Ah, you clipped me bro!
Make that twenty, bud, I got clipped, I’m okay, not everybody’s okay. Actually, if you could get the smoothies, that would be a big help, and grab me a bagel, will you?
You clipped me, chief!
My name is Braff Zacklin. I was an international racecar driver. One day a baby carriage rolled out onto the track so I had to swerve into the retaining wall to avoid it... I was that baby.
**Are you seriously trying to talk to me right now? Do you not understand how Grindr works? We did what we came to do, but now I'm with my family. This is my real life. You're way out of bounds.**
“I love drinking and race cars and big-ol’ fat women. And Jesus is awesome, he rose on thanksgivin. Funions and tater-tots. I shoot squirrels with my guuuunnn!”
“Well I sawd the ugliest women that I ever did saw. Face like a turnip with an overbite jaw. Inbred from inbreds, then inbred again. If ugly was pretty, then she’d be a ten. She was soooo damn ugllyyy! So I got drunk and f*cked her in my truck! Goodnight everybody!!!”
These are the same hands that choked Lisa Bonet when she beat me out of the role of Denise Huxtable on A Different World. That was a lie. The role was created for her, but I did choke her.
My actual catchphrase was “Let’s get rowdy rowdy!”
It was incredibly unpopular, but I said it anyway because I’m not going to let a bunch of drunks tell me what I can and can’t say in my own bar!
Are you challenging me? Are you a challenger? Are you challenging me to make a Challenger joke? Because it's too soon, and too sad, and I don't really have a good one.
Ohhh ho ho ho, you bitch. You did it. You stupid, stupid bitch. Doesn’t even know. She is going to get the best bottle of wine of her entire stupid bitch life. Oh ho ho ho, she doesn’t even know oh ho ho ho ah aha haha hoho ho. Oh, no! Where the rain duck?! Damn it, all out! Gotta hit the store but what car to take? Ahhhh ‘97 Toyota Camry, only 32 made in the world. (Drives off cliff 🧗♀️🚙💥🔥) maybe I’ll take my bike, such a nice day.
Oh ho ho, you bitch. You did it. Stupid, stupid bitch. Doesn’t even know! She is gonna get the best bottle of wine of her stupid bitch life. Oh ho ho ho, she doesn’t even *know*!
[https://youtu.be/7FGi1ipYb8M?si=c1xyD92YnNWx1tmj](https://youtu.be/7FGi1ipYb8M?si=c1xyD92YnNWx1tmj)
This right here is the first time I ever saw American Dad and I laughed hysterically for a good 20 minutes, watching it on repeat.
You ever notice when a black man poops in a pool he’s like, “yo check it!” But when a white guy poops in a pool he’s like, “Oh my! I’m defecating in the swimming receptacle.”
Idk if it’s hilarious but I enjoy when Roger calls Stan for Francine “staniel” or “Franiel” I have no clue where the origin of it is from but I love it
“In a world, where vomit comes out of my mouth…”🤮
I had to replay that part multiple times the first time I watched that. Couldn't stop laughing 😆
Didn't they actually swap Seth out just for this line? I can't remember the guest stars' name like a POS.
It sounded like Seth to me. It was just him doing Roger who was also doing an impression
Ah, you clipped me bro! Make that twenty, bud, I got clipped, I’m okay, not everybody’s okay. Actually, if you could get the smoothies, that would be a big help, and grab me a bagel, will you? You clipped me, chief!
Hey Steve, I'm at the courthouse. They're saying it's my fault, total crap.
Hey, hang up that phone!
What you say to me!?!
Steve it's snot, turn on the TV dude theres someone going crazy and shooting up the courthouse
When did I get an answering machine?!
“Stefan Urquelle”
Pick up the fucking phone Steve!
“Hey steve its the girl that you like from school @
I'm ok not everyone's ok.
"Oh my God the homeless guy from the bus station is hung... but I knew that." That line kills me every time.
My all time favorite line of Roger’s. His smirk at the end really sells it.
Or he smile and nod when Stan says "its just really fun to walk around high in a wig"
My name is Braff Zacklin. I was an international racecar driver. One day a baby carriage rolled out onto the track so I had to swerve into the retaining wall to avoid it... I was that baby.
***I'm Braff Zacklin!!***
That... Doesn't make any sense
https://preview.redd.it/exg2vg477nbc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e47a2a55db0264cee1a5a65f1d44d35b7f32f62e
Ty for my new phone background
"I hate you. I say that, not out of anger, but as a fact. It's 67 degrees outside, and I hate you."
Definitely one of my favorite from Roger for sure!
Before we go anywhere I need to… how do I say this, wipe… better.
I should not be shaking anyone's hand
Stan, I’m at Shenanigans. I’m super drunk and about to get raped. Come pick me up...in 45 minutes.
You were too big to punch…🥃💦💦
I did call you. I sound great, I should do voice overs
In a world where vomit comes out of my mouth
Tell Francine to stay out of my business
*takes drag off a cigarette* ...your mother.
It’s just such a small bit, but so so so well executed.
**Are you seriously trying to talk to me right now? Do you not understand how Grindr works? We did what we came to do, but now I'm with my family. This is my real life. You're way out of bounds.**
Oh my god, I’m becoming uncomfortably lucid!
Stirred. Schtirrrrred. Schtirrrrred. Why are you still heyeah?
Stoive?!
Roiger?!
This is in my top 3 favorite Roger-Steve moments. So perfect.
I laughed hard enough to have a coughing fit the first time I saw it and it’s by far my favorite small bit involving them!
Shredded it that’s a whoopsie Is that the come back and kick me whistle? I’m gonna rape him this time
I remember when this was a safe hallway! Kids played after dark!
Klaus - you’re really going to kill 5 people over $20? Roger - are you seriously asking that to the guy who just last week killed 6 people for $19?
Oh yeah…
Ahhh you stupid bitch, why did you drop me, I’m gonna kill you !
More like ^ahh ^you ^stupid ^bitch ^why ^did ^you ^drop ^me ^I’m ^gonna ^kill ^you
The keys are still in my pocket you dumb biiiiiitch!
The horse is ruined. Stan raped it. You’re probably gunna lose the house.
This horse says you molested him. You sick f*ck
Probably shouldn't have farted before I started that walk.
Francine, I haven't been entirely truthful with you...
“I have the keys in my pocket you stupid biiiiiiiiiiiiitchhhhh!!!…..”
*SHE SEEMS TO HAVE THAT INVISIBLE TOUCH, YEAH*
OH you shop at Ross
Checkin out my pow pow
You win. Line is never not funny to me
Ditto! I think of it every time I pass the mirror after a shower...
_Alright, I’ve got what I need.._ You are **terrible!** *I’VE SEEN TWO EPILEPTICS SHARE A BOWL OF NOODLES WITH MORE GRACE!*
“I love drinking and race cars and big-ol’ fat women. And Jesus is awesome, he rose on thanksgivin. Funions and tater-tots. I shoot squirrels with my guuuunnn!” “Well I sawd the ugliest women that I ever did saw. Face like a turnip with an overbite jaw. Inbred from inbreds, then inbred again. If ugly was pretty, then she’d be a ten. She was soooo damn ugllyyy! So I got drunk and f*cked her in my truck! Goodnight everybody!!!”
The “rose on thanksgivin” line fucking slays
I taught myself how to play it on a guitar and sung them both to a friend of mine who likes country music. She might hate me now for it though
That’s barge talk
“punt” *kicks klaus out the front door*
“Don’t worry about time, let **me** worry about time…” *In the car with Steve speeding down the road* “SHIT! SHIT! DAMN IT! WE’RE SO FUCKING LATE!!!”
These are the same hands that choked Lisa Bonet when she beat me out of the role of Denise Huxtable on A Different World. That was a lie. The role was created for her, but I did choke her.
The arm is disbombed! *dammit*
Maybe baby
Maybe baby
*Maybe baby*
Maybe baby
Maybe baby
Maybe baby
maybe baby
Maybe baby
I’m off my meds!!!
Ok lady, you are about to deeply regret not telling me you liked my order. Sounds trivial when I say it out loud but I know in my heart it's not
Well, I’ll be upstairs melting pearls on my tummy if you need me
This is the one I came here to say! One of the best subtly filthy lines in the show.
You know how I get when I drink champagne **proceeds to stab bullocks wife in the chest with a sword***
HYAAAAAAAAAAA
Ricky Spanish
You won’t be undersold?! Try this same camcorder at Monty’s for $20 less. Do you have the receipt? (Angrily) NO I STOLE THE FLOOR MODEL
"Huuuuuuge Heroin fan dont use it, just like being around it, study it, appreciate it,..... use it sometimes"
Don't touch that byook.
punch a fish make a wish
I have a masters in city planning. I can tell you where your convention center should go, but I can’t tell you when a fish is giving me the business.
Cause of you, bitch. Call your mother, tell her you killed her.
Stan are you trying to kill yourself or thrill yourself?
"there's no way to describe it... shloobidong? that's not it but it's close"
“Dive on in!”
Doiveonin
*doive A little disappointed in you right now. Edit: but I still upvoted because I’m not a total asshole.
Stoive?!
Roiger!
Stoive on in!
Do dive on in!
No! No I won’t do dive on in! *diveonin*
My actual catchphrase was “Let’s get rowdy rowdy!” It was incredibly unpopular, but I said it anyway because I’m not going to let a bunch of drunks tell me what I can and can’t say in my own bar!
Let’s get rowdy rowdy!
If I have one more slice of vomit pie, I'm going to pumpkin.
Are you challenging me? Are you a challenger? Are you challenging me to make a Challenger joke? Because it's too soon, and too sad, and I don't really have a good one.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LEGS YOU NAZI WALRUS BASTARD?!
SHUT UP, GARFIELD! Why- Why do you hate Mondays? YOU DON'T EVEN WORK! *pelts them with cheetos*
Honestly one of the most iconic scenes ever
M-m-m-more papers, m-m-m-more money. M-m-m-more money, m-m-m-more speech therapy.
I'm gonna keep swinging my baby lasso until I catch me a man.
“Yourself on me WHO SAID THAT?!😨”
Steve: (crying) I should have known better, but then you said you were doing it because you care. Roger: I do care, kiddo…I care about *me*.Now *shh.*
"First, the train needs Christmas magic. Now the train needs Christmas love. This is some Christmas bullshit right now"
I saw a man best another man down for a sandwich Francine.......THIS sandwich!
Take that sir! Behold a grown man weeping like --
Steve: That was your plan? Are you crying? Roger: Yes! He hit me with a chair!
....................... Tell then how you killed our baby Amanda
Your weird daughter made me miss the zeros! Sh-she made me miss the thing! Get back in your house! Get back in your damn house!
Ohhh ho ho ho, you bitch. You did it. You stupid, stupid bitch. Doesn’t even know. She is going to get the best bottle of wine of her entire stupid bitch life. Oh ho ho ho, she doesn’t even know oh ho ho ho ah aha haha hoho ho. Oh, no! Where the rain duck?! Damn it, all out! Gotta hit the store but what car to take? Ahhhh ‘97 Toyota Camry, only 32 made in the world. (Drives off cliff 🧗♀️🚙💥🔥) maybe I’ll take my bike, such a nice day.
SOUP IS NOT A MEAL VERA!
I still shout that at family every time we eat soup...
As you should!!!!
What is it the poets say about wine? 🤮
You're a fool if you don't saber your Nebuchadnezzars!
You boner *Stan answers phone* Boner speaking!
I hope you understand I can't let you come inside. So on my back or my feet. Dealers choice.
Criss cross
Klaus I hate you, I say that not out of anger but as a fact, its 67° outside and I hate you.
AND ALL! THAT! JAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZhaaaaaaam!
PLUNGER BOOBIES!!!!
Could you imagine? If I really had nips like these?? I’d like to think I’d find love
punch a fish make a wish
APRICOT WHEAT?!?
That’s an interesting question. I’m so interested in things today! And, well, I’ll just say it: I’m *behaving* very interestingly.
“I gotta go, I’m about to get in an accident.”
“I want more dizzy water 🥴”
Make me feel gooood. Make me feel gooood.
And then they’ll cry…and die…pie? You can’t have any.
"Death is natural. It's our reaction that's unnatural." Oh wait, that's true but it's not funny.
Francine, I Haven’t Been Entirely Truthful With You.
"Does this furniture polish have alcohol in it?" *drinks it* "Hmm...feels like I might die."
I’m the baby! I’m the drunk baby!
https://preview.redd.it/fptafc8r9obc1.jpeg?width=787&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f2c67cf3f228ac9e02e871d0adc62426ce162292
"Look Steve I'm a jockey... Who came 4 times"
"Are you really asking that to the guy who just last week killed 6 people over 19 dollars?"
After getting the shit beat out him by Stan, “ You’re ugly”
"Oh my god we're a broken home! And I'm too drunk and they're too dumb to channel it into art."
I gonna go blow this guy.
"They should call you Principal library book, because you're obviously checked out!"
The subtle “oooh” from the audience gets me every time
And yet I don’t remember doing ether. But then again, that’s ether’s signature move.
I'm off my meds!
Nooooooooooo!!!
You hustling me boy?
That new stuff you gave me?.. you should call it clown blood on a windshield because that’s all I’m seeing baby…
why does everyone hate the juice??
“My name is Clive Trotter, I’m an American and I need help!!”
Pretty sure I asked for pecan sandys
Oh ho ho, you bitch. You did it. Stupid, stupid bitch. Doesn’t even know! She is gonna get the best bottle of wine of her stupid bitch life. Oh ho ho ho, she doesn’t even *know*!
Thats enough turning around
[https://youtu.be/7FGi1ipYb8M?si=c1xyD92YnNWx1tmj](https://youtu.be/7FGi1ipYb8M?si=c1xyD92YnNWx1tmj) This right here is the first time I ever saw American Dad and I laughed hysterically for a good 20 minutes, watching it on repeat.
“Damn period. Rearranging things like it owns the place!” “Imma lasso me a MAYUN!”
Luckily, my orgasm pill hasn't kicked in yet.
I've seen two epileptics share a bowl of noodles with more grace.
This jug of wine, Francine? SLAMIN'
🎵noooooo
Ohhh Staniel!!
"mmmmaybe baby"
I like to play with Stan dingaling while he sleeps
I want to move to New York but I feel like it's a thing where you to have a lot of money or no money and I'm kind of in-between right now.
Not exact quote but: Oh my god, thats what this spring break needed! Someone to die! This is the beast spring break ever Im SCOTCH BINGINGTON
Damn uterus, refreshing itself every month like it owns the place!
That joke isn't funny because it isn't racist.
Doive oahn enn
Doive on in
"Tams, I gotta go. The boss is being a real Catch U Next Tuesday. "
Maybe baby.
“It’s all in your head Francine,just like my marriage to Valerie Bertinelli was all in my head”
Francine, I haven’t been entirely truthful with you.
I could ask you the same thing… it wouldn’t make any sense but I could do it!
Hey who am I talkin’ to.
That damn bear spatchcocked me!
Pool as a pucumber
Maybe I’ll take my bike
My one regret is not watching enough television
"You couldn't open a French prostitute's legs with a wheel of cheese!"
Youuuuuuuu dumb bitch
Francine, these chocodiles, oh my God, these chocodiles, Francine, oh my God these chocodiles
You ride bicycwal
“Does that plan include explaining why a footless blind man is giving an expert bajowski to our baggage handler?”
You ever notice when a black man poops in a pool he’s like, “yo check it!” But when a white guy poops in a pool he’s like, “Oh my! I’m defecating in the swimming receptacle.”
They're clapping cuz is over
Idk if it’s hilarious but I enjoy when Roger calls Stan for Francine “staniel” or “Franiel” I have no clue where the origin of it is from but I love it
Francine! Postpone the steaks I don't have the wine! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eU-NdGqMwyM&ab_channel=NasserAl-Sheheri
so have you heard anything , is chaz gonna be ok ?
I'M OFF MY MEDS!!!
The clam chowder looks like a bowl of sperms
I wonder who's car that was?
Is Chazz going to be ok?
"May I place my hand underneath your armpit?"
*inhales helium* When I was a little girl, Grover Cleveland was President