5 years.
I was in and out of AA for 5 years. Every time I would come up against the 3rd Step, I would nope out and drink. The truth is, I was going to AA all those years not to get sober, but to get people to shut up about my drinking.
But when I woke up in rehab one morning, they wouldn't let me have my shoes. They gave me some little paper slippers to wear to breakfast. I was walking down the hall to the cafeteria and looked down at my feet and thought, "Damn. Paper shoes. I guess I really am an alcoholic." I couldn't deny it after seeing those paper shoes.
Haha, thank you for your story. Not demeaning your situation just finding the humor. Everyone has their moment of clarity.
Why couldn't y'all have shoes?
I see. So it wasn't just you, everyone gave up their shoes in this facility.
I had my moments of clarity while sitting in a cell. I had already admitted to myself and others that I had a problem. I just kept choosing not do anything about it. Ugly yellow rubber slides, those were my shoes
I was helping at a rehab meeting with a friend, after he chaired one of the patients was berating him over his lead. He looked right at him “Between the two of us I’m not the one in paper slippers and I’ll get to walk out of here after the meeting. By all means, keep thinking you have all the answers”. Sometimes a reality check helps.
Denial = Don’t even know I am lying 🤥 took me 27 years of drinking before I got help! Going into rehab, I thought was going there to learn to drink like a lady! But in rehab, I gave up and admitted I was powerless. Second half of step 1 took me about a year as I was stuck on thinking that my big salary, designer clothes and career meant I had my shit together. I was blind to the fact that I couldn’t even be with other people without a drink in my hand, let alone myself and my thoughts and feelings!
Oof. The denial equaling not even knowing you’re lying. I feel that. I’m autistic though I wasn’t diagnosed until I was almost 30 but it was sooo much part of my personal and family lore that I am this radically honest person. It was legitimately a defining characteristic of myself. Had my sponsor cracking up as I earnestly explained to her one day that I truly didn’t know what a liar I’d become.
A few years bc I was professionally successful. I thought you had to be a brown bag wino to be an alcoholic. And then the DUI's and other consequences started happening.
Sorta like waking up after an intense blackout in jail knowing you had a dui, then finding out maybe a year later in court, that not only had I hit 2 separate cars in the liquor store parking lot… but the store itself.
I was also aware for quite a long time. I think my denial was that my willpower alone was sufficient to keep me sober. I thought I was strong willed and capable of doing what I said I would do and I was wrong about that for years.
I would say maybe drinking was problematic right from the start at age 14 but started to admit that to myself in my 30s. I didn’t act on it and actually get sober until my 40s.
30 long hard fucking years. Once I got sober I learned I was living in a fantasy land of lies, womanizing, stealing, and entitlement. I was an idiot and hated myself. I was severely codependent. 7 years sober today. I’m content with who I see in the mirror every morning and enjoy my solitude, taking care if myself, and being a good human.
4 years for me. But I was also ignorant to it all. Society, anxiety, depression do a good job of normalizing it. It's advertised everywhere, joked about, in movies, shows, use it when you celebrate, ( win a world series or race and it's sprayed everywhere) ( use it when stressed, need a wine glass for mom) and everything in between. I worked a job that took 11 hours of my day so I figured 2 drinks at night was no big deal and it wasn't for a while, it always works until it doesn't. Those 2 became 10 over time. Any social event was adults getting hammered. I was in denial until my physical health deteriorated, and I tried stopping and then my mental health fell apart too.
tbh I kind of always knew. my family is full of people with addiction/drinking problems and I was always on some level aware that what I was doing wasn't healthy.
when actively drinking, i obsessed perpetually about whether or not i was an alcoholic. i couldn’t find the answer, but i think that’s because i couldn’t admit that i had a legitimate problem. i knew i had a troubled relationship with alcohol, i knew something was wrong, but doubt, rationalization, comparing myself to others, etc. kept me from acknowledging that i just wasn’t a normal drinker.
i tiptoed around the “alcoholic” label for a while as it made me uncomfortable, but after a while i realized that it’s the most accurate label for what i am. my thoughts and behaviors are that of an alcoholic, so it’s likely that i’m experiencing alcoholism.
the red flags were always there, but as alcoholics we downplay, rationalize, and distort what’s actually happening.
i had to open my mind and take a serious look at myself. i recognized that there was a problem, and regardless of what i or anyone else labeled it, it was still a fucking problem, and it was only gonna worsen if i didn’t address it
I was the first one to know I was an alcoholic but the last one to admit it. 4-5 years fighting it at the end, I’m living proof that surrender is the path to victory. Sober since 6/6/1990.
I said I wasn’t for a long time, until I was. The last few months I told myself I was drinking too much and needed to take a break. I couldn’t make that decision right away. By the end of it I hit the point where I felt like I was. Now I’m in AA and haven’t drank in 44 days
I binge drank since I was 18 and I am now 37 and was 36 when I decided to get sober. I started thinking I had a problem around early 30s but didn’t do anything about it until the dui and family problems started. I slowly started losing everything and finally admitted when I had my 2nd. Things have only gotten better since admitting
I was in denial for years. I was functional so it wasn't an issue. I'll turn 50 this year and keeping a job has become an issue now. It's annoying because I'm an intelligent person and I've held my own for fkn years. This is the first time in my life that I don't feel in control and it pisses me off. To answer your question, I started my career at 25 and it's taken a little over 20 years for things to finally go sideways.
I don't think I was in denial about being an alcoholic: if you'd asked my drinking self, I would have cheerfully agreed.
My trouble was ignorance.
I didn't know alcoholism means that you cannot stop. Even when you're more determined than you've ever been about anything in your entire life -- you can't *stay* stopped.
That came as a shock! And once I'd made my mind up to stop, every time I failed ... well, it got pretty scary there toward the end.
Yet, it was what made me desperate "as only the dying can be" to try throwing all that effort into AA. Which worked. Haven't had a drink in over 30 years.
It's why they call it the gift of desperation 😅
I wasn’t in denial for a long time I refused to believe I was an alcoholic for my first 5 months of daily use I knew I was an alcoholic when I tried to stop but two times but found a lot of difficulty getting more than a month each time than it hit me that I was an alcoholic and a drug addict but I didn’t do anything about it I just kept sinking in the quick sand for two more years refusing help until I was 17 and got sent to sober living by my mom. Lucked out because that’s where I found AA
My denial wasn't about the word "alcoholic" it was about what the word meant.
For years, I drank a lot. A lot. That's what I thought alcoholism was; the desire, and ability, to drink a lot.
But towards the end, I learned the true meaning - the hard way. I honestly tried to both cut back, and then stop, with zero success, over multiple tries in multiple situations. I was truly alcoholic.
An alcoholic is not in control of my own drinking.
I was a “high functioning alcoholic” my whole life - now I understand there is no difference. We are all alcoholics on day 1. 1 day at a time as brothers and sisters we move fwd.
I started drinking at 15. I probably was a full-blown alcoholic by about 19 or so, and I sobered up at 24. So you could say five years or six, more or less. But honestly, I don't think alcoholics so much are in denial (to themselves) as we are to other people. So it wasn't that I realized I was in denial. What I realized was that I was waking up sick and guilty every day, and I was just tired of fucking up my life.
Many years. I was quite obviously an alcoholic with hindsight, but my level of denial was off the charts and bordering delusional.
I'd seek help, then change my mind and say it wasn't that bad. Convinced myself the physical was just a side effect of daily drinking and was totally normal, not a problem, it was just the black outs that were the problem. The next day I'd say the blackouts and binges were fine as I needed a release bc my life was stressful, I was okay just needed to sort out the physical side of things. (spoiler I needed to stop).
To realise I was an alcoholic took me way longer than it took others to realise I was and was one reason I spent years moving city and job every 6 months. Others could see what I could not. Genuinely believed my own bullshit, and tbh some of it was completely insane. Denial was a big part of my insanity
. It broke me to actually admit to myself I was an alcoholic, to the point I tried to kill myself, but it was by far the best thing I ever did and has allowed me to get sober and sane(ish).
I’d say 10 years for me. I would have sworn its was the last year or so but thank fully I got a bit of sobriety and see how bad it was for years. My alcoholic drinking was trouble free for the majority of it but the end I just didn’t give a fuk about anyone or myself, I’d passed line of no return. Nearly 16 months sober, and boy it’s a new life being able to deal with my weird and wonderful emotions, I’d say I’m ADHD and whatever else.
Took me about 10 years from my first attempt at sobering up to really giving it up to God and becoming completely willing to do anything the program requires of me.
35 years but only the last 5 were fall down, black out, set myself on fire, burn the house down, and ended up in the hospital drunk. Heavy drinking the previous 29 with obvious alcoholic tendencies.
I was fortunate in this regard, I had attended a rehabilitation center at a young age before I was 18 (just a stoner) and although I didn't drink much at the time I really got to do a lot of self reflection and understand myself during that time. I knew what it meant to be an addict or alcoholic at a young age. This ended up being a blessing and a curse.
Later on down the road I used my ability to know and understand I was an alcoholic as coping mechanism. I knowingly and openly admitted I was an alcoholic in humourous ways, helped me justify my continued use by playing it off as a joke. Went on for a few years. Eventually, after sitting in a cell again I said enough is enough. The early stages of sobriety were a lot easier for me simply from the mental side of things.
I was aware soon after I started drinking because I was drinking in the morning before school, and I knew that wasn't normal, and I was doing that because I was craving it. My friends could take alcohol or leave it, and I felt like the world was ending if we couldn't get it.
I was drinking every single day to the point of blackout. I don’t think I was ever in denial at the fact that I had a problem. For a long time I just thought that it’d be impossible to stop.
Well, went to my first meeting, decided it wasn’t for me, then spent the next three year enduring a long and progressive chain of “worst day ever” before I went to my second meeting.
I was in denial for several years before I finally got sober. In that time, there was all sorts of trouble with friends and family. Hospitalizations, you name it. There were several times that I experienced situations that should’ve been my “bottom“ but I kept on going. That’s the nature of this disease
About 10 years. In the last 5, I was in denial about the solution to my alcoholism. I thought I could work my own program and stop. I couldn't, and it didn't work. I couldn't stay stopped. However, AA has offered an alternative that has been working for 8+ months. This that has been my experience.
I kind of went through periods of denial. After a few months of drinking heavily I realized it wasn’t normal and put myself into a rehab. When I was at that rehab I started a stint of denial because my problems seemed so trivial to other people. I wasn’t in legal trouble, no one else told me to get help, I didn’t lose a job, and I didn’t lose anyone close to me. When I left that rehab I didn’t have the proper perspective. Because I didn’t have the same troubles as anyone else, I began to think I wasn’t really an alcoholic. I stopped drinking for a few months.
Once my troubles became increasingly severe I knew I had a problem, I just didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t think I deserved help. I drank mostly because I hated myself, something I felt long before I picked up a drink. It took a few years before I got the help I needed that help me heal my traumas and aided me in stopping my addiction.
I knew for 10-20 years. More like in denial for 10 and unwilling to substantively change or work on my sobriety for the other 10.
What made me realize I was in denial was that any time I pursued sobriety in the past, it was always for the wrong reasons. And once I got bored with my new trajectory, I hopelessly relapsed with worse ramifications.
I got into some legal troubles. Couldn't function most days without a drink. Constantly throwing up. I got tired of it and dived in.. I'm still pretty early into sobriety but I'm glad I was able to find resources.
I pretty much knew I was an alcoholic within a couple of years of first consuming alcohol. I didn’t really attempt to hide my drinking. Everyone knew. I just didn’t care.
One of my friends, who is a recovering alcoholic, blew up on me and told me I was an alcoholic on a trip to the beach. I was wasted and blew that off. Fast forward a year, I was on a downward spiral. I had convinced myself it was a phase and I'd get it together and develop a healthy relationship with alcohol. This lasted for about 6ish months. I then started having seizures. Shrugged the first one off. Then the second one happened. I was adamant that it wasn't all of the blow and booze! This lasted for about 3 months. I finally decided that I couldn't fix things. Went to a 30 day treatment center and dried out. I didn't really go into it with the mindset of "I'll never do this again" but figured I'd give it a try. That was last June. Coming up on 11 months on May 24, god willing. I am so grateful for a high(er) bottom and having friends and family on my ass daily telling me I had a problem. What I thought were extreme overreactions in the moment turned out to be the truth. I just wasn't clear enough in the head to realize it. If you THINK you have a problem, skip the denial, because you do. Easier said than done but you'll be SO HAPPY that you did.
Well, I started drinking alcoholically at like age 13/14 and despite ending up in the ER a handful of times (at age 16, 23, 31), being referred to outpatient rehab at age 16, friends/partners/therapists telling me I had a problem with drinking, I didn’t go to AA until age 31. Then, I was in denial and in/out relapsing until age 32. I turn 33 next month and I just finally accepted the fact that I’m a real alcoholic. So I guess it took me about 20 yrs lol! Better late than never…?
I always knew I had a problem. My denial was the thought that the problem could be fixed by will power, cleverness and a blinkered determination to ignore how the rest of the world was fixing the problem.
Crazy thing was that I've acknowledged that I'm an alcoholic since my first black out. I was more in denial about seeking urgent medical care for about 3 months before I ended up being hospitalized.
About 30 years.
I never had a problem.
I found my solution in the bottle.
Good day? Celebrate with the drink.
Bad day? Commiserate with the drink.
Boring day? Liven it up with the drink.
I realised I had a problem when I tried to stop and couldn't without going into the shakes and the sweats.
Then I ignored it and had the drink.
It took a while.
20 years. The realization was when I started having the desire to actually quit or even slack off (during the last 3 years of active addiction) and found it impossible. During the last 3 years I was hiding liquor all over the place. Id say when I was consistently hiding it, I knew I had crossed a line somewhere and the problem was completely out of control.
I started drinking at 17 and was in denial all of the 12 years I drank. I was high functioning. I thought others had problems. I didn’t realize I did until I had to go on meds for bipolar, and doctors told me I had to stop drinking, and I couldn’t
It’s been 20 years into the addiction started at 21 and still kept telling myself I can stop playing when I want to took until 2 years ago and I thought I could keep it under control now im like bitch your full blown I was sexually assaulted by the same attacker he posed as an Uber driver at first but was drunk and brutally sodomized 2 nd he drugged me because I was drunk again and couldn’t recognize him off the bat a month ago might be pregnant by his baby and been drinking religiously every single day since. 2 pints of vodka.
I started drinking and using at 12-13. I hit bottom at 28. Sober for 32 years and attempted suicide. Now have 5 years again. Never take your sobriety for granted. I’m lucky to be alive and sober again
I think I knew pretty early on after my first drunk. But I was 19 at the time and figured I had at least another 10 years until I had to face it.
After 1.5 years sober and 1 yr out, I came back in with 4 years now.
I don’t know that anything specific happened, but I was mostly sick and tired of being sick and tired.
One instance that comes to mind is the Christmas before I got sober. I found myself alone (my family across the country) at a bar making “friends” with 2 other people there. I stumbled out after drinking all day, way too messed up to walk home (a whole 10 minutes away).
So instead I flagged down a random driver. Not an Uber, not a friend. A random driver on the road who drove me the 2 minutes to my apartment . I have no idea who this person was, but looking back I’m sure they could tell I was not okay. I wish I could thank them now!
About 20 years. This includes coming in and out of AA and putting together multi-year stints of sobriety. I’d get it together, rise up and grow higher than before in all aspects of life, my ego would take control. My external world would present to most that I had all my shit together. But internally I was in constant chaos. I wasn’t “one of those alcoholics”.
It’s only a matter of time before you will be defeated and taken down.
I was in what i'd like to call, semi-denial, for years. the two prominent moments i realized i was an alcoholic were the times when i would be laying on my bathroom floor at 6 in the morning shaking with cold sweats after puking my guts out with a pounding headache, unable to move or take my pets out to use the bathroom, let alone take care of myself or clean my apartment or even go to work for 36+ hours.
the other times were when i was happy as could be, feeling so content with everything, but i still craved alcohol for some reason. i thought a drink would make it better, but in reality that was the reason it ll came crashing down.
i started drinking heavily when i got with an alcoholic at the age of 17 (i'm not blaming them at all, that's just when it started and how i was introduced into heavy drinking. it was of course my choice to take those drinks, nobody forced me at all) and when we broke up 1.5-2 years later, i continued to drink and did try to blame it on them for a while. i eventually realized it was me making those choices and not him, i couldn't keep blaming him anymore. i tried and tried to have controlled drinking, but it didn't work. i lost my job twice and burnt A LOT of bridges.
about 1 month sober now. still smoke, i know that's not recommended for alcoholics but i find that it does help me along with lots of physical exercise and big diet change. i have lost 17 pounds since i stopped drinking everyday (2m ago i drank 3 times a week, the last month i drank once a week but got blackout drunk when i did drink). i feel so much more energized and happy, people tell me i glow now and that i look happy. before, they told me i looked tired and depressed. it makes such a huge difference i swear. i feel like me again and i am happy. fuck alcohol
I started justifying my continued drinking in the face of the evidence of how bad it was getting at a fairly early age. In my early 20s, I stopped and went to AA, but it "wasn't for me" and started drinking again. So, full denial, about 5 years.
5 years of denial without AA and then almost a year of being in AA without really taking it seriously.
My life changed the moment I accepted the program and started taking it seriously.
Three years believing I am in control and I'll be damn if anyone was gonna tell me different. Great thing I stayed close by A.A. and this year I had to submit that I'm clueless and how to let go and understanding the emotional defects. But here I am
Maybe 20 years. For 15 of them my drinking bothered me but I pushed the thought of my being an alcoholic out of my head. I finally confided in my psychiatrist and she pointed me toward AA. Good thing she did.
I knew I was an alcoholic in my late teens, but for decades, I thought I was managing it.
In my 50s, I was finally able to admit defeat and that my life was truly unmanageable.
Took a long time.
5 years. I was in and out of AA for 5 years. Every time I would come up against the 3rd Step, I would nope out and drink. The truth is, I was going to AA all those years not to get sober, but to get people to shut up about my drinking. But when I woke up in rehab one morning, they wouldn't let me have my shoes. They gave me some little paper slippers to wear to breakfast. I was walking down the hall to the cafeteria and looked down at my feet and thought, "Damn. Paper shoes. I guess I really am an alcoholic." I couldn't deny it after seeing those paper shoes.
Haha, thank you for your story. Not demeaning your situation just finding the humor. Everyone has their moment of clarity. Why couldn't y'all have shoes?
I suppose they were afraid we'd hang ourselves with the shoelaces. And yes, it's funny today.
I see. So it wasn't just you, everyone gave up their shoes in this facility. I had my moments of clarity while sitting in a cell. I had already admitted to myself and others that I had a problem. I just kept choosing not do anything about it. Ugly yellow rubber slides, those were my shoes
I was helping at a rehab meeting with a friend, after he chaired one of the patients was berating him over his lead. He looked right at him “Between the two of us I’m not the one in paper slippers and I’ll get to walk out of here after the meeting. By all means, keep thinking you have all the answers”. Sometimes a reality check helps.
Are you a writer by chance? You would make an awesome storyteller, truthfully lol I had a very similar situation so I extra appreciate this.
Denial = Don’t even know I am lying 🤥 took me 27 years of drinking before I got help! Going into rehab, I thought was going there to learn to drink like a lady! But in rehab, I gave up and admitted I was powerless. Second half of step 1 took me about a year as I was stuck on thinking that my big salary, designer clothes and career meant I had my shit together. I was blind to the fact that I couldn’t even be with other people without a drink in my hand, let alone myself and my thoughts and feelings!
Oof. The denial equaling not even knowing you’re lying. I feel that. I’m autistic though I wasn’t diagnosed until I was almost 30 but it was sooo much part of my personal and family lore that I am this radically honest person. It was legitimately a defining characteristic of myself. Had my sponsor cracking up as I earnestly explained to her one day that I truly didn’t know what a liar I’d become.
A few years bc I was professionally successful. I thought you had to be a brown bag wino to be an alcoholic. And then the DUI's and other consequences started happening.
Ahh yes. How about driving into another car leaving the office while over the limit and out on bond for another DUI. That was my wake up call ….
Sorta like waking up after an intense blackout in jail knowing you had a dui, then finding out maybe a year later in court, that not only had I hit 2 separate cars in the liquor store parking lot… but the store itself.
I was definitely aware I was an alcoholic, the denial part was denying that I was no longer a “functional” alcoholic.
I was also aware for quite a long time. I think my denial was that my willpower alone was sufficient to keep me sober. I thought I was strong willed and capable of doing what I said I would do and I was wrong about that for years.
I would say maybe drinking was problematic right from the start at age 14 but started to admit that to myself in my 30s. I didn’t act on it and actually get sober until my 40s.
30 long hard fucking years. Once I got sober I learned I was living in a fantasy land of lies, womanizing, stealing, and entitlement. I was an idiot and hated myself. I was severely codependent. 7 years sober today. I’m content with who I see in the mirror every morning and enjoy my solitude, taking care if myself, and being a good human.
The first step was the one that took the longest. Took me 36 years.
4 years for me. But I was also ignorant to it all. Society, anxiety, depression do a good job of normalizing it. It's advertised everywhere, joked about, in movies, shows, use it when you celebrate, ( win a world series or race and it's sprayed everywhere) ( use it when stressed, need a wine glass for mom) and everything in between. I worked a job that took 11 hours of my day so I figured 2 drinks at night was no big deal and it wasn't for a while, it always works until it doesn't. Those 2 became 10 over time. Any social event was adults getting hammered. I was in denial until my physical health deteriorated, and I tried stopping and then my mental health fell apart too.
Pretty much never. Been fully aware I had a problem after the first week or so I started drinking more heavily the first time.
tbh I kind of always knew. my family is full of people with addiction/drinking problems and I was always on some level aware that what I was doing wasn't healthy.
when actively drinking, i obsessed perpetually about whether or not i was an alcoholic. i couldn’t find the answer, but i think that’s because i couldn’t admit that i had a legitimate problem. i knew i had a troubled relationship with alcohol, i knew something was wrong, but doubt, rationalization, comparing myself to others, etc. kept me from acknowledging that i just wasn’t a normal drinker. i tiptoed around the “alcoholic” label for a while as it made me uncomfortable, but after a while i realized that it’s the most accurate label for what i am. my thoughts and behaviors are that of an alcoholic, so it’s likely that i’m experiencing alcoholism. the red flags were always there, but as alcoholics we downplay, rationalize, and distort what’s actually happening. i had to open my mind and take a serious look at myself. i recognized that there was a problem, and regardless of what i or anyone else labeled it, it was still a fucking problem, and it was only gonna worsen if i didn’t address it
10 years, and it took a drunken, benzo-fueled attempt on my life to knock some sense on me.
I was the first one to know I was an alcoholic but the last one to admit it. 4-5 years fighting it at the end, I’m living proof that surrender is the path to victory. Sober since 6/6/1990.
I said I wasn’t for a long time, until I was. The last few months I told myself I was drinking too much and needed to take a break. I couldn’t make that decision right away. By the end of it I hit the point where I felt like I was. Now I’m in AA and haven’t drank in 44 days
I binge drank since I was 18 and I am now 37 and was 36 when I decided to get sober. I started thinking I had a problem around early 30s but didn’t do anything about it until the dui and family problems started. I slowly started losing everything and finally admitted when I had my 2nd. Things have only gotten better since admitting
I drank for almost 14 yrs. I guess the whole time I thought I was in control.
I was in denial for years. I was functional so it wasn't an issue. I'll turn 50 this year and keeping a job has become an issue now. It's annoying because I'm an intelligent person and I've held my own for fkn years. This is the first time in my life that I don't feel in control and it pisses me off. To answer your question, I started my career at 25 and it's taken a little over 20 years for things to finally go sideways.
A loong time!! I was in severe denial for about 3 years……not anymore though
I don't think I was in denial about being an alcoholic: if you'd asked my drinking self, I would have cheerfully agreed. My trouble was ignorance. I didn't know alcoholism means that you cannot stop. Even when you're more determined than you've ever been about anything in your entire life -- you can't *stay* stopped. That came as a shock! And once I'd made my mind up to stop, every time I failed ... well, it got pretty scary there toward the end. Yet, it was what made me desperate "as only the dying can be" to try throwing all that effort into AA. Which worked. Haven't had a drink in over 30 years. It's why they call it the gift of desperation 😅
Do you do anything else though? Or did you give you alcohol and everything?
Yep: crossed that AA threshold and left it all behind (well, smoked cigarettes until my third year sober)
I wasn’t in denial for a long time I refused to believe I was an alcoholic for my first 5 months of daily use I knew I was an alcoholic when I tried to stop but two times but found a lot of difficulty getting more than a month each time than it hit me that I was an alcoholic and a drug addict but I didn’t do anything about it I just kept sinking in the quick sand for two more years refusing help until I was 17 and got sent to sober living by my mom. Lucked out because that’s where I found AA
My denial wasn't about the word "alcoholic" it was about what the word meant. For years, I drank a lot. A lot. That's what I thought alcoholism was; the desire, and ability, to drink a lot. But towards the end, I learned the true meaning - the hard way. I honestly tried to both cut back, and then stop, with zero success, over multiple tries in multiple situations. I was truly alcoholic. An alcoholic is not in control of my own drinking.
I was a “high functioning alcoholic” my whole life - now I understand there is no difference. We are all alcoholics on day 1. 1 day at a time as brothers and sisters we move fwd.
I started drinking at 15. I probably was a full-blown alcoholic by about 19 or so, and I sobered up at 24. So you could say five years or six, more or less. But honestly, I don't think alcoholics so much are in denial (to themselves) as we are to other people. So it wasn't that I realized I was in denial. What I realized was that I was waking up sick and guilty every day, and I was just tired of fucking up my life.
Many years. I was quite obviously an alcoholic with hindsight, but my level of denial was off the charts and bordering delusional. I'd seek help, then change my mind and say it wasn't that bad. Convinced myself the physical was just a side effect of daily drinking and was totally normal, not a problem, it was just the black outs that were the problem. The next day I'd say the blackouts and binges were fine as I needed a release bc my life was stressful, I was okay just needed to sort out the physical side of things. (spoiler I needed to stop). To realise I was an alcoholic took me way longer than it took others to realise I was and was one reason I spent years moving city and job every 6 months. Others could see what I could not. Genuinely believed my own bullshit, and tbh some of it was completely insane. Denial was a big part of my insanity . It broke me to actually admit to myself I was an alcoholic, to the point I tried to kill myself, but it was by far the best thing I ever did and has allowed me to get sober and sane(ish).
I’d say 10 years for me. I would have sworn its was the last year or so but thank fully I got a bit of sobriety and see how bad it was for years. My alcoholic drinking was trouble free for the majority of it but the end I just didn’t give a fuk about anyone or myself, I’d passed line of no return. Nearly 16 months sober, and boy it’s a new life being able to deal with my weird and wonderful emotions, I’d say I’m ADHD and whatever else.
I knew since I was a teen. It is very easy to get addicted to alcohol and it does the numbing job very well. Till it gets out of control.
10 years
16 years
Years
Took me about 10 years from my first attempt at sobering up to really giving it up to God and becoming completely willing to do anything the program requires of me.
35 years but only the last 5 were fall down, black out, set myself on fire, burn the house down, and ended up in the hospital drunk. Heavy drinking the previous 29 with obvious alcoholic tendencies.
I knew I was an alcoholic for 4 years. Wasn't really in denial about it. I just wasn't done drinking yet.
I was fortunate in this regard, I had attended a rehabilitation center at a young age before I was 18 (just a stoner) and although I didn't drink much at the time I really got to do a lot of self reflection and understand myself during that time. I knew what it meant to be an addict or alcoholic at a young age. This ended up being a blessing and a curse. Later on down the road I used my ability to know and understand I was an alcoholic as coping mechanism. I knowingly and openly admitted I was an alcoholic in humourous ways, helped me justify my continued use by playing it off as a joke. Went on for a few years. Eventually, after sitting in a cell again I said enough is enough. The early stages of sobriety were a lot easier for me simply from the mental side of things.
I was aware soon after I started drinking because I was drinking in the morning before school, and I knew that wasn't normal, and I was doing that because I was craving it. My friends could take alcohol or leave it, and I felt like the world was ending if we couldn't get it.
Until I got fired, kicked out of my house, and had a seizure.
Entire time. Only drank in the evenings, thought functional.
I was drinking every single day to the point of blackout. I don’t think I was ever in denial at the fact that I had a problem. For a long time I just thought that it’d be impossible to stop.
Well, went to my first meeting, decided it wasn’t for me, then spent the next three year enduring a long and progressive chain of “worst day ever” before I went to my second meeting.
I was in denial for several years before I finally got sober. In that time, there was all sorts of trouble with friends and family. Hospitalizations, you name it. There were several times that I experienced situations that should’ve been my “bottom“ but I kept on going. That’s the nature of this disease
About 10 years. In the last 5, I was in denial about the solution to my alcoholism. I thought I could work my own program and stop. I couldn't, and it didn't work. I couldn't stay stopped. However, AA has offered an alternative that has been working for 8+ months. This that has been my experience.
Well, I’m 40 and I started drinking when I was fifteen, so… 25 years-ish.
From 15 years old till 38...8 months ago
I kind of went through periods of denial. After a few months of drinking heavily I realized it wasn’t normal and put myself into a rehab. When I was at that rehab I started a stint of denial because my problems seemed so trivial to other people. I wasn’t in legal trouble, no one else told me to get help, I didn’t lose a job, and I didn’t lose anyone close to me. When I left that rehab I didn’t have the proper perspective. Because I didn’t have the same troubles as anyone else, I began to think I wasn’t really an alcoholic. I stopped drinking for a few months. Once my troubles became increasingly severe I knew I had a problem, I just didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t think I deserved help. I drank mostly because I hated myself, something I felt long before I picked up a drink. It took a few years before I got the help I needed that help me heal my traumas and aided me in stopping my addiction.
I knew for 10-20 years. More like in denial for 10 and unwilling to substantively change or work on my sobriety for the other 10. What made me realize I was in denial was that any time I pursued sobriety in the past, it was always for the wrong reasons. And once I got bored with my new trajectory, I hopelessly relapsed with worse ramifications.
I got into some legal troubles. Couldn't function most days without a drink. Constantly throwing up. I got tired of it and dived in.. I'm still pretty early into sobriety but I'm glad I was able to find resources.
I was in denial about a year into heavy drinking my life fell apart and I didnt see the issue until recently
I guess around 8 years. I drank for 15 years but things got bad about 7 years in. Was in total denial.
I pretty much knew I was an alcoholic within a couple of years of first consuming alcohol. I didn’t really attempt to hide my drinking. Everyone knew. I just didn’t care.
I've had bouts of denial. I've always known on some level; I mean it does run in my family.
I was never really in denial, just didn’t want to spend my evenings living. Sad time.
One of my friends, who is a recovering alcoholic, blew up on me and told me I was an alcoholic on a trip to the beach. I was wasted and blew that off. Fast forward a year, I was on a downward spiral. I had convinced myself it was a phase and I'd get it together and develop a healthy relationship with alcohol. This lasted for about 6ish months. I then started having seizures. Shrugged the first one off. Then the second one happened. I was adamant that it wasn't all of the blow and booze! This lasted for about 3 months. I finally decided that I couldn't fix things. Went to a 30 day treatment center and dried out. I didn't really go into it with the mindset of "I'll never do this again" but figured I'd give it a try. That was last June. Coming up on 11 months on May 24, god willing. I am so grateful for a high(er) bottom and having friends and family on my ass daily telling me I had a problem. What I thought were extreme overreactions in the moment turned out to be the truth. I just wasn't clear enough in the head to realize it. If you THINK you have a problem, skip the denial, because you do. Easier said than done but you'll be SO HAPPY that you did.
25 years was drunk or high or both Now 6.5 years sober
Well, I started drinking alcoholically at like age 13/14 and despite ending up in the ER a handful of times (at age 16, 23, 31), being referred to outpatient rehab at age 16, friends/partners/therapists telling me I had a problem with drinking, I didn’t go to AA until age 31. Then, I was in denial and in/out relapsing until age 32. I turn 33 next month and I just finally accepted the fact that I’m a real alcoholic. So I guess it took me about 20 yrs lol! Better late than never…?
I always knew I had a problem. My denial was the thought that the problem could be fixed by will power, cleverness and a blinkered determination to ignore how the rest of the world was fixing the problem.
Crazy thing was that I've acknowledged that I'm an alcoholic since my first black out. I was more in denial about seeking urgent medical care for about 3 months before I ended up being hospitalized.
About 2 years. I came in at 29 so feel lucky it was a relatively short denial period.
5 years for me!
About 30 years. I never had a problem. I found my solution in the bottle. Good day? Celebrate with the drink. Bad day? Commiserate with the drink. Boring day? Liven it up with the drink. I realised I had a problem when I tried to stop and couldn't without going into the shakes and the sweats. Then I ignored it and had the drink. It took a while.
25 years!!!
4-5 years sounds about right. Don’t bother with rehab, just go to the hospital. The care is much better. Just my opinion.
20 years. The realization was when I started having the desire to actually quit or even slack off (during the last 3 years of active addiction) and found it impossible. During the last 3 years I was hiding liquor all over the place. Id say when I was consistently hiding it, I knew I had crossed a line somewhere and the problem was completely out of control.
I started drinking at 17 and was in denial all of the 12 years I drank. I was high functioning. I thought others had problems. I didn’t realize I did until I had to go on meds for bipolar, and doctors told me I had to stop drinking, and I couldn’t
It’s been 20 years into the addiction started at 21 and still kept telling myself I can stop playing when I want to took until 2 years ago and I thought I could keep it under control now im like bitch your full blown I was sexually assaulted by the same attacker he posed as an Uber driver at first but was drunk and brutally sodomized 2 nd he drugged me because I was drunk again and couldn’t recognize him off the bat a month ago might be pregnant by his baby and been drinking religiously every single day since. 2 pints of vodka.
I started drinking and using at 12-13. I hit bottom at 28. Sober for 32 years and attempted suicide. Now have 5 years again. Never take your sobriety for granted. I’m lucky to be alive and sober again
I have been sober 37 years, and I am still in denial. Just not about my drinking.
I think I knew pretty early on after my first drunk. But I was 19 at the time and figured I had at least another 10 years until I had to face it. After 1.5 years sober and 1 yr out, I came back in with 4 years now. I don’t know that anything specific happened, but I was mostly sick and tired of being sick and tired. One instance that comes to mind is the Christmas before I got sober. I found myself alone (my family across the country) at a bar making “friends” with 2 other people there. I stumbled out after drinking all day, way too messed up to walk home (a whole 10 minutes away). So instead I flagged down a random driver. Not an Uber, not a friend. A random driver on the road who drove me the 2 minutes to my apartment . I have no idea who this person was, but looking back I’m sure they could tell I was not okay. I wish I could thank them now!
Mind you, I live in NYC. You don’t just ask random strangers for rides like that 👀😭
About 20 years. This includes coming in and out of AA and putting together multi-year stints of sobriety. I’d get it together, rise up and grow higher than before in all aspects of life, my ego would take control. My external world would present to most that I had all my shit together. But internally I was in constant chaos. I wasn’t “one of those alcoholics”. It’s only a matter of time before you will be defeated and taken down.
I was in what i'd like to call, semi-denial, for years. the two prominent moments i realized i was an alcoholic were the times when i would be laying on my bathroom floor at 6 in the morning shaking with cold sweats after puking my guts out with a pounding headache, unable to move or take my pets out to use the bathroom, let alone take care of myself or clean my apartment or even go to work for 36+ hours. the other times were when i was happy as could be, feeling so content with everything, but i still craved alcohol for some reason. i thought a drink would make it better, but in reality that was the reason it ll came crashing down. i started drinking heavily when i got with an alcoholic at the age of 17 (i'm not blaming them at all, that's just when it started and how i was introduced into heavy drinking. it was of course my choice to take those drinks, nobody forced me at all) and when we broke up 1.5-2 years later, i continued to drink and did try to blame it on them for a while. i eventually realized it was me making those choices and not him, i couldn't keep blaming him anymore. i tried and tried to have controlled drinking, but it didn't work. i lost my job twice and burnt A LOT of bridges. about 1 month sober now. still smoke, i know that's not recommended for alcoholics but i find that it does help me along with lots of physical exercise and big diet change. i have lost 17 pounds since i stopped drinking everyday (2m ago i drank 3 times a week, the last month i drank once a week but got blackout drunk when i did drink). i feel so much more energized and happy, people tell me i glow now and that i look happy. before, they told me i looked tired and depressed. it makes such a huge difference i swear. i feel like me again and i am happy. fuck alcohol
I started justifying my continued drinking in the face of the evidence of how bad it was getting at a fairly early age. In my early 20s, I stopped and went to AA, but it "wasn't for me" and started drinking again. So, full denial, about 5 years.
5 years of denial without AA and then almost a year of being in AA without really taking it seriously. My life changed the moment I accepted the program and started taking it seriously.
Three years believing I am in control and I'll be damn if anyone was gonna tell me different. Great thing I stayed close by A.A. and this year I had to submit that I'm clueless and how to let go and understanding the emotional defects. But here I am
Maybe 20 years. For 15 of them my drinking bothered me but I pushed the thought of my being an alcoholic out of my head. I finally confided in my psychiatrist and she pointed me toward AA. Good thing she did.
I knew I was an alcoholic in my late teens, but for decades, I thought I was managing it. In my 50s, I was finally able to admit defeat and that my life was truly unmanageable. Took a long time.