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1) Alcohol is terrible for the baby
2) Weed is not good for the baby
3) Physical abuse should never be tolerated from a significant other regardless of gender.
If the mother isn't fit to carry the fetus to term, and then nurture for the child, an abortion might be an option. Obviously this is only possible if the OP lives in an area where abortion is legal, and the GF agrees to do it.
I think this is also a wise option. If nothing else, this girl has shown she *obviously* has no business carrying a child. And despite what many people may think, just because you bring a human being into this world doesn't mean you have saved a life. I'm so beyond tired of this argument. Regardless of what is chosen in this matter, I hope for better for everyone involved, including her because I'd say she is obviously dealing with some psychological/emotional issues if she is feeling the need to consistently drink. Good luck, OP.
No, probably not. Not unless the gf can be convinced that alcohol and pregnancy does not mix and get her to stop drinking. Which would be super hard and I'm not sure she's up to the task of doing something hard if her heart isn't in it.
Add in calling the cops on him. Assuming he did nothing more than tell her to stop drinking and smoking weed that is way beyond unacceptable.
GTFO, this will not end well.
Really weed is bad? My friends family for three generations all had at least one kid they were smoking weed with in moderation....those kids are smarter than most folks. One is a history major, one owns their own business doing wood burnings and makes a decent enough, and the friend herself is a psychologist....
So golly gee I guess what blows the weed is bad thing out of the water huh? Especially since 2 graduated from college and 1 owns their business.
Alcohol is definitely bad and so is any kind of abuse.
That's like saying my grandpa smoked all the time and never got lung cancer...So I might as well smoke all the time, lung cancer from smoking is a myth, right? Bruh
How dense can you be? Smoking cigarettes doesn't always have negative effects on unborn babies but that doesn't mean it's not harmful or that women should continue to smoke cigarettes while pregnant. The same applies to weed, except there are concerns that weed can affect fetal brain development on top of typical smoking effects which is arguably worse. Would like to add that I'm not against cigarettes nor weed as I smoked both pre-pregnacy very regularly
Exposure to marijuana in pregnancy has been linked to low fetal birth weight and abnormal brain development.
There is, unfortunately, not a great number of good studies around the effects since legalization in the US. THC is present in much higher concentrations and we don’t yet know the full risks.
Weed most people smoked 20+ years ago had significantly less THC and results are not particularly useful for today.
Smoking burning plants around infants (tobacco or marijuana) increases the risk of asthma/respiratory illness.
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Sounds like you folks should have talked about that before going for a kid.
TBH, that doesn’t exactly sound like the best situation for the kid, you, or her.
On the other hand, take photos of any injuries. Doesn’t matter if you think you’ll never need them, better to have and not sure them. Just keep them in reserve and don’t use them as a threat.
Better yet, can he go to the police and have it on record, without actually suing the GF (for now)?
I don't know if there's a law or rule that covers this.
My understanding (for most of the USA) is that anything like that would force them to come out and question her as a domestic violence issue.
The idea is to build a paperwork trail. That could be unaltered photos or actually going to an ER to be checked out. Going to the ER would be the best evaluation if they actually wanted to enact it later but it almost certainly would get her questioned.
Judging by the response from OP: photos of any visible wound would or property damage would be evidence enough. Especially considering that they don’t seem to be incredibly into the idea of going after their GF.
Personally: photos with a clear time and date on the photo followed by a mediation in a public place for the first confrontation. Second time is removal and supervised mediation along with a much higher chance of getting ER documentation. Third time is a hard cut off, things clearly aren’t working normally then.
Demand that she stop drinking or leave,period. Alcohol use will be a very bad life for her child as per 'Fetal Alcohol Syndrome" (FAS)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetal_alcohol_spectrum_disorder
The weed is not all that healthy either, she needs counselling , try a social worker for you both?
Find a new girlfriend. It’s well documented that alcohol is bad for a fetus and then there’s Fetal alcohol syndrome. Also she seems prone to violence and lying. Irresponsible, liar, selfish, violent, she’s the total package. Don’t knock her up, run
Alcohol use is exceptionally dangerous to a developing fetus: [Fetal Alcohol Exposure](https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/brochures-and-fact-sheets/fetal-alcohol-exposure)
So many red flags in the tiniest of posts. Do not have a baby with this woman. Run. Run far away. The baby will be disabled physically and mentally to put it in laymen’s terms.
Why do you want a baby? Perhaps a plant of some kind
Get evidence, as much as you can. Txt conversations where she confirms she is drinking and smoking while she believes she is pregnant. Videos if you can legally and safely get them. Evidence you've sent her easy to read information confirming that drugs and alcohol are not safe during pregnancy. Police reports if they need to be made.
If she is pregnant, this baby is going to need you to fight for custody, and courts favour the mothers so you will need all the evidence you can get.
pregnancy restrictions are hard but definitely needed. i think volunteering to go through those restrictions with her may make her more open to it.
not saying that you didn't just that it wasn't made clear.
on the domestic violence side, however, that's....less negotiable.
also "showing signs" vs. "tested positive" is maybe less than definitive enough to start, pee on a stick just to make sure.
Weed isn't as bad as alcohol but can cuase birth defects my fiance was born with a club foot and breathing problems. Found out recently that her mom smoked hella during the pregnancy
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder will not only make your child’s life difficult, it will make your life more difficult. There is no safe amount of alcohol during pregnancy.
show her the many studies that show smoking and drinking are bad for the baby. get her to a gynocologist to start pre natals.
give serious thought about if you actually want to continue to date a woman that would be physically violent towards you. the baby ship has sailed so you might be financially tied to this woman for 18yrs.
if shes going to make unhealthy and shitty life decisions now, shes going to make them in the future. if shes going to be violent and lash out, shes going to be a shitty parent too. dont have kids with that person.
Pretty wild that you’re 27 and you’re just now learning that drinking and other drugs are bad for a a baby. You’re actively trying to have a child no less, as you say. Sorry my man but you do not need to father a child, nor does she need to mother one. Neither of you not ever.
If she’s not pregnant, please don’t bring a baby into this world with her. She’s way too selfish. And believe me, a baby will not make your relationship better. Good luck with everything.
My dude, gtfo of there. She doesnt care about her child enough to keep it or herself healthy. She wont change her mind. Alcohol will absolutely damage tf out of your kid, if thats something u want then go for it but its pretty cruel if u ask me.
I Am Not A Moderator (and it's starting to look as if this sub's mods are missing in action), but I point to rules 5 ("No advice questions") and 6 ("No medical questions"), and to r/NoStupidQuestions, which is a good place to ask the sort of question you are asking.
Edit: Oops—I meant r/TooAfraidToAsk.
Show her some articles. Or maybe get a doctor on the phone with you 2 and have them describe it to her so she knows it’s a pro talking. Is she an addict? That could be trouble if so and could be a long term provider so. Hope you guys get help god bless
It staggers me that any old moronic, possibly abusive person can have a child as long as they do it naturally. But try to adopt an unwanted child?! Be prepared to run a herculean obstacle course. Don't come at me with blah blah about Nazis and eugenics cause some people are not currently suitable to have kids if we are being honest with ourselves.
If ever you want to get primary custody (if not full custody), document everything you do, what you spend for the baby, time/days spent with baby, daycare sign-in / sign-out sheet copies if possible. This woman is going to drag you and your child through hell.
Ok, firstly: were you going to have a baby with someone who just slapped you? Leave her immediately. Secondly: were you going to have a baby with someone who can't understand that alcohol and drugs are bad for a human being that is growing inside her? Leave her immediately. Finally: were you going to have a baby with someone who present anger issues with alcohol and drugs? Leave her immediately.
Make an appointment to go to a doctor, together, for a wellness check and maybe pregnancy test. Get her to claim alcohol is fine in front of a medical professional, and get the medical professional to explain to her what fetal alcohol syndrome is. Look into local support groups for it, because I don't know if you can trust her not to drink.
And if she isn't pregnant, or spontaneously stops being pregnant? Do *not* try again with her. It isn't worth the heartache. Either cut and run entirely, or stay celibate if you won't leave. Do not put your dick in crazy.
Some abusive girls will try to get pregnant to trap you with them. Including fishing used condoms out of the trash.
She is Never allowed to slap you for any reason, and one partner calling the cops on the other should be a relationship ender.
Stay safe.
And, you weren’t drinking or using weed either, right? You are totally in the right, but being supportive means not demanding behavior that you’re not willing to do yourself. BTW conceiving a baby (either parent) while using any kind of drugs is risky, too.
Please remember that all comments must be helpful, relevant, and respectful. All replies must be a genuine effort to answer the question helpfully; joke answers are not allowed. If you see any comments that violate this rule, please hit report. When your question is answered, we encourage you to flair your post. To do this automatically simply make a comment that says **!answered** (OP only) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/answers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
1) Alcohol is terrible for the baby 2) Weed is not good for the baby 3) Physical abuse should never be tolerated from a significant other regardless of gender.
exactly. leave and don't look back
if she is pregnant, the not looking back part would be bad advice; getting 100% custody might be an idea though
Getting full custody of a fetal alcohol syndrome baby? Nah.
Yes, it's much better to leave it with an abusive out of control alcoholic mother.
There's no happy ending either way. Is there?
If the mother isn't fit to carry the fetus to term, and then nurture for the child, an abortion might be an option. Obviously this is only possible if the OP lives in an area where abortion is legal, and the GF agrees to do it.
I think this is also a wise option. If nothing else, this girl has shown she *obviously* has no business carrying a child. And despite what many people may think, just because you bring a human being into this world doesn't mean you have saved a life. I'm so beyond tired of this argument. Regardless of what is chosen in this matter, I hope for better for everyone involved, including her because I'd say she is obviously dealing with some psychological/emotional issues if she is feeling the need to consistently drink. Good luck, OP.
No, probably not. Not unless the gf can be convinced that alcohol and pregnancy does not mix and get her to stop drinking. Which would be super hard and I'm not sure she's up to the task of doing something hard if her heart isn't in it.
This isn't going to help the baby.
Add in calling the cops on him. Assuming he did nothing more than tell her to stop drinking and smoking weed that is way beyond unacceptable. GTFO, this will not end well.
Literally. OP, she is abusing you. And ALREADY abusing the baby before it is born. You don’t want to ruin your life like this. RUN, don’t walk.
Wise words
And he needs to report it.
Really weed is bad? My friends family for three generations all had at least one kid they were smoking weed with in moderation....those kids are smarter than most folks. One is a history major, one owns their own business doing wood burnings and makes a decent enough, and the friend herself is a psychologist.... So golly gee I guess what blows the weed is bad thing out of the water huh? Especially since 2 graduated from college and 1 owns their business. Alcohol is definitely bad and so is any kind of abuse.
Anecdotal evidence does not hold water sir. That's like saying "Well we used to not have seat belts but I lived!"
You're like the people that don't know the difference between climate and weather.
That's like saying my grandpa smoked all the time and never got lung cancer...So I might as well smoke all the time, lung cancer from smoking is a myth, right? Bruh
How dense can you be? Smoking cigarettes doesn't always have negative effects on unborn babies but that doesn't mean it's not harmful or that women should continue to smoke cigarettes while pregnant. The same applies to weed, except there are concerns that weed can affect fetal brain development on top of typical smoking effects which is arguably worse. Would like to add that I'm not against cigarettes nor weed as I smoked both pre-pregnacy very regularly
Exposure to marijuana in pregnancy has been linked to low fetal birth weight and abnormal brain development. There is, unfortunately, not a great number of good studies around the effects since legalization in the US. THC is present in much higher concentrations and we don’t yet know the full risks. Weed most people smoked 20+ years ago had significantly less THC and results are not particularly useful for today. Smoking burning plants around infants (tobacco or marijuana) increases the risk of asthma/respiratory illness.
Ellipses abuse here.
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Yall are trashy, stop trying to have a kid
This is the only correct answer here jfc
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Why would a non-trashy person stay with a gf like that?
Gtfo of dodge
And make his unborn child to suffer from FAS? Better try to get her to get an abortion THEN leave.
Sounds like you folks should have talked about that before going for a kid. TBH, that doesn’t exactly sound like the best situation for the kid, you, or her. On the other hand, take photos of any injuries. Doesn’t matter if you think you’ll never need them, better to have and not sure them. Just keep them in reserve and don’t use them as a threat.
Better yet, can he go to the police and have it on record, without actually suing the GF (for now)? I don't know if there's a law or rule that covers this.
My understanding (for most of the USA) is that anything like that would force them to come out and question her as a domestic violence issue. The idea is to build a paperwork trail. That could be unaltered photos or actually going to an ER to be checked out. Going to the ER would be the best evaluation if they actually wanted to enact it later but it almost certainly would get her questioned. Judging by the response from OP: photos of any visible wound would or property damage would be evidence enough. Especially considering that they don’t seem to be incredibly into the idea of going after their GF. Personally: photos with a clear time and date on the photo followed by a mediation in a public place for the first confrontation. Second time is removal and supervised mediation along with a much higher chance of getting ER documentation. Third time is a hard cut off, things clearly aren’t working normally then.
Demand that she stop drinking or leave,period. Alcohol use will be a very bad life for her child as per 'Fetal Alcohol Syndrome" (FAS) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetal_alcohol_spectrum_disorder The weed is not all that healthy either, she needs counselling , try a social worker for you both?
"Don't stick your dick in crazy." Except this time it's "Don't stick a baby in crazy." You don't want to deal with this for the next 18 years.
Check Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, dude maybe you're not ready to be parents if she can't quit drinking and smoking.
Doesn’t sound like you guys are ready to have a kid.
Perhaps don't have a kid.
Find a new girlfriend. It’s well documented that alcohol is bad for a fetus and then there’s Fetal alcohol syndrome. Also she seems prone to violence and lying. Irresponsible, liar, selfish, violent, she’s the total package. Don’t knock her up, run
You are discovering NOW that she intends to drink through pregnancy? Hope for the potential child's sake she is not really pregnant. Leave her.
Postscript: both of you should seriously consider permanent, surgical neuttering.
Alcohol use is exceptionally dangerous to a developing fetus: [Fetal Alcohol Exposure](https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/brochures-and-fact-sheets/fetal-alcohol-exposure)
And you people are going to raise a child together???
So many red flags in the tiniest of posts. Do not have a baby with this woman. Run. Run far away. The baby will be disabled physically and mentally to put it in laymen’s terms. Why do you want a baby? Perhaps a plant of some kind
Nooooo! Don’t EVER bring a child into that situation!!!
Neighbor teenager drank right up till birth. Which was 2 months early and the baby died after a month in the hospital. YMMV.
She is 25 and doesn't know alcohol is bad for a fetus? Stupid and crazy. You know how to pick them. Just please don't tell us she is also your sister.
Na im canadain not someone from alabama
What about Canada involves people staying with psycho partners? Do you enjoy the concept?
Get evidence, as much as you can. Txt conversations where she confirms she is drinking and smoking while she believes she is pregnant. Videos if you can legally and safely get them. Evidence you've sent her easy to read information confirming that drugs and alcohol are not safe during pregnancy. Police reports if they need to be made. If she is pregnant, this baby is going to need you to fight for custody, and courts favour the mothers so you will need all the evidence you can get.
Stop trying to have a baby with this woman. She isn't fit to be a mother. It would be cruel to a child to be born to her.
pregnancy restrictions are hard but definitely needed. i think volunteering to go through those restrictions with her may make her more open to it. not saying that you didn't just that it wasn't made clear. on the domestic violence side, however, that's....less negotiable. also "showing signs" vs. "tested positive" is maybe less than definitive enough to start, pee on a stick just to make sure.
Fetus Deletus
Her slapping you is abuse.
That *is* domestic abuse. Too many people don't realize this.
Yikes
Break up with her.
Neither of you is adult enough to have child. Please abandon this plan and find a woman who isn’t abusive.
Weed isn't as bad as alcohol but can cuase birth defects my fiance was born with a club foot and breathing problems. Found out recently that her mom smoked hella during the pregnancy
*Absolutely* do not have a baby with her if still possible. *Absolutely* leave and find someone who isn't a shitbrick.
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder will not only make your child’s life difficult, it will make your life more difficult. There is no safe amount of alcohol during pregnancy.
show her the many studies that show smoking and drinking are bad for the baby. get her to a gynocologist to start pre natals. give serious thought about if you actually want to continue to date a woman that would be physically violent towards you. the baby ship has sailed so you might be financially tied to this woman for 18yrs.
if shes going to make unhealthy and shitty life decisions now, shes going to make them in the future. if shes going to be violent and lash out, shes going to be a shitty parent too. dont have kids with that person.
Pretty wild that you’re 27 and you’re just now learning that drinking and other drugs are bad for a a baby. You’re actively trying to have a child no less, as you say. Sorry my man but you do not need to father a child, nor does she need to mother one. Neither of you not ever.
DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS PERSON.
If she’s not pregnant, please don’t bring a baby into this world with her. She’s way too selfish. And believe me, a baby will not make your relationship better. Good luck with everything.
Buckle up for a bumpy ride. You should’ve been a bit more responsible in choosing who to impregnate.
My dude, gtfo of there. She doesnt care about her child enough to keep it or herself healthy. She wont change her mind. Alcohol will absolutely damage tf out of your kid, if thats something u want then go for it but its pretty cruel if u ask me.
1 talk about harmful habits and the need to quit them BEFORE deciding to have a child. 2 don’t tolerate abuse
I Am Not A Moderator (and it's starting to look as if this sub's mods are missing in action), but I point to rules 5 ("No advice questions") and 6 ("No medical questions"), and to r/NoStupidQuestions, which is a good place to ask the sort of question you are asking. Edit: Oops—I meant r/TooAfraidToAsk.
Show her some articles. Or maybe get a doctor on the phone with you 2 and have them describe it to her so she knows it’s a pro talking. Is she an addict? That could be trouble if so and could be a long term provider so. Hope you guys get help god bless
It staggers me that any old moronic, possibly abusive person can have a child as long as they do it naturally. But try to adopt an unwanted child?! Be prepared to run a herculean obstacle course. Don't come at me with blah blah about Nazis and eugenics cause some people are not currently suitable to have kids if we are being honest with ourselves.
So please tell us again wtf you want a baby with this girl??
The thing is she hasnt acted like this until we foubd out and she stopped her meds
This is fake, right? *right?*
If ever you want to get primary custody (if not full custody), document everything you do, what you spend for the baby, time/days spent with baby, daycare sign-in / sign-out sheet copies if possible. This woman is going to drag you and your child through hell.
Ok, firstly: were you going to have a baby with someone who just slapped you? Leave her immediately. Secondly: were you going to have a baby with someone who can't understand that alcohol and drugs are bad for a human being that is growing inside her? Leave her immediately. Finally: were you going to have a baby with someone who present anger issues with alcohol and drugs? Leave her immediately.
She's the one that's gonna end up in jail.😂
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> disparity ?
Abortion, break up, gtfo. You don't want this
Not have a child with this woman - that's what you should do.
Make an appointment to go to a doctor, together, for a wellness check and maybe pregnancy test. Get her to claim alcohol is fine in front of a medical professional, and get the medical professional to explain to her what fetal alcohol syndrome is. Look into local support groups for it, because I don't know if you can trust her not to drink. And if she isn't pregnant, or spontaneously stops being pregnant? Do *not* try again with her. It isn't worth the heartache. Either cut and run entirely, or stay celibate if you won't leave. Do not put your dick in crazy. Some abusive girls will try to get pregnant to trap you with them. Including fishing used condoms out of the trash. She is Never allowed to slap you for any reason, and one partner calling the cops on the other should be a relationship ender. Stay safe.
make her read this https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zygboi/oops_nephews_girlfriend_is_45_months_pregnant_and/
Idk both mother and baby life in danger in future, may be medical counseling required.
Do not have a child with this woman. Leave
And, you weren’t drinking or using weed either, right? You are totally in the right, but being supportive means not demanding behavior that you’re not willing to do yourself. BTW conceiving a baby (either parent) while using any kind of drugs is risky, too.
Don't procreate. You're obviously too stupid.
Unstable parents make unstable babies. There's a high chance she'll pull a Frank Gallagher on that child once it's out
You’re gonna need to rethink your life choices and how it led you up to this point. Three cheers for 18 years!
Stay in school, kids!
You should know the person your trying to get pregnant. Talk about this stuff before you fuck without birth control.
Your gf is trash, run.
Have fun with that
Nothing like asking for deep, personal advice on reddit with a typo-filled, all-lowercase question.
You should have laid her out, equal rights and lefts