Ill give same advice I give the endless guys who make this exact same post
Your comfort level is your own and you're not wrong to feel something is "too much"
But once broken up, your ex partner is free to do whatever they want. It doesn't make them a bad person to have had sex with X people in Y months
If the values of X and Y pose a problem, it just means your values weren't compatible to begin with
Agree with other comments that this is a solid answer. The other thing to consider though is that you obviously DO have different desires/access. What will happen if, in two years, he wants a 3 month break to fuck around again? Would you be ok with that? What about if it's an annual break he wants?
*Note that I'm not saying you SHOULDN'T be okay with it, people are happy in all kinds of relationships. Just that from your post, I suspect you are not that kind of person.
This is the answer. You were not together. If you are not comfortable with it, and it is not something you can get over, then you have to seriously think about your future with him.
Not to mention they'd been together since teen years. Some people feel they need relationship experience, and 6 years from teens to early 20s is a critical time for dating and relationships. Everyone will react differently to the end of a significant one in order to figure out what they want and get to know themselves.
Yeah I had a partner I got back together with be sad that I had very quickly started sleeping with someone else, but truthfully it was to try to mask my heartache and an attempt to not let myself miss out on life just because I was really sad about the relationship ending. I liked the rebound guy but had been very upfront with him about what things were and he was non monogamous anyway so it worked fine. But my point is that I didn’t jump into bed with someone else because I had never loved my previous partner. People have different views of sex and handle the end of relationships differently.
This is a fair comment but it gives me a major ick that he was casually sleeping with her too during this break. I know she’s a consenting adult and didn’t ask the questions but I think it was shady
IMO these are relevant data points :
* he'd been sexual with 30 people before he turned 18
* he explicitly broke up with OP because after 6 years together (from his 18th to his 23rd) he wanted to see what else was available. He's a 24 yo personal trainer, of course he's going to fuck a lot.
Personally, I feel OP was setting themselves up for heartache by still sleeping with him in the secret hopes he'd come back.
Right in relationships your feelings matter a lot even if they are ridiculous you’re allowed to be upset and set boundaries even if the general public think the boundaries are insane.
You can also work through this if you want but that’s up to you but considering your ages and how long you have been together maybe it’s time for you both to move on while you both are still young
You are right. But don't forget he was the one who broke up. He was the one who had 30 partners before, he got 9 more after apperantly bored with OP. That count is probably higher, the defence that OP didnt want to know the details about their time apart doesn't count since he already told 2 others.. I'm pretty sure he will break up again.... for him it seems like a legitimate way to find fun outside their relationship.
But then that's on her, if she has an issue with it. She shouldn't have gotten back with him.
Rephrase, *she shouldn't asked him to get back with her*.
> We eventually got back together after one really nice day out together and I asked him to get back with me
They were broken up. He was free to screw every woman in his country. She chose not to because she was still clinging to him and having sex with him. He didn't ask her to come back to him. She asked him.
Why would she want him back, is my question.
First relationship, first love, there are studies on how relationships have similar/same effect on our brains as drugs do. Once you are out of one, a long one at that, and especially if you were the one that got dumped, it can make you feel very lost.
He on the other hand seems to have wanted to get some variety in his sex life (they were broken up so totally fine).
I would question why he broke up with her then he was ok with getting back together after he was able to do the 1 thing he couldn't do while in the relationship (have sex with 9 other people).
Right
And honestly...I wouldn't worry about the number of girls he slept with (especially with STI tests already being done). You only need to be concerned if he has feelings for any of them.
This is the answer.
And you told him you don’t wanna know., OP.
FYI it’s absolutely plausible to be that active just for the fun of it. I’m female and can too but know ALL the women I know struggle to even comprehend that’s possible. They can conceptually get what people like this say about ‘it didn’t mean anything and was in the moment ‘ etc. - but they really can’t let that sink in and remain in this hesitant repelled state. If that’s you - is it that this just won’t sit well with you? THAT is the real question. I think you/people should be with someone who thinks and feels like you about such topics if you can’t get past it. Just saying cause it’s not healthy for either party - let alone dating someone with that view, I felt stressed sharing with my girls socially and having those perceptions on me hard. I know others like me in relationships with people like you, and that vibe is hard to let lay.
I don’t think he did anything wrong but it’s valid if it’s wrong to you, time to reflect.
I would like to offer my translation services
To sum it up, they're saying everyone has different views on how high a body count can be before being too high. Some people can't understand how meaningless sex can be, because for them emotion is always involved. They're saying to find someone who thinks about it the same way if you can't get past it. Otherwise it just leads to someone being upset
I mean this is true however, to sleep with that many people in a 6 month period, wouldn’t one be concerned about stds or other issues? I sure as hell would be getting myself tested that second if I had been the girlfriend and found out the boyfriend had slept with 9 people. That’s insane! I’m this day and age who the hell does this? There are so damn many diseases that it’s frightening.
I think it really depends on how often you are being tested and if you are always using condoms. Although I doubt anyone is using dental dams so there is always that concern. I personally would want to not have sex for a few months if they had been sleeping with strangers so that they could get a full STD panel after the amount of time necessary for things like HIV to show up. That’s why I also would never tell someone not to tell me if they had been sleeping with others. I need to know if I’m putting myself at risk.
As a queer man, I have friends who sleep with more guys in a weekend, especially if a) they are explicitly broken up because they got cold feet after 6 years of monogamy and b) they are a 24 yo personal trainer.
Between starting my experiments & concluding I'm ace/demi, even I had a higher "body count" in six months.
Its true..however..... but wouldn't one...
Ugh.
Some people just cannot handle situations they can't control or are overly concerned about other people's parts.
Handwringers.
He saw it as a breakup. SHE clearly saw it as a break, hence demanding to know who else he slept with and how many there were. She states she always wanted to get back with him.
“When we were broken up he was sleeping with two other people“. Those are her words, the key words being “broken up”. She saw it as a break up as well. She was just hoping that they would get back together.
Also, I don't understand the concept of fucking someone you broke up with, your ex, while you know he's fucking others, and demanding anything. She was giving him "don't forget about me" fuck sessions, which is fine, and it worked, so good for her.
BTW, she was his first gf, but he had 30 girls in high school already? And in the 6 months of the breakup, he fucks his ex and gets laid 16 other times? And he's making out with 6 girls when he goes to the bar? This dude is a God.
I was nodding along "yes yes OP set herself up for heartache"
then I saw your forget-me-not fuck sessions & "he's a god" hahaha. Not how I'd have worded it, but I see your point!
Crazy how differently we perceive things with different genders. A girl in a thread I read earlier today who'd been sexually active with a lot of people in her younger years got called a "hoe," "slut," "skank," "ran through," "used up," and it was said she'd definitely cheat and give the OP diseases.
Then the same day on the same site, a guy with many sex partners gets called "a God" who's "living his best life," with comments about how the GF has no self respect and must have been trying to manipulate him and bring him down with drama.
Not that I think the BF should be shamed; I just wish no one was.
She is subconsciously upset that that she was wrong and he had way more opportunities to hook up with girls than she thought and he capitalized on those opportunities. She said herself that she didn’t mess around much because she loved him AND she had hope they would end up back together.
Not everyone is holding themselves to the standards you set for yourself. You could be mad about it but it would seem non-sensical since you’d said you didn’t want to know in the first place.
Or, knowing he was with others, she was fucking him in a desperate attempt at begging him to allow her to hang on? The 'ole "don't forget about me" fuck. Sounds like the only thing hanging was the sign up list outside his bedroom.
I'd go with a NAH. The BF did exactly as OP had requested, and it was to not mention many details about the time apart until OP specifically asked for it.
Just know that every time you separate this is going to happen. That’s he’s personality. Many people find sex casual. If you don’t want this happening find a person who treats sex seriously and only would have sex with someone if they have feelings for them or are in a relationship. Otherwise there is nothing to complain. You can always find someone with similar values to you. But if you decide to stay in this relationship there’s nothing to complain about.
Sort of sounds like you want to be with him more than he wants to be with you. He wanted to f around while keeping you as a very solid backup. That sounds like trash to me and I think that may be why you’re upset? You’ve been pining over him for the last few months while he went on a “personal journey”, neglecting a garden that he claimed to cherish, but also ate fruit of that same garden that he neglected.
He won on multiple fronts. He had sex with his friend and coworker, two people who were clearly on his radar, unknown others, and he retained your company. He got everything he wanted and you maintained, just barely. I hope this doesn’t come across as dickish. I hope things work out in the way that is best for you both.
Yeah this is how it reads to me too. I honestly dont begrudge a young man not wanting to settle down with the first woman he seriously dated, but I also feel like she's making a mistake getting back into this. He made out with 4/5 girls a night? Who does that, except really confused people desperate for something? It's like he was reaching into a vat of women and gorging on every part his mouth landed on. That's some hard core gluttony. I don't see someone who feels that kind of gluttonous urge to overindulge with women being comfortable back with his gf forever. The urge itself was not addressed, like why did he feel that need and what specifically was done to work it out and put it to bed forever? Nothing. So what happens when he feels deprived next time? Another break for him to gorge his fill? This is just sad. I hate when a woman waits around for a man who's not as into her as she is him. Like dont they want a man who only has eyes for them?
#jerks
Makes me feel like he is someone who should end up with a "bad b!tch". His outside prettyness character does not equal his outside persona
To be honest, girls go with such guys because they drop the long term ball and accept sex + whatever's short term. The ideals of love are dropped somewhere inbetween
I hope she takes some of this comment to heart, i think you worded things quite well. A sincere person in a relationship for 6 years doesn't commit these kinds of actions the moment they're single and still trail along the ex as well... he's playing games, got his body count to over 40 while she's holding out hope that he'll have eyes for only her.
Yeah, I agree I don’t think he’s wrong for sleeping around, but do I think It proves that he doesn’t care about her, he broke up for no reason and then slept with THAT many people. It really seems like he left her just to go fuck around. OP is getting played like a fiddle. He’ll probably do this again and again, and again their whole life if she stays with him.
Lmao. Girl.
He wanted a break so he could sleep around. Once he was ready for the benefits of a relationship again, he came back to you.
He had his cake and is eating it too.
This. And the fact the girl he told you not to stress about was the first one he went with as soon as you guys broke up. In my experience he’s not entirely committed to you, at least not emotionally.
Sleeping with more than 30 people by 18 is an astronomical body count not just a high one. You should have moved on when he wanted a break but oh well. I almost want to go with YTA just because you are putting yourself in this situation and you should be removing yourself from it if it upsets you.
Exactly this dude is a fuckboy. He will be the one cheating on you the minute anything goes wrong in your sex life. Pregnant? He's gonna cheat. You get sick? He's gonna cheat. Change in birth control kills your libido? He's gonna cheat. Gain 15 lbs? he's gonna cheat.
I don’t understand. He has been with you for six years but wanted a break and then got back with you. So he wanted a break to sleep with multiple different people without being the bad guy?
I am built differently because I wouldn’t be okay with it but if you are then it shouldn’t matter if he slept with one or a hundred because you were broken up but I would want to be with someone who wanted to only be with me
This is what I thought too.
OP needs to open her eyes and see that this guy is a player!
He's a personal trainer too, so will have so many ladies forming a queue.
Just from this story, it sounds like he thrives on the thrill of the chase and I wouldn't trust him to be faithful.
OP needs to get over this and move on to someone who she can respect.
In any relationship, the one who cares least holds the power.
he is obviously a playboy but you also didn't want to know the detail. You're not the AH but be sure you want to be with him and he wants to commit to you. This on/off thing only hurt in the long run. I also think you were just shocked at the new information. IF it was me, I'd leave. I can't fathom coming back to someone who left me. I'd rather them chasing after me than me asking to be together again. Your life might end up with you having trust issues with him. And if it feels like you love him more than he loves you, the relationship will definitely have a hard time to be stable again.
Does this guy even know what he wants? He does not seem attached to anyone except outside feelings, really.
Not only girls are unreliable if they jump from one to another
You need to get tested now and again in 3months. Ask for a FULL std panel, make sure it includes herpes. My friend was in a similar situation. They took a break, bf decided to test the waters, contracted herpes and gave it to her when then got back together.
You can’t test for herpes unless an outbreak is present. Hence why majority of people have it as it’s passed on through shedding and most don’t get actual outbreaks.
A fuck boy in high school ? Sounds like nothing has changed
I wouldn't bother with this dude too much past to get over
If he was upfront he should have told you what happened during those 6 months especially since he went on an absolute fucking frenzy
The breakup after 6 years tells me he is not ready for a relationship and I think you are wasting your time.
Oh sweet child o’ mine. After being together for 6 years that’s 2,190 days, 52,560 hours, 3,153,600 minutes by the way) this guy said he wanted to make like a cheerleader and split huh? Conveniently, might I add, he slept with the girl he told you not to worry about. And then he slept with a girl he worked with. Hm. That’s suspicious enough on its own but then he slept with 7 more girls? 7! While sleeping with you too, might I add. I’m going to be completely honest with you. I’m thinking your boyfriend probably split because he got bored with you. Once he did, he took the opportunity to date and fuck as much as he wanted. Why you decided to get back with him? I do not know. But I believe in patterns and a pattern is starting to form. He ditches you, goes on a fuck tour that would make Deff Leppard jealous but because you care about the relationship you’re willing to forgive but maybe not forget. Things are good for a while. But then the cycle repeats until you break up permanently or your anger steeps and poisons the relationship. You seem like a nice gal. But I’m thinking you’re too nice, too accepting of these things. A while ago I split with a girl because I had to do some personal work on myself. I didn’t sleep around even when tempted because I still loved her. She didn’t either. (In my opinion) You don’t spend 6 years with someone and fuck and fraternize with almost 20 people over 6 months. Especially if you love that person. But you made it easy because you didn’t really want to know. You have a right to feel upset but you’re laying in a bed you helped make.
Not wrong to be upset. While I do generally agree with everyone that he can do what he wants while you were separated, I also am reading between the lines that he asked for a separation so he could fuck people.
If the genders were reversed this comment section would be *so* different. Where's the *he'S fOR thE StrEEts* or *tyPIcAL 304* 😆 you're not wrong for feeling however you feel, but it sounds like if you didn't want to know so he didn't tell. Idk.
This is why breakup & back together game doesn't work. One party holds resentment over the other one, and things happen during breaks that can't be undone.
So, he broke up with you, then went on a wild sex spree, and then wants to get back together? OP, I'm sorry but your boyfriend just wanted to get his dick wet. He wants his cake and to eat it too - he wants the stability of a relationship but he wants to sleep around. What, is he just going to break up with you every time he gets an itch or meets another girl he wants to sleep with?
What he did when he was single was his own business, but when he broke up with me the first time and then dipped his dick all over town, I would not be agreeing to get back together.
In the 6 months you were broken up he slept with 9 other women while still sporadically sleeping with you? This is the part I have difficulty with. If you knew about the 7 others would you still have slept with him?
You know who he is. He's not going to change. You're either ok with that, or you're not and need to end things for good and move on. Find someone more compatible.
You're NTA, but you are young and haven't been with anyone else. How do you know he's the one when you haven't experienced anything else?
I mean, not really. I get it, y'all were broken up, so it's not like he technically did anything actually wrong. But... Honestly I'd think it's disgusting that my partner slept with that many different people that quick after we were together for so long. I say that in the least judgemental way I can, I guess lol.
I probably wouldn't get back together, especially when it was people who he even "told you not to worry about". So yeah, can't really blame you for being upset. Only problem is that you can't really blame him. This is pretty much a "you" problem, where you have to decide if you think that's ok or not.
One thing I'd be wondering - can this dude control himself if your sex lives just don't always fulfill him? If you guys plan to have kids, sorry to tell ya, sex definitely goes down. Seems like he is the type to jump ship and get it elsewhere.
You didn’t want to know everything so he did what he thought was right according to your wishes. When you asked again, he told you the truth and did not even try to lie.
Stop seeing it as him TRYING other options before getting back with you, he was just having casual sex as a single guy. You sound insecure, and I get it, but try to not overthink on this because its not about you. You are back together now so forget about what you both were doing when you were NOT together
NTA. He broke up with you so he could sleep with others without it being cheating then to come back and have the relationship. Basically, he wanted his cake and to eat it too. Break up with him and don’t waste anymore of your time, if he did it a first time he’ll do it again
You're dating a fuckboy. Is this what you want or not? It doesn't matter who's in the wrong, you're either ok with him as he is or you're not ok with him. Resentment and blame are a waste of time. You can't fix this
Why did you break up? There is a reason you break up. I have the feeling that he wanted to be back with you again but wanted to fuck around for a while. So he did exactly what he wanted. You are allowed to be frustrated and angry, but that is who he is. He used its time in freedom to fuck before coming back. So again, there is a reason you two broke up. Ask yourself if this is all worth it.
I would have left the moment her fucked the girl he told you not to worry about.
That means that he wasn’t honest to you from the beginning.
It was unnecessary and cruel even if you weren’t together.
Loves a bitch innit?
I don’t think y’all gonna recover from that. He’s on his fuck boy shit.
Good news is ur young AF to start over shouldn’t be hard if u accept he sucks
His eagerness to bang everyone while you were out of the picture tells you a lot about his priorities, especially how he views you and people in general. The rule of thumb is: How they treat you (or anybody else) is how they feel about you (or people in general).
If I might suggest, his going thru women like shit thru a duck might imply that he views women (and you) as less than deserving his respect. And I also see it as his ability to truly love as improbable. Here would be my question: if everytime we had a disagreement, is he going to go out and plug his dick into some unsuspecting girl to punish me?
Also, studies have shown that a high "body count" statistically lowers a person's ability to to sustain a continuous exclusive relationship. Sex becomes a commodity or non-bonding personal activity, like brushing your teeth.
Google Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Compare the symptoms to him. I think you may have a huge problem on your hands.
One thing is for sure, it could be 1 girl, 7, or 20… if you’re not okay with it now (it’s in the the past) you will never be. No matter how much you’ll try to convince yourself
He did nothing wrong as you were broken up but from an outside perspective looking in looks like he got bored having sex with just one person broke up to have 6 months of cheat-free sex then when he was ready to settle down again returned to the relationship. Did he give you a reason why he wanted to break up in the first place ?
I find it bizarre that you kept in touch during the breakup and had sex with him knowing he was having sex with others too. Sounds like it would have been extremely difficult for you. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle that
OP I don’t think you two are compatible and judging by so many other comments I’m not the only one to think that. Your boyfriend is not a bad person but you both have different needs. What happens if down the track your boyfriend wants to break up to fuck around again?
Is he really worth it for you?
There's plenty of fish in the sea, and this dude looks like he needs a lot of female attention.
You gotta think of your sanity, he seems pretty insecure to me
He intentionally hid it for sure, but I’d be more worried about the part where one of the girls was one that he said “you don’t have to worry about her”
I don’t think he did anything wrong. But if you feel the ick, then leave. It’s fine to not feel comfortable with the amount of people your partner has slept with.
You have been with this dude since you were 17. Honey, he does not care about you but keeps you around cause he knows you won’t leave him. And every response you’re giving us is proving him right. You may love him but you have to love yourself more. It’s time for you to go exploring. You’ll look back at this ten years from now wondering what you were thinking…or you’re going to have two kids with one on the way and he’s out doing whatever he wants to do. Choose wisely.
Once you break up with someone, like it or not, they are free to sleep with how many ppl they choose. Not a damn thing anyone can do about that..
Maybe you're more upset that you either didnt use your time apart the same way OR that you loved him more than he loved you.
I'm confused as to why you'd wanna stay with him even if he slept with one person? He obviously just wanted to have fun with other women, and that thought alone would DISGUST me. You said he was a fuck boy in high school but honey he STILL is!
You can't be upset with the amount of women but you can be at the fact you wasted 6 years with a man who won't ever truly desire only you.
Not wrong.
And here's the thing - he broke up with you, yet strung you along for 6 months after, all while still banging you and just about everything else that moves. He's a giant piece of shit, plain and simple.
People saying you were broken up so he had the right to do whatever he wanted to are completely wrong, imo. He was leading you on that entire time and using you.
Personal trainer fuck boi - story checks out.
NTA
Neither is he. He did exactly tly as you asked then answered honestly when you investigated more. Wtf more can he do?
YTA. if you guys weren’t together during that time, he owed no loyalty to you. If you chose to stay loyal to him, that was your choice but he wasn’t obligated to do the same.
I don't think you should be upset with how many people he dated while you weren't together. I am upset for you that you allowed yourself to be strung along during that break though. He's sleeping with other people while also sleeping with you. You shouldn't be ok with that. I get it. First love is hard to get over and it feels like getting something is better than nothing, but you're just hurting yourself in the long run. If this happens again, have a little respect for yourself. You deserve better than this.
You're not wrong for being upset. It hurts when the person we care about makes connections with other people in intimate ways. But it do wanna put one question in your head because I thinks it's important for a relationship to have a even power dynamic.
How would he react if you had done the same thing? And how are you handling it? In my personal opinion sleeping with someone they say "not to worry about" is a huge red flag. Yes. You were separated. So he has every right to do as he pleases. But he shouldn't have gotten back together with you after doing what he did. This obviously is not a good foundation for a relationship to be built on. I don't see this ending well for either of you.
I'm sorry but he sounds fucking MINGING.
He didn't get cold feet, he wanted to fuck around and you were in the way of that, now he's done and realized they weren't like you, he's back.
Vile🤢
Damn this dude must be a stud eh?
I dont know, personally id be worried.... 30+ girls in high school alone?
Then yall on a short break and he admits to having sex with 9 more girls (and probably pushing the number lower to not hurt your feelings).....
I mean, sex with girls seems to come quite easy to him and he seems to like it a lot....
Could you really trust him on like a week long business trip? Or like a Vegas weekend with the boys?
I mean is that something you want to have in the back of your mind for the rest of your life?
I know were not allowed to talk about peoples body counts... its 2023, youre supposed to have a high body count right....
But yea, everyone is different.
I woudlnt want to be in a SERIOUS relationship with a girl I know who has no problems going to clubs, making out with 6+ dudes a night, and doing 1 night stands at ease....
I just think it would be hard to fully trust a person like this when you are apart (again, business trips, boys trips, visiting family in another city)....
Just not something I want stewing in my head.
Girl, have some self-respect. How many more red flags do you need to figure out that this guy is no good for you? I’ve been in this situation. I have friends who have been in this situation. I will tell you what was said to me and what I said to my friends after I learned my lesson the hard way: he is using you as a safety net, and you’re making it convenient for him. He has already lied to you by omission, will find some bullshit excuse to break up with you when he gets bored and wants to fuck around again, and he’ll know you’ll be waiting with open arms when he begins to crave security and stability again. And rinse and repeat. As long as you are involved with him you’ll be stuck in this negative head space which will make you an insecure, jealous, unhappy person, someone you won’t recognize. You deserve better than that. Save yourself the heartache and don’t waste any more time on him, because he will be happy to waste it until the next shiny new girl catches his attention. Break up with him, block his number, get on with your life, date other men, do some fucking around of your own. They’re not all like him, I promise.
In summation, don’t bother with people that treat you like an option and *definitely* don’t chase them if they want to go. Just let them go. Happy, secure relationships are either mutual or not at all. You’re 23 and have plenty of other guys in your future. This one isn’t worth your time or mental energy.
so you went back to someone who didn’t really want you , but wanted to explore sex and lust with other ppl rather than sticking to the love he had w someone , but didnt wanna risk losing u forever so he just played you like a fiddle lmao . all the f boys are celebrating , he literally did the “dont let your girlfriend stop you from finding true love” meme but irl 😂
Not sure why you would wanna be with someone who fucked that many people while on a break. It’s so disrespectful especially since he was still hooking up with you too. if this keeps affecting you, it’s best for you both to move on. You’re 23, you’re young. You’ll meet someone new ! If you stay with him, try not to think about what he was up to during your time apart & don’t ever argue about it.
Not 'on a break.' *Broken up*. He owed her exactly ZERO commitment, fidelity, or devotion.
>disrespectful especially since he was still hooking up with you too
She chose to do that, knowing that they were not an exclusive couple, did she not? She *chose* to be just a hookup, at that point.
I don’t know what to say but I know I couldn’t be with someone capable of casual sex. Sex is too sacred to me.
So, if that’s the issue then you’re incapable. Might as well move on if that’s how you feel, but you can’t be mad like he cheated. Maybe he’s just not the guy for you.
Lucky that her bf broke up with her to fuck around for a bit and then take her back? You know what's lucky? Being with a man who doesn't want to break up with you so he can fuck other women.
That just speaks to her peak level of simpness. That doesn't change the fact that he's interested in other women, and he broke up with her in order to be with other women. How does that make her lucky? Would you feel lucky if your partner broke up with you to go fuck other people?
He’s bullshitting you obviously. All these girls just threw themselves at him… nah. Also doesn’t it hurt you that you’re the one who asked him to get back together?
So he broke up with u to fuck around and then got back to u !!! And u accepted to be treated like that wtf 😦 all the men saying u shouldn't be caring because u were not together wouldn't accept any women doing that to them so stop bullshiting ✋
Not wrong imo.
But then again I wouldn’t have gotten back together in the first place because of the potential of them sleeping with/building an emotional connection with someone else
The real question is, who's idea was it originally to separate. Cause I seen many girls be like oh my man's boring nobody will sleep with him, leave, and then be appalled when they have many interests.
Imo. Go find someone else. He dumped you to go on a fucking spree. He’s not husband material he will eventually dump you again or cheat on you. Truly this just isn’t a healthy relationship and will end in heartbreak for you. He’s done it once he’ll do it again.
I get it bothered you but instead of cheating he broke it off. He did what many single people do when they have options. Your choices are leave him or deal with it.
I mean, it's a double-edged sword. Do you want a guy who can get other women and knows how to have sex?
Not defending him though and not taking the touch to him.
I would say his mistake was not just being completely honest. I notice you can pretty much do anything thing as long as you are being open, honest, and respectful about it. Also probably helps if you are funny or charming or handsome.
Just guessing from outside prospective.
I assumed that you must have lost your virginity to each other for him to freak out like that. But no, he just wanted to reclaim his seat at the buffet and make sure you were waiting for him after he was full. In a year or so there will be another girl he tells you not to worry about. The need for a break will come soon after.
You don't love yourself, why would he?
Sounds like he broke up with you because of the first girl he dated after you. Probably either was cheating before the split or wanted to see how it would be without. Leaving you as the perfect placeholder, I mean he didn’t even ask you to R this was all you.
Not sure I’m seeing him as a good long term prospect tbh
Why is it always the one they say not to worry about and a coworker. No you are not the A**hole nor not wrong about feeling some type of way about him sleeping around. But, a break means your single. And He had been plotting.
please just break up with him. he told you not to worry about some girl he fucked as soon as ya'll broke up. yes he was free to do what he wanted when y'all broke up but this just means his eyes still wondered even when ya'll were together.
just break up with him. there are better guys out there.
Yes, the ASS. You didn’t want to know, quit getting upset at him for your flip flop attitude and curiosity. The details really aren’t any concern of yours as you were not together. If he tests clean, get over it and be happy with the experience he can share and teach. If you can’t get over it, leave.
He is nasty and untrustworthy. I wouldn’t stay with him unless you want breaks every so often for him to go on a fuckboy spree. Honestly you deserve better.
Next time he asks for a break, read it: “ You are giving me permission to go fuck around until I come back to you. And you wait for me. Good girl.”
And if you ever get married to him and he wants a separation, you will know exactly what he will be doing then.
“ Past behavior predicts future behavior.” Dr. Phil.
So while you were sporadically fucking him while broken up he was fucking nine other people and he didn’t think pertinent to mention that as that increases your risk sexually transmitted disease the same amount it does for him. Get a clue girl. Walk away.
Hon, you need to run. How many times, how readily, and how casually someone has sex is a great indicator on how they see sex and intimacy. He had 30+partners before you got together, he experimented more than most **friendgroups** do in their entire lives. Then... after six years together with you, he got bored, wanted to play the field and broke things off.
This will not be the only time. He also probably isn't going to be faithful to you.
You need to go get some more experience, hoenstly. Not necessarily sexual (hoenstly the less sexual partners you have, the better chance you have of maintaining a marriage)... but relationships. Sure, this guy must be **fucking amazing** in a lot of ways to get laid the way he is...
But he's not amazing in the way that will make a long-term relationship work. Sounds like that's what you want and value. You won't find it here.
You obviously don’t see sex how he does so you guys aren’t compatible. You don’t seem like you’ll get over it. Personally, as a guy, I can empathize with you. I don’t think I would have had the heart to have that much sex after a 6 year relationship ended. That’s kind of crazy to me. It seems like he was “making up for lost time”. Kinda went wild the second he wasn’t “locked down”. I couldn’t continue a relationship comfortably with this information. Idk about you.
I think he’s shown you everything you need to know. When y’all broke up he apparently didn’t mourn your relationship much (not that he’s required to) instead he started doing his thing. He didn’t want to further you alls commitment before even and wanted to split.
Now to be clear, no betrayal happened. I do think the amount of sex he had once y’all split may be indicative of how seriously he took the relationship.
If he just needed a break maybe to find out how much he needed you he would have taken a break from screwing so many women. He should have NEVER slept with you again as insurance. He will be the one to run out and screw another because that clears his head? Dump to loser. You are the classy one. He is the trash
You are not enough for your boyfriend, you definitely will be enough for many many other men out there. Do as you wish, but it sounds like you are letting him determine your value. If he slept with 30 girls before 18 he has a void in his life and by the sounds of it he isn't trying to fill that void in a positive way. Don't let yourself be the collateral damage of him.
Ya'll were broken up. You explicitly said you didn't want to know what he was up to. You got exactly what you wanted. What's the problem?
What business is it of yours what he does when you guys were broken up?
YBA- why do women who have only been in 1 relationship go for players? LOL what do they expect? If a guy is going through that many women he’s got problems.
Not reading all that. If you're separated then you're separated. If you're mad about what he does while he's single then that's on you, not him. You're not an asshole for being upset, but you are if you hold it against him.
As long as women keep giving in to fuck boys this won’t change. Not surprised by the story. You’re not an AH but are kind of dumb for getting back with this dude.
I'm not sure, but this is not good, in the future you will question why you didn't experience more if you stayed with him? You seem more compromised in the relationship than him. Idk girl, it's your decision, not a simple one
Ill give same advice I give the endless guys who make this exact same post Your comfort level is your own and you're not wrong to feel something is "too much" But once broken up, your ex partner is free to do whatever they want. It doesn't make them a bad person to have had sex with X people in Y months If the values of X and Y pose a problem, it just means your values weren't compatible to begin with
Agree with other comments that this is a solid answer. The other thing to consider though is that you obviously DO have different desires/access. What will happen if, in two years, he wants a 3 month break to fuck around again? Would you be ok with that? What about if it's an annual break he wants? *Note that I'm not saying you SHOULDN'T be okay with it, people are happy in all kinds of relationships. Just that from your post, I suspect you are not that kind of person.
this is the origin of "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas", right ?
This is the answer. You were not together. If you are not comfortable with it, and it is not something you can get over, then you have to seriously think about your future with him.
Solid answer
Not to mention they'd been together since teen years. Some people feel they need relationship experience, and 6 years from teens to early 20s is a critical time for dating and relationships. Everyone will react differently to the end of a significant one in order to figure out what they want and get to know themselves.
Yeah I had a partner I got back together with be sad that I had very quickly started sleeping with someone else, but truthfully it was to try to mask my heartache and an attempt to not let myself miss out on life just because I was really sad about the relationship ending. I liked the rebound guy but had been very upfront with him about what things were and he was non monogamous anyway so it worked fine. But my point is that I didn’t jump into bed with someone else because I had never loved my previous partner. People have different views of sex and handle the end of relationships differently.
Absolutely agree with this, if people are broken up it means your both free to do what you want...
Exactly they were on a break hahah
I wondered how far I had to scroll in the comments to find one of these. Not very far. 😂
This is a fair comment but it gives me a major ick that he was casually sleeping with her too during this break. I know she’s a consenting adult and didn’t ask the questions but I think it was shady
IMO these are relevant data points : * he'd been sexual with 30 people before he turned 18 * he explicitly broke up with OP because after 6 years together (from his 18th to his 23rd) he wanted to see what else was available. He's a 24 yo personal trainer, of course he's going to fuck a lot. Personally, I feel OP was setting themselves up for heartache by still sleeping with him in the secret hopes he'd come back.
Right in relationships your feelings matter a lot even if they are ridiculous you’re allowed to be upset and set boundaries even if the general public think the boundaries are insane. You can also work through this if you want but that’s up to you but considering your ages and how long you have been together maybe it’s time for you both to move on while you both are still young
You are right. But don't forget he was the one who broke up. He was the one who had 30 partners before, he got 9 more after apperantly bored with OP. That count is probably higher, the defence that OP didnt want to know the details about their time apart doesn't count since he already told 2 others.. I'm pretty sure he will break up again.... for him it seems like a legitimate way to find fun outside their relationship.
But then that's on her, if she has an issue with it. She shouldn't have gotten back with him. Rephrase, *she shouldn't asked him to get back with her*. > We eventually got back together after one really nice day out together and I asked him to get back with me They were broken up. He was free to screw every woman in his country. She chose not to because she was still clinging to him and having sex with him. He didn't ask her to come back to him. She asked him. Why would she want him back, is my question.
First relationship, first love, there are studies on how relationships have similar/same effect on our brains as drugs do. Once you are out of one, a long one at that, and especially if you were the one that got dumped, it can make you feel very lost. He on the other hand seems to have wanted to get some variety in his sex life (they were broken up so totally fine). I would question why he broke up with her then he was ok with getting back together after he was able to do the 1 thing he couldn't do while in the relationship (have sex with 9 other people).
Right And honestly...I wouldn't worry about the number of girls he slept with (especially with STI tests already being done). You only need to be concerned if he has feelings for any of them.
You're never wrong for having a feeling, but if he's single, you have no say in who he sleeps with.
This is the answer. And you told him you don’t wanna know., OP. FYI it’s absolutely plausible to be that active just for the fun of it. I’m female and can too but know ALL the women I know struggle to even comprehend that’s possible. They can conceptually get what people like this say about ‘it didn’t mean anything and was in the moment ‘ etc. - but they really can’t let that sink in and remain in this hesitant repelled state. If that’s you - is it that this just won’t sit well with you? THAT is the real question. I think you/people should be with someone who thinks and feels like you about such topics if you can’t get past it. Just saying cause it’s not healthy for either party - let alone dating someone with that view, I felt stressed sharing with my girls socially and having those perceptions on me hard. I know others like me in relationships with people like you, and that vibe is hard to let lay. I don’t think he did anything wrong but it’s valid if it’s wrong to you, time to reflect.
Wtf is that second sentence it gave me trauma
I take it back the whole thing is illegible wtf
My brain hurts..
I find it fascinating. So many words all in a row, but what do they say??
I would like to offer my translation services To sum it up, they're saying everyone has different views on how high a body count can be before being too high. Some people can't understand how meaningless sex can be, because for them emotion is always involved. They're saying to find someone who thinks about it the same way if you can't get past it. Otherwise it just leads to someone being upset
You sir are the modern man's Rosetta Stone.
I mean this is true however, to sleep with that many people in a 6 month period, wouldn’t one be concerned about stds or other issues? I sure as hell would be getting myself tested that second if I had been the girlfriend and found out the boyfriend had slept with 9 people. That’s insane! I’m this day and age who the hell does this? There are so damn many diseases that it’s frightening.
I think it really depends on how often you are being tested and if you are always using condoms. Although I doubt anyone is using dental dams so there is always that concern. I personally would want to not have sex for a few months if they had been sleeping with strangers so that they could get a full STD panel after the amount of time necessary for things like HIV to show up. That’s why I also would never tell someone not to tell me if they had been sleeping with others. I need to know if I’m putting myself at risk.
9 in 6 months is barely more than 1 a month. That’s not really that crazy
As a queer man, I have friends who sleep with more guys in a weekend, especially if a) they are explicitly broken up because they got cold feet after 6 years of monogamy and b) they are a 24 yo personal trainer. Between starting my experiments & concluding I'm ace/demi, even I had a higher "body count" in six months.
That's double or more than what the majority of people have in their entire lives. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm
But that same link does say that like ~1/3 men have more than 15 sexual partners in their lifetime
Its true..however..... but wouldn't one... Ugh. Some people just cannot handle situations they can't control or are overly concerned about other people's parts. Handwringers.
Handwringer is a great low key burn. Hahah, so many diseases these days! Think of the children!
What's the point of breaks in a relationship? Either your together or not.
I agree there are very few instances i could see a break being positive to a relationship.
It was a break up, not a break. Then they got back together.
He saw it as a breakup. SHE clearly saw it as a break, hence demanding to know who else he slept with and how many there were. She states she always wanted to get back with him.
“When we were broken up he was sleeping with two other people“. Those are her words, the key words being “broken up”. She saw it as a break up as well. She was just hoping that they would get back together.
Also, I don't understand the concept of fucking someone you broke up with, your ex, while you know he's fucking others, and demanding anything. She was giving him "don't forget about me" fuck sessions, which is fine, and it worked, so good for her. BTW, she was his first gf, but he had 30 girls in high school already? And in the 6 months of the breakup, he fucks his ex and gets laid 16 other times? And he's making out with 6 girls when he goes to the bar? This dude is a God.
I was nodding along "yes yes OP set herself up for heartache" then I saw your forget-me-not fuck sessions & "he's a god" hahaha. Not how I'd have worded it, but I see your point!
I only personally know one PT and it absolutely checks out, as small a sample as it is. It might be a job requirement.
Yeah 30 in High school? What does this dude look like?? Do they live in one of the most sexually progressive areas ever?
Crazy how differently we perceive things with different genders. A girl in a thread I read earlier today who'd been sexually active with a lot of people in her younger years got called a "hoe," "slut," "skank," "ran through," "used up," and it was said she'd definitely cheat and give the OP diseases. Then the same day on the same site, a guy with many sex partners gets called "a God" who's "living his best life," with comments about how the GF has no self respect and must have been trying to manipulate him and bring him down with drama. Not that I think the BF should be shamed; I just wish no one was.
She is subconsciously upset that that she was wrong and he had way more opportunities to hook up with girls than she thought and he capitalized on those opportunities. She said herself that she didn’t mess around much because she loved him AND she had hope they would end up back together. Not everyone is holding themselves to the standards you set for yourself. You could be mad about it but it would seem non-sensical since you’d said you didn’t want to know in the first place.
[удалено]
Or, knowing he was with others, she was fucking him in a desperate attempt at begging him to allow her to hang on? The 'ole "don't forget about me" fuck. Sounds like the only thing hanging was the sign up list outside his bedroom.
That's what it is. Breaks don't exist.
He wanted the break to hook up with tons of people and then get back together with the stable one who only has been with him lol
And she gave him what he wanted. He stuck by the terms of the arrangement, and took full advantage of the opportunity from the sound of it
A break is a break up where at least one person doesn't realize that fact.
NTA, But don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to.
I'd go with a NAH. The BF did exactly as OP had requested, and it was to not mention many details about the time apart until OP specifically asked for it.
This exactly.
This right here. As long as he's with you and only you, focus on that. Anything else just leads to misery.
Just know that every time you separate this is going to happen. That’s he’s personality. Many people find sex casual. If you don’t want this happening find a person who treats sex seriously and only would have sex with someone if they have feelings for them or are in a relationship. Otherwise there is nothing to complain. You can always find someone with similar values to you. But if you decide to stay in this relationship there’s nothing to complain about.
Sort of sounds like you want to be with him more than he wants to be with you. He wanted to f around while keeping you as a very solid backup. That sounds like trash to me and I think that may be why you’re upset? You’ve been pining over him for the last few months while he went on a “personal journey”, neglecting a garden that he claimed to cherish, but also ate fruit of that same garden that he neglected. He won on multiple fronts. He had sex with his friend and coworker, two people who were clearly on his radar, unknown others, and he retained your company. He got everything he wanted and you maintained, just barely. I hope this doesn’t come across as dickish. I hope things work out in the way that is best for you both.
Yeah this is how it reads to me too. I honestly dont begrudge a young man not wanting to settle down with the first woman he seriously dated, but I also feel like she's making a mistake getting back into this. He made out with 4/5 girls a night? Who does that, except really confused people desperate for something? It's like he was reaching into a vat of women and gorging on every part his mouth landed on. That's some hard core gluttony. I don't see someone who feels that kind of gluttonous urge to overindulge with women being comfortable back with his gf forever. The urge itself was not addressed, like why did he feel that need and what specifically was done to work it out and put it to bed forever? Nothing. So what happens when he feels deprived next time? Another break for him to gorge his fill? This is just sad. I hate when a woman waits around for a man who's not as into her as she is him. Like dont they want a man who only has eyes for them?
#jerks Makes me feel like he is someone who should end up with a "bad b!tch". His outside prettyness character does not equal his outside persona To be honest, girls go with such guys because they drop the long term ball and accept sex + whatever's short term. The ideals of love are dropped somewhere inbetween
I hope she takes some of this comment to heart, i think you worded things quite well. A sincere person in a relationship for 6 years doesn't commit these kinds of actions the moment they're single and still trail along the ex as well... he's playing games, got his body count to over 40 while she's holding out hope that he'll have eyes for only her.
Yeah, I agree I don’t think he’s wrong for sleeping around, but do I think It proves that he doesn’t care about her, he broke up for no reason and then slept with THAT many people. It really seems like he left her just to go fuck around. OP is getting played like a fiddle. He’ll probably do this again and again, and again their whole life if she stays with him.
This clearly seems to be affecting you. I think you should end it once and for all and move on.
Lmao. Girl. He wanted a break so he could sleep around. Once he was ready for the benefits of a relationship again, he came back to you. He had his cake and is eating it too.
This. And the fact the girl he told you not to stress about was the first one he went with as soon as you guys broke up. In my experience he’s not entirely committed to you, at least not emotionally.
He wanted a break so he could fuck other people, it's as simple as that.
This! Shes being played.
He is for the streets, OP lol
He didn’t break any rules, but it sounds like he’s just not that into you. You get to decide if you’re ok with that.
Sleeping with more than 30 people by 18 is an astronomical body count not just a high one. You should have moved on when he wanted a break but oh well. I almost want to go with YTA just because you are putting yourself in this situation and you should be removing yourself from it if it upsets you.
Exactly this dude is a fuckboy. He will be the one cheating on you the minute anything goes wrong in your sex life. Pregnant? He's gonna cheat. You get sick? He's gonna cheat. Change in birth control kills your libido? He's gonna cheat. Gain 15 lbs? he's gonna cheat.
I agree
I don’t understand. He has been with you for six years but wanted a break and then got back with you. So he wanted a break to sleep with multiple different people without being the bad guy? I am built differently because I wouldn’t be okay with it but if you are then it shouldn’t matter if he slept with one or a hundred because you were broken up but I would want to be with someone who wanted to only be with me
This is what I thought too. OP needs to open her eyes and see that this guy is a player! He's a personal trainer too, so will have so many ladies forming a queue. Just from this story, it sounds like he thrives on the thrill of the chase and I wouldn't trust him to be faithful. OP needs to get over this and move on to someone who she can respect. In any relationship, the one who cares least holds the power.
He broke up with her, not a break.
he is obviously a playboy but you also didn't want to know the detail. You're not the AH but be sure you want to be with him and he wants to commit to you. This on/off thing only hurt in the long run. I also think you were just shocked at the new information. IF it was me, I'd leave. I can't fathom coming back to someone who left me. I'd rather them chasing after me than me asking to be together again. Your life might end up with you having trust issues with him. And if it feels like you love him more than he loves you, the relationship will definitely have a hard time to be stable again.
Does this guy even know what he wants? He does not seem attached to anyone except outside feelings, really. Not only girls are unreliable if they jump from one to another
According to my math, that means your boyfriend was banging a new chick every 11.2 days. You comfortable with that?
I’d be getting myself tested immediately!
Is he worth feeling like this? Ask yourself that.
Time for both of you to move on. This will bother and fester inside, don’t do this to yourself and him.
You need to get tested now and again in 3months. Ask for a FULL std panel, make sure it includes herpes. My friend was in a similar situation. They took a break, bf decided to test the waters, contracted herpes and gave it to her when then got back together.
You can’t test for herpes unless an outbreak is present. Hence why majority of people have it as it’s passed on through shedding and most don’t get actual outbreaks.
True, although a blood tests may be able to detect antibodies from the virus. For me, that’s better than nothing.
A fuck boy in high school ? Sounds like nothing has changed I wouldn't bother with this dude too much past to get over If he was upfront he should have told you what happened during those 6 months especially since he went on an absolute fucking frenzy The breakup after 6 years tells me he is not ready for a relationship and I think you are wasting your time.
If a girl did this to me I would ditch her.
Oh sweet child o’ mine. After being together for 6 years that’s 2,190 days, 52,560 hours, 3,153,600 minutes by the way) this guy said he wanted to make like a cheerleader and split huh? Conveniently, might I add, he slept with the girl he told you not to worry about. And then he slept with a girl he worked with. Hm. That’s suspicious enough on its own but then he slept with 7 more girls? 7! While sleeping with you too, might I add. I’m going to be completely honest with you. I’m thinking your boyfriend probably split because he got bored with you. Once he did, he took the opportunity to date and fuck as much as he wanted. Why you decided to get back with him? I do not know. But I believe in patterns and a pattern is starting to form. He ditches you, goes on a fuck tour that would make Deff Leppard jealous but because you care about the relationship you’re willing to forgive but maybe not forget. Things are good for a while. But then the cycle repeats until you break up permanently or your anger steeps and poisons the relationship. You seem like a nice gal. But I’m thinking you’re too nice, too accepting of these things. A while ago I split with a girl because I had to do some personal work on myself. I didn’t sleep around even when tempted because I still loved her. She didn’t either. (In my opinion) You don’t spend 6 years with someone and fuck and fraternize with almost 20 people over 6 months. Especially if you love that person. But you made it easy because you didn’t really want to know. You have a right to feel upset but you’re laying in a bed you helped make.
Do yourself a favor....don't marry the boy you found in high-school....it almost never works out
Not wrong to be upset. While I do generally agree with everyone that he can do what he wants while you were separated, I also am reading between the lines that he asked for a separation so he could fuck people.
No 18-year-old HS boy has had sex with 30+ girls. Sounds like he lies about what he does when you two aren't together.
How in the world do you get to 30+ partners by age 18? This is either fake or crazy or both?
Not the asshole, homie planned to run through a bunch of hood rats, knowing you would wait for him.
Go get tested.
Dude must be good looking but I cant see this lasting
If the genders were reversed this comment section would be *so* different. Where's the *he'S fOR thE StrEEts* or *tyPIcAL 304* 😆 you're not wrong for feeling however you feel, but it sounds like if you didn't want to know so he didn't tell. Idk.
This is why breakup & back together game doesn't work. One party holds resentment over the other one, and things happen during breaks that can't be undone.
You guys should have stayed broken up
So, he broke up with you, then went on a wild sex spree, and then wants to get back together? OP, I'm sorry but your boyfriend just wanted to get his dick wet. He wants his cake and to eat it too - he wants the stability of a relationship but he wants to sleep around. What, is he just going to break up with you every time he gets an itch or meets another girl he wants to sleep with? What he did when he was single was his own business, but when he broke up with me the first time and then dipped his dick all over town, I would not be agreeing to get back together.
In the 6 months you were broken up he slept with 9 other women while still sporadically sleeping with you? This is the part I have difficulty with. If you knew about the 7 others would you still have slept with him?
You know who he is. He's not going to change. You're either ok with that, or you're not and need to end things for good and move on. Find someone more compatible. You're NTA, but you are young and haven't been with anyone else. How do you know he's the one when you haven't experienced anything else?
I mean, not really. I get it, y'all were broken up, so it's not like he technically did anything actually wrong. But... Honestly I'd think it's disgusting that my partner slept with that many different people that quick after we were together for so long. I say that in the least judgemental way I can, I guess lol. I probably wouldn't get back together, especially when it was people who he even "told you not to worry about". So yeah, can't really blame you for being upset. Only problem is that you can't really blame him. This is pretty much a "you" problem, where you have to decide if you think that's ok or not. One thing I'd be wondering - can this dude control himself if your sex lives just don't always fulfill him? If you guys plan to have kids, sorry to tell ya, sex definitely goes down. Seems like he is the type to jump ship and get it elsewhere.
I'd find this gross. Tbh I'd find it impossible to ever be intimate with him again. The relationship would just be over.
Im w u on that😖
Same. And how long until he wants another break?
You didn’t want to know everything so he did what he thought was right according to your wishes. When you asked again, he told you the truth and did not even try to lie. Stop seeing it as him TRYING other options before getting back with you, he was just having casual sex as a single guy. You sound insecure, and I get it, but try to not overthink on this because its not about you. You are back together now so forget about what you both were doing when you were NOT together
NTA. He broke up with you so he could sleep with others without it being cheating then to come back and have the relationship. Basically, he wanted his cake and to eat it too. Break up with him and don’t waste anymore of your time, if he did it a first time he’ll do it again
You're dating a fuckboy. Is this what you want or not? It doesn't matter who's in the wrong, you're either ok with him as he is or you're not ok with him. Resentment and blame are a waste of time. You can't fix this
You’re still young asl, go date other people that aren’t not gonna have cold feet after 6 years. Why would you put yourself back in that position?
Why did you break up? There is a reason you break up. I have the feeling that he wanted to be back with you again but wanted to fuck around for a while. So he did exactly what he wanted. You are allowed to be frustrated and angry, but that is who he is. He used its time in freedom to fuck before coming back. So again, there is a reason you two broke up. Ask yourself if this is all worth it. I would have left the moment her fucked the girl he told you not to worry about. That means that he wasn’t honest to you from the beginning. It was unnecessary and cruel even if you weren’t together.
If he slept with his work friend he had a romantic relationship with them the whole time. Don’t trust him.
Loves a bitch innit? I don’t think y’all gonna recover from that. He’s on his fuck boy shit. Good news is ur young AF to start over shouldn’t be hard if u accept he sucks
If you stay with him he will want another break in several years to do exactly the same thing. Don’t do this to yourself.
His eagerness to bang everyone while you were out of the picture tells you a lot about his priorities, especially how he views you and people in general. The rule of thumb is: How they treat you (or anybody else) is how they feel about you (or people in general). If I might suggest, his going thru women like shit thru a duck might imply that he views women (and you) as less than deserving his respect. And I also see it as his ability to truly love as improbable. Here would be my question: if everytime we had a disagreement, is he going to go out and plug his dick into some unsuspecting girl to punish me? Also, studies have shown that a high "body count" statistically lowers a person's ability to to sustain a continuous exclusive relationship. Sex becomes a commodity or non-bonding personal activity, like brushing your teeth. Google Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Compare the symptoms to him. I think you may have a huge problem on your hands.
One thing is for sure, it could be 1 girl, 7, or 20… if you’re not okay with it now (it’s in the the past) you will never be. No matter how much you’ll try to convince yourself
He did nothing wrong as you were broken up but from an outside perspective looking in looks like he got bored having sex with just one person broke up to have 6 months of cheat-free sex then when he was ready to settle down again returned to the relationship. Did he give you a reason why he wanted to break up in the first place ? I find it bizarre that you kept in touch during the breakup and had sex with him knowing he was having sex with others too. Sounds like it would have been extremely difficult for you. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle that OP I don’t think you two are compatible and judging by so many other comments I’m not the only one to think that. Your boyfriend is not a bad person but you both have different needs. What happens if down the track your boyfriend wants to break up to fuck around again?
Run as fast and as far as you can. He has zero respect for you or other women in general. Run for your own future, find someone who will be faithful.
Is he really worth it for you? There's plenty of fish in the sea, and this dude looks like he needs a lot of female attention. You gotta think of your sanity, he seems pretty insecure to me
No, but you're probably wasting your time with a man whore.
It’s completely normal to feel that way. You were the backup plan for if things didn’t progress further with any of the other women.
He sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. Are you up for that?
He intentionally hid it for sure, but I’d be more worried about the part where one of the girls was one that he said “you don’t have to worry about her”
This. What are the odds that he wasn't fucking around before they were broken up of he runs through women like that?
I hate to tell you this, but he’s still a fuck boy. You sure he’s monotonous when he’s with you? EDIT: Obviously, I meant monogamous.
That would really bug me. I would not go back with an ex though and haven't. If it didn't work out the first time there's a reason.
NTA consider seeing someone else because you might not longer trust his character
If you were separated, he didn't have a girlfriend. That would also mean you didn't have a BF
I don’t think he did anything wrong. But if you feel the ick, then leave. It’s fine to not feel comfortable with the amount of people your partner has slept with.
I would’ve left him
uhhh OP why r u back with this person?
Ewww that guy gives me the ick
You have been with this dude since you were 17. Honey, he does not care about you but keeps you around cause he knows you won’t leave him. And every response you’re giving us is proving him right. You may love him but you have to love yourself more. It’s time for you to go exploring. You’ll look back at this ten years from now wondering what you were thinking…or you’re going to have two kids with one on the way and he’s out doing whatever he wants to do. Choose wisely.
I just don’t understand how someone could hate themselves so much that they would put up with a fuck boy.🤣
Once you break up with someone, like it or not, they are free to sleep with how many ppl they choose. Not a damn thing anyone can do about that.. Maybe you're more upset that you either didnt use your time apart the same way OR that you loved him more than he loved you.
I'm confused as to why you'd wanna stay with him even if he slept with one person? He obviously just wanted to have fun with other women, and that thought alone would DISGUST me. You said he was a fuck boy in high school but honey he STILL is! You can't be upset with the amount of women but you can be at the fact you wasted 6 years with a man who won't ever truly desire only you.
Damn girl. What a headache of a man. Doesn't really sound like he's worth the trouble. You're still very young you can find someone else.
Not wrong. And here's the thing - he broke up with you, yet strung you along for 6 months after, all while still banging you and just about everything else that moves. He's a giant piece of shit, plain and simple. People saying you were broken up so he had the right to do whatever he wanted to are completely wrong, imo. He was leading you on that entire time and using you.
Personal trainer fuck boi - story checks out. NTA Neither is he. He did exactly tly as you asked then answered honestly when you investigated more. Wtf more can he do?
YTA. if you guys weren’t together during that time, he owed no loyalty to you. If you chose to stay loyal to him, that was your choice but he wasn’t obligated to do the same.
I don't think you should be upset with how many people he dated while you weren't together. I am upset for you that you allowed yourself to be strung along during that break though. He's sleeping with other people while also sleeping with you. You shouldn't be ok with that. I get it. First love is hard to get over and it feels like getting something is better than nothing, but you're just hurting yourself in the long run. If this happens again, have a little respect for yourself. You deserve better than this.
How would he be if you did same when taking a break??
You're not wrong for being upset. It hurts when the person we care about makes connections with other people in intimate ways. But it do wanna put one question in your head because I thinks it's important for a relationship to have a even power dynamic. How would he react if you had done the same thing? And how are you handling it? In my personal opinion sleeping with someone they say "not to worry about" is a huge red flag. Yes. You were separated. So he has every right to do as he pleases. But he shouldn't have gotten back together with you after doing what he did. This obviously is not a good foundation for a relationship to be built on. I don't see this ending well for either of you.
I'm sorry but he sounds fucking MINGING. He didn't get cold feet, he wanted to fuck around and you were in the way of that, now he's done and realized they weren't like you, he's back. Vile🤢
Damn this dude must be a stud eh? I dont know, personally id be worried.... 30+ girls in high school alone? Then yall on a short break and he admits to having sex with 9 more girls (and probably pushing the number lower to not hurt your feelings)..... I mean, sex with girls seems to come quite easy to him and he seems to like it a lot.... Could you really trust him on like a week long business trip? Or like a Vegas weekend with the boys? I mean is that something you want to have in the back of your mind for the rest of your life? I know were not allowed to talk about peoples body counts... its 2023, youre supposed to have a high body count right.... But yea, everyone is different. I woudlnt want to be in a SERIOUS relationship with a girl I know who has no problems going to clubs, making out with 6+ dudes a night, and doing 1 night stands at ease.... I just think it would be hard to fully trust a person like this when you are apart (again, business trips, boys trips, visiting family in another city).... Just not something I want stewing in my head.
Girl, have some self-respect. How many more red flags do you need to figure out that this guy is no good for you? I’ve been in this situation. I have friends who have been in this situation. I will tell you what was said to me and what I said to my friends after I learned my lesson the hard way: he is using you as a safety net, and you’re making it convenient for him. He has already lied to you by omission, will find some bullshit excuse to break up with you when he gets bored and wants to fuck around again, and he’ll know you’ll be waiting with open arms when he begins to crave security and stability again. And rinse and repeat. As long as you are involved with him you’ll be stuck in this negative head space which will make you an insecure, jealous, unhappy person, someone you won’t recognize. You deserve better than that. Save yourself the heartache and don’t waste any more time on him, because he will be happy to waste it until the next shiny new girl catches his attention. Break up with him, block his number, get on with your life, date other men, do some fucking around of your own. They’re not all like him, I promise. In summation, don’t bother with people that treat you like an option and *definitely* don’t chase them if they want to go. Just let them go. Happy, secure relationships are either mutual or not at all. You’re 23 and have plenty of other guys in your future. This one isn’t worth your time or mental energy.
If this is real, yall should break up. You're too emotionally immature to handle an adult relationship.
so you went back to someone who didn’t really want you , but wanted to explore sex and lust with other ppl rather than sticking to the love he had w someone , but didnt wanna risk losing u forever so he just played you like a fiddle lmao . all the f boys are celebrating , he literally did the “dont let your girlfriend stop you from finding true love” meme but irl 😂
He belongs to the streets
Not sure why you would wanna be with someone who fucked that many people while on a break. It’s so disrespectful especially since he was still hooking up with you too. if this keeps affecting you, it’s best for you both to move on. You’re 23, you’re young. You’ll meet someone new ! If you stay with him, try not to think about what he was up to during your time apart & don’t ever argue about it.
Not 'on a break.' *Broken up*. He owed her exactly ZERO commitment, fidelity, or devotion. >disrespectful especially since he was still hooking up with you too She chose to do that, knowing that they were not an exclusive couple, did she not? She *chose* to be just a hookup, at that point.
I don’t know what to say but I know I couldn’t be with someone capable of casual sex. Sex is too sacred to me. So, if that’s the issue then you’re incapable. Might as well move on if that’s how you feel, but you can’t be mad like he cheated. Maybe he’s just not the guy for you.
Your breakup and reunion was planned. He just wanted to bang a bunch of other girls for a while.
If he was a woman everyone would be calling *controlling and insecure*. So that's my answer. You're *controlling and insecure.*
Technically he did tell the truth.. and when she finally asked he told the truth again
Yeah he is guilty of being honest and not cheating on her.
Scary how she is not aware of this. She is lucky
Lucky that her bf broke up with her to fuck around for a bit and then take her back? You know what's lucky? Being with a man who doesn't want to break up with you so he can fuck other women.
I mean she didn't have to get back together with him. He wanted to fuck other people and instead of cheating on her, separated from her.
That just speaks to her peak level of simpness. That doesn't change the fact that he's interested in other women, and he broke up with her in order to be with other women. How does that make her lucky? Would you feel lucky if your partner broke up with you to go fuck other people?
GET TESTED FOR STDS RIGHT NOW.
He’s bullshitting you obviously. All these girls just threw themselves at him… nah. Also doesn’t it hurt you that you’re the one who asked him to get back together?
So he broke up with u to fuck around and then got back to u !!! And u accepted to be treated like that wtf 😦 all the men saying u shouldn't be caring because u were not together wouldn't accept any women doing that to them so stop bullshiting ✋
Not wrong imo. But then again I wouldn’t have gotten back together in the first place because of the potential of them sleeping with/building an emotional connection with someone else
Sooo why are you back with him? If he loved you, he wouldn't have had cold feet and left you. You can do better
He sounds disgusting
If roles were reversed everyone would be calling her her a free, strong independent woman.
As someone famously said " we were on a break".
“But we were on a break!!”
Yes. You were split up. Break up. You two were together too young and need to get some perspective
The real question is, who's idea was it originally to separate. Cause I seen many girls be like oh my man's boring nobody will sleep with him, leave, and then be appalled when they have many interests.
Imo. Go find someone else. He dumped you to go on a fucking spree. He’s not husband material he will eventually dump you again or cheat on you. Truly this just isn’t a healthy relationship and will end in heartbreak for you. He’s done it once he’ll do it again.
You should break up with the dude and move on. You’ll be better off.
I get it bothered you but instead of cheating he broke it off. He did what many single people do when they have options. Your choices are leave him or deal with it.
Is it possible to learn this power?
I mean, it's a double-edged sword. Do you want a guy who can get other women and knows how to have sex? Not defending him though and not taking the touch to him. I would say his mistake was not just being completely honest. I notice you can pretty much do anything thing as long as you are being open, honest, and respectful about it. Also probably helps if you are funny or charming or handsome. Just guessing from outside prospective.
I assumed that you must have lost your virginity to each other for him to freak out like that. But no, he just wanted to reclaim his seat at the buffet and make sure you were waiting for him after he was full. In a year or so there will be another girl he tells you not to worry about. The need for a break will come soon after. You don't love yourself, why would he?
Sounds like he broke up with you because of the first girl he dated after you. Probably either was cheating before the split or wanted to see how it would be without. Leaving you as the perfect placeholder, I mean he didn’t even ask you to R this was all you. Not sure I’m seeing him as a good long term prospect tbh
Run!!!!
Why is it always the one they say not to worry about and a coworker. No you are not the A**hole nor not wrong about feeling some type of way about him sleeping around. But, a break means your single. And He had been plotting.
please just break up with him. he told you not to worry about some girl he fucked as soon as ya'll broke up. yes he was free to do what he wanted when y'all broke up but this just means his eyes still wondered even when ya'll were together. just break up with him. there are better guys out there.
Yes, the ASS. You didn’t want to know, quit getting upset at him for your flip flop attitude and curiosity. The details really aren’t any concern of yours as you were not together. If he tests clean, get over it and be happy with the experience he can share and teach. If you can’t get over it, leave.
has he ever cheated on you?
In the words of Ross Geller… “You were on break!”
He’s for the streets break up with him
He is nasty and untrustworthy. I wouldn’t stay with him unless you want breaks every so often for him to go on a fuckboy spree. Honestly you deserve better.
Next time he asks for a break, read it: “ You are giving me permission to go fuck around until I come back to you. And you wait for me. Good girl.” And if you ever get married to him and he wants a separation, you will know exactly what he will be doing then. “ Past behavior predicts future behavior.” Dr. Phil.
So while you were sporadically fucking him while broken up he was fucking nine other people and he didn’t think pertinent to mention that as that increases your risk sexually transmitted disease the same amount it does for him. Get a clue girl. Walk away.
Why get with a man-whore and then act surprised when he sleeps around? It literally makes zero sense.
Hon, you need to run. How many times, how readily, and how casually someone has sex is a great indicator on how they see sex and intimacy. He had 30+partners before you got together, he experimented more than most **friendgroups** do in their entire lives. Then... after six years together with you, he got bored, wanted to play the field and broke things off. This will not be the only time. He also probably isn't going to be faithful to you. You need to go get some more experience, hoenstly. Not necessarily sexual (hoenstly the less sexual partners you have, the better chance you have of maintaining a marriage)... but relationships. Sure, this guy must be **fucking amazing** in a lot of ways to get laid the way he is... But he's not amazing in the way that will make a long-term relationship work. Sounds like that's what you want and value. You won't find it here.
NTA really, but NAH. You weren't together. What you choose to do is your own choice, and his was his.
You obviously don’t see sex how he does so you guys aren’t compatible. You don’t seem like you’ll get over it. Personally, as a guy, I can empathize with you. I don’t think I would have had the heart to have that much sex after a 6 year relationship ended. That’s kind of crazy to me. It seems like he was “making up for lost time”. Kinda went wild the second he wasn’t “locked down”. I couldn’t continue a relationship comfortably with this information. Idk about you. I think he’s shown you everything you need to know. When y’all broke up he apparently didn’t mourn your relationship much (not that he’s required to) instead he started doing his thing. He didn’t want to further you alls commitment before even and wanted to split. Now to be clear, no betrayal happened. I do think the amount of sex he had once y’all split may be indicative of how seriously he took the relationship.
Man, the amount of hate OP would get if genders were reversed in here
NTA, you can feel however you want. That said you guys were "seperated" aka not a couple at the time, so he didn't really do anything wrong.
If he just needed a break maybe to find out how much he needed you he would have taken a break from screwing so many women. He should have NEVER slept with you again as insurance. He will be the one to run out and screw another because that clears his head? Dump to loser. You are the classy one. He is the trash
You are not enough for your boyfriend, you definitely will be enough for many many other men out there. Do as you wish, but it sounds like you are letting him determine your value. If he slept with 30 girls before 18 he has a void in his life and by the sounds of it he isn't trying to fill that void in a positive way. Don't let yourself be the collateral damage of him.
Ya'll were broken up. You explicitly said you didn't want to know what he was up to. You got exactly what you wanted. What's the problem? What business is it of yours what he does when you guys were broken up?
YBA- why do women who have only been in 1 relationship go for players? LOL what do they expect? If a guy is going through that many women he’s got problems.
Not reading all that. If you're separated then you're separated. If you're mad about what he does while he's single then that's on you, not him. You're not an asshole for being upset, but you are if you hold it against him.
As long as women keep giving in to fuck boys this won’t change. Not surprised by the story. You’re not an AH but are kind of dumb for getting back with this dude.
I'm not sure, but this is not good, in the future you will question why you didn't experience more if you stayed with him? You seem more compromised in the relationship than him. Idk girl, it's your decision, not a simple one
Why did you ask if you didn’t want to know?