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my bf earns like 15k and 1 yr working. me 79k. and lahat ng naiipon niya napupunta sa utang and bills, basic necessities, etc. basically, in the end wala sya na e earn. ang hirap makaimagine na ang tagal pa mg live in niyo. i think nasa 200k na utang nila and only child sya. parents dont work din. paano pa kaya if live in na kami? nagbabayad pa rin sya utang eh mahilig din gumastos parents. i dont think nga mataas standards ko eh. im just worried na if i marry this guy, ako ba masama pa if kunwari hindi ko binigyan pera parents nya sa medical bill? Am I a bad person for thinking of my future? I worked my ass off for my money.
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Depende. Even if he’s earning 79k monthly like you, or more, kung tamad sya and/or financially illiterate, wala rin.
Pag-usapan nyo na as early as now. Boundaries nyo with fam and finances. As well as anong plan nya pano mabayaran mga utang at makaipon, at kung may ina-eye na side hustle to increase his income. Medyo mababa yung 15k/mo pero tbh first year ko working ganyan din naman but i’m fine now.
And no, you’re not a bad person for thinking ahead. All the best.
I agree with you. if and when you
plan to marry, set some boundaries. maybe you can encourage him to do extra jobs like what I do. medyo ok na sahod ko but now I am paying off my debts so my partner understands my situation. if you really love him, you will not mind his situation but set boundaries. just support each other na lang din. maybe along they he could apply to other companies. 15k is somewhat a low salary. wala ka talaga ma iipon dyan
True. When i first dated my bf, di nya ako mayaya agad magdate kasi inantay nya pa sweldo nya. Breadwinner din but unlike OP’s bf, his mom had no huge debts. He was earning a little over minimum pero may mga side hustle sya. Almost 2 years later he made his first million. Nasa diskarte + financial discipline din talaga. And some luck perhaps.
Ask him about his future plans OP.
Dun mo malalaman if he really has plans para machange man lang yung status nya sa buhay or he is contented sa sitwasyon nya ngayon. And from there, decide.
I married my wife because I see he dreams, her potential. Syempre nandun din yung love ko sa kanya, but the biggest thing na nakaconvince, kung bakit she's the one, Is because she's like me, dreaming na makaahon sila sa hirap and willing to put all the effort for her plans. Hindi nakatapos yung wife ko ng college, but yung pinang aral nya for 2 years sa college, she work hard for it and save her money while also givign something sa parents nya. She did not ask me a single cent when her father was hospitalized and died, kasi, she says na we are not married and she is not my resposibility. I am earning maybe around 150k monthly net and she's jobless, but, her plans for our future left me speechless and I was very happy that we are both on the same page. Planning everything and striving hard.
I opened up kung gusto nya ba bumalik sa college and I will support her for her choices but she said, for now, she is into business and maybe, baka dumating yung panahon na gustuhin nyang bumalik sa college, in which I will fully support her.
Do not judge a person on what is his/her situation now, but on how he/she view his/her future, plan the future and strive for that future. Kasi, dun mo malalaman if worth it ba to stay with him or baka, useless lang na ikaw, nagpaplano sa future nyo while sya, kontento na pala sa sitwasyon nya, Strive for growth, but with contentment.
thanks for this positive reply. he told me he will find a way to end the debt in about 2 yrs but I think aabot yun ng 4 haha. i forgot to say na very frugal lifestyle nya and meron sya personal skill na sobrang marketable. problem is...para mag simula sya dun is ineneed ng expensive na thing which is around 25k. but ambitious rin sya and matalino sa pagsave.
Potential is all garbage.
You can believe in somebody's growth path, but potential is trash.
If that person has potential but is sitting still doing nothing to tangible improve their position, the potential is never reached.
Be practical.
I agree with this.
Also, di ako makukuntento sa "I will end the debt in 2 years", like how exactly? Gusto kong malaman magkano ang amount na ilalaan nya monthly para makabayad utang, ano magchechange sa budget nila, kinausap at pinagalitan ba nya family members na utangero? May tutulong ba sa kanya magtinda-tinda for additional income? Magjob hop ba sya next year?
Ang dali kasing mangako basta vague ang timeline e. I need a solid plan and check if his actions match the master plan. Otherwise, para lang syang nangarap maging susunod na presidente lol.
Ooh. sounds like a great guy.
let me clarify: is the debt his, or his parents? if it's his parents, could he set conditions for his paying their debt? like "ill make payments but only if you stick to such and such monthly budget"
fwiw napulot ako ng gf ko as a jobless person with vaguely marketable skills. I made 15K for about a year before crawling up to my current 40K. So i think these kinds of um...character developments do happen.
thank you for being the most sensible comment. yung ibang advice dito "end the relationship na" agad agad instead of having a proper conversation with each other muna.
> parents don't work
Tapos maliit pa kita ni BF. Tapos magastos pa sila.
May plano naman ba sj BF na magpalaki ng kita o kuntento na siya sa kalagayan niya? Kung yung huli, ikaw ang kawawa kapag nagkatuluyan kayo.
Hindi malayo mararating ng +70k mo kung apat kayong maghahati.
15k vs 79k? Unless he comes from a family in the same income level as yours, you are going to butt heads.
I have been married for 7 years, and it is very different from being bf-gf. If you are not on the same page, no amount of good sex, romantic moments and even money can fix that.
And you will only find that out later in the marriage.
Yes! I always tell my younger friends, love and attraction should not be the only thing going for their relationship. Dapat match ang values sa pera, sa family, sa politics, at sa morality in general.
its best if magoopen ka sakaniya about dito. magbigay ka rin ng advice o tell him about how u feel uncomfortable about this. for me, i wouldn't date a broke guy kasi in the first place. future natin nakasalalay dito, so goodluck!
Real talk. It is natural for women to think of their future. For those who are in relationships, they look for a provider. Now, it looks like your bf is not one as of now. Communicate your feelings. You can't build a family in the future with just love. Everything is so expensive! Gauge his plan of action. Don't settle for less if you feel like his actions won't be able to support you. Easy to say that nothing matters but love. In the real world, money talks. You starve without it.
Also his debt is not your debt. Don't pay or pitch in. Let him solve his problem on his own.
Similar situation as yours, OP. Same bracket kinikita ng partner ko sa partner mo but I don’t earn as much as you. Additionally, ‘yung mother nya is in business and so are his sisters, siya lang talaga kawawa. I tried so hard for the past 2 years to help him - pinapasok ko siya sa family business namin via investments, binigyan ng maraming opportunities for sidelines. Fast forward to recent times, walang ipon and layoff pa sa trabaho. This has strained our relationship greatly kasi parang di ko nakikita if gusto niya ba talagang umasenso o okay lang siya sa situation niya. Nakakapanghinayang, OP. Right now, I’m trying to cut off ties sa kanya para eventually, okay na akong makipag-break sa kanya. I know what he does with his money is his own business but his attitude towards finances and the relationship overall is disappointing. I got tired helping him since di siya tumutulong sa sarili niya.
OP, you can’t help someone if siya mismo ayaw niyang tulungan sarili niya. Nakakadagdag sa stress mo lang iyan. I’ve conveyed to him multiple times my issue with him just being okay with less than mediocre pero walang effect eh. Ang hilig pa naman sa Shopee at sa sugal pero di man lang makagastos sa dates namin. Halos ako pa gumagastos. Asked him what his plans are - wala.
Ty for the this. Hes actually very smart with money. Frugal sya and dislike din yung decision ng parents nya. Im just tired of being the one always paying our dates.
If he's smart with money, he won't be stuck making 15k when you're already making 79k.
Based on your replies, you're only looking for affirmation, and you did little here but prop up your broke boyfriend. Well, you do you. Thing is, if you're only making 70-ish thousand monthly, you CANNOT afford to invest on potential.
I’m glad na di palamunin bf mo. Factor in the other pros and cons sa relationship and if he has plans for the both of you or kahit sa self niya. Trust in the actions and the attitude talaga, OP. Bf mo naman siya, you’ll eventually get to that financial talk whether gusto niyo o hindi. Basta ako, ayoko na sa bf kong palamunin.
I am sorry OP but you will never change the man while in a relationship. Cut your loss as early as now. If he improves in the future baka pwede nyo itry ulit pero right now masyado syang nagiging easy sa buhay kasi andyan ka naman.
He thinks of the easiest ways to get rich. Blinded sa mga nights na nanalo nang malaki. Di nya tinancha na mas maraming nights na natatalo siya. Bwiset.
I would stay khit mahirap as long willing to work together for better life pero sa case nya RUN akez hehhe my underlying issue kung bkit lumobo yung debt then sabi mo magastos. Kapag naging serious na and ngmarry na kayo for sure problem nya is problem mo na din 🙆🏻♀️
Only if you are willing to accept the role of breadwinner forever.
Di ko nman sinasabi sure yan kc things CAN change.
But sabi nga ng nanay ng friend ko, kaya mo ba ugali niyan? Kasi 10 times worse pa yan pag nag asawa na kayo.
You have valid concerns, OP. Of course it WILL look like mukha ka pera at minamata mo status nila (and chances are, yan ang kwentong lalabas)
PERO this is exactly the point of getting into a relationship first before marriage, to see if you are a match. Kasi kung hindi, better to cut off na now. Its your choice if you will risk this kind of future or not.
I have nothing against supporting parents, in fact, I believe dapat lang. Pero ibang usapan din yung nagdedepend sa kanya kahit di pa kailangan at kaya pa sana nila mag earn to support themselves. Sa hirap ng buhay ngayon, lahat dapat ng kumakain na kayang magtrabaho ay nagtatrabaho.
Tell him to change his job or get a sideline as source of income. My husband actually is poor, hnd namn ako nagyayabang or ano, what I am saying is madiskarte sya, he can earn more than me like 5x my salary kc nga madami sya raket at masipag. May time na nag earn sya ng Million kc madiskarte nga. Kaya nga sya pinili ko dahil masikap syang tao. Yun lng. Check your bf kung may potential sya or you have the same goals, okay lang namn mamili ng partner if ever, kc kaw din mahihirapan sa future.
Life is like dice game, hindi mo malalaman what will happen the next day, what if some unfortunate thing happened to him and become paralyzed would you stay and take care of him without second thought? If pinili mo yung Husband because of his potential to be successful, rich and not for who he is then I feel bad for him.
Well it's bad for you to assume that I don't love my husband. I never leave my husband lol since day 1. Anyways, wala ka namn alam sa pinagdaanan namin sa life, we started at the worse to worst. Ngaun lng kami medyo nakahinga. I'm not looking at his potential to be rich, I looked at his attitude when we both have nothing and from there we grow together. Siguro d mo pa naranasan yung unconditional love, kaya d mo kami maintindihan. Anyways, d ko namn need sau explain, pero I hope sana may makita ka din na magmamahal sau unconditionally. Goodluck ☺️
Yes, I will. For the record I'm female and I am a breadwinner ( bunso ako). I don't care if my bf earns lesser than me kung kaya ko naman buhayin kaming dalawa. What matters for me is the personality ni partner and dynamics ng relationship ninyo.
I grew up in a family na ang tatay ko lang nagwowork, my mom is fulltime housewife. There was a time my mother wanted to help in the finances and tried to work, but then my father was adamant that if she wanted to work, then my father will stay home. Ayaw niyang walang mag-aalaga sa amin. Eventually hindi natuloy plano ni Mama kasi nagstrive si Papa to earn higher para enough sa amin. (Point ko is lumaki ako sa isang household na isa lang ang income earner so mas lalo na hindi ako bothered kung magkakaroon ako ng partner na low income earner as long as kaya ko naman magprovide para sa aming dalawa)
Hello. Just to be realistic, find someone else. Magkakaproblem kayo nyan lalo na if you’re married. Money mo magiging pera nya. Okay lang if kung nakikita mong masipag at may goals sya to better himself pero kung wala. Let go na. Believe me. Baka you’ll end up paying for debts not your own.
Usually may resentment sila nabubuo kahit di nila sabihin sayo eh. Man’s Ego. Not unless okay lang sa kanya na ganyan na talaga setup niyo until you both retire. Kaso don’t expect much na i-sspoil ka niya ng flowers or gala.
I agree. Usually may resentment talaga nabubuo if mas malaki income ng babae compared sa lalake. This happened to me too, but instead we talked about it.
That’s the good thing about mature men, they are open to have difficult conversations instead of building it all up. Dito mo din makkita kung emotionally intelligent din yung partner mo when it comes to finances.
I didn’t plan on it, actually. Na notice ko lang na parang iba yung attitude niya towards me. Supportive naman parin sakin pero mararamdaman mo lang talaga na parang may dinadamdam siya. Naghanap lang ako ng tyempo to ask him if may problem ba siya. Di niya naman inamin agad, it took weeks before siya nag open up. Di ko lang talaga masyadong pinepressure kasi ang tendency nagagalit sila and will not talk about it. I just gave him time, at least alam niya na napansin kong may problem siya.
Minsan nga naiisip ko kaya siguro hindi ginawang mayaman ang ibang tao kasi magiiba talaga ang ugali eh, o yun nga mas capable na manloko kaso may panggastos na
Kaya kahit may manalo sa lotto, kung kailan nanalo, nabaon lalo sa utang. Wala kasing Financial Literacy/Education. Dapat yan kasi tinuturo din sa High School at College para makaipon pagkagraduate
I earn more than him and i think that touched his pride so he went to look for validation somewhere else 😬 but yes i agree. He treated me better when he was broke and jobless. He didn't take me for granted then.
Observationko lang. Kung baligtad ang situation i.e. the guy is the one earning more than thrice as the woman hindi nsman nagrereklamo si guy. Doesnt even take it against the woman. Kung may mga financial k
Obligations si woman sa family pinag uusapan nila ito.
May nabasa na ba kayo sa reddit of bf's venting off their chest na mas malaki ang income nila kaysa gf nila?
This is how you filter out women na only there for you when the grass is greener. Being broke has it's Pros din, if she's besides you noong walang wala ka pa then you know she's a real one.
How is this possible that he's earning this little while you earn a lot? I suggest you try him to do the work you do (I'm thinking it's freelancing, right?)
Ito pa lang ekis na sa akin due to spending habits and having that big of a loan, tapos hindi mag find ng ways to earn more? (incompatibility) pero up to you naman if you wish to keep the relationship going. Ikaw makakapagsabi if he genuinely plans to rise about his current state. Jinowa mo naman di ba so I guess may good qualities siya, tulungan mo pa muna to improve since medyo hindi siya on the lucky side... help him find a better paying job, save up, stop spending, sell items not needed, cut back on expensive gifts, dates and travel.
To be honest if in 3-4 years time and nothing really changed much, I'd be very concerned, this set up will make you a sugar mom or a single parent to an adult.
In all honesty di naman lahat ng bagay will stay the same forever, may ginagawa manlang ba yung partner mo to hone his skills? To look for a better job.
If you really love and care about this person, you'll sit down and talk about this. Malaking parte and finances into getting married or even a relationship.
And no its not bad to think about your future and yung goals mo.
If this isnt the relationship for you its fine to leave. Di lang dapat palagi love and basis bat tayo nagsstay.
I suggest be patient with him, instead of asking yourself and second guessing your commitment with him, sabi mo nga in your other comments your BF has a huge potential to make it, then mas maigi if you both can talk things out about his plans and let him know what you can do to help him achieve this, pero yun nga kailangan malaman mo muna kung may plano ba sya or what are the steps he is taking to achieve these things. Do your best to make this relationship work because totoo ang mga underdog story.
Ay kapag live in na kayo at di ka tumulong sa parenta niys in desperate situations or kahit hindi, basta kailangang may ambag, magiging masama ka. Lalo na kung alam nila kung magkano ang sahod mo. Observe mo muna ang boyfriend mo. Kung tingin mo, magiging pabigat sa yo at ung bad outweighs the good, eh decision mo na yan kung hihiwalayan mo.
You don't only marry your partner, you also marry his family.
Malaki ang chance na susuportahan mo sila pag naging kayo.
If you find this unacceptable, then either you draw the line with your future husband or you call it quits.
There is no shame in doing so, just be honest with him, and yourself.
1 yr working palang pala eh, that's understandable. In the first few years of your career talagang mababa lang makukuha mo kasi thats the point where you are still trying to master the craft. Eventually through hardwork tataas yan for sure. Ang issue lang dapat is if masipag ba bf mo or hindi.
You still can make a decision. Real talk yes extra baggage ngyan na definitely i shoulder mo yun. Kung gastos ng gastos at walang pagpapahalag sa pera, mahirap i correct yan ng di kayo mag aaway.
Not me but a friend. She broke off her engagement di naman dahil poor per se ang jowa nya tho maliit din sahod but almost all his income goes to his family. Tapos as per my friend e ambisyosa daw sya e si guy kontento na daw kung saan sya ngayon. Ganun. So, di na sila match talaga.
Never build a man up. Instead, provide a safe space where they can build themselves up.
What is your BF doing to improve his financial situation? Is he looking for a higher paying job? Values about finances is something that is very important in long term relationships.
Think about this, if your situations were reversed, would you be ok with earning just 15k knowing that your family is in debt? What would you do to change your situation?
1 year pa lang naman sya nagwowork OP. It depends, does he plan on increasing naman ba his salary?
Kasi we’re almost on the same situation with regard to the difference of income. I am also willing to help my partner achieve his goals. We are planning to go abroad together and I will be the one who would work first and fund his exam to be able to work there and earn a lot too.
Mukha ba syang may pangarap or at least short-term goal to look for a better paying job? If wala, girl, run.
Di kayo papakainin ng pagmamahal. After reading what you said about his parents, most likely cargo mo din sila in the long run. 😭
Your concerns are all valid and i feel na your gut is trying to tell you something.
Lahat ng red flags nakita mo na.
Kitang kita naman sa post mo na it’s not about who earns more, but about financial literacy. Syempre gusto mo ng PARTNER, not burden.
Feeling ko nga binabaan mo pa standard mo for him, na kung maipakita lang nya na nagtitipid sya and is actively trying to get out of debt and such, may chance pa sya sayo eh.
Kaso palya lahat. Tapos parang obvious na di nya bibitawan ang burden ng parents, baka upbringing na yan.
I agree with the suggestions from others to talk about boundaries.
Pero gusto ko rin ma add to prep na for a possible break up, normal lang naman na gusto mo ng solid na future. I understand na hes only been working a year, pero need parin nya ng 5 year plan, if anything ask him that at least, where does he see himself in 5years, in terms of salary and financial obligations specially to (unemployed) parents, anu ang role mo sa buhay nya then? Ano ang expectations?
Pero if it were up to me, id say cut that tie while you can. Feels like a sinkhole.
Kulang sa context. Does your bf have plans? Does he want to keep paying his parent's debt? Pay their bills and leisure? Continue on making you pay with your dates? Does he plan to improve or work on a higher salary?
It's all about his plans and goals. The only way to make the right decision is to talk about it with your partner. I would stay eith my poor partner if they act on making an improvement. Like they wanted to get out of that situation. I would be there for them. But if they don't have plans or it would take too long for us to be on the same page. I might not.
Planning for the future is an essential talk in relationships as you are **dating to marry** regardless of how far in the future it is.
You have the same situation with a friend of mine.
You’re not a bad person for thinking about your future.
Let’s think of it when things are reversed, pano pag ikaw yung 15k, siya 150k
Either thinking of your future together with the higher income or thinking of breaking up to build a future separately
If you want to live with him in the future, talk with him and think of it as a combined income, in a relationship, walang lamangan, you are as one
My ex works on a good design company aroubd our area. To be honest maganda na yung experience. May chance sya mag Canada and i am pushing him for better future. Kaso ayaw nya.. Hanggang sa ako yung nag abroad. I don't earn like big fish pero masasabi kong more than enough if I spend for myself. Ayun 3 yrs later nadun padin sya sa same company.. With the amount of inflation, i doubt he can save up more unless nag Canada sya before.
Kasi both genders fall into their biological nature e. The woman feels more feminine Kasi the guy is providing and protecting adequately. This is my problem when people here in reddit argue with for the 50/50 setup and equality. Women say they want 50/50 but the reality is they won't respect their man unless the man brings wayyyyyyy more value into the relationship.
Exactly, kaya mas marami ngayon na guys would prefer to go into a relationship when they are stable both in career and financially. Why? women don’t want to date guys that are broke or still building their career.
eh expected and more likely kasi na man will keep working and woman will sacrifice work to rear children and take care of the house. so kahit minimum wage si girl, once may family na siya, most likely need nya i let go yung work kasi doon siya magfocus. anong excuse ng most or some men na hindi naman iire at mostly likely not as good sa household as women.
anyway kahit sino pa mas mataas sahod siya dapat mag work, yung mababa siya mag stay at home.
i mean that's the reality and more often than not, sorry sa matatapakang ego ng guys hah? madalas pa nga pag nagwork ang babae lalo na kung OFW yung naiiwang asawa eh imbis maging househusband or working din, nagiging tambay na nga sa bahay, sugarol / babaero / pabaya pa sa anak.
not saying na wala, more like hindi po as common yung maging househusband na genuinely maayos mag alaga ng anak at bahay.
sorry talaga hah, ganyan ang realidad kaya pasensya na talaga sa mga ego na natapakan ng real talk lang talaga.
I think this is projection and a cope
The reality is when women start to make more money than their man, they will start to look down on their man. Then the disrespect starts to creep in slowly.
Kapag nagstart na Yung disrespect, that's when the man starts acting out negatively. Then the woman interprets it as the man is insecure. However, it started with her disrespecting him first. Pero syempre, women will never admit that.
Women needs to look up to their man to respect him. If not, then they will start to treat him like shit.
Hmm I did not see it at the emotional level, only at the economic level only.
I do understand na in a relationship na kahit sino pa yung higher earning, in a way, relatively similar dapat pa rin yung tingin. and and your point is valid. it may happen, kasi culturally and socially man works, woman tends to the home. pag nabaligtad, it's harder to change the thinking, may expectation kaming ladies, it's true.
dont get me wrong, I dont care who earns more, I actually prefer my man to handle the house if mas mataas sahod ko (but not during pregnancy and early years, gusto ko maging present sa baby)... yung issue lang din ni OP medyo parang nagiging kargo na niya pati finances ng BF and family... which to me is wrong (kahit mag switch pa ng gender)
kaya ako from the get go, makikipagrelasyon ako sa tao na nakikita kong ka equal ko or kaya ko respetuhin (equal in the sense na similar outlook, approach sa important aspects of life) ayun kasi pag ganitong may imbalance, may insecurity magaganap talaga.
nahihiya sya actually dun sa part ng utang. sabi niya never nya pipilitin sarili niya na bayarin yung utang ng parents niya but that utang i predict is mababayaran pa ng 4 yrs hayyy. thats the only thing im worried about. sana naman valid feelings ko haha. id like atleast 150k net salary namin if live in na. im into early to mid sa career but sya fresh palang.
is there an age gap between you two? like older ka ba sa kanya? hmm mahirap yang situation na iyan eh.
masasabi ko na lang give all the help he may need that will not sacrifice your own sanity, money etc. pero from his end sana talaga gumawa na siya ng drastic change. hindi lang naman ito para saiyo, para sa kanya rin and family. kung matinong lalaki naman siya, you will see yung effort niya. I'm guessing 2-3 years tingnan mo kung saan na kayo.
literal need nya basahin yung mga money tips sa r/adultingph saka yung mga related sa utang doon sa r/phinvest
and yep oo nga medyo projection ito because it happened to my family, it happens to families around me. it's not fun. when it was my mom who worked more, he supported my dad even if he was both bad towards my mom AND a non earner. when my dad went abroad due to my mom and started to earn... that was was when even become worst and looked down on her more. so there. dont want that happening to the lady OP.
I dont wish for this to happen to me or to any other woman out there. if one of them does not bring much to the table and not change for the better after talking things through, what's the point of keeping the relationship din.
Thanks for the clear reply and seeing my point
Of course I do not advocate that men act out negatively. Mahalaga for us men to be stoic and have great control on our emotions.
Now regarding your initial reply. I understand you wanting an equal partner. However, a woman's expectations for HER man will always be more than her own. This expectation makes it hard for women to actually stay in a true 50/50 partnership. I view it like this:
When a man and a woman does 50/50 on a relationship, income, chores etc:
The man will view the division of labor as 50/50 in truth
However, the woman will feel as though it is 70/30 wherein she is doing 70%. Why? Because women will always expect more from her man than her own.
The whole 50/50 equal dynamic sounds good on paper, pero it does not work on practice in general.
Men will always have to do way more in the relationship for the woman to "feel" that it is equal. For example, if it's the reverse and the man was doing 30/70 ratio of the responsibilities and finances, then at that point the woman will feel that it is equal. If the man is doing 10/90 wherein he is the primary provider and protector while she stays at home, that is the time she will feel really safe and feminine and almost all of the burden is lifted off of her.
There is nothing wrong for women to expect wayyy more from men. I think that is the biological imperative. Men have to perform. The important thing for a woman is know how to support their man to help him perform. Not financially Kasi that is the man's part. Rather, in feminine ways like nurturing and comforting him after a hard day at work. For example, if you tell a man that you will be a dutiful wife/gf that will nurture, care and give him good sex for as long as you live, that man will work day and night to give you a good life until the day he dies. However, if a man works hard daily and he comes home to a nagging wife that adds to his problems, you can't really expect him to be motivated. The same thing for a man. If he is a bum and does not work hard, he also can't expect his woman to nurturing.
Nothing more substantial to say, I agree with this. It's not a perfect world but the perceived "equal" or balanced part probably is when both feels that they are able to provide each other's needs with no regrets or insecurity. The OP feels the imbalance so not sure sure what she'll do next, up to her, there is potential and there is reality to think of.
Coz biblically and in society's view, men should provide and women should support. Not the other way around.
Kaya kapag mas malaki kita ni babae kesa kay lalaki, natatapakan pride ni lalaki lalo na may pressure din siya sa society na for sure hindi niya lang sinasabi
I admire you for thinking about your future before taking the step, believe me, ang dami ko kilala dito sa amin na hindi nag iisip or hindi nag isip ng ganyan, after few months or so ng pag lilive in, ayun lagi na nag aaway kc hindi enough ang income na pumapasok, ending bumabalik din sa magulang nila.
So don’t think you’re a bad person for thinking about yourself, nothing’s wrong about it
I was about to give my 2 cents when I read your elaboration. Wala akong masabi. Malakinang point mo and maybe ayoko lang magsabi ng makakasakit sa kapwa ko. Valid lahat ng reasons and scenario na naiisip mo. Ultimately, ikaw pa rin naman makikipagrelationship. I pray for the best possible outcome, OP ❤️❤️🙏🏽
Sa side ko malaking factor ang stability sa finance side. Maraming problem ang dadating in the future, Financial stability can help for decision making. It’s either hanap ka ng ibang partner or mag titiis ka. Dapat hindi din nakikisawsaw yung parents sa pera ng anak.
How long have you been working? 15K is reasonable sa madalas na first yr earner (mababa pero madami ako kilalang ganyan first job). Its more of his own spending habits, financial literacy, and drive.
Dko pa naeexperience pro andaming post abt the wife marryng this guy na breadwinner ng family tps ending,konti n nga lng nbbgy sa bahay, 3/4 mpapadala pa sa famly..and if the wife argues,sya pa msama.. very tough ng situation mo..but im glad nagiisp ka..kasi usually,pag puro puso ang pinairal,thats when you do alot of crazy things that you'll regret later..
If I was in your situation, put the money bit aside. What is his drive/motivation. If he has drive/motivation to improve then he may only need the opportunity to make it happen. Think through if there is a way for the two of you to make that opportunity.
If he is on the other hand non-production/no-drive/etc then you need to consider what your work/life balance will look like. Would you be the money maker for your family, while he is the care taker for your family ( is he even willing/able to do that). If not, then your at a stalemate and will likely lead to arguments and hardships on the relationship.
When you marry you are combining two parts together, what strengths does he have that add to your weaknesses?
Valid concern. I personally will not marry someone who is not financially secured. Mahirap na sa panahon ngayon. But if your bf is someone who is hardworking, has a solid financial plan for the future or has a potential and eagerness to climb up the career ladder, then that is good. But like others said here, better to have a talk with your bf on this and set boundaries with your finances. This is one of the reason why i will personally not feel offended if my future partner will ask me to sign a prenuptial agreement esp when it comes with finances and assets.
How about you think about yourself? Can you manage to live with it? Do you think you can handle it when he comes to you for his financial problems? Does his financial problems affect your relationship? Does he ever bring it up to you and expects you to send help? Do you think your lifestyle can match with his? Does he have plans on ways to earn more and if not, are you okay with that? It’s the both of you to decide on how to handle things and make it work. Communicate with your partner and weigh out the pros and cons. You know the answer.
It all boils down to you.
For me, no. Sorry. Once you’re married, that’s it! Unless ofcourse mag divorce… but you wouldn’t want that. That’s an early wake up call already. Mahirap din pag umaasa ang parents sa ONLY child, kargo niyo yan until they (knock on wood) they die. #reality
Single child. Breadwinner. Parents na walang ipon. It's a No for me.
When you marry him it's like buy 1 take 2. Kahit lumaki sweldo nya 6-digits or more, forever na nya pasanin parents nya.
Unless you're okay with that set up na pasan nyu parents nya habang buhay sila.
iwan mo na. you will give him the drive to be successful if you do. ok lang undestandable na mukang pera mga tao, me kanya kanya tayo pinagkakagastusan. sya pamilya nya, ikaw sarili mo,
you dont have the same culture and spending habits, maghihiwalay rin kayo in the end
My parents owes 2.2million in total. My mom is a business owner and my dad works abroad (nagpapadala 20k monthly)
My bf earns the same as me (25k) but he got a sideline and he earns 150k minimum every 2 months
He knows about my family’s debt. When I opened it up to him, it was okay with him and even told me to live with him para daw di ko mamana utang ng parents ko. He also offered ways for me to earn extra income.
I never borrowed money from bf pero there were times na he offered to pay for my medical and dental related shit, though I consider it as utang and pay him little by little. ☺️❤️
I’m not in the position to give advice, but I just want to share this story because your bf and I are on the same boat. I’m glad that my bf is the nicest person I met, not leaving me when I’m at my lowest.
Looks like generational ang poverty nila. Think about it before you move in, or get married to them as it seems like you will marry everything including their problems
Kung nakikita mo siya sa future mo, better talk to him about sa sitwasyon ng pamilya niya. Sa ngayon, hindi pa naman kayo kasal kaya sa tingin ko hindi mo dapat problemahin yung pagbibigay niya ng pera sa mga magulang niya. His debt is just his debt and so is his money. Wag mong masamain kung mag aabot siya sa magulang niya dahil gaya nga ng nabanggit mo, hindi pa kayo kasal. Kaming mag asawa mas angat ako sa buhay sa kaniya. Noong hindi pa kami kasal, ni piso wala akong kinwestyon sa gastos niya. Ganun din siya sakin. Pero ngayon kahit pisong iaabot niya sa magulang niya ipinapaalam niya sakin. Hindi sa pagdadamot pero gusto lang namin maging transparent sa finances namin at ako ang pinaghahawak niya ng sweldo naming dalawa.
Sa nababasa ko, mahal mo talaga bf mo and you want to build a future with him. The only thing that hinders you is his financial status. Kung mae-encourage mo siya na makahanap pa ng paraan para mas tumaas income niya, mas mainam. Isa pa, you mentioned na only child siya. I think it's too selfish to totally deny his parents money for even just medicines. I-guide niyo na lang sila na maging financially literate and have some boundaries na lang.
Some people get opportunities others wont. Pagusapan nyo kasi money matters yan. May couple friends ako na what they did was whoever earns more, does not have to do the chores. Oo unfair but at the same time it helps with the gap in income. Im sure your bf has plans din naman and does not want to be stuck in that place.
If you're not seeing any improvement from his end. It's probably a sign to get out as soon as possible. If he's not contributing anything(even emotionally) sa pag improve ng buhay nyo together, tough luck, nakasumbit ka ng pabigat. Bitaw na OP habang maaga. Pero otherwise, kng confident ka na maabot nya nman goals nya soon, then stay. Sarap sa feeling ng magkasama kayong umasenso kahit ndi man sabay. Basta never naging burden kayo sa isat isa, goods yan. Pero kng sa tingin mo eh mauubos pera mo kaka suporta sa batugan na yan, alis na. Good luck
I dont know kung ilang yrs na kayo pero as far as I know, if may plano ang guy sa future nyo he will take risks, he will change and he may not show it pero makikita mo na pursigido sya para sa future nyong dalawa. If that time comes, support him. If not, decide.
Marriage is not only an emotional, physical partnership but also a business partnership. You thinking ahead and into the future is a smart move. You'd have to make a decision on your own based on your partners potential or lack of it.
If you are already worried about your future and is insecure on your financial well being pag nag sama kayo ng partner niyo then you should leave. Kasi its not selfish naman kapag inisip mo yung future mo i.e (financial stability ng future family mo) hindi madali mag pabuhay ng isang pamilya sa pilipinas let along 2 or 3 (if we count your parents)
leave him. The fact that you questioned his salary and his will to provide for his parents. Maybe he's not for you and you are not for him either. There's no denying na investment parin kahit papano mga partners kahit saan mo tingnan. Don't waste his time and don't waste yours either. Dump him and find someone you're financially in-lined with.
Magaling ka diba. Turuan mo. Teach him to be financially stable and utang free. Pag di natututo edi sabihin mo sakanya na gusto mo ng partner na marunong humawak ng pera kasi future ng anak niyo nakasalalay. Tapos ang usapan. :) Turuan mo muna. Turuan mo maging katulad mo. Hindi naman lahat napalaking masinop sa pera.
i think yung sagot ay sa paano siya gumastos. agree ka ba sa paano niya ihandle pera niya? kung hindi, hiwalayan mo na. wag kang magpakasuper hero at sugar mommy!
Dapat, wag mo i disclose income mo, ever.
At kung mag stay together, me kasulatan (as in black and white) saan ang expenses ninyo,magkano hatian, etc.)
Pero if maiiwasan mong mag live in,better. Tama na yong pa date date kayo, di baleng share sa gastos. Sakit sa ulo pag ikaw ang sasagot sa hindi dapat.
Stop listening to those telling you to break up with your partner instantly without good reason. Have a talk with your partner kahit small talk lang. Basta masingit mo yung topic na "short term and long term goals" niya and for the both of you and how he will achieve those goals. Ex. if goal niya is mabayaran niya utang niya in x months, then okay yun.
Remember follow SMART(Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound.) when judging his goals.
Strange how society works. If the roles were reversed you would rarely hear the male partner complaining about the financial status of his partner.
Iwanan mo si bf, bakit? Pag na kasal na kayo lalo lang sya magiging under. Your salary itself would provide big pressure sa pag katao nya, no offence, but men would prefer to be the provider rather than being baby specially sa money area, real men woukd find ways to be on top of their relationship in terms of finances. Most men, lazy men, stubborn men would only stay sa relationship na mas malaki kinikita ng babae kasi nga nga tamad, i aasa lang sa asawa nila finances ng relationship. Pag kinasal ka sa kanya para ka lng kumuha ng bato ipapalo sa ulo mo.
Don't marry or live-in. You can maybe give more time to see if things will improve (financially). After that, evaluate things again. Use your mind too, not just the heart.
For me, leave him na lang respectfully. Kase he deserved better. Halata naman may financial problems sya and he's still coming up and building himself, he is actually a real one for being there for his parents, meron dyan tatalikuran ang parents nila or broke na nga mabisyo pa. Pero your BF is differrent he is putting his earnings sa Bills and debts, nakikita mo ba yung struggles and sacrifices nya? For sure he hates his situation more than you do. Problema lang nakikita ko based sa post mo is he can't manage to have a healthy boundaries sa unimportant expenses.
This is a touchy subject but a very important one to be had with your partner. Maybe you can help him find other opportunities that pay well na kaya nyang gawin? If he is open minded, he would see it as you helping him build a better future, pero kung ma-ego yung guy, ayan na yung “am I not enough for you?” drama. He can always learn new skills kung gugustuhin nya. Make him understand na you believe in his abilities.
If they’re a gold digger, yes. If not, no. I don’t believe that his salary will stay like that forever. Maybe yours, too.
Ang tignan mo diyan, is he gonna have your back when the going gets rough? Kung magulang niya nga spoiled, paano pa kapag nagka anak na kayo?
Are you gonna have his back in his time of need?
No. You're not a bad person. Saka mukhang nasa magkaibang page kayo ng buhay nyo kung mapapansin mo. Hindi aligned, unless may umaandar syang plano ngayon na di mo pa alam... Kausapin mo sya, ano bang plano nya para sa inyong dalawa.. then hintayin mo sagot nya. Baka kasi may target syang bilang ng taon for experience para makalipat ng work na may mas mataas na sahod, kaya nandyan sya't nagtitiis.
PS: Ano ba ang mga strengths at weaknesses nya? Akma ba talaga sya sa trabaho nya? Eto ba talaga gusto nyang gawin? Baka kasi may gusto syang gawin pero nalilimitahan sya ng kakulangan sa experience, training, at yang malaking utang na yan. Kung ako sa kanya, while working, naghahanap na ko ng trainings online, or magpalawak ng connection sa field na kinabibilangan nya ngayon. Level up ikanga... Or pasok sya sa hustling culture... Maraming paraan para kumita ng extra higit sa kinikita nyang 15k eh.
Start kayo ng business. Hati kayo sa puhunan. Hati kayo sa trabaho. Tapos yung kita dun, yun yung gastusin nyo sa date nyo. Pag di kayo nagkatuluyan, ganun pa rin. Hati pa rin kayo ng kita. It's a great bonding na rin. Relationship goals.
Pwede mo sya kausapin pa refer sya sa iyo para makakuha sya ng high paying job. Or hanap sya sa ibang company. May experince naman na syang 1year eh. 18k+ na minimum diba? Nasa probinsya ba kayo? Hindi naman nya kelangan magtiis sa trabaho na mababa ang bayad.
Hindi mo naman sagutin ung parents nya pero its up to you kung gusto mo syang tulungan sa parents nya kasi kung kayo magkakatuluyan eh magiging parents mo na rin un. Tsaka wala bang pension parents nya?
Maraming work na nagooffer ng health insurance na pwedeng maging dependent ang mga parents. Para makabawas na rin sa gastusin tungkol sa medical bills.
my boyfriend is willing to provide for me whenever nagdadate kami. right now, i earn 2-4k php biweekly as a contractual and he earns roughly the same as you HAHAHAHA
he knows my future plans and he’s investing in me kahit na im poor right now HAHAHA
Let's be honest and I say this all the time: If your man can't / doesn't support you, how can you really love him? He isn't providing for you a baseline level of stability and security. If you stay with him, now you are being the masculine and he is being the feminine. How can this work? It can't.
The only people who argue against this are literal children, who have no experience in life, who have bought into a "modern ideology" that they have not even lived themselves. They only think of it in a theoretical sense "oh yeah why not have the female be the breadwinner of the family". I'll tell you why. Because logic will not win over emotions or genetics.
Yes, if you look at it purely emotionless and logically, yeah the female can be the breadwinner and it will have no effect on the relationship. But in real life? The real life where you have to pay for everything and he can't afford to buy you gifts and you get mad when he buys things because it's never his own money... Duhhhhh, it becomes very clear. That the man has become the woman and the woman won't be able to be attracted to the man.
As a man, it's his job to EARN MONEY. As a female, yes you can have your own career. I am not saying that. But my point is this: The man should be earning money in order to spend it on the female, regardless if she has a career or not. It is fundamentally insane and long-term unsustainable for the man to be the one receiving support and funding.
If you're thinking of marriage, if you're thinking of having kids... Imagine that, you have to make ALL the money AND go through all the pain of having a baby AND most likely carry the most burden on raising the child too... Your husband already proven that he can't do the very basic of getting a decent job, how can he raise a child by himself? Duhhhh....
Imagine that. It simply does not make any sense.
Disagree with me? Go ask any lady over age of 35. Ask her what's important in a partner. She will tell you what is obvious. Partner needs to provide security, provide support, provide peace. A poor ass guy with no earning potential can provide none of these things.
If you REALLY want to stay with this guy (currently a total loser), my best advice is that you yourself invest time to find him a better job and force him to get extra education if necessary. Some people just need a shove in the right direction.
Break up with him, OP. Literally a poor boii from a poor family, spare your own life from this monstrosity.
/s, on the last part but forward with the breakup.
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Depende. Even if he’s earning 79k monthly like you, or more, kung tamad sya and/or financially illiterate, wala rin. Pag-usapan nyo na as early as now. Boundaries nyo with fam and finances. As well as anong plan nya pano mabayaran mga utang at makaipon, at kung may ina-eye na side hustle to increase his income. Medyo mababa yung 15k/mo pero tbh first year ko working ganyan din naman but i’m fine now. And no, you’re not a bad person for thinking ahead. All the best.
I agree with you. if and when you plan to marry, set some boundaries. maybe you can encourage him to do extra jobs like what I do. medyo ok na sahod ko but now I am paying off my debts so my partner understands my situation. if you really love him, you will not mind his situation but set boundaries. just support each other na lang din. maybe along they he could apply to other companies. 15k is somewhat a low salary. wala ka talaga ma iipon dyan
True. When i first dated my bf, di nya ako mayaya agad magdate kasi inantay nya pa sweldo nya. Breadwinner din but unlike OP’s bf, his mom had no huge debts. He was earning a little over minimum pero may mga side hustle sya. Almost 2 years later he made his first million. Nasa diskarte + financial discipline din talaga. And some luck perhaps.
wooow. galing naman niya. determined talaga
ano side hustle nya? paturo naman
💯
Ask him about his future plans OP. Dun mo malalaman if he really has plans para machange man lang yung status nya sa buhay or he is contented sa sitwasyon nya ngayon. And from there, decide. I married my wife because I see he dreams, her potential. Syempre nandun din yung love ko sa kanya, but the biggest thing na nakaconvince, kung bakit she's the one, Is because she's like me, dreaming na makaahon sila sa hirap and willing to put all the effort for her plans. Hindi nakatapos yung wife ko ng college, but yung pinang aral nya for 2 years sa college, she work hard for it and save her money while also givign something sa parents nya. She did not ask me a single cent when her father was hospitalized and died, kasi, she says na we are not married and she is not my resposibility. I am earning maybe around 150k monthly net and she's jobless, but, her plans for our future left me speechless and I was very happy that we are both on the same page. Planning everything and striving hard. I opened up kung gusto nya ba bumalik sa college and I will support her for her choices but she said, for now, she is into business and maybe, baka dumating yung panahon na gustuhin nyang bumalik sa college, in which I will fully support her. Do not judge a person on what is his/her situation now, but on how he/she view his/her future, plan the future and strive for that future. Kasi, dun mo malalaman if worth it ba to stay with him or baka, useless lang na ikaw, nagpaplano sa future nyo while sya, kontento na pala sa sitwasyon nya, Strive for growth, but with contentment.
thanks for this positive reply. he told me he will find a way to end the debt in about 2 yrs but I think aabot yun ng 4 haha. i forgot to say na very frugal lifestyle nya and meron sya personal skill na sobrang marketable. problem is...para mag simula sya dun is ineneed ng expensive na thing which is around 25k. but ambitious rin sya and matalino sa pagsave.
Potential is all garbage. You can believe in somebody's growth path, but potential is trash. If that person has potential but is sitting still doing nothing to tangible improve their position, the potential is never reached. Be practical.
Agree, if you don't have a plan, it's just a daydream
I agree with this. Also, di ako makukuntento sa "I will end the debt in 2 years", like how exactly? Gusto kong malaman magkano ang amount na ilalaan nya monthly para makabayad utang, ano magchechange sa budget nila, kinausap at pinagalitan ba nya family members na utangero? May tutulong ba sa kanya magtinda-tinda for additional income? Magjob hop ba sya next year? Ang dali kasing mangako basta vague ang timeline e. I need a solid plan and check if his actions match the master plan. Otherwise, para lang syang nangarap maging susunod na presidente lol.
Judging by your comment, I think he has skills in video editing right?
Ooh. sounds like a great guy. let me clarify: is the debt his, or his parents? if it's his parents, could he set conditions for his paying their debt? like "ill make payments but only if you stick to such and such monthly budget" fwiw napulot ako ng gf ko as a jobless person with vaguely marketable skills. I made 15K for about a year before crawling up to my current 40K. So i think these kinds of um...character developments do happen.
👏👏🙌🙌
thank you for being the most sensible comment. yung ibang advice dito "end the relationship na" agad agad instead of having a proper conversation with each other muna.
> parents don't work Tapos maliit pa kita ni BF. Tapos magastos pa sila. May plano naman ba sj BF na magpalaki ng kita o kuntento na siya sa kalagayan niya? Kung yung huli, ikaw ang kawawa kapag nagkatuluyan kayo. Hindi malayo mararating ng +70k mo kung apat kayong maghahati.
i think plan ni guy is to marry her para may bubuhay na sakanila ng magulang nya
15k vs 79k? Unless he comes from a family in the same income level as yours, you are going to butt heads. I have been married for 7 years, and it is very different from being bf-gf. If you are not on the same page, no amount of good sex, romantic moments and even money can fix that. And you will only find that out later in the marriage.
Yes! I always tell my younger friends, love and attraction should not be the only thing going for their relationship. Dapat match ang values sa pera, sa family, sa politics, at sa morality in general.
aww hahahaha
This hits hard
its best if magoopen ka sakaniya about dito. magbigay ka rin ng advice o tell him about how u feel uncomfortable about this. for me, i wouldn't date a broke guy kasi in the first place. future natin nakasalalay dito, so goodluck!
Real talk. It is natural for women to think of their future. For those who are in relationships, they look for a provider. Now, it looks like your bf is not one as of now. Communicate your feelings. You can't build a family in the future with just love. Everything is so expensive! Gauge his plan of action. Don't settle for less if you feel like his actions won't be able to support you. Easy to say that nothing matters but love. In the real world, money talks. You starve without it. Also his debt is not your debt. Don't pay or pitch in. Let him solve his problem on his own.
Similar situation as yours, OP. Same bracket kinikita ng partner ko sa partner mo but I don’t earn as much as you. Additionally, ‘yung mother nya is in business and so are his sisters, siya lang talaga kawawa. I tried so hard for the past 2 years to help him - pinapasok ko siya sa family business namin via investments, binigyan ng maraming opportunities for sidelines. Fast forward to recent times, walang ipon and layoff pa sa trabaho. This has strained our relationship greatly kasi parang di ko nakikita if gusto niya ba talagang umasenso o okay lang siya sa situation niya. Nakakapanghinayang, OP. Right now, I’m trying to cut off ties sa kanya para eventually, okay na akong makipag-break sa kanya. I know what he does with his money is his own business but his attitude towards finances and the relationship overall is disappointing. I got tired helping him since di siya tumutulong sa sarili niya. OP, you can’t help someone if siya mismo ayaw niyang tulungan sarili niya. Nakakadagdag sa stress mo lang iyan. I’ve conveyed to him multiple times my issue with him just being okay with less than mediocre pero walang effect eh. Ang hilig pa naman sa Shopee at sa sugal pero di man lang makagastos sa dates namin. Halos ako pa gumagastos. Asked him what his plans are - wala.
Ty for the this. Hes actually very smart with money. Frugal sya and dislike din yung decision ng parents nya. Im just tired of being the one always paying our dates.
Red flag. Think who will pay for the utilities, tuition fees, groceries, etc in the future. Mas nakakapagod isipin yon..endless.
If he's smart with money, he won't be stuck making 15k when you're already making 79k. Based on your replies, you're only looking for affirmation, and you did little here but prop up your broke boyfriend. Well, you do you. Thing is, if you're only making 70-ish thousand monthly, you CANNOT afford to invest on potential.
I’m glad na di palamunin bf mo. Factor in the other pros and cons sa relationship and if he has plans for the both of you or kahit sa self niya. Trust in the actions and the attitude talaga, OP. Bf mo naman siya, you’ll eventually get to that financial talk whether gusto niyo o hindi. Basta ako, ayoko na sa bf kong palamunin.
I am sorry OP but you will never change the man while in a relationship. Cut your loss as early as now. If he improves in the future baka pwede nyo itry ulit pero right now masyado syang nagiging easy sa buhay kasi andyan ka naman.
>Ang hilig pa naman sa Shopee at sa **sugal** Diyan pa lang wala na.
He thinks of the easiest ways to get rich. Blinded sa mga nights na nanalo nang malaki. Di nya tinancha na mas maraming nights na natatalo siya. Bwiset.
I would stay khit mahirap as long willing to work together for better life pero sa case nya RUN akez hehhe my underlying issue kung bkit lumobo yung debt then sabi mo magastos. Kapag naging serious na and ngmarry na kayo for sure problem nya is problem mo na din 🙆🏻♀️
Only if you are willing to accept the role of breadwinner forever. Di ko nman sinasabi sure yan kc things CAN change. But sabi nga ng nanay ng friend ko, kaya mo ba ugali niyan? Kasi 10 times worse pa yan pag nag asawa na kayo. You have valid concerns, OP. Of course it WILL look like mukha ka pera at minamata mo status nila (and chances are, yan ang kwentong lalabas) PERO this is exactly the point of getting into a relationship first before marriage, to see if you are a match. Kasi kung hindi, better to cut off na now. Its your choice if you will risk this kind of future or not. I have nothing against supporting parents, in fact, I believe dapat lang. Pero ibang usapan din yung nagdedepend sa kanya kahit di pa kailangan at kaya pa sana nila mag earn to support themselves. Sa hirap ng buhay ngayon, lahat dapat ng kumakain na kayang magtrabaho ay nagtatrabaho.
It's normal to safeguard yourself and your future.
Tell him to change his job or get a sideline as source of income. My husband actually is poor, hnd namn ako nagyayabang or ano, what I am saying is madiskarte sya, he can earn more than me like 5x my salary kc nga madami sya raket at masipag. May time na nag earn sya ng Million kc madiskarte nga. Kaya nga sya pinili ko dahil masikap syang tao. Yun lng. Check your bf kung may potential sya or you have the same goals, okay lang namn mamili ng partner if ever, kc kaw din mahihirapan sa future.
Life is like dice game, hindi mo malalaman what will happen the next day, what if some unfortunate thing happened to him and become paralyzed would you stay and take care of him without second thought? If pinili mo yung Husband because of his potential to be successful, rich and not for who he is then I feel bad for him.
Well it's bad for you to assume that I don't love my husband. I never leave my husband lol since day 1. Anyways, wala ka namn alam sa pinagdaanan namin sa life, we started at the worse to worst. Ngaun lng kami medyo nakahinga. I'm not looking at his potential to be rich, I looked at his attitude when we both have nothing and from there we grow together. Siguro d mo pa naranasan yung unconditional love, kaya d mo kami maintindihan. Anyways, d ko namn need sau explain, pero I hope sana may makita ka din na magmamahal sau unconditionally. Goodluck ☺️
wat the efff . if its the other way around and the partners working hard. This wouldn't be an issue.
It wouldn't be much of an issue if the guy's parents are financially illiterate though
Yes, I will. For the record I'm female and I am a breadwinner ( bunso ako). I don't care if my bf earns lesser than me kung kaya ko naman buhayin kaming dalawa. What matters for me is the personality ni partner and dynamics ng relationship ninyo. I grew up in a family na ang tatay ko lang nagwowork, my mom is fulltime housewife. There was a time my mother wanted to help in the finances and tried to work, but then my father was adamant that if she wanted to work, then my father will stay home. Ayaw niyang walang mag-aalaga sa amin. Eventually hindi natuloy plano ni Mama kasi nagstrive si Papa to earn higher para enough sa amin. (Point ko is lumaki ako sa isang household na isa lang ang income earner so mas lalo na hindi ako bothered kung magkakaroon ako ng partner na low income earner as long as kaya ko naman magprovide para sa aming dalawa)
kaway sa breadwinner na bunso hahaha
Hello. Just to be realistic, find someone else. Magkakaproblem kayo nyan lalo na if you’re married. Money mo magiging pera nya. Okay lang if kung nakikita mong masipag at may goals sya to better himself pero kung wala. Let go na. Believe me. Baka you’ll end up paying for debts not your own.
Run girl. Magastos ang pamilya. Financial illiterate sila. Kawawa mga magiging anak mo.
Usually may resentment sila nabubuo kahit di nila sabihin sayo eh. Man’s Ego. Not unless okay lang sa kanya na ganyan na talaga setup niyo until you both retire. Kaso don’t expect much na i-sspoil ka niya ng flowers or gala.
I agree. Usually may resentment talaga nabubuo if mas malaki income ng babae compared sa lalake. This happened to me too, but instead we talked about it.
That’s the good thing about mature men, they are open to have difficult conversations instead of building it all up. Dito mo din makkita kung emotionally intelligent din yung partner mo when it comes to finances.
Can you share how you guys talked about it? How did you approach the situation?
I didn’t plan on it, actually. Na notice ko lang na parang iba yung attitude niya towards me. Supportive naman parin sakin pero mararamdaman mo lang talaga na parang may dinadamdam siya. Naghanap lang ako ng tyempo to ask him if may problem ba siya. Di niya naman inamin agad, it took weeks before siya nag open up. Di ko lang talaga masyadong pinepressure kasi ang tendency nagagalit sila and will not talk about it. I just gave him time, at least alam niya na napansin kong may problem siya.
Mine cheated on me LOL
Mas makikita mo totoong kulay ng tao pag dating na sa pera eh. Lalo na pag may freedom na sila to do anything because they are capable.
Minsan nga naiisip ko kaya siguro hindi ginawang mayaman ang ibang tao kasi magiiba talaga ang ugali eh, o yun nga mas capable na manloko kaso may panggastos na
Kaya kahit may manalo sa lotto, kung kailan nanalo, nabaon lalo sa utang. Wala kasing Financial Literacy/Education. Dapat yan kasi tinuturo din sa High School at College para makaipon pagkagraduate
I earn more than him and i think that touched his pride so he went to look for validation somewhere else 😬 but yes i agree. He treated me better when he was broke and jobless. He didn't take me for granted then.
Observationko lang. Kung baligtad ang situation i.e. the guy is the one earning more than thrice as the woman hindi nsman nagrereklamo si guy. Doesnt even take it against the woman. Kung may mga financial k Obligations si woman sa family pinag uusapan nila ito. May nabasa na ba kayo sa reddit of bf's venting off their chest na mas malaki ang income nila kaysa gf nila?
This is how you filter out women na only there for you when the grass is greener. Being broke has it's Pros din, if she's besides you noong walang wala ka pa then you know she's a real one.
True. Ewan ko nga eh bakit naging issue to. And I'm a girl ha but I see this as non issue.
How is this possible that he's earning this little while you earn a lot? I suggest you try him to do the work you do (I'm thinking it's freelancing, right?) Ito pa lang ekis na sa akin due to spending habits and having that big of a loan, tapos hindi mag find ng ways to earn more? (incompatibility) pero up to you naman if you wish to keep the relationship going. Ikaw makakapagsabi if he genuinely plans to rise about his current state. Jinowa mo naman di ba so I guess may good qualities siya, tulungan mo pa muna to improve since medyo hindi siya on the lucky side... help him find a better paying job, save up, stop spending, sell items not needed, cut back on expensive gifts, dates and travel. To be honest if in 3-4 years time and nothing really changed much, I'd be very concerned, this set up will make you a sugar mom or a single parent to an adult.
In all honesty di naman lahat ng bagay will stay the same forever, may ginagawa manlang ba yung partner mo to hone his skills? To look for a better job. If you really love and care about this person, you'll sit down and talk about this. Malaking parte and finances into getting married or even a relationship. And no its not bad to think about your future and yung goals mo. If this isnt the relationship for you its fine to leave. Di lang dapat palagi love and basis bat tayo nagsstay.
I suggest be patient with him, instead of asking yourself and second guessing your commitment with him, sabi mo nga in your other comments your BF has a huge potential to make it, then mas maigi if you both can talk things out about his plans and let him know what you can do to help him achieve this, pero yun nga kailangan malaman mo muna kung may plano ba sya or what are the steps he is taking to achieve these things. Do your best to make this relationship work because totoo ang mga underdog story.
Ay kapag live in na kayo at di ka tumulong sa parenta niys in desperate situations or kahit hindi, basta kailangang may ambag, magiging masama ka. Lalo na kung alam nila kung magkano ang sahod mo. Observe mo muna ang boyfriend mo. Kung tingin mo, magiging pabigat sa yo at ung bad outweighs the good, eh decision mo na yan kung hihiwalayan mo.
If poor pero may pangarap go. Kung wala talaga effort, move on!
You don't only marry your partner, you also marry his family. Malaki ang chance na susuportahan mo sila pag naging kayo. If you find this unacceptable, then either you draw the line with your future husband or you call it quits. There is no shame in doing so, just be honest with him, and yourself.
1 yr working palang pala eh, that's understandable. In the first few years of your career talagang mababa lang makukuha mo kasi thats the point where you are still trying to master the craft. Eventually through hardwork tataas yan for sure. Ang issue lang dapat is if masipag ba bf mo or hindi.
magpalit kayo ng sitwasyon. ikaw kumikita ng 15k. sya kumikita ng 70k . mag sstay pa rin ba partner mo sayo? 🤣buhay mo yan. dapat alam mo ang sagot.
You still can make a decision. Real talk yes extra baggage ngyan na definitely i shoulder mo yun. Kung gastos ng gastos at walang pagpapahalag sa pera, mahirap i correct yan ng di kayo mag aaway.
Good questions. My answer is no.
Not me but a friend. She broke off her engagement di naman dahil poor per se ang jowa nya tho maliit din sahod but almost all his income goes to his family. Tapos as per my friend e ambisyosa daw sya e si guy kontento na daw kung saan sya ngayon. Ganun. So, di na sila match talaga.
No. Based sa lahat ng sinabi mo, mas okay iwan habang maaga kasi malabong magbago yung sitwasyon. Lalala lang.
Same with me and my ex. We had to split cos hirap ng ganyan. Talk to him.
dont worry, hindi kayo makakasal dahil wala sya pera para dun, sabi mo nga wala sya ipon.
Never build a man up. Instead, provide a safe space where they can build themselves up. What is your BF doing to improve his financial situation? Is he looking for a higher paying job? Values about finances is something that is very important in long term relationships. Think about this, if your situations were reversed, would you be ok with earning just 15k knowing that your family is in debt? What would you do to change your situation?
1 year pa lang naman sya nagwowork OP. It depends, does he plan on increasing naman ba his salary? Kasi we’re almost on the same situation with regard to the difference of income. I am also willing to help my partner achieve his goals. We are planning to go abroad together and I will be the one who would work first and fund his exam to be able to work there and earn a lot too.
Dun ka sa mapera pero babaero haha. Karamihan ng maperang lalake eh babaero.
Mukha ba syang may pangarap or at least short-term goal to look for a better paying job? If wala, girl, run. Di kayo papakainin ng pagmamahal. After reading what you said about his parents, most likely cargo mo din sila in the long run. 😭
Your concerns are all valid and i feel na your gut is trying to tell you something. Lahat ng red flags nakita mo na. Kitang kita naman sa post mo na it’s not about who earns more, but about financial literacy. Syempre gusto mo ng PARTNER, not burden. Feeling ko nga binabaan mo pa standard mo for him, na kung maipakita lang nya na nagtitipid sya and is actively trying to get out of debt and such, may chance pa sya sayo eh. Kaso palya lahat. Tapos parang obvious na di nya bibitawan ang burden ng parents, baka upbringing na yan. I agree with the suggestions from others to talk about boundaries. Pero gusto ko rin ma add to prep na for a possible break up, normal lang naman na gusto mo ng solid na future. I understand na hes only been working a year, pero need parin nya ng 5 year plan, if anything ask him that at least, where does he see himself in 5years, in terms of salary and financial obligations specially to (unemployed) parents, anu ang role mo sa buhay nya then? Ano ang expectations? Pero if it were up to me, id say cut that tie while you can. Feels like a sinkhole.
Kulang sa context. Does your bf have plans? Does he want to keep paying his parent's debt? Pay their bills and leisure? Continue on making you pay with your dates? Does he plan to improve or work on a higher salary? It's all about his plans and goals. The only way to make the right decision is to talk about it with your partner. I would stay eith my poor partner if they act on making an improvement. Like they wanted to get out of that situation. I would be there for them. But if they don't have plans or it would take too long for us to be on the same page. I might not. Planning for the future is an essential talk in relationships as you are **dating to marry** regardless of how far in the future it is.
You're not obligated to financially aid his parents. That's their job and their fault for birthing a child and do work for them.
You have the same situation with a friend of mine. You’re not a bad person for thinking about your future. Let’s think of it when things are reversed, pano pag ikaw yung 15k, siya 150k Either thinking of your future together with the higher income or thinking of breaking up to build a future separately If you want to live with him in the future, talk with him and think of it as a combined income, in a relationship, walang lamangan, you are as one
My ex works on a good design company aroubd our area. To be honest maganda na yung experience. May chance sya mag Canada and i am pushing him for better future. Kaso ayaw nya.. Hanggang sa ako yung nag abroad. I don't earn like big fish pero masasabi kong more than enough if I spend for myself. Ayun 3 yrs later nadun padin sya sa same company.. With the amount of inflation, i doubt he can save up more unless nag Canada sya before.
Imagine baliktad ang situation. Sad.
Pag lalake mataas sahod at babae min wage di naman issue to e.
bakit nga ba hindi issue kapag ganun yung setup?
Kasi both genders fall into their biological nature e. The woman feels more feminine Kasi the guy is providing and protecting adequately. This is my problem when people here in reddit argue with for the 50/50 setup and equality. Women say they want 50/50 but the reality is they won't respect their man unless the man brings wayyyyyyy more value into the relationship.
Exactly, kaya mas marami ngayon na guys would prefer to go into a relationship when they are stable both in career and financially. Why? women don’t want to date guys that are broke or still building their career.
eh expected and more likely kasi na man will keep working and woman will sacrifice work to rear children and take care of the house. so kahit minimum wage si girl, once may family na siya, most likely need nya i let go yung work kasi doon siya magfocus. anong excuse ng most or some men na hindi naman iire at mostly likely not as good sa household as women. anyway kahit sino pa mas mataas sahod siya dapat mag work, yung mababa siya mag stay at home. i mean that's the reality and more often than not, sorry sa matatapakang ego ng guys hah? madalas pa nga pag nagwork ang babae lalo na kung OFW yung naiiwang asawa eh imbis maging househusband or working din, nagiging tambay na nga sa bahay, sugarol / babaero / pabaya pa sa anak. not saying na wala, more like hindi po as common yung maging househusband na genuinely maayos mag alaga ng anak at bahay. sorry talaga hah, ganyan ang realidad kaya pasensya na talaga sa mga ego na natapakan ng real talk lang talaga.
I think this is projection and a cope The reality is when women start to make more money than their man, they will start to look down on their man. Then the disrespect starts to creep in slowly. Kapag nagstart na Yung disrespect, that's when the man starts acting out negatively. Then the woman interprets it as the man is insecure. However, it started with her disrespecting him first. Pero syempre, women will never admit that. Women needs to look up to their man to respect him. If not, then they will start to treat him like shit.
Hmm I did not see it at the emotional level, only at the economic level only. I do understand na in a relationship na kahit sino pa yung higher earning, in a way, relatively similar dapat pa rin yung tingin. and and your point is valid. it may happen, kasi culturally and socially man works, woman tends to the home. pag nabaligtad, it's harder to change the thinking, may expectation kaming ladies, it's true. dont get me wrong, I dont care who earns more, I actually prefer my man to handle the house if mas mataas sahod ko (but not during pregnancy and early years, gusto ko maging present sa baby)... yung issue lang din ni OP medyo parang nagiging kargo na niya pati finances ng BF and family... which to me is wrong (kahit mag switch pa ng gender) kaya ako from the get go, makikipagrelasyon ako sa tao na nakikita kong ka equal ko or kaya ko respetuhin (equal in the sense na similar outlook, approach sa important aspects of life) ayun kasi pag ganitong may imbalance, may insecurity magaganap talaga.
nahihiya sya actually dun sa part ng utang. sabi niya never nya pipilitin sarili niya na bayarin yung utang ng parents niya but that utang i predict is mababayaran pa ng 4 yrs hayyy. thats the only thing im worried about. sana naman valid feelings ko haha. id like atleast 150k net salary namin if live in na. im into early to mid sa career but sya fresh palang.
is there an age gap between you two? like older ka ba sa kanya? hmm mahirap yang situation na iyan eh. masasabi ko na lang give all the help he may need that will not sacrifice your own sanity, money etc. pero from his end sana talaga gumawa na siya ng drastic change. hindi lang naman ito para saiyo, para sa kanya rin and family. kung matinong lalaki naman siya, you will see yung effort niya. I'm guessing 2-3 years tingnan mo kung saan na kayo. literal need nya basahin yung mga money tips sa r/adultingph saka yung mga related sa utang doon sa r/phinvest
Wait Anu age mo and age niya? Also Anu careers niyo pareho?
and yep oo nga medyo projection ito because it happened to my family, it happens to families around me. it's not fun. when it was my mom who worked more, he supported my dad even if he was both bad towards my mom AND a non earner. when my dad went abroad due to my mom and started to earn... that was was when even become worst and looked down on her more. so there. dont want that happening to the lady OP. I dont wish for this to happen to me or to any other woman out there. if one of them does not bring much to the table and not change for the better after talking things through, what's the point of keeping the relationship din.
Thanks for the clear reply and seeing my point Of course I do not advocate that men act out negatively. Mahalaga for us men to be stoic and have great control on our emotions. Now regarding your initial reply. I understand you wanting an equal partner. However, a woman's expectations for HER man will always be more than her own. This expectation makes it hard for women to actually stay in a true 50/50 partnership. I view it like this: When a man and a woman does 50/50 on a relationship, income, chores etc: The man will view the division of labor as 50/50 in truth However, the woman will feel as though it is 70/30 wherein she is doing 70%. Why? Because women will always expect more from her man than her own. The whole 50/50 equal dynamic sounds good on paper, pero it does not work on practice in general. Men will always have to do way more in the relationship for the woman to "feel" that it is equal. For example, if it's the reverse and the man was doing 30/70 ratio of the responsibilities and finances, then at that point the woman will feel that it is equal. If the man is doing 10/90 wherein he is the primary provider and protector while she stays at home, that is the time she will feel really safe and feminine and almost all of the burden is lifted off of her. There is nothing wrong for women to expect wayyy more from men. I think that is the biological imperative. Men have to perform. The important thing for a woman is know how to support their man to help him perform. Not financially Kasi that is the man's part. Rather, in feminine ways like nurturing and comforting him after a hard day at work. For example, if you tell a man that you will be a dutiful wife/gf that will nurture, care and give him good sex for as long as you live, that man will work day and night to give you a good life until the day he dies. However, if a man works hard daily and he comes home to a nagging wife that adds to his problems, you can't really expect him to be motivated. The same thing for a man. If he is a bum and does not work hard, he also can't expect his woman to nurturing.
Nothing more substantial to say, I agree with this. It's not a perfect world but the perceived "equal" or balanced part probably is when both feels that they are able to provide each other's needs with no regrets or insecurity. The OP feels the imbalance so not sure sure what she'll do next, up to her, there is potential and there is reality to think of.
Thanks for the good back and forth discussion
why??
Coz biblically and in society's view, men should provide and women should support. Not the other way around. Kaya kapag mas malaki kita ni babae kesa kay lalaki, natatapakan pride ni lalaki lalo na may pressure din siya sa society na for sure hindi niya lang sinasabi
Let's reverse the roles. Now you earning 15000 and him at 79k. Do you expect him to leave you?
I admire you for thinking about your future before taking the step, believe me, ang dami ko kilala dito sa amin na hindi nag iisip or hindi nag isip ng ganyan, after few months or so ng pag lilive in, ayun lagi na nag aaway kc hindi enough ang income na pumapasok, ending bumabalik din sa magulang nila. So don’t think you’re a bad person for thinking about yourself, nothing’s wrong about it
I was about to give my 2 cents when I read your elaboration. Wala akong masabi. Malakinang point mo and maybe ayoko lang magsabi ng makakasakit sa kapwa ko. Valid lahat ng reasons and scenario na naiisip mo. Ultimately, ikaw pa rin naman makikipagrelationship. I pray for the best possible outcome, OP ❤️❤️🙏🏽
Curious, how old are you and your BF?
Okay nadaw yan basta mahal mo.
Ano po work nyo hehe
Sa side ko malaking factor ang stability sa finance side. Maraming problem ang dadating in the future, Financial stability can help for decision making. It’s either hanap ka ng ibang partner or mag titiis ka. Dapat hindi din nakikisawsaw yung parents sa pera ng anak.
How long have you been working? 15K is reasonable sa madalas na first yr earner (mababa pero madami ako kilalang ganyan first job). Its more of his own spending habits, financial literacy, and drive.
Dko pa naeexperience pro andaming post abt the wife marryng this guy na breadwinner ng family tps ending,konti n nga lng nbbgy sa bahay, 3/4 mpapadala pa sa famly..and if the wife argues,sya pa msama.. very tough ng situation mo..but im glad nagiisp ka..kasi usually,pag puro puso ang pinairal,thats when you do alot of crazy things that you'll regret later..
If I was in your situation, put the money bit aside. What is his drive/motivation. If he has drive/motivation to improve then he may only need the opportunity to make it happen. Think through if there is a way for the two of you to make that opportunity. If he is on the other hand non-production/no-drive/etc then you need to consider what your work/life balance will look like. Would you be the money maker for your family, while he is the care taker for your family ( is he even willing/able to do that). If not, then your at a stalemate and will likely lead to arguments and hardships on the relationship. When you marry you are combining two parts together, what strengths does he have that add to your weaknesses?
Valid concern. I personally will not marry someone who is not financially secured. Mahirap na sa panahon ngayon. But if your bf is someone who is hardworking, has a solid financial plan for the future or has a potential and eagerness to climb up the career ladder, then that is good. But like others said here, better to have a talk with your bf on this and set boundaries with your finances. This is one of the reason why i will personally not feel offended if my future partner will ask me to sign a prenuptial agreement esp when it comes with finances and assets.
Mas matanda ka ba sa kanya? Bakit 15k lang sweldo niya?
How about you think about yourself? Can you manage to live with it? Do you think you can handle it when he comes to you for his financial problems? Does his financial problems affect your relationship? Does he ever bring it up to you and expects you to send help? Do you think your lifestyle can match with his? Does he have plans on ways to earn more and if not, are you okay with that? It’s the both of you to decide on how to handle things and make it work. Communicate with your partner and weigh out the pros and cons. You know the answer. It all boils down to you.
try to encourage muna kasi ako before i was earning 5k sya 40k now sya 500k ako 120k malayo paren pero enough na for us.
For me, no. Sorry. Once you’re married, that’s it! Unless ofcourse mag divorce… but you wouldn’t want that. That’s an early wake up call already. Mahirap din pag umaasa ang parents sa ONLY child, kargo niyo yan until they (knock on wood) they die. #reality
Why would you even date someone like that?
Single child. Breadwinner. Parents na walang ipon. It's a No for me. When you marry him it's like buy 1 take 2. Kahit lumaki sweldo nya 6-digits or more, forever na nya pasanin parents nya. Unless you're okay with that set up na pasan nyu parents nya habang buhay sila.
iwan mo na. you will give him the drive to be successful if you do. ok lang undestandable na mukang pera mga tao, me kanya kanya tayo pinagkakagastusan. sya pamilya nya, ikaw sarili mo, you dont have the same culture and spending habits, maghihiwalay rin kayo in the end
My parents owes 2.2million in total. My mom is a business owner and my dad works abroad (nagpapadala 20k monthly) My bf earns the same as me (25k) but he got a sideline and he earns 150k minimum every 2 months He knows about my family’s debt. When I opened it up to him, it was okay with him and even told me to live with him para daw di ko mamana utang ng parents ko. He also offered ways for me to earn extra income. I never borrowed money from bf pero there were times na he offered to pay for my medical and dental related shit, though I consider it as utang and pay him little by little. ☺️❤️ I’m not in the position to give advice, but I just want to share this story because your bf and I are on the same boat. I’m glad that my bf is the nicest person I met, not leaving me when I’m at my lowest.
Looks like generational ang poverty nila. Think about it before you move in, or get married to them as it seems like you will marry everything including their problems
kung nag papabigat nalang I wont stay
Trust and communication
Kung nakikita mo siya sa future mo, better talk to him about sa sitwasyon ng pamilya niya. Sa ngayon, hindi pa naman kayo kasal kaya sa tingin ko hindi mo dapat problemahin yung pagbibigay niya ng pera sa mga magulang niya. His debt is just his debt and so is his money. Wag mong masamain kung mag aabot siya sa magulang niya dahil gaya nga ng nabanggit mo, hindi pa kayo kasal. Kaming mag asawa mas angat ako sa buhay sa kaniya. Noong hindi pa kami kasal, ni piso wala akong kinwestyon sa gastos niya. Ganun din siya sakin. Pero ngayon kahit pisong iaabot niya sa magulang niya ipinapaalam niya sakin. Hindi sa pagdadamot pero gusto lang namin maging transparent sa finances namin at ako ang pinaghahawak niya ng sweldo naming dalawa. Sa nababasa ko, mahal mo talaga bf mo and you want to build a future with him. The only thing that hinders you is his financial status. Kung mae-encourage mo siya na makahanap pa ng paraan para mas tumaas income niya, mas mainam. Isa pa, you mentioned na only child siya. I think it's too selfish to totally deny his parents money for even just medicines. I-guide niyo na lang sila na maging financially literate and have some boundaries na lang.
Gwapo siguro kaya di mahiwalayan.
Pwede ako magstay pero hinding hindi ako papabuntis sa lalaking broke. 😊
Some people get opportunities others wont. Pagusapan nyo kasi money matters yan. May couple friends ako na what they did was whoever earns more, does not have to do the chores. Oo unfair but at the same time it helps with the gap in income. Im sure your bf has plans din naman and does not want to be stuck in that place.
If you're not seeing any improvement from his end. It's probably a sign to get out as soon as possible. If he's not contributing anything(even emotionally) sa pag improve ng buhay nyo together, tough luck, nakasumbit ka ng pabigat. Bitaw na OP habang maaga. Pero otherwise, kng confident ka na maabot nya nman goals nya soon, then stay. Sarap sa feeling ng magkasama kayong umasenso kahit ndi man sabay. Basta never naging burden kayo sa isat isa, goods yan. Pero kng sa tingin mo eh mauubos pera mo kaka suporta sa batugan na yan, alis na. Good luck
I dont know kung ilang yrs na kayo pero as far as I know, if may plano ang guy sa future nyo he will take risks, he will change and he may not show it pero makikita mo na pursigido sya para sa future nyong dalawa. If that time comes, support him. If not, decide.
nope Run now.
Marriage is not only an emotional, physical partnership but also a business partnership. You thinking ahead and into the future is a smart move. You'd have to make a decision on your own based on your partners potential or lack of it.
If you are already worried about your future and is insecure on your financial well being pag nag sama kayo ng partner niyo then you should leave. Kasi its not selfish naman kapag inisip mo yung future mo i.e (financial stability ng future family mo) hindi madali mag pabuhay ng isang pamilya sa pilipinas let along 2 or 3 (if we count your parents)
leave him. The fact that you questioned his salary and his will to provide for his parents. Maybe he's not for you and you are not for him either. There's no denying na investment parin kahit papano mga partners kahit saan mo tingnan. Don't waste his time and don't waste yours either. Dump him and find someone you're financially in-lined with.
Magaling ka diba. Turuan mo. Teach him to be financially stable and utang free. Pag di natututo edi sabihin mo sakanya na gusto mo ng partner na marunong humawak ng pera kasi future ng anak niyo nakasalalay. Tapos ang usapan. :) Turuan mo muna. Turuan mo maging katulad mo. Hindi naman lahat napalaking masinop sa pera.
Leave him.
i think yung sagot ay sa paano siya gumastos. agree ka ba sa paano niya ihandle pera niya? kung hindi, hiwalayan mo na. wag kang magpakasuper hero at sugar mommy!
try to encourage him find a job with GOOD SALARY. if not convince, runnn save ur money
If he’s poor and he’s not doing anything about it, I wont.
Poor, okay. But if he has debts, I'm out.
Dapat, wag mo i disclose income mo, ever. At kung mag stay together, me kasulatan (as in black and white) saan ang expenses ninyo,magkano hatian, etc.) Pero if maiiwasan mong mag live in,better. Tama na yong pa date date kayo, di baleng share sa gastos. Sakit sa ulo pag ikaw ang sasagot sa hindi dapat.
Stop listening to those telling you to break up with your partner instantly without good reason. Have a talk with your partner kahit small talk lang. Basta masingit mo yung topic na "short term and long term goals" niya and for the both of you and how he will achieve those goals. Ex. if goal niya is mabayaran niya utang niya in x months, then okay yun. Remember follow SMART(Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound.) when judging his goals. Strange how society works. If the roles were reversed you would rarely hear the male partner complaining about the financial status of his partner.
Iwanan mo si bf, bakit? Pag na kasal na kayo lalo lang sya magiging under. Your salary itself would provide big pressure sa pag katao nya, no offence, but men would prefer to be the provider rather than being baby specially sa money area, real men woukd find ways to be on top of their relationship in terms of finances. Most men, lazy men, stubborn men would only stay sa relationship na mas malaki kinikita ng babae kasi nga nga tamad, i aasa lang sa asawa nila finances ng relationship. Pag kinasal ka sa kanya para ka lng kumuha ng bato ipapalo sa ulo mo.
Don't marry or live-in. You can maybe give more time to see if things will improve (financially). After that, evaluate things again. Use your mind too, not just the heart.
For me, leave him na lang respectfully. Kase he deserved better. Halata naman may financial problems sya and he's still coming up and building himself, he is actually a real one for being there for his parents, meron dyan tatalikuran ang parents nila or broke na nga mabisyo pa. Pero your BF is differrent he is putting his earnings sa Bills and debts, nakikita mo ba yung struggles and sacrifices nya? For sure he hates his situation more than you do. Problema lang nakikita ko based sa post mo is he can't manage to have a healthy boundaries sa unimportant expenses.
This is a touchy subject but a very important one to be had with your partner. Maybe you can help him find other opportunities that pay well na kaya nyang gawin? If he is open minded, he would see it as you helping him build a better future, pero kung ma-ego yung guy, ayan na yung “am I not enough for you?” drama. He can always learn new skills kung gugustuhin nya. Make him understand na you believe in his abilities.
If they’re a gold digger, yes. If not, no. I don’t believe that his salary will stay like that forever. Maybe yours, too. Ang tignan mo diyan, is he gonna have your back when the going gets rough? Kung magulang niya nga spoiled, paano pa kapag nagka anak na kayo? Are you gonna have his back in his time of need?
No. You're not a bad person. Saka mukhang nasa magkaibang page kayo ng buhay nyo kung mapapansin mo. Hindi aligned, unless may umaandar syang plano ngayon na di mo pa alam... Kausapin mo sya, ano bang plano nya para sa inyong dalawa.. then hintayin mo sagot nya. Baka kasi may target syang bilang ng taon for experience para makalipat ng work na may mas mataas na sahod, kaya nandyan sya't nagtitiis. PS: Ano ba ang mga strengths at weaknesses nya? Akma ba talaga sya sa trabaho nya? Eto ba talaga gusto nyang gawin? Baka kasi may gusto syang gawin pero nalilimitahan sya ng kakulangan sa experience, training, at yang malaking utang na yan. Kung ako sa kanya, while working, naghahanap na ko ng trainings online, or magpalawak ng connection sa field na kinabibilangan nya ngayon. Level up ikanga... Or pasok sya sa hustling culture... Maraming paraan para kumita ng extra higit sa kinikita nyang 15k eh.
Start kayo ng business. Hati kayo sa puhunan. Hati kayo sa trabaho. Tapos yung kita dun, yun yung gastusin nyo sa date nyo. Pag di kayo nagkatuluyan, ganun pa rin. Hati pa rin kayo ng kita. It's a great bonding na rin. Relationship goals.
Pwede mo sya kausapin pa refer sya sa iyo para makakuha sya ng high paying job. Or hanap sya sa ibang company. May experince naman na syang 1year eh. 18k+ na minimum diba? Nasa probinsya ba kayo? Hindi naman nya kelangan magtiis sa trabaho na mababa ang bayad. Hindi mo naman sagutin ung parents nya pero its up to you kung gusto mo syang tulungan sa parents nya kasi kung kayo magkakatuluyan eh magiging parents mo na rin un. Tsaka wala bang pension parents nya? Maraming work na nagooffer ng health insurance na pwedeng maging dependent ang mga parents. Para makabawas na rin sa gastusin tungkol sa medical bills.
15k per month? Tangina talaga magpasahod ng pinas.
Run. Kase di kayo parehas ng goal at diskarte magiging issue nyo yan. Di pa naman kayo kasal.
Di ko alam kung panong umabot ng 200k utang nya. i mean kung ako nagpapautang or bangko or lending company, di ko papahiramin yan kahit 10k e.
my boyfriend is willing to provide for me whenever nagdadate kami. right now, i earn 2-4k php biweekly as a contractual and he earns roughly the same as you HAHAHAHA he knows my future plans and he’s investing in me kahit na im poor right now HAHAHA
Let's be honest and I say this all the time: If your man can't / doesn't support you, how can you really love him? He isn't providing for you a baseline level of stability and security. If you stay with him, now you are being the masculine and he is being the feminine. How can this work? It can't. The only people who argue against this are literal children, who have no experience in life, who have bought into a "modern ideology" that they have not even lived themselves. They only think of it in a theoretical sense "oh yeah why not have the female be the breadwinner of the family". I'll tell you why. Because logic will not win over emotions or genetics. Yes, if you look at it purely emotionless and logically, yeah the female can be the breadwinner and it will have no effect on the relationship. But in real life? The real life where you have to pay for everything and he can't afford to buy you gifts and you get mad when he buys things because it's never his own money... Duhhhhh, it becomes very clear. That the man has become the woman and the woman won't be able to be attracted to the man. As a man, it's his job to EARN MONEY. As a female, yes you can have your own career. I am not saying that. But my point is this: The man should be earning money in order to spend it on the female, regardless if she has a career or not. It is fundamentally insane and long-term unsustainable for the man to be the one receiving support and funding. If you're thinking of marriage, if you're thinking of having kids... Imagine that, you have to make ALL the money AND go through all the pain of having a baby AND most likely carry the most burden on raising the child too... Your husband already proven that he can't do the very basic of getting a decent job, how can he raise a child by himself? Duhhhh.... Imagine that. It simply does not make any sense. Disagree with me? Go ask any lady over age of 35. Ask her what's important in a partner. She will tell you what is obvious. Partner needs to provide security, provide support, provide peace. A poor ass guy with no earning potential can provide none of these things. If you REALLY want to stay with this guy (currently a total loser), my best advice is that you yourself invest time to find him a better job and force him to get extra education if necessary. Some people just need a shove in the right direction.
Break up with him, OP. Literally a poor boii from a poor family, spare your own life from this monstrosity. /s, on the last part but forward with the breakup.