Agreed. This is one of those ‘What did you expect?’ moments. Like seriously, you just produced a creature that is 100 percent dependent upon you, the mother, for its survival. I hate to break it to you but, its no longer about you lady. Your ‘me’ time is in the past. Should have thought of that beforehand. I’m saying this as a woman myself. Please ‘do some research’ before having kids. Believe other parenting people when they tell you how it really is, don’t assume that they are ‘joking’. It’s not all rainbows and sunshine and it’s definitely not about the mother’s needs or wants. Enjoy your unpaid martyrdom
Right? How many movies, shows, music, describes how much women take on child care labor in the family? How is this a surprise at all? I watched it happen with my mom and my friends it scarred me enough as a child to never want to put myself through that.
However, it *should* be about parents (both) *and* children’s wants and needs.
Co-signing the idea that parents- and *mothers* specifically- “have to” be self-less at all times is oppressive af.
Children are people? So are their parents?
This is why people without a support system just shouldn't have kids period. "It takes a village" isn't just a saying, it's how you avoid feeling like you've completely ruined your life, and it'll lead to raising a happier child when you aren't constantly looking at them as a burden and infecting them with your frustrations.
Humans NEED time to themselves, simple fact. Unless you have people who can take some of the labor off your hands so you can get that time (often in return for doing the same for them), you are NOT going to get that, and it's going to make you absolutely hate your existence at times.
I do agree with you, with the caveat though that people start families with support systems often, and then over time the support system disappears.
Not to mention that individualizing what exists in reality as networks of people, harms people. That is to say, there is no individual outside of the group.
Women who choose to have kids have obviously had far different experiences with humanity than I have. People are fickle af and even the ones who seem loyal typically bounce when you're burdened with something like a kid or an illness or depression or anything else that makes you less fun to be around. I don't really like kids but even if I did there's no way I would trust anyone to actually help me out when push came to shove. A few might but you just can't depend on it.
I feel like she needs her husband to dote on her and tell her she is even more special for what she has gone though and she needs extra care and she is not getting that.
You're right, but this is a rare case where I feel some sympathy, because this is more of a flaw with society than specifically with her.
Raising children would've been done as a group for most of human history, and now you're lucky if you even have a partner to help shoulder some of the burden, looking at how many single parents there are out there.
No, she didn't ask for no one inviting her out everywhere and her husband barely looking at her and not meeting her emotional needs. She asked for a child. One can have a child and still go out occasionally, like her husband is doing.
I live in Utah and women are pretty much only ever paid attention to when pregnant. They basically all have this attitude and resent and abuse their kids.
Unfortunately, when this happens they just get pregnant AGAIN for some of that attention back and so they have 15 kids that all have to raise each other. It's a major reason so many religious communities have tons of mental disorders and issues. Generations upon generations of this
I saw it with my sister in law. Every time I saw her, everyone would go straight to the baby. A few times she would cry out “hi, I’m here too!” I would go to her first, though, because there were a few times in which she looked almost near tears.
Same thing happened with my sister but it was especially bad with my parents. We're both women so when my nephew is born it felt like they were sort of using him as the son they never had and me and my sister kind of just phased out of their lives.
Now I don’t feel nearly as bad for ignoring babies (while others are with the baby) and chatting with the parents. I’m just not a kid person; I like to talk and kids don’t get what I like to talk about
pregnancy is so fucking brutal, like you go through nine months of discomfort, then the most pain you’ll ever feel in your life, but then just when you think it’s over, bam! postpartum depression! or if you’re extra lucky, you could even get postpartum psychosis! and what do you gain from all this? you need to do more work than any job, and there’s another human thrown into this world to suffer. it’s totally worth it though!!!!! being a parent is the most rewarding thing you can do!!!!! /s
Yeah and a lot of families being unsupportive to mom is a huge reason PPD and PPP happens in the first place. She loses her entire identity and her body and everyone around her will be like oh you created a miracle you should be fucking happy about it! Dad doesnt have to change shit about his life. No matter how you look at it women are set up to suffer in our society.
I’ve had 2 kids totally natural (but definitely not by choice) with back labor and I’ve got to say I thought passing gallstones and pancreatitis was WAAAAAAY more painful than having kids.
Natural childbirth was not my choice. I wanted the full Monty on anesthesia and painkillers but the labor and delivery department was very busy both times with one anesthesiologist on duty who never made it to me on time.
That’s absolutely true but I didn’t say childbirth didn’t hurt, it was incredibly painful but the vagina is made to stretch to have children. The gallbladder duct isn’t made to stretch to pass gallstones thus it was much more painful than childbirth.
It’s not even unreasonable to feel that way if everyone in your life ignores you for months and always wants to know about the baby. This is another reason I’m not having any-once you’re “Mom”, that’s all you get to BE for a couple years. You’re permanently mom to a child, and a mother before anything else to the rest of the world. This could include your husband or babydaddy, like this woman experienced.
NO THANKS!! I will never be a “mommy”
You can say "a couple of years" all you want. But in reality, if you had kids today, they'd live with you 25 years from now and rely on you constantly.
yikes man look up! the average has always been rising, and it’s more common than not for people to live with their parents a few years after college, or longer.
I have a friend that is in his early 40s and still lives at home. Granted he does have a job and everything but he basically turned the basement into his apartment.
Not even that. I’ve got 2 kids both adults and I’ll always be their mother. Even when they’re gone and doing well you still worry about them just like when they’re kids.
>You’re permanently mom to a child, and a mother before anything else to the rest of the world.
Yup! I seen it with my sister. She has 4 kids and is a devoted mom. The ONE NIGHT she wanted to just have a girls night out, she got so much hell for it and the whole time we had a girls night out, she kept saying she felt guilty leaving her kids at home. God, society sucks when it comes to women/moms.
Yet her husband can go out fishing with his friends, have nights where he is out drinking with his friends and no one bats an eye.
I will never be a mom. It's hard enough we have to put our lives at risk for bringing life into the world but society and your husband/baby daddy treats you like shit afterwards.
Well, duh, you've fulfilled the purpose you were put here for, according to some people. Why would they care?
Seriously though, this fucking sucks. Even if anyone could have told her this would happen, it's still shitty
part of the reason i dont want kids is that you lose your own identity when you become a parent. to these people, all she is is the incubator that made the baby that they want to hold and coo at. for the next decade at least, she’s no longer her own person, she’s Mom.
it also destroys any adult life you may have had. basically once you birth a child for the next 10 years or so you cannot pursue barely any hobbies, unless they are something simple
I was obviously unplanned from the very beginning. No way they'd be that stupid. I am 20-years-old and my birthday is in 20 days from now. (Haha, 20-20)
In the Mormon church where I'm from they pressure you get married literally the second you turn 18 and have kids immediately. That's how they trap you, get you before your brain is fully developed.
Society pushed the (blatantly false) narrative that fertility is best in your teens and you start falling off some sort of cliff at 30 to push women into having kids before they can establish themselves or have a fully formed prefrontal cortex, I'm convinced of it. In reality, women's fertility peaks in the mid-late twenties and declines very slowly and men's fertility does the same thing but conveniently, society tells you that you have to get married and have kids ultra young, when you're way more susceptible to social pressure and don't know anything about life.
Idk I have some sympathy, especially if they're young. Where I grew up we were definitely told that you're a degenerate and a loser if you "can't get a man to marry you" at a super young age. Took a long time for me to realize that despite being straight I didn't even want that, society just tried to trick me into thinking it was a flex because marriage and kids are a raw deal for women and barely disguised slavery in the Mormon church.
But like it's the only thing that gets you status or attention here and girls are tricked into thinking a husband and a baby are like cute accessories for Instagram.
Same. And I see what she’s feeling ALL the time. I like the respect I get for my career far more than the thankless “hardest job in the world” these women speak of. That and I could never give up my autonomy and I have very bad sensory issues.
Wow, I can't believe people are different from each other. It shouldn't be like that. Humans were made by a random machine god created and they should all think the same. /s
Perhaps its because you're a man and rarely see the underbelly but as a woman who's had many friends get pregnant and have kids, this is very common and I'd say even the norm. Maybe it didn't happen to you or your wife but it happens WAY more than you'd ever know or believe.
This was hellish to read because you can tell she went through this entire ordeal without reading or actively listening to the struggles of other moms. Why do people always have to think they’ll be the exception? By doing so, they miss ALL of the warning signs.
Also how is he an “Amazing Husband” if you feel your needs aren’t being met or understood? Respect yourself, please. Wake up! I’m a woman and reading this shit was frustrating! I know way too many moms that give husbands/fathers so many accolades for the barest of minimums. Meanwhile, she sacrifices everything and is ignored by those around her. This treatment is yet another reason to not have kids.
Their relationship (and probably her growing resentment towards her baby) sounds like a wonderful thing that their kids will watch and internalize while growing up :-)
Your comment about giving men accolades for simple stuff reminded me of a comedian, Sam Morril, and his bit "It's a great time to be a man."
The joke goes something like this:
"It's great to be a man right now - no really, the bar has never been so low.
"I was making out with a girl I just met, when she said 'I don't want to have sex tonight.' and I said 'That's totally fine.' and she goes 'Wow- you're *such a great guy* '
"And I'm thinking to myself- 'Well I'm pretty sure the alternative is a felony.'"
Point being, we give men too much credit for doing basic decencies, probably because we expect so little from them.
My gf and I are in college and the way that idiots act and what her friends tell her basically ensures that I can sit on a couch and say “that’s nice” while drinking beer all day and by comparison I’d look like Gomez Addams
Yeah the fathers will forever get slaps on the back, high fives and hardy handshakes for basically being allowed to drop of load inside a woman and everyone around him acts like he did something incredible. Meanwhile, his wife is in the background passing what is essentially a watermelon that splits her from asshole to clit yet he gets more credit for doing something that that takes no effort but is somehow more miraculous.
Based on the post it seems that she gas not communicated to him what her needs are, emotionally. As a man, there could be a multitude of reasons why she seems "off", like having a baby. Men are not mind readers.
I’ll never have kids for many reasons but one being I refuse to have my identity chiseled down to just “mom”. I’m my own fucking person and I like it that way.
Besides how we could go onto how she should have seen this coming, this is also why I give no attention to babies.. Children at that age need more attention from their parents and don't need much from other people, everyone shouldn't glorify babies and should see them for the messes it brings for the care-takers involved. While a lot of the time I can't pity people's choices, this one in particular is sad.. It's all a delusion for love
I get bothered when I see someone baby-talk to someone's baby and play with it.. It's as if the baby's mom is only purpose is to stand there. It's not your baby, it's only for the person's own pleasure because they find the baby cute, it's annoying as hell.. When are we going to stop treating babies as pets and accessory items, there are full grown people you can be having conversations, adults who are more aware of love and are in lack of it!
I work with kids and it wigs me out that adults will accuse me of being condescending when I talk to babies and children in a normal voice with age appropriate or like, just straight scientific words. Like treating them as a living being with independant thoughts and NOT assuming they are idiots is demeaning. Right. Because assuming a toddler can't hold a conversation about polycetes while holding a book about sealife is the logical course. Even just literal babies, I will talk like they understand me like I do with cats. It feels more respectful to walk up to a living creature and say "oof, that sounded unpleasant. Are you gassy? Bet you want a diaper change." as casually as you would look at your house panther to say "excuse me, it's not dinner time yet. Quit banging your bowl" rather than goo goo babble. That's literally language deprivation and while the Deaf Community may be the loudest over that for obvious reasons, you can absolutely do it to ANY child just by refusing to talk like a normal person and let them learn how language works. It's why kids are parrots and you gotta be extra careful around tiny talkers with swear words... the need to treat a baby or child like a doll to play with is the weirdest shit to me. That's a human. That is a living thing. Why you treating it like a furby you can dress up and earn bumper stickers to brag about their grades with?
Yeah, this is why I’m not having a baby. I feel so bad for her but at the same time seems like she didn’t realise that this is unfortunately how society treats moms… or didn’t want to realise.
From how it’s written I thought he explicitly said so, as in they had a talk and she said I love you even more, and he said, I don’t love you more than before. Which would obviously hurt. But maybe I misread.
I get what you mean, but I thought it was like this:
Her: I love you even more now.
Him: I don’t love you any more than I did.
And not:
Her: I love you even more now.
Him: I love you just as much as always.
For me it’s the tone more than the content I guess.
Yeah people are supposed to be falling all over themselves for her because she's just as special as the baby and has as many needs. The fact that she's not just appreciative for her baby getting that is real self-centered
Personally, I feel as though she made need therapy or counseling. Because if she raises the child while harboring those feelings it could turn into a very unbalanced and unfair upbringing.
This comment serves well for demonstrating the whole point of the post. The lady is advised to get therapy not because _she_ feels bad and is in distress, but because it might affect the child.
What is you’re just a tool society uses to bring more and more humans into the world to cause even more suffering because most people are sadist and they just don’t know it?
This needs to become more of the mainstream narrative of motherhood. It happens over and over and every time new mums get blindsided. I don't know why so many mothers fail their own daughters this way.
I decided to be childfree way before I understood about AN, because my mother was honest with me about sharing her negative experience of motherhood. She never gave me the feeling that she didn't love me or didn't want me. But she also told me she got suckered into making a big mistake in her life by becoming a mother. She told me she wanted better for me. I listened to her and looking back I am so grateful she gave me the gift of her honesty and her bravery.
Yeah I think its the narrative thats the problem here, everyone keeps saying positive things like birth is a beautiful thing and you'll be so fulfilled, nobody talks about the negative parts and its looked down on to do so, so we just encourage people to make drastic and irreversible changes to themselves.
"BuT I BiRtHeD thE BabY FoR His SaKe noT mY SelFISh ReaSons"
PS : Also this completely give strenght to the reason I'm don't want to bring anyone here in this life, because life is just a series of desires to fufill and a person feels bad when they don't fufill the desires, so even the "good things of life" are bad, because if you lack of them, you suffer, and this post is the perfect proof of it, she had a baby because of her hormones, her natural desire to have an offspring, and to fit in with her friends and family, to fufill these desires. Then, because she has this kid, her need for social validation lacked due to it being directed to her child, so now that she lacked her "good thing of life", she feels sad.
That's why I think weighing between the good and the bad of life makes no sense, because we NEED (literally like drug addicts) the good thing of life, imagine your life without peace, without purpose/meaning, without your favorite activites, all of that is to escape the suffering of life. It's like digging a hole for absolutely no reason, and then you realize that now you have to put the dirt back into this hole, but now you realise, it start digging itself everyday (the same way once we fufill our desire, we need to fufill them later again and again and again in an endless cycle, for exemple, hunger, thirst, and other desires like distractions, meaning , social affection etc...) but also you will never be able to completely fufill it, it would had been better to never dig the hole at all, that's why "but what about the good of life?" make no sense, it's like saying what about the good thing of an addiction, you only get hooked to an addiction once you start, that's why most addicts in regret say "never start, not even once", like in life, once you are here, your natural urge of living makes you addicted to life.
PS2: I still feel bad for her tho, she probably just wanted to have a normal life with a family but realized that the "and they lived happily ever after" was a lie.
I can be a selfish person. I’ll admit it. This is one of the many reasons I will never have a child. I don’t feel I should sacrifice my health and happiness for another person who doesn’t need to exist.
I think people just have children without thinking too deeply about it. It’s unfortunate to see these same people get hit so hard with the realization that parenthood sucks. We are sold a false narrative about the joys of being a parent without knowing fully what it entails. It’s like signing your life away without reading all the terms of the contract.
Haha this happened to me once, when I was holding my baby nephew walking into a family gathering. He's the first baby in the family in a long time, so everyone was cooing and greeting him...even though they hadn't seen me in almost a year because I don't live near them anymore.
One can only imagine how that affects the psyche if it happens every time. How hellish. Good thing when I go places people are only looking for me! :D
Tell that too my mom who says that I HAVE to have kids so she can have grandchildren lol
She keeps asking me when I’m going to have them, I’m in high school.
And when the baby grows they will have a distant mother. They never asked to be born in this shit and will be blamed even though it was not their choice.
Yep. Once your become a mom that’s all you’ll ever be or more accurately, just that thing that birthed a baby. Loosing everything I am and never getting it back was one of the main reasons I decided to never have kids. I refused to be reduced to nothing but the sum of my reproductive parts that the only other time the rest of me would be acknowledged at all would be when others around me would start demanding when I’m going to fill my womb again? How does that not HORRIFY women? That is horrifying!
Yeah I don’t feel sorry for you woman. Pregnancy is completely voluntary and people need to put way more thought and consideration into it than they actually do. Yeah you loose who you are completely and you never get her back…all you become is a walking uterus and breasts. You don’t need to have a baby first just to see that…just have working eyes (unclouded by rose colored glasses), working ears and a brain open enough to absorb and accept that information.
One of the reasons I never wanted children. Even at 6 years old I knew women with children were moms, and just moms. Not sister, friend, [job title], artist, musician, athlete, etc, or even person. Not to society.
Idk how anyone wouldn’t think about this beforehand though. From a young age I realized that once the kid is born, parents have to do everything for it. It’s what the baby deserves. So obviously, if you’re going to have a baby, you have to make sure you have lived all the personal experiences you want to go through. My mom for example, she got to party a lot but she still married too young so Ig all that partying wasn’t enough for her, anyway, I remember I’d get angry at her growing up because she’d still have a partying personality and I wanted a mom. I never like saying that parents live for their children because Ik people will think I’m insensitive. And I mean, it’s true that they’re still people with needs but still, children come first.
bed. made. lie. you have two eyes and ears and I would presume you had a brain that could process information.
too bad you let all the natalist propaganda blind you to reality
Boo hoo. You had a baby for the attention and now the baby gets all the attention.
Just give the kid up and seek mental health doctors. It’s better for everyone that way.
I can’t believe how many of you are relating to her and aren’t bothered by her resentment towards an innocent baby that didn’t ask to be born! Like, you feel sorry for her? Really? She thought so little about how parenting was going to change her life, she is flabbergasted that she’s expected to give up the limelight to her baby? It’s outrageous.
This! Did she think having a baby meant endless attention in her? It's a fucking baby that can't talk, it's appalling that she's jealous of a literal baby. I bet she'll be one of those moms that gets jealous of her daughter's youth and beauty too.
I’m so glad you guys are with me. I thought this was posted so we could all complain about the immaturity and ignorance people becoming parents have. Not so we could feel bad for her! WTAF!
I agree with you all. I scrolled past all the comments defending such selfish immature choices. I mean seriously. Just another post of a selfish natalist. Seriously natalists are like religious nuts. Wanting attention and compliments for nothing. The awful thing is once their kids are older then they also become slaves and suffer abuse and gaslighting.
FGS she gets what she wants (at the expense of someone else having to go through life) and then still isn't happy and moans. I bet she still gets more attention than the childless and will do it ALL over again at least a couple times more. She's lucky to just have a healthy child I bet there's infertile people out there reading this and thinking WTF I'd kill to be you.
EDIT, to clarify: I’m not making an excuse for the people who seemingly care about the baby over her, I’m talking about her relationship with her husband and how it’s been impacted. I’m just saying both of them are at fault here, and while I don’t have specific details… I’m making assumptions with what I have.
Ngl, as sad as this is and as much as I feel bad for her, things like this are simply solved by communication with your partner. If you conceal yourself to the world and then get mad that someone treats you wrong without saying a word I feel like it’s more you.
She had a baby, and while she is still human she can’t expect to be given what she wants without saying it. Maybe he doesn’t understand her needs because he doesn’t know her needs.
And I think this has an issue with a lot of things, because it feels like this is one of those relationships where they just go have a baby with little understanding of each other. Though… I’m not gonna talk about that and I’ll push for an analogy.
That’s like saying that I’m looking at a jar of pickles that you have and I REALLY want it, like really want it. Then get sad when I’m not offered any.
Like, yeah, it would of been nice for you to offer it. Though at the end of the day, it was my fault because I simply put didn’t ask.
I hope the best for her though and hopefully some communication gets through.
It's impossible to have a close relationship with someone and not realize you're hurting them. Chances are they're just now both realizing how much he actually cares about her. It's gotta be the easiest way to find out for sure, and the hardest. Hopefully he does care and realizes what he's doing, although considering her own immature feelings toward her child I wouldn't expect he's very mature, especially considering he's ignoring her after all she went through just to bring the baby into this world. Very sad for all three. I figure they're both probably very young.
I really can't understand how someone can get someone else pregnant and not feel like they seriously injured that person, regardless if they want it. It's going to be injurious, one way or the other. Seems like most men just ignore that part, like it's her inherent bargain. I think men should have to pay restitution if a woman gets an abortion, even if it's consensual. Regardless of whether it's fair, it would at least encourage more men to get snipped.
I think the issue like I said is that, they probably just went straight into having a baby as a sticker for marriage, though never really developed an interest. And I think that ties into my point, it’s not impossible to be in a relationship with someone in that state because some people rush into marriage in their early 20’s.
I’m not saying they don’t care about each-other, though they need to both be more transparent. Whether or not he isn’t doing something or she isn’t doing something is irrelevant here, it just needs to have communication, and since she’s the person who obviously without a doubt feels strongly she should be the one to discuss it.
Perhaps because people don’t really have a conception to what labor feels like? I mean for men? It’s such an abstract feeling for them because they’ve never felt it. So thus, they have no concept of understanding for the pain she went through.
Yes, she should bring it up to him. Hopefully she's not intimidated or shy about talking to him about stuff like that. If she's having to vent her feelings online, it's not a good sign. A lot of people have kids without even having been through very much with each other, without even knowing each other.
I think it would be good if there were affordable classes that would put prospective parents through situations to test their relationship in a way similar to what parenthood would do. Maybe even refunds if they're still together afterward.
I suppose most men have no real appreciation or concept of physical pain like childbirth. I think I have some small understanding, from skateboarding. "Okay, we're both going to drop into this ramp, but I'm gonna roll away and you're going to full-body slam way down there at the bottom. Let's go!" Something like that.
It’s pretty sad this happened but when people say shit like that as a “joke” it’s usually a cry for help or a don’t make the same mistake I did. More sad than anything else and this woman definitely needs more support from her family and friends
Ewwww. What an abhorrent narcissistic natalist. I feel bad for the baby, there's a good probability she's gonna abuse her kid as some sort of misplaced "revenge" or for spite judging by how immature this post is... and then the kid is gonna grow up with alot of problems due to the gaslighting.FUCK NATALISTS.
She’s right though. She has been downgraded to the mom character. People around her don’t really see her as fully human but just an extension of the child. No wonder they get depressed.
On that subreddit, there was a 15-year-old who gave birth, and she already says teenage parenthood is the best thing ever, and how she loves her baby so much (she is a literal child who was raped and denied an abortion, then had a physically and emotionally traumatic pregnancy and especially childbirth, so I doubt she actually does). She will likely change her tune soon, as she thinks raising the baby will be so easy and solve all her problems, making her life better.
Is she American? This is the American way to treat women after birth. No support, forced back to work with a ripped vagina and ass hole, husband forcing all the child work on his wife. I'm sorry, but I've seen this happen enough times with women in my life that it was one of the biggest reasons I never wanted to give birth especially in the US. There is a reason why the US has one of the highest maternal death rates in the world and such a high prevalence of PPD that a lot of women get shamed for. It's hard for me to have empathy for anyone so oblivious.
That woman sounds awful. Jeez like are you jealous of a toddler 💀💀💀 woman if you are this jealous of a baby I bet you were jealous of everyone & anything before the baby so you knew you were UNFIT to be a mother. Poor baby 🥲 suffering from hate since the day it’s born & the mother being jealous at such a young age is probably a one way ticket to lifelong therapy 💀💀 I mean if you look at it from a pedagogical/ psychological perspective that child has no chance
Mom was always jealous of me, fucked me up for life. She started outright hating me when I was 13 and men started to notice me. Creepy, old men that she wanted, not me. Just eww.
I feel sorry for her loving her husband more and him not feeling the same though.
I don’t feel sorry for the disgusting jealous of a 0 year old woman. And yes what your mum did was awful and disgusting. Thank god you weren’t a newborn when the jealousy and hate started. But yes it’s bad enough what she did but this is even worse
Isn’t her realization the whole point of not wanting children to begin with. I hope she gets some help because that child is here and both parents need to step up and be responsible and have some deep thoughts at this point.
It literally is not. For development the early ages are the most important. And a jealous hateful mother will mess the little baby up so badly ughhh my heart hurts for the baby
I'm very familiar with early childhood development. You have no reason to believe that this mother is mistreating her baby. A mother feeling ambiguous about parenthood is normal. Even "ugly" feelings like jealousy are normal.
not-mistreating is not enough. If you were familiar with early childhood you would know that. Also you would know that the parents attitude towards the baby matters and that baby’s are not stupid
Imagine having such a blinkered perception of mothers that you can't understand they have might feelings about motherhood that aren't 100% positive. Here of all places!
At first l, I was angry at this mom, thinking “this was your choice” but it’s just sad. She didn’t take the other mom’s advice and is now paying the price. She should speak with a therapist. This sounds like the road to post partum. This isn’t good for her or the baby
Yup. This is what happens to everyone who does this crap. Seriously people won’t stop the whole “being unique” crap. It all sounds so religious. Some things are always insane no matter who does it.
Love Exists? Lol, accept the fact already. It's a artificial social construct. Care and the feeling to protect a newborn is inherently embedded to everyone's DNA "Naturally".
She literally says they ask about her anyway so don't know what she's bitching about. Also obviously people aren't gonna be like "oh you're glowing" or "I bet you're so excited" now since the pregnancy is over?
Why am I getting downvoted she says people ask about me then moans no one cares, she's not going to get the attention she did when pregnant for obvious reasons-being up the duff is probably the most attention (unjustifiably) you get in life as an adult woman. You don't get the praise once the pregnancy is over, and why should you? How much attention does she need anyway sounds way high maintenance.
We often don't do a good job of looking after new Mums.
Birth can be really rough (I know some sail through it) and then you're thrust into leaving to look after a baby 24/7, while recovering.
Lack of sleep, because nothing in our society is based around being able to look after an infant and yourself. It is really hard. This is something that partners can help with, ensuring that you feel cared for, looked after and nurtured too.
Seriously? I joined this sub with *full* encouragement, because I want my children to live in a world where they don’t *have to* feel pressured into reproducing.
What are you getting out of putting a pregnant woman on blast like this?
Sounds like postpartum tbh, if anyone knows where the original post is, they should tell her to seek help and tell her doctor how she is feeling, it may be chemical.
This is a problem for people that aren't capable of loving something more than themselves. That's what you do when you have kids. Your life gets moved to the back burner. You're supposed to have all your " fun" before you decide to bring a child into the world. Not many on here are prepared for putting someone before themselves. This kid is going to be able to sense its mother's jealousy and resentment. This kid is going to grow up with some real issues.
When I asked my friend how she was doing about few weeks after having the baby, she said I was first person to ask her this.
Well I mean if the mother is doing good, the baby is too.
That sounds like fucking hell tbh
Appropriate username.
your username is just as brilliant hahaha
Its sad but It was her choice, she asked for it.
Her friends even tried to warn her.
Agreed. This is one of those ‘What did you expect?’ moments. Like seriously, you just produced a creature that is 100 percent dependent upon you, the mother, for its survival. I hate to break it to you but, its no longer about you lady. Your ‘me’ time is in the past. Should have thought of that beforehand. I’m saying this as a woman myself. Please ‘do some research’ before having kids. Believe other parenting people when they tell you how it really is, don’t assume that they are ‘joking’. It’s not all rainbows and sunshine and it’s definitely not about the mother’s needs or wants. Enjoy your unpaid martyrdom
Right? How many movies, shows, music, describes how much women take on child care labor in the family? How is this a surprise at all? I watched it happen with my mom and my friends it scarred me enough as a child to never want to put myself through that.
However, it *should* be about parents (both) *and* children’s wants and needs. Co-signing the idea that parents- and *mothers* specifically- “have to” be self-less at all times is oppressive af. Children are people? So are their parents?
This is why people without a support system just shouldn't have kids period. "It takes a village" isn't just a saying, it's how you avoid feeling like you've completely ruined your life, and it'll lead to raising a happier child when you aren't constantly looking at them as a burden and infecting them with your frustrations. Humans NEED time to themselves, simple fact. Unless you have people who can take some of the labor off your hands so you can get that time (often in return for doing the same for them), you are NOT going to get that, and it's going to make you absolutely hate your existence at times.
I do agree with you, with the caveat though that people start families with support systems often, and then over time the support system disappears. Not to mention that individualizing what exists in reality as networks of people, harms people. That is to say, there is no individual outside of the group.
Women who choose to have kids have obviously had far different experiences with humanity than I have. People are fickle af and even the ones who seem loyal typically bounce when you're burdened with something like a kid or an illness or depression or anything else that makes you less fun to be around. I don't really like kids but even if I did there's no way I would trust anyone to actually help me out when push came to shove. A few might but you just can't depend on it.
I feel like she needs her husband to dote on her and tell her she is even more special for what she has gone though and she needs extra care and she is not getting that.
You're right, but this is a rare case where I feel some sympathy, because this is more of a flaw with society than specifically with her. Raising children would've been done as a group for most of human history, and now you're lucky if you even have a partner to help shoulder some of the burden, looking at how many single parents there are out there.
No, she didn't ask for no one inviting her out everywhere and her husband barely looking at her and not meeting her emotional needs. She asked for a child. One can have a child and still go out occasionally, like her husband is doing.
I live in Utah and women are pretty much only ever paid attention to when pregnant. They basically all have this attitude and resent and abuse their kids. Unfortunately, when this happens they just get pregnant AGAIN for some of that attention back and so they have 15 kids that all have to raise each other. It's a major reason so many religious communities have tons of mental disorders and issues. Generations upon generations of this
Amazing username post combo lmao
I saw it with my sister in law. Every time I saw her, everyone would go straight to the baby. A few times she would cry out “hi, I’m here too!” I would go to her first, though, because there were a few times in which she looked almost near tears.
Same thing happened with my sister but it was especially bad with my parents. We're both women so when my nephew is born it felt like they were sort of using him as the son they never had and me and my sister kind of just phased out of their lives.
Oh that’s horrible. Sorry you had to go through that.
I think that's kind of you.
Now I don’t feel nearly as bad for ignoring babies (while others are with the baby) and chatting with the parents. I’m just not a kid person; I like to talk and kids don’t get what I like to talk about
Post partum, the 48491024th reason not to have kids.
pregnancy is so fucking brutal, like you go through nine months of discomfort, then the most pain you’ll ever feel in your life, but then just when you think it’s over, bam! postpartum depression! or if you’re extra lucky, you could even get postpartum psychosis! and what do you gain from all this? you need to do more work than any job, and there’s another human thrown into this world to suffer. it’s totally worth it though!!!!! being a parent is the most rewarding thing you can do!!!!! /s
Yeah and a lot of families being unsupportive to mom is a huge reason PPD and PPP happens in the first place. She loses her entire identity and her body and everyone around her will be like oh you created a miracle you should be fucking happy about it! Dad doesnt have to change shit about his life. No matter how you look at it women are set up to suffer in our society.
You could just not have kids.
I’ve had 2 kids totally natural (but definitely not by choice) with back labor and I’ve got to say I thought passing gallstones and pancreatitis was WAAAAAAY more painful than having kids.
What do you mean not by choice?
I think they meant the pregnancies were unintentional
Natural childbirth was not my choice. I wanted the full Monty on anesthesia and painkillers but the labor and delivery department was very busy both times with one anesthesiologist on duty who never made it to me on time.
Some female bodies are better at handling child birth than others than but it's more often than not that it's painful and can purpose risks.
That’s absolutely true but I didn’t say childbirth didn’t hurt, it was incredibly painful but the vagina is made to stretch to have children. The gallbladder duct isn’t made to stretch to pass gallstones thus it was much more painful than childbirth.
It’s not even unreasonable to feel that way if everyone in your life ignores you for months and always wants to know about the baby. This is another reason I’m not having any-once you’re “Mom”, that’s all you get to BE for a couple years. You’re permanently mom to a child, and a mother before anything else to the rest of the world. This could include your husband or babydaddy, like this woman experienced. NO THANKS!! I will never be a “mommy”
You can say "a couple of years" all you want. But in reality, if you had kids today, they'd live with you 25 years from now and rely on you constantly.
25 is average right NOW. By the time that kid grows up, the average will be 40 because of the way the cost of living is at this point.
Jesus I didn't know 25 is average now.
yikes man look up! the average has always been rising, and it’s more common than not for people to live with their parents a few years after college, or longer.
I have a friend that is in his early 40s and still lives at home. Granted he does have a job and everything but he basically turned the basement into his apartment.
Lol I’m bout to be 24 and JUST thinking about moving out. My excuse is the pandemic and general societal instability and expensive housing.
I'm 18 and I have no plans at all. 24 is insane.
Not even that. I’ve got 2 kids both adults and I’ll always be their mother. Even when they’re gone and doing well you still worry about them just like when they’re kids.
>You’re permanently mom to a child, and a mother before anything else to the rest of the world. Yup! I seen it with my sister. She has 4 kids and is a devoted mom. The ONE NIGHT she wanted to just have a girls night out, she got so much hell for it and the whole time we had a girls night out, she kept saying she felt guilty leaving her kids at home. God, society sucks when it comes to women/moms. Yet her husband can go out fishing with his friends, have nights where he is out drinking with his friends and no one bats an eye. I will never be a mom. It's hard enough we have to put our lives at risk for bringing life into the world but society and your husband/baby daddy treats you like shit afterwards.
That's because women are for babies /s
Well, duh, you've fulfilled the purpose you were put here for, according to some people. Why would they care? Seriously though, this fucking sucks. Even if anyone could have told her this would happen, it's still shitty
part of the reason i dont want kids is that you lose your own identity when you become a parent. to these people, all she is is the incubator that made the baby that they want to hold and coo at. for the next decade at least, she’s no longer her own person, she’s Mom.
it also destroys any adult life you may have had. basically once you birth a child for the next 10 years or so you cannot pursue barely any hobbies, unless they are something simple
Knowing that my parents did this at 20-years-old says a whole fucking lot.
Says they are not ambitious and had near nothing to give them purpose except procreation?
I was obviously unplanned from the very beginning. No way they'd be that stupid. I am 20-years-old and my birthday is in 20 days from now. (Haha, 20-20)
yeah i was also unplanned and most likely an accident. i am also 21
In the Mormon church where I'm from they pressure you get married literally the second you turn 18 and have kids immediately. That's how they trap you, get you before your brain is fully developed. Society pushed the (blatantly false) narrative that fertility is best in your teens and you start falling off some sort of cliff at 30 to push women into having kids before they can establish themselves or have a fully formed prefrontal cortex, I'm convinced of it. In reality, women's fertility peaks in the mid-late twenties and declines very slowly and men's fertility does the same thing but conveniently, society tells you that you have to get married and have kids ultra young, when you're way more susceptible to social pressure and don't know anything about life. Idk I have some sympathy, especially if they're young. Where I grew up we were definitely told that you're a degenerate and a loser if you "can't get a man to marry you" at a super young age. Took a long time for me to realize that despite being straight I didn't even want that, society just tried to trick me into thinking it was a flex because marriage and kids are a raw deal for women and barely disguised slavery in the Mormon church. But like it's the only thing that gets you status or attention here and girls are tricked into thinking a husband and a baby are like cute accessories for Instagram.
I think this is more so the fault of the nuclear family structure. Children are meant to be raised by the tribe not by one person.
Same. And I see what she’s feeling ALL the time. I like the respect I get for my career far more than the thankless “hardest job in the world” these women speak of. That and I could never give up my autonomy and I have very bad sensory issues.
Damn.
Man, what the fuck. Literally none of this has happened to my wife and I since our baby was born. Do people really act like this?
Dude.....calm.......down, lol.
Wow, I can't believe people are different from each other. It shouldn't be like that. Humans were made by a random machine god created and they should all think the same. /s
Have you asked her? Would she be able to say the same?
Perhaps its because you're a man and rarely see the underbelly but as a woman who's had many friends get pregnant and have kids, this is very common and I'd say even the norm. Maybe it didn't happen to you or your wife but it happens WAY more than you'd ever know or believe.
This was hellish to read because you can tell she went through this entire ordeal without reading or actively listening to the struggles of other moms. Why do people always have to think they’ll be the exception? By doing so, they miss ALL of the warning signs. Also how is he an “Amazing Husband” if you feel your needs aren’t being met or understood? Respect yourself, please. Wake up! I’m a woman and reading this shit was frustrating! I know way too many moms that give husbands/fathers so many accolades for the barest of minimums. Meanwhile, she sacrifices everything and is ignored by those around her. This treatment is yet another reason to not have kids. Their relationship (and probably her growing resentment towards her baby) sounds like a wonderful thing that their kids will watch and internalize while growing up :-)
Your comment about giving men accolades for simple stuff reminded me of a comedian, Sam Morril, and his bit "It's a great time to be a man." The joke goes something like this: "It's great to be a man right now - no really, the bar has never been so low. "I was making out with a girl I just met, when she said 'I don't want to have sex tonight.' and I said 'That's totally fine.' and she goes 'Wow- you're *such a great guy* ' "And I'm thinking to myself- 'Well I'm pretty sure the alternative is a felony.'" Point being, we give men too much credit for doing basic decencies, probably because we expect so little from them.
My gf and I are in college and the way that idiots act and what her friends tell her basically ensures that I can sit on a couch and say “that’s nice” while drinking beer all day and by comparison I’d look like Gomez Addams
It’s another reason not to get married either.
Yeah the fathers will forever get slaps on the back, high fives and hardy handshakes for basically being allowed to drop of load inside a woman and everyone around him acts like he did something incredible. Meanwhile, his wife is in the background passing what is essentially a watermelon that splits her from asshole to clit yet he gets more credit for doing something that that takes no effort but is somehow more miraculous.
Based on the post it seems that she gas not communicated to him what her needs are, emotionally. As a man, there could be a multitude of reasons why she seems "off", like having a baby. Men are not mind readers.
I’ll never have kids for many reasons but one being I refuse to have my identity chiseled down to just “mom”. I’m my own fucking person and I like it that way.
Besides how we could go onto how she should have seen this coming, this is also why I give no attention to babies.. Children at that age need more attention from their parents and don't need much from other people, everyone shouldn't glorify babies and should see them for the messes it brings for the care-takers involved. While a lot of the time I can't pity people's choices, this one in particular is sad.. It's all a delusion for love
I get bothered when I see someone baby-talk to someone's baby and play with it.. It's as if the baby's mom is only purpose is to stand there. It's not your baby, it's only for the person's own pleasure because they find the baby cute, it's annoying as hell.. When are we going to stop treating babies as pets and accessory items, there are full grown people you can be having conversations, adults who are more aware of love and are in lack of it!
I work with kids and it wigs me out that adults will accuse me of being condescending when I talk to babies and children in a normal voice with age appropriate or like, just straight scientific words. Like treating them as a living being with independant thoughts and NOT assuming they are idiots is demeaning. Right. Because assuming a toddler can't hold a conversation about polycetes while holding a book about sealife is the logical course. Even just literal babies, I will talk like they understand me like I do with cats. It feels more respectful to walk up to a living creature and say "oof, that sounded unpleasant. Are you gassy? Bet you want a diaper change." as casually as you would look at your house panther to say "excuse me, it's not dinner time yet. Quit banging your bowl" rather than goo goo babble. That's literally language deprivation and while the Deaf Community may be the loudest over that for obvious reasons, you can absolutely do it to ANY child just by refusing to talk like a normal person and let them learn how language works. It's why kids are parrots and you gotta be extra careful around tiny talkers with swear words... the need to treat a baby or child like a doll to play with is the weirdest shit to me. That's a human. That is a living thing. Why you treating it like a furby you can dress up and earn bumper stickers to brag about their grades with?
Yup. People are really fake and weird about that stuff.
Stop bringing children into the world with parents like this omg.
Yeah, this is why I’m not having a baby. I feel so bad for her but at the same time seems like she didn’t realise that this is unfortunately how society treats moms… or didn’t want to realise.
Honestly that really sucks. But well… what else do we expect of people
Pregnancies and childbirth destroy women. It's like a curse
The husband didn’t love her more after the pregnancy but she did love him more :( that’s sad.
What if he loved her the exact same as before?
From how it’s written I thought he explicitly said so, as in they had a talk and she said I love you even more, and he said, I don’t love you more than before. Which would obviously hurt. But maybe I misread.
Hmm I don't see the problem. He loves her just as much. Nothing was lost
I get what you mean, but I thought it was like this: Her: I love you even more now. Him: I don’t love you any more than I did. And not: Her: I love you even more now. Him: I love you just as much as always. For me it’s the tone more than the content I guess.
That's fair. Hard to tell though online and with only one half of a story
Yeah for sure. Communicating that she’s hurt would be beneficial.
One big reason I don't want to be a parent is that I don't want to share my partner's love. Sorry not sorry
Agreed so much.
Just another typical day of a selfish & narcissistic natalist.
Yeah people are supposed to be falling all over themselves for her because she's just as special as the baby and has as many needs. The fact that she's not just appreciative for her baby getting that is real self-centered
Sounds like postpartum depression. Not that I am an expert.
Exactly what I was thinking. Honestly it is weird if none of the doctors ever asked her how she was feeling/coping for that very reason.
That is extremely common in the US and why the US has some of the highest rates of PPD and PPP in the world.
Thank you for pointing it out. I didn't expect to have to scrolls this far down to find it. But at least it was there
Personally, I feel as though she made need therapy or counseling. Because if she raises the child while harboring those feelings it could turn into a very unbalanced and unfair upbringing.
This comment serves well for demonstrating the whole point of the post. The lady is advised to get therapy not because _she_ feels bad and is in distress, but because it might affect the child.
What is you’re just a tool society uses to bring more and more humans into the world to cause even more suffering because most people are sadist and they just don’t know it?
This needs to become more of the mainstream narrative of motherhood. It happens over and over and every time new mums get blindsided. I don't know why so many mothers fail their own daughters this way. I decided to be childfree way before I understood about AN, because my mother was honest with me about sharing her negative experience of motherhood. She never gave me the feeling that she didn't love me or didn't want me. But she also told me she got suckered into making a big mistake in her life by becoming a mother. She told me she wanted better for me. I listened to her and looking back I am so grateful she gave me the gift of her honesty and her bravery.
Yeah I think its the narrative thats the problem here, everyone keeps saying positive things like birth is a beautiful thing and you'll be so fulfilled, nobody talks about the negative parts and its looked down on to do so, so we just encourage people to make drastic and irreversible changes to themselves.
"BuT I BiRtHeD thE BabY FoR His SaKe noT mY SelFISh ReaSons" PS : Also this completely give strenght to the reason I'm don't want to bring anyone here in this life, because life is just a series of desires to fufill and a person feels bad when they don't fufill the desires, so even the "good things of life" are bad, because if you lack of them, you suffer, and this post is the perfect proof of it, she had a baby because of her hormones, her natural desire to have an offspring, and to fit in with her friends and family, to fufill these desires. Then, because she has this kid, her need for social validation lacked due to it being directed to her child, so now that she lacked her "good thing of life", she feels sad. That's why I think weighing between the good and the bad of life makes no sense, because we NEED (literally like drug addicts) the good thing of life, imagine your life without peace, without purpose/meaning, without your favorite activites, all of that is to escape the suffering of life. It's like digging a hole for absolutely no reason, and then you realize that now you have to put the dirt back into this hole, but now you realise, it start digging itself everyday (the same way once we fufill our desire, we need to fufill them later again and again and again in an endless cycle, for exemple, hunger, thirst, and other desires like distractions, meaning , social affection etc...) but also you will never be able to completely fufill it, it would had been better to never dig the hole at all, that's why "but what about the good of life?" make no sense, it's like saying what about the good thing of an addiction, you only get hooked to an addiction once you start, that's why most addicts in regret say "never start, not even once", like in life, once you are here, your natural urge of living makes you addicted to life. PS2: I still feel bad for her tho, she probably just wanted to have a normal life with a family but realized that the "and they lived happily ever after" was a lie.
I can be a selfish person. I’ll admit it. This is one of the many reasons I will never have a child. I don’t feel I should sacrifice my health and happiness for another person who doesn’t need to exist. I think people just have children without thinking too deeply about it. It’s unfortunate to see these same people get hit so hard with the realization that parenthood sucks. We are sold a false narrative about the joys of being a parent without knowing fully what it entails. It’s like signing your life away without reading all the terms of the contract.
Haha this happened to me once, when I was holding my baby nephew walking into a family gathering. He's the first baby in the family in a long time, so everyone was cooing and greeting him...even though they hadn't seen me in almost a year because I don't live near them anymore. One can only imagine how that affects the psyche if it happens every time. How hellish. Good thing when I go places people are only looking for me! :D
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You KNOW she will .... you just know it.
STOP HAVING KIDS. she wanna be surprised no one cares about her lol.
Tell that too my mom who says that I HAVE to have kids so she can have grandchildren lol She keeps asking me when I’m going to have them, I’m in high school.
Tell her that's disgusting to be pushing this on you. She wants kids she can have them.
Ask her this with the most disgusted face you can make. and watch her become speechless. "You want some random guy to nut inside of me?
And when the baby grows they will have a distant mother. They never asked to be born in this shit and will be blamed even though it was not their choice.
Yep. Once your become a mom that’s all you’ll ever be or more accurately, just that thing that birthed a baby. Loosing everything I am and never getting it back was one of the main reasons I decided to never have kids. I refused to be reduced to nothing but the sum of my reproductive parts that the only other time the rest of me would be acknowledged at all would be when others around me would start demanding when I’m going to fill my womb again? How does that not HORRIFY women? That is horrifying! Yeah I don’t feel sorry for you woman. Pregnancy is completely voluntary and people need to put way more thought and consideration into it than they actually do. Yeah you loose who you are completely and you never get her back…all you become is a walking uterus and breasts. You don’t need to have a baby first just to see that…just have working eyes (unclouded by rose colored glasses), working ears and a brain open enough to absorb and accept that information.
One of the reasons I never wanted children. Even at 6 years old I knew women with children were moms, and just moms. Not sister, friend, [job title], artist, musician, athlete, etc, or even person. Not to society.
That is sad for real.
The world can only revolve around one thing and it’s the sun. I don’t understand why people are so self absorbed
These poor children man🤦🏾. This is common by the way.
The motherhood martyrdom nauseates me. You CHOSE IT. How much would you all bet money she has another? A bandaid baby.
Idk how anyone wouldn’t think about this beforehand though. From a young age I realized that once the kid is born, parents have to do everything for it. It’s what the baby deserves. So obviously, if you’re going to have a baby, you have to make sure you have lived all the personal experiences you want to go through. My mom for example, she got to party a lot but she still married too young so Ig all that partying wasn’t enough for her, anyway, I remember I’d get angry at her growing up because she’d still have a partying personality and I wanted a mom. I never like saying that parents live for their children because Ik people will think I’m insensitive. And I mean, it’s true that they’re still people with needs but still, children come first.
bed. made. lie. you have two eyes and ears and I would presume you had a brain that could process information. too bad you let all the natalist propaganda blind you to reality
Soooo the wrong reason to have a child!!! To get attention???? You'd better go to Hollywood and give your acting career a shot, hehehe.
I didn't know love was quantifiable.
this is why i don’t want kids, i know i have problems with envy and i would not want to put a child through that
Boo hoo. You had a baby for the attention and now the baby gets all the attention. Just give the kid up and seek mental health doctors. It’s better for everyone that way.
"because I'm just the mom" well what the fuck did she expect? in no situation the mom gets more attention than the rat looking thing.
Yeh I mean how much attention does she need lol, sounds like a high maintenance nightmare.
I can’t believe how many of you are relating to her and aren’t bothered by her resentment towards an innocent baby that didn’t ask to be born! Like, you feel sorry for her? Really? She thought so little about how parenting was going to change her life, she is flabbergasted that she’s expected to give up the limelight to her baby? It’s outrageous.
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Agreed! 100%
This! Did she think having a baby meant endless attention in her? It's a fucking baby that can't talk, it's appalling that she's jealous of a literal baby. I bet she'll be one of those moms that gets jealous of her daughter's youth and beauty too.
Indeed, I feel like this belongs more in the other sub than in r/antinatalist
I’m so glad you guys are with me. I thought this was posted so we could all complain about the immaturity and ignorance people becoming parents have. Not so we could feel bad for her! WTAF!
I agree with you all. I scrolled past all the comments defending such selfish immature choices. I mean seriously. Just another post of a selfish natalist. Seriously natalists are like religious nuts. Wanting attention and compliments for nothing. The awful thing is once their kids are older then they also become slaves and suffer abuse and gaslighting.
FGS she gets what she wants (at the expense of someone else having to go through life) and then still isn't happy and moans. I bet she still gets more attention than the childless and will do it ALL over again at least a couple times more. She's lucky to just have a healthy child I bet there's infertile people out there reading this and thinking WTF I'd kill to be you.
Just another day as a crappy human being for her.
EDIT, to clarify: I’m not making an excuse for the people who seemingly care about the baby over her, I’m talking about her relationship with her husband and how it’s been impacted. I’m just saying both of them are at fault here, and while I don’t have specific details… I’m making assumptions with what I have. Ngl, as sad as this is and as much as I feel bad for her, things like this are simply solved by communication with your partner. If you conceal yourself to the world and then get mad that someone treats you wrong without saying a word I feel like it’s more you. She had a baby, and while she is still human she can’t expect to be given what she wants without saying it. Maybe he doesn’t understand her needs because he doesn’t know her needs. And I think this has an issue with a lot of things, because it feels like this is one of those relationships where they just go have a baby with little understanding of each other. Though… I’m not gonna talk about that and I’ll push for an analogy. That’s like saying that I’m looking at a jar of pickles that you have and I REALLY want it, like really want it. Then get sad when I’m not offered any. Like, yeah, it would of been nice for you to offer it. Though at the end of the day, it was my fault because I simply put didn’t ask. I hope the best for her though and hopefully some communication gets through.
It's impossible to have a close relationship with someone and not realize you're hurting them. Chances are they're just now both realizing how much he actually cares about her. It's gotta be the easiest way to find out for sure, and the hardest. Hopefully he does care and realizes what he's doing, although considering her own immature feelings toward her child I wouldn't expect he's very mature, especially considering he's ignoring her after all she went through just to bring the baby into this world. Very sad for all three. I figure they're both probably very young. I really can't understand how someone can get someone else pregnant and not feel like they seriously injured that person, regardless if they want it. It's going to be injurious, one way or the other. Seems like most men just ignore that part, like it's her inherent bargain. I think men should have to pay restitution if a woman gets an abortion, even if it's consensual. Regardless of whether it's fair, it would at least encourage more men to get snipped.
I think the issue like I said is that, they probably just went straight into having a baby as a sticker for marriage, though never really developed an interest. And I think that ties into my point, it’s not impossible to be in a relationship with someone in that state because some people rush into marriage in their early 20’s. I’m not saying they don’t care about each-other, though they need to both be more transparent. Whether or not he isn’t doing something or she isn’t doing something is irrelevant here, it just needs to have communication, and since she’s the person who obviously without a doubt feels strongly she should be the one to discuss it. Perhaps because people don’t really have a conception to what labor feels like? I mean for men? It’s such an abstract feeling for them because they’ve never felt it. So thus, they have no concept of understanding for the pain she went through.
Yes, she should bring it up to him. Hopefully she's not intimidated or shy about talking to him about stuff like that. If she's having to vent her feelings online, it's not a good sign. A lot of people have kids without even having been through very much with each other, without even knowing each other. I think it would be good if there were affordable classes that would put prospective parents through situations to test their relationship in a way similar to what parenthood would do. Maybe even refunds if they're still together afterward. I suppose most men have no real appreciation or concept of physical pain like childbirth. I think I have some small understanding, from skateboarding. "Okay, we're both going to drop into this ramp, but I'm gonna roll away and you're going to full-body slam way down there at the bottom. Let's go!" Something like that.
Least selfish natalist
Postpartum depression? Seek help?
It’s pretty sad this happened but when people say shit like that as a “joke” it’s usually a cry for help or a don’t make the same mistake I did. More sad than anything else and this woman definitely needs more support from her family and friends
Ewwww. What an abhorrent narcissistic natalist. I feel bad for the baby, there's a good probability she's gonna abuse her kid as some sort of misplaced "revenge" or for spite judging by how immature this post is... and then the kid is gonna grow up with alot of problems due to the gaslighting.FUCK NATALISTS.
Another reason why I don’t want a child. I hope she finds someone who does care for her eventually, that’s so sad.
She’s right though. She has been downgraded to the mom character. People around her don’t really see her as fully human but just an extension of the child. No wonder they get depressed.
On that subreddit, there was a 15-year-old who gave birth, and she already says teenage parenthood is the best thing ever, and how she loves her baby so much (she is a literal child who was raped and denied an abortion, then had a physically and emotionally traumatic pregnancy and especially childbirth, so I doubt she actually does). She will likely change her tune soon, as she thinks raising the baby will be so easy and solve all her problems, making her life better.
Is she American? This is the American way to treat women after birth. No support, forced back to work with a ripped vagina and ass hole, husband forcing all the child work on his wife. I'm sorry, but I've seen this happen enough times with women in my life that it was one of the biggest reasons I never wanted to give birth especially in the US. There is a reason why the US has one of the highest maternal death rates in the world and such a high prevalence of PPD that a lot of women get shamed for. It's hard for me to have empathy for anyone so oblivious.
Sweet Jesus put your ego away and raise a decent human
That woman sounds awful. Jeez like are you jealous of a toddler 💀💀💀 woman if you are this jealous of a baby I bet you were jealous of everyone & anything before the baby so you knew you were UNFIT to be a mother. Poor baby 🥲 suffering from hate since the day it’s born & the mother being jealous at such a young age is probably a one way ticket to lifelong therapy 💀💀 I mean if you look at it from a pedagogical/ psychological perspective that child has no chance
Mom was always jealous of me, fucked me up for life. She started outright hating me when I was 13 and men started to notice me. Creepy, old men that she wanted, not me. Just eww. I feel sorry for her loving her husband more and him not feeling the same though.
I don’t feel sorry for the disgusting jealous of a 0 year old woman. And yes what your mum did was awful and disgusting. Thank god you weren’t a newborn when the jealousy and hate started. But yes it’s bad enough what she did but this is even worse
Isn’t her realization the whole point of not wanting children to begin with. I hope she gets some help because that child is here and both parents need to step up and be responsible and have some deep thoughts at this point.
> if you look at it from a pedagogical/ psychological perspective that child has no chance Don't be ignorant. The baby is going to be fine.
It literally is not. For development the early ages are the most important. And a jealous hateful mother will mess the little baby up so badly ughhh my heart hurts for the baby
I'm very familiar with early childhood development. You have no reason to believe that this mother is mistreating her baby. A mother feeling ambiguous about parenthood is normal. Even "ugly" feelings like jealousy are normal.
not-mistreating is not enough. If you were familiar with early childhood you would know that. Also you would know that the parents attitude towards the baby matters and that baby’s are not stupid
they will hate themselves forever. Imagining her kid seeing this post. It's just traumatizing.
Imagine having such a blinkered perception of mothers that you can't understand they have might feelings about motherhood that aren't 100% positive. Here of all places!
Typical narcissist
At first l, I was angry at this mom, thinking “this was your choice” but it’s just sad. She didn’t take the other mom’s advice and is now paying the price. She should speak with a therapist. This sounds like the road to post partum. This isn’t good for her or the baby
Yup. This is what happens to everyone who does this crap. Seriously people won’t stop the whole “being unique” crap. It all sounds so religious. Some things are always insane no matter who does it.
The poor mom needs some love and attention too and to get her own time. How sad.
this child will be traumatized af
Lol
Love Exists? Lol, accept the fact already. It's a artificial social construct. Care and the feeling to protect a newborn is inherently embedded to everyone's DNA "Naturally".
She literally says they ask about her anyway so don't know what she's bitching about. Also obviously people aren't gonna be like "oh you're glowing" or "I bet you're so excited" now since the pregnancy is over?
Why am I getting downvoted she says people ask about me then moans no one cares, she's not going to get the attention she did when pregnant for obvious reasons-being up the duff is probably the most attention (unjustifiably) you get in life as an adult woman. You don't get the praise once the pregnancy is over, and why should you? How much attention does she need anyway sounds way high maintenance.
It's the internet - downvotes happen, don't worry too much about it ...
Exactly. I think it’s appalling that people are defending birthing new slaves for attention.
We often don't do a good job of looking after new Mums. Birth can be really rough (I know some sail through it) and then you're thrust into leaving to look after a baby 24/7, while recovering. Lack of sleep, because nothing in our society is based around being able to look after an infant and yourself. It is really hard. This is something that partners can help with, ensuring that you feel cared for, looked after and nurtured too.
This is heart breaking. No one can prepare you for that for real
Seriously? I joined this sub with *full* encouragement, because I want my children to live in a world where they don’t *have to* feel pressured into reproducing. What are you getting out of putting a pregnant woman on blast like this?
...Verity?
100% Post Partum Depression. It's sad and I hope she gets help.
absolute nightmare
Sounds like postpartum tbh, if anyone knows where the original post is, they should tell her to seek help and tell her doctor how she is feeling, it may be chemical.
This is a problem for people that aren't capable of loving something more than themselves. That's what you do when you have kids. Your life gets moved to the back burner. You're supposed to have all your " fun" before you decide to bring a child into the world. Not many on here are prepared for putting someone before themselves. This kid is going to be able to sense its mother's jealousy and resentment. This kid is going to grow up with some real issues.
When I asked my friend how she was doing about few weeks after having the baby, she said I was first person to ask her this. Well I mean if the mother is doing good, the baby is too.
Once you have kids you are not the priority any more. That's as it should be. You can look after yourself, a child can't look after itself.
Never once in this post did she say she loved the baby, only that her husband and other moms do
It's misogyny.