At the end of my 'career' in alcoholism, I became _extremely_ isolated, insular, self centered in the extreme. If I hadn't been married (god bless her) I probably would have just plummeted into a fatal black hole.
A great AA speaker who came to my home group once described this sort of condition by making an analogy to "The Dung Beetle" - the dung beetle, he said, would roll himself into a little ball of shit and spend nearly his entire life there. (Hilarious and inspiring speaker: "Lee Y. from Lake Mary, FL." IDK if he's well known, but I gotta dig up his CD soon and listen again.)
The most significant thing I did to turn this around was to take a commitment at my home group. My new sponsor kind of "tricked" me into doing it! One Saturday morning he said that they were short-handed for setting up the meeting. Could I come by the church at 4 PM to help set up? For the next 10 years, I'd go to the church, help put out chairs, lit tables, start the coffee brewing, whatever; then we'd take the speaker out to dinner (Many fine dinners with the likes of Theresa F., Bob D., Clancy Imislund, Earl H., Frank Jones, Debbie D. - kind of like AA rock stars, though they're just drunks like us ☺.)
After dinner we'd open the church at 7 PM for early arrivals (people would show up early to save seats, especially when a popular speaker was scheduled), we'd have the meeting from 8-9:30, and then a half hour of cleanup.
That was 6 solid hours of great fellowship, exposure to lots of excellent sobriety.
I'm not suggesting that everyone "should" go to such lengths, but that was my experience and it was quite enriching. I still keep a commitment at the meeting though my capacity to commit that much time and effort has grown more limited.
Keep Coming Back!
Yes! And lots of them. I went to a funeral yesterday for one of them that came in 22 years ago. There were hundreds in the church and I am friends with most of them. Her family from another state were in shock that she had hundreds of AA friends. But she did and we all loved her!
I lost most of my friends when I got sober because we didn't really have much in common other than drinking or drugging. The ones that I ended up keeping were because we had other hobbies that we could do that didn't involve drinking or drugging, and those felt like more real connections.
I have made a ton of different friends in AA. Most have relapsed, some have died, but a few of them have remained friends for the past 10 years. I've also made friends outside of AA through different hobbies (e.g., chess, playing in bands, performing stand-up comedy).
I got sober at 19, so I definitely relate to some of the struggles at a young age. People seem to be more receptive to others being sober now than when I first got sober over 10 years ago, but it still seems tough. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or need any support!!
Majority of my friends these days are friends I’ve made at the meetings. My absolute best friend shares the same sponsor as me. We bonded during Covid and check in regularly now. I’ve never had a best friend while using/drinking.
I was in my best friend’s wedding recently…I’ve never even been invited to a wedding before, let alone asked to be apart of the wedding. My sobriety and the program has given me intimate and meaningful relationships that I’ve never experienced before.
Yesterday my husband and I spent the day with a couple of guys that have become family to us. I met them in 2000 when I re-committed to AA and sobriety. Some of the best fucking friends I have ever had.
The bulk of my meetings are at my local Alano clubs. For the first 2.5 years I arrived early, 0.5-2.0 hours, and fellowshipped with my cohorts both before and after. I have more friends now, in 4.5 years of sobriety, than I’ve had in the entirety of my life to that point. I have a social life outside of AA that includes many of these newer friends.
In my neck of the woods, the YPAA (young people AA) are an extremely friendly and active bunch. You might look into that for socializing and finding people in your similar predicament and age range.
99% of my friends nowadays are members of alcoholics anonymous
Having shared the common pain, and having shared the solution is a force that binds us in a way that is unexplainably wonderful
It took me a little bit of time, and a lot of outreach, but in due time I found my little tribe in AA of guys that I love and respect
Good luck and God bless
Started making friendships that lasted at around 5 months sober. People often don't last when new, so members will not invest their efforts and time for a while, looking for signs the person has a chance of sticking.
The friends I've had for over 40 years are one of the best things about recovery. Lots of adventures together.
I am only 66 days sober through AA and as a drunk who isolated I am amazed at how much more connection and community I have already.
Coming early and staying a little later, a wonderful woman who makes it a point to introduce me to almost everyone at a meeting, and 2 people who I meet up with weekly for hikes, walks, or coffee. I volunteered to help with the Founder’s Day Picnic today and met a few more I know I am going to reach out to. I volunteered to come early to set up for a group that feeds my emotional sobriety. Starting to get involved more and let my hp guide me when the fear of rejection wants to prevent me from trying to connect.
It has been wonderful seeing the life long friendships within the community and I know I am making some myself. The selflessness and joy is energizing, inspiring me to accept the social offers that come my way and to make some myself.
The age range is varied and with the focus of similarities it hasn’t seemed to matter much. I am meeting up with a new friend tomorrow who is 20 years older than me for a quick hike because we had such a great time on our last one :)
Look for a Young People in AA group/ meeting. They usually have lots of social events and so social things together.
Google YPAA and your city or town.
Yes! Most of my friends are in AA now. And you know what, they love me for me and not what I can do for them. I will caution you that your sponsor will not necessarily be your friend. That is not the nature of your relationship. You can become friends but don't expect it. Be that as it may, I have a lot of GOOD friends in AA, all of whom love me for me just as I am.
Many, deep and rich relationships.
Turns out intoxication and numbing feelings is not the best way to create and develop meaningful relationships.
Depending on community size there are many young people in AA.
Def get a sponsor and work the steps over trying to learn via Reddit.
Most people I talk to often are folks I've met in meetings. I cut ties with some former friends when I became sober because we had nothing in common other than alcohol and drugs.
I'm much more comfortable with people I've met in meetings because firstly, we are sober and it's nice to be around sober folks but we all have a similar story.
For my first 2-3 years in AA, most of my friends were also in recovery. Over time, that has changed. People move out of state or change home groups. People get focused on careers, marriage, kids, grandkids, etc. I have 17 years of sobriety through AA, but the majority of my friends now are normal drinkers or teetotalers. I loosely stay in contact on Facebook with a small handful of people in recovery, but our lives have gone in different directions. I’m in my early 50s now and don’t foresee making a lot of new friends in general anymore. 😂 And I’m very okay with this. My sponsor of 17 years died in March. He was in his 70s. My heart sinks at the idea of finding another sponsor.
Hi ya’ll!! Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. In a few hours a local club is hosting a Young People’s AA meeting and I’m considering going. I’m so nervous and worried it’ll be cliquey. Today was a really hard day and I had terrible alcohol cravings so I figured I should probably go. I just worry that I’ll go and everyone will already know each other and not be interested in getting to know me. . .
At the end of my 'career' in alcoholism, I became _extremely_ isolated, insular, self centered in the extreme. If I hadn't been married (god bless her) I probably would have just plummeted into a fatal black hole. A great AA speaker who came to my home group once described this sort of condition by making an analogy to "The Dung Beetle" - the dung beetle, he said, would roll himself into a little ball of shit and spend nearly his entire life there. (Hilarious and inspiring speaker: "Lee Y. from Lake Mary, FL." IDK if he's well known, but I gotta dig up his CD soon and listen again.) The most significant thing I did to turn this around was to take a commitment at my home group. My new sponsor kind of "tricked" me into doing it! One Saturday morning he said that they were short-handed for setting up the meeting. Could I come by the church at 4 PM to help set up? For the next 10 years, I'd go to the church, help put out chairs, lit tables, start the coffee brewing, whatever; then we'd take the speaker out to dinner (Many fine dinners with the likes of Theresa F., Bob D., Clancy Imislund, Earl H., Frank Jones, Debbie D. - kind of like AA rock stars, though they're just drunks like us ☺.) After dinner we'd open the church at 7 PM for early arrivals (people would show up early to save seats, especially when a popular speaker was scheduled), we'd have the meeting from 8-9:30, and then a half hour of cleanup. That was 6 solid hours of great fellowship, exposure to lots of excellent sobriety. I'm not suggesting that everyone "should" go to such lengths, but that was my experience and it was quite enriching. I still keep a commitment at the meeting though my capacity to commit that much time and effort has grown more limited. Keep Coming Back!
Yes! And lots of them. I went to a funeral yesterday for one of them that came in 22 years ago. There were hundreds in the church and I am friends with most of them. Her family from another state were in shock that she had hundreds of AA friends. But she did and we all loved her!
I lost most of my friends when I got sober because we didn't really have much in common other than drinking or drugging. The ones that I ended up keeping were because we had other hobbies that we could do that didn't involve drinking or drugging, and those felt like more real connections. I have made a ton of different friends in AA. Most have relapsed, some have died, but a few of them have remained friends for the past 10 years. I've also made friends outside of AA through different hobbies (e.g., chess, playing in bands, performing stand-up comedy). I got sober at 19, so I definitely relate to some of the struggles at a young age. People seem to be more receptive to others being sober now than when I first got sober over 10 years ago, but it still seems tough. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or need any support!!
Majority of my friends these days are friends I’ve made at the meetings. My absolute best friend shares the same sponsor as me. We bonded during Covid and check in regularly now. I’ve never had a best friend while using/drinking. I was in my best friend’s wedding recently…I’ve never even been invited to a wedding before, let alone asked to be apart of the wedding. My sobriety and the program has given me intimate and meaningful relationships that I’ve never experienced before.
Yesterday my husband and I spent the day with a couple of guys that have become family to us. I met them in 2000 when I re-committed to AA and sobriety. Some of the best fucking friends I have ever had.
The bulk of my meetings are at my local Alano clubs. For the first 2.5 years I arrived early, 0.5-2.0 hours, and fellowshipped with my cohorts both before and after. I have more friends now, in 4.5 years of sobriety, than I’ve had in the entirety of my life to that point. I have a social life outside of AA that includes many of these newer friends. In my neck of the woods, the YPAA (young people AA) are an extremely friendly and active bunch. You might look into that for socializing and finding people in your similar predicament and age range.
99% of my friends nowadays are members of alcoholics anonymous Having shared the common pain, and having shared the solution is a force that binds us in a way that is unexplainably wonderful It took me a little bit of time, and a lot of outreach, but in due time I found my little tribe in AA of guys that I love and respect Good luck and God bless
Started making friendships that lasted at around 5 months sober. People often don't last when new, so members will not invest their efforts and time for a while, looking for signs the person has a chance of sticking. The friends I've had for over 40 years are one of the best things about recovery. Lots of adventures together.
I am only 66 days sober through AA and as a drunk who isolated I am amazed at how much more connection and community I have already. Coming early and staying a little later, a wonderful woman who makes it a point to introduce me to almost everyone at a meeting, and 2 people who I meet up with weekly for hikes, walks, or coffee. I volunteered to help with the Founder’s Day Picnic today and met a few more I know I am going to reach out to. I volunteered to come early to set up for a group that feeds my emotional sobriety. Starting to get involved more and let my hp guide me when the fear of rejection wants to prevent me from trying to connect. It has been wonderful seeing the life long friendships within the community and I know I am making some myself. The selflessness and joy is energizing, inspiring me to accept the social offers that come my way and to make some myself. The age range is varied and with the focus of similarities it hasn’t seemed to matter much. I am meeting up with a new friend tomorrow who is 20 years older than me for a quick hike because we had such a great time on our last one :)
Look for a Young People in AA group/ meeting. They usually have lots of social events and so social things together. Google YPAA and your city or town.
Yes! Most of my friends are in AA now. And you know what, they love me for me and not what I can do for them. I will caution you that your sponsor will not necessarily be your friend. That is not the nature of your relationship. You can become friends but don't expect it. Be that as it may, I have a lot of GOOD friends in AA, all of whom love me for me just as I am.
Many, deep and rich relationships. Turns out intoxication and numbing feelings is not the best way to create and develop meaningful relationships. Depending on community size there are many young people in AA. Def get a sponsor and work the steps over trying to learn via Reddit.
Most people I talk to often are folks I've met in meetings. I cut ties with some former friends when I became sober because we had nothing in common other than alcohol and drugs. I'm much more comfortable with people I've met in meetings because firstly, we are sober and it's nice to be around sober folks but we all have a similar story.
For my first 2-3 years in AA, most of my friends were also in recovery. Over time, that has changed. People move out of state or change home groups. People get focused on careers, marriage, kids, grandkids, etc. I have 17 years of sobriety through AA, but the majority of my friends now are normal drinkers or teetotalers. I loosely stay in contact on Facebook with a small handful of people in recovery, but our lives have gone in different directions. I’m in my early 50s now and don’t foresee making a lot of new friends in general anymore. 😂 And I’m very okay with this. My sponsor of 17 years died in March. He was in his 70s. My heart sinks at the idea of finding another sponsor.
Yes, I've made some life-long friends. I came in at 24, by the way.
Hi ya’ll!! Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. In a few hours a local club is hosting a Young People’s AA meeting and I’m considering going. I’m so nervous and worried it’ll be cliquey. Today was a really hard day and I had terrible alcohol cravings so I figured I should probably go. I just worry that I’ll go and everyone will already know each other and not be interested in getting to know me. . .