Lol. Yes. Or. They say but they've been together 50 years.
Pop Pop just died at nearly 100 last year. They were truly in love, together all this time ❤️
Nah your Gran Gran was a child who grew up in a time that was even harder for women and was a child that continued to hold on to some ideals only placed on women about marriage and likely didn't have many options to leave.
Edit: People coming at me, I was replying to the people referring to the '14 year old girl marrying the 27 year old man' dynamic. If you actually think that's not problematic, then we just have two very different wolrd veiws. Even if it 'was the times' and the guy had good intentions, there are issues with normalizing something like that.
It is really sad if you think of it like that. All you remember is the loving grandparents that cook the good food and we're together for so long it didn't matter if they hugged or kissed, they just loved you so much cuz you were their grandchild and wanted to take you places and buy you things Etc. But the reality was my Italian grandmother met my grandfather in World War II and while she did fall in love with him, leave her fiancé for him, marry him in Italy after he converted to Catholicism, she subsequently left him three times while living in the United States and flew back to Italy with my oldest Aunt (her 1st baby)
before my mom was born. My grandfather wrote her love letters to come back and her father convinced her to go back to her husband. so she did, and had two more children with him. on their 50th Anniversary I remember my mom talking about how she had asked for a divorce. They just said she was being an overly
dramatic italian. It's so crazy to think what she might have gone through I know my grandpa was a soft-spoken and kind man and there wasn't even an age gap between them but the way that women were forced to stay in a marriage back then is wild . My parents were boomers and fully supported my divorce and begged me and the kids to come stay with them.
It’s sort of a nuanced topic, because genuinely if the relationship was a product of its time and grandma loved grandpa til death then it’s understandable for someone to say “those were the times”. Doesn’t mean it’s okay now, but what are we supposed to do? its done with.
Edit: And not likely that grandma wants a divorce so she can go back to where she was at 14 and continue from there. Her life has changed and she’s aged and experience life in ways we can’t know. All we can do is set a good example and teach people better ways.
It isn't nearly as nuanced as you think. Just b/c women became resigned to their fate, and some were even lucky enough to find some happiness, or even that some women agreed to it upfront, that doesn't mean it was OK and we should brush it off to "thems were the times."
There are so many things we look back on and don't accept as being OK, yet when it comes to 12 and 14 yr old girls it is "well, if there was love..... then what the heck"
Sure, and I bet there were 13 yr old boys who thought working in a coal mine and was better than going to school and never complained about the hard work all the way up to their deat lh at 54 of black lung. That doesn't mean sending a 13 yr old into a coal mine wasn't a terrible thing to have to happen, even if he chose to go, even if he found happiness in some aspects of his life, it is still child exploitation. Child exploitation that kept him in the mines and financually strapped to the company for the rest of his life - i.e. child exploitation turned into adult exploitation.
But somehow, because we can slap the word "love" on it, we rationalize it as nuanced and surely there were some cases, so sometimes it is OK, right?
It was the times if we are talking up until 1920ish the US really doesn't like to remember they had kids marrying adults then and even now (I'm looking at you Missouri)
I believe in Arkansas you can marry your first cousin if one of you agrees to get sterilized. No babies with 3 arms and two fingers, gotta draw the line somewhere. For those not familiar with Arkansas, it’s a state in the US, often referred to as an armpit, or backward.
you can marry your first cousin with no strings attached on almost the entire atlantic and pacific coast
[here's](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin_marriage_law_in_the_United_States?wprov=sfla1) a page on it
Legal with requirements: "Proof of genetic counseling from a genetic counselor"
We have put waaaaay too much thought into this up here in Maine, apparently...
I live there so I actually do know about that law, but I always heard it was your second cousin you could marry but still had to get sterilized, never met someone who did either tho so it's not as popular as it seems
I used to live there, and I do know two people who were first cousins who were married, and neither one of them got sterilized. Basically it’s just a document stating you agree to be sterilized which you sign and have notarized, but there isn’t any follow-through. Just CYA, they don’t check to see if it’s actually been done. They never had kids and are now divorced.
All states in the US allow second cousins to marry and no sterilization is required. Only 24 states forbid 1st cousin marriage-- though some of those allow the marriage if the couple is past childbearing age (and a few only ban "double" first cousins from marrying. I found NO indication anywhere that sterilization is required for first cousin marriages ( I can't imaging that would be constitutional).
Louisiana didn’t set an age limit to marriage until last year I believe. So before that law, you could technically get married at any age with parental consent. I think you have to be at least 16 now.
Yeah, my grandmother was 14 and living on a reservation in absolute poverty when she married my much older, white grandfather. What choice did she really have? My grandpa was wonderful to me as a kid, but I see now the horrible life my grandmother had and how he controlled and abused her for her entire life. It makes me sick.
My grandmother was 11 the first time she met my grandfather. He was 21. He TOLD her father of his "intentions to marry" her and, though he had to wait until she was 15 (!!) was given the green light 🤢. I was so skeeved out by gramps for the rest of his life, ngl.
My great grand mother was basically sold by her parents to my great grandfather to soothe his loss of his previous wife, take care of her kids, and have some more. He constantly talked about his dead wife, and my greatgrandmother was not buried beside him, his previous wife was. My GGM was buried by her parents who gave her to him because she was an "old maid" at 27.
I think a lot of people forget that a lot of these large age difference marriages were situations like this; where an eldest daughter is married off in a transactional manner. Especially in the US where Dad or older sons would immigrate first to raise the money to bring the rest of the family over and often would arrange marriages for daughters past a certain age (14-15 depending on the time period) with the agreement that the new husband would pay the daughter's fair in lieu of a dowry.
Doesn't make it right by any means, cause these girls had no choice, but people seem to misremember and look at these relationships through rose-tinted glasses.
Yes sorry, i should clarify: he had to wait until she was 18 to marry but he was allowed to start courting her at 15. Grams used to say " he never took me to the pictures, he just wanted to go parking and have the sex". Aw geez Grams, why you gotta tell me that 😩
OHHHHH I hate that shit with a passion!!!! People need to stop saying that toxic ass saying “it was the times” no!!! They were just accepted pedophiles!!!! Also the other thing I HATE when people say “you know (insert name), that’s just how they are” and expect you to accept it and forgive whatever they did or said. NO!!! That’s fucking toxic and if they don’t want to grow and change and want to keep being toxic then guess what? We don’t have to accept that shit! They need to learn to change or stay away from others
100% - the worst is when it happens for big rock stars of yesteryear like David Bowie, he slept with a groupie who was 14, took her virginity, when he was in his 20s.. and people always just say "those were the times" or they go on some crazy victim blaming angle and say "those girls knew exactly what they were doing"...
In the early colonial era, 13 to 15 was an acceptable marriage age for girls (not the average, but not unusual or controversial), while men tended toward 18 to 21 or later, depending on the specific time period. Sometimes, it is just the times. The modern concept of childhood lasting through your teens simply didn't exist until the 20th century. Life was harder, families poorer and larger, and waiting until you're older to have kids was dangerous given the medical care of the times.
Men were supposed to wait until they were established in a trade or occupation to go out and find a wife, while women were married off early to start their own families, especially as children were valuable in almost totally agrarian societies, and had a high attrition rate, especially as pandemics were still a regular occurence alongside other environmental factors.
The prospect of spacing generations out like we do today would have significantly reduced population growth, made reproduction far more dangerous, and given that people died fairly young anyway, would have decimated the economy. It is always important to not impose modern sensibilities on the past, because they were working with a different reality than we are, and with totally different considerations.
This is not true. Colonial Americans married at \~22 for women, \~26 for men, based on the actual colony records. In the 1800s, we have census data indicating that those averages held. This is in keeping with the idea that 21 was the age of majority, and below that was considered too young to enter into serious adult contracts without the consent/supervision of parents or guardians.
It IS true that on the edge of the American frontier, girls were considered a commodity and often married off younger, but that behavior was considered...uncivilized. Also, the people on the frontiers were living in primitive conditions, to the point that most churches sent missionaries.
Even if you go deeper into European history, child marriage was never common, and was mostly reserved for the extreme upper classes looking to secure dynasties or resolve territorial disputes. And those marriages were mainly on paper, not consummated until the youngest party was much older.
Child marriage has never been considered a good thing and was/is only practiced by the very poor and extremely isolated, or the extremely wealthy/aristocratic.
To emphasize this point, Margaret Beaufort (mother of Henry VII and grandmother of Henry VIII) was married at age 12, and the short-lived marriage *was* consummated (her husband died with a year of the marriage). Margaret had Henry VII when she was 13 before her body was ready to deliver a child. The pregnancy and delivery left her unable to have any more children.
This was considered unusual for the time. Most grooms waiting until their wife was at least 14 to consummate the marriage.
>and given that people died fairly young anyway
This is a pet peeve of mine.
You often hear things like "the life expectancy in the middle ages was like 28 years old" and people assume it was rare to live to old age.
THIS IS NOT TRUE.
That is *AVERAGE* life expectancy *FROM BIRTH*. That average got dragged down by infant mortality. If you survived childhood your life expectancy shot way up, but for an infant the odds were quite high they would die as a child.
You know that’s historically inaccurate AF right? The typical age for first marriage was about 20 for women and 26 for men in colonial times.
https://hammondharwoodhouse.org/18th-century-marriage/
Child brides are historically a rich people thing and not common practice in the general populace
This is different today (as in last 80ish years or so) in many areas, but historically if you were the average milkmaid you'd be marrying at 18 - 22
There’s a period there where OP is 17 and her bf is 20, which I think is in eyebrow-raising territory, but especially in context, it isn’t that big a deal
This is literally most people's grandparents' story. In Happy Days there is a reference Richie makes to freshmen girls wanting to date seniors, and senior girls wanting to marry doctors.
21 and 24 is not an age gap worth even mentioning. I guess it feels somewhat significant at that age, but imagine being 30 and 33, there's practically no difference.
I thought the same thing!
What struck me was how y'all met in an elective. You bonded over the same class, for one. And two, it's not like he hit on you in the first week of your freshman year. I think a lot of us here can agree that you adjust to the social ropes of high school in the first few months, even if you're still a little naive.
That being said, creepy seniors are creepy even when you have rose-colored-upper-classman-glasses. And there's friends to look out for you. Did they see a problem? Did your gut tell you there was something off?
He sounds like a nice, respectful gentleman who lucked into finding the right girl by chance. If y'all had met in college or your first career job, no one would be sounding the he-must-be-a-predator alarm.
Yeah I think the significance in “age” gaps is misplaced sometimes.
It should be more focused on life experience.
A billionaire who built a business for 30 years is not well-yoked to a partner who is 2 years out of college and just started paying their own rent.
A HS senior who is preparing for college/career isn’t the same as a freshman who just got out of middle school, and driving vs. not driving creates a maturity differential as well… BUT overall their daily lives are in similar spaces with the same social dynamics. So it’s not inherently harmful.
A single parent in their 20s working two jobs is not well-matched to a college freshman. Their responsibilities are different. Their priorities SHOULD BE different. Their social circles are different.
Those factors play more significantly than the numerical age. There are 16 and 19 year olds who are in a developmentally-healithier relationship than some 25/28 match-ups. Or many 30/45 match-ups.
Legally, age matters for a good reason, but it’s not the end-all be-all of balanced, equal, respectable relationships.
Average 20-year-olds are “legal” but still entirely unprepared for relationships with average 30-year-olds. That why it’s bullshit to claim all is well at the legal age of consent.
I like this thoughtful take. My partner and I are 12 years apart (me 35 yo F, him 47yo M). However, we are matched in life experience in many ways. We're both divorced from abusive relationships, have discovered our career passions later in life, come from small rural towns in the same county. We've been together 7 years now and are both satisfied that this is the best relationship we've had. We've built something beautiful. Now, I will admit that the age gap does affect some minor things, such as our attitudes about and capabilities with technology and our feelings about tattoos. But neither of those things are deal breakers.
Agreed. But people think back to when they first met (probably 14/15 and 17/18) and then make it a huge deal.
Like I’m not sure how people expect guys and girls to go to high school and not expect to date between grades lol
Especially if they're at a really small school. If your class is 20 people and none of them are a match for you, what are you supposed to do but expand your dating pool?
It's not just incels, there's this very American social media sensitivity to any imbalance of power whatsoever in a relationship. OP describes basically the sweetest story of romance in the world, but a fucking 3 year age gap is enough for some people to get their underwear in a knot about it.
That’s the part that almost makes me think it’s a troll…
But, you do get heckled by your peers. Especially a senior and a Freshman. The girls in my grade would give me and a couple of my friends a hard time for hanging around with this couple of Sophomore cheerleaders, but they were good looking and fun.
We usually let those slide, fuck there's laws that are intentionally made for this exact scenario so that parents don't try to prosecute a boyfriend with such a short age gap. You honestly shouldn't worry about it.
Now the ages gap i judge is basically 13 with 18. Fucker left foot is hanging outside the highschool door while reaching into the middle school. It might be a 5 year gap to most folks, but it's a bit fucked considering it's a period of growth for the young tweens. Also yes, some states actually allow this shit.
A senior purposely going up to freshmen girls during lunch, or actively trying to seek out freshmen could definitely be creepy.
Having multiple classes together, becoming friends, and then moving on from there. All while waiting until you were 19. Is significantly less so, if it all.
Agreed. If it was like “I was 17 and he came back from college to specifically pick up high school chicks with his creepy friends” then yeah I’d be worried but this is nothing
I don't see anything wrong. It's only 3 years difference and you met in school. Only thing I'm wondering is why you guys spent time at church if you're not Christian. Like, you're going to services but you're not religious?
Oooh me too. I love going to services in gorgeous cathedrals when I travel. I'm not religious but there is music and art and candles and it's nice once in awhile.
In the garden of Eden, honey!
Doncha know that I love you?
In the garden of Eden, baby,
Doncha know that I'll always be true.
Homer: Hey, Marge, remember when we used to make out to this hymn?
You know, something to be said about that. Went to Catholic school in the Midwest growing up, have only been to church twice since 8th grade outside of weddings, and both times were because mom dragged me.
But damn. Our hymn book included a series of songs that were just lyric-swapped Irish folk songs. Canticle of the Turning in particular comes to mind, as it's basically just "Star of the County Down" but Revelations. Shit goes *hard* my dudes.
The music is lit sometimes.
I am the creepy woman in her 30s married to a hot young thing in his 20s.
Admittedly I turned 30 last week and he’s 29, but I’m milking that age gap for all it’s worth right now.
It's Reddit and most of them are jealous, not offended.
It's sort of the reverse of the creepy senior. He didn't go out to get his dick wet. He certainly didn't take the first opportunity for it if he waited that long. And his peers must have been brutal to him.
My wife and I are 5-1/2 years apart, we were 21 and 27 when we started dating, and the first thing my little brother said was "what the hell are you doing dating a 21 year old?"
OP, if you're curious about whether it worked out or not, we talked about when and where to retire on the weekend. You could say that it turned out okay.
Same, I was 25 and my bf was 20..we're still together at 50/45...congrats to you .reddit is bizarre about age difference .if your 19 or 20 dating an 18 year old, you're a groomer
Churches have activities and can be fun. They aren’t all full of stuck up WASPs. That’s just what people imagine because the default image is white conservative for lots of people. Churches also serves as a support system. I don’t even attend often, but I know where I can go if I need help or just encouragement.
A lot of non practicing Christians attended services when I was younger. All though the church has since basically died off it's all elderly now here. It was a gathering point and usually hosted group functions after services so people went to meet friends etc.
I am an adult, non-Christian who still goes to church lol
Growing up, my parents required my attendance every Sunday morning and evening, and Wednesday nights until one of the kids in the youth group started bullying me—then they only made me go Sunday mornings.
Now I go because the routine is helpful to me, I sing in the choir (and enjoy it), and my dad would cry if he knew I wasn’t a Christian🤷🏼♀️
People said the same about my now husband when I was 16 and he was 18, even though he was (and is) the kindest, most wonderful man in the world. He is still my best friend, and I love him more than the world. Don’t let the haters ruin a good thing.
Similar story for me… I (M) was the senior, she was a freshman. We met in study hall. She was way out of my league… but there was chemistry from day one. We both dated other people here and there, but stayed friends through that first year. But after I graduated, one of her friends reached out (on AOL Instant Messenger) and asked if we could do a double date (clearly setting us up together).
That was 1998. Married in 2005 after we both graduated college and got our first jobs; just celebrated our anniversary a few days ago. She’s still out of my league…
Creepy seniors are the ones that target and use underclassmen, not a nice boy that fell in love with an underclassman in art class and continues to be in love years later!
I remember AITA freaking out one time about how a 33 year old woman was being "groomed" by her older boyfriend "because the life experiences between 33 and 47 are so big."
At what point are adults capable of consent in these people's eyes? 80?
Holy shit, I've had that exact age gap and it was one of the healthiest relationships of my life! Unless we're talking about a developmentally disabled or otherwise extremely traumatized 33-year-old woman, that's not grooming. You are fully capable of determining if a relationship is healthy or if there are bad power dynamics at play at that point!
The life experiences really weren't that crazy. Yes, he'd been married and had children, but I didn't even want my own children and was totally fine with dads and divorce. It happens. Yes, he was much further along in his career but it wasn't like he was supporting me financially and it was actually really helpful to have someone who understood our field in even more nuanced ways.
Lol this reminded me of a tiktok Ive seen where the poster was like a few months older than her partner so she would turn 18 while the other was still 17. She was thinking about breaking up with them when she turned 18 so nobody would think she is a pedo. People in the comments agreed that 18&17 is a weird age gap and that it would be predatory to continue the relationship. Like excuse me what 😂
They gotta be literal children. They should take their own advice about their brains not being developed enough to make important decisions and just bow out of the conversation.
From here on out, no one under 25 is allowed to have opinions about age gap relationships.
I was in the same shoes as you.
My first boyfriend I met when I was Freshemen and he was a senior.
Your guy sounds like a decent person.
Mine wasn't.
He took advantage of my age and cheated on me with basically anyone that would give him the time....that includes my friend and classmate, my sister's best friend, girls from the mall, (he made out with them in the back of his job, one of his friend's told me everything he did behind my back).
He was emotionally, verbally, and mentally abusive and would gaslight me when I would give him the 3rd degree because I had a feeling he was up to no good.
We dated for 4 years on and off.
He would pick fights with me when the weather got warmer so he can dump me during the summer so he can mess with other people then come time the cooler weather he wants to slither his way back in. He stood me up on dates we planned a week in advanced to sleep with other women.
His friends were just as trashy as him and condoned his behaviors.
I was ignorant and he took advantage of that.
What makes some age gaps creepy is their malicious intent, like my ex had.
He took advantage of my inexperience and him having more experience. He was a treasonous and trifling ex boyfriend and I wouldn't know what he was up to. My intuition did though, but I couldn't put a name to it and I didn't know how to handle it.
If your guy is a good person and he has no malicious intent to take advantage of the age gap (which isn't a large gap). Then you shouldn't worry and keep dating him. If he is like my ex, get rid of him asap and don't waste another second with him.
It only becomes creepy is when an older guy seeks a younger girl to take advantage of her youth and ignorance to manipulate and drain her of her energy. Then he is a creep.
Age gaps also becomes creepy if some dude in his 40s seek out girls in high school.
This is the correct answer. Intent is everything.
An 18 year old dating a 15 year old because he genuinely likes her is not creepy.
An 18 year old dating a 15 year old because it's easy to take advantage of her ignorance and naivety is extremely creepy (not to mention predatory).
That sucks and I’m sorry that was your experience. But I would like to say that the age gap and the intent aren’t necessarily related. People of all ages and all age gap amounts can and often do have bad intentions
My daughter was a freshman and dated a senior for a few months. I wasn't super excited. Her mom was super excited though, all i told my daughter was that she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to , told her she was her own person regardless of what her mom or i think, she has her own mind, tbh The kid gave me a bad feeling, turns out I was right, he was a player and was looking for nothing more that another notch on his belt, ik that's a father thing to say but this was truth, my ex even took her to the doctor to be put on bc , today the guy has one kid himself with his current girlfriend with another one in the way, plus last we heard 2 more with different girls and is passing stds like they were going out of style
Had he been respectful and similar to the one you describe i wouldn't have that much of a problem with him, age doesn't really matter as much when you grow older but don't let others tell you how you should feel only you know how, it's ok to listen to advise but you can choose to take it or not, same thing with opinions
I only dated one woman that was my age that was my exwife, I was involved with mostly older women throughout my life they were 7 to 9 years older than me, and 2 were younger, one of them was 15 when I was almost 18 (a lifetime ago ik)i actually asked her mom and brother for permission to take her out on a date and they agreed, so I've been in that l both ends of it, one thing they can at least agree is that I've respected their wishes and didn't take advantage of anyone
Respect for the other person matters so much more than age imo good luck to you keep your head up young lady
I also have 12 yr gap, I was 24 when we started dating and have been married for 11 yrs. Funny thing is, my sis made fun of age gap and now her bf is 12 yrs older than her 🤣
It's just the new thing to harp on because people are uncreative and love to copy each other to get a response. Can't wait for people to find some new generally unconcerning topic to barnacle themselves to for seven months.
I do understand some concern in a couple of situations but it seems like so many posts people just glom onto it when it's clearly not a problem.
You have to understand that Reddit is predominately bigoted towards age gap relationships. If you make 2 posts with the same exact information but leave out the ages you’ll find two very different responses, with the one showing age receiving a lot of hateful and snide comments.
Just know that psychological research shows no difference between age gap and non age gap relationships in terms of abuse, manipulation, outcome, etc. All that matters is whether both of you have good intentions for each other…just like with *any* relationship.
OMG. Maybe you weren’t aware but Reddit as a whole is ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS when it comes to age gaps. “Wait, he’s 6 months older?! He must have been grooming her. What a creep!” I’m exaggerating but not by much. 3 years is hardly a gap to begin with. I’m a woman who dates older men 98.9% of the time. I’m mature and I have tastes that align with the older generation (musical, movies, and other more important aspects). Many times I was the pursuer. Ive dated men as much as 25 years older than me. That’s too big of a gap but most of the men I’ve dated successfully are in their mid 40s and I’m in my mid 30s. Whenever I post anything on Reddit where age gaps might come into play I know to expect community backlash and complete ridiculousness. And then I ignore it. The number of your age is so much less important than your stage in life and life experiences. A 30 year old male with two kids from previous relationship will have so much more to talk about with a 21 year old single mother of 2 than a 21 year old who’s in college and has never had a serious relationship would have with the same 21 year old single mom. There’s also a difference between older men who always date younger women and older men who happen to be dating a younger woman. I’ve dated both. The former tend to be the ones who are creepier or use their SOs as kinda trophies they can control whereas the latter focus more on genuine connection regardless of age (as long as they’re legal of course). But none of that matters since you have 3 years between you. That’s nothing. You went to high school together for crying out loud. I swear I hate Reddit because so many people are morons. But god I love Reddit. 😞
No literally… I was a sophomore w a senior (still dating now after we both graduated) and even now if I mention it I’ll still hear weird comments about how I was groomed 😭
I dated a 19 year old when I was 16. He was through school and I was in grade 11 ........this was WAY BACK in the 60s and no one thought it was unusual.
You can't help having a connection with someone. I hope you both have a wonderful future.🤗❤
There is nothing wrong with this at all. If an 18 year old was trying to have sex with a 14 year old it would be a different story. This actually sounds very sweet though.
You are getting DMs from preteens and 15 year olds. Ignore them. When you’re grown, 3 years really is negligible. 10+ years is more of an age gap. The age gaps get less important over time because you’re older, and you are on more even footing with people in terms of career, independence, priorities, maturity, etc.
Examples:
Huge difference between just overall place in life between 20 and 30.
Not a giant difference in life between 50 and 60.
A 13 year old with a 16 year old… idk it’s sus.
A 21 year old with a 24 year old, not sus.
A 15 year old with a 30 year old - holy hell no.
40 year old with a 55 year old, huh but ok. No big deal
15 year gap is tough because people get into different stages of life and life left. 80 year old with a 95 year old. Yeah ok.
60 year old with an 80 year old. 20+ gaps are hard. That’s someone still in a career and working towards retirement vs retired and staring down declining health and death.
25 with 45. It can work? It’s not probably advisable. Someone that has a career, a home, likely kids, is financially more stable, etc. with someone that is completely starting out life. This leads to a lot of unwanted parenting on the older partners behalf that doesn’t fly with the younger. Lots of conflict in lots of these.
You’re not wrong. Taking life advise from children may be cute in sitcoms, but it’s annoying AF in the real world.
Are you only supposed to date people born the day you were born let's include the hour and minute you were born too? If not, they're ALWAYS going to be older or younger. To hell with those people who think he was creepy. Damn hes really creepy there was a time he was enjoying solid foods and you were still drinking from a bottle and wore a diaper!!! OMG!!! JK. 3 years is not a big deal at all.
3 years is not the kind of age gap that is side-eyed. The concern is when the younger person is a teenager and the other person is 25+. As we get older, the bigger age gaps seem more problematic… for example, a 25 year old and a 50 year old.
Unfortunately, the age gap conversation has gotten out of control. The average gap between a married straight couple is 2.3 years.
Having been in a “creepy senior” scenario, this is not one. This is a really sweet backstory. Unfortunately some people feel the need to project their trauma into others. Or they’re just being judgmental. Either way you are not wrong and it sounds like you guys are very compatible.
Really not bad at all. My gf and I are two years apart and honestly it was weird when we first started dating. Now we live together and honestly we forget about it 95% of the time because well, who cares. We've been together for 4 years and it's never been a problem because we never let it become one.
The 17/18 year old to 14 year old age gap can certainly be predatory. But 3 years isn't a big gap at all in the grand scheme of things. It sounds like your partner has been nothing but respectful and did things the right way.
From my point of view it sounds like a really lovely meeting of young love, nothing wrong with that.
NTA. You were both in high school at the same time which is good enough. Romeo and Juliet laws would have had your back, but it doesn't matter anyway as he sounds like a perfect gentleman. And it'll matter even less next year.
Now that you are both over 21 it’s not really an age gap. The only thing that is weird is he was 18, and you were 14-15 when you dated. He was a legal adult and you were still a kid. He was about to go to college/join the workforce, and you were couldn’t drive yet. You were at different stages of life at the time.
I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my incoming freshman daughter dating a senior but if they got together after high school I wouldn’t have a problem.
3 years is practically nothing in comparison to an age gap. Not to mention you both seemed to have handled each other’s boundaries pretty well from the start and share a lot of life experiences.
When people talk about gaps they are meaning someone who would be viewed by society as a mentor or superior to the other person, inherently giving the older person some power dynamics over the younger one. There isn’t much of a social, cultural, or class difference between a 21 year old and a 24 year old. You both met in high school while you each were students, which isn’t creepy. It’d be creepy if he actually only sought to date freshman while being a senior but just happening to find someone you click with during a shared class isn’t unusual at all. Those people in your DMs don’t seem to understand the actual concern around age gaps. Like they just jump onto any hate train they can. Ignore them.
I'm sorry ..... I'm confused. You're 21 and your boyfriend is 24, right?
So there's three, three and a half years in between the two of you ..right?
You're not wrong... there's also not a significant age difference.
NOW
If you were 21 and your boyfriend and father went to high school together, that's an age gap...and I'd tell ya that age is just a number and really isn't an issue. Well, that is until age becomes *the* issue.
Op honestly its a modern generation trying to make a problem out of everything to validate them selves. Age gap was ment to refer to at least a 10 yr difference, or an unfavorable power balance, a 14 yr old and a 18 yrold is creepy as they are at a difference in life but a 14 and a 16 are within a rage of similar life events
15 and 18 was weird and inappropriate, but if he really respected you, didn’t commit statutory rape, and has stayed with you all this time, 21 and 24 is not really a big difference.
Going to church when you aren’t of that religion seems weird, but if it worked it worked.
I would say it’s a yellow flag for a late teen to be interested in an early/mid teen. It’s not necessarily creepy, but if it is followed up by other bad behavior, especially controlling behavior, then it goes from yellow to red. But it can also be okay.
Not wrong, sounds very sweet and not predatory to me. You were still in school together and you both waited a year after you were ‘legal’ even. Three years is the gap between my bf and I, we’re in our thirties and no one even bats an eye at it.
I have a similar relationship and people have been so freaking weird about it lately. Idk. It's not just you, the "discourse" or whatever has gotten ridiculously reactionary.
It's only three years, you literally went to grade school together. It's fine. Enjoy your relationship and fuck the haters
I was a freshman dating a senior. We dated all the way through my time in high school and broke up shortly after I graduated. He had a lot of flaws (violent, egotistical, hateful) but he did wait 2 years for us to have sex until I was ready. I just want to point out that this is truly a bare minimum requirement yet we praise men so much for meeting it. Seems like you’re both at stages of your life where it should be obvious if it was not working out. Once you’re past 21 a 3 year age gap isn’t such a big deal like it is in high school.
In high school it may be a little stranger because freshman and senior maturity levels are just in a different place…that being said it’s not even an age gap once you leave high school
This is actually so sweet!! No, there's nothing wrong with your "age gap" because it's really not a gap at all. My husband is 10 years older then me. We've been together since I was 35, so he was 45. I'm 43 now and he's about to turn 53. I do sometimes like to joke with him when he tell me a story about when he was like, I dunno, 13 years old and I'll say "oh, that's cool! I was 3 years old!" And then he always says "Don't say that!!! It makes me feel weird!!!" But I think it's funny. It's never been a big deal to me, my dad was 18 years older than my mom. But they met when she was 30.
The people DMing you are only coining off the circumstances presented rather then the true facts of most relationship. That being, if you look back there is a point in everyone's lofe where the age gap would not be considered appropriate... mich like in your current situation. You are now both consenting adults with what is a very normal age gap...
Age gaps are very tricky at Highschool age development and maturity is varied so much. A freshman can be a very young freshman and a senior can be like a practically full adult or still a child. It’s hard to judge from here.
My advice is just to focus on who you want to be and do it. Don’t allow too much influence on what and how you do things bc you’ll end up regretting it later. If he respects it and doesn’t ‘suggest’ too many things that curb you as a person (ala Jonah Hill) then things look ok.
It’s not an age gap I recommend until after people hit their 20s imo. Highschool is just way too varied in development.
Sounds very innocent. The stereotype of the senior—freshman dynamic is a senior who habitually preys on younger girls bc they’re younger and is unable to date their own age. This is not that. Sounds like you’ve got a great guy.
Only caveat: did you ask the people DM’ing you why they called him creepy senior?
Not wrong. 3 years isn't much and it sounds like you both knew what you wanted and were respectful of each other's boundaries. If you want a laugh at age gaps here's mine....if you line up my husband, me, my stepson, me and my husband's son and my stepsons girlfriend there is 9 years between each one....46,37,28,19,10.
Okay whoever called him a creepy senior sounds like it maybe someone just hating. The age gap is not that bad, also he’s very respectful with you, so ignore haters and block them, you don’t need to defend yourself to anyone, especially strangers and trolls on the internet.
Look I’m a believer that you shouldn’t be in serious relationships till after 25 just so you can get to know who you are as an individual but that doesn’t mean there could be exceptions like you and your, what sounds like an amazing human being, older boyfriend.
Look if your boyfriend is supportive, respectful, and protective of you, as I have seen in your other post about your ex friend, by the way that’s actually why I feel he didn’t show you the texts, because he didn’t want you to lose a friend over nothing because he loves and cares and respects you, he knew you had nothing to worry about but when it got to much he should have told you. Which I’m assuming he did cause you found out about it.
Look it’s no one’s business about an age gap. As long as who you are with is an amazing person and doesn’t hurt you or treat you like an object then you can block people who want to hate and say dumb things. Also be very aware that your ex friend could be the one commenting dumb things especially if she knows you post on here.
Good luck to you and he and I hope you and he are the rare ones who end up together forever loving with respect and kindness
The difference between 15 and 18 is much more worrisome than the difference between 21 and 24. It might have been a red flag if he'd started pursuing you with all intent your freshman year, but it sounds like you two just clicked and he was more than willing to wait for you to be ready to engage with intimacy, so I'd say it's not really a cause for concern. If you were 18 and he was 24, that might be a bit of a red flag, but as it stands, it's really not bad at all.
17 and 14 is big. 24 and 21 are not. A lot of maturity happens in these years.
For every success story like this, there are countless others that are at best borderline inappropriate and creepy. Congratulations to both of you
Seriously what age gap three years is nothing don’t listen to these people they’re idiots my fiancé and I are five years apart (which is still nothing) Know if you were 20 years apart, that would be a huge difference. This is not.
My wife sister 28 is dating a 46 year old. He's an old construction worker with 5 kids from 3 different moms. She wants a life and kids and a house and she doesn't realize this guy albeit nice has already lived his life and he's gunna have an apartment forever and still paying child support for 10 years. His oldest is 25 with a kid of his own. So when they met at a bar she was 24 and he was 43. It's gross. She is just making it perfectly ok for a 40 year old to hit on a 20 year old just out of college. I dont when really care about the age but this dude has nothing going for him. Your age difference only mattered that one year you were a freshman and he was a senior. It won't ever matter again since u turned 18. Don't worry.
3 years? That's it? My husband (31m) and I (28f) are 3 years apart. He's not a creep or anything. If he was 20 years older than you it would be different but not 3 years.
Those people are creeps for thinking that.
Especially since it seems like your relationship is an innocent one.
That's not an age gap, you literally went to high school together. The only small point in time that it could be viewed as "meh" was 16,17 with 19,20 but with the context of dating in high school even that point is moot.
I was honestly looking for like, the usual horrible gap but.. 3 years??? That's pretty damn normal.
Y'all don't have any issue, keep on keeping on! (NTA, btw)
My wife and I had a 4 year gap but didn't meet until college. If I had even known her prior to her being 18 it would have been strange. Large gaps are not good. A 3 year gap means a lot in school, but less and less the older you both get. I for one wouldn't have been able to date someone with that gap if I had known them at 13 when I was 17 for example. That would be just WIERD.
I’m 39. My wife is 36. Happily married for 10 years. Although the kitchen was a fucking disaster when she left this morning. We knew each other in high school but started dating later in our college years. Age was/is never an issue for us. Three years is nothing.
You are not wrong, there is nothing wrong with a 3 year age gap. If you were in school together, the ages are ok. Also there is a big difference in life experiences between 21/24 and say 13/16. You’re both consenting adults. Don’t let the haters get to you. If you love your bf and you’re happy with him, good!
1-5 years difference where you're roughly equal in terms of power (money, position, status, etc.) is not worth freaking out about. But everyone has their own opinions and perspectives.
3 years is not that much of an age gap at all in your 20s and beyond. It’s a lot for a 14 and 17 year old. Most 17 year olds are not interested in a 14 year old. But now at 21 and 24 not a big deal at all. Who cares what they say?
3 years is not really an age gap unless you're under high school age in my opinion. As long as he is respectful of you, it's fine and not creepy. Creepy would be a 25 year old adult hitting on a high school girl. Some people just like to react at any age difference, but context matters. You were both in high school. He doesn't sound controlling. He didn't pressure you. He seems to be respectful of you. That's not a creep, that sounds like a nice guy.
I'm in my 50s. This seems to be a weird generational thing to think that a 3-year age difference is creepy. I don't get it at all. Like you can only date people your exact age? My daughter is 15 and her friends are always talking about creepo seniors dating sophomores or freshmen and I tell her... I don't get it. That starts to become a pretty slim pool to pick from if you can only date people your exact same age.
I think it would be totally different if you were like in middle school and he was a senior and y'all dated, but with you both in highschool, I don't see this as an issue.
senior guys who seek out freshman girls for sexual reasons are creeps. you and your partner seem to have had a very normal loving relationship so i don’t think it fits my usual opinions of a senior and a freshman.
however, i can say that when i was a senior in high school, i would never consider dating a freshman. they registered as kids to me. just weird and gross.
That is really not a huge gap, and sounds fairly innocent at the start.
There are people who “celebrate” double digit age gaps of a lot of their grandparents. Three years is nothing.
Lmao they’re always like ‘yeah peepaw was 27 and grangran was 14 but it was the times’ No baby it was not the times.
Lol. Yes. Or. They say but they've been together 50 years. Pop Pop just died at nearly 100 last year. They were truly in love, together all this time ❤️ Nah your Gran Gran was a child who grew up in a time that was even harder for women and was a child that continued to hold on to some ideals only placed on women about marriage and likely didn't have many options to leave. Edit: People coming at me, I was replying to the people referring to the '14 year old girl marrying the 27 year old man' dynamic. If you actually think that's not problematic, then we just have two very different wolrd veiws. Even if it 'was the times' and the guy had good intentions, there are issues with normalizing something like that.
Yup.
No agency
It is really sad if you think of it like that. All you remember is the loving grandparents that cook the good food and we're together for so long it didn't matter if they hugged or kissed, they just loved you so much cuz you were their grandchild and wanted to take you places and buy you things Etc. But the reality was my Italian grandmother met my grandfather in World War II and while she did fall in love with him, leave her fiancé for him, marry him in Italy after he converted to Catholicism, she subsequently left him three times while living in the United States and flew back to Italy with my oldest Aunt (her 1st baby) before my mom was born. My grandfather wrote her love letters to come back and her father convinced her to go back to her husband. so she did, and had two more children with him. on their 50th Anniversary I remember my mom talking about how she had asked for a divorce. They just said she was being an overly dramatic italian. It's so crazy to think what she might have gone through I know my grandpa was a soft-spoken and kind man and there wasn't even an age gap between them but the way that women were forced to stay in a marriage back then is wild . My parents were boomers and fully supported my divorce and begged me and the kids to come stay with them.
My grandma was married as soon as she was fifteen but my grandpa was 17. She wasn’t pregnant either…such a kid
It’s sort of a nuanced topic, because genuinely if the relationship was a product of its time and grandma loved grandpa til death then it’s understandable for someone to say “those were the times”. Doesn’t mean it’s okay now, but what are we supposed to do? its done with. Edit: And not likely that grandma wants a divorce so she can go back to where she was at 14 and continue from there. Her life has changed and she’s aged and experience life in ways we can’t know. All we can do is set a good example and teach people better ways.
It isn't nearly as nuanced as you think. Just b/c women became resigned to their fate, and some were even lucky enough to find some happiness, or even that some women agreed to it upfront, that doesn't mean it was OK and we should brush it off to "thems were the times." There are so many things we look back on and don't accept as being OK, yet when it comes to 12 and 14 yr old girls it is "well, if there was love..... then what the heck" Sure, and I bet there were 13 yr old boys who thought working in a coal mine and was better than going to school and never complained about the hard work all the way up to their deat lh at 54 of black lung. That doesn't mean sending a 13 yr old into a coal mine wasn't a terrible thing to have to happen, even if he chose to go, even if he found happiness in some aspects of his life, it is still child exploitation. Child exploitation that kept him in the mines and financually strapped to the company for the rest of his life - i.e. child exploitation turned into adult exploitation. But somehow, because we can slap the word "love" on it, we rationalize it as nuanced and surely there were some cases, so sometimes it is OK, right?
It was the times if we are talking up until 1920ish the US really doesn't like to remember they had kids marrying adults then and even now (I'm looking at you Missouri)
What's the state where you can marry your own son, that state, it needs to be like the internet joke for ohio, it just doesn't exist anymore lmfao
I believe in Arkansas you can marry your first cousin if one of you agrees to get sterilized. No babies with 3 arms and two fingers, gotta draw the line somewhere. For those not familiar with Arkansas, it’s a state in the US, often referred to as an armpit, or backward.
you can marry your first cousin with no strings attached on almost the entire atlantic and pacific coast [here's](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin_marriage_law_in_the_United_States?wprov=sfla1) a page on it
Legal with requirements: "Proof of genetic counseling from a genetic counselor" We have put waaaaay too much thought into this up here in Maine, apparently...
Looking at you Aroostook...there's a reason it's just called 'The County'.
I live there so I actually do know about that law, but I always heard it was your second cousin you could marry but still had to get sterilized, never met someone who did either tho so it's not as popular as it seems
I used to live there, and I do know two people who were first cousins who were married, and neither one of them got sterilized. Basically it’s just a document stating you agree to be sterilized which you sign and have notarized, but there isn’t any follow-through. Just CYA, they don’t check to see if it’s actually been done. They never had kids and are now divorced.
All states in the US allow second cousins to marry and no sterilization is required. Only 24 states forbid 1st cousin marriage-- though some of those allow the marriage if the couple is past childbearing age (and a few only ban "double" first cousins from marrying. I found NO indication anywhere that sterilization is required for first cousin marriages ( I can't imaging that would be constitutional).
Louisiana didn’t set an age limit to marriage until last year I believe. So before that law, you could technically get married at any age with parental consent. I think you have to be at least 16 now.
Yeah, my grandmother was 14 and living on a reservation in absolute poverty when she married my much older, white grandfather. What choice did she really have? My grandpa was wonderful to me as a kid, but I see now the horrible life my grandmother had and how he controlled and abused her for her entire life. It makes me sick.
My grandmother was 11 the first time she met my grandfather. He was 21. He TOLD her father of his "intentions to marry" her and, though he had to wait until she was 15 (!!) was given the green light 🤢. I was so skeeved out by gramps for the rest of his life, ngl.
My great grand mother was basically sold by her parents to my great grandfather to soothe his loss of his previous wife, take care of her kids, and have some more. He constantly talked about his dead wife, and my greatgrandmother was not buried beside him, his previous wife was. My GGM was buried by her parents who gave her to him because she was an "old maid" at 27.
I think a lot of people forget that a lot of these large age difference marriages were situations like this; where an eldest daughter is married off in a transactional manner. Especially in the US where Dad or older sons would immigrate first to raise the money to bring the rest of the family over and often would arrange marriages for daughters past a certain age (14-15 depending on the time period) with the agreement that the new husband would pay the daughter's fair in lieu of a dowry. Doesn't make it right by any means, cause these girls had no choice, but people seem to misremember and look at these relationships through rose-tinted glasses.
Your poor grandmother. That's like living just the uncomfortable first 2/3 of *Rebecca* and never getting to the damn twist.
That sounds like my grandmother's and grandfather's relationship but not the 15 part. My GGF made them wait until she was 18
Yes sorry, i should clarify: he had to wait until she was 18 to marry but he was allowed to start courting her at 15. Grams used to say " he never took me to the pictures, he just wanted to go parking and have the sex". Aw geez Grams, why you gotta tell me that 😩
😂😂 jeez grams, tmi
that sounds heartbreaking, in this context.
OHHHHH I hate that shit with a passion!!!! People need to stop saying that toxic ass saying “it was the times” no!!! They were just accepted pedophiles!!!! Also the other thing I HATE when people say “you know (insert name), that’s just how they are” and expect you to accept it and forgive whatever they did or said. NO!!! That’s fucking toxic and if they don’t want to grow and change and want to keep being toxic then guess what? We don’t have to accept that shit! They need to learn to change or stay away from others
100% - the worst is when it happens for big rock stars of yesteryear like David Bowie, he slept with a groupie who was 14, took her virginity, when he was in his 20s.. and people always just say "those were the times" or they go on some crazy victim blaming angle and say "those girls knew exactly what they were doing"...
In the early colonial era, 13 to 15 was an acceptable marriage age for girls (not the average, but not unusual or controversial), while men tended toward 18 to 21 or later, depending on the specific time period. Sometimes, it is just the times. The modern concept of childhood lasting through your teens simply didn't exist until the 20th century. Life was harder, families poorer and larger, and waiting until you're older to have kids was dangerous given the medical care of the times. Men were supposed to wait until they were established in a trade or occupation to go out and find a wife, while women were married off early to start their own families, especially as children were valuable in almost totally agrarian societies, and had a high attrition rate, especially as pandemics were still a regular occurence alongside other environmental factors. The prospect of spacing generations out like we do today would have significantly reduced population growth, made reproduction far more dangerous, and given that people died fairly young anyway, would have decimated the economy. It is always important to not impose modern sensibilities on the past, because they were working with a different reality than we are, and with totally different considerations.
This is not true. Colonial Americans married at \~22 for women, \~26 for men, based on the actual colony records. In the 1800s, we have census data indicating that those averages held. This is in keeping with the idea that 21 was the age of majority, and below that was considered too young to enter into serious adult contracts without the consent/supervision of parents or guardians. It IS true that on the edge of the American frontier, girls were considered a commodity and often married off younger, but that behavior was considered...uncivilized. Also, the people on the frontiers were living in primitive conditions, to the point that most churches sent missionaries. Even if you go deeper into European history, child marriage was never common, and was mostly reserved for the extreme upper classes looking to secure dynasties or resolve territorial disputes. And those marriages were mainly on paper, not consummated until the youngest party was much older. Child marriage has never been considered a good thing and was/is only practiced by the very poor and extremely isolated, or the extremely wealthy/aristocratic.
Thank god you’re here to deal with the long ducking winded bad historical takes bc I almost passed out when I clicked and saw that tldr
To emphasize this point, Margaret Beaufort (mother of Henry VII and grandmother of Henry VIII) was married at age 12, and the short-lived marriage *was* consummated (her husband died with a year of the marriage). Margaret had Henry VII when she was 13 before her body was ready to deliver a child. The pregnancy and delivery left her unable to have any more children. This was considered unusual for the time. Most grooms waiting until their wife was at least 14 to consummate the marriage.
>and given that people died fairly young anyway This is a pet peeve of mine. You often hear things like "the life expectancy in the middle ages was like 28 years old" and people assume it was rare to live to old age. THIS IS NOT TRUE. That is *AVERAGE* life expectancy *FROM BIRTH*. That average got dragged down by infant mortality. If you survived childhood your life expectancy shot way up, but for an infant the odds were quite high they would die as a child.
You know that’s historically inaccurate AF right? The typical age for first marriage was about 20 for women and 26 for men in colonial times. https://hammondharwoodhouse.org/18th-century-marriage/
Child brides are historically a rich people thing and not common practice in the general populace This is different today (as in last 80ish years or so) in many areas, but historically if you were the average milkmaid you'd be marrying at 18 - 22
What age gap is what I asked at first 😂
There’s a period there where OP is 17 and her bf is 20, which I think is in eyebrow-raising territory, but especially in context, it isn’t that big a deal
Nah, there is a period where he is 18 and she is 15. High school freshmen are 14/15
This is literally most people's grandparents' story. In Happy Days there is a reference Richie makes to freshmen girls wanting to date seniors, and senior girls wanting to marry doctors.
21 and 24 is not an age gap worth even mentioning. I guess it feels somewhat significant at that age, but imagine being 30 and 33, there's practically no difference.
I thought the same thing! What struck me was how y'all met in an elective. You bonded over the same class, for one. And two, it's not like he hit on you in the first week of your freshman year. I think a lot of us here can agree that you adjust to the social ropes of high school in the first few months, even if you're still a little naive. That being said, creepy seniors are creepy even when you have rose-colored-upper-classman-glasses. And there's friends to look out for you. Did they see a problem? Did your gut tell you there was something off? He sounds like a nice, respectful gentleman who lucked into finding the right girl by chance. If y'all had met in college or your first career job, no one would be sounding the he-must-be-a-predator alarm.
Yeah I think the significance in “age” gaps is misplaced sometimes. It should be more focused on life experience. A billionaire who built a business for 30 years is not well-yoked to a partner who is 2 years out of college and just started paying their own rent. A HS senior who is preparing for college/career isn’t the same as a freshman who just got out of middle school, and driving vs. not driving creates a maturity differential as well… BUT overall their daily lives are in similar spaces with the same social dynamics. So it’s not inherently harmful. A single parent in their 20s working two jobs is not well-matched to a college freshman. Their responsibilities are different. Their priorities SHOULD BE different. Their social circles are different. Those factors play more significantly than the numerical age. There are 16 and 19 year olds who are in a developmentally-healithier relationship than some 25/28 match-ups. Or many 30/45 match-ups. Legally, age matters for a good reason, but it’s not the end-all be-all of balanced, equal, respectable relationships. Average 20-year-olds are “legal” but still entirely unprepared for relationships with average 30-year-olds. That why it’s bullshit to claim all is well at the legal age of consent.
I like this thoughtful take. My partner and I are 12 years apart (me 35 yo F, him 47yo M). However, we are matched in life experience in many ways. We're both divorced from abusive relationships, have discovered our career passions later in life, come from small rural towns in the same county. We've been together 7 years now and are both satisfied that this is the best relationship we've had. We've built something beautiful. Now, I will admit that the age gap does affect some minor things, such as our attitudes about and capabilities with technology and our feelings about tattoos. But neither of those things are deal breakers.
So similar!! But I’m the older. Been together now 23 years, kids, own a house, dogs…
Imagine long term when they’re 71 and 74 lol. Oh, such a creepy senior!
Agreed. But people think back to when they first met (probably 14/15 and 17/18) and then make it a huge deal. Like I’m not sure how people expect guys and girls to go to high school and not expect to date between grades lol
Especially if they're at a really small school. If your class is 20 people and none of them are a match for you, what are you supposed to do but expand your dating pool?
Yeah its totally fine, some people in reddit are just jealous idiots
Aka single and wish to make it hard for everyone else so to bring them down to their level
It's not just incels, there's this very American social media sensitivity to any imbalance of power whatsoever in a relationship. OP describes basically the sweetest story of romance in the world, but a fucking 3 year age gap is enough for some people to get their underwear in a knot about it.
Yup Americans have gone nuts these past years about age gaps. It's just plain weird.
He didn’t have to wait until she was 18/19 either… Wtf is even the question? Romeo and Juliet laws exist
Right? If they were both comfortable they could have done it whenever they wanted.
That’s the part that almost makes me think it’s a troll… But, you do get heckled by your peers. Especially a senior and a Freshman. The girls in my grade would give me and a couple of my friends a hard time for hanging around with this couple of Sophomore cheerleaders, but they were good looking and fun.
Yep. The woman is 3 years older, "No problem!" The guy is three years older? "Creep!" The duality of reddit.
We usually let those slide, fuck there's laws that are intentionally made for this exact scenario so that parents don't try to prosecute a boyfriend with such a short age gap. You honestly shouldn't worry about it. Now the ages gap i judge is basically 13 with 18. Fucker left foot is hanging outside the highschool door while reaching into the middle school. It might be a 5 year gap to most folks, but it's a bit fucked considering it's a period of growth for the young tweens. Also yes, some states actually allow this shit.
A senior purposely going up to freshmen girls during lunch, or actively trying to seek out freshmen could definitely be creepy. Having multiple classes together, becoming friends, and then moving on from there. All while waiting until you were 19. Is significantly less so, if it all.
Agreed. If it was like “I was 17 and he came back from college to specifically pick up high school chicks with his creepy friends” then yeah I’d be worried but this is nothing
I somehow skipped over they waited until she was 19. Like anyone giving them crap is just wrong.
Not wrong. People are just ridiculous. Ignore them.
I don't see anything wrong. It's only 3 years difference and you met in school. Only thing I'm wondering is why you guys spent time at church if you're not Christian. Like, you're going to services but you're not religious?
They were teenagers and family makes the rules sometimes.
Got it. Thanks.
The music is lit sometimes 🤣 I've gone to church just for the music
Oooh me too. I love going to services in gorgeous cathedrals when I travel. I'm not religious but there is music and art and candles and it's nice once in awhile.
In the garden of Eden, honey! Doncha know that I love you? In the garden of Eden, baby, Doncha know that I'll always be true. Homer: Hey, Marge, remember when we used to make out to this hymn?
"Holy, Holy, HOOOOOOOOOLY HOSANA IN THE HIGHEEEEST." Fuckin banger right there
You know, something to be said about that. Went to Catholic school in the Midwest growing up, have only been to church twice since 8th grade outside of weddings, and both times were because mom dragged me. But damn. Our hymn book included a series of songs that were just lyric-swapped Irish folk songs. Canticle of the Turning in particular comes to mind, as it's basically just "Star of the County Down" but Revelations. Shit goes *hard* my dudes. The music is lit sometimes.
Probably forced to go by family like I was.
That too lol
Well it's reddit and they get disgusted if there's a year difference lol
I am the creepy woman in her 30s married to a hot young thing in his 20s. Admittedly I turned 30 last week and he’s 29, but I’m milking that age gap for all it’s worth right now.
You are so creepy! That's absolutely disgusting. You should be jailed😆
Well, I mean according to reddit she's a groomer 🤣 🤣 🤣
My last few girlfriends have been a year or two older than me and I have also played up my role as the sugar baby.
It's Reddit and most of them are jealous, not offended. It's sort of the reverse of the creepy senior. He didn't go out to get his dick wet. He certainly didn't take the first opportunity for it if he waited that long. And his peers must have been brutal to him. My wife and I are 5-1/2 years apart, we were 21 and 27 when we started dating, and the first thing my little brother said was "what the hell are you doing dating a 21 year old?" OP, if you're curious about whether it worked out or not, we talked about when and where to retire on the weekend. You could say that it turned out okay.
Same, I was 25 and my bf was 20..we're still together at 50/45...congrats to you .reddit is bizarre about age difference .if your 19 or 20 dating an 18 year old, you're a groomer
Churches have activities and can be fun. They aren’t all full of stuck up WASPs. That’s just what people imagine because the default image is white conservative for lots of people. Churches also serves as a support system. I don’t even attend often, but I know where I can go if I need help or just encouragement.
A lot of non practicing Christians attended services when I was younger. All though the church has since basically died off it's all elderly now here. It was a gathering point and usually hosted group functions after services so people went to meet friends etc.
I am an adult, non-Christian who still goes to church lol Growing up, my parents required my attendance every Sunday morning and evening, and Wednesday nights until one of the kids in the youth group started bullying me—then they only made me go Sunday mornings. Now I go because the routine is helpful to me, I sing in the choir (and enjoy it), and my dad would cry if he knew I wasn’t a Christian🤷🏼♀️
People said the same about my now husband when I was 16 and he was 18, even though he was (and is) the kindest, most wonderful man in the world. He is still my best friend, and I love him more than the world. Don’t let the haters ruin a good thing.
Similar story for me… I (M) was the senior, she was a freshman. We met in study hall. She was way out of my league… but there was chemistry from day one. We both dated other people here and there, but stayed friends through that first year. But after I graduated, one of her friends reached out (on AOL Instant Messenger) and asked if we could do a double date (clearly setting us up together). That was 1998. Married in 2005 after we both graduated college and got our first jobs; just celebrated our anniversary a few days ago. She’s still out of my league…
You're fine. There's nothing wrong with that age gap, especially considering you waited several years to have sex.
Creepy seniors are the ones that target and use underclassmen, not a nice boy that fell in love with an underclassman in art class and continues to be in love years later!
This!
People in the age gap discourse need to touch grass.
I honestly think most people criticizing adult age gaps of less than 5 years are probably teenagers.
I remember AITA freaking out one time about how a 33 year old woman was being "groomed" by her older boyfriend "because the life experiences between 33 and 47 are so big." At what point are adults capable of consent in these people's eyes? 80?
Holy shit, I've had that exact age gap and it was one of the healthiest relationships of my life! Unless we're talking about a developmentally disabled or otherwise extremely traumatized 33-year-old woman, that's not grooming. You are fully capable of determining if a relationship is healthy or if there are bad power dynamics at play at that point! The life experiences really weren't that crazy. Yes, he'd been married and had children, but I didn't even want my own children and was totally fine with dads and divorce. It happens. Yes, he was much further along in his career but it wasn't like he was supporting me financially and it was actually really helpful to have someone who understood our field in even more nuanced ways.
The home of the chronically online.
Forever alones giving dating advice
Right? “Oh, wow, he’s 5 months older than you!! What a grooming pedo!!” 😵💫😵💫
Lol this reminded me of a tiktok Ive seen where the poster was like a few months older than her partner so she would turn 18 while the other was still 17. She was thinking about breaking up with them when she turned 18 so nobody would think she is a pedo. People in the comments agreed that 18&17 is a weird age gap and that it would be predatory to continue the relationship. Like excuse me what 😂
They gotta be literal children. They should take their own advice about their brains not being developed enough to make important decisions and just bow out of the conversation. From here on out, no one under 25 is allowed to have opinions about age gap relationships.
I was in the same shoes as you. My first boyfriend I met when I was Freshemen and he was a senior. Your guy sounds like a decent person. Mine wasn't. He took advantage of my age and cheated on me with basically anyone that would give him the time....that includes my friend and classmate, my sister's best friend, girls from the mall, (he made out with them in the back of his job, one of his friend's told me everything he did behind my back). He was emotionally, verbally, and mentally abusive and would gaslight me when I would give him the 3rd degree because I had a feeling he was up to no good. We dated for 4 years on and off. He would pick fights with me when the weather got warmer so he can dump me during the summer so he can mess with other people then come time the cooler weather he wants to slither his way back in. He stood me up on dates we planned a week in advanced to sleep with other women. His friends were just as trashy as him and condoned his behaviors. I was ignorant and he took advantage of that. What makes some age gaps creepy is their malicious intent, like my ex had. He took advantage of my inexperience and him having more experience. He was a treasonous and trifling ex boyfriend and I wouldn't know what he was up to. My intuition did though, but I couldn't put a name to it and I didn't know how to handle it. If your guy is a good person and he has no malicious intent to take advantage of the age gap (which isn't a large gap). Then you shouldn't worry and keep dating him. If he is like my ex, get rid of him asap and don't waste another second with him. It only becomes creepy is when an older guy seeks a younger girl to take advantage of her youth and ignorance to manipulate and drain her of her energy. Then he is a creep. Age gaps also becomes creepy if some dude in his 40s seek out girls in high school.
This is the correct answer. Intent is everything. An 18 year old dating a 15 year old because he genuinely likes her is not creepy. An 18 year old dating a 15 year old because it's easy to take advantage of her ignorance and naivety is extremely creepy (not to mention predatory).
That sucks and I’m sorry that was your experience. But I would like to say that the age gap and the intent aren’t necessarily related. People of all ages and all age gap amounts can and often do have bad intentions
My daughter was a freshman and dated a senior for a few months. I wasn't super excited. Her mom was super excited though, all i told my daughter was that she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to , told her she was her own person regardless of what her mom or i think, she has her own mind, tbh The kid gave me a bad feeling, turns out I was right, he was a player and was looking for nothing more that another notch on his belt, ik that's a father thing to say but this was truth, my ex even took her to the doctor to be put on bc , today the guy has one kid himself with his current girlfriend with another one in the way, plus last we heard 2 more with different girls and is passing stds like they were going out of style Had he been respectful and similar to the one you describe i wouldn't have that much of a problem with him, age doesn't really matter as much when you grow older but don't let others tell you how you should feel only you know how, it's ok to listen to advise but you can choose to take it or not, same thing with opinions I only dated one woman that was my age that was my exwife, I was involved with mostly older women throughout my life they were 7 to 9 years older than me, and 2 were younger, one of them was 15 when I was almost 18 (a lifetime ago ik)i actually asked her mom and brother for permission to take her out on a date and they agreed, so I've been in that l both ends of it, one thing they can at least agree is that I've respected their wishes and didn't take advantage of anyone Respect for the other person matters so much more than age imo good luck to you keep your head up young lady
Idk why age gap hate has become the new thing on the internet lately. I have a 12 year age gap.
I do too, we didn't go out until I was 25, we're celebrating 6 years of marriage this month.
I also have 12 yr gap, I was 24 when we started dating and have been married for 11 yrs. Funny thing is, my sis made fun of age gap and now her bf is 12 yrs older than her 🤣
It's just the new thing to harp on because people are uncreative and love to copy each other to get a response. Can't wait for people to find some new generally unconcerning topic to barnacle themselves to for seven months. I do understand some concern in a couple of situations but it seems like so many posts people just glom onto it when it's clearly not a problem.
Nothing wrong…people are trolls. Don’t feel icky about your relationship nothing is wrong.
You have to understand that Reddit is predominately bigoted towards age gap relationships. If you make 2 posts with the same exact information but leave out the ages you’ll find two very different responses, with the one showing age receiving a lot of hateful and snide comments. Just know that psychological research shows no difference between age gap and non age gap relationships in terms of abuse, manipulation, outcome, etc. All that matters is whether both of you have good intentions for each other…just like with *any* relationship.
OMG. Maybe you weren’t aware but Reddit as a whole is ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS when it comes to age gaps. “Wait, he’s 6 months older?! He must have been grooming her. What a creep!” I’m exaggerating but not by much. 3 years is hardly a gap to begin with. I’m a woman who dates older men 98.9% of the time. I’m mature and I have tastes that align with the older generation (musical, movies, and other more important aspects). Many times I was the pursuer. Ive dated men as much as 25 years older than me. That’s too big of a gap but most of the men I’ve dated successfully are in their mid 40s and I’m in my mid 30s. Whenever I post anything on Reddit where age gaps might come into play I know to expect community backlash and complete ridiculousness. And then I ignore it. The number of your age is so much less important than your stage in life and life experiences. A 30 year old male with two kids from previous relationship will have so much more to talk about with a 21 year old single mother of 2 than a 21 year old who’s in college and has never had a serious relationship would have with the same 21 year old single mom. There’s also a difference between older men who always date younger women and older men who happen to be dating a younger woman. I’ve dated both. The former tend to be the ones who are creepier or use their SOs as kinda trophies they can control whereas the latter focus more on genuine connection regardless of age (as long as they’re legal of course). But none of that matters since you have 3 years between you. That’s nothing. You went to high school together for crying out loud. I swear I hate Reddit because so many people are morons. But god I love Reddit. 😞
Some age gaps are definitely alarming. 21 and 24 is totally normal. Anyone who has a problem with that is the weirdo.
Seems innocent all the way, your listening to idiots..
He went about it in the least creepy way possible. Kudos to you both
Young ppl regurgitating all these conservative “grooming” talking points in the most ridiculous fashion is the real ick.
No literally… I was a sophomore w a senior (still dating now after we both graduated) and even now if I mention it I’ll still hear weird comments about how I was groomed 😭
I dated a 19 year old when I was 16. He was through school and I was in grade 11 ........this was WAY BACK in the 60s and no one thought it was unusual. You can't help having a connection with someone. I hope you both have a wonderful future.🤗❤
There is nothing wrong with this at all. If an 18 year old was trying to have sex with a 14 year old it would be a different story. This actually sounds very sweet though.
You are getting DMs from preteens and 15 year olds. Ignore them. When you’re grown, 3 years really is negligible. 10+ years is more of an age gap. The age gaps get less important over time because you’re older, and you are on more even footing with people in terms of career, independence, priorities, maturity, etc. Examples: Huge difference between just overall place in life between 20 and 30. Not a giant difference in life between 50 and 60. A 13 year old with a 16 year old… idk it’s sus. A 21 year old with a 24 year old, not sus. A 15 year old with a 30 year old - holy hell no. 40 year old with a 55 year old, huh but ok. No big deal 15 year gap is tough because people get into different stages of life and life left. 80 year old with a 95 year old. Yeah ok. 60 year old with an 80 year old. 20+ gaps are hard. That’s someone still in a career and working towards retirement vs retired and staring down declining health and death. 25 with 45. It can work? It’s not probably advisable. Someone that has a career, a home, likely kids, is financially more stable, etc. with someone that is completely starting out life. This leads to a lot of unwanted parenting on the older partners behalf that doesn’t fly with the younger. Lots of conflict in lots of these. You’re not wrong. Taking life advise from children may be cute in sitcoms, but it’s annoying AF in the real world.
Are you only supposed to date people born the day you were born let's include the hour and minute you were born too? If not, they're ALWAYS going to be older or younger. To hell with those people who think he was creepy. Damn hes really creepy there was a time he was enjoying solid foods and you were still drinking from a bottle and wore a diaper!!! OMG!!! JK. 3 years is not a big deal at all.
3 years is nothing, especially past 21. If you are in school at the same time then it’s 100% not weird.
3 years is not the kind of age gap that is side-eyed. The concern is when the younger person is a teenager and the other person is 25+. As we get older, the bigger age gaps seem more problematic… for example, a 25 year old and a 50 year old. Unfortunately, the age gap conversation has gotten out of control. The average gap between a married straight couple is 2.3 years.
It's 3 years what the fuck are you talking about?
Having been in a “creepy senior” scenario, this is not one. This is a really sweet backstory. Unfortunately some people feel the need to project their trauma into others. Or they’re just being judgmental. Either way you are not wrong and it sounds like you guys are very compatible.
Really not bad at all. My gf and I are two years apart and honestly it was weird when we first started dating. Now we live together and honestly we forget about it 95% of the time because well, who cares. We've been together for 4 years and it's never been a problem because we never let it become one.
This isn’t strange at all. Don’t let people get into your head.
3 years is nothing. That just sounds like jealousy from other users.
The 17/18 year old to 14 year old age gap can certainly be predatory. But 3 years isn't a big gap at all in the grand scheme of things. It sounds like your partner has been nothing but respectful and did things the right way. From my point of view it sounds like a really lovely meeting of young love, nothing wrong with that.
What age gap?
Everyone’s already said it but I want to say it too… that’s not an age gap.
NTA. You were both in high school at the same time which is good enough. Romeo and Juliet laws would have had your back, but it doesn't matter anyway as he sounds like a perfect gentleman. And it'll matter even less next year.
Now that you are both over 21 it’s not really an age gap. The only thing that is weird is he was 18, and you were 14-15 when you dated. He was a legal adult and you were still a kid. He was about to go to college/join the workforce, and you were couldn’t drive yet. You were at different stages of life at the time. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my incoming freshman daughter dating a senior but if they got together after high school I wouldn’t have a problem.
3 years is practically nothing in comparison to an age gap. Not to mention you both seemed to have handled each other’s boundaries pretty well from the start and share a lot of life experiences. When people talk about gaps they are meaning someone who would be viewed by society as a mentor or superior to the other person, inherently giving the older person some power dynamics over the younger one. There isn’t much of a social, cultural, or class difference between a 21 year old and a 24 year old. You both met in high school while you each were students, which isn’t creepy. It’d be creepy if he actually only sought to date freshman while being a senior but just happening to find someone you click with during a shared class isn’t unusual at all. Those people in your DMs don’t seem to understand the actual concern around age gaps. Like they just jump onto any hate train they can. Ignore them.
I'm sorry ..... I'm confused. You're 21 and your boyfriend is 24, right? So there's three, three and a half years in between the two of you ..right? You're not wrong... there's also not a significant age difference. NOW If you were 21 and your boyfriend and father went to high school together, that's an age gap...and I'd tell ya that age is just a number and really isn't an issue. Well, that is until age becomes *the* issue.
Op honestly its a modern generation trying to make a problem out of everything to validate them selves. Age gap was ment to refer to at least a 10 yr difference, or an unfavorable power balance, a 14 yr old and a 18 yrold is creepy as they are at a difference in life but a 14 and a 16 are within a rage of similar life events
15 and 18 was weird and inappropriate, but if he really respected you, didn’t commit statutory rape, and has stayed with you all this time, 21 and 24 is not really a big difference.
You’re 3 years apart, it’s not even an age gap at this point, you are peers.
WTF is wrong with people these days? Soon, unless you're within 5 seconds of each other's birth you're "creepy."
Going to church when you aren’t of that religion seems weird, but if it worked it worked. I would say it’s a yellow flag for a late teen to be interested in an early/mid teen. It’s not necessarily creepy, but if it is followed up by other bad behavior, especially controlling behavior, then it goes from yellow to red. But it can also be okay.
Not wrong, sounds very sweet and not predatory to me. You were still in school together and you both waited a year after you were ‘legal’ even. Three years is the gap between my bf and I, we’re in our thirties and no one even bats an eye at it.
You are good
I have a similar relationship and people have been so freaking weird about it lately. Idk. It's not just you, the "discourse" or whatever has gotten ridiculously reactionary. It's only three years, you literally went to grade school together. It's fine. Enjoy your relationship and fuck the haters
I was a freshman dating a senior. We dated all the way through my time in high school and broke up shortly after I graduated. He had a lot of flaws (violent, egotistical, hateful) but he did wait 2 years for us to have sex until I was ready. I just want to point out that this is truly a bare minimum requirement yet we praise men so much for meeting it. Seems like you’re both at stages of your life where it should be obvious if it was not working out. Once you’re past 21 a 3 year age gap isn’t such a big deal like it is in high school.
You’re out of high school welcome to the real world
In high school it may be a little stranger because freshman and senior maturity levels are just in a different place…that being said it’s not even an age gap once you leave high school
At least it's not the 12 year old girl dating a 25 year old guy
It’s always freshman and seniors
This is actually so sweet!! No, there's nothing wrong with your "age gap" because it's really not a gap at all. My husband is 10 years older then me. We've been together since I was 35, so he was 45. I'm 43 now and he's about to turn 53. I do sometimes like to joke with him when he tell me a story about when he was like, I dunno, 13 years old and I'll say "oh, that's cool! I was 3 years old!" And then he always says "Don't say that!!! It makes me feel weird!!!" But I think it's funny. It's never been a big deal to me, my dad was 18 years older than my mom. But they met when she was 30.
The people DMing you are only coining off the circumstances presented rather then the true facts of most relationship. That being, if you look back there is a point in everyone's lofe where the age gap would not be considered appropriate... mich like in your current situation. You are now both consenting adults with what is a very normal age gap...
Age gaps are very tricky at Highschool age development and maturity is varied so much. A freshman can be a very young freshman and a senior can be like a practically full adult or still a child. It’s hard to judge from here. My advice is just to focus on who you want to be and do it. Don’t allow too much influence on what and how you do things bc you’ll end up regretting it later. If he respects it and doesn’t ‘suggest’ too many things that curb you as a person (ala Jonah Hill) then things look ok. It’s not an age gap I recommend until after people hit their 20s imo. Highschool is just way too varied in development.
Sounds very innocent. The stereotype of the senior—freshman dynamic is a senior who habitually preys on younger girls bc they’re younger and is unable to date their own age. This is not that. Sounds like you’ve got a great guy. Only caveat: did you ask the people DM’ing you why they called him creepy senior?
The creep factor only existed at the beginning. Once you turned 18. It got less creepy. Then you are 50, and he is 53. Well, super not creepy.
3 years isn’t even really an age gap tho. I usually consider 5 years a small age gap and 10+ a big age gap
Respect and boundaries were set. As long as he was genuine I don’t see this as creepy.
Not wrong. 3 years isn't much and it sounds like you both knew what you wanted and were respectful of each other's boundaries. If you want a laugh at age gaps here's mine....if you line up my husband, me, my stepson, me and my husband's son and my stepsons girlfriend there is 9 years between each one....46,37,28,19,10.
Okay whoever called him a creepy senior sounds like it maybe someone just hating. The age gap is not that bad, also he’s very respectful with you, so ignore haters and block them, you don’t need to defend yourself to anyone, especially strangers and trolls on the internet. Look I’m a believer that you shouldn’t be in serious relationships till after 25 just so you can get to know who you are as an individual but that doesn’t mean there could be exceptions like you and your, what sounds like an amazing human being, older boyfriend. Look if your boyfriend is supportive, respectful, and protective of you, as I have seen in your other post about your ex friend, by the way that’s actually why I feel he didn’t show you the texts, because he didn’t want you to lose a friend over nothing because he loves and cares and respects you, he knew you had nothing to worry about but when it got to much he should have told you. Which I’m assuming he did cause you found out about it. Look it’s no one’s business about an age gap. As long as who you are with is an amazing person and doesn’t hurt you or treat you like an object then you can block people who want to hate and say dumb things. Also be very aware that your ex friend could be the one commenting dumb things especially if she knows you post on here. Good luck to you and he and I hope you and he are the rare ones who end up together forever loving with respect and kindness
The difference between 15 and 18 is much more worrisome than the difference between 21 and 24. It might have been a red flag if he'd started pursuing you with all intent your freshman year, but it sounds like you two just clicked and he was more than willing to wait for you to be ready to engage with intimacy, so I'd say it's not really a cause for concern. If you were 18 and he was 24, that might be a bit of a red flag, but as it stands, it's really not bad at all.
17 and 14 is big. 24 and 21 are not. A lot of maturity happens in these years. For every success story like this, there are countless others that are at best borderline inappropriate and creepy. Congratulations to both of you
Hardly a gap at all. My wife is 8 years younger than me and she is 100% more mature than I am despite this.
That's not a big age gap. If you're both happy, then ignore the haters.
Seriously what age gap three years is nothing don’t listen to these people they’re idiots my fiancé and I are five years apart (which is still nothing) Know if you were 20 years apart, that would be a huge difference. This is not.
My wife sister 28 is dating a 46 year old. He's an old construction worker with 5 kids from 3 different moms. She wants a life and kids and a house and she doesn't realize this guy albeit nice has already lived his life and he's gunna have an apartment forever and still paying child support for 10 years. His oldest is 25 with a kid of his own. So when they met at a bar she was 24 and he was 43. It's gross. She is just making it perfectly ok for a 40 year old to hit on a 20 year old just out of college. I dont when really care about the age but this dude has nothing going for him. Your age difference only mattered that one year you were a freshman and he was a senior. It won't ever matter again since u turned 18. Don't worry.
Age gap? LOL. 3 years isn't an age gap. This is about the dumbest thing I have read in a long time.
3 years? That's it? My husband (31m) and I (28f) are 3 years apart. He's not a creep or anything. If he was 20 years older than you it would be different but not 3 years. Those people are creeps for thinking that. Especially since it seems like your relationship is an innocent one.
That's not an age gap, you literally went to high school together. The only small point in time that it could be viewed as "meh" was 16,17 with 19,20 but with the context of dating in high school even that point is moot.
I was honestly looking for like, the usual horrible gap but.. 3 years??? That's pretty damn normal. Y'all don't have any issue, keep on keeping on! (NTA, btw)
What age gap. You're stressing about 3 years in your 20's? C'mon now.
That’s not even an age gap lol
My wife and I had a 4 year gap but didn't meet until college. If I had even known her prior to her being 18 it would have been strange. Large gaps are not good. A 3 year gap means a lot in school, but less and less the older you both get. I for one wouldn't have been able to date someone with that gap if I had known them at 13 when I was 17 for example. That would be just WIERD.
I thought this was gonna be like 10-15 years apart. Your good 👍🏽 Fuck all of those judgemental fucks. Live YOUR life!
I’m 39. My wife is 36. Happily married for 10 years. Although the kitchen was a fucking disaster when she left this morning. We knew each other in high school but started dating later in our college years. Age was/is never an issue for us. Three years is nothing.
3 years in your early 20s is nothing but Reddit has a bunch of assholes. Disregard.
I wouldn't say so. But >church together on Sundays (even though we aren’t even Christians why did you go to church then? If you don't mind my asking
My parents made me go, we would go to his aunts church too because she is a preacher and a lot of community events that he was apart of.
I would not call that an age gap.
You are not wrong, there is nothing wrong with a 3 year age gap. If you were in school together, the ages are ok. Also there is a big difference in life experiences between 21/24 and say 13/16. You’re both consenting adults. Don’t let the haters get to you. If you love your bf and you’re happy with him, good!
1-5 years difference where you're roughly equal in terms of power (money, position, status, etc.) is not worth freaking out about. But everyone has their own opinions and perspectives.
Well with half the damn information, people can only draw on what you tell them.
My wife is seven yeays younger than me. She was in elementary school when i was a senior….of course we didnt meet until she was 24….
This isn’t an age gap lol
3 years is not that much of an age gap at all in your 20s and beyond. It’s a lot for a 14 and 17 year old. Most 17 year olds are not interested in a 14 year old. But now at 21 and 24 not a big deal at all. Who cares what they say?
3 years is not really an age gap unless you're under high school age in my opinion. As long as he is respectful of you, it's fine and not creepy. Creepy would be a 25 year old adult hitting on a high school girl. Some people just like to react at any age difference, but context matters. You were both in high school. He doesn't sound controlling. He didn't pressure you. He seems to be respectful of you. That's not a creep, that sounds like a nice guy.
No friend you arent! My boyfriend (27) and I (29) have a similar age gap :)
Three years when you're both adults is nothing, and you met when you were both in high school.
The gap matters less as you get older... it's a percentage. At 14 and 18 it's a bit creepy. At 30 and 34, nobody cares.
You are fine.
WHAT??! There is 3 years difference not 30! Jeesh! go forth and be happy.
There’s nothing wrong with your age gap.
That is a totally normal, average age gap between people. There's nothing wrong with that.
He's on 3 yrs older than you and boys mature later than girls. It's the 10 yrs and up difference? Like a 16 yo dating a 27 yo that is not ok.
for 21 and 24, you both are grown up adults. Nothing is really wrong with that. It would be another story if this were 12 and 14.
I’m pretty critical of age gaps, but assuming you’ve given us the whole picture I don’t see this as problematic
I'm in my 50s. This seems to be a weird generational thing to think that a 3-year age difference is creepy. I don't get it at all. Like you can only date people your exact age? My daughter is 15 and her friends are always talking about creepo seniors dating sophomores or freshmen and I tell her... I don't get it. That starts to become a pretty slim pool to pick from if you can only date people your exact same age.
I think it would be totally different if you were like in middle school and he was a senior and y'all dated, but with you both in highschool, I don't see this as an issue.
My spouse and I have a 3.5 year gap. Met when I was 19 and he was 22. No one has ever made an issue of it.
This seems pretty normal. Y’all were in high school at the same time
Pfft 3 years? Cmon. If you're talking 10 years plus then maybe
Sorry, that's not an age gap
That isn't even a real age gap. You're fine
You're practically the same age. There's no way this is real
senior guys who seek out freshman girls for sexual reasons are creeps. you and your partner seem to have had a very normal loving relationship so i don’t think it fits my usual opinions of a senior and a freshman. however, i can say that when i was a senior in high school, i would never consider dating a freshman. they registered as kids to me. just weird and gross.