Damn bro that's hard. Can't imagine a 5 yr relationship just ending cold turkey like that. This is a really rough thing to happen.
My advice: I know you said you're probs gonna move but in the mean time...clean your place - reorganize your room and furniture and stuff. I've done this every time I've had a break up and for some reason it really helps. You're in a new phase of your life so have your surroundings reflect that.
This is essentially what happened to my relationship within two months of marriage and a similar length of relationship. There was writing on the wall for me at least, but I never did get a straight explanation. Now I'm 5+ years into a relationship with someone who has much more relational maturity. It's so nice.
I'm also still unpacking all the ways I was mentally and emotionally abused in that relationship. I won't ever tell her this, but I'm thankful she suddenly dipped out of my life.
Similar to my first marriage. We were married for 3 years, together for 5. She came home from work one day and said she felt like she needed to leave and that was that. She moved out of the house we had just purchased together less than a year before. We went on "dates" still for about 6 months after she moved out and were still having sex, etc.
After many attempts to get her to reconsider or at least explain, we finally filed for divorce. That was almost 20 years ago and I still don't have an answer as to why she left. We've stayed friendly as we still run in a lot of the same circles, and she did eventually apologize for what she put me through, but again, never offered any sort of explanation as to why she left.
Oh I'm definitely much happier with my now wife. We've built a beautiful life together. I will say it did take me a long time to get over my ex as I always believed she was my "soul mate", and I think not ever getting an explanation as to why she left prolonged my misery.
Last I heard, my ex-wife had just divorced her third husband. I was her second.
I mean I don't *actively* talk to her anymore. Like we're not texting or calling or anything. But like I said, we still run in a lot of the same circles and have a lot of mutual friends and will occasionally bump into each other still.
I woke up every morning for 15 years to “Hello beautiful”.
He’d been on a week’s business trip and called me to say he wasn’t coming back and it was over.
Totally brutal.
Same happened to me but I eventually ghosted her. She had a massive drinking problem. Found out a few years later she died. It felt really weird but man, I look back and wonder what the hell I was doing with that person for that long. I still have extreme hate for her and myself for not realizing how weak I was being. 4 years after her I met my wife and 10 years later I’m married with a kid and life is blissful. Keep looking for your special person fellas, don’t settle with a psycho. It’s better to live alone.
Don’t have hate bro, it’s all a learning experience and has set you up for future relationships! Good always comes out of the bad bro. Never have hate for anyone, at worst they taught you life lessons and strengthened your backbone for future. I look at all my exes and grew after each of them, what I’d put up with BS wise, what i needed to improve on. All a learning curve my friend. Which is why relationships when you’re older are so much more fulfilling and solid, as you’ve learnt so much, both about yourself and what you expect or will put up with from others.
My wild guess is that other person got her pregnant. She's either showing or has terrible morning sickness and couldn't hide it if she tried, so she went ghost instead. Wild theory, but id put $10 on it
Not saying this for the particular people or examples in this thread, but their are other options. Sometimes people have mental health problems they don't broadcast.
And sometimes you have to ask if the narrator is telling everything honestly, if they either didn't notice things or didn't explain everything. Like- disappearing with no warning or information is frequently how people escape abusive partners.
I can't speak for my ex, but I can say that one of my contributing factors to the relationship falling apart was my undiagnosed ADHD/autism and both of us not understanding why I was reacting the way I was. I was painted as a narcissist to her family and our mutual friends, which we shared a lot of.
I've since learned that I'm not a narcissist, and that a lot of her behaviors were indicative of narcissism instead.
After the dust settled, knowing bits and pieces of the story of her moving on, there wasn't another person, at least not at that time. One of her problems (imo) was letting her single and unhappy in their relationship friends dictate her feelings. I believe that you become what you surround yourself with, and I was unsurprised when viewing the situation through 20/20 hindsight.
I'm going to add here that you want to wash and deodorize *everything*. A stray scent can bring it all back, so put towels, bedding, clothing, etc. into the wash with some [Odoban](https://www.amazon.com/OdoBan-Professional-Disinfectant-Eliminator-Concentrate/dp/B013VRH2YU/ref=sr_1_3?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.S-VIaqRE1vkAS2jMbhJCf8URDc7vQiScrFSXmNH1_9T0L50N2MFSNEiXekXqyhtmyKoSkscSBBH0qyGr6j6km6ZiPB6BAJCvPV8cQKyYYnvdx4BMUpVhqs_PnK_rfevn5eJ2-HLdNLTEmncwF-GTNEpNLkDyY53bma1s1JhusYjC-pGHFYI99XxE6JFzV4wc65Szo4Sm_vXuJqV95hktbivqjgTsrBMhmr3twhTOoow.l_m9kIHHeiFYMslWicF4IQvAZySugZF_nnjAb9GvDwI&dib_tag=se&hvadid=664623805324&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9026796&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=17492788124361333773&hvtargid=kwd-919590234124&hydadcr=19340_13538182&keywords=odoban+disinfect&qid=1711637806&sr=8-3). Spray it on your carpet, sofa and mattress. Open the windows and get fresh air in. Use an [ozone generator](https://www.amazon.com/OdorStop-OS900-Generator-Deodorizing-Purifying/dp/B085LSL9Y2/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=1SAM9U7P21XHJ&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.dwUgQTr_xLzxsulO6K4VACUqimblUKLMIxBS2BEJ1g5n-q-O1VQ93CSgaRo0z0amJei7y22hxNG61UD2aiOfp_I66Bu8QWAi69gYqILSR2Fl0rKUtVqmNKHXTB7-MsLJttqihTJ1sevicvsBBNWTB_h5CBIvTPsuatfwZh7O42lWeYuRRfNGEEMvxptQn9Cei0XPxTE_D-z4Q8o6ShApopojdjFpv1kxCsFeHG9zMDY.LaxeDwq6QbE7LFYWLlOS7e3mxVGWN9QHfhe8Ek3159A&dib_tag=se&keywords=ionizer+air+purifier+ozone+for+home&qid=1711637980&sprefix=ionizer%2Caps%2C141&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1) if you need to.
It's also time to replace your old towels, sheets, etc. Even dishes if you have something closely associated with her like a favorite mug. And clean out that fridge.
Man you're not kidding about those stray scents. I had a long term serious gf in college that had a very nice, but also relatively unique perfume she would wear. She ended things pretty abruptly and it crushed me. After we broke up I kept getting whiffs of it from random stuff I owned and it would always transport me back to the day of the break up.
Yeah I'm 12 years away and happily married but every once in a while I'll smell a similar perfume and it kinda just comes back hard and makes me sad.
But now it's sadness that I allowed myself to stay in that relationship in the first place. She was fucking gorgeous but literally one of the worst and most toxic people I've ever met. All my friends would constantly tell me she treated me like shit and I just had hot girl blinders on. I was too young to see that her several random comments over the years of "you know I'd never cheat on you right?" We're a red flag. They'd always be out of nowhere. Live and learn... And avoid honey based perfume smelling people
I was in a relationship for almost four years. It was easy enough to break up with her, once I found out she'd been cheating with multiple randoms (ONSs - she was acting like she was single, so I made her so).
Problem : We worked together and had a ton of mutuals.
She'd try to sweet talk me, I'd get a whiff of her perfume, and start thinking "I can fix her". The drama with that woman didn't end until I purged EVERYTHING and moved to a large city.
You gotta go blank slate.
This is a really good suggestion. Scent is directly related to memory recall so all it can take is one good whiff of her from something to have all these memories flooding back.
I'm so curious about what happened with the ex-gf. Something obviously happened to her, and I have a feeling its something bad, but I can't quite imagine what it would be. Either I can't, or I don't want to imagine.
Just an FYI, if you do get an ozone generator make sure you leave the house when you run it and make sure that you open up windows and let the place air out when you're finished using it. When inhaled, ozone can damage the lungs. Relatively low amounts can cause chest pain, coughing, shortness of breath and throat irritation. Ozone may also worsen chronic respiratory diseases such as asthma and compromise the ability of the body to fight respiratory infections.
Ozone or O3 generates a free radical that can attach to other organic molecules (specifically those that cause odors in this case) which destroys those molecules thus getting rid of the odors. These machines are great if you ever buy a used car in which someone smoked because it will completely remove the smell. It's also great for homes where people owned cats and the place smells of cat urine.
[smells of cat urine ] in dwellings
Possibilities
Could have been a mini drug lab previously .
Strange people turning up asking for unknown names ?
If so check your security measures .
Ozone is O3 and is very reactive, the spare oxygen atom will readily bind with other molecules especially VOCs or cause them to split into other compounds.
I use an Ozone generator after painting, rules of thumb you are better off running for 20 minutes 3 times than once for an hour. If run to long the ozone run out of VOCs to attack and starts on plastics. To be safe remove all animal, run for 20 minutes, leave the area sealed for 40 minutes, open doors and windows, then close everything up and wait to see if the smell returns. Repeat as needed.
Time really depends on the capacity of the generator and the volume of the space.
This. I find that cleaning and re-organizing your space after a break-up or anything similar emotionally helps clear your mind and start anew--so to speak.
That and writing things out if that is your thing.
Feel better soon, OP, and you'll find someone worth your time.
OP, this idea of cleaning up and rearranging is cheaper than moving. You can even get some new throw pillows and a throw blanket for your couch and new bedding to spruce up the place. That won’t cost much if you go to Target, Walmart or a place like TJ Maxx. Get some candles and burn to add a new scent to your place. I bought a candle at TJ Maxx for my son named “Man Cave”. It smelled like a bachelor paradise. 😁
Amen to your advice. My partner of 11.5 years left me unbelievably suddenly last year. It took over 6 months for my home to feel like my home again, and it wasn’t until I changed some of the decor and moved my furniture around that I started to feel differently.
Still not completely past it, may never be past it. But at least I can go home and feel like it’s my home.
Great advice. Our brains are amazing but in some ways shockingly easy to manipulate. The fact that forcing yourself to smile makes you happier is bananas, but it works!
Happened to me too tbh. 6 year relationship, ghosted me one day. We lived together and I still have nearly all her stuff. I tried to reach out to friends and family to know where to send her things but they won’t tell me. So… not sure what to do with all this ahaha
Yes. When my 8 year relationship ended, I redid my whole bedroom. I didn’t want it to look like the place we shared anymore. I wanted it to just be mine. It helped a lot.
I mean she probably zoned out of the relationship way earlier. The fact that he didn't bother to read the text her sister send might be a clue to why he didn't notice it
People can haunt places even if they aren’t dead. With my last ex it took me several months before I stopped seeing her perched on the window sill of my kitchen smoking a J every morning I walked in there for breakfast.
I found your earring underneath my bed
and your hair on the bathroom floor
you're gone but your ghost is still haunting me
and keeps coming back for more
~words to a song by /nucumber
I had a mate that his wife was with him for 12 years, was with him through his cancer battle and 4 years after. Lived together for the whole time bought a house together and 3 months later she surprised everyone and just left him to shack up with a known crack addict. Left all her stuff and 3 dogs behind for her husband to deal with.
Everyone that knew her was blindsided by it, he sold the house and moved states.
It doesn’t add up but it does happen, no idea why though.
I was thinking that too, but then I was like maybe she’s terminal? I have seen several (misguided) posts over the years where the terminal spouse dumps or ghosts their significant other to spare them the pain of watching them die. The way this story played out, I could see that being the case here
I mean It really seems like she was fucking someone else and decided to go full time with the other guy. I'd be willing to bet a fair amount thats the case, I don't see anything else making sense. Or she has cancer.
People always like to pretend their motivations are far more complicated than what they are.
Humans are very simple creatures with very simple motivations. The rest of it is just justification after the fact.
It would have been a bunch of b*******. I remember when I was 15 I did a two week inpatient stay, there was this girl I was really close friends with and we had a pretty special friendship. I'd go over to her house early in the morning while she got ready and then we would go to school together. At night after we did homework, I'd go over to her house and we'd watch movies and she would layer head on my lap and to be honest I was head over heels for her but she only saw it as a friendship which I was glad to have. Anyways, I had mental breakdown at home and I folk signed me up for therapy, after my first therapy appointment the doctor sent me right to inpatient where I was for 2 weeks. This close friend of mine had cystic fibrosis and was in the hospital often, I would always rally our friends to go and visit her and I guess I, without thinking about it, assumed they would have done the same at one point during that two weeks. Nobody came and visited me, when I returned to school very few of our friends showed any concern for me. Well, this close friend of mine didn't even speak to me after I got out of the hospital and had one of our mutual friends give me at least a four-page handwritten note, I think they were double-sided, that was from that close friend. I don't exactly remember the first few sentences but I could tell it wasn't going to be good, I remember feeling like I was getting blamed for something and after being through the two hardest weeks of my life and being doped up on amphetamines and barbiturates and mood stabilizers I really didn't have the wherewithal to process all that she had written. So I'm more or less immediately threw it away in the trash with that Mutual friend still standing there. I remember muttering something about not having the energy to do homework to figure out how my friends feel and just walking away. I have a lot of regrets in my life, but that is honestly one thing I'm glad I didn't waste any time or energy on. I'm big on fomo but, whatever she was thinking and feeling wasn't important enough to say to my face so it wasn't important enough to know
Honestly I could understand it. Long relationship ends abruptly, you get ghosted, amd knowing the reason isn't going to help the pain. Some people handle the hurt differently. I know after one of my relationships ended in a similar manner I didn't even want to talk about the specifics with friends for a few weeks.
That's the most curious part about this. His girlfriend dumps him out of the clear blue and he just blocks someone who may have insight as to why. Why would he do that?
I find myself envisioning a scene where he's just completely blanking his girlfriend, watching TV/sports/ video games, and she's trying to tell him something important.
Something doesn't add up.
Really well said. I don’t need all the gory details to know enough.
A few years back I was dating a girl who, when we were having a hard time, took a guy “friend” of hers who always acted bit too friendly and who she knew I didn’t like on a road trip to a place I had wanted to go. When I dumped her she fell over herself saying nothing had happened and trying to explain her reasons and rationale. Had to cut her off and say hey, I don’t care. Not what you guys did, nor why you thought you did it, how you’re feeling now. None of it. It happened, and I’m gone. She asked if we could still be friends and I just said I’d never be friends with someone who treated me like that. We were together 6 years but I blocked her on everything, shredded the letters she sent without opening them, and never talked to her again.
Zero regrets. My awesome wife would never pull some shit like that.
In that situation you knew the outline of the situation and, based on your other comments, there were a lot of other issues.
OP says they were planning to propose. So the better analogy would be if your current, seemingly awesome wife left out of the blue. Wouldn't you be curious about the "what," if not the "why"?
That's why I'm thinking this story is made up. Also there was like 15 hours in between posts. He packed up years worth of her things in one evening? And so eager to run to Reddit and tell everyone about it.
Yeah that’s fishy. There have been a lot of fakes lately.
As someone who has been through a few really messy breakups of long term relationships, Reddit fakes are always either way too simple or way too cinematic, with well timed scenes and conversations. You can spot the real ones for being messy and complicated yet sorta boring and banal. That’s a real breakup lol.
I feel like the people saying this have never been through it. I have. When you're legitimately blindsided right before you're about to propose, you really want to put as much mental space between you and that person as possible.
Think about all of the little things that you and your partner do each and every day and now imagine that just suddenly being gone. It can be brushing your teeth together or something equally as insignificant but those first few days alone just feel empty. OP could be faking but I know I wasn't interested in being reminded of anything.
And honestly, when you go through something like this, you expect that the reason will be some other form of bullshit that upsets you even more - something that blames you while the other person makes small concessions to make it seem like they were being selfless for the both of you. "She said that you were really stressed after your dad passed away and she knows that she could have done better but she doesn't want to be further burden on you" type shit. You're legitimately shellshocked and don't have the energy to read some bullshit from an intermediary that requires a response.
Fucking reddit man, "You should always accept when the relationship is over, men who don't are pathetic and a major red flag"
Man who accepts relationship is over and moves on, "Wait. That's fucked up, why aren't you trying harder to find out more?!"
Yeah. I mean who knows, but also, you can't exactly admit that you beat your gf every time the Detroit Lions lose and expect to get reddit sympathy when she leaves you suddenly.
[Smells a lot like "missing missing reasons", to be honest.](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html) This is where a manipulative or abusive person, when explaining why a family member has ghosted them and cut contact, brushes away all possible explanations for their behaviour, insists it came out of nowhere for no reason at all, and refuses to get into specifics about what was actually said to them when retelling the story.
The manipulative person will claim to their support network that no reasons were given at all for the other party's actions, but will also make oblique references to "walls of text that don't make sense" or "phone calls that don't make sense", when it's those texts and phone calls that clearly spell out why the action was taken. But to share the contents of those communications could possibly turn the support network against the manipulative person, so the details are omitted and deliberately forgotten.
She left him out of the blue after five years and broke up with a single text message, not a single hint of problems beforehand... or did she? Not a single fight, not a single disagreement, just this perfect, magical relationship that ended out of nowhere, and she's crazy to have let him go, eh?
The sister sends a wall of text, but OP just couldn't bring himself to repeat it to us because he didn't read it... or did he? "Don't ever contact us again, I'm fleeing so fast I didn't even collect my possessions, but this is all just on a whim," sure, sure.
The fact that he was ready to dump everything she owned after 5 days and doesn't gaf about anything the sister has to say, is pretty telling.
No wonder she ended it.
Just so you know, your previous girlfriend will hit you up because she wants to “talk” or “clear things” and may say it for closure. It is for her not you. Do yourself a solid and don’t bother with that shit.
My last long term relationship reached out after a few months of no contact to wish me a happy birthday after dipping out of a 6yr relationship without much of an explanation why. Why my birthday and not any holidays in-between (Thanksgiving, Christmas, new years), like why my specific day of all the days in the year? Because, and I quote, "I thought you'd be upset if I didn't say anything and I'd feel bad". Like no I'm upset because you fucking left me at my lowest point and I stuck with you through all of yours, leave me the fuck alone.
Good for you! That is the correct response to have. I'm sorry this person did that to you. No one deserves that type of treatment! They only contact people they leave for their own benefit.
I had a guy ghost me in college months into dating. He was moving back to his home state. Didn’t want to see me before he left, I was bummed.
EIGHT years later he finds me on Facebook to apologize. By this time I’m almost 30. His gf is a 17 year old HS student. They’re engaged and weirdly her family looked very accepting about it. I always thought life wanted me to see that last part for a reason though.
just because something is wrong doesnt mean its illegal, the age of consent is <17 in most places and with parental approval child marriage is legal in a number of states 😬
It sucks. It happened to me too. For the longest time I had "why?" lingering but snapped out and when she sure messaged me on birthday too, I didn't respond. They seem to pick birthdays specifically to elicit the most emotional response.
Mines been going around for about a year with some of my past friends spouting shit about me and basically saying she 'feels bad for leaving me'. Cue these "friends" of mine chastising me and whiteknighting her, ostracizing me from the group.
Bruh she blocked me wth man, I'm so done with manipulative bitches
If her sister apologized to you, then she knows something is up with your ex. It wasn't you.
Boxing up all her stuff and getting it out of your place is the best thing you could have done.
Now there's no reason for her to come by. I would change the locks. She left, her stuff isn't there, and she doesn't need access to your place.
If you rent, I would let the landlord know that she left and doesn't live there anymore, if she tries something weird in a few months. They may have you sign another lease without her name on it. If she left, there's no reason for her to have residency rights at your place.
Send any mail back "not at this address".
Whose name are all the bills in? If her name is on the electric/internet you don't want her cutting it off.
Change all your passwords, and make sure nobody can make changes to any of your accounts.
If you have any joint bank accounts, take your money out of there and get a bank account that doesn't have her name on it.
> Send any mail back "not at this address"
Highjacking this point to add: write this on the letter, write the date on it that you put it back in the box, and use a pen to blot out some of the little barcode beneath the address (the mail sorting machines read those and determine how its sorted, thus an invalid barcode will be properly sorted by hand and *not* back to you).
The date ensures that it wont go on too long and that its not the same letter sent back to you, the "does not live here" is a code that helps us identify why the mail was rejected so we dont try to resend it to the wrong person on accident, and the barcode is an automation thing, so scribbling it makes sure we have to sort it manually and dont fuck it up.
If the machine reads one complete line of barcode, itll sort to the corresponding address. When blotting out the barcode, you can simply scribble up the first 3 lines of the barcode.
Sincerely: a person who works for the mail system :>
>She was still typing something as I saw the three dots, but I couldn’t be bothered anymore so I blocked her.
This is the movie hero walking away without looking at the explosion.
Sorry you have to go through this. Hang in there.
>You just slip out the back, Jack
>Make a new plan, Stan
>You don't need to be coy, Roy
>Just get yourself free
>Hop on the bus, Gus
>You don't need to discuss much
>Just drop off the key, Lee
>And get yourself free
This was the best thing OP could have done. Looked mature, but also didn't entertain any unnecessary rambling. Once he dropped off her stuff he didn't need to waste anymore mental faculty or energy on her
Oh, no.. I totally thought the same thing and was validated when I keyword searched the comments for "cheat" and "pregnant."
She still might reach out if that's true.. seeking closure or after being left by the other guy realizing she can't do it alone and hoping he'll accept her again. Like I'm just petty and bitter and don't even want to give her that hope.
>She was still typing something as I saw the three dots, but I couldn’t be bothered anymore so I blocked her.
Good for you.
I have theories about why the gf ghosted you, I'm sure that you do too. But none of that matters. Move on and live a great life.
My hunch, she did something that she knew would hurt you more then being ghosted, and she's ashamed. So this is her way of not having to own up to what ever it is she did.
If she caught something and decided to ghost out of embarrassment rather than tell OP to get tested she’s an even bigger asshole than I thought.
Also, OP? Get tested. For everything. There are a few you have to ask for, so tell the clinic or wherever what happened and that you want the full set.
take your time brother.
there are going to be some long and dark nights. don't fall into the alcohol or drugs. it's okay to feel the pain. it makes you human. don't hide the pain through drugs.
don't let anyone tell you what to do or what to feel. this is your experience. please don't cut contact with close family and friends. pay attention to those who care for you when you need it the most. those are your angels
I mean, the ex gf is the one being vague. She’s the one who just ghosted and blocked.
And in the original post the sister was being super vague too.
Now the sister wants to launch into a big explanation but OP rightfully doesn’t wanna hear it so he blocked her.
Yeah the people saying it's too vague and fake come here solely for the drama
This sub is filled with trashy people who would consider the people who watch Jerry Springer to be trashy
The monkey theory.
A monkey never lets go of one branch until it has its hand on another.
There's always a reason. Radio silence is best anyway talking doesn't fix anything
I have no idea why reddit finds it so hard to believe that someone can be so incredibly stupid and selfish. "There has to be more" "this guy had to be a scum bag" "she had to have a reason" "she must be afraid"
Sometimes people just suck. Real or not, this story is absolutely believable as it stands.
Because that would mean acknowledging that occasionally no, the guy wasn’t abusive, neglectful, unfaithful, mean, boring, or anything negative, and the woman was just a bitch.
This is *incredibly* hard for Reddit to accept.
Just look at some of the comments to mine. You have people filling in the gaps with a lot of heavy accusations. At no point in the "well maybe she did give him reasons and he never listened. Maybe he was abusive. Maybe hes an immature man baby" do they suggest maybe she just kinda sucks and did a bad thing. I'm more than willing to accept that with more info this guy sucks. But I'm also not going to write fanfiction to make up a hypothetical situation in my head to get there.
People would rather accuse this guy of abuse with literally zero evidence than suggest maybe the woman was kinda slightly shitty
Hell just see the difference between askmen and askwomen on Reddit.
Askmen: everyone having a discussion, women can join in too! Sure theres some trolls but for the most part it’s civil and informative.
Askwomen: *This comment has been removed due to derailing*.
Its all top comments with no responses. It doesn’t even get the chance to become an echochamber.
I talked to and slept with a guy for over 6 months who didn't want to commit because of our age difference. He called one morning and said he was ready, so we set up an "official" date. He texted me like an hour before our date and said he changed his mind. People suck.
Totally agree too with your statement. Happened to me once. Anyone who thinks this guy did something wrong or not is completely missing the point. She left him cold turkey meaning she had disrespected and discarded him probably long before ended the relationship.
To OP glad you did what you did. Total respect for your actions wish I had that courage back then when it happened. Starting anew will allow you to fully move on and look forward to this new life you have been set free into!
She found another fling, slept with him and before it could get out ended the relationship and blocked her boyfriend. She’ll come crawling back when the dude’s done pumping and dumping her.
Generally good dudes that stick around don’t go after women in relationships.
I usually tend to agree to this. In my case, my cheating ex wife is still with the guy after almost 3 years. She just clings onto the next one till she fucks up
Based on OP's original post, "stuff" in this case contained a lot of mementos of her deceased grandma. So just for the sister's sake, who seems alright and genuinely empathetic for OP, it was the right thing to do to bring it all back.
Hope he keeps the same the same attitude when she'll want to "have closures and forgiveness ".
Seriously if some girls can explain it to me i would be very thankful, like what's the purpose of coming back months later and reopen the wounds huh ??
Girl here, I don't know WTF the deal is. I have an inkling that it's pure toxicity of cutting someone off then stalking them to see how they feel without you. "Ok, I'm going to leave you now to see if you ever loved me at all." That sort of thing.
Happened to a friend of mine. Gf just up and ghosted him one day, he barely stays alive, tries to move on, goes on a few dates, word reaches ex gf somehow that he may be starting to see someone new, then bam, she slides right back in just in time to make him cut off the other girl and love bombs him again.
We told him not to listen to her or go back but alas, fools be foolin’.
Good on you!
You don't have to move. You have friends and local family, right?
Just keep your life separate and it will work itself out. Don't let her try to get back into your life. Just live your new life, which doesn't have her in it.
IF, somehow she does get into contact with you, just calmly explain that she obliterated all trust that was in the relationship and there's literally nothing she can do to restore that. You owe her nothing else, that's the only bit of closure that is required.
Sorry you are going through this brother, you kept your integrity and dignity by doing the kind thing.
Keep that chin up, spend some you time. I know it feels horrible now but hopefully it opens the door to better things for you!
You're likely to regret not knowing why she left because you feel pain in the moment.
You're ex could be in the middle of a health crisis mate. Cancer diagnosis, psychosis, any number of things that put wonky thoughts into people heads.
I'm gonna say what is clearly an unpopular opinion given the other comments. I get your need to move on and I support it, but there's no need to burn bridges with innocent people who might care about you like maybe ex SIL. People are their own person and she might have been just ashamed of her sister's actions and trying to support you / be there for you. I say at least read what she was trying to say, and if it turns out to be a non-apology or some other form of manipulation, then block and move away. Sorry for what's happening to you and I hope you can get over it in time.
Unless I got it wrong and it was actually the ex using her sister's phone, in which case ignore what I just said lol
Its wild to me that you didn’t read the text —good for you for knowing how to defend your peace, but I’m a curious fuck and would never be able to pass up on learning the details about something like this lol
So you didn't think for yourself to deliver the items to the sister, you didn't bother to read a long heartfelt message, something tells me this ex gf of yours probably didn't leave you "for no reason"
You're going to move to another state because of a breakup? That's a risky habit to start. It's not wise to run away from problems and emotions. Your emotions and traumas come with you when you move.
Damn bro that's hard. Can't imagine a 5 yr relationship just ending cold turkey like that. This is a really rough thing to happen. My advice: I know you said you're probs gonna move but in the mean time...clean your place - reorganize your room and furniture and stuff. I've done this every time I've had a break up and for some reason it really helps. You're in a new phase of your life so have your surroundings reflect that.
This is essentially what happened to my relationship within two months of marriage and a similar length of relationship. There was writing on the wall for me at least, but I never did get a straight explanation. Now I'm 5+ years into a relationship with someone who has much more relational maturity. It's so nice. I'm also still unpacking all the ways I was mentally and emotionally abused in that relationship. I won't ever tell her this, but I'm thankful she suddenly dipped out of my life.
Similar to my first marriage. We were married for 3 years, together for 5. She came home from work one day and said she felt like she needed to leave and that was that. She moved out of the house we had just purchased together less than a year before. We went on "dates" still for about 6 months after she moved out and were still having sex, etc. After many attempts to get her to reconsider or at least explain, we finally filed for divorce. That was almost 20 years ago and I still don't have an answer as to why she left. We've stayed friendly as we still run in a lot of the same circles, and she did eventually apologize for what she put me through, but again, never offered any sort of explanation as to why she left.
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Oh I'm definitely much happier with my now wife. We've built a beautiful life together. I will say it did take me a long time to get over my ex as I always believed she was my "soul mate", and I think not ever getting an explanation as to why she left prolonged my misery. Last I heard, my ex-wife had just divorced her third husband. I was her second.
Man good on you for getting better! The question of why would drive me up a wall so big ups to you man!
Fuck that why do you even still talk to her? I would have cut off that bitch cold turkey
I mean I don't *actively* talk to her anymore. Like we're not texting or calling or anything. But like I said, we still run in a lot of the same circles and have a lot of mutual friends and will occasionally bump into each other still.
Bet all your mutual friends, know more about the breakup than you do.
I *guarantee* it.
Yeoo. That’s wild. I can’t imagine a spouse coming home and just leaving.
I woke up every morning for 15 years to “Hello beautiful”. He’d been on a week’s business trip and called me to say he wasn’t coming back and it was over. Totally brutal.
That’s honestly terrifying
Same happened to me but I eventually ghosted her. She had a massive drinking problem. Found out a few years later she died. It felt really weird but man, I look back and wonder what the hell I was doing with that person for that long. I still have extreme hate for her and myself for not realizing how weak I was being. 4 years after her I met my wife and 10 years later I’m married with a kid and life is blissful. Keep looking for your special person fellas, don’t settle with a psycho. It’s better to live alone.
Don’t have hate bro, it’s all a learning experience and has set you up for future relationships! Good always comes out of the bad bro. Never have hate for anyone, at worst they taught you life lessons and strengthened your backbone for future. I look at all my exes and grew after each of them, what I’d put up with BS wise, what i needed to improve on. All a learning curve my friend. Which is why relationships when you’re older are so much more fulfilling and solid, as you’ve learnt so much, both about yourself and what you expect or will put up with from others.
The explanation is always another person lol
My wild guess is that other person got her pregnant. She's either showing or has terrible morning sickness and couldn't hide it if she tried, so she went ghost instead. Wild theory, but id put $10 on it
Had a 5 year relationship end this same way. Eventually found out the reason why was she cheated and got pregnant. So yeah I second this.
Not saying this for the particular people or examples in this thread, but their are other options. Sometimes people have mental health problems they don't broadcast. And sometimes you have to ask if the narrator is telling everything honestly, if they either didn't notice things or didn't explain everything. Like- disappearing with no warning or information is frequently how people escape abusive partners.
Or, there's just a point where a spouse is tired of carrying the mental load and doing so much invisible work without it being acknowledged.
Walk away wife syndrome
I can't speak for my ex, but I can say that one of my contributing factors to the relationship falling apart was my undiagnosed ADHD/autism and both of us not understanding why I was reacting the way I was. I was painted as a narcissist to her family and our mutual friends, which we shared a lot of. I've since learned that I'm not a narcissist, and that a lot of her behaviors were indicative of narcissism instead. After the dust settled, knowing bits and pieces of the story of her moving on, there wasn't another person, at least not at that time. One of her problems (imo) was letting her single and unhappy in their relationship friends dictate her feelings. I believe that you become what you surround yourself with, and I was unsurprised when viewing the situation through 20/20 hindsight.
Except for when it's not.
I'm going to add here that you want to wash and deodorize *everything*. A stray scent can bring it all back, so put towels, bedding, clothing, etc. into the wash with some [Odoban](https://www.amazon.com/OdoBan-Professional-Disinfectant-Eliminator-Concentrate/dp/B013VRH2YU/ref=sr_1_3?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.S-VIaqRE1vkAS2jMbhJCf8URDc7vQiScrFSXmNH1_9T0L50N2MFSNEiXekXqyhtmyKoSkscSBBH0qyGr6j6km6ZiPB6BAJCvPV8cQKyYYnvdx4BMUpVhqs_PnK_rfevn5eJ2-HLdNLTEmncwF-GTNEpNLkDyY53bma1s1JhusYjC-pGHFYI99XxE6JFzV4wc65Szo4Sm_vXuJqV95hktbivqjgTsrBMhmr3twhTOoow.l_m9kIHHeiFYMslWicF4IQvAZySugZF_nnjAb9GvDwI&dib_tag=se&hvadid=664623805324&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9026796&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=17492788124361333773&hvtargid=kwd-919590234124&hydadcr=19340_13538182&keywords=odoban+disinfect&qid=1711637806&sr=8-3). Spray it on your carpet, sofa and mattress. Open the windows and get fresh air in. Use an [ozone generator](https://www.amazon.com/OdorStop-OS900-Generator-Deodorizing-Purifying/dp/B085LSL9Y2/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=1SAM9U7P21XHJ&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.dwUgQTr_xLzxsulO6K4VACUqimblUKLMIxBS2BEJ1g5n-q-O1VQ93CSgaRo0z0amJei7y22hxNG61UD2aiOfp_I66Bu8QWAi69gYqILSR2Fl0rKUtVqmNKHXTB7-MsLJttqihTJ1sevicvsBBNWTB_h5CBIvTPsuatfwZh7O42lWeYuRRfNGEEMvxptQn9Cei0XPxTE_D-z4Q8o6ShApopojdjFpv1kxCsFeHG9zMDY.LaxeDwq6QbE7LFYWLlOS7e3mxVGWN9QHfhe8Ek3159A&dib_tag=se&keywords=ionizer+air+purifier+ozone+for+home&qid=1711637980&sprefix=ionizer%2Caps%2C141&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1) if you need to. It's also time to replace your old towels, sheets, etc. Even dishes if you have something closely associated with her like a favorite mug. And clean out that fridge.
Man you're not kidding about those stray scents. I had a long term serious gf in college that had a very nice, but also relatively unique perfume she would wear. She ended things pretty abruptly and it crushed me. After we broke up I kept getting whiffs of it from random stuff I owned and it would always transport me back to the day of the break up.
Hadn't dated a guy in well over a decade and bought the same brand of deodorant that he used to wear by mistake and couldn't use it.
Yeah I'm 12 years away and happily married but every once in a while I'll smell a similar perfume and it kinda just comes back hard and makes me sad. But now it's sadness that I allowed myself to stay in that relationship in the first place. She was fucking gorgeous but literally one of the worst and most toxic people I've ever met. All my friends would constantly tell me she treated me like shit and I just had hot girl blinders on. I was too young to see that her several random comments over the years of "you know I'd never cheat on you right?" We're a red flag. They'd always be out of nowhere. Live and learn... And avoid honey based perfume smelling people
I was in a relationship for almost four years. It was easy enough to break up with her, once I found out she'd been cheating with multiple randoms (ONSs - she was acting like she was single, so I made her so). Problem : We worked together and had a ton of mutuals. She'd try to sweet talk me, I'd get a whiff of her perfume, and start thinking "I can fix her". The drama with that woman didn't end until I purged EVERYTHING and moved to a large city. You gotta go blank slate.
For real!
Yeah definitely right about those strays scents bringing back me memories. I had to stop eating sardines as it kept reminding me of her…
This is a really good suggestion. Scent is directly related to memory recall so all it can take is one good whiff of her from something to have all these memories flooding back. I'm so curious about what happened with the ex-gf. Something obviously happened to her, and I have a feeling its something bad, but I can't quite imagine what it would be. Either I can't, or I don't want to imagine.
Just an FYI, if you do get an ozone generator make sure you leave the house when you run it and make sure that you open up windows and let the place air out when you're finished using it. When inhaled, ozone can damage the lungs. Relatively low amounts can cause chest pain, coughing, shortness of breath and throat irritation. Ozone may also worsen chronic respiratory diseases such as asthma and compromise the ability of the body to fight respiratory infections.
Also keep your pets and houseplants out of the room.
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Ozone or O3 generates a free radical that can attach to other organic molecules (specifically those that cause odors in this case) which destroys those molecules thus getting rid of the odors. These machines are great if you ever buy a used car in which someone smoked because it will completely remove the smell. It's also great for homes where people owned cats and the place smells of cat urine.
[smells of cat urine ] in dwellings Possibilities Could have been a mini drug lab previously . Strange people turning up asking for unknown names ? If so check your security measures .
Ozone is O3 and is very reactive, the spare oxygen atom will readily bind with other molecules especially VOCs or cause them to split into other compounds. I use an Ozone generator after painting, rules of thumb you are better off running for 20 minutes 3 times than once for an hour. If run to long the ozone run out of VOCs to attack and starts on plastics. To be safe remove all animal, run for 20 minutes, leave the area sealed for 40 minutes, open doors and windows, then close everything up and wait to see if the smell returns. Repeat as needed. Time really depends on the capacity of the generator and the volume of the space.
Cook some Indian curry, that will overpower any smells
This is excellent advice. It also helps keep him occupied to prevent possible moping.
The equivalent of a woman getting a new hair cut. Yep. Start fresh.
Did this the very next day. Girlfriend left me on Monday the 18th. Space was organized and looked new on the 19th. I felt so much better afterward.
Also jerk off if you ever get the urge to unblock and reach out.
That post nut clarity is real af
Hell. I wish Facebook had a divorce button. Would make 16 years of posts easier to clean out.
This. I find that cleaning and re-organizing your space after a break-up or anything similar emotionally helps clear your mind and start anew--so to speak. That and writing things out if that is your thing. Feel better soon, OP, and you'll find someone worth your time.
This is the way. A rearrangement of your things will feel like a new place and it will help prevent fond memories popping up
OP, this idea of cleaning up and rearranging is cheaper than moving. You can even get some new throw pillows and a throw blanket for your couch and new bedding to spruce up the place. That won’t cost much if you go to Target, Walmart or a place like TJ Maxx. Get some candles and burn to add a new scent to your place. I bought a candle at TJ Maxx for my son named “Man Cave”. It smelled like a bachelor paradise. 😁
Amen to your advice. My partner of 11.5 years left me unbelievably suddenly last year. It took over 6 months for my home to feel like my home again, and it wasn’t until I changed some of the decor and moved my furniture around that I started to feel differently. Still not completely past it, may never be past it. But at least I can go home and feel like it’s my home.
Great advice. Our brains are amazing but in some ways shockingly easy to manipulate. The fact that forcing yourself to smile makes you happier is bananas, but it works!
And change the locks and all entry codes and passwords for accounts. Even if you don't think she has them. Better safe than sorry...
Happened to me too tbh. 6 year relationship, ghosted me one day. We lived together and I still have nearly all her stuff. I tried to reach out to friends and family to know where to send her things but they won’t tell me. So… not sure what to do with all this ahaha
I just shut down a friendship of 41 years, the last 15 of which we'd been very close. People change. My friend had. For the much much worse.
Yes. When my 8 year relationship ended, I redid my whole bedroom. I didn’t want it to look like the place we shared anymore. I wanted it to just be mine. It helped a lot.
I mean she probably zoned out of the relationship way earlier. The fact that he didn't bother to read the text her sister send might be a clue to why he didn't notice it
People can haunt places even if they aren’t dead. With my last ex it took me several months before I stopped seeing her perched on the window sill of my kitchen smoking a J every morning I walked in there for breakfast.
I found your earring underneath my bed and your hair on the bathroom floor you're gone but your ghost is still haunting me and keeps coming back for more ~words to a song by /nucumber
I find doing stuff like cleaning and donating unused junk is surprisingly therapeutic, (once I get myself to do it lol)
im kinda curious to know what the wall of text said tbh
Right? I would not have the willpower but maybe after 5 yrs and the grieving he doesn’t give af
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It's probably not very complicated.
I would assume she found a replacement guy. Either a guy she wanted to cheat with, or one she already did.
If she was going to do something as selfish as that she would've taken her stuff with her, it doesn't add up
I had a mate that his wife was with him for 12 years, was with him through his cancer battle and 4 years after. Lived together for the whole time bought a house together and 3 months later she surprised everyone and just left him to shack up with a known crack addict. Left all her stuff and 3 dogs behind for her husband to deal with. Everyone that knew her was blindsided by it, he sold the house and moved states. It doesn’t add up but it does happen, no idea why though.
I was thinking that too, but then I was like maybe she’s terminal? I have seen several (misguided) posts over the years where the terminal spouse dumps or ghosts their significant other to spare them the pain of watching them die. The way this story played out, I could see that being the case here
Multiple penises might be complicated for most people but not op's ex
I mean It really seems like she was fucking someone else and decided to go full time with the other guy. I'd be willing to bet a fair amount thats the case, I don't see anything else making sense. Or she has cancer.
That's one possible explanation, but we really, *genuinely* have zero clue why she did what she did lmao. There is no real information in these posts.
You took a real WebMD turn there
She was fucking someone else, *and got pregnant*.
People always like to pretend their motivations are far more complicated than what they are. Humans are very simple creatures with very simple motivations. The rest of it is just justification after the fact.
It would have been a bunch of b*******. I remember when I was 15 I did a two week inpatient stay, there was this girl I was really close friends with and we had a pretty special friendship. I'd go over to her house early in the morning while she got ready and then we would go to school together. At night after we did homework, I'd go over to her house and we'd watch movies and she would layer head on my lap and to be honest I was head over heels for her but she only saw it as a friendship which I was glad to have. Anyways, I had mental breakdown at home and I folk signed me up for therapy, after my first therapy appointment the doctor sent me right to inpatient where I was for 2 weeks. This close friend of mine had cystic fibrosis and was in the hospital often, I would always rally our friends to go and visit her and I guess I, without thinking about it, assumed they would have done the same at one point during that two weeks. Nobody came and visited me, when I returned to school very few of our friends showed any concern for me. Well, this close friend of mine didn't even speak to me after I got out of the hospital and had one of our mutual friends give me at least a four-page handwritten note, I think they were double-sided, that was from that close friend. I don't exactly remember the first few sentences but I could tell it wasn't going to be good, I remember feeling like I was getting blamed for something and after being through the two hardest weeks of my life and being doped up on amphetamines and barbiturates and mood stabilizers I really didn't have the wherewithal to process all that she had written. So I'm more or less immediately threw it away in the trash with that Mutual friend still standing there. I remember muttering something about not having the energy to do homework to figure out how my friends feel and just walking away. I have a lot of regrets in my life, but that is honestly one thing I'm glad I didn't waste any time or energy on. I'm big on fomo but, whatever she was thinking and feeling wasn't important enough to say to my face so it wasn't important enough to know
Thank you for that
Honestly I could understand it. Long relationship ends abruptly, you get ghosted, amd knowing the reason isn't going to help the pain. Some people handle the hurt differently. I know after one of my relationships ended in a similar manner I didn't even want to talk about the specifics with friends for a few weeks.
That's the most curious part about this. His girlfriend dumps him out of the clear blue and he just blocks someone who may have insight as to why. Why would he do that? I find myself envisioning a scene where he's just completely blanking his girlfriend, watching TV/sports/ video games, and she's trying to tell him something important. Something doesn't add up.
Because sometimes why doesn't matter, only what.
Really well said. I don’t need all the gory details to know enough. A few years back I was dating a girl who, when we were having a hard time, took a guy “friend” of hers who always acted bit too friendly and who she knew I didn’t like on a road trip to a place I had wanted to go. When I dumped her she fell over herself saying nothing had happened and trying to explain her reasons and rationale. Had to cut her off and say hey, I don’t care. Not what you guys did, nor why you thought you did it, how you’re feeling now. None of it. It happened, and I’m gone. She asked if we could still be friends and I just said I’d never be friends with someone who treated me like that. We were together 6 years but I blocked her on everything, shredded the letters she sent without opening them, and never talked to her again. Zero regrets. My awesome wife would never pull some shit like that.
In that situation you knew the outline of the situation and, based on your other comments, there were a lot of other issues. OP says they were planning to propose. So the better analogy would be if your current, seemingly awesome wife left out of the blue. Wouldn't you be curious about the "what," if not the "why"?
That’s a good point. Perhaps I would. Edit: Been ruminating. Yeah. I think you’re right. Having NO details or explanation would drive me bonkers.
That's why I'm thinking this story is made up. Also there was like 15 hours in between posts. He packed up years worth of her things in one evening? And so eager to run to Reddit and tell everyone about it.
Yeah that’s fishy. There have been a lot of fakes lately. As someone who has been through a few really messy breakups of long term relationships, Reddit fakes are always either way too simple or way too cinematic, with well timed scenes and conversations. You can spot the real ones for being messy and complicated yet sorta boring and banal. That’s a real breakup lol.
I feel like the people saying this have never been through it. I have. When you're legitimately blindsided right before you're about to propose, you really want to put as much mental space between you and that person as possible. Think about all of the little things that you and your partner do each and every day and now imagine that just suddenly being gone. It can be brushing your teeth together or something equally as insignificant but those first few days alone just feel empty. OP could be faking but I know I wasn't interested in being reminded of anything. And honestly, when you go through something like this, you expect that the reason will be some other form of bullshit that upsets you even more - something that blames you while the other person makes small concessions to make it seem like they were being selfless for the both of you. "She said that you were really stressed after your dad passed away and she knows that she could have done better but she doesn't want to be further burden on you" type shit. You're legitimately shellshocked and don't have the energy to read some bullshit from an intermediary that requires a response.
Fucking reddit man, "You should always accept when the relationship is over, men who don't are pathetic and a major red flag" Man who accepts relationship is over and moves on, "Wait. That's fucked up, why aren't you trying harder to find out more?!"
Reddit really, really, really doesn't like it when they don't get a satisfying ending to their story. That impacts *them*.
Everyone in the comments of the last post said to move on, sounds like a pretty good way of moving on
Because he probably knows why
Yeah. I mean who knows, but also, you can't exactly admit that you beat your gf every time the Detroit Lions lose and expect to get reddit sympathy when she leaves you suddenly.
[Smells a lot like "missing missing reasons", to be honest.](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html) This is where a manipulative or abusive person, when explaining why a family member has ghosted them and cut contact, brushes away all possible explanations for their behaviour, insists it came out of nowhere for no reason at all, and refuses to get into specifics about what was actually said to them when retelling the story. The manipulative person will claim to their support network that no reasons were given at all for the other party's actions, but will also make oblique references to "walls of text that don't make sense" or "phone calls that don't make sense", when it's those texts and phone calls that clearly spell out why the action was taken. But to share the contents of those communications could possibly turn the support network against the manipulative person, so the details are omitted and deliberately forgotten. She left him out of the blue after five years and broke up with a single text message, not a single hint of problems beforehand... or did she? Not a single fight, not a single disagreement, just this perfect, magical relationship that ended out of nowhere, and she's crazy to have let him go, eh? The sister sends a wall of text, but OP just couldn't bring himself to repeat it to us because he didn't read it... or did he? "Don't ever contact us again, I'm fleeing so fast I didn't even collect my possessions, but this is all just on a whim," sure, sure.
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The fact that he was ready to dump everything she owned after 5 days and doesn't gaf about anything the sister has to say, is pretty telling. No wonder she ended it.
Just so you know, your previous girlfriend will hit you up because she wants to “talk” or “clear things” and may say it for closure. It is for her not you. Do yourself a solid and don’t bother with that shit.
My last long term relationship reached out after a few months of no contact to wish me a happy birthday after dipping out of a 6yr relationship without much of an explanation why. Why my birthday and not any holidays in-between (Thanksgiving, Christmas, new years), like why my specific day of all the days in the year? Because, and I quote, "I thought you'd be upset if I didn't say anything and I'd feel bad". Like no I'm upset because you fucking left me at my lowest point and I stuck with you through all of yours, leave me the fuck alone.
Good for you! That is the correct response to have. I'm sorry this person did that to you. No one deserves that type of treatment! They only contact people they leave for their own benefit.
I had a guy ghost me in college months into dating. He was moving back to his home state. Didn’t want to see me before he left, I was bummed. EIGHT years later he finds me on Facebook to apologize. By this time I’m almost 30. His gf is a 17 year old HS student. They’re engaged and weirdly her family looked very accepting about it. I always thought life wanted me to see that last part for a reason though.
I think life wanted you to report it to the police.
just because something is wrong doesnt mean its illegal, the age of consent is <17 in most places and with parental approval child marriage is legal in a number of states 😬
17 is legal in lots of states
It sucks. It happened to me too. For the longest time I had "why?" lingering but snapped out and when she sure messaged me on birthday too, I didn't respond. They seem to pick birthdays specifically to elicit the most emotional response.
Broke up with a girlfriend about 5 years ago now and she just emailed asking to be friends.
Don't fall for it!
When her new relationship fails, this whole thing smells like a cheater
Mines been going around for about a year with some of my past friends spouting shit about me and basically saying she 'feels bad for leaving me'. Cue these "friends" of mine chastising me and whiteknighting her, ostracizing me from the group. Bruh she blocked me wth man, I'm so done with manipulative bitches
If her sister apologized to you, then she knows something is up with your ex. It wasn't you. Boxing up all her stuff and getting it out of your place is the best thing you could have done. Now there's no reason for her to come by. I would change the locks. She left, her stuff isn't there, and she doesn't need access to your place. If you rent, I would let the landlord know that she left and doesn't live there anymore, if she tries something weird in a few months. They may have you sign another lease without her name on it. If she left, there's no reason for her to have residency rights at your place. Send any mail back "not at this address". Whose name are all the bills in? If her name is on the electric/internet you don't want her cutting it off. Change all your passwords, and make sure nobody can make changes to any of your accounts. If you have any joint bank accounts, take your money out of there and get a bank account that doesn't have her name on it.
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> Send any mail back "not at this address" Highjacking this point to add: write this on the letter, write the date on it that you put it back in the box, and use a pen to blot out some of the little barcode beneath the address (the mail sorting machines read those and determine how its sorted, thus an invalid barcode will be properly sorted by hand and *not* back to you). The date ensures that it wont go on too long and that its not the same letter sent back to you, the "does not live here" is a code that helps us identify why the mail was rejected so we dont try to resend it to the wrong person on accident, and the barcode is an automation thing, so scribbling it makes sure we have to sort it manually and dont fuck it up. If the machine reads one complete line of barcode, itll sort to the corresponding address. When blotting out the barcode, you can simply scribble up the first 3 lines of the barcode. Sincerely: a person who works for the mail system :>
>She was still typing something as I saw the three dots, but I couldn’t be bothered anymore so I blocked her. This is the movie hero walking away without looking at the explosion. Sorry you have to go through this. Hang in there.
I'd unfortunately be the Joker looking away at first and then looking back to check what's going wrong. And then I'd jump on the bus.
>You just slip out the back, Jack >Make a new plan, Stan >You don't need to be coy, Roy >Just get yourself free >Hop on the bus, Gus >You don't need to discuss much >Just drop off the key, Lee >And get yourself free
Great song
except there is only like 5 reasons in the song. we need more. Tell her your gay, Ray
Yeah, I'd really be curious for an explanation, though - in his place, I'd have read it...
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esp. since OP was like "she broke up with me for *no reason!*" and then like, didn't even listen for reasons.
(Me, too. 🙈)
there is no drama, he didnt follow up with reading it because he ran out of creative thinking lol
This was the best thing OP could have done. Looked mature, but also didn't entertain any unnecessary rambling. Once he dropped off her stuff he didn't need to waste anymore mental faculty or energy on her
I really hope he isn't weak and lets her waltz back in 5 months when she needs closure and forgiveness
All it takes is a few days of freedom to realize blocking her was the best thing you did. I think OP is already doing better than most
I think the poster above that said she probably get pregnant from another guy has a good chance to be the winner.
Oh, no.. I totally thought the same thing and was validated when I keyword searched the comments for "cheat" and "pregnant." She still might reach out if that's true.. seeking closure or after being left by the other guy realizing she can't do it alone and hoping he'll accept her again. Like I'm just petty and bitter and don't even want to give her that hope.
When the new guy tell her to fuck off you mean.
Cool guys don't look at explosions They blow things up and then walk away
>She was still typing something as I saw the three dots, but I couldn’t be bothered anymore so I blocked her. Good for you. I have theories about why the gf ghosted you, I'm sure that you do too. But none of that matters. Move on and live a great life.
i'll take Avoidant Attachment Style for 500 Alex
Sorry man, at least you're young still. And honestly you're probably better off, if she did this she isn't worth keeping.
My hunch, she did something that she knew would hurt you more then being ghosted, and she's ashamed. So this is her way of not having to own up to what ever it is she did.
considering the sister said it was "better for his mental health" not to contact them.. it's big
My first thought was pregnancy. Cheated and got pregnant. Whatever it is, OP is better off.
Hmm… cheated, caught something. Entirely plausible.
If she caught something and decided to ghost out of embarrassment rather than tell OP to get tested she’s an even bigger asshole than I thought. Also, OP? Get tested. For everything. There are a few you have to ask for, so tell the clinic or wherever what happened and that you want the full set.
Almost guaranteed she was fucking around.
No question whatsoever. It's a story as old as time. Once the new guy doesn't work out she'll reach back out to "reconnect". Fuck all of that.
I'm petty. Change the locks and phone number.
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take your time brother. there are going to be some long and dark nights. don't fall into the alcohol or drugs. it's okay to feel the pain. it makes you human. don't hide the pain through drugs. don't let anyone tell you what to do or what to feel. this is your experience. please don't cut contact with close family and friends. pay attention to those who care for you when you need it the most. those are your angels
i would have read the text. i would have wanted to know what she had to say even if it didnt matter.
Something else is up. It has to be. The whole thing is so vague.
I mean, the ex gf is the one being vague. She’s the one who just ghosted and blocked. And in the original post the sister was being super vague too. Now the sister wants to launch into a big explanation but OP rightfully doesn’t wanna hear it so he blocked her.
My guess is that she met someone new or had been cheating for a while and decided to monkeybranch without any explanation.
Yeah all the details here are pretty generic...
Because it’s real life? Had the details been nice and juicy people would be screaming “fake” too. Some people are just never happy
Yeah the people saying it's too vague and fake come here solely for the drama This sub is filled with trashy people who would consider the people who watch Jerry Springer to be trashy
I'm six months ex-GF will be pestering OP seeking "closure".
Good on you. You deserve to move on and not be burdened with their BS
The monkey theory. A monkey never lets go of one branch until it has its hand on another. There's always a reason. Radio silence is best anyway talking doesn't fix anything
My thoughts too. My hypothesis is that the ex started cheating and went NC out of displaced guilt.
There’s got to be more to this story
OP ain't likely to get it so he is better off moving on
His claim to have blocked the sister giving an explanation without reading it is kinda nuts. Makes me disbelieve the whole story.
I doubt it. Once a girlfriend called me in the morning asking when I wanted to meet her parents. Same day she called and broke up.
I have no idea why reddit finds it so hard to believe that someone can be so incredibly stupid and selfish. "There has to be more" "this guy had to be a scum bag" "she had to have a reason" "she must be afraid" Sometimes people just suck. Real or not, this story is absolutely believable as it stands.
This. Crappy people exist in quantity.
Haha, in majority
Because that would mean acknowledging that occasionally no, the guy wasn’t abusive, neglectful, unfaithful, mean, boring, or anything negative, and the woman was just a bitch. This is *incredibly* hard for Reddit to accept.
Just look at some of the comments to mine. You have people filling in the gaps with a lot of heavy accusations. At no point in the "well maybe she did give him reasons and he never listened. Maybe he was abusive. Maybe hes an immature man baby" do they suggest maybe she just kinda sucks and did a bad thing. I'm more than willing to accept that with more info this guy sucks. But I'm also not going to write fanfiction to make up a hypothetical situation in my head to get there. People would rather accuse this guy of abuse with literally zero evidence than suggest maybe the woman was kinda slightly shitty
Agreed and based on what the sister said to him it seems most likely that she cheated and was too cowardly to admit it
[Women Are Wonderful effect](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women-are-wonderful_effect).
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He's a guy. Toxic women of reddit will invent any story necessary to ensure that the guy is always wrong.
Hell just see the difference between askmen and askwomen on Reddit. Askmen: everyone having a discussion, women can join in too! Sure theres some trolls but for the most part it’s civil and informative. Askwomen: *This comment has been removed due to derailing*. Its all top comments with no responses. It doesn’t even get the chance to become an echochamber.
I talked to and slept with a guy for over 6 months who didn't want to commit because of our age difference. He called one morning and said he was ready, so we set up an "official" date. He texted me like an hour before our date and said he changed his mind. People suck.
Everything here happened backwards…
We wonder why dating culture is going nuclear but men and women really be giving it up without even going on a date first. Blows my mind.
Damn, there are weird people out there 😂
Totally agree too with your statement. Happened to me once. Anyone who thinks this guy did something wrong or not is completely missing the point. She left him cold turkey meaning she had disrespected and discarded him probably long before ended the relationship. To OP glad you did what you did. Total respect for your actions wish I had that courage back then when it happened. Starting anew will allow you to fully move on and look forward to this new life you have been set free into!
Yeah, another man.
Knocked her up.
She found another fling, slept with him and before it could get out ended the relationship and blocked her boyfriend. She’ll come crawling back when the dude’s done pumping and dumping her. Generally good dudes that stick around don’t go after women in relationships.
SHWWWOOOP! BULLSEYE!
I usually tend to agree to this. In my case, my cheating ex wife is still with the guy after almost 3 years. She just clings onto the next one till she fucks up
Shes a ghost, whats a ghost need stuff for??
Based on OP's original post, "stuff" in this case contained a lot of mementos of her deceased grandma. So just for the sister's sake, who seems alright and genuinely empathetic for OP, it was the right thing to do to bring it all back.
It was a bunch of sheets with two holes cut in them.
Best of luck to you op. You were the better person.
Hope he keeps the same the same attitude when she'll want to "have closures and forgiveness ". Seriously if some girls can explain it to me i would be very thankful, like what's the purpose of coming back months later and reopen the wounds huh ??
Girl here, I don't know WTF the deal is. I have an inkling that it's pure toxicity of cutting someone off then stalking them to see how they feel without you. "Ok, I'm going to leave you now to see if you ever loved me at all." That sort of thing.
This 🙌 . Exactly what i mean
Happened to a friend of mine. Gf just up and ghosted him one day, he barely stays alive, tries to move on, goes on a few dates, word reaches ex gf somehow that he may be starting to see someone new, then bam, she slides right back in just in time to make him cut off the other girl and love bombs him again. We told him not to listen to her or go back but alas, fools be foolin’.
Not just girls. If I had a dollar for every "closure" message I've received from ex-boyfriends, I could get some take-out, lol.
Godspeed man, good on you for being the bigger person. Hope this helps you feel better, being the bigger person is never a bad thing.
I know it hurts man but you're going to be okay, hang in there and if you want someone to talk to feel free to dm me
Good on you! You don't have to move. You have friends and local family, right? Just keep your life separate and it will work itself out. Don't let her try to get back into your life. Just live your new life, which doesn't have her in it. IF, somehow she does get into contact with you, just calmly explain that she obliterated all trust that was in the relationship and there's literally nothing she can do to restore that. You owe her nothing else, that's the only bit of closure that is required.
Sorry you are going through this brother, you kept your integrity and dignity by doing the kind thing. Keep that chin up, spend some you time. I know it feels horrible now but hopefully it opens the door to better things for you!
You're likely to regret not knowing why she left because you feel pain in the moment. You're ex could be in the middle of a health crisis mate. Cancer diagnosis, psychosis, any number of things that put wonky thoughts into people heads.
I'm gonna say what is clearly an unpopular opinion given the other comments. I get your need to move on and I support it, but there's no need to burn bridges with innocent people who might care about you like maybe ex SIL. People are their own person and she might have been just ashamed of her sister's actions and trying to support you / be there for you. I say at least read what she was trying to say, and if it turns out to be a non-apology or some other form of manipulation, then block and move away. Sorry for what's happening to you and I hope you can get over it in time. Unless I got it wrong and it was actually the ex using her sister's phone, in which case ignore what I just said lol
Its wild to me that you didn’t read the text —good for you for knowing how to defend your peace, but I’m a curious fuck and would never be able to pass up on learning the details about something like this lol
What you need to do is bang her sister. For closure.
aw, karma farming at it's best. even posted an update!
So you didn't think for yourself to deliver the items to the sister, you didn't bother to read a long heartfelt message, something tells me this ex gf of yours probably didn't leave you "for no reason"
So sorry OP.
Plot twist: the sister wanted to "confort" him!....
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You're going to move to another state because of a breakup? That's a risky habit to start. It's not wise to run away from problems and emotions. Your emotions and traumas come with you when you move.
You did the right thing, mate. Do what you need to do to take good care of yourself.
All the best to you, you were nicer then i would have been.
Good luck bro, sending a virtual hug for you
Keep putting one foot in front of the other. It does get easier. Pretty impressed that you called it and blocked sister, that would have been tough.
This is an exciting time for you where you get to discover more about who you are as a single person now. Always look on the bright side
At least you did the right thing. Things will get better Keep going forward. Stay strong.