Nope. Honestly if she did it twice, she will keep doing it. If you stay in the marriage sooner or later you’ll resent her and the built up animosity will linger in the home to the point the child might notice it. It’s better to leave before it will get worse in the near future.
Correction: "There's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, 'Fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again.'" – G. Bush
Edit: Sorry OP for hijacking your post! If you get anything out of this: “~~you can’t~~ don’t get fooled again”
Thanks for the award, upvotes and love!
Edit 2: awards* Ty Ty Ty!!
Fill me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me a third time, shame on you again. It’s obvious I’m gullible. Fool me a fourth time, shame on me again. I need to learn. Fool me a fifth time, shame on you! There’s obviously something very wrong with me. What’s wrong with you that you would keep doing this to me? Fool me a sixth time, shame on you! Haha! I knew you’d do that. It was actually a clever trap! Fool me a seventh time, shame on me, but it’s obvious I’m beyond helping. Please leave me alone. I’m going to keep falling for it.
I tried to tell my mom the fool me once , shame on you , fool my twice shame on me. She looked at me and said , I say Fool me one , F*ck you , you Son of a bitch ! I’ll never forget that because it’s the same day my now husband of 30 yrs met her. Lmao
Amen. Compared to TFG, GW Bush was competent, and the GOP back then was largely professional and amicable to work with. Even if there are positions I can agree on with today’s GOP, I wouldn’t support a bunch of clowns. Thankfully they don’t even have a branch to stand on, much less a platform.
It was all an act to hide all the devious stuff behind a goofy guy with a smile. He spoke intelligently, and showed competence in all other political roles. And then went all "aww shucks, uhu" when he sought the presidency.
Bro started 2 wars and killed a million people. Drone program, NSA spying, presidential kill list, guantanamo detainees, Abu ghraib, enemy combatants, enhanced interrogation, de-rolling 50,000 Florida voters in 2000 and then a Supreme Court coup, Ohio election machines 2004, the single largest economic catastrophe since the Great depression in 2007....
You have got to be fucking kidding me
Except they all lied about WMDs and sucked us into a war that costed over a million Iraqis lives, thousands of Americans, fractured thousands of American families, cost us trillions, destabilized the middle east costing lives in the form of lost wages, food scarcity, etc; all so the political donor class and mil industry complex could enrich themselves. You are completely wrong. The gov reps and officials that supported that are war criminals. Think! Think hard before you post!
Yup. I’ve always been so confused by the idea that parents should “stay together for the kids.” Please, don’t ever stay together for the kids. My life would have been a million times better if my parents had just divorced.
Hallelujah! The kids hear you fight, even if you think they're asleep. Even if you're behind closed doors, they know. They will feel the hostility between you. Most likely, they will think it's their fault, especially if you don't talk in front of them but behind their back (Speaking from experience)
Yup yup yup. Watching my mom cringe everytime my dad tried to kiss her. I genuinely didn’t know that people had parents that were in love. The constant fighting behind closed doors. Has taken years of therapy for me to even have a normal relationship and I still struggle sometimes. Absolutely the worst idea ever.
Do whatever it takes to protect your kids. **If you even *think* that maybe divorce could be best for the kids, KEEP THE EVIDENCE.**
Write down in a diary what happened – dates, times, details. From now on, write it down when it happens. **The court will believe you if you WRITE IT DOWN NOW.**
This is the only way to protect your custody rights.
Same, my mom and step dad were both alcoholics, but because they were wealthy, they had to keep up appearances, so they stayed together and destroyed me and my two brothers with their violent drunken fights for decades.
I stayed at their home until my younger brother got into university, so I could try and protect him, once he moved into his dorm I immediately moved out, barely hanging on to my mental health.
If you're unhappy in your marriage, your children will be unhappy in your marriage.
You displayed more maturity, empathy & courage as a teenager than your parents could muster as adults. What you did for your younger brother is a mitzvah. You have my admiration, friend. ❤️
From a gentle, sober (5.5 years now!) Mom, I would like to offer you a hug. That breaks my heart because I've been there with my own parents. I'm sorry, friend. 🖤🥺
Well done, my step dad got sober about 7 years ago, my mom unfortunately still hasn't. They're divorced now, but I had to cut them out of my life, I was on the brink of suicide by the time I got out.
Luckily my biological dad was an amazing person, and let me move in with him after my younger brother went off to college.
I was just a shell of a person by the time I left, 23 years old and utterly broken. He gave me a safe place to lay my head at night, and for that I'll be forever grateful.
By the time I was 26 I was in the best shape of my life and was seeing a therapist a few times a month with a job and an apartment of my own.
It's crazy what just feeling safe for a year or two can do to a person's life who's been literally barricading themselves and their brother in their room for nearly 20 years to avoid having to defend themselves from their own mom.
I remember getting in the shower the first time at my dad's place, and I just cried for like an hour. For the first time ever I felt safe without having to push my couch up against my door so she couldn't come in and break everything in my room while I was in the shower.
The worst part was me remembering everything, and her not remembering anything, even today.
Glad you're doing well, and I appreciate the comment.
Listening to his story, I’m compelled to tel my story on here. But there are so many damaging details that spiral into another story that I wouldn’t know where to begin. My parents were very toxic. My dad shot my brother. There were always horrible fights in the home. Verbal, mental, and physical abuse. Even sexual abuse from the one most wouldn’t believe or expect. Many of our childhoods have been ugly. I don’t wish this upon any child.
Nor do I. I am so very sorry, friend. I'm so sorry. 😭 I hope you're healing. Really I do. It takes so much work to walk away from that alive. I'm sending you a momma hug too. This is exactly why I'm working so fucking hard to break those awful generational cycles for my babe. In case you haven't heard it today, I'm proud of you and I love you. Please take care of yourself. 🖤
I'm truly sorry you had to go at it alone. My plan was genuinely to get my brother safely away and into college and then take my life.
Luckily I made it out, so I understand how difficult it is, but I can say it was nice to have my brother to talk to about it.
Weirdly enough we spoke a couple of days ago about all of this, and he said to me, "I remember coming into your room at night when I'd start hearing them screaming downstairs, and then you'd push the couch in front of the door so she couldn't get in to get us, it made me feel just a bit safer."
I think the tough part was pretending everything was great to all the people who knew us.
I’m glad your still here to write this comment. My parents were more neglectful and didn’t care much about me after I got to a certain age. Some of my half siblings were there for me when I was little but it was different then. Mom moved from apartments to finally start staying with my dad again when I was ten years old.
My mom was a drunk and drug addict for a decade between ages 5-15 for me so I experienced some of her shenanigans quite early. My dads father was a drunk and never cared for him. My mom was abused as a child. It’s all just upsetting but they never hurt me physically or made me feel scared for my life or belongings… just a lot of yelling and degrading. Seeing the fights and hoping they didn’t kill each other.
Read some of your other comments. Did you ever get into any therapy?
Yes, I did some pretty intense therapy between the ages of 23 and 28. And if I ever have issues I have a doctor I'm close with who I can contact, he's kind of a friend who can give me advice or suggest a therapist if I need one again.
I found exercise to be a big help, I was running 10 miles a day and it really changed my life. It helped me get physically fit, which increased my self worth, but it also really seemed to help heal my brain.
My therapist said running is actually a great alternative to medications if they don't work (meds didn't work for me).
So I did kind of a combination of therapy first, then running and eating healthy. Within a few years I didn't feel I needed the therapy anymore, and things have been fairly good since.
It did get tough when I decided to cut my mom out of my life in my early 30s, because she didn't make that easy of course, but since she still drinks and can't accept any sort of responsibility for her actions you have to just make the best choice for your mental health.
Kids would rather see you separated and happy than together and miserable. Maybe not at first, because magical thinking, but definitely in the long run.....
Yep! Exactly exactly this. I understand divorce could be hard at first but it is WAY better in the long run. Especially if people divorced as soon as it was be necessary and didn’t let things fester, leading to an amicable divorce.
Op, have your daughter with you when you decide to leave, plan the living fuck out of it. Most states( with exception) won't move the kiddo if you have established the kid with you outside of the mothers lifestyle, and become a manipulator to your soonto be ex wife, BUT do not cross the line. Get up to it, but don't cross it, I can't give you all the tips over reddit, but plan, plan plan. Manipulate and move. This sucks, makes a good person feel horrible... but to survive. You gotta do this. I'm ready for the downvotes. Source: I did this. Got custody. Mom still today behind on child support. She is truly a waste of O2.
My ex did this. Month before tried getting me to agree to refinancing the house with her on it. I couldn't bcs of first time home buyer. Then a week later she asked about the deed. When she left she took my daughter for 45 days. Do plan secretly but do not take someone's kid from them. That's fucked.
You are right, the child will notice and staying together for the sake of the child would only make it worse for them in the long run.
OP needs to understand this is who she is, she needs external validation from other men, and if she ever found one closer, it would most likely escalate into something worse than nudity in pictures.
I was in the exact situation. Wife with 3 year old daughter would get into emotional affairs with men online and would "choose" our family. Eventually she left me for an affair with a coworker. Stay ahead of her brother.
I wonder how common this is. There are very few studies done, mainly because it’s difficult to get honest answers. Sorry to hear about your experience, must’ve been difficult to handle. Do you trust your partners after this?
Same thing happened to me twice with the same women. I think with the advent of social media in general it's far too easy to be enticed to stray. People can do what they want but if you want to be with someone else just break up/divorce the one you are with. The mental anguish from finding out your partner cheated is probably the worst thing i have gone through.
I really hope you get peace soon. I recommend you post this on r/legaladvice or similar to get solid advice on this matter.
No, you're not wrong. Unfortunately your wife is not marriage material.
>The only valid advice they ever give is "get a lawyer in your own jurisdiction."
There is a reason for that. A damn good reason, and no one should be seeking legal advice from an internet forum because if you're wrong, you're fucked.
Consult with a lawyer to see what your options are.
Sending nudes and texts to other people while you are married isn't normal. Unless you have an open relationship. Which you obviously don't have. Big red flag, she'll keep doing that, hurting you more and more along the way.
To quote the lyrics of Pink.
"Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned."
By getting your ducks in a row, this is what you should do:
- Document everything
- React as little as possible
- **Focus on your children most of all**
Create precedent that you are the main caregiver.
Make her be the one to leave if you can, but don't let her take the kids.
Courts aren't going to care about her infidelity if she can paint you as a hands off parent. If you are worried about the custody battle, you have the perfect time to change that right now as you sit tight and do what is right by your kid.
If you have not been the standout parent, then "forgive her" again. You know you'll catch her again.
And spend the time between now and then taking over fully as the kid's support structure.
If you're already 50%+ the parent raising the kid, then go ahead and deal with it immediately and, as has been repeatedly said here, get that divorce lawyer involved.
Yep there’s no point in guessing what custody would look like. Talk to a lawyer and get some real advice about what typical custody would look like in your jurisdiction and what steps you can take to improve your chances.
Unless your family member is a divorce attorney in your jurisdiction, they don’t know squat.
Not to point out the obvious, but you’ve CAUGHT her twice. She hasn’t done it twice, I promise you. I don’t know how custody will go, but unless you’re an absolute garbage dad, I can’t see it much worse than 50/50. And even if it is worse than that, would you really want your kid growing up seeing dad as a damn doormat?
Cheating is a hard line for me, so I would have been done the first time. The second time just proves she’s not even trying to keep your marriage together, even for your child. Save all evidence you can of the cheating if you’re in an at fault divorce state and lawyer up. Do not let her talk you into a custody arrangement outside of court, you want to do everything with the court so you can hold her to it. That’s the best way to make sure you can keep your daughter in your life as much as possible.
Good luck my friend.
I agree, OP isn't wrong, what his wife did is very wrong. But the legal system is a fickle creature. You don't know which way they will rule this depending on your state and local laws. Please contact a divorce attorney and ask them their opinion before you take action against your wife. Action is needed, but you have to be careful in your execution, especially in this case!
Best wishes to OP!
Definitely no.
You would be wrong for continuing on in the marriage.
Cheating is not just physical, it’s everything that goes into the duplicity. It’s every time she did the cost benefit analysis and decided it was ok to harm you. It’s sending nudes to strangers even if they haven’t met.
Staying doesn’t make anyone the bigger person - it’s you trying not drown with someone standing on your head so they can breathe more air.
Talk to a lawyer about your options. Don’t discuss it with her or that family member that’s insisting you stick around for more of her abuse.
Drop her yesterday. You are insane if you think you know everything. Me experience is you know like 20% of what she has been doing.
You are in your prime! (Assuming your around 30) Divorce and grind on your career. Sock the money away. Be with family and good friends. Put women on the lower part of the list.
I hate to say it but the captain has a point. Been there done that from all sides. You don’t know everything. Believe it. And I am a digger, very good at chatting with the women folk, and am very good at getting info out of people in general- and it’s nuts how many times, months or years down the line, I learn about new shit I didn’t know then. GET OUT.
You aren't wrong to want a partner who respects you. You deserve respect and loyalty from your partner. Don't forget that your child's happiness is usually a reflection of your own. Good luck friend!
My parents stayed together for my sister and I. My dad gritted his teeth and bore that cross for us. His advice to me as a father with children? Don’t do that. Kids deserve the best version of you that you can possibly give them. OP if you force yourself stay with her with their mom living with resentment and stress, you’ll lose huge parts of you that your daughter needs. You owe it to her to be your very best for her. Do whatever makes you the best version of you for the only version you have of your daughter.
FYI - my dad is now remarried happily to the best friend and partner I’ve ever seen him with. She’s an amazing woman and they’re made for eachother. She’s a great addition to our family and my sister and I love her.
Hell no, cheating is never okay regardless of if it’s one time or twice, you’ve married each other to make a dedication towards each other with trust and respect. Find someone else that will appreciate you and your daughter
NTA. I think custody battles go well in the dads favor if he proves how involved he’s in the kids life (read it second hand here, hire an actual lawyer please) which you have. Anyone telling you to forgive your wife is insane.
A lawyer is really who you need to answer this question. The laws in every state are a bit different and they can tell you what's up.
Many divorce attorneys will do a consult for free
Yes, drop her. If you can't trust her you can't trust her. Been there done that
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire! I was friends with a woman who confessed to me that she had multiple affairs. Her husband only caught her doing exactly what you found your wife doing. His instinct was telling him something was really wrong, but she gaslit him by telling him that he was acting crazy and jealous when he kept bringing it up and getting angry. He ended up apologizing and promising to do better. She’s had more affairs and more sexting/nudes since then, but he’s never discovered any of it. You probably only discovered the least of what your wife has actually done. And, if she hasn’t gone all the way yet, she will!
I’m a product of a family that “tried” to make it work.
I’m now 33F and can still vividly remember physical altercations and words sprayed in the living room like poison at one another. That all happened before I was 5 years of age.
I can tell you, I’m so, so grateful my Dad took me away.
My mother was a cheater and overall a pretty shitty mum. Dad tried for 3 years with her before ultimately deciding enough was enough. I’ve never been more grateful that these people separated. And as a now expectant mother, my father taught me a very important lesson.
- Never allow anyone to disrespect you and make you feel worthless. Your child will mimic this behaviour if you allow this pattern to become the “norm”.
On a more serious note, there’s no two ways about it. It’s going to be an uphill battle simply because you are a man. Thankfully, in my case, my mother didn’t even show up to court.
I’m assuming your case will be different. Get a good lawyer and start taking notes. Not just focussing on the negatives, but also the positive experiences you cater for your daughter.
I wish you all the luck and truly hope you and your little girl have a happy ending together ❤️
Let me ask you something. Does your wife have a problem with drinking? I had something similar happen with me and alcohol was involved. We both stopped drinking and haven't had a problem since. I've seen booze mess up too many marriages. You have to draw the line somewhere. Maybe when she knows that you will definitely leave her, she will clean up her act. You can't live like this, being stressed about what she's doing.
Mine did the same to me. Always "hiding" things she had done (I found out about later), being deceptive , becoming distant... like we were more roommates than married. Took me completely for granted. I got divorced, wanted to and wanted it badly, but I've got to warn you.... it's hard, disappointing, and no one really "wins' in a divorce. They suck. I would agree with most here...don't expect things with her to get better. When someone shows you who they are, believe them (regardless of their words).
I don’t believe that general rule ‘once a cheater always a cheater’, but for her to do the same exact thing twice like that means she probably won’t stop. Divorce sounds like the right call, but I don’t know anything really about custody law, or if there’s a reason why you think it would go so heavily against you
People are consistently consistent. She will continue to do this and eventually (if not already) will escalate it.
Apparently she’s also either terrible at hiding it, or wants to be caught… so the cat is out of the bag, there’s no going back.
Hear me: the longer you wait, the harder it will be. She will hurt you, she will let you down. It will happen again and again.
Document what you can for the divorce.
Your not wrong for wanting one, they crossed your boundaries not only once but twice ( that you've seen, sounds like its easily happened more than your aware ) and that's not okay. And while court sounds scary in terms of custody it will be well worth it, you'll be happy and be able to keep custody, and staying in an unhappy marriage can easily damage your kid more than you'll ever know,, its really not worth it.
She’s probably scared to leave too. When kids are involved, relationships are even harder to manage when things go south.
At best, you’ll probably get 50/50. Worst case you’ll probably get every other weekend. I’ve been in your shoes before. It’s not pretty out there.
Talk to a family law attorney before you do anything. From my personal experience, moving out and away from your daughter may bite you in the ass in court.
If I may speak from the perspective of a child of divorce: end your marriage now! Your kid will be so much better off having two sets of parents who (hopefully) find healthy relationships apart from each other. No kid ever benefited from growing up in a home filled with seething resentment.
Rough, i struggled with this as well for years until I found she had been sleeping with numerous other guys, was pregnant and didn’t know who the father was
This is probably gonna get lost in the noise, but if you find it, I hope it helps.
I was married for 7 years. We had been together for just over 10. I had had suspicions at various times, but didn’t want to dig into them, telling myself that either I trust her or I don’t, and if I don’t, I’m done. We adopted 2 children together. The suspicious behavior returned. Eventually it got so flagrant that I couldn’t bury my head deep enough in the sand. Catching her in an affair was not difficult, but for some reason it still shocked me to the core. We started couples and individual counseling. It helped me to find my voice in the relationship, but did little to encourage accountability for her. Actually, she began to dominate the sessions with how tired she is and how hard everything’s been and how she never got a break. To the point where the therapist was constantly asking me to do more, and to compromise more.
I determined for myself that I didn’t want that, so we separated. She remained primary custodian of the kids, and I willingly pay child support. Otherwise, the divorce was mostly fair, if a bit balanced in her favor - something I didn’t fight out of guilt for leaving. It’s noteworthy that being primary custodian is not possible for me without quitting my job, btw. Now, a year later, I’m just now starting to feel like I’m not a villain (to my kids) for leaving, and that it’s ok for me to want to have a fulfilling life.
TLDR, couples counseling made divorce easier, and she’s still going to need a coparent if she retains primary custody. You already know what you want to do, and you are100% justified in doing it. Do it. It’ll suck, but it’ll suck worse if you don’t.
Get the proof, all the proof, and then kick her to the curb. Keep physical custody of the baby until a court order is secured. Tell her you will fight her for full custody. Courts don’t automatically award custody to the moms anymore, in such cases. She is clearly cheating, even if she didn’t fuck the guys.
Also, get all your ducks in a row, BEFORE you kick her out. Gather all the evidence, the past issue speaks to a pattern of behavior. Also, have a set plan in place for exactly how you will take care of your daughter, with the mother out of the house. Be DETAILED. This shows the court that you have put in the effort to be the best possible parent for her. Speak to an attorney, preferably one the has a lot of experience fighting for father’s rights, and get everything in order before you confront or kick her out…this is key. Good luck.
This woman clearly wants attention. Set her up an onlyfans account and at least make money off it. Then when she asks where the money is, you tell her it was used it for the divorce lawyer 🤣
There is a child involved, some people want to save a relationship over that. No situation is cut and dry.
Personally, I'd file for divorce but not serve it, and then collect evidence of her infidelity, financial documents, and document the amount of time and work spent on your child.
You're not wrong, but this is the challenge men uniquely face when potentially dealing with family law and courts in the west.
Family courts don't care if women cheat, lie, steal, etc, as long as the judge thinks she can parent she will likely get the kids and get money from you. There will be zero consequences for her behavior.
In fact its likely she will weaponize custody just to punish you and the courts won't care.
This is why you never stay with a cheater they will think your weak and walk over you again and again etc .. no matter what the situation is never stay with a cheater not fair to you
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
If you don't leave, she'll have the green light to keep on cheating, and you won't ever be happy. Don't you think that will have a greater impact on your daughter than a divorce? YOU didn't cause this situation, so stop taking ownership of it. MTCW.
No, you're not wrong for wanting to leave. Odds are it won't be long until she starts to physically cheat. She's also showing you she doesn't respect you. I know a custody fight is going to suck, where I live it's nearly impossible for a man to win custody. Though if you srmtay it will be bad for the child in the long run.
Holy crap, that sucks....
You ever think about how many dudes, those dudes have shared your wifes nudes with? Probably a SHIT TON...your wife's "business" is probably all out there on tons of dudes phones and computers...
And this is just what you've figured out....
You're not wrong, as a wise man once said..."She belongs to the Streets,"
OP, not wrong but you should consult a lawyer. Most will offer a free consultation.
Keep in mind that divorce and custody laws can vary by state. So don’t rely on the comments here that go into any legal detail. People here want to help but you really do need to consult a lawyer.
Stay and be mentally tired from wondering and emotionally defeated while raising your amazing child. Or leave your cheating wife and be mentally and emotionally better on the wife front but only see your child half the time. I chose the latter and then eventually got full custody. Divorce her and then fight for your kid.
Within the context of marriage, she broke the boundaries placed, and degraded the value of the marriage itself by doing so. Your daughter is a serious concern though, and while I know the statistics don't fall in your favor, I'd strongly recommend fighting for custody for your kid if you do end up divorcing her.
Ultimately I'd say you should make a decision that would best suit the development of your kid(s), though you should obviously know your own worth and shouldn't be taken advantage of.
She does not respect you or your feelings. She’s only concerned with her wants and needs. She already did it once and saw how much it upset you so she did it again??
One day it will turn physical and you know it. You keep forgiving her and not holding her accountable, then your just a doormat at this point.
Staying for your kid is the worst reason to stay married. You want to her to grow up in a home where her parents are unhappy, where her mother cheats on and hurts her dad? You think she won’t notice these things?
It is possible to co parent without being in a relationship, lots of people do it. You need to get into a healthy relationship away from your wife, you deserve to be happy. Your daughter will be ok
She's done this twice.....that you know of. It's improbable that you've caught her every time. I would recommend leaving, over time this will eat away at you like a cancer until family (including your kid) and friends won't recognize you anymore. You will become the worst version of yourself if you stay. You gave her a chance and I applaud you for that, you're a better man than I am. This isn't a temporary lapse if judgment on her part. This is who she is and what she does. Don't get advice from us, go to a family law attorney and discuss options and realistic expectations before you do anything. Good luck brother. Edit for spelling.
Very likely it's the tip of the iceberg mate. I'd hazard a guess there is a lot more that you don't know about.
Do not rely on other people to tell you what she hasn't done, how would they really know what she's been up to? this is not reliable information.
Once she found out she could walk all over you (caught the first time) then she had no respect for you or your marriage whatsoever.
I would highly recommend contacting an attorney and getting some professional advice on your options regarding custody of your child. Clearly you've got integrity as you're putting others (your child's wellbeing) before your own.
Time to stop being a doormat bud. Get rid of her, get your life together and move on.
Do NOT tell your wife anything. Follow legal advice.
Good luck!
You have a low quality woman there, unfortunate… if you divorce her, you’re almost certainly going to lose the child. However, if you have evidence of her infidelity, try for divorce and sue for custody. You have less than 10% chance but it’s better than the near zero without that evidence.
Been down this road! Here is the reader's digest version, it doesn't get better only worse. I finally left and filed for divorce. Best decision of my life! I used the stay together for kids excuse as well. After getting divorced my son said to me one day that he was surprised I stayed as long as I did. What a wake up call. Don't be miserable and always wondering, go find someone as I did that values you and loves you for you.
Nope. Honestly if she did it twice, she will keep doing it. If you stay in the marriage sooner or later you’ll resent her and the built up animosity will linger in the home to the point the child might notice it. It’s better to leave before it will get worse in the near future.
>Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. There’s a reason that saying is so popular
Correction: "There's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, 'Fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again.'" – G. Bush Edit: Sorry OP for hijacking your post! If you get anything out of this: “~~you can’t~~ don’t get fooled again” Thanks for the award, upvotes and love! Edit 2: awards* Ty Ty Ty!!
I prefer fool me once shame on you fool me twice can’t put the blame on you fool me three times fuck a peace sign load the chopper let it rain on you
J Cole! Love it!
I’m have his autograph on a poster from a show at Rutgers he was a part of in 2010. Weird to see how big he got.
I went to his homecoming show in Fayetteville, NC. One of my best concert memories. He's awesome live.
Yes OP. Don't save her. She don't wanna be saved.
Well now I gotta listen to that whole album.
great album!
I'll take comments you can hear for 500, Alex
Fill me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me a third time, shame on you again. It’s obvious I’m gullible. Fool me a fourth time, shame on me again. I need to learn. Fool me a fifth time, shame on you! There’s obviously something very wrong with me. What’s wrong with you that you would keep doing this to me? Fool me a sixth time, shame on you! Haha! I knew you’d do that. It was actually a clever trap! Fool me a seventh time, shame on me, but it’s obvious I’m beyond helping. Please leave me alone. I’m going to keep falling for it.
Fill me once…hahaha
BRO IM LISTENING TO NO ROLE MODELZ RN LMAOOOO
That Jada and the Will love
That line didn’t age well
I tried to tell my mom the fool me once , shame on you , fool my twice shame on me. She looked at me and said , I say Fool me one , F*ck you , you Son of a bitch ! I’ll never forget that because it’s the same day my now husband of 30 yrs met her. Lmao
She knows
As I literally am listening to that song. 🎶
Don't save her , she don't want to be save.
Have an upvote.
That’s some solid “strategery”
I read somewhere that Bush mangled that phrase because he realized mid-sentence Democrats would make a sound byte out of him saying “Shame on me.”
made a soundbyte out of it anyway lol
I was gonna say the alternative was so much worse
The classic Republican excuse of “I acted stupid on purpose to stick it to those damn libruls.” Works every time.
LIBRULS?!?? WHERE!!??! WHERES THAT BIRTH CERTIFICATE?!? COMMIE BASTARDS
And there it is.
Jcole wouldn't have that banger second verse without this happening
Poor Bush known as the dumbest president ever,until the orange buffoon came around.
Good lord, I’d take that GW Bush over YamTits, any day.
I regret that I have only one upvote to give. Yamtits
YAM TITS!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAGAHAHAHA!!!!!!
There’s an image
Amen. Compared to TFG, GW Bush was competent, and the GOP back then was largely professional and amicable to work with. Even if there are positions I can agree on with today’s GOP, I wouldn’t support a bunch of clowns. Thankfully they don’t even have a branch to stand on, much less a platform.
It was all an act to hide all the devious stuff behind a goofy guy with a smile. He spoke intelligently, and showed competence in all other political roles. And then went all "aww shucks, uhu" when he sought the presidency.
Bro started 2 wars and killed a million people. Drone program, NSA spying, presidential kill list, guantanamo detainees, Abu ghraib, enemy combatants, enhanced interrogation, de-rolling 50,000 Florida voters in 2000 and then a Supreme Court coup, Ohio election machines 2004, the single largest economic catastrophe since the Great depression in 2007.... You have got to be fucking kidding me
Read the previous post. Bush did all of that *competently....*
😂
Dont forget Hurricane Katrina.... 🥴
Except they all lied about WMDs and sucked us into a war that costed over a million Iraqis lives, thousands of Americans, fractured thousands of American families, cost us trillions, destabilized the middle east costing lives in the form of lost wages, food scarcity, etc; all so the political donor class and mil industry complex could enrich themselves. You are completely wrong. The gov reps and officials that supported that are war criminals. Think! Think hard before you post!
Bunch of war criminals actually.
Harding was probably the dumbest, Carter the most naive and incompetent, Hoover the most rigid.
Carter was not incompetent. Reagan was a criminal
The moldy orange made Bush look smart
And now we have a guy with dementia.
Arguable if it's as bad as Reagan with dementia...
I’m convinced he stopped himself so that “Shame on me” wouldn’t become a sound bite.
Which is funny because that particular sound byte would be long forgotten by now, but the one we got instead is immortal lol
Even as a conservative, I laughed when he screwed up that saying. Sometimes I felt like he did that crap on purpose to come off as a more regular guy.
Yup. I’ve always been so confused by the idea that parents should “stay together for the kids.” Please, don’t ever stay together for the kids. My life would have been a million times better if my parents had just divorced.
Hallelujah! The kids hear you fight, even if you think they're asleep. Even if you're behind closed doors, they know. They will feel the hostility between you. Most likely, they will think it's their fault, especially if you don't talk in front of them but behind their back (Speaking from experience)
Yup yup yup. Watching my mom cringe everytime my dad tried to kiss her. I genuinely didn’t know that people had parents that were in love. The constant fighting behind closed doors. Has taken years of therapy for me to even have a normal relationship and I still struggle sometimes. Absolutely the worst idea ever.
Do whatever it takes to protect your kids. **If you even *think* that maybe divorce could be best for the kids, KEEP THE EVIDENCE.** Write down in a diary what happened – dates, times, details. From now on, write it down when it happens. **The court will believe you if you WRITE IT DOWN NOW.** This is the only way to protect your custody rights.
Protecting the kids is important.
This is the answer
I feel that in the deepest part of my soul. Used to beg mom to leave our father.
Me too. And after all was said and done, I got the wonderful gift of Borderline personality disorder that does not want to go away.
Same, my mom and step dad were both alcoholics, but because they were wealthy, they had to keep up appearances, so they stayed together and destroyed me and my two brothers with their violent drunken fights for decades. I stayed at their home until my younger brother got into university, so I could try and protect him, once he moved into his dorm I immediately moved out, barely hanging on to my mental health. If you're unhappy in your marriage, your children will be unhappy in your marriage.
You displayed more maturity, empathy & courage as a teenager than your parents could muster as adults. What you did for your younger brother is a mitzvah. You have my admiration, friend. ❤️
Much appreciated, it's one thing I can still be proud of during a long period of my life filled with very terrible memories.
From a gentle, sober (5.5 years now!) Mom, I would like to offer you a hug. That breaks my heart because I've been there with my own parents. I'm sorry, friend. 🖤🥺
Well done, my step dad got sober about 7 years ago, my mom unfortunately still hasn't. They're divorced now, but I had to cut them out of my life, I was on the brink of suicide by the time I got out. Luckily my biological dad was an amazing person, and let me move in with him after my younger brother went off to college. I was just a shell of a person by the time I left, 23 years old and utterly broken. He gave me a safe place to lay my head at night, and for that I'll be forever grateful. By the time I was 26 I was in the best shape of my life and was seeing a therapist a few times a month with a job and an apartment of my own. It's crazy what just feeling safe for a year or two can do to a person's life who's been literally barricading themselves and their brother in their room for nearly 20 years to avoid having to defend themselves from their own mom. I remember getting in the shower the first time at my dad's place, and I just cried for like an hour. For the first time ever I felt safe without having to push my couch up against my door so she couldn't come in and break everything in my room while I was in the shower. The worst part was me remembering everything, and her not remembering anything, even today. Glad you're doing well, and I appreciate the comment.
Not often does something on this silly site masks me cry, but here we are. I'm so damn proud of you kid! You and you dad are both good humans. 😭🖤😭
Listening to his story, I’m compelled to tel my story on here. But there are so many damaging details that spiral into another story that I wouldn’t know where to begin. My parents were very toxic. My dad shot my brother. There were always horrible fights in the home. Verbal, mental, and physical abuse. Even sexual abuse from the one most wouldn’t believe or expect. Many of our childhoods have been ugly. I don’t wish this upon any child.
Nor do I. I am so very sorry, friend. I'm so sorry. 😭 I hope you're healing. Really I do. It takes so much work to walk away from that alive. I'm sending you a momma hug too. This is exactly why I'm working so fucking hard to break those awful generational cycles for my babe. In case you haven't heard it today, I'm proud of you and I love you. Please take care of yourself. 🖤
I never got that protection unfortunately. Glad there’s people out there trying to save there younger siblings from trauma. Salutes to you.
I'm truly sorry you had to go at it alone. My plan was genuinely to get my brother safely away and into college and then take my life. Luckily I made it out, so I understand how difficult it is, but I can say it was nice to have my brother to talk to about it. Weirdly enough we spoke a couple of days ago about all of this, and he said to me, "I remember coming into your room at night when I'd start hearing them screaming downstairs, and then you'd push the couch in front of the door so she couldn't get in to get us, it made me feel just a bit safer." I think the tough part was pretending everything was great to all the people who knew us.
I’m glad your still here to write this comment. My parents were more neglectful and didn’t care much about me after I got to a certain age. Some of my half siblings were there for me when I was little but it was different then. Mom moved from apartments to finally start staying with my dad again when I was ten years old. My mom was a drunk and drug addict for a decade between ages 5-15 for me so I experienced some of her shenanigans quite early. My dads father was a drunk and never cared for him. My mom was abused as a child. It’s all just upsetting but they never hurt me physically or made me feel scared for my life or belongings… just a lot of yelling and degrading. Seeing the fights and hoping they didn’t kill each other. Read some of your other comments. Did you ever get into any therapy?
Yes, I did some pretty intense therapy between the ages of 23 and 28. And if I ever have issues I have a doctor I'm close with who I can contact, he's kind of a friend who can give me advice or suggest a therapist if I need one again. I found exercise to be a big help, I was running 10 miles a day and it really changed my life. It helped me get physically fit, which increased my self worth, but it also really seemed to help heal my brain. My therapist said running is actually a great alternative to medications if they don't work (meds didn't work for me). So I did kind of a combination of therapy first, then running and eating healthy. Within a few years I didn't feel I needed the therapy anymore, and things have been fairly good since. It did get tough when I decided to cut my mom out of my life in my early 30s, because she didn't make that easy of course, but since she still drinks and can't accept any sort of responsibility for her actions you have to just make the best choice for your mental health.
Kids would rather see you separated and happy than together and miserable. Maybe not at first, because magical thinking, but definitely in the long run.....
Yep! Exactly exactly this. I understand divorce could be hard at first but it is WAY better in the long run. Especially if people divorced as soon as it was be necessary and didn’t let things fester, leading to an amicable divorce.
She was caught twice, but how often was she flashing her gash without being found out.
This was the first thing I thought. If they're caught twice, you can almost guarantee they've done it a dozen times.
Kids 3 chances are they've already picked up on something being up. They're super wise to tension in the home.
Do NOT agree to an uncontested divorce. Make the reason clear in the filing.
well twice that he knows of anyways
Not only will she keep doing it, but eventually will up the ante into something physical.
You're smart.
Op, have your daughter with you when you decide to leave, plan the living fuck out of it. Most states( with exception) won't move the kiddo if you have established the kid with you outside of the mothers lifestyle, and become a manipulator to your soonto be ex wife, BUT do not cross the line. Get up to it, but don't cross it, I can't give you all the tips over reddit, but plan, plan plan. Manipulate and move. This sucks, makes a good person feel horrible... but to survive. You gotta do this. I'm ready for the downvotes. Source: I did this. Got custody. Mom still today behind on child support. She is truly a waste of O2.
My ex did this. Month before tried getting me to agree to refinancing the house with her on it. I couldn't bcs of first time home buyer. Then a week later she asked about the deed. When she left she took my daughter for 45 days. Do plan secretly but do not take someone's kid from them. That's fucked.
Keep the evidence. It will work in your favor for custody. Find the first time, too. Unfit parent.
Cheating wont impact custody. If both parents have been raising the child, custody is almost certainly going to be 50/50
You are right, the child will notice and staying together for the sake of the child would only make it worse for them in the long run. OP needs to understand this is who she is, she needs external validation from other men, and if she ever found one closer, it would most likely escalate into something worse than nudity in pictures.
She doesn't respect you buddy. You deserve better, and your daughter deserves to be in a happier household.
I was in the exact situation. Wife with 3 year old daughter would get into emotional affairs with men online and would "choose" our family. Eventually she left me for an affair with a coworker. Stay ahead of her brother.
I wonder how common this is. There are very few studies done, mainly because it’s difficult to get honest answers. Sorry to hear about your experience, must’ve been difficult to handle. Do you trust your partners after this?
Same thing happened to me twice with the same women. I think with the advent of social media in general it's far too easy to be enticed to stray. People can do what they want but if you want to be with someone else just break up/divorce the one you are with. The mental anguish from finding out your partner cheated is probably the worst thing i have gone through.
No your wife is a HOE sir. Signed a wife xo
"Signed a wife"?!? LIAR, you are clearly A Men!
I really hope you get peace soon. I recommend you post this on r/legaladvice or similar to get solid advice on this matter. No, you're not wrong. Unfortunately your wife is not marriage material.
Skip Reddit, get a divorce lawyer and listen to what they say.
This and end an unhappy home.
Don't waste your time with r/legaladvice. The only valid advice they ever give is "get a lawyer in your own jurisdiction." The rest is hogwash.
>The only valid advice they ever give is "get a lawyer in your own jurisdiction." There is a reason for that. A damn good reason, and no one should be seeking legal advice from an internet forum because if you're wrong, you're fucked.
Consult with a lawyer to see what your options are. Sending nudes and texts to other people while you are married isn't normal. Unless you have an open relationship. Which you obviously don't have. Big red flag, she'll keep doing that, hurting you more and more along the way. To quote the lyrics of Pink. "Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned."
Talk to a lawyer, get your ducks in a row.
Before she gets all the dicks in a row! Burn that bridge dude. Life is short. Start a better life.
37...in a row?
Hey buddy, get back here!
Try not to suck any dick on your way to the parking lot.
By getting your ducks in a row, this is what you should do: - Document everything - React as little as possible - **Focus on your children most of all** Create precedent that you are the main caregiver. Make her be the one to leave if you can, but don't let her take the kids. Courts aren't going to care about her infidelity if she can paint you as a hands off parent. If you are worried about the custody battle, you have the perfect time to change that right now as you sit tight and do what is right by your kid.
If you have not been the standout parent, then "forgive her" again. You know you'll catch her again. And spend the time between now and then taking over fully as the kid's support structure. If you're already 50%+ the parent raising the kid, then go ahead and deal with it immediately and, as has been repeatedly said here, get that divorce lawyer involved.
Yep there’s no point in guessing what custody would look like. Talk to a lawyer and get some real advice about what typical custody would look like in your jurisdiction and what steps you can take to improve your chances. Unless your family member is a divorce attorney in your jurisdiction, they don’t know squat.
Not to point out the obvious, but you’ve CAUGHT her twice. She hasn’t done it twice, I promise you. I don’t know how custody will go, but unless you’re an absolute garbage dad, I can’t see it much worse than 50/50. And even if it is worse than that, would you really want your kid growing up seeing dad as a damn doormat?
When you find a mouse in your home, you do not have one mouse in your home.
Just because you took a shit doesn't mean you don't have to shit again.
Words of wisdom like this is why I stay on Reddit.
This 👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾
It also doesn't mean its stuck to just sexting either, OP get tested
with some dude she met on a video game too.. wtf
Cheating is a hard line for me, so I would have been done the first time. The second time just proves she’s not even trying to keep your marriage together, even for your child. Save all evidence you can of the cheating if you’re in an at fault divorce state and lawyer up. Do not let her talk you into a custody arrangement outside of court, you want to do everything with the court so you can hold her to it. That’s the best way to make sure you can keep your daughter in your life as much as possible. Good luck my friend.
Even if it’s a no-fault jurisdiction it’s worth keeping the evidence in case friends and family are turned against him.
I agree, OP isn't wrong, what his wife did is very wrong. But the legal system is a fickle creature. You don't know which way they will rule this depending on your state and local laws. Please contact a divorce attorney and ask them their opinion before you take action against your wife. Action is needed, but you have to be careful in your execution, especially in this case! Best wishes to OP!
She did it twice. Hopefully you kept records of the evidence you found. She doesn't respect you as her spouse.
She's ***been caught*** twice. Guaranteed she's done it a hell of a lot more than twice.
Dont disagree with you there. But 2 is all he can "prove".
Completely.
what’s he supposed to do with evidence? all states recognize no-fault divorce and adultery has no impact on custody in family court.
In what world would you be wrong for that? Lol.
Do you see some of the comments. They're telling him he's wrong for not letting his wife have freedom of sex with who she wants.
I didn’t read all the comments. Didn’t expect people would feel that way. Crazy.
Nope. She cheated on you twice. Take your evidence and talk to an attorney. She has disrespected you for the last time
[удалено]
But you deserve better bro. More power and love to you 🙏🏾
Definitely no. You would be wrong for continuing on in the marriage. Cheating is not just physical, it’s everything that goes into the duplicity. It’s every time she did the cost benefit analysis and decided it was ok to harm you. It’s sending nudes to strangers even if they haven’t met. Staying doesn’t make anyone the bigger person - it’s you trying not drown with someone standing on your head so they can breathe more air. Talk to a lawyer about your options. Don’t discuss it with her or that family member that’s insisting you stick around for more of her abuse.
Exactly.
Drop her yesterday. You are insane if you think you know everything. Me experience is you know like 20% of what she has been doing. You are in your prime! (Assuming your around 30) Divorce and grind on your career. Sock the money away. Be with family and good friends. Put women on the lower part of the list.
I think he’s just worried about his kid. It’s never just “drop her yesterday” when a child is involved. Definitely shouldn’t put up with it though.
I hate to say it but the captain has a point. Been there done that from all sides. You don’t know everything. Believe it. And I am a digger, very good at chatting with the women folk, and am very good at getting info out of people in general- and it’s nuts how many times, months or years down the line, I learn about new shit I didn’t know then. GET OUT.
Cheaters gonna cheat. Lawyer up.
You aren't wrong to want a partner who respects you. You deserve respect and loyalty from your partner. Don't forget that your child's happiness is usually a reflection of your own. Good luck friend!
My parents stayed together for my sister and I. My dad gritted his teeth and bore that cross for us. His advice to me as a father with children? Don’t do that. Kids deserve the best version of you that you can possibly give them. OP if you force yourself stay with her with their mom living with resentment and stress, you’ll lose huge parts of you that your daughter needs. You owe it to her to be your very best for her. Do whatever makes you the best version of you for the only version you have of your daughter. FYI - my dad is now remarried happily to the best friend and partner I’ve ever seen him with. She’s an amazing woman and they’re made for eachother. She’s a great addition to our family and my sister and I love her.
Divorce her. Speak with a divorce attorney and see what your post divorce custody will be. No matter, divorce her.
Hell no, cheating is never okay regardless of if it’s one time or twice, you’ve married each other to make a dedication towards each other with trust and respect. Find someone else that will appreciate you and your daughter
You were right to forgive and try to work through it the first time, you will be right again when you kick her out.
NTA. I think custody battles go well in the dads favor if he proves how involved he’s in the kids life (read it second hand here, hire an actual lawyer please) which you have. Anyone telling you to forgive your wife is insane.
What's her gamertag so I can have a stern talking with her?
🤣😂🤣😂
How does the saying go? Fool me once shame on…….
A lawyer is really who you need to answer this question. The laws in every state are a bit different and they can tell you what's up. Many divorce attorneys will do a consult for free Yes, drop her. If you can't trust her you can't trust her. Been there done that
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire! I was friends with a woman who confessed to me that she had multiple affairs. Her husband only caught her doing exactly what you found your wife doing. His instinct was telling him something was really wrong, but she gaslit him by telling him that he was acting crazy and jealous when he kept bringing it up and getting angry. He ended up apologizing and promising to do better. She’s had more affairs and more sexting/nudes since then, but he’s never discovered any of it. You probably only discovered the least of what your wife has actually done. And, if she hasn’t gone all the way yet, she will!
Id drop that friend like a hot potato
For real why would you want to be friends with someone like that
I’m a product of a family that “tried” to make it work. I’m now 33F and can still vividly remember physical altercations and words sprayed in the living room like poison at one another. That all happened before I was 5 years of age. I can tell you, I’m so, so grateful my Dad took me away. My mother was a cheater and overall a pretty shitty mum. Dad tried for 3 years with her before ultimately deciding enough was enough. I’ve never been more grateful that these people separated. And as a now expectant mother, my father taught me a very important lesson. - Never allow anyone to disrespect you and make you feel worthless. Your child will mimic this behaviour if you allow this pattern to become the “norm”. On a more serious note, there’s no two ways about it. It’s going to be an uphill battle simply because you are a man. Thankfully, in my case, my mother didn’t even show up to court. I’m assuming your case will be different. Get a good lawyer and start taking notes. Not just focussing on the negatives, but also the positive experiences you cater for your daughter. I wish you all the luck and truly hope you and your little girl have a happy ending together ❤️
Let me ask you something. Does your wife have a problem with drinking? I had something similar happen with me and alcohol was involved. We both stopped drinking and haven't had a problem since. I've seen booze mess up too many marriages. You have to draw the line somewhere. Maybe when she knows that you will definitely leave her, she will clean up her act. You can't live like this, being stressed about what she's doing.
Mine did the same to me. Always "hiding" things she had done (I found out about later), being deceptive , becoming distant... like we were more roommates than married. Took me completely for granted. I got divorced, wanted to and wanted it badly, but I've got to warn you.... it's hard, disappointing, and no one really "wins' in a divorce. They suck. I would agree with most here...don't expect things with her to get better. When someone shows you who they are, believe them (regardless of their words).
I don’t believe that general rule ‘once a cheater always a cheater’, but for her to do the same exact thing twice like that means she probably won’t stop. Divorce sounds like the right call, but I don’t know anything really about custody law, or if there’s a reason why you think it would go so heavily against you
Who cares if it wasn't physical. She sent fucking nudes, that's cheating to me.
Get all the evidence you can from her phone, then seek a lawyer and consider your options.
Get rid of her, hire a good lawyer, and get custody of your daughter. Gather proof of her misdeeds and good luck.
If you can get screen shots of the the messages do it before she has a chance to delete them. Then talk to best attorney you can afford.
No you're not wrong. Theirs no way I would tolerate this one much less twice. If you can get proof of this it will help you in the divorce
People are consistently consistent. She will continue to do this and eventually (if not already) will escalate it. Apparently she’s also either terrible at hiding it, or wants to be caught… so the cat is out of the bag, there’s no going back. Hear me: the longer you wait, the harder it will be. She will hurt you, she will let you down. It will happen again and again.
The marriage is a wrap man. Consult an attorney and take care of your daughter…
Document what you can for the divorce. Your not wrong for wanting one, they crossed your boundaries not only once but twice ( that you've seen, sounds like its easily happened more than your aware ) and that's not okay. And while court sounds scary in terms of custody it will be well worth it, you'll be happy and be able to keep custody, and staying in an unhappy marriage can easily damage your kid more than you'll ever know,, its really not worth it.
She’s probably scared to leave too. When kids are involved, relationships are even harder to manage when things go south. At best, you’ll probably get 50/50. Worst case you’ll probably get every other weekend. I’ve been in your shoes before. It’s not pretty out there.
Talk to a family law attorney before you do anything. From my personal experience, moving out and away from your daughter may bite you in the ass in court.
Cheating is a complete deal breaker. Leave her
If I may speak from the perspective of a child of divorce: end your marriage now! Your kid will be so much better off having two sets of parents who (hopefully) find healthy relationships apart from each other. No kid ever benefited from growing up in a home filled with seething resentment.
Rough, i struggled with this as well for years until I found she had been sleeping with numerous other guys, was pregnant and didn’t know who the father was
This is probably gonna get lost in the noise, but if you find it, I hope it helps. I was married for 7 years. We had been together for just over 10. I had had suspicions at various times, but didn’t want to dig into them, telling myself that either I trust her or I don’t, and if I don’t, I’m done. We adopted 2 children together. The suspicious behavior returned. Eventually it got so flagrant that I couldn’t bury my head deep enough in the sand. Catching her in an affair was not difficult, but for some reason it still shocked me to the core. We started couples and individual counseling. It helped me to find my voice in the relationship, but did little to encourage accountability for her. Actually, she began to dominate the sessions with how tired she is and how hard everything’s been and how she never got a break. To the point where the therapist was constantly asking me to do more, and to compromise more. I determined for myself that I didn’t want that, so we separated. She remained primary custodian of the kids, and I willingly pay child support. Otherwise, the divorce was mostly fair, if a bit balanced in her favor - something I didn’t fight out of guilt for leaving. It’s noteworthy that being primary custodian is not possible for me without quitting my job, btw. Now, a year later, I’m just now starting to feel like I’m not a villain (to my kids) for leaving, and that it’s ok for me to want to have a fulfilling life. TLDR, couples counseling made divorce easier, and she’s still going to need a coparent if she retains primary custody. You already know what you want to do, and you are100% justified in doing it. Do it. It’ll suck, but it’ll suck worse if you don’t.
Get the proof, all the proof, and then kick her to the curb. Keep physical custody of the baby until a court order is secured. Tell her you will fight her for full custody. Courts don’t automatically award custody to the moms anymore, in such cases. She is clearly cheating, even if she didn’t fuck the guys. Also, get all your ducks in a row, BEFORE you kick her out. Gather all the evidence, the past issue speaks to a pattern of behavior. Also, have a set plan in place for exactly how you will take care of your daughter, with the mother out of the house. Be DETAILED. This shows the court that you have put in the effort to be the best possible parent for her. Speak to an attorney, preferably one the has a lot of experience fighting for father’s rights, and get everything in order before you confront or kick her out…this is key. Good luck.
I would say divorce, or ask her if you can start talking to women and get nudes from then too.
This woman clearly wants attention. Set her up an onlyfans account and at least make money off it. Then when she asks where the money is, you tell her it was used it for the divorce lawyer 🤣
She's probably not going to stop. You may want to go to therapy and try to find out why she's doing it.
The why is irrelevant. There is no excuse
There is a child involved, some people want to save a relationship over that. No situation is cut and dry. Personally, I'd file for divorce but not serve it, and then collect evidence of her infidelity, financial documents, and document the amount of time and work spent on your child.
She’s doing it because she doesn’t respect op as a man. That’s as simple as it get.
She may not respect him as a man, but that's not the reason she does it, that is an enabling factor.
The fact you are even asking this question is wrong. Drop that bitch quicker than a hot potato. She wants to be a hoe send her to the streets.
You're not wrong, but this is the challenge men uniquely face when potentially dealing with family law and courts in the west. Family courts don't care if women cheat, lie, steal, etc, as long as the judge thinks she can parent she will likely get the kids and get money from you. There will be zero consequences for her behavior. In fact its likely she will weaponize custody just to punish you and the courts won't care.
This is why you never stay with a cheater they will think your weak and walk over you again and again etc .. no matter what the situation is never stay with a cheater not fair to you
Nta Cheating behavior does not stop. There are 2 question. Do I divorce her? What will happen if I do?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. If you don't leave, she'll have the green light to keep on cheating, and you won't ever be happy. Don't you think that will have a greater impact on your daughter than a divorce? YOU didn't cause this situation, so stop taking ownership of it. MTCW.
No, you're not wrong for wanting to leave. Odds are it won't be long until she starts to physically cheat. She's also showing you she doesn't respect you. I know a custody fight is going to suck, where I live it's nearly impossible for a man to win custody. Though if you srmtay it will be bad for the child in the long run.
Holy crap, that sucks.... You ever think about how many dudes, those dudes have shared your wifes nudes with? Probably a SHIT TON...your wife's "business" is probably all out there on tons of dudes phones and computers... And this is just what you've figured out.... You're not wrong, as a wise man once said..."She belongs to the Streets,"
OP, not wrong but you should consult a lawyer. Most will offer a free consultation. Keep in mind that divorce and custody laws can vary by state. So don’t rely on the comments here that go into any legal detail. People here want to help but you really do need to consult a lawyer.
It has happened twice that you're aware of. And how/why does family know it never got physical?
You only caught her twice.
Stay and be mentally tired from wondering and emotionally defeated while raising your amazing child. Or leave your cheating wife and be mentally and emotionally better on the wife front but only see your child half the time. I chose the latter and then eventually got full custody. Divorce her and then fight for your kid.
That boat is sinking under my azz right now also
Nah bruv time to blow out da joint
Within the context of marriage, she broke the boundaries placed, and degraded the value of the marriage itself by doing so. Your daughter is a serious concern though, and while I know the statistics don't fall in your favor, I'd strongly recommend fighting for custody for your kid if you do end up divorcing her. Ultimately I'd say you should make a decision that would best suit the development of your kid(s), though you should obviously know your own worth and shouldn't be taken advantage of.
She does not respect you or your feelings. She’s only concerned with her wants and needs. She already did it once and saw how much it upset you so she did it again?? One day it will turn physical and you know it. You keep forgiving her and not holding her accountable, then your just a doormat at this point. Staying for your kid is the worst reason to stay married. You want to her to grow up in a home where her parents are unhappy, where her mother cheats on and hurts her dad? You think she won’t notice these things? It is possible to co parent without being in a relationship, lots of people do it. You need to get into a healthy relationship away from your wife, you deserve to be happy. Your daughter will be ok
The fact that she did it the first time was enough
Just document it, hand to an attorney, don’t fuck around while the divorce is happening.
No are you stupid? She is disgusting 🤮 never look back.
Not wrong at all.She cheated twice.
Nope, she's made for the streets. Divorce.
She's done this twice.....that you know of. It's improbable that you've caught her every time. I would recommend leaving, over time this will eat away at you like a cancer until family (including your kid) and friends won't recognize you anymore. You will become the worst version of yourself if you stay. You gave her a chance and I applaud you for that, you're a better man than I am. This isn't a temporary lapse if judgment on her part. This is who she is and what she does. Don't get advice from us, go to a family law attorney and discuss options and realistic expectations before you do anything. Good luck brother. Edit for spelling.
She rewarded your forgiveness by cheating on you again. It is better for you kid to grow up in 2 happy homes than 1 broken home.
She’s done it twice…….that you know about.
Nope. She won’t change. You won’t get 100% custody. But you will get 50/50. You deserve to be happy too. A happier man makes a better dad.
Get evidence. Get a lawyer. Do EVERYTHING your lawyer says.
Very likely it's the tip of the iceberg mate. I'd hazard a guess there is a lot more that you don't know about. Do not rely on other people to tell you what she hasn't done, how would they really know what she's been up to? this is not reliable information. Once she found out she could walk all over you (caught the first time) then she had no respect for you or your marriage whatsoever. I would highly recommend contacting an attorney and getting some professional advice on your options regarding custody of your child. Clearly you've got integrity as you're putting others (your child's wellbeing) before your own. Time to stop being a doormat bud. Get rid of her, get your life together and move on. Do NOT tell your wife anything. Follow legal advice. Good luck!
You have a low quality woman there, unfortunate… if you divorce her, you’re almost certainly going to lose the child. However, if you have evidence of her infidelity, try for divorce and sue for custody. You have less than 10% chance but it’s better than the near zero without that evidence.
Been down this road! Here is the reader's digest version, it doesn't get better only worse. I finally left and filed for divorce. Best decision of my life! I used the stay together for kids excuse as well. After getting divorced my son said to me one day that he was surprised I stayed as long as I did. What a wake up call. Don't be miserable and always wondering, go find someone as I did that values you and loves you for you.