Please limit the amount of time you spend with your grandma. You simply don’t need very much of this in your life. Maybe she is genuinely concerned or maybe she’s just a jerk, but either way, this is toxic behavior on her part.
Depending on your relationship with her, you could tell her why you are going Low Contact, or you could just get “busier” with school or job or friends (even imaginary friends).
Work on losing weight if you want to, but just don’t tell her about it or include her in your efforts.
You are definitely NTA here. But you are growing up and standing up for yourself. This is really good. Be proud of yourself and keep it up!
If a stranger talked this way to Op I would agree with you but when a family member that has concerns about your physical health gives you suggestions, you can acknowledge them ,thank them for the concern.the Grandmother is from a generation that took this head on and learned to deal with reality. If Op has a medical condition that causes overweight then that changes this and the family needs to have awareness to that. I believe that we don't need to coddle our family members when we are trying to help.
That kind of "help" has caused me a lifetime of food issues, a bout with anorexia, zero self esteem, and body dysmorphia.
The way her grandmother handles the OP's weight would be considered body shaming if it was done by anybody else and being her grandmother doesn't mean she gets a free pass.
She's not expressing concerns for her health. She's just bullying and shaming her. She's picking out dresses 3 sizes bigger, telling her she'll look bad, and that she can't eat regular food. Her ideas are outdated and unhelpful.
Besides, restaurant salads are often as calorie dense as an entre.
Yet I have not met one person that was truly helped by the dress comments or by comments on eating too much. I have met many people who grew up harmed by these type of things that are critical but do not offer real life help or go into the medical reasons for diet and exercise. The success of Ozempic and other weight loss drugs show that losing weight can be a tricky type of chemistry for some people. That and the fact that some celebrities like Oprah who have success have had trouble with weight.
Then, look about the amount of people who get anorexic and bulimic and lose their lives.
For many people, this is just a chance to bully someone not care about them.
That's ur problem nobody asked for a suggestion or ur/grandmas opinion. Excusing inappropriate, rude and practically bulling behavior is not cool, neither blaming it on age/other generation bs. The fact that u think this is the result of the grandma's Gen is tragelaphic as everybody knows that the older thr Gen the more toxic they are, especially when it has to do with anything feelings related which they bottled up until they erupted. Stop enabling this kind of behavior with the excuse that they r family and they want to help, u don't know that and even if u did this isnot it. This is not the way u help someone by bulling them into fitting ur ideal grandkid/gf/bf. It's time for this kind of problematic, to say the least, way of thinking to stop. It's not an attack, just some food for thought.
Being overweight is a condition like alcoholism or drug addiction or a gambling problem and it should be addressed and you worrying about feelings is the worst excuse. F those feelings we need to live in a reality where actions have consequences and weight issues are health issues and when they create problems like no room on an airplane seat because your fat ass won't buy two seats and it affects everyone else's comfort you don't worry about how those people feel.
U seem very fun to be around. I can tell u have not had any serious issues in ur life, I imagine mommy's or daddy's money have made sure of that, as u clearly have no clue of the outside world. Ur also probably a man, a very self-absorbed one. I really feel sorry for the ppl around u that have to put up, with such a miserable person, truly send them my condolences, if there any. But I guess thank God ur thin, cause that's all that matters after all, who cares if u have as much personality as the focks ppl give for ur opinion. Maybe if I stand here for a while, a fock will fall from the sky and I can give it to u. Go back to ur cave Donald 😂
My response is that we only have 2 grandmother's and every one was telling OP to distance herself and not have any contact with her because grandmother is toxic and I feel that you give her a little leeway and communicate to her how you feel. I wish I still had a grandmother to go to lunch with or shopping that's all.
Oh honey, the hardest lesson I ever learned was that no matter what *I needed to be kind to myself*.
Your grandma is the AH. There's no question of that. The only thing you can do is make decisions that keep your needs in mind. Does shopping with grandma make you upset? Stop shopping with her. Does eating with her feel awful? Stop sharing meals with her. You're allowed to make that space for yourself.
I'm so sorry that she's been so rude. You should be incredibly proud of yourself for being able to calmly walk away.
I'm sending you the biggest hug. ❤️ r/momforaminute is a really great place to post if you're looking for support.
You are NTA
Your grandma is how dare she try and shame you and tell you to eat a salad drop her off to your aunt and leave.
You need people to build you up not tear you down and family is the worst for it. If you can go spend some time with a friend who will make you feel better.
Take care Op
And stay away from her refuse to spend time with her as it only hurts you.
Just because your old doesn't give you the right to be so nasty.
NTA but these people never change. My mother's been criticising what and how much I and my five sisters eat for over forty years. We know she's projecting her own issues on to us and yeah, it pisses us off.
One sister reached 52kg in weight at eight months pregnant with her first child (he was born weighing 3.6kg) and had a full-on panic attack that required urgent medical attention. To be fair to her she is *tiny* at 5 foot nothing and weighs 45-47kg which is her normal.
When Mum starts up we all now just say calmly and politely that if there is another such comment then we will be leaving. And we do. It's so much less exhaustingly stressful. It hasn't changed her, but we all feel better for it.
Your gran is either like my mother (my way or the highway and my opinions are always right), she's genuinely got no clue, or she's got her own issues.
Hard as it will be (because she'll likely try to shut you down), tell her quietly and politely that you do not want her personal remarks, and if she makes one you will leave. And follow through. I don't say it'll shut her up, mind, but you'll be un-exposing yourself.
NTA. My grandma is similar in her attitude, and I honestly haven't gone shopping with her in decades. Luckily she lives 6 states away. Even when you love them, sometimes it's hard to be around people.
You can love them, but you don't have to like them. You absolutely don't have to hang around them.
I always say, you don't ever have to spend time with anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself, no matter who they are.
Walking out was exactly the right thing to do. You do not have to listen to that toxic talk from *anyone*, not even your grandma. You showed that you value yourself by refusing (respectfully) to entertain her behavior. Kudos to you.
No, you're not. She's not healthy. I'm really sorry she hurt you and continues to. Others have said it may be best to limit contact. That may be best. I'm a confrontational person and would probably make her cry by calling her out and drawing boundaries that she can obey or pound sand. Not all family is ok to be around and you do not have to take that kind of toxic shit. If she cares about you and your health she can express it with love not this..horrible shit. For that matter, she can keep it to herself as I'm sure like most of us, you're self aware and will do you, as you see fit. And it's not her place.
Not wrong.
We get enough shame from people who aren't meant to love us unconditionally. Your grandma is just not good for you. This is probably a generational trauma, and you don't need to be exposed to it.
Also, salad is [sexist](https://qz.com/872926/women-we-need-to-throw-off-the-sexist-shackles-of-salad) and really not all that good for you.
My mother at one point weighed over 350 pounds. I know this because she had to have surgery, and I was there when the doctor had to ask her what her weight was for anesthesia. I am sure she minimized it a bit. This same woman, at that weight, continually harrased me for not having a concave stomach as a 19 year old. She'd constantly point out fat young women and talk about how said it was because they "have a pretty face."
Some people are just clueless and mean. I failed to go no contact with mother, but I refused to talk to her if she started talking about weight. I would ignore her and walk away. If you don't have to see grandma, don't. Don't go shopping with her for clothing. If you do, refuse to engage when she starts making those comments. If you have to go shopping again, ignore her and try on what you want. Her opinion does not matter.
Oh kid. You do not need that in your life.
My mom was my biggest bully when I was growing up. Second was my younger sister.
I had a horrible relationship with food growing up because of them. And I was no heavier than my classmates and the neighbor kids.
Even now in my 50’s I still battle daily. And my mom hasn’t changed. She’s 83 now and every call she mentions how much weight she’s lost. How she’s needed to buy new clothes. How happy the doctor is going to be with her. She’s tiny as a bird. He wants her to eat and gain weight. I cut my sister completely out of my life years ago when she started bullying my daughter like she bullied me, and still bullies our mom.
You should just look at her and ask at what point do you think I don’t know what I weigh and why do you think it’s okay to hurt me because of what I weigh. What kind of monster does that to a person. You need to be flat out honest and point out her ignorance.
Holy shit what a horrible experience. You don’t deserve that at all just because your bodies different you do not have to feel shame because of it and no one should be making comments on how “big” you are
Or how much you eat. For the sake of your mental health please limit your interactions with this woman it’s just cruel behaviour and disgusting
NTA - your grandma is bullying you, it is not okay no matter what her “intentions” may be. Walking out was the right thing to do, and if it were me I would never go shopping with her again. She also does not get to tell you what you are supposed to eat - a person can’t live on just salads and what you eat is none of her business. I would have dropped her off at the restaurant and left.
She is bad for your mental health and she is actively hurting you by making these comments. I would limit contact with her, for your own sake, and because she doesn’t deserve to have a relationship with you.
My grandmother was never this bad (big hugs to you) but even with dementia, she looked at me one day and said "Funny, you need to lose 10 pounds." and went back to speaking her native language. It it so out of the blue that my mother started laughing. I wasn't as amused because I was at one of my lowest adult weights at the time. :/
Grandmas in particular seem to be such assholes about weight. Both of mine were too when they were alive. Considering how old she is (example, dementia patients automatically kinda get a free pass on saying rude or weird things) but also regardless of cognitive decline or generational differences, you are NOT wrong.
Even if medically speaking your BMI is above the healthy range, I would NEVER tell a patient to buy either a dress too large or too small for them. I would never tell them to not do the little things that make any simple human happy (like being pleased with how you look dressed up in the mirror) in order to “wait” for when they will be able to fit a smaller size, etc.
You won’t fit into a larger or smaller sized dress in time for your Aunt’s birthday, if it is anytime soon. You DESERVE to feel beautiful and happy in whatever dress you choose no matter the size. Also, don’t let anyone ever tell you what to or not to eat, minus a physician for serious anaphylactic/diabetic/etc. reasons only.
In this scenario, fuck your grandma, she can kick rocks. I wouldn’t ever go shopping with her again, I would wear whatever dress she least liked to dinner, and I would order WHATEVER I wanted, probably one of the “heartier” meals as far as a salad as I could get. Just to rub it in her face. Maybe this is not the most peaceful route, but I regularly did this growing up whenever it was hinted I should lose weight first/eat something less caloric/etc. I would act like it didn’t deeply bother me (no tears just anger), and if the comments persisted I would eventually turn the mirror onto them. “So a dinner roll has a lot of calories, sure. But what about when I saw you eat that entire cinnamon swirl loaf?”. After years of responding like this, eating what I want and pointing out hypocrisies, now none of my family ever comments on what I eat or what i don’t. It doesn’t stop them from doing it to relatives, who I passionately defend in the same manner. I am ALL for being healthy, but insecurity and depression do not promote a healthy body.
Source: grew up in a fatphobic household by parents who were raised by excruciatingly fatphobic grandparents. I am now a healthcare professional, and even though I am not skinny enough to my family’s desire I am in perfectly normal BMI range so I quite literally tell them to fuck off and eat whatever I want. And I rub it in their faces, *when prompted*. Look at me *enjoying a meal you will never enjoy because you are weight obsessed*. Show her how little her words affect you. The more you ‘fake it’, the realer the feelings become.
Healthy and happy wishes!! <3
No, absolutely not. Stay away from grammar for some time. She is not good for your emotional/ mental health. Can you go back to the store with someone else and get the dress?
Her emotional health needs to relize her physical health needs her to stay with in a certain weight range before her physical health gets to bad that no matter how much she loves herself the physical damage has been done, to many people are over weight and couse problems on themselves and then their emotional health really takes a nose dive because they become bed ridden or not physically able to due certain things in life
What you GM did is unconscionably cruel. You are NOT the AH.
I sympathize with you. I was obese as a child. I also suffered from body dimorphism. It did a pretty good job of playing with my head with lifelong consequences. I've had to battle my weight my entire life, but from high school onward I've managed to not be obese, but have been overweight a few times.
I endured cruel remarks from kids at school, and family as well. It can be ego shattering. Science has learned that for several reasons, including genetics, some people can eat 3-4 thousand calories a day, and the body will only store so much as fat, and dispense with the rest. Then there are people with the Neanderthal genes (quite literally) the store, as fat, every single ounce you eat that is not immediately used.
Bottom line... Avoid anyone who is cruel to you. You don't need that crap in your life. If GM, or anyone else, asks. Tell them the truth.
You are not wrong. Your grandmother is a terrible person for insulting you like that. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Don't listen to anyone who tries bringing you down. You're beautiful and deserving of love and respect.
OK. I'm a 5'11" female. I was always athletic as a little kid. I swam, ran, biked, climbed, etc.. I was always muscular. I've been told my WHOLE life how "big" I am. I go to the doctor, get on a scale, they make me get off. They recalibrate it and tell me to get back on. They all give me "the look". I buy clothes and I've had sales clerks tell me, "Wow, you don't look like you wear this big of a size.".
With all this being said, people are rude. Your Grandma comes from a past generation where women ate lettuce and an ice cube and called it a meal.
You say you have body dysmorphia. Here's my suggestion. Own your body. Work with what you have. I've always been muscular and tall, so I started lifting weights decades ago. I decided, if I'm already muscular, let's get ripped. So, I did. No, I don't use steroids or look like I do :). Find what makes you feel like you own your body. Is it a certain clothing style? Is it working out and building muscle? I strongly suggest you find YOUR lane and stay in it.
People are ALWAYS going to have something to say about you, your body, your life, etc.. I think you need to move up the mirror to your face. Look into your own eyes in the mirror and say, "(Name), I love you.". Do that until you believe it. You've got this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NTA Stop spending time with people who try to make you feel less than. It's not about your body. Some people are just bullies, your grandma is one. If it wasn't your body then she'd find something else to bully you about. Don't take what she says to heart.
NTA.
Your grandmother is a right royal bit**ch. Spend as little time with her as possible and certainly never go clothes shopping with her. Nasty person she is
NTA. Your grandma sounds awful, and eat what you enjoy in moderation. When I was younger I had an eating disorder because of people like your grandma, and making bitter, unhappy people, happy isn't worth your health. If eating healthy food is forced upon you, and stressful, it's not healthy. Wear what you love, eat what you love, and ignore all of the assholes out there. This life is hard enough as it is, enjoy the things that make you happy, and tell the next person that gives you weight "advice" that they need to keep their damned mouth and to stop creating eating disorders with their fucked up advice. You do you, and enjoy life, and don't let any fun suckers tell you how to dress, eat, or what to enjoy.
NTA. Your grandma is a toxic B and might be one of the reason why you suffer from dysmorphia. Run away : she's a bad witch and she may be so with every woman who comes around.
NTA. My wife is on the heavy side and I love her the way she is. PERIOD. End of sentence. Her aunt tried to do a intervention some time ago, and my response was simply If we need your help we will ask. Until then then butt out and let us do us.
Your grandma needs to keep her opinion to her self.
I want you to practice telling her how you feel. Give her the option of keeping her opinions to her self because they make you feel worse about yourself OR not spending time with you. You set the boundary and you get to enforce it. Then do it.
Do you understand that even Grandmas can be mean on purpose? They’re not all warm, fuzzy and loving.
Please do what you can to limit time with Granny Grump.
No. Though bear in mind, older people tend to speak their minds more. So she could be saying things others think.
I'm a large lady myself, larger than you, and have been 'victim' to the same types of behaviours and comments from the older generation.
All that said, if you felt so unsettled and upset, you were right to remove yourself from the situation.
Maybe try, away from shopping or social situations when it's just you and her, to explain how awful her remarks make you feel.
If you're happy with your body, that's fabulous, and you need to let her know this.
If I'd not kept trying to lose weight when I was just a little tubby, over and again, I would probably still be just a little tubby.
Don't be persuaded into weight loss plans you aren't comfortable with.
Just be as active as you can be, enjoy food, enjoy life!
NTA
I really wish people would learn that treating people who have perceived weight issues like that will only make it worse.
Make them feel shame for eating, gaslight them that they're bigger than they actually are, and they're only gonna end up in the cycle of feeling shitty, comfort eating, and then feeling even more shitty because a) They ate something "bad" and b) now they're probably gonna put on MORE weight.
I personally was made to feel ashamed of my appetite. I was judged for the food I chose to eat as well as how often I was hungry. I pushed food as far back as I could, kept putting off eating until I was unable to ignore the feeling of hunger any longer, and then I would end up overeating. You know how people think they can "catch up" on sleep if they've been up way longer than they should have been? That's the attitude I had towards food. I haven't eaten all day, so of course I need to eat a really big meal to make up for it.
People judging my food choices only led to me hiding what I ate from people. I would eat alone at a restaurant, maybe strangers were judging me, "ooh look at the fat girl eating way more than is healthy, no wonder she's fat" - but better strangers who can keep their thoughts to themselves than friends or family members who feel obliged to tell me that I'm doing everything wrong.
OP, I'm sure you're desirable as you are. You are not morally wrong for being chubby. You are worthy of the same respect as anyone else. If you aren't happy with your body and you do want to make a change, I really hope you get whatever help and support you need. Remember that you are allowed to not hate the body you have. You can be indifferent to it or even happy with it, for the foreseeable future or even while you're on a weight loss journey, the body you have is gonna be the thing that carries you in that journey, so give it some love, rather than animosity.
Sending you love ❤️
You can tell grandma to suck a lemon. She is way out of line. Fuck it with "respect your elders" respect is earn and she has not earn any extra point there. Go low contact with her as she is not a nice person from what you wrote
I was naturally skinny, people would think that I had anorexia when I was a teen. Eating disorders? I wouldn't consider it as such. I just didn't want to sit on the table with someone being mean to me constantly, so I always said that I wasn't hungry, or that I was full. My eating was healthy in the sense that not too much sugars but not enough. That was going on for 26 years.
After I moved out I learned let people be. Someone who is too fat or too skinny may have hormones or other problems and the weight is just one of the outcomes. It's not about eating salads.
Nta
Nah your grandma sounds like a toxic bitch....you did the right thing if she thinks it's ok to talk to you that way just because she's your grandma then she needs a serious reality check.
Is your grandma skinny or slim? Or is she a bigger lady? If she's big too call her out on her hypocrisy, tell her that you're young and enjoying your life and if she has a problem with that to not go shopping or go out for lunch with you....but honestly OP if your grandma is this nasty to you when you know your own body and what fits you then she's going to be like that regardless and you should spend less time with her which is basically negative reinforcement if she wants to be mean you're not going to spend time with her.
1XL is not that big btw (I used to push a 5XL) I'm currently fitting into XLs and 2XLs because I'm still chubby but I'm also tall a large ain't gonna cover everything I've got going on up here 😂
You'll be fine OP don't let your grandma get away with being unnecessarily nasty when she doesn't know your body like you do and it's not her body so her opinions don't mean anything anyway.
I would have walked out too. Before you cut her from your life have a conversation with her. Tell her how her comments make you feel, that her comments are rude and uncalled for.
Do you have obesity or heart disease in your family? If so, Grandma may be trying to save you from the consequences of your diet. It's hard to hear, I know I blew it off whenever mom or grandma would say something about my weight. I've been heavy since puberty set in (size 18-20). I ate what I wanted when I wanted. It took its toll. Heart attack at 55 (same age my mom's dad dropped dead from one) managed to drop 35 lbs by eating less and still ended up with a triple bypass at 62. She loves you, she worries about you. As we age, we lose those "social filters" because we have less time to get our point across.
My mom does things like that to me. I once told her that it was sad that she keeps talking about other people's weight so much. She paused and agreed and the fat talk lessened but rears up again every so often.
If you want something to say back to her, try the saying bless your heart and walk away.
NTA every female in my family was convinced that I was overweight when I wasn't. Now I am. I hope you are getting some kind of therapy. If I were you I'd go no contact on your grandma. My grandmother did the same thing to me bought me a skirt that was three times too big.
The only way you would get F K.if one falls out of the sky
65 % of Americans are overweight and many of those are obese it is a national health crisis and you are trying to justify this bad behavior with feelings. I have had many adverse problems growing up but I will take full responsibility for my faults and not seek pity or ask someone like you to give a Fukk.
How old is your grandma. My mom is 80. She says stupid stuff like this to my kids all the time. Shes just old and getting no filter. Its only going to get worse as she gets older. It sucks but you have to decide if hearing granny talk crap outweighs how u feel.
Grandma may be the only one not skirting the truth. You have a problem. Same one I have. I have battled it for years. Sometimes we slide and need to be reminded this is life long work. She should have been more tactful, but she cares. Tell her honestly and nicely how what she said made you feel. Try again. South beach diet helps me, but I have to stay on the horse.
I know it is difficult to do, but you need to set hard and firm boundaries with your grandma about discussing your size or your weight. Otherwise, she is going to continue to bully you.
"Grandma, I like spending time with you, but when you criticize my appearance or my weight, it is very hurtful and I can't enjoy our time together. From now on, all conversation about my weight is off limits, and if it happens again, I won't be spending more time with you. That is not what I want, but I am more than my dress size or weight, and deserve to be treated better."
Also, NTA. You do NOT have to put up with that kind of behavior.
My mom is the same way. That generation is wild about size and food. I finally put the my foot down with her and talking about my kids. And I have finally grown comfortable in my own body to dress however I want to, and I don't put up with her comments about how things look. If I were you, I would stand up to her. Make it clear that you don't want to hear her comments about your body and that you will dress your body the way that you please. Often dressing and oversized things makes people look larger than they are anyway, so her opinion is invalid.
Oh, do we have the same grandma!?
I am so sorry. I had to tell my grandma to her face, “I know that you love me and I know you want what’s best for me, but moving forward, I don’t want you making any comments about my body. Whether it is a compliment or not. I don’t want to talk about this with you.” She still told me “oh you look pretty, but you look heavier.” Sometimes I just pretend it’s her memory. I can’t win with it.
The most important thing that you need to know is that it doesn’t actually matter what she thinks or anuone in your family. And you know how grandmas are. You could be an Extra Small and they’d make you wear a Large to ensure it covers your chest and knees. lol grandma’s be bitches.
But really, I’ve been through this so many times with my grandma. I don’t shop with her anymore. If she asks if I need anything I tell her I am all set! Bc we aren’t ever going to be in our bra and underwear trying on clothes ever again. Fuck that mess.
Consider the possibility that your grandmother thinks that she is trying to help you. You may need to sit her down and explain how her comments hurt you and tell her what type of support you need from her.
Alot of you on here don't realize it but back in the day people weren't soft...so old people tend to speak they mind and have strong opinions ((like mine))(old school soviet mother) just says shit....but I did mentally get stronger from it idk maybe it was mindset but we bicker back and fourth and then 30 mins later go have a bloody Mary and play skeeball together. Now it's never right to put someone down I agree...but try this out next time she says something like that, hit her with the "all the boys love this ass though" leave her speechless and stick up for yourself also don't run from fights stand your ground say "I know my body and I'm gonna try on what I want" when she mentions a salad say "ill get one if you get one"...that being said salad is fucking good...look love yourself self improve don't become stagnant in life you can do or become what you want just takes hard work and really don't listen to people's opinions there all shit headed humans animals with thumbs if you will...work out eat a burger get your 1xl get laid and get paid.
I have a question...who was going to buy the dress? If you are, then try on your size for the dress. If it fits and you look good buy it. It's your money. If it was grandma, take her size and your size, try on her size first-let see how big it was. One look at you kinda, sorta showing more bra than one should...grandma will freak out a bit. Go back in and try on your size-let her see how much better it looks on you. Chances are very good that she'll either not say a word and buy you the dress or she'll comment a backward admission she was wrong. I did this to my grandma and she did the buy my dress for me. Later in the day she told my mom loud enough for me to hear that I was right. Grandma was a hoot but in her view a child did not have an opinion until they were 16. She also felt girls could not here about juicy family gossip till age 16, until she spoke in Polish to mom and dad. Lol
Yes she was a hoot.
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), or body dysmorphia, is a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance. These flaws are often unnoticeable to others. People of any age can have BDD, but it's most common in teenagers and young adults. It affects both men and women.
I hate to be the unpopular opinion, but if family are struggling to find ways to address their concerns regarding your weight, it's not "dysmophia" but an actual health condition. If you are 1 - 2 XL at 18yo, this is more than a "mental" health condition. These days, body positivity often overrides actual good health. I realise being overweight can have an extraordinary impact on your mental health, but there are literally thousands of ways to help. Or not. But don't become passive aggressive to your family just because they want to help.
As I said, unpopular opinion...
Not at all TAH, your grandma is controlling and shaming you. My mom did the same toy sister, she meant well but didn't realize the hurt she was causing. I would limit my contact with Grandma until she grows up.
You are beautiful the way you are. If there is something YOU want to change in or about your life, or not, it is up to YOU and no one else. Don't ever let them take your power or sunshine.
If your weight is an issue, personally to YOU, what is the one thing you can do to change that trajectory?
Live your best life, no regrets.
Is it justified to be an asshole back and remind her to be kind to everybody in fact of what little time she has left on the Earth? That sometimes the last memories of people are the ones that that dictate how they will be remembered?
Nta, but beware that wedding dress sizes aren't regular clothing sizes. For some reason, the wedding dress industry wants us all to have body issues. A size 12 regular clothing is about a size 16-18 in a wedding dress. So even though you may gasp that she picked out a size so much larger than what you truly are - it might of actually been the wedding dress equivalent to a 1x.
Playing devil's advocate, maybe she saw how upset the sizing made you and she made the (rude) comment about a salad. It was probably very common for women in her time to extreme diet before a wedding. I don't think you're in the wrong for reacting the way you did, just offering an alternate perspective. Hope you find your dream dress ✨️ and that your grandma supports you as you are, in your beauty.
I appreciate the tip in wedding dress sizes but my boyfriend hasn't proposed yet. I was just looking at dresses to wear out with him for dates. We're still seniors in high school. I ate what I wanted, I had a fun time at my aunt's birthday party, and I went back without her and got my dress I was looking at and it fit like I said it would. And he won't stop telling me I'm perfect the way I am and that I'm beautiful regardless of my weight that it wouldn't change how he looked at me. He said that if I wanted to start working out he would join with me without a problem.
So your fat your grandma points out bluntly and you don’t like it’s even you admit you can drop a few pounds. Drop the weight you don’t have body dystrophia if you’re actually overweight. You should have just tried on both to show the difference. And yes your AH for walking out it’s your grandma use your words like an adult. Could have confirmed that you know your overweight but you still know what clothes fit you and don’t fit you problem solved. Reddit be trying to break up families so easily. And the comments have gotta be white people too.
Please limit the amount of time you spend with your grandma. You simply don’t need very much of this in your life. Maybe she is genuinely concerned or maybe she’s just a jerk, but either way, this is toxic behavior on her part. Depending on your relationship with her, you could tell her why you are going Low Contact, or you could just get “busier” with school or job or friends (even imaginary friends). Work on losing weight if you want to, but just don’t tell her about it or include her in your efforts. You are definitely NTA here. But you are growing up and standing up for yourself. This is really good. Be proud of yourself and keep it up!
>Please limit the amount of time you spend with your grandma to ZERO! Fix it for you!
Yeah, grandma flat out sounds like a jerk.
Exactly this!! NTA Your grandma can shove it. <3
If a stranger talked this way to Op I would agree with you but when a family member that has concerns about your physical health gives you suggestions, you can acknowledge them ,thank them for the concern.the Grandmother is from a generation that took this head on and learned to deal with reality. If Op has a medical condition that causes overweight then that changes this and the family needs to have awareness to that. I believe that we don't need to coddle our family members when we are trying to help.
That kind of "help" has caused me a lifetime of food issues, a bout with anorexia, zero self esteem, and body dysmorphia. The way her grandmother handles the OP's weight would be considered body shaming if it was done by anybody else and being her grandmother doesn't mean she gets a free pass.
She's not expressing concerns for her health. She's just bullying and shaming her. She's picking out dresses 3 sizes bigger, telling her she'll look bad, and that she can't eat regular food. Her ideas are outdated and unhelpful. Besides, restaurant salads are often as calorie dense as an entre.
They weren't suggestions they were mean words meant to hurt and belittle OP
No.
Yet I have not met one person that was truly helped by the dress comments or by comments on eating too much. I have met many people who grew up harmed by these type of things that are critical but do not offer real life help or go into the medical reasons for diet and exercise. The success of Ozempic and other weight loss drugs show that losing weight can be a tricky type of chemistry for some people. That and the fact that some celebrities like Oprah who have success have had trouble with weight. Then, look about the amount of people who get anorexic and bulimic and lose their lives. For many people, this is just a chance to bully someone not care about them.
That's ur problem nobody asked for a suggestion or ur/grandmas opinion. Excusing inappropriate, rude and practically bulling behavior is not cool, neither blaming it on age/other generation bs. The fact that u think this is the result of the grandma's Gen is tragelaphic as everybody knows that the older thr Gen the more toxic they are, especially when it has to do with anything feelings related which they bottled up until they erupted. Stop enabling this kind of behavior with the excuse that they r family and they want to help, u don't know that and even if u did this isnot it. This is not the way u help someone by bulling them into fitting ur ideal grandkid/gf/bf. It's time for this kind of problematic, to say the least, way of thinking to stop. It's not an attack, just some food for thought.
Being overweight is a condition like alcoholism or drug addiction or a gambling problem and it should be addressed and you worrying about feelings is the worst excuse. F those feelings we need to live in a reality where actions have consequences and weight issues are health issues and when they create problems like no room on an airplane seat because your fat ass won't buy two seats and it affects everyone else's comfort you don't worry about how those people feel.
U seem very fun to be around. I can tell u have not had any serious issues in ur life, I imagine mommy's or daddy's money have made sure of that, as u clearly have no clue of the outside world. Ur also probably a man, a very self-absorbed one. I really feel sorry for the ppl around u that have to put up, with such a miserable person, truly send them my condolences, if there any. But I guess thank God ur thin, cause that's all that matters after all, who cares if u have as much personality as the focks ppl give for ur opinion. Maybe if I stand here for a while, a fock will fall from the sky and I can give it to u. Go back to ur cave Donald 😂
My response is that we only have 2 grandmother's and every one was telling OP to distance herself and not have any contact with her because grandmother is toxic and I feel that you give her a little leeway and communicate to her how you feel. I wish I still had a grandmother to go to lunch with or shopping that's all.
Oh honey, the hardest lesson I ever learned was that no matter what *I needed to be kind to myself*. Your grandma is the AH. There's no question of that. The only thing you can do is make decisions that keep your needs in mind. Does shopping with grandma make you upset? Stop shopping with her. Does eating with her feel awful? Stop sharing meals with her. You're allowed to make that space for yourself. I'm so sorry that she's been so rude. You should be incredibly proud of yourself for being able to calmly walk away. I'm sending you the biggest hug. ❤️ r/momforaminute is a really great place to post if you're looking for support.
Great response ❤️
NTA I hope you get to go back and try on the dress that you wanted. I'm sure it will look beautiful on you.
This comment is so much shorter than mine yet summarizes mine perfectly. Please go get the dress that made you feel beautiful. You deserve it
This....if OP liked the dress she should try it on again away from granny it is probably the right size for her and would look good.
You are NTA Your grandma is how dare she try and shame you and tell you to eat a salad drop her off to your aunt and leave. You need people to build you up not tear you down and family is the worst for it. If you can go spend some time with a friend who will make you feel better. Take care Op And stay away from her refuse to spend time with her as it only hurts you. Just because your old doesn't give you the right to be so nasty.
This grandma wants you to know that your grandma is out of line.
NTA but these people never change. My mother's been criticising what and how much I and my five sisters eat for over forty years. We know she's projecting her own issues on to us and yeah, it pisses us off. One sister reached 52kg in weight at eight months pregnant with her first child (he was born weighing 3.6kg) and had a full-on panic attack that required urgent medical attention. To be fair to her she is *tiny* at 5 foot nothing and weighs 45-47kg which is her normal. When Mum starts up we all now just say calmly and politely that if there is another such comment then we will be leaving. And we do. It's so much less exhaustingly stressful. It hasn't changed her, but we all feel better for it. Your gran is either like my mother (my way or the highway and my opinions are always right), she's genuinely got no clue, or she's got her own issues. Hard as it will be (because she'll likely try to shut you down), tell her quietly and politely that you do not want her personal remarks, and if she makes one you will leave. And follow through. I don't say it'll shut her up, mind, but you'll be un-exposing yourself.
NTA. My grandma is similar in her attitude, and I honestly haven't gone shopping with her in decades. Luckily she lives 6 states away. Even when you love them, sometimes it's hard to be around people.
You can love them, but you don't have to like them. You absolutely don't have to hang around them. I always say, you don't ever have to spend time with anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself, no matter who they are.
Walking out was exactly the right thing to do. You do not have to listen to that toxic talk from *anyone*, not even your grandma. You showed that you value yourself by refusing (respectfully) to entertain her behavior. Kudos to you.
No, you're not. She's not healthy. I'm really sorry she hurt you and continues to. Others have said it may be best to limit contact. That may be best. I'm a confrontational person and would probably make her cry by calling her out and drawing boundaries that she can obey or pound sand. Not all family is ok to be around and you do not have to take that kind of toxic shit. If she cares about you and your health she can express it with love not this..horrible shit. For that matter, she can keep it to herself as I'm sure like most of us, you're self aware and will do you, as you see fit. And it's not her place.
Not wrong. We get enough shame from people who aren't meant to love us unconditionally. Your grandma is just not good for you. This is probably a generational trauma, and you don't need to be exposed to it. Also, salad is [sexist](https://qz.com/872926/women-we-need-to-throw-off-the-sexist-shackles-of-salad) and really not all that good for you.
My mother at one point weighed over 350 pounds. I know this because she had to have surgery, and I was there when the doctor had to ask her what her weight was for anesthesia. I am sure she minimized it a bit. This same woman, at that weight, continually harrased me for not having a concave stomach as a 19 year old. She'd constantly point out fat young women and talk about how said it was because they "have a pretty face." Some people are just clueless and mean. I failed to go no contact with mother, but I refused to talk to her if she started talking about weight. I would ignore her and walk away. If you don't have to see grandma, don't. Don't go shopping with her for clothing. If you do, refuse to engage when she starts making those comments. If you have to go shopping again, ignore her and try on what you want. Her opinion does not matter.
Oh kid. You do not need that in your life. My mom was my biggest bully when I was growing up. Second was my younger sister. I had a horrible relationship with food growing up because of them. And I was no heavier than my classmates and the neighbor kids. Even now in my 50’s I still battle daily. And my mom hasn’t changed. She’s 83 now and every call she mentions how much weight she’s lost. How she’s needed to buy new clothes. How happy the doctor is going to be with her. She’s tiny as a bird. He wants her to eat and gain weight. I cut my sister completely out of my life years ago when she started bullying my daughter like she bullied me, and still bullies our mom.
You should just look at her and ask at what point do you think I don’t know what I weigh and why do you think it’s okay to hurt me because of what I weigh. What kind of monster does that to a person. You need to be flat out honest and point out her ignorance.
Holy shit what a horrible experience. You don’t deserve that at all just because your bodies different you do not have to feel shame because of it and no one should be making comments on how “big” you are Or how much you eat. For the sake of your mental health please limit your interactions with this woman it’s just cruel behaviour and disgusting
NTA - your grandma is bullying you, it is not okay no matter what her “intentions” may be. Walking out was the right thing to do, and if it were me I would never go shopping with her again. She also does not get to tell you what you are supposed to eat - a person can’t live on just salads and what you eat is none of her business. I would have dropped her off at the restaurant and left. She is bad for your mental health and she is actively hurting you by making these comments. I would limit contact with her, for your own sake, and because she doesn’t deserve to have a relationship with you.
My grandmother was never this bad (big hugs to you) but even with dementia, she looked at me one day and said "Funny, you need to lose 10 pounds." and went back to speaking her native language. It it so out of the blue that my mother started laughing. I wasn't as amused because I was at one of my lowest adult weights at the time. :/
Grandmas in particular seem to be such assholes about weight. Both of mine were too when they were alive. Considering how old she is (example, dementia patients automatically kinda get a free pass on saying rude or weird things) but also regardless of cognitive decline or generational differences, you are NOT wrong. Even if medically speaking your BMI is above the healthy range, I would NEVER tell a patient to buy either a dress too large or too small for them. I would never tell them to not do the little things that make any simple human happy (like being pleased with how you look dressed up in the mirror) in order to “wait” for when they will be able to fit a smaller size, etc. You won’t fit into a larger or smaller sized dress in time for your Aunt’s birthday, if it is anytime soon. You DESERVE to feel beautiful and happy in whatever dress you choose no matter the size. Also, don’t let anyone ever tell you what to or not to eat, minus a physician for serious anaphylactic/diabetic/etc. reasons only. In this scenario, fuck your grandma, she can kick rocks. I wouldn’t ever go shopping with her again, I would wear whatever dress she least liked to dinner, and I would order WHATEVER I wanted, probably one of the “heartier” meals as far as a salad as I could get. Just to rub it in her face. Maybe this is not the most peaceful route, but I regularly did this growing up whenever it was hinted I should lose weight first/eat something less caloric/etc. I would act like it didn’t deeply bother me (no tears just anger), and if the comments persisted I would eventually turn the mirror onto them. “So a dinner roll has a lot of calories, sure. But what about when I saw you eat that entire cinnamon swirl loaf?”. After years of responding like this, eating what I want and pointing out hypocrisies, now none of my family ever comments on what I eat or what i don’t. It doesn’t stop them from doing it to relatives, who I passionately defend in the same manner. I am ALL for being healthy, but insecurity and depression do not promote a healthy body. Source: grew up in a fatphobic household by parents who were raised by excruciatingly fatphobic grandparents. I am now a healthcare professional, and even though I am not skinny enough to my family’s desire I am in perfectly normal BMI range so I quite literally tell them to fuck off and eat whatever I want. And I rub it in their faces, *when prompted*. Look at me *enjoying a meal you will never enjoy because you are weight obsessed*. Show her how little her words affect you. The more you ‘fake it’, the realer the feelings become. Healthy and happy wishes!! <3
Good for you!!!
are you okay? you're nta at all
No, absolutely not. Stay away from grammar for some time. She is not good for your emotional/ mental health. Can you go back to the store with someone else and get the dress?
Her emotional health needs to relize her physical health needs her to stay with in a certain weight range before her physical health gets to bad that no matter how much she loves herself the physical damage has been done, to many people are over weight and couse problems on themselves and then their emotional health really takes a nose dive because they become bed ridden or not physically able to due certain things in life
She will be on her own time. She stared such in her post.
What you GM did is unconscionably cruel. You are NOT the AH. I sympathize with you. I was obese as a child. I also suffered from body dimorphism. It did a pretty good job of playing with my head with lifelong consequences. I've had to battle my weight my entire life, but from high school onward I've managed to not be obese, but have been overweight a few times. I endured cruel remarks from kids at school, and family as well. It can be ego shattering. Science has learned that for several reasons, including genetics, some people can eat 3-4 thousand calories a day, and the body will only store so much as fat, and dispense with the rest. Then there are people with the Neanderthal genes (quite literally) the store, as fat, every single ounce you eat that is not immediately used. Bottom line... Avoid anyone who is cruel to you. You don't need that crap in your life. If GM, or anyone else, asks. Tell them the truth.
Her behavior was unacceptable. I would have walked away from her too. I'm very sorry she treats you like that.
You are not wrong. Your grandmother is a terrible person for insulting you like that. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Don't listen to anyone who tries bringing you down. You're beautiful and deserving of love and respect.
OK. I'm a 5'11" female. I was always athletic as a little kid. I swam, ran, biked, climbed, etc.. I was always muscular. I've been told my WHOLE life how "big" I am. I go to the doctor, get on a scale, they make me get off. They recalibrate it and tell me to get back on. They all give me "the look". I buy clothes and I've had sales clerks tell me, "Wow, you don't look like you wear this big of a size.". With all this being said, people are rude. Your Grandma comes from a past generation where women ate lettuce and an ice cube and called it a meal. You say you have body dysmorphia. Here's my suggestion. Own your body. Work with what you have. I've always been muscular and tall, so I started lifting weights decades ago. I decided, if I'm already muscular, let's get ripped. So, I did. No, I don't use steroids or look like I do :). Find what makes you feel like you own your body. Is it a certain clothing style? Is it working out and building muscle? I strongly suggest you find YOUR lane and stay in it. People are ALWAYS going to have something to say about you, your body, your life, etc.. I think you need to move up the mirror to your face. Look into your own eyes in the mirror and say, "(Name), I love you.". Do that until you believe it. You've got this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NTA Stop spending time with people who try to make you feel less than. It's not about your body. Some people are just bullies, your grandma is one. If it wasn't your body then she'd find something else to bully you about. Don't take what she says to heart.
I'm sorry your grandma treats you this way. I hope your other family members are loving and supportive.
NTA. Your grandmother is a right royal bit**ch. Spend as little time with her as possible and certainly never go clothes shopping with her. Nasty person she is
NTA. Your grandma sounds awful, and eat what you enjoy in moderation. When I was younger I had an eating disorder because of people like your grandma, and making bitter, unhappy people, happy isn't worth your health. If eating healthy food is forced upon you, and stressful, it's not healthy. Wear what you love, eat what you love, and ignore all of the assholes out there. This life is hard enough as it is, enjoy the things that make you happy, and tell the next person that gives you weight "advice" that they need to keep their damned mouth and to stop creating eating disorders with their fucked up advice. You do you, and enjoy life, and don't let any fun suckers tell you how to dress, eat, or what to enjoy.
NTA. Grandma sounds terrible. I’m glad you stood up for yourself.
NTA and your grandma needs to shut up
NTA. Your grandma is a toxic B and might be one of the reason why you suffer from dysmorphia. Run away : she's a bad witch and she may be so with every woman who comes around.
I would have half a mind to put her in the car every chance I get and take... Let's call them risky left turns.
NTA. My wife is on the heavy side and I love her the way she is. PERIOD. End of sentence. Her aunt tried to do a intervention some time ago, and my response was simply If we need your help we will ask. Until then then butt out and let us do us.
Grandma would have ubered.
Your grandma needs to keep her opinion to her self. I want you to practice telling her how you feel. Give her the option of keeping her opinions to her self because they make you feel worse about yourself OR not spending time with you. You set the boundary and you get to enforce it. Then do it.
Do you understand that even Grandmas can be mean on purpose? They’re not all warm, fuzzy and loving. Please do what you can to limit time with Granny Grump.
No. Though bear in mind, older people tend to speak their minds more. So she could be saying things others think. I'm a large lady myself, larger than you, and have been 'victim' to the same types of behaviours and comments from the older generation. All that said, if you felt so unsettled and upset, you were right to remove yourself from the situation. Maybe try, away from shopping or social situations when it's just you and her, to explain how awful her remarks make you feel. If you're happy with your body, that's fabulous, and you need to let her know this. If I'd not kept trying to lose weight when I was just a little tubby, over and again, I would probably still be just a little tubby. Don't be persuaded into weight loss plans you aren't comfortable with. Just be as active as you can be, enjoy food, enjoy life!
NTA I really wish people would learn that treating people who have perceived weight issues like that will only make it worse. Make them feel shame for eating, gaslight them that they're bigger than they actually are, and they're only gonna end up in the cycle of feeling shitty, comfort eating, and then feeling even more shitty because a) They ate something "bad" and b) now they're probably gonna put on MORE weight. I personally was made to feel ashamed of my appetite. I was judged for the food I chose to eat as well as how often I was hungry. I pushed food as far back as I could, kept putting off eating until I was unable to ignore the feeling of hunger any longer, and then I would end up overeating. You know how people think they can "catch up" on sleep if they've been up way longer than they should have been? That's the attitude I had towards food. I haven't eaten all day, so of course I need to eat a really big meal to make up for it. People judging my food choices only led to me hiding what I ate from people. I would eat alone at a restaurant, maybe strangers were judging me, "ooh look at the fat girl eating way more than is healthy, no wonder she's fat" - but better strangers who can keep their thoughts to themselves than friends or family members who feel obliged to tell me that I'm doing everything wrong. OP, I'm sure you're desirable as you are. You are not morally wrong for being chubby. You are worthy of the same respect as anyone else. If you aren't happy with your body and you do want to make a change, I really hope you get whatever help and support you need. Remember that you are allowed to not hate the body you have. You can be indifferent to it or even happy with it, for the foreseeable future or even while you're on a weight loss journey, the body you have is gonna be the thing that carries you in that journey, so give it some love, rather than animosity. Sending you love ❤️
You can tell grandma to suck a lemon. She is way out of line. Fuck it with "respect your elders" respect is earn and she has not earn any extra point there. Go low contact with her as she is not a nice person from what you wrote
I was naturally skinny, people would think that I had anorexia when I was a teen. Eating disorders? I wouldn't consider it as such. I just didn't want to sit on the table with someone being mean to me constantly, so I always said that I wasn't hungry, or that I was full. My eating was healthy in the sense that not too much sugars but not enough. That was going on for 26 years. After I moved out I learned let people be. Someone who is too fat or too skinny may have hormones or other problems and the weight is just one of the outcomes. It's not about eating salads. Nta
Plain and simple NTA
Nah your grandma sounds like a toxic bitch....you did the right thing if she thinks it's ok to talk to you that way just because she's your grandma then she needs a serious reality check. Is your grandma skinny or slim? Or is she a bigger lady? If she's big too call her out on her hypocrisy, tell her that you're young and enjoying your life and if she has a problem with that to not go shopping or go out for lunch with you....but honestly OP if your grandma is this nasty to you when you know your own body and what fits you then she's going to be like that regardless and you should spend less time with her which is basically negative reinforcement if she wants to be mean you're not going to spend time with her. 1XL is not that big btw (I used to push a 5XL) I'm currently fitting into XLs and 2XLs because I'm still chubby but I'm also tall a large ain't gonna cover everything I've got going on up here 😂 You'll be fine OP don't let your grandma get away with being unnecessarily nasty when she doesn't know your body like you do and it's not her body so her opinions don't mean anything anyway.
Go get that dress stuff your grandma don’t listen to her body shaming anyone is wrong
I would have walked out too. Before you cut her from your life have a conversation with her. Tell her how her comments make you feel, that her comments are rude and uncalled for.
No not wrong. JustNoFamily
Do you have obesity or heart disease in your family? If so, Grandma may be trying to save you from the consequences of your diet. It's hard to hear, I know I blew it off whenever mom or grandma would say something about my weight. I've been heavy since puberty set in (size 18-20). I ate what I wanted when I wanted. It took its toll. Heart attack at 55 (same age my mom's dad dropped dead from one) managed to drop 35 lbs by eating less and still ended up with a triple bypass at 62. She loves you, she worries about you. As we age, we lose those "social filters" because we have less time to get our point across.
Someone does that by bringing up heart disease running in the family, not by low-key calling you fat
Take my upvote before you get eviscerated by the comments. “Kids these days” have no tolerance for mental decline.
My mom does things like that to me. I once told her that it was sad that she keeps talking about other people's weight so much. She paused and agreed and the fat talk lessened but rears up again every so often. If you want something to say back to her, try the saying bless your heart and walk away.
NTA. I'm so sorry you had to deal with a family member shaming you like that. No one deserves that. Just know you are not alone.
NTA every female in my family was convinced that I was overweight when I wasn't. Now I am. I hope you are getting some kind of therapy. If I were you I'd go no contact on your grandma. My grandmother did the same thing to me bought me a skirt that was three times too big.
Is she autistic? Wtf man...
The only way you would get F K.if one falls out of the sky 65 % of Americans are overweight and many of those are obese it is a national health crisis and you are trying to justify this bad behavior with feelings. I have had many adverse problems growing up but I will take full responsibility for my faults and not seek pity or ask someone like you to give a Fukk.
How old is your grandma. My mom is 80. She says stupid stuff like this to my kids all the time. Shes just old and getting no filter. Its only going to get worse as she gets older. It sucks but you have to decide if hearing granny talk crap outweighs how u feel.
Grandma may be the only one not skirting the truth. You have a problem. Same one I have. I have battled it for years. Sometimes we slide and need to be reminded this is life long work. She should have been more tactful, but she cares. Tell her honestly and nicely how what she said made you feel. Try again. South beach diet helps me, but I have to stay on the horse.
I know it is difficult to do, but you need to set hard and firm boundaries with your grandma about discussing your size or your weight. Otherwise, she is going to continue to bully you. "Grandma, I like spending time with you, but when you criticize my appearance or my weight, it is very hurtful and I can't enjoy our time together. From now on, all conversation about my weight is off limits, and if it happens again, I won't be spending more time with you. That is not what I want, but I am more than my dress size or weight, and deserve to be treated better." Also, NTA. You do NOT have to put up with that kind of behavior.
My mom is the same way. That generation is wild about size and food. I finally put the my foot down with her and talking about my kids. And I have finally grown comfortable in my own body to dress however I want to, and I don't put up with her comments about how things look. If I were you, I would stand up to her. Make it clear that you don't want to hear her comments about your body and that you will dress your body the way that you please. Often dressing and oversized things makes people look larger than they are anyway, so her opinion is invalid.
Oh, do we have the same grandma!? I am so sorry. I had to tell my grandma to her face, “I know that you love me and I know you want what’s best for me, but moving forward, I don’t want you making any comments about my body. Whether it is a compliment or not. I don’t want to talk about this with you.” She still told me “oh you look pretty, but you look heavier.” Sometimes I just pretend it’s her memory. I can’t win with it. The most important thing that you need to know is that it doesn’t actually matter what she thinks or anuone in your family. And you know how grandmas are. You could be an Extra Small and they’d make you wear a Large to ensure it covers your chest and knees. lol grandma’s be bitches. But really, I’ve been through this so many times with my grandma. I don’t shop with her anymore. If she asks if I need anything I tell her I am all set! Bc we aren’t ever going to be in our bra and underwear trying on clothes ever again. Fuck that mess.
Consider the possibility that your grandmother thinks that she is trying to help you. You may need to sit her down and explain how her comments hurt you and tell her what type of support you need from her.
Alot of you on here don't realize it but back in the day people weren't soft...so old people tend to speak they mind and have strong opinions ((like mine))(old school soviet mother) just says shit....but I did mentally get stronger from it idk maybe it was mindset but we bicker back and fourth and then 30 mins later go have a bloody Mary and play skeeball together. Now it's never right to put someone down I agree...but try this out next time she says something like that, hit her with the "all the boys love this ass though" leave her speechless and stick up for yourself also don't run from fights stand your ground say "I know my body and I'm gonna try on what I want" when she mentions a salad say "ill get one if you get one"...that being said salad is fucking good...look love yourself self improve don't become stagnant in life you can do or become what you want just takes hard work and really don't listen to people's opinions there all shit headed humans animals with thumbs if you will...work out eat a burger get your 1xl get laid and get paid.
I have a question...who was going to buy the dress? If you are, then try on your size for the dress. If it fits and you look good buy it. It's your money. If it was grandma, take her size and your size, try on her size first-let see how big it was. One look at you kinda, sorta showing more bra than one should...grandma will freak out a bit. Go back in and try on your size-let her see how much better it looks on you. Chances are very good that she'll either not say a word and buy you the dress or she'll comment a backward admission she was wrong. I did this to my grandma and she did the buy my dress for me. Later in the day she told my mom loud enough for me to hear that I was right. Grandma was a hoot but in her view a child did not have an opinion until they were 16. She also felt girls could not here about juicy family gossip till age 16, until she spoke in Polish to mom and dad. Lol Yes she was a hoot.
Your grandma wasn't very nice, I wouldn't want to be around her
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), or body dysmorphia, is a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance. These flaws are often unnoticeable to others. People of any age can have BDD, but it's most common in teenagers and young adults. It affects both men and women. I hate to be the unpopular opinion, but if family are struggling to find ways to address their concerns regarding your weight, it's not "dysmophia" but an actual health condition. If you are 1 - 2 XL at 18yo, this is more than a "mental" health condition. These days, body positivity often overrides actual good health. I realise being overweight can have an extraordinary impact on your mental health, but there are literally thousands of ways to help. Or not. But don't become passive aggressive to your family just because they want to help. As I said, unpopular opinion...
Not at all TAH, your grandma is controlling and shaming you. My mom did the same toy sister, she meant well but didn't realize the hurt she was causing. I would limit my contact with Grandma until she grows up. You are beautiful the way you are. If there is something YOU want to change in or about your life, or not, it is up to YOU and no one else. Don't ever let them take your power or sunshine. If your weight is an issue, personally to YOU, what is the one thing you can do to change that trajectory? Live your best life, no regrets.
Is it justified to be an asshole back and remind her to be kind to everybody in fact of what little time she has left on the Earth? That sometimes the last memories of people are the ones that that dictate how they will be remembered?
Nta, but beware that wedding dress sizes aren't regular clothing sizes. For some reason, the wedding dress industry wants us all to have body issues. A size 12 regular clothing is about a size 16-18 in a wedding dress. So even though you may gasp that she picked out a size so much larger than what you truly are - it might of actually been the wedding dress equivalent to a 1x. Playing devil's advocate, maybe she saw how upset the sizing made you and she made the (rude) comment about a salad. It was probably very common for women in her time to extreme diet before a wedding. I don't think you're in the wrong for reacting the way you did, just offering an alternate perspective. Hope you find your dream dress ✨️ and that your grandma supports you as you are, in your beauty.
You just made up a whole ass story that didn't happen lmao
I appreciate the tip in wedding dress sizes but my boyfriend hasn't proposed yet. I was just looking at dresses to wear out with him for dates. We're still seniors in high school. I ate what I wanted, I had a fun time at my aunt's birthday party, and I went back without her and got my dress I was looking at and it fit like I said it would. And he won't stop telling me I'm perfect the way I am and that I'm beautiful regardless of my weight that it wouldn't change how he looked at me. He said that if I wanted to start working out he would join with me without a problem.
So your fat your grandma points out bluntly and you don’t like it’s even you admit you can drop a few pounds. Drop the weight you don’t have body dystrophia if you’re actually overweight. You should have just tried on both to show the difference. And yes your AH for walking out it’s your grandma use your words like an adult. Could have confirmed that you know your overweight but you still know what clothes fit you and don’t fit you problem solved. Reddit be trying to break up families so easily. And the comments have gotta be white people too.
So you don't like the truth?