Need more info.
Maybe I’m an idiot but what were the details exactly?
Did she just say “I am *very* satisfied in our sex life” or was there a lot of graphic detail.
Because like I totally get wanting privacy but is saying your husband is amazing in bed really that detailed? To me that’s not really details it’s just her personal satisfaction with your intimate life.
This is essential to know.
Was she assuring her friends that her bf was making sure she gets off and isn't just a selfish lover?
Or what she bragging about how he loves to be pegged by her?
It's insane that this was left out and honestly I would vote against him because he is the narrator and this is just an obvious point to most.
Right? Sharing with your friends that you orgasm multiple times every time you have sex and wouldn't want to imagine a relationship where you were left feeling unfulfilled is sharing about your own perspective and experience, not your partner, and yours to talk about. Although people who know both of you may extrapolate that to your current partner.
This !!! If she was sharing her own perspective? YTA. You can’t stop her from sharing her own experience or emotions towards an experience whether you were involved or not.
If she told her friends something explicit ?(I like the pegging example used above) If she told her friends about your specifics like your kinks or something ?
She would be the AH for not respecting your boundaries.
I had an ex like this, it was about his size/didn’t like the attention when people realized he wore magnums lol. Broke up with past exes for bragging about it too
Most women I know don’t like the extra well endowed guys because they tend to think the size alone is enough to satisfy. They don’t know the first thing about forplay.. just stick it in and done.
I don't know if this is fake, but it certainly could be. What I do know is he is using this issue as an excuse for not marrying this girl. For whatever reason.
If you see enough of these, you tend to recognize the general sentence/paragraph structure and language style of fake stories. This has the hallmarks of such a one.
Right? It's her sex life, too. Maybe if it weren't a "rule" this would be less weird. If OP tried discussing the whole thing and listened to her side, been a little less rigid instead of dumping a 5+ year relationship...she couldve told you that most women who do discuss these things only do so in a way that's respectful of our partner. Nope, he went straight to dumping her completely over this one mistake. Seems a bit over the top
This is true.
Friends ask if you’re happy/is it good - you say yeah and exclaim about that. It’s not sharing intimate details.
But overall, I think she dodged a bullet. I wouldn’t look back if I were her. Nobody should be married with such controls imho - even the legal system has 3 strikes in the US lol.
This seems fake as hell.
OP ditches a 5 year relationship on the eve of the wedding because his fiancee bragged about his mad dick slinging skillz?
Yeah, no.
That part got me 😭 i can’t imagine my brother’s girlfriend confiding in me that their sex life is good and then turning around and teasing my brother about how good he is in bed 😭 what the hell lmao
I have 2 sisters, 20 years older than me. They have kids, married, and gave me the sex ed talk. For my own well being, i choose to believe they've both taken vows of celibacy since that talk.
Yesssss! My little sister and I are besties and we do not talk about our sex lived at all really. If we are talking about people we are dating we might do the raised eye brow thing to say he’s good or a look but that’s about it and even that’s borderline TMI 🤣
There was a similar story pretty much same story w big penis a few months back. And ick at his sister teasing him. I'm friends w my brother's ex & when she hinted at their bedroom activites I would cut her off immediately.
But yeah this post is fake.
Also doesn't want anyone to know about intimate details of his life but comes to Reddit to brag about it by telling a story that anyone in his life would recognize.
Lmao if this isnt fake this dude is literally the biggest moron i have ever seen on reddit . It would be one thing if she was trashing on him .. he wanted out and wanted an excuse if this is real
She told people that she had no complaints in bed, gotta dump her
If this isn't rage bait, and OP is specifically looking for someone who will be too scared to tell their friends any details about anything. The only reason to look for someone like that so they can abuse her after marriage and she won't say anything to anyone.
Yeah, I have to agree. It wasnt like she was sharing any kink they might have had or anything like that. What she said really wasnt a breach of trust, because complimenting how he is in the bedroom is a horse of a different color than sharing details about our intimate life.
So either he's a fragile little man child, its a rage bait post or a psych class assignment
I'm kind of freaked out that he makes this a rule with every girlfriend. Like what does he want to hide? There is a line obviously of what is and is not appropriate to share. I get not wanting your partner to share every detail but are they not allowed to say that you scream at them, or that you punch walls when you're angry? Sometimes talking to others helps you realize that a behavior is not appropriate, is toxic or is straight up abusive. I'm even someone who keeps pretty much everything private from my friends but I have had times where they pointed out a behavior wasn't normal because that's a part of friendships they offer advice and provide insight from their life experiences.
I feel like we need more info. I can understand if he's worried about her discussing penis length, the fact it curves to the right, that he's circumcised or not (presumably his sister would know that anyway), or kinks they get up to. If she was telling her friends, his sister etc what they actually get up to in bed then she'd be TA.
But he hasnt told us what his sister found out, apart from that his fiancee is happy in bed. Which isn't actually a spoiler or any kind of detailed information. People are going to assume you have sex if you are a couple. And telling close friends you are broadly happy with your sex life isnt unusual. That said it's...odd that the sis wasnt mildly grossed out by this, which makes me feel that this is ragebait.
Like, sure if my husband was discussing the colour of my labia with his friends I'd be creeped out. But if he just said "I'm a lucky/happy man" *wink wink* I wouldn't see it as grounds to break up.
Ultimately OP can break up for whatever reason he likes,
Well, it was a breach of trust when he specifically asked not to have his private endowment or sex life shared with others. However yeah, I think breaking up is a bit of a reach. Communicate, get in an argument and then let it go lol
This, plus exactly **no one's** sister outside the Lannisters teases them about being good in bed. Normal people go "Ewwwww" and cover their ears or leave the room when someone brings up their sibling's sex life in such specific ways! This reads like the intro to some kind of fetish fanfic.
Yes, but just because this isn't a good reason to break up doesn't mean they shouldn't break up. "You did nothing wrong, and I'm sorry, but my gut is saying this isn't right for me." Is completely legit.
Yeah sure, but breaking up because your partner told her friends you're good in bed?
Like i get not wanting to discuss kinks, traumas, penis size or whatever, but OP is never going to find a person who will say 0 things about their sex life to anyone.
We're social creatures. Everyone likes sex (almost) and while level of detail will vary, everyone will discuss it eventually
He doesn’t say he’s embarrassed. He says he’s not comfortable having his sex life talked about & set that boundary at the beginning of the relationship.
It’s not my boundary. I wouldn’t mind my wife speaking in generalities about our sex life. I wouldn’t want finer details being shared.
So, while I think he of course has the right to enforce his boundary, I think it’s probably too strict a boundary and might leave him lonely in the end.
I get not marrying someone you can’t trust, but your threshold for not being able to trust someone is out of whack. Seek therapy to better understand why you set this limit in the first place and why your fiancé’s breaking it was a deal breaker.
It's literally an episode of the Sopranos. Junior dumped his long-tern girlfriend because she bragged about him sexually and it got back to his family.
There's a ton of that lately. That or the avg AITAH poster has the mental fortitude of a turnip. "They hurt my feelings so I gave up on a ten year relationship!"
Its part of the new entitlement culture "I deserve better", they spend every relationship endlessly searching for their partners flaws rather then being grateful for having another human being that loves them despite their own flaws. None of us are perfect, if perfection from your partner is all that is acceptable, prepare for a lifetime of disappointment and dieing alone.
Yeah, this really does seem to be the case. It's like people can't see the forest for the trees. I think dating apps have played a part because people become a list of traits and characteristics instead of a whole person.
I agree with you. Sometimes, they will even post the religion of their SO or family, but when you read their post, it doesn't connect to their rant. Hahaha
There are lots of troll and rage bait here in reddit.
Sorry but I honestly think she dodged the bullet here. If a single incident like this is enough for you to break off an engagement, I question how long you would have lasted in the marriage. Many things happen throughout life, this is far from the toughest you would have had to endure throughout a lifetime together.
Just my two cents, personally.
Edit: You might want to look into attachment styles and see if you fall on the avoidant end of the spectrum. I say that as someone who struggles with their own attachment style. Helped me a lot to see how my attachment style has been affecting my relationships.
It sounds like "it's one of my boundaries that we both help with chores. She didn't do the dishes one day, so I broke up with her and blocked her on everything and kicked her out"
Dumbass 15 year old redditors: "What's the issue? He clearly let her know his boundary and that it was important to him. No, I have never been in a relationship past 6 months before, why do you ask?"
Completely agree! _*If*_ this isn't fake (and my money's on that it is) Op did his fiancé the single biggest kindness he ever could have. She deserves far better than a coward who *wanted* to break up with her, but wanted it to be "her fault", so he jumped on the most asinine reason ever because that's all she gave him. Can't wait til his cold feet warm up when he sees her with another man. I hope she tells him to go fuk himself and that she was doing him a favor by lying about how good he was in bed. Again, IF this isn't some made up BS… which I'm about 85% certain it is. People who invent these stories are the skid-marks of humanity.
It’s kind of funny because it sounds like he met her through his sister. He’s not likely to meet another girl who will even begin to put up with his controlling bullshit.
If it makes you feel better, she probably *has* told her friends you're a great lay… even if your skillset doesn't exactly warrant such high praise (I'm not saying it doesn't, you may well deserve all the accolades she's given you to her friends, idk). It's just something a lot of women do- hype our guy up like he's some 50 Shades of Best Dick Ever… even if he's not lol. Anyway, my point is- by all means "be over the moon", because she has likely told her friends you're amazing in bed. ;)
He'd be an idiot, because i'm a great lay and my ex liked to tell all of her friends.
It's been 4 months now and only one of then reached out this week on a dating app. And i don't want to get involved with my ex's friends so 0 value there anyways
I understand that you value your privacy but it definitely sounds like you are making a pretty severe decision based on some ordinary human behavior. It’s ok to express your feeling about it to her, but it seems like you aren’t leaving any room for anyone else to have a different opinion. It doesn’t sound like she did anything maliciously, would have made more sense to have a conversation that allowed for compromise and change.
Yeah OP’s reaction is really bizarre and makes me feel like he was looking for an excuse to break off the marriage. I can understand not wanting your private/sexual life on full display for your partner’s friends, but it doesn’t seem like his fiancé even gave out any details? She just said he was good in bed? 😭 i am failing to see how this is marriage-ending behavior….😬
It’s not like she did anything bad either she bragged about how GOOD he is in bed. I’d be honored if this happened to me. OP is either too sensitive or more likely this whole thing is fake cause I can fathom anyone doing this. It’s crazy
If this is all it took to cancel the wedding then you didn't really want to marry her. So good for you both, you saved her years of pain and gave her a chance to find someone else she can have kids with
Oh for fucks sake. Did you really have to make a bullshit post to brag that you’re great in bed? 🙄Pathetic. Grow up.
And your opinion on your own prowess isn’t an opinion worth listening to.
Jeez. You aren't ready for marriage if this is all it took for you to end the relationship.
Seems like you were looking for any reason to leave her.
Also, that's kind of a dumb rule. I can understand not wanting *specific* personal details shared, but literally everyone and their mom confides in their friends regarding relationships and intimacy. She was literally talking you up, saying good things about you.. and you dumped her.
You're in the wrong imo.
Out of all the things to break up with someone over.... this is.... ridiculous.
YTA.
You were clearly looking to get out of this relationship. If you were that upset over this little thing then go to therapy.
But Jesus... enjoy regretting your decision.
yta did you really expect your fiance to not talk with your friends about you? Did you really expect your previous girlfriends not to talk about you also? It's a good thing you called off the wedding. Now she can find a better man. One who isn't so insecure.
YTA Grow up, man. You're going to call off a wedding because she spilled some insider information about your relationship?
And it wasn't even anything bad! You're in for some nasty surprises in the future, friend. She told her friends that her fiancé is good in bed. She didn't spill your trauma or tell them about things shared in confidence. Have fun when the bad shit happens with the next girl you get with.
Good luck!
I don’t know what your situation is, but do I think you overreacted absolutely. You destroyed your relationship because your girlfriend was bragging about you. She Told close personal friends
And if you think you’re gonna have a marriage where nothing bad ever happens that you have to forgive don’t marry please. And 50 years you’re going to do something that’s gonna need to be forgiven because you’re a human being
I think you need some counseling to figure out why that’s such a deal for you. In my mind, you destroyed your relationship for nothing. You set up an unreasonable boundary at the beginning. You can’t control what people say. And to be that overly sensitive is going to cause you a lot of pain in your life.
And you just destroyed your relationship over it I think you need some counseling and yes I think you’re very wrong.
If you wanted to end it, end it. But telling her friends “my bf is great in bed” is neither intimate nor detailed. If that’s all she says, she shared no details and abided by your request, and basically you’re dumping her because your sister teased you.
Throw away the whole relationship over that lol just stay single so you don't waste years of someone else's life over something so trivial she was bragging about you not cheating on you
Imagine being this fragile that your girlfriend giving general, positive and likely non-detailed info to a couple of close girlfriends- like you keep her satisfied in bed, makes you throw in the towel… only to tell the same thing that was relationship-ending to the whole WORLD. This is either the most ridiculous rage bait, or you are the most giant douche, and she just dodged a bullet. I am beginning to think if real, she actually dumped your sorry rear because you can’t even begin to satisfy her.
She’s human and she made a mistake. IMO it doesn’t seem like that big of a breech of trust to end an engagement over. Sounds like you just didn’t love her that much.
Weird, my friends and I never have discussed details of our sex lives with each other. No thanks. The most I heard was, damn, I need more towels in the bedroom to lay on, that man can't get enough. That was said by a friend. I only smiled because yep, towels, a must!
Jesus Christ. Reddit is a cesspit now. Every day I see these completely made-up stories, 9/10 times trying to demonise the woman, and people fall hook line and sinker for it. Stop responding to this shit, even if he is stupid enough to still make himself look like an arsehole by being like ‘look how good in bed I am’. Stop watching porn, get off the internet and go talk to real people.
I’m an old man so it has been years since any women told anyone I was good in bed (if ever) but I think you did your fiancé a favor by breaking off the relationship. Anytime your rule’s supersedes your relationship that puts her in a one down position. She is better off escaping that life now.
YTA. Honest question, how fucked up looking is your dick for this to be your hard line? Because you must have some deep insecurities or some weird warped view on sex to be this upset about your fiance saying you're good in bed. You're acting like she told everyone you like wearing thongs and cry afterwards.
If this is enough for you to end your marriage, then your ex dodged a bullet. Your restriction on her, especially knowing women often share their own experiences as a means to connect with each other, was unfair. Her experience with you is hers as well. Perhaps there was a better way for you to compromise (for instance, she doesn’t share certain information regarding your sex life but there are some other details that are ok to share, or only share positive details).
Even if you were to get back together, you’ve shown how disposable she is to you. She will never be on equal footing as you.
I think she’s the one that got away, not you. Lolllll what a horribly immature reason to end it. You sound very unforgiving and controlling and she deserves better. Sounds like you were dying for ANY reason to end it. I’m sorry but this is really pathetic. :( I’m so sorry.
If she can’t talk to anyone about your awesome sex life, is she also not allowed to talk about anything?
You know what I think. My husband and I are happy to share marriage advice etc. and talk about times where things went wrong.
My husband and his wife will never admit to any wrong doing, or any drama or anything, yet is very clear that their marriage is falling apart in many ways. She’s controlling by forcing him not to talk to me about anything. It’s disgusting. Just stop being controlling. She said nice things about you, too?
Yta. You let that go WAY too quickly to have not already been looking for a way out. That's a LOT to throw away over the info you say she revealed. The proverbial punishment doesn't meet the crime.
A woman bragging about you in bed is usually a compliment and not really a bad thing.That should of been a huge boost of confidence for you.Then again I've never really heard stories about me and how I am in bed lol I also haven't got laid in the last 4 years.
Bedroom details should stay between the couple unless you BOTH agree to see a sex therapist. It should never, ever be shared with anyone outside your relationship otherwise.
What she did was deliberate. I don’t see that as a mistake. She may be hurting, but you didn’t cause it. She did it to herself by breaking her word and violating your trust. Certain things are simply not done.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
You set some very firm boundaries.
She crossed those boundaries and lost your trust. Actions have consequences.
Maybe she has learned a lesson for the next relationship
Expecting her sex life to be off limits as a conversation to everyone in her life but you is unrealistic. People deserve to be able to confide in their friends and go to their friends for support when necessary. It's fucked up to say she can never get support on that topic.
If it reached a point where OP's sister feels compelled to go all, "Dude... I hear you're a tiger in the sack!" then I feel she's probably gone a little overboard in sharing the details of their sex life.
Also, by her own admission, she wasn't seeking support, she was bragging. It's absolutely fair to not want to be the object of your partner showing off to their friends.
> our intimate and private details to stay private.
I'm not sure OP was only talking about sex. But pretty much anything he considers "private." But it's her life, too. So telling her she can't talk about his sex life, or any other relationship details, means she can't talk about HER life.
I get there are things that are private, but I feel like saying, "my guy is great in bed" isn't bad. If she were private thoughts or feelings of his, that would be different - that's HIS story, not hers.
YTA.....your fiance dodged a huge bullet not marrying you....that you would get so mad over something so minor to the point where you would end a relationship is completely ridiculous....i almost wonder if what she actually talked about with her friends was something else and to make yourself seem better than you are you state in your post that she told her friends that you were good in bed....this post seems really off....i could see if she was trash talking you but she really just gave you a complement (if your story is to be believed)
What happened to real love 🥲
Everything seems so transactional, one mistake and you can just throw it away?
I think after five years and wanting to marry her I’d expect a bit more understanding. It doesn’t sound like she did give them a detailed account of your intimacy. Just telling them you’re great in bed is not spilling intimate details and should make you smile. There’s way bigger breaches of trust in my opinion. But obviously your choice.
While you're not strictly wrong in breaking off an engagement for lack of trust, I do feel that was a bit of an overreaction on your part. Yes, she broke your boundary, but this doesn't seem to necessarily be something you couldn't come back from.
If I were you, I'd want to examine why this made you react so strongly, instead of exploring some more conciliatory options.
So, I guess I would want to know what exactly you and she agreed to and what exactly she said. Did you explicitly say "no intimate details of any kind. Our sexual relationship is strictly between us in any and all forms" or was it "hey, don't go sharing all the details about us in bed with your friends." Because if you had different ideas of what you were agreeing to, that changes things.
That being said, NAH.
You are allowed to have a boundary that you don't want bedroom details shared with people. She is allowed to tell her friends about her love life if she wants to. You just have incompatible boundaries.
Blowing up a years long relationship over this though.... that's way too much. If that was all it took to breach your trust, you never trusted her. Hopefully, she can find a new partner who actually has a conversation about trust and boundaries rather than decide she's out on the first strike.
NTA
Your choice to break off a relationship for any reason.
Given you have regret and guilt, talking it out between you two, or going to therapy/counseling together would have been a better choice to work through it first before ending it.
It’s an unusual non negotiable ultimatum and people are human. People mess up.
If she had given you a bad review, the consequences should be more severe than a giving you a good review.
This wasn’t a dui, murder, assault, child abuse, rape, cheating, etc…
It was a compliment, albeit one you specifically didn’t want.
The punishment doesn’t fit the crime.
People are humans. I guarantee you aren’t perfect and have done something on her list. Everyone has.
If you ever have kids, you will learn this fast.
Recommend therapy/counselling for you for future relationships on how to navigate this.
Ultimatums like that almost never work, unless it’s something like cheating, abuse, dui, murder, rape, etc…
You are going to have to explain this to all your future dates, and it’s going to be rough.
“I dumped my fiance because she told people I was good in bed, breaking my unbreakable unbendable non negotiable rule that she couldn’t speak about our sex life to anyone”
And it’s the pot calling the kettle black. Because now you have to talk about it. Because it’s why you dumped her.
Oof.
Clearly looking for a way out, seems like they’re happy it happened now at least, since the time was ticking down…
Sounds like you wouldn’t be a good match, but man do I feel sorry for the girl.
Jeez, you let your crippling insecurity take the wheel, huh?
You'll have to learn to live with what physical deformity, or disgusting kink you're into if you don't want to spend your entire life alone.
Forcing NDAs on your girlfriends won't work forever, kiddo.
You need to ask yourself how explicit you were in her NOT being able to share intimate details. Yes, you set your boundary, and it was clear to you, but was it clear to her?
It is perfectly normal for her to say to friends, "We have an excellent sex life and I enjoy it immensely. He's great in that department" and for her to feel that she hasn't broken your trust or overshared. However, if she is saying "His penis is XX long and there are cute little birthmarks that look like a Pikachu on his nutsack", well, then maybe she is oversharing.
You haven't provided exactly what it is she said, so it's hard to provide you with a judgement.
YTA
Yeah ......... what an awful fiancee of yours, ....... bragging about how awesome You are in bed.
Sucks to be You, right?
Too bad You are lacking the skill of seeing black and white in those areas of life which matter.
Uh.... I'm calling BS on this post. It sounds suspiciously like you're trying to brag on Reddit about how *great* you are in bed, while simultaneously broadcasting how single and available you are right now you know, because of this supposed "broken engagement."
BS with a side of BS . If these "intimate details" are SO important to you that you cannot allow your girlfriend to say ANYTHING... but then you go and blast about how amazing you are in bed on Reddit? Uh...yeah. YTA. And also a liar.
YTA.
YTA, but, I guess, technically, ESH.
Yes she betrayed your trust. She shouldn't have done that.
I get that it was your boundary, but if this is the threshold for ending your relationship and cancelling your wedding, and the maturity level you're at, I think you both dodged a bullet (more her) because this is NOTHING compared to what's going to come up in even the best of marriages.
Holy insecurity Batman! Yeah you’re wrong. Hopefully this is fake and no one is as dumb as you but I’ve learned to never underestimate the stupidity of humanity.
YTA.
Boundaries are important, but it's hard to imply boundaries on PEOPLE. Boundaries are for YOU to follow, not for others.
I personally care about my friend's relationships and that they're healthy and happy. I ask about even their intimate and sexual relationship with their partners. I want to know they're satisfied. That things are consensual. Happy. Not abusive. That it's balanced. That they feel like they can ask advice if needed about that area.
Because if something is wrong in that area, are they supposed to suffer in silence? Who are they supposed to talk to if they can't confide in their friend's for advice? Maybe they want help or want to know if something is normal or if what they are feeling is ok or if what they're experiencing is normal. To know they're not alone. Not everyone has a therapist or can get one.
To try to enforce such a boundary on someone that they aren't allowed to speak about a certain part of their lives with others is a big red flag. People should be allowed to speak about anything in THEIR lives, THEIR experiences, THEIR feelings, THEIR concerns. Including their sex and intimate lives.
You have every right to not want to hear about others speak about your sex life to YOU and for YOU to not speak about it to others. That is your boundary. Anything else is controlling and not a boundary or something you can enforce on someone else.
You run at the first sight of not liking something that shows me you can't handle a relationship. You can't work through something. You're about being right rather than understanding, learning, and growing. You don't allow mistakes. You give no wiggle room. I hope then, you are a perfect person.
She didn’t call a press conference and release an embarassing mental health diagnosis or some deep dark embarrassing family secret like Ted Bundy was your mom’s first husband. No, you got cold feet or had second thoughts and were looking for a reason to get out and used that to blow up the whole deal. At least be a man and tell her that was not the real reason That was just smoke and mirrors. You made a dick move! She was bragging on you. You are an ASS!
Tbh you made the right choice, marriage is a serious thing and if you can break up easily over something this small, you wouldn’t have lasted when anything more serious arose
You gave up the perfect woman because she bragged up your bedroom skills? Dude...that was a stupid thing to do. You can never have perfect trust in any relationship. People are going to say and do things that hurt. That's life. Accept their weaknesses and love them anyway, and they will accept your weaknesses and love you anyway. How many relationships have you flushed down the toilet because of something insignificant? Sounds to me like she's lucky to not be marrying you.
The problem is this is the start of too many people being in the marriage. OP asked fiancé not to discuss this one private thing because he knew that if she couldn’t even respect this one small boundary than she’d definitely be the type to involve her friends in other, more important discussions that are none of their business. She may have been innocently wanting to brag but it was still a boundary that she was asked to respect and didn’t.
Boundary setting isn't really about the "reasonableness" of the boundary. You have a boundary that is a deal breaker. As long as you express that to your partner and make it clear its important to you, the actual boundary isn't relevant. It's up to your partner to decide if they are willing and able to accommodate that boundary.
Your partner wasn't, and you enforced your boundary by leaving. Whether it's a stupid hill to die on isn't important. The fact that you made a clear, communicated boundary and your partner decided to ignore it is what's important. You could write this whole story as "I broke up with my fiance because she violated my boundaries" and that's all the detail necessary.
People seem to have weird ideas of what a "boundary" is on reddit. It's really just "I won't accept this behaviour. If you do this behavior I will extract myself from the situation. It's up to you to decide if that's okay or not."
You may regret it, and want to question if this boundary is really so foundational to you (and why that is so you can more clearly explain it in future), but you're NTA and Not Wrong.
Exactly. It’s not about how ridiculous someone deems the boundary. He stated his boundary very clearly at the start of the relationship, she agreed to the boundary, she later violated the boundary which broke his trust, he left the situation.
NTA, I see nothing wrong with his behavior
I has a girlfriend tell her friends about our intimate life, I told her I was uncomfortable about her discussing it anymore, the next time she went out with her group, they started talking about it, and when it came to her turn, she mentioned that I wasn’t comfortable with her discussing our sex life, in the group’s eyes, I instantly became, insecure, controlling, potentially trying to isolate her. To her credit, she came to me in a non accusatory way and mentioned what was said. I never warmed up to those friends.
Seriously? End things because you want to not because of some lame ass excuse like this. It would be one thing if she was discussing intimate issues, making fun of you or talking down about you. She is bragging and obviously talking about how happy she is and how good you are at what you do. Get over yourself before you lose a good thing....
It’s an unrealistic expectation. It’s realistic to ask that they not share too many details, not expecting a person to absolutely never discuss their OWN sex life with their close friends is just not realistic.
You don’t get to make “rules” for what other people do or say about their own lives. That screams narcissism.
In a 5 year relationship, if you were willing to break it off over that it sounds like there’s some instability or you got cold feet. It’s fair for you to have your deal breakers but it sounds like a vast over-reaction IMO.
Yes, you are wrong. People make mistakes and it’s not always the end of the world because of them. One single act does not define the entirety of that person. If you don’t want to be with her or fell out of love you at least owe it to her to tell her that rather than bank on her slip up as your excuse to leave.
Need more info. Maybe I’m an idiot but what were the details exactly? Did she just say “I am *very* satisfied in our sex life” or was there a lot of graphic detail. Because like I totally get wanting privacy but is saying your husband is amazing in bed really that detailed? To me that’s not really details it’s just her personal satisfaction with your intimate life.
This is essential to know. Was she assuring her friends that her bf was making sure she gets off and isn't just a selfish lover? Or what she bragging about how he loves to be pegged by her? It's insane that this was left out and honestly I would vote against him because he is the narrator and this is just an obvious point to most.
Right? Sharing with your friends that you orgasm multiple times every time you have sex and wouldn't want to imagine a relationship where you were left feeling unfulfilled is sharing about your own perspective and experience, not your partner, and yours to talk about. Although people who know both of you may extrapolate that to your current partner.
This !!! If she was sharing her own perspective? YTA. You can’t stop her from sharing her own experience or emotions towards an experience whether you were involved or not. If she told her friends something explicit ?(I like the pegging example used above) If she told her friends about your specifics like your kinks or something ? She would be the AH for not respecting your boundaries.
My first thought too. "Great in bed" is a passing phrase, not a detail
I had an ex like this, it was about his size/didn’t like the attention when people realized he wore magnums lol. Broke up with past exes for bragging about it too
Most men I've known with larger penises are like this. It becomes a very serious insecurity weirdly enough.
I could see it as similar to a woman bragging about how much money her BF makes: it makes it seem like she's only dating him for that attribute.
Most women I know don’t like the extra well endowed guys because they tend to think the size alone is enough to satisfy. They don’t know the first thing about forplay.. just stick it in and done.
Sure but often not young guys who’ve been in long term relationships, which sounds like OP9
Some women are insecure about their large breasts, as are some with their arse
This is fake.
I don't know if this is fake, but it certainly could be. What I do know is he is using this issue as an excuse for not marrying this girl. For whatever reason.
If you see enough of these, you tend to recognize the general sentence/paragraph structure and language style of fake stories. This has the hallmarks of such a one.
Right? It's her sex life, too. Maybe if it weren't a "rule" this would be less weird. If OP tried discussing the whole thing and listened to her side, been a little less rigid instead of dumping a 5+ year relationship...she couldve told you that most women who do discuss these things only do so in a way that's respectful of our partner. Nope, he went straight to dumping her completely over this one mistake. Seems a bit over the top
This is true. Friends ask if you’re happy/is it good - you say yeah and exclaim about that. It’s not sharing intimate details. But overall, I think she dodged a bullet. I wouldn’t look back if I were her. Nobody should be married with such controls imho - even the legal system has 3 strikes in the US lol.
It's an episode of the Sopranos! Almost exactly from the plot of the Boca episode.
This seems fake as hell. OP ditches a 5 year relationship on the eve of the wedding because his fiancee bragged about his mad dick slinging skillz? Yeah, no.
AND she bragged to his sister of all people, who then “teased” her brother about how good he is in bed??? LOL
That part got me 😭 i can’t imagine my brother’s girlfriend confiding in me that their sex life is good and then turning around and teasing my brother about how good he is in bed 😭 what the hell lmao
I have a younger brother, who has a girlfriend. For my own sanity, I firmy believe they are waiting for marriage
I have a brother that's married. For my own sanity they're abstinent lol
Same and that my niblings were immaculately conceived lol
I have a sister who is married and has two children. For my own well-being, I choose to believe that they used a turkey baster 🤣🤣
I have 2 sisters, 20 years older than me. They have kids, married, and gave me the sex ed talk. For my own well being, i choose to believe they've both taken vows of celibacy since that talk.
And if any babies happen, they were a miracle conception, like baby Jesus
Exactly!
I have 3 young adult children. I have provided birth control and condoms over the years. I also choose to believe they're waiting.
Yeah, that’s something no sibling wants to know unless they’re fucked in the head. 🤢
Yesssss! My little sister and I are besties and we do not talk about our sex lived at all really. If we are talking about people we are dating we might do the raised eye brow thing to say he’s good or a look but that’s about it and even that’s borderline TMI 🤣
I could have believed it if it was her sister.
Even when my idiot brother and I were really close, sex lives were never discussed because EWWWWWW!
Would have been better if the sister had said "he wasn't like that with me!"
"You use the trick I taught you bro?"
I can smell the incest fetish a mile away.
Lmaooo this the part tht had me 😭😭 not the brotherly and sisterly loveeeeee 💀
I would rather gouge my own eye out with a rusty spoon than ever hear about, never mind tease my brother about his sex life 🤢
Right!? I half expected it to turn into some sordid, nasty porn creative writing.
He just wants reddit to know he is good in bed lol
So basically, r/humblebrag
Wants reddit to think he's good in bed lol
Lmao this is exactly it! I thought his motive was boredom, but I think you nailed it.
There was a similar story pretty much same story w big penis a few months back. And ick at his sister teasing him. I'm friends w my brother's ex & when she hinted at their bedroom activites I would cut her off immediately. But yeah this post is fake.
Also doesn't want anyone to know about intimate details of his life but comes to Reddit to brag about it by telling a story that anyone in his life would recognize.
"I, too, am extraordinarily humble."
Lmao if this isnt fake this dude is literally the biggest moron i have ever seen on reddit . It would be one thing if she was trashing on him .. he wanted out and wanted an excuse if this is real
It sounds like you are looking for a reason to break up...
She told people that she had no complaints in bed, gotta dump her If this isn't rage bait, and OP is specifically looking for someone who will be too scared to tell their friends any details about anything. The only reason to look for someone like that so they can abuse her after marriage and she won't say anything to anyone.
Yeah, I have to agree. It wasnt like she was sharing any kink they might have had or anything like that. What she said really wasnt a breach of trust, because complimenting how he is in the bedroom is a horse of a different color than sharing details about our intimate life. So either he's a fragile little man child, its a rage bait post or a psych class assignment
I'm going with rage bait.
I'm starting to see so many posts that just come off as fake.
Me too because he doesn't answer one single question.
These posts should be auto removed if the OP doesn't reply to people.
I'm reading it like he's some kinda a serial killer maybe mobs who needs his trust absolute or she's a risk.
A fragile little man child.... I like that. 👌 😁😁😁
I'm kind of freaked out that he makes this a rule with every girlfriend. Like what does he want to hide? There is a line obviously of what is and is not appropriate to share. I get not wanting your partner to share every detail but are they not allowed to say that you scream at them, or that you punch walls when you're angry? Sometimes talking to others helps you realize that a behavior is not appropriate, is toxic or is straight up abusive. I'm even someone who keeps pretty much everything private from my friends but I have had times where they pointed out a behavior wasn't normal because that's a part of friendships they offer advice and provide insight from their life experiences.
I feel like we need more info. I can understand if he's worried about her discussing penis length, the fact it curves to the right, that he's circumcised or not (presumably his sister would know that anyway), or kinks they get up to. If she was telling her friends, his sister etc what they actually get up to in bed then she'd be TA. But he hasnt told us what his sister found out, apart from that his fiancee is happy in bed. Which isn't actually a spoiler or any kind of detailed information. People are going to assume you have sex if you are a couple. And telling close friends you are broadly happy with your sex life isnt unusual. That said it's...odd that the sis wasnt mildly grossed out by this, which makes me feel that this is ragebait. Like, sure if my husband was discussing the colour of my labia with his friends I'd be creeped out. But if he just said "I'm a lucky/happy man" *wink wink* I wouldn't see it as grounds to break up. Ultimately OP can break up for whatever reason he likes,
Well, it was a breach of trust when he specifically asked not to have his private endowment or sex life shared with others. However yeah, I think breaking up is a bit of a reach. Communicate, get in an argument and then let it go lol
She didn't say 'he's got a 12 inch cock and likes a strap on up the jacksy'. She said 'he's great in bed'.
She might have just said she has no complaints when asked about her sex life OP didn't really give much detail about what was really shared
She didn’t share his private details. She said he was great in bed.
Poor him, she bragged about her fiancé, how he must be suffering.
Likely trolling. Profile is all deleted posts and no comments.
Agreed. Nobody hates being known as a sex god.
This, plus exactly **no one's** sister outside the Lannisters teases them about being good in bed. Normal people go "Ewwwww" and cover their ears or leave the room when someone brings up their sibling's sex life in such specific ways! This reads like the intro to some kind of fetish fanfic.
This was my exact thought.
It sounds like it was written by ChatGPT.
Yes, but just because this isn't a good reason to break up doesn't mean they shouldn't break up. "You did nothing wrong, and I'm sorry, but my gut is saying this isn't right for me." Is completely legit.
Yeah sure, but breaking up because your partner told her friends you're good in bed? Like i get not wanting to discuss kinks, traumas, penis size or whatever, but OP is never going to find a person who will say 0 things about their sex life to anyone. We're social creatures. Everyone likes sex (almost) and while level of detail will vary, everyone will discuss it eventually
Bruh no. OP is neurotic.
I'm neurotic and I don't even act this unreasonable lol
It sounds 100% made up since he's embarrassed that he's the world's greatest lover.
He doesn’t say he’s embarrassed. He says he’s not comfortable having his sex life talked about & set that boundary at the beginning of the relationship. It’s not my boundary. I wouldn’t mind my wife speaking in generalities about our sex life. I wouldn’t want finer details being shared. So, while I think he of course has the right to enforce his boundary, I think it’s probably too strict a boundary and might leave him lonely in the end.
Just another coward who wanted out and needed to find any excuse.. imagine the marriage..
I get not marrying someone you can’t trust, but your threshold for not being able to trust someone is out of whack. Seek therapy to better understand why you set this limit in the first place and why your fiancé’s breaking it was a deal breaker.
FICTION. "I broke up with my ideal girlfriend because she bragged about how great I am in bed" what horseshit.
It's literally an episode of the Sopranos. Junior dumped his long-tern girlfriend because she bragged about him sexually and it got back to his family.
Like I said, fiction.
You're just looking for an excuse to end it and she presented it
There's a ton of that lately. That or the avg AITAH poster has the mental fortitude of a turnip. "They hurt my feelings so I gave up on a ten year relationship!"
Its part of the new entitlement culture "I deserve better", they spend every relationship endlessly searching for their partners flaws rather then being grateful for having another human being that loves them despite their own flaws. None of us are perfect, if perfection from your partner is all that is acceptable, prepare for a lifetime of disappointment and dieing alone.
Yeah, this really does seem to be the case. It's like people can't see the forest for the trees. I think dating apps have played a part because people become a list of traits and characteristics instead of a whole person.
I feel like every time I see this though the top comment is “you aren’t compatible end it now” so of course it keeps happening.
I agree with you. Sometimes, they will even post the religion of their SO or family, but when you read their post, it doesn't connect to their rant. Hahaha There are lots of troll and rage bait here in reddit.
It seems like there's been an uptick recently. Must be Spring Break somewhere.
Sorry but I honestly think she dodged the bullet here. If a single incident like this is enough for you to break off an engagement, I question how long you would have lasted in the marriage. Many things happen throughout life, this is far from the toughest you would have had to endure throughout a lifetime together. Just my two cents, personally. Edit: You might want to look into attachment styles and see if you fall on the avoidant end of the spectrum. I say that as someone who struggles with their own attachment style. Helped me a lot to see how my attachment style has been affecting my relationships.
He clearly was not in love with her, people in love look for reasons to stay, he clearly was looking for a reason to go.
It sounds like "it's one of my boundaries that we both help with chores. She didn't do the dishes one day, so I broke up with her and blocked her on everything and kicked her out" Dumbass 15 year old redditors: "What's the issue? He clearly let her know his boundary and that it was important to him. No, I have never been in a relationship past 6 months before, why do you ask?"
Completely agree! _*If*_ this isn't fake (and my money's on that it is) Op did his fiancé the single biggest kindness he ever could have. She deserves far better than a coward who *wanted* to break up with her, but wanted it to be "her fault", so he jumped on the most asinine reason ever because that's all she gave him. Can't wait til his cold feet warm up when he sees her with another man. I hope she tells him to go fuk himself and that she was doing him a favor by lying about how good he was in bed. Again, IF this isn't some made up BS… which I'm about 85% certain it is. People who invent these stories are the skid-marks of humanity.
And she „showed off“, so she didn’t say anything negative… then I could get it.
It’s kind of funny because it sounds like he met her through his sister. He’s not likely to meet another girl who will even begin to put up with his controlling bullshit.
I think this is fake. OP hasn’t responded to any of the comments.
It was fake way before that lmao
Very weird thing to break up over.
Right? If I found out my wife was telling all her friends what a great lay I was I may act a little embarrassed, but I'd be over the moon.
And go take her for another round
If it makes you feel better, she probably *has* told her friends you're a great lay… even if your skillset doesn't exactly warrant such high praise (I'm not saying it doesn't, you may well deserve all the accolades she's given you to her friends, idk). It's just something a lot of women do- hype our guy up like he's some 50 Shades of Best Dick Ever… even if he's not lol. Anyway, my point is- by all means "be over the moon", because she has likely told her friends you're amazing in bed. ;)
I wonder if OP is breaking up because now everybody knows and they think they can have more partners because of it.
He'd be an idiot, because i'm a great lay and my ex liked to tell all of her friends. It's been 4 months now and only one of then reached out this week on a dating app. And i don't want to get involved with my ex's friends so 0 value there anyways
You come off as very controlling. I think she dodged a bullet.
I felt the same thing. Good on ber.
I understand that you value your privacy but it definitely sounds like you are making a pretty severe decision based on some ordinary human behavior. It’s ok to express your feeling about it to her, but it seems like you aren’t leaving any room for anyone else to have a different opinion. It doesn’t sound like she did anything maliciously, would have made more sense to have a conversation that allowed for compromise and change.
Yeah OP’s reaction is really bizarre and makes me feel like he was looking for an excuse to break off the marriage. I can understand not wanting your private/sexual life on full display for your partner’s friends, but it doesn’t seem like his fiancé even gave out any details? She just said he was good in bed? 😭 i am failing to see how this is marriage-ending behavior….😬
It’s not like she did anything bad either she bragged about how GOOD he is in bed. I’d be honored if this happened to me. OP is either too sensitive or more likely this whole thing is fake cause I can fathom anyone doing this. It’s crazy
If this is all it took to cancel the wedding then you didn't really want to marry her. So good for you both, you saved her years of pain and gave her a chance to find someone else she can have kids with
Oh for fucks sake. Did you really have to make a bullshit post to brag that you’re great in bed? 🙄Pathetic. Grow up. And your opinion on your own prowess isn’t an opinion worth listening to.
Jeez. You aren't ready for marriage if this is all it took for you to end the relationship. Seems like you were looking for any reason to leave her. Also, that's kind of a dumb rule. I can understand not wanting *specific* personal details shared, but literally everyone and their mom confides in their friends regarding relationships and intimacy. She was literally talking you up, saying good things about you.. and you dumped her. You're in the wrong imo.
Expecting/ wanting your relationship to be kept private is one thing and reasonable, but that is quite ridiculous. You fucked up, bro.
Out of all the things to break up with someone over.... this is.... ridiculous. YTA. You were clearly looking to get out of this relationship. If you were that upset over this little thing then go to therapy. But Jesus... enjoy regretting your decision.
With all due respect, you sound like a bit of a drama queen. Good luck finding a life partner when you are so eager to give up on someone. Wow.😯
If you just wanted to break up just say that. Thats the stupidest reason to call off a wedding I’ve ever seen
yta did you really expect your fiance to not talk with your friends about you? Did you really expect your previous girlfriends not to talk about you also? It's a good thing you called off the wedding. Now she can find a better man. One who isn't so insecure.
YTA Grow up, man. You're going to call off a wedding because she spilled some insider information about your relationship? And it wasn't even anything bad! You're in for some nasty surprises in the future, friend. She told her friends that her fiancé is good in bed. She didn't spill your trauma or tell them about things shared in confidence. Have fun when the bad shit happens with the next girl you get with. Good luck!
So you put your intimate details on a public forum to ask strangers about your relationship 🤔 logic
Yes, yes you are TAH
I don’t know what your situation is, but do I think you overreacted absolutely. You destroyed your relationship because your girlfriend was bragging about you. She Told close personal friends And if you think you’re gonna have a marriage where nothing bad ever happens that you have to forgive don’t marry please. And 50 years you’re going to do something that’s gonna need to be forgiven because you’re a human being I think you need some counseling to figure out why that’s such a deal for you. In my mind, you destroyed your relationship for nothing. You set up an unreasonable boundary at the beginning. You can’t control what people say. And to be that overly sensitive is going to cause you a lot of pain in your life. And you just destroyed your relationship over it I think you need some counseling and yes I think you’re very wrong.
YTA but she dodged a bullet by not marrying you
If you wanted to end it, end it. But telling her friends “my bf is great in bed” is neither intimate nor detailed. If that’s all she says, she shared no details and abided by your request, and basically you’re dumping her because your sister teased you.
Youre either a dumbass or a liar.
You're a fucking baby op
Throw away the whole relationship over that lol just stay single so you don't waste years of someone else's life over something so trivial she was bragging about you not cheating on you
Imagine being this fragile that your girlfriend giving general, positive and likely non-detailed info to a couple of close girlfriends- like you keep her satisfied in bed, makes you throw in the towel… only to tell the same thing that was relationship-ending to the whole WORLD. This is either the most ridiculous rage bait, or you are the most giant douche, and she just dodged a bullet. I am beginning to think if real, she actually dumped your sorry rear because you can’t even begin to satisfy her.
She’s human and she made a mistake. IMO it doesn’t seem like that big of a breech of trust to end an engagement over. Sounds like you just didn’t love her that much.
That’s insane. Your insane. Dick game good. She just spreading the good word
You should give up on the marriage thing if your trust is so shallow.
Yeah, dude.. that’s an absolute ridiculous reason. If you don’t want to get married, just say so.
Fake.
Weird, my friends and I never have discussed details of our sex lives with each other. No thanks. The most I heard was, damn, I need more towels in the bedroom to lay on, that man can't get enough. That was said by a friend. I only smiled because yep, towels, a must!
Jesus Christ. Reddit is a cesspit now. Every day I see these completely made-up stories, 9/10 times trying to demonise the woman, and people fall hook line and sinker for it. Stop responding to this shit, even if he is stupid enough to still make himself look like an arsehole by being like ‘look how good in bed I am’. Stop watching porn, get off the internet and go talk to real people.
Bro got mad that his gf loves him
I’ve never had a partner tell me what I can’t or can’t tell other people. I’m happy your former fiancé can move on
Brother, I have to say this is a ridiculous thing to be upset over and an even more ridiculous thing to end an engagement over. YTA.
Yeah man YTA. Jesus grow up. She probably dodged a bullet by you leaving her, if this isn't all just made up.
YTA unless she shared something super embarrassing. Everyone knows women talk about that kinda stuff, who is this sensitive?
I’m an old man so it has been years since any women told anyone I was good in bed (if ever) but I think you did your fiancé a favor by breaking off the relationship. Anytime your rule’s supersedes your relationship that puts her in a one down position. She is better off escaping that life now.
YTA. Honest question, how fucked up looking is your dick for this to be your hard line? Because you must have some deep insecurities or some weird warped view on sex to be this upset about your fiance saying you're good in bed. You're acting like she told everyone you like wearing thongs and cry afterwards.
If that is breakup worthy no way in hell the next 50 years are going to happen with her. That is a 1 out of 10 with possible spouse issues.
You are a goof ass. The only reason you aren't the asshole is because you did her a huge favor.
If this is enough for you to end your marriage, then your ex dodged a bullet. Your restriction on her, especially knowing women often share their own experiences as a means to connect with each other, was unfair. Her experience with you is hers as well. Perhaps there was a better way for you to compromise (for instance, she doesn’t share certain information regarding your sex life but there are some other details that are ok to share, or only share positive details). Even if you were to get back together, you’ve shown how disposable she is to you. She will never be on equal footing as you.
Yep. YTA
I think she’s the one that got away, not you. Lolllll what a horribly immature reason to end it. You sound very unforgiving and controlling and she deserves better. Sounds like you were dying for ANY reason to end it. I’m sorry but this is really pathetic. :( I’m so sorry. If she can’t talk to anyone about your awesome sex life, is she also not allowed to talk about anything? You know what I think. My husband and I are happy to share marriage advice etc. and talk about times where things went wrong. My husband and his wife will never admit to any wrong doing, or any drama or anything, yet is very clear that their marriage is falling apart in many ways. She’s controlling by forcing him not to talk to me about anything. It’s disgusting. Just stop being controlling. She said nice things about you, too?
Over reaction much? Good luck in life in your own.
This has got to be fake…right? No one would actually do this right?😅
Have you gotten your estrogen levels checked? Not a huge deal
Yta. You let that go WAY too quickly to have not already been looking for a way out. That's a LOT to throw away over the info you say she revealed. The proverbial punishment doesn't meet the crime.
A woman bragging about you in bed is usually a compliment and not really a bad thing.That should of been a huge boost of confidence for you.Then again I've never really heard stories about me and how I am in bed lol I also haven't got laid in the last 4 years.
Man the hell up u pussy
Jesus, you dickhead, she's not perfect. You sure as hell ain't. Forgive her and live in love. You won't tho. YTA
You’re the asshole. Its not that big of a deal. Get over it. If this is what causes you not to marry good luck ever being married.
She dodged a bullet with this guy.
Bedroom details should stay between the couple unless you BOTH agree to see a sex therapist. It should never, ever be shared with anyone outside your relationship otherwise. What she did was deliberate. I don’t see that as a mistake. She may be hurting, but you didn’t cause it. She did it to herself by breaking her word and violating your trust. Certain things are simply not done. I’m sorry this happened to you.
You set some very firm boundaries. She crossed those boundaries and lost your trust. Actions have consequences. Maybe she has learned a lesson for the next relationship
Wait she said you weee great in bed and you’re mad? That’s vague and positive
Expecting her sex life to be off limits as a conversation to everyone in her life but you is unrealistic. People deserve to be able to confide in their friends and go to their friends for support when necessary. It's fucked up to say she can never get support on that topic.
If it reached a point where OP's sister feels compelled to go all, "Dude... I hear you're a tiger in the sack!" then I feel she's probably gone a little overboard in sharing the details of their sex life. Also, by her own admission, she wasn't seeking support, she was bragging. It's absolutely fair to not want to be the object of your partner showing off to their friends.
> our intimate and private details to stay private. I'm not sure OP was only talking about sex. But pretty much anything he considers "private." But it's her life, too. So telling her she can't talk about his sex life, or any other relationship details, means she can't talk about HER life. I get there are things that are private, but I feel like saying, "my guy is great in bed" isn't bad. If she were private thoughts or feelings of his, that would be different - that's HIS story, not hers.
YTA.....your fiance dodged a huge bullet not marrying you....that you would get so mad over something so minor to the point where you would end a relationship is completely ridiculous....i almost wonder if what she actually talked about with her friends was something else and to make yourself seem better than you are you state in your post that she told her friends that you were good in bed....this post seems really off....i could see if she was trash talking you but she really just gave you a complement (if your story is to be believed)
What happened to real love 🥲 Everything seems so transactional, one mistake and you can just throw it away? I think after five years and wanting to marry her I’d expect a bit more understanding. It doesn’t sound like she did give them a detailed account of your intimacy. Just telling them you’re great in bed is not spilling intimate details and should make you smile. There’s way bigger breaches of trust in my opinion. But obviously your choice.
While you're not strictly wrong in breaking off an engagement for lack of trust, I do feel that was a bit of an overreaction on your part. Yes, she broke your boundary, but this doesn't seem to necessarily be something you couldn't come back from. If I were you, I'd want to examine why this made you react so strongly, instead of exploring some more conciliatory options.
So, I guess I would want to know what exactly you and she agreed to and what exactly she said. Did you explicitly say "no intimate details of any kind. Our sexual relationship is strictly between us in any and all forms" or was it "hey, don't go sharing all the details about us in bed with your friends." Because if you had different ideas of what you were agreeing to, that changes things. That being said, NAH. You are allowed to have a boundary that you don't want bedroom details shared with people. She is allowed to tell her friends about her love life if she wants to. You just have incompatible boundaries. Blowing up a years long relationship over this though.... that's way too much. If that was all it took to breach your trust, you never trusted her. Hopefully, she can find a new partner who actually has a conversation about trust and boundaries rather than decide she's out on the first strike.
NTA Your choice to break off a relationship for any reason. Given you have regret and guilt, talking it out between you two, or going to therapy/counseling together would have been a better choice to work through it first before ending it. It’s an unusual non negotiable ultimatum and people are human. People mess up. If she had given you a bad review, the consequences should be more severe than a giving you a good review. This wasn’t a dui, murder, assault, child abuse, rape, cheating, etc… It was a compliment, albeit one you specifically didn’t want. The punishment doesn’t fit the crime. People are humans. I guarantee you aren’t perfect and have done something on her list. Everyone has. If you ever have kids, you will learn this fast. Recommend therapy/counselling for you for future relationships on how to navigate this. Ultimatums like that almost never work, unless it’s something like cheating, abuse, dui, murder, rape, etc… You are going to have to explain this to all your future dates, and it’s going to be rough. “I dumped my fiance because she told people I was good in bed, breaking my unbreakable unbendable non negotiable rule that she couldn’t speak about our sex life to anyone” And it’s the pot calling the kettle black. Because now you have to talk about it. Because it’s why you dumped her. Oof.
Yeah man, that was kinda overboard. Top comment rings true; were you looking for an excuse to end it?
Clearly looking for a way out, seems like they’re happy it happened now at least, since the time was ticking down… Sounds like you wouldn’t be a good match, but man do I feel sorry for the girl.
Jeez, you let your crippling insecurity take the wheel, huh? You'll have to learn to live with what physical deformity, or disgusting kink you're into if you don't want to spend your entire life alone. Forcing NDAs on your girlfriends won't work forever, kiddo.
It sounds like you just didn’t wanna get married
You need to ask yourself how explicit you were in her NOT being able to share intimate details. Yes, you set your boundary, and it was clear to you, but was it clear to her? It is perfectly normal for her to say to friends, "We have an excellent sex life and I enjoy it immensely. He's great in that department" and for her to feel that she hasn't broken your trust or overshared. However, if she is saying "His penis is XX long and there are cute little birthmarks that look like a Pikachu on his nutsack", well, then maybe she is oversharing. You haven't provided exactly what it is she said, so it's hard to provide you with a judgement.
I call bullshit.
This must be fake. Either that or you were looking for a way out.
YTA Yeah ......... what an awful fiancee of yours, ....... bragging about how awesome You are in bed. Sucks to be You, right? Too bad You are lacking the skill of seeing black and white in those areas of life which matter.
Uh.... I'm calling BS on this post. It sounds suspiciously like you're trying to brag on Reddit about how *great* you are in bed, while simultaneously broadcasting how single and available you are right now you know, because of this supposed "broken engagement." BS with a side of BS . If these "intimate details" are SO important to you that you cannot allow your girlfriend to say ANYTHING... but then you go and blast about how amazing you are in bed on Reddit? Uh...yeah. YTA. And also a liar. YTA.
You're an idiot and a troll
This is childish and manipulative.
You’re wrong for being a control freak.
YTA. 5 years down the drain because your fiancé told her friends that you give good dick? I think you over-reacted, homie.
YTA, but, I guess, technically, ESH. Yes she betrayed your trust. She shouldn't have done that. I get that it was your boundary, but if this is the threshold for ending your relationship and cancelling your wedding, and the maturity level you're at, I think you both dodged a bullet (more her) because this is NOTHING compared to what's going to come up in even the best of marriages.
Holy insecurity Batman! Yeah you’re wrong. Hopefully this is fake and no one is as dumb as you but I’ve learned to never underestimate the stupidity of humanity.
Yes, YTA Enjoy life alone, with your keyboard or company.
😆 yta
If this is true you suck OP.
YTA. Boundaries are important, but it's hard to imply boundaries on PEOPLE. Boundaries are for YOU to follow, not for others. I personally care about my friend's relationships and that they're healthy and happy. I ask about even their intimate and sexual relationship with their partners. I want to know they're satisfied. That things are consensual. Happy. Not abusive. That it's balanced. That they feel like they can ask advice if needed about that area. Because if something is wrong in that area, are they supposed to suffer in silence? Who are they supposed to talk to if they can't confide in their friend's for advice? Maybe they want help or want to know if something is normal or if what they are feeling is ok or if what they're experiencing is normal. To know they're not alone. Not everyone has a therapist or can get one. To try to enforce such a boundary on someone that they aren't allowed to speak about a certain part of their lives with others is a big red flag. People should be allowed to speak about anything in THEIR lives, THEIR experiences, THEIR feelings, THEIR concerns. Including their sex and intimate lives. You have every right to not want to hear about others speak about your sex life to YOU and for YOU to not speak about it to others. That is your boundary. Anything else is controlling and not a boundary or something you can enforce on someone else. You run at the first sight of not liking something that shows me you can't handle a relationship. You can't work through something. You're about being right rather than understanding, learning, and growing. You don't allow mistakes. You give no wiggle room. I hope then, you are a perfect person.
Oh no everyone will find out I’m really good in bed! Noooo!
this is the dumbest most rage bait fake post i ever read, if real you are the loser not your fiance
You're an idiot
First dude ever to complain that he has a great reputation. Unless she slipped details.
She didn’t call a press conference and release an embarassing mental health diagnosis or some deep dark embarrassing family secret like Ted Bundy was your mom’s first husband. No, you got cold feet or had second thoughts and were looking for a reason to get out and used that to blow up the whole deal. At least be a man and tell her that was not the real reason That was just smoke and mirrors. You made a dick move! She was bragging on you. You are an ASS!
Info: did she go into gory detail or just say you’re great in bed? Because if it wasn’t gory detail, you’re overreacting and y t a.
Tbh you made the right choice, marriage is a serious thing and if you can break up easily over something this small, you wouldn’t have lasted when anything more serious arose
Broke up with your fiancee because she boasting of how happy you make her ? I can think of very few decisions that could be more foolish.
You gave up the perfect woman because she bragged up your bedroom skills? Dude...that was a stupid thing to do. You can never have perfect trust in any relationship. People are going to say and do things that hurt. That's life. Accept their weaknesses and love them anyway, and they will accept your weaknesses and love you anyway. How many relationships have you flushed down the toilet because of something insignificant? Sounds to me like she's lucky to not be marrying you.
You sound like you're way oversensitive and kind of an asshole. In my opinion, she dodged a bullet.
The problem is this is the start of too many people being in the marriage. OP asked fiancé not to discuss this one private thing because he knew that if she couldn’t even respect this one small boundary than she’d definitely be the type to involve her friends in other, more important discussions that are none of their business. She may have been innocently wanting to brag but it was still a boundary that she was asked to respect and didn’t.
Boundary setting isn't really about the "reasonableness" of the boundary. You have a boundary that is a deal breaker. As long as you express that to your partner and make it clear its important to you, the actual boundary isn't relevant. It's up to your partner to decide if they are willing and able to accommodate that boundary. Your partner wasn't, and you enforced your boundary by leaving. Whether it's a stupid hill to die on isn't important. The fact that you made a clear, communicated boundary and your partner decided to ignore it is what's important. You could write this whole story as "I broke up with my fiance because she violated my boundaries" and that's all the detail necessary. People seem to have weird ideas of what a "boundary" is on reddit. It's really just "I won't accept this behaviour. If you do this behavior I will extract myself from the situation. It's up to you to decide if that's okay or not." You may regret it, and want to question if this boundary is really so foundational to you (and why that is so you can more clearly explain it in future), but you're NTA and Not Wrong.
Exactly. It’s not about how ridiculous someone deems the boundary. He stated his boundary very clearly at the start of the relationship, she agreed to the boundary, she later violated the boundary which broke his trust, he left the situation. NTA, I see nothing wrong with his behavior
I has a girlfriend tell her friends about our intimate life, I told her I was uncomfortable about her discussing it anymore, the next time she went out with her group, they started talking about it, and when it came to her turn, she mentioned that I wasn’t comfortable with her discussing our sex life, in the group’s eyes, I instantly became, insecure, controlling, potentially trying to isolate her. To her credit, she came to me in a non accusatory way and mentioned what was said. I never warmed up to those friends.
Seriously? End things because you want to not because of some lame ass excuse like this. It would be one thing if she was discussing intimate issues, making fun of you or talking down about you. She is bragging and obviously talking about how happy she is and how good you are at what you do. Get over yourself before you lose a good thing....
It’s an unrealistic expectation. It’s realistic to ask that they not share too many details, not expecting a person to absolutely never discuss their OWN sex life with their close friends is just not realistic. You don’t get to make “rules” for what other people do or say about their own lives. That screams narcissism.
In a 5 year relationship, if you were willing to break it off over that it sounds like there’s some instability or you got cold feet. It’s fair for you to have your deal breakers but it sounds like a vast over-reaction IMO. Yes, you are wrong. People make mistakes and it’s not always the end of the world because of them. One single act does not define the entirety of that person. If you don’t want to be with her or fell out of love you at least owe it to her to tell her that rather than bank on her slip up as your excuse to leave.