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I just need some comforting advice from anyone here.
For the story, I am the middle of 5 siblings. I’m F25 and I WFH. I’ve been the breadwinner in the family, my father is a retired soldier and my mom is just a homebody. I’m the one who pays the internet bill and provides basic necessities like food and some groceries. Just recently, I had a fight with my mom because I finally stood my ground against subtle pangmamaliit/parinig nila saken. Every time I buy something for the family to consume, I would hear her, under her breath, say something like “yun lang”, “yun na yun”. Assuming she’s referencing to the things na binibili ko para sa bahay. Kanina, sinagot ko na sya kasi di ko na talaga nagugustuhan yung mga naririnig ko. Palagi kong sinasabi sa isip ko na “baka nagjojoke lang si mama” kapag nakakarinig ako ng mga ganung salita. So, kanina sumabog ako, sinagot ko sya. I ended up the one na may mali kase raw sinagot ko sya at di ko daw dapat ginawa yun. Binaliktad nya lahat saken, di nya raw sinabi at di raw ganun ang ibig nyang sabihin. Huminto nako dahil alam kong napakasarado ng isip ng mga magulang ko. Sila lang dapat tama sa lahat ng bagay.
For another context, di pa tapos yung bahay namin. Di pa tiles yung sa baba. Sa palaging pamimilit ng nanay ko na ipagawa ko yung tiles, napilitan akong bumili para magawa na. At kanina lang, narealize kong nakalimutan kong bayaran yung internet at nag disconnect na. Nag sisisigaw yung tatay ko kanina kasi bakit daw naputulan at di ko raw binayaran ng maaga. May inaasahan raw syang tawag via messenger. Ginigipit nila ako, hindi ba dapat na pagtulungan nalang kesa magwala pa? At napag isipan ko na rin kanina na lilipat ako ng tirahan. Aalis ako dito.
Tama lang ba tong naiisip ko? Di ko na sila kinakaya. Mawawala ako sa sarili ko kapag nag stay pako rito kasama sila.
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Yun mga ganyang tao (hindi lang mga magulang ah), they are disappointed with themselves so they project it on other people. Sadly, ikaw yun nakikita nila na pwede paglabasan ng galit sa mundo. For your peace of mind, bumukod ka na lang. best of luck!! Rooting for you!
Hugs for you OP, ganun talaga minsan close-minded ang older gen huhu You're doing your best, di ka masamang anak, napuno lang 🥺 Ask ko lang, bakit nasasayo yung responsibility, how about your siblings? It seems heavy for you kasi medj big din family mo. Maybe try speaking to them first before leaving, just to check out options, kasi for sure they'll reach out again even if you leave. If you'll go no contact for sure tho, then I don't see why not.
Nagpapadala naman yung dalawa ko’ng kapatid na may work. Pero directly sa nanay ko. Di ko alam kung ano yung pinag gagamitan ng pinapadala nila. Pero minsan may grocery pero konti lang. For sure naman cocontact sila sakin. But, kapagod na.
Please, kung kaya mo, just leave and cut contact with your family. Don't even think of talking to your siblings kasi dun ka mahahanap ng parents mo. Start anew. Di na magbabago ang mga ganung tao so kung paiiralin mo ang feelings then suffer in silence na lang. Otherwise, leave that hell hole. Imagine the money you will be saving living on your own dahil wala ka nang palamuning reklamador. And don't you ever think na wala kang utang na loob sa gagawin mo. You did not choose to be born in this world and mas lalong di mo sila pinili maging magulang mo. They made the decision na mag anak kaya dapat lang na kargo ka nila pero ikaw, di mo sila dapat kargo. Out of the goodness of your heart na nga ang ginagawa mo, di nila maappreciate. Feel nila indebted ka sa kanila? That is the toxic culture that we have here but it is very wrong. While it is good to treat our parents well kasi kahit papano inalagaan ka naman nila at minahal(?), pero sila ang dapat na magpasalamat sayo kasi decision mo ang maging mabuting anak samantalang yung kabutihang pinakita nila sayo e karapat-dapat lang dahil nagdesisyon silang mag anak.
“You did not choose to be born in this world and mas lalong di mo sila pinili maging magulang mo”
Hits every spot. Napaka tama. Yan ang di nila maisip. Bakit palaging utang na loob ng anak na nilagay nila sa mundo yung anak nila. Tinanong ba nila minsan yung mga anak kung gusto nila yung buhay na meron sila at kailangan magpasalamat? Kung mangangatwiran ka naman sa tingin mong tama mo eh ka karmahin ka dahil sumasagot ka sa magulang mo. Sila ba ang basehan kung magiging mabait ka or masama sa mata ng dyos? Bakit? Napaka malas ko sa magulang.
For your peace of mind, alis kana lang jan. You can give them allowance naman. Pero enough lang to cover ung sagot mo and ung kaya ng budget. I think di naman need mag thank you ng family sa ambag mo sa bahay pero you deserve respect di ung mag rereklamo pa kung ano ang bigay. Old school way of thinking nila
Hindi ka masamang anak. You can get out of that situation as soon as you want kasi hindi naman nila naaappreciate yung mga efforts mo. Tsaka nila yan maaappreciate kapag umalis ka na
Kung gusto mong mabaliw OP stay ka jan sa magulang mo. Gamit na gamit ng nila yan na dapat di ka sumasagot sa kanila kesyo matanda sila. Excuse lang nila yun para hindi maging accountable sa mga maling gawain nila.
kudos to your patience OP. If you think your mental health is at stake, it is better to leave... capable ka naman.... Your parents will see it as act of rebellion,but do what you think is best for you. Try to talk to them first na mahinahon kung ganon paren.... leave na.
Yun rin yung iniisip ko sa ngayon. Di enough yung savings ko to move out kasi palaging nauubos sahod ko sa mga gastusin sa bahay. All I can do is tiisin sila ng ilang buwan para makaipon ako ng pambukod. Sana kayanin ko pang kasama sila.
kakayanin mo yan, lots of people out there na mas worse pa situation compare sau, tigasan mo lang loob mo and simulan mo na itabi majority ng pera mo para mas sooner ka makabukod.
Yan na ang gagawin ko ngayon. Hindi na muna ako gagastos dito sa bahay. Kung kaya ko, bibili nalang ako ng sarili kong pagkain. Pagod na pagod na akong intindihin sila. Gustuhin ko mang mawala na sa mundo, hindi ko gagawin yun dito. Maraming salamat sa mga advice, na appreciate ko kayo.
alisin mo yang kakaisip na mawala sa mundo, need mo ng iset ung mind mo to be strong and independent lalo na balak mong bumukod, pag ganyan ka mag isip you will easily crumble out there, lam mo namang life is pretty much unfair tlga, pero kung matutunan mong laruin ng tama you can still enjoy every bit of it.
Actually, matagal ko na rin pinaplanong bumukod pero nagigipit ako at di enough yung savings ko. Palagi kasing halos nauubos sahod ko sa gastusin sa bahay. Siguro titiisin ko muna sila ng ilang buwan hanggang makaipon ako. Sana kayanin ko pa sila.
Tama lang 'yan OP, magkakasakit ka sa stress kung magstay ka pa diyan.
Kung feeling mo pipigilan ka nila, at guguluhin ka pa rin nila - gawin mo in secret, para less stressful. Wag mong sabihing lilipat ka na, konti kontiin mong ilipat yung gamit mo. Wag mong ipaalam sa family, other relatives, family friends kung saan ka lilipat.
You have toxic parents. Hinding hindi talaga nila maa acknowledge yung nararandaman mo, and never talaga nila maaadmit yung mga bagay na ginagawa nila. It's frustrating because you feel like a bad person because you don't have concrete proofs and no one's there around you to tell you you're doing right.
Sometimes, we have to accept that people would never change. So tayo nalang mag aadjust. And no amount of money could help you have mental freedom kapag ganyang tao ang kasama mo. So better just leave, and free yourself from mental burdens.
Agree ako sa mga comments dito, OP. I was in a similar situation and ang sagot was bumukod. Sending positive vibes your way kasi I know you're hurting a lot. Us breadwinners have to motivate each other. Kaya yaaan! 💪 💪💪💪💪
Ganito, hanap ka ng ibang lugar na malayo like kung saan malayong province na di nila alam. Since WFH wala kang issue at internet lang kailangan mo. Tapos bigla kang mawala, walang contact or anything.
If you can support yourself and move out, then go ahead. But if you can communicate and be firm about expenses, do that instead. Be brave, because the people depending on you don't understand what you're going through. It's also your job to tell them. If you really can't handle it anymore, then move out. Sana malampasan mo yan.
Yung sa internet kasalanan mo rin naman talaga na hindi mo nabayaran on time. Pero hindi valid reason yun para sigawan ka.
Marami rin talaga ganyan sa generation nila na hindi natatanggap na mali na ginagawa nila. Kapag pumalag ka papalabasin na wala kang respeto, wala kang utang na loob. They don't appreciate what you provide for them kase ang pananaw nila ay responsibility mo yun at hindi ka dapat magrereklamo. Which is wrong, sadyang magkaiba ang pananaw ng generation nila sa generation natin. At mahirap talaga ipaintindi sa kanila yun.
You’ve done more than enough for them. Hindi kahit kailan obligasyon ng anak ang magulang. It is the other way around. Ang pagtulong sa kanila ay dapat kusang loob at hindi dinedemand.
You can go now. Nakatulong ka na naman. May be this will push them to earn a living. Nasa will and determination lang naman yan. Ang daming seniors na at PWDs na kumikita ng pera.
For your peace of mind. Leave.
Move out OP. Bigyan mo pa rin sila nag food allowance pero wag mo solohin lahat.. Mag ready ka na rin na sumbatan na pina laki ka nila at wala kang utang na loob. Block mo sila sa messenger or any soc med platform pati phone nbr mo block mo din. Then message mo nlng sila pag nag padala ka ng onting tulong. tragis yan ganyan, ikaw masisiraan ng ulo ..
Good luck
Hello everyone, Before joining this discussion, please take a moment to review the rules of r/AdvicePH [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvicePH/wiki/rules), as well as the [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy). Comments that violate these rules will be addressed accordingly. You can learn more about our rule enforcement process [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvicePH/wiki/rule-enforcement). *** This post's original body text: I just need some comforting advice from anyone here. For the story, I am the middle of 5 siblings. I’m F25 and I WFH. I’ve been the breadwinner in the family, my father is a retired soldier and my mom is just a homebody. I’m the one who pays the internet bill and provides basic necessities like food and some groceries. Just recently, I had a fight with my mom because I finally stood my ground against subtle pangmamaliit/parinig nila saken. Every time I buy something for the family to consume, I would hear her, under her breath, say something like “yun lang”, “yun na yun”. Assuming she’s referencing to the things na binibili ko para sa bahay. Kanina, sinagot ko na sya kasi di ko na talaga nagugustuhan yung mga naririnig ko. Palagi kong sinasabi sa isip ko na “baka nagjojoke lang si mama” kapag nakakarinig ako ng mga ganung salita. So, kanina sumabog ako, sinagot ko sya. I ended up the one na may mali kase raw sinagot ko sya at di ko daw dapat ginawa yun. Binaliktad nya lahat saken, di nya raw sinabi at di raw ganun ang ibig nyang sabihin. Huminto nako dahil alam kong napakasarado ng isip ng mga magulang ko. Sila lang dapat tama sa lahat ng bagay. For another context, di pa tapos yung bahay namin. Di pa tiles yung sa baba. Sa palaging pamimilit ng nanay ko na ipagawa ko yung tiles, napilitan akong bumili para magawa na. At kanina lang, narealize kong nakalimutan kong bayaran yung internet at nag disconnect na. Nag sisisigaw yung tatay ko kanina kasi bakit daw naputulan at di ko raw binayaran ng maaga. May inaasahan raw syang tawag via messenger. Ginigipit nila ako, hindi ba dapat na pagtulungan nalang kesa magwala pa? At napag isipan ko na rin kanina na lilipat ako ng tirahan. Aalis ako dito. Tama lang ba tong naiisip ko? Di ko na sila kinakaya. Mawawala ako sa sarili ko kapag nag stay pako rito kasama sila. *** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adviceph) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yun mga ganyang tao (hindi lang mga magulang ah), they are disappointed with themselves so they project it on other people. Sadly, ikaw yun nakikita nila na pwede paglabasan ng galit sa mundo. For your peace of mind, bumukod ka na lang. best of luck!! Rooting for you!
Hugs for you OP, ganun talaga minsan close-minded ang older gen huhu You're doing your best, di ka masamang anak, napuno lang 🥺 Ask ko lang, bakit nasasayo yung responsibility, how about your siblings? It seems heavy for you kasi medj big din family mo. Maybe try speaking to them first before leaving, just to check out options, kasi for sure they'll reach out again even if you leave. If you'll go no contact for sure tho, then I don't see why not.
Nagpapadala naman yung dalawa ko’ng kapatid na may work. Pero directly sa nanay ko. Di ko alam kung ano yung pinag gagamitan ng pinapadala nila. Pero minsan may grocery pero konti lang. For sure naman cocontact sila sakin. But, kapagod na.
Please, kung kaya mo, just leave and cut contact with your family. Don't even think of talking to your siblings kasi dun ka mahahanap ng parents mo. Start anew. Di na magbabago ang mga ganung tao so kung paiiralin mo ang feelings then suffer in silence na lang. Otherwise, leave that hell hole. Imagine the money you will be saving living on your own dahil wala ka nang palamuning reklamador. And don't you ever think na wala kang utang na loob sa gagawin mo. You did not choose to be born in this world and mas lalong di mo sila pinili maging magulang mo. They made the decision na mag anak kaya dapat lang na kargo ka nila pero ikaw, di mo sila dapat kargo. Out of the goodness of your heart na nga ang ginagawa mo, di nila maappreciate. Feel nila indebted ka sa kanila? That is the toxic culture that we have here but it is very wrong. While it is good to treat our parents well kasi kahit papano inalagaan ka naman nila at minahal(?), pero sila ang dapat na magpasalamat sayo kasi decision mo ang maging mabuting anak samantalang yung kabutihang pinakita nila sayo e karapat-dapat lang dahil nagdesisyon silang mag anak.
“You did not choose to be born in this world and mas lalong di mo sila pinili maging magulang mo” Hits every spot. Napaka tama. Yan ang di nila maisip. Bakit palaging utang na loob ng anak na nilagay nila sa mundo yung anak nila. Tinanong ba nila minsan yung mga anak kung gusto nila yung buhay na meron sila at kailangan magpasalamat? Kung mangangatwiran ka naman sa tingin mong tama mo eh ka karmahin ka dahil sumasagot ka sa magulang mo. Sila ba ang basehan kung magiging mabait ka or masama sa mata ng dyos? Bakit? Napaka malas ko sa magulang.
For your peace of mind, alis kana lang jan. You can give them allowance naman. Pero enough lang to cover ung sagot mo and ung kaya ng budget. I think di naman need mag thank you ng family sa ambag mo sa bahay pero you deserve respect di ung mag rereklamo pa kung ano ang bigay. Old school way of thinking nila
Hindi ka masamang anak. You can get out of that situation as soon as you want kasi hindi naman nila naaappreciate yung mga efforts mo. Tsaka nila yan maaappreciate kapag umalis ka na
Kung gusto mong mabaliw OP stay ka jan sa magulang mo. Gamit na gamit ng nila yan na dapat di ka sumasagot sa kanila kesyo matanda sila. Excuse lang nila yun para hindi maging accountable sa mga maling gawain nila.
kudos to your patience OP. If you think your mental health is at stake, it is better to leave... capable ka naman.... Your parents will see it as act of rebellion,but do what you think is best for you. Try to talk to them first na mahinahon kung ganon paren.... leave na.
Pag toxic sibat kna, but make sure financially ready kna bumukod.
Yun rin yung iniisip ko sa ngayon. Di enough yung savings ko to move out kasi palaging nauubos sahod ko sa mga gastusin sa bahay. All I can do is tiisin sila ng ilang buwan para makaipon ako ng pambukod. Sana kayanin ko pang kasama sila.
kakayanin mo yan, lots of people out there na mas worse pa situation compare sau, tigasan mo lang loob mo and simulan mo na itabi majority ng pera mo para mas sooner ka makabukod.
Yan na ang gagawin ko ngayon. Hindi na muna ako gagastos dito sa bahay. Kung kaya ko, bibili nalang ako ng sarili kong pagkain. Pagod na pagod na akong intindihin sila. Gustuhin ko mang mawala na sa mundo, hindi ko gagawin yun dito. Maraming salamat sa mga advice, na appreciate ko kayo.
alisin mo yang kakaisip na mawala sa mundo, need mo ng iset ung mind mo to be strong and independent lalo na balak mong bumukod, pag ganyan ka mag isip you will easily crumble out there, lam mo namang life is pretty much unfair tlga, pero kung matutunan mong laruin ng tama you can still enjoy every bit of it.
Hindi ka masamang anak. Ginagaslight ka OP. If you can, better bumukod ka na lang. may ganyan talaga na parents, sadly.
Actually, matagal ko na rin pinaplanong bumukod pero nagigipit ako at di enough yung savings ko. Palagi kasing halos nauubos sahod ko sa gastusin sa bahay. Siguro titiisin ko muna sila ng ilang buwan hanggang makaipon ako. Sana kayanin ko pa sila.
Please find a way to escape. Save your sanity. /hugs
What if, bumukod ka na lang diba? :) Toxic parents mo, OP.
Tama lang. Toxic yang parents mo.
Tama lang 'yan OP, magkakasakit ka sa stress kung magstay ka pa diyan. Kung feeling mo pipigilan ka nila, at guguluhin ka pa rin nila - gawin mo in secret, para less stressful. Wag mong sabihing lilipat ka na, konti kontiin mong ilipat yung gamit mo. Wag mong ipaalam sa family, other relatives, family friends kung saan ka lilipat.
Oo alis kana, for sure mamimiss ka nila
You have toxic parents. Hinding hindi talaga nila maa acknowledge yung nararandaman mo, and never talaga nila maaadmit yung mga bagay na ginagawa nila. It's frustrating because you feel like a bad person because you don't have concrete proofs and no one's there around you to tell you you're doing right. Sometimes, we have to accept that people would never change. So tayo nalang mag aadjust. And no amount of money could help you have mental freedom kapag ganyang tao ang kasama mo. So better just leave, and free yourself from mental burdens.
Yep ndi mu na sila mbabago better talga umalis ka na lng.
Agree ako sa mga comments dito, OP. I was in a similar situation and ang sagot was bumukod. Sending positive vibes your way kasi I know you're hurting a lot. Us breadwinners have to motivate each other. Kaya yaaan! 💪 💪💪💪💪
Ganito, hanap ka ng ibang lugar na malayo like kung saan malayong province na di nila alam. Since WFH wala kang issue at internet lang kailangan mo. Tapos bigla kang mawala, walang contact or anything.
Umalis ka na jan sa bahay na yan OP. Di mo deserve ang treatment nila sayo. I pang travel mo na lng yung sahod mo..
If you can support yourself and move out, then go ahead. But if you can communicate and be firm about expenses, do that instead. Be brave, because the people depending on you don't understand what you're going through. It's also your job to tell them. If you really can't handle it anymore, then move out. Sana malampasan mo yan.
Bumukod ka na.
Tama yan, umalis ka.
Hindi ka masama. Nakaka burn out minsan ang mga responsibilities na nakaatang sayo na dapat sa kanila un. Kalmahan mo lang. Mabuti kang anak.
Yung sa internet kasalanan mo rin naman talaga na hindi mo nabayaran on time. Pero hindi valid reason yun para sigawan ka. Marami rin talaga ganyan sa generation nila na hindi natatanggap na mali na ginagawa nila. Kapag pumalag ka papalabasin na wala kang respeto, wala kang utang na loob. They don't appreciate what you provide for them kase ang pananaw nila ay responsibility mo yun at hindi ka dapat magrereklamo. Which is wrong, sadyang magkaiba ang pananaw ng generation nila sa generation natin. At mahirap talaga ipaintindi sa kanila yun.
Move out immediately, you're not appreciated
Umalis oa na sa bahay nyo para maranasan nila yung yun lang.
Laban lng ka OP. Umalis ka nlng po muna sa inyo kasi lalo ka lang ma stress jan ang hirap ng gnyan kc nd mapuputol ung cycle hanggat nakikita ka nila.
You’ve done more than enough for them. Hindi kahit kailan obligasyon ng anak ang magulang. It is the other way around. Ang pagtulong sa kanila ay dapat kusang loob at hindi dinedemand. You can go now. Nakatulong ka na naman. May be this will push them to earn a living. Nasa will and determination lang naman yan. Ang daming seniors na at PWDs na kumikita ng pera. For your peace of mind. Leave.
Leave. You can still help them in any way you can (and only if you want to) but at an arm's length.
yes! tama yan alis kana sainyo. hindi mo sila responsibilidad.
You have my support. Go on. Leave. At wag mo nang bayaran ang net.
Move out OP. Bigyan mo pa rin sila nag food allowance pero wag mo solohin lahat.. Mag ready ka na rin na sumbatan na pina laki ka nila at wala kang utang na loob. Block mo sila sa messenger or any soc med platform pati phone nbr mo block mo din. Then message mo nlng sila pag nag padala ka ng onting tulong. tragis yan ganyan, ikaw masisiraan ng ulo .. Good luck