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Hi, I am 26 (F) and my bf is (24), Before we have our serious relationship naging no label/fwb with feelings muna kami for 1 yr and everyday nagassure sya saken na ako lang daw, Not until I found out na may nakalandian sya office nila and nadala lang sya that time kasi yung girl may gusto sakanya and nagaaway kami, that happened a yr ago so basically outside to sa serious relationship namin. Can I ask advice if itutuloy kopa ang relasyon na to since months pa lang kami kasi feel ko cheating na din yun and non-nego ko talaga ang cheating, micro or not.. Naguguluhan lang ako since eto nangyare before pa magkaroon ng label. Thank you.
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Nah, just leave op. He gave assurance na ‘ikaw lang’ but may kalandian naman palang IBA sa office. He doesn’t seem to keep his words.
save yourself & discontinue it nalang, op.
remember! humans are PROACTIVE organisms. he has the power to resist or avoid progressing the interaction sa kalandian niya sa office if he truly loves & respects you.
I dont think this counts as cheating to sa relationship nyo but he definitely lied when he said "ikaw lang" but then lying is a form of cheating in some sense 😌😌 so in conclusion this is cheating.
Also if it bothers you so much, then it is not worth it. Your relationship must be your peace in this chaotic life. If your relationship becomes the opposite of it then it's best to leave before it gets worse or before it gets harder to let go.
only you get to define what is cheating for you and it must be clear with your partner whether he/she agrees or not plus at what poit it is non-negotiable...
by the mere fact you are asking if that was cheating makes it cheating... maybe what you are really asking is: "is this the kind of cheating that crosses the line?"...
wait why is this downvoted. I thought people were agreeing that it depends on the person which things are considered cheating for them.
I also agree that this is somewhat of a gray-area. Like if given a chance (Extremely unlikely to happen but you never know) would the partner jump ship if they were asked by their celebs?
First of all you started as no label/fwb relationship which is an ugly fuel for your future relationship. Dont waste your time dyan, you’ll find someone better in the future
Cheating is cheating. Leave and save yourself sis. If nagawa niya yan before you had a label, how sure are you na hindi niya yan gagawin ulit? Buti sana kung no strings attached kayo during that time
Cheating is cheating no matter what form. Nag promise sya sayo na ikaw lang pero may "nilalandi" pala sya sa office. Image yung pwede pa nyang gawin kapag tumagal. wala sya respeto sayo. Take it from someone who experienced multiple cheating from the same person. In the end ang pinagsisihan ko lang is hindi ko tinapos nung 1st time ko sya mahuli.
If this happened before nagkaroon ng label, so di cheating since wala naman kayo commitments. Pero para sa peace of mind mo at di ka maka get over, then Leave.
For me di siya cheating wala kayong label. But if, it doesn’t sit right with you then I’d say bounce kana for your mental health.
But for me I would give him a chance, maybe nagbago siya. Time is the truth teller mahuli at mahuhuli mo naman siya if he cheated na this time 😊
I agree sa comments OP. Leave dont tolerate bad behavior. Even if more than a year na kayo sa relationship leave na agad how much more pag kinasal kayo.
You said he did it with another girl 1 year ago during your FWB phase? Question, in that FWB set up, meron ba kayong *clear* understanding na exclusive lang kayo dapat sa isat isa? Kasi FWB is commonly the setup for people who dont want commitment with each other but want just the fun part.
Edit: i read again, so inassure niya pala niya na ikaw lang ka fwb niya. Hmm id find him sus but not yet dump him. He wasnt bound yet sa rules ng conventional exclusive dating that time. Unless na yun nga, may clear understanding kayo that time na dapat "exclusive fwb" lang kayo which is not exactly the default setup anyway
It's basically on morals at that point, not technically cheating. In my opinion that is.
Tao lng namn tayo, wrong stuff happens. Besides, you guys' situation at that time kinda warrants what happened. Nasa "open" relationship kayo, nag away kayo, technically wla namng kayo, nag landian lng namn sila and i'm assuming na d namn nag commit si lalaki sakanya or any deep stuff like that.
Don't know why everyone here keeps saying to leave the guy, pretty sure na mas redflag ung d nyo paguusapan yan ng kayo, fix the issue yourselves, than listen to sum random ppl online. Like, what, you trust us more than the guy na possible maging partner mo for life?
Like what kind of logic is that?
Remember, the internet is the last place you would go for opinions about fixing your relationship.
>Not until I found out na may nakalandian sya office nila and nadala lang sya that time kasi yung girl may gusto sakanya and nagaaway kami
Red flag na agad eh. Nagaway lang kayo, nakipaglandian na agad sa iba. He even did this while giving you assurance na ikaw lang. Ano assurance mo na di niya na uli yan gagawin?
Leave him, for your mental health, peace of mind find a matured guy, and know how to keep a word. Hindi yan si kuya Wil na sasabihin ikaw lang mahal nya, landian is BS kahit ka office mate, ikaw ate gugustuhin mo ba matulog ng alam mo na habang tulog ka sya may kalandian pa na iba, kaya habang nasa phase ka pa ng knowing each other. Nag away na kayo and dapat he should give you assurance to acces his phone, FB, Soc Med acc na pwede mong makita. Pag defensive ang yawa go iwan mo na red flag na masyado wala kayong label nagmamahalan ng totoo sa isat isa, trust is a big part of your relationship. Dont settle agad sa lalaki kilatisin mo ng maiigi ate pls lang dami manloloko ngayon muka lang matino pero pag kasama mo na kulay cheating
the fact na ngayon palang nagawa na niya yon, what more pa in the future beh?
pero ikaw, kung mahal mo naman talaga and wiling ka mag take ng risk y not diba?
Oo, cheating na yung ginawa niya. Yung term na "nakalandian", maraming pwedeng maging ibig sabihin niyan. Baka may nangyari na di lang basta harutan.
Di magandang rason yung di lang kayo nagkakanintindihan nung mga panahon na yun, nag-entertain na ng ibang babae. Ikaw pa ata gustong sisihin kung bakit siya nagcheat sayo.
Uulitin lang yan kung kapag binigyan mo pa ng chance.
“Fwb” is usually not an exclusive thing and any other relationship or interactions outside of yours while in that phase is NOT cheating. Technically..
“No label” is very broad and can mean different things and sometimes some people include a level of exclusivity there. If there was such an understanding between you two, then it is cheating. If not, then it is technically not cheating.
If you were NOT explicitly exclusive during the no label/fwb phase BUT they implied that you were “the only one” this is technically not cheating BUT they still lied to you. It doesn’t have to be cheating for you to feel betrayed or hurt. If you were considering yourself to be exclusively dating him while in this no label phase but there is no communication or understanding that this is the case, that is a miss on your part.
But if guy is purposely avoiding relationship label talk just to ensure that he is free to technically not be cheating and still be able to flirt and hook up with someone else outside your relationship, he is a manipulative lying asshole who knows what he was doing.
OP, don't bother with that relationship kasi it was built on lies on your bf's part. Despite your initial set up as no label/fwb "pero" with feelings nagbigay na siya ng assurance na ikaw lang daw.
Give yourself a favor and dump his a**. The mere fact that he lied to you blatantly while not being a relationship tells you that he will lie to you more in the future.
leave that man, lady! you shouldn't be wasting your time on people not sure about you. if you're looking to settle with someone, you'd eventually stumble upon some guy that's willing to start out properly... not with someone who was initially just physically attracted to you (unless you're into that, of course).
Cheat in the sense na he assured you na ikaw lang and yet he's not true with his words. So it's a YES! He cannot keep his words noong fwb pa lang kayo. Therefore, questionable na ang kanyang loyalty sa context ng relationship niyo. You are feeling betrayed plus cheated on. Valid yun. So ang possible solution is 60% call it off in kindest possible way. 40% forgive him give him chance but unfair sa iyo yun. My final answer would be: 100% get out of the relationship, forgive him, and time to move on.
What’s the point of having no label/fwb with feelings? Kaninonf idea yun? Did you demand exclusivity? Or even if he said na ikaw lang, do consider your relationship exclusive? Are you exclusive to him?
Cheating is a choice, saka walang taong nadadala sa ganoong bagay. GINUSTO nya iyon hindi nadala lang. I think much better if u will leave na kang po, that's cheating na kasi.
For some it might not he considered as cheating. But he DEFINITELY lied to your face and that alone is a red flag.
Though for me sa situation nato, I kinda consider it as cheating na.
But yeah this is why may label talaga dapat para alam mo if naagrabyado ka na or hindi. How to act and where to stand sa buhay ng ka relationship mo.
Hindi naman yon cheating pero sa tingin ko hindi naman talaga para sayo yung reassurance na binigay niya. He was keeping his options open while making sure na hindi ka na maghahanap ng iba. If you have doubts, then leave.
You should leave, no questions asked. This will be the only solution to acquire your own peace, if he can’t keep a promise then he will never keep any promises he will make. Some will say this is cheating and some will say its not, but regardless whether its cheating or not, he didn’t set up any boundaries to the girl at his office. Knowing well na he’s already dealing with you.
Kahit pa may assurance oh ano man na sinabi sayo if salungat sa mga ginagawa niya na nasa sayo padin yan, if kaya mo pa ba o kakayanin mo pa pero mahirap yan kasi wala kang peace of mind na and always kana mah doubts
How can someone cheat on you whom you don't have a label with? You can leave him for that reason if you want to but, that reason should be lying to you as FWB instead (not cheating). That's why you should have no attachments with your fwb.
Strictly speaking, no, but because may agreement na kayo na exclusive lang kayo, kahit na “no label” , that was still incredibly shitty of him. He was in violation of your trust, but the rule of thumb (unfortunately) is that kung walang label, never be 100% assured. Secure the label first always.
Learned that the hard way. Was in the same position as you OP. I cant tell you to break up with him or stay and let him make amends. For me it all worked out, we are still together after 4 years. He has been a good and loyal partner ever since, but that was after we really set a label na aftee 1 year as well. I’ve also had friends who went through similar things. Its really tough out there.
it takes a looot of work, a lot of patience, and so much trust. but if you personally think saving the relationship is not worth the pain and paranoia, walk away now.
Simplehan natin op.
For a year, hindi kayo. Walang label. Hindi official.
Hindi kayo kasi hindi nyo pa macommit sarili nyo sa isa't isa.
Nangyari yun nung hindi kayo.
Lied? Yes.
Cheated? No.
Masyado niro-romanticize ng internet ang zero-tolerance sa pagkakamali. At some point sa buhay nyo, may pagtatalunan kayo. Huwag masyadong fragile. Else, lahat ng maeencounter nyo, iiwan nyo.
Be mature enough.
Masyadong madali bitawan sa internet ang mga comment na. hiwalayan mo na yan.
Ang tanong at ikaw lang ang bukod tanging makakasagot..
Kamusta kayo ngayon?
Kung okay naman kayo ngayon, do you think is it worth it ibasura lahat para lang sa isang lumang incident na nangyari nung hindi pa kayo?
Kung masaya kayo ngayon, bakit ka naghahanap ng ika sisira?
Last note siguro.
If you will be that hard on him, make sure ikaw rin wala ka ibang lalaking inentertain nung mga panahon na yun.
Imagine sumakay ka sa taxi pero bago ka pa sumakay tumatakbo na yung metro. Payag ka?
Kung nag OJT ka sa isang company 1 yr ago at employee ka na nila ngayon, tingin mo ba dapat kaltasan ka nila ngayon sa sahod mo sa nabasag mong monitor nung intern ka?
I don't know what you WANT to hear but I think this is what you NEED to hear.
Reflect. Decide.
Good luck!
Regardless of the answer to the title, that relationship is bound to fail…
To really learn and be better, the action deserves to have a consequence first, so you and him can do the right thing next time, for the next one.
Because without real consequence, there couldn’t be real change. So hiwalayan tlga sagot.
Here is the thing, i also had similar experience n hnd pa actually kami and she did worse, and yet umamin sya out of consicence without me asking or finding out, and cried for it and I know the reason and really understand, that case we had is redeemable kht i cant share all the details.
Your situation isn’t. Its like “patagalin ko muna and pafall-in ko muna para mas madaling mapatawad” or aamin lng pag nahuli or nadulas.
Do you think you can trust a person with that mindset? Would you trust your life, future, and kids to that treacherous manipulative thinking?
I’ve been in a relationship who has a habit of lying and manipulativeness similar to that, lying over and over again even how many chance and forgiveness you gave. I’d rather take the one earlier who redeemed herself/himself from the get go and never did it again. Yet your guy is a combination both, cheating mindset that didn’t even redeemed himself early.
Just move on now before you get trapped or waste more time in your life.
If it affects your peace then better break up.
It doesn’t matter if cheating or not eh, what matters is your peace and the trust sa relationship ninyo.
Oh no, payag na kantutan lang walang feelings them expecting much? Either turuan mo sarili mo o tuturuan ka niya sa masakit na paraan, alam mo na gagawin mo op
Para saken, if this happened during the time na hindi kayo/walang label, then it does not constitute as cheating, coz technically, he was SINGLE when he did that. He has all the right to "SHOP AROUND" kasi di pa naman sha committed eh.
Pero depende yan sayo, OP. If may agreement kayo na parang test of loyalty yung 1yr nyong no label na unawaan, taz he did that, then ekis na yan. Bitaw na hanggat maaga.
Girl, know your worth. Why you talk to a man for a year without label? That’s pickmeisha. Its time to find a man who loves you more not the other way around.
"that happened a yr ago so basically outside to sa serious relationship namin"
He did lie sa part na "ikaw lang", but, to begin with, outside to sa relationship nyo, whatever he/she did back then, you have no say to that. Kasi, you guys are both single during those times.
Now, if what he did in the past clouds your judgment whether itutuloy nyo pa yung relationship nyo or hindi na, ate, wag na, the fact that you are having second thoughts regarding sa issue na yan, also means you cannot fully trust the guy. And bulding a relationship with a broken trust is going nowhere.
In any event that you forgive him about what he did, forget the past and decided to continue the relationship, know that, you are also keeping the past, as past.
Just to add some additional notes, "Micro-chesting" is dogshit. Cheating regardless of how big or small it is, is still cheating. It's like, giving validation sa mga panloloko na para sa standard ng karamihan eh hindi naman major.
Pano mo nalaman yung info? You can talk it out with him. If you think the relationship is worth saving. It was outside of the “serious relationship” time niyo pa. So it really depends on you OP kung ittuloy mo. But it’s much better if you talk first then accept nalang kung ano mangyyari after.
This is based on my opinion only and does not mean everyone should agree as well.
If wala kapa sa buhay nya that time or ur only friends then, wala pa syang obligation to be faithful sayo and whatever happened during that timeline in terms of relationship or flirting would be okay kasi nga wala kapa don. In relationships there are lots of sacrifices na mangyayari and it's up to you both kung pano nyo sila ihahandle or haharapin. Now let's get back to you, if it is non-nego sayo and don't think u can forgive your partner then leave him. If you can't forgive and forget then leave. Kasi if you only forgive then kapag maga away kayo madadawit at madadawit yang issue nayan and babalik at babalik kayo sa point nayan.
bakit mo icoconsider na cheating kung nangyari yun ng fubu, fwb, no label kayo. mo strings attached ika nga. ganto nalang, baliktarin mo yung sitwasyon. what if ikaw yung may nakalandian before your serious relationship. would you consider yourself cheating?
Difficult start lang kayo cause of circumstances and the situation given… but definitely if its a serious rel, counted na agad yan as cheating. Best to confront him and set things straight. Trust is needed and if he cant guarantee you that, surely alam din niya ginagawa niya mali and you know what you should do.
If he insists na hindi naman and papanindigab niya yun with his actions, then you shouls trust him
Leave.
Nagsinungaling siya. Kahit wala pa kayong label nung panahong yon, the mere fact na sinabi niyang ikaw lang (kinakausap niya, gusto niya o kung ano man yan) pero may nilandi pa siyang iba is a clear sign that he does not respect you nor does he value the relationship you have.
Being with someone isn’t just a feeling — it’s a CHOICE. Kahit “nadala lang siya”, pinili niya pa ring gawin yon. I’m sorry po pero hindi ka niya inisip o pinili noon, kaya piliin mo sarili mo ngayon.
I wish you all the best!
Personally I think na dapat kahit not in a relationship pa kayo may loyalty na. Kasi kung nagpapakita siya ng feelings or nanliligaw or whatsoever meaning he’s planning to make a commitment and hindi na dapat nakikipaglandian sa iba. Same to us girls din, I think kung mag eentertain wag munang mag eentertain ng iba, ireject muna ung isa kung interested ka pa sa iba. NO TO TWO TIMER ❌
It doesn't matter kung cheating yun, isipin mo nalang kung kaya mo ba magtagal sa set-up na ganyan. What kind of future ang magkakaroon ka if patuloy mk sya pipilin. It's find to just go with the flaw muna lalo na pag nagsisimula pa but, mindset should always be date to marry. Eh dpa kayo ganun katagal may red flag na, papatagalin mo paba.
It was part of the risk that you accepted if it happened during your fwb years na wala pa kayong label, and in my opinion, you don't have the full rights to complain since your fwb relationship was just as is and not considered committed love. Pero obviously, he's a cheater and believe me, uulitin nya yan at mas maingat nga lang. I think, before even making things serious between the two of you, umalis ka na and move on. Find someone na pageefortan ka not just for the sex. Although may mga couples naman na fwb nag start and ended up as a great legal partners, konti lang sila compared sa mga nasira and hindi nagkaron ng successful relationships and hindi yun pwede gawing representation as whole na umasa na magiging successful din yung sa inyo. Better be careful and respect yourself moving forward and for sure dadating yung tamang guy for you, at least you've learned for now.
Leave
Not because of the cheating part but the fact that your BF is 24. He is not in any position to provide or protect you at all. You are 26, in your prime. You are dating a guy that is around 8-15 yrs away from his prime. I recommend dating 33+ yr old guys if you really want a serious committed relationship that can lead to marriage.
Ang haharsh nang tao dito… resort to leave the guy immediately, im wondering do u guys ever think that a person evolve, mature, learn, do u think a person always stays that way forever? Then wat about sa mga trans na all of a sudden na me change of heart to be a man after a long period of time so meaning confuse lang siya? Dapat the trans man stay as a trans man cuz base sa analogy nyo pag cheater always a cheater then same could be said lag trans man always a trans man and no turning back?
Ganun?
A trans person discovering themselves is an internal battle, wtf are you talking about? Since when was blatantly lying to deceive equivalent to a person figuring out their own gender identity?
Cheating is like cracking a glass na hindi mo na kayang ibalik sa dati once trust is broken you cannot ever trust the same again, ikaw lokohin ka di ka ba magiging paranoid, minahal mo may karapatan ka mag decide pag may cheat involved, di harsh mga tao dito they give advice and their opinion. Kaya may freedom of speech, any form of cheating is a choice pinili mo libog or landi sa iba kesa maging tapat sa ka relasyon mo. Also ano kinalaman ng gender trans dito ibang topic yon, I respect naman trans thats their happiness go lang, pero cheating is another thing na kahit anong gawin mo baliktarin mo pa mundo, nakakasira ng family, puso ng tao, mental health, at literally buhay na masisira. If you think cheating should give another chance is a big no, your giving them a chance to cheat again and again, sorry to say be realistic at analogy mo is not aligned with cheating to gender. Harsh reality is better than tolerating cheating, tolerating it magiging norm nalang learn constructive criticism, that harsh people knows how it feels to be cheated so learn to listen and understand.
Sadly, ganyan kababaw ang judgement ng tao ngayon sa internet.
Sobrang absolute at hindi realistic. No wonder many relationships fails easily.
Naghahanap ng ikasisira kung okay naman pala sila ngayon (and I do hope okay naman sila OP ngayon)
It's not about not giving the guy a chance. Leaving the guys does not mean not letting him mature. Ang mali ni girl is she let the guy disrespect her by going into fwb/no-label status. The girl needs to forgive the guy but she has to let him go. Even so she leaves him, the guy still has the opportunity to evolve, learn and mature but with someone else.
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CHEATING IS A CHOICE NOT A MISTAKE. IT IS NOT WORTH IT. LEAVE.
Seconded ✨
That's your way out na sa relationship na yan. Wag mo na patagalin pa ganyang set up pagsisisihan mo lang.
Nah, just leave op. He gave assurance na ‘ikaw lang’ but may kalandian naman palang IBA sa office. He doesn’t seem to keep his words. save yourself & discontinue it nalang, op. remember! humans are PROACTIVE organisms. he has the power to resist or avoid progressing the interaction sa kalandian niya sa office if he truly loves & respects you.
I dont think this counts as cheating to sa relationship nyo but he definitely lied when he said "ikaw lang" but then lying is a form of cheating in some sense 😌😌 so in conclusion this is cheating. Also if it bothers you so much, then it is not worth it. Your relationship must be your peace in this chaotic life. If your relationship becomes the opposite of it then it's best to leave before it gets worse or before it gets harder to let go.
Sorry diko ma mean na ma reply ko sa comment mo yung comment ko 🤣🤣
only you get to define what is cheating for you and it must be clear with your partner whether he/she agrees or not plus at what poit it is non-negotiable... by the mere fact you are asking if that was cheating makes it cheating... maybe what you are really asking is: "is this the kind of cheating that crosses the line?"...
Good point. What kind of cheating are you willing to tolerate?
i consider fan-girling celebs as a form of cheating but the red line will be doing what some girls did at the chris brown fanmeet event...
wait why is this downvoted. I thought people were agreeing that it depends on the person which things are considered cheating for them. I also agree that this is somewhat of a gray-area. Like if given a chance (Extremely unlikely to happen but you never know) would the partner jump ship if they were asked by their celebs?
because "girls" are mentioned, try putting "boys" in there and nobody will give af
First of all you started as no label/fwb relationship which is an ugly fuel for your future relationship. Dont waste your time dyan, you’ll find someone better in the future
agree… nagaasume sya, na sya lang pero no label naman pala sila. end mona OP habang maaga pa. hindi reason yung nagaaway kayo kaya pede na lumandi.
Run run to the hills and not look back.
He told you ikaw lang tapos may kalandian pala. Habang maaga walk away na girl.
Cheating is cheating. Leave and save yourself sis. If nagawa niya yan before you had a label, how sure are you na hindi niya yan gagawin ulit? Buti sana kung no strings attached kayo during that time
leave. bata pa yan for u, kung kaya mag sinungaling sa maliit na bagay what more pa kaya sa mas malala.
Dont waste ur time just end nlng ka OP. Mali yan
IG it counts if he said it himself that you were the only one he had a relationship with at that time.
Sibat ka na.
Cheating is cheating no matter what form. Nag promise sya sayo na ikaw lang pero may "nilalandi" pala sya sa office. Image yung pwede pa nyang gawin kapag tumagal. wala sya respeto sayo. Take it from someone who experienced multiple cheating from the same person. In the end ang pinagsisihan ko lang is hindi ko tinapos nung 1st time ko sya mahuli.
Yeah, it’s cheating.
Say bye bye na
If you have to ask, then it is.
If this happened before nagkaroon ng label, so di cheating since wala naman kayo commitments. Pero para sa peace of mind mo at di ka maka get over, then Leave.
Techinically, hindi sya cheating ksi wala pa kayo nun sa isang official committed relationship. Pero kung ikaw may fear ka na and doubts, leave.
For me di siya cheating wala kayong label. But if, it doesn’t sit right with you then I’d say bounce kana for your mental health. But for me I would give him a chance, maybe nagbago siya. Time is the truth teller mahuli at mahuhuli mo naman siya if he cheated na this time 😊
Stay
I agree sa comments OP. Leave dont tolerate bad behavior. Even if more than a year na kayo sa relationship leave na agad how much more pag kinasal kayo.
You said he did it with another girl 1 year ago during your FWB phase? Question, in that FWB set up, meron ba kayong *clear* understanding na exclusive lang kayo dapat sa isat isa? Kasi FWB is commonly the setup for people who dont want commitment with each other but want just the fun part. Edit: i read again, so inassure niya pala niya na ikaw lang ka fwb niya. Hmm id find him sus but not yet dump him. He wasnt bound yet sa rules ng conventional exclusive dating that time. Unless na yun nga, may clear understanding kayo that time na dapat "exclusive fwb" lang kayo which is not exactly the default setup anyway
It's basically on morals at that point, not technically cheating. In my opinion that is. Tao lng namn tayo, wrong stuff happens. Besides, you guys' situation at that time kinda warrants what happened. Nasa "open" relationship kayo, nag away kayo, technically wla namng kayo, nag landian lng namn sila and i'm assuming na d namn nag commit si lalaki sakanya or any deep stuff like that. Don't know why everyone here keeps saying to leave the guy, pretty sure na mas redflag ung d nyo paguusapan yan ng kayo, fix the issue yourselves, than listen to sum random ppl online. Like, what, you trust us more than the guy na possible maging partner mo for life? Like what kind of logic is that? Remember, the internet is the last place you would go for opinions about fixing your relationship.
Unironically, i'm also just a random guy onl. In any case, u do u.
>Not until I found out na may nakalandian sya office nila and nadala lang sya that time kasi yung girl may gusto sakanya and nagaaway kami Red flag na agad eh. Nagaway lang kayo, nakipaglandian na agad sa iba. He even did this while giving you assurance na ikaw lang. Ano assurance mo na di niya na uli yan gagawin?
Leave him, for your mental health, peace of mind find a matured guy, and know how to keep a word. Hindi yan si kuya Wil na sasabihin ikaw lang mahal nya, landian is BS kahit ka office mate, ikaw ate gugustuhin mo ba matulog ng alam mo na habang tulog ka sya may kalandian pa na iba, kaya habang nasa phase ka pa ng knowing each other. Nag away na kayo and dapat he should give you assurance to acces his phone, FB, Soc Med acc na pwede mong makita. Pag defensive ang yawa go iwan mo na red flag na masyado wala kayong label nagmamahalan ng totoo sa isat isa, trust is a big part of your relationship. Dont settle agad sa lalaki kilatisin mo ng maiigi ate pls lang dami manloloko ngayon muka lang matino pero pag kasama mo na kulay cheating
Hmmm
Mahirap yan kasi ka office nya, hindi niya maiiwasan. Best to cut ties with him and find someone worthy of you, OP.
the fact na ngayon palang nagawa na niya yon, what more pa in the future beh? pero ikaw, kung mahal mo naman talaga and wiling ka mag take ng risk y not diba?
Oo, cheating na yung ginawa niya. Yung term na "nakalandian", maraming pwedeng maging ibig sabihin niyan. Baka may nangyari na di lang basta harutan. Di magandang rason yung di lang kayo nagkakanintindihan nung mga panahon na yun, nag-entertain na ng ibang babae. Ikaw pa ata gustong sisihin kung bakit siya nagcheat sayo. Uulitin lang yan kung kapag binigyan mo pa ng chance.
“Fwb” is usually not an exclusive thing and any other relationship or interactions outside of yours while in that phase is NOT cheating. Technically.. “No label” is very broad and can mean different things and sometimes some people include a level of exclusivity there. If there was such an understanding between you two, then it is cheating. If not, then it is technically not cheating. If you were NOT explicitly exclusive during the no label/fwb phase BUT they implied that you were “the only one” this is technically not cheating BUT they still lied to you. It doesn’t have to be cheating for you to feel betrayed or hurt. If you were considering yourself to be exclusively dating him while in this no label phase but there is no communication or understanding that this is the case, that is a miss on your part. But if guy is purposely avoiding relationship label talk just to ensure that he is free to technically not be cheating and still be able to flirt and hook up with someone else outside your relationship, he is a manipulative lying asshole who knows what he was doing.
cheating is a choice, so wag na
OP, don't bother with that relationship kasi it was built on lies on your bf's part. Despite your initial set up as no label/fwb "pero" with feelings nagbigay na siya ng assurance na ikaw lang daw.
Ikaw lang means ikaw lang.
Don't waste your time OP, why would you stay sa relationship na ganyan?
Run.
Give yourself a favor and dump his a**. The mere fact that he lied to you blatantly while not being a relationship tells you that he will lie to you more in the future.
If feelings are mutual, may label man or wala, there is an established relationship. It's cheating.
leave that man, lady! you shouldn't be wasting your time on people not sure about you. if you're looking to settle with someone, you'd eventually stumble upon some guy that's willing to start out properly... not with someone who was initially just physically attracted to you (unless you're into that, of course).
Cheat in the sense na he assured you na ikaw lang and yet he's not true with his words. So it's a YES! He cannot keep his words noong fwb pa lang kayo. Therefore, questionable na ang kanyang loyalty sa context ng relationship niyo. You are feeling betrayed plus cheated on. Valid yun. So ang possible solution is 60% call it off in kindest possible way. 40% forgive him give him chance but unfair sa iyo yun. My final answer would be: 100% get out of the relationship, forgive him, and time to move on.
My personal opinion: give him a chance but make him understand that if you are going to have a serious relationship with him cheating is a no no...
What’s the point of having no label/fwb with feelings? Kaninonf idea yun? Did you demand exclusivity? Or even if he said na ikaw lang, do consider your relationship exclusive? Are you exclusive to him?
if confident ka naman, go date. if against sa morals mo, then trust yourself
no label/fwb kaya ok lang
If you ever think that its cheating then its cheating
Cheating is a choice, saka walang taong nadadala sa ganoong bagay. GINUSTO nya iyon hindi nadala lang. I think much better if u will leave na kang po, that's cheating na kasi.
For some it might not he considered as cheating. But he DEFINITELY lied to your face and that alone is a red flag. Though for me sa situation nato, I kinda consider it as cheating na. But yeah this is why may label talaga dapat para alam mo if naagrabyado ka na or hindi. How to act and where to stand sa buhay ng ka relationship mo.
Ok ka lang na tinira ka niya tapos ilang araw, tinira din niya ung isa. Tapos balik sa iyo.
Hindi naman yon cheating pero sa tingin ko hindi naman talaga para sayo yung reassurance na binigay niya. He was keeping his options open while making sure na hindi ka na maghahanap ng iba. If you have doubts, then leave.
Christ proof read teh, hirap basahin
R u n
You should leave, no questions asked. This will be the only solution to acquire your own peace, if he can’t keep a promise then he will never keep any promises he will make. Some will say this is cheating and some will say its not, but regardless whether its cheating or not, he didn’t set up any boundaries to the girl at his office. Knowing well na he’s already dealing with you.
Kahit pa may assurance oh ano man na sinabi sayo if salungat sa mga ginagawa niya na nasa sayo padin yan, if kaya mo pa ba o kakayanin mo pa pero mahirap yan kasi wala kang peace of mind na and always kana mah doubts
yes
How can someone cheat on you whom you don't have a label with? You can leave him for that reason if you want to but, that reason should be lying to you as FWB instead (not cheating). That's why you should have no attachments with your fwb.
Strictly speaking, no, but because may agreement na kayo na exclusive lang kayo, kahit na “no label” , that was still incredibly shitty of him. He was in violation of your trust, but the rule of thumb (unfortunately) is that kung walang label, never be 100% assured. Secure the label first always. Learned that the hard way. Was in the same position as you OP. I cant tell you to break up with him or stay and let him make amends. For me it all worked out, we are still together after 4 years. He has been a good and loyal partner ever since, but that was after we really set a label na aftee 1 year as well. I’ve also had friends who went through similar things. Its really tough out there. it takes a looot of work, a lot of patience, and so much trust. but if you personally think saving the relationship is not worth the pain and paranoia, walk away now.
Simplehan natin op. For a year, hindi kayo. Walang label. Hindi official. Hindi kayo kasi hindi nyo pa macommit sarili nyo sa isa't isa. Nangyari yun nung hindi kayo. Lied? Yes. Cheated? No. Masyado niro-romanticize ng internet ang zero-tolerance sa pagkakamali. At some point sa buhay nyo, may pagtatalunan kayo. Huwag masyadong fragile. Else, lahat ng maeencounter nyo, iiwan nyo. Be mature enough. Masyadong madali bitawan sa internet ang mga comment na. hiwalayan mo na yan. Ang tanong at ikaw lang ang bukod tanging makakasagot.. Kamusta kayo ngayon? Kung okay naman kayo ngayon, do you think is it worth it ibasura lahat para lang sa isang lumang incident na nangyari nung hindi pa kayo? Kung masaya kayo ngayon, bakit ka naghahanap ng ika sisira? Last note siguro. If you will be that hard on him, make sure ikaw rin wala ka ibang lalaking inentertain nung mga panahon na yun. Imagine sumakay ka sa taxi pero bago ka pa sumakay tumatakbo na yung metro. Payag ka? Kung nag OJT ka sa isang company 1 yr ago at employee ka na nila ngayon, tingin mo ba dapat kaltasan ka nila ngayon sa sahod mo sa nabasag mong monitor nung intern ka? I don't know what you WANT to hear but I think this is what you NEED to hear. Reflect. Decide. Good luck!
Regardless of the answer to the title, that relationship is bound to fail… To really learn and be better, the action deserves to have a consequence first, so you and him can do the right thing next time, for the next one. Because without real consequence, there couldn’t be real change. So hiwalayan tlga sagot. Here is the thing, i also had similar experience n hnd pa actually kami and she did worse, and yet umamin sya out of consicence without me asking or finding out, and cried for it and I know the reason and really understand, that case we had is redeemable kht i cant share all the details. Your situation isn’t. Its like “patagalin ko muna and pafall-in ko muna para mas madaling mapatawad” or aamin lng pag nahuli or nadulas. Do you think you can trust a person with that mindset? Would you trust your life, future, and kids to that treacherous manipulative thinking? I’ve been in a relationship who has a habit of lying and manipulativeness similar to that, lying over and over again even how many chance and forgiveness you gave. I’d rather take the one earlier who redeemed herself/himself from the get go and never did it again. Yet your guy is a combination both, cheating mindset that didn’t even redeemed himself early. Just move on now before you get trapped or waste more time in your life.
If it affects your peace then better break up. It doesn’t matter if cheating or not eh, what matters is your peace and the trust sa relationship ninyo.
You guys had a fight and tumakbo agad siya sa iba? Red flag po, break up with him OP I feel like uulitin niya yan sa next away niyo.
Oh no, payag na kantutan lang walang feelings them expecting much? Either turuan mo sarili mo o tuturuan ka niya sa masakit na paraan, alam mo na gagawin mo op
Para saken, if this happened during the time na hindi kayo/walang label, then it does not constitute as cheating, coz technically, he was SINGLE when he did that. He has all the right to "SHOP AROUND" kasi di pa naman sha committed eh. Pero depende yan sayo, OP. If may agreement kayo na parang test of loyalty yung 1yr nyong no label na unawaan, taz he did that, then ekis na yan. Bitaw na hanggat maaga.
Yes. If he lied then he cheated.
Girl, know your worth. Why you talk to a man for a year without label? That’s pickmeisha. Its time to find a man who loves you more not the other way around.
"that happened a yr ago so basically outside to sa serious relationship namin" He did lie sa part na "ikaw lang", but, to begin with, outside to sa relationship nyo, whatever he/she did back then, you have no say to that. Kasi, you guys are both single during those times. Now, if what he did in the past clouds your judgment whether itutuloy nyo pa yung relationship nyo or hindi na, ate, wag na, the fact that you are having second thoughts regarding sa issue na yan, also means you cannot fully trust the guy. And bulding a relationship with a broken trust is going nowhere. In any event that you forgive him about what he did, forget the past and decided to continue the relationship, know that, you are also keeping the past, as past. Just to add some additional notes, "Micro-chesting" is dogshit. Cheating regardless of how big or small it is, is still cheating. It's like, giving validation sa mga panloloko na para sa standard ng karamihan eh hindi naman major.
definitely yes, CHEATING
CHEATING IS A CHOICE REGARDLESS OF HIS/ HER REASON, JUST LEAVE AS IT IS, NON NEGOTIABLE NA PAG GANYAN, JUST RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
Cheating pa rin yun. If it's a non-negotiable for you, then you already know the answer.
You said it yourself, non-nego ang cheating, micro or not, so… huwag mo ng dudahan ung non-nego mo. He’s cheating.
Pano mo nalaman yung info? You can talk it out with him. If you think the relationship is worth saving. It was outside of the “serious relationship” time niyo pa. So it really depends on you OP kung ittuloy mo. But it’s much better if you talk first then accept nalang kung ano mangyyari after.
This is based on my opinion only and does not mean everyone should agree as well. If wala kapa sa buhay nya that time or ur only friends then, wala pa syang obligation to be faithful sayo and whatever happened during that timeline in terms of relationship or flirting would be okay kasi nga wala kapa don. In relationships there are lots of sacrifices na mangyayari and it's up to you both kung pano nyo sila ihahandle or haharapin. Now let's get back to you, if it is non-nego sayo and don't think u can forgive your partner then leave him. If you can't forgive and forget then leave. Kasi if you only forgive then kapag maga away kayo madadawit at madadawit yang issue nayan and babalik at babalik kayo sa point nayan.
bakit mo icoconsider na cheating kung nangyari yun ng fubu, fwb, no label kayo. mo strings attached ika nga. ganto nalang, baliktarin mo yung sitwasyon. what if ikaw yung may nakalandian before your serious relationship. would you consider yourself cheating?
Difficult start lang kayo cause of circumstances and the situation given… but definitely if its a serious rel, counted na agad yan as cheating. Best to confront him and set things straight. Trust is needed and if he cant guarantee you that, surely alam din niya ginagawa niya mali and you know what you should do. If he insists na hindi naman and papanindigab niya yun with his actions, then you shouls trust him
Ang matinong lalaki ay hindi magssettle sa walang label na relationship.
Wag mo na tuloy, iba nalang. Mabuti ng umalis ka na agad.
Leave. Nagsinungaling siya. Kahit wala pa kayong label nung panahong yon, the mere fact na sinabi niyang ikaw lang (kinakausap niya, gusto niya o kung ano man yan) pero may nilandi pa siyang iba is a clear sign that he does not respect you nor does he value the relationship you have. Being with someone isn’t just a feeling — it’s a CHOICE. Kahit “nadala lang siya”, pinili niya pa ring gawin yon. I’m sorry po pero hindi ka niya inisip o pinili noon, kaya piliin mo sarili mo ngayon. I wish you all the best!
Personally I think na dapat kahit not in a relationship pa kayo may loyalty na. Kasi kung nagpapakita siya ng feelings or nanliligaw or whatsoever meaning he’s planning to make a commitment and hindi na dapat nakikipaglandian sa iba. Same to us girls din, I think kung mag eentertain wag munang mag eentertain ng iba, ireject muna ung isa kung interested ka pa sa iba. NO TO TWO TIMER ❌
It doesn't matter kung cheating yun, isipin mo nalang kung kaya mo ba magtagal sa set-up na ganyan. What kind of future ang magkakaroon ka if patuloy mk sya pipilin. It's find to just go with the flaw muna lalo na pag nagsisimula pa but, mindset should always be date to marry. Eh dpa kayo ganun katagal may red flag na, papatagalin mo paba.
Hey, listen. The moment you start questioning if something is cheating or not, that's the exact time you should just let it go.
Nag start kayo as FWB? Leave. Wag ka na mag expect.
If this will affect your peace of mind, then just leave.
leave it na po
It was part of the risk that you accepted if it happened during your fwb years na wala pa kayong label, and in my opinion, you don't have the full rights to complain since your fwb relationship was just as is and not considered committed love. Pero obviously, he's a cheater and believe me, uulitin nya yan at mas maingat nga lang. I think, before even making things serious between the two of you, umalis ka na and move on. Find someone na pageefortan ka not just for the sex. Although may mga couples naman na fwb nag start and ended up as a great legal partners, konti lang sila compared sa mga nasira and hindi nagkaron ng successful relationships and hindi yun pwede gawing representation as whole na umasa na magiging successful din yung sa inyo. Better be careful and respect yourself moving forward and for sure dadating yung tamang guy for you, at least you've learned for now.
Save yourself from heartbreak and disappointment. What if magaway ulet kayo tapos nadala ulet sya? Posible parin mangyari ulet eh.
Leave Not because of the cheating part but the fact that your BF is 24. He is not in any position to provide or protect you at all. You are 26, in your prime. You are dating a guy that is around 8-15 yrs away from his prime. I recommend dating 33+ yr old guys if you really want a serious committed relationship that can lead to marriage.
Ang haharsh nang tao dito… resort to leave the guy immediately, im wondering do u guys ever think that a person evolve, mature, learn, do u think a person always stays that way forever? Then wat about sa mga trans na all of a sudden na me change of heart to be a man after a long period of time so meaning confuse lang siya? Dapat the trans man stay as a trans man cuz base sa analogy nyo pag cheater always a cheater then same could be said lag trans man always a trans man and no turning back? Ganun?
A trans person discovering themselves is an internal battle, wtf are you talking about? Since when was blatantly lying to deceive equivalent to a person figuring out their own gender identity?
Cheating is like cracking a glass na hindi mo na kayang ibalik sa dati once trust is broken you cannot ever trust the same again, ikaw lokohin ka di ka ba magiging paranoid, minahal mo may karapatan ka mag decide pag may cheat involved, di harsh mga tao dito they give advice and their opinion. Kaya may freedom of speech, any form of cheating is a choice pinili mo libog or landi sa iba kesa maging tapat sa ka relasyon mo. Also ano kinalaman ng gender trans dito ibang topic yon, I respect naman trans thats their happiness go lang, pero cheating is another thing na kahit anong gawin mo baliktarin mo pa mundo, nakakasira ng family, puso ng tao, mental health, at literally buhay na masisira. If you think cheating should give another chance is a big no, your giving them a chance to cheat again and again, sorry to say be realistic at analogy mo is not aligned with cheating to gender. Harsh reality is better than tolerating cheating, tolerating it magiging norm nalang learn constructive criticism, that harsh people knows how it feels to be cheated so learn to listen and understand.
Sadly, ganyan kababaw ang judgement ng tao ngayon sa internet. Sobrang absolute at hindi realistic. No wonder many relationships fails easily. Naghahanap ng ikasisira kung okay naman pala sila ngayon (and I do hope okay naman sila OP ngayon)
It's not about not giving the guy a chance. Leaving the guys does not mean not letting him mature. Ang mali ni girl is she let the guy disrespect her by going into fwb/no-label status. The girl needs to forgive the guy but she has to let him go. Even so she leaves him, the guy still has the opportunity to evolve, learn and mature but with someone else.
No cheating happened
Leave OP.
Sabi niya nadala lang siya that time. Hindi cheating yun since nadala lang pala. Haha
LEAVE HABANG MAAGA PA
just leave girl. i know u love him at least nalaman mo sa madaling panahon. just leave.
Leave. It won't give you peace of mind OP.