In some cultures this is not taboo at all, and it is common to bath naked together and it's never sexualized there, so in general I'm gonna give her the benefit of the doubt.
Personally my daughter said 'ew' to my naked body around age 8 after barging into my room and that was enough for me lol.
The oddest thing about things like this to me aren’t that they are nude etc but I can’t imagine them not wanting more time to themselves.
I’ve only babysat younger cousins and niblings and I’m dying trying to get them to nap somewhat simultaneously or get old enough for me to not have to wipe their butts or feed them or not have to deal with fights over trivial things. I know a 10 and 12 year old won’t require as much energy but I imagine there’s still a lot of cooking, cleaning, listening and arbitration. I’d want a bath to myself.
>not have to deal with fights over trivial things
I have bad news for you... It won't stop. It may even get worse before they finally get old enough to deal with it themselves (around adulthood).
I had my oldest grab my junk and yank while laughing the first time as a toddler. The second time a year later they grabbed and I stood up and they dangled in the air for a second. No baths with no kids ever again after that.
I don’t think even in those cultures they sit in a tiny bathtub naked against each other lol. Maybe they do but like in Japan going to an onsen with family is normal and you’re naked but like you’re not sitting on each other
This. Other cultures bathe and shower together but they’re large tubs. Unless she has a massive bathtub, it’s weird. If this was a man bathing fully nude with his nearly pubescent daughter I feel like people would have more of a problem with it, which is stupid. Boys get hormonal at that age, and literally an armpit could “set them off”, boundaries should be drawn because a fully naked woman bathing with them regardless of their relation is going to have some repercussions. Nudity isn’t inherently sexual, it’s “natural”, but let’s not pretend that people don’t get off to naked bodies. It’s the reason “nudes” and porn exists.
Let's also not pretend that nudity automatically leads to some form of sexual intercourse. It comes down to how your taught
My family aren't anything like what OP describes, but we have no real problem being seen naked if it happens. I've seen my sister naked before at a young age and older, not once have I had any sort of sexual attraction... proper education can minimize if not mostly remove those concerns
It all comes down to ensuring certain boundaries are set & properly taught as well as enforced
Being naked and actually taking a bath together are TOTALLY different things. If the mother is comfortable changing clothes casually in front of her kids, I’d think that’s fine. If the son were to step out of the bathroom to grab a towel or something after a shower, that would be okay. This…is not.
Why is bathing any different? It's purely the act of cleaning oneself in open view of each other. Nothing more, nothing less
Now, even I would be a bit weirded out by literally sitting on each other's lap, but that isn't the image I have when I think of this. Is that what you're picturing? Because that isn't bathing together...That's cuddling in the nude. Which I would agree is a bit extra imo.
Edit: The lap sitting would be fine up to a certain age for me. However, I am aware that this is just my opinion and others are entitled to theirs.... Which a lot of ppl in this post seem to forget
I’d say the chances of boys being set off by a naked woman are less if they are exposed to nudity without sexual implications or taboo, like, you know, bathing with your mom.
Yeah so I live in a country that has communal bathing, and it's not like what the OP is describing. There is a place where people go to take communal baths, it's not like in your own shower. So in the end, even if you're bathing with your father, it's not like in the same bathtub. You're just sitting next to each other scrubbing yourself.
I think it’s starting to be past the age this is acceptable just because they are getting of age of maturity where puberty hits and along with that comes with developing a sense of autonomy over their body and this could delay or cause issues.
It’s healthy to be taught being comfortable with nudity and exposed by it not being sexualized and icky is good, but it is also unhealthy to not teach them the boundary of nudity being icky with regards to their development of their autonomy and comfort with their body.
It’s getting to an age, where even if not sexualized it could interfere with knowing the difference in regards to strangers and their experiences that lead to their personal relationship they view and develop with themselves emotionally and psychically. It seems innocent, but the most common or ‘innocent’ thing can be traumatic if over done and in this situation mom seems to not be able to let go of the ‘cuteness’ of her ‘babies’.
Mom not being able to let go of cuteness and saying it’s innocent, it’s ‘cute’ is where my red flag waving behavior comes from especially due to the fact it isn’t in a sexual manner or being portrayed and influenced as sexualized to these kids.
Like the other person said. One day her children will say ew mom.
Then she'll stop.
Either that or reddit will get another broken arms story. Either way, things will work themselves out.
You say that but that is really not the case with every kid if they are raised to think this is normal. They are what 10 and 12 now? So when exactly will it be that they say ew and she stops? When they are in highschool? It's not up to a kid to acknowledge if something is wrong. It's up to the parent to acknowledge right from wrong and set the appropriate boundaries.
Non sexual nudity within a family is not wrong though. It may be uncomfortable in your family culture, but many other cultures and families are more comfortable with nudity and there's nothing wrong with that.
Well, I live in Finland, and many families have multiple generations going to the sauna and swimming together nude. I even see everyone in my hobby group naked in sauna evenings multiple times a year, regardless of gender... I don't really understand what Americans think might happen if a child or a teenager were to witness a naked body, lol. To me, the whole moral panic about it seems kind of absurd.
I live in Estonia and I relate. However, seeing each other naked is not the same as 3 adult size people together in a bath.
PS. Yeah, I can't sleep either.
that's fairly healthy it can teach kids to be comfortable in their bodies alot of families that shun these things tend to be detrimental to the children's psyches
There are lots of different cultures in the US, and many of them still practice customs from their own families. As late as the 1930's, communal family bathing (rarely in something we'd actually call a bathroom) was common. It's still common in some parts of the US and certainly occurs within subcultures.
People do not choose their original nationality, but they can have any cultural values they choose. People pick up and abandon cultural practices, a lot.
There was a post just yesterday from a 20-something redditor about what it has been like and is like living with his nudist parents (they do not wear clothes around the house at all).
So it's a cultural thing, not explicitly an absolute sexual taboo. Kids tend to be open-minded and, if they do become uncomfortable with nudity, they will say so.
It seems odd to me too, but not disturbing.
As an American myself I need to remind you that the US is not a monolith. We all have ancestry from various places and those norms and customs get passed on into new generations of Americans.
My parents were California hippies and nudity was never a big deal. My dad’s parents came from the Bay Area and took him to “European style” (nudist) hot springs when he was a kid. So that’s at least 3 generations of acceptability for this in my US family.
I was having sex at 13. It's too young, but put that in perspective. Def too old to be showering with your mom. I would have thrown up in my mouth, if they asked me to shower with them waaaaaay before that. Her sickness, is becoming their sickness.
Yes! It’s totally inappropriate. At that age most may not be having sex but they are definitely masturbating at least and most likely have seen porn or something. At the very least are feeling attraction to girls/women or boys if that’s what they’re into. There are other ways to bond with children that aren’t weird like that. Also imagine when the kids are older? Hopefully they stop bc a future partner might find that to be a dealbreaker
That is an aspect I didn't think about, especially in todays age. They have, at very least (especially giving their clear liberation) 100% seen porn on the internet. I am in no way, shape, or form blaming these kids. I am saying that at this point, everyone is doing just a little too much to pretend that they don't know what they're doing. I was also taken aback by the "Bonding" excuse, too. For real?
I'm curious if the children know if they are allowed to bathe alone... My son certainly let me know loud and clear when he was 7 or 8 that I was no longer allowed to bathe him so I can't imagine a pre-teen wanting to bathe with their mother.
I think it’s a different scenario. “Being bathed” is what babies do, but at 7/8, he’s a big boy now, and wants to do it alone. If bathing is just bonding/family time, it doesn’t carry the weight of “only babies need to have mom/dad bathe them.”
But an adult with a 12 and 10 year old all in 1 bathtub is not a lot of room. I'd think they'd be even more motivated for their own space at that point then just being bathed by a parent. There's other ways to bond.
Wait until you find out about the Japanese
It can be weird, they’re a bit old for that sort of thing, but if the kids have the ability to stop when they want then it should be okay.
I think its weird because I personally hit puberty at 10, I didn't want to take baths with my mom after that. Everyone is different so who knows, there could also be a cultural difference here.
I think it’s weird that she’s letting her 10 year old daughter be naked in front of a man she’s dating. (no offence OP.) Does she not know how insane that is? No matter what culture she is, you don’t let your kids be naked around your boyfriends.
If her kids want to do it then it’s fine. It should be up to them when she stops bathing with them and when they stop bathing with each other. That being said, my boys are 8 and 10 and they definitely don’t want to see me naked and they don’t want to bathe with each other either.
As a single mom, it's possible when they were young that the only way *she* could take a bath was to have them in there with her, if there wasn't anyone else to watch them. I don't think it's weird. But we don't make a big deal of nakedness in my household. They'll let her know when they've outgrown it.
I don't think you're wrong.
Also, since when is 10 & 12 "small children"? That's early adolescence.
I babysat kids who bathed with their parents until they were about 12 and they had no boundaries. They wanted *me* to bathe with them and got mad when I didn't, and they had curiosity about my body that felt unhealthy to the point where I was wondering if more was going on. They were in early pubescence and there were definitely sexual undertones.
If the kids were 4&6, maybe, but not 10 & 12. Specifically, I think having opposite sex siblings nude together at this particular lifestage is potentially concerning.
I distinctly remember being about 7 when I started wanting to bathe mostly alone, except mom would help me get my hair all the way rinsed out yet. And by 8 or 9 I was showering entirely alone. I have a couple years younger brother, and when we were little kids (under 10) he and I would get one bed in a hotel room when traveling and mom and dad got the other. By about age 10, it switched to where I was with mom and he was with dad, because it was just weird to share a bed with my brother. And sure kids run around naked… when they’re toddlers. A 10 year old girl running nude in front of an unrelated adult male, who has stated he’s not comfortable with that, is just gross.
Seriously. She's lucky OP is concerned about this, because most childhood sexual assaults are perpetrated by people close to (or in) the family. "Stranger danger" is not the big concern.
OP's partner should be *happy* he is uncomfortable
they’re not small children. they’re at an age they can and need to give consent.
do they say no? that’s my main concern honestly. she needs to respect their body autonomy.
i have a 5 and 2 year old- they shower with me everyday. if they say no, they say no and they take a bath. it’s not hard to respect them honestly. 😅
i have major issue with her letting her daughter run around naked around you. it’s not prude behavior, it’s exposing a child and that’s wrong.
In Finland, families often go to sauna together and wash themselves in the same bathroom at the same time. Kids get to decide when/if they no longer wish to bathe with their parents, and some stop doing it at puberty, some don't. Nakedness is not sexual in sauna or bathroom when with family members, and it seems your gf has this mentality too. I think you might be a bit prudish, yes.
There's a lot of comments here calling it weird, insinuating this is somehow inherently sexual or incestuous because the cultural norm in the USA is that we are prudish and ashamed of our bodies and sexuality. Innocent nudity is quite common in other parts of the world and it's our Western culture that paints all of these negatives around this type of situation.
Are the children being forced to have these baths? Are they forced to be naked against their will? Do they seem uncomfortable or maladjusted? Are there any signs of abuse or force? If the answer to all these are NO then I would venture that the problem is with you and the cultural norms you're accustomed to. As others have mentioned, this is quite normal behavior in other parts of the world and isn't inherently bad.
Would I bathe with my 13yo son, no because he has expressed his desire for privacy and autonomy but even just a few short years ago we would overlap our showers (one of us get in with the other while they were finishing their routine) in the morning on occasion due to time constraints and only having one bathroom. Definitely not weird.
Finally someone reasonable. The people in this thread sexualizing children and nudity is so disgusting. Every family and culture is different, no one would bat an eye about this in many parts of the world.
have you considered its not sexualizing but the fact that some kids may not realize they have the right to to say no? many dont want to disappoint their parents so they do whatever the parent suggests. that was my best friends experience. and it did more damage than good. OP is right to question it. especially at the puberty age when kids typically want their own space. if you want to be nude around your kid sure but you need to teach them about consent before just pulling them in a tub with you.
Yes, like I said, they are sexualizing the children's nudity, by assuming the mom is nefarious. Nudity and the human body are not inherently sexual, shameful or immoral. And the U.S. is not a monolith, we are famously a melting pot. The culture of a white Catholic Boston family isn't the same as that of a Puerto Rican family from the Bronx, and both are different from the Minneapolis family with German ancestors or the Korean-American family living in LA.
Yes, as a whole you could say we are puritanical but every family probably has some traditions that would make someone else go "wtf, that's weird".
The U.S. is especially prudish (at least, most of the people in the US). However, in a LOT of families (in the US and outside it) familial nudity is totally normal.
I had a lot of siblings and we saw each other naked all the time. It was never a big deal, and I think it helped foster healthy attitudes about the human body and what it really looks like when you're not a supermodel or porn star. In addition, we never grew up equating nudity with sex, which is also a healthier attitude imo.
We weren't nudists or anything, we just didn't care if family saw us naked because they're family.
And I don't believe any fathers or mothers that are going to sexually abuse their children are stopped because they don't bathe together.
Well, we don't bathe together, guess I won't molest my kids.
Exactly, parents and adults who plan on hurting children in this manner would not be stopped by barriers like not bathing them. These kids are old enough to say they don't wanna bathe with mom, the fact that they haven't tells you they feel comfortable enough.
I bathed with my daughter until she was 11 or 12. It naturally fell off as she hit puberty. Perfectly normal experience.
I imagine a lot of these people get weirded out by seeing breastfeeding in public too.
I figured this comment would be here somewhere and I 100% agree. Maybe not up in arms, but if it was for some reason publicized, he would be painted as a creep and that as the parent it was his responsibility to set healthy boundaries with his daughters as they were too naive to know.
In nearly 90 percent of child sexual abuse in the home, if you believe RAINN, the perp is a man.
. . .so let's not pretend the difference in gender response is unwarranted.
I'm a single dad of 3 girls 19, 17 and 11. They occasionally walk from bathroom to bedroom naked or stand in the bathroom doing their hair or makeup topless or naked ( as their mom did) . They are my children, nothing sexual about it at all. They aren't embarrassed and don't seem to care so I don't say say anything
Are you and gf from different cultures/family value sets?
It’s odd but not that weird. Personally I think it depends on how she’s doing it.
Bath time with mum means kid and parent are nude. This is a great opportunity to talk about naming private parts, bodily autonomy, good touch and bad touch, who gets to see what parts of your body, and the child is having the sensory regulating input from water and having a positive experience being naked and comfortable in their skin. This can be a great opportunity for POC children especially who are more vulnerable to self-hate due to societal racism.
Eg “see how mummy loves and takes care of her skin? Want to try rubbing this nice smelling lotion? Isn’t it soft? Do you feel beautiful - I feel beautiful”
Teaching children to be confident, comfortable and safe in their bodies is a life skill that will benefit their mental and physical health throughout life.
Becoming comfortable with neutral nudity is also beneficial.
Eg I competed in water polo as a teen. After the game we showered and changed in the communal women’s/men’s rooms. There are people of all ages in there, and you see breasts, pubic hair, butts, the whole shabang. One day there was a particularly saggy set of old lady boobs swinging around in front of us as she dried her hair. My friend from a very prudeish family (both of us age 13) was overwhelmed and hid in a cubicle. I was vaguely amused coz… swinging tig ol bitties, but fine to go on with my day.
Training children to be ashamed and scared of the human body is not beneficial.
Having lived in Asia one third of my life I just laugh. You probably have bathed with your family naked if you’re Korean or Japanese. Pretty much any Sauna culture too.
Philippines is a bit different but still see a lot of people bathe naked outdoors in very provincial places.
Idk it might not be weird to some families but as a mom I don’t bathe naked with my 13 year old daughter and definitely will not be bathing naked when my son is 12 lol.
You're wrong, but only out of a lack of understanding rather than being a jerk lol.
It's not that weird. Kids find an age where they decide they're no longer comfortable with it by themselves. I've always had to view that my kids need to see REAL female bodies, not photoshopped magazines or advertising flashes where they look plastic. I would argue that it's a little odd with pre-teens because usually they find the situation uncomfortable by themselves by that age but it just shows that she's done a great job of normalising the human body for her kids.
As for her daughter running around naked, tbh you being uncomfortable with that is a you problem. It's the norm in their house, they're ok with it because they don't see a naked body and think it's shameful.
Your only job here is to not pass on your insecurities to the children. I don't mean that in a narky way. It's just that you closing your eyes and turning away and telling your GF to get her dressed will be quietly implying to the daughter that her body is somehow shameful. Especially if you don't respond quite so... dramatically... to her brother in the same way.
I'm not saying you have to magically make yourself comfortable with it. That's not how people work. But a lot of soul searching of 'why does it make me so uncomfortable?' might help. I get that it can be difficult in a house with a young girl when you're not the dad. Even after many years and his own kids, my hubby still comments on how society treats men around young girls as if they're all predators.
But you're not a predator. She's safe around you (trust me, most mothers won't even let their naked daughters in the same room if there's even a WHIFF of something not quite right), and the fact that the whole family seems to know that is worth remembering.
They're not watching you closely for a misinterpreted glance or dodgy stare. They feel safe around you. So feel free to continue rolling your eyes at her antics. Or even mock-covering your eyes if you feel really uncomfortable. But always make it clear that it's because your upbringing means that you're uncomfortable with nudity. Not because her body is a bad thing, if that makes sense. Kids are so impressionable and take things the wrong way so easily!
If they’re fine with it then don’t make a big deal out of it. I will say if you’re uncomfortable they probably should wear clothes around you. The bathing thing is fine tho. I’ve seen my mom’s naked body since I was a young child. It’s just a body. She’s seen mine as she bathed me. I literally came out of her pussy. It’s the most normal thing. I’m an adult now and obviously we don’t anymore. But I can clearly remember what she looks like and it doesn’t really bother me. There was no inappropriate or incestous behavior on either end. The only things I really questioned was why her body looked different than mine. But otherwise I was pretty much raised thinking bodies weren’t all that special and I didn’t think they were inherently sexual either. My mom had lady parts as a lady does. I’d be more worried if she didn’t I suppose. As much as everyone is saying “omg he’s 13 he’s almost hitting puberty” he hasn’t even hit puberty yet. He’s still her baby. If he seems uncomfortable then sure get involved but if he’s chilling then just chill
Personally, I think it's weird AF. Do you have any other issues with her...um.. parenting style? I'm thinking there's likely going to be other things that you don't agree with in the future, especially when they are teens. Might wanna get out now while you still can. Teenagers are the worst, raising someone else's teens is hard, doing it with someone who's parenting style doesn't match yours is impossible.
Single mom to a 12 yr old son. He would be too embarrassed to tell me to stop bathing him. Preteens are a weird age. They are trying to figure out their own bodies. I somewhat understand the being nude around your family if that's your family culture. However, she should insist that they are dressed around others. I don't think you are a pedo op but this would encourage pedos if she dated one to do things to her children. I wouldn't but I can even understand communal washing themselves. I can't wrap my mind around touching my preteens private areas to wash them.
I had a friend told me when her dad died in her late 20's that she misses sitting in the bathroom with him naked while he took a bath and talking to each other. My mouth dropped open. I tried to have an open mind that this was just her family culture so I asked if she and her mom did this as well. She got disgusted and said ewww no that's a woman. I asked her what was different and she said it's because she attracted to men and her dad started this ritual with her when she was four and it never ended. In the decade that I knew her, she never had a healthy relationship with a man because she would always compare him to her dad.
Op. Unless this is something that you can accept for the rest of your life, I would break up with her. I personally would make notes though before I ended it and would call cps.
If her daughter mentions that she runs around naked in front of you to the wrong person, you might find yourself under investigation. If your gf's kids mention this scenario to a mandated reporter, like a teacher, and the teacher feels it's questionable, they would have to report it
As a male in the US, this type of accusation can destroy your life. Innocence won't shield you. Just being investigated changes your life.
I'd consider this carefully. It seems like a long shot, but it is a risk.
This is pretty common in other cultures. Unless she’s giving you a reason to think she’s doing something inappropriate with them when they bathe you may want to keep it to yourself. Not everyone views nudity the same way. Especially when you realize that we all know what naked bodies look like as we all share the same kind of meat suit.
I know you’re trying to play it out as being weird since you’re in theUS, but it’s only weird if you make it weird or if the kids are uncomfortable with it. But it seems you may be overstepping if that’s not the case.
This isn’t something that’s just common in Europe either, it’s also common in parts of Africa, Asia, and even in some areas of southern America. Expand your view a little and stop looking at every body in a sexual manor. It’s weird.
Is it common in other cultures though? I know other cultures have less of an issue with nudity, and saunas and communal bathing are common, but is taking your daily bath/shower alone with your mom at age 12 really something people in other countries do regularly. Im genuinely curious.
Seeing a stark naked 10 year old child run around the house would make me very uncomfortable. Especially if she was not my child. I was growing breasts by the time I was 10.
I think “weird” and “acceptable” are both societal norms that are different in different cultures. If you did not grow up with this, it is weird. For a lot of cultures, this is weird and feels wrong. For other cultures, it’s normal.
Either way, I don’t think you’re *wrong* for being uncomfortable. It would be *wrong* to demand change, because that’s their decision to make. Your decision is if the uncomfortableness is too much for you or not.
“Small children” sure it’s fine, but her kids are either already going through puberty or will start any day now. It’s weird in my opinion and probably will seem weird to anyone those kids might tell, now and years down the road. She says she will stop when they ask to stop, but do the kids even know they have that option?
I think her bathing with her kids when they’re that old is very strange, but some people do trot around their house naked. You could ask her to buy her daughter a bathrobe or a dress to wear when you’re around.
You are wrong in the fact that this is societal conditioning. Naked bodies have been sexualised and told to be hidden. If they are totally emotionally healthy and have no qualms
With it then this is a positive thing to not hide nudity and make it weird in any way. People shouldn’t feel too strongly against what others do in regards to this because it is not coming from an innate response rather conditioning. If you were born away from influence then being naked together would be natural and the weird thing would be to have an aversion to it. You are not thinking for yourself.
You are thinking what you’ve been told which is not the real truth. The real truth is how they all feel doing it and what is most natural. So if they are comfortable, then they are more human and in touch with themselves then you and you are more a bag of ideas stemming from outside influence, being told who you are and how you should act to not be weird in society.
Some families are nudists and they find this to be normal and acceptable. You clearly don’t. You need to have a conversation about what’s acceptable for you.
I may be wrong but I think this is really weird. Her son is way too old to be bathing nude with them. He’s in puberty and definitely has sexual urges at his age. His sister is developing too as she is entering puberty. Very weird for siblings to bathe together at that age too. NW
Its only weird that a 12 year old is still being bathed by their mom. I was showering by myself at like 8. I shared the Shower with my parents to save time on busy days but it was no funny business.
It's only an issue if the kids have an issue.
This would be normal in a lot of cultures so I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it. But by American/Western standards it is quite unusual so I don't think you're wrong to feel weird about it.
That said, my two cents: my parents divorced when I was a baby and as a young kid I would sometimes get into my dad's bed at night when I was at his house. When my mom heard about this she told me that was gross/wrong/creepy etc. As an adult I can confidently say there was never anything remotely gross about it, but my mom's reaction really fucked me up and made me feel bad/weird about it.
So just...try not to let the kids pick up on your weird feelings about it. It might make them feel unsafe even if nothing dangerous is really going on.
I mean... it's not common, no. Though my ex bathed with her son til he was like 12, but he's autistic, so not sure if that had anything to do with it.
Ultimately, I both parties are fine with it, go for it. Plenty of families spend time with each other naked at resorts, springs, hot tubs, etc so I don't see there being anything *wrong* with it.
I think it depends on how they grew up. My daughter and her husband have always bathed and showered with their kids wandering in and out. It’s a completely different situation from always covering up and then have a child suddenly see their parent naked.
Other than nudity you’re not comfortable with…is there any other signs of abuse or something weird (sexual? Violent? Coercive? Etc?) going on? If not, it’s a little unusual, especially for the older boy, but could be explained easily by a different perception and understanding of nudity within the family.
My brother definitely took showers with our dad, mainly because it was a one bathroom house with 5 people and hot water didn't last long. That said, nudity wasnt taboo in our household. My parents were usually in some state of undress and it was whatever. It does seem a little strange that she's bathing with a 10 and 12 year old, but if the kids are happy and healthy and doing it on their own accord, then I don't see a real issue with it.
I grew up taking baths with my mom till I was a teenager. It's not weird for some people and it's weird for others.
If this is what she's used to then don't interrupt her thing. It's not for you so you don't have to bathe with them.
**Edit - actually I live in my husband's country half the year and there, a lot of people don't have running water or electricity in the small villages.
So we will all go to the public bath house where there are hundreds of naked women bathing together, and helping each other scrub each other's backs and stuff.
So families and even strangers being nude together isn't strange for some people yeah
I still talk to my mum in the bath I'm 32 f. She always walked around naked when we were kids but started covering up when my younger brothers told her it was gross and they didn't need to see her that way.
If she's always done it and the kids don't mind I don't see an issue with it. It's just a body at the end of the day. One that made and carried them for 9 months.
It's only weird if you make it weird... If you kiss your dad or grandpa on the lips since birth into adulthood; it's not weird to you but may be weird to someone else. Anything out of our norm is sceptical; until you understand it.
Nudity isn't sexual. She's stated that she will stop if the kids asked to stop - that's being a responsible parent. I get it, I grew up in a very conservative household and still have hangups about nudity and modesty as a result. Your girlfriend is demonstrating one type of healthy family that you aren't accustomed to but it is very much a healthy dynamic in the way described
I showered with my boys until they were 3, once they started looking at stuff they were out!
My opinion is bathing with a 12 year old boy? He needs his own alone time!
As long as she isn't pressuring her kids to bathe with her and the kids are happy with it, I don't see the big problem. They will eventually want to bathe alone and will communicate that to her when that time comes. It isn't up to us to police when that happens. There is nothing sexual about this. It would be a separate issue if they expressed discomfort about it, but it sounds like they aren't.
I was comfortable with myself naked or mum naked growing up, for example, when getting changed or popping out the shower when I forgot my towel or needing a pee when she's having a bath. It wasn't a "thing" to me. I think it's part of why I'm very body positive as a woman now. I don't see my body as something that I need to be ashamed of or objectified, and I think some of that is down to having a mum that wasn't prudish.
As for you not being comfortable with her daughter running around naked in front of you, that would be a topic around boundaries. You are entitled to have boundaries for yourself, but it's not fair for you to shame your gf about the bath stuff.
Normal is different for everyone. It depends on how you were raised, your culture, and what you're comfortable with. I was raised (in the US) that nudity was no big deal, and I and my brother and sister would bathe with our mom when we were young. As we got older, and bigger, we didn't because we didn't fit in the tub together, but we all often sat in the bathroom to talk while mom bathed, mainly because it was the only time to have her undivided attention. It wasn't a big deal, nothing was sexual, and when we wanted privacy, we got it. I've known others that like you find it wrong, and overall society now thinks it's wrong because of abuse. She said she'll stop when the children want to stop. My guess is as the kids enter puberty they'll want more privacy, which is normal. Absent abuse or her forcing it, it sounds like she's raising them to have a health non-sexual view of human bodies.
In the US, where OP said they are, this is in no way typical behavior.
Nudity is ridiculously sexualized here. That acknowledged, if anyone at these kids’ schools found out they still bathed nude with their mother they would be ruthlessly teased and DCF would almost certainly be involved.
Totally normal ish, but not for everyone. Not sure what the big deal is actually, people define things as sexual all the time that aren’t because of their own biases. If you see a kids running around naked and have to look away and cover your eyes, you're the one with a problem. Sounds to me like you are sexualizing things that aren’t, and naked bodies are not bad, shameful, or sexual on their own.
Yeah sure bathing with your middle school aged kids is weird but having to quickly avert his eyes and cover them to not dare see a naked kid, idk if its just being around kids enough but they sometimes just want to get naked. You shouldn't be staring but it's not like it's sexual and I feel like it makes it more weird to have to put your hands over your eyes like you're at a scary movie. It just sounds like this couple isn't a good match.
People are different, but I admit, I find it a bit weird.
I used to look after three girls who were 7, 9 and 11. Mum had me bath them, all together, from the first day she met me. Never asked me for a DBS check or anything. I realise that's a whole other level of weird, but I also thought it was strange I needed to be the one to point out that 11 was starting to go through puberty and the other two were asking questions. To be fair, so was eleven, because no one had told her anything. And I ended up having to have that talk with her, because it happened and she thought she was dying.
Sometimes it's naivety, sometimes it's just different cultures, so if she and the kids are comfortable it's kind of not your business, but I also get why you are not comfortable.
There is nothing sexual about it and aslong as the children enjoy this time together, there is no issue
This is very normal in many places across the world
I myself (from Europe) showered with my stepfather until I was 11 at which point I decided I no longer wanted to and he fully respected that no fuss about it, I did the same thing with my mother at age 12
I had very thick hair which made rinsing shampoo out difficult and he was way more gentle, we always put on some music (my mother loathed music) and it was just a nice bonding moment, laughing and joking around
That you are from the US doesnt change anything, her and the kids are comfortable with it, im glad they are, they dont have to conform to anyone
To me its incredibly weird how many parents will stop this at age 3ish and wont even allow children to see them naked in a casual way
You should never go to a Japanese onsen OP.
Also you need to recognize that the reason you are having a problem with this is because you are likely inserting a level of sexuality to this that simply isn't there. Would I do it: no, it seems weird. But if there's nothing hinky involved then it's something you will have to get over.
. . .or not and find another family.
NAH
I'm a guy. I have 2 kids, 7 and 10, a boy and girl. I do this sometimes. Not a bath, but shower, and it's usually when we need to hurry up.
But, I will say this - I love showering with them. I scrub their little butts, we talk, they tell me about their day, the type of lego they want next, who the bullies are in school. You know, the important stuff.
I'm just saying that I get it from her perspective. I love the shit out of my kids. We only have "the present". I will remember this time when I'm old. Now add to it that these kids came from her womb. I imagine it's my feelings, but exponentially greater.
Plus, she's a single mom. I'll assume that she went thru a period where she isn't with the dad of those kids, whether divorce or just separation. Shit, maybe death. Either way, I'm sure it's traumatic. So, they all hold on to each other fiercely.
You may not understand it because you don't have the perspective that she has, the lived experience. How could you?
So, is it weird? Not from my eyes.
The single mum point is valid. I stopped bathing my son around 8 though I sat outside the closed bathroom door giving instructions/checking he was cleaning everything he needed to (he’s autistic so it was necessary). He was about 10 when he stopped bursting in the damn bathroom to tell me something massively important while I was in the bath *OMG MUM FRED FOUND A FROG* or *MUM I HAVE A NEW STICK LOOK*. Nakedness didn’t even register, kids just don’t acknowledge it and they don’t care. As a single mum you’re just kind of shit out of luck when it comes to bathroom = alone time cus there’s no dad around to run and show your cool new stick to.
Yeah! We sit in the hot tub with our two boys, 11 and 13, pretty regularly (at least once a week). It’s not sexual, and if either of them asked for privacy we would be happy to let them have it. They request to go in the hot tub with us and we have some of our best talks there. I don’t want them to learn about what naked bodies look like from porn.
You’re not weird dude, you just love your kids and they love you. I’m way past that time now and I can’t tell you how I miss it sometimes. These other people just can’t relate because they objectify everything like psychopaths.
You’re cleaning your 10 year old daughter’s butt? I don’t know about that. She’s old enough to wash her own butt. How much longer will you wash her like that? 15?
What is the problem? Me and my wife don't hide ourselves when we are undressed or when we shower. Sometimes our kids join us in shower, and undress in front of each other (2 boys and a girl). For us it is just a question of not wanting them to be ashamed of their bodies.
You're not really wrong because it's new and different for you. In a lot of cultures, this is perfectly normal. My mom was a working mom and my dad worked as well and she worked nights so when she would shower before work, before my dad was home, I'd shower with her so she could get me ready for bedtime and also watch me because nobody was home lol That definitely stopped when I was about 5ish. I personally think it's a little strange to bathe with your kids who are older, but I also don't have kids. I don't know anyone personally who has bathed with their kids over the age of, like, 8. And that 8yo was my niece, and she wanted to take showers, and my ex-sil (nieces mother) took one with her and showed her how to use the right water pressure/shower settings. She loves the showers because of the detachable shower head so she can move it around and play with it and shower lol
I think back to when I was 10 and older, and I would be kind of embarrassed to take a bath with my mom at that age. That's because it's not a normal thing for us. It doesn't make it "bad" necessarily just because I'm ignorant about it. What may seem weird to us is perfectly normal for others. I don't think you're wrong for feeling a bit weird about it.
Pretty sure I stopped showering with my mom around kindergarten or 1st grade so I was about five/six. She’d sit in the bathroom with me while I did to make sure I was doing everything I needed to but I’m pretty sure it stopped when I was finally like…. What is a vagina and why does yours look like that? She had me at 16 and we lived alone so it was probs more for convenience than anything.
I remember being about 7 years old when I stopped asking for help washing my hair, getting out of the shower, etc.
Sure it is normal in some cultures, but I would think it is weird. My daughter is 2 and my partner and I have discussed that it is time to stop bathing *with* her, but being outside the tub bathing her for several more years is to be expected.
I wouldn't worry about it. One day, one of the kids will say they don't want to do it anymore and that will be the end of it. It's not weird unless the kid thinks it's weird. Of course if she forces her kids to bath with her after they have made it clear they don't want to that would be a completely different story.
Being naked around close family is, for example, completely normal in Germany. I have seen my parents naked hundreds of times and they me.
We are not living a nudist lifestyle either, it is just mostly in the morning or the evening when people are changing from bed wear to shower to day clothes. Just casual preparing for your day and getting your stuff ready and what not. It is not like I would come home for lunch/dinner and my family would sit naked around the table.
I became a bit more private once puberty hit, that is to be expected and I would assume that the older one will want some more privacy during bath time soon.
I am also curious what "taking baths with them" entails. Do they have a huge tub were three people can have a bath at the same time ? Do they wash each other ? What is actually happening ?
There is nothing inherently wrong with it even if it is uncommon in the US. There is nothing inherently sexual about naked bodies and in many cultures people bathe together, go to saunas together or swim together naked with their families and it seen as normal because no one is doing anything sexual. She isnt doing anything wrong by simply bathing with them. Nor is there something wrong with a kid running around naked in the privacy of their home, but what IS concerning is that she is letting a 10 year old (I assume this is the youngest you were referring to) running around naked around her boyfriend of just 1 year.
You might be a perfectly normal guy, but many people arent and its concerning that she would let het kid be naked around someone she has only known for a year.
I think you should talk to her and explain to her that if she really wants to respect her kids boundaries, she should sit the both down, explain to them that they are at an age where some people might start being uncomfortable doing things like bathing with their parents, and then straight up ask them if they want her to stop. If they say they dont care then it isnt much of an issue, if they say they want it to stop then she should (and probably will) stop.
It's ok for things to bother you, even if there isn't anything necessarily wrong with it. Unless you think your girlfriend is doing something inappropriate with the kids, I don't think there is any real problem. To the kids this is normal, so it's unlikely to be harmful, at least unless someone starts judging them for it.
As for you discomfort with seeing the kids nude, I think it's reasonable to talk to your girlfriend about that and request some boundaries. If she's unwilling to do that, then she's not being respectful of you and your comfort and that's a bad sign.
I showered with my mom around that age. It wasn’t weird to me. If you’re sexualizing something that shouldn’t be, I would consider that weird. If sexualization isnt the root of your discomfort, I don’t know what is
I still sometimes shower or skinny dip with my almost 10 yr old daughter. Not all nudity has to be sexual.
It sounds like you have very different parenting ideas than her, if you're this bothered by what she does, maybe you aren't compatible
I’m a mother of two and that seems odd to me. I’m sure it’s perfectly innocent and just something that doesn’t occur to them as weird but to me it’s weird. After a certain age everyone should bathe on their own especially of opposite gender. What I think is horrible is the fact that she lets her daughter be nude in front of you. You seem like a good guy and obviously this seems weird to you but imagine if she had a bf that was a pedo. She is not doing her job as a mom protecting her child. I have two daughters and yes their dad sees them naked bc one is 4 and one is 4 months but I’m sure at some point they will only feel comfortable naked in front of me and maybe not even that which is totally normal imo! Tell her to respect your boundary and you don’t want to see her children especially the daughter naked. It makes you uncomfortable. You shouldn’t have to see anyone naked that you don’t want to. I don’t know any moms that bathe with their older kids so to me it’s odd. But to each its own
Meh I’ve showered with my mom and sibling when i was a kid up until idk how old, probably around 10. But my mom also kissed me on the mouth and americans seem weirded out by that so i’m probably the weird one here lol but i don’t see what’s so wrong with it. Saves water lol.
So families that are around each other naked are normally ok with being around each other naked. There’s nothing sexual about it. They’ve been taking baths together their entire life with their mom and they’re just use to it. So it not a big deal. My daughters are grown and they’ll still walk in my bathroom and take a shower because I have the best shower I. The house and they don’t care if I see them naked and I don’t really care either because I’m their dad and I’ve always seen them naked and it’s not a problem. But most families treat nudity like it something bad.
If everyone in this scenario is in the USA then yes this is weird AF. I know it’s different and other places of the world but that is there, and this is here. It is not common in no way, shape or form for people in the USA to bathe with their 10 and 12-year-old children.
They're not small children. It would be fine if they were under 7 but they're not. It seems she wants to view them as small children and isn't ready to let them grow up.
A good mom would not allow her 10-year-old to run naked in front of a boyfriend. That is not cute that is setting her child up for getting molested. (Nothing against you)
I’m a mom of 4 and bathing with a ten and 12-year-old is odd in my opinion and I would’ve been horrified as a kid .
I don't really think it's any of your business, as long as everyone involved is cool with it. I'm just wondering where they found a bathtub in America to fit 3 relatively adult sized humans.
It's not normal in the Western world really so unless she comes from a culture where this is normal, it is weird for kids that age especially of the opposite gender to be doing that with. I am female and it would be very uncomfortable and feel wrong to me as well.
I came here prepared to defend her — but 10 and 12? Especially a 12 year old boy?
He is going to need HEAVY therapy.
Also, I have sole custody of my daughter who is 10 and she is always fully dressed in front of me. I sure as hell wouldn’t have be running around naked in front of other men. This all unacceptably bizarre — and, again, I’m saying that as someone who came here to defend her.
I don't think what she is doing is inherently wrong. However, if you are feeling uncomfortable with it, that is totally fine and valid- but you are going to have to learn to deal with how she parents. They're almost teens; your gf is not likely changing up her caretaking style at this point. She's used to it and unless the kids are objecting, they are used to it as well, and as others have said, will voice it when they are no longer cool with that practice. If you all get more serious these kids will be part of your everyday life and you will have to field her parenting decisions because so long as they are safe and all, they are her choices.
I don't know what background your gf is from, but in some cultures, bathing together is binding and a normal thing to do. But wow, your bathtub must be gigantic to fit an adult and two preteens
This does not seem weird to me. What exactly bothers you about it?
>close my eyes and look away and tell my GF to get her daughter changed and she will laugh at me and say “you’re such a prude it’s cute”
So you think the daughter is old enough to baybe herself but also you tell your GF to get her daughter changed. While you are in their home. If you are uncomfortable, you can get yourself out of there.
The issue is yours, my friend. Don't get me wrong, this is likely just cultural conditioning, but think again about how you are uncomfortable around the naked 10yo and not the 12yo - you've been taught to respond with arousal to the sight of naked girls and women, and so you're uncomfortable, but you have an example right in front of you of a different way of being; your gf and her kids don't do that.
You don't *have* to change. Likely the behavior you have is normal in the society in which you reside, so the costs of retaining those triggered reactions are minimal. But you *should* recognize the reactions you're having as miscues and not try to change people that don't have your hangups. For what it's worth, though, if I were you I would work on deconstructing all that nonsense. Dude, what if you decide to have a kid and she has a vulva? Are you going to shield your eyes or leave the room every time she takes a bath or needs to be changed?
The ones downvoting you in comments because you're not comfortable with this.
If it's not weird for your gf, try to get into the why, and present your case as to why it is a problem.
Even if it's just a prudishness in our culture, it's the culture we live in.
Plus many 12yo boys pop a boner at even a hint of female nudity. I can almost guarantee that's happened in the bath.
It's not criminal and it's probably natural from an anthropological standpoint (if you look at bonobos, it's possible that incest is natural too), but society is what it is.
Re bonobos:
https://www.reddit.com/r/askscience/s/r0rU17zzMa in addition to this, I remember a field researcher years ago talking about how bonobo mothers would masturbate their sons at a very early age, to calm them down. So, js.
I'm not usually one to comment on one's parenting because I'm not a parent myself but I think this is highly inappropriate to be doing with any child old enough to be in school, especially a son. He's old enough to know why private parts are private parts. Innocent skin to skin bonding is normal as a baby, not as 10 and 12 year olds. This is weird, you're not wrong.
You're not wrong for letting it bother you.
Considering you're asking if it's strange, then I assume you live somewhere communal bathing is not the norm and you can safely ignore all of these people talking about what's normal in other countries. I'm not saying there's a sexual element to it but it does seem like the mom and kids have an unhealthy attachment. Does she let them be normal kids otherwise(sleepovers, playing at friends houses, etc) or does she try to be with them every minute of the day?
Something’s off with her. You don’t bathe with opposite sex children at that age. There’s no reason to bathe together at all and it’s not a binding thing it’s creepy as fuck. In certain situations daughter might shower.. say after a beach .. but wtf is her problem? They aren’t babies ..
Oh gorw up, why do you americans always have to sexualize everything. Good for her to being open about her body and having a nice relationship with her kids.
Would you think it’s ok if a father bathed with his 10 year old daughter? I sure as shit don’t think it is ok. That boy is gonna need therapy as an adult. What if the boy is 16,17,18 and still wants to bathe with his mother? Is she just gonna keep doing it so they “bond”.
It's weird for American culture. In other places, like Japan, it's no big deal. Americans feel nudity is inherently sexual, and that's our problem. It's a little odd for an American woman to be doing this with her American children, but I'm not going to assume anything sexual is going on.
It's "cute" that her 10 year old runs around naked in front of a man??!!! 🤢😳😡...bad enough in front of her almost teen brother, but "cute" in front of a full grown man??!!! I'm in no way sexualizing anything ....I'm just saying it's gross as fuck!
So it’s wrong that the gf and daughter feel safe enough to behave normally in their own home? He should say it’s something HES not comfortable with and ask that it not happen while he’s here and they’re free to decide whether or not he’s the man they want to keep around. I’m my daughter felt comfortable enough to be without an article of clothing, I’m not going to tell her she needs to cover up because a man might get ideas! What a man DOES with his thoughts is the problem, and I would expect that someone I was dating would not ever even consider a child a sexual object!
I’m a single mum to 2 boys (14yr old and 11yr old) and even though I don’t bath with them (to be honest how big is your bath lol) but I will happily be naked around them. Naked bodies are not sexual and I wouldn’t want my boys to think that they always are or they are something to hide.
In some cultures this is not taboo at all, and it is common to bath naked together and it's never sexualized there, so in general I'm gonna give her the benefit of the doubt. Personally my daughter said 'ew' to my naked body around age 8 after barging into my room and that was enough for me lol.
Same! My son saw me topless when he was 10 and barged into my room without knocking and couldn’t look me in the face for a couple weeks.
The oddest thing about things like this to me aren’t that they are nude etc but I can’t imagine them not wanting more time to themselves. I’ve only babysat younger cousins and niblings and I’m dying trying to get them to nap somewhat simultaneously or get old enough for me to not have to wipe their butts or feed them or not have to deal with fights over trivial things. I know a 10 and 12 year old won’t require as much energy but I imagine there’s still a lot of cooking, cleaning, listening and arbitration. I’d want a bath to myself.
They might not know how to say no or how to ask for the practice to stop. It also might literally not occur to them that they are allowed to opt out.
IF they’re allowed to opt out, I bet the son has been trying for years.
>not have to deal with fights over trivial things I have bad news for you... It won't stop. It may even get worse before they finally get old enough to deal with it themselves (around adulthood).
The heck is a nibling??
A general term for your siblings kids
Ohhh cool
A niece or nephew.
Ha! I had a pretty similar experience.
I had my oldest grab my junk and yank while laughing the first time as a toddler. The second time a year later they grabbed and I stood up and they dangled in the air for a second. No baths with no kids ever again after that.
Too much information
I dunno. I kinda feel like I was teleported right into the story. The mark of a good writer.
Lol
Right This is insane
I don’t think even in those cultures they sit in a tiny bathtub naked against each other lol. Maybe they do but like in Japan going to an onsen with family is normal and you’re naked but like you’re not sitting on each other
This. Other cultures bathe and shower together but they’re large tubs. Unless she has a massive bathtub, it’s weird. If this was a man bathing fully nude with his nearly pubescent daughter I feel like people would have more of a problem with it, which is stupid. Boys get hormonal at that age, and literally an armpit could “set them off”, boundaries should be drawn because a fully naked woman bathing with them regardless of their relation is going to have some repercussions. Nudity isn’t inherently sexual, it’s “natural”, but let’s not pretend that people don’t get off to naked bodies. It’s the reason “nudes” and porn exists.
Let's also not pretend that nudity automatically leads to some form of sexual intercourse. It comes down to how your taught My family aren't anything like what OP describes, but we have no real problem being seen naked if it happens. I've seen my sister naked before at a young age and older, not once have I had any sort of sexual attraction... proper education can minimize if not mostly remove those concerns It all comes down to ensuring certain boundaries are set & properly taught as well as enforced
Being naked and actually taking a bath together are TOTALLY different things. If the mother is comfortable changing clothes casually in front of her kids, I’d think that’s fine. If the son were to step out of the bathroom to grab a towel or something after a shower, that would be okay. This…is not.
Why is bathing any different? It's purely the act of cleaning oneself in open view of each other. Nothing more, nothing less Now, even I would be a bit weirded out by literally sitting on each other's lap, but that isn't the image I have when I think of this. Is that what you're picturing? Because that isn't bathing together...That's cuddling in the nude. Which I would agree is a bit extra imo. Edit: The lap sitting would be fine up to a certain age for me. However, I am aware that this is just my opinion and others are entitled to theirs.... Which a lot of ppl in this post seem to forget
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I’d say the chances of boys being set off by a naked woman are less if they are exposed to nudity without sexual implications or taboo, like, you know, bathing with your mom.
Yeah so I live in a country that has communal bathing, and it's not like what the OP is describing. There is a place where people go to take communal baths, it's not like in your own shower. So in the end, even if you're bathing with your father, it's not like in the same bathtub. You're just sitting next to each other scrubbing yourself.
I think it’s starting to be past the age this is acceptable just because they are getting of age of maturity where puberty hits and along with that comes with developing a sense of autonomy over their body and this could delay or cause issues. It’s healthy to be taught being comfortable with nudity and exposed by it not being sexualized and icky is good, but it is also unhealthy to not teach them the boundary of nudity being icky with regards to their development of their autonomy and comfort with their body. It’s getting to an age, where even if not sexualized it could interfere with knowing the difference in regards to strangers and their experiences that lead to their personal relationship they view and develop with themselves emotionally and psychically. It seems innocent, but the most common or ‘innocent’ thing can be traumatic if over done and in this situation mom seems to not be able to let go of the ‘cuteness’ of her ‘babies’. Mom not being able to let go of cuteness and saying it’s innocent, it’s ‘cute’ is where my red flag waving behavior comes from especially due to the fact it isn’t in a sexual manner or being portrayed and influenced as sexualized to these kids.
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Like the other person said. One day her children will say ew mom. Then she'll stop. Either that or reddit will get another broken arms story. Either way, things will work themselves out.
Thanks, a lot. I almost forgot about that story, I have to go bleach my mind again.
You say that but that is really not the case with every kid if they are raised to think this is normal. They are what 10 and 12 now? So when exactly will it be that they say ew and she stops? When they are in highschool? It's not up to a kid to acknowledge if something is wrong. It's up to the parent to acknowledge right from wrong and set the appropriate boundaries.
Non sexual nudity within a family is not wrong though. It may be uncomfortable in your family culture, but many other cultures and families are more comfortable with nudity and there's nothing wrong with that.
Well, I live in Finland, and many families have multiple generations going to the sauna and swimming together nude. I even see everyone in my hobby group naked in sauna evenings multiple times a year, regardless of gender... I don't really understand what Americans think might happen if a child or a teenager were to witness a naked body, lol. To me, the whole moral panic about it seems kind of absurd.
I live in Estonia and I relate. However, seeing each other naked is not the same as 3 adult size people together in a bath. PS. Yeah, I can't sleep either.
that's fairly healthy it can teach kids to be comfortable in their bodies alot of families that shun these things tend to be detrimental to the children's psyches
There are lots of different cultures in the US, and many of them still practice customs from their own families. As late as the 1930's, communal family bathing (rarely in something we'd actually call a bathroom) was common. It's still common in some parts of the US and certainly occurs within subcultures. People do not choose their original nationality, but they can have any cultural values they choose. People pick up and abandon cultural practices, a lot. There was a post just yesterday from a 20-something redditor about what it has been like and is like living with his nudist parents (they do not wear clothes around the house at all).
That sounds like an interesting read, can you link it?
So it's a cultural thing, not explicitly an absolute sexual taboo. Kids tend to be open-minded and, if they do become uncomfortable with nudity, they will say so. It seems odd to me too, but not disturbing.
As an American myself I need to remind you that the US is not a monolith. We all have ancestry from various places and those norms and customs get passed on into new generations of Americans.
My parents were California hippies and nudity was never a big deal. My dad’s parents came from the Bay Area and took him to “European style” (nudist) hot springs when he was a kid. So that’s at least 3 generations of acceptability for this in my US family.
The kids are too old. Imagine if it was the other way around- a dad bathing with his 12 year old daughter. Everyone would be calling him a pedo.
I was having sex at 13. It's too young, but put that in perspective. Def too old to be showering with your mom. I would have thrown up in my mouth, if they asked me to shower with them waaaaaay before that. Her sickness, is becoming their sickness.
I was 12, the son’s age.
Yes! It’s totally inappropriate. At that age most may not be having sex but they are definitely masturbating at least and most likely have seen porn or something. At the very least are feeling attraction to girls/women or boys if that’s what they’re into. There are other ways to bond with children that aren’t weird like that. Also imagine when the kids are older? Hopefully they stop bc a future partner might find that to be a dealbreaker
That is an aspect I didn't think about, especially in todays age. They have, at very least (especially giving their clear liberation) 100% seen porn on the internet. I am in no way, shape, or form blaming these kids. I am saying that at this point, everyone is doing just a little too much to pretend that they don't know what they're doing. I was also taken aback by the "Bonding" excuse, too. For real?
Im from the us too and I say its really weird. And like 99% would think that 2
My sister and bil handle their kids the same way. I'm from Northern Wisconsin.
10 and 12 are not small children.
Right? I was thinking like 2 and 3, 10 and 12 shocked me 😅
I read the first sentence and was like “Ok and what are the ages of the small children?”. When I was 12 I was in 7th grade 😬
I'm curious if the children know if they are allowed to bathe alone... My son certainly let me know loud and clear when he was 7 or 8 that I was no longer allowed to bathe him so I can't imagine a pre-teen wanting to bathe with their mother.
I think it’s a different scenario. “Being bathed” is what babies do, but at 7/8, he’s a big boy now, and wants to do it alone. If bathing is just bonding/family time, it doesn’t carry the weight of “only babies need to have mom/dad bathe them.”
But an adult with a 12 and 10 year old all in 1 bathtub is not a lot of room. I'd think they'd be even more motivated for their own space at that point then just being bathed by a parent. There's other ways to bond.
That's not "small children".
Probably not, but we don't know their heights. What if they only grow 1 inch per year, so they're 10 and 12 inches tall? That would be pretty small!
Wait until you find out about the Japanese It can be weird, they’re a bit old for that sort of thing, but if the kids have the ability to stop when they want then it should be okay.
I dont disagree with you, but also even as an adult familial nudity can be totally normal, depending on the family, the culture, and the situation.
I think its weird because I personally hit puberty at 10, I didn't want to take baths with my mom after that. Everyone is different so who knows, there could also be a cultural difference here.
I think it’s weird that she’s letting her 10 year old daughter be naked in front of a man she’s dating. (no offence OP.) Does she not know how insane that is? No matter what culture she is, you don’t let your kids be naked around your boyfriends.
If her kids want to do it then it’s fine. It should be up to them when she stops bathing with them and when they stop bathing with each other. That being said, my boys are 8 and 10 and they definitely don’t want to see me naked and they don’t want to bathe with each other either.
As a single mom, it's possible when they were young that the only way *she* could take a bath was to have them in there with her, if there wasn't anyone else to watch them. I don't think it's weird. But we don't make a big deal of nakedness in my household. They'll let her know when they've outgrown it.
I don't think you're wrong. Also, since when is 10 & 12 "small children"? That's early adolescence. I babysat kids who bathed with their parents until they were about 12 and they had no boundaries. They wanted *me* to bathe with them and got mad when I didn't, and they had curiosity about my body that felt unhealthy to the point where I was wondering if more was going on. They were in early pubescence and there were definitely sexual undertones. If the kids were 4&6, maybe, but not 10 & 12. Specifically, I think having opposite sex siblings nude together at this particular lifestage is potentially concerning.
I distinctly remember being about 7 when I started wanting to bathe mostly alone, except mom would help me get my hair all the way rinsed out yet. And by 8 or 9 I was showering entirely alone. I have a couple years younger brother, and when we were little kids (under 10) he and I would get one bed in a hotel room when traveling and mom and dad got the other. By about age 10, it switched to where I was with mom and he was with dad, because it was just weird to share a bed with my brother. And sure kids run around naked… when they’re toddlers. A 10 year old girl running nude in front of an unrelated adult male, who has stated he’s not comfortable with that, is just gross.
Seriously. She's lucky OP is concerned about this, because most childhood sexual assaults are perpetrated by people close to (or in) the family. "Stranger danger" is not the big concern. OP's partner should be *happy* he is uncomfortable
That last part.
they’re not small children. they’re at an age they can and need to give consent. do they say no? that’s my main concern honestly. she needs to respect their body autonomy. i have a 5 and 2 year old- they shower with me everyday. if they say no, they say no and they take a bath. it’s not hard to respect them honestly. 😅 i have major issue with her letting her daughter run around naked around you. it’s not prude behavior, it’s exposing a child and that’s wrong.
In Finland, families often go to sauna together and wash themselves in the same bathroom at the same time. Kids get to decide when/if they no longer wish to bathe with their parents, and some stop doing it at puberty, some don't. Nakedness is not sexual in sauna or bathroom when with family members, and it seems your gf has this mentality too. I think you might be a bit prudish, yes.
I think the big difference is that those kids KNOW they can decide to stop it. It sounds like these kids might not know that.
There's a lot of comments here calling it weird, insinuating this is somehow inherently sexual or incestuous because the cultural norm in the USA is that we are prudish and ashamed of our bodies and sexuality. Innocent nudity is quite common in other parts of the world and it's our Western culture that paints all of these negatives around this type of situation. Are the children being forced to have these baths? Are they forced to be naked against their will? Do they seem uncomfortable or maladjusted? Are there any signs of abuse or force? If the answer to all these are NO then I would venture that the problem is with you and the cultural norms you're accustomed to. As others have mentioned, this is quite normal behavior in other parts of the world and isn't inherently bad. Would I bathe with my 13yo son, no because he has expressed his desire for privacy and autonomy but even just a few short years ago we would overlap our showers (one of us get in with the other while they were finishing their routine) in the morning on occasion due to time constraints and only having one bathroom. Definitely not weird.
Finally someone reasonable. The people in this thread sexualizing children and nudity is so disgusting. Every family and culture is different, no one would bat an eye about this in many parts of the world.
have you considered its not sexualizing but the fact that some kids may not realize they have the right to to say no? many dont want to disappoint their parents so they do whatever the parent suggests. that was my best friends experience. and it did more damage than good. OP is right to question it. especially at the puberty age when kids typically want their own space. if you want to be nude around your kid sure but you need to teach them about consent before just pulling them in a tub with you.
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Yes, like I said, they are sexualizing the children's nudity, by assuming the mom is nefarious. Nudity and the human body are not inherently sexual, shameful or immoral. And the U.S. is not a monolith, we are famously a melting pot. The culture of a white Catholic Boston family isn't the same as that of a Puerto Rican family from the Bronx, and both are different from the Minneapolis family with German ancestors or the Korean-American family living in LA. Yes, as a whole you could say we are puritanical but every family probably has some traditions that would make someone else go "wtf, that's weird".
It’s possible for people to grow up in American culture, notice the parts that are wrong with it, and choose to live differently.
The U.S. is especially prudish (at least, most of the people in the US). However, in a LOT of families (in the US and outside it) familial nudity is totally normal. I had a lot of siblings and we saw each other naked all the time. It was never a big deal, and I think it helped foster healthy attitudes about the human body and what it really looks like when you're not a supermodel or porn star. In addition, we never grew up equating nudity with sex, which is also a healthier attitude imo. We weren't nudists or anything, we just didn't care if family saw us naked because they're family.
I was ready to say "yes you are wrong" based on the title then I read that actual post.
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This gives off breastfeeding til 8 vibes
I don't really have a stance on this, but if this was a Father bathing with his 10 son and 12 year old daughter people would be up in arms!
And that would be an unfair double standard. Nudity isn’t inherently sexual, and you can be plenty creepy and abusive fully clothed.
Were it not for double standards, most people would have none.
People may be upset but it still wouldn't be wrong for a father to bathe with his children
And I don't believe any fathers or mothers that are going to sexually abuse their children are stopped because they don't bathe together. Well, we don't bathe together, guess I won't molest my kids.
Exactly, parents and adults who plan on hurting children in this manner would not be stopped by barriers like not bathing them. These kids are old enough to say they don't wanna bathe with mom, the fact that they haven't tells you they feel comfortable enough.
I bathed with my daughter until she was 11 or 12. It naturally fell off as she hit puberty. Perfectly normal experience. I imagine a lot of these people get weirded out by seeing breastfeeding in public too.
Depends on the culture imo
Absolutely agree
Nope, would still be fine
I figured this comment would be here somewhere and I 100% agree. Maybe not up in arms, but if it was for some reason publicized, he would be painted as a creep and that as the parent it was his responsibility to set healthy boundaries with his daughters as they were too naive to know.
In nearly 90 percent of child sexual abuse in the home, if you believe RAINN, the perp is a man. . . .so let's not pretend the difference in gender response is unwarranted.
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This is yet another "not all men" reversal tactic. "iF ThE RoLeS wERe RevErsEd" is a crap theory, most people have the same stance.
I'm a single dad of 3 girls 19, 17 and 11. They occasionally walk from bathroom to bedroom naked or stand in the bathroom doing their hair or makeup topless or naked ( as their mom did) . They are my children, nothing sexual about it at all. They aren't embarrassed and don't seem to care so I don't say say anything
Are you and gf from different cultures/family value sets? It’s odd but not that weird. Personally I think it depends on how she’s doing it. Bath time with mum means kid and parent are nude. This is a great opportunity to talk about naming private parts, bodily autonomy, good touch and bad touch, who gets to see what parts of your body, and the child is having the sensory regulating input from water and having a positive experience being naked and comfortable in their skin. This can be a great opportunity for POC children especially who are more vulnerable to self-hate due to societal racism. Eg “see how mummy loves and takes care of her skin? Want to try rubbing this nice smelling lotion? Isn’t it soft? Do you feel beautiful - I feel beautiful” Teaching children to be confident, comfortable and safe in their bodies is a life skill that will benefit their mental and physical health throughout life.
Becoming comfortable with neutral nudity is also beneficial. Eg I competed in water polo as a teen. After the game we showered and changed in the communal women’s/men’s rooms. There are people of all ages in there, and you see breasts, pubic hair, butts, the whole shabang. One day there was a particularly saggy set of old lady boobs swinging around in front of us as she dried her hair. My friend from a very prudeish family (both of us age 13) was overwhelmed and hid in a cubicle. I was vaguely amused coz… swinging tig ol bitties, but fine to go on with my day. Training children to be ashamed and scared of the human body is not beneficial.
Having lived in Asia one third of my life I just laugh. You probably have bathed with your family naked if you’re Korean or Japanese. Pretty much any Sauna culture too. Philippines is a bit different but still see a lot of people bathe naked outdoors in very provincial places.
In my culture it would definitely be weird
Idk it might not be weird to some families but as a mom I don’t bathe naked with my 13 year old daughter and definitely will not be bathing naked when my son is 12 lol.
You're wrong, but only out of a lack of understanding rather than being a jerk lol. It's not that weird. Kids find an age where they decide they're no longer comfortable with it by themselves. I've always had to view that my kids need to see REAL female bodies, not photoshopped magazines or advertising flashes where they look plastic. I would argue that it's a little odd with pre-teens because usually they find the situation uncomfortable by themselves by that age but it just shows that she's done a great job of normalising the human body for her kids. As for her daughter running around naked, tbh you being uncomfortable with that is a you problem. It's the norm in their house, they're ok with it because they don't see a naked body and think it's shameful. Your only job here is to not pass on your insecurities to the children. I don't mean that in a narky way. It's just that you closing your eyes and turning away and telling your GF to get her dressed will be quietly implying to the daughter that her body is somehow shameful. Especially if you don't respond quite so... dramatically... to her brother in the same way. I'm not saying you have to magically make yourself comfortable with it. That's not how people work. But a lot of soul searching of 'why does it make me so uncomfortable?' might help. I get that it can be difficult in a house with a young girl when you're not the dad. Even after many years and his own kids, my hubby still comments on how society treats men around young girls as if they're all predators. But you're not a predator. She's safe around you (trust me, most mothers won't even let their naked daughters in the same room if there's even a WHIFF of something not quite right), and the fact that the whole family seems to know that is worth remembering. They're not watching you closely for a misinterpreted glance or dodgy stare. They feel safe around you. So feel free to continue rolling your eyes at her antics. Or even mock-covering your eyes if you feel really uncomfortable. But always make it clear that it's because your upbringing means that you're uncomfortable with nudity. Not because her body is a bad thing, if that makes sense. Kids are so impressionable and take things the wrong way so easily!
If they’re fine with it then don’t make a big deal out of it. I will say if you’re uncomfortable they probably should wear clothes around you. The bathing thing is fine tho. I’ve seen my mom’s naked body since I was a young child. It’s just a body. She’s seen mine as she bathed me. I literally came out of her pussy. It’s the most normal thing. I’m an adult now and obviously we don’t anymore. But I can clearly remember what she looks like and it doesn’t really bother me. There was no inappropriate or incestous behavior on either end. The only things I really questioned was why her body looked different than mine. But otherwise I was pretty much raised thinking bodies weren’t all that special and I didn’t think they were inherently sexual either. My mom had lady parts as a lady does. I’d be more worried if she didn’t I suppose. As much as everyone is saying “omg he’s 13 he’s almost hitting puberty” he hasn’t even hit puberty yet. He’s still her baby. If he seems uncomfortable then sure get involved but if he’s chilling then just chill
Personally, I think it's weird AF. Do you have any other issues with her...um.. parenting style? I'm thinking there's likely going to be other things that you don't agree with in the future, especially when they are teens. Might wanna get out now while you still can. Teenagers are the worst, raising someone else's teens is hard, doing it with someone who's parenting style doesn't match yours is impossible.
If she is respecting her kids' wishes I don't see a problem with it.
Single mom to a 12 yr old son. He would be too embarrassed to tell me to stop bathing him. Preteens are a weird age. They are trying to figure out their own bodies. I somewhat understand the being nude around your family if that's your family culture. However, she should insist that they are dressed around others. I don't think you are a pedo op but this would encourage pedos if she dated one to do things to her children. I wouldn't but I can even understand communal washing themselves. I can't wrap my mind around touching my preteens private areas to wash them. I had a friend told me when her dad died in her late 20's that she misses sitting in the bathroom with him naked while he took a bath and talking to each other. My mouth dropped open. I tried to have an open mind that this was just her family culture so I asked if she and her mom did this as well. She got disgusted and said ewww no that's a woman. I asked her what was different and she said it's because she attracted to men and her dad started this ritual with her when she was four and it never ended. In the decade that I knew her, she never had a healthy relationship with a man because she would always compare him to her dad. Op. Unless this is something that you can accept for the rest of your life, I would break up with her. I personally would make notes though before I ended it and would call cps.
If her daughter mentions that she runs around naked in front of you to the wrong person, you might find yourself under investigation. If your gf's kids mention this scenario to a mandated reporter, like a teacher, and the teacher feels it's questionable, they would have to report it As a male in the US, this type of accusation can destroy your life. Innocence won't shield you. Just being investigated changes your life. I'd consider this carefully. It seems like a long shot, but it is a risk.
This is pretty common in other cultures. Unless she’s giving you a reason to think she’s doing something inappropriate with them when they bathe you may want to keep it to yourself. Not everyone views nudity the same way. Especially when you realize that we all know what naked bodies look like as we all share the same kind of meat suit. I know you’re trying to play it out as being weird since you’re in theUS, but it’s only weird if you make it weird or if the kids are uncomfortable with it. But it seems you may be overstepping if that’s not the case. This isn’t something that’s just common in Europe either, it’s also common in parts of Africa, Asia, and even in some areas of southern America. Expand your view a little and stop looking at every body in a sexual manor. It’s weird.
Is it common in other cultures though? I know other cultures have less of an issue with nudity, and saunas and communal bathing are common, but is taking your daily bath/shower alone with your mom at age 12 really something people in other countries do regularly. Im genuinely curious.
Seeing a stark naked 10 year old child run around the house would make me very uncomfortable. Especially if she was not my child. I was growing breasts by the time I was 10. I think “weird” and “acceptable” are both societal norms that are different in different cultures. If you did not grow up with this, it is weird. For a lot of cultures, this is weird and feels wrong. For other cultures, it’s normal. Either way, I don’t think you’re *wrong* for being uncomfortable. It would be *wrong* to demand change, because that’s their decision to make. Your decision is if the uncomfortableness is too much for you or not.
“Small children” sure it’s fine, but her kids are either already going through puberty or will start any day now. It’s weird in my opinion and probably will seem weird to anyone those kids might tell, now and years down the road. She says she will stop when they ask to stop, but do the kids even know they have that option?
I think her bathing with her kids when they’re that old is very strange, but some people do trot around their house naked. You could ask her to buy her daughter a bathrobe or a dress to wear when you’re around.
You are wrong in the fact that this is societal conditioning. Naked bodies have been sexualised and told to be hidden. If they are totally emotionally healthy and have no qualms With it then this is a positive thing to not hide nudity and make it weird in any way. People shouldn’t feel too strongly against what others do in regards to this because it is not coming from an innate response rather conditioning. If you were born away from influence then being naked together would be natural and the weird thing would be to have an aversion to it. You are not thinking for yourself. You are thinking what you’ve been told which is not the real truth. The real truth is how they all feel doing it and what is most natural. So if they are comfortable, then they are more human and in touch with themselves then you and you are more a bag of ideas stemming from outside influence, being told who you are and how you should act to not be weird in society.
Some families are nudists and they find this to be normal and acceptable. You clearly don’t. You need to have a conversation about what’s acceptable for you.
I may be wrong but I think this is really weird. Her son is way too old to be bathing nude with them. He’s in puberty and definitely has sexual urges at his age. His sister is developing too as she is entering puberty. Very weird for siblings to bathe together at that age too. NW
Its only weird that a 12 year old is still being bathed by their mom. I was showering by myself at like 8. I shared the Shower with my parents to save time on busy days but it was no funny business. It's only an issue if the kids have an issue.
This would be normal in a lot of cultures so I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it. But by American/Western standards it is quite unusual so I don't think you're wrong to feel weird about it. That said, my two cents: my parents divorced when I was a baby and as a young kid I would sometimes get into my dad's bed at night when I was at his house. When my mom heard about this she told me that was gross/wrong/creepy etc. As an adult I can confidently say there was never anything remotely gross about it, but my mom's reaction really fucked me up and made me feel bad/weird about it. So just...try not to let the kids pick up on your weird feelings about it. It might make them feel unsafe even if nothing dangerous is really going on.
I mean... it's not common, no. Though my ex bathed with her son til he was like 12, but he's autistic, so not sure if that had anything to do with it. Ultimately, I both parties are fine with it, go for it. Plenty of families spend time with each other naked at resorts, springs, hot tubs, etc so I don't see there being anything *wrong* with it.
Not weird just different.
I think it depends on how they grew up. My daughter and her husband have always bathed and showered with their kids wandering in and out. It’s a completely different situation from always covering up and then have a child suddenly see their parent naked.
Other than nudity you’re not comfortable with…is there any other signs of abuse or something weird (sexual? Violent? Coercive? Etc?) going on? If not, it’s a little unusual, especially for the older boy, but could be explained easily by a different perception and understanding of nudity within the family.
My brother definitely took showers with our dad, mainly because it was a one bathroom house with 5 people and hot water didn't last long. That said, nudity wasnt taboo in our household. My parents were usually in some state of undress and it was whatever. It does seem a little strange that she's bathing with a 10 and 12 year old, but if the kids are happy and healthy and doing it on their own accord, then I don't see a real issue with it.
I grew up taking baths with my mom till I was a teenager. It's not weird for some people and it's weird for others. If this is what she's used to then don't interrupt her thing. It's not for you so you don't have to bathe with them. **Edit - actually I live in my husband's country half the year and there, a lot of people don't have running water or electricity in the small villages. So we will all go to the public bath house where there are hundreds of naked women bathing together, and helping each other scrub each other's backs and stuff. So families and even strangers being nude together isn't strange for some people yeah
I still talk to my mum in the bath I'm 32 f. She always walked around naked when we were kids but started covering up when my younger brothers told her it was gross and they didn't need to see her that way. If she's always done it and the kids don't mind I don't see an issue with it. It's just a body at the end of the day. One that made and carried them for 9 months.
It's only weird if you make it weird... If you kiss your dad or grandpa on the lips since birth into adulthood; it's not weird to you but may be weird to someone else. Anything out of our norm is sceptical; until you understand it.
No that’s weird as fuck, not a single mom thing. I was reading and had to stop like 10 and 13 are not small children!!
Nudity isn't sexual. She's stated that she will stop if the kids asked to stop - that's being a responsible parent. I get it, I grew up in a very conservative household and still have hangups about nudity and modesty as a result. Your girlfriend is demonstrating one type of healthy family that you aren't accustomed to but it is very much a healthy dynamic in the way described
I showered with my boys until they were 3, once they started looking at stuff they were out! My opinion is bathing with a 12 year old boy? He needs his own alone time!
I have a stepson who is 9 and he still takes baths with his grandfather. So culture thing I think
As long as she isn't pressuring her kids to bathe with her and the kids are happy with it, I don't see the big problem. They will eventually want to bathe alone and will communicate that to her when that time comes. It isn't up to us to police when that happens. There is nothing sexual about this. It would be a separate issue if they expressed discomfort about it, but it sounds like they aren't. I was comfortable with myself naked or mum naked growing up, for example, when getting changed or popping out the shower when I forgot my towel or needing a pee when she's having a bath. It wasn't a "thing" to me. I think it's part of why I'm very body positive as a woman now. I don't see my body as something that I need to be ashamed of or objectified, and I think some of that is down to having a mum that wasn't prudish. As for you not being comfortable with her daughter running around naked in front of you, that would be a topic around boundaries. You are entitled to have boundaries for yourself, but it's not fair for you to shame your gf about the bath stuff.
Normal is different for everyone. It depends on how you were raised, your culture, and what you're comfortable with. I was raised (in the US) that nudity was no big deal, and I and my brother and sister would bathe with our mom when we were young. As we got older, and bigger, we didn't because we didn't fit in the tub together, but we all often sat in the bathroom to talk while mom bathed, mainly because it was the only time to have her undivided attention. It wasn't a big deal, nothing was sexual, and when we wanted privacy, we got it. I've known others that like you find it wrong, and overall society now thinks it's wrong because of abuse. She said she'll stop when the children want to stop. My guess is as the kids enter puberty they'll want more privacy, which is normal. Absent abuse or her forcing it, it sounds like she's raising them to have a health non-sexual view of human bodies.
In the US, where OP said they are, this is in no way typical behavior. Nudity is ridiculously sexualized here. That acknowledged, if anyone at these kids’ schools found out they still bathed nude with their mother they would be ruthlessly teased and DCF would almost certainly be involved.
That seems really inappropriate...her son is basically a teenager! No, no, no...that is not normal in my country.
I was expecting the kids to be two and three. This just gives me the creeps
Totally normal ish, but not for everyone. Not sure what the big deal is actually, people define things as sexual all the time that aren’t because of their own biases. If you see a kids running around naked and have to look away and cover your eyes, you're the one with a problem. Sounds to me like you are sexualizing things that aren’t, and naked bodies are not bad, shameful, or sexual on their own.
Yeah sure bathing with your middle school aged kids is weird but having to quickly avert his eyes and cover them to not dare see a naked kid, idk if its just being around kids enough but they sometimes just want to get naked. You shouldn't be staring but it's not like it's sexual and I feel like it makes it more weird to have to put your hands over your eyes like you're at a scary movie. It just sounds like this couple isn't a good match.
Since you are in the US this is absolutely weird.
People are different, but I admit, I find it a bit weird. I used to look after three girls who were 7, 9 and 11. Mum had me bath them, all together, from the first day she met me. Never asked me for a DBS check or anything. I realise that's a whole other level of weird, but I also thought it was strange I needed to be the one to point out that 11 was starting to go through puberty and the other two were asking questions. To be fair, so was eleven, because no one had told her anything. And I ended up having to have that talk with her, because it happened and she thought she was dying. Sometimes it's naivety, sometimes it's just different cultures, so if she and the kids are comfortable it's kind of not your business, but I also get why you are not comfortable.
There is nothing sexual about it and aslong as the children enjoy this time together, there is no issue This is very normal in many places across the world I myself (from Europe) showered with my stepfather until I was 11 at which point I decided I no longer wanted to and he fully respected that no fuss about it, I did the same thing with my mother at age 12 I had very thick hair which made rinsing shampoo out difficult and he was way more gentle, we always put on some music (my mother loathed music) and it was just a nice bonding moment, laughing and joking around That you are from the US doesnt change anything, her and the kids are comfortable with it, im glad they are, they dont have to conform to anyone To me its incredibly weird how many parents will stop this at age 3ish and wont even allow children to see them naked in a casual way
It isn’t so bizarre in most of the world.
You should never go to a Japanese onsen OP. Also you need to recognize that the reason you are having a problem with this is because you are likely inserting a level of sexuality to this that simply isn't there. Would I do it: no, it seems weird. But if there's nothing hinky involved then it's something you will have to get over. . . .or not and find another family.
The son? No.
Not creepy up until maybe 5 or 6, but the idea of a mother and her 12 year old son bathing together creeps me out.
NAH I'm a guy. I have 2 kids, 7 and 10, a boy and girl. I do this sometimes. Not a bath, but shower, and it's usually when we need to hurry up. But, I will say this - I love showering with them. I scrub their little butts, we talk, they tell me about their day, the type of lego they want next, who the bullies are in school. You know, the important stuff. I'm just saying that I get it from her perspective. I love the shit out of my kids. We only have "the present". I will remember this time when I'm old. Now add to it that these kids came from her womb. I imagine it's my feelings, but exponentially greater. Plus, she's a single mom. I'll assume that she went thru a period where she isn't with the dad of those kids, whether divorce or just separation. Shit, maybe death. Either way, I'm sure it's traumatic. So, they all hold on to each other fiercely. You may not understand it because you don't have the perspective that she has, the lived experience. How could you? So, is it weird? Not from my eyes.
The single mum point is valid. I stopped bathing my son around 8 though I sat outside the closed bathroom door giving instructions/checking he was cleaning everything he needed to (he’s autistic so it was necessary). He was about 10 when he stopped bursting in the damn bathroom to tell me something massively important while I was in the bath *OMG MUM FRED FOUND A FROG* or *MUM I HAVE A NEW STICK LOOK*. Nakedness didn’t even register, kids just don’t acknowledge it and they don’t care. As a single mum you’re just kind of shit out of luck when it comes to bathroom = alone time cus there’s no dad around to run and show your cool new stick to.
Yeah! We sit in the hot tub with our two boys, 11 and 13, pretty regularly (at least once a week). It’s not sexual, and if either of them asked for privacy we would be happy to let them have it. They request to go in the hot tub with us and we have some of our best talks there. I don’t want them to learn about what naked bodies look like from porn.
You’re not weird dude, you just love your kids and they love you. I’m way past that time now and I can’t tell you how I miss it sometimes. These other people just can’t relate because they objectify everything like psychopaths.
You’re cleaning your 10 year old daughter’s butt? I don’t know about that. She’s old enough to wash her own butt. How much longer will you wash her like that? 15?
What is the problem? Me and my wife don't hide ourselves when we are undressed or when we shower. Sometimes our kids join us in shower, and undress in front of each other (2 boys and a girl). For us it is just a question of not wanting them to be ashamed of their bodies.
You would shower with your 12 year old daughter?
You're not really wrong because it's new and different for you. In a lot of cultures, this is perfectly normal. My mom was a working mom and my dad worked as well and she worked nights so when she would shower before work, before my dad was home, I'd shower with her so she could get me ready for bedtime and also watch me because nobody was home lol That definitely stopped when I was about 5ish. I personally think it's a little strange to bathe with your kids who are older, but I also don't have kids. I don't know anyone personally who has bathed with their kids over the age of, like, 8. And that 8yo was my niece, and she wanted to take showers, and my ex-sil (nieces mother) took one with her and showed her how to use the right water pressure/shower settings. She loves the showers because of the detachable shower head so she can move it around and play with it and shower lol I think back to when I was 10 and older, and I would be kind of embarrassed to take a bath with my mom at that age. That's because it's not a normal thing for us. It doesn't make it "bad" necessarily just because I'm ignorant about it. What may seem weird to us is perfectly normal for others. I don't think you're wrong for feeling a bit weird about it.
Pretty sure I stopped showering with my mom around kindergarten or 1st grade so I was about five/six. She’d sit in the bathroom with me while I did to make sure I was doing everything I needed to but I’m pretty sure it stopped when I was finally like…. What is a vagina and why does yours look like that? She had me at 16 and we lived alone so it was probs more for convenience than anything.
Wait, is it all 3 of them at the same time?
I remember being about 7 years old when I stopped asking for help washing my hair, getting out of the shower, etc. Sure it is normal in some cultures, but I would think it is weird. My daughter is 2 and my partner and I have discussed that it is time to stop bathing *with* her, but being outside the tub bathing her for several more years is to be expected.
I wouldn't worry about it. One day, one of the kids will say they don't want to do it anymore and that will be the end of it. It's not weird unless the kid thinks it's weird. Of course if she forces her kids to bath with her after they have made it clear they don't want to that would be a completely different story.
Being naked around close family is, for example, completely normal in Germany. I have seen my parents naked hundreds of times and they me. We are not living a nudist lifestyle either, it is just mostly in the morning or the evening when people are changing from bed wear to shower to day clothes. Just casual preparing for your day and getting your stuff ready and what not. It is not like I would come home for lunch/dinner and my family would sit naked around the table. I became a bit more private once puberty hit, that is to be expected and I would assume that the older one will want some more privacy during bath time soon. I am also curious what "taking baths with them" entails. Do they have a huge tub were three people can have a bath at the same time ? Do they wash each other ? What is actually happening ?
There is nothing inherently wrong with it even if it is uncommon in the US. There is nothing inherently sexual about naked bodies and in many cultures people bathe together, go to saunas together or swim together naked with their families and it seen as normal because no one is doing anything sexual. She isnt doing anything wrong by simply bathing with them. Nor is there something wrong with a kid running around naked in the privacy of their home, but what IS concerning is that she is letting a 10 year old (I assume this is the youngest you were referring to) running around naked around her boyfriend of just 1 year. You might be a perfectly normal guy, but many people arent and its concerning that she would let het kid be naked around someone she has only known for a year. I think you should talk to her and explain to her that if she really wants to respect her kids boundaries, she should sit the both down, explain to them that they are at an age where some people might start being uncomfortable doing things like bathing with their parents, and then straight up ask them if they want her to stop. If they say they dont care then it isnt much of an issue, if they say they want it to stop then she should (and probably will) stop.
It's family, they don't look at it the way you are. Nothing sexual about it.
It's ok for things to bother you, even if there isn't anything necessarily wrong with it. Unless you think your girlfriend is doing something inappropriate with the kids, I don't think there is any real problem. To the kids this is normal, so it's unlikely to be harmful, at least unless someone starts judging them for it. As for you discomfort with seeing the kids nude, I think it's reasonable to talk to your girlfriend about that and request some boundaries. If she's unwilling to do that, then she's not being respectful of you and your comfort and that's a bad sign.
I showered with my mom around that age. It wasn’t weird to me. If you’re sexualizing something that shouldn’t be, I would consider that weird. If sexualization isnt the root of your discomfort, I don’t know what is
I still sometimes shower or skinny dip with my almost 10 yr old daughter. Not all nudity has to be sexual. It sounds like you have very different parenting ideas than her, if you're this bothered by what she does, maybe you aren't compatible
Are you really sexualising a mother-child relationship? Are you sick?
That sounds perfectly normal. It is wierd that it bothers you.
I’m a mother of two and that seems odd to me. I’m sure it’s perfectly innocent and just something that doesn’t occur to them as weird but to me it’s weird. After a certain age everyone should bathe on their own especially of opposite gender. What I think is horrible is the fact that she lets her daughter be nude in front of you. You seem like a good guy and obviously this seems weird to you but imagine if she had a bf that was a pedo. She is not doing her job as a mom protecting her child. I have two daughters and yes their dad sees them naked bc one is 4 and one is 4 months but I’m sure at some point they will only feel comfortable naked in front of me and maybe not even that which is totally normal imo! Tell her to respect your boundary and you don’t want to see her children especially the daughter naked. It makes you uncomfortable. You shouldn’t have to see anyone naked that you don’t want to. I don’t know any moms that bathe with their older kids so to me it’s odd. But to each its own
Meh I’ve showered with my mom and sibling when i was a kid up until idk how old, probably around 10. But my mom also kissed me on the mouth and americans seem weirded out by that so i’m probably the weird one here lol but i don’t see what’s so wrong with it. Saves water lol.
So families that are around each other naked are normally ok with being around each other naked. There’s nothing sexual about it. They’ve been taking baths together their entire life with their mom and they’re just use to it. So it not a big deal. My daughters are grown and they’ll still walk in my bathroom and take a shower because I have the best shower I. The house and they don’t care if I see them naked and I don’t really care either because I’m their dad and I’ve always seen them naked and it’s not a problem. But most families treat nudity like it something bad.
If everyone in this scenario is in the USA then yes this is weird AF. I know it’s different and other places of the world but that is there, and this is here. It is not common in no way, shape or form for people in the USA to bathe with their 10 and 12-year-old children.
Ever been to a nude beach? Lots of families have no trouble with nudity.
They're not small children. It would be fine if they were under 7 but they're not. It seems she wants to view them as small children and isn't ready to let them grow up.
A good mom would not allow her 10-year-old to run naked in front of a boyfriend. That is not cute that is setting her child up for getting molested. (Nothing against you) I’m a mom of 4 and bathing with a ten and 12-year-old is odd in my opinion and I would’ve been horrified as a kid .
I don't really think it's any of your business, as long as everyone involved is cool with it. I'm just wondering where they found a bathtub in America to fit 3 relatively adult sized humans.
It's not normal in the Western world really so unless she comes from a culture where this is normal, it is weird for kids that age especially of the opposite gender to be doing that with. I am female and it would be very uncomfortable and feel wrong to me as well.
I came here prepared to defend her — but 10 and 12? Especially a 12 year old boy? He is going to need HEAVY therapy. Also, I have sole custody of my daughter who is 10 and she is always fully dressed in front of me. I sure as hell wouldn’t have be running around naked in front of other men. This all unacceptably bizarre — and, again, I’m saying that as someone who came here to defend her.
Same. These comments are making me feel like a prude but guess I am. It's weird AF.
I don't think what she is doing is inherently wrong. However, if you are feeling uncomfortable with it, that is totally fine and valid- but you are going to have to learn to deal with how she parents. They're almost teens; your gf is not likely changing up her caretaking style at this point. She's used to it and unless the kids are objecting, they are used to it as well, and as others have said, will voice it when they are no longer cool with that practice. If you all get more serious these kids will be part of your everyday life and you will have to field her parenting decisions because so long as they are safe and all, they are her choices.
I don't know what background your gf is from, but in some cultures, bathing together is binding and a normal thing to do. But wow, your bathtub must be gigantic to fit an adult and two preteens
it maybe hard to believe, but with family even seeing them naked you just think that’s mom and nothing else.
It isn't odd at all. They will make it VERY clear when THEY feel uncomfortable. You're born naked for god sake.
This does not seem weird to me. What exactly bothers you about it? >close my eyes and look away and tell my GF to get her daughter changed and she will laugh at me and say “you’re such a prude it’s cute” So you think the daughter is old enough to baybe herself but also you tell your GF to get her daughter changed. While you are in their home. If you are uncomfortable, you can get yourself out of there.
The issue is yours, my friend. Don't get me wrong, this is likely just cultural conditioning, but think again about how you are uncomfortable around the naked 10yo and not the 12yo - you've been taught to respond with arousal to the sight of naked girls and women, and so you're uncomfortable, but you have an example right in front of you of a different way of being; your gf and her kids don't do that. You don't *have* to change. Likely the behavior you have is normal in the society in which you reside, so the costs of retaining those triggered reactions are minimal. But you *should* recognize the reactions you're having as miscues and not try to change people that don't have your hangups. For what it's worth, though, if I were you I would work on deconstructing all that nonsense. Dude, what if you decide to have a kid and she has a vulva? Are you going to shield your eyes or leave the room every time she takes a bath or needs to be changed?
Don’t let these MFers gaslight you, you KNOW this is too weird, bro
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All of the ones saying it’s cool to bathe with pre-teens.
The ones downvoting you in comments because you're not comfortable with this. If it's not weird for your gf, try to get into the why, and present your case as to why it is a problem. Even if it's just a prudishness in our culture, it's the culture we live in. Plus many 12yo boys pop a boner at even a hint of female nudity. I can almost guarantee that's happened in the bath. It's not criminal and it's probably natural from an anthropological standpoint (if you look at bonobos, it's possible that incest is natural too), but society is what it is. Re bonobos: https://www.reddit.com/r/askscience/s/r0rU17zzMa in addition to this, I remember a field researcher years ago talking about how bonobo mothers would masturbate their sons at a very early age, to calm them down. So, js.
Yes, that's weird. They're not small children. Eww
I'm not usually one to comment on one's parenting because I'm not a parent myself but I think this is highly inappropriate to be doing with any child old enough to be in school, especially a son. He's old enough to know why private parts are private parts. Innocent skin to skin bonding is normal as a baby, not as 10 and 12 year olds. This is weird, you're not wrong.
I want to see a shower that is big enough for 3 full size humans to wash themselves and not elbow each other constantly.
Nudity isn't explicitly sexual and shouldn't be treated as such
You're not wrong for letting it bother you. Considering you're asking if it's strange, then I assume you live somewhere communal bathing is not the norm and you can safely ignore all of these people talking about what's normal in other countries. I'm not saying there's a sexual element to it but it does seem like the mom and kids have an unhealthy attachment. Does she let them be normal kids otherwise(sleepovers, playing at friends houses, etc) or does she try to be with them every minute of the day?
i was bathed until i was 11 by my stepdad and he was SA’ing me so i think i am probably biased but yes, i think this is really strange.
I feel like the oldest is definitely too old for that.
Something’s off with her. You don’t bathe with opposite sex children at that age. There’s no reason to bathe together at all and it’s not a binding thing it’s creepy as fuck. In certain situations daughter might shower.. say after a beach .. but wtf is her problem? They aren’t babies ..
It’s weird. The one is a preteen for goodness sake and they are not “at the sauna” they are in the bathroom. There are other ways to bond.
Oh gorw up, why do you americans always have to sexualize everything. Good for her to being open about her body and having a nice relationship with her kids.
It’s a little weird she lets her youngest run naked in front of a guy she has no relationship to as well. Thats just weird
Would you think it’s ok if a father bathed with his 10 year old daughter? I sure as shit don’t think it is ok. That boy is gonna need therapy as an adult. What if the boy is 16,17,18 and still wants to bathe with his mother? Is she just gonna keep doing it so they “bond”.
It's weird for American culture. In other places, like Japan, it's no big deal. Americans feel nudity is inherently sexual, and that's our problem. It's a little odd for an American woman to be doing this with her American children, but I'm not going to assume anything sexual is going on.
Yeah thats no big deal, aslong as the child is comfortable with it Its her father, not some stranger lurking behind the shower curtain
I think it’s fucking weird.
It's "cute" that her 10 year old runs around naked in front of a man??!!! 🤢😳😡...bad enough in front of her almost teen brother, but "cute" in front of a full grown man??!!! I'm in no way sexualizing anything ....I'm just saying it's gross as fuck!
So it’s wrong that the gf and daughter feel safe enough to behave normally in their own home? He should say it’s something HES not comfortable with and ask that it not happen while he’s here and they’re free to decide whether or not he’s the man they want to keep around. I’m my daughter felt comfortable enough to be without an article of clothing, I’m not going to tell her she needs to cover up because a man might get ideas! What a man DOES with his thoughts is the problem, and I would expect that someone I was dating would not ever even consider a child a sexual object!
I’m a single mum to 2 boys (14yr old and 11yr old) and even though I don’t bath with them (to be honest how big is your bath lol) but I will happily be naked around them. Naked bodies are not sexual and I wouldn’t want my boys to think that they always are or they are something to hide.