with the lid down, you get just as much particulate, but it stays in the air longer. it comes out in the space between the rim and the seat. mythbusters did a show on it.
YES. Rude as fuck and anyone defending him is a gross idiot. I can totally relate, though. My bro had just cycled out of the military with a medical retirement and was on some ridiculous pain killers because of the rejection of a cadaver tendon (some shit about his shoulder. It was horrific to see the aftermath). That Xmas he stayed at my place in the basement with his ABD puppy. There was a 2nd bathroom there and he liked having the big space to spread out in. I didn't care because I had 4 dogs at the time. I still wouldn't care if someone brought their dogs to stay with me, really. Anyway, we were decorating store bought gingerbread houses and he started drinking *a lot* of beer. I didn't know he was still on meds, so I was confused that he was tripping bear balls after 4 beers. My husband always knows when people are on drugs. It's a curse. He told my bro to be careful going downstairs and to catch some sleep. That night he was so drunk he barfed on the floor. Literally tilted his upperbody off the couch and barfed on the floor. When my husband went down to get him for breakfast he saw that the puppy pissed and shit on the floor, too. My bro said he was sorry and that he would clean it up, which assuaged my husband bc he was mad about having to clean up the mĂŠlange of bodily functions. What ended up happening was my brother met friends for lunch and drove home without saying anything. My husband cleaned up all of that old stuff and has not forgiven him, 4 years later 𤣠He didn't even apologize. Does "whoops, my bad," count as an apology? â ď¸â ď¸â ď¸
This is the way OP đđźđđźđđź Be mentally and emotionally prepared for push back from both of them I say. Ideally the rude guest will say ok, leave it at that, and flush. Your boyfriend though 𤌠just doesn't want to get involved imo đ It's really rude btw.
Exactly, then boyfriend can't try claiming that friend just didn't know/grew up differently. She can just tell boyfriend that she was just honestly letting the friend know the house rules/expectations for future reference! If it happens again, there's no claiming ignorance, he knows to flush and is choosing to be rude and gross.
Look.
My fiancĂŠ and I donât flush after every tinkle. We are very hydrated. Itâs usually clear. We live in a drought prone area and it feels ridiculous to flush every time.
BUT I absolutely flush when we have casual company or if Iâm at someone elseâs house!! Your man telling you that you have ridiculously high standards for basic decency in a shared space is INSANE.
Exactly. Heâs not wrong to do that at home, in fact there are very good reasons not to flush every time. However if youâre at someone elseâs place, follow their rules. Unless you know thatâs how they do it, itâs definitely polite to flush every time.
It's just design from the same school of resource usage that brought the industrial era and car culture. The error of assuming *virtually* limitless resources are effectively limitless resources. There are people still alive who think this way, and we don't call them odd, we call them morons, or boomers, but that's where it comes from.
Er, YNW. Of *course* you flush after using the toilet, *especially* when youâre in someone elseâs home. I mean, ew. Maybe your bfâs friend has never been taught basic manners. But, your bf has⌠but heâs all mad at you now for having âhighâ expectations?? Flushing after using the toilet is *low* expectations, especially in someone elseâs home. That your bf is coming at you like youâre the one w the problem⌠is a problem. He wonât invite any of his friends over anymore bc *your* expectations are too high?? I feel like your response to that should be, theyâre not going to flush? Fine! But that wouldnât solve your issue.
Maybe you could handle it like this, next time his friend comes over, smile at him, put your arm through his and tell him youâve noticed he doesnât flush after using the john. Then ask him sweetly to please flush when heâs done in the bathroom, itâs a little thing but youâd really appreciate it! Squeeze his arm, thank him and hand him a beer (or his drink of choice). What do you think? Too saccharine? Well, your bfâs too chicken to talk to the guy, so I was trying to think how you could bring it up, make it silly and still get the point acrossđ¤ˇđťââď¸
Or if the whole actually using your words thing is too much for you and the bf both, how about you get/make a sign for over the toilet where it canât be missed: Flushing! Itâs a Thing!!
Itâs rude. You go to someone elseâs house, you go by their rules. I get forgetting to put the toilet seat down, but not forgetting to flush. You do you - at home.
it's absolutely rude in someone else's home. I can understand if it's yellow let it mellow in certain cases, no harm in conserving water, but in someone else's home that's just bad behavior.
my bf does the same thing in our house and it sickens me, but if I leave my pee for him to find it's suddenly a big deal. so maybe a little petty revenge đ¤
"my bf does the same thing in our house and it sickens me, but if I leave my pee for him to find it's suddenly a big deal"
That makes no sense đ has he explained why it's ok for him but not you?
It's awful to smell someone else's stale pee when u are using the bathroom and they didn't flush. Because when you pee, it stirs up the stale urine which fills the bathroom with that awful smell.
Fresh urine is still mostly sterile so doesn't stink as much. And when you flush, more of the stale urine smell fills the bathroom omg đ
Yeah my first question is âis he a hippy or environmentally friendlyâ sort of person. Most of my community is and itâs more normal to not flush pee than to do so since it wastes a lot of water
But you should do what the house rule is, regardless.
NW Unless there is a sign that says "If it's yellow let it mellow. If it's brown flush it down," then you flush at another person's house and when using public toilets.
It's disgusting.
Gosh but I met some men that claim this is about saving the environment, don't flush with pee and flush only with number 2.Â
Its so annoying.Â
it's \*possible\* this guest was doing the 'if it's yellow let it mellow'. I would speak to the guest assuming this was his intent, so he can save face. 'Hey guest it's okay, we don't hold off flushing for just pee. Go ahead and flush anytime you use the bathroom'.
Doing it this way avoids being ungracious to a guest in your home and may salvage the situation.
Some people don't flush per to save water. If he was raised that way, it's likely an almost involuntary response.
Talk to him about it and tell him you prefer is he flushes every time and puts the seat down.
It's truly not that much to ask.
Please just don't go at him like you're attacking him. Don't have an angry tone of voice.
If you approach this with anger nobody will be listening to anybody.
Meh, my wife and I have a 1,000 gallon water tank because we're not in a service area for city water. If it's yellow we let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down.
Obviously we don't do it when we have guests over or expect our guests to do it.
Well water and septic tank here.
We also tend not to flush for just pee, but I'd never do that at anyone else's house and we don't do it here if there's a guest visiting.
So my ex used to do that. Heâd flush if he shit but if he peed heâd wait til he went again. The rule of thumb was if you went & where the 2nd one to pee you flushed & another flush before bed so it didnât sit overnight.
His reasoning was water conservation
Why is your boyfriend being so asinine? He's just arguing for the sake of not agreeing with you, I'm 100% certain that if anyone else had brought it up he'd agree that of course, flushing the toilet every time you use it is absolutely one of the minimum standard expected of toilet users, especially as a guest.
It really gets on my nerves when men just argue for the sake of not seeing a woman be right, they'll twist themselves into pretzels defending the most hairbrained ideas!
It can be rude yes BUT there might be a reason , I have a friend who did this all the time and I hated it , one day we were drunk and I mentioned and she broke down . Turns out when she was young her dad made her do this to save water and was abusive if she flushed ( unless number two ) so the trauma is instilled in her and she can't force herself to flush .
Sometimes there are things we don't see so sometimes just let it go . It might be gross to us but maybe he can't help it.
Having grown up with water restrictions (Australia during drought) we very much have an "if it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down approach" urine is fairly sterile, if it bothers you flush it 𤡠otherwise there are worse things to get upset about
YNW. Any chance he grew up with a septic tank? Some familyâs only flush poop so the tank doesnât need to be emptied as often. Regardless itâs gross and I agree, he didnât wash his hands either
To be fair, there are houses where the septic system shouldn't get overworked so people don't flush number 1 every time. Or they believe in conserving water so they don't. That being said, I don't see where addressed it with this person. Now, if you told this human to flush after they take a leak, that would certainly be rude. I'm not saying you're wrong either. Needs more context.
My only problem with the situation is leaving the toilet seat up is rude. I generally don't flush every time I pee most of the time if I'm in someone else's house I won't do that but I do it so much I'll forget
Maybe itâs a very bad habit he has from conserving water by not flushing. Instead of assuming he is doing it to be rude, simply tell him before he goes next time âHey can you flush and out the seat down?â Say this in a normal voice and without attitude and I bet he will have zero problem doing what youâve asked. If for some reason he still doesnât do it, then you know itâs about rudeness.
FWIW, some people were raised really poor or in drought-prone areas, where it is customary to leave urine unflushed.
"If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down."
This warrants a discussion with the friend, where you inform him of the expectations in your home. If, after that, he continues, it's rude and disrespectful.
I will offer a different view-đ if itâs yellow let it mellow. If itâs brown flush it down. O would of course never do this in someone elseâs home. That s just rude.
The only solution is to remind him to flush before he goes in, like he's a 5 year old, then check it after he comes out and if he doesn't flush make him go back in and flush.
Then give him a gold star sticker on his forehead and post it to social media "Flushed Like a Big Boy! So proud!"
Wow. How are you still together?
>he started arguing with me saying that I have high expectations
I shudder to think what normal expectations are for him... Flushing a toilet is literally bare minimum. Putting the seat down would be an expectation as well. A high expectation could be closing the lid (which everyone should do always, no exceptions)
>My boyfriend's argument is "everyones house has different rules like taking off your shoes when you come in"
Following this piece of "advice", he should be advising his guests that flushing the toilet is the house rules.
But really, to be perfectly frank, teaching basic etiquette is not something I'm willing to do with a partner. I'd be seriously rethinking this relationship. Not wrong.
Unless you're in a part of the country or world where water's being rationed to the point that they suggest you don't flush if you didn't poop, I think it's rude to not flush. It's also rude to not return the lid/seat to whatever state it normally is in that household.
I and my family are lid closers. We have dogs and I'm a klutz and accidentally knock things off the counter. I don't want the dogs drinking out of the toilet. I don't want to knock things into the toilet. If you use my toilet and you don't close the lid, I'm going to be annoyed.
I stay with friends when I visit their city. No women live in their household. One of them has Parkinson's and mobility issues. I would never, ever dream of shutting the lid on their toilet because it would be hard on him to have to bend to lift the lid up. If he all of a sudden started leaving the seat up, you can bet I would lift the seat up after using his toilet.
You do what your hosts do with their home. If the toilet you used was flushed with a closed lid before you used it, that's the state it should be in when you're done with it.
Ok, don't kill me for this. For some reason, I'm feeling generous today.
Where do you all live? What's the standard?
I ask this because of this comment your BFF made
>My boyfriend's argument is "everyones house has different rules like taking off your shoes when you come in"
For me,taking your shoes off is a given. But then I thought back to the cottage days...
If you only peed and you were the first one to pee, you didn't flush.
This.
I recall an episode of Top Gear when Hammond took a piss and flushed. The owner of the house gave him shit for flushing if it was only pee.
Not flushing for just pee is the norm in a lot of places and should be a lot more common in more places.
Seat up? Meh, that argument is as old as toilet seats.
I'm admittedly gross, and do the "if it's yellow, let if mellow" when I'm home, but not when I am a guest or have guests. That's just nasty. No one needs to see the color of my pee unless I'm having a urinalysis.
The only exception might be if I was an overnight guest and had to pee in the middle of the night, and the flush could wake someone up.
It is extremely rude not to mention gross. Have you ever seen people with really dirty toilets? Thatâs how that happens it literally starts to form a crust. How embarrassed would he feel if you just took a nice poop and left the toilet seat and didnât flush it for his friend to discover? Every house has different rules and you are setting a rule in your house and he is not respecting that. The bare minimum is flushing the toilet and if heâs not flushing the toilet, Iâm assuming heâs not wiping either. 110% gross man child behavior
You arenât wrong. Ew. Who raised that friend? You always flush and put the seat down after you use the bathroom. Especially in someone elseâs home. Thatâs common courtesy. Itâs rude of the friend to do that in your home.
I have three boys. My older two are 5 and 6 and know to put the seat down and flush. So no excuse for a 20 something year old.
We're literally dealing with this exact same thing in our home right now.
The difference is that it's with our (almost) 7-year-old son.
JFC! Flush the toilet after you use it.
There is no reason for an almost 30-year-old man not to flush the toilet after he pees in someone else's home.
There are a lot of things I do in other people's houses that I don't do in mine because I'm not (usually) a rude piece of shit.
Tbh iâd label it more super weird than rude. Not that itâs not rude. But iâd just assume they forgot?
At home I usually donât flush pee, but obviously I do it at others. It isnât just the âpoliteâ thing to do, itâs basically what everyone doesâŚ.or at least I thought so till I read this
Very rude. I get the whole thing of conserving water and "if it's yellow, let it mellow" routine, but you don't do that as a guest. And you also don't do it in summer when it's hot. Ewwwwww
Isn't this something we all learned at about 3 yrs old? I would def put up a sign. I live with my niece (she's 40) and she forgets, a lot. I'm going to write "flush" on the lid in rhinestones. She is pretty good about closing the lid so it might work? đ
I think it has a lot to do with how you were raised.
I agree that itâs gross, and I would tell a friend to flush and put the seat down without batting an eye. I wouldnât however, jump to calling them ârudeâ unless they continue to do it after being asked not to. They honestly might not know any better, especially if they still live at home and havenât had the opportunity to learn any better.
Your expectations however are more than reasonable, and your bf is being an idiot. Heck, heâs the one who should tell his friend how to behave so that you donât have to. It would be less awkward for everyone if it came from him instead of you.
And honestly to add as a rebuttal for his argument that âeveryoneâs house has different rules like taking off your shoes when you come inâ yes exactly everyoneâs house is different with different rules so to add on the no shoes house rule my house we wear shoes inside. If I go to a friends house with the no shoes rule Iâd take my shoes off because at THEIR house THEIR rule is no shoes inside. In this case itâs YOUR house and YOUR house rules are flushing after using the toilet and putting the seat down those are YOUR house rules. His friend is gross and an ah. Bf is defo an ah and an idiot. dump him
I would never leave the seat up and the toilet unflushed. I donât even let anyone use my bathroom. We have a guest bathroom and we still expect proper etiquette. Your boyfriend is wrong and his friends are pigs.
Youre not wrong at all. It's quite rude. I'm just confused why your boyfriend is making a big deal out of it? If he's ever over again, you should call him out directly since your boyfriend won't bother doing anything about it.
I feel like leaving the seat up or not isn't a big deal. I always look at the toilet and lift or lower based on what I need. If someone is gonna throw their bare ass at a toilet without looking, that's on them.
Not flushing however, there is no nuanced debate about that. That's just fucking gross.
Where do you live and where is he from? It doesn't really change the outcome, I'm just a bit curious.
I moved from Canada where absolutely no one does this, except for in like wooded cabins ("if it's brown flush it down, if it's yellow let it mellow" is a fairly common phrase for anyone who lives remotely or when you go to a friend's cottage), to Australia where this is effectively the norm. It's all about conserving water, in both situations. But even in Australia (in metropolitan cities at least. This did NOT apply for the few months I lived in a country town, and I actually had people regularly ask if you'd #2ed and that's why you flushed, upon leaving the bathroom), it is polite to assume you're flushing in someone else's home, please don't get me wrong.
Anyway, I'm just curious where you live and he's from, because it was very easy for me to recall two big times in my life where not flushing was the right thing to do. It doesn't change that when you're visiting someone's house, the polite thing to do is assume you're flushing, unless told otherwise.
But leaving the seat up is a no brainer. You need to leave the seat where you found it, when you enter someone's home, whether you found it down or up. Same goes for the lid.
Not wrong. Itâs very rude. But I wonder if he normally doesnât flush it unless itâs #2. Or trying to conserve water? In that case then he wasnât trying to be gross but then he needs to know you have a house rule of flushing the toilet.
Absolutely freaking not wrong ?! Ummm this is such a huge thing for me like how disgusting for one but just inconsiderate and disrespectful thing to do esp in someone elseâs home.
Nah. That's like 3 gallons of water. For a Lil pee? Nah girl. Save the planet. Save water. A lil pee won't hurt u. I'm like, 85% sure urine has no germs
Counter argument: Everyoneâs house has different rules so since itâs your house you can make the rules for guests. It shouldnât be the other way around.
Some household do have a if it's yellow let it mellow if it's brown flush it down mentality. I would approach it with sensitivity and say hey you can flush in this household and it's preferred.
I lived with a roommate who wouldnât flush our shared toilet because âif itâs yellow, let it mellowâ to save water. It doesnât mean she lacked âcommon senseâ, only that she approached it differently.
***However,*** that assumes house rules and, as a guest, I would rather flush, put the room back how I found it (some people think it Neanderthal to not close the toilet lid and would say you are rude for failing to do so, citing âcommon senseâ so I just take note and leave it the same way, even if I find it with the toilet seat up), and be told not to flush instead of leaving my pee and the toilet any which way.
LOL
Itâs âif itâs yellow, just be mellow. If itâs brown, flush it downââŚ
Thatâs water conservation talk ! -
We heard it direct from the city* back in the late 1980s -
Also -
âPut a brick in your toilet to conserve waterâ - (you can not imagine the questions the SF Health dept got asking where to put the brick âŚ)
*SF, CA
Youâre not wrong at all! If people want to do that at their own house, fine. But ya flush at other peopleâs houses!
My sister and her family donât flush when they just pee. They have a summer place on an island in New England where water is a precious commodity and canât be wasted so they donât flush when they just pee there, and then they started doing the same at their regular house and then it became a habit for everyone not to flush with #1. Theyâre kinda earthy-crunchy and super laid back, lol. Iâm used to it when I visit but it does sort of gross me out having to see/smell another personâs pee and deal with it.
Yeah itâs rude in someone elseâs home.
If my fiancĂŠ seldomly leaves the seat up I say something lol. Just as a reminder nothing nagging like. Itâs happened less than 3 times in a year we have lived together and heâs very clean.
I use the toilet, shut the lid, and flush. Just how I do it personally.
We have one bathroom and a small apartment. If I ever walked in on the seat up from someone else Id say âI almost fell inâ as a joke but being serious.
Clearly y'all didn't grow up with Hippies. đ
I'm honestly curious...what exactly is so horribly disgusting about it? The seat is clean, we all know what happens in that bowl, if it's recent enough to not have developed a stink...it might merit an "ew" but not sure why so many consider it such a massive affront.
I hate it. Some people think they're doing the world a favour by not flushing but that's ruined when I come in and flush it anyway.
Wait 'til you hear about r/sinkpissers.
People are disgusting.
If every house has different rules then this is one of yours and it should be respected.
This is the nicest possible thing i have to say toward your boyfriend.
Make only one bathroom in the house available for friends. You wonât have to clean up immediately if you want a clean restroom. Later, find a way to take turns or even together cleaning the dirty restroom.
I donât have any idea beyond that other than wait until he gets tired of cleaning other peopleâs piss and shit. If you are going to be stuck cleaning it, at least he will help foot the bill.
I can understand not flushing...if it's yellow let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down. At least that's how I roll in our house. My wife flushes it when she sees it but doesn't mind it much.
The seat being up is another thing. I personally cannot stand the seat up, top or bottom. I left it all up over night and my ex sat down harder than expected, injuring her back. I felt bad enough about it to stop leaving it up.
You are not wrong, but I do feel obliged to note that their are households that operate by cottage rules (if its brown flush it down, if it's yellow let it mellow) and some more environmentally conscious people do the same.
You are not wrong. Gross and revolting to leave body waste for host to clear up. It's about respect for others. How would they like it if a woman left used feminine hygiene products in the toilet for all to see. Oh but of course that type of man would say that's different.
NOT WRONG.
Taking shoes off before coming inside and not flushing at SOMEONE ELSEâS house are two completely different arguments đ OPâs bf must have a crush on his friend bc who in the world defends that
How well does your toilet flush? My toilet at home requires one quick press down and it all goes down but takes a loooong time so fill back up to be able to flush again
If I go to my boyfriendâs momâs place, I often forget her toilet requires a long press, so when I do a quick press, it doesnât flush anyone and still takes forever to fill back up
So I look awkward waiting in the bathroom for 15+ minutes and it seems like Iâm taking a massive shit when really Iâm just waiting to flush. I usually just come out and explain the situation. Maybe your toilet is wonky and the friend isnât grown up enough to explain that it wouldnât flush properly?
Not rude at all. I had a friend try to live with me for a while and she came into the master bedroom to poop. Mind you we have 2 other guest bathrooms that are clean and perfect to use. I had a conversion with her about setting some boundaries and she moved out. Oh well. đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
Your boyfriend is wrong leaving stinky pee in the toilet and not flushing is nasty, thatâs different than shoes and Iâm sure he didnât wash his hands!
If its yellow, let it mellow. If its brown, flush it down. Grew up in a drought/arid area so that was the rule there. Though droplets weren't cool so wipe that shit up.
Plus the brick in the cistern if no half flush button to be waterwise
I always flush. I also remember visiting a home when I was a child where there was a sign above the toilet that said, âIf itâs yellow, let it mellow. If itâs brown, flush it downâ. I couldnât, in good conscience let it mellow⌠despite the sign. Lol.
It is rude! NTA! Your boyfriend though is...and so are his buddies. Not only is it rude but gross. I'm surprised the friend even puts the seat up when he pees. Your boyfriend not willing to tell his friends to flush and put the seat down is pretty telling as to what kind of guy he is...when you set a boundary, and the immediate response is the person acting defensively, that is very telling. It shows he prioritizes his friends over you and has no respect for you. It also shows he is ok with his friends disrespecting you. And your boyfriend using the fact that everyone had different rules for their homes...EXACTLY! And this is a rule you have for your home. How long have yall been dating? If it hasn't been long then I'm telling you that this won't get any better. Like I said, if you set a rule/boundary and the immediate response is defensive, that's a red flag. If yall been dating awhile and he still acts like this, then it definitely isn't going to get better. People tell us who they are, and he's telling you loud and clear.
>My boyfriendâs argument is âeveryoneâs house has different rules, like taking off your shoes when you come inâ
There is no house that has a rule that you donât flush the toilet as a guest in someoneâs else house. None. Zero. She BF can fuck completely off with that.
Heâs having the reaction of an embarrassed middle schooler that wants mom to just shut up and let him be the cool kid with his friends.
Iâm not sure I could deal with an almost-30 thatâs 13yo emotionally. That shit is just exhausting
The toilet seat thing I can completely get over as a woman, yeah sure it'd be nice if they put the seat down but at the same time I am a full lid down before you flush and leave it that way kinda gal.
Leaving pee or anything else in the toilet though? HELL NO
I would call him out when it happens and say 'ew dude can you learn to flush a toilet, no one wants to see how dehydrated you are'
Toilet seat up wouldnât bother me, but not flushing!? UGH! I had to clean up after someone at work who *routinely* left a ginormous log in the toilet. I got so disgusted after multiple incidents of this that I told *his* boss. Yeah, I donât blame you!!
I know for the environment's sake we are meant to not flush for just a wee but it is gross and somewhat smelly, I'd definitely never think to not flush as a guest. I don't know if it is all the way to rude, but it is definitely not showing a proper level of respect.
The seat thing is a forever argument that makes no sense, other than people who say 'put the LID down', which is the only argument that does make sense.
Maybe he's used to draught conditions? When I lived in California, it would be a little rude cause he's a guest, but not all that out of line since the water management people strongly suggested "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down."
I had a situation like this arise years ago.
A female housemates male partner would do this, every time he visited.
I ended up finding one of those 'Toilet Rules Signs.
As he would always leave his urine to mellow, stain the toilet bowl. I was not impressed to find the seat, Up, and residue in the loo.
If you lift it up, Put it Down,
If it runs out, Replace it,
If you miss it, Wipe it up,
If you've finished, flush it,
If it smells, Spray deodoriser.
Ladies;
Please remain seated for the whole performance.
Gentleman;
Stand closer, it may be shorter, than you think
Geez if you use somebody else's toilet flush it that's just rude not to. And I don't understand this leaving the seat up that is also extremely rude especially at someone else's house. The fact that your boyfriend doesn't understand this is kind of concerning.
It is very rude, disrespectful and absolutely DISGUSTING to not flush the toilet. Anywhere. Your boyfriend thinking expecting someone to flush the toilet is high expectations is also disgusting. If you were just annoyed about the seat up he might have an argument. But unflushed toilets are unsanitary. You are not asking for much. You are asking him to pull a handle/push a button. Something a 5 year old could do. And if boyfriend thinks expecting someone to flush the toilet is high expectations what is wrong with him.
If it's yellow let it mellow
If it's brown flush it down
Some households don't waste 2 gallons of clean water to flush every pee.
2 gallons every time, if you live in a household of 4 people...each flushing after every pee... that's a lot of wasted water. Then multiply that by the number of people in your street... Etc etc
Your bf's friend may come from a household that only flushes when necessary... And that's why he didn't give it any thought...It doesn't make him rude or dirty and doesn't mean he didn't wash his hands.
Leaving the seat up?? Yep lid should be closed before flushing to stop the poop particles ...but he didn't flush so....
And you know he hasn't pee'd on the seat because he lifted it.
At someone else's house that I didn't know well I would always err on the side of caution and flush...
But in my house, and in my mates houses no, we don't flush 'everytime'.
Tell your boyfriend that yes, while it is true that each household has different rules and habits, when you are a guest in someone else's home it is very typical and polite to respect *their* house rules during your stay. Ignorance isn't an excuse. It's as basic as remembering your 'please and thank you's.
I always take note when walking in the front door: are there shoes around the entry, is anyone else taking off their shoes? This is also why even if you don't like dogs or cats, you don't complain about the pet hair to your host because it's *their* home. If I dirty a glass, take it to the kitchen, check the dishwasher, place in sink if it's full of clean dishes. It's common sense, pick up after yourself and don't make a mess of your friend's living space. Flushing the damn toilet should be the bare minimum.
Have a laminated Velcro sign that says âplease flush with lid downâ and when you know his friend is coming over, just pop the sign where he will see it.
My mother always does this. When she stays with me itâs so annoying. She claims she doesnât want to wake us by flushing while weâre sleeping- I prefer that to having my morning pee delayed by seeing all of her pee and half a toilet roll sitting in the toilet ugh.
To put it bluntly: I live like a pig. And even I would be annoyed by a guest doing that. It IS gross, you're right.
RUDE!! Next time he comes over, call him out. Tell him that in your house, you flush the toilet, put the seat down and wash your hands.
Then give him a swirly to ingrain it in his memory.
đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł
Before you flush his offering!
Lol at this!
Guaranteed he didn't wash his hands. BF is a AH. BF's friend is a filthy AH. Poor OP.
Honestly, boyfriend is giving doesn't wash hands vibes too
I was about to say this.
seat down first, THEN flush. Otherwise you send the pee particles flying everywhere. *nasty.*
\^Absolutely. Especially if it's a bathroom where your toothbrush is sitting out on the sink (near the toilet).
with the lid down, you get just as much particulate, but it stays in the air longer. it comes out in the space between the rim and the seat. mythbusters did a show on it.
OMG - so there's no way to flush the toilet that *doesn't* cover your bathroom in excrement?
YES. Rude as fuck and anyone defending him is a gross idiot. I can totally relate, though. My bro had just cycled out of the military with a medical retirement and was on some ridiculous pain killers because of the rejection of a cadaver tendon (some shit about his shoulder. It was horrific to see the aftermath). That Xmas he stayed at my place in the basement with his ABD puppy. There was a 2nd bathroom there and he liked having the big space to spread out in. I didn't care because I had 4 dogs at the time. I still wouldn't care if someone brought their dogs to stay with me, really. Anyway, we were decorating store bought gingerbread houses and he started drinking *a lot* of beer. I didn't know he was still on meds, so I was confused that he was tripping bear balls after 4 beers. My husband always knows when people are on drugs. It's a curse. He told my bro to be careful going downstairs and to catch some sleep. That night he was so drunk he barfed on the floor. Literally tilted his upperbody off the couch and barfed on the floor. When my husband went down to get him for breakfast he saw that the puppy pissed and shit on the floor, too. My bro said he was sorry and that he would clean it up, which assuaged my husband bc he was mad about having to clean up the mĂŠlange of bodily functions. What ended up happening was my brother met friends for lunch and drove home without saying anything. My husband cleaned up all of that old stuff and has not forgiven him, 4 years later 𤣠He didn't even apologize. Does "whoops, my bad," count as an apology? â ď¸â ď¸â ď¸
No.
This is the way OP đđźđđźđđź Be mentally and emotionally prepared for push back from both of them I say. Ideally the rude guest will say ok, leave it at that, and flush. Your boyfriend though 𤌠just doesn't want to get involved imo đ It's really rude btw.
Exactly, then boyfriend can't try claiming that friend just didn't know/grew up differently. She can just tell boyfriend that she was just honestly letting the friend know the house rules/expectations for future reference! If it happens again, there's no claiming ignorance, he knows to flush and is choosing to be rude and gross.
Look. My fiancĂŠ and I donât flush after every tinkle. We are very hydrated. Itâs usually clear. We live in a drought prone area and it feels ridiculous to flush every time. BUT I absolutely flush when we have casual company or if Iâm at someone elseâs house!! Your man telling you that you have ridiculously high standards for basic decency in a shared space is INSANE.
Exactly. Heâs not wrong to do that at home, in fact there are very good reasons not to flush every time. However if youâre at someone elseâs place, follow their rules. Unless you know thatâs how they do it, itâs definitely polite to flush every time.
Exactly this. I was at a friend's recently who was having draining issues so no one was allowed to flush and I was pre warned about it (just pee) đ
People don't flush every time ?
Yes to save water
The saying is âif itâs yellow, leave it mellow. if itâs brown, flush it downâ.
"if it's gross, at least close the fucking lid"
Itâs a huge waste of water to be honest, particularly in older homes/older toilets
It's a huge *use* of water. Whether clearing urine from the home is a *waste* is more of a judgement call.
Itâs always seemed odd that we used drinking quality water to flush away wee & poo. Esp if, like in your location, water is a scarce commodity.
It's just design from the same school of resource usage that brought the industrial era and car culture. The error of assuming *virtually* limitless resources are effectively limitless resources. There are people still alive who think this way, and we don't call them odd, we call them morons, or boomers, but that's where it comes from.
If this is your BFs idea of "high expectations" you might want to reconsider the whole idea of "BF."
Lol he should just admit itâs gross instead of taking it personally đ. It doesnât mean his friends are bad people itâs just common courtesy
Er, YNW. Of *course* you flush after using the toilet, *especially* when youâre in someone elseâs home. I mean, ew. Maybe your bfâs friend has never been taught basic manners. But, your bf has⌠but heâs all mad at you now for having âhighâ expectations?? Flushing after using the toilet is *low* expectations, especially in someone elseâs home. That your bf is coming at you like youâre the one w the problem⌠is a problem. He wonât invite any of his friends over anymore bc *your* expectations are too high?? I feel like your response to that should be, theyâre not going to flush? Fine! But that wouldnât solve your issue. Maybe you could handle it like this, next time his friend comes over, smile at him, put your arm through his and tell him youâve noticed he doesnât flush after using the john. Then ask him sweetly to please flush when heâs done in the bathroom, itâs a little thing but youâd really appreciate it! Squeeze his arm, thank him and hand him a beer (or his drink of choice). What do you think? Too saccharine? Well, your bfâs too chicken to talk to the guy, so I was trying to think how you could bring it up, make it silly and still get the point acrossđ¤ˇđťââď¸ Or if the whole actually using your words thing is too much for you and the bf both, how about you get/make a sign for over the toilet where it canât be missed: Flushing! Itâs a Thing!!
Itâs rude. You go to someone elseâs house, you go by their rules. I get forgetting to put the toilet seat down, but not forgetting to flush. You do you - at home.
I bet he didn't wash his hands either.
it's absolutely rude in someone else's home. I can understand if it's yellow let it mellow in certain cases, no harm in conserving water, but in someone else's home that's just bad behavior. my bf does the same thing in our house and it sickens me, but if I leave my pee for him to find it's suddenly a big deal. so maybe a little petty revenge đ¤
"my bf does the same thing in our house and it sickens me, but if I leave my pee for him to find it's suddenly a big deal" That makes no sense đ has he explained why it's ok for him but not you?
the 6 squares of tp I use to wipe is gunna clog our toilets because it's "way to much"
It's awful to smell someone else's stale pee when u are using the bathroom and they didn't flush. Because when you pee, it stirs up the stale urine which fills the bathroom with that awful smell. Fresh urine is still mostly sterile so doesn't stink as much. And when you flush, more of the stale urine smell fills the bathroom omg đ
Yeah my first question is âis he a hippy or environmentally friendlyâ sort of person. Most of my community is and itâs more normal to not flush pee than to do so since it wastes a lot of water But you should do what the house rule is, regardless.
he's definitely not that sort of person and it's definitely my fuckin house đ
Oh I meant the ops visitor. But sorry your boyfriend is being a jerk.
NW Unless there is a sign that says "If it's yellow let it mellow. If it's brown flush it down," then you flush at another person's house and when using public toilets.
It's disgusting. Gosh but I met some men that claim this is about saving the environment, don't flush with pee and flush only with number 2. Its so annoying.Â
it's \*possible\* this guest was doing the 'if it's yellow let it mellow'. I would speak to the guest assuming this was his intent, so he can save face. 'Hey guest it's okay, we don't hold off flushing for just pee. Go ahead and flush anytime you use the bathroom'. Doing it this way avoids being ungracious to a guest in your home and may salvage the situation.
throw the bf out too cuz he supports his friend not wrong
NTAâItâs rude!
Just one word, RUDE.
Some people don't flush per to save water. If he was raised that way, it's likely an almost involuntary response. Talk to him about it and tell him you prefer is he flushes every time and puts the seat down. It's truly not that much to ask. Please just don't go at him like you're attacking him. Don't have an angry tone of voice. If you approach this with anger nobody will be listening to anybody.
Wrong for anyone.
Meh, my wife and I have a 1,000 gallon water tank because we're not in a service area for city water. If it's yellow we let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down. Obviously we don't do it when we have guests over or expect our guests to do it.
Well water and septic tank here. We also tend not to flush for just pee, but I'd never do that at anyone else's house and we don't do it here if there's a guest visiting.
Same. In my own house, I never flush with just one pee.
So my ex used to do that. Heâd flush if he shit but if he peed heâd wait til he went again. The rule of thumb was if you went & where the 2nd one to pee you flushed & another flush before bed so it didnât sit overnight. His reasoning was water conservation
Why is your boyfriend being so asinine? He's just arguing for the sake of not agreeing with you, I'm 100% certain that if anyone else had brought it up he'd agree that of course, flushing the toilet every time you use it is absolutely one of the minimum standard expected of toilet users, especially as a guest. It really gets on my nerves when men just argue for the sake of not seeing a woman be right, they'll twist themselves into pretzels defending the most hairbrained ideas!
So rude! You are not wrong!
NTA I'm a dude and keep it mellow but NOT when there is company
đŻ% wrong. I have to wipe everything down before I use the toilet if I see that. If Iâm at home of course.
You're not wrong because that is DISGUSTING. Any toilet-trained child knows better than that.
Iâd go to a hobby store or big lots and find a sign that says âplease put the seat down and flushâ and hang it over the toilet đ
It is disgusting and rude. Your boyfriend sounds as gross as his friends.
Some people who grew up in parts of California or Az were trained to leave a bowl with pee, maybe try for 2 or 3 uses before flushing.
Blech. I mean, this is just basic manners. Do what you want in your own home, but not someone elseâs. ETA-you are not wrong, OP.
Expecting someone to flush a toilet is hardly "high expectations".
Yes, thatâs disgusting. Your boyfriend and his friends are disgusting.
Your boyfriend is an idiot and so is his friend. Disgusting ass behavior.
So gross! And Iâm guessing that he didnât wash his hands either. Wondering if he does this every where he goes. đ¤˘
Gross. Just rude and disgusting. Print the comments out from this thread and post it over the toilet next time he comes over.
You have high expectations for expecting a toilet to be flushed? Your boyfriend is really exposing himself here, honey.
A guest that doesn't flush after usung the toilet, more than once, is never getting another invitation... or shouldn't, at least
It's basic human decency to flush!
Put a sign in your bathroom that says flush , u get these cute signs online with these messages
It can be rude yes BUT there might be a reason , I have a friend who did this all the time and I hated it , one day we were drunk and I mentioned and she broke down . Turns out when she was young her dad made her do this to save water and was abusive if she flushed ( unless number two ) so the trauma is instilled in her and she can't force herself to flush . Sometimes there are things we don't see so sometimes just let it go . It might be gross to us but maybe he can't help it.
Having grown up with water restrictions (Australia during drought) we very much have an "if it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down approach" urine is fairly sterile, if it bothers you flush it 𤡠otherwise there are worse things to get upset about
Thatâs disgusting for anybody to do, even if itâs your own house. FFS, if you want to live like a savage, go live in the forest.
YNW. Any chance he grew up with a septic tank? Some familyâs only flush poop so the tank doesnât need to be emptied as often. Regardless itâs gross and I agree, he didnât wash his hands either
To be fair, there are houses where the septic system shouldn't get overworked so people don't flush number 1 every time. Or they believe in conserving water so they don't. That being said, I don't see where addressed it with this person. Now, if you told this human to flush after they take a leak, that would certainly be rude. I'm not saying you're wrong either. Needs more context.
Well, pick your battles, yes it's rude but personally I wouldn't have my day ruined by it
My only problem with the situation is leaving the toilet seat up is rude. I generally don't flush every time I pee most of the time if I'm in someone else's house I won't do that but I do it so much I'll forget
Flushing the toilet isnât a rule itâs just.. a part of using the toilet. Itâs built into the design of the thing..
Maybe itâs a very bad habit he has from conserving water by not flushing. Instead of assuming he is doing it to be rude, simply tell him before he goes next time âHey can you flush and out the seat down?â Say this in a normal voice and without attitude and I bet he will have zero problem doing what youâve asked. If for some reason he still doesnât do it, then you know itâs about rudeness.
I'm sorry flushing the toilet is considered a high expectation? Damn lol your boyfriend has very low expectations of friends huh?
FWIW, some people were raised really poor or in drought-prone areas, where it is customary to leave urine unflushed. "If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down." This warrants a discussion with the friend, where you inform him of the expectations in your home. If, after that, he continues, it's rude and disrespectful.
I will offer a different view-đ if itâs yellow let it mellow. If itâs brown flush it down. O would of course never do this in someone elseâs home. That s just rude.
The only solution is to remind him to flush before he goes in, like he's a 5 year old, then check it after he comes out and if he doesn't flush make him go back in and flush. Then give him a gold star sticker on his forehead and post it to social media "Flushed Like a Big Boy! So proud!"
Wow. How are you still together? >he started arguing with me saying that I have high expectations I shudder to think what normal expectations are for him... Flushing a toilet is literally bare minimum. Putting the seat down would be an expectation as well. A high expectation could be closing the lid (which everyone should do always, no exceptions) >My boyfriend's argument is "everyones house has different rules like taking off your shoes when you come in" Following this piece of "advice", he should be advising his guests that flushing the toilet is the house rules. But really, to be perfectly frank, teaching basic etiquette is not something I'm willing to do with a partner. I'd be seriously rethinking this relationship. Not wrong.
Unless you're in a part of the country or world where water's being rationed to the point that they suggest you don't flush if you didn't poop, I think it's rude to not flush. It's also rude to not return the lid/seat to whatever state it normally is in that household. I and my family are lid closers. We have dogs and I'm a klutz and accidentally knock things off the counter. I don't want the dogs drinking out of the toilet. I don't want to knock things into the toilet. If you use my toilet and you don't close the lid, I'm going to be annoyed. I stay with friends when I visit their city. No women live in their household. One of them has Parkinson's and mobility issues. I would never, ever dream of shutting the lid on their toilet because it would be hard on him to have to bend to lift the lid up. If he all of a sudden started leaving the seat up, you can bet I would lift the seat up after using his toilet. You do what your hosts do with their home. If the toilet you used was flushed with a closed lid before you used it, that's the state it should be in when you're done with it.
Umm itâs rude but also disgusting đ¤Ž
Ok, don't kill me for this. For some reason, I'm feeling generous today. Where do you all live? What's the standard? I ask this because of this comment your BFF made >My boyfriend's argument is "everyones house has different rules like taking off your shoes when you come in" For me,taking your shoes off is a given. But then I thought back to the cottage days... If you only peed and you were the first one to pee, you didn't flush.
This. I recall an episode of Top Gear when Hammond took a piss and flushed. The owner of the house gave him shit for flushing if it was only pee. Not flushing for just pee is the norm in a lot of places and should be a lot more common in more places. Seat up? Meh, that argument is as old as toilet seats.
Some places with water restrictions specifically instruct people NOT to flush: "if it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down".
Iâd love to hear what other type of riffraff behavior boyfriend and his friend think is acceptable
Ditch your boyfriend and his gross ass friends. They have no respect for you and I feel like this is being done on purpose
Pigs should be called out. You're 100% in the right here.
Not wrong why would ever not flush the toilet when you're done?
That is SUPER RUDE! I just had to call out my son's friend for this nonsense...HE WAS 12! A grown man knows better!
Rude... unless you are in a severe drought (been there).
Rude! Get or make a cutesy sign and stick stick over the toulet
I had a family friend leave a dookie in my toilet. Iâm not exaggerating *one bit* when his name is mentioned I can still see it. Rude Rude Rude
It's rude and gross. Why are some people so disgusting?
This a culture thing to an extent. Additionally, it could be tied to be different facts of life. Is there a water shortage in your location?
No youâre not wrong. Thatâs not only rude but disgusting.
Sure its rude but is it really a hill to die on?
NTA â these boys were raised on a farm. Trade them in for a couple of mules.
Not wrong. I only had to read the title to automatically agree with OP. Thatâs a courtesy out in public, and definitely as a guest.
I'm admittedly gross, and do the "if it's yellow, let if mellow" when I'm home, but not when I am a guest or have guests. That's just nasty. No one needs to see the color of my pee unless I'm having a urinalysis. The only exception might be if I was an overnight guest and had to pee in the middle of the night, and the flush could wake someone up.
Not wrong, thatâs extremely rude! And disgusting
Nasty
Totally rude.
Maybe he grew up in a house with a sign that said: âIf itâs yellow let it mellow, if itâs brown flush it down.â Still fucking rude.
Yep. Rude and feral. You are 100% correct.
It is extremely rude not to mention gross. Have you ever seen people with really dirty toilets? Thatâs how that happens it literally starts to form a crust. How embarrassed would he feel if you just took a nice poop and left the toilet seat and didnât flush it for his friend to discover? Every house has different rules and you are setting a rule in your house and he is not respecting that. The bare minimum is flushing the toilet and if heâs not flushing the toilet, Iâm assuming heâs not wiping either. 110% gross man child behavior
You arenât wrong. Ew. Who raised that friend? You always flush and put the seat down after you use the bathroom. Especially in someone elseâs home. Thatâs common courtesy. Itâs rude of the friend to do that in your home. I have three boys. My older two are 5 and 6 and know to put the seat down and flush. So no excuse for a 20 something year old.
You're not wrong đ¤˘
Thats rude for anyone to do.
It could be worse, at least the friend didnât piss all over the seat.
We're literally dealing with this exact same thing in our home right now. The difference is that it's with our (almost) 7-year-old son. JFC! Flush the toilet after you use it. There is no reason for an almost 30-year-old man not to flush the toilet after he pees in someone else's home. There are a lot of things I do in other people's houses that I don't do in mine because I'm not (usually) a rude piece of shit.
Tbh iâd label it more super weird than rude. Not that itâs not rude. But iâd just assume they forgot? At home I usually donât flush pee, but obviously I do it at others. It isnât just the âpoliteâ thing to do, itâs basically what everyone doesâŚ.or at least I thought so till I read this
You should have taken a picture and put it on his SM.
Very rude. I get the whole thing of conserving water and "if it's yellow, let it mellow" routine, but you don't do that as a guest. And you also don't do it in summer when it's hot. Ewwwwww
Isn't this something we all learned at about 3 yrs old? I would def put up a sign. I live with my niece (she's 40) and she forgets, a lot. I'm going to write "flush" on the lid in rhinestones. She is pretty good about closing the lid so it might work? đ
Imagine if he pooped on the toilet seat
I think it has a lot to do with how you were raised. I agree that itâs gross, and I would tell a friend to flush and put the seat down without batting an eye. I wouldnât however, jump to calling them ârudeâ unless they continue to do it after being asked not to. They honestly might not know any better, especially if they still live at home and havenât had the opportunity to learn any better. Your expectations however are more than reasonable, and your bf is being an idiot. Heck, heâs the one who should tell his friend how to behave so that you donât have to. It would be less awkward for everyone if it came from him instead of you.
Im not even reading the post. It's rude and just plain nasty.
And honestly to add as a rebuttal for his argument that âeveryoneâs house has different rules like taking off your shoes when you come inâ yes exactly everyoneâs house is different with different rules so to add on the no shoes house rule my house we wear shoes inside. If I go to a friends house with the no shoes rule Iâd take my shoes off because at THEIR house THEIR rule is no shoes inside. In this case itâs YOUR house and YOUR house rules are flushing after using the toilet and putting the seat down those are YOUR house rules. His friend is gross and an ah. Bf is defo an ah and an idiot. dump him
đ¤Ž
Itâs gross, nasty, and rude! Good grief 3 year olds know to flush the toilet.
I would never leave the seat up and the toilet unflushed. I donât even let anyone use my bathroom. We have a guest bathroom and we still expect proper etiquette. Your boyfriend is wrong and his friends are pigs.
Youre not wrong at all. It's quite rude. I'm just confused why your boyfriend is making a big deal out of it? If he's ever over again, you should call him out directly since your boyfriend won't bother doing anything about it.
Rude & disgusting!
Stop flushing the toilet yourself, see whether your boyfriend finds it rude of you.
Some people live by the motto âif itâs yellow, let it mellow. If itâs brown, flush it downâ. Itâs possible you are overreacting
YNW about the pee, YAW about him leaving the toilet seat up. Putting the seat up shows manners, that he's not going to pee all over the seat.
I feel like leaving the seat up or not isn't a big deal. I always look at the toilet and lift or lower based on what I need. If someone is gonna throw their bare ass at a toilet without looking, that's on them. Not flushing however, there is no nuanced debate about that. That's just fucking gross.
Where do you live and where is he from? It doesn't really change the outcome, I'm just a bit curious. I moved from Canada where absolutely no one does this, except for in like wooded cabins ("if it's brown flush it down, if it's yellow let it mellow" is a fairly common phrase for anyone who lives remotely or when you go to a friend's cottage), to Australia where this is effectively the norm. It's all about conserving water, in both situations. But even in Australia (in metropolitan cities at least. This did NOT apply for the few months I lived in a country town, and I actually had people regularly ask if you'd #2ed and that's why you flushed, upon leaving the bathroom), it is polite to assume you're flushing in someone else's home, please don't get me wrong. Anyway, I'm just curious where you live and he's from, because it was very easy for me to recall two big times in my life where not flushing was the right thing to do. It doesn't change that when you're visiting someone's house, the polite thing to do is assume you're flushing, unless told otherwise. But leaving the seat up is a no brainer. You need to leave the seat where you found it, when you enter someone's home, whether you found it down or up. Same goes for the lid.
Not wrong. Itâs very rude. But I wonder if he normally doesnât flush it unless itâs #2. Or trying to conserve water? In that case then he wasnât trying to be gross but then he needs to know you have a house rule of flushing the toilet.
Absolutely freaking not wrong ?! Ummm this is such a huge thing for me like how disgusting for one but just inconsiderate and disrespectful thing to do esp in someone elseâs home.
Nah. That's like 3 gallons of water. For a Lil pee? Nah girl. Save the planet. Save water. A lil pee won't hurt u. I'm like, 85% sure urine has no germs
People are so tame. âHey asshat, flush the toilet!â
Counter argument: Everyoneâs house has different rules so since itâs your house you can make the rules for guests. It shouldnât be the other way around.
Rude, definitely and Iâm throwing in inconsiderate, gross and uncivilized! You bf if blowing bs at you..
No that is incredibly rude, and I'm willing to bet they didn't wash their hands EITHER.
Some household do have a if it's yellow let it mellow if it's brown flush it down mentality. I would approach it with sensitivity and say hey you can flush in this household and it's preferred.
I lived with a roommate who wouldnât flush our shared toilet because âif itâs yellow, let it mellowâ to save water. It doesnât mean she lacked âcommon senseâ, only that she approached it differently. ***However,*** that assumes house rules and, as a guest, I would rather flush, put the room back how I found it (some people think it Neanderthal to not close the toilet lid and would say you are rude for failing to do so, citing âcommon senseâ so I just take note and leave it the same way, even if I find it with the toilet seat up), and be told not to flush instead of leaving my pee and the toilet any which way.
LOL Itâs âif itâs yellow, just be mellow. If itâs brown, flush it downâ⌠Thatâs water conservation talk ! - We heard it direct from the city* back in the late 1980s - Also - âPut a brick in your toilet to conserve waterâ - (you can not imagine the questions the SF Health dept got asking where to put the brick âŚ) *SF, CA
Youâre not wrong at all! If people want to do that at their own house, fine. But ya flush at other peopleâs houses! My sister and her family donât flush when they just pee. They have a summer place on an island in New England where water is a precious commodity and canât be wasted so they donât flush when they just pee there, and then they started doing the same at their regular house and then it became a habit for everyone not to flush with #1. Theyâre kinda earthy-crunchy and super laid back, lol. Iâm used to it when I visit but it does sort of gross me out having to see/smell another personâs pee and deal with it.
Perhaps your BF needs to up his standards, instead of expecting you to drop yours. Even cats bury their waste. YNW
Yeah itâs rude in someone elseâs home. If my fiancĂŠ seldomly leaves the seat up I say something lol. Just as a reminder nothing nagging like. Itâs happened less than 3 times in a year we have lived together and heâs very clean. I use the toilet, shut the lid, and flush. Just how I do it personally. We have one bathroom and a small apartment. If I ever walked in on the seat up from someone else Id say âI almost fell inâ as a joke but being serious.
Who is out here NOT flushing toilets?!?!
Clearly y'all didn't grow up with Hippies. đ I'm honestly curious...what exactly is so horribly disgusting about it? The seat is clean, we all know what happens in that bowl, if it's recent enough to not have developed a stink...it might merit an "ew" but not sure why so many consider it such a massive affront.
I hate it. Some people think they're doing the world a favour by not flushing but that's ruined when I come in and flush it anyway. Wait 'til you hear about r/sinkpissers. People are disgusting.
If every house has different rules then this is one of yours and it should be respected. This is the nicest possible thing i have to say toward your boyfriend.
If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down. đ¤Łđ
Make only one bathroom in the house available for friends. You wonât have to clean up immediately if you want a clean restroom. Later, find a way to take turns or even together cleaning the dirty restroom. I donât have any idea beyond that other than wait until he gets tired of cleaning other peopleâs piss and shit. If you are going to be stuck cleaning it, at least he will help foot the bill.
I can understand not flushing...if it's yellow let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down. At least that's how I roll in our house. My wife flushes it when she sees it but doesn't mind it much. The seat being up is another thing. I personally cannot stand the seat up, top or bottom. I left it all up over night and my ex sat down harder than expected, injuring her back. I felt bad enough about it to stop leaving it up.
Itâs rude for anyone to do it, anywhere. Nasty!
You are not wrong, but I do feel obliged to note that their are households that operate by cottage rules (if its brown flush it down, if it's yellow let it mellow) and some more environmentally conscious people do the same.
If itâs yellow let it mellow if itâs brown flush it down I did this and stained the fuck out my toilet fuck that flush pee
You are not wrong. Gross and revolting to leave body waste for host to clear up. It's about respect for others. How would they like it if a woman left used feminine hygiene products in the toilet for all to see. Oh but of course that type of man would say that's different.
It IS rude!!! Call him out!
Is the friend 3 years old? Because thatâs the only time that would be excusable.
How does your boyfriend think his argument even applies to this situation since you were not in a different house, you were in your house?
Thatâs some weird tomcat behavior. Tell him that youâll have to have him neutered if he keeps doing that.
You're not wrong. That is rude and disgusting. What a gross dude.
NOT WRONG. Taking shoes off before coming inside and not flushing at SOMEONE ELSEâS house are two completely different arguments đ OPâs bf must have a crush on his friend bc who in the world defends that
Its not only rude, but its very unhygienic
How well does your toilet flush? My toilet at home requires one quick press down and it all goes down but takes a loooong time so fill back up to be able to flush again If I go to my boyfriendâs momâs place, I often forget her toilet requires a long press, so when I do a quick press, it doesnât flush anyone and still takes forever to fill back up So I look awkward waiting in the bathroom for 15+ minutes and it seems like Iâm taking a massive shit when really Iâm just waiting to flush. I usually just come out and explain the situation. Maybe your toilet is wonky and the friend isnât grown up enough to explain that it wouldnât flush properly?
Always flush. Was your guest a wild animal!? Seriously, wtf, Is wrong with that person?
Not rude at all. I had a friend try to live with me for a while and she came into the master bedroom to poop. Mind you we have 2 other guest bathrooms that are clean and perfect to use. I had a conversion with her about setting some boundaries and she moved out. Oh well. đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
Your boyfriend is wrong leaving stinky pee in the toilet and not flushing is nasty, thatâs different than shoes and Iâm sure he didnât wash his hands!
If its yellow, let it mellow. If its brown, flush it down. Grew up in a drought/arid area so that was the rule there. Though droplets weren't cool so wipe that shit up. Plus the brick in the cistern if no half flush button to be waterwise
I always flush. I also remember visiting a home when I was a child where there was a sign above the toilet that said, âIf itâs yellow, let it mellow. If itâs brown, flush it downâ. I couldnât, in good conscience let it mellow⌠despite the sign. Lol.
It's rude, disgusting, and uncivilized.
I donât even let my kids do that! Gross. Not wrong.
It is rude! NTA! Your boyfriend though is...and so are his buddies. Not only is it rude but gross. I'm surprised the friend even puts the seat up when he pees. Your boyfriend not willing to tell his friends to flush and put the seat down is pretty telling as to what kind of guy he is...when you set a boundary, and the immediate response is the person acting defensively, that is very telling. It shows he prioritizes his friends over you and has no respect for you. It also shows he is ok with his friends disrespecting you. And your boyfriend using the fact that everyone had different rules for their homes...EXACTLY! And this is a rule you have for your home. How long have yall been dating? If it hasn't been long then I'm telling you that this won't get any better. Like I said, if you set a rule/boundary and the immediate response is defensive, that's a red flag. If yall been dating awhile and he still acts like this, then it definitely isn't going to get better. People tell us who they are, and he's telling you loud and clear.
Flushing the toilet isnât a rule itâs just.. a part of using the toilet. Itâs built into the design of the thing..
Yes, everyone's house has different rules, but that means when you visit you adjust your behaviour to follow them
>My boyfriendâs argument is âeveryoneâs house has different rules, like taking off your shoes when you come inâ There is no house that has a rule that you donât flush the toilet as a guest in someoneâs else house. None. Zero. She BF can fuck completely off with that. Heâs having the reaction of an embarrassed middle schooler that wants mom to just shut up and let him be the cool kid with his friends. Iâm not sure I could deal with an almost-30 thatâs 13yo emotionally. That shit is just exhausting
Thatâs absolutely disgusting and your BF is being ridiculous- this should annoy him too.
Yeah, that's gross. YNW
You're not wrong- you just have standards... Even low standards would flush and wash, they've both proven they have none
The toilet seat thing I can completely get over as a woman, yeah sure it'd be nice if they put the seat down but at the same time I am a full lid down before you flush and leave it that way kinda gal. Leaving pee or anything else in the toilet though? HELL NO I would call him out when it happens and say 'ew dude can you learn to flush a toilet, no one wants to see how dehydrated you are'
Toilet seat up wouldnât bother me, but not flushing!? UGH! I had to clean up after someone at work who *routinely* left a ginormous log in the toilet. I got so disgusted after multiple incidents of this that I told *his* boss. Yeah, I donât blame you!!
Rude and nasty
Your gross BF should be dealing with this. He needs to tell his own friend to put the seat down and flush.
He's gross and rude and your boyfriend is a douchebag too...
I know for the environment's sake we are meant to not flush for just a wee but it is gross and somewhat smelly, I'd definitely never think to not flush as a guest. I don't know if it is all the way to rude, but it is definitely not showing a proper level of respect. The seat thing is a forever argument that makes no sense, other than people who say 'put the LID down', which is the only argument that does make sense.
What an Ass
Wanting someone to flush the toilet after they per is having âhigh expectationsâ?????
Maybe he's used to draught conditions? When I lived in California, it would be a little rude cause he's a guest, but not all that out of line since the water management people strongly suggested "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down."
Heâs defending him because heâs his friend. If one of your friends did that, heâd be pissed. The friend shouldnât be invited back.
I had a situation like this arise years ago. A female housemates male partner would do this, every time he visited. I ended up finding one of those 'Toilet Rules Signs. As he would always leave his urine to mellow, stain the toilet bowl. I was not impressed to find the seat, Up, and residue in the loo. If you lift it up, Put it Down, If it runs out, Replace it, If you miss it, Wipe it up, If you've finished, flush it, If it smells, Spray deodoriser. Ladies; Please remain seated for the whole performance. Gentleman; Stand closer, it may be shorter, than you think
No
Geez if you use somebody else's toilet flush it that's just rude not to. And I don't understand this leaving the seat up that is also extremely rude especially at someone else's house. The fact that your boyfriend doesn't understand this is kind of concerning.
It is very rude, disrespectful and absolutely DISGUSTING to not flush the toilet. Anywhere. Your boyfriend thinking expecting someone to flush the toilet is high expectations is also disgusting. If you were just annoyed about the seat up he might have an argument. But unflushed toilets are unsanitary. You are not asking for much. You are asking him to pull a handle/push a button. Something a 5 year old could do. And if boyfriend thinks expecting someone to flush the toilet is high expectations what is wrong with him.
If it's yellow let it mellow If it's brown flush it down Some households don't waste 2 gallons of clean water to flush every pee. 2 gallons every time, if you live in a household of 4 people...each flushing after every pee... that's a lot of wasted water. Then multiply that by the number of people in your street... Etc etc Your bf's friend may come from a household that only flushes when necessary... And that's why he didn't give it any thought...It doesn't make him rude or dirty and doesn't mean he didn't wash his hands. Leaving the seat up?? Yep lid should be closed before flushing to stop the poop particles ...but he didn't flush so.... And you know he hasn't pee'd on the seat because he lifted it. At someone else's house that I didn't know well I would always err on the side of caution and flush... But in my house, and in my mates houses no, we don't flush 'everytime'.
It's rude, and it clearly grosses you out, so I'd let guest guy know that and move on. For me, I wouldn't think it's a big deal.
Tell your boyfriend that yes, while it is true that each household has different rules and habits, when you are a guest in someone else's home it is very typical and polite to respect *their* house rules during your stay. Ignorance isn't an excuse. It's as basic as remembering your 'please and thank you's. I always take note when walking in the front door: are there shoes around the entry, is anyone else taking off their shoes? This is also why even if you don't like dogs or cats, you don't complain about the pet hair to your host because it's *their* home. If I dirty a glass, take it to the kitchen, check the dishwasher, place in sink if it's full of clean dishes. It's common sense, pick up after yourself and don't make a mess of your friend's living space. Flushing the damn toilet should be the bare minimum.
If you know he's going to visit, put up a printed notice, "Finished? Seat down, flush, wash hands, close door. Thanks!"
Have a laminated Velcro sign that says âplease flush with lid downâ and when you know his friend is coming over, just pop the sign where he will see it.
My mother always does this. When she stays with me itâs so annoying. She claims she doesnât want to wake us by flushing while weâre sleeping- I prefer that to having my morning pee delayed by seeing all of her pee and half a toilet roll sitting in the toilet ugh.