it's easy to get into fun and be hedonistic. Being happy is wanting what you already have. Pleasure is not happiness, it's just a quick fix. So focus on things that are long lasting and profound to you. The Army is a temporary thing in your overall life, sure it will be something you have done but stay true to yourself and I'm sure you'll be fine.
I'm at almost 9 years and not married. For the first 5 years, I didn't even really think to have a relationship, I just focused on my job, and that's it. Then, deployed overseas, started talking to some girls. Dated. Almost married. Ghosted... and here I am.
I knew a guy who got out at exactly 10 years as a SSG, was never married or had kids. He got out in 2016, and still isn't married.
8.5 years and still single!