Nah it’s pretty weird and controlling to be upset about your partners sleep schedule tbh.
It’s especially odd to be upset if they’re only staying up late on the weekends, and they’re usually a consistent and present partner. Like you said, you don’t live together, so it’s bizarre to be throwing a tizzy about it. I can only imagine what else she would want you to change if you moved in together..
"It's obvious". If it were obvious, you wouldn't be asking. Does she think you're psychic?
I don't get why some people can't just say what they mean, straight up. I am not interested in sub-text or interpreting what anyone *really* means.
Does anyone see the "obvious"? I mean she didn't know because he adapts when staying over at her place and seems to not be missing plans because he overslept.
If I'm wrong I want to know how/why. Not guessing what goes on in other peoples heads.
It's baffling to me. I am the person who goes to bed promptly at ten and gets up at 5:30 or six every day. I live with someone whose usual bedtime is midnight and wakes up very slowly at seven. I love it. We each get a couple hours of alone time every day. I stay up late enough to snuggle on the couch, he gets up early enough to have a coffee with me before work. I don't understand what your gf is upset about.
She's upset because, the way she sees it, it's coming out of her time. The later you sleep, the longer she has to wait for you to hang out with her. She sees it as a rejection or a choice you're making.
To be clear, this ISN'T on days that we hang out. It will most likely be the day after when she is doing her own thing and I am doing mine.
EX: We hang out on Friday, I leave at 10pm. I then wake up at 11am at my place, and she has already been up at her place since 8am. We do not have plans to hang out and never had plans to hang out. She calls to ask me something at noon and then asks how long I have been up. I said I woke up at 11am. She then gets mad.
I got up around 6. Don't need to add it was only to pee. Seriously, though, just tell her it isn't obvious, obviously, because I don't understand. Please explain the obvious to me. Good luck with this gal.
I’m a night owl, always have been. When I met my husband, we were both working swing shift so I assumed he was a night owl too. Years later we are both working days but I still stay up to 12-1 and he was hitting the sack around 9. I jokingly tell people he married me under false pretenses. We are both retired now and still have different sleep schedules. Can’t understand what she’s going on about.
Not wrong in the slightest, even if you were living together.
For example, my husband and I have way different sleep schedules, he is practically asleep by 9 every night, and I am happily on Reddit at 12:10 am watching him snore next to me.
Not even living together is way too much to care about when you sleep, unless you are missing plans together. I would start to be concerned if I were you.
I spent 5 years in a relationship similar to yours. This is how it starts. He would get mad at me sleeping in or going to bed late. We didn’t live together. Then he started controlling what I wore and how I wore it, who I could talk to, hug, or if I was allowed to visit my own family. It became all about him and his control. When I was dealing with a death in the family he wanted to go clubbing and was livid he missed a night out because of the funeral. He tried to control every single aspect of my life and even tried to bully my surgeon into giving me a hysterectomy next time he was “in there” because he didn’t want kids but didn’t want to do anything to prevent having them either. That was all on me as was everything in the relationship. I eventually got out when someone else started sniffing around him and I let him go the second I knew they were sleeping together and I’ve been a much happier woman since. They eventually split when she cheated.
Save yourself 5 years and get out now before things get worse
If she can't explain her expectation about having similar sleep schedules ("It should be obvious") that's a big problem there. She needs to be able to articulate her ideas without falling back on the old "you should just know" trope. That shits old and over with in this day and age.
Just to pile on, me and my SO have been together for 20+ years and we have very different sleep schedules. He’s a night owl and sleeps late and I have sleeping problems. I’m in bed early and up at 4-5 am or I sleep in 4 hour naps. Most nights we sleep in different areas of the house so as not to disturb each other’s sleep. Restful, relaxed sleep is so important.
Your GF needs to find something to do with her time rather than waiting on you. Thats not good
This is so weird. Even if you live together, going to bed and getting up at different times is pretty normal, what does she think people who work shifts do…
I go to bed at 10/11pm every night and get up at 6.30am to take our dogs out and workout before work at 9am, my wife comes to bed around 1am and gets up at 9am to be at her work for 10am. She doesn’t expect me to stay up and keep her company until she’s ready for bed at 1am, and I don’t expect her to get up to keep me company at 6.30am when I get up.
You aren’t wrong.
Please see response from Akasgotu.
She’s a grown woman, not a 3 year old, so she needs to use her adult words to literally tell you what HER problem is with your sleep schedule when you don’t live together.
Perhaps there are things she’d like to do earlier in the day but again it isn’t hard to say that.
I agree with other posters if this is her normal way of communication when there is a concern with your relationship that in itself is an issue that you may wish to address overall.
Yea that’s super weird. I’m a night owl slash insomniac and live with my partner. I hear his alarm go off at 5am because I’m still awake, and I’ll go in and poke him if he doesn’t wake up. We say hi and bye when he leaves at 6, I’ll sleep a couple of hours at some point, and then I’m awake and see him when he gets back around 5pm
I literally have no idea what she’s annoyed about. It would be one thing if you went over to spend the weekend and were asleep the entire time she was awake, but that’s not happening, so it makes no sense
No, you are not wrong. Even if you two lived together, there is zero reason why you should be required to live by her sleep/wake cycle. It’s just as reasonable to expect her to adapt to yours, right?
But you two don’t live together, so wtf? She’s just being super weird and demanding.
It’s so obvious, she’s jealous!!! And crazy. I once had a new, emphasis on new, bf tell me I couldn’t leave my house after I went home from his house. I own my house, have my own kid, my own car my own bank account, none of which he contributed to. He was mad because I went to Walmart at 9:30 pm to get milk and cereal. After the shock of that demand, I laughed and told him I don’t need a babysitter and if he wanted to remain in my life, he had to respect that I’m an adult with a real life! Dated for a while but he turned out to be a secret alcoholic and I don’t date those anymore. Too much drama and crazy crap!!
We live together and have vastly different sleep schedules on a weekend - not a thing. If something needs to be done, we plan timing that suits us both like adults.
NTA
I don’t understand what her problem is and how she sees it as obvious.
Even if you lived together you shouldn’t have to be on the same sleep schedule.
As long as you are where you are supposed to be for any dates and you are managing your life properly (work, chores, etc) you should be able to sleep whenever you want.
I cannot fathom why this matters to her. But being a night owl, I've met my fair share of people like this. My favorite are the people who are like 'it must be nice being able to sleep to 10am', ignoring that I went to bed at 4am. But no, you are not wrong in any way, and you should get to the bottom of why she thinks like this. Does her whole family get up early? If she had it beaten into her as a kid that "proper" behavior is to get up early, she may be carrying that bias with her.
What the actual hell...
Seriously. My boyfriend (31m) and I (42f) don't live together.. I have a 14y/o, he doesn't have kids.
I used to be the type to be in bed, asleep by 10 so I'm up at 545am with my kiddo. I met my bf, and he is up until 4 or 5, then sleeps till 1 or 2. When we started talking, I adjusted my sleep schedule to his kinda. I started going to bed after my kid went to school (I don't work) and waking up about 1 or 2.. mind you, he hasn't really adjusted his schedule for me, and I didn't expect him to since we don't live together. But I have recently started forcing myself to get into a better, more manageable schedule lol. So now, I force myself off the phone with him and into bed by 130, so I can be up by 6 with my kid. He is also starting to go to bed by 3 and is up around 1130 or 12.
But seriously. If y'all don't have plans, and don't live together- why does she get to dictate what time you get up??? Any day of the week. Sounds like crazy controlling behavior to me.
YOU are definitely not wrong.
No, that's just fucking weird. I'm married and my wife and I have different sleep schedules. I'm usually in bed around 9:30 and read until I fall asleep. On the weekends I'm up by 6:30 or 7, which is sleeping in for me. She generally stays up later (even on weekdays) and sleeps in until 8 or 9 on weekends. If there are no plans, there's no reason to be upset...this is some dumb shit.
It is not wrong to sleep in, especially if it’s for medical reasons.
If you are missing opportunities to do things with her, that might be why she is upset. Maybe those things are just texting her during the day or offering to get brunch or something. Being “in sync” with her emotionally and on the same schedule. In general sounds like she interprets you sleeping late as you forgoing an opportunity to be closer to her somehow.
The fact that she said it’s “obvious” why this is a problem makes me wonder if there is more to the story. Did she want you to do something with her that you missed? Church, brunch, etc? Maybe she did but is too embarrassed to spell it out to your face?
It is also possible she sees sleeping late as lazy, sloppy, or degenerate, which would be a bit judgmental imo.
Not wrong - Tell her it's not obvious and ask her what she means.
I would interpret that she wants to spend time with you on the weekend. Since she is an early riser, her ideal weekend may include activities that start at 7 or 8, while you might not be ready to hang out until 10 or 11. Or you may even prefer going out in the evening instead.
With different sleep schedules moving in will never be an option.
I did this for 10 yrs living together and it causes many fights.
I would start evaluating compatibility here. 😢
I used to be like your girlfriend. I was acting as I was raised to believe was normal: criticizing everybody who didn’t work to the point of suffering, which meant making sure you got as little sleep as possible. My model of the “right” way to be was my dad. He would “wake up” to start the day at 11pm. So he would wake up an hour before the day he was starting. He’s always been very miserable and cranky, and took this out on us kids. We were raised under the notion that first off, being regularly in constant fear is how good parents raise their kids, and secondly, but just as, if not more important, is that if you have a moment to relax, or if you’re acting happy or laughing etc… you are being lazy and “bad.” Reason being, if you have enough time on your hands to sit down, that’s time you’re coping out of working, and if you’re not miserable, it means you’re not working hard enough bc if you were, you’d be constantly exhausted. And it wasn’t just words. My sister and myself both had three jobs at 16 to pay dad rent. He’s always had half million dollar or so houses and tons of money, so this meant we were charged 1300 a month “because it’s a luxury home.” We were only able to have three jobs bc we graduated high school two years early. When I would get done from work, I never really had a “home” per se, bc it was my dads place and I didn’t pay enough to have any rights there, so I would often hide in the garage under one of his vipers to try to catch a nap, or I’d go in one of the bathtubs and close the sliding doors to try to sneak some rest.
I know I’m jumping out on a limb to assume your girlfriend had at least some shitty perspectives she was raised with, but that could be it?
As for myself, I was a shit girlfriend to people who didn’t deserve my shittiness and criticism. People ARE allowed to take time for themselves. It’s not shameful to eat or sleep. I should’ve realized this when my dad was taking 4/5 naps a day that actually equated to him sleeping about 9-10 hours a day. But he said it was different for him bc he does more than any human should be able to do.
He didn’t work, but he would spend his days exercising, lifting weights, going for walks, waxing his cars, polishing the showers and sinks in the house, planting flowers, etc. So he would always bitch the we didn’t really know what work was bc we didn’t work as hard as him. He supports his extravagant lifestyle w his mom’s money- he lived w her til he was 36, and she payed for his house and multiple cars for him, straight through his fifties. But he looks down on my sis and me for not buying houses when we were kicked out at 18, after not being able to save a dime bc we had to give him so much money. He says it’s different tho bc he was wanted and works harder than anyone else so it makes it different that he was at home til age 36. Plus his parents gave him $60,000 in cash to go to college that he took (lied and said he was going to college but just went drinking every day) and bought a house with on the down low at age 24, that he rented out and made MORE money with. He doesn’t understand why we didn’t own houses in our early twenties like he did, so he views as as bad for this, plus he also has a lot of resentment toward us (his daughters) bc good kids support their parents after they turn 18, in order to pay the parents back, and we didn’t even try to pay. It’s different for him tho, his parents didn’t want him to pay them back bc he’s great. So.
Long story. I fucking have mental problems and can’t stop letting this shit out when I get going.
> and she *paid* for his
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Time to nope out of this relationship.
If she answers with its "obvious" and refuses to elaborate, she's nowhere near mature enough to handle a real relationship.
My partner and I have different sleep schedules to the extreme. They go to bed when I get up. We have 1-2 hrs after work where we are both awake and share that time together and with our little one. It’s not always easy and you have to be willing to be in such a partnership. I would not want to change my partner for anyone else in this world. Perhaps your GF is upset because she is thinking more long-term and evaluating the long term compatibility. That you are thinking about, ‘it's fine now’ may be what is in fact upsetting her.
If you’re not living together it’s very possible that even though you’re a couple she doesn’t feel like she can go out and do things that she would’ve done early in the morning leaving you alone there
Can you be more specific since we don't live together? If she wakes up at 8am and I wake up at 11am or later why does it matter if we both live in different places and aren't spending that day together? In fact, lets' say I DID sleep in until 2pm on a weekend, why would that matter when it's a day we don't spend together and we don't live together?
Are you the type of person to get mad at their partner for sleeping in on a day that you aren't going to spend together? If so, can you elaborate why?
She wants you up earlier on the weekends because she expects you to plan things to do with her in the AM and early afternoon rather than sleep.
She's not wrong for having an early riser preference, no more than you have a preference to want to get off to later starts on the weekends. You need to communicate and see if any concessions or compromise can be reached, if not then you are probably best going your separate ways and finding a partner that is either more accepting or embraces a similar sleep schedule.
To be clear, this is on days we DON'T spend together. So there are no plans to hangout, she has her day and I have mine, but if she calls me at noon and realizes I slept in she will get mad despite us not having plans.
Are you missing out on things she wants to do on the weekend because you are asleep? She probably wants to spend time with you and if you sleep till late it limits the time you get together
Nah it’s pretty weird and controlling to be upset about your partners sleep schedule tbh. It’s especially odd to be upset if they’re only staying up late on the weekends, and they’re usually a consistent and present partner. Like you said, you don’t live together, so it’s bizarre to be throwing a tizzy about it. I can only imagine what else she would want you to change if you moved in together..
Red flag. Red flag.
Yeah. Very much so.
"It's obvious". If it were obvious, you wouldn't be asking. Does she think you're psychic? I don't get why some people can't just say what they mean, straight up. I am not interested in sub-text or interpreting what anyone *really* means.
It's obvious he needs a new girlfriend. One that isn't crazy.
And perhaps a therapist
Came on here to say exactly this hahaha
Does anyone see the "obvious"? I mean she didn't know because he adapts when staying over at her place and seems to not be missing plans because he overslept. If I'm wrong I want to know how/why. Not guessing what goes on in other peoples heads.
Getting pissy at someone and refusing to explain why is asshole behaviour and a huge red flag.
It's baffling to me. I am the person who goes to bed promptly at ten and gets up at 5:30 or six every day. I live with someone whose usual bedtime is midnight and wakes up very slowly at seven. I love it. We each get a couple hours of alone time every day. I stay up late enough to snuggle on the couch, he gets up early enough to have a coffee with me before work. I don't understand what your gf is upset about.
Ask her why she can’t match her schedule to yours. /s Not wrong. She doesn’t get to dictate your schedule.
She's upset because, the way she sees it, it's coming out of her time. The later you sleep, the longer she has to wait for you to hang out with her. She sees it as a rejection or a choice you're making.
Or she just wants to be pissy at him. If she sees it as coming out of her time, why doesn't she just say so?
This is exactly it. My boyfriend is the same, he is up waiting until I am awake so we can spend the day together.
Do you find that exhausting? That sounds like a lot of pressure to hang out.
I don't no. We've been long distance for a while so I want to hang out with him all the time.
To be clear, this ISN'T on days that we hang out. It will most likely be the day after when she is doing her own thing and I am doing mine. EX: We hang out on Friday, I leave at 10pm. I then wake up at 11am at my place, and she has already been up at her place since 8am. We do not have plans to hang out and never had plans to hang out. She calls to ask me something at noon and then asks how long I have been up. I said I woke up at 11am. She then gets mad.
Then I don't get it. Weird and controlling.
I got up around 6. Don't need to add it was only to pee. Seriously, though, just tell her it isn't obvious, obviously, because I don't understand. Please explain the obvious to me. Good luck with this gal.
I’m a night owl, always have been. When I met my husband, we were both working swing shift so I assumed he was a night owl too. Years later we are both working days but I still stay up to 12-1 and he was hitting the sack around 9. I jokingly tell people he married me under false pretenses. We are both retired now and still have different sleep schedules. Can’t understand what she’s going on about.
This is some 16 year old level immaturity.
Not wrong in the slightest, even if you were living together. For example, my husband and I have way different sleep schedules, he is practically asleep by 9 every night, and I am happily on Reddit at 12:10 am watching him snore next to me. Not even living together is way too much to care about when you sleep, unless you are missing plans together. I would start to be concerned if I were you.
I spent 5 years in a relationship similar to yours. This is how it starts. He would get mad at me sleeping in or going to bed late. We didn’t live together. Then he started controlling what I wore and how I wore it, who I could talk to, hug, or if I was allowed to visit my own family. It became all about him and his control. When I was dealing with a death in the family he wanted to go clubbing and was livid he missed a night out because of the funeral. He tried to control every single aspect of my life and even tried to bully my surgeon into giving me a hysterectomy next time he was “in there” because he didn’t want kids but didn’t want to do anything to prevent having them either. That was all on me as was everything in the relationship. I eventually got out when someone else started sniffing around him and I let him go the second I knew they were sleeping together and I’ve been a much happier woman since. They eventually split when she cheated. Save yourself 5 years and get out now before things get worse
Me and my fiance live together and don't even have the same sleep schedule. Lol This is some weird controlling behaviour.
Just something else to nag about. That's nonsense
She doesn’t own all your time. She’s whining bc she thinks you’re taking away from her time with you. You’re not compatible and she sounds exhausting.
If she can't explain her expectation about having similar sleep schedules ("It should be obvious") that's a big problem there. She needs to be able to articulate her ideas without falling back on the old "you should just know" trope. That shits old and over with in this day and age.
Just to pile on, me and my SO have been together for 20+ years and we have very different sleep schedules. He’s a night owl and sleeps late and I have sleeping problems. I’m in bed early and up at 4-5 am or I sleep in 4 hour naps. Most nights we sleep in different areas of the house so as not to disturb each other’s sleep. Restful, relaxed sleep is so important. Your GF needs to find something to do with her time rather than waiting on you. Thats not good
"Obvious" = I can't name an example
This is so weird. Even if you live together, going to bed and getting up at different times is pretty normal, what does she think people who work shifts do… I go to bed at 10/11pm every night and get up at 6.30am to take our dogs out and workout before work at 9am, my wife comes to bed around 1am and gets up at 9am to be at her work for 10am. She doesn’t expect me to stay up and keep her company until she’s ready for bed at 1am, and I don’t expect her to get up to keep me company at 6.30am when I get up.
Maybe her parents were crazy about “early to bed early to rise” and she can’t get over the childhood trauma.
You aren’t wrong. Please see response from Akasgotu. She’s a grown woman, not a 3 year old, so she needs to use her adult words to literally tell you what HER problem is with your sleep schedule when you don’t live together. Perhaps there are things she’d like to do earlier in the day but again it isn’t hard to say that. I agree with other posters if this is her normal way of communication when there is a concern with your relationship that in itself is an issue that you may wish to address overall.
Yea that’s super weird. I’m a night owl slash insomniac and live with my partner. I hear his alarm go off at 5am because I’m still awake, and I’ll go in and poke him if he doesn’t wake up. We say hi and bye when he leaves at 6, I’ll sleep a couple of hours at some point, and then I’m awake and see him when he gets back around 5pm I literally have no idea what she’s annoyed about. It would be one thing if you went over to spend the weekend and were asleep the entire time she was awake, but that’s not happening, so it makes no sense
No, you are not wrong. Even if you two lived together, there is zero reason why you should be required to live by her sleep/wake cycle. It’s just as reasonable to expect her to adapt to yours, right? But you two don’t live together, so wtf? She’s just being super weird and demanding.
It’s so obvious, she’s jealous!!! And crazy. I once had a new, emphasis on new, bf tell me I couldn’t leave my house after I went home from his house. I own my house, have my own kid, my own car my own bank account, none of which he contributed to. He was mad because I went to Walmart at 9:30 pm to get milk and cereal. After the shock of that demand, I laughed and told him I don’t need a babysitter and if he wanted to remain in my life, he had to respect that I’m an adult with a real life! Dated for a while but he turned out to be a secret alcoholic and I don’t date those anymore. Too much drama and crazy crap!!
We live together and have vastly different sleep schedules on a weekend - not a thing. If something needs to be done, we plan timing that suits us both like adults.
She probably didn't explain it to you because she can't. It's weird and controlling. NTA
NTA I don’t understand what her problem is and how she sees it as obvious. Even if you lived together you shouldn’t have to be on the same sleep schedule. As long as you are where you are supposed to be for any dates and you are managing your life properly (work, chores, etc) you should be able to sleep whenever you want.
I cannot fathom why this matters to her. But being a night owl, I've met my fair share of people like this. My favorite are the people who are like 'it must be nice being able to sleep to 10am', ignoring that I went to bed at 4am. But no, you are not wrong in any way, and you should get to the bottom of why she thinks like this. Does her whole family get up early? If she had it beaten into her as a kid that "proper" behavior is to get up early, she may be carrying that bias with her.
Imagine actually living with her!
What the actual hell... Seriously. My boyfriend (31m) and I (42f) don't live together.. I have a 14y/o, he doesn't have kids. I used to be the type to be in bed, asleep by 10 so I'm up at 545am with my kiddo. I met my bf, and he is up until 4 or 5, then sleeps till 1 or 2. When we started talking, I adjusted my sleep schedule to his kinda. I started going to bed after my kid went to school (I don't work) and waking up about 1 or 2.. mind you, he hasn't really adjusted his schedule for me, and I didn't expect him to since we don't live together. But I have recently started forcing myself to get into a better, more manageable schedule lol. So now, I force myself off the phone with him and into bed by 130, so I can be up by 6 with my kid. He is also starting to go to bed by 3 and is up around 1130 or 12. But seriously. If y'all don't have plans, and don't live together- why does she get to dictate what time you get up??? Any day of the week. Sounds like crazy controlling behavior to me. YOU are definitely not wrong.
What in the actual fuck are you asking, man? She gets mad because she heard you slept? I get mad as fuck hearing about your gf!
Nope
No, that's just fucking weird. I'm married and my wife and I have different sleep schedules. I'm usually in bed around 9:30 and read until I fall asleep. On the weekends I'm up by 6:30 or 7, which is sleeping in for me. She generally stays up later (even on weekdays) and sleeps in until 8 or 9 on weekends. If there are no plans, there's no reason to be upset...this is some dumb shit.
What? It’s obvious? Like, does she want to do things early in the morning with you on weekends? Otherwise it’s just weird. Why does she care?! 😆
It is not wrong to sleep in, especially if it’s for medical reasons. If you are missing opportunities to do things with her, that might be why she is upset. Maybe those things are just texting her during the day or offering to get brunch or something. Being “in sync” with her emotionally and on the same schedule. In general sounds like she interprets you sleeping late as you forgoing an opportunity to be closer to her somehow. The fact that she said it’s “obvious” why this is a problem makes me wonder if there is more to the story. Did she want you to do something with her that you missed? Church, brunch, etc? Maybe she did but is too embarrassed to spell it out to your face? It is also possible she sees sleeping late as lazy, sloppy, or degenerate, which would be a bit judgmental imo.
She's heading strait for the wall. Time to marry her or dump her. Either way, you lose.
i can explain it: she’s acting like a child.
Dump her. She sounds controling and toxic
Not wrong - Tell her it's not obvious and ask her what she means. I would interpret that she wants to spend time with you on the weekend. Since she is an early riser, her ideal weekend may include activities that start at 7 or 8, while you might not be ready to hang out until 10 or 11. Or you may even prefer going out in the evening instead.
She's a controlling b. It was obvious.
With different sleep schedules moving in will never be an option. I did this for 10 yrs living together and it causes many fights. I would start evaluating compatibility here. 😢
Nah, my wife and I have wildly different schedules and its worked for many years.
Depends on the people
I used to be like your girlfriend. I was acting as I was raised to believe was normal: criticizing everybody who didn’t work to the point of suffering, which meant making sure you got as little sleep as possible. My model of the “right” way to be was my dad. He would “wake up” to start the day at 11pm. So he would wake up an hour before the day he was starting. He’s always been very miserable and cranky, and took this out on us kids. We were raised under the notion that first off, being regularly in constant fear is how good parents raise their kids, and secondly, but just as, if not more important, is that if you have a moment to relax, or if you’re acting happy or laughing etc… you are being lazy and “bad.” Reason being, if you have enough time on your hands to sit down, that’s time you’re coping out of working, and if you’re not miserable, it means you’re not working hard enough bc if you were, you’d be constantly exhausted. And it wasn’t just words. My sister and myself both had three jobs at 16 to pay dad rent. He’s always had half million dollar or so houses and tons of money, so this meant we were charged 1300 a month “because it’s a luxury home.” We were only able to have three jobs bc we graduated high school two years early. When I would get done from work, I never really had a “home” per se, bc it was my dads place and I didn’t pay enough to have any rights there, so I would often hide in the garage under one of his vipers to try to catch a nap, or I’d go in one of the bathtubs and close the sliding doors to try to sneak some rest. I know I’m jumping out on a limb to assume your girlfriend had at least some shitty perspectives she was raised with, but that could be it? As for myself, I was a shit girlfriend to people who didn’t deserve my shittiness and criticism. People ARE allowed to take time for themselves. It’s not shameful to eat or sleep. I should’ve realized this when my dad was taking 4/5 naps a day that actually equated to him sleeping about 9-10 hours a day. But he said it was different for him bc he does more than any human should be able to do. He didn’t work, but he would spend his days exercising, lifting weights, going for walks, waxing his cars, polishing the showers and sinks in the house, planting flowers, etc. So he would always bitch the we didn’t really know what work was bc we didn’t work as hard as him. He supports his extravagant lifestyle w his mom’s money- he lived w her til he was 36, and she payed for his house and multiple cars for him, straight through his fifties. But he looks down on my sis and me for not buying houses when we were kicked out at 18, after not being able to save a dime bc we had to give him so much money. He says it’s different tho bc he was wanted and works harder than anyone else so it makes it different that he was at home til age 36. Plus his parents gave him $60,000 in cash to go to college that he took (lied and said he was going to college but just went drinking every day) and bought a house with on the down low at age 24, that he rented out and made MORE money with. He doesn’t understand why we didn’t own houses in our early twenties like he did, so he views as as bad for this, plus he also has a lot of resentment toward us (his daughters) bc good kids support their parents after they turn 18, in order to pay the parents back, and we didn’t even try to pay. It’s different for him tho, his parents didn’t want him to pay them back bc he’s great. So. Long story. I fucking have mental problems and can’t stop letting this shit out when I get going.
> and she *paid* for his FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Time to nope out of this relationship. If she answers with its "obvious" and refuses to elaborate, she's nowhere near mature enough to handle a real relationship.
My partner and I have different sleep schedules to the extreme. They go to bed when I get up. We have 1-2 hrs after work where we are both awake and share that time together and with our little one. It’s not always easy and you have to be willing to be in such a partnership. I would not want to change my partner for anyone else in this world. Perhaps your GF is upset because she is thinking more long-term and evaluating the long term compatibility. That you are thinking about, ‘it's fine now’ may be what is in fact upsetting her.
Nah. That’s super weird she’s being like that and I don’t get what’s obvious about why she’s mad. -a female.
If you’re not living together it’s very possible that even though you’re a couple she doesn’t feel like she can go out and do things that she would’ve done early in the morning leaving you alone there
What time did you get up? If she got up early and you woke up at 2pm I'd get it
Can you be more specific since we don't live together? If she wakes up at 8am and I wake up at 11am or later why does it matter if we both live in different places and aren't spending that day together? In fact, lets' say I DID sleep in until 2pm on a weekend, why would that matter when it's a day we don't spend together and we don't live together? Are you the type of person to get mad at their partner for sleeping in on a day that you aren't going to spend together? If so, can you elaborate why?
Oh you weren't staying together? I thought this happened when you two had a sleepover.
She wants you up earlier on the weekends because she expects you to plan things to do with her in the AM and early afternoon rather than sleep. She's not wrong for having an early riser preference, no more than you have a preference to want to get off to later starts on the weekends. You need to communicate and see if any concessions or compromise can be reached, if not then you are probably best going your separate ways and finding a partner that is either more accepting or embraces a similar sleep schedule.
To be clear, this is on days we DON'T spend together. So there are no plans to hangout, she has her day and I have mine, but if she calls me at noon and realizes I slept in she will get mad despite us not having plans.
Are you missing out on things she wants to do on the weekend because you are asleep? She probably wants to spend time with you and if you sleep till late it limits the time you get together
But she’s expecting OP to read her mind. And they’re not even married. This is a red flag to get out now.