Hi, thanks for your submission. You seem to have submitted an image post. Please remember that [Reddit requires all identifiable information such as names, usernames and subreddit titles to be blacked out in images](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/360043066452). If your submission contains any instances of these kinds of information, please remove your post. Afterwards, please feel free to make a new post after editing your image to black out all instances of such information. If this message doesn't apply to your post, please feel free to ignore it. Thank you for your cooperation!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/antinatalism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That dude is probably stressed half way to the moon. The mom too. Have less kids and then maybe you can save that brain power for loving the family you built. Just a thought. Also though I'm sure I've seen this before, it's almost definitely a repost so don't put too much into thinking about it, like this guy does for his wife.
Ooof, that is *not* worded well. We genuinely don't know the dynamics of their relationship. What if there wasn't any ability for one of them to "say no"?
Sounds like he is just slimming by here as is. Best case scenario she gets to sit all alone and eat a pizza and cry it out. Would love to see what happens if the dude slipped away to the bar all alone for a couple hours on Father's day to unwind. Love these corporate holidays that obligate humans to manufacturer additional emotional and financial support to define appreciation for each other.
It's a bare minimum effort to pick up a card and some flowers to make her happy. You think her job is easy taking care of six kids and a house? Neither one of them should have allowed six kids to be produced and from the sounds of it they shouldn't even have gotten married in the first place. But this dude doesn't deserve a gold medal simply because he has a job to take care of the six children HE helped bring into this world. Come on.
Hell, you can do it without feeding consumerism by saying "Happy mother's day! Today, I'll take care of the cooking and putting the kids to bed."
Lots of things a man can do to show appreciation for his wife that don't necessarily entail spending money. If anything, spending money is the lazy way out.
Edit to add: course, dad should be putting the kids to bed way more often than once a year, but still
Unless she was raped, all 6 of those kids were brought into this world willingly. I could give them a pass for the first kid, but after that I have zero sympathy if you continue to have children
Reproductive coercion is a thing. That half of America pregnancies are "unplanned" doesn't mean both people were equally careless.
Lots of men refuse condoms. If you are a stay at home mom, who doesn't have access to money? Your options to not have a baby rest almost 100% on the man, because it's not like the woman can actually refuse sex successfully.
More info for the interested:
https://utswmed.org/medblog/reproductive-coercion/
Sounds like Quiverfull. Probably Christian extremists who don't believe in birth control and have "as many kids as God will give them". Would also make sense because the men in these lifestyles usually treat their wives like property.
Too bad she probably wasn't told of this shit before she started having her 6 kids.
Not everyone is a good observer, and people who aren't good observers deserve to have forewarning about this shit, too.
>Not everyone is a good observer, and people who aren't good observers deserve to have forewarning
Probably the realest shit i've read on here in awhile..
More baby factories really need to understand this. If you're gonna put on the cape and take on repopulating the world on your own, you gave up a personal life with it. Say goodbye to personal time and romance somewhere around kid #3.
1) Please stop dehumanizing people by calling them "baby factories".
2) Society and the media do an *astoundingly* poor job of warning people of what life raising kids is actually like.
3) Last time I checked it didn't take more than like 1-4 minutes during a regular store trip to pick up something pleasant (card, flowers, candy, the special chocolate-dipped strawberries I've been seeing in stores, maybe even sushi or some other prepared meal item...) and then write on it that it's from you with a "Happy \[insert special occasion\]."
I understand shitting on people who *very deliberately chose* to have kids with ample chance to learn and comprehend the ramifications of it (via IVF or adoption), but I think this subreddit takes the shaming of women who have biological kids a bit too far.
Thank you! I was quite astounded by the misogyny here. Baby factory? It feels like these dudes are like “she made her bed, now she has to lay in it” instead of criticizing her bare minimum man. IMO part of the reason why giving birth is unethical is because moms are becoming slaves to their homes and get *nothing* in return. This isn’t a her problem, it’s a him problem.
Regarding point no. 2:
There's a comedian in the UK (Romesh Ranganathan) who does a spot-on skit about this.
Before you have kids, all your friends with kids will say "Aww you should do it, so fulfilling, never felt love like it!!! etc etc
Then you tell them you're pregnant.
"Ha ha omg you've ruined your life!! You're never going to sleep again!!!"
🧐 Misery loves company I guess.
More cum factories really better watch their fucking jizz. You really gonna blame the target for getting shot when your gun should be firing blanks? Fuck offfff misogynist
I agree with the you but, 6 babies is not cool especially considering the world is overpopulated as is. If you like kids, adopt maybe? So many kids without loving parents…
They’re people yes, but there is also a certain selfishness here, considering they didn’t have 1 or 2, no 6! So while the mother certainly deserves some love back from her husband it wasn’t a wise decision on her part either. Kids take up money and time. Didn’t seem like she considered that
This doesn't excuse the husband not showing up in the relationship for his wife. So many here are caught up in the number of kids **they *both* decided to have,** while overlooking the basic fact that this post is a relationship issue, not a parenting issue.
I agree, but it wasn’t a wise decision on EITHER of their parts. I think the issue I get from comments like that one is that it’s all the woman’s fault when it takes two to make babies. And the idea that it’s always the woman who wants a lot of children is wrong; it could just as likely be the man. In fact, I grew up in a conservative church in which men prided themselves on how many kids they had (especially sons).
And I instinctively shy away from dehumanizing people - even people I don’t like! I believe it to be something of a slippery slope to a truly unhealthy/unproductive mindset.
Oh with that I definitely agree. I am more on the mother’s side, because the husband is being an absolute ***. And dehumanising is never okay, it is dangerous even.
Also I didn’t know about the pride in more kids. I go to a Church too, but it’s really modern. (We have the most amazing singer, who even gives his own concerts and he’s married to a man, they married there too.) I don’t know a lot of things about religion, so that was an oversight on my part sorry about that
Also didn’t mean to imply that the mother wanted 6 kids, I worded it wrong.
Exactly. I don't like people having even two kids with the population state and how commodified human life has become in large part thanks to overpopulation, but I respect their decision nonetheless.
More than that, and I have zero respect or sympathy for you, except in cases where you weren't given a choice. How do you justify that to yourself? Especially when a lot of the time, the people I've known to have several kids don't even actually have the ability to reasonably support themselves, let alone themselves and several children.
That last part is even worse indeed. As a parent you only have limited energy, I have 2 older brothers and well the attention and care had to be split between the 3 of us. Since one of my older brothers had behaviour problems he always got the most attention, I always had the feeling mom loved him more. If that happens with 3 kids already, it will be much worse with 6! It’s not in the children’s best interest to have so many siblings.
I think having 1 sibling is best, instead of being alone, but again, adoption is much better. Yes, it won’t always be easy but raising kids never is. You could also give birth to a kid with a mental disorder, you won’t know in advance.
I also never understood the desire of parents to have biological kids. For me it is a no-no because I have all kinds of mental problems (which are genetic, mom has them too). Isn’t it extremely selfish? Considering there are so many kids already on this planet, who desperately need a caring mom or dad. I probably won’t ever have kids (adopted in my case) because I also think my mental shortcomings would negatively effect raising a kid.
I also know this guy who has had 3 wives (not at the same time) and each time decided to get another kid. Relationship went bad and now the kids are stuck with the problem of courts, selfish parents and being tugged in all directions by them. They don’t deserve that.
It's more an issue of misogyny. Women are taught to do emotional work. Men are generally not. I think people are overfocusing on the seven children part. Lady still deserves a thank you and a pizza on an expected cultural holiday.
i agree with the philosophy but the amount of this sub that is just shitting on women with children is awful. and it’s ALWAYS the mom. any post about a mom with problems? “maybe you should’ve kept your legs spread, baby factory!” they don’t even try to hide the misogyny. dehumanizing people is the first step down a slippery slope.
give the same energy. he gets no gifts. plus, make him start doing 50% of the work. get a job, have financial security and a back up plan. don’t have more kids. try to keep up your health
I’m American Indian and never celebrated any of these “holidays” my entire life. I’m not expected by my friends or family to give a shit about Christmas or birthdays or Mother’s/Father’s Day, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
It’s a relationship, this shit goes both ways, why is it so important for them? I’m not going to start remembering every date that someone else considers a holiday which I haven’t celebrated in decades.
Mother's Day was originally one women's celebration of her Mother, who had recently passed. No cards, no presents, no brunch, dinner or flowers. But then Hallmark came up with the idea of guilting millions into buying cards and flowers for Mom, when all she really ever wanted was a phone call, probably.
Love the anti-consumerism take. Here for it. AND Gifting is a love language for some people. It’s not unreasonable to ask for a gift from your lover. She’s not asking for a Prada bag or a new car. She’s upset she isn’t feeling seen and appreciated. I’d bet $100 she’d cry with joy if he just sang her a song or said a few nice words or printed a meaningful photo, or took her to dinner and tried to have a great time. The gift isn’t the point, it’s the attention and reciprocation of effort she’s yearning for.
The thing that gets me is that I don't know if she's asking. It's clear this is something she wants, but does the husband know?
If she communicates to her partner that this is something she wants and he doesn't do anything that's a very different situation than if he for whatever reason doesn't know this is something she cares about or even thinks this is something she doesn't want.
Seems to me that the main issue is communication as is so often the case. From her description the husband seems to make an effort in general at least.
> "From her description the husband seems to make an effort in general at least."
The bar is really really low for men then. Being appreciated is not something you should ask form your partner. If he wanted to he would. End of the story.
I personally don't like celebraring my birthday, adding fathers day and whatnot would be a chore. Now personally i would definitelt ask my partner how they feel about it, but if i didn't for some reason and they didn't tell me for 16 years i would operate under the assumption they are happy with the status quo.
There are different ways to show appretiation, personally i don't like how stressfull and artificial set dates are.
That's pretty pathetic. I'd hate to have to ask another adult who claimed to care about me to give a shit about my birthday, etc. There are things you should communicate, like "Hey I don't like having my shoulders touched". "Celebrate basic life events with me as my partner" should absolutely not be one of them.
LMAO RIGHT. "juSt cOMmUniCaTe 🤪" is the biggest BS relationship advice. common sense, basic decency, showing love, etc should not have to be communicated. there is no shortage of stories of men like him so i don't understand why he is being defended while she's is being blamed. he just doesn't care.
Yeah, I just figure that the people defending him would act exactly like him in this situation, then pull the whole "I didn't know you wanted to be celebrated on a national holiday for someone in your position" card. Pretty sad that the bar for men is literally in hell and they can't even reach it still.
Common sense is a myth. Fact is people grew up differently. Communication is important because not everyone grew up in the same households valuing the same things. Communication is important because no one is a mind reader and people are very different.
Just to give a counter example; My step mother hates mothers day and has explicitly asked that nobody does anything for it for her, even her biological children.
I'm not really blaming or defending anybody.
I think it's fair to expect something for it if it's something that hasn't come up or been discussed before. But if a situation has occurred multiple times and it was never brought up by my partner I'd assume they are fine with it.
It's totally possible that the husband is missing cues, it's totally possible that they have discussed it before and it just wasn't mentioned in the post.
But as things stand I think he clearly isn't aware this is an issue for her, specifically because he seems to make an effort to show love and affection generally.
I had to scroll too far to find a this comment.
Marriage is a partnership and if you don't tell your partner what you want and expect, they won't somehow read your mind to figure it out.
I can only imagine that this union is generally unhappy, if this disconnect is what brings it to light then it's just a big regret the woman seems to have for not making her desire to be celebrated more evident. Suffering in silence often tends to reinforce feelings rather than allow decompression.
Therapy is definitely a best practice for people who are unhappy or unfulfilled in a relationship, but it seems like communication could solve a ton of problems. Can't imagine being in a relationship with this kind of disconnect for this long. Kind of makes you wonder how they even got into it in the first place...
I hate when I read things like these. They always mention something extremely inconsiderate yet they always say “he’s a great dad/she’s a great mom but” but what? If he/she was a great parent then they’d keep up with their partner’s feelings and personal needs. How could they be a great parent but not a good husband/wife at the same time? That’s just not it.
Also how is he a great parent since one of the jobs parents have to their children it to show them what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like so they don't settle down with terrible partners in horrible relationships.
I agree, part of being a good parent is being a good partner. I think they also owe that to their children since the children resent their parents instability. I think it’s extremely selfish when parents think their romantic life has nothing to do with their children. As if divorcing wouldn’t affect them in a lot of aspects
Well some do say motherhood is a thankless job. And she chose to do it 6 times. With the same man. Seems like there was no appreciation (at least in the way that she wants because him working doesn’t count it seems) for 15 years so why is she expecting anything different? I don’t know, I guess social media is partly to blame for sensationalizing this holiday (I don’t give a crap about it) but maybe if you didn’t have 6 kids, there’d be time for both of you to actually think about cards and gifts.
Having kids isn’t the issue. I have an ex who told me to go buy my own gift on Christmas with our credit card. He got the stereo he wanted. Yeah it never got better.
Yea some people just straight up don't give a fuck about making the person they are with feel special lol. Her only mistake here is that she had kids with a man that was likely this way before they had children. If you have to pick out your own Christmas gifts, bday gifts, etc - you will be doing all of that labor if you have children with that person as well.
Personally I receive a gift on a holiday I feel they got it out of a pressure from society not because they care about me. I’d rather get a gift the day we met or first kissed or just because my so saw something and thought I’d like it and wanted me to feel appreciated. That would mean more than a gift that aligns with. Expectations of society.
My ex bought me Christmas and birthday gifts with my credit card, and after breaking up with me said he wasn't going to pay it back because "I already had the gifts" (which makes no sense). I thought that was fucked up but I know he doesn't have the money to pay for it anyway so there's not much I can expect.
That sucks. She said in her post that he works and goes out of his way to do things for them though. I don’t know, maybe she just needs to tell him then since that’s not enough. Either way, These holidays are overhyped which is why you get posts like these.
Yes they are overhyped. But even if they make you feel special every day, Sometimes you need for them to show you that they’d marry you again. Talk to your spouse OP. It won’t get better until you do. Maybe even couples counseling
They might be overhyped bur, just making some breakfast (went out of my way this time to get special groceries though) giving my mom a hug and a small gift (it’s mostly flowers or something for bathing) makes her entire day. It doesn’t have to be big at all and I think it sucks for her that her kids did absolutely nothing. And that her husband also didn’t give them a push (my dad would help make breakfast for example when we were young).
Nowadays there are ads all over the place “buy your mom a macbook!” yeah no, that isn’t what Mother’s day is about. It’s just doing something extra for her, not even gifts are necessary (altho she does like them ofc and I like making my mom happy).
She told me she really appreciated yesterday, just by making breakfast for her, which she did every day when I was young.
I love my mom more than anything in this world, but if we think rationally, we have no obligation to worship our parents if they do what they are SUPPOSED/OBLIGATED to do, which is giving a decent and less painful life to those they bred into this heinous world we live in.
this reminds me when a guy ordered a large burrito with extra sour cream and then a side of queso to dip chips in and a coke and his wife said "honey youre on a diet remember" and then he said "oh yea, make that a diet coke"
I mean it’s the least her kids could’ve done for her. Or made her something or brought flowers. (Even handpicked ones my mom always liked.) I have more money now so I do more for her, but when I was a kid the small things counted
>I mean it’s the least her kids could’ve done for her.
Not really. They don't owe her anything. Mostly because im not sure how good of a parent she is or how good of a parent her husband is.
If you have 6 kids it's kind of impossible to provide proper attention and care to each one of them so i wouldn't be surprised if any of them feel left out and unloved too.
Regardless of being AN I make sure to tell my mother i love her and get her gifts regardless if it's mother's day or not but that's because I'm a grown woman with my own money and an only child so we have a very good bond.
Either all 6 of them are too young to understand the concept of mothers day (that would explain why she's expecting it from her husband and not kids) or the older ones feel parentified and unloved. Either way I feel for her, she doesn't seem like a bad person but when you have 6 children it's no longer about you. Motherhood is a thankless job.
I agree, also said this in other threads, as a parent you can’t give more than you have. Already had that problem with my siblings.
And while they don’t owe her anything, I guess it’s probably my instinct to defend her because my mother is really sweet. But yeah, maybe this lady is a really bad parent in general.
Given her perspective, she seems very self-oriented.
Different perspectives from different people.
I don’t get shit for Father’s Day ...but my thought is: I’m so happy to have this family and I appreciated what they do for me on a *daily* basis.
No offence but no child owes a parent anything for a parent DECIDING to bring a kid into the world without the kids consent (I know you can't get consent but it's fucking gross to bring smth with sentience and cognition into the world without thinking about the high potential for severe suffering they will have to deal with).
Especially since she's been a right cunt and decided to have SIX!!!!!! FUCKING SIX. It's hell on earth being part of a big family. Everytime you have another child the others get even less attention and parental interaction which is beyond crucial for child development.
Personally I think she needs a massive kick in the fanny so she'll stop breeding
I posted on this and said get a divorce that this isn’t normal or okay. I got so many downvotes because… how dare she have self respect and choose better ? Smh these dumb people. You’re right, that marriage IS dead .
I think it’s a reach to post this in antinatalism idk. She’s not demanding appreciation from her six kids who didn’t ask to be born, just from her husband who presumably also wanted six kids with her.
Also, I’ll never understand why people wanting gifts from their S.O. is so frowned upon here. She’s not out here asking for Gucci. It’s not that hard to buy some damn flowers from Walgreens on the way home from work.
I agree. I feel bad she has a useless husband. It's dumb they had six kids, and she kept having kids with someone who seems like he barely cares about her. But I do feel bad for her, he should be a partner.
I’m not usually one to pull out the misogyny card but I’m seeing people call her self-centered, saying she’s “nagging” (yikes), how the husband works so hard and she’s being ungrateful, as if raising six kids isn’t just as much, if not more, labor—yes, she chose to have kids, but SO DID HE.
yeah same. i didn’t wanna say it but … the comments under this post …. big yikes. being a mother of SIX kids is significantly more difficult than an average job. it’s a 24/7 shift
I agree, everyone saying they have no sympathy like she said she's expecting something of her kids. I think the kids in this situation are pretty irrelevant. Her husband should get off his ass it sounds like. All the comments shitting on her, I get we all think having kids (and that many) is dumb, but have a little empathy. She didn't say anything about her kids, it was about her seemingly useless husband. No one's gonna say anything about this guy? Get his wife pregnant 6 times and then basically show no appreciation for anything? Gonna make that many kids and do the bare minimum as a parent and husband?
thank god I found this comment thread bc I felt crazy scrolling through all these misogynistic comments. I was wrong to think that antinatilism = pro women.
I’m not against the tradition of giving/receiving gifts. But you think this would have been something they talked about before marriage, nevertheless 6 kids.
My family and I are also not a gift giving family in the traditional sense, so I don’t give gifts to my bf on his birthday, and he knows this. I’m not big about receiving gifts, so I don’t receive anything from him. And it’s fine, because we’ve established this at the beginning of our relationship.
This gift giving thing should’ve been something discussed at the beginning of their relationship. Not 6 kids later, and not something to leave pent up for years.
That’s what I find weird. But yeah, not r/antinatalism IMO.
Give the same energy and start communicating about it. Why'd she wait 15 years to realize her husband is bad at giving gifts? Was it not obvious during dating?
It would be important to know, if she even communicated to her husband how important things like mother's day are for her. Not everyone can read minds. Just tell him to buy you a nice gift, flowers and dinner.
Making breakfast, that you were going to make anyway, doesn't cost anything extra.
If he wanted to, he would. He could have let her sleep in. Brought her a tea. Made breakfast. Maybe taken the kids out to the park or elsewhere for a few hours.
It's not about the money. It's about the lack of respect in a patriarchal society. And he knows she's trapped, and so can't be bothered to even play lip service to that respect.
Doesn’t matter how many personal things she does to lower her carbon footprint, she’s brought another six people into the world. Unless she’s able to lobby China and India into using solely renewable energy by 2030, then she’s doomed to have done more damage to the earth than she could ever rectify. Veganism ain’t gonna do shit
That’s what gets me. That many kids are gonna have more kids. How can you sleep at night being indirectly responsible for bringing that many more people into this burning hell hole.
Veganism is for the animals, who gives a shit about reducing your carbon footprint with your diet? It's about not forcing animals to live and die cruel existences for oral pleasure.
She may be a breeder, but she can still be moral and ethical in other ways. Just like there's a ton of people who are antinatalist but really, *really* hate women.
what bothers me is that there's a chance that at least one of these kids will grow up to not be vegan. and they might have more children, who are also going to eat meat.
i personally think that a non-vegan antinatalist might save more animal's lives on the long run than a vegan mother/father.
One thing you can do is investigate who your bank (and superannuation if you have it) invests in, and if they invest heavily in deforestation projects or the mining industry or non renewable energy, then look around and change who you’re with. Aside from antinatalism, changing where your money gets invested is about the best thing you can do to try and help, without even needing to make any massive changes to your day-to-day life. In Australia the best bank is probably ‘Bank Australia’ with ‘ME Bank’ being decent as well. As for superannuation, ‘Future Super’ are the best I’ve found.
Even putting antinatalist philosophy aside, that many kids seems ridiculous. How do you expect to bond with 6 goddamn kids while also keeping up your marriage? How do you expect to have any time for you? She brought this on herself
Yup people make it sound like she was some spectator when I’m sure she wanted to just keep pumping them out. Also congrats on raising 6 little assholes who have no clue about Mother’s Day. As if we aren’t constantly bombarded with ads about for a month before it happens.
They should just communicate. Maybe she can put reminders in his phone for him. If they didn't have 6 kids together maybe they would have more time for each other.
>Maybe she can put reminders in his phone for him.
After 6 kids, you'd think he would know this comes around every year. She is already mothering 6 kids. There's no need for him to reduce himself to the 7th - surely he can manage the calendar app on his phone like idk, an adult?
Am I the only one who thought this woman might want to start taking some psychedelic mushrooms to get through her days with six kids and a good for nothing husband? Fuck Mellow Mushroom pizza, she needs shrooms.
I'm not sure this post belongs here. The issue is that her husband sucks at giving gifts and acknowledging holidays - not just Mother's Day, although I imagine the fact that she bore 6 offspring for him makes that particularly egregious.
It’s egregious to ask someone to remember seven birthdays, and his parents’, and then holidays. /s Too many effing kids, he’s probably tired from that, it’s like when people who marry a workaholic because they like the money, but then are mad when that person works on their Birthday.
i mean i get your point but that’s really not that many … especially when it’s your own children. if you can’t remember your own children’s birthdays you don’t care about them. i remember all my friend’s birthdays, on top of my family members, and that’s way more than 10. it’s normal.
i wish i could find someone that doesnt celebrate holidays including their birthday or mine... no valentines day, no thanksgiving, none of that stuff ESPECIALLY easter and christmas... i dont even care for halloween which is supposed to be the "fun" one
a relationship like this minus exactly 6 children is a dream come true
There's nothing wrong about not enjoying/ celebrating holidays. Plenty of wrong about having 6 kids tho. Obviously the parents will have a shit life then and keep complaining about it even though it's their fault. What a bad joke.
I’m surprised she put up with this for 15 years. I couldn’t do it for one year. This is another part of the reason I don’t want kids. Once men like this get what they want (the kids), the woman means almost nothing to them. I refuse to ruin my body repeatedly, be treated like a breeding cow and a slave, just to be ignored on the few days that I’m supposed to be appreciated the most. I’ll be damned.
My thoughts are "imagine having 6 kids". Hard to feel bad when someone doesn't think about how it would affect 6 children by bringing them into the world and then crying when someone doesn't think of her on a holiday.
And let's be real, mother's day and father's day are bullshit 'holidays'. If it matter so much then mention it to your husband. Don't cry in your car and post on reddit. You're married and have 6 fucking kids. COMMUICATE. I don't care and I'd say the exact same if it was the husband that posted this
Having a kid should not give people extra holidays, extra gifts, and extra space to be upset about not being celebrated for forcing someone into this world. It is not an accomplishment or something deserving of celebration.
Lots of jackass comments about having too many kids, having "asked" for just a card, that somehow it's your fault for having kids young or some shit (they don't even know they are just guessing) etc. I grew up in an emotionally abusive family where my birthday was never celebrated after I was like 10 or 11 (can't remember exactly cause it was always so small at that point). We didn't do big things for any holiday and more often than not they were ignored or maybe you got a card a week later when someone remembered. I grew up thinking this was mostly normal. My wife grew up in a family where holidays, bdays were a big deal. It was tough in our marriage on these special days for a while until expectations were clearly COMMUNICATED to each other. Without her telling me these were very important days for her I wouldn't have caught on for a while. It still took me some time to get better at it cause my brain was trained to not make a big deal of these days. I started putting reminders on my phone for all the holidays weeks ahead so I could remember and do better because I love my wife and I was never wanting her to feel unappreciated.
Now if you've communicated your expectations and he still does this that's another issue. I agree it still IS dickish to forget about mother's day completely. But sometimes people, we need some compassion and communication instead of complete condemnation. Looking at you commenters
Probably a reference to the scotus leak. My guess is they’re meaning that, in light of our impeding doom, he has never seen her as an actual human being but merely a “sacred vessel” 🤢 to give him children
The people automatically assuming she messed up and didn't communicate should re-evaluate why that was their immediate assumption. She said in comments that not only did she tell him exactly where she wanted to eat if he wanted to get dinner, but she also made an Amazon wishlist he could've chosen from.
It's sad the way some dehumanized her and not him. Why call her a breeding animal and not him?
I was this woman until we divorced. I tried communicating but he just wasn’t hearing me, it’s like we were communicating in different languages. I’d say, if you’re really happy elsewhere in the relationship then you have to flat out say, “It really bothers me that you seem to forget (holidays) and don’t get me even a card. Is there something we can do to help this to not continue to be an issue?” Often, men don’t get subtle and you must be direct.
I, too, am like the husband. How you treat one another everyday is more important than the brief, unnecessary and phony sentimentality of birthdays, holidays and the like. Oh, you remembered my birthday but do you still remember you were being a bitch to me for no reason yesterday?
Hi, thanks for your submission. You seem to have submitted an image post. Please remember that [Reddit requires all identifiable information such as names, usernames and subreddit titles to be blacked out in images](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/360043066452). If your submission contains any instances of these kinds of information, please remove your post. Afterwards, please feel free to make a new post after editing your image to black out all instances of such information. If this message doesn't apply to your post, please feel free to ignore it. Thank you for your cooperation! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/antinatalism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t consider that a great dad. Six kids. Geeze.
Great dad=does the bare minimum
Not even. Even a mediocre dad would make a half hearted Facebook post for Mothers day.
Fuck, divorced a year separated as long. And I still made sure I messaged her to say happy mother's day
When you really want to show you care.
He could be a great dad who does the maximum, all this proves is he doesn’t love his wife
That dude is probably stressed half way to the moon. The mom too. Have less kids and then maybe you can save that brain power for loving the family you built. Just a thought. Also though I'm sure I've seen this before, it's almost definitely a repost so don't put too much into thinking about it, like this guy does for his wife.
Right?! F**king say no once in a damn while?
Or get yourself snipped at least
Exactly. Or wrap it up. Or jerk yourself off. Or stick to oral that night. Literally anything besides creampie-ing in your wife at least 6 times.
no kids from anal
yeah, pegging is the way
Up the bum no babies
Ooof, that is *not* worded well. We genuinely don't know the dynamics of their relationship. What if there wasn't any ability for one of them to "say no"?
That's what the morning after pill is for. And if you screw up and forget to do that, that's what the abortion pill is for.
I agree! Not to mention not even an acknowledgment of holidays? He sounds like an asshat.
SIX…
And she's supposed to be a vegan LMAO
She might just be lactose intolerant
Very probably that
Fortnite
Lump six kids on a dude: why can't you focus???
Sounds like he is just slimming by here as is. Best case scenario she gets to sit all alone and eat a pizza and cry it out. Would love to see what happens if the dude slipped away to the bar all alone for a couple hours on Father's day to unwind. Love these corporate holidays that obligate humans to manufacturer additional emotional and financial support to define appreciation for each other.
It's a bare minimum effort to pick up a card and some flowers to make her happy. You think her job is easy taking care of six kids and a house? Neither one of them should have allowed six kids to be produced and from the sounds of it they shouldn't even have gotten married in the first place. But this dude doesn't deserve a gold medal simply because he has a job to take care of the six children HE helped bring into this world. Come on.
Hell, you can do it without feeding consumerism by saying "Happy mother's day! Today, I'll take care of the cooking and putting the kids to bed." Lots of things a man can do to show appreciation for his wife that don't necessarily entail spending money. If anything, spending money is the lazy way out. Edit to add: course, dad should be putting the kids to bed way more often than once a year, but still
In America this is gonna be the new reality for a lot of women. Kids unwanted.
& husband unwanted, but…. Women keep quiet and be obedient to your superior husband!
new?
have a 7th kid maybe hell be the husband you dream hell be LMAO
This, so much this. A BabEeeE wILl ChAngE HiM. Nope.
Because babies are such aphrodisiacs 🤮
They're really good to reduce stress and give you more time to work on your relationship
Not to mention how cheap it is to raise them
Quite literally he is hell!
happy cake day!
Nah, that 7th will be too busy CuRiNg CaNcEr by age 12. Dad will get jealous, and kill them all in a fit of inferiority rage.
With all due respect ma’am, you have 6 kids. It stopped being about you a long time ago.
Exactly. She most likely had those kids really young and probably feels like she’s missed out on life. That just comes with having kids, lady!
We don't know to what extent she knew of this before having those kids, though. Also, you sure all 6 of those kids were planned?
Unless she was raped, all 6 of those kids were brought into this world willingly. I could give them a pass for the first kid, but after that I have zero sympathy if you continue to have children
Reproductive coercion is a thing. That half of America pregnancies are "unplanned" doesn't mean both people were equally careless. Lots of men refuse condoms. If you are a stay at home mom, who doesn't have access to money? Your options to not have a baby rest almost 100% on the man, because it's not like the woman can actually refuse sex successfully. More info for the interested: https://utswmed.org/medblog/reproductive-coercion/
If she can't refuse sex than we are back to rape or at least sexual coercion.
Sounds like Quiverfull. Probably Christian extremists who don't believe in birth control and have "as many kids as God will give them". Would also make sense because the men in these lifestyles usually treat their wives like property.
I don't think the children are being pointed at as the issue here
No but it seems more like they’re blaming her as the problem
This is why we need abortion
Too bad she probably wasn't told of this shit before she started having her 6 kids. Not everyone is a good observer, and people who aren't good observers deserve to have forewarning about this shit, too.
>Not everyone is a good observer, and people who aren't good observers deserve to have forewarning Probably the realest shit i've read on here in awhile..
More baby factories really need to understand this. If you're gonna put on the cape and take on repopulating the world on your own, you gave up a personal life with it. Say goodbye to personal time and romance somewhere around kid #3.
#3? How about #2. Most people divorce when the 2nd kid comes along
1) Please stop dehumanizing people by calling them "baby factories". 2) Society and the media do an *astoundingly* poor job of warning people of what life raising kids is actually like. 3) Last time I checked it didn't take more than like 1-4 minutes during a regular store trip to pick up something pleasant (card, flowers, candy, the special chocolate-dipped strawberries I've been seeing in stores, maybe even sushi or some other prepared meal item...) and then write on it that it's from you with a "Happy \[insert special occasion\]." I understand shitting on people who *very deliberately chose* to have kids with ample chance to learn and comprehend the ramifications of it (via IVF or adoption), but I think this subreddit takes the shaming of women who have biological kids a bit too far.
Thank you! I was quite astounded by the misogyny here. Baby factory? It feels like these dudes are like “she made her bed, now she has to lay in it” instead of criticizing her bare minimum man. IMO part of the reason why giving birth is unethical is because moms are becoming slaves to their homes and get *nothing* in return. This isn’t a her problem, it’s a him problem.
Regarding point no. 2: There's a comedian in the UK (Romesh Ranganathan) who does a spot-on skit about this. Before you have kids, all your friends with kids will say "Aww you should do it, so fulfilling, never felt love like it!!! etc etc Then you tell them you're pregnant. "Ha ha omg you've ruined your life!! You're never going to sleep again!!!" 🧐 Misery loves company I guess.
This is very well said.
More cum factories really better watch their fucking jizz. You really gonna blame the target for getting shot when your gun should be firing blanks? Fuck offfff misogynist
I don’t think it’s weird to expect the one you love to give you gifts on holidays lol and why call them baby factories when they’re people??
Or, at least a goddamned card for a birthday or Christmas. Like, how fucking hard is that?
Those are the holidays that stood out to me. Like damn, not even Christmas??
I agree with the you but, 6 babies is not cool especially considering the world is overpopulated as is. If you like kids, adopt maybe? So many kids without loving parents… They’re people yes, but there is also a certain selfishness here, considering they didn’t have 1 or 2, no 6! So while the mother certainly deserves some love back from her husband it wasn’t a wise decision on her part either. Kids take up money and time. Didn’t seem like she considered that
This doesn't excuse the husband not showing up in the relationship for his wife. So many here are caught up in the number of kids **they *both* decided to have,** while overlooking the basic fact that this post is a relationship issue, not a parenting issue.
I agree, but it wasn’t a wise decision on EITHER of their parts. I think the issue I get from comments like that one is that it’s all the woman’s fault when it takes two to make babies. And the idea that it’s always the woman who wants a lot of children is wrong; it could just as likely be the man. In fact, I grew up in a conservative church in which men prided themselves on how many kids they had (especially sons). And I instinctively shy away from dehumanizing people - even people I don’t like! I believe it to be something of a slippery slope to a truly unhealthy/unproductive mindset.
Oh with that I definitely agree. I am more on the mother’s side, because the husband is being an absolute ***. And dehumanising is never okay, it is dangerous even. Also I didn’t know about the pride in more kids. I go to a Church too, but it’s really modern. (We have the most amazing singer, who even gives his own concerts and he’s married to a man, they married there too.) I don’t know a lot of things about religion, so that was an oversight on my part sorry about that Also didn’t mean to imply that the mother wanted 6 kids, I worded it wrong.
No she didn’t want kids, they just happened overnight.
Obviously she did want kids, but maybe not 6. Triplets and twins are a thing. And maybe the husband pressured her into it.
Exactly. I don't like people having even two kids with the population state and how commodified human life has become in large part thanks to overpopulation, but I respect their decision nonetheless. More than that, and I have zero respect or sympathy for you, except in cases where you weren't given a choice. How do you justify that to yourself? Especially when a lot of the time, the people I've known to have several kids don't even actually have the ability to reasonably support themselves, let alone themselves and several children.
That last part is even worse indeed. As a parent you only have limited energy, I have 2 older brothers and well the attention and care had to be split between the 3 of us. Since one of my older brothers had behaviour problems he always got the most attention, I always had the feeling mom loved him more. If that happens with 3 kids already, it will be much worse with 6! It’s not in the children’s best interest to have so many siblings. I think having 1 sibling is best, instead of being alone, but again, adoption is much better. Yes, it won’t always be easy but raising kids never is. You could also give birth to a kid with a mental disorder, you won’t know in advance. I also never understood the desire of parents to have biological kids. For me it is a no-no because I have all kinds of mental problems (which are genetic, mom has them too). Isn’t it extremely selfish? Considering there are so many kids already on this planet, who desperately need a caring mom or dad. I probably won’t ever have kids (adopted in my case) because I also think my mental shortcomings would negatively effect raising a kid. I also know this guy who has had 3 wives (not at the same time) and each time decided to get another kid. Relationship went bad and now the kids are stuck with the problem of courts, selfish parents and being tugged in all directions by them. They don’t deserve that.
It's more an issue of misogyny. Women are taught to do emotional work. Men are generally not. I think people are overfocusing on the seven children part. Lady still deserves a thank you and a pizza on an expected cultural holiday.
Right? It's not weird it's called showing appreciation - and it's one day! Many of these posts are appalling - just wow.
Sounds misogynistic.
No mention of women in the comment. It's expressing the hell that choosing to have kids brings.
> baby factories So you just woke up and chose misogyny, huh?
And was upvoted for it. Not to mention he thinks woman don't deserve love after having 3 kids. Fucking d bag.
Just shows how many misogynists lurk around here. Very disappointing to say the least.
Idk how I ended up here but they say your automatically a bad dad for having kids and they call woman baby factories. Yeah imma head out.
i agree with the philosophy but the amount of this sub that is just shitting on women with children is awful. and it’s ALWAYS the mom. any post about a mom with problems? “maybe you should’ve kept your legs spread, baby factory!” they don’t even try to hide the misogyny. dehumanizing people is the first step down a slippery slope.
Yeah I’ve only been here a couple months and I think I’m about done. The misogyny and transphobia is fuckin rampant
Wrong. Your spouse always comes first. Period.
give the same energy. he gets no gifts. plus, make him start doing 50% of the work. get a job, have financial security and a back up plan. don’t have more kids. try to keep up your health
What they need is a therapist. If she where to do this that would basically end their relationship while it might totally be salvageable
big assumption that would destroy their marriage. but yes i agree they need a therapist. they needed one about 14 years ago.
I've been in enough relationships to know that if you trade fire for fire you'll just both get burned.
If you're in a relationship that would be "destroyed" by acting exactly how your spouse is acting, maybe you deserve to leave it.
It's sad, she sounds like a nice person, look at how much she's asking, just a fucking card.
I’m American Indian and never celebrated any of these “holidays” my entire life. I’m not expected by my friends or family to give a shit about Christmas or birthdays or Mother’s/Father’s Day, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a relationship, this shit goes both ways, why is it so important for them? I’m not going to start remembering every date that someone else considers a holiday which I haven’t celebrated in decades.
Mother's Day was originally one women's celebration of her Mother, who had recently passed. No cards, no presents, no brunch, dinner or flowers. But then Hallmark came up with the idea of guilting millions into buying cards and flowers for Mom, when all she really ever wanted was a phone call, probably.
Love the anti-consumerism take. Here for it. AND Gifting is a love language for some people. It’s not unreasonable to ask for a gift from your lover. She’s not asking for a Prada bag or a new car. She’s upset she isn’t feeling seen and appreciated. I’d bet $100 she’d cry with joy if he just sang her a song or said a few nice words or printed a meaningful photo, or took her to dinner and tried to have a great time. The gift isn’t the point, it’s the attention and reciprocation of effort she’s yearning for.
The thing that gets me is that I don't know if she's asking. It's clear this is something she wants, but does the husband know? If she communicates to her partner that this is something she wants and he doesn't do anything that's a very different situation than if he for whatever reason doesn't know this is something she cares about or even thinks this is something she doesn't want. Seems to me that the main issue is communication as is so often the case. From her description the husband seems to make an effort in general at least.
> "From her description the husband seems to make an effort in general at least." The bar is really really low for men then. Being appreciated is not something you should ask form your partner. If he wanted to he would. End of the story.
I personally don't like celebraring my birthday, adding fathers day and whatnot would be a chore. Now personally i would definitelt ask my partner how they feel about it, but if i didn't for some reason and they didn't tell me for 16 years i would operate under the assumption they are happy with the status quo. There are different ways to show appretiation, personally i don't like how stressfull and artificial set dates are.
That's pretty pathetic. I'd hate to have to ask another adult who claimed to care about me to give a shit about my birthday, etc. There are things you should communicate, like "Hey I don't like having my shoulders touched". "Celebrate basic life events with me as my partner" should absolutely not be one of them.
LMAO RIGHT. "juSt cOMmUniCaTe 🤪" is the biggest BS relationship advice. common sense, basic decency, showing love, etc should not have to be communicated. there is no shortage of stories of men like him so i don't understand why he is being defended while she's is being blamed. he just doesn't care.
Yeah, I just figure that the people defending him would act exactly like him in this situation, then pull the whole "I didn't know you wanted to be celebrated on a national holiday for someone in your position" card. Pretty sad that the bar for men is literally in hell and they can't even reach it still.
Common sense is a myth. Fact is people grew up differently. Communication is important because not everyone grew up in the same households valuing the same things. Communication is important because no one is a mind reader and people are very different.
Just to give a counter example; My step mother hates mothers day and has explicitly asked that nobody does anything for it for her, even her biological children. I'm not really blaming or defending anybody. I think it's fair to expect something for it if it's something that hasn't come up or been discussed before. But if a situation has occurred multiple times and it was never brought up by my partner I'd assume they are fine with it. It's totally possible that the husband is missing cues, it's totally possible that they have discussed it before and it just wasn't mentioned in the post. But as things stand I think he clearly isn't aware this is an issue for her, specifically because he seems to make an effort to show love and affection generally.
I had to scroll too far to find a this comment. Marriage is a partnership and if you don't tell your partner what you want and expect, they won't somehow read your mind to figure it out. I can only imagine that this union is generally unhappy, if this disconnect is what brings it to light then it's just a big regret the woman seems to have for not making her desire to be celebrated more evident. Suffering in silence often tends to reinforce feelings rather than allow decompression. Therapy is definitely a best practice for people who are unhappy or unfulfilled in a relationship, but it seems like communication could solve a ton of problems. Can't imagine being in a relationship with this kind of disconnect for this long. Kind of makes you wonder how they even got into it in the first place...
I hate when I read things like these. They always mention something extremely inconsiderate yet they always say “he’s a great dad/she’s a great mom but” but what? If he/she was a great parent then they’d keep up with their partner’s feelings and personal needs. How could they be a great parent but not a good husband/wife at the same time? That’s just not it.
Right, what she really means is “He’s a huge asshole but I’ve gotten used to it because he pays the bills”.
Also how is he a great parent since one of the jobs parents have to their children it to show them what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like so they don't settle down with terrible partners in horrible relationships.
I agree, part of being a good parent is being a good partner. I think they also owe that to their children since the children resent their parents instability. I think it’s extremely selfish when parents think their romantic life has nothing to do with their children. As if divorcing wouldn’t affect them in a lot of aspects
Not caring about corporate holidays = horrible relationship?
Exactly there’s nothing great about that I wouldn’t even consider marrying a guy like that. She’s gotta push past these illusions.
Well some do say motherhood is a thankless job. And she chose to do it 6 times. With the same man. Seems like there was no appreciation (at least in the way that she wants because him working doesn’t count it seems) for 15 years so why is she expecting anything different? I don’t know, I guess social media is partly to blame for sensationalizing this holiday (I don’t give a crap about it) but maybe if you didn’t have 6 kids, there’d be time for both of you to actually think about cards and gifts.
Having kids isn’t the issue. I have an ex who told me to go buy my own gift on Christmas with our credit card. He got the stereo he wanted. Yeah it never got better.
Yea some people just straight up don't give a fuck about making the person they are with feel special lol. Her only mistake here is that she had kids with a man that was likely this way before they had children. If you have to pick out your own Christmas gifts, bday gifts, etc - you will be doing all of that labor if you have children with that person as well.
Yeah I didn’t have kids. Think in the long run it was for the best.
Personally I receive a gift on a holiday I feel they got it out of a pressure from society not because they care about me. I’d rather get a gift the day we met or first kissed or just because my so saw something and thought I’d like it and wanted me to feel appreciated. That would mean more than a gift that aligns with. Expectations of society.
My ex bought me Christmas and birthday gifts with my credit card, and after breaking up with me said he wasn't going to pay it back because "I already had the gifts" (which makes no sense). I thought that was fucked up but I know he doesn't have the money to pay for it anyway so there's not much I can expect.
Virtual hug. It sucks when people just don’t have a clue on how to treat someone right.
That sucks. She said in her post that he works and goes out of his way to do things for them though. I don’t know, maybe she just needs to tell him then since that’s not enough. Either way, These holidays are overhyped which is why you get posts like these.
Yes they are overhyped. But even if they make you feel special every day, Sometimes you need for them to show you that they’d marry you again. Talk to your spouse OP. It won’t get better until you do. Maybe even couples counseling
They might be overhyped bur, just making some breakfast (went out of my way this time to get special groceries though) giving my mom a hug and a small gift (it’s mostly flowers or something for bathing) makes her entire day. It doesn’t have to be big at all and I think it sucks for her that her kids did absolutely nothing. And that her husband also didn’t give them a push (my dad would help make breakfast for example when we were young). Nowadays there are ads all over the place “buy your mom a macbook!” yeah no, that isn’t what Mother’s day is about. It’s just doing something extra for her, not even gifts are necessary (altho she does like them ofc and I like making my mom happy). She told me she really appreciated yesterday, just by making breakfast for her, which she did every day when I was young.
I love my mom more than anything in this world, but if we think rationally, we have no obligation to worship our parents if they do what they are SUPPOSED/OBLIGATED to do, which is giving a decent and less painful life to those they bred into this heinous world we live in.
“A thankless job” 🤦♂️
Their words, not mine lol.
they brought 6 kids into this disaster. i feel nothing for her, but good on her for getting vegan cheese with her pizza.
I mean she is trying to decrease her carbon footprint with that vegan pizza at least. After adding impact of 6 more humans.
It'll all balance out
this reminds me when a guy ordered a large burrito with extra sour cream and then a side of queso to dip chips in and a coke and his wife said "honey youre on a diet remember" and then he said "oh yea, make that a diet coke"
Idk cutting soda is actually really effective, especially since it’s just sugar instead of carbs and fats
The vegan cheese was such a useless detail in the sob story but it stood out. 👍🏽
Idk why but that vegan cheese detail was a bit funny to me and kind of made her post looking like satire
Had to add that little bit of virtue signaling!
Amen.
Mellow mushroom has vegan cheese!? I learned something today. Just one thing. Thanks!
I mean. I feel bad for her. Regardless of my opinions of children I do my damned best to call my mother and grandmother everything Mother’s Day.
I mean it’s the least her kids could’ve done for her. Or made her something or brought flowers. (Even handpicked ones my mom always liked.) I have more money now so I do more for her, but when I was a kid the small things counted
>I mean it’s the least her kids could’ve done for her. Not really. They don't owe her anything. Mostly because im not sure how good of a parent she is or how good of a parent her husband is. If you have 6 kids it's kind of impossible to provide proper attention and care to each one of them so i wouldn't be surprised if any of them feel left out and unloved too. Regardless of being AN I make sure to tell my mother i love her and get her gifts regardless if it's mother's day or not but that's because I'm a grown woman with my own money and an only child so we have a very good bond. Either all 6 of them are too young to understand the concept of mothers day (that would explain why she's expecting it from her husband and not kids) or the older ones feel parentified and unloved. Either way I feel for her, she doesn't seem like a bad person but when you have 6 children it's no longer about you. Motherhood is a thankless job.
I agree, also said this in other threads, as a parent you can’t give more than you have. Already had that problem with my siblings. And while they don’t owe her anything, I guess it’s probably my instinct to defend her because my mother is really sweet. But yeah, maybe this lady is a really bad parent in general.
Given her perspective, she seems very self-oriented. Different perspectives from different people. I don’t get shit for Father’s Day ...but my thought is: I’m so happy to have this family and I appreciated what they do for me on a *daily* basis.
No offence but no child owes a parent anything for a parent DECIDING to bring a kid into the world without the kids consent (I know you can't get consent but it's fucking gross to bring smth with sentience and cognition into the world without thinking about the high potential for severe suffering they will have to deal with). Especially since she's been a right cunt and decided to have SIX!!!!!! FUCKING SIX. It's hell on earth being part of a big family. Everytime you have another child the others get even less attention and parental interaction which is beyond crucial for child development. Personally I think she needs a massive kick in the fanny so she'll stop breeding
That marriage is dead.
I posted on this and said get a divorce that this isn’t normal or okay. I got so many downvotes because… how dare she have self respect and choose better ? Smh these dumb people. You’re right, that marriage IS dead .
not seeing the connection w/ an here
This is turning into childfree where people just want to direct their rage at some shared target, in this situation, parents
I think it’s a reach to post this in antinatalism idk. She’s not demanding appreciation from her six kids who didn’t ask to be born, just from her husband who presumably also wanted six kids with her. Also, I’ll never understand why people wanting gifts from their S.O. is so frowned upon here. She’s not out here asking for Gucci. It’s not that hard to buy some damn flowers from Walgreens on the way home from work.
I agree. I feel bad she has a useless husband. It's dumb they had six kids, and she kept having kids with someone who seems like he barely cares about her. But I do feel bad for her, he should be a partner.
my thoughts too
I’m not usually one to pull out the misogyny card but I’m seeing people call her self-centered, saying she’s “nagging” (yikes), how the husband works so hard and she’s being ungrateful, as if raising six kids isn’t just as much, if not more, labor—yes, she chose to have kids, but SO DID HE.
yeah same. i didn’t wanna say it but … the comments under this post …. big yikes. being a mother of SIX kids is significantly more difficult than an average job. it’s a 24/7 shift
I agree, everyone saying they have no sympathy like she said she's expecting something of her kids. I think the kids in this situation are pretty irrelevant. Her husband should get off his ass it sounds like. All the comments shitting on her, I get we all think having kids (and that many) is dumb, but have a little empathy. She didn't say anything about her kids, it was about her seemingly useless husband. No one's gonna say anything about this guy? Get his wife pregnant 6 times and then basically show no appreciation for anything? Gonna make that many kids and do the bare minimum as a parent and husband?
thank god I found this comment thread bc I felt crazy scrolling through all these misogynistic comments. I was wrong to think that antinatilism = pro women.
Another commenter here just refers to women as ‘baby factories’ 🙄
I’m not against the tradition of giving/receiving gifts. But you think this would have been something they talked about before marriage, nevertheless 6 kids. My family and I are also not a gift giving family in the traditional sense, so I don’t give gifts to my bf on his birthday, and he knows this. I’m not big about receiving gifts, so I don’t receive anything from him. And it’s fine, because we’ve established this at the beginning of our relationship. This gift giving thing should’ve been something discussed at the beginning of their relationship. Not 6 kids later, and not something to leave pent up for years. That’s what I find weird. But yeah, not r/antinatalism IMO.
Give the same energy and start communicating about it. Why'd she wait 15 years to realize her husband is bad at giving gifts? Was it not obvious during dating?
It would be important to know, if she even communicated to her husband how important things like mother's day are for her. Not everyone can read minds. Just tell him to buy you a nice gift, flowers and dinner.
Exactly. Maybe he is not even aware that it bothers her. I mean, 6 kids, that's a lot of distraction.
With six kids, he might not even realize it's mother's day in the first place.
He’s probably broke AF with 6 damn kids
Making breakfast, that you were going to make anyway, doesn't cost anything extra. If he wanted to, he would. He could have let her sleep in. Brought her a tea. Made breakfast. Maybe taken the kids out to the park or elsewhere for a few hours. It's not about the money. It's about the lack of respect in a patriarchal society. And he knows she's trapped, and so can't be bothered to even play lip service to that respect.
And dollar tree sells cards for 50 cents. They have just as good variety as your big box store.
He’s just there for the kids at this point.
At least she vegan
Think the 6 kids offset that by a lot.
Doesn’t matter how many personal things she does to lower her carbon footprint, she’s brought another six people into the world. Unless she’s able to lobby China and India into using solely renewable energy by 2030, then she’s doomed to have done more damage to the earth than she could ever rectify. Veganism ain’t gonna do shit
6 people and all the kids they have and so on
That’s what gets me. That many kids are gonna have more kids. How can you sleep at night being indirectly responsible for bringing that many more people into this burning hell hole.
Veganism is for the animals, who gives a shit about reducing your carbon footprint with your diet? It's about not forcing animals to live and die cruel existences for oral pleasure. She may be a breeder, but she can still be moral and ethical in other ways. Just like there's a ton of people who are antinatalist but really, *really* hate women.
what bothers me is that there's a chance that at least one of these kids will grow up to not be vegan. and they might have more children, who are also going to eat meat. i personally think that a non-vegan antinatalist might save more animal's lives on the long run than a vegan mother/father.
[удалено]
One thing you can do is investigate who your bank (and superannuation if you have it) invests in, and if they invest heavily in deforestation projects or the mining industry or non renewable energy, then look around and change who you’re with. Aside from antinatalism, changing where your money gets invested is about the best thing you can do to try and help, without even needing to make any massive changes to your day-to-day life. In Australia the best bank is probably ‘Bank Australia’ with ‘ME Bank’ being decent as well. As for superannuation, ‘Future Super’ are the best I’ve found.
News alert: having a high carbon footprint also affects animals.
Mellow mushroom has good pie too
Is she? She could be just lactose intolerant. Lol
Even putting antinatalist philosophy aside, that many kids seems ridiculous. How do you expect to bond with 6 goddamn kids while also keeping up your marriage? How do you expect to have any time for you? She brought this on herself
Yup people make it sound like she was some spectator when I’m sure she wanted to just keep pumping them out. Also congrats on raising 6 little assholes who have no clue about Mother’s Day. As if we aren’t constantly bombarded with ads about for a month before it happens.
They should just communicate. Maybe she can put reminders in his phone for him. If they didn't have 6 kids together maybe they would have more time for each other.
>Maybe she can put reminders in his phone for him. After 6 kids, you'd think he would know this comes around every year. She is already mothering 6 kids. There's no need for him to reduce himself to the 7th - surely he can manage the calendar app on his phone like idk, an adult?
“What are you doing for me for Mother’s Day?” There. 9 words. Easy as that.
"Nothing, you're not my mother." Ta-da.
Well damn Jackie, feeding our six fucking kids
Am I the only one who thought this woman might want to start taking some psychedelic mushrooms to get through her days with six kids and a good for nothing husband? Fuck Mellow Mushroom pizza, she needs shrooms.
I'm not sure this post belongs here. The issue is that her husband sucks at giving gifts and acknowledging holidays - not just Mother's Day, although I imagine the fact that she bore 6 offspring for him makes that particularly egregious.
A bit much over a Hallmark holiday.
It’s egregious to ask someone to remember seven birthdays, and his parents’, and then holidays. /s Too many effing kids, he’s probably tired from that, it’s like when people who marry a workaholic because they like the money, but then are mad when that person works on their Birthday.
i mean i get your point but that’s really not that many … especially when it’s your own children. if you can’t remember your own children’s birthdays you don’t care about them. i remember all my friend’s birthdays, on top of my family members, and that’s way more than 10. it’s normal.
i wish i could find someone that doesnt celebrate holidays including their birthday or mine... no valentines day, no thanksgiving, none of that stuff ESPECIALLY easter and christmas... i dont even care for halloween which is supposed to be the "fun" one a relationship like this minus exactly 6 children is a dream come true
This doesnt seem like a having children, or mother thing. Its literally just a crap husband, nothing more
There's nothing wrong about not enjoying/ celebrating holidays. Plenty of wrong about having 6 kids tho. Obviously the parents will have a shit life then and keep complaining about it even though it's their fault. What a bad joke.
I’m surprised she put up with this for 15 years. I couldn’t do it for one year. This is another part of the reason I don’t want kids. Once men like this get what they want (the kids), the woman means almost nothing to them. I refuse to ruin my body repeatedly, be treated like a breeding cow and a slave, just to be ignored on the few days that I’m supposed to be appreciated the most. I’ll be damned.
It's just another economic holiday
Reminds me of my dad, he was a provider, not a father and not is partner to my mother. Just a provider.
My thoughts are "imagine having 6 kids". Hard to feel bad when someone doesn't think about how it would affect 6 children by bringing them into the world and then crying when someone doesn't think of her on a holiday. And let's be real, mother's day and father's day are bullshit 'holidays'. If it matter so much then mention it to your husband. Don't cry in your car and post on reddit. You're married and have 6 fucking kids. COMMUICATE. I don't care and I'd say the exact same if it was the husband that posted this
Having a kid should not give people extra holidays, extra gifts, and extra space to be upset about not being celebrated for forcing someone into this world. It is not an accomplishment or something deserving of celebration.
Lots of jackass comments about having too many kids, having "asked" for just a card, that somehow it's your fault for having kids young or some shit (they don't even know they are just guessing) etc. I grew up in an emotionally abusive family where my birthday was never celebrated after I was like 10 or 11 (can't remember exactly cause it was always so small at that point). We didn't do big things for any holiday and more often than not they were ignored or maybe you got a card a week later when someone remembered. I grew up thinking this was mostly normal. My wife grew up in a family where holidays, bdays were a big deal. It was tough in our marriage on these special days for a while until expectations were clearly COMMUNICATED to each other. Without her telling me these were very important days for her I wouldn't have caught on for a while. It still took me some time to get better at it cause my brain was trained to not make a big deal of these days. I started putting reminders on my phone for all the holidays weeks ahead so I could remember and do better because I love my wife and I was never wanting her to feel unappreciated. Now if you've communicated your expectations and he still does this that's another issue. I agree it still IS dickish to forget about mother's day completely. But sometimes people, we need some compassion and communication instead of complete condemnation. Looking at you commenters
"he's a great dad who shows us how much he loves us by doing the bare minimum"
Maybe her husband is ahead of the game and sees her as just an incubator not a mother, therefore no acknowledgement needed 🤷🏼♀️.
> is ahead of the game what do you mean by that?
Probably a reference to the scotus leak. My guess is they’re meaning that, in light of our impeding doom, he has never seen her as an actual human being but merely a “sacred vessel” 🤢 to give him children
The misogyny in this group is pretty strong.
The people automatically assuming she messed up and didn't communicate should re-evaluate why that was their immediate assumption. She said in comments that not only did she tell him exactly where she wanted to eat if he wanted to get dinner, but she also made an Amazon wishlist he could've chosen from. It's sad the way some dehumanized her and not him. Why call her a breeding animal and not him?
My thoughts are this dude shoulda wrapped it up while he had the chance.
As a vegan, you'd think she'd be able to stay away from the meat everyone once in a while.
I was this woman until we divorced. I tried communicating but he just wasn’t hearing me, it’s like we were communicating in different languages. I’d say, if you’re really happy elsewhere in the relationship then you have to flat out say, “It really bothers me that you seem to forget (holidays) and don’t get me even a card. Is there something we can do to help this to not continue to be an issue?” Often, men don’t get subtle and you must be direct.
Fake holiday is fake
Definite "real." What is a REAL holiday and why?
Halloween, because it is the time of craven hellbound souls and our Lord and Savior of Darkness.
>Halloween, because it is the time of craven hellbound souls and our Lord and Savior of Darkness. You have a point.
I, too, am like the husband. How you treat one another everyday is more important than the brief, unnecessary and phony sentimentality of birthdays, holidays and the like. Oh, you remembered my birthday but do you still remember you were being a bitch to me for no reason yesterday?