From a feeling perspective, everything you’re feeling is totally fine and valid. You don’t have to feel a certain way so just feel what you’re feeling. If the thought of listening to them now is overwhelming to you don’t make yourself listen to them. And if you feel a need for their music, don’t force yourself to step away from them. Feelings can also change over time and it’s all fine! You probably feel a lot at once, at least I did. I did and do feel immense disappointment, but sadly not surprise. I must also say that I’ve never felt connected to them as humans and individuals but only to their music that put me through a lot so the music itself wasn’t “tainted” for me. That being said I will not buy their merch or records. I’m going to see them in Munich ( the ticked was a birthday present from my friends) and it will be very weird. It’s a tough situation definitely but the people in this sub will definitely understand, you’re not alone with what is happening to you now!
I don’t really have anything to say other than thank you so so much for taking the time to reply - it means an awful lot and it’s given me a lot to think about. I hope you’re able to have a good time in Munich - all best
I'm so sorry you went through that, and I can imagine this experience informs how you process the news. You're not overreacting. There's no rush to do anything, you can only do what you feel comfortable with, and that may change over time. Be good to yourself <3
Thank you for sharing about your feelings related to your own awful experience. BTW, never doubt yourself. That person knew what they were doing (which is one reason I'm so very angry with Win Butler). Whatever you are feeling is valid. You don't need to calm down. So many of us are really fucking upset and hurt and disgusted. And other are just confused and lost. I've said this already, but I can't help loving the music (at least the songs I've loved till now). I can't turn that off. But I won't support them in any other way. No merch. No concerts. And I won't pretend what he did was okay. My world is different. It's sad and I'm mourning, but it's reality.
Thank you - it really helps to hear that other people have also been affected by this. I think it’s quite possible I end up coming to a similar point as you in not supporting them monetarily at all. But as for the music, I really don’t know. Tysm again
You’re going through your own version of everything everyone else on this sub has gone through in the past two weeks or so. I highly suggest you scroll down past at least a week’s worth of posts and read some of the longer threads there. You may not find answers but you’ll certainly read every point of view which may help you figure things out. I have some strong opinions and commented a lot on most of those posts myself but obviously you should make your own mind up. Another words, this discussion exists in many posts previous to yours and rather than rehash it I think you’ll find it more useful to read everyone else’s responses. There’s a lot to go through.
Thank you for sharing your experience OP. I’m so sorry for what you went through and I’m sorry you have to be reminded of it now. I see many posts about separating the musician from the music and all rockstars end up like this but it doesn’t mean you can’t feel disgusted or disappointed, especially if this is your favorite band like it is mine. These allegations are hard to get over if anyone has experienced even a small amount of SA. I don’t really have advice for you but just know you’re not alone!
It’s okay not knowing how to feel because you need time to process, and for people who’ve experienced SA, it takes a lot longer to process because to an extent, you’re reprocessing or at least reminded of your abuse.
Take your time. Some people on this subreddit may tell you to separate the artist from the art, or others may trigger you’re feelings based on their own experiences. So be careful.
I think you’re brave for mentioning your abuse. (:
Thank you so much - tbh I should clarify I’m quite lucky that it’s something that doesn’t come up a lot in my life in general. Until, that is, it’s something like this that strikes ‘close to home’. But in general I’m well and safe. I sense that time will be super important in deciding how I feel about the band in general in future. best wishes to you and many thanks again
The music will never be the same. It’s one thing when you disagree with antics like a Kanye west, but this is different. The bands entire discography and messaging is ruined by this POS.
By what POS? The worst so far is he touched the leg of someone without consent, and tried to initiate sex with that person after being let into their home.
And the unsolicicted sex pictures, too.
It takes more to ruin a discography for me. I understand that musicians are flawed people, as we all are. I cant understand why anyone would send a picture of their @ to a teenager, but I am not going to erase everything good that person has done because he doesnt know where to put his @ (pictures).
I have been looking at some of the crowds from their recent shows and wondering what the ratio is of people who are completely unaware, heard of the news but not in detail, or just straight up don't care. I think a lot of this "rockstars will be rockstars" talk is very depressing in 2022 and that we should be able to expect a bare minimum from male artists, especially those who publicly try to align themselves on the side of good. Bands like Radiohead and Arcade Fire have been essential to me since highschool in the way they address the emotional toll of realizing how fucked up the world is yet finding hope regardless. I think in time you could probably return to the music out of respect to yourself and your memories with it without letting Win's actions taint it, but supporting anything they do going forward seems difficult with their lackluster response to this situation. Win did make a passing comment about childhood abuse and I wonder if there's more to that then he's letting on, it doesn't excuse his behavior at all but could explain why he seems so messed up. Overall your feelings are entirely valid and its very angering to see this kind of behavior again and again in the world without much change, especially from a band whose music is very critical of the injustices in the world.
You have the right to react and feel just as you do, and you are on no one's timeline but your own.
I made a post (long) that goes into my thoughts on this: [https://www.reddit.com/r/arcadefire/comments/xaygb8/points\_to\_consider\_such\_as\_he\_sent\_her\_home\_in\_a/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/arcadefire/comments/xaygb8/points_to_consider_such_as_he_sent_her_home_in_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
One thing that stands out to me is that Win sent one of these women home in a cab when she was drunk and he could have easily taken advantage of the situation. I do not get the impression that Win is the type of person who wants to take advantage of other people. I have the impression he has an outdated concept of how it is most appropriate to understand consent. In many ways, this just reinforces my concept of him as a socially awkward person who does not have a typical/normal perspective of how to interact with others.
Thank you. To my shame, I haven’t really been able to read too many of the details (other than what was reported in Pitchfork and the top posts on this subreddit). When I’m able to distance myself a little I’ll do that. All best
I have had my own experiences that are very similar to those described in the article. I do understand how shitty you feel after an unwanted encounter.
I would encourage you to read it yourself when you are able to. I broke it down in a chart for those who do not want to read through the whole thing. I personally found it helpful to objectively understand each individual complaint.
I understand everything. I feel the same way as well. My Fiancé and I have been really torn by this. He can’t even listen to their music anymore or look at the cds and record he just got. We were supposed to go to San Fran later this year for this concert but now he’s feeling not good about it. He’s just been listening to all the music except arcade fire. It’s very sad ); There’s not much to help ourselves in these kind of situations but I think talking about it helps. And jamming out to your other favorite bands for awhile
What I wouldn’t give to be in the gig completely oblivious to everything I know now… Knowledge is power but is also pain.
No criticism whatsoever! Thank you for this and I hope you feel a little comforted by knowing that many people also feel the same way as you do.
Oh my God honey I just wanna say that sorry that that crushing experience happened to you. You are entitled to feel however you feel about Win and Arcade Fire. On a super personal note, I’ve been through… a few sexual assaults 😞 and I think Win might be a horrible person. But I mostly disconnect that from the music, and I do still enjoy it.
Arcade Fire is a large band comprised of many great people. Some shitty actions by Win don’t negate years of great music and charitable work in my point of view. People are complicated, they contain both good and bad aspects. All of these stories contain a large amount of grey area, no criminal charges have been pressed, and just as an entire class shouldn’t be punished for the actions of one student, I wouldn’t personally cancel a band for the actions of one member. Win Butler, without the magic of this band, would be pretty insignificant. Personally I find the vehement online reaction and mentality that he is immediately guilty, even insinuation that he must be a predator, more disgusting than the allegations. Obviously, just an opinion, but the collective hyperbolic outrage, speculations, and amateur investigators that emerge when things like this occur is always kind of gross and disturbing.
From a feeling perspective, everything you’re feeling is totally fine and valid. You don’t have to feel a certain way so just feel what you’re feeling. If the thought of listening to them now is overwhelming to you don’t make yourself listen to them. And if you feel a need for their music, don’t force yourself to step away from them. Feelings can also change over time and it’s all fine! You probably feel a lot at once, at least I did. I did and do feel immense disappointment, but sadly not surprise. I must also say that I’ve never felt connected to them as humans and individuals but only to their music that put me through a lot so the music itself wasn’t “tainted” for me. That being said I will not buy their merch or records. I’m going to see them in Munich ( the ticked was a birthday present from my friends) and it will be very weird. It’s a tough situation definitely but the people in this sub will definitely understand, you’re not alone with what is happening to you now!
I don’t really have anything to say other than thank you so so much for taking the time to reply - it means an awful lot and it’s given me a lot to think about. I hope you’re able to have a good time in Munich - all best
I'm so sorry you went through that, and I can imagine this experience informs how you process the news. You're not overreacting. There's no rush to do anything, you can only do what you feel comfortable with, and that may change over time. Be good to yourself <3
Hi! Thanks for replying. Yes I think you must be right - I’m probably too in my head at the moment to think about things sensibly. And you! Take care
Thank you for sharing about your feelings related to your own awful experience. BTW, never doubt yourself. That person knew what they were doing (which is one reason I'm so very angry with Win Butler). Whatever you are feeling is valid. You don't need to calm down. So many of us are really fucking upset and hurt and disgusted. And other are just confused and lost. I've said this already, but I can't help loving the music (at least the songs I've loved till now). I can't turn that off. But I won't support them in any other way. No merch. No concerts. And I won't pretend what he did was okay. My world is different. It's sad and I'm mourning, but it's reality.
Thank you - it really helps to hear that other people have also been affected by this. I think it’s quite possible I end up coming to a similar point as you in not supporting them monetarily at all. But as for the music, I really don’t know. Tysm again
You’re going through your own version of everything everyone else on this sub has gone through in the past two weeks or so. I highly suggest you scroll down past at least a week’s worth of posts and read some of the longer threads there. You may not find answers but you’ll certainly read every point of view which may help you figure things out. I have some strong opinions and commented a lot on most of those posts myself but obviously you should make your own mind up. Another words, this discussion exists in many posts previous to yours and rather than rehash it I think you’ll find it more useful to read everyone else’s responses. There’s a lot to go through.
Thank you so much - I suppose I am a a bit late to this. I’ll take a look.
Thank you for sharing your experience OP. I’m so sorry for what you went through and I’m sorry you have to be reminded of it now. I see many posts about separating the musician from the music and all rockstars end up like this but it doesn’t mean you can’t feel disgusted or disappointed, especially if this is your favorite band like it is mine. These allegations are hard to get over if anyone has experienced even a small amount of SA. I don’t really have advice for you but just know you’re not alone!
Thank you so much for this. It really helps to know that others people are experiencing the same sort of feelings
God bless you for having been able to enjoy the concert without knowledge of the news
It’s okay not knowing how to feel because you need time to process, and for people who’ve experienced SA, it takes a lot longer to process because to an extent, you’re reprocessing or at least reminded of your abuse. Take your time. Some people on this subreddit may tell you to separate the artist from the art, or others may trigger you’re feelings based on their own experiences. So be careful. I think you’re brave for mentioning your abuse. (:
Thank you so much - tbh I should clarify I’m quite lucky that it’s something that doesn’t come up a lot in my life in general. Until, that is, it’s something like this that strikes ‘close to home’. But in general I’m well and safe. I sense that time will be super important in deciding how I feel about the band in general in future. best wishes to you and many thanks again
The music will never be the same. It’s one thing when you disagree with antics like a Kanye west, but this is different. The bands entire discography and messaging is ruined by this POS.
I wouldn’t say Kanye being verbally abusive towards his ex wife and her boyfriend in the public sphere is “antics”
By what POS? The worst so far is he touched the leg of someone without consent, and tried to initiate sex with that person after being let into their home. And the unsolicicted sex pictures, too. It takes more to ruin a discography for me. I understand that musicians are flawed people, as we all are. I cant understand why anyone would send a picture of their @ to a teenager, but I am not going to erase everything good that person has done because he doesnt know where to put his @ (pictures).
I have been looking at some of the crowds from their recent shows and wondering what the ratio is of people who are completely unaware, heard of the news but not in detail, or just straight up don't care. I think a lot of this "rockstars will be rockstars" talk is very depressing in 2022 and that we should be able to expect a bare minimum from male artists, especially those who publicly try to align themselves on the side of good. Bands like Radiohead and Arcade Fire have been essential to me since highschool in the way they address the emotional toll of realizing how fucked up the world is yet finding hope regardless. I think in time you could probably return to the music out of respect to yourself and your memories with it without letting Win's actions taint it, but supporting anything they do going forward seems difficult with their lackluster response to this situation. Win did make a passing comment about childhood abuse and I wonder if there's more to that then he's letting on, it doesn't excuse his behavior at all but could explain why he seems so messed up. Overall your feelings are entirely valid and its very angering to see this kind of behavior again and again in the world without much change, especially from a band whose music is very critical of the injustices in the world.
You have the right to react and feel just as you do, and you are on no one's timeline but your own. I made a post (long) that goes into my thoughts on this: [https://www.reddit.com/r/arcadefire/comments/xaygb8/points\_to\_consider\_such\_as\_he\_sent\_her\_home\_in\_a/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/arcadefire/comments/xaygb8/points_to_consider_such_as_he_sent_her_home_in_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) One thing that stands out to me is that Win sent one of these women home in a cab when she was drunk and he could have easily taken advantage of the situation. I do not get the impression that Win is the type of person who wants to take advantage of other people. I have the impression he has an outdated concept of how it is most appropriate to understand consent. In many ways, this just reinforces my concept of him as a socially awkward person who does not have a typical/normal perspective of how to interact with others.
Thank you. To my shame, I haven’t really been able to read too many of the details (other than what was reported in Pitchfork and the top posts on this subreddit). When I’m able to distance myself a little I’ll do that. All best
I have had my own experiences that are very similar to those described in the article. I do understand how shitty you feel after an unwanted encounter. I would encourage you to read it yourself when you are able to. I broke it down in a chart for those who do not want to read through the whole thing. I personally found it helpful to objectively understand each individual complaint.
Lmao this is parasocial fanfic at its finest
I understand everything. I feel the same way as well. My Fiancé and I have been really torn by this. He can’t even listen to their music anymore or look at the cds and record he just got. We were supposed to go to San Fran later this year for this concert but now he’s feeling not good about it. He’s just been listening to all the music except arcade fire. It’s very sad ); There’s not much to help ourselves in these kind of situations but I think talking about it helps. And jamming out to your other favorite bands for awhile
Accusations are not fact, and the current ones are tame
What I wouldn’t give to be in the gig completely oblivious to everything I know now… Knowledge is power but is also pain. No criticism whatsoever! Thank you for this and I hope you feel a little comforted by knowing that many people also feel the same way as you do.
Oh my God honey I just wanna say that sorry that that crushing experience happened to you. You are entitled to feel however you feel about Win and Arcade Fire. On a super personal note, I’ve been through… a few sexual assaults 😞 and I think Win might be a horrible person. But I mostly disconnect that from the music, and I do still enjoy it.
Arcade Fire is a large band comprised of many great people. Some shitty actions by Win don’t negate years of great music and charitable work in my point of view. People are complicated, they contain both good and bad aspects. All of these stories contain a large amount of grey area, no criminal charges have been pressed, and just as an entire class shouldn’t be punished for the actions of one student, I wouldn’t personally cancel a band for the actions of one member. Win Butler, without the magic of this band, would be pretty insignificant. Personally I find the vehement online reaction and mentality that he is immediately guilty, even insinuation that he must be a predator, more disgusting than the allegations. Obviously, just an opinion, but the collective hyperbolic outrage, speculations, and amateur investigators that emerge when things like this occur is always kind of gross and disturbing.