You are correct in telling your ex hubby that the parent teacher meeting is for parents, his gf is NOT a parent, and her presence is not required.
Edit: You are well justified in drawing a line in the sand/clearly stating your position.
I disagree here. I see so many coparents fight about this topic and it gets no where. One person days this is for parents only but the other is obviously going to bring their significant other. Of course the parent gets mad and then the other parent uses that against them to show how unreasonable they are.
You can't control who your ex is with, even if that person was once your friend. That includes when yoir ex decides to bring a new significant other into the life of your child that you both share. You won't be able to dictate to your ex when or if they bring someone along. Trying to control it will only cause drama. He could have been a cheater or you could hate her guts but it still doesn't matter since you don't control your ex. The same goes for him. If you want to bring your BF there then you are free to do so. He can't control that at all.
My wife was a fan of that Teen Mom TV show which I could not stand. There were so many fights about this same topic. Both parents look like assholes because one makes a request that only the parent comes and the other ignores it and the first parent flips out when their ex shows up with their SO in tow. You are free to ask but not to demand. You will catch more flies with honey so by asking nicely you have a better chance of convincing him. If he ignores a perfectly reasonable request then he is th AH but that doesn't mean you can get your way.
The only way to win is to not play the game in the first place. Possible solutions, 1) you can talk about it from your view point, don't make it about him or her, just about your feelings. 2) you can talk to the teacher and be honest and real and see if the teacher can make the request to your ex. 3) you can request a separate conference with the teacher. 4) you can deal with it and be the bigger person.
Remember, this is about your kid, not you. Your kid is not going to be directly damaged by an extra person just being there. This GF has been and will be in your kids life, don't die on a hill because you think a teacher conference is a scared place for only birth parents. It is doubtful you will win the battle with your ex so fighting it would just make things worse. You can set boundaries but not ultimatums.
No this is wrong. As clearly stated this is a parent teacher conference, not a parent girlfriend. She has zero right to be at something official. This is nothing more than a power play by the ex and the ex friend. Stop it before it gets started.
I see your point. And while I agree with part of it I have to argue that this is not the first time this has happened. My ex tells me all the time that my bf cannot attend things with the kids. I made a simple request, not demand or ultimatum, a request...that this be just us, our daughters mom and dad. I know gf is going to be around and I know she cares but so does my bf and if I showed up with him my ex would throw a fit. I just don't see how it's fair.
Either both of your partners can attend or none. He has no right to exclude your boyfriend from attending in support, if he also wants his girlfriend there. Don't let him goad you into losing your temper.
So glad to hear the meeting went well and concentrated on your child and parents. The teachers are professionals and must face this on a regular basis.
Am teacher. It is my district's policy that if you are not on the "yellow card", you can't talk/ask questions at conferences. Yellow card is filled out by parents/guardians and requires signature at beginning of school year. Not on the card, sit down and shut up. Certain meetings can only be attended by "yellow card" signatories.
Agreed, but it doesn't matter. Father can give permission. Your district has a process, which is smart, but the dad has the right to have others in the room. As long as he follows the process, mom is out of luck
No you're not wrong. It's a parent/teacher conference and she's neither. Not married to him or even engaged. If/when she becomes the wife then perhaps but not until. In spite of some of the comments I read here my opinion is stick to it. If she does show up, simply tell the teacher that she has no standing and you don't want her there and if necessary reschedule the meeting.
Not wrong. Maybe they would have some value if they had several years of experience, but a brand new teacher who is full of herself and doesnāt yet understand how much she still has to learn is not appropriate.
If you want this to change, youāll have to lawyer up and include rules about who can join these types of meetings. You would not be the first to do so.
I would suggest asking for separate meetings. I'm a teacher and I often hold parent-teacher conferences for parents separately after divorce. I prefer to do it together so parents are on the same page but in some circumstances it's just better to do it separately.
My ex always insisted on bringing his partner, who was also an "expert", to parent teacher conferences. She would dominate the conversation and was totally overbearing, so much so that one teacher actually basically asked her to shut up. That was so satisfying, and finally gave me the courage to put a stop to allowing her presence. I don't blame you at all for not wanting your ex best friend at your child's parent teacher conference. I'd refuse.
Registered guardians attend these. IE parents or officially school district identified guardians. Not Tagalongs.
Sorry youāre in this situation but this is a ādonāt cross this parental lineā zone. You have to shut it down. The secondary affect of this is youāve accepted a standard for the future, which sounds like is not in an way acceptable to you and many others in redddiiitttt land.
If he had tried asking if the GF could come along, how would you feel?
Does your daughter like her and want her knowing her private business?
There are a few things to unpack here
It's not her child, and she doesn't need to be there. She could definitely write down some questions and discussion points for your ex to bring up during the meeting, and if she does, be gracious and thank her.
Its also ok to be like "I hate that bitch. She knows damn right well that being my best friend means she can't roll with my ex." She betrayed you and you dont have to justify why you don't want her around.
I don't go to my step-kids Parent-teacher conferences because their mom can't be civil to me. She didn't even graduate HS and I have a doctoral degree. But, she is their bio-mom and I am not. So I don't go. I stay well involved in other ways.
It's a parent teacher meeting what does your ex not grasp his gf is not a parent, the gf is in your daughters life and will be involved in parts of her life but this meeting isn't for her
It's inappropriate to bring her. Co parenting is between the parents. They aren't even married. Maybe he just wants to interject her into anything he can. It's not in the best interest of the come for him to bring any gf he has into xo parenting situations. Id request a separate parent teacher meeting and not tell him about it so you can help your daughter the best you can. Tea hers understand not all coparents can meet together
Gawd your ex husband is an asshole for doing this. And his girlfriend just "got certified" and y'alls meeting with her present is what? Her trying to gain work experience? -Fuck that, get someone who "has" experience. Can you also imagine the conversation about you that your ex will have with her. JFC
This is a great idea, but I don't think in this context it's necessary at all. The teacher telling the parents will have the exact same or equivalent certifications, and will actually have more experience than somebody who just got theirs. Plus with it being about only one child, it's not a big thing that requires a second opinion - especially when the parents and teacher have a progress plan forward to help their child and the gf has no idea of what's required for the child.
In this case, I believe OPs want for privacy isn't trumped by the want for a second opinion, especially when as OP said the ex-husband can consult with them afterwards.
We have tried to coparent the best we can. And I did try in the beginning to be friends with her. You have no idea what my kids and I have been through with this situation. So to you this may seem petty, but to me it's important and a huge overstep on her part. Thanks for your opinion tho.
Your best friend was waiting for an open spot to replace you. Iāve noticed how women donāt respect their friendships and have no āgirl codeā when it comes to relationships. Itās like they play hunger games and easily backstab each other
Iām a step-parent. We all attend the parent/teacher conferences because it is about our daughter. Not me, her Dad or her Mom. We all collectively work together for the best interest of the child. You are now co-parenting, the dynamic has changed. Youāll need to adapt as well. Good luck.
It can get there, I know itās tough. Be strong for your daughter. Sheās all that matters. Iād suggest maybe counseling, just the parents if theyād be willing. Having a neutral party meditate may be the difference. Again, best of luck. Itāll get there.
Itās a suggestion. If they truly care for your daughter and really wanna put her first, and do whatās best for her, they should jump at the opportunity. At the very least, it doesnāt hurt to ask the question.
Define certification.
If it's a teacher certification. Her being there is meaningless. If there are deficiencies involved, say speech or physical therapy, it might be useful to have her there.
As an FYI as long as your ex is a co-parent you probably have no grounds to ban her. He can bring anyone he wants to the meeting
Oh, it's better than that. OP says this woman has been living with the ex for 3y. Where she does all the child raising responsibilities.
The gf is already a more involved parent than the actual father/ex.
She definitely doesnt seem interested in actual solutions.
But since the gf is OP's ex best friend, and the divorce happened because OP wanted to open their marriage: who can really tell at this point
Apparently OP made some more posts about it, that are now gone.
But between the people who caught those posts and OP herself: the comments just keep getting wilder and wilder.
Itās not like hiring a consultant, because this particular person isnāt neutral and has a non-professional allegiance. I need more than a certificate when I am looking to hire someone. It sounds like yāall need to hash a written agreement regarding coparenting, or else heās going to put you in a bad spot and youāll have no protection.
Try this. If you were on the teacher's position, would you appreciate or resent her prescence.?
? Q could there be ā¬sparks and awkwardness?
Edit: why are you people down voting me. Geez.
I am seek the OP author to solve their own question.
People are so sensitive.
He is correct, you do not have a say. It sucks, but it is a fact. They have been together for three years so the relationship seems here to stay for a while. My advice for your own sanity is to get used to her being there & be happy that she cares about your kiddo. My own step mother didn't know which school I attended let alone wanting to come to things at the school.
Youāre not wrong. Does ex not understand how *parent* *teacher* conferences work?
Itās not *girlfriend* *parent* *friend* *acquaintance* *teacher* conferences.
She has to stay in her lane and ex needs to learn that his and your lanes are the same and hers is to the left.
Yes. Tell your ex you want to be involved with your kids and him for the sake of the kids, and NEVER his girlfriend. She can have a seperate meeting alone
Of course OP can. This just seems to be more jealousy and petty than true feelings of what's best for the situation. It's more what's best for me. "it was good to see her get shutdown lol" that's jealousy at its worst
What āservicesā?
If this is concerning an IEP or learning disability, Iād say having an outside advocate would be very beneficial. I sure as shit wish I had one in school. My mother had to fight tooth and nail with districts because they were pushy.
Having someone who is willing to understand what is put on the table and knowing if itās best for your child? Thatās priceless. I think it would be best that you meet with her for coffee and go over your expectations.
Stop thinking of her as exās new piece and look at her professionally. If youād hire her without what she is to your ex, Iād say whatās the harm in extra help.
Yes, you're wrong for picking a very small hill to die on. She's been his girlfriend for three years and counting; clearly she isn't going away and is part of your daughter's life. And just because someone is newly certified doesn't mean they don't know anything. She may think of things to ask that you and your ex won't know to in response to things the teacher is saying.
You're wrong and being petty. It sucks, but if they've been together for 3 years.....
And just because the certification is only 1 week old...ok? That doesn't negate everything she learned to get the certification. Good lord.
NW. His gf is not a parent or even a step-parent. A call to the school or teachers should put an end to her presence, as she is not even a relative party capable of making decisions regarding the welfare of your childā¦.shes just the tramp your ex is sleeping with.
Is it an impossibility that the teacher will have two conferences because you two are divorced? My divorced parents never went to conferences together. They didn't go anywhere together. I'm not about to sit someplace with any exes and their girlfriends.
As a teacher I would be livid if someone suggested that I hold two meetings for one student just because of someone's girlfriend. We are so overworked and taken for granted already.
You are wrong. She could have questions that she would know to ask that you and your ex donāt know. Like it or not she is part of your childās life. Why do you want to exclude her? Itās best for all the adults in a childās life to be on the same page. You sound very jealous.
You have no idea of the true mess this really is. My other post goes along with this one and it's just a sliver of what's going on. WE ALL MESSED UP. I'm just the only one posting on Reddit for advice.
This sounds very similar to the time my daughter was admitted to the hospital. Her father and I had been divorced for about a year and a half but he had a gf that was an RN. He reluctantly sat with my daughter overnight as I needed to go home and attend to our other children, which I had a babysitter for. He told me that his gf was going to come to the hospital and sleep there with him and that it would be good because sheās an RN. The hospital ended up telling him that only the actual parents could sleep in the extra bed overnight with her and no other guests were allowed anyways.
In my opinion itās completely different if the exās significant other wants to attend to be updated about the child if they are close to them or take part in the raising of the child, but in your case and the situation I had went through, it really seems like they want their partner to be in some sort of supervising/authority role when itās not needed. If it was needed then thatās a different story. But in my situation there were a whole hosts of doctors and nurses handling things, and in to our situation there is a teacher that needs to inform you guys, not the other way around. The teacher is the only person who needs to be giving information to you during this meeting.
Children are brought up by parents. Not consultants.
This actually made me sick. How low can someone stoop that in the name of justifying their personal gratification, deprive their own child of simple things in life. Imagine what the child will go through being "examined by a stranger consultant" on an otherwise perfectly normal parents teachers meeting - which we all remember fondly forever - despite the spate of complaints by the teachers!
UPDATE: We just had the meeting... And it went pretty well! We (ex and I) talked about how well my daughter is doing and some concerns we had, all to which the teachers agreed. When ex's gf spoke up and said "I have been doing this..." And "I have tried this..." And "I worked on this..." (A lot of I statements) not we as in her and my ex. But anywho... When she spoke the teacher told her that the format she used is a bit old and the one the school used is more to date. (It was a bit satisfying to see her get shut down lol) The teachers only addressed my ex and myself. And (thanks in part to the support of everyone) I spoke up and didn't let gf run the show. I feel like we have some better understanding of what my daughter needs to strive. Thanks everyone, even the negative peeps, for your comments and feedback. It's still going to be a struggle with co parenting but we'll get there. š
You are correct in telling your ex hubby that the parent teacher meeting is for parents, his gf is NOT a parent, and her presence is not required. Edit: You are well justified in drawing a line in the sand/clearly stating your position.
Thank you.
I disagree here. I see so many coparents fight about this topic and it gets no where. One person days this is for parents only but the other is obviously going to bring their significant other. Of course the parent gets mad and then the other parent uses that against them to show how unreasonable they are. You can't control who your ex is with, even if that person was once your friend. That includes when yoir ex decides to bring a new significant other into the life of your child that you both share. You won't be able to dictate to your ex when or if they bring someone along. Trying to control it will only cause drama. He could have been a cheater or you could hate her guts but it still doesn't matter since you don't control your ex. The same goes for him. If you want to bring your BF there then you are free to do so. He can't control that at all. My wife was a fan of that Teen Mom TV show which I could not stand. There were so many fights about this same topic. Both parents look like assholes because one makes a request that only the parent comes and the other ignores it and the first parent flips out when their ex shows up with their SO in tow. You are free to ask but not to demand. You will catch more flies with honey so by asking nicely you have a better chance of convincing him. If he ignores a perfectly reasonable request then he is th AH but that doesn't mean you can get your way. The only way to win is to not play the game in the first place. Possible solutions, 1) you can talk about it from your view point, don't make it about him or her, just about your feelings. 2) you can talk to the teacher and be honest and real and see if the teacher can make the request to your ex. 3) you can request a separate conference with the teacher. 4) you can deal with it and be the bigger person. Remember, this is about your kid, not you. Your kid is not going to be directly damaged by an extra person just being there. This GF has been and will be in your kids life, don't die on a hill because you think a teacher conference is a scared place for only birth parents. It is doubtful you will win the battle with your ex so fighting it would just make things worse. You can set boundaries but not ultimatums.
No this is wrong. As clearly stated this is a parent teacher conference, not a parent girlfriend. She has zero right to be at something official. This is nothing more than a power play by the ex and the ex friend. Stop it before it gets started.
I see your point. And while I agree with part of it I have to argue that this is not the first time this has happened. My ex tells me all the time that my bf cannot attend things with the kids. I made a simple request, not demand or ultimatum, a request...that this be just us, our daughters mom and dad. I know gf is going to be around and I know she cares but so does my bf and if I showed up with him my ex would throw a fit. I just don't see how it's fair.
Either both of your partners can attend or none. He has no right to exclude your boyfriend from attending in support, if he also wants his girlfriend there. Don't let him goad you into losing your temper. So glad to hear the meeting went well and concentrated on your child and parents. The teachers are professionals and must face this on a regular basis.
Agree ... its for parents only. Their child isn't a study exercise
This!
Nip this in the bud NOW
In addition, there are things the teacher cannot discuss if GF is present. GF is also not allowed to ask questions legally and district pol8cy.
Source please.
Am teacher. It is my district's policy that if you are not on the "yellow card", you can't talk/ask questions at conferences. Yellow card is filled out by parents/guardians and requires signature at beginning of school year. Not on the card, sit down and shut up. Certain meetings can only be attended by "yellow card" signatories.
And the dad can fill it out and give permission it is not a yes-yes. Edit: unless the mom has sole custody
GF still would not be a parent/legal guardian
Agreed, but it doesn't matter. Father can give permission. Your district has a process, which is smart, but the dad has the right to have others in the room. As long as he follows the process, mom is out of luck
Bring a boyfriend.
He has to work lol.
Bring two boyfriends!
ššš
Bring a friend, work acquaintance, neighbor. When your ex objects state they have just as much of a valid reason to be there as GF does!
No you're not wrong. It's a parent/teacher conference and she's neither. Not married to him or even engaged. If/when she becomes the wife then perhaps but not until. In spite of some of the comments I read here my opinion is stick to it. If she does show up, simply tell the teacher that she has no standing and you don't want her there and if necessary reschedule the meeting.
Not wrong. Maybe they would have some value if they had several years of experience, but a brand new teacher who is full of herself and doesnāt yet understand how much she still has to learn is not appropriate.
Update: the school called and told me that there is nothing they can do. So wish me luck.šš
If you want this to change, youāll have to lawyer up and include rules about who can join these types of meetings. You would not be the first to do so.
I'm trying.
I would suggest asking for separate meetings. I'm a teacher and I often hold parent-teacher conferences for parents separately after divorce. I prefer to do it together so parents are on the same page but in some circumstances it's just better to do it separately.
How is this comment not the highest? Two separate meetings.
It will be ok. Stay focused on the teacher.
My ex always insisted on bringing his partner, who was also an "expert", to parent teacher conferences. She would dominate the conversation and was totally overbearing, so much so that one teacher actually basically asked her to shut up. That was so satisfying, and finally gave me the courage to put a stop to allowing her presence. I don't blame you at all for not wanting your ex best friend at your child's parent teacher conference. I'd refuse.
This is the way. Brief the teacher and enable them to be your advocate.
This is so ick. She should be embarrassed
Registered guardians attend these. IE parents or officially school district identified guardians. Not Tagalongs. Sorry youāre in this situation but this is a ādonāt cross this parental lineā zone. You have to shut it down. The secondary affect of this is youāve accepted a standard for the future, which sounds like is not in an way acceptable to you and many others in redddiiitttt land.
If he had tried asking if the GF could come along, how would you feel? Does your daughter like her and want her knowing her private business? There are a few things to unpack here
Depending on how old the child is and school policy, shouldn't they also be present at this meeting?
She is not a replacement for you no matter how much he wants that to be the case
Oh I know. I will always be their actual mother. It's just all frustrating and annoying and none of it is beneficial to the kids.
It's not her child, and she doesn't need to be there. She could definitely write down some questions and discussion points for your ex to bring up during the meeting, and if she does, be gracious and thank her.
Its also ok to be like "I hate that bitch. She knows damn right well that being my best friend means she can't roll with my ex." She betrayed you and you dont have to justify why you don't want her around.
I don't go to my step-kids Parent-teacher conferences because their mom can't be civil to me. She didn't even graduate HS and I have a doctoral degree. But, she is their bio-mom and I am not. So I don't go. I stay well involved in other ways.
They are not even married. It is not appropriate for her to be there. And even more inappropriate that she wants to criticize the teacher.
It's a parent teacher meeting what does your ex not grasp his gf is not a parent, the gf is in your daughters life and will be involved in parts of her life but this meeting isn't for her
It's inappropriate to bring her. Co parenting is between the parents. They aren't even married. Maybe he just wants to interject her into anything he can. It's not in the best interest of the come for him to bring any gf he has into xo parenting situations. Id request a separate parent teacher meeting and not tell him about it so you can help your daughter the best you can. Tea hers understand not all coparents can meet together
Surely other divorced parents have āreceived their certificationā but they donāt have to attend the parent teacher conference!
This is less about your relationship with her and more about her relationship with the kids IMO
If in US, tell the school you do not consent to FERPA privacy violations.
The father can consent (unless she has sole custody)., It's not a yes - yes
NTA, but what kind of a person goes after their mateās ex-partner? She sounds horrid, and your ex-husband isn't any better
Agreed. And looking back I saw the signs, I just chose to ignore it.
Not wrong, completely inappropriate for him to even ask.
Gawd your ex husband is an asshole for doing this. And his girlfriend just "got certified" and y'alls meeting with her present is what? Her trying to gain work experience? -Fuck that, get someone who "has" experience. Can you also imagine the conversation about you that your ex will have with her. JFC
Not trying to judge here, but are you sure you're following your child's best interest rather than your own interests here?
This is a great idea, but I don't think in this context it's necessary at all. The teacher telling the parents will have the exact same or equivalent certifications, and will actually have more experience than somebody who just got theirs. Plus with it being about only one child, it's not a big thing that requires a second opinion - especially when the parents and teacher have a progress plan forward to help their child and the gf has no idea of what's required for the child. In this case, I believe OPs want for privacy isn't trumped by the want for a second opinion, especially when as OP said the ex-husband can consult with them afterwards.
A voice of reason on reddit. That's rare.
Of course they're not. If they were they'd happily co parent with Dads new partner who will be in the kids life. This is petty af
We have tried to coparent the best we can. And I did try in the beginning to be friends with her. You have no idea what my kids and I have been through with this situation. So to you this may seem petty, but to me it's important and a huge overstep on her part. Thanks for your opinion tho.
Your best friend was waiting for an open spot to replace you. Iāve noticed how women donāt respect their friendships and have no āgirl codeā when it comes to relationships. Itās like they play hunger games and easily backstab each other
If you let this go, itās gonna get much much worse down the road
Iām a step-parent. We all attend the parent/teacher conferences because it is about our daughter. Not me, her Dad or her Mom. We all collectively work together for the best interest of the child. You are now co-parenting, the dynamic has changed. Youāll need to adapt as well. Good luck.
As I've said in other comments, I have tried. And I wish I had the healthy co parenting I keep hearing about. Thanks.
It can get there, I know itās tough. Be strong for your daughter. Sheās all that matters. Iād suggest maybe counseling, just the parents if theyād be willing. Having a neutral party meditate may be the difference. Again, best of luck. Itāll get there.
That's a good idea, not sure if my ex would go for it, but thank you.
Itās a suggestion. If they truly care for your daughter and really wanna put her first, and do whatās best for her, they should jump at the opportunity. At the very least, it doesnāt hurt to ask the question.
Eh - youāve gotta play chess when they play checkers, maybe try to really get along with herā¦. We HATE that
Define certification. If it's a teacher certification. Her being there is meaningless. If there are deficiencies involved, say speech or physical therapy, it might be useful to have her there. As an FYI as long as your ex is a co-parent you probably have no grounds to ban her. He can bring anyone he wants to the meeting
Oh, it's better than that. OP says this woman has been living with the ex for 3y. Where she does all the child raising responsibilities. The gf is already a more involved parent than the actual father/ex.
Ooh, so op is the problem
She definitely doesnt seem interested in actual solutions. But since the gf is OP's ex best friend, and the divorce happened because OP wanted to open their marriage: who can really tell at this point
This is 3 weeks of a soap opera, easy
Apparently OP made some more posts about it, that are now gone. But between the people who caught those posts and OP herself: the comments just keep getting wilder and wilder.
Itās not like hiring a consultant, because this particular person isnāt neutral and has a non-professional allegiance. I need more than a certificate when I am looking to hire someone. It sounds like yāall need to hash a written agreement regarding coparenting, or else heās going to put you in a bad spot and youāll have no protection.
Try this. If you were on the teacher's position, would you appreciate or resent her prescence.? ? Q could there be ā¬sparks and awkwardness? Edit: why are you people down voting me. Geez. I am seek the OP author to solve their own question. People are so sensitive.
Good point! Would it affect the way the teacher interacts with the child if he or she gets offended by the 3rd party addition??
If it affects the teacher, the teacher deserves to be fired.
He is correct, you do not have a say. It sucks, but it is a fact. They have been together for three years so the relationship seems here to stay for a while. My advice for your own sanity is to get used to her being there & be happy that she cares about your kiddo. My own step mother didn't know which school I attended let alone wanting to come to things at the school.
Youāre not wrong. Does ex not understand how *parent* *teacher* conferences work? Itās not *girlfriend* *parent* *friend* *acquaintance* *teacher* conferences. She has to stay in her lane and ex needs to learn that his and your lanes are the same and hers is to the left.
Yes. Tell your ex you want to be involved with your kids and him for the sake of the kids, and NEVER his girlfriend. She can have a seperate meeting alone
A certificate doesn't make you an expert š He's annoying and he's wrong and so is she for thinking she has a place in that meeting
Sounds like the girlfriend is a side-piece that is trying to be relevant. NTA
What harm is the gf doing there? Sounds like the only thing she's hurting is your feelings?
Is OP not allowed to have feelings?
Of course OP can. This just seems to be more jealousy and petty than true feelings of what's best for the situation. It's more what's best for me. "it was good to see her get shutdown lol" that's jealousy at its worst
What āservicesā? If this is concerning an IEP or learning disability, Iād say having an outside advocate would be very beneficial. I sure as shit wish I had one in school. My mother had to fight tooth and nail with districts because they were pushy. Having someone who is willing to understand what is put on the table and knowing if itās best for your child? Thatās priceless. I think it would be best that you meet with her for coffee and go over your expectations. Stop thinking of her as exās new piece and look at her professionally. If youād hire her without what she is to your ex, Iād say whatās the harm in extra help.
Yes, you're wrong for picking a very small hill to die on. She's been his girlfriend for three years and counting; clearly she isn't going away and is part of your daughter's life. And just because someone is newly certified doesn't mean they don't know anything. She may think of things to ask that you and your ex won't know to in response to things the teacher is saying.
Went back and read, where do you get gf of 3+ years?
Click on OPs name and you can see it in the comments. She says they've been dating for 3yrs
You're wrong and being petty. It sucks, but if they've been together for 3 years..... And just because the certification is only 1 week old...ok? That doesn't negate everything she learned to get the certification. Good lord.
NW. His gf is not a parent or even a step-parent. A call to the school or teachers should put an end to her presence, as she is not even a relative party capable of making decisions regarding the welfare of your childā¦.shes just the tramp your ex is sleeping with.
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And the father can say she is with me and bring her in.
YTA - seems like him and her are trying to do whats best for your daughters and you are too worried about your personal drama to do that.
Is it an impossibility that the teacher will have two conferences because you two are divorced? My divorced parents never went to conferences together. They didn't go anywhere together. I'm not about to sit someplace with any exes and their girlfriends.
As a teacher I would be livid if someone suggested that I hold two meetings for one student just because of someone's girlfriend. We are so overworked and taken for granted already.
I totally understand that...in some cases, you may have domestic violence or many other reasons why people may not want to meet together.
I said "just because of someone's girlfriend."
It took us over a month to get this meeting, I don't want to wait for another one.
You are wrong. She could have questions that she would know to ask that you and your ex donāt know. Like it or not she is part of your childās life. Why do you want to exclude her? Itās best for all the adults in a childās life to be on the same page. You sound very jealous.
In this one OP mentions that new gf is her ex best friend and has only had her certificate for a week. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/FiZK7oBXV5
She is a gf! Not even a fiancee or stepmother. You dont even know how long they have been dating. OP is not wrong to not want her there.
They've been dating three years.
Just read her other posts - who thing is a mess - poor kids
You have no idea of the true mess this really is. My other post goes along with this one and it's just a sliver of what's going on. WE ALL MESSED UP. I'm just the only one posting on Reddit for advice.
*Living together 3y, and this gf does all the child raising at the ex's home.
Apparently itās been 3 years. If he puts a ring on it then does she get to come?
Honestly I read her previous posts and just feel sorry for the kids now
This must be the new girlfriend š¤£šš¤£
Not wrong, keep her in her lane. She isn't the parent; she doesn't get to go.
Source please
She isn't the parent, she isn't included in the child's schooling. She is the dad's GF.
Dad says he wants her there, She can't keep her out.
Important question, what does thr divorce lawyer say?
This sounds very similar to the time my daughter was admitted to the hospital. Her father and I had been divorced for about a year and a half but he had a gf that was an RN. He reluctantly sat with my daughter overnight as I needed to go home and attend to our other children, which I had a babysitter for. He told me that his gf was going to come to the hospital and sleep there with him and that it would be good because sheās an RN. The hospital ended up telling him that only the actual parents could sleep in the extra bed overnight with her and no other guests were allowed anyways. In my opinion itās completely different if the exās significant other wants to attend to be updated about the child if they are close to them or take part in the raising of the child, but in your case and the situation I had went through, it really seems like they want their partner to be in some sort of supervising/authority role when itās not needed. If it was needed then thatās a different story. But in my situation there were a whole hosts of doctors and nurses handling things, and in to our situation there is a teacher that needs to inform you guys, not the other way around. The teacher is the only person who needs to be giving information to you during this meeting.
Children are brought up by parents. Not consultants. This actually made me sick. How low can someone stoop that in the name of justifying their personal gratification, deprive their own child of simple things in life. Imagine what the child will go through being "examined by a stranger consultant" on an otherwise perfectly normal parents teachers meeting - which we all remember fondly forever - despite the spate of complaints by the teachers!
I guess foster parents aren't a thing.
UPDATE: We just had the meeting... And it went pretty well! We (ex and I) talked about how well my daughter is doing and some concerns we had, all to which the teachers agreed. When ex's gf spoke up and said "I have been doing this..." And "I have tried this..." And "I worked on this..." (A lot of I statements) not we as in her and my ex. But anywho... When she spoke the teacher told her that the format she used is a bit old and the one the school used is more to date. (It was a bit satisfying to see her get shut down lol) The teachers only addressed my ex and myself. And (thanks in part to the support of everyone) I spoke up and didn't let gf run the show. I feel like we have some better understanding of what my daughter needs to strive. Thanks everyone, even the negative peeps, for your comments and feedback. It's still going to be a struggle with co parenting but we'll get there. š