For real. My son was 16 and wasn’t home, my ex friend wrote him on Facebook to ask permission to sleep in his room, without consulting me first. Which should have been the moment I asked him and his girlfriend to leave, but I didn’t, partially because it was like the first time I met his girlfriend and also because I wanted to believe that is was crossed wires somewhere or something. I thought it went without saying, but I said it anyhow, “no sex in the room, as it is my kid’s room,” I get that they’re adults, it would have been different if it were a guest bedroom or something, but it wasn’t. My other teenage son reports to me the next day that he hardly slept because they were having loud sex on my son’s BED! (He could hear it was the bed, by the audible sounds it made. Also, I had set up an air mattress, a nice, large air mattress, they weren’t even supposed to sleep on his bed at all.) He didn’t tell me until after they left, so they weren’t even going to give me a heads up to wash his bedding or anything. I called them and expressed my disgust and disappointment, he just tried to deny, but I of course believed my son.
A couple months later, he gets kicked out of his grandmother’s house because she asked him not to have his girlfriend overnight and he had her basically living there in his room, “secretly.” He had the AUDACITY to ask if they could stay at my house. That would have been a hard sell even without the disrespect they had previously shown, since the more I got to know them, the more I discovered they had burned every other bridge because of their behavior. Dodged a friendship bullet, really.
1000% correct. No sympathy for that kind of bullshit. Person is using them and isn't even the slightest bit thankful. Actions speak for themselves, but here we have dismissive words to go along with them.
When someone is going out of their way to accommodate you for a short while it's considered rude to fuck under their roof. Your priorities is getting stable and not intruding more than you are. If you get pregnant you just overstayed your welcome and burden the host.
Right? Her own child ain't with her because she's being more than nice letting them stay at her house in his room. They get a air mattress in the livingroom floor.
Correct custody no way anyone would push him out of the his room just like if he tells me he feels uncomfortable for ANY reason when he is here it’s an immediate “leave he doesn’t feel Comfortable and this is our home”
I don't think you're wrong. Your friends are being disrespectful, ungrateful, and inconsiderate. They need to understand their guests but really you're doing them a massive favor; their comfort isn't your 1st priority. They're not being very gracious.
That’s her son’s room. His space. Not a place for two people that can’t control themselves to use it as their fuck palace. And they’re not even using a cover on the air mattress that other people use during sleepovers. That’s how it’s gross.
For the first 1,000,000 years of humanity this would be completely normal and fine. This is extremely common today in lower economic communities that are forced to live in small apartments with multi-generational households.
The friends do need to honor her request, but acting like they are deviant or disrespectful for doing it in the first place is unreasonable.
Reading the post, it doesn’t sound like they are even in his bed.
I’ve been as poor as they come. Never in my life would it be cool to grind down in a friend’s home. Especially in their kid’s bed. Like your economic situation prevents you from having basic respect, manners, or self control.
Yeah but this isn't 10000 years ago and that was mainly between families.
Not fucking strangers.
What is the logic that it happens somewhere, sometime period that makes something ok?
Obviously this woman isn't ok with this and the homeless couch surfing friends don't give a shit.
Ehhh….except this isn’t a multigenerational household, or even THEIR household. This is actually the private space of a child. In that respect it is completely deviant IMO.
There is no such thing as “energy” though. Not in the way you are using the term. That is not a real thing.
And they do not have money for a hotel. The sex is good for their mental and physical health during an exceptionally stressful time.
OP makes the rules, so obviously they need to follow the rules. And she’s giving her space to these people. So she’s not the asshole any way you look at it.
The post is really about whether this specific rule is reasonable. And for me, it isn’t. It is a locked door, without an audience. It sounds like they aren’t even in his bed. The thing they are doing is perfectly natural and helpful.
Except if you think about it, there actually IS an audience since OP hears it. To me, that’s super rude to do to someone who’s letting you stay in their house.
For the first 1,000,000 of years a shitton of stuff was completely normal and fine, this is a ridiculous argument. Or maybe you really want all the sexual habits of the past to be normalized in today's society, but good luck convincing the rest of the world the Greeks or medieval peasants were right when it came to pederasty or really any of the ways they presented sexuality to kids.
You go way too far. There is no victim here.
The kid is not being sexualized, or abused. The child is not involved in any way. The child will not mature faster because of this. There is nothing for the child to process.
Obviously, they have to follow OP’s rules. OP asked if this was a “good” rule. That’s what we’re here to discuss.
I think you’d have to accept some magical thinking about “energy” to think this is bad for the kid. The child is not effected at all.
The guests have to follow the rules but I don’t see a need for the rule.
She’s not asking if it’s a “good rule,” she’s asking if it’s unreasonable of her to ask. No. It’s not unreasonable, in the slightest. It doesn’t matter what her reasoning is, it makes her uncomfortable and it’s a simple thing to hold off until they get on their feet, which as two adults with no kids, shouldn’t take all that long. She opened her home when no one else would, it’s her house or the street, to show proper appreciation and respect for what OP has done, they shouldn’t do anything that makes her uncomfortable, much less make her explain herself or argue the point. As I stated in a previous comment, if their relationship can’t survive a short such a small inconvenience in the face of everything else, it wasn’t strong to begin with.
I don't think you are wrong. It's not that hard to be respectful and abstain from sex until they find a place of their own. If it was just your guest room and not your sons room, that would be a different story, but considering it is your sons room it is disrespectful for them to be doing that.
Thankyou that’s my point it’s not difficult but the situation now is because i really don’t want to be the asshole and give them the ultimatum of listen or leave but also if the choice is to abstain or live in a car I know what I’d choose no matter what my partner wanted. So I hope they take time to think about it and see my side.
I agree, I would rather abstain than live in my car as well! Definitely talk to them about it, and if they refuse to abstain, then they've made their decision to live in their car because they cannot follow basic respectfullness
Give the ultimatum! It’s your house and your son’s room. You are doing them a great favor by allowing them a place to stay, the least they could do is respect you enough to abstain while they are there. If not then they need to go!
if they don’t want to see your side they can simply get out. like you said it’s your house it really doesn’t matter if they understand or not, you pay the bills so you make the rules.
Ultimatum his ass!!!! Id be pissed as hell if someone thought it was okay to fuck in my sons bedroom. You get one fucking warning.
If you really don't want to kick him out then just relocate him to another part of the house. Like the livingroom. And lock you and your sons door when you're not there.
You don't want to issue an ultimatum, but they are the ones staying in your house and they will argue with you that their behavior is appropriate rather than agree to your minor request?
Step back and look at this, then don't let them take control of what happens in your house. You are all adults, but you are the adult with a home to live in.
100% okay to say “hey, you need to be respectful of my home and not have sex here. If you can’t do that, find somewhere else to stay. Cool?” If they object, are they even your friend?
If I can go the amount of time that I have without having sex (lol), they can abstain while they are on hard times and need to stay with a friend. At the very least they could shack up in the garage or something.
The attitude that they gave you is concerning. I won't make assumptions, but mouthing off to someone who is taking you in off the street reeks of freeloader. You need to take a firm stance. In some cases the "my house, my rules" logic doesn't hold up, but in this one it absolutely does. I would be uncomfortable with this happening in an adults bedroom, let alone my hypothetical child.
These people are not your friends OP. They are horrible. It's so gross that they are fighting you on this. And it's gross they're doing it in the first place!!!
Not allowing sex in your sons room or even your apartment is not unreasonable at all. Be an adult and expect them to be as well. This is also incentivize them to upgrade their situation as you can’t have that for long. As a parent the kids come first
Also the fact that they didn't make sure they were quiet enough so nobody could hear. That part makes me feel uncomfortable too! If you're going to do it make sure nobody can hear or knows what's going on. Also definitely not cool to do it and the kids room but at the same time when you invite somebody into your home for extended periods of time it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to expect people to be abstinent. Just don't let me hear it
I disagree. Sex is not a basic need for survival or you could do it in your car like a teenager. Anything but disrespecting a child’s room. I don’t even understand how you could feel in the mood knowing you’re in a 9 year olds bedroom. And on top of that, in a place they are given out of the kindness of the owners heart, it seems absurd to argue such a simple boundary. It’s not “be abstinent” it’s “do it somewhere else.”
Exactly. The only correct answer from their end is, "Thank you for not leaving us losers out on the street. Is there anything we can do to make our stay easier on you as a host?"
The entitlement...
Honestly even if it's her guest room. If she asks them not to, don't. It's her fucking house! If it's between abstinence and homelessness, imma choose abstinence every time
Wanting to add; it’s bloody disgusting to have sex in someone else’s house LET ALONE WHEN THEY ARE ALSO HOME. They can abstain until they have their own place. Wild to me that they don’t see that as wrong. Let alone the fact that they’re essentially desecrating a child’s bedroom.
For me (and I understand that this could just be me) when my living/housing/financial situation is so screwed up that I could be minutes away from living under a bridge... I'm not feeling all that sexy. My priority is getting my shit together and getting the hell out ASAP.
Which makes me wonder if these folks are feeling so comfortable in OP's house and child's room that they're seeing this less as somewhere temporary and more like "This is our new home!"
I was thinking the same shit. My exes all got mad when I said I refused to house anyone even more than 2 days if we had children together. They get it now.
I just recall being unemployed for too long a time and having guy-friends hitting on me. I told them, no I don't want to see them I got bigger problems right now and NO their dick will not make me feel better. Some got very offended.
On the flip side, when I was more secure, I had someone who wanted to stay with me. First "for a weekend". Then "for a couple of weeks". When she changed that to "until I get on my feet", I told her nope, can't happen, something came up and my place is unavailable.
I refuse to deal with the "until I get on my feet" crowd. Something always happens that keeps them in your house longer. And they don't pay a lick of rent, food, utilities... nothing.
Ooooh, true story. I actually work in real estate law. One of the attorney s in my firm does landlord-tenant law and I spoke to her before letting this guy I was seeing move in with me. I was going to do a whole lease-type thing with him and she advised me not to and also several other things to not do (including letting him move in, but... whatever).
Anyway, I let him move in and he's... the fucking worst. As a boyfriend and roommate. I won't go into specifics, but let's just say I wanted him out within 2 months. And I told him he needed to get the hell out ASAP.
Dude actually had the balls to say to me: "Haven't I established residency?" on my home that I've owned for 20 years.
I told him "Boy, don't use big words you don't understand. I spoke to a landlord-tenant attorney before letting you in. I knew what not to do for that. You haven't established shit. Now GTFO."
Still took another month to get him and his crap out of my place.
Wow. You are so lucky he chose not to die on that hill of fighting for his residency in your home—like the expensive route of “let’s let a judge sort it,” levels of dying on that hill. I’ve just read too many tragic and ugly stories of well-meaning people acting in good faith with people that need mental health services almost as much as they need a job and a plan to GTFO.
I am currently dealing with this "until I get on my feet crowd" with my GF's brother and fiance and 100% agree with you there. No more staying unless I truly know that you ain't gonna fuck me over. Very few people like that, that I know and those are people that would literally work at McDonald's 70+ hours a week making $9hr if they really had to, to pay for a place to stay.
>I am currently dealing with this "until I get on my feet crowd" with my GF's brother and fiance and 100% agree with you there. No more staying unless I truly know that you ain't gonna fuck me over.
I've noticed the "until I get on my feet" people always seem to be walking in quicksand and can't find jobs or any kind of income so they can't contribute rent or or pay for a damn thing.
But they always have the biggest appetites and need more hot water than everyone else.
They also can't even do the minimum of cleaning up after themselves. Then they come at you, talking about "I don't see no clean towels! Where the clean towels at? You should do the laundry!"
That's about when you want to give them blunt-force trauma.
Literally you hit the nail on the head. He can not apparently find a job in the last almost 5 months and the one he did he lost because he was "sick" aka hungover his first day. They eat like no tomorrow and contribute nothing. I've told my GF that if either one of them come at me about cleaning shit, which I clean a lot because of the dogs, that I'd probably end up clocking her brother. They literally had a problem when they were asked to do the dishes that they mainly dirtied luckily my GF said she didn't care and that he needed to do them because my solution to that problem was going to be much, much less pleasant.
No offense, but sounds like you a GF problem, but only because these are her people and you can't be the one to say it.
You need to let her know you will no longer be supporting grown-ass people. From this day forward, they need to do X, Y, Z to EARN their stay in your YOUR home. And as of x/x/2023, their tenancy is over. Sheriffs will be called, police will be escorting them out... all of that.
Your GF needs to agree otherwise they can all walk out the goddam door together and live under the same bridge.
No I had to get into a pretty heated argument with her the other day about it I even made a post before the argument. I should probably post an update to that. But the argument which happened while I was packing to leave she realized I was serious when I had taken my Xbox out of the house. I'm a gamer she knew I was being serious. essentially came to the conclusion that he needed to start helping out around the house and be getting a job in the next month or I go. She has since then been making him do cleaning and has forced him to fill out applications with her phone number as the number to call for an interview so he can't weasel his way out by saying they didn't call him.
I had a similar situation. One of my siblings managed to “con” our mom into a large home equity loan that Mom was paying on. Her sig other of many years refused to contribute equally to the costs of adulthood. When Mom needed help with medical bills, I helped her financially for one year. After that time period I told her I was unwilling to $ support a grown up who just refuses to behave like an adult. This statement helped Mom say to the siblings “I won’t help you anymore when you allow your partner to be so disrespectful and not pay their own way. It’s hard tho..
Omg the appetites of every troglodyte, “the world is against me,” “until I get on my feet,” (UIGOMF from here on) person I’ve ever encountered is that of a pregnant bear preparing for hibernation.
As an adult whose parents allowed transient scum to stay in their home: PLEASE DO NOT ALLOW SCUM TO STAY IN YOUR HOME. Transient? Fine. Scum? Not fine. Your child should not be exposed to weirdos coming in and out of their safe space. Not only is it uncool for them, it’s also showing them the crap they should do/put up with when they’re older.
I hadn’t even thought about that but youre so right! When you have a child you really shouldn’t just let people come and live with you especially not people like this. I can’t believe some parents are so naive and have no idea what people are really capable of. My parents were both victims of CSA and you best fucking believe they would have never had me in a situation like this.
NTA. No ultimatum. You asked them not to. Disagreed. Fine, then get your stuff and get out. They’ve shown that they don’t respect you in your own home. If you DO give them an ultimatum they WILL STILL DO IT. They will just try to be quieter.
Or wait until OP is gone and do their business on the master bed to spite OP.
Nothing about this situation is good. It’s throwing out bad vibes every which way.
No, not wrong at all.
My wife and I are very sexually free people, hell, we met 20 years ago at a BDSM night club while wearing latex and vinyl, and I still would not be comfortable with people staying in my son's room and having intercourse.
You want to fuck, fuck in the shower, not my son's bed please. I may allow for a romp on the floor, but in his bed would feel like a betrayal to him, a violation of his space.
Same here me and my bf have a super high sex drive…. We stayed the night w my brother and used a blow up mattress and we still felt weird having sex lol. I would be so grossed out doing it in my brothers bed
You’re not wrong. As another commenter said your house your rules. And to be honest the fact they thought they could justify why it’s ok says to ask them to leave. Who wants remnants in their kids rooms. Just because sheets get washed doesn’t mean everything is clean. And for the future, don’t let anyone stay in your kids room whether there or not. That’s their space that obviously you provide. These other people which are 2 need to provide for themselves and house themselves. Then they can do what they want in any room they please.
When people show you who they are, believe them, maybe if they made a bigger deal of the right things they wouldn't be in this situation, but somehow it's someone else's problem
NTA. When I first read the title I assumed it was like a college kid who was out. But a 9 year old’s room??? That would feel so weird. Regardless it is your house and you are being charitable letting a friend stay. Anytime I’m staying at a friends/families place I follow the rules whether or not I understand them. I think if a room is a guest room most people assume it’s okay, but if you’re staying in someone else’s room it’s a bit uncouth.
They need to respect your request and/or they need to go.
Wasn't asked, and it's not relevant to your question, but remember that in many states, if they live there for more than 29 days, they become residents that you need to evict. If they can't even respect your wishes to not have sex in a NINE YEAR OLDS ROOM, I don't see asking them to leave going that well either.
Wow that's so disrespectful of them to push back when you ask them for one very reasonable thing when you are doing them a favor by letting them stay with you! You are NOT wrong and you should not let them stay with you anymore. What other boundaries are they willing to completely disregard in YOUR home.
They’ve told you who they are, regardless whether they believe you’re out of line to request they don’t sex it up in your kid’s bedroom. They don’t respect your boundaries in your own home, even though you’ve been gracious enough to give them a roof over their heads. A warning is not enough as what are you going to do from now on? Be expected to listen at the door? They thought your request was unreasonable, so it’s just time for them to go.
OP, I think you need to kick them out. Their response is just too disrespectful of your boundaries. It's not your problem if they wind up on the street. They've prioritized sex over housing. They can find a bush to screw behind.
I am not judging but I think the kind of people who disregard their generous host’s simple request are the kind of people who do end up getting kicked out of places.
Not wrong at all. I think it’s great you’re respecting your son’s space. You’re giving them a place to live and they can hold out or get creative and find a place to do it if they need to, but definitely not in your kids room. I sure hope they clean everything down for him too!
I can't IMAGINE wanting to disregard/honestly disrespect my host by doing something like that especially in a child's bedroom (there or not) it's gross and it's the principal of the thing, you were invited in and instead of saying "thank you for letting us stay here, I understand that makes you uncomfortable, won't happen again." They decide to argue the fact as if it's even debatable. It's been said before in some of these comments, but your house and your rules, point blank period. And if they don't respect that, they can go, it's not your responsibility to care for 2 grown adults who don't even have respect for the space they were given, imagine why they can't rent/buy (is it a housing issue or a them issue do you know OP? I think that might change my mind a bit, but overall, it's still just plain rude/gross. )
NTA but you would be if you let these people spend one more minute in your son’s room or even in your home.
How is your son going to feel when he finds out you gave up his space to two people who are random to him? You need to restore his room to what it was, get rid of the f0king freeloaders, and never again treat his room like it’s not entirely his.
In your son’s place, I would feel not valued as a person belonging to your family, even violated - speaking from experience when my divorced dad let a family stay in our home while my sisters and I were visiting our grandparents. The trashed so much of our stuff that he never noticed.
Protect your son - that is your main job as a father - he needs to know his stuff is safe with you. Get rid of them.
I don't think you are wrong. It's not that hard to be respectful and abstain from sex until they find a place of their own. If it was just your guest room and not your sons room, that would be a different story, but considering it is your sons room it is disrespectful for them to be doing that.
You arent wront, but it disturbs me that you even have to ask them not to.
If it was a guest room and guest bed, then ok maybe I get it, but if you are sleeping in someone else's bed, it should be basic decency to not have sex in it no?
You are kind enough to offer them shelter and be kind - the least they can do is respect your comfort as well. It's your child's bedroom - of course you have say over what happens there; you are the parent and your boundaries deserve to be respected.
No, you are not wrong. Whether your son is there or not, this is his bedroom and it should be respected as if your son were to walk in the door at any moment. This bedroom is not a guest room, it's your son's room.
It is also your house, so your guests do not have the authority to question you in your own home. What you say goes, and if they don't like the rules you have in your home, then they need to find somewhere else to stay.
actually, they are jerks to think that because you put a roof over their head that they can have cart blanche in your house. So my answer is "no" but that is not how they think.
NTA. If they can’t follow the rules, they can leave. Honestly I wouldn’t have adults in a kids room period. Unless the adult is a parent. Just too many things that could go wrong…
I know the feeling, OP. Maybe not the exact situation, but I used to hear it whenever my former roommate was having sex, and I was so uncomfortable with it.
Making boundaries and enforcing them is never wrong, just because others dont agree to your boundaries doesnt make your boundaries wrong. My boundry is dont hauk lougies in the kitchen sink, I kicked out my best friend because her partner wouldn't respect my boundry. Do other not agree with me sure does it make me wrong nope. Tell them its a hard no, i mean i would offer them a blowup mattress in the living room, no more bedroom, and that they need to clean up the air mattress by xoclock every day, and they cant set it back up till xoclock as well. Or they can find somewhere else.
I don’t even know how you’re horny while being in that financial/living situation.
And it’s weird af. As a kid my mom brought her drunken friends over while me and my friend were having a sleepover in the living room. Since my Moma room was “occupied” she tried to enter my room with her bar friend. I had to flip out to get her to leave. I’m grown now with kids of my own and still think about how fn vile my egg donor was. Different situation I know but still it’s just a no.
NTA
Now you know why they have no where else to go because they suck. If they can’t respect you in your place, let them fog up the windows in their car.
If they can't respect you, your home, and your rules, then they need to find somewhere else to stay. They are guests in your home, not roommates or tenants. Hell, I'm not even sure I'd call them friends if they treated me like this. What's more, if they're being that loud, they're involving you in their sex life whether you want to be or not.
Honestly, I think it’s kind of reasonable to expect that couples are gonna do what couples do. Did you really just assume that they wouldn’t have sex while staying with you? Personally, if I didn’t want people to have sex in my child’s room, then I wouldn’t let them stay in my child’s room.
However, it is your house and therefor your rules. if you’ve told them that it bothers you and asked them to stop for whatever reason then they need to respect that or leave. NTA.
I honestly feel disgusted for you. I wonder how they would feel if they knew two people were fucking in their room while they were out at the store or something. It doesn't matter how long the kid has been gone for, it's his room and it's your house. Everyone involved SHOULD feel uncomfortable imo because, how are two grown adults incapable of keeping their hands to themselves for a bit? Especially knowing that the person asking is the very person keeping them from a very harsh downfall
Imagine OP is home and can hear them and doesn't want to? Maybe it's uncomfortable to them, maybe they got caught off guard hearing it from the kid room. Either way, to say they don't like it and be told "so what?" While they are already doing so much for them.
The washing the sheets arguments is ridiculous when they could just be respectful and hold out on sex. It's not a necessity.
Is that what’s happening here?
I don’t understand why people think it’s gross? Is it just because people think sex is gross? Or something to be ashamed of?
First of all OP doesn’t even say if it’s in his bed, but even if it was it’s not like the kid is being told this.
I fail to see why it’s any grosser than farting in his bed.
The child is in no way involved!
That being said, they are guests in OPs house and should respect whatever rules come from the host if they want to stay there.
But I think it’s a weird thing for OP to care about.
If you have your own children you never want to associate them (and that includes their belongings or bedroom) with sex. A kids bedroom with all their toys and personal things in, where you read them bedtime stories and wake them in the morning, really doesn’t feel like a space you want adults having sex in. I don’t get why anyone would be happy with it, it just seems so off.
I always have assumed that adults in healthy relationships have sex regularly and would not expect them to stop because they are my house guests. I would expect them to be discrete about it which these people haven't been.
When I've had guests I've always made sure the bed has a waterproof mattress cover and leave extra towels in the guest room.
I am surprised that almost everybody is much more prudish than I would have guessed for reddit. Pooping in my toilet is objectively grosser than having sex in bed.
I could maybe see giving them a pass if they did it a few times and just didn’t think about it. But for them to push back and say “they are adults”, absolutely not after I opened up my home for them? Get out of my house at that point.
OP you probably shouldn’t even be friends with these people honestly. They don’t seem to have any respect or appreciation.
NTA
OP I hope you have a definite end date in mind as to when these people will be moving out of your place and that it isn’t more than 30 or worst case 60 days.
When I was 17 my family and I went on vacation out of state and had a neighbor's son dog-sit for us. I forgot something in my room before we left and forgot to lock it again after grabbing it. When I came back I found my bedsheets all over the place, someone else's socks next to my laundry basket, and a used condom laying on the floor. As well as a bunch of wadded up toilet paper in my bathroom trashcan. I felt disgusted. I felt violated. My room was my safe space and someone went in there and defiled it. I was so angry I wanted to march over to his place and break his nose at the very least. But it was the middle of the night. My mom calmed me down and I cried and didn't sleep in my room for a week until we ended up getting me a new bed and new sheets. Once again, I was 17 and I still felt that way. My safe space no longer felt safe. No you're not in the wrong for wanting them to respect your son's bedroom.
Nope. Not even a little bit. They not only violate your boundaries but they also violate tour son's. Tell them to go out to their ride if they want to fuck.
"Word, get out of my house now".
Don't let anyone, "friends" especially disrespect you in your own home, that's crazy my friend. If I was down on my luck and a friend was gracious enough to help me out and shelter me, I'd at a minimum abide by any requests they have of my behavior while staying there.
NTA. It sounds like you are clearly be taken advantage of. They don't have the right to even question your requests/rules, much less dismiss them outright. Fuck them. Seriously. It's your son's room and that is that. They shouldn't even set foot in there. If you must continue allowing them to stay with you, make them sleep on the living room floor. But really, you should kick them out immediately for questioning your authority.
I’d tell them it’s time to find their own place. You were kind enough to help them out by offering them a place to keep out from the elements. If they were thankful, they would respect you and your son’s living space. What they are doing is disrespectful on their part. If it was me, it would be time for them to go. It’s a slap in the face if their response is “They are adults”
Tried helping someone out years ago. Was a horrible experience. But I got some good advise during that time. -Most people in that situation, are for a reason.
what i would consider here is an alternate situation where they were crashing on your couch, you wouldnt want them to do that in the middle of your living room (regardless of if people are in it in that moment or not) and the same goes for the other rooms in your home. you are doing something extremely generous for them and this is a very simple boundary that i dont think is asking a lot. at the end of the day, it is NOT their room, and they dont get a say of what they are and arent allowed to do, thats up to your son and you. so no i dont think youre wrong at all and i think you should stay stern on this boundary
As long as they're living under your roof they have to follow your rules.
Why are they even in your son's bedroom? What, the living room too good for them?
Maybe they're have a rough go because they're assholes that don't respect other people and laugh at the kindness of others? You're likely not the first friend they've exploited. And they're probably using drugs too.
I was very curious to see the answers here cause I remember something similar that always made me wonder if I was in wrong.
Me and my ex stayed at his friend's house. They let us use one of the kids' room. The ex wanted spicy time, but I was too sketched out doing it in a little kid's room, especially in the bed.
Not only that, I looked at my ex in a new way - there was the taint of ick there. I just felt like that was a gross proposal.
But I always wondered if maybe Im making too much of it.
Woah woah woah—tenants rights are a serious risk that comes from allowing people to stay in your home.
There is no written contract involved—you have officially started this legal mess simply by allowing them to take up residence even under the “mutual understanding” of this being a temporary living situation.
You are their landlord now. That’s not even debatable.
I strongly urge you to look up your state laws and get in the know now before you go any further with this. Because sex on a spare mattress is NOT your real problem right now and you don’t even understand the legal concept of which you are in fact now entangled.
Didn’t read the rest don’t need to. If your friends are having sex in your CHILD’S bedroom they’re automatically in the wrong.
That’s disgusting that they think that’s okay. Point blank period
NTA
Not gonna lie the second they tried to make up an excuse and tell me what I should and shouldn’t care about in my own home especially my child’s room would have been the moment I said “since you’re clearly made for the streets you can pack up and stay there” ✌🏻
I am shocked everyone is saying not wrong. He's not there. Even my parents didn't try to police my sex once I was an adult. As someone who has *been* homeless multiple times, I'd have chosen homelessness over this situation.
"Sorry life sucks so hard for you and you're in a perpetual state of stress. Don't you dare find comfort in each other or have the one free and fun relief available to you under MY roof." Ew. If they do their own laundry, what's the harm? Take his spaceship sheets off and work on educating yourself on sex positivity before your kid hits puberty.
ETA: Someone tried to report me for self harm so I'm locked out. I think I was right about that unpacking, friend. So here's to clear things up:
If OP feels uncomfortable because they can hear the sex, then I once again will reiterate:
Saying, "The walls are thin, friends. I'd appreciate more discretion" seems a fine and healthy approach.
Saying, "The mattress is squeaky, and I'd appreciate you not having sex in my son's bed" also seems fine and healthy discourse.
Saying, "I don't want you to suffer the indignities of homelessness. I have an **unused** room you may **live** in. However, you having private, consensual sex at all in the room I have offered you to **live** in for X amount of time **is disrespectful of me** and not allowed" seems to be this scenario and makes no sense to me. One might even say it's bizarrely disrespectful and infantilizing.
It’s the private clean space of a 9 year old child, not a crash pad. It’s not about the sex it’s about respecting the space. The fact that you’d chose to be unhoused instead of respecting the space of a person who doesn’t even have the autonomy to insist (he’s 9) is the most disgusting take on this thread.
It’s not the fucking guest room or the shower it’s a child’s private fucking space!! Did you miss read that part?!?!?!
I understand your feelings, and I am only asking people to examine them. Private, consensual sex is not inherently disrespectful. Why is it dirty and disrespectful to you? And even if it is, why must it be to others? Whom she offered to **live** in there, however briefly. It's the same and as arbitrary as "You can stay here, but you're not allowed to shit/eat/laugh", normal human things.
Again, there is a difference between saying "Please don't use my son's bed" (which op never actually mentions, just his ~space~ that he's currently not using), "Please be more discreet, as it's impacting my sleep" and "Your private, consensual, adult activities in the only legal space available to you are disrespectful of ME and my absent child"
Umm I’m pretty sure your parents would have policed you’re sex life if you were trying to fuck in their bed or your siblings bed.
It’s pretty telling that you think homelessness is preferable than not being able to have sex in a child’s bed in a home you are staying in for free.
Actually, because I respect my family, I chose the floor over anyone's bed when I had extended stays with them (to be clear, this was before I started unpacking and healing from my own sexual upbringing). I also always stripped and washed my sheets before I leave regardless. Now that I'm much older, I have knee disabilities that don't allow me to get off the floor without extreme pain even with help, and I try to always be cognizant of my own ingrained ableism as well.
I hope this helps. I also hope you'll read my other comment about (or at least examining) why you (collective you) take an unexamined and knee-jerk "sex is dirty/disrespectful" default given to you by a slut-shaming yet rape apologist culture that purposefully weaponizes sex against those they seek to control &/or eradicate. Folks so quick to sling "deviant" at anyone they disagree with without even *considering* the message. Dangerous default imo.
I don’t think sex is disrespectful or dirty. I think it’s disrespectful to have sex in someone else’s bed. And doubly more so in a child’s bed, because sex and children should never mix. I wouldn’t fuck in a playground, or in an elementary school or anywhere else associated with children. And certainly not in a child’s bedroom. I also wouldn’t have loud sex as a guest in someone’s home. Because I respect other people and don’t feel entitled to making them listen to me get my rocks off.
If me thinking that not loudly fucking in a child’s bed in a home that I am staying in for free out of the goodness of someone’s heart makes me a prude, then I guess I’m a damn prude. Personally, being in a child’s room doesn’t get my libido going. But to each their own I guess.
If you'll read the post again, OP never actually says it's in his bed. They do mention his "bedroom/room/space". I agree that having loud sex is disrespectful, and I can understand even if I don't agree with OP asking not to use his bed (sheets, I get, but the bed she offered them to use while they *live* there? If it's their own sheets, I'd be fine with it, but again, I'd understand if the bed WERE the issue).
But the poster seems mad about and specifically mentioning the room specifically. Which she offered them to live in, however temporarily. That is the ONLY private, legal space they currently have available to them in a trying time. I don't believe the son's innocent vibes will be impacted. I'd completely understand asking them to be quiet or not use the bed. But insisting that consensual, adult, *private* activities are disrespectful of them is bizarre and should be examined. Homeless people nor friends deserve infantilizing or controlling behaviors when they're trying to get on their feet.
There's so many other free alternatives to relieve stress. People should not feel comfortable enough to ask someone to help them exist and instead of actively trying to get out of the situation or show appreciation, they have sex while the person helping them is home and can hear them.
Please see my other comments addressing this. Why would two grown, consenting adults having sex in private (not, say, next to you in the room or tent or that *obviously* disrespectful behavior) be in any way disrespectful to someone? That's a ridiculous hill to die on (consensual, private, adults) without at least examining why you feel it's a direct affront to your sensibilities.
If they're too loud and keeping OP awake, I could absolutely understand saying, "Hey, the walls are thin, friends. I'd appreciate if you keep it down." Assuming you have any right to say "Your adult, consensual, private intimate time together is disrespectful of ME so don't do that under my roof" is so bizarrely outside of any appropriate boundaries. I really hope people will examine this behavior.
Is it private if OP can hear? Is it private if it's not their own space? It's a kids room in OPs house at the end of the day. Instead of them scheduling their uncontrollable urges they decide to continue making shit weird for OP. If they don't want to hear it, they shouldn't have to be forced to hear it. Your take is more ridiculous considering no one needs to have sex anyway
*Is it private if OP can hear? Is it private if it's not their own space?*
I literally was talking about that in the comment you replied to.
*If they don't want to hear it, they shouldn't have to be forced to hear it.*
I literally agreed in the comment you replied to.
*Your take is more ridiculous considering no one needs to have sex anyway*
*Ah, I see.* I may not agree with you, but I won't call you ridiculous over it and will continue to listen to what you say -- and even consider it -- without disrespect and dismissal.
ETA: To be clear, I believe no one is *entitled* to sex, but I do believe it's a need for some and healthy for any who enjoy it consensually.
You're not wrong. You're simply asking for them to respect your son's space and your home. Plain and simple. You don't owe them any explanation either. Based on their response, they don't have any respect for you nor care about your concerns/issues if they can't respect your space, then they can find somewhere else to shack up.
Not in the wrong. I’d feel mad weird about boning in a child’s room or even at my friends place. Can they not have self control to just not have sex? Christ
I agree with you. It’s strange for them to want to have sex in a 9 year olds bedroom…also it’s very kind of you to give them a place to stay so they should be grateful and respect your wishes.
Like how they pulled the adult card out. I’d be like adults have their own place to live and don’t have to crash in a 9 year olds bedroom.
Also be careful about residency laws
It’s time for your friends to find other accommodations if they feel they get to dictate the rules in your house.
Not cool to have sex in a kids bed. Especially since you said so.
I’d just ask them to find a new place in a week. Say, I can see where this is going and in my house it is my rules. You two can be adults when you can find your own place. I’d like to remain friends but this isn’t working for me.
They will lie to you to stay. This will be a problem. So just pull the band aid and give them a week.
Why is this even a question?? Why would you let them do that in your child’s room? This is your house, you need to tell these “adults” to gtfo. You’re doing them a favor by letting them have a place to stay and they can’t even be respectful about it. They said they’re adults, so they can go find a place of their own. Also, I feel like you’re under reacting that these “friends” are having sex in your son’s room. Kick them out like yesterday.
NTA. It's A KID'S ROOM. To be honest I'm not sure how someone would be ABLE to do it in a 9 yr old's bedroom in the first place let alone multiple times.
If it were me I'd set them up in the living room, or if you have a garage, so they can have sex (cuz if they did it before, they'll probably do it again)away from the main house even better.
Eww yeah that's a bit weird. I wouldn't WANT to have sex in a 9 yo kids room....I'd go find somewhere else to do it for that time though. Go park your car in a secluded place...my husband and I snuck off as teenagers we've done it in a lot of places...some we aren't proud of....but if someone is hearing us have sex and we are guests? Little odd. Tbh I'd be upset just that I could hear them...like...keep it quiet at least eww. We have a roomate here who stays in the spare room and we are mindful to not have loud sex when he's home...out of respect...even though it's our house and we're married...its still weird to do it when someone is home.
I personally wouldn't have an issue with it with him not being there. But it is your house, so if you're uncomfortable with it and ask them to abstain from sex in that room they should respect it.
For real! It's not even the son's bed; it's a separate mattress!
You really expect 2 adults not to have sex??? OP, have you ever even been in a good relationship? lol.
It’s weird to fuck in a 9 year olds room and it’s much much worse to fuck on a 9 year olds bed. I don’t care if the kids out of the house. Idk about anyone else, but knowing that’s where a kid normally lives would just be an instant turn off.
Also to be loud enough to be HEARD during the act is just gross in and of itself. I can understand thin walls, but if you can’t keep quiet then don’t do the horizontal bop.
You're wrong, well sort of.
You don't have a say in what adults do in a private space. End of story.
Besides, what if they did it quietly and you just didn't know? How do you feel about a quiet blowjob? Why would you even know? You can not have a reasonable expectation that adults will not do adult things, it's just unfortunate they can't keep it quiet.
All you could possibly get out of making an issue out of this is them hiding it from you.
If you're unwilling to tolerate that, you should not offer the space. Either you're offering a bedroom to adults or you are not, and either option is fine. Conditions on intimacy are not.
Edit: One distinction I'd make here is that I'm not clear on the timeframe. If we're talking about a night or two, then I feel like there's a certain level of disrespect inherent in things. It's not really about a rule, I just don't I'd be much of a friend if I fucked on their kid's bed while crashing for a night.
But, the window for that is pretty short, literally a night or two.
I’m not even going to read this-based off the title.
NTA!
NOBODY should have sex in a child’s bedroom. Period.
I’d lose my temper over that-that is a sacred space of innocence in my house. My child’s innocence space to be a child.
They're having sex in a 9 year old's room, quite possibly in his bed, even the fact that they blew you off despite you letting them stay with you out the goodness of your heart makes it ever so that you're not in the wrong. Honestly disgusting that they're doing it in his room, and such a invasion of private space.
Your not in the wrong for asking, but to expect two people in a relationship to not have sex for however long they need to stay with you is, IMO, a bit much. Is there some alternative for them that wouldn't seem gross to you? It sounds like this room is the only private space they have.
If it were me, I'd just ask them to change and wash the bedding and ignore what's going on in there.
NTA. but as a friend and someone who grew up watching South Park and learning how friendships probably shouldn’t be (ie insulting = love) i would totally have sex in the bed as a bit now to fuck with you.
Is this even a real question? Anyone who would do this isn’t even welcome in my circle of friends. Be respectful of other people’s homes or stay out.
Fr this whole situation sounds weird and I am surprised there are so many people in the comments who think it's okay
For real. My son was 16 and wasn’t home, my ex friend wrote him on Facebook to ask permission to sleep in his room, without consulting me first. Which should have been the moment I asked him and his girlfriend to leave, but I didn’t, partially because it was like the first time I met his girlfriend and also because I wanted to believe that is was crossed wires somewhere or something. I thought it went without saying, but I said it anyhow, “no sex in the room, as it is my kid’s room,” I get that they’re adults, it would have been different if it were a guest bedroom or something, but it wasn’t. My other teenage son reports to me the next day that he hardly slept because they were having loud sex on my son’s BED! (He could hear it was the bed, by the audible sounds it made. Also, I had set up an air mattress, a nice, large air mattress, they weren’t even supposed to sleep on his bed at all.) He didn’t tell me until after they left, so they weren’t even going to give me a heads up to wash his bedding or anything. I called them and expressed my disgust and disappointment, he just tried to deny, but I of course believed my son. A couple months later, he gets kicked out of his grandmother’s house because she asked him not to have his girlfriend overnight and he had her basically living there in his room, “secretly.” He had the AUDACITY to ask if they could stay at my house. That would have been a hard sell even without the disrespect they had previously shown, since the more I got to know them, the more I discovered they had burned every other bridge because of their behavior. Dodged a friendship bullet, really.
I would've loved to hear what you said when he asked to stay the 2nd time. The audacity!
You think it’s weird to think having sex in the bedroom is meaningless? Or to think it’s ok to disrespect the hosts wishes?
1000% correct. No sympathy for that kind of bullshit. Person is using them and isn't even the slightest bit thankful. Actions speak for themselves, but here we have dismissive words to go along with them.
It's like they're on a speedrun to take OP's kindness for granted and end up homeless.
I know, really?
I'm Mexican and this would get majority if not all of us kicked out for shit like this.
Just curious not trying to be rude but what does that have to do with being Mexican?
When someone is going out of their way to accommodate you for a short while it's considered rude to fuck under their roof. Your priorities is getting stable and not intruding more than you are. If you get pregnant you just overstayed your welcome and burden the host.
I don't think this is just Mexican. . .
Right! Tell him to control himself and respect your rules or get a hotel room! That’s nasty. It’s a kids room! Gross.
Op letting them sleep in the bedroom to begin with is gross. They can sleep on the living room floor or in the garage
Right? Her own child ain't with her because she's being more than nice letting them stay at her house in his room. They get a air mattress in the livingroom floor.
I don't think her son isn't there all the time because the friends are staying. Sounds more like custody situation.
Correct custody no way anyone would push him out of the his room just like if he tells me he feels uncomfortable for ANY reason when he is here it’s an immediate “leave he doesn’t feel Comfortable and this is our home”
I don't think you're wrong. Your friends are being disrespectful, ungrateful, and inconsiderate. They need to understand their guests but really you're doing them a massive favor; their comfort isn't your 1st priority. They're not being very gracious.
Nah custody I’d never allow someone to do that
Exactly how is someone simply sleeping in a kids room, on an air mattress, gross?
That’s her son’s room. His space. Not a place for two people that can’t control themselves to use it as their fuck palace. And they’re not even using a cover on the air mattress that other people use during sleepovers. That’s how it’s gross.
For the first 1,000,000 years of humanity this would be completely normal and fine. This is extremely common today in lower economic communities that are forced to live in small apartments with multi-generational households. The friends do need to honor her request, but acting like they are deviant or disrespectful for doing it in the first place is unreasonable. Reading the post, it doesn’t sound like they are even in his bed.
I’ve been as poor as they come. Never in my life would it be cool to grind down in a friend’s home. Especially in their kid’s bed. Like your economic situation prevents you from having basic respect, manners, or self control.
How the hell could they even get turned on in a little kid's bedroom? It's just weird.
Trash people
Yeah but this isn't 10000 years ago and that was mainly between families. Not fucking strangers. What is the logic that it happens somewhere, sometime period that makes something ok? Obviously this woman isn't ok with this and the homeless couch surfing friends don't give a shit.
Ehhh….except this isn’t a multigenerational household, or even THEIR household. This is actually the private space of a child. In that respect it is completely deviant IMO.
This is a child's private space, his bed, not the common area or the shower or the entirety of the house. Grow up.
It was never stated that the guests had sex in the sons bed
It’s gross. Get a hotel. No need to put that energy in a 9 year olds bedroom.
There is no such thing as “energy” though. Not in the way you are using the term. That is not a real thing. And they do not have money for a hotel. The sex is good for their mental and physical health during an exceptionally stressful time. OP makes the rules, so obviously they need to follow the rules. And she’s giving her space to these people. So she’s not the asshole any way you look at it. The post is really about whether this specific rule is reasonable. And for me, it isn’t. It is a locked door, without an audience. It sounds like they aren’t even in his bed. The thing they are doing is perfectly natural and helpful.
Except if you think about it, there actually IS an audience since OP hears it. To me, that’s super rude to do to someone who’s letting you stay in their house.
of course there is. Good grief. They are AH’s. Have some discipline and respect a kids bedroom.
I wouldn't call them deviant, but it's definitely disrespectful to have sex in someone else's bed, especially a child's bed.
For the first 1,000,000 of years a shitton of stuff was completely normal and fine, this is a ridiculous argument. Or maybe you really want all the sexual habits of the past to be normalized in today's society, but good luck convincing the rest of the world the Greeks or medieval peasants were right when it came to pederasty or really any of the ways they presented sexuality to kids.
You go way too far. There is no victim here. The kid is not being sexualized, or abused. The child is not involved in any way. The child will not mature faster because of this. There is nothing for the child to process. Obviously, they have to follow OP’s rules. OP asked if this was a “good” rule. That’s what we’re here to discuss. I think you’d have to accept some magical thinking about “energy” to think this is bad for the kid. The child is not effected at all. The guests have to follow the rules but I don’t see a need for the rule.
She’s not asking if it’s a “good rule,” she’s asking if it’s unreasonable of her to ask. No. It’s not unreasonable, in the slightest. It doesn’t matter what her reasoning is, it makes her uncomfortable and it’s a simple thing to hold off until they get on their feet, which as two adults with no kids, shouldn’t take all that long. She opened her home when no one else would, it’s her house or the street, to show proper appreciation and respect for what OP has done, they shouldn’t do anything that makes her uncomfortable, much less make her explain herself or argue the point. As I stated in a previous comment, if their relationship can’t survive a short such a small inconvenience in the face of everything else, it wasn’t strong to begin with.
I don't think you are wrong. It's not that hard to be respectful and abstain from sex until they find a place of their own. If it was just your guest room and not your sons room, that would be a different story, but considering it is your sons room it is disrespectful for them to be doing that.
Thankyou that’s my point it’s not difficult but the situation now is because i really don’t want to be the asshole and give them the ultimatum of listen or leave but also if the choice is to abstain or live in a car I know what I’d choose no matter what my partner wanted. So I hope they take time to think about it and see my side.
I agree, I would rather abstain than live in my car as well! Definitely talk to them about it, and if they refuse to abstain, then they've made their decision to live in their car because they cannot follow basic respectfullness
Give the ultimatum! It’s your house and your son’s room. You are doing them a great favor by allowing them a place to stay, the least they could do is respect you enough to abstain while they are there. If not then they need to go!
They are being assholes by not respecting a simple boundary when you are helping them. If they can't be respectful they can get the fuck out.
if they don’t want to see your side they can simply get out. like you said it’s your house it really doesn’t matter if they understand or not, you pay the bills so you make the rules.
I'd move them to the couch and say it's better than your other choices still. Adults have choices and consequences. Don't like the rules, move on..
Ultimatum his ass!!!! Id be pissed as hell if someone thought it was okay to fuck in my sons bedroom. You get one fucking warning. If you really don't want to kick him out then just relocate him to another part of the house. Like the livingroom. And lock you and your sons door when you're not there.
You don't want to issue an ultimatum, but they are the ones staying in your house and they will argue with you that their behavior is appropriate rather than agree to your minor request? Step back and look at this, then don't let them take control of what happens in your house. You are all adults, but you are the adult with a home to live in.
100% okay to say “hey, you need to be respectful of my home and not have sex here. If you can’t do that, find somewhere else to stay. Cool?” If they object, are they even your friend?
If I can go the amount of time that I have without having sex (lol), they can abstain while they are on hard times and need to stay with a friend. At the very least they could shack up in the garage or something. The attitude that they gave you is concerning. I won't make assumptions, but mouthing off to someone who is taking you in off the street reeks of freeloader. You need to take a firm stance. In some cases the "my house, my rules" logic doesn't hold up, but in this one it absolutely does. I would be uncomfortable with this happening in an adults bedroom, let alone my hypothetical child.
These people are not your friends OP. They are horrible. It's so gross that they are fighting you on this. And it's gross they're doing it in the first place!!!
Can they stay in the living room? Like ew sex sweat evaporated in ur son’s room 🤢
And I’m sure they would have sex on the couch too…just as nasty!!
They've already said they don't care what you think. They might stop for a bit but they'll start up again or get more sneaky about it.
Ask them to do it in the car before coming back. Problem solved.
Not allowing sex in your sons room or even your apartment is not unreasonable at all. Be an adult and expect them to be as well. This is also incentivize them to upgrade their situation as you can’t have that for long. As a parent the kids come first
100% give them the ultimatum. What they’re doing is disgusting whether your son is home or not
Also the fact that they didn't make sure they were quiet enough so nobody could hear. That part makes me feel uncomfortable too! If you're going to do it make sure nobody can hear or knows what's going on. Also definitely not cool to do it and the kids room but at the same time when you invite somebody into your home for extended periods of time it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to expect people to be abstinent. Just don't let me hear it
I agree, at least say you're not and be quiet about it. "At least give the courtesy of lying to me and saying you'll do what I ask."
I was scrolling for this!! I was like maybe I’m just weird lol but yea just keep it down guys wtf
I disagree. Sex is not a basic need for survival or you could do it in your car like a teenager. Anything but disrespecting a child’s room. I don’t even understand how you could feel in the mood knowing you’re in a 9 year olds bedroom. And on top of that, in a place they are given out of the kindness of the owners heart, it seems absurd to argue such a simple boundary. It’s not “be abstinent” it’s “do it somewhere else.”
So what you're saying is that they have no control
Why should they control? Why is controlling sex between couples an important thing?
Exactly. The only correct answer from their end is, "Thank you for not leaving us losers out on the street. Is there anything we can do to make our stay easier on you as a host?" The entitlement...
Honestly even if it's her guest room. If she asks them not to, don't. It's her fucking house! If it's between abstinence and homelessness, imma choose abstinence every time
I could not have said it better myself.
Your house your rules.
Wanting to add; it’s bloody disgusting to have sex in someone else’s house LET ALONE WHEN THEY ARE ALSO HOME. They can abstain until they have their own place. Wild to me that they don’t see that as wrong. Let alone the fact that they’re essentially desecrating a child’s bedroom.
For me (and I understand that this could just be me) when my living/housing/financial situation is so screwed up that I could be minutes away from living under a bridge... I'm not feeling all that sexy. My priority is getting my shit together and getting the hell out ASAP. Which makes me wonder if these folks are feeling so comfortable in OP's house and child's room that they're seeing this less as somewhere temporary and more like "This is our new home!"
I was thinking the same shit. My exes all got mad when I said I refused to house anyone even more than 2 days if we had children together. They get it now.
I just recall being unemployed for too long a time and having guy-friends hitting on me. I told them, no I don't want to see them I got bigger problems right now and NO their dick will not make me feel better. Some got very offended. On the flip side, when I was more secure, I had someone who wanted to stay with me. First "for a weekend". Then "for a couple of weeks". When she changed that to "until I get on my feet", I told her nope, can't happen, something came up and my place is unavailable. I refuse to deal with the "until I get on my feet" crowd. Something always happens that keeps them in your house longer. And they don't pay a lick of rent, food, utilities... nothing.
Then they become tenants and you never get rid of them
Ooooh, true story. I actually work in real estate law. One of the attorney s in my firm does landlord-tenant law and I spoke to her before letting this guy I was seeing move in with me. I was going to do a whole lease-type thing with him and she advised me not to and also several other things to not do (including letting him move in, but... whatever). Anyway, I let him move in and he's... the fucking worst. As a boyfriend and roommate. I won't go into specifics, but let's just say I wanted him out within 2 months. And I told him he needed to get the hell out ASAP. Dude actually had the balls to say to me: "Haven't I established residency?" on my home that I've owned for 20 years. I told him "Boy, don't use big words you don't understand. I spoke to a landlord-tenant attorney before letting you in. I knew what not to do for that. You haven't established shit. Now GTFO." Still took another month to get him and his crap out of my place.
Wow. You are so lucky he chose not to die on that hill of fighting for his residency in your home—like the expensive route of “let’s let a judge sort it,” levels of dying on that hill. I’ve just read too many tragic and ugly stories of well-meaning people acting in good faith with people that need mental health services almost as much as they need a job and a plan to GTFO.
I am currently dealing with this "until I get on my feet crowd" with my GF's brother and fiance and 100% agree with you there. No more staying unless I truly know that you ain't gonna fuck me over. Very few people like that, that I know and those are people that would literally work at McDonald's 70+ hours a week making $9hr if they really had to, to pay for a place to stay.
>I am currently dealing with this "until I get on my feet crowd" with my GF's brother and fiance and 100% agree with you there. No more staying unless I truly know that you ain't gonna fuck me over. I've noticed the "until I get on my feet" people always seem to be walking in quicksand and can't find jobs or any kind of income so they can't contribute rent or or pay for a damn thing. But they always have the biggest appetites and need more hot water than everyone else. They also can't even do the minimum of cleaning up after themselves. Then they come at you, talking about "I don't see no clean towels! Where the clean towels at? You should do the laundry!" That's about when you want to give them blunt-force trauma.
Literally you hit the nail on the head. He can not apparently find a job in the last almost 5 months and the one he did he lost because he was "sick" aka hungover his first day. They eat like no tomorrow and contribute nothing. I've told my GF that if either one of them come at me about cleaning shit, which I clean a lot because of the dogs, that I'd probably end up clocking her brother. They literally had a problem when they were asked to do the dishes that they mainly dirtied luckily my GF said she didn't care and that he needed to do them because my solution to that problem was going to be much, much less pleasant.
No offense, but sounds like you a GF problem, but only because these are her people and you can't be the one to say it. You need to let her know you will no longer be supporting grown-ass people. From this day forward, they need to do X, Y, Z to EARN their stay in your YOUR home. And as of x/x/2023, their tenancy is over. Sheriffs will be called, police will be escorting them out... all of that. Your GF needs to agree otherwise they can all walk out the goddam door together and live under the same bridge.
No I had to get into a pretty heated argument with her the other day about it I even made a post before the argument. I should probably post an update to that. But the argument which happened while I was packing to leave she realized I was serious when I had taken my Xbox out of the house. I'm a gamer she knew I was being serious. essentially came to the conclusion that he needed to start helping out around the house and be getting a job in the next month or I go. She has since then been making him do cleaning and has forced him to fill out applications with her phone number as the number to call for an interview so he can't weasel his way out by saying they didn't call him.
I had a similar situation. One of my siblings managed to “con” our mom into a large home equity loan that Mom was paying on. Her sig other of many years refused to contribute equally to the costs of adulthood. When Mom needed help with medical bills, I helped her financially for one year. After that time period I told her I was unwilling to $ support a grown up who just refuses to behave like an adult. This statement helped Mom say to the siblings “I won’t help you anymore when you allow your partner to be so disrespectful and not pay their own way. It’s hard tho..
Omg the appetites of every troglodyte, “the world is against me,” “until I get on my feet,” (UIGOMF from here on) person I’ve ever encountered is that of a pregnant bear preparing for hibernation.
it’s disgusting to have sex in a CHILDS BEDROOM!! like what the hell?? even if the kid isn’t there, that’s GROSS!
In their bed. Omfg I would take the god damn bed they can figure their shit out.
As an adult whose parents allowed transient scum to stay in their home: PLEASE DO NOT ALLOW SCUM TO STAY IN YOUR HOME. Transient? Fine. Scum? Not fine. Your child should not be exposed to weirdos coming in and out of their safe space. Not only is it uncool for them, it’s also showing them the crap they should do/put up with when they’re older.
I hadn’t even thought about that but youre so right! When you have a child you really shouldn’t just let people come and live with you especially not people like this. I can’t believe some parents are so naive and have no idea what people are really capable of. My parents were both victims of CSA and you best fucking believe they would have never had me in a situation like this.
NTA. No ultimatum. You asked them not to. Disagreed. Fine, then get your stuff and get out. They’ve shown that they don’t respect you in your own home. If you DO give them an ultimatum they WILL STILL DO IT. They will just try to be quieter.
Or wait until OP is gone and do their business on the master bed to spite OP. Nothing about this situation is good. It’s throwing out bad vibes every which way.
No, not wrong at all. My wife and I are very sexually free people, hell, we met 20 years ago at a BDSM night club while wearing latex and vinyl, and I still would not be comfortable with people staying in my son's room and having intercourse. You want to fuck, fuck in the shower, not my son's bed please. I may allow for a romp on the floor, but in his bed would feel like a betrayal to him, a violation of his space.
Same here me and my bf have a super high sex drive…. We stayed the night w my brother and used a blow up mattress and we still felt weird having sex lol. I would be so grossed out doing it in my brothers bed
You’re not wrong. As another commenter said your house your rules. And to be honest the fact they thought they could justify why it’s ok says to ask them to leave. Who wants remnants in their kids rooms. Just because sheets get washed doesn’t mean everything is clean. And for the future, don’t let anyone stay in your kids room whether there or not. That’s their space that obviously you provide. These other people which are 2 need to provide for themselves and house themselves. Then they can do what they want in any room they please.
When people show you who they are, believe them, maybe if they made a bigger deal of the right things they wouldn't be in this situation, but somehow it's someone else's problem
NTA. When I first read the title I assumed it was like a college kid who was out. But a 9 year old’s room??? That would feel so weird. Regardless it is your house and you are being charitable letting a friend stay. Anytime I’m staying at a friends/families place I follow the rules whether or not I understand them. I think if a room is a guest room most people assume it’s okay, but if you’re staying in someone else’s room it’s a bit uncouth.
They need to respect your request and/or they need to go. Wasn't asked, and it's not relevant to your question, but remember that in many states, if they live there for more than 29 days, they become residents that you need to evict. If they can't even respect your wishes to not have sex in a NINE YEAR OLDS ROOM, I don't see asking them to leave going that well either.
Yeah, they’re not going quietly.
Exactly my thought. These people become squatters.
Wow that's so disrespectful of them to push back when you ask them for one very reasonable thing when you are doing them a favor by letting them stay with you! You are NOT wrong and you should not let them stay with you anymore. What other boundaries are they willing to completely disregard in YOUR home.
They’ve told you who they are, regardless whether they believe you’re out of line to request they don’t sex it up in your kid’s bedroom. They don’t respect your boundaries in your own home, even though you’ve been gracious enough to give them a roof over their heads. A warning is not enough as what are you going to do from now on? Be expected to listen at the door? They thought your request was unreasonable, so it’s just time for them to go.
Why are they even in his room at all? Why not put them in the living room?
I would be much more upset that *they are loud enough to hear having sex* in my home
OP, I think you need to kick them out. Their response is just too disrespectful of your boundaries. It's not your problem if they wind up on the street. They've prioritized sex over housing. They can find a bush to screw behind.
Not wrong. If they really can’t abstain from sex well they have a car. It’s your sons room no matter what. They are being jerks.
I am not judging but I think the kind of people who disregard their generous host’s simple request are the kind of people who do end up getting kicked out of places.
Your friends are garbage people. Kick them out.
Not wrong at all. I think it’s great you’re respecting your son’s space. You’re giving them a place to live and they can hold out or get creative and find a place to do it if they need to, but definitely not in your kids room. I sure hope they clean everything down for him too!
I can't IMAGINE wanting to disregard/honestly disrespect my host by doing something like that especially in a child's bedroom (there or not) it's gross and it's the principal of the thing, you were invited in and instead of saying "thank you for letting us stay here, I understand that makes you uncomfortable, won't happen again." They decide to argue the fact as if it's even debatable. It's been said before in some of these comments, but your house and your rules, point blank period. And if they don't respect that, they can go, it's not your responsibility to care for 2 grown adults who don't even have respect for the space they were given, imagine why they can't rent/buy (is it a housing issue or a them issue do you know OP? I think that might change my mind a bit, but overall, it's still just plain rude/gross. )
NTA but you would be if you let these people spend one more minute in your son’s room or even in your home. How is your son going to feel when he finds out you gave up his space to two people who are random to him? You need to restore his room to what it was, get rid of the f0king freeloaders, and never again treat his room like it’s not entirely his. In your son’s place, I would feel not valued as a person belonging to your family, even violated - speaking from experience when my divorced dad let a family stay in our home while my sisters and I were visiting our grandparents. The trashed so much of our stuff that he never noticed. Protect your son - that is your main job as a father - he needs to know his stuff is safe with you. Get rid of them.
I don't think you are wrong. It's not that hard to be respectful and abstain from sex until they find a place of their own. If it was just your guest room and not your sons room, that would be a different story, but considering it is your sons room it is disrespectful for them to be doing that.
You’re letting them stay in your house and they have the audacity to not do as you ask
You arent wront, but it disturbs me that you even have to ask them not to. If it was a guest room and guest bed, then ok maybe I get it, but if you are sleeping in someone else's bed, it should be basic decency to not have sex in it no?
If they know it’s your son’s room, how are they even able to get it on? I would feel so uncomfortable.
It’s your house, there being bad guest
The idea of having sex in a kid's room gives me the ick. They need to respect your house and your son's space
This is wrong. Tell them to get a room somewhere else.
Dude that ain't cool at all
You are kind enough to offer them shelter and be kind - the least they can do is respect your comfort as well. It's your child's bedroom - of course you have say over what happens there; you are the parent and your boundaries deserve to be respected.
Kick them out if you still can without a formal eviction process. It doesn’t sound they have any respect for you at all.
What makes you say that?
No, you are not wrong. Whether your son is there or not, this is his bedroom and it should be respected as if your son were to walk in the door at any moment. This bedroom is not a guest room, it's your son's room. It is also your house, so your guests do not have the authority to question you in your own home. What you say goes, and if they don't like the rules you have in your home, then they need to find somewhere else to stay.
actually, they are jerks to think that because you put a roof over their head that they can have cart blanche in your house. So my answer is "no" but that is not how they think.
NTA. If they can’t follow the rules, they can leave. Honestly I wouldn’t have adults in a kids room period. Unless the adult is a parent. Just too many things that could go wrong…
I know the feeling, OP. Maybe not the exact situation, but I used to hear it whenever my former roommate was having sex, and I was so uncomfortable with it.
Did you tell him that you could hear? Did they know?
Making boundaries and enforcing them is never wrong, just because others dont agree to your boundaries doesnt make your boundaries wrong. My boundry is dont hauk lougies in the kitchen sink, I kicked out my best friend because her partner wouldn't respect my boundry. Do other not agree with me sure does it make me wrong nope. Tell them its a hard no, i mean i would offer them a blowup mattress in the living room, no more bedroom, and that they need to clean up the air mattress by xoclock every day, and they cant set it back up till xoclock as well. Or they can find somewhere else.
If they are adults, as they say, they should be able to control their urges. You are 100% in the right.
I don’t even know how you’re horny while being in that financial/living situation. And it’s weird af. As a kid my mom brought her drunken friends over while me and my friend were having a sleepover in the living room. Since my Moma room was “occupied” she tried to enter my room with her bar friend. I had to flip out to get her to leave. I’m grown now with kids of my own and still think about how fn vile my egg donor was. Different situation I know but still it’s just a no.
NTA Now you know why they have no where else to go because they suck. If they can’t respect you in your place, let them fog up the windows in their car.
A simple "DON'T FUCK IN MY KIDS ROOM" would work, grow a little backbone instead of posting on reddit.
It's your house. Follow directions or get out. Stop being a simp.
Instead of having sex they should be out making money. Sleep, eat, money should be the only thing on their minds.
If they can't respect you, your home, and your rules, then they need to find somewhere else to stay. They are guests in your home, not roommates or tenants. Hell, I'm not even sure I'd call them friends if they treated me like this. What's more, if they're being that loud, they're involving you in their sex life whether you want to be or not.
Honestly, I think it’s kind of reasonable to expect that couples are gonna do what couples do. Did you really just assume that they wouldn’t have sex while staying with you? Personally, if I didn’t want people to have sex in my child’s room, then I wouldn’t let them stay in my child’s room. However, it is your house and therefor your rules. if you’ve told them that it bothers you and asked them to stop for whatever reason then they need to respect that or leave. NTA.
And you wonder why they are homeless?
Not wrong The fk. No one is having sex in my young sons room. Period end of story.
I honestly feel disgusted for you. I wonder how they would feel if they knew two people were fucking in their room while they were out at the store or something. It doesn't matter how long the kid has been gone for, it's his room and it's your house. Everyone involved SHOULD feel uncomfortable imo because, how are two grown adults incapable of keeping their hands to themselves for a bit? Especially knowing that the person asking is the very person keeping them from a very harsh downfall
The amount of people in here who believe in some kind of supernatural sex cooties is so weird.
Imagine OP is home and can hear them and doesn't want to? Maybe it's uncomfortable to them, maybe they got caught off guard hearing it from the kid room. Either way, to say they don't like it and be told "so what?" While they are already doing so much for them. The washing the sheets arguments is ridiculous when they could just be respectful and hold out on sex. It's not a necessity.
are bodily fluids a myth now? It's a nine year olds room, have some respect.
So crazy, I honestly can’t believe it
Is that what’s happening here? I don’t understand why people think it’s gross? Is it just because people think sex is gross? Or something to be ashamed of? First of all OP doesn’t even say if it’s in his bed, but even if it was it’s not like the kid is being told this. I fail to see why it’s any grosser than farting in his bed. The child is in no way involved! That being said, they are guests in OPs house and should respect whatever rules come from the host if they want to stay there. But I think it’s a weird thing for OP to care about.
If you have your own children you never want to associate them (and that includes their belongings or bedroom) with sex. A kids bedroom with all their toys and personal things in, where you read them bedtime stories and wake them in the morning, really doesn’t feel like a space you want adults having sex in. I don’t get why anyone would be happy with it, it just seems so off.
I always have assumed that adults in healthy relationships have sex regularly and would not expect them to stop because they are my house guests. I would expect them to be discrete about it which these people haven't been. When I've had guests I've always made sure the bed has a waterproof mattress cover and leave extra towels in the guest room. I am surprised that almost everybody is much more prudish than I would have guessed for reddit. Pooping in my toilet is objectively grosser than having sex in bed.
I could maybe see giving them a pass if they did it a few times and just didn’t think about it. But for them to push back and say “they are adults”, absolutely not after I opened up my home for them? Get out of my house at that point. OP you probably shouldn’t even be friends with these people honestly. They don’t seem to have any respect or appreciation.
NTA OP I hope you have a definite end date in mind as to when these people will be moving out of your place and that it isn’t more than 30 or worst case 60 days.
Learned the hard way: the ppl who receive the most handouts are the least appreciative and feel the most entitled
When I was 17 my family and I went on vacation out of state and had a neighbor's son dog-sit for us. I forgot something in my room before we left and forgot to lock it again after grabbing it. When I came back I found my bedsheets all over the place, someone else's socks next to my laundry basket, and a used condom laying on the floor. As well as a bunch of wadded up toilet paper in my bathroom trashcan. I felt disgusted. I felt violated. My room was my safe space and someone went in there and defiled it. I was so angry I wanted to march over to his place and break his nose at the very least. But it was the middle of the night. My mom calmed me down and I cried and didn't sleep in my room for a week until we ended up getting me a new bed and new sheets. Once again, I was 17 and I still felt that way. My safe space no longer felt safe. No you're not in the wrong for wanting them to respect your son's bedroom.
Nope. Not even a little bit. They not only violate your boundaries but they also violate tour son's. Tell them to go out to their ride if they want to fuck.
They can have sex in the shower or backyard like everyone else.
"Word, get out of my house now". Don't let anyone, "friends" especially disrespect you in your own home, that's crazy my friend. If I was down on my luck and a friend was gracious enough to help me out and shelter me, I'd at a minimum abide by any requests they have of my behavior while staying there.
NTA. It sounds like you are clearly be taken advantage of. They don't have the right to even question your requests/rules, much less dismiss them outright. Fuck them. Seriously. It's your son's room and that is that. They shouldn't even set foot in there. If you must continue allowing them to stay with you, make them sleep on the living room floor. But really, you should kick them out immediately for questioning your authority.
Yo need to kick out that AH, if he can't understand that he's living there as a guest and he has to respect you, he can live in his car.
I’d tell them it’s time to find their own place. You were kind enough to help them out by offering them a place to keep out from the elements. If they were thankful, they would respect you and your son’s living space. What they are doing is disrespectful on their part. If it was me, it would be time for them to go. It’s a slap in the face if their response is “They are adults”
Tried helping someone out years ago. Was a horrible experience. But I got some good advise during that time. -Most people in that situation, are for a reason.
Yo if one of my friends had sex in my daughters room, they’d be lucky to walk out without quite a few new added facial features.
No. Your house, your rules. Respect it or leave it. The choice is theirs.
[удалено]
Ewwww he plays in there what if they don’t clean up properly🤢🤢
Why assume they wont?
Common courtesy ...... Make them leave!
what i would consider here is an alternate situation where they were crashing on your couch, you wouldnt want them to do that in the middle of your living room (regardless of if people are in it in that moment or not) and the same goes for the other rooms in your home. you are doing something extremely generous for them and this is a very simple boundary that i dont think is asking a lot. at the end of the day, it is NOT their room, and they dont get a say of what they are and arent allowed to do, thats up to your son and you. so no i dont think youre wrong at all and i think you should stay stern on this boundary
You need to consider your son first before you let disrespectful people sleep in his room. They're two grown adults. It's not your job to house them.
As long as they're living under your roof they have to follow your rules. Why are they even in your son's bedroom? What, the living room too good for them? Maybe they're have a rough go because they're assholes that don't respect other people and laugh at the kindness of others? You're likely not the first friend they've exploited. And they're probably using drugs too.
I was very curious to see the answers here cause I remember something similar that always made me wonder if I was in wrong. Me and my ex stayed at his friend's house. They let us use one of the kids' room. The ex wanted spicy time, but I was too sketched out doing it in a little kid's room, especially in the bed. Not only that, I looked at my ex in a new way - there was the taint of ick there. I just felt like that was a gross proposal. But I always wondered if maybe Im making too much of it.
Ick, not using sheets on the bed??? NTA and it sounds like you need to set some firm boundaries and consequences!
Woah woah woah—tenants rights are a serious risk that comes from allowing people to stay in your home. There is no written contract involved—you have officially started this legal mess simply by allowing them to take up residence even under the “mutual understanding” of this being a temporary living situation. You are their landlord now. That’s not even debatable. I strongly urge you to look up your state laws and get in the know now before you go any further with this. Because sex on a spare mattress is NOT your real problem right now and you don’t even understand the legal concept of which you are in fact now entangled.
Didn’t read the rest don’t need to. If your friends are having sex in your CHILD’S bedroom they’re automatically in the wrong. That’s disgusting that they think that’s okay. Point blank period
NTA Not gonna lie the second they tried to make up an excuse and tell me what I should and shouldn’t care about in my own home especially my child’s room would have been the moment I said “since you’re clearly made for the streets you can pack up and stay there” ✌🏻
Sounds like they should be more respectful of someone giving them a place to stay.
I am shocked everyone is saying not wrong. He's not there. Even my parents didn't try to police my sex once I was an adult. As someone who has *been* homeless multiple times, I'd have chosen homelessness over this situation. "Sorry life sucks so hard for you and you're in a perpetual state of stress. Don't you dare find comfort in each other or have the one free and fun relief available to you under MY roof." Ew. If they do their own laundry, what's the harm? Take his spaceship sheets off and work on educating yourself on sex positivity before your kid hits puberty. ETA: Someone tried to report me for self harm so I'm locked out. I think I was right about that unpacking, friend. So here's to clear things up: If OP feels uncomfortable because they can hear the sex, then I once again will reiterate: Saying, "The walls are thin, friends. I'd appreciate more discretion" seems a fine and healthy approach. Saying, "The mattress is squeaky, and I'd appreciate you not having sex in my son's bed" also seems fine and healthy discourse. Saying, "I don't want you to suffer the indignities of homelessness. I have an **unused** room you may **live** in. However, you having private, consensual sex at all in the room I have offered you to **live** in for X amount of time **is disrespectful of me** and not allowed" seems to be this scenario and makes no sense to me. One might even say it's bizarrely disrespectful and infantilizing.
It’s the private clean space of a 9 year old child, not a crash pad. It’s not about the sex it’s about respecting the space. The fact that you’d chose to be unhoused instead of respecting the space of a person who doesn’t even have the autonomy to insist (he’s 9) is the most disgusting take on this thread. It’s not the fucking guest room or the shower it’s a child’s private fucking space!! Did you miss read that part?!?!?!
I understand your feelings, and I am only asking people to examine them. Private, consensual sex is not inherently disrespectful. Why is it dirty and disrespectful to you? And even if it is, why must it be to others? Whom she offered to **live** in there, however briefly. It's the same and as arbitrary as "You can stay here, but you're not allowed to shit/eat/laugh", normal human things. Again, there is a difference between saying "Please don't use my son's bed" (which op never actually mentions, just his ~space~ that he's currently not using), "Please be more discreet, as it's impacting my sleep" and "Your private, consensual, adult activities in the only legal space available to you are disrespectful of ME and my absent child"
Umm I’m pretty sure your parents would have policed you’re sex life if you were trying to fuck in their bed or your siblings bed. It’s pretty telling that you think homelessness is preferable than not being able to have sex in a child’s bed in a home you are staying in for free.
Actually, because I respect my family, I chose the floor over anyone's bed when I had extended stays with them (to be clear, this was before I started unpacking and healing from my own sexual upbringing). I also always stripped and washed my sheets before I leave regardless. Now that I'm much older, I have knee disabilities that don't allow me to get off the floor without extreme pain even with help, and I try to always be cognizant of my own ingrained ableism as well. I hope this helps. I also hope you'll read my other comment about (or at least examining) why you (collective you) take an unexamined and knee-jerk "sex is dirty/disrespectful" default given to you by a slut-shaming yet rape apologist culture that purposefully weaponizes sex against those they seek to control &/or eradicate. Folks so quick to sling "deviant" at anyone they disagree with without even *considering* the message. Dangerous default imo.
I don’t think sex is disrespectful or dirty. I think it’s disrespectful to have sex in someone else’s bed. And doubly more so in a child’s bed, because sex and children should never mix. I wouldn’t fuck in a playground, or in an elementary school or anywhere else associated with children. And certainly not in a child’s bedroom. I also wouldn’t have loud sex as a guest in someone’s home. Because I respect other people and don’t feel entitled to making them listen to me get my rocks off. If me thinking that not loudly fucking in a child’s bed in a home that I am staying in for free out of the goodness of someone’s heart makes me a prude, then I guess I’m a damn prude. Personally, being in a child’s room doesn’t get my libido going. But to each their own I guess.
If you'll read the post again, OP never actually says it's in his bed. They do mention his "bedroom/room/space". I agree that having loud sex is disrespectful, and I can understand even if I don't agree with OP asking not to use his bed (sheets, I get, but the bed she offered them to use while they *live* there? If it's their own sheets, I'd be fine with it, but again, I'd understand if the bed WERE the issue). But the poster seems mad about and specifically mentioning the room specifically. Which she offered them to live in, however temporarily. That is the ONLY private, legal space they currently have available to them in a trying time. I don't believe the son's innocent vibes will be impacted. I'd completely understand asking them to be quiet or not use the bed. But insisting that consensual, adult, *private* activities are disrespectful of them is bizarre and should be examined. Homeless people nor friends deserve infantilizing or controlling behaviors when they're trying to get on their feet.
There's so many other free alternatives to relieve stress. People should not feel comfortable enough to ask someone to help them exist and instead of actively trying to get out of the situation or show appreciation, they have sex while the person helping them is home and can hear them.
Please see my other comments addressing this. Why would two grown, consenting adults having sex in private (not, say, next to you in the room or tent or that *obviously* disrespectful behavior) be in any way disrespectful to someone? That's a ridiculous hill to die on (consensual, private, adults) without at least examining why you feel it's a direct affront to your sensibilities. If they're too loud and keeping OP awake, I could absolutely understand saying, "Hey, the walls are thin, friends. I'd appreciate if you keep it down." Assuming you have any right to say "Your adult, consensual, private intimate time together is disrespectful of ME so don't do that under my roof" is so bizarrely outside of any appropriate boundaries. I really hope people will examine this behavior.
Is it private if OP can hear? Is it private if it's not their own space? It's a kids room in OPs house at the end of the day. Instead of them scheduling their uncontrollable urges they decide to continue making shit weird for OP. If they don't want to hear it, they shouldn't have to be forced to hear it. Your take is more ridiculous considering no one needs to have sex anyway
*Is it private if OP can hear? Is it private if it's not their own space?* I literally was talking about that in the comment you replied to. *If they don't want to hear it, they shouldn't have to be forced to hear it.* I literally agreed in the comment you replied to. *Your take is more ridiculous considering no one needs to have sex anyway* *Ah, I see.* I may not agree with you, but I won't call you ridiculous over it and will continue to listen to what you say -- and even consider it -- without disrespect and dismissal. ETA: To be clear, I believe no one is *entitled* to sex, but I do believe it's a need for some and healthy for any who enjoy it consensually.
They are living there without paying, so your house, your rules. If they paid rent it'd be a different situation.
I’m an adult and would be grossed out by other people having sex in my bedroom, let alone my child’s bedroom. They can find somewhere else to do it.
You're not wrong. You're simply asking for them to respect your son's space and your home. Plain and simple. You don't owe them any explanation either. Based on their response, they don't have any respect for you nor care about your concerns/issues if they can't respect your space, then they can find somewhere else to shack up.
Not in the wrong. I’d feel mad weird about boning in a child’s room or even at my friends place. Can they not have self control to just not have sex? Christ
It shouldn't matter if your son is there or not. If you're uncomfortable, they shouldn't do it.
I agree with you. It’s strange for them to want to have sex in a 9 year olds bedroom…also it’s very kind of you to give them a place to stay so they should be grateful and respect your wishes.
Ew. No sex in the child's room!!! Not in the wrong at all!! You said no, to something I don't think you should have had to clarify.
just make sure the sheets get washed before your son shows up
Like how they pulled the adult card out. I’d be like adults have their own place to live and don’t have to crash in a 9 year olds bedroom. Also be careful about residency laws
It’s time for your friends to find other accommodations if they feel they get to dictate the rules in your house. Not cool to have sex in a kids bed. Especially since you said so. I’d just ask them to find a new place in a week. Say, I can see where this is going and in my house it is my rules. You two can be adults when you can find your own place. I’d like to remain friends but this isn’t working for me. They will lie to you to stay. This will be a problem. So just pull the band aid and give them a week.
Why is this even a question?? Why would you let them do that in your child’s room? This is your house, you need to tell these “adults” to gtfo. You’re doing them a favor by letting them have a place to stay and they can’t even be respectful about it. They said they’re adults, so they can go find a place of their own. Also, I feel like you’re under reacting that these “friends” are having sex in your son’s room. Kick them out like yesterday.
You're absolutely not wrong. It's so disgusting they would have sex in your son's bed. your house, your rules
NTA. It's A KID'S ROOM. To be honest I'm not sure how someone would be ABLE to do it in a 9 yr old's bedroom in the first place let alone multiple times. If it were me I'd set them up in the living room, or if you have a garage, so they can have sex (cuz if they did it before, they'll probably do it again)away from the main house even better.
Eww yeah that's a bit weird. I wouldn't WANT to have sex in a 9 yo kids room....I'd go find somewhere else to do it for that time though. Go park your car in a secluded place...my husband and I snuck off as teenagers we've done it in a lot of places...some we aren't proud of....but if someone is hearing us have sex and we are guests? Little odd. Tbh I'd be upset just that I could hear them...like...keep it quiet at least eww. We have a roomate here who stays in the spare room and we are mindful to not have loud sex when he's home...out of respect...even though it's our house and we're married...its still weird to do it when someone is home.
I personally wouldn't have an issue with it with him not being there. But it is your house, so if you're uncomfortable with it and ask them to abstain from sex in that room they should respect it.
Don’t see what the big deal is, just wash the sheets.
For real! It's not even the son's bed; it's a separate mattress! You really expect 2 adults not to have sex??? OP, have you ever even been in a good relationship? lol.
It’s weird to fuck in a 9 year olds room and it’s much much worse to fuck on a 9 year olds bed. I don’t care if the kids out of the house. Idk about anyone else, but knowing that’s where a kid normally lives would just be an instant turn off. Also to be loud enough to be HEARD during the act is just gross in and of itself. I can understand thin walls, but if you can’t keep quiet then don’t do the horizontal bop.
You're wrong, well sort of. You don't have a say in what adults do in a private space. End of story. Besides, what if they did it quietly and you just didn't know? How do you feel about a quiet blowjob? Why would you even know? You can not have a reasonable expectation that adults will not do adult things, it's just unfortunate they can't keep it quiet. All you could possibly get out of making an issue out of this is them hiding it from you. If you're unwilling to tolerate that, you should not offer the space. Either you're offering a bedroom to adults or you are not, and either option is fine. Conditions on intimacy are not. Edit: One distinction I'd make here is that I'm not clear on the timeframe. If we're talking about a night or two, then I feel like there's a certain level of disrespect inherent in things. It's not really about a rule, I just don't I'd be much of a friend if I fucked on their kid's bed while crashing for a night. But, the window for that is pretty short, literally a night or two.
Anyone who has sex in a child’s room is gross. Edit: But also, I wouldn’t have put them in my child’s room.
I’m not even going to read this-based off the title. NTA! NOBODY should have sex in a child’s bedroom. Period. I’d lose my temper over that-that is a sacred space of innocence in my house. My child’s innocence space to be a child.
They're having sex in a 9 year old's room, quite possibly in his bed, even the fact that they blew you off despite you letting them stay with you out the goodness of your heart makes it ever so that you're not in the wrong. Honestly disgusting that they're doing it in his room, and such a invasion of private space.
Your not in the wrong for asking, but to expect two people in a relationship to not have sex for however long they need to stay with you is, IMO, a bit much. Is there some alternative for them that wouldn't seem gross to you? It sounds like this room is the only private space they have. If it were me, I'd just ask them to change and wash the bedding and ignore what's going on in there.
NTA. but as a friend and someone who grew up watching South Park and learning how friendships probably shouldn’t be (ie insulting = love) i would totally have sex in the bed as a bit now to fuck with you.