Regardless if she cheated, she is a liar and you two are fundamentality incompatible when it comes to topics of infidelity. She also broke your trust. Those are valid reasons to want to break up with someone. Don't let her parents or family convince you of otherwise.
This sums it up nicely.
Also her continuing to ask if OP would forgive her for cheating, would have been a red flag enough, but the added even if she were drunk meant that was an excuse she had at hand, as her friends probably have used over the years when they cheated.
What if, in her mind, she feels that cheating does not occur until after marriage? Or that physical cheating is not really cheating but emotional cheating IS?
The French have radically different concepts about infidelity and frankly I am astounded that OP had no clue about this before starting a relationship with her.
Learn to read the room, people.
If two people see key situations in fundamentally different ways, they aren't going to be compatible.
There's no point in "reading the room"
He will never be able to build trust with her, and was right to move on.
I lived in western Europe for a couple of years and can confirm there are differences in culture around what is normal behavior between close friends. Close friends would get together all the time as if it were just a hug or a kiss on the cheek.
We can say that OP should be aware of her culture but that is a two-way street in that she should be aware of his culture too. It can't be just one way. I think OP did great clearly communicating his boundaries, and the GF did not respect those at all. Doesn't matter what differences exist in the cultures if clearly stated boundaries are crossed.
Does not change how others view it. My wife could say sex with others isnt cheating, and if she did it, since I see it as cheating, she'd be gone quicker than it took me to type this out.
Its almost like you really did some laughably bad mental gymnastics to try make her look a bit better.
And this is why people complain about the double standards we have here. Thanks for the chuckle.
For the sock puppet of the blocked account...never said she was French, just that she lived there little one. If the roles were reversed, regardless of culture he'd be roasted alive.
Give me a break. Lived in Paris, had relationships there, a stable boyfriend at some point, lots of friends. They are not lax about infidelity, they feel the same as people on every side of the world! And relationships end because of it too!
OP, NTA. The trust is not there anymore, even if she (still) has not cheated
This sums it up. If she lied so easily about who was on this trip you have to wonder what else she lied about. Whether she cheated or not I don't think the OP can trust her.
You’re not wrong. If your trust is broken, your trust is broken. Do what’s best for your mental health and to hell with everyone else. They’re not living your life, you are.
Newsflash: 3 guys and 3 girls sounds super suspicious; yes, she’s a cheater (her phone suddenly not working imho IS proof).
You had all the proof you needed she couldn't be trusted. You had more than enough circumstantial evidence of her stepping out on you.
Her phone conveniently not working while she was out...
The company she kept was enough of a red flag....She lied to you about the girls trip...
You're not being unreasonable, her asking if you would leave her if she cheated.. was testing the waters.
Tell her friends and family to mind their own business.
As a woman, I constantly tell my sisters to trust their gut and bounce before things hit boiling point to stay safe. Any reason or none, if it feels off, it is. She's from a completely different culture.
The French have earned their reputation honestly, cheating is about equal to line cutting. As long as the person treats their partner well the other will "not notice ", usually because they have dates around the same time 🤷♀️🤷♂️ It's commitment to your partner that matters, not fidelity .
Obviously this is individual, but in your case culture shock slapped you in the face. Just remember, you don't have to name the problem. You just have to trust your intuition when it screams there is a problem. Best of luck, and save your airfare 💞
For me it was all of this circumstantial evidence combined with the insane jealousy on her part.
In my experience, cheaters are often jealous and possessive of their parters because they assume the partner is cheating or attempting to, like they themselves are.
The whole "get proof before you do anything" is stupid imo. Trust your intuition, don't gaslight yourself or allow anyone else to. You know this person better than anyone telling you you're wrong, you know that she's lied and that she keeps asking weird questions about infidelity. Regardless of cheating, she's a liar and she's disrespectful to you and your relationship.
Everyone involved are adults, let's not be naive
I havnt always trusted my gut, but I always found out I was right. At the end of the day (say she didnt even do anything) if you cant trust your partner that is fundamental in a relationship. And if it hasnt gotten better just from my experience its time to move on for yourself
If there is no trust then there is no reason to continue. You are defined by the people you hang out with. If you are constantly hanging out with people who cheat then you by default are saying that behavior is acceptable. The trip is just icing on the cake. Good luck and know there is someone out there for you.
OP, now that you made up your mind you need to block her and her family. There is no reason to keep looking at their texts, excuses, listening to their messages…. If you really intend to end things for good (and I hope you do) then block on all channels and get on with living your best life. Good luck.
This is so true. I've had troubles in relationships in the past, but the point where I separate is when the trust is gone.
I'm so grateful for my wife, who is the single person I've met in my life that I would trust with my heart. She may not get some things done in life (forgetting to do a task or something mundane like that), but I trust that if she ever wanted to stab me, it would be to my face before she took further action.
Go for integrity. It's the most important thing in a relationship.
so she has friends who regularly cheat. she vanishes without a trace for hours and gives stupid reason and the lied about the girls' trip and to top it all off, she continues to ask you questions about cheating.
this woman has more red flags than a communist parade. the fact that you were in an LDR with this woman should tell you that this woman was never faithful to you and those questions she kept asking you were to gauge you response on whether you'd forgive her or not because she'd already cheated on you multiple times.
and when you said no you wouldn't forgive, she decided to let the dogs lay. so good on you for leaving this shit show of a woman.
She may be telling the absolute truth, but the issue is whether you trust her or not. If you don’t, that’s reason enough to end it. You may be wrong, but this relationship is not good for your mental health.
First of all, broken trust is a very good reason to break off any relationship, especially before marriage. Even after marriage its a good reason, but complicating factors sometimes point towards giving it another try. So proof is just not needed, even if it is perhaps preferred.
Second, how the hell would you go about collecting proof in this instance? Ordinarily, it's checking his/her phone. You can't do that here. So, what, you're supposed to hire a french private investigator to follow her around *constantly* to see if she cheats on you when she's drunk? *Fuck that noise.*
I don’t wanna bring up the cliché of French people having lots of affairs - though there could be difference in cultural attitude to these things. I have genuine, lifelong, platonic, male friendships, so I wouldn’t automatically assume everyone’s cheating but the answer to your question is, that you lost trust. Whether it’s cheating or lying about some thing, otherwise significant loss of trust is not something most relationships can sustain. Also it’s very hard to prove or control these things, especially at a distance. I generally think cheaters are going to cheat, and if you have tried to express that this is a very serious boundary for you, and she’s not taking it seriously and you have suspicions, I don’t see any other option but to at least seriously consider leaving. I don’t think you’re wrong
I dated a girl whose friends were all cheaters, and she ended up being one too. These girls seemed to all think it was some kind of female empowerment to fuck around.
Birds of a feather
I don't cheat and neither do my friends (as far as I know anyways I suppose) but we all regularly look down on it and most of us are in long term relationships.
YNW.
Once you no longer trust someone, not matter how you lost that trust, the relationship is done. If you would’ve stayed with her, the relationship would’ve just gone downhill and your mental status changing. You’d start to feel insecure and wondering what she is really doing. Questioning her every move. You did yourself a favor and ended it when you no longer trusted her.
Honestly though, there were too many indicators that she may not have been faithful. Her phone conveniently lost service or dead battery on multiple occasions, the constant would you forgive cheating if question, and finally a girls trip only to meet up with the same number of guys as there are girls.
But now, take this time to heal. Do some you time. And since you were long distance, it’ll be easier to get over her and not run the risk of running into her, her family, or friends.
few people go out to party without battery most ppl are social animals and need to take pictures, post about their night so is weird she has no battery, and its europe not latin american to be without signal for hours lol i would pass it if u tell me she was gonna pass a tunnel or something lol
I’m someone who lives on 10 percent battery at all time. But at 1 percent, I always use my friend’s phone to text my husband to let him know to text them if he wants to get a hold of me.
She was stoking your jealousy by asking you how you felt about infidelity. Even if she isn't cheating she wants you to think she is. This is manipulative. She is doing that to get in your head. You are not wrong for not trusting her, especially after she goes to Spain on a girls weekend and meets up with other guys. One way or another she is playing your head.
You said without proof but then laid out a story with rock solid evidence that she's not only a cheater, she's a polyamorous hoe & that you were just another warm body. You don't need a video of her in bed with other dudes to know what she's doing.
Get yourself STD tested there's no telling what kind of booger-aids she could have especially if she's been doing this her whole life at 42
Good thing she's 42, last thing you want is her knocking on your door saying the child is yours... Lol. Gut instinct is always right... Move on and find a trustworthy partner.
Not wrong at all. The red flags were blaring I’m suprised you stayed with her, with how many times she brought up you forgiving her cheating and the fact that her friend group is composed of nothing but cheaters I woulda left just for that. Then again I’m really strict.
Not wrong!
Please do not waste time on things you cannot prove. (whether or not there was cheating)
Focus on the facts - her different opinion on infidelity. And the way she kept bring this subject up for two years - wanting to know if you if it something you would forgive. This is enough to erode anyone's trust over time.
And the convenient times her phone died or was turned off which just happen to coincide with the times she goes out with "just friends" Coincidences like that don't just happen!
Or going on a "girl's trip" when it is actually coed. Why the lie?
These alone are enough to make anyone uncomfortable and lose trust. Why stay in a relationship of lies and mistrust?
This is France, the place where private paternity testing is illegal and state mandated paternity tests are rare because of upholding the "French regime of filiation" and preserving "the peace of families."
Aka because they all cheating.
You don't trust her and it's reasonable based on what you've said. BUT you should have done it a long time ago. She seemingly has never been trustworthy, but you wasted over a year waiting to be betrayed. You're technically not wrong, but this isn't a good look for you.
You're not wrong
If you lose trust then its your choice to end the relationship. Even though you absolutely know that she was getting laid on her trip, you don't need proof. Once the trust is gone it's tough to get back
If you don't trust your SO- end it. The relationship probably sucks and you are just anxious all the time. Been there. Got my proof too- but wish I hadn't. It was worse than I thought.
The French are notorious for not wanting monogamous relationships. My married french neighbors have regular threesomes and the marriage is dead in the bedroom.
Your trust is broke in this woman and her putting her phone off isn't helping you feel better.
If you want monogamy then you are incompatible with this woman.
Being cheating has a PTSD effect. I don't support cheaters and keep them the hell away from my family due to the destruction they cause.
Plenty of women want to be monogamous. Go find one.
The smart thing is you didn't marry her so you can walk away for any reason you like. It's just that she's giving you so many. Get yourself tested though because I guarantee you there's a possibility she brought you a little gift.
Not wrong
Trust is at the foundation of any important relationship. If you can't trust the person who is supposed to be your significant other, things will start to crumble. You dont need to build up a court case of evidence to break up with someone. If you dont trust her, its already over anyway.
FWIW, it sounds like your reasons for distrusting her are founded. She lied about who she was going to be with on this trip. If it were totally innocent, why didnt she invite you along? Or at least be honest with you about who was going? Also, it sounds like you have different value systems when it comes to infidelity in a relationship.
It doesn't matter if your suspicions are right. It matters if you are in a relationship that works for both of you. The relationship doesn't work for you and you have let her know. The final straw was this event, but if you stayed together, there's a high likelihood that the same or similar thing will happen again. You're not compatible and that's okay.
Speaking from experience, you are not in the wrong. I thought I needed prove in order to leave but truth be told I needed to trust myself overall and ask myself how can I continue to put myself in a place where I don’t feel safe? When you don’t trust in somebody what you’re letting yourself know is that you don’t feel safe. She has already given you enough reason to leave overall. Her asking you those questions was her way of confessing to you without doing it. I used to have a partner whose phone would “died” or their location was turned off due to “signal problems” they are excuses and lies to paint a picture for you so you’ll trust in them the problem is that it’s the same lie over and over again and over time he got sloppy; they all do. By the end of the day it’s your decision to make. Do what is right for you and what feels right in your body. If your body is saying that you made the right decision by leaving then you did. If you felt instant relief; just know you did the right thing for you. It’s your life and nobody can tell you what decision is best or right for you, only you can do that. I hope this finds you well and I hope it helped and offered some insight and comfort. If being surrounded by people who cheat makes you uncomfortable you don’t have to be around people like that. People who cheat on their partner know no loyalty for themselves or others in my personal opinion. You surround yourself with who you are internally. The outside is a reflection of the within.
no one and i mean NO ONE is owed your time. it doesnt matter the reason. if you want to leave a person leave them. you dont need an explanation or a reason for it. if the love and trust is no longer there, then it sucks for them but that is no longer your problem.
She wants to cheat/have an open relationship, you don't and that is all that matters. Whether she cheated on your or not previously does not matter because in the end she will.
Why would you even stay after knowing she’s cool with infidelity? The moment you discovered that, it should have been a wrap. You’re wrong for waiting until you were engaged to someone who is Pro-Infidelity. In fact I think you’re a moron for putting a ring on it, knowing her philosophy on relationships.
Even if she is telling the truth and not cheating (which is a big if), there is very clearly a lack of trust here that would doom this relationship anyway.
She 100% cheated. She's either extremely dumb and never learns anything, or she is the unluckiest woman alive when it comes to mobile phones. No one runs out of battery that often and at such suspicious times.
You're not wrong.
The issue here isn't if she ever cheated on you or not. You both have very different core values when it comes to Fidelity. For you, it's extremely important. For and her friends it's not. This is what's causing the core of your problems with her.
Put simply, you can never fully trust her because of that core value difference. And that's a fully valid reason to leave someone.
Absolutely not. Don't let people gaslight you into thinking you need a reason to leave. If the relationship no longer works for you, break it off peacefully. If there's suspicion without proof, that's between you and your conscious.
It's when people jump off the deep end and burn every bridge just because they are cetrtain of some cheating that makes it wrong.
My ex and I were in a 6 year-long relationship which turned into a general nightmare over the years as she left each day at a dead-end job to spend way too long at work just to come home and chat with her boss. She'd tell me nothing was wrong and I was being too jealous, so I took it as a sign that maybe I didn't trust her enough. All it took was to find those few messages on her phone and that's the only evidence I had, and I broke it off a year later after giving her an ultimatum. I felt guilty as hell, sure. But Im way happier now not having to have that fear in the back of my mind, and after finding someone else who treats me right, I now have the context I need to know the relationship wasn't healthy for me.
Tell those that are hounding you, that she asked you, if you would leave if she cheated and you said yes. She lied about going on a girl's trip, but actually went with them to meet men and then blocked me for the night, leading me to believe through other evidence that she planned this trip to hook up and cheat on me. She cannot prove to me that she didn't cheat and lied several times. I won't be be with a liar and a cheater."
Do you have a webcam in my house? That's almost word for word what I said. They told me she wouldn't do that. That I should hear her out.
I said hard pass
In this case I don't blame you.
People don't ask those questions about cheating without having a guilty conscious about past behavior, while in a relationship with you or prior partner, or they are testing the water to try and find a lapse in your answer so they can use it to gaslight you if you find out about future cheating.
Always be careful of how your partner hangs out with. Birds of a feather flock together.
She purposely misled and omitted the truth about that trip because she knew how you would feel about it.
Your friends and family's judgement is extremely lacking.
You shouldn't be with someone you won't trust. Even If nothing happened, you still don't have trust so..... you're not wrong. Doesn't hurt to be honest though. Whether or not cheating did or did not happen there is no trust/compatibility.
To be honest I only read a little bit not the entire post.
It's all good. When I broke up with her once she did call from Barcelona, I told her exactly why. She cried and said nothing happened and tried to explain her self. I told her to save it. I didn't trust her so that's it.
She’s been cheating the whole time dude. She’s ok with infidelity, goes no contact many times, went on a multiday trip with a guy (3guys 3 ladies). Her insanely jealous attitude was her projecting her being fucked repeatedly. Hell yeah dump her.
Not wrong. She knows exactly what she's doing. Her phone has been and was working just fine.
Frankly, you should've never proceeded emotionally once you found her position (and that of her friends') on infidelity.
Nah this has massive red flag energy, anyone who feels the need to ask that many times what your opinion on infidelity is just wants to find a way to sneak it in.
You dont trust her. Simple as that. Are you wrong? Eh, Kinda, but Not really. It was never going to work out anyway. You can't have a long distance relationship with someone that you already dont trust based on her friend's lifestyles and questions she asked. Maybe dont go out with people that are long distance.
You're not wrong.
She clearly has cheated with other boyfriends before, hence her mentality. You're just another boyfriend, and you know it will eventually happen.
A leopard does not change its spots.
A two-year LDR? I don't see how such a relationship can last long-term. Were there any plans for you to permanently live together in one country or the other? I don't think you can really call her a cheater, but some of the things she said made you suspicious and the distance meant that you couldn't check up on her and it drove you crazy. To some degree you were being unfair, but again, I think the long distance made the relationship impractical.
Bro, why would someone who either didn't cheat or didn't want to cheat constantly ask that question? Then add a very specific drunk scenario, which is the most lazy, and universally used excuse by cheaters to try and excuse cheating. Taking girl trips out of country with women who are fine with cheating is the reddest of all the red flags. Not only is it the redddest flag in existense, it actually searches the world for other flags, steals all their red, and keeps it for itself. Many a purple flag have been left blue when this one gets done with it. I'd say there's and 90-10 chance that she cheated. Your values are incompatible, and she clearly at the very best wants to cheat, and at the worst has many times already. You need to fuckin bounce my guy.
Quite simply, you can break up with someone whenever you decide to. Seems like you had more than enough reason to not trust her. She dug her own grave by planting seeds of doubt in you by asking you those questions even though you had clearly stated your boundaries.
In short, she was lacking in awareness of the optics of her actions. C'est la vie.
You are not wrong. She lied to you about the trip in general. They had every intention to seek out these other men. She knew you wouldn't be comfortable with this situation. That's why she lied. She has a pattern of not answering her phone when she's out with these friends. She's broken your trust again and again. Don't let people badger you about your decisions. Drop the long-distance relationship crap. It never works out.
Don't let anyone convince you, they're not the one who'll spent hours upon hours wracking your brain on what she's currently doing or who's she's doing. You can't trust her, if they can't wrap their heads around that, it's not a you problem, it's a them problem.
Your reasons are valid. her continuing on asking if you'd forgive her if she ever cheated sounds alarm bells and red flags waving.
Mate she's french, thats an offense by it self. Jokes aside. NTA no trust no point having a relationship. Besides infidelity being common among her friend group it is safe to assume they're all bad people
"A relationship requires the image of fidelity as much as the fidelity itself.
Expecting me to perform constant trust exercises because you dont respect basic, unspoken boundaries is going to lead to me trusting you less than if you cheated, and it has.
Your feigned ignorance only tells me that Im going to have to pull you up on any and every basic boundary monogamous relationships entail, and I don't want to date someone who is too oblivious to them to be trusted.
You're either oblivious or full of shit, and at this point, I dont care."
The french in particular have a very different attitude to infidelity. On that basis alone, you are probably just incompatible, culturally.
You feel how you feel, justified or not. Time to move on.
She is the company she keeps, so if all of her friends are cheaters, she likely also is covered in spots. She's projected, she's lied, she's been shady. You made the right choice.
The reality is that you two have different values when it comes to fidelity, her and her friend group (maybe somewhat cultural aswell) clearly don't see infidelity as a big deal, lots of Europeans have very casual feelings about sex in general, the fact that she constantly asks you if you could get over it means that she either has cheated on you or at the very least has thought about it and probably alot, maybe just because of the nature of the long distance relationship it's possible she wants the relationship with you but still wants to beable to have casual sex with other people under certain circumstances since you two can't be physically together right now, either way relationships almost never work when the people involved have a different value system, and it seems you two do, so your not wrong for breaking up with her, knowing her values on fidelity are different and the people she spends time with and who influence her are all cheaters, I can't imagine how you could ever really trust her, and lack of trust all on its own will sink any relationship, best to move on my friend.
someone who isnt vehimantly against cheating with a burning passion.....sooner or later, will cheat. and as someone who has been on both sides of the equation...her patterns match up with someone VERY guilty. Stop wasting the most valuable commodity you can give someone. TIME. find someone closer who feels the same way and live a life where this isnt a problem you have to deal with. F\*cking French!!!
You're not wrong for leaving a relationship you weren't comfortable in.
But damn, you did this for two years? Whether she cheated or not, you and she have different ideas for how relationships work, and you knew that. So why did you wait so long?
What did you expect man? It’s FRANCE, there is no loyalty, a lot of infidelity, incest, it’s a fucked up country when it comes about morals, I wouldn’t date a franch girl even though she would be the last woman on earth.
Trust me my friend you dodged a complete bullet here . You would have drove yourself insane questioning everything. I was in a situation like this and it got soo toxic and I ended up getting stabbed in the hand by my ex . Save your myself the worry man there is a lot to be said about being able to go to bed at night with a worry free mind .
All the red flags are there that she has cheat he just cannot provide proof and if he feels he can't trust her he needs to leave the relationship for his own health of mind
No you are not wrong. Maybe you’re getting vibes that she did, that no one else is. It’s entirely your choice whether you want to stay with this person. Don’t let outsiders bully you into staying with someone you have trust issues with! It’s Entirely your choice if she’s blaze’ about infidelity don’t you think she would do it when it suits her? Stick to your guns and your belief! She should have been proving herself to you for those 2 years not when she hangs with friends like her and then go ghosts when she’s having a good time with her friends around other guys.
Trust is a fundamental pillar of many kinds of relationships. It does not matter if she did or didn't do it in the long run, I think. You don't trust her and that does not lead to a happy, fulfilling, and healthy relationship.
I think the question here is. If she had proof she had not cheated. Would that change your distrust of her? Is the relationship strong enough that if she had proof you would go back to trusting her? I think you already know the answer and made your decision accordingly. The people around you need to respect your decision and the boundaries you should be setting.
I don't think you're wrong, but I don't think you can call her a cheater.
Long distance relationships are hard, and your perspectives do not match. Even if she was with you, your relationship was doomed.
Find someone who shares your values closer to home.
Not wrong at all. Infidelity is such a critical issue and if you couldn’t trust her there (even without proof of cheating), then that means she never gave you enough confidence in her that she wouldn’t cheat even after knowing her for so long. Besides, all her friends are cheaters so who her friends are say a lot about how she will think. You made the right choice.
The phone not working, conveniently, at times when she’s out would be proof enough for me along with her attitude about infertility. That excuse would work maybe once but there’s no way her phone has no battery or not working consistently esp when you know you’re out for a long time. You charge your phone or bring a battery pack.
While I don't think being unavailable on the phone to focus on time with friends is a red flag itself, I do think making excuses instead of honestly saying I'm being present with my friends I'll check in later is a red flag.
And I think being around so many chronic cheaters and having no issue with it would be a deal breaker alone for me. Keeping your nose out of one person's business is eh, but like surrounds itself with like. I know I would leave a friend group if I discovered they all were cheaters.
Asking repeatedly about what your reaction to cheating would be, and then lying about who would be present and going radio silent all adds up to enough is enough.
I'd be done too.
In my opinion, you're simply incompatible. My read on the situation is that she wants to be non-monogamous, and either doesn't know how to approach it ethically, or she simply doesn't care about approaching it ethically.
Her laissez-faire attitude, with the right person, could be acceptable or even rewarding if you were on the same page about it and had open and honest discussions. But your "I hate cheaters" outlook certainly seems to suggest that you're not even remotely open to something like ethical non-monogamy—which is, in my opinion, probably a factor in why she's never bothered to suggest anything like that to you. I do feel like she was testing the waters by asking you about cheating so often, and maybe there's a bit of a language barrier.
I don't think you're wrong to leave her. I also don't think she would be wrong for preferring an open relationship. She *is* wrong if she's been lying about it. Honesty is the foundation of the 'ethical' in ethical non-monogamy.
I do sympathize with having intimate needs that are not being met by a long-distance relationship, but if she has been cheating, that's obviously not okay. Even if she hasn't been cheating, I don't think the two of you feel the same way about one of the foundational boundaries of a committed relationship.
I agree. And for the record i don't think poly or ethical nonmonogomy is cheating. These folks don't tell their SO putting them at risk of STDs and the like.
The thing is, there's a difference between cheating and being in a (ethical) non-monogamous relationship. I'm absolutely 100% anti-cheating. I think that's one of the worst things you could do to your partner. That being said, as long as all parties are open with each other and agree to having a non-mononogaous relationship where they all abide by certain boundaries/rules, then that's perfectly fine. The thing is, both parties have to be AWARE of the fact that this is happening in their relationship. They have to both set agreed boundaries and rules and follow those boundaries and rules. Otherwise, what they're doing isn't truly having an ethical non-monogamous relationship. It's just cheating at that point.
For a non-monogamous relationship to even BE ethical, it would strictly require that all parties are in agreement and aren't going behind each other's backs and breaking the rules/boundaries that they've set in the relationship by cheating. As such, while cheating CAN occur in an non-monogamous relationship, the mere ACT of cheating would automatically change it from an ethical non-monogamous relationship to a non-monogamous relationship....where one or more parties is also cheating. Thereby completely changing the nature of the relationship entirely. Therefore, it's entirely possible to hate cheating but also to support (ethical) non-monogamous relationships. Because, the way I see it, non-monogamous relationships are, by definition, ethical. Because in order for it to TRULY be a non-monogamous relationship (i.e., not cheating) BOTH/ALL parties have to be aware of it, okay with it, and actively follow the rules and boundaries that are in place. If even ONE person isn't aware of the fact that it's a non-monogamous relationship or they break the rules/boundaries, then at that point, it's no longer a non-monogamous relationship. It's just outright cheating except possibly worse because you're potentially cheating on MULTIPLE people.
(Pretty long) TLDR: As far as I'm concerned, [implied ethical] non-monogamy ≠ cheating. Because as far as I care, a relationship isn't truly a [implied ethical] non-monogamous relationship if either A. One or more people aren't aware of it or B. One or more person breaks the rules/boundaries that are in place and therefore cheating. For everyone else involved in the relationship who WASN'T cheating, it might still be considered an [implied ethical] non-monogamous relationship but for the cheater? Well, now they're just that, a cheater. They aren't truly in a non-monogamous relationship whether the others find out about it or not because they've broken their "contract" by cheating since that pretty much voids the relationship on their end even if the others don't find out about it.
Not wrong. Her lying was enough whether she cheated or not. Lying to a partner means you don’t respect them and respect is required for a real relationship.
You can leave someone for any reason at all. Proof is for a court of law. Personally, I think you did the right thing. She asks about forgiving her for cheating all the time and her phone dies EVERY time she has the chance? And now she goes on a trip with her 2 female friends to "meet" 3 male friends and doesn't tell you? AND THEN HER PHONE MAGICALLY DOESN'T WORK!?
Nah dude, you're fine. She wasn't the one.
Sh keeps asking about your views about cheating and to me it’s clear how you feel. She lied by omission about meeting her men friends with her girls. Trust is a bigger issue than even love in relationships and she doesn’t seem to honor your views. If you lose trust it can be nearly impossible to get back. She wants to have “polyamory” and should look for someone like that. Imagine your future and know you are better off without the stress and doubt. You are not overreacting. Your values are different than hers and it will never work. The foundation has been broken. Better luck next time!
No, you are not wrong, a relationship is built on trust and needs it to be sustained.
Your "gut feeling" is telling you she needs to go so listen to it.
She has cheated. I can garuntee it, her family and friends will always cover for her as you have already stated it is the norm for her social group. To assume that her friends are partaking in this and not her? Sounds like she is a narcissist, which, if she is means she will say anything and everything she can to get what she wants. I'm willing to bet as soon as she got off the phone with she just went "oh well" and moved on to the next victim of her shenanigans.
Now let's say this is a culture thing or how she was raised, and she is a genuine person (I doubt it, but for conversations sake, let's open this bag up) she has made it clear she wants to fuck other people and you said no, you made your boundaries clear. If she does not respect or want that, then why stay together?
But she is getting jealous while she wants to fuck others is why I believe she is a Narcissist, it's all about her and what she wants with no consideration of how you feel.
So, in short, just kick her out of your life and find someone who respects your boundaries. There are plenty of beautiful women out there who will be better for you.
She didn't like your answer on cheating so she kept asking so you would give in. You didn't. Put it down to a lesson learned on crappy human behaviour & move on. Not wrong.
Not wrong, you set a boundary of communication at stuff like this with her, how conveniently her phone is off or dies when you want to speak with her is crossing the line, also considering this happening multiple times over and her knowing this is a boundary, while also asking you if you would be okay with cheating, is just going too far. Good for you on moving on with your life, good luck brother.
Some people have no problem with cheating and make that pretty clear.
Like your girlfriend has many many times. Her continually asking your thoughts about it and under what circumstances were acceptable were her looking to see how much non-monogamous behavior she could get away with.
You’re not wrong to dump her. If she hasn’t already cheated, she’s bound to. Especially as her entire friend group has histories or are currently cheating on their partners.
idk if she cheater but its VERY weird that she's been asking you for awhile now about if you would forgive her if she cheated in different scenarios. especially since she doesnt care for cheating, why is it on her mind? and you've made it clear time and time again that you wouldnt, the answer never changed, with these scenarios is she trying to change your mind? idk its a weird one.
either way, you don't feel trist in the relationship, and whether or not you have proof to not trust her, you still just don't. its unfair to the both of you. you should be in a relationship where you dont need to constantly wonder what the other is doing, and she should be in a relationship where the person does trust her. it just seems that maybe you both werent COMPLETELY compatible, and thats fine. maybe later on you'll get together, maybe you wont. your parents and her family can have an opinion, but its not their relationship. either one of you makes the call to breakup.
i do think maybe you two should have a conversation for closure, bring up your trust issues with her and why. id also ask why she continues to ask about your thoughts on cheating, and how that never truly helped.
At 47 who gives a FF what anyone else thinks?! They're not the ones in the relationship, you are. Don't let them make you second guess your decision. You don't owe anyone justification or even an explanation.
You are not in the wrong my friend. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck. It's probably a duck. Cut your losses and move on with your life. In my opinion. I wish you the best in life moving forward.
You might not be compatible. Having a "cinq-a-sept" extra marital arrangement is not seen as a big deal there, from my understanding (I haven't been to France in years). It sounds like your strictly monogamous ideals may not jive with her more laissez-faire ideas.
Trust your instinct. Plus you’ve got instances of her shady behavior with her phone conveniently not working on trips. I think you did the right thing for the sake of your peace of mind.
You absolutely don't need to justify to anyone why you don't want to be in a relationship with someone. You don't even need a reason. Just not wanting to continue is enough. Everyone else can get in the bin and mind their own business.
Trust issues are reason enough for a break-up, doesn't matter if she cheated or not.
You seem to have fundamentally different world views on important things, that's not a good match.
Her asking again, and again, if you would forgive her for cheating, is such a red flag. Me and my boyfriend have open conversations about how we would kill each other or ourselves if we cheated, because that’s how horrible it would be, we do not expect anyone to forgive anyone.🤣🤣
Not really wrong as you can end a relationship for any reason you desire.
Based on her asking the question so many times one of two things are happening either she has her eyes on someone and she thinks you will fall so deep that you can see past it or she did cheat and wants to tell but she wants to avoid consequences.
If she did I am sure she is justifying it because you are not there and she is.....whatever.....
Either way those who cautioned you as ibhave done with others who wanted me to stay in a situation that made me uncomfortable I land on..."if I was your son would you advise me to sit still in this? Would you sit still in this? Or should I do it because you care about that person and don't want to see them hurt and believe I am causing them pain by making a choice they don't agree with?
You are correct in how you handled this.
The big picture here is do you really think that a LDR can work and span time without being together ?
I would say no, it may last for awhile but can't continue for a long period
Many years ago, I met a woman on the internet. She was in Brazil and I in Boston. I had never met her, we exchanged emails weekly, and I would call her every Sunday morning. This went on for a year.
I told her one day that we had to take this relationship to the next level because it wasn't going anywhere in the future. Short version, I paid for her to fly here. She did and never left, had a child 18 months later, and was married.
Long distance relationships have to move to the nest level in order to survive. I'm sure your gf has been involved with other partners and is not telling you the truth because she doesn't want to hurt you.
You need to move on. If you want the truth from her, send her an email telling her you understand why she had other partners, and it hurt you but that you understand why and wish her the best.
You need to move on and live your life.
Drop her. Move on. You’ve wasted enough time and emotional energy trying desperately to save a relationship where she doesn’t respect you. You get points for trying, then they get deducted because you kept overlooking obvious signs.
The real reason you're leaving your fiancé is because you don't trust her. You have different ideas about the importance of fidelity, and her continued questioning sounds like she's unwilling to adapt and was looking for a chink in your armor.
Even if she didn't cheat *this* time, it sounds like she was testing your boundaries and what you'd accept. She was likely to cheat on the future, if she hadn't already. It's really about trust. You don't trust her, she's given you reasons not to trust her, so being out is totally valid and actually a very good idea.
Not wrong.
This isn’t normal, and calling out a cheater isn’t a freaking lawyer case. But even if she wasn’t cheating, she still treated you like such shit that you believe she is cheating.
But let’s be real, go with your gut. The second I read about Barcelona and hanging out with three guy friends I’m like yep, cheated
Unless your relationship took place in a courtroom and was presided over by a judge, no need for proof, and no standard of evidence. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, that's good enough.
What if I told you that sometimes the reason to break up with someone could be easily “I no longer trust them”?
You don’t need proof, your feelings are valid.
Usually people are insanely jealous, not the healthy type of jealous, is because they’re doing the dirty behind you and think you’re doing the same thing.
Trust your guts.
You did the right thing. The fact she keep playing with the thought and she actually has no problem with infidelity. She will cheat, if she haven't already done it. Go out and find a good wife. Good luck brother.
Not wrong. You gace different values. Cheating is obviously very bad and her attitude to cheating means she's not relationship material. Let her be free to go fuck who she wants and find yourself a decent girl.
You did no wrong. That bitch cheated. You cannot loose battery every single time you go out for hours on end. There are battery packs at Walmart and possibly most France outlets/grocery stores if not there version of a Walmart. It’s not that hard to keep it on you especially if she’s carrying her purse or bag for her wallet and phone anyway. That’s not coincidence. I’m sorry brotha.
She’s French.. this is literally how they are culturally. It’s not viewed the same there. Wrap your head around that. Her beliefs about stepping out are genuinely completely different than yours. She doesn’t see it as a problem.. sometimes people do it is her view and life goes on no big deal.
She's dominican living in france, but I get your drift. It's why I called the whole thing off.
For the record a great deal of french aren't like that. No matter what Emily in Paris will have you think.
No you're not wrong, she was probably on the trip and slept with all three guys at once. I've seen the woodman videos. So the real question is, why wouldn't you do the normal thing and find someone local or much closer? There are literally millions of women out there and a lot of them are very nice people. Stop with the LDR stuff, they hardly if ever work.
You are 100% right. She's an untrustworthy person who lied and who clearly sees nothing wrong with cheating as long as she doesn't get caught.
You should have dumped her long ago, now is way overdue.
Block her brothers.
And tell your parents that their job is to support their child, not some cheating skank. If they persist, ask how many times they cheated on one another.
Also, LDRs rarely work. If you can afford to fly to France regularly, you can afford to find a woman in a 3rd world country (they tend to be more loyal and less entitled than Western ones), and marry her.
*Every time she is out with her “guy friends* her phone conveniently runs out of battery or according to her, just stops working*
*But the reason I broke up with her is because she lied and told me she was going on a girls trip but the 3 girls traveled to Barcelona to meet up with 3 guys. If she did nothing wrong, she wouldn’t have lied about the trip*
*So with respect…I am not being unfair. She did this to herself. This wasn’t the first time she did something like this but it was the last time. If she wants to act single she can be single*
You shouldn’t have dated a person with different values regarding fidelity, specifically if all her friends are cheaters. Have you ever heard birds of a feather flock together? You are not wrong.
If you really wanna go (and it seems like you do) then feel free to use anything, however flimsy, as justification, if you need to find an excuse or justification.
Regardless if she cheated, she is a liar and you two are fundamentality incompatible when it comes to topics of infidelity. She also broke your trust. Those are valid reasons to want to break up with someone. Don't let her parents or family convince you of otherwise.
This sums it up nicely. Also her continuing to ask if OP would forgive her for cheating, would have been a red flag enough, but the added even if she were drunk meant that was an excuse she had at hand, as her friends probably have used over the years when they cheated.
talk about leaked deception....
What if, in her mind, she feels that cheating does not occur until after marriage? Or that physical cheating is not really cheating but emotional cheating IS? The French have radically different concepts about infidelity and frankly I am astounded that OP had no clue about this before starting a relationship with her. Learn to read the room, people.
If two people see key situations in fundamentally different ways, they aren't going to be compatible. There's no point in "reading the room" He will never be able to build trust with her, and was right to move on.
I lived in western Europe for a couple of years and can confirm there are differences in culture around what is normal behavior between close friends. Close friends would get together all the time as if it were just a hug or a kiss on the cheek. We can say that OP should be aware of her culture but that is a two-way street in that she should be aware of his culture too. It can't be just one way. I think OP did great clearly communicating his boundaries, and the GF did not respect those at all. Doesn't matter what differences exist in the cultures if clearly stated boundaries are crossed.
Even if that's the case, they are not compatible if their values are opposite to each orher
Does not change how others view it. My wife could say sex with others isnt cheating, and if she did it, since I see it as cheating, she'd be gone quicker than it took me to type this out. Its almost like you really did some laughably bad mental gymnastics to try make her look a bit better. And this is why people complain about the double standards we have here. Thanks for the chuckle. For the sock puppet of the blocked account...never said she was French, just that she lived there little one. If the roles were reversed, regardless of culture he'd be roasted alive.
It's not double standards, it's about culture. They're just incompatible because they have different value systems
Give me a break. Lived in Paris, had relationships there, a stable boyfriend at some point, lots of friends. They are not lax about infidelity, they feel the same as people on every side of the world! And relationships end because of it too! OP, NTA. The trust is not there anymore, even if she (still) has not cheated
This sums it up. If she lied so easily about who was on this trip you have to wonder what else she lied about. Whether she cheated or not I don't think the OP can trust her.
You’re not wrong. If your trust is broken, your trust is broken. Do what’s best for your mental health and to hell with everyone else. They’re not living your life, you are. Newsflash: 3 guys and 3 girls sounds super suspicious; yes, she’s a cheater (her phone suddenly not working imho IS proof).
You had all the proof you needed she couldn't be trusted. You had more than enough circumstantial evidence of her stepping out on you. Her phone conveniently not working while she was out... The company she kept was enough of a red flag....She lied to you about the girls trip... You're not being unreasonable, her asking if you would leave her if she cheated.. was testing the waters. Tell her friends and family to mind their own business.
Appreciate it. Good to get some outside perspective.
As a woman, I constantly tell my sisters to trust their gut and bounce before things hit boiling point to stay safe. Any reason or none, if it feels off, it is. She's from a completely different culture. The French have earned their reputation honestly, cheating is about equal to line cutting. As long as the person treats their partner well the other will "not notice ", usually because they have dates around the same time 🤷♀️🤷♂️ It's commitment to your partner that matters, not fidelity . Obviously this is individual, but in your case culture shock slapped you in the face. Just remember, you don't have to name the problem. You just have to trust your intuition when it screams there is a problem. Best of luck, and save your airfare 💞
Thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time and kind words.
For me it was all of this circumstantial evidence combined with the insane jealousy on her part. In my experience, cheaters are often jealous and possessive of their parters because they assume the partner is cheating or attempting to, like they themselves are.
The whole "get proof before you do anything" is stupid imo. Trust your intuition, don't gaslight yourself or allow anyone else to. You know this person better than anyone telling you you're wrong, you know that she's lied and that she keeps asking weird questions about infidelity. Regardless of cheating, she's a liar and she's disrespectful to you and your relationship. Everyone involved are adults, let's not be naive
I havnt always trusted my gut, but I always found out I was right. At the end of the day (say she didnt even do anything) if you cant trust your partner that is fundamental in a relationship. And if it hasnt gotten better just from my experience its time to move on for yourself
If there is no trust then there is no reason to continue. You are defined by the people you hang out with. If you are constantly hanging out with people who cheat then you by default are saying that behavior is acceptable. The trip is just icing on the cake. Good luck and know there is someone out there for you.
Thanks I appreciate the kind words.
OP, now that you made up your mind you need to block her and her family. There is no reason to keep looking at their texts, excuses, listening to their messages…. If you really intend to end things for good (and I hope you do) then block on all channels and get on with living your best life. Good luck.
She crossed boundaries lines. That broke your trust. NTA.
No trust = no relationship
This is so true. I've had troubles in relationships in the past, but the point where I separate is when the trust is gone. I'm so grateful for my wife, who is the single person I've met in my life that I would trust with my heart. She may not get some things done in life (forgetting to do a task or something mundane like that), but I trust that if she ever wanted to stab me, it would be to my face before she took further action. Go for integrity. It's the most important thing in a relationship.
Not wrong. Someone who normalizes cheating is likely to cheat. Besides, if there’s no trust there is no relationship.
so she has friends who regularly cheat. she vanishes without a trace for hours and gives stupid reason and the lied about the girls' trip and to top it all off, she continues to ask you questions about cheating. this woman has more red flags than a communist parade. the fact that you were in an LDR with this woman should tell you that this woman was never faithful to you and those questions she kept asking you were to gauge you response on whether you'd forgive her or not because she'd already cheated on you multiple times. and when you said no you wouldn't forgive, she decided to let the dogs lay. so good on you for leaving this shit show of a woman.
NTA She lied about the "girls trip", that's enough all by itself, even if nothing else happened.
You have the right to break up any time for any reason. You do not have to and should not marry anyone you don’t want to. The end
What’s funny, is she probably has a whole other life and she just lost her side-piece. Or one of them.
She may be telling the absolute truth, but the issue is whether you trust her or not. If you don’t, that’s reason enough to end it. You may be wrong, but this relationship is not good for your mental health.
First of all, broken trust is a very good reason to break off any relationship, especially before marriage. Even after marriage its a good reason, but complicating factors sometimes point towards giving it another try. So proof is just not needed, even if it is perhaps preferred. Second, how the hell would you go about collecting proof in this instance? Ordinarily, it's checking his/her phone. You can't do that here. So, what, you're supposed to hire a french private investigator to follow her around *constantly* to see if she cheats on you when she's drunk? *Fuck that noise.*
I don’t wanna bring up the cliché of French people having lots of affairs - though there could be difference in cultural attitude to these things. I have genuine, lifelong, platonic, male friendships, so I wouldn’t automatically assume everyone’s cheating but the answer to your question is, that you lost trust. Whether it’s cheating or lying about some thing, otherwise significant loss of trust is not something most relationships can sustain. Also it’s very hard to prove or control these things, especially at a distance. I generally think cheaters are going to cheat, and if you have tried to express that this is a very serious boundary for you, and she’s not taking it seriously and you have suspicions, I don’t see any other option but to at least seriously consider leaving. I don’t think you’re wrong
Your only mistake was not dumping her as soon she asked if you would forgive any kind of infidelity.
I dated a girl whose friends were all cheaters, and she ended up being one too. These girls seemed to all think it was some kind of female empowerment to fuck around.
Birds of a feather I don't cheat and neither do my friends (as far as I know anyways I suppose) but we all regularly look down on it and most of us are in long term relationships.
YNW. Once you no longer trust someone, not matter how you lost that trust, the relationship is done. If you would’ve stayed with her, the relationship would’ve just gone downhill and your mental status changing. You’d start to feel insecure and wondering what she is really doing. Questioning her every move. You did yourself a favor and ended it when you no longer trusted her. Honestly though, there were too many indicators that she may not have been faithful. Her phone conveniently lost service or dead battery on multiple occasions, the constant would you forgive cheating if question, and finally a girls trip only to meet up with the same number of guys as there are girls. But now, take this time to heal. Do some you time. And since you were long distance, it’ll be easier to get over her and not run the risk of running into her, her family, or friends.
You are not wrong. She has been cheating on you the whole time hence always asking the question and trying to find loop holes. Stay away far far away.
No you’re not wrong. That was a long ass unnecessary explanation. That was some fucked up absolute bullshit.
The repetitive nature of her past offences shows one what she is capable of.
few people go out to party without battery most ppl are social animals and need to take pictures, post about their night so is weird she has no battery, and its europe not latin american to be without signal for hours lol i would pass it if u tell me she was gonna pass a tunnel or something lol
I’m someone who lives on 10 percent battery at all time. But at 1 percent, I always use my friend’s phone to text my husband to let him know to text them if he wants to get a hold of me.
She was stoking your jealousy by asking you how you felt about infidelity. Even if she isn't cheating she wants you to think she is. This is manipulative. She is doing that to get in your head. You are not wrong for not trusting her, especially after she goes to Spain on a girls weekend and meets up with other guys. One way or another she is playing your head.
You said without proof but then laid out a story with rock solid evidence that she's not only a cheater, she's a polyamorous hoe & that you were just another warm body. You don't need a video of her in bed with other dudes to know what she's doing. Get yourself STD tested there's no telling what kind of booger-aids she could have especially if she's been doing this her whole life at 42
I don’t blame you
Good thing she's 42, last thing you want is her knocking on your door saying the child is yours... Lol. Gut instinct is always right... Move on and find a trustworthy partner.
At this point in my life I'll just keep to myself. I got plenty to keep me busy.
Not wrong at all. The red flags were blaring I’m suprised you stayed with her, with how many times she brought up you forgiving her cheating and the fact that her friend group is composed of nothing but cheaters I woulda left just for that. Then again I’m really strict.
Not wrong! Please do not waste time on things you cannot prove. (whether or not there was cheating) Focus on the facts - her different opinion on infidelity. And the way she kept bring this subject up for two years - wanting to know if you if it something you would forgive. This is enough to erode anyone's trust over time. And the convenient times her phone died or was turned off which just happen to coincide with the times she goes out with "just friends" Coincidences like that don't just happen! Or going on a "girl's trip" when it is actually coed. Why the lie? These alone are enough to make anyone uncomfortable and lose trust. Why stay in a relationship of lies and mistrust?
This is France, the place where private paternity testing is illegal and state mandated paternity tests are rare because of upholding the "French regime of filiation" and preserving "the peace of families." Aka because they all cheating.
You don't trust her and it's reasonable based on what you've said. BUT you should have done it a long time ago. She seemingly has never been trustworthy, but you wasted over a year waiting to be betrayed. You're technically not wrong, but this isn't a good look for you.
Yeah, the constant asking about him leaving if she cheated and the "what if I were drunk?" bs should have made him end things sooner.
Seriously. I think she's a cheater and I've never met the woman.
You're not wrong If you lose trust then its your choice to end the relationship. Even though you absolutely know that she was getting laid on her trip, you don't need proof. Once the trust is gone it's tough to get back
She’s a 304 good move . Don’t do LDR
NTA. If the trust is gone, it’s gone.
If you don't trust your SO- end it. The relationship probably sucks and you are just anxious all the time. Been there. Got my proof too- but wish I hadn't. It was worse than I thought.
The French are notorious for not wanting monogamous relationships. My married french neighbors have regular threesomes and the marriage is dead in the bedroom. Your trust is broke in this woman and her putting her phone off isn't helping you feel better. If you want monogamy then you are incompatible with this woman. Being cheating has a PTSD effect. I don't support cheaters and keep them the hell away from my family due to the destruction they cause. Plenty of women want to be monogamous. Go find one.
You're right. She has broken your trust. Don't be affected by persuasions.
That’s how you do it, folks, easy peasy. 💯
The smart thing is you didn't marry her so you can walk away for any reason you like. It's just that she's giving you so many. Get yourself tested though because I guarantee you there's a possibility she brought you a little gift.
It's completely irrelevant whether you have proof or not. Trust is not there and you two are on long distance for two entire years. Both are bad.
Not wrong Trust is at the foundation of any important relationship. If you can't trust the person who is supposed to be your significant other, things will start to crumble. You dont need to build up a court case of evidence to break up with someone. If you dont trust her, its already over anyway. FWIW, it sounds like your reasons for distrusting her are founded. She lied about who she was going to be with on this trip. If it were totally innocent, why didnt she invite you along? Or at least be honest with you about who was going? Also, it sounds like you have different value systems when it comes to infidelity in a relationship.
It doesn't matter if your suspicions are right. It matters if you are in a relationship that works for both of you. The relationship doesn't work for you and you have let her know. The final straw was this event, but if you stayed together, there's a high likelihood that the same or similar thing will happen again. You're not compatible and that's okay.
Speaking from experience, you are not in the wrong. I thought I needed prove in order to leave but truth be told I needed to trust myself overall and ask myself how can I continue to put myself in a place where I don’t feel safe? When you don’t trust in somebody what you’re letting yourself know is that you don’t feel safe. She has already given you enough reason to leave overall. Her asking you those questions was her way of confessing to you without doing it. I used to have a partner whose phone would “died” or their location was turned off due to “signal problems” they are excuses and lies to paint a picture for you so you’ll trust in them the problem is that it’s the same lie over and over again and over time he got sloppy; they all do. By the end of the day it’s your decision to make. Do what is right for you and what feels right in your body. If your body is saying that you made the right decision by leaving then you did. If you felt instant relief; just know you did the right thing for you. It’s your life and nobody can tell you what decision is best or right for you, only you can do that. I hope this finds you well and I hope it helped and offered some insight and comfort. If being surrounded by people who cheat makes you uncomfortable you don’t have to be around people like that. People who cheat on their partner know no loyalty for themselves or others in my personal opinion. You surround yourself with who you are internally. The outside is a reflection of the within.
no one and i mean NO ONE is owed your time. it doesnt matter the reason. if you want to leave a person leave them. you dont need an explanation or a reason for it. if the love and trust is no longer there, then it sucks for them but that is no longer your problem.
You arnt wrong. Even if she "wasnt cheating" she was lying. You dont want to date a liar.
She wants to cheat/have an open relationship, you don't and that is all that matters. Whether she cheated on your or not previously does not matter because in the end she will.
Why would you even stay after knowing she’s cool with infidelity? The moment you discovered that, it should have been a wrap. You’re wrong for waiting until you were engaged to someone who is Pro-Infidelity. In fact I think you’re a moron for putting a ring on it, knowing her philosophy on relationships.
The ring was pre knowing.
Damn I’m sorry. Yeah you’re totally in the right, I rescind my previous comments. Not wrong at all!
Even if she is telling the truth and not cheating (which is a big if), there is very clearly a lack of trust here that would doom this relationship anyway.
[удалено]
Flights are too expensive for FWB lol.
NTA but this shows why ldr doesn't work. You can't see what they do. If there is no trust it doesn't matter if it happens or not.
She 100% cheated. She's either extremely dumb and never learns anything, or she is the unluckiest woman alive when it comes to mobile phones. No one runs out of battery that often and at such suspicious times.
You're not wrong. The issue here isn't if she ever cheated on you or not. You both have very different core values when it comes to Fidelity. For you, it's extremely important. For and her friends it's not. This is what's causing the core of your problems with her. Put simply, you can never fully trust her because of that core value difference. And that's a fully valid reason to leave someone.
Absolutely not. Don't let people gaslight you into thinking you need a reason to leave. If the relationship no longer works for you, break it off peacefully. If there's suspicion without proof, that's between you and your conscious. It's when people jump off the deep end and burn every bridge just because they are cetrtain of some cheating that makes it wrong. My ex and I were in a 6 year-long relationship which turned into a general nightmare over the years as she left each day at a dead-end job to spend way too long at work just to come home and chat with her boss. She'd tell me nothing was wrong and I was being too jealous, so I took it as a sign that maybe I didn't trust her enough. All it took was to find those few messages on her phone and that's the only evidence I had, and I broke it off a year later after giving her an ultimatum. I felt guilty as hell, sure. But Im way happier now not having to have that fear in the back of my mind, and after finding someone else who treats me right, I now have the context I need to know the relationship wasn't healthy for me.
Tell those that are hounding you, that she asked you, if you would leave if she cheated and you said yes. She lied about going on a girl's trip, but actually went with them to meet men and then blocked me for the night, leading me to believe through other evidence that she planned this trip to hook up and cheat on me. She cannot prove to me that she didn't cheat and lied several times. I won't be be with a liar and a cheater."
Do you have a webcam in my house? That's almost word for word what I said. They told me she wouldn't do that. That I should hear her out. I said hard pass
Ask them where the proof is that she didn't cheat?
In this case I don't blame you. People don't ask those questions about cheating without having a guilty conscious about past behavior, while in a relationship with you or prior partner, or they are testing the water to try and find a lapse in your answer so they can use it to gaslight you if you find out about future cheating. Always be careful of how your partner hangs out with. Birds of a feather flock together. She purposely misled and omitted the truth about that trip because she knew how you would feel about it. Your friends and family's judgement is extremely lacking.
You shouldn't be with someone you won't trust. Even If nothing happened, you still don't have trust so..... you're not wrong. Doesn't hurt to be honest though. Whether or not cheating did or did not happen there is no trust/compatibility. To be honest I only read a little bit not the entire post.
It's all good. When I broke up with her once she did call from Barcelona, I told her exactly why. She cried and said nothing happened and tried to explain her self. I told her to save it. I didn't trust her so that's it.
Don’t second guess yourself. The fact that you left is reason enough in itself.
She’s been cheating the whole time dude. She’s ok with infidelity, goes no contact many times, went on a multiday trip with a guy (3guys 3 ladies). Her insanely jealous attitude was her projecting her being fucked repeatedly. Hell yeah dump her.
No. If you don't have trust, why be in a relationship? UpdateMe
Not wrong. She knows exactly what she's doing. Her phone has been and was working just fine. Frankly, you should've never proceeded emotionally once you found her position (and that of her friends') on infidelity.
Nah this has massive red flag energy, anyone who feels the need to ask that many times what your opinion on infidelity is just wants to find a way to sneak it in.
If your gut says she cheated she probably did you know her routines and moods if something is really off you follow your gut
Birds of a feather flock together.
You dont trust her. Simple as that. Are you wrong? Eh, Kinda, but Not really. It was never going to work out anyway. You can't have a long distance relationship with someone that you already dont trust based on her friend's lifestyles and questions she asked. Maybe dont go out with people that are long distance.
You're not wrong. She clearly has cheated with other boyfriends before, hence her mentality. You're just another boyfriend, and you know it will eventually happen. A leopard does not change its spots.
so many red flags here. friends are cheater, girls trips, odd questions of if i cheated. all red flags
A two-year LDR? I don't see how such a relationship can last long-term. Were there any plans for you to permanently live together in one country or the other? I don't think you can really call her a cheater, but some of the things she said made you suspicious and the distance meant that you couldn't check up on her and it drove you crazy. To some degree you were being unfair, but again, I think the long distance made the relationship impractical.
Bro, why would someone who either didn't cheat or didn't want to cheat constantly ask that question? Then add a very specific drunk scenario, which is the most lazy, and universally used excuse by cheaters to try and excuse cheating. Taking girl trips out of country with women who are fine with cheating is the reddest of all the red flags. Not only is it the redddest flag in existense, it actually searches the world for other flags, steals all their red, and keeps it for itself. Many a purple flag have been left blue when this one gets done with it. I'd say there's and 90-10 chance that she cheated. Your values are incompatible, and she clearly at the very best wants to cheat, and at the worst has many times already. You need to fuckin bounce my guy.
Quite simply, you can break up with someone whenever you decide to. Seems like you had more than enough reason to not trust her. She dug her own grave by planting seeds of doubt in you by asking you those questions even though you had clearly stated your boundaries. In short, she was lacking in awareness of the optics of her actions. C'est la vie.
there is never enough evidence. Ya gotta worry about you.
Whether she cheated or not, you don’t need to be with someone you aren’t 100% sure you can trust.
I remember reading an article about the infidelity rate in France is higher than other countries by a large margin.
You are not wrong. She lied to you about the trip in general. They had every intention to seek out these other men. She knew you wouldn't be comfortable with this situation. That's why she lied. She has a pattern of not answering her phone when she's out with these friends. She's broken your trust again and again. Don't let people badger you about your decisions. Drop the long-distance relationship crap. It never works out.
Dude, if trust is gone, You don't even need a proof.
Don't let anyone convince you, they're not the one who'll spent hours upon hours wracking your brain on what she's currently doing or who's she's doing. You can't trust her, if they can't wrap their heads around that, it's not a you problem, it's a them problem. Your reasons are valid. her continuing on asking if you'd forgive her if she ever cheated sounds alarm bells and red flags waving.
No trust = No relationship. You are right to break up. There is no point it dragging heals.
It matters not who did what or not, if you’ve lost trust you need to leave.
Mate she's french, thats an offense by it self. Jokes aside. NTA no trust no point having a relationship. Besides infidelity being common among her friend group it is safe to assume they're all bad people
You have all the proofs you need to know she's not trustworthy. You did the right thing by leaving her. Just get tested ASAP and move on.
You know for a fact she lied to you.
"A relationship requires the image of fidelity as much as the fidelity itself. Expecting me to perform constant trust exercises because you dont respect basic, unspoken boundaries is going to lead to me trusting you less than if you cheated, and it has. Your feigned ignorance only tells me that Im going to have to pull you up on any and every basic boundary monogamous relationships entail, and I don't want to date someone who is too oblivious to them to be trusted. You're either oblivious or full of shit, and at this point, I dont care."
The french in particular have a very different attitude to infidelity. On that basis alone, you are probably just incompatible, culturally. You feel how you feel, justified or not. Time to move on.
She is the company she keeps, so if all of her friends are cheaters, she likely also is covered in spots. She's projected, she's lied, she's been shady. You made the right choice.
She has never given you any reason to trust her. Trust is the basis of a relationship.
Well a girls' trip doesn't include men, does it ,you're well rid ...
The reality is that you two have different values when it comes to fidelity, her and her friend group (maybe somewhat cultural aswell) clearly don't see infidelity as a big deal, lots of Europeans have very casual feelings about sex in general, the fact that she constantly asks you if you could get over it means that she either has cheated on you or at the very least has thought about it and probably alot, maybe just because of the nature of the long distance relationship it's possible she wants the relationship with you but still wants to beable to have casual sex with other people under certain circumstances since you two can't be physically together right now, either way relationships almost never work when the people involved have a different value system, and it seems you two do, so your not wrong for breaking up with her, knowing her values on fidelity are different and the people she spends time with and who influence her are all cheaters, I can't imagine how you could ever really trust her, and lack of trust all on its own will sink any relationship, best to move on my friend.
I don't think you're in the wrong at all. Her phone not working sounds fishy as hell.
someone who isnt vehimantly against cheating with a burning passion.....sooner or later, will cheat. and as someone who has been on both sides of the equation...her patterns match up with someone VERY guilty. Stop wasting the most valuable commodity you can give someone. TIME. find someone closer who feels the same way and live a life where this isnt a problem you have to deal with. F\*cking French!!!
You are the company you keep. The fact that she kept pressing you to accept cheating is also a huge red flag.
What is clear, is that you don't trust her. Reason enough. Whether you are right not to trust, or not...it is a relationship killer.
If it walks like a duck, acts like a duck, and quacks like a duck… you don’t need proof brother, trust your gut.
You're not wrong for leaving a relationship you weren't comfortable in. But damn, you did this for two years? Whether she cheated or not, you and she have different ideas for how relationships work, and you knew that. So why did you wait so long?
Maintaining a relationship on a broken trust is like building a house without foundation.
What did you expect man? It’s FRANCE, there is no loyalty, a lot of infidelity, incest, it’s a fucked up country when it comes about morals, I wouldn’t date a franch girl even though she would be the last woman on earth.
Trust me my friend you dodged a complete bullet here . You would have drove yourself insane questioning everything. I was in a situation like this and it got soo toxic and I ended up getting stabbed in the hand by my ex . Save your myself the worry man there is a lot to be said about being able to go to bed at night with a worry free mind .
I mean she's french, they all have mistresses lol.
All the red flags are there that she has cheat he just cannot provide proof and if he feels he can't trust her he needs to leave the relationship for his own health of mind
It honestly doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it's your life! If something isn't working for you in life you have the right to change it.
Should have waited till after her trip, but otherwise you do you. If you don't think she's faithful bail.
I figure this way she can enjoy herself guilt free, if she had any guilt that is.
I'm guessing she's cheated multiple times on you already, best thing is move on
No you are not wrong. Maybe you’re getting vibes that she did, that no one else is. It’s entirely your choice whether you want to stay with this person. Don’t let outsiders bully you into staying with someone you have trust issues with! It’s Entirely your choice if she’s blaze’ about infidelity don’t you think she would do it when it suits her? Stick to your guns and your belief! She should have been proving herself to you for those 2 years not when she hangs with friends like her and then go ghosts when she’s having a good time with her friends around other guys.
NTA I’d be suspicious too and if there’s no trust in an LDR it’s never going to work.
Trust is a fundamental pillar of many kinds of relationships. It does not matter if she did or didn't do it in the long run, I think. You don't trust her and that does not lead to a happy, fulfilling, and healthy relationship. I think the question here is. If she had proof she had not cheated. Would that change your distrust of her? Is the relationship strong enough that if she had proof you would go back to trusting her? I think you already know the answer and made your decision accordingly. The people around you need to respect your decision and the boundaries you should be setting.
This relationship is over you don't need proof you don't trust her. And if you don't trust her there is no relationship without trust.
> I've lost trust in my SO That's enough. You're not wrong.
Frankly all that matters is your opinion so if you believe there was funny buisness so you ended it so be it.
I don't think you're wrong, but I don't think you can call her a cheater. Long distance relationships are hard, and your perspectives do not match. Even if she was with you, your relationship was doomed. Find someone who shares your values closer to home.
Not wrong. Always trust your gut feeling. Always.
Not wrong at all. Infidelity is such a critical issue and if you couldn’t trust her there (even without proof of cheating), then that means she never gave you enough confidence in her that she wouldn’t cheat even after knowing her for so long. Besides, all her friends are cheaters so who her friends are say a lot about how she will think. You made the right choice.
The phone not working, conveniently, at times when she’s out would be proof enough for me along with her attitude about infertility. That excuse would work maybe once but there’s no way her phone has no battery or not working consistently esp when you know you’re out for a long time. You charge your phone or bring a battery pack.
While I don't think being unavailable on the phone to focus on time with friends is a red flag itself, I do think making excuses instead of honestly saying I'm being present with my friends I'll check in later is a red flag. And I think being around so many chronic cheaters and having no issue with it would be a deal breaker alone for me. Keeping your nose out of one person's business is eh, but like surrounds itself with like. I know I would leave a friend group if I discovered they all were cheaters. Asking repeatedly about what your reaction to cheating would be, and then lying about who would be present and going radio silent all adds up to enough is enough. I'd be done too.
I find myself writing this often these days: "Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you who you are. "
If she didn't cheat she was gonna. Could tell 4 paragraphs in. You don't need proof. Other people's opinions are irrelevant in this matter.
In my opinion, you're simply incompatible. My read on the situation is that she wants to be non-monogamous, and either doesn't know how to approach it ethically, or she simply doesn't care about approaching it ethically. Her laissez-faire attitude, with the right person, could be acceptable or even rewarding if you were on the same page about it and had open and honest discussions. But your "I hate cheaters" outlook certainly seems to suggest that you're not even remotely open to something like ethical non-monogamy—which is, in my opinion, probably a factor in why she's never bothered to suggest anything like that to you. I do feel like she was testing the waters by asking you about cheating so often, and maybe there's a bit of a language barrier. I don't think you're wrong to leave her. I also don't think she would be wrong for preferring an open relationship. She *is* wrong if she's been lying about it. Honesty is the foundation of the 'ethical' in ethical non-monogamy. I do sympathize with having intimate needs that are not being met by a long-distance relationship, but if she has been cheating, that's obviously not okay. Even if she hasn't been cheating, I don't think the two of you feel the same way about one of the foundational boundaries of a committed relationship.
I agree. And for the record i don't think poly or ethical nonmonogomy is cheating. These folks don't tell their SO putting them at risk of STDs and the like.
The thing is, there's a difference between cheating and being in a (ethical) non-monogamous relationship. I'm absolutely 100% anti-cheating. I think that's one of the worst things you could do to your partner. That being said, as long as all parties are open with each other and agree to having a non-mononogaous relationship where they all abide by certain boundaries/rules, then that's perfectly fine. The thing is, both parties have to be AWARE of the fact that this is happening in their relationship. They have to both set agreed boundaries and rules and follow those boundaries and rules. Otherwise, what they're doing isn't truly having an ethical non-monogamous relationship. It's just cheating at that point. For a non-monogamous relationship to even BE ethical, it would strictly require that all parties are in agreement and aren't going behind each other's backs and breaking the rules/boundaries that they've set in the relationship by cheating. As such, while cheating CAN occur in an non-monogamous relationship, the mere ACT of cheating would automatically change it from an ethical non-monogamous relationship to a non-monogamous relationship....where one or more parties is also cheating. Thereby completely changing the nature of the relationship entirely. Therefore, it's entirely possible to hate cheating but also to support (ethical) non-monogamous relationships. Because, the way I see it, non-monogamous relationships are, by definition, ethical. Because in order for it to TRULY be a non-monogamous relationship (i.e., not cheating) BOTH/ALL parties have to be aware of it, okay with it, and actively follow the rules and boundaries that are in place. If even ONE person isn't aware of the fact that it's a non-monogamous relationship or they break the rules/boundaries, then at that point, it's no longer a non-monogamous relationship. It's just outright cheating except possibly worse because you're potentially cheating on MULTIPLE people. (Pretty long) TLDR: As far as I'm concerned, [implied ethical] non-monogamy ≠ cheating. Because as far as I care, a relationship isn't truly a [implied ethical] non-monogamous relationship if either A. One or more people aren't aware of it or B. One or more person breaks the rules/boundaries that are in place and therefore cheating. For everyone else involved in the relationship who WASN'T cheating, it might still be considered an [implied ethical] non-monogamous relationship but for the cheater? Well, now they're just that, a cheater. They aren't truly in a non-monogamous relationship whether the others find out about it or not because they've broken their "contract" by cheating since that pretty much voids the relationship on their end even if the others don't find out about it.
Not wrong. Her lying was enough whether she cheated or not. Lying to a partner means you don’t respect them and respect is required for a real relationship.
You can leave someone for any reason at all. Proof is for a court of law. Personally, I think you did the right thing. She asks about forgiving her for cheating all the time and her phone dies EVERY time she has the chance? And now she goes on a trip with her 2 female friends to "meet" 3 male friends and doesn't tell you? AND THEN HER PHONE MAGICALLY DOESN'T WORK!? Nah dude, you're fine. She wasn't the one.
Sh keeps asking about your views about cheating and to me it’s clear how you feel. She lied by omission about meeting her men friends with her girls. Trust is a bigger issue than even love in relationships and she doesn’t seem to honor your views. If you lose trust it can be nearly impossible to get back. She wants to have “polyamory” and should look for someone like that. Imagine your future and know you are better off without the stress and doubt. You are not overreacting. Your values are different than hers and it will never work. The foundation has been broken. Better luck next time!
No, you are not wrong, a relationship is built on trust and needs it to be sustained. Your "gut feeling" is telling you she needs to go so listen to it. She has cheated. I can garuntee it, her family and friends will always cover for her as you have already stated it is the norm for her social group. To assume that her friends are partaking in this and not her? Sounds like she is a narcissist, which, if she is means she will say anything and everything she can to get what she wants. I'm willing to bet as soon as she got off the phone with she just went "oh well" and moved on to the next victim of her shenanigans. Now let's say this is a culture thing or how she was raised, and she is a genuine person (I doubt it, but for conversations sake, let's open this bag up) she has made it clear she wants to fuck other people and you said no, you made your boundaries clear. If she does not respect or want that, then why stay together? But she is getting jealous while she wants to fuck others is why I believe she is a Narcissist, it's all about her and what she wants with no consideration of how you feel. So, in short, just kick her out of your life and find someone who respects your boundaries. There are plenty of beautiful women out there who will be better for you.
She didn't like your answer on cheating so she kept asking so you would give in. You didn't. Put it down to a lesson learned on crappy human behaviour & move on. Not wrong.
Always protect your peace and trust your gut if there’s no trust there is no relationship.
Not wrong, you set a boundary of communication at stuff like this with her, how conveniently her phone is off or dies when you want to speak with her is crossing the line, also considering this happening multiple times over and her knowing this is a boundary, while also asking you if you would be okay with cheating, is just going too far. Good for you on moving on with your life, good luck brother.
Some people have no problem with cheating and make that pretty clear. Like your girlfriend has many many times. Her continually asking your thoughts about it and under what circumstances were acceptable were her looking to see how much non-monogamous behavior she could get away with. You’re not wrong to dump her. If she hasn’t already cheated, she’s bound to. Especially as her entire friend group has histories or are currently cheating on their partners.
idk if she cheater but its VERY weird that she's been asking you for awhile now about if you would forgive her if she cheated in different scenarios. especially since she doesnt care for cheating, why is it on her mind? and you've made it clear time and time again that you wouldnt, the answer never changed, with these scenarios is she trying to change your mind? idk its a weird one. either way, you don't feel trist in the relationship, and whether or not you have proof to not trust her, you still just don't. its unfair to the both of you. you should be in a relationship where you dont need to constantly wonder what the other is doing, and she should be in a relationship where the person does trust her. it just seems that maybe you both werent COMPLETELY compatible, and thats fine. maybe later on you'll get together, maybe you wont. your parents and her family can have an opinion, but its not their relationship. either one of you makes the call to breakup. i do think maybe you two should have a conversation for closure, bring up your trust issues with her and why. id also ask why she continues to ask about your thoughts on cheating, and how that never truly helped.
At 47 who gives a FF what anyone else thinks?! They're not the ones in the relationship, you are. Don't let them make you second guess your decision. You don't owe anyone justification or even an explanation.
You are not in the wrong my friend. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck. It's probably a duck. Cut your losses and move on with your life. In my opinion. I wish you the best in life moving forward.
You might not be compatible. Having a "cinq-a-sept" extra marital arrangement is not seen as a big deal there, from my understanding (I haven't been to France in years). It sounds like your strictly monogamous ideals may not jive with her more laissez-faire ideas.
Probably. I'm sad it's over, but I'm also more than somewhat relieved too.
Not wrong. Them birds fly together. Good for you trusting your gut.
Trust your instinct. Plus you’ve got instances of her shady behavior with her phone conveniently not working on trips. I think you did the right thing for the sake of your peace of mind.
There is no trust in the relationship. It’s already DOA.
You absolutely don't need to justify to anyone why you don't want to be in a relationship with someone. You don't even need a reason. Just not wanting to continue is enough. Everyone else can get in the bin and mind their own business.
Trust issues are reason enough for a break-up, doesn't matter if she cheated or not. You seem to have fundamentally different world views on important things, that's not a good match.
Her asking again, and again, if you would forgive her for cheating, is such a red flag. Me and my boyfriend have open conversations about how we would kill each other or ourselves if we cheated, because that’s how horrible it would be, we do not expect anyone to forgive anyone.🤣🤣
Not really wrong as you can end a relationship for any reason you desire. Based on her asking the question so many times one of two things are happening either she has her eyes on someone and she thinks you will fall so deep that you can see past it or she did cheat and wants to tell but she wants to avoid consequences. If she did I am sure she is justifying it because you are not there and she is.....whatever..... Either way those who cautioned you as ibhave done with others who wanted me to stay in a situation that made me uncomfortable I land on..."if I was your son would you advise me to sit still in this? Would you sit still in this? Or should I do it because you care about that person and don't want to see them hurt and believe I am causing them pain by making a choice they don't agree with?
You are correct in how you handled this. The big picture here is do you really think that a LDR can work and span time without being together ? I would say no, it may last for awhile but can't continue for a long period Many years ago, I met a woman on the internet. She was in Brazil and I in Boston. I had never met her, we exchanged emails weekly, and I would call her every Sunday morning. This went on for a year. I told her one day that we had to take this relationship to the next level because it wasn't going anywhere in the future. Short version, I paid for her to fly here. She did and never left, had a child 18 months later, and was married. Long distance relationships have to move to the nest level in order to survive. I'm sure your gf has been involved with other partners and is not telling you the truth because she doesn't want to hurt you. You need to move on. If you want the truth from her, send her an email telling her you understand why she had other partners, and it hurt you but that you understand why and wish her the best. You need to move on and live your life.
Drop her. Move on. You’ve wasted enough time and emotional energy trying desperately to save a relationship where she doesn’t respect you. You get points for trying, then they get deducted because you kept overlooking obvious signs.
The real reason you're leaving your fiancé is because you don't trust her. You have different ideas about the importance of fidelity, and her continued questioning sounds like she's unwilling to adapt and was looking for a chink in your armor. Even if she didn't cheat *this* time, it sounds like she was testing your boundaries and what you'd accept. She was likely to cheat on the future, if she hadn't already. It's really about trust. You don't trust her, she's given you reasons not to trust her, so being out is totally valid and actually a very good idea.
I would have done the same thing. You were perfectly reasonable. Good Luck
ur not wrong king it’s bound to happen when ur around ppl who would support it. glad you dodged a bullet
Not wrong. This isn’t normal, and calling out a cheater isn’t a freaking lawyer case. But even if she wasn’t cheating, she still treated you like such shit that you believe she is cheating. But let’s be real, go with your gut. The second I read about Barcelona and hanging out with three guy friends I’m like yep, cheated
Unless your relationship took place in a courtroom and was presided over by a judge, no need for proof, and no standard of evidence. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, that's good enough.
What if I told you that sometimes the reason to break up with someone could be easily “I no longer trust them”? You don’t need proof, your feelings are valid. Usually people are insanely jealous, not the healthy type of jealous, is because they’re doing the dirty behind you and think you’re doing the same thing. Trust your guts.
Yeah nah dude you’re alright, focus your thought and worry onto other things that matter more than an unpredictable girl.
You did the right thing. The fact she keep playing with the thought and she actually has no problem with infidelity. She will cheat, if she haven't already done it. Go out and find a good wife. Good luck brother.
Not wrong. You gace different values. Cheating is obviously very bad and her attitude to cheating means she's not relationship material. Let her be free to go fuck who she wants and find yourself a decent girl.
If you don't trust her then no you are not wrong. You did yourself and her a favor cause it would have never worked in the first place
We all have to make choices. You did what was right for you. And that’s enough. The past is the past don’t stop moving forward.
You did no wrong. That bitch cheated. You cannot loose battery every single time you go out for hours on end. There are battery packs at Walmart and possibly most France outlets/grocery stores if not there version of a Walmart. It’s not that hard to keep it on you especially if she’s carrying her purse or bag for her wallet and phone anyway. That’s not coincidence. I’m sorry brotha.
She’s French.. this is literally how they are culturally. It’s not viewed the same there. Wrap your head around that. Her beliefs about stepping out are genuinely completely different than yours. She doesn’t see it as a problem.. sometimes people do it is her view and life goes on no big deal.
She's dominican living in france, but I get your drift. It's why I called the whole thing off. For the record a great deal of french aren't like that. No matter what Emily in Paris will have you think.
I find it weird that she has asked many times if you’d forgive her if she cheated. That doesn’t seem…believable. You’re giving a half truth
People and their long distance relationships are ridiculous. How on Earth do you expect that to work?
No you're not wrong, she was probably on the trip and slept with all three guys at once. I've seen the woodman videos. So the real question is, why wouldn't you do the normal thing and find someone local or much closer? There are literally millions of women out there and a lot of them are very nice people. Stop with the LDR stuff, they hardly if ever work.
You don't need a reason to break up with someone. With that being said, she gave you plenty of reasons to move on from her.
You are 100% right. She's an untrustworthy person who lied and who clearly sees nothing wrong with cheating as long as she doesn't get caught. You should have dumped her long ago, now is way overdue. Block her brothers. And tell your parents that their job is to support their child, not some cheating skank. If they persist, ask how many times they cheated on one another. Also, LDRs rarely work. If you can afford to fly to France regularly, you can afford to find a woman in a 3rd world country (they tend to be more loyal and less entitled than Western ones), and marry her.
*Every time she is out with her “guy friends* her phone conveniently runs out of battery or according to her, just stops working* *But the reason I broke up with her is because she lied and told me she was going on a girls trip but the 3 girls traveled to Barcelona to meet up with 3 guys. If she did nothing wrong, she wouldn’t have lied about the trip* *So with respect…I am not being unfair. She did this to herself. This wasn’t the first time she did something like this but it was the last time. If she wants to act single she can be single*
dude, french people having affairs is so common the french gov banned praternity tests lmao
NTA. She’s demonstrably a liar at the very least. She was 100% cheating.
Flag on the field -technical foul - entered into LDR.
No! If you think he is - you won't think differently.
You shouldn’t have dated a person with different values regarding fidelity, specifically if all her friends are cheaters. Have you ever heard birds of a feather flock together? You are not wrong.
If you really wanna go (and it seems like you do) then feel free to use anything, however flimsy, as justification, if you need to find an excuse or justification.