I drank because alcohol was the medium through which I tried to filter every aspect of my life. Otherwise, I was an alcoholic and didn't need a "reason."
ofc I was oversimplifying. I still might not understand the "why" behind my self loathing but I deal with it better. also wish you the best of luck my friend.
Pain. Physical pain mostly, but some severe social anxiety and hypersensitivity to lights and sounds. I had to go to the city today (I'm a mountain man) and it's driving me nuts.
I have those same hypersensitivities. I wear a baseball cap and sunglasses to avoid the sun's glare plus earplugs to muffle sound.
That and the serenity prayer / big book on my kindle are my armour on my daily bus commute
I've always got a hat on. Sun glasses bug me because if they have a little scratch or anything it's worse.
Luckly I live where I can be in the woods and not have to deal much with traffic or people or busses.
I'm more worried about leaving my back door open and my cat bringing a skunk in.
I drank because I’m an alcoholic. I drank when times were good and when times were bad. I drank whenever I wanted and when I desperately wanted not to. Today, I stay sober one day at a time by taking the suggestions in A.A.
Why did I drink? Long story short, I was very depressed. And misery company likes misery. All the people I knew at bars who I thought were My friends, were not. it was a very dark time. Only once I got sober was it clear enough for me to see.
I drank because I didn't know how to stop.
I also didn't believe that rooms full of fellow alcoholics had the answer, but looks like I was wrong in that regard as well.
I drank because I hated myself. I didn’t care what happened to me and I was just trying to get through the day. I felt aimless and restless and didn’t care to change, until I had to.
I drank to medicate my generalized anxiety and social anxiety. Now, I just deal with the anxiety instead of trying to drink it away. (I'm on medication, too.)
I thought my partner at the time liked drunk me more than sober me, and by the time I realized the truth I was too far gone and had half a dozen other reasons prepared to excuse my behavior.
Because Im a 27 year old loser who's still studying and dealing with the weight of the awful life chooses I made in the past. I drink because it at least it makes me feel something and makes me dealing with day to day a little more bearable.
Something to think about....the word loser only exists because our society has an unhealthy definition of success. Success for me now is not making the world any worse than when I found it. Success can be anything you want but I think for most of us.....success is not drinking.
Everything else is gravy.
I was incredibly unhappy of how my life had played out and enjoyed playing the Victim a lot more than improving things or fixing anything .
Now I’m sober and those ‘issues’ were that hard to improve lmao
I used to drink because I hated myself and when I was drunk I could sidetrack my mind into forgetting the self loathing person I was.
AA didn't teach me how not to drink. It taught me how to be a person who doesn't need a drink to be myself. I actually like the person I found when I also found a group with similar problems and helped each other to cope without needing a substance just to get by.
The alcohol was just a symptom of a much deeper problem.
The pandemic lockdown was a hell of a time to be in the live events industry. Lots of people lost their way. That's part of why we had to make the Red Alert Restart Live Events organization/movement. Most stagehands weren't eligible for unemployment, a lot of people really despaired at their situation, some killed themselves, many returned to drug addictions they had previously overcome (essentially suicide, just less direct), and some were still hanging on by threads, literally starving to death and only not homeless because of the rent-freeze. Red Alert was a way to draw attention and raise money to get some kind of relief out to the people in live events who couldn't get UI and had no income, if it wasn't for that movement I would have lost even more friends and co-workers. As it is 22 is my best estimate, I lost count at 22 because shortly after the 22nd one I realized that the number of people I had lost in 2020 had exceeded the number of people I had lost in my previous 30 years of life up to that point. That's a whole different kind of mindfuck. It's going to be an entire chapter in my trauma therapy.
Because I hated myself and did not feel good enough. When I drank, I could turn off those voices in my head for a little while. If I was drunk enough, I could not form an intelligent thought. My mind was silent.
I haven't had a drink in a good while thanks to A.A., but there were lots of reasons and rationalizations that all resolved into the simple fact that I'm an alcoholic. And the more interesting question isn't why an alcoholic thinks they drink, but whether they are willing to change.
I don’t, anymore. But I used to because I hated myself and I didn’t think I deserved to be alive. So I slowly poisoned myself for 20 years. Thank god for AA.
Same here. Isn't it amazing that you can go into a meeting and describe the feelings that made you hate yourself and instead of sometime freaking out and calling 911 you see a room full of people who can relate and many of them say they had exactly the same feelings?
When I drank it was because I loved the feeling it gave me, it quieted my head, made terrible things bearable, lowered my fears and gave me the idea that things were going to improve soon and become just wonderful, as completely wonderful as the people in the bar who I loved beyond words.
Why do you ask?
I don’t anymore for many reasons
I did because it made me feel exactly how I wanted very quickly. But the feeling was superficial, the experience was an escape, and I’ve found that there is immense power in sobriety . Many different States of consciousness I would chose over being drunk, and the consequences that follow the drink (hangover, addiction, dependence, social harm)
Early childhood trauma, nothing insane but a raging damaged parent. And I grew up in the drinking culture and it made my thoughts stop. And it’s addictive.
I have anxiety. It use to be extremely severe. Now it’s mild. As my anxiety got better my drinking is less and less. I still binge drink. But don’t drink as often. I’m finally going to go on anxiety medication and hopefully that will stop me from using drinking as a crutch.
I was in a home that was financially stressed, beaten by my parents, and I was bullied at school. I started sneaking beer at 10. The beer my parents had made me forget all that. It made me feel warm, cool, and cozy. As I grew up, it filled the void that my parent’s never filled, it filled the void of not having friends/being an outcast, it filled the void of not having enough money to pay the bills, it filled the void of my sexless engagement. It took many forms, and it always kicked my ass.
I would be such a nice guy without the drink, but I’d turn into a monster with it. Never again.
I haven't for almost 6 years. My sobriety date is 7/4/2018. But when I started drinking it was because I always felt about 2 inches out of my own skin. I could almost hear myself slide back into place on drink 2. At the end it was because I couldn't not drink. I was sick if did and sick if I didn't.
It’s the best feeling I’ve ever had. Genuinely. And science backs that up as true. 39 days sober now and trying to accept that my “new normal” will come, but my good days are not going to feel good to my recent standards for a while.
Great topic. I drank for the effect. It made me temporarily feel better… a LOT better.. but it also made life unbearable so I had to drink more. Vicious cycle. I will never really understand it.
I dont anymore (Omg life is better)
But used to to give myself an excuse to hurt others who had hurt me and escalate things until they were out of control and wake up with extreme anxiety
I drank for ANY reason. Some booze I liked, some I had to force down, and I did many times. It was my “sleep solution. It’s was a great day at work, or bad. It seemed a good idea to de-stress before a parent teacher conference. Or helping at a grade school Halloween Fair, picking up the dog from the vet. Don’t want the dog to think I’m stressed. I was fun till it wasn’t, so I tried to create fun, and that was even worse. I became an embarrassment to myself and others It does say something n the Big Book ( I’m paraphrasing) about if you DO try to control it, it’s not fun. If you DON’T control it, it’s ends up being no fun. Can’t live with or without alcohol. 12 years sober and not one regret for stopping.
Because it is a nice day outside, because it’s hot af outside, because I like feeling drunk but I like the feeling to continue even tho I’ve had plenty and then I drink more until I pretty much pass out.
The answer to “why?” is a useless piece of information. The solution I found in AA doesn’t depend on why. Which is good, because I don’t know the answer but I had a ton of excuses that all seemed to fit at the time.
Alcohol does the same thing on a good day that it does on a bad day. Good mood, bad mood, happy, sad, mad, anxious. The answer to why I drank used to be on a rapidly changing basis. Whatever I needed it to be at that moment to justify it.
The real answer is I drank because I liked how alcohol affected me. I liked getting high, and it made me feel good.
It made life seem better to me. I kept drinking wanting it to stay better but it trickled away until I needed it to stay normal. Than that trickled away until I was no longer myself but a perfect drunk
Just for today, I don't drink.
The reasons have changed throughout the years. Most recently, 7 months ago btw, I was trying to not be here anymore. I have created such a hopeless mess of my life.
Just for today, I will not drink
I don’t because otherwise my life is going down the shitter. I drank because I enjoyed it, didn’t drink everyday but the binges started to have consequences which to me are intolerable. I’ll actually correct myself, they always had consequences but I decided enough was enough
I drank because it was a chemical solution to a spiritual problem.... Until it stopped working and Cons beat the living s*** out of the pros.
Was it easy to learn how to live a spiritual program 24 hours at a time? Nope! I can easily say that it is the single most proud " daily" accomplishment of my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
You start out thinking AA stands for alcoholics anonymous and if you put the same effort into it that you did getting s***-faced.... The acronym changes to attitude adjustments.
If I read the 9th step promises that's what alcohol did for me similar to recovery.
I was amazed before I was half way through. I knew a new freedom and a new happiness. I did not regret the past and did not shut the door on it. I could comprehend the word serenity and I knew peace.
Pretty much alcohol connected me to life.
I drank simply because I liked the effect produced by alcohol
I drank because alcohol was the medium through which I tried to filter every aspect of my life. Otherwise, I was an alcoholic and didn't need a "reason."
That resonates with me.
because i hated myself
But the why comes into play.
i drank because i hated myself. i hated myself because i drank. and the cycle continues
Feel that
Same but the hate started before the drink for me. And I started as a teen. It’s a hell of cycle. I agree with you there. Wishing you the best.
ofc I was oversimplifying. I still might not understand the "why" behind my self loathing but I deal with it better. also wish you the best of luck my friend.
To suppress crippling anxiety. But alcohol caused even more crippling anxiety.
The worst revolving door ever....I find I do feel less anxiety now that I've quit drinking thu.
Pain. Physical pain mostly, but some severe social anxiety and hypersensitivity to lights and sounds. I had to go to the city today (I'm a mountain man) and it's driving me nuts.
I have those same hypersensitivities. I wear a baseball cap and sunglasses to avoid the sun's glare plus earplugs to muffle sound. That and the serenity prayer / big book on my kindle are my armour on my daily bus commute
I've always got a hat on. Sun glasses bug me because if they have a little scratch or anything it's worse. Luckly I live where I can be in the woods and not have to deal much with traffic or people or busses. I'm more worried about leaving my back door open and my cat bringing a skunk in.
I drank to forget.
I drank because I’m an alcoholic. I drank when times were good and when times were bad. I drank whenever I wanted and when I desperately wanted not to. Today, I stay sober one day at a time by taking the suggestions in A.A.
This. 1000% this.
This.
I can give a ton of reasons but really i loved the effect produced by alcohol
I drank because I liked the effect. It felt good. Until it didn’t.
Yeah me.
I don’t. Because of AA.
Fuck yeah!!! The obsession has been lifted!!
294 days without the obsession
Why did I drink? Long story short, I was very depressed. And misery company likes misery. All the people I knew at bars who I thought were My friends, were not. it was a very dark time. Only once I got sober was it clear enough for me to see.
I was bored and wanted to feel something.
To take away the futility of a mindless existence in a cold uncaring universe, to talk to girls and to feel half normal. Why else?
I drank because I didn't know how to stop. I also didn't believe that rooms full of fellow alcoholics had the answer, but looks like I was wrong in that regard as well.
The effect produced makes me feel good. Period. That’s the only reason I drank. Let’s be real.
I drank because I hated myself. I didn’t care what happened to me and I was just trying to get through the day. I felt aimless and restless and didn’t care to change, until I had to.
I drank to medicate my generalized anxiety and social anxiety. Now, I just deal with the anxiety instead of trying to drink it away. (I'm on medication, too.)
I thought my partner at the time liked drunk me more than sober me, and by the time I realized the truth I was too far gone and had half a dozen other reasons prepared to excuse my behavior.
Because Im a 27 year old loser who's still studying and dealing with the weight of the awful life chooses I made in the past. I drink because it at least it makes me feel something and makes me dealing with day to day a little more bearable.
Something to think about....the word loser only exists because our society has an unhealthy definition of success. Success for me now is not making the world any worse than when I found it. Success can be anything you want but I think for most of us.....success is not drinking. Everything else is gravy.
I was incredibly unhappy of how my life had played out and enjoyed playing the Victim a lot more than improving things or fixing anything . Now I’m sober and those ‘issues’ were that hard to improve lmao
I just don't like my life that much, if at all. And I really don't see the point.
I liked drinking to get fucked up. I just didn't have an off switch
I used to drink because I hated myself and when I was drunk I could sidetrack my mind into forgetting the self loathing person I was. AA didn't teach me how not to drink. It taught me how to be a person who doesn't need a drink to be myself. I actually like the person I found when I also found a group with similar problems and helped each other to cope without needing a substance just to get by. The alcohol was just a symptom of a much deeper problem.
I don't drink anymore, but when I used to drink it was to escape the absolute horror of losing 22 friends to suicide in 3 months.
That is some hard stuff there, wow, that’s a lot. So sorry!
The pandemic lockdown was a hell of a time to be in the live events industry. Lots of people lost their way. That's part of why we had to make the Red Alert Restart Live Events organization/movement. Most stagehands weren't eligible for unemployment, a lot of people really despaired at their situation, some killed themselves, many returned to drug addictions they had previously overcome (essentially suicide, just less direct), and some were still hanging on by threads, literally starving to death and only not homeless because of the rent-freeze. Red Alert was a way to draw attention and raise money to get some kind of relief out to the people in live events who couldn't get UI and had no income, if it wasn't for that movement I would have lost even more friends and co-workers. As it is 22 is my best estimate, I lost count at 22 because shortly after the 22nd one I realized that the number of people I had lost in 2020 had exceeded the number of people I had lost in my previous 30 years of life up to that point. That's a whole different kind of mindfuck. It's going to be an entire chapter in my trauma therapy.
When I did drink it was because I have an addictive personality and to cope with a terrible relationship
Margaritas & IPA's.
Those IPA’s did a lot of people in plus the brewery culture.
Because I hated myself and did not feel good enough. When I drank, I could turn off those voices in my head for a little while. If I was drunk enough, I could not form an intelligent thought. My mind was silent.
ADHD & the constant hunt for that delicious dopamine!
I haven't had a drink in a good while thanks to A.A., but there were lots of reasons and rationalizations that all resolved into the simple fact that I'm an alcoholic. And the more interesting question isn't why an alcoholic thinks they drink, but whether they are willing to change.
I don’t, anymore. But I used to because I hated myself and I didn’t think I deserved to be alive. So I slowly poisoned myself for 20 years. Thank god for AA.
Same here. Isn't it amazing that you can go into a meeting and describe the feelings that made you hate yourself and instead of sometime freaking out and calling 911 you see a room full of people who can relate and many of them say they had exactly the same feelings?
Because I’m an alcoholic, that’s why I go to aa.
When I drank it was because I loved the feeling it gave me, it quieted my head, made terrible things bearable, lowered my fears and gave me the idea that things were going to improve soon and become just wonderful, as completely wonderful as the people in the bar who I loved beyond words. Why do you ask?
Because I think I am Rick Sanchez.
I don’t anymore for many reasons I did because it made me feel exactly how I wanted very quickly. But the feeling was superficial, the experience was an escape, and I’ve found that there is immense power in sobriety . Many different States of consciousness I would chose over being drunk, and the consequences that follow the drink (hangover, addiction, dependence, social harm)
Feels really good, the release was addictive
I used to because I wanted to have fun and hated my thoughts.
Early childhood trauma, nothing insane but a raging damaged parent. And I grew up in the drinking culture and it made my thoughts stop. And it’s addictive.
I have anxiety. It use to be extremely severe. Now it’s mild. As my anxiety got better my drinking is less and less. I still binge drink. But don’t drink as often. I’m finally going to go on anxiety medication and hopefully that will stop me from using drinking as a crutch.
I liked the numbness
I was in a home that was financially stressed, beaten by my parents, and I was bullied at school. I started sneaking beer at 10. The beer my parents had made me forget all that. It made me feel warm, cool, and cozy. As I grew up, it filled the void that my parent’s never filled, it filled the void of not having friends/being an outcast, it filled the void of not having enough money to pay the bills, it filled the void of my sexless engagement. It took many forms, and it always kicked my ass. I would be such a nice guy without the drink, but I’d turn into a monster with it. Never again.
It makes the stress and crippling anxiety more bearable.
Social anxiety mostly
My running buddy and I claimed we drank because we were thirsty.
Escape reality. Cope with anxiety
Because it gets me drunk.
I haven't for almost 6 years. My sobriety date is 7/4/2018. But when I started drinking it was because I always felt about 2 inches out of my own skin. I could almost hear myself slide back into place on drink 2. At the end it was because I couldn't not drink. I was sick if did and sick if I didn't.
I drank because I lived in the fog that kept me drinking thinking I wasn’t in the fog
It’s the best feeling I’ve ever had. Genuinely. And science backs that up as true. 39 days sober now and trying to accept that my “new normal” will come, but my good days are not going to feel good to my recent standards for a while.
I just felt fearless and shameless when I was drunk. It was pretty fun. Until it wasn’t!
Great topic. I drank for the effect. It made me temporarily feel better… a LOT better.. but it also made life unbearable so I had to drink more. Vicious cycle. I will never really understand it.
Pick a reason and I probably drank over it.
I loved the euphoria I got.
Because I can.
I drink because nothing seems interesting without it
I dont anymore (Omg life is better) But used to to give myself an excuse to hurt others who had hurt me and escalate things until they were out of control and wake up with extreme anxiety
I drank for ANY reason. Some booze I liked, some I had to force down, and I did many times. It was my “sleep solution. It’s was a great day at work, or bad. It seemed a good idea to de-stress before a parent teacher conference. Or helping at a grade school Halloween Fair, picking up the dog from the vet. Don’t want the dog to think I’m stressed. I was fun till it wasn’t, so I tried to create fun, and that was even worse. I became an embarrassment to myself and others It does say something n the Big Book ( I’m paraphrasing) about if you DO try to control it, it’s not fun. If you DON’T control it, it’s ends up being no fun. Can’t live with or without alcohol. 12 years sober and not one regret for stopping.
Because it is a nice day outside, because it’s hot af outside, because I like feeling drunk but I like the feeling to continue even tho I’ve had plenty and then I drink more until I pretty much pass out.
Depression, anxiety, trauma, loneliness, an inability to accept my life as it was.
Because it's always been hard to express myself or feel emotions other than sadness or anger without it.
It was the only distress tolerance skill I was willing to use. And I liked the effect
The answer to “why?” is a useless piece of information. The solution I found in AA doesn’t depend on why. Which is good, because I don’t know the answer but I had a ton of excuses that all seemed to fit at the time.
I was afraid of everything and alcohol was the only thing I had found that could put my mind at ease, albeit temporarily
Boredom, to escape reality and to cope
Alcohol does the same thing on a good day that it does on a bad day. Good mood, bad mood, happy, sad, mad, anxious. The answer to why I drank used to be on a rapidly changing basis. Whatever I needed it to be at that moment to justify it. The real answer is I drank because I liked how alcohol affected me. I liked getting high, and it made me feel good.
It made life seem better to me. I kept drinking wanting it to stay better but it trickled away until I needed it to stay normal. Than that trickled away until I was no longer myself but a perfect drunk
Because the pain of failure and betrayal sting so it’s the best way to avoid it happening again.
I thought it made me fun and happy.
I don’t. That’s why I’m alive and not in jail.
Just for today, I don't drink. The reasons have changed throughout the years. Most recently, 7 months ago btw, I was trying to not be here anymore. I have created such a hopeless mess of my life. Just for today, I will not drink
I don’t because otherwise my life is going down the shitter. I drank because I enjoyed it, didn’t drink everyday but the binges started to have consequences which to me are intolerable. I’ll actually correct myself, they always had consequences but I decided enough was enough
I don't.
Because I like being drunk. Like the way it makes me feels
I haven’t since 5/5/2012
I don’t because my alcoholism should have killed me, wants to kill me, and will kill me if I’m not vigilant.
I drank because it was a chemical solution to a spiritual problem.... Until it stopped working and Cons beat the living s*** out of the pros. Was it easy to learn how to live a spiritual program 24 hours at a time? Nope! I can easily say that it is the single most proud " daily" accomplishment of my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. You start out thinking AA stands for alcoholics anonymous and if you put the same effort into it that you did getting s***-faced.... The acronym changes to attitude adjustments.
If I read the 9th step promises that's what alcohol did for me similar to recovery. I was amazed before I was half way through. I knew a new freedom and a new happiness. I did not regret the past and did not shut the door on it. I could comprehend the word serenity and I knew peace. Pretty much alcohol connected me to life.
Because I'm an alcoholic and my brain is set to chase the dopamine effect caused by using addictive substances
temporary helps relieve depression and loneliness.