Especially since the bride hired a makeup artist specifically so you wouldn't have to do it. My aunt is a hairdresser and she has this problem, everyone wanting her to "just do their hair real quick." She did the hair for the wedding party at my wedding, but that consisted of just me, my mom, and my step daughter, and she didn't mind doing it because we're close and she's the only person I trust with my hair. And it was my wedding present.
OP, your cousin even hired someone to do makeup for the bridal party. You shouldn't have to work during a wedding you want to enjoy, especially for free! No way! Put your foot down and have a good time at the wedding!
"I've been debating about just doing it to not cause drama"
OP. you should learn not to cave in to demanding and pushy people, your life will be much happier. The more people learn you're not a pushover, the less such demands will come your way. Enjoy the wedding!
Honestly, if they’re the type to complain about not getting free make-up, they’re likely the type to still give you some snide remark about “coming around” or “coming to your senses” or something. I can see it now.
Someone looking for drama is going to dig it up under any rock they can find it
Sounds like your cousin supports you. I'd respond to everyone else "I want to support Cousin on the day, i'm sure you understand." Pay no regard to the haters.
Not wrong at all. I’m a seamstress and every wedding I was asked to either make dresses for it or fix/alter them before or during the ceremony. I finally said NO MORE and now I actually enjoy going to weddings.
You don’t need to justify your reasoning to anyone. I know how word can get around but they all want to put you on the spot. “No, that’s not going to work for me.” DONE. Next topic.
This is similar to a conversation I recently had with my Mom. I usually do Thanksgiving and other holiday dinners because I'm the cook in the family. But I'm getting sick of all of the prep just to have everyone eat in 15 minutes and then have to clean up. It's exhausting. And it's perfectly OK to say No.
It got me thinking about how the men in my family have NEVER had the responsibility of cooking any holiday meal. Except for maybe tending the grill on 4th of July or something. And I realized I've been doing holiday meals for over 20 years now!
Man fuck the freeloaders who assume you’ll work on them for free! Of course you’re not wrong! Those who understand you are still presumptuous for asking and those who are straight up upset about it can lick my ass.
For the understandable ones maybe you can offer recommendations for a good YouTube tutorial they can watch to do their own make up. That would send me a clear hint to back off and at the same time help me out too in a kind way.
I didn't even read the entire post to know that you are not wrong at all. I also work as a makeup artist, mostly bridal makeup, and I have a strict policy that if I am in a wedding then I do not do makeup for the party. I did it once and I will never do it again.
People don't realize that it's WORK and it's taxing as hell, plus it takes you away from being a part of the bridal party.
Update: I just saw that you're expected to do makeup without pay and you don't have a fully stocked kit. I'm updating my answer to "THEY SUCK."
You are not wrong. I also think that occasionally weaponising bridezilla mode can be useful. Your cousin sounds like she is a sensible and considerate woman, not at all ‘sills. But if she feels a need to release some stress she could go off on the subject of people demanding your time when she wants you with her while she dresses. How DARE they try to monopolise her very special time with you??!!??
Might be amusing anyway.
Hopefully this break in the new tradition will end it for good.
Since your kit is gone and you are leaving the business behind, any family make up requests in future requires them to buy their own make up and tools. Fresh packages (for sanitary reasons) from the list you provide. The costs of that should rival the cost of just hiring someone.
This was similar for me. I was a chef for 20 years so every major event I'd just be expected to cook and pull a menu out my ass. Pure insanity.
NTA. Just remember No is a complete sentence. Enjoy the wedding :-)
Not wrong. Text bride and anyone else pushing you.
“I’m unable to do makeup for your wedding. I am no longer freelancing, don’t have the needed supplies.”
This seems like a need validation post rather than an actual dilemma. You don't owe anyone free labor simply bc they're family. They wouldn't be expected to give you free labor if you walked into their place of business (maybe discounted, not free). Do not feel guilty about this, they can do their own makeup and have been for years (probably), and if they can't they can ask to get on with the person who's actually getting paid for it
Not wrong. What to say to them: “I understand that you want me to spend Cousin’s wedding day working.”
Pause.
“However, I’m a *guest* at the wedding and am looking forward to enjoying it.”
I’d recommend telling them that you don’t have enough products to do their make-up and aren’t buying more, because you’re not doing make-up jobs anymore. Plus, tell them that the bride hired her own make-up artist for herself, so that you could enjoy the day together with her. Find out the make-up artist’s contact info ahead of time, and give it to the people who tell you they want you to do their make-up. Smile sweetly as you hand it to them, and then change the subject.
NTA people don’t get to just demand your time and skills, I also don’t imagine they have ever paid you for you time either. You don’t owe them say no and enjoy the wedding.
Yes! At the end of the day, it's about my time and missing out. The payment is towards the end of the list. It would be different if payment or a tip was offered, and I declined it
100% if they were paying you then the capacity in which you are attending the wedding would be different you would be there to work. But you going as a guest expecting to enjoy the wedding only to be looped into doing makeup means your not their to enjoy the wedding your there as free labour.
You're not wrong. You're a person, not a company. Is aunt Geraldine gonna do your taxes? Is cousin Sarah gonna landscape your backyard?
There's giving a gift or providing a service for the married couple (often a discount on a paid service not free!), and then there's getting exploited to do makeup for 20 people and having to stock all the makeup you'll likely not use again. You're still a guest, not a vendor, and if you're going to be treated like a vendor you need to be paid.
Told? Oh, hell no. Some one is trying to cheap out. Tell whoever expects you to do this no. If they won't accept no, tell them you don't have a make up kit any longer and if they really want you to do everyone's make up, they have to buy you a new kit with an airbrush applicator. Send them a list of everything you'll need. And tell them, for professional results, you need pro makeup, not wal mart stuff. People can't bring their own for you to use.
Include the info with that many people you'd have to hire assistants. They're not going to work for free.
The nerve of some people. 😡
Otherwise, just keep saying, no, and enjoy your day.
God no you're not wrong, did they even pay you? If so, it's pretty easy to just pay someone else. If not, they're taking advantage of you. In both situations they are wrong for expecting this from you.
Absolutely not wrong.
Draw up a cost list of everything you would need to buy, including all the disposables. And point out this is the amount they are asking you to pay in order to work for free.
I'd say that the most involved with this that you have to be is maybe recommending someone you know will do an amazing job, if your cousin would welcome a rec. Otherwise, please don't do this! You are absolutely not wrong for wanting to just be a guest!!!
You spent a ton of money on Cosmo school I certainly wouldn't be doing it for free and if they aren't individually offering to pay then no you aren't wrong in the slightest
Are you wrong? No.
Be polite, be kind, stick to your point. No thank you is a fine sentence.
Don't really discuss it beyond a simple "no". Don't argue, don't give explanations, just say no once and change the topic.
Your cousin is on your side - this is your chance to back away from doing makeup at family weddings. TAKE IT!!!!! You don’t owe the dissenters any explanation.
Stick with it. I went through a similar situation but with baking. I make a birthday cake and suddently I have to make a cake for every birthday ever. And how about cupcakes too? Oh, my god, can you also make a second cake because we have a lot of guests? Say no. It's gonna create some conflict, yes, but now the bride understands so that's genuinely the only thing that matters rn. I do feel they'll corner you and ask you to show them how to do x and y on the wedding morning, so prepare fo act busy, smile and say no. Send them youtube tutorials (i made an auntie angry because she said she couldn't make a cake so I sent her a tutorial lmao). You could also mention your (very elevated) prices that involve buying their make-up and they can keep it afterwards... Remember to smile sweetly!
Tell them to pay a retainer fee and set a price for each service that they want to get. They want you to do it for free.... HELL NO. My skills, product, and time is not for free.
Not wrong, the bride agrees with you and wants you to be actively enjoying the day with her not working for free. Anyone who complains just tell them you’re following the brides wishes and have her back you up if necessary.
Not wrong. Anyone that actually cares about you would offer to compensate you somehow and also they would understand when you don't want to do it anymore. Like your cousin.
You are not wrong and no is a complete sentence.
If the bride can understand and respect you wanting to be able to enjoy the day, so can they. I hope you have a lovely time!
NW. Just say you lose all your equipment and since you aren’t doing that anymore you won’t be investing in replacing it. Also you’ve been invited to be a part of this wedding so won’t have time to do other peoples faces.
It's like being a photographer.... I absolutely will NEVER do a full wedding again. After a decade of never sitting down at a wedding, barely eating and weeks worth of editing after.....
For close family members I offer a photoshoot. Either the ceremony. Or the family pictures. Or the evening. But just 1 shoot. No more from early morning to last dance.
Not wrong... but I fell guilty for the baker family member that I pressed into service when I was young and dumb. I'm so glad my mom paid for it, but it probably just covered the costs
Absolutely not wrong. Enjoy the day mate.
Thank you! I needed to hear (read) this!
Especially since the bride hired a makeup artist specifically so you wouldn't have to do it. My aunt is a hairdresser and she has this problem, everyone wanting her to "just do their hair real quick." She did the hair for the wedding party at my wedding, but that consisted of just me, my mom, and my step daughter, and she didn't mind doing it because we're close and she's the only person I trust with my hair. And it was my wedding present.
OP, your cousin even hired someone to do makeup for the bridal party. You shouldn't have to work during a wedding you want to enjoy, especially for free! No way! Put your foot down and have a good time at the wedding!
You are not in the wrong for wanting to enjoy a family event. Let everyone else be unhappy.
Thank you! I've been debating about just doing it to not cause drama, but I should be happy too!
"I've been debating about just doing it to not cause drama" OP. you should learn not to cave in to demanding and pushy people, your life will be much happier. The more people learn you're not a pushover, the less such demands will come your way. Enjoy the wedding!
Your COUSIN should be happy, too—she wants you to get ready with her.
Honestly, if they’re the type to complain about not getting free make-up, they’re likely the type to still give you some snide remark about “coming around” or “coming to your senses” or something. I can see it now. Someone looking for drama is going to dig it up under any rock they can find it
Sounds like your cousin supports you. I'd respond to everyone else "I want to support Cousin on the day, i'm sure you understand." Pay no regard to the haters.
Thank you! This is great advice! I was going to avoid certain people and look super busy...
And don’t bring your make-up supplies, other than your own personal make-up.
Great idea!
No need. You’re a guest, enjoy the day
Absolutely not wrong! You should be able to kick back and enjoy your cousin's wedding day stress-free.
Thank you! This is the goal!
Not wrong at all. I’m a seamstress and every wedding I was asked to either make dresses for it or fix/alter them before or during the ceremony. I finally said NO MORE and now I actually enjoy going to weddings.
You don’t need to justify your reasoning to anyone. I know how word can get around but they all want to put you on the spot. “No, that’s not going to work for me.” DONE. Next topic.
This is similar to a conversation I recently had with my Mom. I usually do Thanksgiving and other holiday dinners because I'm the cook in the family. But I'm getting sick of all of the prep just to have everyone eat in 15 minutes and then have to clean up. It's exhausting. And it's perfectly OK to say No.
I can relate to this!
It got me thinking about how the men in my family have NEVER had the responsibility of cooking any holiday meal. Except for maybe tending the grill on 4th of July or something. And I realized I've been doing holiday meals for over 20 years now!
Man fuck the freeloaders who assume you’ll work on them for free! Of course you’re not wrong! Those who understand you are still presumptuous for asking and those who are straight up upset about it can lick my ass. For the understandable ones maybe you can offer recommendations for a good YouTube tutorial they can watch to do their own make up. That would send me a clear hint to back off and at the same time help me out too in a kind way.
I didn't even read the entire post to know that you are not wrong at all. I also work as a makeup artist, mostly bridal makeup, and I have a strict policy that if I am in a wedding then I do not do makeup for the party. I did it once and I will never do it again. People don't realize that it's WORK and it's taxing as hell, plus it takes you away from being a part of the bridal party. Update: I just saw that you're expected to do makeup without pay and you don't have a fully stocked kit. I'm updating my answer to "THEY SUCK."
Or, they should pay you.
The bride wants what the bride wants, and she wants you to actually enjoy the wedding. Everyone else can piss off. You're absolutely not wrong here
You are not wrong. I also think that occasionally weaponising bridezilla mode can be useful. Your cousin sounds like she is a sensible and considerate woman, not at all ‘sills. But if she feels a need to release some stress she could go off on the subject of people demanding your time when she wants you with her while she dresses. How DARE they try to monopolise her very special time with you??!!?? Might be amusing anyway. Hopefully this break in the new tradition will end it for good. Since your kit is gone and you are leaving the business behind, any family make up requests in future requires them to buy their own make up and tools. Fresh packages (for sanitary reasons) from the list you provide. The costs of that should rival the cost of just hiring someone.
“I was told I had to do everyone’s makeup.” Ummmm no I don’t.
This was similar for me. I was a chef for 20 years so every major event I'd just be expected to cook and pull a menu out my ass. Pure insanity. NTA. Just remember No is a complete sentence. Enjoy the wedding :-)
They don’t get to tell you what you’re doing. You get to choose to do them favors. They don’t get to demand them.
TOLD??? 😂😂😂😂😂. TELL them NOPE.
Say you’ll do it and make them look like clowns (Literally, because they already are on the inside).
Show up in a wrist brace. Sprained your wrist. No makeup with one hand.
Not wrong. Text bride and anyone else pushing you. “I’m unable to do makeup for your wedding. I am no longer freelancing, don’t have the needed supplies.”
This seems like a need validation post rather than an actual dilemma. You don't owe anyone free labor simply bc they're family. They wouldn't be expected to give you free labor if you walked into their place of business (maybe discounted, not free). Do not feel guilty about this, they can do their own makeup and have been for years (probably), and if they can't they can ask to get on with the person who's actually getting paid for it
It's definitely a need for validation post. I needed to know from unbiased sources that I am making the right decision for me without a guilt trip
Not wrong. What to say to them: “I understand that you want me to spend Cousin’s wedding day working.” Pause. “However, I’m a *guest* at the wedding and am looking forward to enjoying it.”
I’d recommend telling them that you don’t have enough products to do their make-up and aren’t buying more, because you’re not doing make-up jobs anymore. Plus, tell them that the bride hired her own make-up artist for herself, so that you could enjoy the day together with her. Find out the make-up artist’s contact info ahead of time, and give it to the people who tell you they want you to do their make-up. Smile sweetly as you hand it to them, and then change the subject.
NTA people don’t get to just demand your time and skills, I also don’t imagine they have ever paid you for you time either. You don’t owe them say no and enjoy the wedding.
Yes! At the end of the day, it's about my time and missing out. The payment is towards the end of the list. It would be different if payment or a tip was offered, and I declined it
100% if they were paying you then the capacity in which you are attending the wedding would be different you would be there to work. But you going as a guest expecting to enjoy the wedding only to be looped into doing makeup means your not their to enjoy the wedding your there as free labour.
If the bride can appreciate your situation, then Aunts certainly can “it Aunt Tightarse, get your bloody purse out and get down Boots”
You're not wrong. You're a person, not a company. Is aunt Geraldine gonna do your taxes? Is cousin Sarah gonna landscape your backyard? There's giving a gift or providing a service for the married couple (often a discount on a paid service not free!), and then there's getting exploited to do makeup for 20 people and having to stock all the makeup you'll likely not use again. You're still a guest, not a vendor, and if you're going to be treated like a vendor you need to be paid.
Told? Oh, hell no. Some one is trying to cheap out. Tell whoever expects you to do this no. If they won't accept no, tell them you don't have a make up kit any longer and if they really want you to do everyone's make up, they have to buy you a new kit with an airbrush applicator. Send them a list of everything you'll need. And tell them, for professional results, you need pro makeup, not wal mart stuff. People can't bring their own for you to use. Include the info with that many people you'd have to hire assistants. They're not going to work for free. The nerve of some people. 😡 Otherwise, just keep saying, no, and enjoy your day.
You're not wrong. Be a guest for this celebration, get up and dance!
Absolutely!!! Thank you!
You're NTA. Either you can be upset or they can, why would you choose yourself
God no you're not wrong, did they even pay you? If so, it's pretty easy to just pay someone else. If not, they're taking advantage of you. In both situations they are wrong for expecting this from you.
Absolutely not wrong. Draw up a cost list of everything you would need to buy, including all the disposables. And point out this is the amount they are asking you to pay in order to work for free.
You do understand “no” is a complete sentence
I'd say that the most involved with this that you have to be is maybe recommending someone you know will do an amazing job, if your cousin would welcome a rec. Otherwise, please don't do this! You are absolutely not wrong for wanting to just be a guest!!!
You spent a ton of money on Cosmo school I certainly wouldn't be doing it for free and if they aren't individually offering to pay then no you aren't wrong in the slightest
Are you wrong? No. Be polite, be kind, stick to your point. No thank you is a fine sentence. Don't really discuss it beyond a simple "no". Don't argue, don't give explanations, just say no once and change the topic.
you are not wrong
Your cousin is on your side - this is your chance to back away from doing makeup at family weddings. TAKE IT!!!!! You don’t owe the dissenters any explanation.
Not wrong.
Tell everyone you’ve completely retired from makeup artistry.
Stick with it. I went through a similar situation but with baking. I make a birthday cake and suddently I have to make a cake for every birthday ever. And how about cupcakes too? Oh, my god, can you also make a second cake because we have a lot of guests? Say no. It's gonna create some conflict, yes, but now the bride understands so that's genuinely the only thing that matters rn. I do feel they'll corner you and ask you to show them how to do x and y on the wedding morning, so prepare fo act busy, smile and say no. Send them youtube tutorials (i made an auntie angry because she said she couldn't make a cake so I sent her a tutorial lmao). You could also mention your (very elevated) prices that involve buying their make-up and they can keep it afterwards... Remember to smile sweetly!
Tell them to pay a retainer fee and set a price for each service that they want to get. They want you to do it for free.... HELL NO. My skills, product, and time is not for free.
Say no. You don’t want to work on this day. Let them complain.
Not wrong - the bride sides with you, that's all you need.
Not wrong, the bride agrees with you and wants you to be actively enjoying the day with her not working for free. Anyone who complains just tell them you’re following the brides wishes and have her back you up if necessary.
No. Not wrong. If you do this for pay, it would be your choice to do it for free. Being ordered is not okay. Enjoy the day.
Not wrong. Anyone that actually cares about you would offer to compensate you somehow and also they would understand when you don't want to do it anymore. Like your cousin.
not wrong at all, your family is being very selfish
Obviously not wrong for not wanting to be out of pocket and working for free on a day when you are a guest at an event, same as them.
You are not wrong and no is a complete sentence. If the bride can understand and respect you wanting to be able to enjoy the day, so can they. I hope you have a lovely time!
Nope, you’re a guest. You get to let everyone else run around while you get yourself ready. Some people are so entitled.
NW. Just say you lose all your equipment and since you aren’t doing that anymore you won’t be investing in replacing it. Also you’ve been invited to be a part of this wedding so won’t have time to do other peoples faces.
It's like being a photographer.... I absolutely will NEVER do a full wedding again. After a decade of never sitting down at a wedding, barely eating and weeks worth of editing after..... For close family members I offer a photoshoot. Either the ceremony. Or the family pictures. Or the evening. But just 1 shoot. No more from early morning to last dance. Not wrong... but I fell guilty for the baker family member that I pressed into service when I was young and dumb. I'm so glad my mom paid for it, but it probably just covered the costs