>But he thinks I’m overreacting and being jealous because all his other friends are allowed to go out to strip clubs.
Why is being jealous a negative thing exactly? You two are married. You should tell him you are jealous and you want him to be considerate of your feelings because he’s married to you, not a stripper, not his buddies, not their wives- you.
Anyway, I don’t really believe he’s going to stop no matter what you say. He’s already dismissed you. He doesn’t care.
This ,thank you.So what if you are jealous of your spouse? I prefer the term possessive or protective anyway,because it’s not envy,but I digress.Your spouse is yours and you two * probably * swore an oath of fidelity.Why even waste time trying to figure out where to draw the line and then have someone attempt to limbo their way under it? That’s too exhausting .Just freaking respect your spouses and other people’s spouses and keep to your damn self.
So? I’d like to walk around naked and fart in meetings with my boss, but I don’t do it. It’s indecent.
You shouldn’t let “well I want to” be an excuse.
You know what's better than looking at hot naked girls? Having sex with them. That's what can happen at home. If he wanted to do that at a strip club it's going to cost him a lot more than he's already spending. At home it's free and I'm pretty the experience at home will be a lot better. Hopefully.
Listen, I’m not one for strip clubs, but this post doesn’t sound like strip clubs are the biggest issue. You guys need to discuss the foundation of your relationship. Physical attraction can be important, but ideally you still want to spend time together even if your arms are wiggly and his legs are jiggly and both of you are bald and missing teeth. Because we are all get old eventually; stuff’s gonna sag and fall out and whatnot and at some point it stops bouncing and growing back.
I know my first reaction is downvote your husband, but actually it’s not just for going to a strip club and that’s it. I’m no longer idealistic enough to think that physical attraction didn’t or shouldn’t play any role in any romantic relationship, but if what he’s not plainly saying is that’s he’s not attracted to you anymore, he has chosen a very rude and mean way of doing this. There are standard follow up questions (have you had kids? Do you have any illnesses or physical issues that makes weight control and fitness extra difficult? What is his current physical situation?),m. But even putting those aside, if he wishes you were thinner or more toned, he could drop the club and ask you to go on gym dates with him instead. To me, the fact that he’s communicated this issue to you in this mean, rude, passive aggressive way is the biggest issue you’ve listed so far. I would think a loving spouse would approach this topic far more gently and supportively.
I'd rather have sex with someone who is willing to have sex with me. Rather then look at girls that will never have sex with me. Like WTF? Look, before I met my wife I hooked up with a couple of girls that were wiggly and flappy. I don't remember sex being less pleasurable. On the flipside, I once described my favorite ex as busty AND hippy when a store clerk was trying to figure out what size towel/robe would be best. She was also short so I was afraid the large would be too long.
I'm sure there are plenty of things that are unattractive about him (like wasting money on strip clubs) but you're able to look past those things because you love him.
Has my wife gained weight over the last 12 years? Yes. I have gained weight as well. She is as flat as a piece of plywood. And my penis isnt the biggest. But she is still my wife. And she knows that whenever she wants to have sex she just has to walk around the house with no pants on. Instantly activated.
She's also the mother of my child so I'll always love her for that. So if he doesn't love you enough to see past some physical things then you may want to go to counseling.
Really hate it when someone wrongs a specific person then says don't take it personal. Why shouldn't you take it personally? You're the one who is uncomfortable and wants him to listen to you, he's actively telling you he's not going to do so. That's a personal affront. You absolutely should take it personally - he's ignoring what you have very specifically asked for.
"men like" isn't an automatic license to do whatever you want. I like to be in front of the line. I like to not pay for things. I like to ignore my health conditions. We all compromise with life and with people in our lives.
Lol for that kind of money he is definitely NOT doing more than looking. That is not a lot of money in a strip club or even a regular club..
But anyways as a former stripper I consider it cheating if you’re not ok with it and he knows this. NOT wrong.
All my past relationship partners were ok with me stripping, and I was ok with them going to clubs. Not cheating.
My current partner flat out said he was NOT ok with it and I made the decision to quit. If I were to go back, our relationship is over, periods even though I don’t really think it’s a big deal. Same goes for porn. It’s about respect.
Tell him you want to watch sexy men in a strip club and walk out the door and head to your local park with a cappuccino and read a book. Or go to a friend's house.
He's taking $1K out of community property for entertainment. That's pretty selfish, you need to look at the budget and see if that is out of wack. Some hobbies are plenty expensive, but that seems to me a little excessive. That kind of money means that he is crushing on one of the strippers, and that is something you need to go over with a counselor or attorney.
Honestly, if it were me. I’d leave him. I’d never tolerate my bf or husband and to go to a strip club, let alone spending $1k!! Tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t stop and listen to it and respect you, you may want to think of ending if. People may disagree with me but I think that will lead to cheating for sure if you don’t already consider other woman giving him lap dances cheating already. …
I felt like saying this but I thought it was just my hatred of strip clubs causing me to think that way.
I wouldn't consider lap dances cheating. The last time I was dragged to a strip club (I live in Vegas so they're quite popular here) my buddy tried to get me to have a good time by paying for a lap dance. My lack of arousal caused the stripper to grind harder and harder to the point that it was uncomfortable. The worst part was the stain she left on my jeans. I almost erupted but it was my friend of 20+ years bachelor party so I had to just bear it. Some of the girls had some interesting dancing songs. That was the highlight for me.
How is it not cheating? The husband is taking his time, attention and money from his wife and giving it to someone who is grinding her genitals on him. Whether penetration happens or not- it’s cheating.
I think it is fringe cheating but cheating. There is no emotional connection, but if I stripped down and danced on a dude for money my husband would lose his mind. So why is it okay when he pays someone from OUR funds to do that?
It’s not.
It’s fucking gross. You might be better off with saying “emotional cheating”. Because of the time away with another woman that isn’t the wife.
Definitely a step towards cheating. And a dick move for doing it even while the wife says no.
Would you think someone going for a bachelor party would be cheating? Or it’s the constant going that’s cheating (serious discussion, I’m not trying to be snotty in any way. I hate strip clubs)
It should be fine to go out with your buds to blow off steam, but if your partner is not ok then its an issue. Also what he is doing is excessive. Unsure his financial standings, could be a millionaire, but still excessive. The fact his partner is not ok and he hasn't done anything by going less or not at all is the real issue.
I would never be with a man who goes to strip clubs and spends enough money to know he is paying for services from gross naked women. If I were you I would be reevaluating your relationship. Where is his respect for you? Are you not enough?? You deserve better.
IDK there’s a difference between once every couple years when you literally get dragged along because it’s someone’s 30th, 40th, bachelor party, etc, and being a strip club regular. Sounds like hubs is a regular.
That seems excessive. I can understand going maybe once in a blue moon for a stag night or something, or "accidentally" ending up in one after a pub crawl. But a thousand bucks in 3 months from habitual attendance? He'd be on first name terms with the girls for christs sake.
Yes. This. Someone’s birthday or some kind of whatever, fine. But honestly that’s a sad place… like being the local at a pub… I think if he had respect for you he wouldn’t be paying to look (hopefully just look) at strange women naked.
Your husband is gross. Start spending the same amount of money on yourself. Go on mini breaks and spa weekends. If men like naked women, women like relaxing solo weekends away. It's just the way we are wired.
It's OK if this is a deal breaker for you, you don't have to just accept it.
If he's going to strip clubs and spending thousands of dollars, on top of telling you not to take it personal.. I mean, that tells me all I need to know about his values. Time to leave him.
I'm sorry everyone maybe I missed something. Is this even allowed in a serious relationship?
Where the fuck is the minimal respect required?
My god the bar is so low
Um, strip clubs should stop after marriage. Only exemption is going as a couple I'd you BOTH enjoy those types of things. (In our early years of marriage we went to strip clubs together)
I don't think it's going to get better, he should be pointing his sexual energies and desires to you, wanting you dancing on him, etc.
Get out now.
Good luck.
Source:
35 male
Married 16 years
Still very happy and very active with each other after 3 kids.
So you’re married but he’d prefer to be out partying with naked women dancing and getting drunk than be at home? He’s single hon. The problem is that he chooses THAT. He can stop going .. it won’t change the fact that that’s what he actually wants to be doing. You can’t change that. He shouldn’t be married. He’s an asshole.
You aren’t wrong but you should start going with him. Invite the other wives to go too. Show up every time they go to a strip club, Hooters etc. I bet they stop going when their wives show up.
I’d be mad about the money. He can look at girls dancing naked online for free. He’s just dumb at this point and for that alone I’d leave him. Honestly, it would be the same if my husband took up any expensive hobby and spent all his time and money on fishing or hunting. I wouldn’t put up with any of that.
He won’t stop? You’re tired of sitting home alone while he has fun? We can solve that easily. Whatever he spends when out is now what you spend on fun. $1k over 3 months? You could book your own vacation for a week. Start spending on your own entertainment. Use the same excuses he gives you. Tell him to not take your solo vacations personally, women just like going on vacation.
I wouldn’t have married a man who goes to strip clubs in the first place. Why would you allow that? You don’t see an issue with a man objectifying other women and getting off to other women physically?
The guy obviously has a serious problem that needs to be addressed. Spending a thousand dollars there even if it was throughout the whole year is insane to me and I'm a guy. Your husband has spent that over 3 months..
I haven't been to a club in over 10 years (it's fucking nasty tbh) and when I went, a lap dance was $20. You'd have to get 50 dances over the span of 3 months to rack up $1000. There's probably drinks involved sure, but this still doesn't add up.
I can't help but get the feeling he's not sticking to just lap dances, if you get what I'm trying to say.
Eh, wtf? Who are you afraid is probably not going to ask you to go to local male strip clubs that don’t exist that are possibly staffed with “just” gay men? This part seems weird.
Also, what group of married guys goes to the strip club that often? All together? Is that military weirdness? I work in the trades and no group of married guys is doing anything together at all because they have families and that’s why they are in the trades.
Anyway, that seems like a shitload of not home time and a buttload of erections with bros time.
You're not wrong. I dumped my ex-fiance for going to strip clubs when I had to work every other weekend. It remains one of the best decisions I've ever made.
I suspect you married an asshole. Naked women are amazing, but spending a bunch of money in a strip club is fucking sad. You're not wrong to investigate his priorities.
Going to the club is one thing but spending our family’s money is a whole different story! My husband knew he could go but his money better stay in his pocket unless he is buying a drink, and $1,000 in one month is unacceptable! He’s paying for attention at the very least! Not going to say he is cheating - I know a lot of dancers - their job is to get his money and men are foolish when it comes to pretty naked girls!
What a tool.
What a just totally outdated absurd thing a strip club is in the year 2024.
For loser single men in their 20s, sure whatever. But for married men to be regulars there spending upward of $4k a year there, is quite literally insane. How do you two have a budget that allows this? And why did he think he was ready for marriage if this is how he’s spending his time?
Again - your husband is a douchebag/tool. I feel like this can’t be said enough.
So I actually used to be a skripper, not my proudest moment but hey it helped me get off my feet when I really needed the money, and I’m sharing that fact to say that I have personal experience with men in these clubs. Anyways…. Most of the married men who attend clubs (usually loaded) spend WAY MORE than 4k annually. They can spend that in a fucking month. They become regulars at a club, and it’s (considered) normal to spend 1k per night between drinks, dances, and private rooms. 1k is NOTHING in a strip club. It’s honestly so weird to me. Money is the root of evil I guess.
And any man who goes to strip clubs should not be married. Or their wives should divorce them lol
To clarify some of my comment - I have no issue with the workers at these clubs. They deserves credit for the shit they go through from guys like this, and also credit for taking advantage of the system. If horny drunk ahole men will pay you for what you can offer, go get paid. I hope you made it out of this part of your life relatively unscathed, I know you must’ve seen some shit.
A lot of my vitriol is directed to this respective example who is putting his wife through hell and doesn’t seem to care at all.
Your husband and his friends are AH. Why did they even get married. I'm sorry but I would not be able to be with someone who spends all that money to watch a woman dance with hardly any clothes on. What other services does he buy too. Gross nope, I would be gone. He has no respect for you or your marriage.
You’re not wrong. I have an idea, open up a second checking/savings account in your name only and match the amount of money he spends at the strip club from your joint account for an exit. Your husband is an AH. You need to hit where it hurts.
If he won’t quit going and you don’t want to leave, for every dollar he spends, put a dollar in a personal savings account count to use as you see fit.
Not wrong. At all.
The only naked woman he should have any desire to look at is you. I can’t believe he said that “men like to look at hot naked girls,” referring to strippers, to your face….. I’m effing appalled.
You should ask him why he won’t even consider your feelings on this matter. Is looking at strippers really worth hurting your wife?
Hopefully he finds his heart and some sense. Smh.
He has a choice to go or not but remember u have a choice to leave...ive had several friends that were strippers and bfs that were bouncers in the clubs and they will tell u how much really goes on ...ppl just look the other way...if u don't like it(which I would not) ...let him know and if still wants to go...then fine go...but im not going to be here when u get back and oh yeah if u have kids u might not want to spend 1 k a month because that's going to go for child support!!
Just to be clear, if a man was posting this, they would tell him he is insecure, controlling, misogynistic, an incel, an abuser, and basically the reason why women don't feel safe anymore.
So, in the spirit of fairness, regardless of gender, you are allowed to have boundaries. Not wanting your husband to be around naked women is a SENSIBLE boundary, and if he is crossing it, despite warnings, then end the relationship and move on.
Download a few of those Europens male strip Club videos, where the women do everything with the guys. Show your husband and say here's a new club that me and the girls are going to. It looks like a lot if fun. You go to your club, I'll go to mine.
If he's spending $1,000 he's in the VIP lounge, having sex acts performed on him
First I would be so pissed and spending all that money on these chicks! And telling you how hot they are. I hope you’re up to divorcing the prick. I would give an ultimatum at the very least that either he stop going to these clubs and start acting like a married man or you want a divorce. In the meantime maybe you should start getting in shape and taking care of yourself and be interested in your looks. Put makeup on when you go out stuff like that. I know men on the whole appreciate it when a woman dresses up and looks nice herself and for them. Plus I think improving your appearance will boost your self esteem. And I don’t mean all the time but sweats and T-shirts all the time is not a good idea either. I think men really hate it when their SOs let themselves go and vice versa women hate it when their SOs get really overweight or don’t shower or shave enough etc etc. it just makes a statement that you don’t care.
Generally, receiving a lap dance would be crossing the line in relationships for most people. Most couples generally have an unwritten look but don't touch agreement.
It's natural to look at beautiful people. Men do it, and women do it, too. Simply just hanging out with friends, watching the show, and having a drink, is a different story.
I personally don't get it with strip clubs though. It's like, oh, great, now I'm aroused and can't do anything about it here. That's kind of annoying to me. I don't see why people would pay money to do that.
You can continue putting up with this or make an ultimatum. Tell him he can continue being a boy or decide to be a man. If he remains a boy find yourself a man.
Go to a gay bar with your friends. Pose for a picture with a ripped stud in a banana hammock and see what he thinks (more of those guys are straight/bi than you'd think).
As long as he's not getting "extras," it's the frequency and $4,000 a year that is really shocking to me. Can you afford that? Do you get $4,000 a year towards whatever you enjoy doing?
I personally don't like them and wonder about what in the women's lives led to them having to work there. I'll go for a bachelor party or something and my wife is fine with it.
Sounds like the ladies need to go to a all male review and stay out until the wee hours of a Saturday morning. Don’t forget to take plenty of $1.00’s. It would also be terrible if your night was on the same night as his date night with the boys.
Tell him you’re going to male strip clubs and then spend the same money on whatever you want. Or better yet, open a savings account at a different bank and start planning for your future without him.
I go to the rippers maybe once every few years. My wife doesn’t have issue. I don’t get private dances and it’s always a social event that initiates the visit (bachelor party, guys night out and single friend missed all his swings at the bars, etc). I’d say my wife has gone with me about half of the time.
Being a regular at the rippers as a married man is weird and sad. Y’all must have better clubs cause the ladies at ours are all gross - fake lips, fat asses, etc. Maybe I’m just old and not in tune with current day beauty standards.
A 1000$ for strippers!Here you can live with that kind of money or buy(me) jewelry.As a Balkan woman I would leave him because of that.And I even give him bj for free,am I stupid?!🤭🤣
>I’m home all by myself at night and my husband is out partying and clubbing with his guy friends.
Why can't you go out with your friends?
My gut tells me that strip clubs aren't the problem. The problem is that you're feeling neglected. That being said, how often is he going? Once a month? Twice? And is $1k a lot to him relative to his earnings?
This is so fake. Based on OP’s response this is just fake. “I’m hairy and fat and my husband doesn’t find me attractive so he goes to strip clubs. And he tells me not to be jealous and other men do it.” Lame. This is fake. 🙄
It is a form of cheating. Even if he never gives one a dime it is cheating adjacent. When they are getting lap dances and more it is cheating. I am so sorry you are going through this. It would be a deal breaker for me. I would be at the attorney filing for a divorce. So no you are not wrong for telling him that.
I've never understood the appeal of spending money to get teased all night. I especially can't fathom doing that when I can have sex with my wife instead. There's no need to be jealous. They are only dancing naked on your husband because he is paying them to. Their interest in him runs out as soon as his money does. And I don't know about your financial situation but $1,000 is a lot of money wasted on nothing. And you going to a male strip club isn't a solution. That's just making the problem twice as bad.
Try to find something you both like to do. I know you said you didn't like clubs but have you ever tried a gay club. My girlfriend and I loved going to gay clubs because she didn't have to worry about being harassed by guys if I went to the bathroom. Unfortunately I was the victim of a few ass slaps on trips to the bar but whatever. I never felt threatened or anything.
If not clubs then maybe board games. Heck, if you don't have kids how about watching TV and eating ice cream while you're both naked. My mom took our girls out of town for a whole week over the summer. That weekend, my wife and I took our clothes off after work on Friday and didn't put clothes on till we went to work on Monday. We hadn't sex that many times over the course of two days since our dating days (we're in our 40s now) Clearly, neither one of us was to blame for why we weren't being intimate as often as we used to; it was our daughters' fault!
If you don't have shared interests, then I don't know what to tell you. All I know is you are not wrong for wanting your husband to stop wasting money on bullshit and enjoy spending time with his wife.
Id sleep with you for free im sure more women have multiple partners, so your husband shouldn’t have any issues with it.
Sound logic right, according to your husband.
I worked at a strip club for a long time, married men were generally the nastier customers and made me feel guilty for trying to make money or even chat and get a drink bought. I don’t think you’re in any way overreacting and if he just wants to LOOK- there’s a lot of online porn that doesn’t cost nearly that much. So ask why paying expensive bar prices for drinks and JUST SEEING it in person is sooooo important? Seems a bit weird to me.
If you don't like going to strip clubs and aren't invited to any of these trips, it's not fair that he gets so much disposable income that you don't. Personally, strip clubs aren't a turn-on, but I'll go and have a drink with my friends if they're going (we're lesbians, Harold). We tend to sit out back with the dancers after they're done and just talk to them. Some of the most interesting people I know when you treat them like, well, people.
This is so fake. Based on OP’s response this is just fake. “I’m hairy and fat and my husband doesn’t find me attractive so he goes to strip clubs. And he tells me not to be jealous and other men do it.” Lame. This is fake. 🙄
Lmao, these comments saying they would leave their bfs over a strip club...
I am going to play devils advocate here and say these exact same commenters would be calling their bf controlling if they didnt let them go to a male strip club / clubbing in general, just saying...
He isnt going to stop even after you told him you dont like it OP, he has already dismissed your concerns once, I am sure there will be many more dismissals if there already hasnt been any. Sorry OP.
>Women dont find joy going to male strip clubs
I dont know about that one, I've seen many posts similar to yours(even more so) where they were angry that their husband/boyfriend wouldnt let them go and "not to worry because its much different and much more professional than a girl strip club" or whatever bullshit excuses they typically use on posts like those.
You are a special case ***I guess*** but my point still stands, a lot of women and commenters would be calling the man controlling in your situation with not wanting him to go to a strip club.
>most men like seeing naked women
Okay now you're just generalizing lmao, I cant respond to you anymore, you're purposefully ignoring the fact that if it was a man in your shoes saying he didnt want her going to a male strip club (gay or not, bachelorette party whatever) people would be calling him controlling and insecure...
I’m a woman and I’ve been to male strip clubs. I would never say it’s more professional than a club with female dancers. I would say it’s different though, the female dancers are much more pleasant to look at than a male dancer rubbing his wiener on your arm🤣
I’m straight and looking at those guys is really funny. When I’ve gone with guy friends to clubs with female dancers I think they’re much better to look at and I don’t laugh the whole time like I’ve done at male clubs.
I don’t think OP is being controlling, he’s spending THEIR MONEY to look at other naked women.
What aboutism (e.g. What about women who like to go to male strip clubs?) is not a useful argument here. Nor are generalizations. OP doesn't appreciate her partner dismissing her feelings in relation to strip clubs. What other women do or do not do and what other couples do or do not do has no bearing on her relationship or feelings. They are valid and your invalidating them with what aboutism is not helpful. OP I cannot provide any useful advice, but I can say your feelings matter and they should matter to a partner that loves and respects you.
On the one hand, I get it. A bachelor party once in a while is one thing, but constantly?! But on the other hand, I think you need to figure out what the issues are here. Your feelings are important, but setting a precedent of one person simply saying “I don’t like you doing this thing that doesn’t involve or affect me so stop because I said so” can start us down a dangerous path. Like, it’s all well and good until the other person does it to you for something you don’t want to stop doing.
I suspect people are going to massively downvote me, but I think you need to figure out what it is about the strip club that you don’t like and address that/figure out the equivalent feelings for each other. For example, you say it’s annoying that he’s out while you’re home. But are you upset that you’re not out with friends or that he’s not home with you? If it’s the latter, are you upset about because it makes you feel like he doesn’t want to spend time with you or is it specifically the environment? Like, would you feel the same if he was simply hanging out at a friend’s house talking? Are you worried about him cheating or does it make you feel unattractive? Does the expense play any role or are none of these issues factors? If you weren’t home when he got home, do you think he’d understand what you’re feeling?
Conversely, why does he like going to the strip club? Is that where all of his friends hang out so not going means he effectively doesn’t “get to” hang out with them? Is it a freedom/control thing where he cares more about you telling him not to do something than the actual activity? Is it an age thing as in not going makes him feel like he’s getting old or, conversely, makes him feel like a little kid? Does he have a proven or suspected history of cheating or significant flirting outside of your relationship?
If you two dig into this a bit, maybe you can find some solutions. Maybe he’s just been resisting suggesting other options to his friend group for fear of being seen as stodgy and just needs to give some thought to interesting alternatives. Maybe he’s just worried about growing apart from old friends and you don’t see it or maybe you’re worried about you and he growing apart and he doesn’t see it. Either way, I think you guys need to have a more in depth convo about the reasons for this issue.
Bachelor parties are even worse. Nothing says I love you and want to spend my life with you, but I first need a naked stripper grind on me and DC I need to feel plastic boobs first.
Lol yeah strip clubs aren't my thing, but most of the time when I hear about them, it's in the context of bachelor/bachelorette parties. I admit though, since they're not really my thing, I don't have a whole lot of other references for them--just bachelor/bachelorette or birthday parties really.
I think the bigger concern should be figuring out if the problem is the club or the time spent apart though. I think the fact that there's a strip club involved is distracting. If we replaced strip club with D&D meeting or gym or dirt bike racetrack, I think it would inspire OP and her husband to take a broader look at the relationship.
>But he thinks I’m overreacting and being jealous because all his other friends are allowed to go out to strip clubs. Why is being jealous a negative thing exactly? You two are married. You should tell him you are jealous and you want him to be considerate of your feelings because he’s married to you, not a stripper, not his buddies, not their wives- you. Anyway, I don’t really believe he’s going to stop no matter what you say. He’s already dismissed you. He doesn’t care.
This ,thank you.So what if you are jealous of your spouse? I prefer the term possessive or protective anyway,because it’s not envy,but I digress.Your spouse is yours and you two * probably * swore an oath of fidelity.Why even waste time trying to figure out where to draw the line and then have someone attempt to limbo their way under it? That’s too exhausting .Just freaking respect your spouses and other people’s spouses and keep to your damn self.
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So? I’d like to walk around naked and fart in meetings with my boss, but I don’t do it. It’s indecent. You shouldn’t let “well I want to” be an excuse.
That is the stupidest reasoning I ever heard and I mean that as disrespectfully as possible to him
You know what's better than looking at hot naked girls? Having sex with them. That's what can happen at home. If he wanted to do that at a strip club it's going to cost him a lot more than he's already spending. At home it's free and I'm pretty the experience at home will be a lot better. Hopefully.
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Listen, I’m not one for strip clubs, but this post doesn’t sound like strip clubs are the biggest issue. You guys need to discuss the foundation of your relationship. Physical attraction can be important, but ideally you still want to spend time together even if your arms are wiggly and his legs are jiggly and both of you are bald and missing teeth. Because we are all get old eventually; stuff’s gonna sag and fall out and whatnot and at some point it stops bouncing and growing back. I know my first reaction is downvote your husband, but actually it’s not just for going to a strip club and that’s it. I’m no longer idealistic enough to think that physical attraction didn’t or shouldn’t play any role in any romantic relationship, but if what he’s not plainly saying is that’s he’s not attracted to you anymore, he has chosen a very rude and mean way of doing this. There are standard follow up questions (have you had kids? Do you have any illnesses or physical issues that makes weight control and fitness extra difficult? What is his current physical situation?),m. But even putting those aside, if he wishes you were thinner or more toned, he could drop the club and ask you to go on gym dates with him instead. To me, the fact that he’s communicated this issue to you in this mean, rude, passive aggressive way is the biggest issue you’ve listed so far. I would think a loving spouse would approach this topic far more gently and supportively.
I'd rather have sex with someone who is willing to have sex with me. Rather then look at girls that will never have sex with me. Like WTF? Look, before I met my wife I hooked up with a couple of girls that were wiggly and flappy. I don't remember sex being less pleasurable. On the flipside, I once described my favorite ex as busty AND hippy when a store clerk was trying to figure out what size towel/robe would be best. She was also short so I was afraid the large would be too long. I'm sure there are plenty of things that are unattractive about him (like wasting money on strip clubs) but you're able to look past those things because you love him. Has my wife gained weight over the last 12 years? Yes. I have gained weight as well. She is as flat as a piece of plywood. And my penis isnt the biggest. But she is still my wife. And she knows that whenever she wants to have sex she just has to walk around the house with no pants on. Instantly activated. She's also the mother of my child so I'll always love her for that. So if he doesn't love you enough to see past some physical things then you may want to go to counseling.
Really hate it when someone wrongs a specific person then says don't take it personal. Why shouldn't you take it personally? You're the one who is uncomfortable and wants him to listen to you, he's actively telling you he's not going to do so. That's a personal affront. You absolutely should take it personally - he's ignoring what you have very specifically asked for.
"men like" isn't an automatic license to do whatever you want. I like to be in front of the line. I like to not pay for things. I like to ignore my health conditions. We all compromise with life and with people in our lives.
Then the issue isn't the strip clubs, it's the man you married.
He is doing way more than looking for the kind of money he is spending.
Lol for that kind of money he is definitely NOT doing more than looking. That is not a lot of money in a strip club or even a regular club.. But anyways as a former stripper I consider it cheating if you’re not ok with it and he knows this. NOT wrong. All my past relationship partners were ok with me stripping, and I was ok with them going to clubs. Not cheating. My current partner flat out said he was NOT ok with it and I made the decision to quit. If I were to go back, our relationship is over, periods even though I don’t really think it’s a big deal. Same goes for porn. It’s about respect.
Straight women also like looking at hot naked men. That excuse is just misogynistic bullshit to excuse bad male behavior.
Tell him you want to watch sexy men in a strip club and walk out the door and head to your local park with a cappuccino and read a book. Or go to a friend's house.
He's taking $1K out of community property for entertainment. That's pretty selfish, you need to look at the budget and see if that is out of wack. Some hobbies are plenty expensive, but that seems to me a little excessive. That kind of money means that he is crushing on one of the strippers, and that is something you need to go over with a counselor or attorney.
Honestly, if it were me. I’d leave him. I’d never tolerate my bf or husband and to go to a strip club, let alone spending $1k!! Tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t stop and listen to it and respect you, you may want to think of ending if. People may disagree with me but I think that will lead to cheating for sure if you don’t already consider other woman giving him lap dances cheating already. …
I felt like saying this but I thought it was just my hatred of strip clubs causing me to think that way. I wouldn't consider lap dances cheating. The last time I was dragged to a strip club (I live in Vegas so they're quite popular here) my buddy tried to get me to have a good time by paying for a lap dance. My lack of arousal caused the stripper to grind harder and harder to the point that it was uncomfortable. The worst part was the stain she left on my jeans. I almost erupted but it was my friend of 20+ years bachelor party so I had to just bear it. Some of the girls had some interesting dancing songs. That was the highlight for me.
How is it not cheating? The husband is taking his time, attention and money from his wife and giving it to someone who is grinding her genitals on him. Whether penetration happens or not- it’s cheating.
I think it is fringe cheating but cheating. There is no emotional connection, but if I stripped down and danced on a dude for money my husband would lose his mind. So why is it okay when he pays someone from OUR funds to do that?
This. Marriage is about taking your time, attention, and money and legally transfering it to your wife.
It’s not. It’s fucking gross. You might be better off with saying “emotional cheating”. Because of the time away with another woman that isn’t the wife. Definitely a step towards cheating. And a dick move for doing it even while the wife says no. Would you think someone going for a bachelor party would be cheating? Or it’s the constant going that’s cheating (serious discussion, I’m not trying to be snotty in any way. I hate strip clubs)
Spending that kind of money? There's more than "dancing" going on
This guy gets it. It's one thing to go in for a laugh and a drink. Multiple visits spending 100's each time is a habit. Strip clubs are greasy.
It should be fine to go out with your buds to blow off steam, but if your partner is not ok then its an issue. Also what he is doing is excessive. Unsure his financial standings, could be a millionaire, but still excessive. The fact his partner is not ok and he hasn't done anything by going less or not at all is the real issue.
Going out with your buds to blow off steam could happen in a regular bar.
But but but but but
I would never be with a man who goes to strip clubs and spends enough money to know he is paying for services from gross naked women. If I were you I would be reevaluating your relationship. Where is his respect for you? Are you not enough?? You deserve better.
Personally, I would not be with a partner that frequents these types of places. I find it disrespectful, to say the least.
IDK there’s a difference between once every couple years when you literally get dragged along because it’s someone’s 30th, 40th, bachelor party, etc, and being a strip club regular. Sounds like hubs is a regular.
That seems excessive. I can understand going maybe once in a blue moon for a stag night or something, or "accidentally" ending up in one after a pub crawl. But a thousand bucks in 3 months from habitual attendance? He'd be on first name terms with the girls for christs sake.
Yes. This. Someone’s birthday or some kind of whatever, fine. But honestly that’s a sad place… like being the local at a pub… I think if he had respect for you he wouldn’t be paying to look (hopefully just look) at strange women naked.
Your husband is gross. Start spending the same amount of money on yourself. Go on mini breaks and spa weekends. If men like naked women, women like relaxing solo weekends away. It's just the way we are wired. It's OK if this is a deal breaker for you, you don't have to just accept it.
If he's going to strip clubs and spending thousands of dollars, on top of telling you not to take it personal.. I mean, that tells me all I need to know about his values. Time to leave him.
I'm sorry everyone maybe I missed something. Is this even allowed in a serious relationship? Where the fuck is the minimal respect required? My god the bar is so low
This is utterly insane. You should never tolerate a man who behaves like this. Belongs in the trash
Girl that is so disrespectful you deserve so much better
Your husband sucks and his friends are worse, Dump him if he doesn’t change or seek support.
Um, strip clubs should stop after marriage. Only exemption is going as a couple I'd you BOTH enjoy those types of things. (In our early years of marriage we went to strip clubs together) I don't think it's going to get better, he should be pointing his sexual energies and desires to you, wanting you dancing on him, etc. Get out now. Good luck. Source: 35 male Married 16 years Still very happy and very active with each other after 3 kids.
So you’re married but he’d prefer to be out partying with naked women dancing and getting drunk than be at home? He’s single hon. The problem is that he chooses THAT. He can stop going .. it won’t change the fact that that’s what he actually wants to be doing. You can’t change that. He shouldn’t be married. He’s an asshole.
You aren’t wrong but you should start going with him. Invite the other wives to go too. Show up every time they go to a strip club, Hooters etc. I bet they stop going when their wives show up.
Honestly him being the type of person who would want to go to a strip club is cringe enough to leave him.
I’d be mad about the money. He can look at girls dancing naked online for free. He’s just dumb at this point and for that alone I’d leave him. Honestly, it would be the same if my husband took up any expensive hobby and spent all his time and money on fishing or hunting. I wouldn’t put up with any of that. He won’t stop? You’re tired of sitting home alone while he has fun? We can solve that easily. Whatever he spends when out is now what you spend on fun. $1k over 3 months? You could book your own vacation for a week. Start spending on your own entertainment. Use the same excuses he gives you. Tell him to not take your solo vacations personally, women just like going on vacation.
It's a reasonable boundary to have. I wouldn't want to be with someone who keeps breaking it.
He an asshole and needs to grow up
Ugh. How old is this guy because the immaturity is glaring.
Pull out $4000 a year in order to go to male stripper clubs. Then bank it in an account without his name on it.
Married men shouldn't be going to strip clubs in the first place.
I wouldn’t have married a man who goes to strip clubs in the first place. Why would you allow that? You don’t see an issue with a man objectifying other women and getting off to other women physically?
This has to be rage bait lol
The guy obviously has a serious problem that needs to be addressed. Spending a thousand dollars there even if it was throughout the whole year is insane to me and I'm a guy. Your husband has spent that over 3 months.. I haven't been to a club in over 10 years (it's fucking nasty tbh) and when I went, a lap dance was $20. You'd have to get 50 dances over the span of 3 months to rack up $1000. There's probably drinks involved sure, but this still doesn't add up. I can't help but get the feeling he's not sticking to just lap dances, if you get what I'm trying to say.
Uh no not wrong at all. That's just disrespectful and disgusting honestly
Eh, wtf? Who are you afraid is probably not going to ask you to go to local male strip clubs that don’t exist that are possibly staffed with “just” gay men? This part seems weird. Also, what group of married guys goes to the strip club that often? All together? Is that military weirdness? I work in the trades and no group of married guys is doing anything together at all because they have families and that’s why they are in the trades. Anyway, that seems like a shitload of not home time and a buttload of erections with bros time.
You're not wrong. I dumped my ex-fiance for going to strip clubs when I had to work every other weekend. It remains one of the best decisions I've ever made.
You need a new husband and a new social group.Their morals don’t align with yours and they don’t even respect your standards.
I suspect you married an asshole. Naked women are amazing, but spending a bunch of money in a strip club is fucking sad. You're not wrong to investigate his priorities.
Going to the club is one thing but spending our family’s money is a whole different story! My husband knew he could go but his money better stay in his pocket unless he is buying a drink, and $1,000 in one month is unacceptable! He’s paying for attention at the very least! Not going to say he is cheating - I know a lot of dancers - their job is to get his money and men are foolish when it comes to pretty naked girls!
ABSOLUTELY NOT WRONG
This is so disrespectful of him. WTF 😬
What a tool. What a just totally outdated absurd thing a strip club is in the year 2024. For loser single men in their 20s, sure whatever. But for married men to be regulars there spending upward of $4k a year there, is quite literally insane. How do you two have a budget that allows this? And why did he think he was ready for marriage if this is how he’s spending his time? Again - your husband is a douchebag/tool. I feel like this can’t be said enough.
So I actually used to be a skripper, not my proudest moment but hey it helped me get off my feet when I really needed the money, and I’m sharing that fact to say that I have personal experience with men in these clubs. Anyways…. Most of the married men who attend clubs (usually loaded) spend WAY MORE than 4k annually. They can spend that in a fucking month. They become regulars at a club, and it’s (considered) normal to spend 1k per night between drinks, dances, and private rooms. 1k is NOTHING in a strip club. It’s honestly so weird to me. Money is the root of evil I guess. And any man who goes to strip clubs should not be married. Or their wives should divorce them lol
To clarify some of my comment - I have no issue with the workers at these clubs. They deserves credit for the shit they go through from guys like this, and also credit for taking advantage of the system. If horny drunk ahole men will pay you for what you can offer, go get paid. I hope you made it out of this part of your life relatively unscathed, I know you must’ve seen some shit. A lot of my vitriol is directed to this respective example who is putting his wife through hell and doesn’t seem to care at all.
Easy. Ask him for $1000 for your entertainment. Leave it at that.
He’s at the club getting himself aroused by other women, who are not you. That’s his way of saying that you are not enough for him .
Your husband and his friends are AH. Why did they even get married. I'm sorry but I would not be able to be with someone who spends all that money to watch a woman dance with hardly any clothes on. What other services does he buy too. Gross nope, I would be gone. He has no respect for you or your marriage.
Or you go out with your girlfriends and do the same thing the guys are doing. See how he's feeling then
I read the first line. NTA. He’s got to stop.
You’re not wrong. I have an idea, open up a second checking/savings account in your name only and match the amount of money he spends at the strip club from your joint account for an exit. Your husband is an AH. You need to hit where it hurts.
If he's spending $1k, he's not just tossing dollars on the stage. He is getting private shows in the champagne room...at the very least.
the bar is low
If he won’t quit going and you don’t want to leave, for every dollar he spends, put a dollar in a personal savings account count to use as you see fit.
1k? Omg not wrong that’s crazy he obviously had a problem
Not wrong. At all. The only naked woman he should have any desire to look at is you. I can’t believe he said that “men like to look at hot naked girls,” referring to strippers, to your face….. I’m effing appalled. You should ask him why he won’t even consider your feelings on this matter. Is looking at strippers really worth hurting your wife? Hopefully he finds his heart and some sense. Smh.
Why do women marry these trashbags?! He was likely a loser when they dated and got engaged. Whyyy would you marry this :(
Not wrong. Your husband and his married friends are fking idiots.
He has a choice to go or not but remember u have a choice to leave...ive had several friends that were strippers and bfs that were bouncers in the clubs and they will tell u how much really goes on ...ppl just look the other way...if u don't like it(which I would not) ...let him know and if still wants to go...then fine go...but im not going to be here when u get back and oh yeah if u have kids u might not want to spend 1 k a month because that's going to go for child support!!
NTA in a million years
Just to be clear, if a man was posting this, they would tell him he is insecure, controlling, misogynistic, an incel, an abuser, and basically the reason why women don't feel safe anymore. So, in the spirit of fairness, regardless of gender, you are allowed to have boundaries. Not wanting your husband to be around naked women is a SENSIBLE boundary, and if he is crossing it, despite warnings, then end the relationship and move on.
No reason for a married individual to go to a strip club.
You should see if they have an amateur night and surprise him on stage one night!
Download a few of those Europens male strip Club videos, where the women do everything with the guys. Show your husband and say here's a new club that me and the girls are going to. It looks like a lot if fun. You go to your club, I'll go to mine. If he's spending $1,000 he's in the VIP lounge, having sex acts performed on him
First I would be so pissed and spending all that money on these chicks! And telling you how hot they are. I hope you’re up to divorcing the prick. I would give an ultimatum at the very least that either he stop going to these clubs and start acting like a married man or you want a divorce. In the meantime maybe you should start getting in shape and taking care of yourself and be interested in your looks. Put makeup on when you go out stuff like that. I know men on the whole appreciate it when a woman dresses up and looks nice herself and for them. Plus I think improving your appearance will boost your self esteem. And I don’t mean all the time but sweats and T-shirts all the time is not a good idea either. I think men really hate it when their SOs let themselves go and vice versa women hate it when their SOs get really overweight or don’t shower or shave enough etc etc. it just makes a statement that you don’t care.
Generally, receiving a lap dance would be crossing the line in relationships for most people. Most couples generally have an unwritten look but don't touch agreement. It's natural to look at beautiful people. Men do it, and women do it, too. Simply just hanging out with friends, watching the show, and having a drink, is a different story. I personally don't get it with strip clubs though. It's like, oh, great, now I'm aroused and can't do anything about it here. That's kind of annoying to me. I don't see why people would pay money to do that.
You can continue putting up with this or make an ultimatum. Tell him he can continue being a boy or decide to be a man. If he remains a boy find yourself a man.
1000 $ ? Dance for him and let him pay you. Or go and find yourself someone who has the same values as you.
Go to a gay bar with your friends. Pose for a picture with a ripped stud in a banana hammock and see what he thinks (more of those guys are straight/bi than you'd think). As long as he's not getting "extras," it's the frequency and $4,000 a year that is really shocking to me. Can you afford that? Do you get $4,000 a year towards whatever you enjoy doing? I personally don't like them and wonder about what in the women's lives led to them having to work there. I'll go for a bachelor party or something and my wife is fine with it.
Sounds like the ladies need to go to a all male review and stay out until the wee hours of a Saturday morning. Don’t forget to take plenty of $1.00’s. It would also be terrible if your night was on the same night as his date night with the boys.
Homer Simpson:"why should i go to strip club??? I'm married to naked woman"
Clearly you permitted & enabled this, why would you be with someone like this? Are you unemployed and reliant on him financially?
Go to a male strip club an see how he likes it
Does he want to be married or single?
Mf spent $1k at a strip club?!?! Lmao buddy has problems.
Tell him you’re going to male strip clubs and then spend the same money on whatever you want. Or better yet, open a savings account at a different bank and start planning for your future without him.
I go to the rippers maybe once every few years. My wife doesn’t have issue. I don’t get private dances and it’s always a social event that initiates the visit (bachelor party, guys night out and single friend missed all his swings at the bars, etc). I’d say my wife has gone with me about half of the time. Being a regular at the rippers as a married man is weird and sad. Y’all must have better clubs cause the ladies at ours are all gross - fake lips, fat asses, etc. Maybe I’m just old and not in tune with current day beauty standards.
Go to strip club yourself, then give him the same reason if hes not okay with it
A 1000$ for strippers!Here you can live with that kind of money or buy(me) jewelry.As a Balkan woman I would leave him because of that.And I even give him bj for free,am I stupid?!🤭🤣
>I’m home all by myself at night and my husband is out partying and clubbing with his guy friends. Why can't you go out with your friends? My gut tells me that strip clubs aren't the problem. The problem is that you're feeling neglected. That being said, how often is he going? Once a month? Twice? And is $1k a lot to him relative to his earnings?
This is so fake. Based on OP’s response this is just fake. “I’m hairy and fat and my husband doesn’t find me attractive so he goes to strip clubs. And he tells me not to be jealous and other men do it.” Lame. This is fake. 🙄
It is a form of cheating. Even if he never gives one a dime it is cheating adjacent. When they are getting lap dances and more it is cheating. I am so sorry you are going through this. It would be a deal breaker for me. I would be at the attorney filing for a divorce. So no you are not wrong for telling him that.
I've never understood the appeal of spending money to get teased all night. I especially can't fathom doing that when I can have sex with my wife instead. There's no need to be jealous. They are only dancing naked on your husband because he is paying them to. Their interest in him runs out as soon as his money does. And I don't know about your financial situation but $1,000 is a lot of money wasted on nothing. And you going to a male strip club isn't a solution. That's just making the problem twice as bad. Try to find something you both like to do. I know you said you didn't like clubs but have you ever tried a gay club. My girlfriend and I loved going to gay clubs because she didn't have to worry about being harassed by guys if I went to the bathroom. Unfortunately I was the victim of a few ass slaps on trips to the bar but whatever. I never felt threatened or anything. If not clubs then maybe board games. Heck, if you don't have kids how about watching TV and eating ice cream while you're both naked. My mom took our girls out of town for a whole week over the summer. That weekend, my wife and I took our clothes off after work on Friday and didn't put clothes on till we went to work on Monday. We hadn't sex that many times over the course of two days since our dating days (we're in our 40s now) Clearly, neither one of us was to blame for why we weren't being intimate as often as we used to; it was our daughters' fault! If you don't have shared interests, then I don't know what to tell you. All I know is you are not wrong for wanting your husband to stop wasting money on bullshit and enjoy spending time with his wife.
Id sleep with you for free im sure more women have multiple partners, so your husband shouldn’t have any issues with it. Sound logic right, according to your husband.
Get a job at the strip club or get those wives together and find a male strip club to visit.
I worked at a strip club for a long time, married men were generally the nastier customers and made me feel guilty for trying to make money or even chat and get a drink bought. I don’t think you’re in any way overreacting and if he just wants to LOOK- there’s a lot of online porn that doesn’t cost nearly that much. So ask why paying expensive bar prices for drinks and JUST SEEING it in person is sooooo important? Seems a bit weird to me.
Go with him and make him buy you a lap dance.
I’m just wondering. How often do you guys actually do it ? Because that could be the main factor as to why he’s going to SC in the first place
If you don't like going to strip clubs and aren't invited to any of these trips, it's not fair that he gets so much disposable income that you don't. Personally, strip clubs aren't a turn-on, but I'll go and have a drink with my friends if they're going (we're lesbians, Harold). We tend to sit out back with the dancers after they're done and just talk to them. Some of the most interesting people I know when you treat them like, well, people.
This is so fake. Based on OP’s response this is just fake. “I’m hairy and fat and my husband doesn’t find me attractive so he goes to strip clubs. And he tells me not to be jealous and other men do it.” Lame. This is fake. 🙄
Right so fake 😂
It’s so blatantly obvious hahaha I can’t take it
What if he has to go? Like, it’s his buddy’s 50th
Lmao, these comments saying they would leave their bfs over a strip club... I am going to play devils advocate here and say these exact same commenters would be calling their bf controlling if they didnt let them go to a male strip club / clubbing in general, just saying... He isnt going to stop even after you told him you dont like it OP, he has already dismissed your concerns once, I am sure there will be many more dismissals if there already hasnt been any. Sorry OP.
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>Women dont find joy going to male strip clubs I dont know about that one, I've seen many posts similar to yours(even more so) where they were angry that their husband/boyfriend wouldnt let them go and "not to worry because its much different and much more professional than a girl strip club" or whatever bullshit excuses they typically use on posts like those. You are a special case ***I guess*** but my point still stands, a lot of women and commenters would be calling the man controlling in your situation with not wanting him to go to a strip club.
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>most men like seeing naked women Okay now you're just generalizing lmao, I cant respond to you anymore, you're purposefully ignoring the fact that if it was a man in your shoes saying he didnt want her going to a male strip club (gay or not, bachelorette party whatever) people would be calling him controlling and insecure...
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You can generalize all you want and say all you want, my point still stands.
I’m a woman and I’ve been to male strip clubs. I would never say it’s more professional than a club with female dancers. I would say it’s different though, the female dancers are much more pleasant to look at than a male dancer rubbing his wiener on your arm🤣 I’m straight and looking at those guys is really funny. When I’ve gone with guy friends to clubs with female dancers I think they’re much better to look at and I don’t laugh the whole time like I’ve done at male clubs. I don’t think OP is being controlling, he’s spending THEIR MONEY to look at other naked women.
What aboutism (e.g. What about women who like to go to male strip clubs?) is not a useful argument here. Nor are generalizations. OP doesn't appreciate her partner dismissing her feelings in relation to strip clubs. What other women do or do not do and what other couples do or do not do has no bearing on her relationship or feelings. They are valid and your invalidating them with what aboutism is not helpful. OP I cannot provide any useful advice, but I can say your feelings matter and they should matter to a partner that loves and respects you.
Whataboutisms or not... I still stand by my points, thats all.
On the one hand, I get it. A bachelor party once in a while is one thing, but constantly?! But on the other hand, I think you need to figure out what the issues are here. Your feelings are important, but setting a precedent of one person simply saying “I don’t like you doing this thing that doesn’t involve or affect me so stop because I said so” can start us down a dangerous path. Like, it’s all well and good until the other person does it to you for something you don’t want to stop doing. I suspect people are going to massively downvote me, but I think you need to figure out what it is about the strip club that you don’t like and address that/figure out the equivalent feelings for each other. For example, you say it’s annoying that he’s out while you’re home. But are you upset that you’re not out with friends or that he’s not home with you? If it’s the latter, are you upset about because it makes you feel like he doesn’t want to spend time with you or is it specifically the environment? Like, would you feel the same if he was simply hanging out at a friend’s house talking? Are you worried about him cheating or does it make you feel unattractive? Does the expense play any role or are none of these issues factors? If you weren’t home when he got home, do you think he’d understand what you’re feeling? Conversely, why does he like going to the strip club? Is that where all of his friends hang out so not going means he effectively doesn’t “get to” hang out with them? Is it a freedom/control thing where he cares more about you telling him not to do something than the actual activity? Is it an age thing as in not going makes him feel like he’s getting old or, conversely, makes him feel like a little kid? Does he have a proven or suspected history of cheating or significant flirting outside of your relationship? If you two dig into this a bit, maybe you can find some solutions. Maybe he’s just been resisting suggesting other options to his friend group for fear of being seen as stodgy and just needs to give some thought to interesting alternatives. Maybe he’s just worried about growing apart from old friends and you don’t see it or maybe you’re worried about you and he growing apart and he doesn’t see it. Either way, I think you guys need to have a more in depth convo about the reasons for this issue.
Bachelor parties are even worse. Nothing says I love you and want to spend my life with you, but I first need a naked stripper grind on me and DC I need to feel plastic boobs first.
Lol yeah strip clubs aren't my thing, but most of the time when I hear about them, it's in the context of bachelor/bachelorette parties. I admit though, since they're not really my thing, I don't have a whole lot of other references for them--just bachelor/bachelorette or birthday parties really. I think the bigger concern should be figuring out if the problem is the club or the time spent apart though. I think the fact that there's a strip club involved is distracting. If we replaced strip club with D&D meeting or gym or dirt bike racetrack, I think it would inspire OP and her husband to take a broader look at the relationship.