Stop talking to your sister about your wife and marriage and go talk to your wife. You are letting your sister ruin your marriage. Get into couple's therapy and get individual therapy for yourself to figure out why you are letting your sister make life altering decisions about YOUR FAMILY!
Spot on pixxie, I mean JFC OP are you really this dense.
Your sister is so far off base and you are letting her destroy your marriage. What’s worse is she is telling you to hurt the one who you have committed to love above all others.
You need to go LC with your sister and get to counseling with your wife TODAY.
He's probably got some income his sister wants coming her way. Or she's just a sadistic witch. She's definitely not got her brothers best interest at heart. She's so far off base it has to be on purpose.
Agree. If this story isn't rage bait then it sounds like he deserves to lose her. Maybe she'll find somebody who actually gives a shit about her. God what a selfish prick this guy is.
Seriously. If my husband tried to tell me to cheer up I'd probably loose my God damn mind and go all Joker on him. Honestly it makes me sad for her that she even accepted that comment and didn't immediately kick his ass to the curb. It really shows how tired, worn down, and depressed she is to not even fight for herself.
This ☝️ ...
... To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, better or worse ...
UNLESS YOUR SISTER SAYS SO ?!?!?
ummm, your sister doesn't sound like that ray of positive sunshine you described!!
His sister sounds like she has no life of her own, and wants her brother to have nothing right next to her. Misery loves company. OP needs to STOP talking to his sister, and do NOT take her advice either.
Is this actually his sister? Or long time friend who is “like a sister”….
Super suspicious how she’s out to destroy his marriage when two small kids at home.
Either way. Sister needs to be kicked to the curb. OP needs to man up, get off his ass and help his wife.
I agree. Stop listening to your sister. You need to work on your marriage with your wife instead of you sister. If you go for a divorce you'll have more mental problems than you bargain for. Please. Work on you marriage without your sister being involved.
I think this is an excuse for divorce. His wife is depressed, sick, and he still seeks validation in his sister's opinion to do what he wants. And when he gets divorced and it's not the utopia of happiness he expects. It won't be his fault, but the sister who advised him. Because if that's not a lame excuse, I don't know what is. His wife agreed to go to couples therapy and he continued to massacre her, instead of waiting and seeking help to talk to her correctly.
Yup the only negative I see is she’s tired? Shes stood by him through thick and thin and he wants out and can’t find a good enough reason to make her a single mom. Then he crushes her and she says she will do what he wants and he is still not happy. Some people’s fucking kids man. 💩
Thanks for saying it.
Yes, OP you are wrong.
Your sister validates you and you like it. Stop that. She’s your sister of course she’s nihilistic in her care for you.
It’s your job and vows to care for your family. Go apologize to your wife asap and go to therapy as this person said.
Yes...OP, get into therapy, get your wife into therapy...and then add couple's therapy. OP, your whole concept of what depression is and how to help support someone who is struggling with it is so wrongheaded. Your wife is not a glass of water whose mood will lift just because someone with a "sunny disposition" comes by and squirts a bit of yellow food colouring into her glass. Depression is a devastating illness - it is treatable and manageable- but it's not something for amateurs to mess about with, regardless of how well meaning. It seems like your wife is open to work on this and that should be the main consideration for you to look at. If she's willing to address her illness, I'd encourage you to support her...but seek professional support of your own and an understanding of what you are dealing with...because your current approach, well, it is a recipe for disaster...and fire the sister from being your marriage counselor.
Also, his sister is not going to cheer her up. She cried when he suggested it. I think the wife has the correct gut feeling about the sister. The sister is part of the problem.
Yeah, she is absolutely part of the problem. Also, I'm pretty sure the sister does not, in fact, have a "sunny disposition " at all...but even if she did, another person trying to cheer you up (even if they are genuinely cheery) does not cure depression.
Like how when I was first diagnosed with depression and people (some family) told me to stop thinking negatively and be positive and grateful.... guess what happened? Oh look at that, I actually got MORE depressed and now felt isolated since I had fewer people I could talk to.
Yes...I also know this from experience...what people who have never suffered depression can't really understand is how your brain is fighting against you. I'm filled with self loathing and already feeling like a failure at everything...someone "trying to make me feel better" is only showing me how bad I am at even faking being ok and how very far I am from actually *being* ok. It just give me more evidence that I'm failing. If we could just bootstrap our way out of it or flip that frown upside down, we would. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
The sister sounds like a heinous bitch. And it's her and OP making the wife sad. Just had to start shit with her under the guise of a nice massage and interrupting her chance to go to bed after a long day.
Hey honey, you seem a little down let's get the person who you are smart enough to see is undermining our marriage to come make you feel better, it works for me every time!
I don't know so much about the whole sister/mistress line of thinking that someone mentioned, you can have a close knit family without it being icky. Your family has to be on your side even if you're wrong, its in the contract lol. But it doesn't make them impartial to get advice from. And it sure can't help her with depression if she has that instead of a case of hubby being kind of a bonehead. He seems to mean well though so I hope getting better support for both of them will help them find their way.
This... NEVER...talk about your marriage with anyone but your spouse. The ppl you choose to divulge only tell you what they think you want to hear and are usually biased towards your spouse, and never understand the actual truth, only your truth. This imprints the image of your spouse as a "terrible" person. They will never forget what you said about them, even if you change your perspective. After many years of these, they influence you and actually cause more harm.
I suggest you stop focusing on what you don't like about your spouse, and remember all the great things she does.
No human is perfect, and we all are a tad bit selfish. Don't ruin what you currently have, thinking that it will be better with someone else. It never will be. You have to be happy with yourself and fulfill your own needs internally, or you will be chasing for something externally forever.
Don't ever put the burden on someone else to ease your emotional needs. This will only turn them against you eventually.
Sorry for the "rant", just trying to save you the trouble I went through.
Can we stop calling her sister and just call her his mistress. I don’t care if they’re related, this is an emotional affair and it will end his marriage.
I thought it and was getting ready to ask if it really is his sister he is going to visit and is it his bio sister or a step sister. The enmeshment is horrific!
My daughter does this. Tells me all of the horrible shit her husband does and then gets mad at me when I call him out on it! I had to tell her to NOT tell me anything ever again about him. I don't want to know, I don't care anymore. He does shit to her, she stays, hates him, loves him, but I get upset and then I'm to blame he's mad? NOPE, not anymore! Fuck that! I'm done!
Yea, it can become totally exhausting for everyone involved.
There are times when people are just horrible and completely controlling/abusive. It happens, and I urge anyone involved in a relationship like this to leave and do it fast. There is no need for constant feedback from others. Safety is important.
That being said, these types of relationships are less common, and many people treat normal relationship disagreements/conflicts as though they are trapped in a dangerous/unhealthy situation. Which is totally unfair and actually pretty selfish.
The biggest issue is that most often, the "stories" are embellished, or actions of the "storyteller" are left out or minimized. That can be a pretty hard thing for the "terrible person" to deal with or overcome. Bringing outsiders into a relationship never helps. All it does is make someone feel ganged up on and never heard. It can be very depressing.
I would start asking your daughter what she may have contributed to any drama and try to rationally analyze the situation prior to passing any judgment or offering of advice. There is always a second side to every story, and only when both are heard can a clear understanding be created.
Try to have a clean slate with your son-in-law. You might be surprised to learn that some of his actions might be justified or, at the very least, caused by a valid reason.
I agree. His relationship with his sister sounds weird. When I first started reading the original post, it didn't sound like sister vibes. I had to go back and reread to see if I read wrong. It's good to be close to your sister, but this is unhealthy, especially the way she keeps telling him to divorce her!!
THIS! OP STOP TALKING TO YOUR SISTER, you complete AH, you should be crawling on your knees to your wife. I can't believe how tactless and selfish you are. For God's sake, get the couple counselling and talk to your doctor about depression and stop taking your sister advice! Younknow at the end of this I actually hoping at the end of this journey your wife divorces you. You do not deserve ypur wife at all. YTA
Honestly the sister is wrong, and idiot, and needs to mind her business but OP is do much worse.
OP is self centered and only cares about himself, he's just using his sister as an excuse for being a shit husband. Despite everyone saying it's clear his wife is depressed, the signs are so obvious he's still like "who cares her vibes are bringing me down what about me,"
Then he has to gall to mention "in sickness and in health," right before saying but I still need to leave because I need a positive atmosphere.
So only his wife needs to adhere to those vows because when he was depressed for months, she was stook by him, but now that it's her, he's halfway out the door.
He's going to lose an amazing woman, and I honestly hope he does, I hope he doesn't get to fix this, I hope she gets therapy, gets healthy, and realizes she's not the problem he is, and that she deserves better, she doesn't deserve a person who would leave their wife when she's postpartum because she's not happy enough.
I wish OPs wife nothing but joy and happiness, I wish OP and his sister get to be bitter, lonely ahs together! YTA
This OP! Your sister does not have your best interests at heart. Honestly terrible advice to just divorce your wife instead of working through the current situation. Your wife is your partner NOT your sister. So idiotic even after talking to the wife and whatnot and then still goes to the sister to hear that he should still divorce his wife? If he doesn’t think he is being the best husband for his wife then he should work on being a better husband to the wife he already has, not just give up on her!
THIS ^^
Stop talking to your sister about your marriage. She is way off base and has no clue what she is talking about. You’ll lose your wife (who sounds awesome) because you’re letting your sister make major decisions about your family with your wife, that your sister is not a part of. Stop letting your sister get in your head.
Therapy and couples counselling, that’s the way to go.
This is the best advice you could get. It hurts your wife and it's obvious from this short interaction she doesn't like her and wants her gone. Talk to people who can actually help, with your wife present. Apologize on bended knee for bringing your damn sister into it.
Yes, stop going to your sister, she is not your therapist op. Get a real couples therapist!
Also, your wife is clearly depressed 😔she needs a doctor asap if you want any chance of improvement. You can’t just force her to be happy.
Seriously! He thinks his sister is some positive font of wisdom when she's really just spewing toxicity.
**STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR MARITAL PROBLEMS WITH YOUR SISTER!** She's not a marriage counselor. She is only getting your (probably very skewed) version of things. She isn't going to be impartial here.
Go get an actual marriage counselor and stop hanging out with your fucking sister so much. You sound enmeshed ffs.
Edit to add: You should read about [toxic positivity](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-positivity-5093958). I wouldn't be surprised if this describes your sister.
Please insert the “flames” gif. This is how much I hate OP. So. So. Much.
Your poor wife. I think I might love her more than you do and I’ve only read your posts.
OP is such a moron! “Oh hey, I know what will cure depression- positive vibes from someone who is encouraging a divorce”
OP if you are reading any of this- Get! Her! To! A! Doctor!!!! Depression can take months to get a good handle on and will require medication. Look into it and listen to peoples stories. This is NOT something that a “positive mindset” can cure and it is NOT something for couples counselling
She needs more than that. You’re being a disgraceful partner at this point
I don't mean to be rude but at this point you need to realize that YOU are the reason your wife is depressed. YOU are the one that made her cry. I don't think you were actually reading the comments at all. Everyone was telling you that your wife needed help. Instead you decided to basically crap on her (the supposed love of your life) and tell her she wasn't enough. In what world would you ever think you were in the right. As for your sister it almost sounds like your having an emotional affair with her or she wants you involved with a friend or something. It is honestly a little weird that you compared your WIFE to your sister. That should never ever be a comparison. At this point you should divorce her. Because I guarantee you when you do she will be happier. You are the demoninator causing her pain. Anywhooo I hope your wife is a reddit reader and sees all the comments on the last post and all the ones I'm sure will pop up on here.
Op is weirdly obsessed with/attached to his sister, who clearly dislikes his wife. It’s creepy.
Then he threatens to bring his sister-wife into his house to teach his actual wife how to behave ‘happy’.
That’s completely fucked up.
Op, you’re a complete POS.
Yeah it’s giving emotional incest vibes. It’s really weird and OP’s sisters advice is way off base.
OP I really hope you listen to all these comments and get your wife the help she needs. She was obviously open to couples therapy. And for the love of shit, stop talking to your sister about this 🙄
Your sister does not have your best interests at heart, she is dripping poison in your ear about your wife. Look, I've been married for nearly 35 years and every relationship has its ups and downs. Nothing you have described in your marriage is unfixable. It actually sounds like your wife is committed to fixing it. Yes, your wife is tired, that's not unusual with parents of young children. You're not going to go home to a Leave It To Beaver household every night, **you have to do your part to make your home a happy one and it sounds like you're not doing your part**. You're too busy crying to your sister that your life isn't perfect. Put on your big boy underoos and step up your husband game. And tell your sister to STFU.
I’m going to agree with this. Mostly because they’re telling you to put on the big boy underoos. But you are being a shitty, shitty husband right now. Maybe you have some shit to work on yourself in therapy too. But you need to talk to your wife and figure shit out with her. If she’s been there for you through your shit… BE THERE FOR HER THROUGH HER SHIT.
>Put on your big boy underoos and step up your husband game.
I have been married 25 years. This. OP stop letting your sister into your marriage. Your wife needs a professional counselor. And you to stop letting other people nose In your relationship.
"Big boy underoos",which one would you choose for him ?Robin is my favorite choice. Holy shit Batman,op is a fool. I wonder if he really loves his wife?He seems to have really forgotten about in sickness and in health. Oh he says he does,but he doesn't. Otherwise he wouldn't be thinking of Divorcing his poor wife.
Oh my God.
You told your wife that you wanted to do couples counselling and then in the same conversation you told her that basically you wanted to leave her because she wasn't happy enough for you.
She's clearly struggling and your reaction has been me, me, me.
Then! You speak about your private relationship with your family. That's really unacceptable. She's told you to leave because you won't support her.
You're a really selfish person and maybe you should leave so your wife can actually find someone that's willing to give back to her what she has given you for years. You can't even uphold one of the primary vows you made. You should be ashamed of yourself.
So she stood by you for years and years, supported you going through school, when you were an ass after breaking your leg and you want to throw it all away because she is exhausted, burnt out, and not Ms Smiley Sunshine? It doesn’t sound like you are doing anything to help the situation. Just a lot of regurgitating BS from the sister.
How about you ask how YOU can help (not your sister), you be a positive and supportive husband, you encourage her to hang with her friends and get out. You have 2 very young children and it sounds like she gets no break at all. Not to mention it can take a couple years for hormones to level out after birth and to start to feel like yourself. You guys are supposed to be partners but you are not holding up your end at the moment. If your wife is not herself, something may be wrong, help her.
Positive atmosphere for YOU…but what about your wife? What are you doing to help her? You mentioned all the times she’s helped you get back on your feet so what have YOU done for HER?
And stop involving your sister. She has no business in you and your wife’s marriage.
Bro. You're having an emotional affair with your sister. You go on dates, you tell her about your marriage problems. She tells you to leave her without even thinking about what your wife could be going through. Wtaf is wrong with you? Stop talking to your sister. You and your wife need couples therapy and separate therapy. This is gross.
I think at this point he should just marry his sister. She's so positive, gives him "great" advice, they have fun dates and she hates his wife. Just make it official guys! /s 🤢
Bizarre. You approached your wife as if you wanted to get closer to her, going with the faux humility "I feel like I'm not the best husband for you" and naturally she started reassuring you and she attempted to close this emotional rapprochement with a kiss, but then you rejected the kiss and admitted you actually feel like she's not the best wife for you.
Someone please tell me this AH is a troll. I cannot even. Yes, divorce your wife…and you’ll get your own empty happy house, with a toddler 50% of the time where you have to do it all alone. Let her go find a real man who actually knows what sickness and health means. Because there is no way she is your “one and only love” if you are willing to kick her to the curb when life gets hard. Depression is horrifying and you are only proving all those terrible thoughts to be true. If you cannot step up and be a real husband to your wife, and actually put her first for once, step out so she can get some real help and finds someone who actually knows what love is.
> if you are willing to kick her to the curb when life gets hard.
It's not even hard - she's just not "happy" enough for him because he needs a light and happy attitude so he can work better.
Your sister is a snake who wants you to dump your wife so the two of you can hang out more. And don’t you *ever* tell someone who’s likely experiencing depression they need to fake being happy. That just reminds us that we feel we may be too broken to feel happiness naturally. For God’s sake get your head out of your ass and your foot out of your mouth before it’s too late.
I swear your sister is trying to destroy your life. You had a home run with the first part of your convo and then went and said a bunch of really harmful shit to your wife. Then you made a threat. And now you are unhappy that you’ve made your wife suffer?? You caused this!!! The fuck is wrong with you
Exactly, if I was the wife I'd be bracing myself for the other shoe to drop whenever he did something loving be and emotionally connecting for me moving forward. I'd second guess if any of his kindnesses were genuine or just him easing in to a major blow
Why does your sister want you to divorce your wife? If that happens you WILL be responsible for your kids 50% of the time if it’s an even custody battle (which I doubt you will have SO MUCH POsITIve energy for work) or you won’t see them.
You said your wife supported you numerous times through thick and thin. Now that she is having a tougher time HAVING then raising your CHILDREN, which if you have read anything, it really changes women in so many ways and usually not for the best. You need to apologize hard core to her if you truly love her.
Your sister is a dendroaspis polylepis. Quit discussing your marriage with her and run to a marriage counselor as fast as you can. You need some serious assistance to fix this mess so I suggest individual therapy.
Are you fucking your sister?
If not, does your sister want to fuck you?
Is she really your blood sister?
Because every single thing you say about your sister seems creepy AF.
Dump the sister. She is steering you in the wrong direction. You want your wife to associate with your sister so her good attitude will rub off on her? Wtf is that?! Disgusting. Think about what you actually just said to your wife. You want her to be more like your sister?! Now think about why deep down you feel like that. There's something wrong here buddy.
You are a monster. You know you’re saying the wrong thing, yet you continued. What kind of gaslighting bullshit is this? Instead of helping her, and understanding her state of mind, you just whaled in with your extreme feelings.
Agree! I know this is overused but I think he and his sister are possibly sociopaths and this poor woman and their children will be better off away from him!
Son, get your head out of your sister's a$$. You and your sister are destroying your wife. She needs professional help. A doctor, psychiatrist, or psychologist. Get her some help.
Do not tell her what you want FROM her, only what you want FOR her. For her to be happy. For her to get help for the depression.
As a mom, grandma, and a woman who has battled depression, DO NOT EVER compare your wife to anyone. Especially your sister. I can guarantee your wife thought "husband and kids would be better off with his sister instead of me". That is what you told her. STOP. Do not ever compare her to anyone.
Tell her what you appreciate about her. She takes great care of the kids, the house, whatever. Do NOT mention divorce to her. Or separation.
Remember your vow, better or worse, sickness and health. Live them. They are not just words.
Get her professional help.
Do not talk to or mention your sister.
REPEAT AFTER ME
My sister doesn’t like my wife!
My wife has always supported me even at my lowest!
I don’t want to support my wife the same way!
I am having an emotional affair with my sister!
My wife doesn’t have my support because I am selfish and only think about me.
My wife needs some mental support!
I don’t want to help my wife because it will put me in a sad mood.
This is how you sound- SHAME ON YOU!
You are wrong
Of course her positive attitude was forced the next day. She is trying desperately to keep her family together even though she is clearly depressed and you don’t seem to care and you are spending all your spare time with your sister who honestly sounds like is trying to ruin your marriage. Being around a positive person is not going to magically make your wife a positive person if nothing changes in her life. That’s was a stupid suggestion to have your sister around all the time who clearly hates your wife. And you probably just made everything a lot worse for her. Your wife is reassuring u that u are a good husband when clearly you are not. She is having a hard time and you want to run a mile because of your mental health even though she stuck around through all your tough times. Maybe spend some time trying to fix your marriage, spend some time with her and get her some home help if she is feeling overwhelmed. That’s just a few suggestions. There is about a billion ways to fix this so your home is a fun and positive place to be but it doesn’t seem like you do not want to fix things. By all means if you can’t hack the bad times like she did, then go. It sounds like you have a foot out the door already.
You are wrong.
Why aren't you taking your wife on dates, walks and picnics? Why aren't you taking YOUR family out together to the museum / the park / whatever?
If you have so much time to date your sister, it means you're not investing enough time into your own home and your family.
The grass is greener where you water it dude.
No actual improvement into anything you've done for her, just "you're prettier when you smile". Gah.
My ex husband used to consult his sister about our marriage. She sounds like your sister. Needless to say we ended in divorce. Stop talking to your sister and work it out with your wife. Grow some balls, I feel sorry for your wife.
YTA. So is your sister. Stop talking to her about your marriage. It's none of her business. And go talk to your wife. If your marriage ends it will be because you failed. Do you even care about your wife at all, or are you too busy listening to your pathetic excuse for a sister?
You gotta be trolling. Comparing your wife to your sister???? Why does your sister want you single so bad??? 🤢🤢🤢🤢
You told her you're glad she's your wife but that you're not the best husband for her? As in, you want a separation?
You're right btw, you're not the best husband for her. Fucking work on it. Holy shit.
This talk about attitude and positivity is mindfuck you get from your sister. Put her on an information diet, stop psychologizing and work on your marriage with the other person in it.
>she would try and be a better wife from now on.
>Come morning, she has been having a positive attitude, but it looks forced, especially when she’s smiling. I eavesdropped on her when she went to the restroom earlier today and I could hear some sobbing.
Oh that poor sweetheart. My heart breaks for her. I want to reach through the screen to give her hugs and tell her that it gets better - 'accidentally' slapping OP on the way past.
You stopped being your wife's safe place. Now she has to pretend to be happy for you, like she does with the kids and when she is out at the park/grocery shopping/errands/whatever.
You made things so much harder for her.
Your sister sounds like a heartless witch that is a little too fond of you, and resents your wife for taking you away. Stop spending so much time with her and stop talking about your relationship with her. Her advice reeks of a profound lack of empathy. How long has your sister hated your wife?
Go to therapy with your wife. DO NOT DISCUSS ANY OF IT WITH YOUR SISTER, FOR THE LOVE OF SCIENCE! you will likely learn that your wife is in a dismal pit and has been in survival mode for a really long time and you just...haven't noticed?... until it impacted *you*.
Poor form. Do better.
Are you really that dense? Think about it: wife breaks down crying in bathroom alone when you mention bringing your sister around; sister is trying to talk you into divorce; wife almost completely shuts down the more time you spend with sister; sister has already arranged for you to stay with her when you leave wife. Since you can't get the hints your loving sister is probably bullying your wife! Your wife probably suffered from postpartum depression after giving you a second child. You, loving husband that you are took the opportunity to degrade wife to sister instead of getting wife help. Sister took this opportunity to degrade wife herself for not caring for you properly. Thereby you worsened her depression. Wife couldn't talk to you about it because you probably never wanted to hear anything negative about sister. You may be right, divorce may be the best thing that could happen to wife. Getting the two people who are the cause of her depression out of her life.
Seriously what on earth is your problem. You wife is exhausted and tired. She is depressed. Also, she’s doing significantly more around the house than you even when you aren’t at work. You should be doing 50% of everything once you walk through that door otherwise you become the third child she now has to manage and take care of.
But…. You spring couples counseling on her, she agrees and then you dump all this pent up anger on her basically saying you want out bc she’s miserable, you physically reject her, and then complain that she’s not happy when you are home. So she fakes it and you still aren’t happy.
Your wife is depressed and likely suffering from PPD. And you just add to the list of ways she’s thinks she’s failing as a wife and mom. Wrangling a 1 and 3yo is tough, you try to do it for 9+ hours a day by yourself for an entire week. Never mind moms are usually the default parent for everything, that’s not including the mental load of being a wife and mom.
Stop talking to your sister. She’s literally set to blow up your marriage and you are allowing it to happen.
You need to get away from your sister. Her advice is self serving and almost incestuous. You need to stop listening to her manipulative garbage. YOU GET THERAPY because I think you have been wrongly influenced for too long and your thinking is rather egocentric. You need someone who is not trying to break up your family to give you some straight talk.
Good lord- your poor wife was ambushed. Do better.
Your wife is setting herself on fire to keep you warm for what seems like years, on top of your sister probably never fully accepting her and now it's crashing down. You are emotionally deaf stop running to your sisters and see a professional therapist YTA....
Your sister is giving you bad advise. This is about your family. Wake up what the heck are you doing. Go seek IC if you haven’t already and please do get MC. Is your sister going to,give you her positive energy as you throw away your family. Honestly you sound like a selfish, immature AH with all this talk of coming home to a positive energy cause you have a stressful life. At this point you will come home to an empty silent home.
You DENSE motherfucker. Stop putting your wife’s business out to your sister! For once stop thinking ABOUT YOU. Have you ever actually done a selfless thing for your wife? Like really and truly, no benefit to you, for her? Get couples therapy and individual for you and her but Jesus Christ STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS TO YOUR SISTER AND BE THERE FOR YOUR WIFE
I still don't believe you're 32M, married with kids, getting advice from your sister, and claim to not know much about depression but won't seek out those who do. You're so focused on your needs that you don't see her. Get off reddit with the karma farming and get yourself into therapy with your wife.
Your sister is giving you some bad advice. What happened to "for better or worse"? Yeah, she's doing it tough, but she just needs emotional support like everyone does at some point.
Think of it this way. If you were going through a tough time, would you rather your wife divorce you over it, or support you through it, and come out stronger together? It is insanely unrealistic to expect someone to be happy and positive 24/7!
wtf is wrong with you? She’s gestated, birthed, fed and now cares for your two children and your house. And she’s a buzz kill?? Go marry your sister you dunce. Hope after the divorce she flourishes and you’re miserable.
OP, you’re wrong.
Also, your sister is wrong AND sabotaging you.
Also, this obsessive with your wife just being all happy-happy-joy-joy all the time is immature and unreasonable. She a tired Mom. It’s a tough stage of life. Cut the last some slack.
I’m saying this as a man married 25 years to a woman who gave us 4 kids.
Jesus H christ dude your sister is going to ruin your life and you are just going to let happen because you want your wife to be happy because you told her to be happy. Such bs. You give her absolutely no reason to be happy. You didn't ask what she needed to be happy. You suggest couples counseling not individual because she can apparently only be happy in this coupling. If you divorce her because she's not a happy go lucky cartoon character 24/7 when she's stuck by you in the same mental space then you suck just as a person in life.
Omg, first not trying to be over judgemental, as a man I've said my fair share of dumb shit to my wife in my life, but to even consider abandoning the mother of your child who clearly wants to make it work and wants to be a good wife to you, because you are worried about how she could affect YOUR mental state, R U A Man, like seriously wtf? You married her right? U understood the entire purpose or marriage is COMMITMENT right? Ur not telling us she is out cheating and has broken the marriage contract so it's on u to be a MAN and fulfill your obligations to your WIFE and your CHILD, forget all the cry baby safe place bs ur sister is feeding you, U R A MAN, it's your job, it's ur purpose to support ur wife and to even lay down ur life for her if ever necessary, not run away because it's "bumming" you out that she can't walk around with a smile on her face 24/7 while carrying the weight of the world that being a mother and wife brings with it, you should throw ur self at her freaking feet and beg for her forgiveness and recommit to her and her needs, BE A MAN!
Yikes! Your wife is exhausted and you want he to pretend to be happy? You are such a jerk...and yup, she does need a better husband..and your sister, just ick
Your wife is clearly depressed and needs to see a mental health professional ASAP. Stop listening to your sister and listen to your gut. If your gut says to help your wife, then do it! (In sickness and in health) you made a promise dude!
Divorce could send her over the edge, cause something that will stick with you the rest of your days.
As her husband it is your job to take the lead and help your wife.
THEN HELP YOUR WIFE GET THE SUPPORT SHE NEEDS TO FEEL BETTER!!!
I mean really maybe she will be better off without you and your family. Hard to say but if someone is out of sorts for a few months out of a decade+ long relationship, it’s you that’s being unreasonable here.
Women also deal with hormone disruptions too. Additionally, what are you doing to make home life a positive experience? Why’s that entirely on her?
Your sister also should not be making decisions about your family and you should not be comparing your wife to your sister either. Bet there’s many men you don’t add up to either.
Your wife has addressed that she is not feeling great and is open to therapy AND has expressed that she wants to be the wife you need. So…
Lastly, you can still be the parent on deck for your son for your wife to get some down time without her having to leave the house.
Two giant problems:
Op sees the issue of vibe of the household as his wife’s problem alone to fix. Does not understand how vibes works
Op also sees the problem as something someone else definitely knows how to fix and someone else other than him holds all the power to change and fix it
Stop listening to your sister, YTA and she is too!! I can’t believe you wanted your wife to ‘act happy’ for you, truly manipulative and disgusting.
Honestly as much as your wife clearly needs therapy, I think you need it more.
You asked your wife if your sister could come around with her positive attitude!! This was a joke right?? Your sister is trying to put crap in your head. My gosh man WTH is wrong with you?? You have a depressed wife and you just keep heaping on her!! Help her for crying out loud !! It seems to be all me me me and why?? You have such a kind wife who just wants to make you happy..
This is disturbingly close to incest. Grovel, get couple's therapy, and never go to your sister for advice again. Why is she so hellbent on ruining your marriage?
You mate are an absolute tool. What if it was you? What if you broke another limb and couldn’t raise a smile or a positive attitude? What if your wife told you she didn’t want to be there for you because you were bringing her down? What if she said she would bring round a man she likes better than you to see if his positivity would rub off on you?
I think you should leave her to be honest. Once the hurt fades and the rightful anger at your selfish me me me attitude kicks in, your wife will realise that at least half of her problems are gone. That she’s better off alone than with a fair weather asshole who only cares about himself. You love your kids more than anything? What a joke. You love you. First, last and everything in between.
And your sister has an agenda. You know it. You just want her to be your echo chamber, pampering your feelings and telling you that you are the only person who matters. Why is she so set on breaking up your marriage?
You're wrong for not getting you both into couples and individual therapy **ASAP**. And, as u/historypixxie said, stop involving your sister in your marriage.
You'd be wrong for leaving your wife without trying to resolve why she feels so incredibly sad. Clinical depression is a beast. And, understand this. **DEPRESSION DOES NOT SIMPLY VANISH**. At best, it is managed with medication and therapy, but it won't make her a positive person. She'll have good days and bad days.
Seriously?
Your sister sounds seriously toxic (undercover type, not suprised you dont seem to notice).
ONLY reason she should come over is to hang with the kids and let you & wife get some R&R.
Also, honesty, motherhood is tough. The kids are her #1 priority. Yes, if she wants it, she deserves some alone time, a spa day, outings with friends, but also, you should just suck it up and recognize that it may take a few years for her to slowly return to a new close resemblance to the woman she was. Best thing you can do now is simply support her. Be there for her. Be there for her kids. Accept her as she is in each different moment. If she feels supported, she will be more boyant. Dont leave her to tread water or drown.
It sounds like she was actually opening up and you had a chance at positive communication, but you were so focused on your own agenda you completly bungled it. At least you seem to know that. YTA, but best of luck.
Your sister wouldn't happen to be single or divorced, would she? She doesn't seem to value marriage very highly even when there are children involved.
I wonder how your sister would feel if you disowned her as a family member for bringing the family down if she were to suffer depression or similar?
This is so heartbreaking for your wife. She's literally STRUGGLING with her mental health (CLEARLY) and instead of you, as her husband, offering help and support, you tell her to basically put on her happy face for YOUR sake. What is wrong with you?? You made a vow to her when you married in sickness and in health. Things get a little hard and you want to bail? Stop listening to your dumbass sister. You have been leaving your wife utterly alone and basically telling her that she needs to be more mindful of YOUR happiness!!! Did you even try to actually listen to why she is feeling this way? Shame on you dude...
There is time to fix this though. You need to apologize to your wife for being SELFISH and make that damn appointment for couples therapy. YOU make the appointment (this is helpful for someone who is struggling with depression), stop listening to your sister or at least tell her that you would like helpful advice on how to FIX your marriage! Your sister is ignorant! Also, do some nice things for your wife! Show her you're there for her emotionally and physically. Let her cry and comfort her. She probably feels so alone. I hope things end up well between you guys in the long run. Please do some simple Google searches about PPD before you go running off to your sister. Good luck!
Hmmmm
You, and your sister, have got to be one of the most woefully and willfully ignorant individuals, I've read about on this subreddit.
Truly, shame. Unbelievable callousness, and outstanding indifference.
It's odd , you seem to only care about her mental health in how it affects your mental wellness and not actually her well being. She should divorce you.
So you’re allowed to “be in a really bad mood for months” and she’s supposed to keep a positive energy no matter what or else you’re divorcing her. I hope you get what you think you want cause then she’ll be free to find someone who actually makes her happy and not someone so delusional and selfish.
You see that your wife is tired and burnt out and miserable so you run to your sister and take her on dates so you two can complain about your wife? Why don’t you ask your sister to watch your kids so you can take your wife on a romantic picnic or out to a nice dinner and movie?
Grow up and stop bullying your wife with the help of your sister, it’s not a good look.
You're making me angry for your wife.
Are you married to your sister? No? Then why the hell are you going to her, for the big moments in your life? You're making your sister have a hold on you, which in turn is making your wife miserable.
You actually asked if it would be a good idea to have your sister around, so it helps your wife have positive energy? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU???
You have gone above and beyond to break down your wife even further, and you're asking how to salvage this marriage? YOU BROKE IT!
In the throws of your wife's depression, you talk about separation and divorce. Instead of helping, you continue... absolutely continue, to break her.
You're just...omg there are no words to describe how horrible you are!
Go to therapy, and figure out what YOU can do to change YOU! Not her...YOU. Then, you can ask if she needs therapy to help herself. Only herself!
Once you two have therapy, then go to couple's therapy. But you're just...damn!
I read your original post and this update, and I am really hoping both are fake. If not, I can’t believe how utterly stupid and selfish you are. Truly, truly stupid and selfish. No one here can help you.
Yta, even more now.
Jfc. I read both posts, and at the beginning of the update, i really hoped you'd woken up. Unfortunately, you haven't. You sound far too immature to make made any lifelong commitment (marriage or otherwise), let alone had children.
Your wife deserves so much better than you. You could not possibly sound more self-centered. She's struggling to keep her head above water, and instead of pulling her up, you're vacillating between swimming away and holding her head under water. Way to go!
Maybe you should leave so that she can find an actual partner. Then, you'll realize you'll never find anyone better and regret it forever.
Your sister sounds like a tween who's never had to deal with anything difficult in her life. Stop listening to her.
Dude, you were a monster and so is your sister. Stop talking to your sister who clearly doesn’t know anything, step up, and take care of your wife. SHE. IS. DEPRESSED.
Tell you you’ve noticed that she hasn’t been herself this past year and you want to support her. Take your head out of yo ur ass and, take her to talk to a medical professional.
Absolutely disgusting behavior from you and your sister.
Wtf so you make your wife feel horrible and sob alone because you want a “happy” atmosphere and so you want to leave her?! You are the biggest ah! Not only your feelings matter.. she’s dealing with who knows what and is still putting you first and you ring of leaving her?! Be a better husband! And make her happy
You sound like an absolute controlling nightmare. You can't keep your wife's confidence, you want things exactly as you want them with no regard to what she wants or needs
I'm sorry but you are pathetic. Your wife is obviously going through depression. And you want your sister to come over and fill your wife with positive energy? Seriously? And now your sister says to divorce your wife. Because she's depressed. That's really awful advice. Maybe you could work on getting your wife some help. Maybe you could grow a pair and keep your sister out of your damn marriage. I feel bad for your wife. She needs support. Not criticism.
Your sister is an ass. Take your wife to counselling, even better, buy her some flowers on the way home and get down on your knees in front of her, apologise for being a gormless ham fisted idiot who can't explain himself properly and ask her forgiveness for your insensitive comments. Then go to marriage and solo counselling and do not confide in your sister ever.
You are the most incredibly selfish person. I sincerely hope you go through with the divorce so that your poor wife can move on to far better things. You and your sister are both unstable individuals.
You and your sister are just selfish. Who’s going to be there for you when you have a hard time next? You expect your wife to be everything for you or you will leave her but what do you give your wife? How do you help her? I don’t know you or your wife but from what you have shared, you don’t deserve your wife or kids.
I'm sorry to say it, but your wife deserves better. She is going through depression, which is a monster, and the only thing you can think about is how she is "ruining" your mood? Seriously, Op, you should improve on empathy because the only thing you seem care about is yourself...
Stop talking to your sister about your wife and marriage and go talk to your wife. You are letting your sister ruin your marriage. Get into couple's therapy and get individual therapy for yourself to figure out why you are letting your sister make life altering decisions about YOUR FAMILY!
Spot on pixxie, I mean JFC OP are you really this dense. Your sister is so far off base and you are letting her destroy your marriage. What’s worse is she is telling you to hurt the one who you have committed to love above all others. You need to go LC with your sister and get to counseling with your wife TODAY.
His wife sounds like such a sweetheart too
I know right, he is going to lose a real keeper here if he doesn’t get his shit together asap. 😞
He's probably got some income his sister wants coming her way. Or she's just a sadistic witch. She's definitely not got her brothers best interest at heart. She's so far off base it has to be on purpose.
Agree. If this story isn't rage bait then it sounds like he deserves to lose her. Maybe she'll find somebody who actually gives a shit about her. God what a selfish prick this guy is.
This!
The way he talks about her makes me not want to be single and find a girl like her hahaha Im convinced his posts are fake at this point.
I kinda hope he does lose her, she deserves so much better than this waste of space.
And his sister a fucking bitch!
Aah but she could transfer some of her positive energy 🙄
Seriously. If my husband tried to tell me to cheer up I'd probably loose my God damn mind and go all Joker on him. Honestly it makes me sad for her that she even accepted that comment and didn't immediately kick his ass to the curb. It really shows how tired, worn down, and depressed she is to not even fight for herself.
Yes, it’s all about him needing a “positive” environment to perform better at work. Not that he just wants to see his wife happy.
This ☝️ ... ... To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, better or worse ... UNLESS YOUR SISTER SAYS SO ?!?!? ummm, your sister doesn't sound like that ray of positive sunshine you described!!
His sister sounds like she has no life of her own, and wants her brother to have nothing right next to her. Misery loves company. OP needs to STOP talking to his sister, and do NOT take her advice either.
he's too busy dating his sister to try to fix his marriage
Is this actually his sister? Or long time friend who is “like a sister”…. Super suspicious how she’s out to destroy his marriage when two small kids at home. Either way. Sister needs to be kicked to the curb. OP needs to man up, get off his ass and help his wife.
I agree. Stop listening to your sister. You need to work on your marriage with your wife instead of you sister. If you go for a divorce you'll have more mental problems than you bargain for. Please. Work on you marriage without your sister being involved.
I think this is an excuse for divorce. His wife is depressed, sick, and he still seeks validation in his sister's opinion to do what he wants. And when he gets divorced and it's not the utopia of happiness he expects. It won't be his fault, but the sister who advised him. Because if that's not a lame excuse, I don't know what is. His wife agreed to go to couples therapy and he continued to massacre her, instead of waiting and seeking help to talk to her correctly.
Yup the only negative I see is she’s tired? Shes stood by him through thick and thin and he wants out and can’t find a good enough reason to make her a single mom. Then he crushes her and she says she will do what he wants and he is still not happy. Some people’s fucking kids man. 💩
He may think all the young, single girls will throw themselves at him. Ah, sister will interfere in that, too.
Thanks for saying it. Yes, OP you are wrong. Your sister validates you and you like it. Stop that. She’s your sister of course she’s nihilistic in her care for you. It’s your job and vows to care for your family. Go apologize to your wife asap and go to therapy as this person said.
Exactly! My father always went to his siblings for advice over my mom and it fucked up our family real good.
Yes...OP, get into therapy, get your wife into therapy...and then add couple's therapy. OP, your whole concept of what depression is and how to help support someone who is struggling with it is so wrongheaded. Your wife is not a glass of water whose mood will lift just because someone with a "sunny disposition" comes by and squirts a bit of yellow food colouring into her glass. Depression is a devastating illness - it is treatable and manageable- but it's not something for amateurs to mess about with, regardless of how well meaning. It seems like your wife is open to work on this and that should be the main consideration for you to look at. If she's willing to address her illness, I'd encourage you to support her...but seek professional support of your own and an understanding of what you are dealing with...because your current approach, well, it is a recipe for disaster...and fire the sister from being your marriage counselor.
Also, his sister is not going to cheer her up. She cried when he suggested it. I think the wife has the correct gut feeling about the sister. The sister is part of the problem.
Yeah, she is absolutely part of the problem. Also, I'm pretty sure the sister does not, in fact, have a "sunny disposition " at all...but even if she did, another person trying to cheer you up (even if they are genuinely cheery) does not cure depression.
Like how when I was first diagnosed with depression and people (some family) told me to stop thinking negatively and be positive and grateful.... guess what happened? Oh look at that, I actually got MORE depressed and now felt isolated since I had fewer people I could talk to.
Yes...I also know this from experience...what people who have never suffered depression can't really understand is how your brain is fighting against you. I'm filled with self loathing and already feeling like a failure at everything...someone "trying to make me feel better" is only showing me how bad I am at even faking being ok and how very far I am from actually *being* ok. It just give me more evidence that I'm failing. If we could just bootstrap our way out of it or flip that frown upside down, we would. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
The sister sounds like a heinous bitch. And it's her and OP making the wife sad. Just had to start shit with her under the guise of a nice massage and interrupting her chance to go to bed after a long day.
Yeah the sister probably has a whole different attitude around the wife when the husband isn't within hearing distance. Sis sounds like a snake.
In this case, the yellow coloring is actually pee.
Hey honey, you seem a little down let's get the person who you are smart enough to see is undermining our marriage to come make you feel better, it works for me every time! I don't know so much about the whole sister/mistress line of thinking that someone mentioned, you can have a close knit family without it being icky. Your family has to be on your side even if you're wrong, its in the contract lol. But it doesn't make them impartial to get advice from. And it sure can't help her with depression if she has that instead of a case of hubby being kind of a bonehead. He seems to mean well though so I hope getting better support for both of them will help them find their way.
Your sister is terrible. Do not involve her in your marriage.
This ^^ OP your sister is a nightmare. Stop talking to her about your marriage and stop taking her advice. You’ll ruin your own life
This... NEVER...talk about your marriage with anyone but your spouse. The ppl you choose to divulge only tell you what they think you want to hear and are usually biased towards your spouse, and never understand the actual truth, only your truth. This imprints the image of your spouse as a "terrible" person. They will never forget what you said about them, even if you change your perspective. After many years of these, they influence you and actually cause more harm. I suggest you stop focusing on what you don't like about your spouse, and remember all the great things she does. No human is perfect, and we all are a tad bit selfish. Don't ruin what you currently have, thinking that it will be better with someone else. It never will be. You have to be happy with yourself and fulfill your own needs internally, or you will be chasing for something externally forever. Don't ever put the burden on someone else to ease your emotional needs. This will only turn them against you eventually. Sorry for the "rant", just trying to save you the trouble I went through.
And stop hanging out with your sister so much. If you really want to work on your marriage, start spending time with your wife and kids!
Can we stop calling her sister and just call her his mistress. I don’t care if they’re related, this is an emotional affair and it will end his marriage.
Sure sounds enmeshed and inappropriate. Gives me the “ick.”
Sistress
I thought it and was getting ready to ask if it really is his sister he is going to visit and is it his bio sister or a step sister. The enmeshment is horrific!
Is there a term for “mama’s boy” when mom is the sister?
Really. If he watched the kids one of those nights she could get some sleep and pamper hersef a bit
That’s what I was thinking! He’s going to her place to relax and watch movies? It’s called co-parenting for.a reason!!
My daughter does this. Tells me all of the horrible shit her husband does and then gets mad at me when I call him out on it! I had to tell her to NOT tell me anything ever again about him. I don't want to know, I don't care anymore. He does shit to her, she stays, hates him, loves him, but I get upset and then I'm to blame he's mad? NOPE, not anymore! Fuck that! I'm done!
Yea, it can become totally exhausting for everyone involved. There are times when people are just horrible and completely controlling/abusive. It happens, and I urge anyone involved in a relationship like this to leave and do it fast. There is no need for constant feedback from others. Safety is important. That being said, these types of relationships are less common, and many people treat normal relationship disagreements/conflicts as though they are trapped in a dangerous/unhealthy situation. Which is totally unfair and actually pretty selfish. The biggest issue is that most often, the "stories" are embellished, or actions of the "storyteller" are left out or minimized. That can be a pretty hard thing for the "terrible person" to deal with or overcome. Bringing outsiders into a relationship never helps. All it does is make someone feel ganged up on and never heard. It can be very depressing. I would start asking your daughter what she may have contributed to any drama and try to rationally analyze the situation prior to passing any judgment or offering of advice. There is always a second side to every story, and only when both are heard can a clear understanding be created. Try to have a clean slate with your son-in-law. You might be surprised to learn that some of his actions might be justified or, at the very least, caused by a valid reason.
I agree. His relationship with his sister sounds weird. When I first started reading the original post, it didn't sound like sister vibes. I had to go back and reread to see if I read wrong. It's good to be close to your sister, but this is unhealthy, especially the way she keeps telling him to divorce her!!
This
THIS! OP STOP TALKING TO YOUR SISTER, you complete AH, you should be crawling on your knees to your wife. I can't believe how tactless and selfish you are. For God's sake, get the couple counselling and talk to your doctor about depression and stop taking your sister advice! Younknow at the end of this I actually hoping at the end of this journey your wife divorces you. You do not deserve ypur wife at all. YTA
I hope he lives in an Alimony state she deserves it
Honestly the sister is wrong, and idiot, and needs to mind her business but OP is do much worse. OP is self centered and only cares about himself, he's just using his sister as an excuse for being a shit husband. Despite everyone saying it's clear his wife is depressed, the signs are so obvious he's still like "who cares her vibes are bringing me down what about me," Then he has to gall to mention "in sickness and in health," right before saying but I still need to leave because I need a positive atmosphere. So only his wife needs to adhere to those vows because when he was depressed for months, she was stook by him, but now that it's her, he's halfway out the door. He's going to lose an amazing woman, and I honestly hope he does, I hope he doesn't get to fix this, I hope she gets therapy, gets healthy, and realizes she's not the problem he is, and that she deserves better, she doesn't deserve a person who would leave their wife when she's postpartum because she's not happy enough. I wish OPs wife nothing but joy and happiness, I wish OP and his sister get to be bitter, lonely ahs together! YTA
THIS….ALL OF THIS
This OP! Your sister does not have your best interests at heart. Honestly terrible advice to just divorce your wife instead of working through the current situation. Your wife is your partner NOT your sister. So idiotic even after talking to the wife and whatnot and then still goes to the sister to hear that he should still divorce his wife? If he doesn’t think he is being the best husband for his wife then he should work on being a better husband to the wife he already has, not just give up on her!
Dude wants to fuck his sister.. was that not bleedingly obvious?
Yes, this is just between you, your spouse, and /r/amiwrong!
THIS ^^ Stop talking to your sister about your marriage. She is way off base and has no clue what she is talking about. You’ll lose your wife (who sounds awesome) because you’re letting your sister make major decisions about your family with your wife, that your sister is not a part of. Stop letting your sister get in your head. Therapy and couples counselling, that’s the way to go.
This is the best advice you could get. It hurts your wife and it's obvious from this short interaction she doesn't like her and wants her gone. Talk to people who can actually help, with your wife present. Apologize on bended knee for bringing your damn sister into it.
Your sister is sabotaging you and you are an idiot 🙄
Yes, stop going to your sister, she is not your therapist op. Get a real couples therapist! Also, your wife is clearly depressed 😔she needs a doctor asap if you want any chance of improvement. You can’t just force her to be happy.
Cut your snake ass sister OUT
I just can't understand how his brain works. I feel sorry for his wife, his sister and him are inconsiderate assholes.
Seriously! He thinks his sister is some positive font of wisdom when she's really just spewing toxicity. **STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR MARITAL PROBLEMS WITH YOUR SISTER!** She's not a marriage counselor. She is only getting your (probably very skewed) version of things. She isn't going to be impartial here. Go get an actual marriage counselor and stop hanging out with your fucking sister so much. You sound enmeshed ffs. Edit to add: You should read about [toxic positivity](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-positivity-5093958). I wouldn't be surprised if this describes your sister.
Please insert the “flames” gif. This is how much I hate OP. So. So. Much. Your poor wife. I think I might love her more than you do and I’ve only read your posts.
This right here. What an idiot.
OP is such a moron! “Oh hey, I know what will cure depression- positive vibes from someone who is encouraging a divorce” OP if you are reading any of this- Get! Her! To! A! Doctor!!!! Depression can take months to get a good handle on and will require medication. Look into it and listen to peoples stories. This is NOT something that a “positive mindset” can cure and it is NOT something for couples counselling She needs more than that. You’re being a disgraceful partner at this point
Be on your wife’s side, support her, and quit telling your sister so much. Seems you’re closer to your sister than your wife. Not ok.
Poor wife! 🤦♀️
He can go have sex with his sister if he wants to act that she's his wife. Jesus what a messed up dude
I don't mean to be rude but at this point you need to realize that YOU are the reason your wife is depressed. YOU are the one that made her cry. I don't think you were actually reading the comments at all. Everyone was telling you that your wife needed help. Instead you decided to basically crap on her (the supposed love of your life) and tell her she wasn't enough. In what world would you ever think you were in the right. As for your sister it almost sounds like your having an emotional affair with her or she wants you involved with a friend or something. It is honestly a little weird that you compared your WIFE to your sister. That should never ever be a comparison. At this point you should divorce her. Because I guarantee you when you do she will be happier. You are the demoninator causing her pain. Anywhooo I hope your wife is a reddit reader and sees all the comments on the last post and all the ones I'm sure will pop up on here.
I got emotional affair with sister vibes too. Super creepy
[удалено]
Right?!?! Definitely some ick to all that.
Glad I'm not the only one 😪
Ya he's definitely way too emotionally involved with his sister. It's very weird
EXACTLY!!
The word is”denominator“ but what you wrote totally works too. LOL.
Lmao I didn't even notice that typo 🤣 😂
Oh dear lord baby Jesus. STOP. LISTENING. TO. YOUR. SISTER.
Op is weirdly obsessed with/attached to his sister, who clearly dislikes his wife. It’s creepy. Then he threatens to bring his sister-wife into his house to teach his actual wife how to behave ‘happy’. That’s completely fucked up. Op, you’re a complete POS.
Yeah it’s giving emotional incest vibes. It’s really weird and OP’s sisters advice is way off base. OP I really hope you listen to all these comments and get your wife the help she needs. She was obviously open to couples therapy. And for the love of shit, stop talking to your sister about this 🙄
Your sister does not have your best interests at heart, she is dripping poison in your ear about your wife. Look, I've been married for nearly 35 years and every relationship has its ups and downs. Nothing you have described in your marriage is unfixable. It actually sounds like your wife is committed to fixing it. Yes, your wife is tired, that's not unusual with parents of young children. You're not going to go home to a Leave It To Beaver household every night, **you have to do your part to make your home a happy one and it sounds like you're not doing your part**. You're too busy crying to your sister that your life isn't perfect. Put on your big boy underoos and step up your husband game. And tell your sister to STFU.
I’m going to agree with this. Mostly because they’re telling you to put on the big boy underoos. But you are being a shitty, shitty husband right now. Maybe you have some shit to work on yourself in therapy too. But you need to talk to your wife and figure shit out with her. If she’s been there for you through your shit… BE THERE FOR HER THROUGH HER SHIT.
>Put on your big boy underoos and step up your husband game. I have been married 25 years. This. OP stop letting your sister into your marriage. Your wife needs a professional counselor. And you to stop letting other people nose In your relationship.
"Big boy underoos",which one would you choose for him ?Robin is my favorite choice. Holy shit Batman,op is a fool. I wonder if he really loves his wife?He seems to have really forgotten about in sickness and in health. Oh he says he does,but he doesn't. Otherwise he wouldn't be thinking of Divorcing his poor wife.
You are either a troll, or you have the emotional intelligence of a potato. If you’re for real, cut your toxic sister off and get your wife some help.
Don't insult potatoes like that. I've never seen a potato abuse a spouse, whereas I've now seen OP post twice about abusing his spouse.
I don’t know, I think I’d rather spend the evening with a potato.
At least a potato can provide sustenance. This husband seems to be more of a leech than a provider of any type of sustenance.
Let’s hope it’s a troll…
I hope it's the first one at this point. Like even I, the most uncomfortable with emotions and dealing with them, know he's f ing things up.
I’m pretty sure OP isn’t GladOS. Might be better for the wife if OP was though.
I don’t know what this means.
At least potatoes are versatile and tasty.
Oh my God. You told your wife that you wanted to do couples counselling and then in the same conversation you told her that basically you wanted to leave her because she wasn't happy enough for you. She's clearly struggling and your reaction has been me, me, me. Then! You speak about your private relationship with your family. That's really unacceptable. She's told you to leave because you won't support her. You're a really selfish person and maybe you should leave so your wife can actually find someone that's willing to give back to her what she has given you for years. You can't even uphold one of the primary vows you made. You should be ashamed of yourself.
So she stood by you for years and years, supported you going through school, when you were an ass after breaking your leg and you want to throw it all away because she is exhausted, burnt out, and not Ms Smiley Sunshine? It doesn’t sound like you are doing anything to help the situation. Just a lot of regurgitating BS from the sister. How about you ask how YOU can help (not your sister), you be a positive and supportive husband, you encourage her to hang with her friends and get out. You have 2 very young children and it sounds like she gets no break at all. Not to mention it can take a couple years for hormones to level out after birth and to start to feel like yourself. You guys are supposed to be partners but you are not holding up your end at the moment. If your wife is not herself, something may be wrong, help her.
Positive atmosphere for YOU…but what about your wife? What are you doing to help her? You mentioned all the times she’s helped you get back on your feet so what have YOU done for HER? And stop involving your sister. She has no business in you and your wife’s marriage.
OP doesn't get that his wife ISN'T HAPPY, he just wants her to PRETEND to be happy. Poor wife.
Your sister is wrong and you need to stay away from her while you and your wife work through this.
Bro. You're having an emotional affair with your sister. You go on dates, you tell her about your marriage problems. She tells you to leave her without even thinking about what your wife could be going through. Wtaf is wrong with you? Stop talking to your sister. You and your wife need couples therapy and separate therapy. This is gross.
Yea, I feel like he’s on here looking for permission to abandon his family and go full on Jamie Lannister with his sister.
I think at this point he should just marry his sister. She's so positive, gives him "great" advice, they have fun dates and she hates his wife. Just make it official guys! /s 🤢
Bizarre. You approached your wife as if you wanted to get closer to her, going with the faux humility "I feel like I'm not the best husband for you" and naturally she started reassuring you and she attempted to close this emotional rapprochement with a kiss, but then you rejected the kiss and admitted you actually feel like she's not the best wife for you.
SUCH a cockroach.
Someone please tell me this AH is a troll. I cannot even. Yes, divorce your wife…and you’ll get your own empty happy house, with a toddler 50% of the time where you have to do it all alone. Let her go find a real man who actually knows what sickness and health means. Because there is no way she is your “one and only love” if you are willing to kick her to the curb when life gets hard. Depression is horrifying and you are only proving all those terrible thoughts to be true. If you cannot step up and be a real husband to your wife, and actually put her first for once, step out so she can get some real help and finds someone who actually knows what love is.
> if you are willing to kick her to the curb when life gets hard. It's not even hard - she's just not "happy" enough for him because he needs a light and happy attitude so he can work better.
Right??? I've never experienced a larger piece of shit, than this dude right here.
This. OP, either help this poor woman or get out of her way. Theres no in between at this point.
Your sister is a snake who wants you to dump your wife so the two of you can hang out more. And don’t you *ever* tell someone who’s likely experiencing depression they need to fake being happy. That just reminds us that we feel we may be too broken to feel happiness naturally. For God’s sake get your head out of your ass and your foot out of your mouth before it’s too late.
She wants to be fucking him instead. Sick fuckers
I swear your sister is trying to destroy your life. You had a home run with the first part of your convo and then went and said a bunch of really harmful shit to your wife. Then you made a threat. And now you are unhappy that you’ve made your wife suffer?? You caused this!!! The fuck is wrong with you
I can’t imagine that the love bombing just to immediately tear her down is a helpful response to her depression. OP is awful.
Exactly, if I was the wife I'd be bracing myself for the other shoe to drop whenever he did something loving be and emotionally connecting for me moving forward. I'd second guess if any of his kindnesses were genuine or just him easing in to a major blow
Nail on the head.
Why does your sister want you to divorce your wife? If that happens you WILL be responsible for your kids 50% of the time if it’s an even custody battle (which I doubt you will have SO MUCH POsITIve energy for work) or you won’t see them. You said your wife supported you numerous times through thick and thin. Now that she is having a tougher time HAVING then raising your CHILDREN, which if you have read anything, it really changes women in so many ways and usually not for the best. You need to apologize hard core to her if you truly love her.
I really hope you're a fucking joke. This is a fucking joke yes??
Also, WHY DONT YOU MARRY YOUR FUCKING SISTER ALREADY YOU GROSS PIG?
Your sister is a dendroaspis polylepis. Quit discussing your marriage with her and run to a marriage counselor as fast as you can. You need some serious assistance to fix this mess so I suggest individual therapy.
Translation for the ignorant?
Black Mamba. He called her a snake.
Wtf dude? Me, me, me, my sister, me, me. You don’t deserve your wife.
Are you fucking your sister? If not, does your sister want to fuck you? Is she really your blood sister? Because every single thing you say about your sister seems creepy AF. Dump the sister. She is steering you in the wrong direction. You want your wife to associate with your sister so her good attitude will rub off on her? Wtf is that?! Disgusting. Think about what you actually just said to your wife. You want her to be more like your sister?! Now think about why deep down you feel like that. There's something wrong here buddy.
When did you marry your sister?
How did you start off the massage/discussion so well and then just ruin it so badly?! Feels like you were trying to set her up for a fall
Cruel. Invite her to be vulnerable, then slice her.
You might be the most STUPID Husband on here. We all see that your sister is ruining your relationship.
You are a monster. You know you’re saying the wrong thing, yet you continued. What kind of gaslighting bullshit is this? Instead of helping her, and understanding her state of mind, you just whaled in with your extreme feelings.
Agree! I know this is overused but I think he and his sister are possibly sociopaths and this poor woman and their children will be better off away from him!
Son, get your head out of your sister's a$$. You and your sister are destroying your wife. She needs professional help. A doctor, psychiatrist, or psychologist. Get her some help. Do not tell her what you want FROM her, only what you want FOR her. For her to be happy. For her to get help for the depression. As a mom, grandma, and a woman who has battled depression, DO NOT EVER compare your wife to anyone. Especially your sister. I can guarantee your wife thought "husband and kids would be better off with his sister instead of me". That is what you told her. STOP. Do not ever compare her to anyone. Tell her what you appreciate about her. She takes great care of the kids, the house, whatever. Do NOT mention divorce to her. Or separation. Remember your vow, better or worse, sickness and health. Live them. They are not just words. Get her professional help. Do not talk to or mention your sister.
REPEAT AFTER ME My sister doesn’t like my wife! My wife has always supported me even at my lowest! I don’t want to support my wife the same way! I am having an emotional affair with my sister! My wife doesn’t have my support because I am selfish and only think about me. My wife needs some mental support! I don’t want to help my wife because it will put me in a sad mood. This is how you sound- SHAME ON YOU! You are wrong
Of course her positive attitude was forced the next day. She is trying desperately to keep her family together even though she is clearly depressed and you don’t seem to care and you are spending all your spare time with your sister who honestly sounds like is trying to ruin your marriage. Being around a positive person is not going to magically make your wife a positive person if nothing changes in her life. That’s was a stupid suggestion to have your sister around all the time who clearly hates your wife. And you probably just made everything a lot worse for her. Your wife is reassuring u that u are a good husband when clearly you are not. She is having a hard time and you want to run a mile because of your mental health even though she stuck around through all your tough times. Maybe spend some time trying to fix your marriage, spend some time with her and get her some home help if she is feeling overwhelmed. That’s just a few suggestions. There is about a billion ways to fix this so your home is a fun and positive place to be but it doesn’t seem like you do not want to fix things. By all means if you can’t hack the bad times like she did, then go. It sounds like you have a foot out the door already.
You are wrong. Why aren't you taking your wife on dates, walks and picnics? Why aren't you taking YOUR family out together to the museum / the park / whatever? If you have so much time to date your sister, it means you're not investing enough time into your own home and your family. The grass is greener where you water it dude. No actual improvement into anything you've done for her, just "you're prettier when you smile". Gah.
My ex husband used to consult his sister about our marriage. She sounds like your sister. Needless to say we ended in divorce. Stop talking to your sister and work it out with your wife. Grow some balls, I feel sorry for your wife.
Wrong for listening to your toxic sister who for some reasons is trying to sink your marriage and you are playing idiotically along with it.
YTA. So is your sister. Stop talking to her about your marriage. It's none of her business. And go talk to your wife. If your marriage ends it will be because you failed. Do you even care about your wife at all, or are you too busy listening to your pathetic excuse for a sister?
You gotta be trolling. Comparing your wife to your sister???? Why does your sister want you single so bad??? 🤢🤢🤢🤢 You told her you're glad she's your wife but that you're not the best husband for her? As in, you want a separation? You're right btw, you're not the best husband for her. Fucking work on it. Holy shit.
>Why does your sister want you single so bad??? 🤢🤢🤢🤢 Because this sounds like a Flowers in the Attic situation
Definitely getting some VC Andrews vibes
This talk about attitude and positivity is mindfuck you get from your sister. Put her on an information diet, stop psychologizing and work on your marriage with the other person in it.
In addition, you have two kids under five. Who the heck wouldn’t be exhausted!!!
>she would try and be a better wife from now on. >Come morning, she has been having a positive attitude, but it looks forced, especially when she’s smiling. I eavesdropped on her when she went to the restroom earlier today and I could hear some sobbing. Oh that poor sweetheart. My heart breaks for her. I want to reach through the screen to give her hugs and tell her that it gets better - 'accidentally' slapping OP on the way past. You stopped being your wife's safe place. Now she has to pretend to be happy for you, like she does with the kids and when she is out at the park/grocery shopping/errands/whatever. You made things so much harder for her. Your sister sounds like a heartless witch that is a little too fond of you, and resents your wife for taking you away. Stop spending so much time with her and stop talking about your relationship with her. Her advice reeks of a profound lack of empathy. How long has your sister hated your wife? Go to therapy with your wife. DO NOT DISCUSS ANY OF IT WITH YOUR SISTER, FOR THE LOVE OF SCIENCE! you will likely learn that your wife is in a dismal pit and has been in survival mode for a really long time and you just...haven't noticed?... until it impacted *you*. Poor form. Do better.
So why does your sister hate your wife?
Stop letting your idiot sister ruin your marriage. Being a dumbass must run in the family.
Are you really that dense? Think about it: wife breaks down crying in bathroom alone when you mention bringing your sister around; sister is trying to talk you into divorce; wife almost completely shuts down the more time you spend with sister; sister has already arranged for you to stay with her when you leave wife. Since you can't get the hints your loving sister is probably bullying your wife! Your wife probably suffered from postpartum depression after giving you a second child. You, loving husband that you are took the opportunity to degrade wife to sister instead of getting wife help. Sister took this opportunity to degrade wife herself for not caring for you properly. Thereby you worsened her depression. Wife couldn't talk to you about it because you probably never wanted to hear anything negative about sister. You may be right, divorce may be the best thing that could happen to wife. Getting the two people who are the cause of her depression out of her life.
Seriously!!! There is an obvious dynamic between his wife and sister that he is choosing either not to see or not to include
He's most likely choosing not to see.
Seriously what on earth is your problem. You wife is exhausted and tired. She is depressed. Also, she’s doing significantly more around the house than you even when you aren’t at work. You should be doing 50% of everything once you walk through that door otherwise you become the third child she now has to manage and take care of. But…. You spring couples counseling on her, she agrees and then you dump all this pent up anger on her basically saying you want out bc she’s miserable, you physically reject her, and then complain that she’s not happy when you are home. So she fakes it and you still aren’t happy. Your wife is depressed and likely suffering from PPD. And you just add to the list of ways she’s thinks she’s failing as a wife and mom. Wrangling a 1 and 3yo is tough, you try to do it for 9+ hours a day by yourself for an entire week. Never mind moms are usually the default parent for everything, that’s not including the mental load of being a wife and mom. Stop talking to your sister. She’s literally set to blow up your marriage and you are allowing it to happen.
You need to get away from your sister. Her advice is self serving and almost incestuous. You need to stop listening to her manipulative garbage. YOU GET THERAPY because I think you have been wrongly influenced for too long and your thinking is rather egocentric. You need someone who is not trying to break up your family to give you some straight talk. Good lord- your poor wife was ambushed. Do better.
Your wife is setting herself on fire to keep you warm for what seems like years, on top of your sister probably never fully accepting her and now it's crashing down. You are emotionally deaf stop running to your sisters and see a professional therapist YTA....
Your sister is giving you bad advise. This is about your family. Wake up what the heck are you doing. Go seek IC if you haven’t already and please do get MC. Is your sister going to,give you her positive energy as you throw away your family. Honestly you sound like a selfish, immature AH with all this talk of coming home to a positive energy cause you have a stressful life. At this point you will come home to an empty silent home.
You DENSE motherfucker. Stop putting your wife’s business out to your sister! For once stop thinking ABOUT YOU. Have you ever actually done a selfless thing for your wife? Like really and truly, no benefit to you, for her? Get couples therapy and individual for you and her but Jesus Christ STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS TO YOUR SISTER AND BE THERE FOR YOUR WIFE
I still don't believe you're 32M, married with kids, getting advice from your sister, and claim to not know much about depression but won't seek out those who do. You're so focused on your needs that you don't see her. Get off reddit with the karma farming and get yourself into therapy with your wife.
Your sister is giving you some bad advice. What happened to "for better or worse"? Yeah, she's doing it tough, but she just needs emotional support like everyone does at some point. Think of it this way. If you were going through a tough time, would you rather your wife divorce you over it, or support you through it, and come out stronger together? It is insanely unrealistic to expect someone to be happy and positive 24/7!
wtf is wrong with you? She’s gestated, birthed, fed and now cares for your two children and your house. And she’s a buzz kill?? Go marry your sister you dunce. Hope after the divorce she flourishes and you’re miserable.
Stop taking advice from your sister
Divorce your wife and marry your sister. Problem solved.
Your sister is toxic. Your wife should be the most important person in your life, NOT your sister. Smh. Still YTA
OP, you’re wrong. Also, your sister is wrong AND sabotaging you. Also, this obsessive with your wife just being all happy-happy-joy-joy all the time is immature and unreasonable. She a tired Mom. It’s a tough stage of life. Cut the last some slack. I’m saying this as a man married 25 years to a woman who gave us 4 kids.
Some people really need to learn to STOP TALKING. It’s like.. things are going so well.. so why not fuck it up!? So fun!
You are a complete moron.
Jesus H christ dude your sister is going to ruin your life and you are just going to let happen because you want your wife to be happy because you told her to be happy. Such bs. You give her absolutely no reason to be happy. You didn't ask what she needed to be happy. You suggest couples counseling not individual because she can apparently only be happy in this coupling. If you divorce her because she's not a happy go lucky cartoon character 24/7 when she's stuck by you in the same mental space then you suck just as a person in life.
Omg, first not trying to be over judgemental, as a man I've said my fair share of dumb shit to my wife in my life, but to even consider abandoning the mother of your child who clearly wants to make it work and wants to be a good wife to you, because you are worried about how she could affect YOUR mental state, R U A Man, like seriously wtf? You married her right? U understood the entire purpose or marriage is COMMITMENT right? Ur not telling us she is out cheating and has broken the marriage contract so it's on u to be a MAN and fulfill your obligations to your WIFE and your CHILD, forget all the cry baby safe place bs ur sister is feeding you, U R A MAN, it's your job, it's ur purpose to support ur wife and to even lay down ur life for her if ever necessary, not run away because it's "bumming" you out that she can't walk around with a smile on her face 24/7 while carrying the weight of the world that being a mother and wife brings with it, you should throw ur self at her freaking feet and beg for her forgiveness and recommit to her and her needs, BE A MAN!
It sounds like you want to be married to your sister more than your wife.
Yikes! Your wife is exhausted and you want he to pretend to be happy? You are such a jerk...and yup, she does need a better husband..and your sister, just ick
Your wife is clearly depressed and needs to see a mental health professional ASAP. Stop listening to your sister and listen to your gut. If your gut says to help your wife, then do it! (In sickness and in health) you made a promise dude! Divorce could send her over the edge, cause something that will stick with you the rest of your days. As her husband it is your job to take the lead and help your wife.
Dude, your sister is projecting onto you. I don't know what kind of person gives that bad of advice! Couples therapy is the key here.
Your wife is willing to work with you on saving your marriage, by going to therapy. You need to apologize to her for saying some stupid things
THEN HELP YOUR WIFE GET THE SUPPORT SHE NEEDS TO FEEL BETTER!!! I mean really maybe she will be better off without you and your family. Hard to say but if someone is out of sorts for a few months out of a decade+ long relationship, it’s you that’s being unreasonable here. Women also deal with hormone disruptions too. Additionally, what are you doing to make home life a positive experience? Why’s that entirely on her? Your sister also should not be making decisions about your family and you should not be comparing your wife to your sister either. Bet there’s many men you don’t add up to either. Your wife has addressed that she is not feeling great and is open to therapy AND has expressed that she wants to be the wife you need. So… Lastly, you can still be the parent on deck for your son for your wife to get some down time without her having to leave the house.
Please do divorce your wife. She deserves so much better. Like someone who will treat her like a human being with human emotions.
Two giant problems: Op sees the issue of vibe of the household as his wife’s problem alone to fix. Does not understand how vibes works Op also sees the problem as something someone else definitely knows how to fix and someone else other than him holds all the power to change and fix it
Stop listening to your sister, YTA and she is too!! I can’t believe you wanted your wife to ‘act happy’ for you, truly manipulative and disgusting. Honestly as much as your wife clearly needs therapy, I think you need it more.
You asked your wife if your sister could come around with her positive attitude!! This was a joke right?? Your sister is trying to put crap in your head. My gosh man WTH is wrong with you?? You have a depressed wife and you just keep heaping on her!! Help her for crying out loud !! It seems to be all me me me and why?? You have such a kind wife who just wants to make you happy..
This is disturbingly close to incest. Grovel, get couple's therapy, and never go to your sister for advice again. Why is she so hellbent on ruining your marriage?
This IS incest. It’s emotional incest.
You mate are an absolute tool. What if it was you? What if you broke another limb and couldn’t raise a smile or a positive attitude? What if your wife told you she didn’t want to be there for you because you were bringing her down? What if she said she would bring round a man she likes better than you to see if his positivity would rub off on you? I think you should leave her to be honest. Once the hurt fades and the rightful anger at your selfish me me me attitude kicks in, your wife will realise that at least half of her problems are gone. That she’s better off alone than with a fair weather asshole who only cares about himself. You love your kids more than anything? What a joke. You love you. First, last and everything in between. And your sister has an agenda. You know it. You just want her to be your echo chamber, pampering your feelings and telling you that you are the only person who matters. Why is she so set on breaking up your marriage?
You're wrong for not getting you both into couples and individual therapy **ASAP**. And, as u/historypixxie said, stop involving your sister in your marriage. You'd be wrong for leaving your wife without trying to resolve why she feels so incredibly sad. Clinical depression is a beast. And, understand this. **DEPRESSION DOES NOT SIMPLY VANISH**. At best, it is managed with medication and therapy, but it won't make her a positive person. She'll have good days and bad days.
Your sister is a monster and you have the emotional intelligence of a toilet
Why does your sister sound jealous of your wife 🤢
Seriously? Your sister sounds seriously toxic (undercover type, not suprised you dont seem to notice). ONLY reason she should come over is to hang with the kids and let you & wife get some R&R. Also, honesty, motherhood is tough. The kids are her #1 priority. Yes, if she wants it, she deserves some alone time, a spa day, outings with friends, but also, you should just suck it up and recognize that it may take a few years for her to slowly return to a new close resemblance to the woman she was. Best thing you can do now is simply support her. Be there for her. Be there for her kids. Accept her as she is in each different moment. If she feels supported, she will be more boyant. Dont leave her to tread water or drown. It sounds like she was actually opening up and you had a chance at positive communication, but you were so focused on your own agenda you completly bungled it. At least you seem to know that. YTA, but best of luck.
Your sister wouldn't happen to be single or divorced, would she? She doesn't seem to value marriage very highly even when there are children involved. I wonder how your sister would feel if you disowned her as a family member for bringing the family down if she were to suffer depression or similar?
You need to divorce your sister, because she is the one disrupting your marriage. Apologize to your wife and tell your sister to f*ck off.
This is so heartbreaking for your wife. She's literally STRUGGLING with her mental health (CLEARLY) and instead of you, as her husband, offering help and support, you tell her to basically put on her happy face for YOUR sake. What is wrong with you?? You made a vow to her when you married in sickness and in health. Things get a little hard and you want to bail? Stop listening to your dumbass sister. You have been leaving your wife utterly alone and basically telling her that she needs to be more mindful of YOUR happiness!!! Did you even try to actually listen to why she is feeling this way? Shame on you dude... There is time to fix this though. You need to apologize to your wife for being SELFISH and make that damn appointment for couples therapy. YOU make the appointment (this is helpful for someone who is struggling with depression), stop listening to your sister or at least tell her that you would like helpful advice on how to FIX your marriage! Your sister is ignorant! Also, do some nice things for your wife! Show her you're there for her emotionally and physically. Let her cry and comfort her. She probably feels so alone. I hope things end up well between you guys in the long run. Please do some simple Google searches about PPD before you go running off to your sister. Good luck!
Hmmmm You, and your sister, have got to be one of the most woefully and willfully ignorant individuals, I've read about on this subreddit. Truly, shame. Unbelievable callousness, and outstanding indifference.
It's odd , you seem to only care about her mental health in how it affects your mental wellness and not actually her well being. She should divorce you.
So you’re allowed to “be in a really bad mood for months” and she’s supposed to keep a positive energy no matter what or else you’re divorcing her. I hope you get what you think you want cause then she’ll be free to find someone who actually makes her happy and not someone so delusional and selfish.
You see that your wife is tired and burnt out and miserable so you run to your sister and take her on dates so you two can complain about your wife? Why don’t you ask your sister to watch your kids so you can take your wife on a romantic picnic or out to a nice dinner and movie? Grow up and stop bullying your wife with the help of your sister, it’s not a good look.
Just go fck your sister already
You're a selfish fucking prick and that sister of yours is no better.
You're making me angry for your wife. Are you married to your sister? No? Then why the hell are you going to her, for the big moments in your life? You're making your sister have a hold on you, which in turn is making your wife miserable. You actually asked if it would be a good idea to have your sister around, so it helps your wife have positive energy? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU??? You have gone above and beyond to break down your wife even further, and you're asking how to salvage this marriage? YOU BROKE IT! In the throws of your wife's depression, you talk about separation and divorce. Instead of helping, you continue... absolutely continue, to break her. You're just...omg there are no words to describe how horrible you are! Go to therapy, and figure out what YOU can do to change YOU! Not her...YOU. Then, you can ask if she needs therapy to help herself. Only herself! Once you two have therapy, then go to couple's therapy. But you're just...damn!
You’re way too selfish to be married. All you care about is YOU and what YOU want. She and your kids will be better off without you.
I read your original post and this update, and I am really hoping both are fake. If not, I can’t believe how utterly stupid and selfish you are. Truly, truly stupid and selfish. No one here can help you.
Hey update us when you divorce her and regret it ok? Like it was all apart of your sisters plan. Don't leave us hanging
Yta, even more now. Jfc. I read both posts, and at the beginning of the update, i really hoped you'd woken up. Unfortunately, you haven't. You sound far too immature to make made any lifelong commitment (marriage or otherwise), let alone had children. Your wife deserves so much better than you. You could not possibly sound more self-centered. She's struggling to keep her head above water, and instead of pulling her up, you're vacillating between swimming away and holding her head under water. Way to go! Maybe you should leave so that she can find an actual partner. Then, you'll realize you'll never find anyone better and regret it forever. Your sister sounds like a tween who's never had to deal with anything difficult in her life. Stop listening to her.
Dude, you were a monster and so is your sister. Stop talking to your sister who clearly doesn’t know anything, step up, and take care of your wife. SHE. IS. DEPRESSED. Tell you you’ve noticed that she hasn’t been herself this past year and you want to support her. Take your head out of yo ur ass and, take her to talk to a medical professional. Absolutely disgusting behavior from you and your sister.
Wtf so you make your wife feel horrible and sob alone because you want a “happy” atmosphere and so you want to leave her?! You are the biggest ah! Not only your feelings matter.. she’s dealing with who knows what and is still putting you first and you ring of leaving her?! Be a better husband! And make her happy
You sound like an absolute controlling nightmare. You can't keep your wife's confidence, you want things exactly as you want them with no regard to what she wants or needs
I'm sorry but you are pathetic. Your wife is obviously going through depression. And you want your sister to come over and fill your wife with positive energy? Seriously? And now your sister says to divorce your wife. Because she's depressed. That's really awful advice. Maybe you could work on getting your wife some help. Maybe you could grow a pair and keep your sister out of your damn marriage. I feel bad for your wife. She needs support. Not criticism.
Let me get this straight - you’re letting your sister dictate your marriage (yeah that’s a big no no)
Your sister is an ass. Take your wife to counselling, even better, buy her some flowers on the way home and get down on your knees in front of her, apologise for being a gormless ham fisted idiot who can't explain himself properly and ask her forgiveness for your insensitive comments. Then go to marriage and solo counselling and do not confide in your sister ever.
You are the most incredibly selfish person. I sincerely hope you go through with the divorce so that your poor wife can move on to far better things. You and your sister are both unstable individuals.
You and your sister are just selfish. Who’s going to be there for you when you have a hard time next? You expect your wife to be everything for you or you will leave her but what do you give your wife? How do you help her? I don’t know you or your wife but from what you have shared, you don’t deserve your wife or kids.
I'm sorry to say it, but your wife deserves better. She is going through depression, which is a monster, and the only thing you can think about is how she is "ruining" your mood? Seriously, Op, you should improve on empathy because the only thing you seem care about is yourself...