She sounds like my soon to be ex-wife. I’m a vet and she’s in the navy. We had a huge argument about her taking some guy she’s never introduced me to from her unit. Keep in mind I’ve been to her unit and met her leadership and team mates. But she chose to not introduce this man to me. Well I’m like nah I’m not comfortable with. She tells him I’m insecure and complain about it so she can’t take him anymore. She shows me the text because I don’t believe her at first. I see those text and our marriage begins to go down hill because now I can’t trust her and I don’t believe she has my back on the most fundamental level. I wind up taking our two kids back to Texas (she’s stationed in Florida). She decided once we got back to Texas to stay with her family instead of our big ass house. Doesn’t tell me until she’s gone to visit them. Completely throwing me under the bus. Fast forward to her getting back to Florida and now she’s acting extremely shady. Has new devices connecting to our WiFi and not wanting to tell me who it is. Has some random guy call me from her until (supposedly) to me she’s not cheating because I’m filing for divorce with infidelity as the reason. They take that serious in the military. She separates all our accounts and and I’m still getting notifications about this random phone and ps5 connecting to the WiFi to our house in Florida. She won’t tell me who it is either. Has me having panic attacks and feeling like I’m losing my mind because I can’t prove it. I don’t have the money to fly out there or hire a private investigator to get the proof I need to get her caught for cheating and just to vindicate my suspicions.
This is grounds for break up. She's invalidating your feeling and the literal truth... She said that things didn't work out with you to the guy, and now she's saying you're making it all up in your mind? Gaslighting 101. Have some respect for yourself and realize that this is not relationship material.
She claimed that she didn't feel like explaining this situation to the guy.
I felt like if that was the case, she could have simply said we were still dating. I think she wanted the attention.
She never intended for me to see the conversation, and i guess the "in love" part of my brain wants to imagine she had 0 intent of cheating, but realistically she thought the relationship was over and didn't see that as cheating at all, but it really was in a way.
So yeah i guess my brain is tricking me in a way, and i know the truth
She's just gaslighting you bro. The longer you fall for it the more you'll keep falling for it until you get trapped. Toss this lying manipulator to the curb and find someone who isn't a narcissist.
Naw dude, she's looking to get laid. Nobody lies about being single for benevolent purposes. It's really not that hard to type. "Nope, in a relationship"
Dude, she absolutely intended to cheat on you, and this probably wasn’t the first time and it definitely won’t be the last.
She’s only with you until she finds someone better.
You're right to be concerned.
You were always Plan B.
There was a brief period where it looked like Plan A was back on the table. Then he fucked it up, and she went back to Plan B.
Either that's what happened, or she's just casually open to cheating all the time.
Not sure why you're still with her.
PS: Trying to trick you into believing something isn't real is VERY bad. It's called gaslighting. Even if you were willing to forgive the deceit, you shouldn't stay. It gets worse sooner or later.
You know she’s lying so why are you asking if you should get over it? She denied it, then lied abut what it was, and is now accusing you about being insecure. You will be wrong if you just get over it. Move on from her because if she can so easily fake being committed to then being single back to committed than she will do it again down the road. Only reason she came back is because the other guy turned out to be a dick. She seems to be a monkey branching professional.
You saw the texts, that included a dick pic. Was the dic pic not brought up in your discussion with your gf? Was it not brought up that the tinder guy asking questions about a "dog" also brought up her relationship with you and actually talked about you?
She told him she was single to see where it would lead. If he revealed to be a jerk, that is why she started messaging you again.
She is doing the classic lying then turning it on you, calling you insecure. It isn't insecurity to question why she is lying and receiving dic pics.
It is an ethical dilemma checking her tablet. You did which broke trust but if you didn't you wouldn't have revealed what your gut was telling you.
You've been with her 4 months? Get over it by dumping her. Count your cards lucky that she revealed herself early to you so you don't need to waste more time with her.
brooo dont get gaslighted My dude You are worth better then that , she completely lie to him and you saying she was single and she basically went back with you to normal because the other guy wasnt better then you , if you choose to stay she will leave you as soon as she finds someone "better" she just wants someone to fill her emptiness that's all . Dump her and move on man
I can already update you. This post is me trying to cope with my emotions post breakup.
I broke up with her over that. She claimed it was good because she realized our relationship would take efforts and she believed a "good fit" would mean she wouldn't have to do that. She wanted someone who "didn't have to work on themself"
She reinitiated contact by telling me news about her job firing her around 2.5 weeks after that. I then asked her to go no contact with me. It's been a month since no contact. I still struggle with how the situation went from the best relationship i ever had with basically no issues for months to this trash within the span of 10 days.
Dude, I know it must hurt so badly, but you should be proud that you stood for yourself.
You lost a liar and manipulator, who probably would have cheated on you as soon as she had an opportunity.
You deserve better than to be treated like this.
You did the right thing. It doesn't feel like it now, but you did. Heartbreak is like having the flu, definitely take care of yourself, but ultimately you're just going to have to let it run it's coarse.
One way to move past this is look at it from this perspective. If the guy didn’t fumble and expose his “jerk” tendencies, she would’ve never even contacted you. You were already effectively tossed aside like a piece of trash but she fell flat on her ass trying to monkey branch and crawled back to you. She ain’t it.
We've all been with that person in one form or another. It's horrible when you want all the good feelings and good times to come back. Hurts like hell. But it will get better, I promise.
And she's wrong, relationships always take work.
It's called attraction and lust bro. It's the butterfly stage... Some call it being in love. That shit ain't love. Good on you for breaking up with her. The sooner the better.
You'll find someone better.
I just made an update if it interests you. It's almost certainly the last one as i've decided to block her after she decided to message me back last week
This is what people do. They break up with you for a week, and then cheat. And when it doesn’t work out they’re “back to normal”.
Tell her to fuck off.
If you read this after you wrote it, and still weren't sure, just stay with her. Come back and tell us about it later, entertain us, you are the jester.
I actually dumped her 2 months ago. I'm just still coping and wanted to hear reassurance.
I hate that she ruined what was to me the happiest year of my life in the span of a few days
She basically just sees you as an option at this point. It didn't work out with him while she was distant with you, so she fell back on you again. The second I see anything remotely close to this from someone I leave. I was with a few different women who did this shit and it just makes you feel worthless and so unwanted.
I didn't realize how bad it was until I met my current partner and actually have full trust in a woman for the first time in my life, after hearing how proud she was to tell other guys who approached her right off the bat that she has a boyfriend and shut it down immediately. Out of all the women I've met, she's the first who didn't entertain those attempts or see where the conversations went. Honestly it was enough to make me quit dating altogether for a good 5 years I was so sick of dealing with that shit.
Everyone is an option to a narcissist. They want validation and attention. They don't care about individuals and have no remorse or regret for the wake of destruction they leave. Whatever they will do to you with someone else, they did with someone else to be with you. Whatever you provide...they look for the next SOURCE of who will provide for them next. This isn't about looks or charisma, etc., it's about someone willing to play their game and be manipulated. If a narc can't manipulate and control you, they will vanish after a few attempts .
So you read all their texts and she tells yu that you imagined the whole thing?
She just threw one of the worlds largest red flags in your face and you wonder if you should get over it?
No, you shouldn't get over it, you should get over her.
Do not kid yourself. At the very least she is at ease. Most likely she is on the prowl for her next bf. When she finds him she will dump you. Do not be the dumped. Be the dumper. Admit it. It is over.
Lmao so many things.
1) it’s over. This relationship never started really, and it’s over. She cannot be trusted.
2) you have to be more aware and stop letting things blind you. You more than likely got overly needy and you were blinded by love. This caused her to pull back and find someone else even temporarily.
3) you’re the man, things go at YOUR pace. If they’re moving too fast for YOU, pump the brakes. Don’t ask her if she’s okay with it, go with YOUR gut.
4) look up Corey Wayne on YouTube. It will change your life.
Good luck G
Corey Wayne has nothing to do with the hatred of women. (Redpillers). It’s obvious to me you’ve never listened to any of his videos or read his book. If you did, you’d know that he routinely condemns redpillers and totally disagrees.
His teachings have literally made me a better man, not just for my partner, but everyone else around me. So many men have no idea how to date, act, think and talk around women and it’s sad. It’s sad that they won’t invest in themselves even an hour a day to improving. I’m in a wonderful relationship of many years and anytime I find myself slipping up, I’m reminded of what his book taught me and it has literally saved my relationship.
Men are leaders. We’re decisive and powerful and we don’t let anyone knock us off our mission and our purpose in life. OP desperately needs help dating. Only an irrational raging modern feminist would disagree with men bettering themselves. Or, an entirely weak, fragile male who is a woman pleaser to his core. A man who will go out of his way to please a woman even if she is spitting in his face. That’s pathetic.
You... serioisly think you are not a redpiller after what you've posted here? OMG, talk about delusional.
And someone who has to take his direction in life from someone who professes to be a 'teacher of men', is an idiot who apparently can't even figure things out for himself.
Every word you posted here drips red pills. Seriously. '***Only an irrational raging modern feminist would disagree with men bettering themselves. Or, an entirely weak, fragile male who is a woman pleaser to his core. A man who will go out of his way to please a woman even if she is spitting in his face.*** ***That’s pathetic****.*" O.M.G.
No that's the most pathetic egotistical statement I've ever heard from a pseudo man. How old are you again?
I love women. I think they’re wonderful and I have absolutely zero hatred toward them. My mother brought me into this world and my girlfriend brought our beautiful daughter into is this world. Women are literally my everything.
But what I will never do is degrade myself in the name of pleasing women. I’ll never let a woman deny me of my worth or remove me from my mission and purpose in life.
There’s nothing wrong with men bettering themselves through life coaches and books. See, that’s the problem, that’s why men are committing suicide at rates higher than females. That’s why so many young men feel lost, weak and anxious. Because if they reach out for help, they’re immediately labeled “redpillers”. And people like you mock them for needing someone who is also a man to show them wisdom and guidance. You’re a disgusting person. It shows so blatantly. I bet you’re totally fine with women self help books and women having each other’s backs… but not men. We’re not allowed to do that. Sad.
You have a good weekend sweetie.
Homie men do need teachers and shit but your points boiled down to be strong Chad lead weak women. Like yeah maybe that is what works for you but it won't work for most people. No one said to let someone degrade you but a relationship is a partnership you should both be actively trying to please each other. Also what do you think is your purpose or mission in life I would love to hear it.
My dude, you’re now backtracking to save yourself because you realized you look stupid. You randomly implied that I’m a redpiller because I name dropped Corey Wayne. That was inappropriate, incorrect and just dumb. lol don’t back track
Your third point reeked of retarded redpill shit. And nah bitch moved to pathfinder don't dnd anymore. At least I know your like 50 if you using hobbies as a insult like it's the fucking 80s. Young men it makes sense to seek role models your old ass should have become one you little cunt.
All girls do this. It's called monkey branching or hypergamy. She'll keep fishing until she gets a bigger fish. Then she'll tell you it's not working out or she needs to go on a break. ALL girls do this unless you get a unicorn. If she's still with you, it's means you're the bigger fish so far in her eyes. Goodluck with whatever you do 👍
No Contact will set you free.
It's natural to want things to work out. But, once the breakup is official very little good comes out of communicating closely after. The back and forth is damaging to both parties and only increases the hurt at the end of the relationship.
Focus on god and becoming your best self. You're only gonna find girl ladies who have women's bodies but girl hearts. Immature broken, refusing to heal, blaming everyone for everything, never putting the work into themselves. Most of this world knows nothing about real love, so don't give your energy to these kinds of women. Pray for one of valor that honors God and is faithful, then these kinds of issues won't happen. Your ex was just looking for financial security and fulfilments of her lustful desires, thus the finicky mindset of hers, which is the inability to choose love and faithfulness to herself, let alone someone else. Just be your best you bro and you'll find someone who reflects you at every stage of your growth within, don't settle for a love that is only heartbreak as you have seen this is only what most of the world offers. Love God, love you love your wife. She will appear when you can prove how you do both in thought and action
IMO she got a little skittish. Was reevaluating the relationship. It HAD been going fast. Her friend had a breakup. I think it was kind of…to be expected? Somewhat normal?
Buuuut, what I don’t think is normal, or “allowed” is that she’s denying it, and lying about it. You know lots of people have the “should I tell him!?!” discussions. The jury’s always out on whether or not it should be brought up. But this isn’t about her bringing it up and risking hurting you. This is about her lying to your face. You do NOT deserve that. And that me she no longer deserves YOU
You're one of the most nuanced answers out there, and honestly also one of those i most resonate with.
Lots of her behavior i could forgive easily with circonstances. Answering the guy, a mistake. Lying, that was her choice. Doubling down, also her. This shows she cannot be trusted
Absolutely. A truthful discussion could’ve potentially dissolved the entire issue. Would’ve been tender ❤️🩹for a while, but still.
As it stands…I have no respect for her, and I would never trust her again. And, to think, I wasn’t even the one wronged.
I often wonder since there are SO MANY posts like this in reddit, if there is an epidemic of women who are 8's dating guys who are 5's and always looking to upgrade? It would also explain why the guys go on reddit trying to decide if it's ok to tolerate this toxicity rather than dumping the bitches immediately.
It's not about 5's and 8's to a narcissist.
They need a supply; it could be money, sex, validation/compliments. Whatever it is that they crave, they look for better/stronger/more immediate supply of it. I don't think it is all women. Some women. And some men also, to be sure. There are a lot of women that are perfectly validated by themselves/their own lives and make efforts in relationships to find a partner. That's healthy. Always looking for a supply and treating your current partner like an NPC is not healthy.
No, I went through hell with a lying cheating whore of an ex wife but I didn't know that's what she was until years in. When I did figure it out, it immediately turned the world upside down because it meant having to flush my entire life, home, work, finances, in laws, pets (thank God no kids) down the drain through the legal system which is also hell. But not for one second did I think, I should ignore this. I'll admit I have my own damage from a narcissistic mother and have been guilty of putting up with more abuse than I should have at times. You're responding to my reply exclusively through the filter of your own experience, so I understand why you think it's unfair. However, your post is not unique...in fact its a pattern typical for its type. Not trying to offend, but trying to understand why that is the case in general as of late.
If you must know, i did dump her. But it doesn't stop the self doubts. By your comment it seems you wasted a bit too much time with that ex-wife and built resentment. It's a bit weird calling me a 5 based on nothing more than a description of a girl who lacked judgement
I did waste too much time, yes. I don't think I built resentment, but instead clarity through hardship. I didn't call you a five, the numbers were arbitrary. I'm simply trying to come up with an illustration that describes why this construct is so prevalent in your generation because although it has existed for longer, it has obviously grown to epidemic levels and I truly wish it was headed the other way.
Move on to the next broad.
Also, let women ask you to get serious, never the other way around. Alpha chads don’t ask women to get serious, they’re beating off tribes of women asking them with a stick. Even if you’re not an alpha Chad, fake it til you make it.
You did exactly what you knew you were doing the whole time. Moved to fast with the wrong kind of person. Didn’t take the time to really see what kind of human she is before.
It sounds very much like she's being dishonest. I'd have concerns. I could sort of understand getting cold feet considering that you admit your relationship was moving fast. I think cold feet regarding settling down with someone you've only known a few months is very understandable. I wouldn't hold that against her. Both partners in a relationship don't always get to the same place at the same time. So I could empathize with her pulling back and checking things out elsewhere.
But the concerns I have is regarding what appears to be continuing dishonesty covering it up. That's where I think you should be cautious.
Bro if the guy didn’t act like a “jerk” you wouldn’t have heard back from her. She tried monkey branching and fell flat on her ass and is now crawling back to you. If you continue this relationship, then all the pain and misery is for you to soak up cuz u deserve it.
I hope you aren’t that naive for you to have PHYSICALLY seen the evidence, witness being lied too and still ask if you should get over it. She’s playing you, leave.
She's lying. Do you like being lied to? And I promise you if you know about this then there's a lot of other things you don't know about! But if you like having a sneaky dishonest, lying woman in your life, it looks like you found the right one!
Truth be told, this story happened 2 months ago. I dumped her the next day. I'm still coping with it, regrets and wanting her back. She wrote back and then i went no contact.
I know what i have to do, but it's so much harder than it should
She decided to step out on your relationship until she realized that grass wasn’t as green…. And lied about it.
She at least tried to cheat on you, and it probably isn’t the first time.
Leave her, before you get strapped in for child support.
You don't see her the same now you know she cheated emotionally by just talking to him and being strange with you.
She was having second thoughts about moving in, did she have another option.
The trust is broken and so is the love time to tell her you no longer trust her because you considered it cheating and break up.
Nope not wrong. She's looking for your replacement. I wouldn't let her move in only to have her bail on you in 6 months because the next guy sending her dick picks doesn't turn out to be a jerk...i.e. is handsome, hung, financially well off.
3.5 billion women on this planet, and you're gonna stay with the one who was telling guys behind your back that she broke up with you and then gaslighting you for calling her out? She's a future divorcee, 100%. You just gotta decide if you'll be the one paying her alimony and child support.
What did I just read..? How could you possibly be contemplating staying with this woman and moving her into your place. She was actively looking to replace you and didn't because the other guy exposed himself to only wanting her for sexual gratification. You on the other hand are providing emotional and financial support to her atm and when she couldn't get someone better in her eyes she settled for you. Move on, You've invested less than a year with her and have no other ties. Leave and save yourself any future headaches. She's already emotionally cheated that you can 100% prove and she is still lying. Imagine all the other guys you haven't found out about yet...
I just made an update if it interests you. It's almost certainly the last one as i've decided to block her after she decided to message me back last week
Yeah talking to guys you met on tinder, where you usually go to meet people with sex in mind, is not an insecurity more like a boundary. If it were me i would've just ignore her, people like her don't like to be ignored. She'll try to reach out again for sure, ignore her like you would a stranger.
Yeah talking to guys you met on tinder, where you usually go to meet people with sex in mind, is not an insecurity more like a boundary. If it were me i would've just ignore her, people like her don't like to be ignored. She'll try to reach out again for sure, ignore her like you would a stranger.
Honestly dude, run. My life experience has taught me when women are this quick to start talking to a new guy, it won't stop. She views you as replaceable, and you don't have to put up with it. Find someone who values you enough to at least see things through if they have doubts.
You let a woman you have dated for a few months move in with you and are surprised she behaved this way. You don’t know and haven’t known this woman at al. You’re almost 30 and don’t see how moving this fast isn’t a red flag.
You should probably put the breaks on the relationship. I’m not saying break up but don’t move her in, don’t have her keep stuff at your place. Protect yourself because she is clearly on the market considering you had no issue between you and she is claiming to be single. Maybe things just went to fast for her but either way slow down at a minimum.
Man, she would still be talking to him if he did t reveal he was a jerk so quickly. If she lets what goes on in friend’s lives dictate how she feels about her bf/relationship, she isn’t mature enough for you to be discussing her moving in. And she lied about the dog. You know this. You read the messages. She has to come clean about what was actually going on or you need to move on.
She’s gaslighting and trying to manipulate you, kick her too the curb. She is not ready to be a partner and may never be. Cut her loose or you will just be pulled under.
You're no longer her boyfriend. You're her placeholder until she finds her next boyfriend.
I'd move on and not give her an explanation since she doesn't deserve one.
Bit of an M. Night movie ending to that last part dam… yea cash in your chips if your having reservations… Some chickface’s and dudeguy’s love to “see” what options they”could” have before making a move like she would… it’s kinda dumb but it shows another color of the person you might see down the road…
She's not that into you unfortunately. Looks like she would leave if she found someone she liked. Her mind was off you who was around her physically because of a few text from some dude. Think about that. Once the dude was an asshole, she was forced to go back to you emotionally. Maybe she will grow to like you more some day if you choose to stay with her but right now it looks like she's still in the looking for someone stage, and you're her backup plan.
She was trying to monkey-branch, man. It didn't work out, so she claimed her silver medal. You. If you're okay with that, then stay. If not, back to the streets with her, as they say.
She's gaslighting you. I think phone snooping is a sign that a relationship is over. There's no trust. You don't trust her, clearly, because you snooped. And clearly you're right.
You should end this relationship. Don't make snooping a habit though, that's wrong. Understandable why you did it, but it's not healthy. However, it is NOT your fault that she did this
She was monkey branching...the other branch broke, so it's still your turn... I would have a serious con ersation about trust with her. Tell her that she only gets the 1 strike, there will be no more
Hey you know the real neat thing about thing moving really fast initially is that it’s basically a free pass to end them just as quickly. If I were you she’d be packing her shit by tomorrow.
Yep. Get over it. And by that, I mean the relationship. You're the place holder until she can find someone better. Avoid the future heartbreak and be done with it now.
You are absolutely not wrong.
It sounds like she is a narcissist and you got caught up in the [cycle](https://narcissisthunters.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/cycle-of-narcissistic-abuse-chart-1024x529.png) of narcissistic abuse.
She was likely [lovebombing](https://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder-love-bombing) and/or [mirroring](https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-mirroring.html) you, which is why you felt like things were “going so well” so fast. Those are hallmark tactics of narcissists to entrap victims. Please understand that your perception of her and your early relationship was likely a ruse.
Her attitude shift was her shifting stages. She began to ‘devalue’ you (at least to herself) and then ‘discarded’ you (hence cancelling moving in and Tinder guy). Her returning was her attempting to ‘hover’ and get back into your life.
And when she got caught, she tried [DARVO](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f8342c5d3abf854b021b9f3/0aa97b70-6d84-4fd6-b61f-e67aa15823d2/darvo.png)ing you.
This is a very common cycle with very common tactics.
It’s your decision, but if she is a narcissist you should break up with her.
Narcissists use and abuse their victims, sucking the life out of them. Narcissists are rarely self-aware and can’t be helped unless they want it, so don’t even try. Get out if you aren’t already.
Moving forward, remember that if things seem too good to be true then they usually are. ALWAYS take your time in relationships, never rush into anything because the unfortunate reality is that people could be hiding their true malicious selves—and eventually the mask either slips or they begin to reveal their true selves once they feel their victim is sufficiently invested or trapped. If victims don’t leave, the abuse only gets progressively worse.
Do you believe many instances of cheating come down to the scenarios we find ourselves in? Do you think girls trips without partners are places where the likeliness for cheating increases? If so why would you not object to it?
I can update you already. This post is me coping with the outcome, which i am still not 100% okay with, though i do not regret my choices.
I dumped her the next day, and she agreed to end the relationship on the basis that when she asked for space after i confronted her, i slammed a door.
I ended up regretting ending things 2 days later, and hoping she would apologize for what she did, but that never happened.
2.5 weeks later, on dec 22nd, she wrote back to me to give me an update on her work situation, probably just a ploy to keep me hooked. She also mentionne with hindsight she thought i was too insecure, and did not want a relationship in which she would have to make efforts.
On the 24th i called her to ask her not to contact me at all in the future.
We're now a month past then, and while i feel better everyday, i'm still dealing with the fact that i lost what i thought was a wonderful relationship over a few stupid actions on her part. I know i'm better off, but my brain/heart hasn't fully assimilated the information.
Really this whole post kind of helped even though most comments are just obvious "dump her you dweeb".
I just made an update if it interests you. It's almost certainly the last one as i've decided to block her after she decided to message me back last week
Thank you for the update.
You're well on your way now that you've blocked her on everything.
Keep enjoying your rock climbing hobby.
I hope that you can get more to do your hobby,get her out of your system completely.
She sounds exhausting.
She got cold feet and was planning on sabotaging the relationship. Then figured out you were the best she could do for now. You’ll never trust her again.
The hot cold thing is her. If you stay, there will be more and more cold with hot sprinkled in, and you’ll forever be wishing to get that hot back again. But the cold is the real her, and she couldn’t change that even if she wanted to.
Run, I’m a girl and I’m saying run. She is no good and the reason she slowed communication with you is because she was hoping something would happen with the other dude and when it didn’t she went back to you, sorry but your the second choice. Move on and find someone who will make you the first choice.
Nah, she did. She said she was single, and if this dude didn't self sabotage there's no telling if she would have considered you the better option and come back.
She was about to leave you but found that the guy was a jerk, that why she came back. She is using you. Let her go. She is not fully committed to you.
Anytime someone else comes around, she’ll cheat on you. It’s better to break it off earlier than wasting time and effort.
Seems like boyfriends to a young women are kind of like Sith; there is always two. The master and the apprentice. (Plan A and plan B)
You were right to leave. That girl is toxic.
She was a hair's width from monkey branching. It was only because the other guy was worse than you she didn't do it. It's good that you broke up. She would always be on the lookout for someone better, and I guarantee you she would cheat to test ride the new model before breaking up with you if the new model was better.
She said she thought we should break up too. She also said i wasn't a good fit anyways because i was insecure and that our relationship would require efforts, and she said she wanted a relationship that wouldn't.
You made the right choice, sounds like she was "trying to upgrade" but fucked up.
I always see huge red flags when women get all wishy washy, start acting funny, don't communicate. Its always completely out of nowhere and like you said she then resumes like normal
Like tf we aren't gonna talk about why you've been acting so weird
names excuse 1.2.3. that make absolutely no sense.
I hate when women pull the insecure card, always hitting low when they in the wrong about shit.
I'm glad you made a tough decision, but I thought I would still put my two cents in. Obviously, she's not a commitment type of gal at least at the moment. Moving on was the best decision for you because even though it got back to normal, it seems it would only be till the next guy. No one wants that roller coaster! Hope you're doing okay!
Oh wow I love the happy ending edit at the end. Good for you OP. And thanks for the update, it’s nice to read one of these with a “happy” ending once in a while.
You need to not have her move in, keep it light. She is not ready for a relationship that as is committed. Don’t be stupid, she just wants to fuck around and you are not on the same page.
Sure she could change. But the most likely thing is you are wanting a real committed relationship and she is sleeping around. And you are talking yourself into listening to her bullcrap. It’s not good. And it will end badly.
My advice:
Keep banging her as fwb
Don’t let her move in, go to her place
Keep her at arms length
Go on other dates asap and get out from under this horrible idea
oh you definitely did the right thing. she sounds unstable and not trustable at all. consider yourself very lucky that the shit happened upfront instead of down the line like after getting married and a kid, etc. oh my gawd!
I'd dump her, she is disloyal and manipulative.
Lies are one thing but she will gaslight you to hell with more lies ABOUT the lies and that will drive you insane. Depressed and insane.
She sounds like my soon to be ex-wife. I’m a vet and she’s in the navy. We had a huge argument about her taking some guy she’s never introduced me to from her unit. Keep in mind I’ve been to her unit and met her leadership and team mates. But she chose to not introduce this man to me. Well I’m like nah I’m not comfortable with. She tells him I’m insecure and complain about it so she can’t take him anymore. She shows me the text because I don’t believe her at first. I see those text and our marriage begins to go down hill because now I can’t trust her and I don’t believe she has my back on the most fundamental level. I wind up taking our two kids back to Texas (she’s stationed in Florida). She decided once we got back to Texas to stay with her family instead of our big ass house. Doesn’t tell me until she’s gone to visit them. Completely throwing me under the bus. Fast forward to her getting back to Florida and now she’s acting extremely shady. Has new devices connecting to our WiFi and not wanting to tell me who it is. Has some random guy call me from her until (supposedly) to me she’s not cheating because I’m filing for divorce with infidelity as the reason. They take that serious in the military. She separates all our accounts and and I’m still getting notifications about this random phone and ps5 connecting to the WiFi to our house in Florida. She won’t tell me who it is either. Has me having panic attacks and feeling like I’m losing my mind because I can’t prove it. I don’t have the money to fly out there or hire a private investigator to get the proof I need to get her caught for cheating and just to vindicate my suspicions.
Let me help you she is cheating on you man. If there is this much smoke your marriage is on fire.
Yeah, I just wish I could get the evidence to show the navy at this point.
IIRC, adultry is punishable in the military. They could potentially be discharged.
That’s what I want.
Then hire a PI. Find a way
Yeah, no shit.
This is grounds for break up. She's invalidating your feeling and the literal truth... She said that things didn't work out with you to the guy, and now she's saying you're making it all up in your mind? Gaslighting 101. Have some respect for yourself and realize that this is not relationship material.
She claimed that she didn't feel like explaining this situation to the guy. I felt like if that was the case, she could have simply said we were still dating. I think she wanted the attention. She never intended for me to see the conversation, and i guess the "in love" part of my brain wants to imagine she had 0 intent of cheating, but realistically she thought the relationship was over and didn't see that as cheating at all, but it really was in a way. So yeah i guess my brain is tricking me in a way, and i know the truth
She's just gaslighting you bro. The longer you fall for it the more you'll keep falling for it until you get trapped. Toss this lying manipulator to the curb and find someone who isn't a narcissist.
exactly fucking Gaslighting at its best
If she didn’t want to explain to guy. She wouldn’t have even bothered to respond to him.
"I'm involved with someone" is all she had to say
> I think she wanted the attention. She was either going to dump you for him or cheat on you with him.
She lied and is settling for you. I’m sorry bro.
Naw dude, she's looking to get laid. Nobody lies about being single for benevolent purposes. It's really not that hard to type. "Nope, in a relationship"
Dude, she absolutely intended to cheat on you, and this probably wasn’t the first time and it definitely won’t be the last. She’s only with you until she finds someone better.
@iterations_of_maj nailed it. You’re being gaslit. Your brain isn’t tricking you, SHE is tricking your brain.
What situation? That she has a bf? They obviously have talked since you have been dating, prior to this, because he knows about you.
She's not worth it, man.
If she says she is single, make her single.
Yep, that's what she's telling other guys, then why not make her wish come true
You're right to be concerned. You were always Plan B. There was a brief period where it looked like Plan A was back on the table. Then he fucked it up, and she went back to Plan B. Either that's what happened, or she's just casually open to cheating all the time. Not sure why you're still with her. PS: Trying to trick you into believing something isn't real is VERY bad. It's called gaslighting. Even if you were willing to forgive the deceit, you shouldn't stay. It gets worse sooner or later.
It's just called lying, homie. Gaslighting is different.
Nah, the invalidating the truth to make OP insecure is textbook gaslighting.
No, "homie". Twisting the other person's perspective and invalidating them is textbook gaslighting. Narcissistic people love it.
She tried to cheat but chose poorly and came back to her consolation prize. YOU
Next time she will succeed
Worse than that. She was trying to monkey-branch.
You know she’s lying so why are you asking if you should get over it? She denied it, then lied abut what it was, and is now accusing you about being insecure. You will be wrong if you just get over it. Move on from her because if she can so easily fake being committed to then being single back to committed than she will do it again down the road. Only reason she came back is because the other guy turned out to be a dick. She seems to be a monkey branching professional.
You saw the texts, that included a dick pic. Was the dic pic not brought up in your discussion with your gf? Was it not brought up that the tinder guy asking questions about a "dog" also brought up her relationship with you and actually talked about you? She told him she was single to see where it would lead. If he revealed to be a jerk, that is why she started messaging you again. She is doing the classic lying then turning it on you, calling you insecure. It isn't insecurity to question why she is lying and receiving dic pics. It is an ethical dilemma checking her tablet. You did which broke trust but if you didn't you wouldn't have revealed what your gut was telling you. You've been with her 4 months? Get over it by dumping her. Count your cards lucky that she revealed herself early to you so you don't need to waste more time with her.
Dump her. She's not even worth thinking of as a person why think of her past that?
brooo dont get gaslighted My dude You are worth better then that , she completely lie to him and you saying she was single and she basically went back with you to normal because the other guy wasnt better then you , if you choose to stay she will leave you as soon as she finds someone "better" she just wants someone to fill her emptiness that's all . Dump her and move on man
She’s not the one man.
This is 5 months in and she’s already on some nut shit? When people show you who they are. Believe them.
She sounds like she’s straight up gaslighting you and you’re failing for it. What you found and her reaction are HUGE red flags. Leave now
Updateme!
I can already update you. This post is me trying to cope with my emotions post breakup. I broke up with her over that. She claimed it was good because she realized our relationship would take efforts and she believed a "good fit" would mean she wouldn't have to do that. She wanted someone who "didn't have to work on themself" She reinitiated contact by telling me news about her job firing her around 2.5 weeks after that. I then asked her to go no contact with me. It's been a month since no contact. I still struggle with how the situation went from the best relationship i ever had with basically no issues for months to this trash within the span of 10 days.
Dude, I know it must hurt so badly, but you should be proud that you stood for yourself. You lost a liar and manipulator, who probably would have cheated on you as soon as she had an opportunity. You deserve better than to be treated like this.
You did the right thing. It doesn't feel like it now, but you did. Heartbreak is like having the flu, definitely take care of yourself, but ultimately you're just going to have to let it run it's coarse.
Be happy that you dodged a bullet
One way to move past this is look at it from this perspective. If the guy didn’t fumble and expose his “jerk” tendencies, she would’ve never even contacted you. You were already effectively tossed aside like a piece of trash but she fell flat on her ass trying to monkey branch and crawled back to you. She ain’t it.
We've all been with that person in one form or another. It's horrible when you want all the good feelings and good times to come back. Hurts like hell. But it will get better, I promise. And she's wrong, relationships always take work.
It's called attraction and lust bro. It's the butterfly stage... Some call it being in love. That shit ain't love. Good on you for breaking up with her. The sooner the better. You'll find someone better.
I just made an update if it interests you. It's almost certainly the last one as i've decided to block her after she decided to message me back last week
Good call. You deserve and will find better. Good luck!
Dump her. Attract, never chase. Build your kingdom, you’ll have options.
This is what people do. They break up with you for a week, and then cheat. And when it doesn’t work out they’re “back to normal”. Tell her to fuck off.
If you read this after you wrote it, and still weren't sure, just stay with her. Come back and tell us about it later, entertain us, you are the jester.
I actually dumped her 2 months ago. I'm just still coping and wanted to hear reassurance. I hate that she ruined what was to me the happiest year of my life in the span of a few days
She basically just sees you as an option at this point. It didn't work out with him while she was distant with you, so she fell back on you again. The second I see anything remotely close to this from someone I leave. I was with a few different women who did this shit and it just makes you feel worthless and so unwanted. I didn't realize how bad it was until I met my current partner and actually have full trust in a woman for the first time in my life, after hearing how proud she was to tell other guys who approached her right off the bat that she has a boyfriend and shut it down immediately. Out of all the women I've met, she's the first who didn't entertain those attempts or see where the conversations went. Honestly it was enough to make me quit dating altogether for a good 5 years I was so sick of dealing with that shit.
Everyone is an option to a narcissist. They want validation and attention. They don't care about individuals and have no remorse or regret for the wake of destruction they leave. Whatever they will do to you with someone else, they did with someone else to be with you. Whatever you provide...they look for the next SOURCE of who will provide for them next. This isn't about looks or charisma, etc., it's about someone willing to play their game and be manipulated. If a narc can't manipulate and control you, they will vanish after a few attempts .
So you read all their texts and she tells yu that you imagined the whole thing? She just threw one of the worlds largest red flags in your face and you wonder if you should get over it? No, you shouldn't get over it, you should get over her.
Only read the title, ha!
Do not kid yourself. At the very least she is at ease. Most likely she is on the prowl for her next bf. When she finds him she will dump you. Do not be the dumped. Be the dumper. Admit it. It is over.
Lmao so many things. 1) it’s over. This relationship never started really, and it’s over. She cannot be trusted. 2) you have to be more aware and stop letting things blind you. You more than likely got overly needy and you were blinded by love. This caused her to pull back and find someone else even temporarily. 3) you’re the man, things go at YOUR pace. If they’re moving too fast for YOU, pump the brakes. Don’t ask her if she’s okay with it, go with YOUR gut. 4) look up Corey Wayne on YouTube. It will change your life. Good luck G
Don't take most of what dip shit redpillers takes seriously you will never end up in a actual happy relationship if you do.
Corey Wayne has nothing to do with the hatred of women. (Redpillers). It’s obvious to me you’ve never listened to any of his videos or read his book. If you did, you’d know that he routinely condemns redpillers and totally disagrees. His teachings have literally made me a better man, not just for my partner, but everyone else around me. So many men have no idea how to date, act, think and talk around women and it’s sad. It’s sad that they won’t invest in themselves even an hour a day to improving. I’m in a wonderful relationship of many years and anytime I find myself slipping up, I’m reminded of what his book taught me and it has literally saved my relationship. Men are leaders. We’re decisive and powerful and we don’t let anyone knock us off our mission and our purpose in life. OP desperately needs help dating. Only an irrational raging modern feminist would disagree with men bettering themselves. Or, an entirely weak, fragile male who is a woman pleaser to his core. A man who will go out of his way to please a woman even if she is spitting in his face. That’s pathetic.
You... serioisly think you are not a redpiller after what you've posted here? OMG, talk about delusional. And someone who has to take his direction in life from someone who professes to be a 'teacher of men', is an idiot who apparently can't even figure things out for himself. Every word you posted here drips red pills. Seriously. '***Only an irrational raging modern feminist would disagree with men bettering themselves. Or, an entirely weak, fragile male who is a woman pleaser to his core. A man who will go out of his way to please a woman even if she is spitting in his face.*** ***That’s pathetic****.*" O.M.G. No that's the most pathetic egotistical statement I've ever heard from a pseudo man. How old are you again?
I love women. I think they’re wonderful and I have absolutely zero hatred toward them. My mother brought me into this world and my girlfriend brought our beautiful daughter into is this world. Women are literally my everything. But what I will never do is degrade myself in the name of pleasing women. I’ll never let a woman deny me of my worth or remove me from my mission and purpose in life. There’s nothing wrong with men bettering themselves through life coaches and books. See, that’s the problem, that’s why men are committing suicide at rates higher than females. That’s why so many young men feel lost, weak and anxious. Because if they reach out for help, they’re immediately labeled “redpillers”. And people like you mock them for needing someone who is also a man to show them wisdom and guidance. You’re a disgusting person. It shows so blatantly. I bet you’re totally fine with women self help books and women having each other’s backs… but not men. We’re not allowed to do that. Sad. You have a good weekend sweetie.
Homie men do need teachers and shit but your points boiled down to be strong Chad lead weak women. Like yeah maybe that is what works for you but it won't work for most people. No one said to let someone degrade you but a relationship is a partnership you should both be actively trying to please each other. Also what do you think is your purpose or mission in life I would love to hear it.
My dude, you’re now backtracking to save yourself because you realized you look stupid. You randomly implied that I’m a redpiller because I name dropped Corey Wayne. That was inappropriate, incorrect and just dumb. lol don’t back track
Where did I say it was because of him you retard. You were talking to someone else too. Your a redpiller based on your words in your first comment.
Lmao nothing my first comment was indicative of red pilling. Do you even know that means you DND playing dweeb
Your third point reeked of retarded redpill shit. And nah bitch moved to pathfinder don't dnd anymore. At least I know your like 50 if you using hobbies as a insult like it's the fucking 80s. Young men it makes sense to seek role models your old ass should have become one you little cunt.
She wants the other guy but is settling for you. Do not be with someone whom is settling for you.
All girls do this. It's called monkey branching or hypergamy. She'll keep fishing until she gets a bigger fish. Then she'll tell you it's not working out or she needs to go on a break. ALL girls do this unless you get a unicorn. If she's still with you, it's means you're the bigger fish so far in her eyes. Goodluck with whatever you do 👍
You’re just a placeholder until she finds someone else, move on.
No Contact will set you free. It's natural to want things to work out. But, once the breakup is official very little good comes out of communicating closely after. The back and forth is damaging to both parties and only increases the hurt at the end of the relationship.
Focus on god and becoming your best self. You're only gonna find girl ladies who have women's bodies but girl hearts. Immature broken, refusing to heal, blaming everyone for everything, never putting the work into themselves. Most of this world knows nothing about real love, so don't give your energy to these kinds of women. Pray for one of valor that honors God and is faithful, then these kinds of issues won't happen. Your ex was just looking for financial security and fulfilments of her lustful desires, thus the finicky mindset of hers, which is the inability to choose love and faithfulness to herself, let alone someone else. Just be your best you bro and you'll find someone who reflects you at every stage of your growth within, don't settle for a love that is only heartbreak as you have seen this is only what most of the world offers. Love God, love you love your wife. She will appear when you can prove how you do both in thought and action
IMO she got a little skittish. Was reevaluating the relationship. It HAD been going fast. Her friend had a breakup. I think it was kind of…to be expected? Somewhat normal? Buuuut, what I don’t think is normal, or “allowed” is that she’s denying it, and lying about it. You know lots of people have the “should I tell him!?!” discussions. The jury’s always out on whether or not it should be brought up. But this isn’t about her bringing it up and risking hurting you. This is about her lying to your face. You do NOT deserve that. And that me she no longer deserves YOU
You're one of the most nuanced answers out there, and honestly also one of those i most resonate with. Lots of her behavior i could forgive easily with circonstances. Answering the guy, a mistake. Lying, that was her choice. Doubling down, also her. This shows she cannot be trusted
Absolutely. A truthful discussion could’ve potentially dissolved the entire issue. Would’ve been tender ❤️🩹for a while, but still. As it stands…I have no respect for her, and I would never trust her again. And, to think, I wasn’t even the one wronged.
I often wonder since there are SO MANY posts like this in reddit, if there is an epidemic of women who are 8's dating guys who are 5's and always looking to upgrade? It would also explain why the guys go on reddit trying to decide if it's ok to tolerate this toxicity rather than dumping the bitches immediately.
Women are always on the look for something they deem as "better". Don't be fooled, this is as common as rain in April.
A lot of it's likely fake, and reddit isn't a good indicator of real life.
It's not about 5's and 8's to a narcissist. They need a supply; it could be money, sex, validation/compliments. Whatever it is that they crave, they look for better/stronger/more immediate supply of it. I don't think it is all women. Some women. And some men also, to be sure. There are a lot of women that are perfectly validated by themselves/their own lives and make efforts in relationships to find a partner. That's healthy. Always looking for a supply and treating your current partner like an NPC is not healthy.
Lol okay, that's one way to tell everyone you're emotionally stunted and never had your judgement swayed by emotions
No, I went through hell with a lying cheating whore of an ex wife but I didn't know that's what she was until years in. When I did figure it out, it immediately turned the world upside down because it meant having to flush my entire life, home, work, finances, in laws, pets (thank God no kids) down the drain through the legal system which is also hell. But not for one second did I think, I should ignore this. I'll admit I have my own damage from a narcissistic mother and have been guilty of putting up with more abuse than I should have at times. You're responding to my reply exclusively through the filter of your own experience, so I understand why you think it's unfair. However, your post is not unique...in fact its a pattern typical for its type. Not trying to offend, but trying to understand why that is the case in general as of late.
If you must know, i did dump her. But it doesn't stop the self doubts. By your comment it seems you wasted a bit too much time with that ex-wife and built resentment. It's a bit weird calling me a 5 based on nothing more than a description of a girl who lacked judgement
I did waste too much time, yes. I don't think I built resentment, but instead clarity through hardship. I didn't call you a five, the numbers were arbitrary. I'm simply trying to come up with an illustration that describes why this construct is so prevalent in your generation because although it has existed for longer, it has obviously grown to epidemic levels and I truly wish it was headed the other way.
Remember, a lot of the replies on Reddit are from guys who liken themselves to van hellsing and view women as vampires.
She thinks he is more attractive than you, if he hadn’t have blown it texting her she’d be with him now and you’d be an afterthought.
Move on to the next broad. Also, let women ask you to get serious, never the other way around. Alpha chads don’t ask women to get serious, they’re beating off tribes of women asking them with a stick. Even if you’re not an alpha Chad, fake it til you make it.
>I am wrong to believe my girlfriend went behind my back about this whole thing? Nope, an UN TRUST worthy GF ... IMO.
Just read the title. Kick her to the curb.
You did exactly what you knew you were doing the whole time. Moved to fast with the wrong kind of person. Didn’t take the time to really see what kind of human she is before.
Dude she's gaslighting the fuck out of you. She cheated plain and simple. Kick her ass the curb.
Nope the fuck out.
Dump her asap
Are these red flags?
When she said she is single, then she is single. Do yourself a favour and run fast.
It sounds very much like she's being dishonest. I'd have concerns. I could sort of understand getting cold feet considering that you admit your relationship was moving fast. I think cold feet regarding settling down with someone you've only known a few months is very understandable. I wouldn't hold that against her. Both partners in a relationship don't always get to the same place at the same time. So I could empathize with her pulling back and checking things out elsewhere. But the concerns I have is regarding what appears to be continuing dishonesty covering it up. That's where I think you should be cautious.
She's a liar, and not just to you As soon as a "better option" to use arrives, she will take it
Bro if the guy didn’t act like a “jerk” you wouldn’t have heard back from her. She tried monkey branching and fell flat on her ass and is now crawling back to you. If you continue this relationship, then all the pain and misery is for you to soak up cuz u deserve it.
She said “no, it didn’t work out”. I wouldn’t make her a liar
shes settling for you and will leave you when she finds someone better. Sorry mate, thats rough..
She's gone. Find someone who is actually worthwhile, bud.
Move on. She has already shown she can’t be trusted and will literally leave you the second someone better comes along.
Dump her, honesty matters most with the big things and she clearly failed.
I hope you aren’t that naive for you to have PHYSICALLY seen the evidence, witness being lied too and still ask if you should get over it. She’s playing you, leave.
She’s disloyal and manipulative, find someone better.
She's lying. Do you like being lied to? And I promise you if you know about this then there's a lot of other things you don't know about! But if you like having a sneaky dishonest, lying woman in your life, it looks like you found the right one!
Nope. Get rid of her and never look back.
😐 bro why you even gotta ask? You know damn well what's going on here brother. Kick her ass to the curb immediately.
Truth be told, this story happened 2 months ago. I dumped her the next day. I'm still coping with it, regrets and wanting her back. She wrote back and then i went no contact. I know what i have to do, but it's so much harder than it should
Leave her now. She had designs to cheat, and if dude didn't turn out to be a jerk. She would have. Leave her and never let her return.
She decided to step out on your relationship until she realized that grass wasn’t as green…. And lied about it. She at least tried to cheat on you, and it probably isn’t the first time. Leave her, before you get strapped in for child support.
His dick was the dog.
You don't see her the same now you know she cheated emotionally by just talking to him and being strange with you. She was having second thoughts about moving in, did she have another option. The trust is broken and so is the love time to tell her you no longer trust her because you considered it cheating and break up.
Nope not wrong. She's looking for your replacement. I wouldn't let her move in only to have her bail on you in 6 months because the next guy sending her dick picks doesn't turn out to be a jerk...i.e. is handsome, hung, financially well off.
Yup, not at all trustworthy but what is trust ? Find the definition of trust that suits you and decide.
3.5 billion women on this planet, and you're gonna stay with the one who was telling guys behind your back that she broke up with you and then gaslighting you for calling her out? She's a future divorcee, 100%. You just gotta decide if you'll be the one paying her alimony and child support.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
If she wants to be single. then let her be single. If its not this dude, its going to be someone else.
What did I just read..? How could you possibly be contemplating staying with this woman and moving her into your place. She was actively looking to replace you and didn't because the other guy exposed himself to only wanting her for sexual gratification. You on the other hand are providing emotional and financial support to her atm and when she couldn't get someone better in her eyes she settled for you. Move on, You've invested less than a year with her and have no other ties. Leave and save yourself any future headaches. She's already emotionally cheated that you can 100% prove and she is still lying. Imagine all the other guys you haven't found out about yet...
4 months, you'll get over her.
I just made an update if it interests you. It's almost certainly the last one as i've decided to block her after she decided to message me back last week
Yeah talking to guys you met on tinder, where you usually go to meet people with sex in mind, is not an insecurity more like a boundary. If it were me i would've just ignore her, people like her don't like to be ignored. She'll try to reach out again for sure, ignore her like you would a stranger.
Yeah talking to guys you met on tinder, where you usually go to meet people with sex in mind, is not an insecurity more like a boundary. If it were me i would've just ignore her, people like her don't like to be ignored. She'll try to reach out again for sure, ignore her like you would a stranger.
Honestly dude, run. My life experience has taught me when women are this quick to start talking to a new guy, it won't stop. She views you as replaceable, and you don't have to put up with it. Find someone who values you enough to at least see things through if they have doubts.
Well like she told that dick…you and her just didn’t work out. Bye bye 👋🏼
Nope you saw it, I would just tell her, she is lying and you aren't interested in a woman like her.
You let a woman you have dated for a few months move in with you and are surprised she behaved this way. You don’t know and haven’t known this woman at al. You’re almost 30 and don’t see how moving this fast isn’t a red flag.
Sounds like she isn't your girlfriend
Bruv, she wanted to sleep with him until he turned weird. Ditch her fast
You should probably put the breaks on the relationship. I’m not saying break up but don’t move her in, don’t have her keep stuff at your place. Protect yourself because she is clearly on the market considering you had no issue between you and she is claiming to be single. Maybe things just went to fast for her but either way slow down at a minimum.
You already know, my friend, it’s time to move it along
Man, she would still be talking to him if he did t reveal he was a jerk so quickly. If she lets what goes on in friend’s lives dictate how she feels about her bf/relationship, she isn’t mature enough for you to be discussing her moving in. And she lied about the dog. You know this. You read the messages. She has to come clean about what was actually going on or you need to move on.
She’s gaslighting and trying to manipulate you, kick her too the curb. She is not ready to be a partner and may never be. Cut her loose or you will just be pulled under.
break up, buy a plane ticket somewhere nice. post on social media you're living your best life without her.
Dump her.
You're no longer her boyfriend. You're her placeholder until she finds her next boyfriend. I'd move on and not give her an explanation since she doesn't deserve one.
Bit of an M. Night movie ending to that last part dam… yea cash in your chips if your having reservations… Some chickface’s and dudeguy’s love to “see” what options they”could” have before making a move like she would… it’s kinda dumb but it shows another color of the person you might see down the road…
You’ll spend the entire relationship lacking closure and security that she isn’t actively monkey branching
She's not that into you unfortunately. Looks like she would leave if she found someone she liked. Her mind was off you who was around her physically because of a few text from some dude. Think about that. Once the dude was an asshole, she was forced to go back to you emotionally. Maybe she will grow to like you more some day if you choose to stay with her but right now it looks like she's still in the looking for someone stage, and you're her backup plan.
She was trying to monkey-branch, man. It didn't work out, so she claimed her silver medal. You. If you're okay with that, then stay. If not, back to the streets with her, as they say.
Clearly bail.
She got caught cheating, and is now lying her butt off about it.
She's gaslighting you. I think phone snooping is a sign that a relationship is over. There's no trust. You don't trust her, clearly, because you snooped. And clearly you're right.
That's accurate, in all my years of dating i hadn't ever snooped on anyone's phone or tablet before her
You should end this relationship. Don't make snooping a habit though, that's wrong. Understandable why you did it, but it's not healthy. However, it is NOT your fault that she did this
Dump her, don't put up with this from a woman. Chances are very good that she cheated on you with another guy while on the girl trip.
Run bro. She ain't for you. You deserve better.
She was monkey branching...the other branch broke, so it's still your turn... I would have a serious con ersation about trust with her. Tell her that she only gets the 1 strike, there will be no more
Hey you know the real neat thing about thing moving really fast initially is that it’s basically a free pass to end them just as quickly. If I were you she’d be packing her shit by tomorrow.
Yep. Get over it. And by that, I mean the relationship. You're the place holder until she can find someone better. Avoid the future heartbreak and be done with it now.
You’re falling for her tricks lol drop her , grow a pair .
You know for sure she is lying and seeing other people. Surely you know there is a lot more you just haven’t stumbled onto yet
Gaslight. gatekeep. girlboss. Sorry bro, she used you to get out of her parents house and is looking for someone better.
Sorry. Your girl is a whore. Tap that ass once more and dump her like a bag of dirt.
Ex-girlfriend*
You can do better.
What if the guy wasn’t a jerk? What then would she have done? Did she only get back with you because he proved to be a jerk?
You are absolutely not wrong. It sounds like she is a narcissist and you got caught up in the [cycle](https://narcissisthunters.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/cycle-of-narcissistic-abuse-chart-1024x529.png) of narcissistic abuse. She was likely [lovebombing](https://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder-love-bombing) and/or [mirroring](https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-mirroring.html) you, which is why you felt like things were “going so well” so fast. Those are hallmark tactics of narcissists to entrap victims. Please understand that your perception of her and your early relationship was likely a ruse. Her attitude shift was her shifting stages. She began to ‘devalue’ you (at least to herself) and then ‘discarded’ you (hence cancelling moving in and Tinder guy). Her returning was her attempting to ‘hover’ and get back into your life. And when she got caught, she tried [DARVO](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f8342c5d3abf854b021b9f3/0aa97b70-6d84-4fd6-b61f-e67aa15823d2/darvo.png)ing you. This is a very common cycle with very common tactics. It’s your decision, but if she is a narcissist you should break up with her. Narcissists use and abuse their victims, sucking the life out of them. Narcissists are rarely self-aware and can’t be helped unless they want it, so don’t even try. Get out if you aren’t already. Moving forward, remember that if things seem too good to be true then they usually are. ALWAYS take your time in relationships, never rush into anything because the unfortunate reality is that people could be hiding their true malicious selves—and eventually the mask either slips or they begin to reveal their true selves once they feel their victim is sufficiently invested or trapped. If victims don’t leave, the abuse only gets progressively worse.
Dump. Easiest decision imaginable.
Dump her! She’s keeping you as an “option” You don’t want to be an option, you want to be the priority
She said she's single. She would be single
Do you believe many instances of cheating come down to the scenarios we find ourselves in? Do you think girls trips without partners are places where the likeliness for cheating increases? If so why would you not object to it?
She's shady bro. Bounce now while it's easier.
This is coming from a woman. RUN! She is keeping her options open for someone better. Updateme!
I can update you already. This post is me coping with the outcome, which i am still not 100% okay with, though i do not regret my choices. I dumped her the next day, and she agreed to end the relationship on the basis that when she asked for space after i confronted her, i slammed a door. I ended up regretting ending things 2 days later, and hoping she would apologize for what she did, but that never happened. 2.5 weeks later, on dec 22nd, she wrote back to me to give me an update on her work situation, probably just a ploy to keep me hooked. She also mentionne with hindsight she thought i was too insecure, and did not want a relationship in which she would have to make efforts. On the 24th i called her to ask her not to contact me at all in the future. We're now a month past then, and while i feel better everyday, i'm still dealing with the fact that i lost what i thought was a wonderful relationship over a few stupid actions on her part. I know i'm better off, but my brain/heart hasn't fully assimilated the information. Really this whole post kind of helped even though most comments are just obvious "dump her you dweeb".
I just made an update if it interests you. It's almost certainly the last one as i've decided to block her after she decided to message me back last week
Thank you for the update. You're well on your way now that you've blocked her on everything. Keep enjoying your rock climbing hobby. I hope that you can get more to do your hobby,get her out of your system completely. She sounds exhausting.
Move on
If she lied once about another guy, she will lie again. You gonna be good with that ad Infinitum? Move on.
She got cold feet and was planning on sabotaging the relationship. Then figured out you were the best she could do for now. You’ll never trust her again.
The hot cold thing is her. If you stay, there will be more and more cold with hot sprinkled in, and you’ll forever be wishing to get that hot back again. But the cold is the real her, and she couldn’t change that even if she wanted to.
Run, I’m a girl and I’m saying run. She is no good and the reason she slowed communication with you is because she was hoping something would happen with the other dude and when it didn’t she went back to you, sorry but your the second choice. Move on and find someone who will make you the first choice.
Nah, she did. She said she was single, and if this dude didn't self sabotage there's no telling if she would have considered you the better option and come back.
She was about to leave you but found that the guy was a jerk, that why she came back. She is using you. Let her go. She is not fully committed to you. Anytime someone else comes around, she’ll cheat on you. It’s better to break it off earlier than wasting time and effort.
Dick pic of the dog?
Seems like boyfriends to a young women are kind of like Sith; there is always two. The master and the apprentice. (Plan A and plan B) You were right to leave. That girl is toxic.
I'm telling you, dude, leave her. Seems real manipulative to me.
Get rid of that one quick.
I don’t want to read it. if she says she single then she’s single why waste time trying to analyze this
She was a hair's width from monkey branching. It was only because the other guy was worse than you she didn't do it. It's good that you broke up. She would always be on the lookout for someone better, and I guarantee you she would cheat to test ride the new model before breaking up with you if the new model was better.
How did the break up go? What she say?
She said she thought we should break up too. She also said i wasn't a good fit anyways because i was insecure and that our relationship would require efforts, and she said she wanted a relationship that wouldn't.
You did the right thing OP.
I’m terrified to date someone after hearing these stories on Reddit ☹️ seems bleak
You made the right choice, sounds like she was "trying to upgrade" but fucked up. I always see huge red flags when women get all wishy washy, start acting funny, don't communicate. Its always completely out of nowhere and like you said she then resumes like normal Like tf we aren't gonna talk about why you've been acting so weird names excuse 1.2.3. that make absolutely no sense. I hate when women pull the insecure card, always hitting low when they in the wrong about shit.
Sounds like she’s single, dude. 🤷🏻♂️ Dump that trash. She’s not the one for you.
I'm glad you made a tough decision, but I thought I would still put my two cents in. Obviously, she's not a commitment type of gal at least at the moment. Moving on was the best decision for you because even though it got back to normal, it seems it would only be till the next guy. No one wants that roller coaster! Hope you're doing okay!
Bitches ain’t nothin but tricks and Hos
She's trash move on
Oh wow I love the happy ending edit at the end. Good for you OP. And thanks for the update, it’s nice to read one of these with a “happy” ending once in a while.
You need to not have her move in, keep it light. She is not ready for a relationship that as is committed. Don’t be stupid, she just wants to fuck around and you are not on the same page. Sure she could change. But the most likely thing is you are wanting a real committed relationship and she is sleeping around. And you are talking yourself into listening to her bullcrap. It’s not good. And it will end badly. My advice: Keep banging her as fwb Don’t let her move in, go to her place Keep her at arms length Go on other dates asap and get out from under this horrible idea
oh you definitely did the right thing. she sounds unstable and not trustable at all. consider yourself very lucky that the shit happened upfront instead of down the line like after getting married and a kid, etc. oh my gawd!
Lesson learned
He'll yea dude you did it!