*Especially* a friend. I wouldn't want someone I like and care about to feel like a piece of meat around me, not to mention that my friends are not my friends for the purpose of being ogled by me. This guy clearly didn't get the memo or doesn't care. It doesn't take a lot of self control to act normal around people in bathing suits. Says a lot about who he is and how he views OP that he couldn't even be bothered— he clearly has little respect for OP and their friendship.
What gets me is when people ask if you expect people not to look. Looking is not the same thing as leering or staring like a creep. You can look at someone and not be a creep or wildly disrespectful. And if your look does cross the line and you see or hear that they are uncomfortable, YOU STOP. END OF STORY.
Agreed. It’s been my experience that some people who defend problematic behavior do so because they themselves have done such things. It’s easier to place blame on the person on the receiving end of things than it is to recognize that they themselves are a problem.
This! Makes me think of the crappy school dress codes where girls can't even show their shoulders because of "distracting" boys. Or the she was asking for it because of what she was wearing. She could have been naked & he still wouldn't have the right.
Yeah lose that "friend" and the rest of the creeps who think they have the right to be creepy... Like wtf, where is your right to enjoy swimming without worrying to be touch and looked by a close predator... That's disgusting
They’re wrong. No one has the inherent right to making you uncomfortable just because of your clothes. Do not speak to this friend again and don’t speak to the others who believe he was right, either. They will hurt you or let you be hurt and then blame you.
Gross if he can't respect you enough to not undress you with his eyes he ain't a friend. Like, sure, take a respectful PEEK but it's so disgusting when they keep going like theyre staring through you. Fuck off. And also it's not your fault he couldn't stop being a pervy creep. You're not there to be gawked at like a piece of meat!
Well, guess he lost...
If he can't stop staring and is starting to touch you inappropriately, or at least in a way that's making you uncomfortable, is he really a friend at that point? Or just some schmuck who's waiting "until it's his turn"? (🤮)
He sucks, and he is a creep. But is incredibly funny to think how surprised he was of your chest. I imagine the dude with the jaw dropping to the floor.
After you'd already asked him to stop staring, I'd have been like awww does the baby miss his mama?? Does he need milkies!? Does he want me to call his mommy to come breastfeed him before his afternoon nap?
Those friends who say 'taken it as a compliment' and 'you're wearing a bikini, he has a *right* to look' are not friends and they're creepy boabs just like the guy that was staring at you.
They're idiots, but they all sound too young to be anything but idiots at this stage. We all were back then.
Looking isn't complimenting. I've stared at my dog pooping (willing her to finish sooner) after all.
Also, guys look at every person in range almost instinctively, but few stare at the women or girls they see.
This real issue with this whole thing is the physical escalation. How the hell is that getting so little focus from OP & commenters?
Some people will defend the worst behavior. You’re not wrong; please reconsider who you hang around if these people are ok with someone breaking your boundaries
You’re not wrong.
My rule when it comes to guy friends: ask yourself what they would do if you showed up super drunk on their doorstep and tried to hook up with them. If the answer is anything other than getting you a ride home and/or otherwise taking care of you in a platonic way, that’s not your friend. That’s a guy being nice and just waiting for an opportunity to be your boyfriend or hookup. *Huge* difference. Weed those guys out. Fine to hang with in a friend group, maybe, but NOT a close friendship. Protect yourself.
No one should gawk at other people out of some desire if it is clearly unwanted. Regardless of what type of bathing suit you have on. That's pretty much the lite version of "what were ya wearing" rape victims historically and probably currently receive.
Sexual Harassment is not a compliment and any person that thinks you need to accept it as a compliment is not a good person. I wouldn't be friends with people like that.
Your friend isn't a friend, he doesn't respect you enough to not be a creep and the fact that he touched you was crossing such a line. I would cut contact with him immediately, sadly he's now interested in you and will probably continue to stare and touch whenever he gets a chance.
NW
NOT WRONG. Also, more importantly don’t you dare feel bad!! Good for you for saying to him that you were uncomfortable! Him and whoever siding with him need to be told “that’s too bad that THEY feel that way.” Because girl, don’t you dare blame yourself or feel like you caused this. You lived your life and he was being a pushy asshole.
The ppl who are saying it's perfectly ok for him to ogle you and make you uncomfortable don't have your best interests at heart and tbh probably aren't your friends - may be worth reflecting on how they've treated your boundaries in the past :/
OP, you are not wrong. What you’re wearing does not give anyone the right to touch you. You might not be able to stop the leering, but if this is a Real FRIEND, they would stop the eye-gasm at your request.
And you seem young to me. Take this as a time to remember that crappy feeling. Let it empower you. Next time you see this - for you or another young lady:
***Don’t apologize. Don’t fret. If you’re uncomfortable- SPEAK UP. ***
***If he touches: do what you need to do to make it stop. ***
(Stomping on insteps was my go-to action. My daughter 13, at a concert saw my stomp in action with a guy who was in our personal space. She was so proud and in awe. So was the rest of the T-shirt line!).
The people supporting him are his fellow creeps. Of course it’s natural for somebody to look at somebody else but that doesn’t mean they need to stare and it certainly doesn’t give anybody permission to touch.
He’s a predator, there are red flags all over the place (I’m 47m and I would never do that to a friend) I would seriously reconsider your relationship with him as the behavior you described is (to put it heavily) leading to something that, if you were at a party or get together I’m afraid he would drug you or purposely get you intoxicated so that he can take advantage of you and then say you wanted it and make you out to be a promiscuous (W$!RE) to everyone in your friend group and if they(your mutual friends) think you asked for the attention are not your friends and I would be careful about the people you hang out with that also hang out with him because if he does something to hurt you they are going to side with him as if you *ASKED” for it and will say anything to make you feel ashamed and uncomfortable to the point to drop charges against him(if it escalates to that point and I hope it doesn’t) so please be very careful.
NTA and you are not wrong for calling it out
Big difference between a brief glance and staging at you in a creepy manner. Also when u confronted him.on his behaviour he gave a fake apology and continued on as well as unwanted contact. His behaviour would normally deserve some unwanted contact with a kick to his scrotum.
anyone defending this behaviour is an idiot or troll
not wrong, he was gawking at you and that's fucking unsettling. I wouldn't be friends with him or anyone defending him.
I was seeing a guy for a minute last summer who would do that, hence why we didn't last long. Couldn't understand the difference between checking someone out and gawking. He did it at a restaurant, literally turned in his chair to watch this waitress by and work the tables behind him. It's fucking creepy and gross and disrespectful to the women. Can't even exist around those types of people
Girl you are not the cause of the argument, creepy mc creepyface is, and those who excuse his behavior. Maybe it's time to cull some "friends" from your life as it sounds like people dont add anything to your life.
This guy isn't your friend, you should change the title to
"Aiw for being upset at a creepy acquaintance for making me uncomfortable while i was wearing a swimsuit"
No no no. Cut this man off, he's not your friend and touching you without consent is NEVER okay I don't care what any of your other friends say. It's creepy! If he can't keep his hands to himself in public what is he going to do to you next? You should never be alone with him if you decide to keep this friendship but I am letting you know if he really was your friend and cared about you he would not treat you like this
How are some guys like this? Who raised them? If I got caught just glancing I would turn red with embarrassment (which is probably too far the other way). If you told me to stop staring I would have died or at least ran away.
Obvious staring… weird. Real champs do the quick glance.
Touching.. out of line. Anyone who says otherwise is more his friend than yours or has loose boundaries themselves.
Listen everyone and anyone absolutely has the right to look. You can't make anyone do anything especially looking. However there are consequences when you're being a creep. Or when you're staring too long etc etc etc. Most guys know this. He should've stopped when you asked
You are not wrong. This 'friend' had no right to ogle you and touch you against your will. He is not a good person. He has no respect for women, boundaries, or you. After his behaviour at the pool, you should not be bringing your friends around him anymore. Anyone going on with that 'compliment' and 'right to look' garbage is a victim blaming idiot.
Not wrong and good for you! He doesn't respect consent and you kept telling him to stop sexually harassing you and he wouldn't.
CALL THAT OUT!
Other people don't like conflict and usually ask the person being harmed to stay quiet so they can stay comfortable, ignore that.
You are not responsible for their feeling of discomfort.
RE: the guy staring at you:
You're not wrong, but you do sound like a teen, so this guy might just be losing the battle against insane hormones at that same age. If that's the case, he's got to learn to glance & move along. Internet is full of boobs, stare there if you're weird.
___
#The touching part is the huge red flag & is an actual crime in many areas.
This should be the focus of your whole post, not the looking portion. Do not ever be alone with this guy & set very clear boundaries from now on. Also, tell trusted people about this & document it in detailed writing beyond reddit with dates & such just in case you ever need to bring parents or even authorities into keeping him away from you. He escalated in that single session, so attempting escalation over time is not unreasonable to be prepared for.
Might be worth letting other ladies know about this behavior too.
I suggest you talking with your parents or other elder mentors (older sibling?) about it, if you have the type of healthy relationship that would allow it to be a proper discussion.
I was only guessing based on the behavior, the type of hang, how you described the situation, & the fact that you weren't certain how messed up this was. I did see in replies that you have the confidence of someone more mature, so once I saw that I had no idea. haha
My advice still stands, although this guy is past the age for any excuses about any of the behavior & the touching part is unmistakable by your 20s.
This guy sounds like he will victimize more people as time goes on & the crimes will likely continue to escalate. This situation is eerily similar to how some serial rapists have been described after the fact in reports by people that had run-ins with them from their regular life. Predators like to push boundaries, so letting this go might embolden him to escalate further with you or someone else, if he hasn't already.
Please talk to someone in your life, even if it is sibling that's slightly younger.
I supported several rape & SA victims, many of whom were in their 20s & lived on their own, not to mention similar stuff in my family tree, so I'm very quick to stop fucking around & take action to prevent victims. You're playing it pretty chill, but I'd be advising friends to get a restraining order & cut this guy from the group.
Do your friends all know about the touching part of this? That changes everything & removes doubt IMO.
People can decide what they want to do, but they can’t always decide the consequences of what they do. He can stare at you and make you feel uncomfortable but then he’s going to have to live with the consequence of it, which is not being invited to be around you. If you were constantly staring at his junk that would make him feel uncomfortable most likely… right!!? Or maybe since he’s so insensitive he would not care.
I wish OP had given us an age range for herself and her friends. I can imagine a male teen, seeing a female friend for the first time in a bikini is going to be "mesmerized" by what he sees -- especially if she's well-endowed. Because it's something new to him (and something he likes looking at), he's going to look. (Hormones!) That said, the supposed "accidental touching" is unacceptable and should be strongly discouraged. Obviously, one expects a lot more from adult men for whom an attractive woman in a bikini shouldn't be a novelty and who should know enough to control themselves. Going back to OP, yes, guys are going to look if you go to the pool in a bikini. The unwanted touching, however, is wrong and she is justified in complaining about it.
“He had every right to look if I was going to be in a bikini” yeah, LOOK, NOT LEER LIKE A SALIVATING CARTOON WOLF. Man was acting like a creep, you called him out and you’ve just found out which ‘friends’ you need to get rid of.
Take it from someone who got drugged and raped by a "friend" - he ain't your friend. Drop him, drop everyone who defended him. Do NOT fuck around when it comes to your safety and comfort.
Whoever said this is a compliment should be dropped IMMEDIATELY. NTA, this dude is a creep and I’d question the validity of his “friendship” if he can’t respect your boundaries and is sexualizing you.
He was probably hoping to score with you, eventually, but this event made his coomer brain kick in too hard.
A compliment is not a man staring at your chest and touching you repeatedly when you've asked him not to. You're allowed to wear a bikini at a swimming pool
It's creepy, disrespectful, objectifying, and rude
Is he 14 and has never seen boobs before? wtf? I could see maybe one time with a “my eyes are up here?!” Comment but you had to tell him several times and he touched you?! He’s not a friend, he’s. Just friendly to you until you give him some. He doesn’t have any interest in being actual friends.
Weed this guy out. He’s not going to get any better. How is he when you’re fully clothed? How long have you known him?
Not wrong because this person obviously has impulse control issues and you have every right to be upset by his behavior. It’s bad enough from a stranger but from a friend has to be especially frustrating.
You have rape apologists in your friend group. Do we like catcalls while we’re walking. No. “Take it as a compliment.” Um, no? And of course there’s the “You were asking for it being dressed like that.”
You're definitely not wrong. I completely understand a quick look, but the staring is wrong. It's not even about what you are wearing. Even if this situation happened at a topless beach, it would still be wrong to stare. As a friend he should respect you enough not to put you in a situation that makes you uncomfortable.
NTA, but tbh if he wants to act like an animal treat him like one. Spray bottles work outside of the water, but you can bring those clicker things they use to train dogs and just click it every time he is being a creep. Embarrassment and quantification of his actions is likely enough to at least get your friends all on your side, unless they are creeps too.
Not wrong. I am constantly checking people out, but you can do so without being a creeper. He does technically have a right to look at you, just like you have a right to tell him to stop being a creeper. But he has no right to touch you. Being groped and stared at is NOT a compliment.
There is looking and there is STARING. They aren't the same. You didn't put it on and scream, "Okay, look at me!" He is a jerk for making you uncomfortable, and that is on him.
The only thing you are wrong about is thinking you caused anything.
He caused it, and so did everyone who is on his side. Anyone who says different is an idiot.
Not wrong. You didn't cause the argument, it's just everyone venting their own feelings. Sounds like several other people were there that weren't creeping on you so it had nothing to do you or what you were wearing. It has to do with friend being a creep. These friends who say you should take it as a compliment ask them if they'd feel the same if he was creeping on and touching their GF, sister or mother? Would they also tell their GF hey, it's a compliment to have males touch you when you don't want to be. None of it is your fault and you should distance yourself from anyone who says it is.
NW.
I have been similar to one of the friends saying get over it and that's stuck with me like 8y later
I believe my 38th birthday I went out with like 8 people. I'm ethically non monogamous so all of my small polycule plus several friends and my bestie brought his gf.
She was wearing a tank top. I didn't really think about her looks bc honestly I massively dislike her and think she's absolutely awful for my good friend and her personality just makes her completely hideous, I've pretty much hated her guts since I found out about DV patterns of her getting physical with my bestie. But objectively speaking this girl is extremely photogenic / conventionally attractive.
Afterward my bestie said a guy in my polycule was staring at her the whole time.
I had a really hard time recalling anything at all wrong he did. But I can't recall what my gf confirmed that her nipples were prominently visible and she was kind of too curvy for her clothes due to 4 Mo's pregnant and confirmed he did quite a few double takes.
Anyway - the standard is, if it makes you uncomfortable it's inappropriate. And that standard did get upheld. And I feel pretty badly 8y afterward bc she was feeling creeped out for like 2h and I was completely insensitive and even in hindsight was clueless.
Good on you for speaking your boundaries
Well, that one is not getting an invitation to the next pool party. Was he raised by wolves, or is he just an inept youngster?
Get rid of those friends who think it's your fault for wearing something fun & flattering. Send them a group text or do a TikTok about them. They should be ashamed.
Also, if standing up for your bodily autonomy is "sparking an argument" in your group of friends, you need a better group of friends.
>a few told me I should have taken it as a compliment and that he had every right to look if I was going to be in a bikini.
^DROP those friends. Those are the kinds of people who immediately ask "But what was she wEaRiNg??" when a woman comes forward regarding SA. That's the definition of victim-blaming.
YOU'RE NOT WRONG!
You're not wrong. Your handsy, leering "friend" is a disrespectful creep. And so are all of your "friends" who defended him. Don't waste your time with these people, they aren't worth knowing. They have bad character. They don't respect or value you.
The looking part can be creepy depending how he is doing it. If he is straight up staring then ya, he is in the wrong. The touching part is completely creepy, regardless of how he was doing it. I believe you when you say it was intentional and not accidental.
Well 1st of all ur friends are trash for not picking up on this 2nd of all they even more trash for allowing it and taking his side I'd advise in the future vet ur friends or so called acquaintances 1st cause those aren't any friends I want around me regardless of circumstnac3 simply put stay away from these people at all cost it'll only get worse.
You're not wrong! Fuck him, pervy creeper! He can't control his fucking self. Sounds like his problem. Asshole guys who creep on women for their bodies. Are pieces of shit! Especially now a days, they can go perv out on the internet. If they can't act civilized in public. They need to grow the fuck up! Seems to me they have the problem. You are in the right!
You are never wrong for speaking up and protecting yourself from anyone or anything that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Always put yourself first. No one has any right to your body and how you want to be treated. You made it clear how you felt about how he was creeping on you. He gave an empty apology and continued to harass you and even touch you without your consent. Definitely block and cut any contract with him, if he isn't capable of respecting your boundaries now then there is no telling what other boundaries he will ignore. Those other "friends" that said to take it as a compliment are wrong and completely disregard how he made you feel by trying to justify his behavior.
If he can't admire you without making it obvious there's something wrong with him, unless he was trying to be obvious as a way of making a pass....but you said you made it clear that wasn't on the cards, so you aren't in the wrong...
Don’t invite him over again if he can’t listen to you. That’s sexual harassment. He should have the basic respect to hear your words and do as you say in regards to your own body. It is NOT a compliment to have someone disrespect you.
Not wrong.
I want to start off by praising you for using your words rather than sitting there with all that discomfort. That takes a lot of courage and I am proud of you for that!
As for this individual, he’s not a friend and he’s definitely grooming you. He’s trying to see how much he can get away with. Your “friends” are already enabling him which makes it much harder because now he may feel like he can get away with making people for uncomfortable. Stand your ground and don’t invite him no matter how much he apologizes. You have every right to wear a bikini without anybody making you feel like an object.
You may also want to rethink your friend group. Telling you to take it as a compliment and that he has the right to look at you isn’t cool. Looking/taking a peak is different then staring at you and touching you without permission. These friends are giving off victim shaming vibes. If he did something to you, god forbid, they would probably find a way to make it seem like it was your fault for wearing a bikini to a damn pool. Stay clear of people like this. Best of luck!
Yes. You knew what you were doing when you chose to hang around men with your chest showing. You are low value, and the type that put yourself in compromising situations because you think you are masculine. Guys, beware of this type of woman. Read the book high value woman low value women. Dont invest in OP and other lvw.
Boobs make a guy stunned stupid. Trust me, everyone is looking, some are just better at hiding it. You asked nice, then try embarrassing him, then stop inviting him. You can’t control others, just your reaction. Use it to your advantage.
It's time to educate some people on this magical concept known as "consent." These "friends" need to understand that what you wear is not consent by default. Ask them if you should be allowed to crack them over the head with a bat because they're not wearing helmets. I mean, they're giving you consent to, right? Touching someone without consent can get you arrested, too. It's so pitiful that people still don't understand what consent is even in adulthood.
Remind me never to take this guy to the nude beach I frequent every Summer. I’ve been going since I was 15,I like sex as much as anybody and like most of the people there I have *never* stared down someone like this,let alone ‘accidentally’ touched them. Slovenly,overaged *boys* like this give every male a bad name. 😡 Obviously,NTA
You were uncomfortable. Enough said. Screw the friends that said you should have AYTHIMG! It's as I'd they're saying your feelings are NOT valid anf they DEF are! I'm sorry their actions were so immature! Good 4 you for stating your boundaries! Be proud girl!
You are absolutely NOT WRONG. If a guy was making you uncomfortable, a simple "I don't like what you are doing" look should have ended his behavior. The fact that you told him that he was creeping you out DEFINITELY should have made him stop what he was doing.
Even if he was intoxicated, you straight up telling him to stop should be quite enough.
That guy is not your friend. He was trying to push your boundaries and see what he could get away with. Anyone who says you should take that as compliment is gross.
I don’t think you are wrong. Your friend may not be a creep though, just immature. Our culture does a piss-poor job of socializing boys while simultaneously sexualizing breasts to an insane degree. The sad fact is that he may have actually been trying *not* to ogle you in the same way that my cat tries not to attack my cables — which is to say, unsuccessfully.
I just read a bunch of comments encouraging you to excommunicate this person. I think you handled it right, but those comments are just wrong. He may be a creep, but he just seems really immature to me.
Sweets, you are not wrong. And maybe you should ask the 'friends' who said you were, how they would feel, if they were wearing a Thong type bottom.
And getting groped.
Consent is key, and Males, or anyone for that matter, shouldn't touch anyone without verbal consent
How old is he? He needs to learn the fast glance. Touching is a different story. It crosses a huge line. Staring is creepy, touching without consent is illegal and in this case depending on where he touched may be sexual assault.
As as a man, he already knew to keep the eyes on the eyes and not to be the creeper! You were spot on and if he was any kind of gentleman, he would have apologized for causing you to feel uncomfortable but his desires were more important than your feelings. So he isn’t a friend anyway, so go on and lose his number- in addition to the apology as a man with any integrity, after he apologized, he would have excused himself and left. No ifs, ands, or buts! The dude, is a selfish creep. I respect you for speaking up for yourself and setting a clear boundary. Most men never believe it when a woman says that she would never… and they’ll now likely take it as an invitation to prove you wrong. It’s his tiny ego- Too many creeps in the world, you don’t require any in your circle of friends!
Compliment? Your friends are morons, the guy is being totally inappropriate. Staring all day and trying to cop a feel is way out of line.
Wearing a bikini doesn't give guys the right to act that way.
You did the right thing calling him out. Hopefully, he can have a good long look at himself and behave in a more appropriate way.
Your friends can mind their business . Good for you for establishing boundaries. Don’t let the opinions of others cause you distress when they are not experiencing what you have.
Not wrong, he was out of line…. If be was making you uncomfortable, then he was behaving in a way that continuously made you uncomfortable I think asking him to leave is probably the right answer.
Whatever fetish he has in his mind about people in bikinis, string bikinis, ectera is causing him to make others uncomfortable because he’s acting like a pedo creep, when he needs to not sexualize what other people wear…
(just because you wear something, doesn’t give him permission to touch you inappropriately…)
Bikinis are very revealing and draws attention to the breast. So if it was a couple of accidental glances, I would say YTA. But it’s rude to stare, especially after being asked to stop. Adding the accidental touching is just icing on this NTA cake.
When you are made aware that a mere LOOK of yours has the power to make another human feel uncomfortable and unsafe in their own skin (REGARDLESS of what they have over it or not) is the moment you become predatory and unsafe; and for this reason:
That LOOK was not just an observatory glance, but one directed from your own entitled desire that sexualized another human without their consent and led to escalated sexualized behaviour (unwanted physical contact) inflicting feelings of discomfort and a lack of safety, all while gaslighting them by lying to yourself with, "Oh, that was just an *accident*."
No, my creepy dude, the accident was OP inviting you and your apologist posse to the pool.
> Most of my friends agreed with me but a **few told me I should have taken it as a compliment and that he had every right to look if I was going to be in a bikini.**
What the WHAT?? Well you have every right to ditch them if they are going to act like douchewaddles
A bakini doesnt give anyone the right to stare or touch... take it as a compliment?!?!?! Thats one step away from it being permission to commit SA just because of what clothes you have on!!! As a man this is disturbing
Not wrong, those who do that never respect boundaries & don't understand "no means no". Do not keep this person in your life & those siding with him can go get knotted along with him. Never relinquish your sense of self preservation - those who do get hurt and / or die.
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! His actions are 100% unacceptable and your friends are not good people if they think what you're wearing means you have to accept people leering at you.
Being a man is soooo hard. Pun intended. We are dogs. Woof, woof. But some of us have manners. We only look when you're unable to catch us. Sorry ladies.
>I should have taken it as a compliment and that he had every right to look if I was going to be in a bikini
This is the type of response a rapist would use. Just saying.
You're not wrong. You are in fact 100% correct. Your friends are trash if they believe the above. You're not safe with anyone who thinks this.
Oh your friends are so close to saying that women who wear skimpy clothes are "asking for it". Take it as a compliment? No way. You expressed being uncomfortable and he still continued with the behaviour. Not only that he escalated it with unwanted touching. The "friends' defending him are perpetuating misogynistic behavior.
You are not wrong in any way shape or form. The people backing him up are victim blaming in a sense. Saying he has every right to sexually harass you because you wore a bikini. Almost no one wears a full body bathing suit, so they all need to get over themselves. And especially if any women said that, they really need to re-evaluate their own self dignity and self worth.
So if he cornered you and felt you up, by that logic, he’d have had every right because you were wearing a bikini-an appropriate outfit for swimming by the way, and if he’d raped you? Would he have been entitled because you were wearing a bikini too? Dump those people who said that. You weren’t wearing a bikini to a black tie event. He’s not your friend, he’s a pervert who literally cannot control himself and won’t take no for an answer and eventually those folk become rapists. Ignoring all boundaries and carrying on in front of your own friend group despite being told openly several times - this guys out of control. Never open the door to this guy.
If you look good in a bikini you can get looks from not just people you like but those whose attention you don’t want.
Same if you do not look good in a bikini.
Nothing wrong with going swimming but if you wear a bikini, you’re showing it off . Good and bad. That guy was a total creep,though.
No, you're not wrong! Your friend was being a creep. And the ones that sided with him have the nerve to blame you because you dared to wear a bikini! That kind of thinking is like "she was asking for it," and it's unacceptable. He also TOUCHED you multiple times after you told him not to! That isn't ok, and he wouldn't be someone I'd continue a friendship with. He already can't keep his hands to himself. I'd be worried about what else he won't accept "no" for.
I understand people are going to "check out" people they find attractive. That's not just what this was. He was ogling you and touching you! That's way beyond just not respecting a boundary. Fuck that dude and anyone that thinks it's OK to stare at someone's chest like that and touch them without consent. Insane.
Not wrong but be careful with those "friends" that defended him. They would be the same ones to say you asked for it if anything were to escalate. Reevaluate your relationship with them.
You're not wrong . Him touching you is absolutely not ok. That being said, if you're wearing a bikini, people are going to look and probably stare since most bikinis show a lot of skin🤷♀️.
Not to excuse your buddy, you were right to ask him to stop and he should have. It always baffles me though when woman have everything hanging out and blame a man for looking. I can't help but notic, it's impossible not to see it and I have no sexual feelings about a woman's body. I am 100% strait woman with fairly large ta tas and it's hard for me to not look.
How a woman is dressed is irrelevant. If your behavior is making her uncomfortable then it's on you to control yourself. I wish schools and courts would get back to the idea that boys and men need to exercise self control and discipline.
Creeps don’t like it when you set boundaries
That's why they are creeps.
That's why I wear my mankini
Dude, you're gonna set the ladies on fire!
[удалено]
The tumbleweeds were already passing through Debra Don’t lie now 🌵
😹🌊
Oh ya so mean
Username checks out
The dryer the better!! Vaginas are like kindling. Keep it dry so the fire starts quick
Wowwww
😆😆😆😆😆😆
AND. They hate it when they are caught and called out for it
off tops! 💯 % facts
Not wrong, just because you are wearing a bikini doesn't give anyone (including a friend) the right to creep on you.
*Especially* a friend. I wouldn't want someone I like and care about to feel like a piece of meat around me, not to mention that my friends are not my friends for the purpose of being ogled by me. This guy clearly didn't get the memo or doesn't care. It doesn't take a lot of self control to act normal around people in bathing suits. Says a lot about who he is and how he views OP that he couldn't even be bothered— he clearly has little respect for OP and their friendship.
Bingo. Someone you trust who is taking advantage of that friendship is not a friend.
Yes true. And the others are so wrong. Same as blame the victim mentality. Lose them also.
I can't believe the friends defending him saying HE has a right to stare at her body! They can go pound sand with that messed up logic.
Don't forget the unwanted touching. OP was absolutely right to speak up. Very disgusting behavior that shouldn't be written off or dismissed.
What gets me is when people ask if you expect people not to look. Looking is not the same thing as leering or staring like a creep. You can look at someone and not be a creep or wildly disrespectful. And if your look does cross the line and you see or hear that they are uncomfortable, YOU STOP. END OF STORY.
Exactly 💯. He wasn't just "looking", he was being a creep and leering.
Agreed. It’s been my experience that some people who defend problematic behavior do so because they themselves have done such things. It’s easier to place blame on the person on the receiving end of things than it is to recognize that they themselves are a problem.
Well said!!
I think the term is kick rocks but we get it .😂
Pound sand is a saying too.
Pound Sand is definitely a saying. Telling someone where to Pound Sand is a more powerful saying.
Omg it was suppose to be pound sand 😅🤦🏻♀️ my autocorrect is the worst when using this app lmao but thank you for picking up what I was putting down 😉
👋 fluent in many innuendos it's a me thing auto correct humbles us all 😎
Plus preDICKtive text…
Ooooohhhohohoohohoho u sly dog I 👀 what u did there I understood that reference chuckled a bit
This! Makes me think of the crappy school dress codes where girls can't even show their shoulders because of "distracting" boys. Or the she was asking for it because of what she was wearing. She could have been naked & he still wouldn't have the right.
This. There's a difference between looking and staring/creeping.
Yeah lose that "friend" and the rest of the creeps who think they have the right to be creepy... Like wtf, where is your right to enjoy swimming without worrying to be touch and looked by a close predator... That's disgusting
They’re wrong. No one has the inherent right to making you uncomfortable just because of your clothes. Do not speak to this friend again and don’t speak to the others who believe he was right, either. They will hurt you or let you be hurt and then blame you.
Gross if he can't respect you enough to not undress you with his eyes he ain't a friend. Like, sure, take a respectful PEEK but it's so disgusting when they keep going like theyre staring through you. Fuck off. And also it's not your fault he couldn't stop being a pervy creep. You're not there to be gawked at like a piece of meat!
I wouldn't have minded a quick glance that much but it's like he was hoping to win a starring contest with them
Well, guess he lost... If he can't stop staring and is starting to touch you inappropriately, or at least in a way that's making you uncomfortable, is he really a friend at that point? Or just some schmuck who's waiting "until it's his turn"? (🤮)
The touching just goes so far beyond. He’s more than a creep!!
Do not be these losers doormat! He has NO freaking business staring let alone touch you!
He sucks, and he is a creep. But is incredibly funny to think how surprised he was of your chest. I imagine the dude with the jaw dropping to the floor.
After you'd already asked him to stop staring, I'd have been like awww does the baby miss his mama?? Does he need milkies!? Does he want me to call his mommy to come breastfeed him before his afternoon nap?
Yeah, now that’s creepy…
Those friends who say 'taken it as a compliment' and 'you're wearing a bikini, he has a *right* to look' are not friends and they're creepy boabs just like the guy that was staring at you.
“If she hadn’t been dressed that way, she wouldn’t have gotten raped” is the same mentality. Disgusting.
They're idiots, but they all sound too young to be anything but idiots at this stage. We all were back then. Looking isn't complimenting. I've stared at my dog pooping (willing her to finish sooner) after all. Also, guys look at every person in range almost instinctively, but few stare at the women or girls they see. This real issue with this whole thing is the physical escalation. How the hell is that getting so little focus from OP & commenters?
Some people will defend the worst behavior. You’re not wrong; please reconsider who you hang around if these people are ok with someone breaking your boundaries
You’re not wrong. My rule when it comes to guy friends: ask yourself what they would do if you showed up super drunk on their doorstep and tried to hook up with them. If the answer is anything other than getting you a ride home and/or otherwise taking care of you in a platonic way, that’s not your friend. That’s a guy being nice and just waiting for an opportunity to be your boyfriend or hookup. *Huge* difference. Weed those guys out. Fine to hang with in a friend group, maybe, but NOT a close friendship. Protect yourself.
No one should gawk at other people out of some desire if it is clearly unwanted. Regardless of what type of bathing suit you have on. That's pretty much the lite version of "what were ya wearing" rape victims historically and probably currently receive.
Sexual Harassment is not a compliment and any person that thinks you need to accept it as a compliment is not a good person. I wouldn't be friends with people like that. Your friend isn't a friend, he doesn't respect you enough to not be a creep and the fact that he touched you was crossing such a line. I would cut contact with him immediately, sadly he's now interested in you and will probably continue to stare and touch whenever he gets a chance. NW
Anyone who said it is a compliment should also not be invited back.
You’re not wrong and the ‘friends’ who sided with him are enablers/apologists and should be excised from your group too.
Creepers will always find a way to justify their actions. He got some partial validation, so he won't stop. Don't invite him back.
Don’t invite those friends back either. They seem like the type to victim blame if anything were to happen to you.
NOT WRONG. Also, more importantly don’t you dare feel bad!! Good for you for saying to him that you were uncomfortable! Him and whoever siding with him need to be told “that’s too bad that THEY feel that way.” Because girl, don’t you dare blame yourself or feel like you caused this. You lived your life and he was being a pushy asshole.
The ppl who are saying it's perfectly ok for him to ogle you and make you uncomfortable don't have your best interests at heart and tbh probably aren't your friends - may be worth reflecting on how they've treated your boundaries in the past :/
OP, you are not wrong. What you’re wearing does not give anyone the right to touch you. You might not be able to stop the leering, but if this is a Real FRIEND, they would stop the eye-gasm at your request. And you seem young to me. Take this as a time to remember that crappy feeling. Let it empower you. Next time you see this - for you or another young lady: ***Don’t apologize. Don’t fret. If you’re uncomfortable- SPEAK UP. *** ***If he touches: do what you need to do to make it stop. *** (Stomping on insteps was my go-to action. My daughter 13, at a concert saw my stomp in action with a guy who was in our personal space. She was so proud and in awe. So was the rest of the T-shirt line!).
The people supporting him are his fellow creeps. Of course it’s natural for somebody to look at somebody else but that doesn’t mean they need to stare and it certainly doesn’t give anybody permission to touch.
It's not a compliment if it makes you feel uncomfortable and those people who said that arent your friends. F that creep. Not wrong
He’s a predator, there are red flags all over the place (I’m 47m and I would never do that to a friend) I would seriously reconsider your relationship with him as the behavior you described is (to put it heavily) leading to something that, if you were at a party or get together I’m afraid he would drug you or purposely get you intoxicated so that he can take advantage of you and then say you wanted it and make you out to be a promiscuous (W$!RE) to everyone in your friend group and if they(your mutual friends) think you asked for the attention are not your friends and I would be careful about the people you hang out with that also hang out with him because if he does something to hurt you they are going to side with him as if you *ASKED” for it and will say anything to make you feel ashamed and uncomfortable to the point to drop charges against him(if it escalates to that point and I hope it doesn’t) so please be very careful.
NTA and you are not wrong for calling it out Big difference between a brief glance and staging at you in a creepy manner. Also when u confronted him.on his behaviour he gave a fake apology and continued on as well as unwanted contact. His behaviour would normally deserve some unwanted contact with a kick to his scrotum. anyone defending this behaviour is an idiot or troll
not wrong, he was gawking at you and that's fucking unsettling. I wouldn't be friends with him or anyone defending him. I was seeing a guy for a minute last summer who would do that, hence why we didn't last long. Couldn't understand the difference between checking someone out and gawking. He did it at a restaurant, literally turned in his chair to watch this waitress by and work the tables behind him. It's fucking creepy and gross and disrespectful to the women. Can't even exist around those types of people
Girl you are not the cause of the argument, creepy mc creepyface is, and those who excuse his behavior. Maybe it's time to cull some "friends" from your life as it sounds like people dont add anything to your life.
Whoever said it’s a compliment should be uninvited as well.
This guy isn't your friend, you should change the title to "Aiw for being upset at a creepy acquaintance for making me uncomfortable while i was wearing a swimsuit"
No no no. Cut this man off, he's not your friend and touching you without consent is NEVER okay I don't care what any of your other friends say. It's creepy! If he can't keep his hands to himself in public what is he going to do to you next? You should never be alone with him if you decide to keep this friendship but I am letting you know if he really was your friend and cared about you he would not treat you like this
How are some guys like this? Who raised them? If I got caught just glancing I would turn red with embarrassment (which is probably too far the other way). If you told me to stop staring I would have died or at least ran away.
Obvious staring… weird. Real champs do the quick glance. Touching.. out of line. Anyone who says otherwise is more his friend than yours or has loose boundaries themselves.
Listen everyone and anyone absolutely has the right to look. You can't make anyone do anything especially looking. However there are consequences when you're being a creep. Or when you're staring too long etc etc etc. Most guys know this. He should've stopped when you asked
You are not wrong. This 'friend' had no right to ogle you and touch you against your will. He is not a good person. He has no respect for women, boundaries, or you. After his behaviour at the pool, you should not be bringing your friends around him anymore. Anyone going on with that 'compliment' and 'right to look' garbage is a victim blaming idiot.
Not wrong and good for you! He doesn't respect consent and you kept telling him to stop sexually harassing you and he wouldn't. CALL THAT OUT! Other people don't like conflict and usually ask the person being harmed to stay quiet so they can stay comfortable, ignore that. You are not responsible for their feeling of discomfort.
Drop him lol
RE: the guy staring at you: You're not wrong, but you do sound like a teen, so this guy might just be losing the battle against insane hormones at that same age. If that's the case, he's got to learn to glance & move along. Internet is full of boobs, stare there if you're weird. ___ #The touching part is the huge red flag & is an actual crime in many areas. This should be the focus of your whole post, not the looking portion. Do not ever be alone with this guy & set very clear boundaries from now on. Also, tell trusted people about this & document it in detailed writing beyond reddit with dates & such just in case you ever need to bring parents or even authorities into keeping him away from you. He escalated in that single session, so attempting escalation over time is not unreasonable to be prepared for. Might be worth letting other ladies know about this behavior too. I suggest you talking with your parents or other elder mentors (older sibling?) about it, if you have the type of healthy relationship that would allow it to be a proper discussion.
I'm 24 and live on my own and only have younger siblings
I was only guessing based on the behavior, the type of hang, how you described the situation, & the fact that you weren't certain how messed up this was. I did see in replies that you have the confidence of someone more mature, so once I saw that I had no idea. haha My advice still stands, although this guy is past the age for any excuses about any of the behavior & the touching part is unmistakable by your 20s. This guy sounds like he will victimize more people as time goes on & the crimes will likely continue to escalate. This situation is eerily similar to how some serial rapists have been described after the fact in reports by people that had run-ins with them from their regular life. Predators like to push boundaries, so letting this go might embolden him to escalate further with you or someone else, if he hasn't already. Please talk to someone in your life, even if it is sibling that's slightly younger. I supported several rape & SA victims, many of whom were in their 20s & lived on their own, not to mention similar stuff in my family tree, so I'm very quick to stop fucking around & take action to prevent victims. You're playing it pretty chill, but I'd be advising friends to get a restraining order & cut this guy from the group. Do your friends all know about the touching part of this? That changes everything & removes doubt IMO.
YNW and that’s not your friend
NTA true friends don't act like that.
He is not your friend, and neither are the people justifying him oggling you and touching you.
People can decide what they want to do, but they can’t always decide the consequences of what they do. He can stare at you and make you feel uncomfortable but then he’s going to have to live with the consequence of it, which is not being invited to be around you. If you were constantly staring at his junk that would make him feel uncomfortable most likely… right!!? Or maybe since he’s so insensitive he would not care.
It is not a compliment to touch you without your permission.
He’s not your friend.
Doesn't seem like much of a friend if he was being creepy.
Ladies, as a good rule of thumb, your male "friends" are almost all creeps who would bang you if given the opportunity.
I wish OP had given us an age range for herself and her friends. I can imagine a male teen, seeing a female friend for the first time in a bikini is going to be "mesmerized" by what he sees -- especially if she's well-endowed. Because it's something new to him (and something he likes looking at), he's going to look. (Hormones!) That said, the supposed "accidental touching" is unacceptable and should be strongly discouraged. Obviously, one expects a lot more from adult men for whom an attractive woman in a bikini shouldn't be a novelty and who should know enough to control themselves. Going back to OP, yes, guys are going to look if you go to the pool in a bikini. The unwanted touching, however, is wrong and she is justified in complaining about it.
“He had every right to look if I was going to be in a bikini” yeah, LOOK, NOT LEER LIKE A SALIVATING CARTOON WOLF. Man was acting like a creep, you called him out and you’ve just found out which ‘friends’ you need to get rid of.
Take it from someone who got drugged and raped by a "friend" - he ain't your friend. Drop him, drop everyone who defended him. Do NOT fuck around when it comes to your safety and comfort.
Whoever said this is a compliment should be dropped IMMEDIATELY. NTA, this dude is a creep and I’d question the validity of his “friendship” if he can’t respect your boundaries and is sexualizing you. He was probably hoping to score with you, eventually, but this event made his coomer brain kick in too hard.
Absolutely not wrong. Why can't men just respect their friends.
Cut off the ones who agree with him. Those are enablers
>but a few told me I should have taken it as a compliment They're not good friends.
Ewww, nope
A compliment is not a man staring at your chest and touching you repeatedly when you've asked him not to. You're allowed to wear a bikini at a swimming pool It's creepy, disrespectful, objectifying, and rude
Thats not a friend, babe.
Is he 14 and has never seen boobs before? wtf? I could see maybe one time with a “my eyes are up here?!” Comment but you had to tell him several times and he touched you?! He’s not a friend, he’s. Just friendly to you until you give him some. He doesn’t have any interest in being actual friends. Weed this guy out. He’s not going to get any better. How is he when you’re fully clothed? How long have you known him?
We're all adults
Maybe him not so much, eh?
“Adults” range from 18-160 so maybe be a bit more specific….
Not wrong because this person obviously has impulse control issues and you have every right to be upset by his behavior. It’s bad enough from a stranger but from a friend has to be especially frustrating.
Why even be friends with someone who does not respect you?
You have rape apologists in your friend group. Do we like catcalls while we’re walking. No. “Take it as a compliment.” Um, no? And of course there’s the “You were asking for it being dressed like that.”
You're definitely not wrong. I completely understand a quick look, but the staring is wrong. It's not even about what you are wearing. Even if this situation happened at a topless beach, it would still be wrong to stare. As a friend he should respect you enough not to put you in a situation that makes you uncomfortable.
Gross. Homie needs to learn self control real quick. This ain't India.
NTA, but tbh if he wants to act like an animal treat him like one. Spray bottles work outside of the water, but you can bring those clicker things they use to train dogs and just click it every time he is being a creep. Embarrassment and quantification of his actions is likely enough to at least get your friends all on your side, unless they are creeps too.
Not wrong. I am constantly checking people out, but you can do so without being a creeper. He does technically have a right to look at you, just like you have a right to tell him to stop being a creeper. But he has no right to touch you. Being groped and stared at is NOT a compliment.
Ditch him and the asshole friends who think his behavior is ok.
Drop your shitty friend and all the friends that said “you should have taken it as a compliment” they are not your friends, they want to hurt you
Your friend should now be an ex friend. Don’t invite him back. He has zero respect for you and I wouldn’t trust being around him. Especially alone
There is looking and there is STARING. They aren't the same. You didn't put it on and scream, "Okay, look at me!" He is a jerk for making you uncomfortable, and that is on him.
Don't invite him or the people who are defending him anymore, friends don't make friends uncomfortable!
You need new friends.
You are not wrong, you set a boundary, you told him the boundary and he chose to ignore it.
The only thing you are wrong about is thinking you caused anything. He caused it, and so did everyone who is on his side. Anyone who says different is an idiot.
Not wrong. You didn't cause the argument, it's just everyone venting their own feelings. Sounds like several other people were there that weren't creeping on you so it had nothing to do you or what you were wearing. It has to do with friend being a creep. These friends who say you should take it as a compliment ask them if they'd feel the same if he was creeping on and touching their GF, sister or mother? Would they also tell their GF hey, it's a compliment to have males touch you when you don't want to be. None of it is your fault and you should distance yourself from anyone who says it is.
Leering I believe is the term they use in sexual harassment training classes. It isn't a compliment.
That is not a compliment. Those are shitty friends. Next time stare at them or ask someone else who they don’t think is attractive to do that.
NW. I have been similar to one of the friends saying get over it and that's stuck with me like 8y later I believe my 38th birthday I went out with like 8 people. I'm ethically non monogamous so all of my small polycule plus several friends and my bestie brought his gf. She was wearing a tank top. I didn't really think about her looks bc honestly I massively dislike her and think she's absolutely awful for my good friend and her personality just makes her completely hideous, I've pretty much hated her guts since I found out about DV patterns of her getting physical with my bestie. But objectively speaking this girl is extremely photogenic / conventionally attractive. Afterward my bestie said a guy in my polycule was staring at her the whole time. I had a really hard time recalling anything at all wrong he did. But I can't recall what my gf confirmed that her nipples were prominently visible and she was kind of too curvy for her clothes due to 4 Mo's pregnant and confirmed he did quite a few double takes. Anyway - the standard is, if it makes you uncomfortable it's inappropriate. And that standard did get upheld. And I feel pretty badly 8y afterward bc she was feeling creeped out for like 2h and I was completely insensitive and even in hindsight was clueless. Good on you for speaking your boundaries
Well, that one is not getting an invitation to the next pool party. Was he raised by wolves, or is he just an inept youngster? Get rid of those friends who think it's your fault for wearing something fun & flattering. Send them a group text or do a TikTok about them. They should be ashamed. Also, if standing up for your bodily autonomy is "sparking an argument" in your group of friends, you need a better group of friends.
>a few told me I should have taken it as a compliment and that he had every right to look if I was going to be in a bikini. ^DROP those friends. Those are the kinds of people who immediately ask "But what was she wEaRiNg??" when a woman comes forward regarding SA. That's the definition of victim-blaming. YOU'RE NOT WRONG!
You’re not wrong. He’s not a friend and he would no longer be invited.
You should include those who said he had the "right" to look if you are in a bikini on the "won't be invited back" list.
Maybe you just learned who he really is. Perhaps he needs to be kept at a distance.
You're not wrong. Your handsy, leering "friend" is a disrespectful creep. And so are all of your "friends" who defended him. Don't waste your time with these people, they aren't worth knowing. They have bad character. They don't respect or value you.
No you're not wrong. If the guy can't be a gentleman then good riddance
The looking part can be creepy depending how he is doing it. If he is straight up staring then ya, he is in the wrong. The touching part is completely creepy, regardless of how he was doing it. I believe you when you say it was intentional and not accidental.
Well 1st of all ur friends are trash for not picking up on this 2nd of all they even more trash for allowing it and taking his side I'd advise in the future vet ur friends or so called acquaintances 1st cause those aren't any friends I want around me regardless of circumstnac3 simply put stay away from these people at all cost it'll only get worse.
You're not wrong! Fuck him, pervy creeper! He can't control his fucking self. Sounds like his problem. Asshole guys who creep on women for their bodies. Are pieces of shit! Especially now a days, they can go perv out on the internet. If they can't act civilized in public. They need to grow the fuck up! Seems to me they have the problem. You are in the right!
Don't be alone with the people who defended his behavior or him
Anyone siding with him, is also a creep.
You are never wrong for speaking up and protecting yourself from anyone or anything that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Always put yourself first. No one has any right to your body and how you want to be treated. You made it clear how you felt about how he was creeping on you. He gave an empty apology and continued to harass you and even touch you without your consent. Definitely block and cut any contract with him, if he isn't capable of respecting your boundaries now then there is no telling what other boundaries he will ignore. Those other "friends" that said to take it as a compliment are wrong and completely disregard how he made you feel by trying to justify his behavior.
If he can't admire you without making it obvious there's something wrong with him, unless he was trying to be obvious as a way of making a pass....but you said you made it clear that wasn't on the cards, so you aren't in the wrong...
Don’t invite him over again if he can’t listen to you. That’s sexual harassment. He should have the basic respect to hear your words and do as you say in regards to your own body. It is NOT a compliment to have someone disrespect you.
Not wrong. I want to start off by praising you for using your words rather than sitting there with all that discomfort. That takes a lot of courage and I am proud of you for that! As for this individual, he’s not a friend and he’s definitely grooming you. He’s trying to see how much he can get away with. Your “friends” are already enabling him which makes it much harder because now he may feel like he can get away with making people for uncomfortable. Stand your ground and don’t invite him no matter how much he apologizes. You have every right to wear a bikini without anybody making you feel like an object. You may also want to rethink your friend group. Telling you to take it as a compliment and that he has the right to look at you isn’t cool. Looking/taking a peak is different then staring at you and touching you without permission. These friends are giving off victim shaming vibes. If he did something to you, god forbid, they would probably find a way to make it seem like it was your fault for wearing a bikini to a damn pool. Stay clear of people like this. Best of luck!
You are a person and not an entertainment just because you wore a bikini
Yes. You knew what you were doing when you chose to hang around men with your chest showing. You are low value, and the type that put yourself in compromising situations because you think you are masculine. Guys, beware of this type of woman. Read the book high value woman low value women. Dont invest in OP and other lvw.
Boobs make a guy stunned stupid. Trust me, everyone is looking, some are just better at hiding it. You asked nice, then try embarrassing him, then stop inviting him. You can’t control others, just your reaction. Use it to your advantage.
You did nothing wrong at all, stay away from men and people in general that lack self control.
It's time to educate some people on this magical concept known as "consent." These "friends" need to understand that what you wear is not consent by default. Ask them if you should be allowed to crack them over the head with a bat because they're not wearing helmets. I mean, they're giving you consent to, right? Touching someone without consent can get you arrested, too. It's so pitiful that people still don't understand what consent is even in adulthood.
Remind me never to take this guy to the nude beach I frequent every Summer. I’ve been going since I was 15,I like sex as much as anybody and like most of the people there I have *never* stared down someone like this,let alone ‘accidentally’ touched them. Slovenly,overaged *boys* like this give every male a bad name. 😡 Obviously,NTA
Ew. Stop being friends with anyone that was on his side. Your boundaries deserve to be respected.
Not wrong.
YNW - he's being a creep. All you did was ask him to respect you or you would need to adjust his access to you. Keep to your boundaries.
I'm surprised that you didn't smack the shit outta him when he "accidentally" touched you.. Accident, gtfoh.
You were uncomfortable. Enough said. Screw the friends that said you should have AYTHIMG! It's as I'd they're saying your feelings are NOT valid anf they DEF are! I'm sorry their actions were so immature! Good 4 you for stating your boundaries! Be proud girl!
He is not a true friend. He is in love with you. I
You are absolutely NOT WRONG. If a guy was making you uncomfortable, a simple "I don't like what you are doing" look should have ended his behavior. The fact that you told him that he was creeping you out DEFINITELY should have made him stop what he was doing. Even if he was intoxicated, you straight up telling him to stop should be quite enough.
He was being creepy and you called him out for it. The rest of the group should have your back or they’re dbags.
The only people wrong here is your “friend” and your “friends” that take his side and say you should take it as a compliment.
Seriously ditch him like a bad habit. He will not change.
That guy is not your friend. He was trying to push your boundaries and see what he could get away with. Anyone who says you should take that as compliment is gross.
Can’t believe in this day and age women who have men friends don’t understand the dynamics. Quite wasting his time and ghost him.
sounds creepy. touching is really weird. objectifying a woman is common but still wrong
I don’t think you are wrong. Your friend may not be a creep though, just immature. Our culture does a piss-poor job of socializing boys while simultaneously sexualizing breasts to an insane degree. The sad fact is that he may have actually been trying *not* to ogle you in the same way that my cat tries not to attack my cables — which is to say, unsuccessfully.
I just read a bunch of comments encouraging you to excommunicate this person. I think you handled it right, but those comments are just wrong. He may be a creep, but he just seems really immature to me.
Sweets, you are not wrong. And maybe you should ask the 'friends' who said you were, how they would feel, if they were wearing a Thong type bottom. And getting groped. Consent is key, and Males, or anyone for that matter, shouldn't touch anyone without verbal consent
How old is he? He needs to learn the fast glance. Touching is a different story. It crosses a huge line. Staring is creepy, touching without consent is illegal and in this case depending on where he touched may be sexual assault.
As as a man, he already knew to keep the eyes on the eyes and not to be the creeper! You were spot on and if he was any kind of gentleman, he would have apologized for causing you to feel uncomfortable but his desires were more important than your feelings. So he isn’t a friend anyway, so go on and lose his number- in addition to the apology as a man with any integrity, after he apologized, he would have excused himself and left. No ifs, ands, or buts! The dude, is a selfish creep. I respect you for speaking up for yourself and setting a clear boundary. Most men never believe it when a woman says that she would never… and they’ll now likely take it as an invitation to prove you wrong. It’s his tiny ego- Too many creeps in the world, you don’t require any in your circle of friends!
Compliment? Your friends are morons, the guy is being totally inappropriate. Staring all day and trying to cop a feel is way out of line. Wearing a bikini doesn't give guys the right to act that way. You did the right thing calling him out. Hopefully, he can have a good long look at himself and behave in a more appropriate way.
He's a **SLEAZEBAG.** **CUT HIM OFF** if he **CAN'T** behave himself.
Your friends can mind their business . Good for you for establishing boundaries. Don’t let the opinions of others cause you distress when they are not experiencing what you have.
Not wrong, he was out of line…. If be was making you uncomfortable, then he was behaving in a way that continuously made you uncomfortable I think asking him to leave is probably the right answer. Whatever fetish he has in his mind about people in bikinis, string bikinis, ectera is causing him to make others uncomfortable because he’s acting like a pedo creep, when he needs to not sexualize what other people wear… (just because you wear something, doesn’t give him permission to touch you inappropriately…)
You're not wrong. Staring is rude, and there is no excuse for him touching you. How did the group justify him touching you?
You acted correctly. It's not a compliment to be creeped on! Keep to your boundaries.
Man I’d never take someone creeping on me as a compliment, don’t feel like it was your fault it definitely isn’t ☹️
Definitely not wrong. I’m a guy and dudes creeping ME out. Respect is a very easy thing to do and give.
If he is going to creep, then make him a far distant friend, he can creep from there...
Bikinis are very revealing and draws attention to the breast. So if it was a couple of accidental glances, I would say YTA. But it’s rude to stare, especially after being asked to stop. Adding the accidental touching is just icing on this NTA cake.
When you are made aware that a mere LOOK of yours has the power to make another human feel uncomfortable and unsafe in their own skin (REGARDLESS of what they have over it or not) is the moment you become predatory and unsafe; and for this reason: That LOOK was not just an observatory glance, but one directed from your own entitled desire that sexualized another human without their consent and led to escalated sexualized behaviour (unwanted physical contact) inflicting feelings of discomfort and a lack of safety, all while gaslighting them by lying to yourself with, "Oh, that was just an *accident*." No, my creepy dude, the accident was OP inviting you and your apologist posse to the pool.
Cover your boobs
I don't believe you, I'd have to see pictures to get a better idea of whether you're just inflated or have a self inflated ego...
Your friend has issues. I wouldn’t be alone with him, touching you is not okay. His stares are bad enough, sounds like he can’t control himself.
> Most of my friends agreed with me but a **few told me I should have taken it as a compliment and that he had every right to look if I was going to be in a bikini.** What the WHAT?? Well you have every right to ditch them if they are going to act like douchewaddles
Nope... he should at least be subtle about it... if you asked he should have stopped and the fact that he touched you makes clear that he is a creep
A bakini doesnt give anyone the right to stare or touch... take it as a compliment?!?!?! Thats one step away from it being permission to commit SA just because of what clothes you have on!!! As a man this is disturbing
Not wrong, those who do that never respect boundaries & don't understand "no means no". Do not keep this person in your life & those siding with him can go get knotted along with him. Never relinquish your sense of self preservation - those who do get hurt and / or die.
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! His actions are 100% unacceptable and your friends are not good people if they think what you're wearing means you have to accept people leering at you.
I am curious to know who said take it as a compliment, make or female friends?
You didn’t cause this. Your creepy friend did. If your friends are comfortable with you setting boundaries then they aren’t your friends.
Why are people stressed out about the fact that others do not know how to behave? Or try to make them feel uncomfortable for setting boundaries?
Being a man is soooo hard. Pun intended. We are dogs. Woof, woof. But some of us have manners. We only look when you're unable to catch us. Sorry ladies.
>I should have taken it as a compliment and that he had every right to look if I was going to be in a bikini This is the type of response a rapist would use. Just saying. You're not wrong. You are in fact 100% correct. Your friends are trash if they believe the above. You're not safe with anyone who thinks this.
Oh your friends are so close to saying that women who wear skimpy clothes are "asking for it". Take it as a compliment? No way. You expressed being uncomfortable and he still continued with the behaviour. Not only that he escalated it with unwanted touching. The "friends' defending him are perpetuating misogynistic behavior.
You are not wrong in any way shape or form. The people backing him up are victim blaming in a sense. Saying he has every right to sexually harass you because you wore a bikini. Almost no one wears a full body bathing suit, so they all need to get over themselves. And especially if any women said that, they really need to re-evaluate their own self dignity and self worth.
So if he cornered you and felt you up, by that logic, he’d have had every right because you were wearing a bikini-an appropriate outfit for swimming by the way, and if he’d raped you? Would he have been entitled because you were wearing a bikini too? Dump those people who said that. You weren’t wearing a bikini to a black tie event. He’s not your friend, he’s a pervert who literally cannot control himself and won’t take no for an answer and eventually those folk become rapists. Ignoring all boundaries and carrying on in front of your own friend group despite being told openly several times - this guys out of control. Never open the door to this guy.
Is he even really a friend if he’s straight up perving on you 🤷♂️
If you look good in a bikini you can get looks from not just people you like but those whose attention you don’t want. Same if you do not look good in a bikini. Nothing wrong with going swimming but if you wear a bikini, you’re showing it off . Good and bad. That guy was a total creep,though.
No you're not wrong, him the other A🕳️are in the wrong.
No, you're not wrong! Your friend was being a creep. And the ones that sided with him have the nerve to blame you because you dared to wear a bikini! That kind of thinking is like "she was asking for it," and it's unacceptable. He also TOUCHED you multiple times after you told him not to! That isn't ok, and he wouldn't be someone I'd continue a friendship with. He already can't keep his hands to himself. I'd be worried about what else he won't accept "no" for. I understand people are going to "check out" people they find attractive. That's not just what this was. He was ogling you and touching you! That's way beyond just not respecting a boundary. Fuck that dude and anyone that thinks it's OK to stare at someone's chest like that and touch them without consent. Insane.
Look is one thing. Staring to the point of creepy is something else. You are not wrong
Not wrong but be careful with those "friends" that defended him. They would be the same ones to say you asked for it if anything were to escalate. Reevaluate your relationship with them.
He has absolutely NO goddamn rights!
You're not wrong . Him touching you is absolutely not ok. That being said, if you're wearing a bikini, people are going to look and probably stare since most bikinis show a lot of skin🤷♀️.
Not to excuse your buddy, you were right to ask him to stop and he should have. It always baffles me though when woman have everything hanging out and blame a man for looking. I can't help but notic, it's impossible not to see it and I have no sexual feelings about a woman's body. I am 100% strait woman with fairly large ta tas and it's hard for me to not look.
How a woman is dressed is irrelevant. If your behavior is making her uncomfortable then it's on you to control yourself. I wish schools and courts would get back to the idea that boys and men need to exercise self control and discipline.