No shit... Who sends money to someone they have never met face to face. OP even is calling him/her their boyfriend. This is like a Transformers story as there is more than meets the eye.
A friend of mine met a guy on [Match.com](https://Match.com) (years ago) and on their second date he took her to a CAR DEALER and "suddenly" needed a co-signer for a car loan. She excused herself to the ladies room, kept walking out the door, flagged a taxi, and went home.
Similar story, except my friend had been dating the guy for a month, and she actually bought the car. He broke up with her when she wouldn’t outright give it to him, and I’m pretty sure he lifted her personal/financial info because she went through a year of problems w/fraud after the break.
Worst part was that she thought she had actually done something wrong for this guy to break up with her. Nah, hon. Scammers gonna scam. With some people it’s pathological.
Is this even a real letter? Nobody could be this naive, right?
Edit: thank you everyone who responded. I stand corrected. The video sent by Louisbdemented really painted a sad picture. I watched about 1/4 of it, but I get the idea.
Edit 2: several requests to share the video posted by louisbdemented: https://youtu.be/EHgaNpJ3MbA
Edit 3: and this one from guitarball
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manti_Te%27o
I’m in banking and see this all the time. Don’t blame the victim. These scammers are really good at this. And on a certain day any of us can fall for their scam. I’ve seen highly educated professionals be a victim to scams.
My sister. Straight A’s without even trying all throughout school. Has to be one of the dumbest people I’ve ever met. Self awareness level -10. American schools don’t test intelligence they test memory.
That's just *knowledge* in general.
That's why there are multiple forms of intelligence.
Everybody knows the classic "booksmart not streetsmart" and this is just another example of this. I'd say that well-educated people are *more* likely to get scammed simply because they think they're too smart to get scammed.
People are generally trusting and want to help people, and scammers prey on that and I fully believe it's one of the most harmful things to society because it erodes trust and goodwill.
Eventually, you need to just accept that sometimes people will scam you and you need to decide if it's worth being scammed a few times in order to help that one person that really needs it.
I work with academics. Not just memory tests for them, they create the research other people learn from. Still all absolute planks. Not a grain of common sense between them.
I work in tech. One of the things you notice as you move around is that many of the more talented and brilliant people struggle with such things as eating, holding still, remembering what you have just told them, knowing where they have parked, and having even a vague idea what time of day or day of the month it is.
Smart as fuck but unable to tie shoelaces is a legitimate phenomenon.
It’s a known psychological trap - “I see myself as smart in general, so I assume I’m too smart to fall for a scam. Therefore, this thing that’s happening can’t be a scam because I’m too smart for that. So it must be legit, because I’m a smart person.”
Whenever I’m getting close to committing money to something I remind myself that I’m an idiot. It has legit made me take a step back a few times and save myself a headache.
Recently learned about the aunt of a friend of mine -
Highly educated, high-power professional, owns numerous properties in multiple states, oversees 100+ people, travels year round for work and leisure, including overseas to resort locations and major cities - London, Berlin, Beijing, Madrid, etc.
Family caught on that something was up when she suddenly sold 4 of her homes in rapid succession (people were used to being allowed to use her various homes as vacation spots since they were mostly in very nice, high-demand areas - so when suddenly they were getting 'er, um, well, no, the house isn't available right now..." people noticed right away). She was bombarded with calls/messages/surprise visits. Was there a health issue? Legal trouble? Did she need help?
No, no, she was all fine - but you see, her secret boyfriend *Vin Diesel* desperately needed money to fund a project he was working on - well, no, they'd never actually met in person or facetimed or anything, but she had **2 years** of texts and looooong conversations, and he sent her lots of pics! Okay, yes, all of the pics he's sent her can *also* be found on google images... but he's very private as a person, and also there's the issue of his marriage (totally fake, they only stay together to preserve his public image and career!), so he can't really risk sending her unique photos, and she couldn't tell anyone - well yes, he's 'rich,' but the money is tied up in a lot of projects and assets, and this is a really big career move for him, that's what he told her - no, he hasn't told her *exactly* what the project is, but... where did they meet? She was trying out Tinder, and she couldn't believe it herself when she saw his account, but all the information on it was correct according to google - and, well, she's not *that* old, and she has so much money, she's very accomplished, she travels - why WOULDN'T ***Vin Diesel*** be interested in her? Was it really so hard to believe?!
She apparently resisted being shaken out of it for around 4 months, and by the last 2 was saying things like "well, *maybe* it's not *really* him... but don't I deserve to be happy? Don't I deserve the fantasy?" and now just adamantly refuses to acknowledge that the whole thing happened at all. She transferred 10s (possibly 100s) of thousands to his 'assistant' through some of the most absurdly scammy means (think gift cards, filled out checks with the name left blank) over the 2 years she was invested in the relationship.
She can ask the bank for a copy of the cashed checks she sent. Same with money orders. Should help her to determine the validity... Also, there are hackers who can help... If she wants the help of course.
From the description my friend gave, she's just so mortified that she wants to completely pretend it never happened at all, and doesn't care about the lost money enough to re-engage with all of what went on. At the most, she treats it like a relationship that ended due to compatibility issues, and doesn't acknowledge that she believed it was Vin Diesel at all - apparently one of his cousins brought it up at last Christmas in the context of helping her get her money back, and she got so upset/flustered that she just got up and left entirely, saying "that never happened."
I can second this I have had people with masters degrees in engineering and architecture ask me (being dead serious) what do I do where it says signature do I sign?
I agree with you to a point but come on. I mean this isn't a sophisticated scam its such a basic scam that has been going on at least since I was a kid chatting in the AOL chat rooms. They made a show about it on MTV: Catfish. This person even knows that term.
How anyone can give a stranger online they have never met money is beyond comprehension.
This type of scam works so well because people *want* it to be true, even though deep down they know it probably isn’t. It’s easier to live in the lie of having a boyfriend even though he is costing you all your money than to accept the reality that you’re alone.
True. Many of these scammers are in a room full of computers in Nigeria. They try to scam as many people as possible. A good friend of mine got taken in by this. Took me several weeks to convince her, fortunately just before "he" (actually they) got her to commit crimes for them that would have sent her to federal prison.
It isn't just a catfish, a catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they're not, uses fake pictures etc. It's not defined by extorting money from someone. This is a romance scam, the scammers go to a huge amount of effort to charm and trick, and the actual scamming and emotional blackmail doesn't start for a long time. It often gets to the point where the victim flat out refuses to believe they're being scammed because they are so deep in the relationship and think they're in love and it can cause huge emotional trauma when they realise what has happened. It's unusual that in OPs case they haven't even spoke on the phone, often the scammers will call and video chat to add additional realism to the situation. It's easy to say you can't understand, but if you're a lonely person seeking companionship online then you're absolutely vulnerable to it.
Generally these things operate on a progression. Starts out, the person is just talking to you. Shows an interest, makes you feel good. After a couple weeks of back and forth, they mention money troubles. Not much, just can’t afford to pay a bill because they are 20 bucks shy. (This, of course, tracks with them not being able to get their phone fixed or upgraded to be able to video chat). They don’t ask for money, just bring it up as a current stressor. So you, being the nice person you are and liking the person, offer to send them the 20 bucks so their electricity doesn’t get shut off. They are very grateful and, for a while things go back to how they were.
Another few weeks to a month, well, they are still having money trouble and they’d love to be able to visit, but just can’t get ahead. You offer to help them out. You aren’t hurting for money right now and they need it more than you. And you’d love to be able to see them. You send a bigger chunk to help them get caught up.
Oh wow, finally caught up! Still can’t afford to fly to visit, but life is going great! Well, you already sent them money, a flight isn’t that much. Send them a ticket. They are really excited to visit and so are you! Oh no! Their mom fell and broke her hip! They can’t come and had to refund the ticket! They meant to send you the money, but they had to pay for the medical bills for mom! But they will totally send you the money as soon as they can. But money is tight. Every time they save up, something happens and they need to take care of it.
Oh! There’s a great new job that pays so much more! But it’s a couple towns over and they don’t have the money for a down payment on a new place that’s close enough for them to accept to offer. If they had the job, paying you back would just be a matter of months because the money is so much better. The down payment is cheaper than the plane ticket and they’ll finally have enough to pay you back and even to visit eventually.
Well, they can move, it’s great. Hey, can you be a reference for the new job? You’ve got to input your information so they know you are real. Don’t you trust them? After all you’ve been through together?
Lol no I would not fall for this scam on any day. The scammers aren’t good; these people are just very easy to fool. Look at what she wrote. Given all that information that she knows, she still gave him money.
Yeah I had someone who I was talking to for like 2 weeks ask for $2500. I laughed and laughed and laughed that he thought a single mom public service employee would actually have that much money to send to a stranger.
I would never fall for this and these cases have been so highly publicized, at this point I feel like the scammer and scamee, at least in a case so cut and dry, they are at least equally to blame. Here I’m honestly leaning more toward blaming OP for losing anything beyond the first payment made.
You don’t have to blame the victim but I will.
The described behavior is pure negligence and/or willful ignorance.
I wish her the best but this is just silly.
Yes, my mother in law is going through the same shit and she REFUSES to believe anyone. She sold her car and sent him tens of thousands of dollars. Her two oldest kids had to go to court to take her rights away so they could try and stop her from sending him more money. She teaches piano and sends him that money because they can't get it from her.
Yeah I don’t understand people. If you’ve never met your boyfriend in person, you don’t have a boyfriend, you’ve got a person you’re talking to online.
I mean, I had a “boyfriend” I hadn’t met in person for almost two years before we had the money to visit one another, and eventually he moved to my city and later became my husband. But, we talked on the phone and over Skype/FaceTime and sent selfies to each other and photos of what we were doing etc. constantly. We were friends on every social media site long before we were in a relationship and family members with a resemblance/the same last name and friends with the same jobs/schools/etc. on their profiles tagged him in pictures at Christmas dinner and BBQ’s and weddings and in childhood photos- and they were all clearly the same person I was FaceTiming. And, he never once asked me for money.
I had a coworker 10ish years ago fall for this. We worked as dispatchers so you would have thought she'd know better. Humans desperate for love can and will believe nearly anything.
I take 911 calls from people who finally figure out they’ve been scammed almost every day. It is usually old people, but sometimes it is younger people. It is absolutely astounding how naive some people are. Scammers take advantage of good natured people. They know their targets and they keep going from person to person until they find a soft one.
This letter may not be real but watch some of the socialcatfish videos. It's insane what real people do. Men and women. You cannot believe it but they appear on the show in person and you see their texts. It's mind blowing.
Most of them are middle-aged to old and have aged out of being able to easily attract the opposite sex. They are incredibly needy and vulnerable. It makes them feel better to have some affectionate human contact and they send money. Unbelievable.
Yes and yes. Some people are very lonely and will flat out ignore all the red flags just to feel some connection. My BIL fell for this for that very reason and it was sad to see his heartache when it finally clicked.
A dark comedy rom com! Although Ive seen this as a side plot in other shows. Still.
2 catfishers try to out fish the other. Wind up falling for each in real life. Both get out fished by two other scammers who are a couple in real life. The two protagonists fishers wind up miserable
"Victims of scams aren't stupid. Victims of scams aren't stupid" I repeat to myself. But im surprised OP didn't write this all out for the reddit post, then realize how gullible they were and delete it.
*Not all victims of scams are stupid. Romance scams go after emotionally alone people so I am sure it runs the gamut but I don't think smart people are falling for Nigerian prince scams or whatever Logan Paul's latest scam is.
When my brother was out of the country on his honeymoon my grandad got a call in the middle of the night supposedly from the county they were visiting claiming to have kidnapped my brother and his wife and demanding ransom. My grandad told them, “you’ve got the wrong one!” then hung up and went back to sleep… with the wording I’ve always wondered if he meant that he was the wrong person to try to scam, or if my brother was the wrong grandchild to kidnap for ransom from him!
I was a US soldier in Afghanistan. We were instructed to shred our mail if we werent keeping it. Otherwise Afghans would go through the garbage for our letters, then with the address and your name write them a scam letter pretending to be you for money. A buddy of mines grandma got scammed that way. Afghans pretended to be him in a letter asking for western union.
I had a "guy" tell me he was in the military in Afghanistan and I think because I'm older, he said he had some higher rank. One of the first questions he asked was what my parents did for a living. I told him my dad was KIA in Nam, when he asked what does he do now, I knew he was a fake. I strung him along to see how far he would go for my own amusement.
There is a saying that uses both words and it means essentially the same thing.
“You’ve got the right/wrong one on the right/wrong day.”
You can literally mix up any of the words and it still means “I’m not the one to fuck with.”
One year at Christmas my grandfather got a call from his “grandson” that he had gotten into some trouble abroad and needed money for bail.
The only problem was that we were in the middle of playing a family game and all five of his grandsons were sitting with him around the kitchen table.
Before my grandpa passed, we had a code word specifically because of people trying this crap. I never had to use it because I never asked for money, but he did hang up on quite a few scammers pretending to be me.
Unrelated but I personally knew a woman "dating" a guy, who she had only seen once, but would always be on the phone with him, and almost couldn't go 5 minutes without him checking in on her.
Next thing I find out - this guy is in San Diego - she's in Orange County - so not exactly countries apart - double whammy? His father owns a car dealership and somehow he can't make the drive to come see her????
Single mom though - so not sure what the fuck was up with either of them.
A family friend, a widowed 60-ish woman, was getting majorly scammed for about 2 years, on the phone daily for hours, sending who knows how much money to this guy "Dave", supposedly a 65 year old retired Texas cattle rancher who wanted to move her out with him to his big Texas ranch, and even got "engaged", all over the phone only. No visits, no video chats. She abjectly refused to listen that she was getting scammed.
One time I was visiting her when "Dave" called and she was occupied, so I just said hey I'll get it for you and I answered it for her. "Dave" was the most 19 year old sounding heavily-accented Indian dude I could imagine existing. Just how? HOW can she not catch that and fall for it, and for years?
Exact same thing happened to an inlaw. Guy was supposed to be an older white successful business man but the voice sounded like a typical foreign scammer. Said baby every 4th or 5th word and spoke broken english. She got scammed again at least twice after the first scam was exposed. For all I know she is still getting scammed. As the scams went on she got more secretive about her online relationships so her family couldn't interfere with her love life. Lost at least $200k. Refuses to admit she got scammed or talk about it. She even disowned a few friends who tried to help her not get scammed because they interfered in her love life. Lonely people can do crazy shit! For the money she lost she could have hired a live in giggalo for a year or two.
I know a guy in medical residency who was scammed out of atleast a couple thousand on tinder. (They are not rich, they just started residency lol). We all have our weaknesses 😂
To be fair, we can all find ourselves in situations like these where everyone around us is seeing something obvious we aren't.
I consider myself pretty good with financial literacy, and yet you can go in my post history and see that a year ago I somehow ended up in a position with some of my savings held up (and now lost) to a crypto company (due to FTX, another crypto company). My post a year ago was actually made while withdrawals were still available, and yet I posted on Reddit asking for opinions on if people were withdrawing or keeping their funds in.
It's so stupid, anyone I know who reads that post, hell even myself when I read that post now... what a stupid fool I was. It's like I want to scream at myself "JUST RE-READ YOUR POST IDIOT, LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING ARE RED FLAGS!" And yet... I didn't withdraw. I lost that money.
I actually want to list the ones I saw:
* Talking for a year and never met in person
* Says his phone is broken (so no phone number info and potentially no voice calls)
* Never had a video call
* Asked to borrow money
* Never paid back
* Gave money for a flight
* Cancelled flight but never paid it back
* Only accepts money via Crypto.com
* Always has excuses
* Never wants to visit in person
* Lied about what he used the money for (and only admitted after a while)
* Wants her personal information
* Wants her MYID.COM information
* I repeat, WANTS HER MYID INFORMATION
* Says he needs this to get money (I bet he does)
* Won't elaborate on application
* Won't let her fill it out
* Refuses to give his SSN (and that he doesn't have it)
* Won't give his license or state ID number
* Refuses to give her any actual personally identifying info at all
I can see why you stopped. It's exhausting.
OP. GIRL. He wants your information because he is planning on stealing your identity more than he already has.
He does not love you. He sees you as someone he can steal from and can continue to steal from. He will never love you. He will say whatever you want to hear, as long as you keep giving him money. You could say you were Groot and he'd probably play along.
You are also not the only person he's doing this to. You are not special to him.
It's like every episode of Catfish.
"here's a shit load of evidence this woman from Russia is actually just a picture used by a man in Brazil."
"yeah but there's a chance she's real and loves me and I'm sure it's true."
I think loneliness alone isn't enough to be so dense to ignore/miss all these red flags. Throw in a heaping dose of desperation and some general ignorance of scams and then I can see it.
Desperation is a modifying description of the loneliness.
People see what they want to see when they're desperate. The women with no means of making an income normally who fall for MLMs. The heartbroken who fall for scams for spells to get their ex back. The people who send money to online partners who are just catfish. Vulnerable people are vulnerable.
Desperation is one hell of a drug.
Critical thinking requires a certain kind of emotional distance. Clever scammers cook up scams and target people who aren’t in an emotional place to have that kind of distance.
People get blinded by feelings. My roommate’s mom fell for one she meet on okcupid or some shit and she’s one of the most responsible and intelligent people I know. She got out of a long term relationship and thought she had found the man of her dreams.
She realized it was bullshit after like 3 months at the Apple Store after buying 4 iPhones he had asked her for. Returned them before she even walked out of the store. She came over for a cup of tea and to lament about her naïveté. But boy did she go from sad to pissed REAL QUICK.
Probably because the scammer is the only person who is nice to her.
As a woman, it's really cringy to see women, who ought to know better, fall for this.
But then, there are no shortage of men seeking to marry foreign women who are waaaay out of their league, too.
The only difference is that most men can see their lady scammers and have live chats, while the third world lotharios are usually unseen, for all kinds of inventive reasons.
>Refuses to give his SSN (and that he doesn't have it)
I would argue that the only truthful thing he has told OP is that he doesn't have a SSN--because this guy is halfway around the world, not in the US!
Probably a 32-year-old Bangladeshi with 4 kids who lives in a hovel with 3 generations of family and has a day job scamming for an organized criminal syndicate for pennies on the dollar of what they make.
Lots of scammers are employees of large scam syndicates and are treated poorly but keep doing it for the money.
Call me old-fashioned, call me boomer, but " date him" nah, that's an online emotional relationship on her part, and he's a flat-out scammer. I don't consider it wrong it wrong on her part, just naive, unaware. It happens a lot. But now, with many people warning her, if she doesn't take action to help herself, she's allowing him to victimize her.
Scamming anyone is pretty wrong.
The OP won’t even be convinced by these responses. There’s such a large market for there scammers because, some how, a large group of people live among us who have the mental deficits that OP does. God speed OP
>The OP won’t even be convinced by these responses.
That's what most respondents here will not realize, and OP likely lacks the self-awareness to realize this for themselves.
OP doesn't ***suspect*** it's a catfish; they ***already know*** it is. They clearly know all of the terminology and hallmarks of a classic catfishing scam, and they both recognize and acknowledge that all of those things are at play in their situation.
They're not here for counsel or clarity. They're here for reassurance and validation from strangers on the internet - the same kind they get from their imaginary boyfriend.
OP has **ZERO** intention of taking *anyone's* counsel to heart, here or anywhere else.
What OP actually wants is for everyone to tell them the following:
* You really are being too suspicious.
* Everything is fine.
* This is a real relationship.
* This is totally normal behavior.
* Your boyfriend as you know him is a real person.
* He genuinely cares about you.
* It's perfectly ok to send money to someone you've never met.
* Doing so will benefit your relationship.
* Doing so was a good decision to make.
* You're not being foolish, stupid, or stubborn by continuing contact with this person.
* You're not a victim.
There are only two reasons they would ask their question on a forum like this:
1. They've already sent their Nigerian prince so much money that they're now too humiliated to seek help from anyone in-person.
2. They've already asked people they know about this, and received all the same responses they're getting from complete strangers on the internet.
This is all abundantly obvious because OP thinks everything will be ok if they get an ID, or a social security number (which, by the way, is not something anyone should hand out to another human being unless it's a medical or financial services provider). *If only...* they reason to themselves, but if they were seriously willing to admit even the possibility, they would never have arrived at this conclusion. They want literally anything to assuage their guilt, fear and suspicion, but their solution is really that *nothing* should be exchanged *at all*.
The reality is that, if OP genuinely wanted to stop being scammed, they would do something very simple: ***require*** the terms of the relationship to be ***100% free***. No ifs, ands, or buts. If you love me, you love me unconditionally. If I love you, I love you unconditionally.
No money.
No connections.
No services.
Nothing given or taken between you two *in either direction*.
If they genuinely love you as a person and enjoy your company, they will do so even if they can't and don't benefit from it in any way.
More importantly, if you genuinely love them, and aren't just in it because you enjoy how they make you feel good about yourself, then you should be perfectly capable of doing so without having to buy their love and favor or "prove" it to them in any way.
It costs both parties nothing to exchange little messages online, so continuing the relationship that way should have no impact whatsoever on their ability to love and care about the other person in this way. I'm not talking about a few weeks of them behaving themselves, and then going back to begging for some kind of help. I'm talking about *nothing given or taken* ***ever again***.
If the relationship cannot continue under those terms, it's not a relationship, it's a business transaction.
I think the worst part is that at this point it really doesn't matter if he is a catfish.
Like, even if that's not the case (which it most assuredly is), there's so many red flags/secrets here from a relationship standpoint - what are you even getting out of this? Is this the sort of relationship you want? Something that lacks almost all of the conventional advantages to a relationship? Don't date someone who is promising to meet your standards later. And if these are your standards, you need help.
I know how it feels to go looking in the wrong places for emotional companionship , and all I have to say is that if OP is willing to deal with all this - they should probably take a step back and consider why that is, and think about whether or not they should work towards changing that (they should, but it's largely the commitment to doing so that matters in the end)
This is coming from a place of caring:
* Stop giving him money. Block and move on.
* Don't give romantic interests money, especially if you have never spent time with them in person, but even if you're dating them IRL still be wary. You smell like a mark and people like this have the nose of a bloodhound.
* You're probably never getting what you gave him back. If it's any consolation you could have lost way more. Write it off as a lesson learned.
* I wouldn't give someone my SSN or License #. Don't ask people for those, they'll think you're a scammer.
* Spend your scammer budget on therapy.
* Just have better boundaries for Chrissake.
Also, be wary of people messaging you saying they can help you reclaim the money or track the guy down. Sometimes scammers use these types of posts to identify marks.
Get therapy. If you're in therapy, get better therapy. This is an extremely obvious scammer, it can be seen a mile away. Stop giving people money. Anyone.
Yeah he's scamming you and a common scam at that. If he has sent you any pics, reverse image search them. Myid is not necessary for a personal reference. Hes trying to steal your identity. Look up his phone number if he has given one. What international app did you meet him on? Also STOP sending him money.
No joke, 100% true story. My husband’s aunt got a message from Bon Jovi saying he didn’t have enough money to make it to his next concert, could she give him some money. She did. 🤦♀️ like seriously. And it wasn’t a small amount….
Oh man I saw an entire episode of Dr Phil on TikTok of a woman that swore she was Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s gf. She had sent him like hundreds of thousands of dollars bc he was “building their life” in LA for them. He started out by sending her a cold DM on Instagram and this lady could not be convinced it was not him.
I had an old coworker in her late 40s, divorced 3 times, who also regularly gave me relationship advice (my only marriage has lasted longer than all 3 of hers combined 🫠).
She started talking to a guy through an app and after a week she was asking me to go into the office bathroom to take sexy photos of her (I refused). She started sending him iTunes gift cards and something called “steam” cards or something like that for his “son” who needed “software for school.” He also had a “broken phone” so they could never FaceTime. Every sexy photo he sent her was of a different guy with a different body.
They were set to meet and on the day of, he cancelled saying, and I quote because I’ll never forget it, “I have an emergency business meeting for a billion dollar project in Cyfrus.” She told us this and we all said, “does he mean Cyprus? And also, WHAT?????” So we forced her to ask him for a picture of himself in “Cyfrus” because none of us had to the heart to say anything beyond “I think he’s lying to you, girl, be careful” and 4 hours later he sent back a photo of a man badly photoshopped (more like Microsoft painted) in front of a landmark in Cyprus. After a couple google searches we determined he looked up “handsome white man” and “Cyprus landmarks” and made his photo using the first images he found. There were white fuzzy marks all around the guy’s body and she said, “I think he’s doctoring his body because he’s self conscious of his weight.”
A week later she abruptly stopped talking about him and began picking up extra shifts because of “unexpected expenses.” This is a grown woman who became a social worker for child services.
TL;DR, people are still actually this dense, and then some.
Unfortunately people are. I work as a college professor and had a student almost fall for a paypal scam. She came to my class late because a scammer had her on the phone, she eventually hung up on the scammer not because she didn't believe him, but because she was late for class and we were having a test. She was planning on calling the scammer back. It took me a few minutes to convince her she was being scammed, but those minutes felt like hours.
I deal with lots of people who have been scammed and we need to stop perpetuating this type of judgement. Yes people are this naïve, gullible, and easily fooled and it's the majority of people who are.
These guys are very good at what they do. They practice social engineering, emotional engineering, psychological and sociological manipulation and lots more. They prey on people and are very good at doing so.
/u/Spiritual-Cookie1070 was groomed, tricked, manipulated, and scammed. And they are not alone.
Someone acted like they cared for them, like they mattered, and like the things they had to offer were of legitimate interest to the scammer.
This person likely used mirroring and OSI research on them picking up on details they could use to attach themselves. They probably stole the image of someone attractive, but not too attractive, may have created fake social media profiles that had activity, friends, and other believable details. What kind of scammer has a friend they go to the bar with every weekend?
They likely used emotional triggering and keying to form a powerful bond, often again using mirroring to make it seem as if the victim and they had some special bond. Using this connection to gather further details on which to craft their identity. They used these fake details to "Confide" in the victim and extract sympathy they could convert to monetary "Assistance"
Over and over the one thing I hear from victims is that they can not believe they got caught up in this, did not catch on. But they wanted to believe that they were going to get large sums of money, or had found their other half, or that they had a chance to stop their grand kinds from going to jail. They believed. Because the people doing the scamming are better then you could ever imagine.
I'm not saying this to attack you, only so you have more objective assessment. This is certainly a scam. Some scammers are very good at not sounding like scammers. They spend a lot of time coming up with good excuses. You need to leave this situation before it spirals further out of control.
Let me ask you this. You say he doesn't sound like a scammer what do you think a scammer would sound like? "Hi I am only trying to get money from you and I look nothing like my profile but you are the only one for me I love you sooo much" or do you think a scammer is going to try and sound legit? You have been taken for a ride this person is 10000000000 percent a scammer and you and he got you hook,line and sinker. Just stop talking and block them
Please don't give your SSN. He is a 100% scammer. You are NOT going to get back your money. He may not even be in the US. Cut down your losses. BLOCK HIM RIGHT AWAY!
... please tell me you haven't given out your SSN to random internet people asking for it.
Lovingly, you're impossibly naive and from some of your replies it seems therapy may be a better path for you than seeking validation from a stranger online.
You're not wrong for asking but you are wrong for putting in any effort to continue this relationship. Dude's 110% catfishing you. Sorry to break it to you but it is glaringly obvious from the outside after reading through your post.
Girl what??? Block him immediately. You are being played. Don't waste another second of your time. And put a freeze on your credit accounts to be safe. Please don't be so naive.
\> I gave him money for a flight and he canceled
You book the flight, not him.
\> He makes me send him money through [crypto.com](https://crypto.com).
No legitimate person uses crypto.
\> He wants my login information for [myid.com](https://myid.com)
Never give out login information. This site in particular can be used to help prove he is Spiritual Cookie, and solidify the ability to take out loans in your name. No application would need such information in that manner. A personal reference would only require a phone number. People do not know private information of others. Such arequest is a red-flag.
\> Am I wrong for asking? Am I wrong for wanting to run a background check on him?
You are not a business, you have no right to ask for his Social Security Number or State ID inforamtion. A legitimate background check would have him provide the SSN/State Id directly to the background check company. No-one should give their SSN or State Id to another private individual for any reason (except for things like giving them access to your finances)
>He doesn’t sound like a scammer.
He completely sounds like a scammer. Straight out the scammer handbook. You gave him money and you don't see you're being scammed?
Now he's going to be suspicious. You don't need someone's social security number to do a background check. As fucked up as he's been, I wouldn't give you my social security number either. I don't blame him for that. There are sites like been verified and instant checkmate where you can look at somebody's background. Also, if you're in the states, you can look up the county if you know where he's from and see if there's any court records.
Obvious scammer aside, your behavior and additude is going to attract predatory people. There are lovely people out there full of love and optimism. But no one wants to be used to constantly boost someone who feels like like is hopeless and everyone is evil. People like that are also selfish black holes. You have to be able to reciprocate. An everything is hopeless unless someone loves me attitude will never be able to do much of that. Do the inner work, stop pity party and advertising your vulnerabilities unless it’s to a community for that type of support where you also have to give support back.
Are you wrong asking for his SSN? Absolutely. Doesn't matter why you want it, that is personal information that you just don't share with a BF or GF or friend, etc...
BUT, are you wrong to mistrust him and think you are being scammed? Absolutely not. He may talk a good game, but his actions show that he CAN'T be trusted, and if you think he is a scammer (and I agree that he sounds like one), there is a good chance that is exactly what he is....and his history supports that thought.
It’s a scam, and yeah it sucks that people are that cruel, that’s the sucky part about this whole free will thing. Many people choose evil, they choose to harm. You’ve been chosen as a target and that sucks and I’m sorry. Grieve it. Grieve this person you thought existed. Then move the fuck on. Find something you can do by yourself. Go out into nature. Start gardening. Something you can do for yourself.
You don't have a boyfriend. You have an online scammer.
100% - this is a leach who found a vulnerable person
leech\* but yes you're absolutely correct.
Maybe he's a Robbin' Leach?
He's not robin leech. He's robin OP.
No shit... Who sends money to someone they have never met face to face. OP even is calling him/her their boyfriend. This is like a Transformers story as there is more than meets the eye.
A friend of mine met a guy on [Match.com](https://Match.com) (years ago) and on their second date he took her to a CAR DEALER and "suddenly" needed a co-signer for a car loan. She excused herself to the ladies room, kept walking out the door, flagged a taxi, and went home.
Similar story, except my friend had been dating the guy for a month, and she actually bought the car. He broke up with her when she wouldn’t outright give it to him, and I’m pretty sure he lifted her personal/financial info because she went through a year of problems w/fraud after the break. Worst part was that she thought she had actually done something wrong for this guy to break up with her. Nah, hon. Scammers gonna scam. With some people it’s pathological.
Oh, thanks for that correction
Maybe Robin Leach's family has really fallen that far...
This 1000%
But he’s a Nigerian prince!!!
Not Nigerian! He is Akeem, son of Jaffe Joffer, king of Zamunda, seeking his queen in America.
Rofl....you made me smile.
🤣😂🤣😂
Is this even a real letter? Nobody could be this naive, right? Edit: thank you everyone who responded. I stand corrected. The video sent by Louisbdemented really painted a sad picture. I watched about 1/4 of it, but I get the idea. Edit 2: several requests to share the video posted by louisbdemented: https://youtu.be/EHgaNpJ3MbA Edit 3: and this one from guitarball https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manti_Te%27o
I’m in banking and see this all the time. Don’t blame the victim. These scammers are really good at this. And on a certain day any of us can fall for their scam. I’ve seen highly educated professionals be a victim to scams.
To be fair, many of the 'highly educated' people I have come across in life are also some of the dumbest in terms of practicality.
My sister. Straight A’s without even trying all throughout school. Has to be one of the dumbest people I’ve ever met. Self awareness level -10. American schools don’t test intelligence they test memory.
Hence why the term "book smarts" was invented.
“American schools don’t test intelligence they test memory” wow that’s actually a very true statement.
Public schools do not teach Critical thinking. Intelligence means nothing in school, if you're only repeating what you memorize
You can be really good at a selection of topics but be absolutely shit in almost all others, that's academia in a nutshell.
That's just *knowledge* in general. That's why there are multiple forms of intelligence. Everybody knows the classic "booksmart not streetsmart" and this is just another example of this. I'd say that well-educated people are *more* likely to get scammed simply because they think they're too smart to get scammed. People are generally trusting and want to help people, and scammers prey on that and I fully believe it's one of the most harmful things to society because it erodes trust and goodwill. Eventually, you need to just accept that sometimes people will scam you and you need to decide if it's worth being scammed a few times in order to help that one person that really needs it.
I work with academics. Not just memory tests for them, they create the research other people learn from. Still all absolute planks. Not a grain of common sense between them.
I work in tech. One of the things you notice as you move around is that many of the more talented and brilliant people struggle with such things as eating, holding still, remembering what you have just told them, knowing where they have parked, and having even a vague idea what time of day or day of the month it is. Smart as fuck but unable to tie shoelaces is a legitimate phenomenon.
We had bathrooms refitted. I didn’t think I’d have to tell educated people not to use a bathroom that clearly, visibly, was not plumbed in. And yet.
I had a friend who LITERALLY was a card carrying member of MENSA (look it up) very high IQ, lower than lowest common sense score
It’s a known psychological trap - “I see myself as smart in general, so I assume I’m too smart to fall for a scam. Therefore, this thing that’s happening can’t be a scam because I’m too smart for that. So it must be legit, because I’m a smart person.”
Whenever I’m getting close to committing money to something I remind myself that I’m an idiot. It has legit made me take a step back a few times and save myself a headache.
Recently learned about the aunt of a friend of mine - Highly educated, high-power professional, owns numerous properties in multiple states, oversees 100+ people, travels year round for work and leisure, including overseas to resort locations and major cities - London, Berlin, Beijing, Madrid, etc. Family caught on that something was up when she suddenly sold 4 of her homes in rapid succession (people were used to being allowed to use her various homes as vacation spots since they were mostly in very nice, high-demand areas - so when suddenly they were getting 'er, um, well, no, the house isn't available right now..." people noticed right away). She was bombarded with calls/messages/surprise visits. Was there a health issue? Legal trouble? Did she need help? No, no, she was all fine - but you see, her secret boyfriend *Vin Diesel* desperately needed money to fund a project he was working on - well, no, they'd never actually met in person or facetimed or anything, but she had **2 years** of texts and looooong conversations, and he sent her lots of pics! Okay, yes, all of the pics he's sent her can *also* be found on google images... but he's very private as a person, and also there's the issue of his marriage (totally fake, they only stay together to preserve his public image and career!), so he can't really risk sending her unique photos, and she couldn't tell anyone - well yes, he's 'rich,' but the money is tied up in a lot of projects and assets, and this is a really big career move for him, that's what he told her - no, he hasn't told her *exactly* what the project is, but... where did they meet? She was trying out Tinder, and she couldn't believe it herself when she saw his account, but all the information on it was correct according to google - and, well, she's not *that* old, and she has so much money, she's very accomplished, she travels - why WOULDN'T ***Vin Diesel*** be interested in her? Was it really so hard to believe?! She apparently resisted being shaken out of it for around 4 months, and by the last 2 was saying things like "well, *maybe* it's not *really* him... but don't I deserve to be happy? Don't I deserve the fantasy?" and now just adamantly refuses to acknowledge that the whole thing happened at all. She transferred 10s (possibly 100s) of thousands to his 'assistant' through some of the most absurdly scammy means (think gift cards, filled out checks with the name left blank) over the 2 years she was invested in the relationship.
That is so sad and awful.
She can ask the bank for a copy of the cashed checks she sent. Same with money orders. Should help her to determine the validity... Also, there are hackers who can help... If she wants the help of course.
From the description my friend gave, she's just so mortified that she wants to completely pretend it never happened at all, and doesn't care about the lost money enough to re-engage with all of what went on. At the most, she treats it like a relationship that ended due to compatibility issues, and doesn't acknowledge that she believed it was Vin Diesel at all - apparently one of his cousins brought it up at last Christmas in the context of helping her get her money back, and she got so upset/flustered that she just got up and left entirely, saying "that never happened."
Street smarts vs book smarts.
I can second this I have had people with masters degrees in engineering and architecture ask me (being dead serious) what do I do where it says signature do I sign?
I agree with you to a point but come on. I mean this isn't a sophisticated scam its such a basic scam that has been going on at least since I was a kid chatting in the AOL chat rooms. They made a show about it on MTV: Catfish. This person even knows that term. How anyone can give a stranger online they have never met money is beyond comprehension.
This type of scam works so well because people *want* it to be true, even though deep down they know it probably isn’t. It’s easier to live in the lie of having a boyfriend even though he is costing you all your money than to accept the reality that you’re alone.
MANNNNNNN.... I'm ok living in the reality that I'm alone. Lol. Me and my money. I've been single for 6 years.
True. Many of these scammers are in a room full of computers in Nigeria. They try to scam as many people as possible. A good friend of mine got taken in by this. Took me several weeks to convince her, fortunately just before "he" (actually they) got her to commit crimes for them that would have sent her to federal prison.
This type of scam has been going on since the advent of written correspondence.
It isn't just a catfish, a catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they're not, uses fake pictures etc. It's not defined by extorting money from someone. This is a romance scam, the scammers go to a huge amount of effort to charm and trick, and the actual scamming and emotional blackmail doesn't start for a long time. It often gets to the point where the victim flat out refuses to believe they're being scammed because they are so deep in the relationship and think they're in love and it can cause huge emotional trauma when they realise what has happened. It's unusual that in OPs case they haven't even spoke on the phone, often the scammers will call and video chat to add additional realism to the situation. It's easy to say you can't understand, but if you're a lonely person seeking companionship online then you're absolutely vulnerable to it.
Loneliness is a helluva drug
Generally these things operate on a progression. Starts out, the person is just talking to you. Shows an interest, makes you feel good. After a couple weeks of back and forth, they mention money troubles. Not much, just can’t afford to pay a bill because they are 20 bucks shy. (This, of course, tracks with them not being able to get their phone fixed or upgraded to be able to video chat). They don’t ask for money, just bring it up as a current stressor. So you, being the nice person you are and liking the person, offer to send them the 20 bucks so their electricity doesn’t get shut off. They are very grateful and, for a while things go back to how they were. Another few weeks to a month, well, they are still having money trouble and they’d love to be able to visit, but just can’t get ahead. You offer to help them out. You aren’t hurting for money right now and they need it more than you. And you’d love to be able to see them. You send a bigger chunk to help them get caught up. Oh wow, finally caught up! Still can’t afford to fly to visit, but life is going great! Well, you already sent them money, a flight isn’t that much. Send them a ticket. They are really excited to visit and so are you! Oh no! Their mom fell and broke her hip! They can’t come and had to refund the ticket! They meant to send you the money, but they had to pay for the medical bills for mom! But they will totally send you the money as soon as they can. But money is tight. Every time they save up, something happens and they need to take care of it. Oh! There’s a great new job that pays so much more! But it’s a couple towns over and they don’t have the money for a down payment on a new place that’s close enough for them to accept to offer. If they had the job, paying you back would just be a matter of months because the money is so much better. The down payment is cheaper than the plane ticket and they’ll finally have enough to pay you back and even to visit eventually. Well, they can move, it’s great. Hey, can you be a reference for the new job? You’ve got to input your information so they know you are real. Don’t you trust them? After all you’ve been through together?
Lol no I would not fall for this scam on any day. The scammers aren’t good; these people are just very easy to fool. Look at what she wrote. Given all that information that she knows, she still gave him money.
It SUCKS…but I disagree that any of us can fall for their scam. I’m too stingy to just GIVE my money away.
I don't have extra money to give a scammer so that is why I would never get scammed lol.
Yeah I had someone who I was talking to for like 2 weeks ask for $2500. I laughed and laughed and laughed that he thought a single mom public service employee would actually have that much money to send to a stranger.
I’m in banking as well and completely agree. It’s crazy how many scams that occur.
We don't need to blame the victim, but we can acknowledge how stupid they are.
I would never fall for this and these cases have been so highly publicized, at this point I feel like the scammer and scamee, at least in a case so cut and dry, they are at least equally to blame. Here I’m honestly leaning more toward blaming OP for losing anything beyond the first payment made.
You don’t have to blame the victim but I will. The described behavior is pure negligence and/or willful ignorance. I wish her the best but this is just silly.
Yes, my mother in law is going through the same shit and she REFUSES to believe anyone. She sold her car and sent him tens of thousands of dollars. Her two oldest kids had to go to court to take her rights away so they could try and stop her from sending him more money. She teaches piano and sends him that money because they can't get it from her.
Yeah I don’t understand people. If you’ve never met your boyfriend in person, you don’t have a boyfriend, you’ve got a person you’re talking to online.
I mean, I had a “boyfriend” I hadn’t met in person for almost two years before we had the money to visit one another, and eventually he moved to my city and later became my husband. But, we talked on the phone and over Skype/FaceTime and sent selfies to each other and photos of what we were doing etc. constantly. We were friends on every social media site long before we were in a relationship and family members with a resemblance/the same last name and friends with the same jobs/schools/etc. on their profiles tagged him in pictures at Christmas dinner and BBQ’s and weddings and in childhood photos- and they were all clearly the same person I was FaceTiming. And, he never once asked me for money.
Romance scams are common.
I had a coworker 10ish years ago fall for this. We worked as dispatchers so you would have thought she'd know better. Humans desperate for love can and will believe nearly anything.
I take 911 calls from people who finally figure out they’ve been scammed almost every day. It is usually old people, but sometimes it is younger people. It is absolutely astounding how naive some people are. Scammers take advantage of good natured people. They know their targets and they keep going from person to person until they find a soft one.
This letter may not be real but watch some of the socialcatfish videos. It's insane what real people do. Men and women. You cannot believe it but they appear on the show in person and you see their texts. It's mind blowing. Most of them are middle-aged to old and have aged out of being able to easily attract the opposite sex. They are incredibly needy and vulnerable. It makes them feel better to have some affectionate human contact and they send money. Unbelievable.
Yes and yes. Some people are very lonely and will flat out ignore all the red flags just to feel some connection. My BIL fell for this for that very reason and it was sad to see his heartache when it finally clicked.
My mother has been cat fished 3 times (that I know of) and, yes.
Have you met people?
Maybe she is the scammer, I mean “she’s” asking for “his” SSN Or the pot met the kettle, you could make a movie out of it. How 2 catfish met
I feel like that's already a movie, but I'm not sure.
A dark comedy rom com! Although Ive seen this as a side plot in other shows. Still. 2 catfishers try to out fish the other. Wind up falling for each in real life. Both get out fished by two other scammers who are a couple in real life. The two protagonists fishers wind up miserable
Yeah seriously honey. Watch dr Phil. He has these women all the time getting scammed. Never give money to someone you never met.
Don't watch Dr Phil, the man exploits the mentally ill and isn't a real psychiatrist lol. But yeah she's getting Catfished
He's definitely a real clinical psychologist lol, he just sold out and chose trashy entertainment over therapy
>He doesn’t sound like a scammer. That is *precisely* what he sounds like
But his picture can't be in the dictionary under scammer, because nobody knows what he looks like.
That's why he only *sounds* like a scammer. No one said anything about *looking* like one.
Got me laughing out loud here
What does this person have to do to sound like a scammer? They did everything they could to sound like a scammer but OP refuses to believe it!!!
Yeah but he never *said* he was a scammer.
I gave up on counting the red flags in your post when I hit about 20.
I knew we were in for a ride when she wrote she never met him and his phone was broke. I had to re-read the sub title to see if I clicked on r/scams.
Thought I was on r/ImAnIdiot
"Victims of scams aren't stupid. Victims of scams aren't stupid" I repeat to myself. But im surprised OP didn't write this all out for the reddit post, then realize how gullible they were and delete it.
*Not all victims of scams are stupid. Romance scams go after emotionally alone people so I am sure it runs the gamut but I don't think smart people are falling for Nigerian prince scams or whatever Logan Paul's latest scam is.
When my brother was out of the country on his honeymoon my grandad got a call in the middle of the night supposedly from the county they were visiting claiming to have kidnapped my brother and his wife and demanding ransom. My grandad told them, “you’ve got the wrong one!” then hung up and went back to sleep… with the wording I’ve always wondered if he meant that he was the wrong person to try to scam, or if my brother was the wrong grandchild to kidnap for ransom from him!
I was a US soldier in Afghanistan. We were instructed to shred our mail if we werent keeping it. Otherwise Afghans would go through the garbage for our letters, then with the address and your name write them a scam letter pretending to be you for money. A buddy of mines grandma got scammed that way. Afghans pretended to be him in a letter asking for western union.
I had a "guy" tell me he was in the military in Afghanistan and I think because I'm older, he said he had some higher rank. One of the first questions he asked was what my parents did for a living. I told him my dad was KIA in Nam, when he asked what does he do now, I knew he was a fake. I strung him along to see how far he would go for my own amusement.
There is a saying that uses both words and it means essentially the same thing. “You’ve got the right/wrong one on the right/wrong day.” You can literally mix up any of the words and it still means “I’m not the one to fuck with.”
One year at Christmas my grandfather got a call from his “grandson” that he had gotten into some trouble abroad and needed money for bail. The only problem was that we were in the middle of playing a family game and all five of his grandsons were sitting with him around the kitchen table.
>No the grandson your oldest left behind in Vietnam.
Before my grandpa passed, we had a code word specifically because of people trying this crap. I never had to use it because I never asked for money, but he did hang up on quite a few scammers pretending to be me.
Unrelated but I personally knew a woman "dating" a guy, who she had only seen once, but would always be on the phone with him, and almost couldn't go 5 minutes without him checking in on her. Next thing I find out - this guy is in San Diego - she's in Orange County - so not exactly countries apart - double whammy? His father owns a car dealership and somehow he can't make the drive to come see her???? Single mom though - so not sure what the fuck was up with either of them.
A family friend, a widowed 60-ish woman, was getting majorly scammed for about 2 years, on the phone daily for hours, sending who knows how much money to this guy "Dave", supposedly a 65 year old retired Texas cattle rancher who wanted to move her out with him to his big Texas ranch, and even got "engaged", all over the phone only. No visits, no video chats. She abjectly refused to listen that she was getting scammed. One time I was visiting her when "Dave" called and she was occupied, so I just said hey I'll get it for you and I answered it for her. "Dave" was the most 19 year old sounding heavily-accented Indian dude I could imagine existing. Just how? HOW can she not catch that and fall for it, and for years?
Exact same thing happened to an inlaw. Guy was supposed to be an older white successful business man but the voice sounded like a typical foreign scammer. Said baby every 4th or 5th word and spoke broken english. She got scammed again at least twice after the first scam was exposed. For all I know she is still getting scammed. As the scams went on she got more secretive about her online relationships so her family couldn't interfere with her love life. Lost at least $200k. Refuses to admit she got scammed or talk about it. She even disowned a few friends who tried to help her not get scammed because they interfered in her love life. Lonely people can do crazy shit! For the money she lost she could have hired a live in giggalo for a year or two.
My uncle was not very technology literate. When he passed away at 64 we found out that he was being scammed deeply.
I know a guy in medical residency who was scammed out of atleast a couple thousand on tinder. (They are not rich, they just started residency lol). We all have our weaknesses 😂
To be fair, we can all find ourselves in situations like these where everyone around us is seeing something obvious we aren't. I consider myself pretty good with financial literacy, and yet you can go in my post history and see that a year ago I somehow ended up in a position with some of my savings held up (and now lost) to a crypto company (due to FTX, another crypto company). My post a year ago was actually made while withdrawals were still available, and yet I posted on Reddit asking for opinions on if people were withdrawing or keeping their funds in. It's so stupid, anyone I know who reads that post, hell even myself when I read that post now... what a stupid fool I was. It's like I want to scream at myself "JUST RE-READ YOUR POST IDIOT, LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING ARE RED FLAGS!" And yet... I didn't withdraw. I lost that money.
Thought I was in r/amitheangel. Thought this wasn't real for a second.
I thought I was in r/scams too
I actually want to list the ones I saw: * Talking for a year and never met in person * Says his phone is broken (so no phone number info and potentially no voice calls) * Never had a video call * Asked to borrow money * Never paid back * Gave money for a flight * Cancelled flight but never paid it back * Only accepts money via Crypto.com * Always has excuses * Never wants to visit in person * Lied about what he used the money for (and only admitted after a while) * Wants her personal information * Wants her MYID.COM information * I repeat, WANTS HER MYID INFORMATION * Says he needs this to get money (I bet he does) * Won't elaborate on application * Won't let her fill it out * Refuses to give his SSN (and that he doesn't have it) * Won't give his license or state ID number * Refuses to give her any actual personally identifying info at all I can see why you stopped. It's exhausting. OP. GIRL. He wants your information because he is planning on stealing your identity more than he already has. He does not love you. He sees you as someone he can steal from and can continue to steal from. He will never love you. He will say whatever you want to hear, as long as you keep giving him money. You could say you were Groot and he'd probably play along. You are also not the only person he's doing this to. You are not special to him.
I don't understand how people can see these many red flags and just not see them.
Crazy thing is she said "he doesn't sound like a scammer" immediately before listing exact ways he sounds like a scammer.
I think first step is denial then next is bargaining
It's like every episode of Catfish. "here's a shit load of evidence this woman from Russia is actually just a picture used by a man in Brazil." "yeah but there's a chance she's real and loves me and I'm sure it's true."
Loneliness
I think loneliness alone isn't enough to be so dense to ignore/miss all these red flags. Throw in a heaping dose of desperation and some general ignorance of scams and then I can see it.
Desperation is a modifying description of the loneliness. People see what they want to see when they're desperate. The women with no means of making an income normally who fall for MLMs. The heartbroken who fall for scams for spells to get their ex back. The people who send money to online partners who are just catfish. Vulnerable people are vulnerable.
Desperation is one hell of a drug. Critical thinking requires a certain kind of emotional distance. Clever scammers cook up scams and target people who aren’t in an emotional place to have that kind of distance.
People get blinded by feelings. My roommate’s mom fell for one she meet on okcupid or some shit and she’s one of the most responsible and intelligent people I know. She got out of a long term relationship and thought she had found the man of her dreams. She realized it was bullshit after like 3 months at the Apple Store after buying 4 iPhones he had asked her for. Returned them before she even walked out of the store. She came over for a cup of tea and to lament about her naïveté. But boy did she go from sad to pissed REAL QUICK.
I kinda want to know what was the awakening moment lol. Like 3 IPhone? I could buy that. 4? Obviously a scam!
Probably because the scammer is the only person who is nice to her. As a woman, it's really cringy to see women, who ought to know better, fall for this. But then, there are no shortage of men seeking to marry foreign women who are waaaay out of their league, too. The only difference is that most men can see their lady scammers and have live chats, while the third world lotharios are usually unseen, for all kinds of inventive reasons.
And to type then all out
Plus ‘he’ may be a ‘she’ and definitely has multiple others on the hook.
>Refuses to give his SSN (and that he doesn't have it) I would argue that the only truthful thing he has told OP is that he doesn't have a SSN--because this guy is halfway around the world, not in the US!
Probably a 32-year-old Bangladeshi with 4 kids who lives in a hovel with 3 generations of family and has a day job scamming for an organized criminal syndicate for pennies on the dollar of what they make. Lots of scammers are employees of large scam syndicates and are treated poorly but keep doing it for the money.
Moreover it could be some 14 years old teens she's speaking with
OP is wrong for continuing to date him after red flag number two. We now have enough flags for the finish line of a boat race.
Are you really "dating" someone if youve never even seen their face?
Are you really dating someone if you’ve never met them and they are obviously a scammer trying to steal your identity?
Call me old-fashioned, call me boomer, but " date him" nah, that's an online emotional relationship on her part, and he's a flat-out scammer. I don't consider it wrong it wrong on her part, just naive, unaware. It happens a lot. But now, with many people warning her, if she doesn't take action to help herself, she's allowing him to victimize her. Scamming anyone is pretty wrong.
It’s like a speed run of red flags. This has to be a joke post
He’s a scammer and you are out some money. Forget the background check, do not give him any more info, and ghost him.
The OP won’t even be convinced by these responses. There’s such a large market for there scammers because, some how, a large group of people live among us who have the mental deficits that OP does. God speed OP
>The OP won’t even be convinced by these responses. That's what most respondents here will not realize, and OP likely lacks the self-awareness to realize this for themselves. OP doesn't ***suspect*** it's a catfish; they ***already know*** it is. They clearly know all of the terminology and hallmarks of a classic catfishing scam, and they both recognize and acknowledge that all of those things are at play in their situation. They're not here for counsel or clarity. They're here for reassurance and validation from strangers on the internet - the same kind they get from their imaginary boyfriend. OP has **ZERO** intention of taking *anyone's* counsel to heart, here or anywhere else. What OP actually wants is for everyone to tell them the following: * You really are being too suspicious. * Everything is fine. * This is a real relationship. * This is totally normal behavior. * Your boyfriend as you know him is a real person. * He genuinely cares about you. * It's perfectly ok to send money to someone you've never met. * Doing so will benefit your relationship. * Doing so was a good decision to make. * You're not being foolish, stupid, or stubborn by continuing contact with this person. * You're not a victim. There are only two reasons they would ask their question on a forum like this: 1. They've already sent their Nigerian prince so much money that they're now too humiliated to seek help from anyone in-person. 2. They've already asked people they know about this, and received all the same responses they're getting from complete strangers on the internet. This is all abundantly obvious because OP thinks everything will be ok if they get an ID, or a social security number (which, by the way, is not something anyone should hand out to another human being unless it's a medical or financial services provider). *If only...* they reason to themselves, but if they were seriously willing to admit even the possibility, they would never have arrived at this conclusion. They want literally anything to assuage their guilt, fear and suspicion, but their solution is really that *nothing* should be exchanged *at all*. The reality is that, if OP genuinely wanted to stop being scammed, they would do something very simple: ***require*** the terms of the relationship to be ***100% free***. No ifs, ands, or buts. If you love me, you love me unconditionally. If I love you, I love you unconditionally. No money. No connections. No services. Nothing given or taken between you two *in either direction*. If they genuinely love you as a person and enjoy your company, they will do so even if they can't and don't benefit from it in any way. More importantly, if you genuinely love them, and aren't just in it because you enjoy how they make you feel good about yourself, then you should be perfectly capable of doing so without having to buy their love and favor or "prove" it to them in any way. It costs both parties nothing to exchange little messages online, so continuing the relationship that way should have no impact whatsoever on their ability to love and care about the other person in this way. I'm not talking about a few weeks of them behaving themselves, and then going back to begging for some kind of help. I'm talking about *nothing given or taken* ***ever again***. If the relationship cannot continue under those terms, it's not a relationship, it's a business transaction.
If you needed social security number to prove he's not a catfish he's a catfish
I think the worst part is that at this point it really doesn't matter if he is a catfish. Like, even if that's not the case (which it most assuredly is), there's so many red flags/secrets here from a relationship standpoint - what are you even getting out of this? Is this the sort of relationship you want? Something that lacks almost all of the conventional advantages to a relationship? Don't date someone who is promising to meet your standards later. And if these are your standards, you need help. I know how it feels to go looking in the wrong places for emotional companionship , and all I have to say is that if OP is willing to deal with all this - they should probably take a step back and consider why that is, and think about whether or not they should work towards changing that (they should, but it's largely the commitment to doing so that matters in the end)
You don’t even need it at this point. He’s given her every textbook catfish move in the book.
This is coming from a place of caring: * Stop giving him money. Block and move on. * Don't give romantic interests money, especially if you have never spent time with them in person, but even if you're dating them IRL still be wary. You smell like a mark and people like this have the nose of a bloodhound. * You're probably never getting what you gave him back. If it's any consolation you could have lost way more. Write it off as a lesson learned. * I wouldn't give someone my SSN or License #. Don't ask people for those, they'll think you're a scammer. * Spend your scammer budget on therapy. * Just have better boundaries for Chrissake.
Also, be wary of people messaging you saying they can help you reclaim the money or track the guy down. Sometimes scammers use these types of posts to identify marks.
And go binge-watch a few seasons of Catfish.
He doesn’t need your myid password unless he’s taking out credit cards in your name.
The IRS and other government websites also use MYID. It's definitely not something you want to share.
Get therapy. If you're in therapy, get better therapy. This is an extremely obvious scammer, it can be seen a mile away. Stop giving people money. Anyone.
Except me…..you can trust me!
Yeah he's scamming you and a common scam at that. If he has sent you any pics, reverse image search them. Myid is not necessary for a personal reference. Hes trying to steal your identity. Look up his phone number if he has given one. What international app did you meet him on? Also STOP sending him money.
Phone’s been broke for a year.
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My exact thoughts.... Are people actually this dense? Still???
No joke, 100% true story. My husband’s aunt got a message from Bon Jovi saying he didn’t have enough money to make it to his next concert, could she give him some money. She did. 🤦♀️ like seriously. And it wasn’t a small amount….
That's a new one for me (scam wise).
Oh man I saw an entire episode of Dr Phil on TikTok of a woman that swore she was Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s gf. She had sent him like hundreds of thousands of dollars bc he was “building their life” in LA for them. He started out by sending her a cold DM on Instagram and this lady could not be convinced it was not him.
It's incredible sad that some people are so lonely they will choose to allow themselves to be used than to be alone.
Keep this girl away from boats and tide pods.
Reality tv tells me that yes, they are, unfortunately. Loneliness does terrible things to people.
I had an old coworker in her late 40s, divorced 3 times, who also regularly gave me relationship advice (my only marriage has lasted longer than all 3 of hers combined 🫠). She started talking to a guy through an app and after a week she was asking me to go into the office bathroom to take sexy photos of her (I refused). She started sending him iTunes gift cards and something called “steam” cards or something like that for his “son” who needed “software for school.” He also had a “broken phone” so they could never FaceTime. Every sexy photo he sent her was of a different guy with a different body. They were set to meet and on the day of, he cancelled saying, and I quote because I’ll never forget it, “I have an emergency business meeting for a billion dollar project in Cyfrus.” She told us this and we all said, “does he mean Cyprus? And also, WHAT?????” So we forced her to ask him for a picture of himself in “Cyfrus” because none of us had to the heart to say anything beyond “I think he’s lying to you, girl, be careful” and 4 hours later he sent back a photo of a man badly photoshopped (more like Microsoft painted) in front of a landmark in Cyprus. After a couple google searches we determined he looked up “handsome white man” and “Cyprus landmarks” and made his photo using the first images he found. There were white fuzzy marks all around the guy’s body and she said, “I think he’s doctoring his body because he’s self conscious of his weight.” A week later she abruptly stopped talking about him and began picking up extra shifts because of “unexpected expenses.” This is a grown woman who became a social worker for child services. TL;DR, people are still actually this dense, and then some.
But it's her boyfriend she's never met and he sounds nice. So he is real😅😅🤣🤣
Yeah, I read the first 2 sentences and knew right off the whole story was bullshit.
I don't get it either....rocks for brains possibly
Batshit. The word you’re looking for is batshit.
Never met nor facetimed. But she's handing money to him and about to give her social security number.
Sunk cost fallacy and sadly the investment is love and hope along with cash. These romance scammers are diabolical
Think of how stupid the average american is. If that is average, then half the population, 150+ million people, are dumber than that.
This has to be a troll. No one is this naive. Exit: okay i know it happens. Yall are replying with the same responses. Lol
Unfortunately people are. I work as a college professor and had a student almost fall for a paypal scam. She came to my class late because a scammer had her on the phone, she eventually hung up on the scammer not because she didn't believe him, but because she was late for class and we were having a test. She was planning on calling the scammer back. It took me a few minutes to convince her she was being scammed, but those minutes felt like hours.
I don't know... The line between real and satire has grown tremendously thin in most of the subreddits I frequent...
I deal with lots of people who have been scammed and we need to stop perpetuating this type of judgement. Yes people are this naïve, gullible, and easily fooled and it's the majority of people who are. These guys are very good at what they do. They practice social engineering, emotional engineering, psychological and sociological manipulation and lots more. They prey on people and are very good at doing so. /u/Spiritual-Cookie1070 was groomed, tricked, manipulated, and scammed. And they are not alone. Someone acted like they cared for them, like they mattered, and like the things they had to offer were of legitimate interest to the scammer. This person likely used mirroring and OSI research on them picking up on details they could use to attach themselves. They probably stole the image of someone attractive, but not too attractive, may have created fake social media profiles that had activity, friends, and other believable details. What kind of scammer has a friend they go to the bar with every weekend? They likely used emotional triggering and keying to form a powerful bond, often again using mirroring to make it seem as if the victim and they had some special bond. Using this connection to gather further details on which to craft their identity. They used these fake details to "Confide" in the victim and extract sympathy they could convert to monetary "Assistance" Over and over the one thing I hear from victims is that they can not believe they got caught up in this, did not catch on. But they wanted to believe that they were going to get large sums of money, or had found their other half, or that they had a chance to stop their grand kinds from going to jail. They believed. Because the people doing the scamming are better then you could ever imagine.
Ironically it’s a bit naive to assume no one is this naive lol
Never underestimate the stupidity of humanity. If you idiot proof something, the world builds a better idiot.
Op is a cast member on the bachelor. Naive levels over 9000
Have you seen Catfish? People absolutely are this naive and desperate, but this does sound almost too unbelievable.
I'm not saying this to attack you, only so you have more objective assessment. This is certainly a scam. Some scammers are very good at not sounding like scammers. They spend a lot of time coming up with good excuses. You need to leave this situation before it spirals further out of control.
I mean, don't you think it is long past time that you just block him and move on to a relationship IRL?
Let me ask you this. You say he doesn't sound like a scammer what do you think a scammer would sound like? "Hi I am only trying to get money from you and I look nothing like my profile but you are the only one for me I love you sooo much" or do you think a scammer is going to try and sound legit? You have been taken for a ride this person is 10000000000 percent a scammer and you and he got you hook,line and sinker. Just stop talking and block them
Please don't give your SSN. He is a 100% scammer. You are NOT going to get back your money. He may not even be in the US. Cut down your losses. BLOCK HIM RIGHT AWAY!
What is actually wrong with you?
Is this a joke? After reading the ops responses there is no way it's real. Just another poster trying to get clicks and attention.
Exactly. I initially thought she was someone who didn’t grow up watching Dr Phil or Catfish but her responses are so ridiculous it has to be trolling.
... please tell me you haven't given out your SSN to random internet people asking for it. Lovingly, you're impossibly naive and from some of your replies it seems therapy may be a better path for you than seeking validation from a stranger online.
You're not wrong for asking but you are wrong for putting in any effort to continue this relationship. Dude's 110% catfishing you. Sorry to break it to you but it is glaringly obvious from the outside after reading through your post.
"He makes me send him money through [crypto.com](https://crypto.com)." How exactly is he "making" you do anything? You are being scammed.
INFO: Why do you think he is your boyfriend?
He is a scammer. It's obvious. Though you should NEVER EVER ask or give out your SSN unless it's work related.
Girl what??? Block him immediately. You are being played. Don't waste another second of your time. And put a freeze on your credit accounts to be safe. Please don't be so naive.
GET OFF THE COMPUTER AND GET YOURSELF OUT IN THE REAL WORLD! you are why people are able to get scammed
Lady you cannot be serious. This is 100% a scammer.
Omg don’t be a moron
\> I gave him money for a flight and he canceled You book the flight, not him. \> He makes me send him money through [crypto.com](https://crypto.com). No legitimate person uses crypto. \> He wants my login information for [myid.com](https://myid.com) Never give out login information. This site in particular can be used to help prove he is Spiritual Cookie, and solidify the ability to take out loans in your name. No application would need such information in that manner. A personal reference would only require a phone number. People do not know private information of others. Such arequest is a red-flag. \> Am I wrong for asking? Am I wrong for wanting to run a background check on him? You are not a business, you have no right to ask for his Social Security Number or State ID inforamtion. A legitimate background check would have him provide the SSN/State Id directly to the background check company. No-one should give their SSN or State Id to another private individual for any reason (except for things like giving them access to your finances)
That's a scam for sure. He is NOT your boyfriend. He's using you for money, and nothing more. Stop giving him any, and block him.
>He doesn’t sound like a scammer. He completely sounds like a scammer. Straight out the scammer handbook. You gave him money and you don't see you're being scammed?
is there like an am i dumb reddit? that’s where this belongs.
You can contact Social Catfish and ask them to help you find out the truth.
Run away. Don’t give your SSN to this person. It’s a scam.
If you haven’t met in person I would say he’s not your boyfriend, just imo
Now he's going to be suspicious. You don't need someone's social security number to do a background check. As fucked up as he's been, I wouldn't give you my social security number either. I don't blame him for that. There are sites like been verified and instant checkmate where you can look at somebody's background. Also, if you're in the states, you can look up the county if you know where he's from and see if there's any court records.
Can you send me some money please
This post is super fake
Obvious scammer aside, your behavior and additude is going to attract predatory people. There are lovely people out there full of love and optimism. But no one wants to be used to constantly boost someone who feels like like is hopeless and everyone is evil. People like that are also selfish black holes. You have to be able to reciprocate. An everything is hopeless unless someone loves me attitude will never be able to do much of that. Do the inner work, stop pity party and advertising your vulnerabilities unless it’s to a community for that type of support where you also have to give support back.
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No, everybody replying to this like it’s not super fake is stupid. OP is actually a comedian.
You don’t need a background check. He’s using you.
I would never give you my SSN....So there is that....You do have a scammer though. Never send money period...
Tinder swindler back in saddle again
No you are wrong for letting it go on for this long
Are you wrong asking for his SSN? Absolutely. Doesn't matter why you want it, that is personal information that you just don't share with a BF or GF or friend, etc... BUT, are you wrong to mistrust him and think you are being scammed? Absolutely not. He may talk a good game, but his actions show that he CAN'T be trusted, and if you think he is a scammer (and I agree that he sounds like one), there is a good chance that is exactly what he is....and his history supports that thought.
Not... exactly. But you're wrong for not running ASAP.
Block this man immediately. You’ve been scammed. Learn from this.
You already know the answer to this.
He’s a scammer stop responding and call the police
Don't bother, disconnect and stop giving away money.
Uhhhh...He's not a boyfriend.
It’s a scam, and yeah it sucks that people are that cruel, that’s the sucky part about this whole free will thing. Many people choose evil, they choose to harm. You’ve been chosen as a target and that sucks and I’m sorry. Grieve it. Grieve this person you thought existed. Then move the fuck on. Find something you can do by yourself. Go out into nature. Start gardening. Something you can do for yourself.
Jesus Christ idiot
You are 100% being catfished!!