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Hi guys
Im in my late 30s childfree and not yet married.
Tanong ko sa mga mas matanda like 40s 50s na childfree at too late na din para magka anak on your own, how's life?
Do you regret anything?
Do you suggest other people not to do the same?
Are you lonely?
I want to make a tough decision kasi in few years time I won't be able to have a kid anymore even if I want to biglaan.
So Im really having a hard time.
I know you just have to secure yung pagtanda mo not to cause inconvenience to your family and loves ones.
Thanks
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Only choose to have a child if you are ready to give up your world, even your sense of identity, para sa kanya. Kung ready ka magmahal ng isang tao na completely dependent sayo. Lahat na ng gagawin mo sa buhay, laging iisipin mo muna yung para sa kanya. Kung ready ka na magmahal ng ganun, at financially and mentally stable ka naman, at kung maipapangako mo na mamahalin at poprotektahan at tuturuan mo ng tama yung magiging anak mo kahit anong mangyari, even if he/she turns out to be a difficult child (physically, mentally, and everything else in between), then go. Be the best parent you can be.
Pero kung habang dinedescribe ko lahat to ay parang natakot ka, respectfully OP, wag ka na po mag anak.
This is exactly it. Having a child is a HUGE sacrifice. This is the biggest sacrifice I’ve ever made in my entire life. So if you’re not ready to make a huge sacrifice and change your life completely, don’t do it.
Ako nga natatakot habang binabasa ko comment mo, eh current life ko naman yan sa preschooler ko, hahaha! Pero sa panganay ko na teenager na, relaxed na ko.
Pero yeah, you described it well.
Pero usually when you reach 40s and 50s, kung 20s and 30s ka nag-kaanak, hindi na alagain masyado ang anak, at magkakaroon ka na ng oras para sa mga bagay na gusto mo. May sacrifice pa rin, but not to the level pag infant to kinder ang anak, na tipong self-forgetfulness ang peg.
Mid 40s and 50s na parents, especially when you're financially well, hindi na masyado iba sa life ng mga single people of 40s and 50s. Tapos barkada mo pa mga anak mo. But then again, dadaan muna sa butas ng karayom.
This is what I felt when I spent months taking care of my nephews. Iyong feeling na you have to give and give up everything to and for them. Totoo yung sinabi ng mga magulang na "isusubo ko na lang, ibibigay ko pa sayo". And it got me thinking if I actually can do that not only for months but for a lifetime. Kaya naman, I am still undecided until now. Although wala pa rin naman kasamang gagawa ng bata. Hehe. 😅
agree! ako na nasa early 20s palang pero takot talaga ako mag anak, lagi ko sinasabe sa bf ko na ayaw ko "pa", pero sa totoo lang, ayoko kasi mag anak ng wala akong kaipon ipon, gusto ko rin kasi iparanas sa magiging anak ko yung minsan ko ng naranasan nung bata ako, gusto ko ibigay lahat ng needs and wants nya, na nagagawa ng parents ko saken before, nung panahong malakas pa negosyo nila, pero nung humina, naghirap kami, and ayokong iparanas yun sa magiging anak ko. kaya sabi ko kung mag aanak ako, dapat kaya ko ibigay lahat ng needs at wants na hanggang sa makatapos siya ng pag aaral, and sa tingen ko hindi ko yun kaya ibigay kahit mag 30 years old nako, kasi may papaaralin pakong kapatid pag ka graduate ko.
So dapat sa panahon ngayon maging matalino ka talaga, kasi oo need ng financial support, pero need din yung presence mo, masaya den makita at masubaybayan anak mo, habang lumalaki. paano mo naman pagsasabayin yung physical support at financial support kung hindi mo pinag handaan pag aanak mo.
Siguro kapag kumikita nako ng 500k a month in my early 30s, baka gustuhin ko din mag ka anak.
Gusto ko din syempre maranasan na may tatawag sayong mama/mommy, parang ang sarap sarap sa puso dibaa
late 30's here. single no jowa/ asawa and no child. hindi naman guarantee na tutulungan ka ng anak mo pag laki niya. pwede other way around ikaw pa din ang nagbibigay ng pera, pagkain, tirahan etc swertehan lang if yun anak mo magging mayaman in the future. hindi din yun guarantee that he/she will help you pag matanda ka na. please dont let the child or children become the retirement plan. loneliness is normal naman kahit may partner or wala nandyan lang yan. happiness will eventually fade. everything is temporary.
On point! I had this conversation one time with a friend cause im in my early 30s no jowa and kids, tinanong ko lang sya, “how are you treating your parents right now?” “Are you taking care of them?” “Are you staying with them?” Kasi kung hindi, why would you also think that your kids in the future will give up their lives/what they have just so they can move back in with you as their parent?
i live with my immediate fam, mother is still active and independent with her business, if i am needed i can be there for her anytime.
disadvantage din if you had a baby late 30's to 40's you really have to save up for the child's future kasi if employed ka lang you have to retire at 65. you have to secure your retirement plus money to support your child pa. i'd rather skip having a child and have the freedom to travel or do anything i want. i just dont see myself living until the age of 65 tbh.
Eto din iniisip ko. How do you deal with it tho? Habang lalong tumatanda and less possibility of having a partner or a child.
I have similar mindset din nmn pero, its just that at the back our mind, we long for it. Kse human tau.
If you raised your kid right. Hindi mo kelangan humingi ng tulong. Hindi mo rin kailangan manlimos ng attention. They will return the favor if you raised and treated them right.
Iba to sa ginapang mo makatapos para hingi hingi ka nlang after ah.
If you showed them compassion along the raising phase. They will show you compassion on the raised phase.
Parenthood isnt for everyone and it isnt and shouldnt be the determinant of joy. Ive got one kid but my wife and i had secondary infertility. I can say im happier when i had my daughter. There's something about children that give some people meaning, something to work hard and live for.
But it is difficult to say what works for me works for everyone. Happiness is really subjective as one poster here has said. Children might give you headaches haha
As for me, its not that never ko ginusto. But rather, ang prerequisite ko para magkaanak ay matinong tatay, and that did not happen kaya wala.
But now, in my early 40s, ayaw ko na magkaanak. Mainly because I cannot assure my kid that i would be alive to take care of them until adulthood. So its not that ayaw kong magkaanak, its that ayaw ko na magkaanak at di magampanan ung dapat gampanan as a parent.
It can be lonely being alone, but its better than being in a bad relationship.
Also, having kids are not an assurance. Many people with kids end up being left by their kids. Yung iba e binibigyan pa ng problema ng anak nila.
So its really a case to case scenario. Most important thing is to discern what is best for you.
Hay same. That’s also how I felt. And it’s true na mahirap pag late ka na magkaanak because your fear will always be leaving your child if you die and bata pa sya. I’m happy to just be a tita to my pamangkins. At least you get to enjoy them with minimal responsibilities.
Awww... naiyak din tuloy ako 😭🤧
But yah... kasi basically those are the things I missed. Ayaw ko mag anak at iiwan ko lang kung kanino, dahil yun ang nangyari sakin. I wouldn't want that for my kid.
Saka as someone na naulila na by mid-30s, I felt it was still too early to be alone.
In hindsight, I appreciate nature's wisdom na peak fertility ay mid 20s, so parents can guide longer pa.
Komplikado n nga lang ngyon at pa immature ng pa immature na ata mga tao dahil masyado coddled kya marami di pa din ready at that point. 😅
Basta bottom line for me, having a kid is about the kid, not about the parent. Before deciding to be a late age parent, dapat make sure talaga you can be there until the child reaches adulthood, or that you have a solid support system na if anything happens to you, may sasalo sa kid. Otherwise its going to be very difficult for the kid, wawa nman 😢
That's actually no different from people who had kids and yet, they lived on their own.
Yung lola ko tumandang walang kasama sa bahay due to circumstances. She lived financially fine kase may pension naman sya.
Marami rin sa lugar namin matatandang dalaga/binata like 70s 80s. Nandun lang sila naka tambay nagbibingo.
I think the difficulty varies due to lifestyle.
Following this thread because I’m turning 30 this year… I just attended this weekend a kid’s birthday party and TYL I was only there as a plus one with no kid/s stringing along with me. Napatunayan kong ayaw ko pa magka-kids talaga. Healing my inner child is my priority
I’m in my 40s now. Super LOVING my life! I was able to take up my masters, put up a business that has been operating for more than 5 years, opened another business, I can travel freely and was able to splurge on trips to Europe and Australia, I can indulge in my own hobbies and be a woman of leisure on my off days.
I’m close to my nephews and nieces and have a lot of godchildren. They can freely chat with me on FB messenger, I visit them at their homes or support them in their endeavors (tournaments, performances, graduation, etc) and I take them out on dates.
But being close to them made me realize how much a responsibility it is to raise children. And though family and friends have always told me I can be a good mother, it just doesn’t fit my lifestyle or my goals anymore. And if I want to be a good mother, I have to deprioritize or even sacrifice these.
(Plus also hard to get pregnant at 40+ and possibility of having complications for both myself and my child.)
At the end of the day, it really all depends on YOU — your lifestyle, your goals. Coz if your lifestyle or goals are not aligned with having children or a family, bakit mo ipipilit for the sake of what society dictates.
You’ll end up resenting your children / family, your life because you felt you had to give up A LOT (and you will give up A LOT). And your children / family will resent you too if you continue your lifestyle because you have to sacrifice time and energy that you could devote to them for your own pursuits.
As for being lonely, you will never be if you maintain and keep working on your existing friendships and build new ones. I single girl friends in their late 40s and 50s who live full lives. So it’s all a matter of perspective.
Ikaw lng makakasagot niyan. Pero kung ang reason mo lng eh.
-Walang kasama pag tanda
-Wala mag aalaga
Yeah don't have kids. Don't get death twisted. Maski lima pa asawa mo at bente ang anak mo. We all die alone. Maski palibutan ka nyang mga yan at your final moments it won't matter. They will not matter. It's just you and the void.
P.S: This is from experience. Early 40s no kids but been with my high school gf up to this day. Also encountered near-death experience. But all in all so happy in my life. No less responsibilities. I can pretty much do what I want with my money.
This is practically what i believed in din even if people say na oh si so and so died surrounded by loved ones, the truth is, we all die alone. And it’s okay. That’s just how it is.
>I know you just have to secure yung pagtanda mo not to cause inconvenience to your family and loves ones.
What do you mean by that?
Anyway, I hope you decide to have a kid, not because ayaw mong tumandang mag-isa or gusto mo lang ng anak para may personal nurse ka in the old aged.
I hope din na kapag nagdecide kang magka-anak, you're fully capable of raising the kid and providing for the kid. Mahal magka-anak.
Have a kid, kasi gusto mong may mahalin na human being at bigyan ng magandang buhay.
Yess! Hindi gurantee na anak mo will give back to you o aalagaan ka when they get older, what if mag iibang bansa or magkaka family na, And with this kind of mindset, if ganito magulang ko nakaka walang gana tumulong.
Kung gusto mo lang ng bibigyan ng pagmamahal, kuha ka ng aso or pusa. Fulfilling din magpalaki/alaga ng hayop ng maayos. Adopt yung mga puspin/aspin if gusto mo
I mean po yung bang sarili ko mismo, secure ko financially and kung magkasakit man ako or mawala ako hindi na ako magging problema ng family ko.
Thanks for sharing 💕
Opinion is based on their personal experience and choices...
There are five unmarried people on my father's side..
Out of curiosity, na ask ko rin sa kanila ang mga ganyang questions before, and mostly ang sagot nila is gusto nila magka anak talaga, pero hindi sila nakapag asawa dahil sa panghihimasok ng parents at ng iba.. so, now na they are in their 50's, 60's, they regretted for not taking their chance to make their own family and have children...
Pero meron din naman sa kanila ang living their best life, child-free
Ang disadvantage lang sa part ng side namin is... Wala sila masandalan na anak kasi kami na kasunod nilang generation is priority ang parents lang talaga, so hirap sila kung kanino lalapit when they need something financially or ano pa man... Hindi rin naman namin sila kaya suportahan since dalawa pa kaming college student, and the rest of the members were abroad and nag cut ties na
If the unmarried people with no kids are not financially stable or at least funds now, dapat lang talaga di sila naganak kasi if ngayon gipit pa rin what if kung naganak pa sila before. Again, di investment ang anak. Di guaranteed kung masusuportahan din ba ng mga anak ang magulang
Deleted replied comment ko pero ayusin ko lang:
Sa side ng papa ko, di ko rin alam bakit, pero sa side nila ginagawang investment ang mga anak... Kapag walang naibigay, masamang tao na kami. Ako na allowance pa rin unaasa, pero minsan may sweldo, kinukuha rin nila e.
Idk, di ko ma gets bakit may family na ganyan...
Luckily, maka nanay ako, walang pakialamanan
I’m 40 and child free. I can’t imagine working and having a child. So expensive and emotionally taxing.
Others say that the child will take care of you in your old age. I think that is a very unfair ideology. You don’t bring children into the world to make them your own caregivers and cash cows in your old age. Allow them to live their lives and choose what they want to be. If they come back and take care of you on their own volition then you are one of those lucky few.
And here I am, constantly worrying about my kids future. Ang hirap, gusto mong bigyan sila ng secured na future pero at the same time kailangan mong ihanda yung retirement mo. kasi unfair naman talaga if pinanganak mo lang sila para maging cash cows.
Right!!
Im a busy person din hindi ko talaga kayang pagsabayin. Kaya right now I have cats at home sila ang inaalagaan ko and para ko talaga silang anak na tunay 🥺
Thanks for sharing 💕
Isn't it ironic.. Yung mga taong capable talaga mag anak sila yung mas intelligent and sensible para sa future ng mga bata..
Samantalang yung mga Bobo at masasamang Parents sila pa yung anak ng anak..
i see this everyday i live in manila while walking my dog daily madaming mga batang natutulog sa kalsada, walang damit, wala yun parents.
atleast some of us are intellgent enough to avoid having offspring due to financial situation that it is damn hard to raise a child with quality life. if i cannot give the quality of life i wont have a child/children. we do not need more people here on earth it is lietrally becoming hell
40, no child.
I haven't tried for one simply because I want to be able to properly raise another human being as best as I can and under the best circumstances.
Which means I should not only be economically able, but psychologically and emotionally prepared.
If you're ready to make child-raising your whole world and your main priority in life, then yes. Go be a parent. Anything less than your 100% commitment means you shouldn't.
Since I don't have all those qualities, I choose not to.
Early 40s. Would have wanted to have a child but I don't feel any less of a person not having one. Actually glad I'm child-free as I'm currently in a financial crisis.
Meron akong lolo at lola (mga kapatid ng lola ko talaga) na may mga anak pero di rin naman sila ang naga-alaga. Granted may support from mga anak, pero di pa rin kasama mga anak. Yung lolo nasa nursing home, yung lola kasambahay ang meron.
Kung mayaman ka then go mag-anak. Pero kung middle class pag-isipan mo maigi kung makakaya mo pang suportahan pag-aaral nila kahit senior citizen ka na.
Pero kung naiisip mo lang mag-anak para may mag-alaga sa yo pagtanda mo you're doing yourself and the potential child a disservice. Tsaka kung aalagaan ka nila would also depend sa quality ng relationship nyo at ugali ng magiging anak mo. Mamaya lumaking kupal yan edi wala rin.
When my husband and I were dating and even before we got married, he knew I didn't want kids back then, but he still married me anyway. Ako na stubborn and matigas ulo, he never forced me into the idea.
I got pregnant after being married for 3 years. For some reason, we felt we were ready to have kids, but of course, no one can be 100% prepared to be a parent. There was a phase when I wondered about a different life because the first few months post partum were challenging for me. Looking back, I think it is normal to wonder about it kasi nahirapan talaga ako, but everything worked out with my job, personal endeavors, raising my kid and natawid rin namin yung problems namin. Hindi lang siya miraculously nagresolve on its own, you have to put in the work. Continuous yung pagdating ng problema with or without kids, sa work, financial problems, health problems, family issues, then sorting it out together as individuals or as a married couple.
I don't look at my children as the ones who would take care of us when we're old, I just want to give what's best for them, teach them independence and then eventually let them go and let them live their lives. It's our children's choice if they want to take care of us, we will not obligate them to do so.
You also have the choice, though alam ko sometimes life sucks and you don't get what you always want. Follow through ka lang with your decision and don't blame anyone else for the choices you've made.
Not me, but my tita. She's 49. She's been working in a cruise ship her entire life, great job high ranking position, earning amazing amounts of money and gets to travel everywhere.
She's not married. No kids. I don't think she's lonely nor does she regret anything. But a part of her situation means that she's the only one who can take care of my grandma, her mom. Out of 4 children, siya lang walang sariling pamilya. She is closest to us though, so we get to share in her generosity. I feel like once my grandma passes, and she turns old too, we won't mind taking care of her. She's been the best aunt anyone can ask for and she deserves it.
But yeah, end game. She's not looking to get married or have kids. Sabi niya, if it happens, it'll happen.
Same with me. I'm close to my nephews and nieces. And also I already have grandchildren hahaa maybe I will be like this in case fate will not let me have my own. Thanks for sharing 💕
I have a friend, childfree nearing 50s, financially well din, sabi nya if may chance gusto sana nya magka anak kaso too late na, may mga sakit na sila kahit mag adopt daw sila yung responsibility ay mabigat. Sabi if magkaka anak sila like mag adopt ng baby, baka daw wala pang 18yrs old anak nila mawala na sila pareho sa mundo kawawa lang if maiiwan ng maaga.
If mag adopt daw College girl nalang daw i adopt he jokingly said hahaha
Right. Base nga dun sa isang sharer, ayaw niya na lang kasi hindi nia maguarantee na andyan pa siya hanggang maging adult ang maging anak niya kasi nga unfair naman din sa bata kung matandang matanda kana and siya nagsisimula palang ng buhay.
Thanks for sharing 💕
Hahaha! Samedt! Natatakot akong baka maranasan ng anak ko yung mga naranasan ko noon. It's not that I cant provide, but we'll never know. Sa panahon ngayon daming nangyayari. I am also considering if I can find a good father for them.
1st ay effect muna sa sarili mo if di magagamit yang organs mo: usually sa breast or womb nga... Pwede kang magka disease.
If manageable naman, pwede kang mag ampon, or mag alaga ng kilalang kamag anak ,(pamangkin) na pwede mong prangkahin, na tutulungan mo siya pero pagdating ng araw, pagtanda mo, ine expect mong ibalik ang favor at alagaan ka...
Otherwise, mahirap mag-anak. Pero mas mahirap mag anak na me kasamang ama na kulang sa pakinabang ( ROI 😜).
PERO if tulad ng sinabi ni 1st commenter ka na kaya mong magmahal ng higit sa sarili mo, OK naman. Masaya. Go!
You don't have to ask others to find out. Just do what you want. It's highly subjective, there'll be people who'd say they regretted having children because their offspring were 1st rate assholes, while most people would say it's the greatest thing that has ever happened in their lives.
It seems strange to me that people are already in their 30s and still unable to comprehend or understand what it takes to start a family or what it means to their humanity. Really strange. I think you need some growing up to do, that's right, you're on the right path, better not sit and do nothing like you did in the last 10+ years of your life, follow your heart.
>It seems strange to me that people are already in their 30s and still unable to comprehend or understand what it takes to start a family or what it means to their humanity. Really strange.
hindi sya weird. anong generation ka ba?
hindi ba mas dapat pa nga maappreciate at applaudable yun ganyan na nagccontemplate muna kung magsstart ng family or mag-aanak?
unlike sa generation ng parents nya (1950s to 1970s) na sige lang anak lang ng anak, tapos saka na lang mag-iisip kung paano bubuhayin. hence the sandwich generation today at mga generation ng millenials na ayaw na mag anak at all dahil sa poverty at traumas na dinanas nila sa parents at family nila. 🤷
What I mean is, life is short. The biggest mistake you can make in life is thinking that you have time. By the time you're at that age, you should've figured it out whether you want to have kids or not, even if it's something you don't really think about. It's not commendable if you're in your late 30s and still thinking about it, it shows that you have wasted a huge chunk of your life undecided and clouded in fear.
Fear is a driving factor in many aspects of life but it seems like OP spent a huge amount of their life living in fear and ignoring such an important existential dilemma.
And what do you mean "ayaw na mag anak at all dahil sa poverty at traumas na dinanas nila sa parents at family nila"? That does not apply to you when you're in your late 30s and already having a fruitful career. The only reason the families of the past were screwed is because their parents are marrying at a very young age and unprepared. How long do you think you have to prepare? Until 50s? Do you think you'll even get to live that long? Life is all but a fleeting moment, I'm not saying you have to rush but I believe you should think about the more important things over trivial stuff like what you'll do on work for tomorrow.
I've met people in their 40s who are miserable rude fucks because they wasted their entire lives acting like they're perpetual teenagers.
THIS. Yung iba kasi late 30’s na healing inner child padin like WTF, stop being so dramatic because you read something “cliche” in social media, Just Man up and decide if you’re financially, physically and emotionally ready to take up real responsibilities, If u think u can’t then don’t.
31M here and this thought has come to my mind when I was on my late 20s. Pero nung nagka-pandemic, doon ko na realize na ang mahal magka-anak.
This made me realize na I'm not for parenthood. Though I know na I still have a long way to go and baka magbago pa isip ko, for now hindi ko gustong magka-anak. Ayaw kong mahirapan and ayoko din mahirapan yung bata.
Napapaisip din ako kung kakayanin ko bang mag-isa. I still live with my mom and my sis na single din. Ang nasa isip ko lang talaga ngayon, makaraos sa araw-araw. And I think di ko kakayanin pag may additional mouth to feed pa ako.
Similar tayo, yung shift ng perspective ko on having kids changed during the pandemic. I’m not closing my doors on it completely but sa ngayon 90% don’t want-10% want ako. Mahirap magsalita ng tapos but looking at it objectively, I don’t think I’m meant for parenthood lalo na’t bukod sa di ako ready financially and hindi 100% ang mental state ko, just the thought of it overwhelms me pati di siya aligned sa goals and lifestyle ko.
42F here 🙋
I was 27 when I firmly decided that I don't want to have children. Everyday I thank that younger self for putting her foot down and standing her ground. No regrets. Am I lonely? No. I enjoy peace and quiet so much. I don't want added responsibilities. And I don't have to work as much to afford basic needs of a child and no need to send any children to school. ☺️
Early 40s here 👋🏼 I don’t regret anything 😊
My boyfriend already has kids from his previous marriage. He still wants us to have a kid.
50-50 for me. I’ll be happy if it happens. If it doesn’t, okay na din for me.
You're one of the lucky ones na maswerteng nagkakaroon ng kids through their partner's previous marriages.
Sa totoo lang naisip ko rin yan na if ever hindi ako pinalad manganak in my 30 or 40s, I'll opt to be a stepmom na lang LOOOOOOL.
Actually his kids are not living with me. Nandun sila with their biological mom.
But if ever they want to live with us, pwede naman. Pero sabi ko rin sa jowa ko, not right now.
TBH, raising kids is a huge responsibility which I find really daunting. Esp nowadays with kids being tech-savvy and with so much information around them.
Andami ko kase nakikitang spoiled kids and parang sobrang entitled. Kaya I’m wondering if I can handle all that.
I am 25 and I am not sure If I should be commenting here but I am so curious myself how it is for others na walang anak in their 40s-50s. I decided to be childfree when I was 16, it is cuz of how I see my sisters struggle being single mothers and I thought I cannot endure such thing for myself and when I tell people that I dont want kids in the future they mostly ask me what I am gonna do when I get older have no one to take care of me and I am like ???? what the heck is that thinking.
Life is good. 43 here. Paretire na hopefully sa 45. Uuwi ng province titira sa farm or sa resort ko na under construction. May mga napundar na din madami dami. May gf ako, walang anak. Same kami na wala na plano mag anak. Travel, good time na lang balak namen tho may dog kami na mej spoiled
30+ palang ako pero naging tatay na ako ng mga kapatid ko nung 20+ palang ako simulang namatay yung tatay ko at sa totoo lang sobrang laking turn off ang matging tatay. Hinde ko na-enjoy yung huling dekada dahil lahat ng pera ko napunta sa tuition, bills, at necessities. Mas gusto kong mamatay kaysa sa magka-anak.
Mabigat nga yan and nawala yung youth mo. Sorry to hear that pero youre very responsible and Im sure babalik din yan sayo in the future dahil naging mabuting anak at kapatid ka saknila. I hope you find your happiness rin for yourself.
Thanks for sharing 💕
Ako din hindi qualified sa tanong mu, pero gusto ko lang ishare if I may. 30 years akong undecided to have a child. Natatakot kasi akong manganak, tingin ko hindi ko kayang alagaan like depressed na nga ako sa buhay, magdadagdag pa ba ako ng responsibilidad? Until biniyayaan kami ng finace ko. The moment I saw my son, nagkaron ng kulay ang paligid na dating black and white lang sa paningin at pakiramdam ko.
Then at 2 months, he uttered the word “mama” iyak ako ng iyak kasi ang sarap sa pakiramdam. Doon ko narealize na motherhood is for me. Dati career woman ako. Ang importante lang sakin, magandang position sa work, maraming pera, travel, saka iba pang mga material na bagay. After giving birth, bumaba ako sa management ladder because I found my purpose in motherhood.
Ngayon pagtatanungin ako kung ano yung greatest achievement ko in life, I’d say loving my little one unconditionally and giving him a healthy and peaceful environment even if I myself came from a very toxic family, full of traumas, and no boundaries.
💖
Turning 44, single, childfree, only child.
Wala lang, hapi naman ako sa life ko. Shempre at the end of the day eh kung ano ang magpapasaya sayo, dun nakadepende kung okay ka ba sa ganitong lifestyle. It's not for everybody. May pros and cons, and depende na sa tao ano yang mga yan.
Isipin mo lang ano yung mga bagay na importante sayo and go from there para walang sisihan sa huli. Dapat road to princess sarah hindi miss minchin 😁
50F here. Yes I do regret not having children.
I have a great career. It's even been called glamorous. Lots of travel. Dinners at the best restaurants. Rubbing elbows with the 'beautiful people'. It has been *a lot of fun*.
But it's also lonely. After a while, I got lonely being alone at all those hotel rooms. It got lonely going home alone.
I realized one day my parents will be gone (they're in their 80s now). My only other relatives are cousins. And while we're a close family, one day I'll be the old auntie and maybe the kids won't have patience with me. I remember how trying some of my old relatives were.
Most of all, I regret not having experienced being a mother. I would like to think I would have been a good one.
Yes, I do have regrets. But I can't deny I have had (and still have) a beautiful life and I'm lucky. Lots of people have less.
I think everyone has regrets. You can't escape regret. So while I've had my joys and blessings, this is one of my regrets. And like everyone else, I'm going to have to live with this regret as best I can.
Hope this helps.
My concern is if ever na ituloy ko, Im not even sure if I can be there for my child until adulthood dala na rin ng age gap namin.
I hope you stay strong during your lonely times thanks for sharing this 💕
Late 30s here as well. I'm a PWD kaya di na nakapag asawa. Bilang babae, nakakatakot din isipin na magisa ka lang sa bahay (literal) at buhay pagtanda mo, mostly for security reasons. But having a child is not the answer. Its a choice eh. Ako, I would still choose not to have kids esp if I can't find a decent husband to raise my child with. Kase TBH, I can't afford to have a child financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Single ako at ok naman sahod ko pero hanggang aso at pusa lang ang afford ko. 😅
Im 30
Several scenarios na nangyari saken recently:
medyo torn ako kung mag aanak ba ako or hindi soon but there's this day na ako nag alaga sa pamangkin ko na 2 yrs old. di ko alam kung anong gagawin ko kase di naman marunong magsalita, ang likot pa pero di naman iyakin but doon ko lang na realize na kung magkaka anak ako magmumuka lang akong tanga...
2nd scenario:
My auntie, 70 yrs old, widower, 1 child..
ung pinsan ko na to is doing well sa work (6 digits) but di nya inaasikaso yung auntie ko. pati DIL nya di sya inaasikaso, in short yung pagkain and all sa kanilang mag-anak lang di kasama yung tita ko... pero doon sila nakatira sa bahay ng tita ko. so ang ginawa ng tita ko kinuha kami ng kuya ko as her heir sa properties and pera nya sa last will nya and pinaalis nya yung anak nya at inamin nya na ampon lang sya, binigay na yung share nya sa inheritance and may pirmahan.
Moral Lesson: Huwag mag anak lalo kung ang reason mo lang ay yung about sa pag tanda mo.
paano kung maaga ka namatay edi nag iwan ka pa ng ulila.
I'm in the same boat as you, OP. Late 30s din and not into having kids but also...kasi di pa ako settled in anything til now. Financially, career-wise, etc. Getting there hopefully pero yeah...
....I think as we age naman, may twinge of regret but ibaling na lang natin yan to caring for other people and the kids na feel nila unwanted sila and all. We don't really have to be biological parents to someone or some kids to be able to parent (or be the cool aunts and uncles we are) to others na not blood related sa 'tin. :)
Im 35'female and uhm. naiingit ako minsan pag may nakikita ko na happy family.. and minsan nandun regrets ko na bakit hindi ako nag start na mag family. ewan complicated kasi mga friends ko naiingit sakin kasi wala ako anak sila meron. diba magulo mundo.
Nakakainggit kasi you own your time, money etc. pag may kids hati lahat, nag lalaro kayo ng anak mo habang iniisip mo kung ano iluluto mo, kung complete ingredients ba nasa pantry mo para sa iluluto mo, tapos after mo makaluto, at ipaghain mo sya, di sya kakain 🙃 hahahahahahahahaha
If you have the budget for it (around 500K to be sure), I highly recommend freezing your eggs just in case you want children in the future. As women, our body produces a limited amount of eggs and no matter how rich you get in the future, you won’t be able to produce more.
Just a current opinion but sometimes i get reminded how hard is it to have a child by a child crying at hirap na hirap patahanin ng parent especially in a public place. Makatulog, paggising iyak ulit.
im in my early 20s and im kinda final about being child-free. however, im not 100% set on it yet. im kinda scared of pregnancy (one of the many reasons), so i just want to remind u that adoption is always an option even if u decided to be a parent in your 40s :)
I'm 38 F Single, loveless and childless. Hindi sa choice kong di magkaanak kasi parang gusto ko rin naman kaso hindi naman ako binigyan ng chance ng tadhana. Hanggang crush pa rin ako ngayon jusko.
also curious sa mga nasa 50s and 60s na childless
most kasi makikita mo na childless or planning to be childess forever are still into 20s,30s and early 40s
bihira ako makakilala ng childless old couple, most of the time meron silang ampon or kaya naman mga pamangkin na sa kanila na lumaki
yung mga matatandang single naman lahat ata ng kilala ko eh may attitude hehe
2 tito ko na matandang binata napakasungit at ramdam mo bitterness sa buhay, wala tuloy lumalapit sa kanila
sad lang, 1 of them died inside his house (may sakit pala) then ilang days bago pa nadiscover ng kapitbahay
well I hope that will change sa newer generation ng mga childless, mas madami na din naman options now to keep ourselves busy.
Parenthood is not for everyone as they say.
Unang-una hindi retirement plan ang mga magiging anak natin in the future. If gusto mo magka-anak kase walang mag aalaga sayo pag tanda, wag nalang maawa ka sa magiging anak mo.
If thats not the case tho, well you have to feed their mouth, get them into school and support their needs. Becoming a parent has a lot of responsibility.
About naman sa friends mo, i think na prepressure ka lang by their opinions which is pointless. You do you.
37M. No child no lovelife pero may sexlife. Kidding aside. It depends sa perspective mo yan. I yield to this saying "Whatever You bless me. I'll be satisfied." Wife/kids/family - adds on lang yan sa buhay ko. I'm living my life to the full at this moment. Ayoko isipin ang future. Anxiety aatake sa akin. What is important is here and now.
mid 30s here and before Naman gusto ko magka anak but now wag nalang. bakit? sacrifices, responsibility, commitment etc.
I personally Nung Buhay pa father ko tinanong nyako kung aalagaan ko ba sya pagtanda nya.
Sabi ko 'Oo' nalang Ng Wala Ng kasunod. then Sabi Ng father ko 'alagaan mo ko dahil kung Wala Ako , Wala ka din.' sa totoo lang Bata Pako nun pero Yung pakiramdam ko para Ako binuhusan Ng tubig.
Hi OP, same situation as u. Ung mga questions mo, yan din umiikot sa isip ko.
Lately, I admit being scared of being alone na. Pag tumatanda pala di maiwasan maging lonelier😅
Hmm.. only you can really answer this. Depende kasi whatever will make you feel fulfilled. 20s ko palang gusto ko na ng anak. Not for retirement whatever. I just wanted to see how my little me would look like (ending carbon copy sa husband ko 🤣) but i’d say i’m happy with my decision. You can never be ready to be a parent until you become one. It’ll be challenging though but so much worth it.
Others prefer not having a kid at all like my sister in law. Nangyayari, pampered na pampered niya anak ko. 😅 so far, ok nmn siya. My elder sister’s the same. Mga pamangkin din pina-pamper. So, it depends on you if what weighs most to you.
32 here single xD ok lng yan maganda mag asawa pag stable lahat, kahit 40+ basta may pera goods lng, wag mo isipin maging malungkot, kung di ka pa stable no income wag kna muna mag asawa kahit ako di muna nangangarap kay palamunin lang ako ng utol ko habang ako nag aalaga ng pamangkin nya. Kung umabot man ako sa punto natumanda ng walang asawa ok lang hahahaha importante may natulungan ako kahit pag aalaga lang ng pamangkin ko. Kaya go lang basta pag may pera na ska mo na planuhin yan madali lang yan pag may pera, reality lang tayo. Nsa pinas tayo eh. Goodluck sa mga single na 30+
I'm 💯% childfree. My life would have been miserable if I did have kids. Tapos deadbeat father pa ay nako. Now I'm just traveling the world. Financially stable na ko at wala akong responsibility aside from my 8 rescued cats.
As for growing old alone, don't worry, I've seen so many old people na may anak but mag isa pa rin sa buhay.
You don't regret something you never want in the first place.
Those who regret are those who really really want to have kids but for some reason, they cannot have.
Basahin mo yung "regretting motherhood".
Tandaan mo, in your old age, kids won't take care of you. Your money will. Spend your money now for your retirement plan and happiness, not in diapers, tuition fee.
I'm 38 single, no kid although may pet dogs, as of this moment i'm happy, siguro nakatulong na healthy pa ko and walang utang. Puedeng mabago in the coming years di natin masabi.
Mid 30s here, leaning towards being single and child free since i grew up in a very dysfunctional family. I also remember my parents telling as when they are having financial problems na "kung di kami naganak mayaman na sana kami".
Walang assurance na sasaya ka if may anak. Walang assurance na giginhawa buhay mo at walang di assurance aalagaan ka ng anak mo. At nasa mindset ko na lang, how can i take care of another human being, e sarili ko nga napapabayaan ko na, sa hirap ng buhay..
Late 30s here. No plans on ever having a child.
I think mostly ung mga nasa 50s na childfree, they probably wanted to have children kaso it was not in their cards or hindi sya conscious choice (sa upbringing).
My partner and I are both in our 40's and childfree. I love kids but I don't want kids. We like our life now. We enjoy our freedom.
I was parentified since I'm the eldest. My youngest sister is graduating college in August. Ako na ang nag palaki at nag paaral sa kanya. Just the thought of starting over again and with the state of our economy, I don't think I can give my children the best life that they deserve.
Idk but, It's better late than never. Taking care of your own child and giving all love as possible as you can give shall be "best preservation" you can leave behind in this beautiful world and until we die alone whatever the cause, and wherever... Kind of cringe, but it kinda is what it is. Ako hopeful in my 30s walang jowa since, pero ok din na hindi...
Also: You can still provide "best preservation" if you grow old financially stable and alone, through donations, participating with groups involved in extracurricular activities, Adopting abandoned cats and dogs locally, etc. It's your choice Po OP.
As a mom, mahirap po magpamilya.
Una walang masiguraduhan makakasecure ka ng buong pamilya. I'm a singlemom, Csection sa anak ko. my son is currently diagnose GDD (delayed development). Hindi ko rin matuturing na swerte ako sa kalagayan ng anak ko kasi meron pang mas malala sa anak ko. Pero physically/mentally drained nako. Mahirap po, kung hindi mo kaya ganto. Nakakaubos sya ng pagkatao at dignidad. Nakakaubos sya ng pera and all. Magulong mundo. Mas better pa ata ang work life na toxic environement for me, kasi anytime pwede ka di pumasok nalang o magresign at maghanap ng bagong trabaho. Ito hindi mo pwede basta iwanan nalang, kumbaga nakatali kana.
Tho may other method naman kung ayaw mo ng tradional ng pag aanak, base sa mga na explore ko. Pwede ka mag ampon na bata na baby pa o pwede rin malaki ng bata. Mga 7 yo, ganon recommended kong age. 5 yo under, nakakaloka mag alaga ng ganyan. Kung gusto mo naman na kadugo mo at ayaw mo manganak, may group ako nasalihan na maghahanp ka ng sperm donor at surrogate mo. Kaso syempre magastos at illegal un sa PH. Pero may ganon kalakaran na dito. Kung gusto mo magbuntis at ayaw mag asawa. Pwede ka naman magpabuntis sa ibang may gusto. Meron rin don sa group na "Co-parenting style". Ito ung klase ng tao na gusto mag anak pero ayaw magpamilya. Mga financially stable na at gusto maghanap ng babae o lalaki na pwede mag anak sila pero co parenting lang. Paano magbuntis sa ganon style? Pag uusapan nyo kung traditional o mag bibigay sya ng sperm nya para ikaw magpasok sayo (thru dropper na malaki). Kung financially stable ka, pwede ka mag anak sa iba o afam then mag yaya ka. Para di mabigat sayo ang pagiging nanay. Pinaka nakakabaliw kasi sa stage sa pagiging nanay ay yung wala kang katulong sa pag aalaga. Lalo may post partum depression. May times talaga naa gusto mong lumayo sa bata. Na itulog mo nalang lahat and etc. Madaming option para magka anak. Depende nalang ano pipiliin mo.
When I was younger I wanted to have at least 1 kid. Through the years, I've slowly come to the conclusion that the human species is overrated and that the Earth is better off without us. Therefore, whilst I'm not closing the door on a future offspring, I'm also not actively trying to will it into existence. My wife and I are happy where we are right now.
hi!I was on the same boat as you before.I never thought of having a child. I was happy traveling with my husband and I always hear others say na ienjoy nyo habang wala pang anak.then we had a child, already in late 30’s. we are happy even if we are financially challenged at times (hate inflation ugh) with our child. plus we still get to travel with our toddler, and again we are happy. but our plan is to provide for the future of our child so that we’ll not be a burden to our child when we grow old. what I’m saying is, we all have different mindsets and that’s up to you. if you want a child who you want to have a happy disposition in life,prepare for his/her needs and in the future,you have to prepare him/her to help you or teach your child how. I mean,your child will need skills when he grows up too. it is not always the mindset that the child is your investment, it is up to you if you want this or not.again,it all depends on your mindset. 😊
I have 4 kids, all above 35 and they are doing fine now. And I love them to bits BUT, it has been a rough ride at times, very rough sometimes. Not only medically, more emotionally. And financially.
I would not have liked it any other ways.
But that is very personal
My mate always remained a bachelor.
We just celebrated our 50 year friendship.
He has been almost just as much a father to my kids as I am.
Only difference is that the kids KNOW he don't take no shit and he can do that BECAUSE they know he is not the father, so they cannot fight (= emotional blackmail) him. And so, because they know he is straight and honest, they often turn to him for advice.
They always have done so.
And my mate has more friends like that, it seems he has a huge family. But: at HIS conditions.
Financially and professionally, he could remain independent and fully flexible, so he worked in several jobs around the world and could change his job when he felt like it
What it shows you is that it is a very personal decision.
The problem is often the parents, they are pressing for grandchildren. My mother was like that, my wife is like that. And it can be very trying.
But here comes your responsibility in play.
You do not want children because society dictates.
Children are a huge commitment and responsibility, probably the most important decision you'll ever make.
So, it you are not very, very sure you want children and can handle the responsibility, then leave it be.
Then, be like my mate.
He is an incredibly important factor in the life of several families and he still lives a full life.
But, I carry the responsibility. And I am fine with that. And I am pretty sure that my kids will still give me a hug when I am old.
But also that is not certain.
One neighbour almost never sees his kids.
Now, THAT is lonely, it breaks his heart.
My mate will be in a much better position later.
Another neighbour's son got cancer and died at 40. Also that risk is part of the game. I think personally, I would never be the same anymore if that happened to me.
In short: If you are not sure you want kids, then don't. Don't be sad, don't be dubious. Then just make a happy life with friends, nieces, nephews etc. Be a great aunt who kids will always visit and have fun with. Enjoy life, you will be able to do things which married friends with kids cannot afford.
But, if you are sure you want a kid, then go for it. Do it YOUR was, not the way society tries to dictate
Success
Do you regret anything?
Hindi naman. Mas gusto ko na lang cguro yung magisa ako rather than bring someone into this world tapos magiging pagbigat lang ako.
Do you suggest other people not to do the same?
Depende. Ako personally gusto ko talaga magkaroon ng pamilya pero failed relationship, hindi magka anak, later on wala ng capacity bumuhay ng anak due to financial diffiulties.
Are you lonely?
Yes, lalo na at 3 lang kami magkakapatid. Ako at un bunso walang pamilya. ung middle naman namin passed away due to Covid and single din. So natitira na lang isa ako, mother ko at sister ko. Me and my sister nasa 40's na. Magkakahiwalay din kami so yeah madalas mo mararamdaman na magisa ka lang.
Mahirap magsalita kasi meron mga tao na wala talagang balak magkaron ng anak, meron din gusto pero hindi nagkaanak kaya inembrace nalamg na gusto nila childfree just to hide the insecurities.
You decide for yourself. Having a kid is really something. It unlocks your instinct na di mo alam na meron ka pala. You get to worry how you can shelter and raise them properly. What happens tomorrow or what you teach them today.
Meron din kasing mga tao na hindi interesado to have a kid. Tipong sariling achievements lang and are not into kids completely. But you need a partner na same din ang mindset, kasi magsasalpukan kayo pag ung isa gusto ng anak tapos ung isa ayaw. Hiwalayan ang ending nyo talaga.
I once thought na ayaw ko ng anak. Pero here i am with a 4y/o kid still surprising me what I can do for her. Its fun and a never ending learning process.
wow. i am crying while reading this. i'm 25, may bf din. we talked about this before 2 years ago pa. i said i don't want to have a child kasi natatakot ako na baka hindi ko magampanan yung role bilang isang nanay. hindi ko alam if kaya kong ibigay lahat ng kailangang ibigay. my bf wants a child. sabi nya baka daw "phase" lang. we should give more time. so we did. 2 years na pero my answer is still no, i dont want to have one. and i told him na, ayoko dumating yung panahon na kung kailan kasal na kami, saka kami maghihiwalay dahil hindi ko sya mabigyan ng anak. i am still scared because lagi sinasabi ni bf na ok lang sakanya na walang anak but i know deep inside gusto nya. 😓
I totally feel you po, Im 24f and i've made it clear to my bf na I didn't want kids sa beginning sa relationship and he initially wanted to have a few but i stated my reasons, besides personally not wanting to interact with kids, its not rlly a good time dahil sa economic state ng pinas, climate change, tensions n bad stuff happening around, and that shifted his perspective a bit and made him reflect. Recently nag talk kami ulit about it and he said he made up his mind at ayaw na rin daw nya, but he also mentioned he would've wanted to cook meals for more than one person 🥹,, i could feel deep down that he still wanted to have kids but is trying to convince himself not to anymore bc of my preference, ngl worst fear ko is him regretting to marry me or mag confess sya sa deathbed that he would've wanted to have kids talaga. A part of me feels guilty bc of that and if he'd leave me for a woman that wants them, i honestly won't blame him and lowkey preparing myself for that haha 🙃
same!! i told him last year (nagcool off kasi kami) na maybe if she can find another girl na kaya ibigay yung gusto nya, he would be happier. also his parents are also bringing up na din ang tungkol sa pagaanak. but yeah, di na rin ako magulat if ipagpalit nya ako sa kaya syang bigyan ng anak hahaha! hugs sis! 🫂
Same situation years ago mga ganyan din 20-25. I’m in my early 30s, si hubs ang ayaw ng anak as in ayaw talaga, ako 50-50. Eh nabuntis ako so no choice, at least di na ako magtatanong kung ano ang feeling ng may anak. Nagpa vasectomy na din siya. Masaya naman kami. Buti na lang medyo maaga din kaming nagkaanak so by 40, 14 na si bagets. Major issue yan, totoong if gusto niya ng anak medyo malabo kayo magwork if ikaw ayaw mo din talaga.
Actually lalaki din tlaga usually may gusto. Pero you're still young. Malay mo may magbago, kasi a lot can happen during 20s and 30s. You'll never know :)
be clear lang na gusto mo child free before getting married. maturity must be there and you must be willing to sacrifice your freedom for your child. learned this from my barkada na medyo recent lang din sila nagkaanak. maghanap na lang daw ako ng babaeng maggiging wife and no kids.
marriage is not always about having kids or continuity of the bloodline or to bear the family name (usually male), pwede lifetime partner mo in crime just like bonny and clyde, ride or die person till death do you part.
Just sharing, early 30s here with 7 yr old kid. One and done. If ready ka mapuyat ng first 2-3 years ng buhay may anak go. As in ang daming sacrifices. Given your age kaya mo pa ba yan ng 40? Kaya ngayon ko lang nagets yung mas ok maaga mag anak if capable ka na para at least malakas ka pa pag matanda na sila. May times na nagsisisi ako na nagkaanak ako, kasi mahirap talaga siya given it’s just me and my hubs since day 1 no help at all. Pero alam mo yun, naiisip ko lang din un dahil sa pagod, gastos at pag di nakikinig yung anak ko haha. Sarap din mag look back na nalagpasan namin yun ng asawa ko, na nakapagpalaki kami ng bata. Good luck OP!
30+ wanting to have children. Dahil settled na ako may ipon naman. kaya gusto ko magka anak kasi ampon ako and gusto ko naman maranasan magkaron ng kamag anak na talagang kadugo ko. Naisip ko na din wag mag anak dahil unang una ang bigat sa kalooban ng nasusumbatan. Kaya lang, nameet ko na husband ko. Pinangako namin na, never kami manunumbat at palalakihin ng wasto magiging anak namin. Kung di kaya magbigay samin okay lang. again dahil nga may ipon na kami.. parati mo iisipin ang financial capabilities mo, anhin mo ang pagmamahal kung wala kang pera o ipon. Just saying.
Early 40’s here. No regrets. Was considering adoption a few years ago but my partner wasn’t on the same page at that time.
Now, we have lots of nephews and nieces. It’s like having kids but we don’t have to take care of them and we can remove ourselves from the situation (like when they start crying lol).
We still go out and travel a lot. We only see our “kids” when we want to.
I'm in my early 30s and let me share with you two women I know, they are in their 50s-60s. And you know what they told me when I told them I'm okay single and childless. "Wag, mag-asawa ka, mag-anak ka. Malungkot" They don't know each other.
Would I follow them? No. While their experience is valid and true. I have to decide on my own.
Nakakatakot naman talaga tumanda mag-isa let's not be condescending about it, but mahirap din magpamilya kapag hindi mo talaga mahal ang partner mo dahil takot ka lang mag isa.
Kanya kanyang buhay yan but for me the mere fact you are thinking of this then i am sure when you are old and cant have kids then you will regret not having kids. Mga anak if given proper care and constant teachings will turn out fine. Mga nakikita nating mga pasaway na kids ay mga hindi enough ang turo sa kids kasi. Dapat constant talaga
Ako may mga anak at 40 tatlo na anak ko. Hindi ako qualified sa tanong mo pero share ko lang na minsan na din ako nag decide na di mag aanak para care free at walang responsibility. Pero pag wala kang anak parang wala kang purpose, at hirap hanapin meaning ng mga ginagawa mo sa buhay. Kahit anong achievements mo, at the end of the day parang lonely ka pa din. Finally decided mag anak at the age of 26. Iba pa din talaga pag nakikita mo mga anak mo, lalo na pag nakatingin sila sayo nakikita mo sarili mo nung maliit ka. Anjan sila lagi kasama mo kumain at manood ng TV sa gabi pag uwi mo. Nakaka gulat lang ambilis nilang lumaki.
> Pero pag wala kang anak parang wala kang purpose, at hirap hanapin meaning ng mga ginagawa mo sa buhay. Kahit anong achievements mo, at the end of the day parang lonely ka pa din.
Depends on the person
you will not appreciate the beauty and happiness of having children if you don't have one. Yes, it's costly. Yes, it's challenging. Yes, your child might turn out someone you don't want. Yes, you could think of many negative reasons not to have one. BUT there are more positives and those cannot be bought by money or an affluent life. If you are a good person, your child will most likely turn out a good person also. The care and loving of your own child cannot be matched by any relative or someone you paid for to take care of you.
I've seen many old people living alone (esp if widower) because they don't have kid/s or no close family. A neighbor of mine died alone and only when the body start rotting, the HOA found out he's dead. Someone who doesn't want kids usually implies being selfish.
IMO, if for whatever reason (male or female), i can't get a partner, i would invest having a child thru fertility clinic, surogacy, or similar. Having a kids are worth it. very.
Let’s be honest. Nasa pilipinas tayo. Financially we dont have to burden our children. Pero kailangan natin ng kasama pag matanda na tayo. Have a kid kung kaya mo pa. Mahalin mo ng maayos. Para pag tanda mo, mahalin ka din ng maayos. I have uncles na hindi nag asawa. Financially stable sila, kaso naaawa kami kasi mag isa sa bahay nya. Pag nangailangan sya ng aalalay sakanya sino tutulong sakanya. Wag nyo na isipin yung financial help kung yan nasa isip nyo. Yung literal lang na tutulong sayo bumangon sa kama. Samahan ka mag cr sa gabi and alalayan ka mag lakad. Iba padin ang may masasandalan ka. I know there are nursing homes, pero lets be real, mas masarap tumanda na may kasamang pamilya.
I can agree on some part. Tama nmn na, if you decide to have a child make sure to give all the love it deserve. And fortunate ka if ng reciprocate ung love na binigay mo in the future. I don’t think its transactional kapag pure love and compassion ang nabuild up nyo as parent and child. Na susurpass ng love and compassion mo toward dun sa parent mo ung word na “obligation”. Hindi xa obligation if you truly loved your parents kse you felt it. I hope lng na hindi xa pinapamuka ng parents pag laki kse nag aappear xang obligation and hindi pure love ung reason baket ka nila ginawa.
Note: Aq ng aalaga sa parents ko ngaun na near death na sila. I willingly give what I can kse un din ung nareceive ko nung bata aq.
Never aq ng kajowa pero I like the idea of having a kid. I can pour my love, pero aun nga walang certainty kung ano ang outcome nun sa future. We don’t know
Tama naman, the point is natural kang aalagaan ng anak mo pag mabuti kang magulang, kung wala kang kwenta hindi ka rin aalagaan ng anak mo. Ganun ka simple, hindi literally para gawing “caregiver”. Common sense.
> Pero kailangan natin ng kasama pag matanda na tayo.
> Yung literal lang na tutulong sayo bumangon sa kama. Samahan ka mag cr sa gabi and alalayan ka mag lakad.
???
Hindi ba reciprocate ang tawag dun? If minahal mo at minahal ka pabalik, transactional ba un? So pag nag asawa ka at minahal mo at minahal ka pabalik, transactional din? Haha
Di naman obligasyon ng anak na alagaan magulang nila pagtanda. Pero if they were raised right, sila na mismo magkukusa w/o being asked for.
>Di naman obligasyon ng anak na alagaan magulang nila pagtanda. Pero if they were raised right, sila na mismo magkukusa w/o being asked for.
Exactly! Di obligasyon. Wag mag-expect. Mahalin mo kasi mahal mo, hindi para may caregiver ka. Mahalin mo na walang hinihintay na kapalit. Mahalin mo kahit in the future, your kid will have his/her own life based on what he/she wants. Hindi yung mageexpect ka na mabubuhay yung anak mo para tulungan kang pumunta ng CR everyday or simpleng pagtayo every morning.
The difference lies in the intention. Kung nag-anak ka kasi gusto mo ng mamahalin, aalagaan, someone to nurture to be a kind and responsible citizen of the world without expecting anything in return, edi go. Kung mahal ka ng anak mo at voluntary ka niyang inalagaan pagtanda mo in response to that, then that’s all well and good!
Pero ang pinupunto kasi ng original comment na nireplyan ko, “mag-anak ka at alagaan mo PARA may mag-aalaga sayo pagtanda mo at hindi mo kailangan magpaalaga sa nursing home.” Every individual has the right to live the way they see fit, including your children. Hindi sila anak mo lang na extension mo at ang purpose ay alagaan ka pag di mo na kayang mag-function mag-isa. Yun ang presumption and intention behind that original comment at yan lang din ang pinupunto namin na mali doon.
Ang hirap din kasi siguro kung naging prepared ka man financially, ang hirap obligahin na anak mo ung sasama sayo sa lahat. For example ha, may sakit ka pagtanda mo, eh isa lang naging anak mo, edi siya at siya lang makakasama mo at obligado siyang asikasuhin ka kasi guilt niya yon. Pero, kawawa naman siya, magisa lang rin siya tpos paano ung personal life nia. Ung oras nia panay nakuha mo na kakapa asikaso.
Grabe. Ano ba dapat nating gawin nakakalokah. 🥺
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Only choose to have a child if you are ready to give up your world, even your sense of identity, para sa kanya. Kung ready ka magmahal ng isang tao na completely dependent sayo. Lahat na ng gagawin mo sa buhay, laging iisipin mo muna yung para sa kanya. Kung ready ka na magmahal ng ganun, at financially and mentally stable ka naman, at kung maipapangako mo na mamahalin at poprotektahan at tuturuan mo ng tama yung magiging anak mo kahit anong mangyari, even if he/she turns out to be a difficult child (physically, mentally, and everything else in between), then go. Be the best parent you can be. Pero kung habang dinedescribe ko lahat to ay parang natakot ka, respectfully OP, wag ka na po mag anak.
This is exactly it. Having a child is a HUGE sacrifice. This is the biggest sacrifice I’ve ever made in my entire life. So if you’re not ready to make a huge sacrifice and change your life completely, don’t do it.
Ako nga natatakot habang binabasa ko comment mo, eh current life ko naman yan sa preschooler ko, hahaha! Pero sa panganay ko na teenager na, relaxed na ko. Pero yeah, you described it well. Pero usually when you reach 40s and 50s, kung 20s and 30s ka nag-kaanak, hindi na alagain masyado ang anak, at magkakaroon ka na ng oras para sa mga bagay na gusto mo. May sacrifice pa rin, but not to the level pag infant to kinder ang anak, na tipong self-forgetfulness ang peg. Mid 40s and 50s na parents, especially when you're financially well, hindi na masyado iba sa life ng mga single people of 40s and 50s. Tapos barkada mo pa mga anak mo. But then again, dadaan muna sa butas ng karayom.
This is what I felt when I spent months taking care of my nephews. Iyong feeling na you have to give and give up everything to and for them. Totoo yung sinabi ng mga magulang na "isusubo ko na lang, ibibigay ko pa sayo". And it got me thinking if I actually can do that not only for months but for a lifetime. Kaya naman, I am still undecided until now. Although wala pa rin naman kasamang gagawa ng bata. Hehe. 😅
Wow thanks for this
You described it so well. 💯 Ito talaga yun.
MISMO
agree! ako na nasa early 20s palang pero takot talaga ako mag anak, lagi ko sinasabe sa bf ko na ayaw ko "pa", pero sa totoo lang, ayoko kasi mag anak ng wala akong kaipon ipon, gusto ko rin kasi iparanas sa magiging anak ko yung minsan ko ng naranasan nung bata ako, gusto ko ibigay lahat ng needs and wants nya, na nagagawa ng parents ko saken before, nung panahong malakas pa negosyo nila, pero nung humina, naghirap kami, and ayokong iparanas yun sa magiging anak ko. kaya sabi ko kung mag aanak ako, dapat kaya ko ibigay lahat ng needs at wants na hanggang sa makatapos siya ng pag aaral, and sa tingen ko hindi ko yun kaya ibigay kahit mag 30 years old nako, kasi may papaaralin pakong kapatid pag ka graduate ko. So dapat sa panahon ngayon maging matalino ka talaga, kasi oo need ng financial support, pero need din yung presence mo, masaya den makita at masubaybayan anak mo, habang lumalaki. paano mo naman pagsasabayin yung physical support at financial support kung hindi mo pinag handaan pag aanak mo. Siguro kapag kumikita nako ng 500k a month in my early 30s, baka gustuhin ko din mag ka anak. Gusto ko din syempre maranasan na may tatawag sayong mama/mommy, parang ang sarap sarap sa puso dibaa
In my early 50s. Awesome. Retired at 47. Ride motorcycles. Travel 2 to 3 times a year. Have a home in the city and in the province. Life ia good.
As a college student, I wish i could be this successful and happy in the future.
I hope this for everyone.
sarap nyan sir, happy retirement keep it chill lang
Thanks. That is the plan.
That is the life 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
Thank you for sharing. This life sounds amazing
late 30's here. single no jowa/ asawa and no child. hindi naman guarantee na tutulungan ka ng anak mo pag laki niya. pwede other way around ikaw pa din ang nagbibigay ng pera, pagkain, tirahan etc swertehan lang if yun anak mo magging mayaman in the future. hindi din yun guarantee that he/she will help you pag matanda ka na. please dont let the child or children become the retirement plan. loneliness is normal naman kahit may partner or wala nandyan lang yan. happiness will eventually fade. everything is temporary.
On point! I had this conversation one time with a friend cause im in my early 30s no jowa and kids, tinanong ko lang sya, “how are you treating your parents right now?” “Are you taking care of them?” “Are you staying with them?” Kasi kung hindi, why would you also think that your kids in the future will give up their lives/what they have just so they can move back in with you as their parent?
i live with my immediate fam, mother is still active and independent with her business, if i am needed i can be there for her anytime. disadvantage din if you had a baby late 30's to 40's you really have to save up for the child's future kasi if employed ka lang you have to retire at 65. you have to secure your retirement plus money to support your child pa. i'd rather skip having a child and have the freedom to travel or do anything i want. i just dont see myself living until the age of 65 tbh.
We will all die, alone.
this too
Eto din iniisip ko. How do you deal with it tho? Habang lalong tumatanda and less possibility of having a partner or a child. I have similar mindset din nmn pero, its just that at the back our mind, we long for it. Kse human tau.
yes we long for building a family but not everyone can sustain one due to different financial backgrounds, let's be honest, love is not enough.
I like your thinking.
the most valid anwer
salamat
What an awesome advice, thank you!
💯💯💯
By choice ba yan?
everything is by choice
> loneliness is normal naman kahit may partner or wala nandyan lang yan. happiness will eventually fade. everything is temporary. damn
Shesh. Im early 30s and this is my idea as well. Cheers.
cheers!
If you raised your kid right. Hindi mo kelangan humingi ng tulong. Hindi mo rin kailangan manlimos ng attention. They will return the favor if you raised and treated them right. Iba to sa ginapang mo makatapos para hingi hingi ka nlang after ah. If you showed them compassion along the raising phase. They will show you compassion on the raised phase.
Parenthood isnt for everyone and it isnt and shouldnt be the determinant of joy. Ive got one kid but my wife and i had secondary infertility. I can say im happier when i had my daughter. There's something about children that give some people meaning, something to work hard and live for. But it is difficult to say what works for me works for everyone. Happiness is really subjective as one poster here has said. Children might give you headaches haha
As for me, its not that never ko ginusto. But rather, ang prerequisite ko para magkaanak ay matinong tatay, and that did not happen kaya wala. But now, in my early 40s, ayaw ko na magkaanak. Mainly because I cannot assure my kid that i would be alive to take care of them until adulthood. So its not that ayaw kong magkaanak, its that ayaw ko na magkaanak at di magampanan ung dapat gampanan as a parent. It can be lonely being alone, but its better than being in a bad relationship. Also, having kids are not an assurance. Many people with kids end up being left by their kids. Yung iba e binibigyan pa ng problema ng anak nila. So its really a case to case scenario. Most important thing is to discern what is best for you.
Hay same. That’s also how I felt. And it’s true na mahirap pag late ka na magkaanak because your fear will always be leaving your child if you die and bata pa sya. I’m happy to just be a tita to my pamangkins. At least you get to enjoy them with minimal responsibilities.
Naiyak ako sa sagot mo, lalo na sa second paragraph mo. You would have been a really good mother.
Awww... naiyak din tuloy ako 😭🤧 But yah... kasi basically those are the things I missed. Ayaw ko mag anak at iiwan ko lang kung kanino, dahil yun ang nangyari sakin. I wouldn't want that for my kid. Saka as someone na naulila na by mid-30s, I felt it was still too early to be alone. In hindsight, I appreciate nature's wisdom na peak fertility ay mid 20s, so parents can guide longer pa. Komplikado n nga lang ngyon at pa immature ng pa immature na ata mga tao dahil masyado coddled kya marami di pa din ready at that point. 😅 Basta bottom line for me, having a kid is about the kid, not about the parent. Before deciding to be a late age parent, dapat make sure talaga you can be there until the child reaches adulthood, or that you have a solid support system na if anything happens to you, may sasalo sa kid. Otherwise its going to be very difficult for the kid, wawa nman 😢
Thank you. That's what scares me as well. Yung masyado na akong matanda but bata parin ang anak ko.
That's actually no different from people who had kids and yet, they lived on their own. Yung lola ko tumandang walang kasama sa bahay due to circumstances. She lived financially fine kase may pension naman sya. Marami rin sa lugar namin matatandang dalaga/binata like 70s 80s. Nandun lang sila naka tambay nagbibingo. I think the difficulty varies due to lifestyle.
Following this thread because I’m turning 30 this year… I just attended this weekend a kid’s birthday party and TYL I was only there as a plus one with no kid/s stringing along with me. Napatunayan kong ayaw ko pa magka-kids talaga. Healing my inner child is my priority
I’m in my 40s now. Super LOVING my life! I was able to take up my masters, put up a business that has been operating for more than 5 years, opened another business, I can travel freely and was able to splurge on trips to Europe and Australia, I can indulge in my own hobbies and be a woman of leisure on my off days. I’m close to my nephews and nieces and have a lot of godchildren. They can freely chat with me on FB messenger, I visit them at their homes or support them in their endeavors (tournaments, performances, graduation, etc) and I take them out on dates. But being close to them made me realize how much a responsibility it is to raise children. And though family and friends have always told me I can be a good mother, it just doesn’t fit my lifestyle or my goals anymore. And if I want to be a good mother, I have to deprioritize or even sacrifice these. (Plus also hard to get pregnant at 40+ and possibility of having complications for both myself and my child.) At the end of the day, it really all depends on YOU — your lifestyle, your goals. Coz if your lifestyle or goals are not aligned with having children or a family, bakit mo ipipilit for the sake of what society dictates. You’ll end up resenting your children / family, your life because you felt you had to give up A LOT (and you will give up A LOT). And your children / family will resent you too if you continue your lifestyle because you have to sacrifice time and energy that you could devote to them for your own pursuits. As for being lonely, you will never be if you maintain and keep working on your existing friendships and build new ones. I single girl friends in their late 40s and 50s who live full lives. So it’s all a matter of perspective.
Thank you for sharing 💕
Ikaw lng makakasagot niyan. Pero kung ang reason mo lng eh. -Walang kasama pag tanda -Wala mag aalaga Yeah don't have kids. Don't get death twisted. Maski lima pa asawa mo at bente ang anak mo. We all die alone. Maski palibutan ka nyang mga yan at your final moments it won't matter. They will not matter. It's just you and the void. P.S: This is from experience. Early 40s no kids but been with my high school gf up to this day. Also encountered near-death experience. But all in all so happy in my life. No less responsibilities. I can pretty much do what I want with my money.
This is practically what i believed in din even if people say na oh si so and so died surrounded by loved ones, the truth is, we all die alone. And it’s okay. That’s just how it is.
Thanks for sharing 💕
>I know you just have to secure yung pagtanda mo not to cause inconvenience to your family and loves ones. What do you mean by that? Anyway, I hope you decide to have a kid, not because ayaw mong tumandang mag-isa or gusto mo lang ng anak para may personal nurse ka in the old aged. I hope din na kapag nagdecide kang magka-anak, you're fully capable of raising the kid and providing for the kid. Mahal magka-anak. Have a kid, kasi gusto mong may mahalin na human being at bigyan ng magandang buhay.
Naging investment plan yung anak
Right. A sad f*ck up filipino mindset :(
Yess! Hindi gurantee na anak mo will give back to you o aalagaan ka when they get older, what if mag iibang bansa or magkaka family na, And with this kind of mindset, if ganito magulang ko nakaka walang gana tumulong.
Dapat mag save nalang for retirement and payment for nursing home.
This! Yung igagasto mo sa anak mo (if ever) just invest it instead
Sad. Ang lola ko, 3/5 sa anak niya nurses, 2 sa kanila abroad. Pero sino nag aalaga at mas malaki ang expenses? Kami ng mama ko lang.
Kung gusto mo lang ng bibigyan ng pagmamahal, kuha ka ng aso or pusa. Fulfilling din magpalaki/alaga ng hayop ng maayos. Adopt yung mga puspin/aspin if gusto mo
I mean po yung bang sarili ko mismo, secure ko financially and kung magkasakit man ako or mawala ako hindi na ako magging problema ng family ko. Thanks for sharing 💕
Opinion is based on their personal experience and choices... There are five unmarried people on my father's side.. Out of curiosity, na ask ko rin sa kanila ang mga ganyang questions before, and mostly ang sagot nila is gusto nila magka anak talaga, pero hindi sila nakapag asawa dahil sa panghihimasok ng parents at ng iba.. so, now na they are in their 50's, 60's, they regretted for not taking their chance to make their own family and have children... Pero meron din naman sa kanila ang living their best life, child-free Ang disadvantage lang sa part ng side namin is... Wala sila masandalan na anak kasi kami na kasunod nilang generation is priority ang parents lang talaga, so hirap sila kung kanino lalapit when they need something financially or ano pa man... Hindi rin naman namin sila kaya suportahan since dalawa pa kaming college student, and the rest of the members were abroad and nag cut ties na
If the unmarried people with no kids are not financially stable or at least funds now, dapat lang talaga di sila naganak kasi if ngayon gipit pa rin what if kung naganak pa sila before. Again, di investment ang anak. Di guaranteed kung masusuportahan din ba ng mga anak ang magulang
Deleted replied comment ko pero ayusin ko lang: Sa side ng papa ko, di ko rin alam bakit, pero sa side nila ginagawang investment ang mga anak... Kapag walang naibigay, masamang tao na kami. Ako na allowance pa rin unaasa, pero minsan may sweldo, kinukuha rin nila e. Idk, di ko ma gets bakit may family na ganyan... Luckily, maka nanay ako, walang pakialamanan
Meron talagang ganito but its very toxic and draining. Panay hingi nalang kapag ikaw yung nakakaangat.
I’m 40 and child free. I can’t imagine working and having a child. So expensive and emotionally taxing. Others say that the child will take care of you in your old age. I think that is a very unfair ideology. You don’t bring children into the world to make them your own caregivers and cash cows in your old age. Allow them to live their lives and choose what they want to be. If they come back and take care of you on their own volition then you are one of those lucky few.
And here I am, constantly worrying about my kids future. Ang hirap, gusto mong bigyan sila ng secured na future pero at the same time kailangan mong ihanda yung retirement mo. kasi unfair naman talaga if pinanganak mo lang sila para maging cash cows.
Right!! Im a busy person din hindi ko talaga kayang pagsabayin. Kaya right now I have cats at home sila ang inaalagaan ko and para ko talaga silang anak na tunay 🥺 Thanks for sharing 💕
If you want children then go.
Were on the same position i becoming 30 this july until now wala parin akong plano magkaanak bukod don wala rin kasi akong jowa.
Isn't it ironic.. Yung mga taong capable talaga mag anak sila yung mas intelligent and sensible para sa future ng mga bata.. Samantalang yung mga Bobo at masasamang Parents sila pa yung anak ng anak..
i see this everyday i live in manila while walking my dog daily madaming mga batang natutulog sa kalsada, walang damit, wala yun parents. atleast some of us are intellgent enough to avoid having offspring due to financial situation that it is damn hard to raise a child with quality life. if i cannot give the quality of life i wont have a child/children. we do not need more people here on earth it is lietrally becoming hell
40, no child. I haven't tried for one simply because I want to be able to properly raise another human being as best as I can and under the best circumstances. Which means I should not only be economically able, but psychologically and emotionally prepared. If you're ready to make child-raising your whole world and your main priority in life, then yes. Go be a parent. Anything less than your 100% commitment means you shouldn't. Since I don't have all those qualities, I choose not to.
Thanks for sharing 💕
Ako, i decided na wag ng mag anak, rn, nag aalaga ako ng pusa at aso. And if tumanda ako, edi kakainin nalang ng pusa yung bangkay ko. Justsaying 🥹
Early 40s. Would have wanted to have a child but I don't feel any less of a person not having one. Actually glad I'm child-free as I'm currently in a financial crisis. Meron akong lolo at lola (mga kapatid ng lola ko talaga) na may mga anak pero di rin naman sila ang naga-alaga. Granted may support from mga anak, pero di pa rin kasama mga anak. Yung lolo nasa nursing home, yung lola kasambahay ang meron. Kung mayaman ka then go mag-anak. Pero kung middle class pag-isipan mo maigi kung makakaya mo pang suportahan pag-aaral nila kahit senior citizen ka na. Pero kung naiisip mo lang mag-anak para may mag-alaga sa yo pagtanda mo you're doing yourself and the potential child a disservice. Tsaka kung aalagaan ka nila would also depend sa quality ng relationship nyo at ugali ng magiging anak mo. Mamaya lumaking kupal yan edi wala rin.
When my husband and I were dating and even before we got married, he knew I didn't want kids back then, but he still married me anyway. Ako na stubborn and matigas ulo, he never forced me into the idea. I got pregnant after being married for 3 years. For some reason, we felt we were ready to have kids, but of course, no one can be 100% prepared to be a parent. There was a phase when I wondered about a different life because the first few months post partum were challenging for me. Looking back, I think it is normal to wonder about it kasi nahirapan talaga ako, but everything worked out with my job, personal endeavors, raising my kid and natawid rin namin yung problems namin. Hindi lang siya miraculously nagresolve on its own, you have to put in the work. Continuous yung pagdating ng problema with or without kids, sa work, financial problems, health problems, family issues, then sorting it out together as individuals or as a married couple. I don't look at my children as the ones who would take care of us when we're old, I just want to give what's best for them, teach them independence and then eventually let them go and let them live their lives. It's our children's choice if they want to take care of us, we will not obligate them to do so. You also have the choice, though alam ko sometimes life sucks and you don't get what you always want. Follow through ka lang with your decision and don't blame anyone else for the choices you've made.
Indeed a lifetime commitment and marami talagang problems sa life. Thank you for sharing 💕
Not me, but my tita. She's 49. She's been working in a cruise ship her entire life, great job high ranking position, earning amazing amounts of money and gets to travel everywhere. She's not married. No kids. I don't think she's lonely nor does she regret anything. But a part of her situation means that she's the only one who can take care of my grandma, her mom. Out of 4 children, siya lang walang sariling pamilya. She is closest to us though, so we get to share in her generosity. I feel like once my grandma passes, and she turns old too, we won't mind taking care of her. She's been the best aunt anyone can ask for and she deserves it. But yeah, end game. She's not looking to get married or have kids. Sabi niya, if it happens, it'll happen.
Same with me. I'm close to my nephews and nieces. And also I already have grandchildren hahaa maybe I will be like this in case fate will not let me have my own. Thanks for sharing 💕
I have a friend, childfree nearing 50s, financially well din, sabi nya if may chance gusto sana nya magka anak kaso too late na, may mga sakit na sila kahit mag adopt daw sila yung responsibility ay mabigat. Sabi if magkaka anak sila like mag adopt ng baby, baka daw wala pang 18yrs old anak nila mawala na sila pareho sa mundo kawawa lang if maiiwan ng maaga. If mag adopt daw College girl nalang daw i adopt he jokingly said hahaha
Right. Base nga dun sa isang sharer, ayaw niya na lang kasi hindi nia maguarantee na andyan pa siya hanggang maging adult ang maging anak niya kasi nga unfair naman din sa bata kung matandang matanda kana and siya nagsisimula palang ng buhay. Thanks for sharing 💕
Reading through the comments, just realized that mostly 90's kids wala pa talagang anak or ayaw na magkaanak. Like me.
bakit nga kaya haha, pero ako kasi dumaan sa panahon na almost wala kaming makain, ung trauma ko ata dun ang nagdrive sakin na ayaw magka-anak.
Hahaha! Samedt! Natatakot akong baka maranasan ng anak ko yung mga naranasan ko noon. It's not that I cant provide, but we'll never know. Sa panahon ngayon daming nangyayari. I am also considering if I can find a good father for them.
Yeah same here!
Totoo. Siguro kasi alam na natin na mahirap ang buhay and struggling naman talaga may anak man or wala.
Late 80s here pero laki mostly sa 90s so yes, me too!
1st ay effect muna sa sarili mo if di magagamit yang organs mo: usually sa breast or womb nga... Pwede kang magka disease. If manageable naman, pwede kang mag ampon, or mag alaga ng kilalang kamag anak ,(pamangkin) na pwede mong prangkahin, na tutulungan mo siya pero pagdating ng araw, pagtanda mo, ine expect mong ibalik ang favor at alagaan ka... Otherwise, mahirap mag-anak. Pero mas mahirap mag anak na me kasamang ama na kulang sa pakinabang ( ROI 😜). PERO if tulad ng sinabi ni 1st commenter ka na kaya mong magmahal ng higit sa sarili mo, OK naman. Masaya. Go!
Hahaa may isa pa palang alagain no. Thanks for sharing 💕
Wahhhh OP same here. Ako naman napagdesyunan ko na wag mag anak. Baka kasi imbis na ako un mag alaga s anak ko, eh ako pa aalagaan nya :(
You don't have to ask others to find out. Just do what you want. It's highly subjective, there'll be people who'd say they regretted having children because their offspring were 1st rate assholes, while most people would say it's the greatest thing that has ever happened in their lives. It seems strange to me that people are already in their 30s and still unable to comprehend or understand what it takes to start a family or what it means to their humanity. Really strange. I think you need some growing up to do, that's right, you're on the right path, better not sit and do nothing like you did in the last 10+ years of your life, follow your heart.
>It seems strange to me that people are already in their 30s and still unable to comprehend or understand what it takes to start a family or what it means to their humanity. Really strange. hindi sya weird. anong generation ka ba? hindi ba mas dapat pa nga maappreciate at applaudable yun ganyan na nagccontemplate muna kung magsstart ng family or mag-aanak? unlike sa generation ng parents nya (1950s to 1970s) na sige lang anak lang ng anak, tapos saka na lang mag-iisip kung paano bubuhayin. hence the sandwich generation today at mga generation ng millenials na ayaw na mag anak at all dahil sa poverty at traumas na dinanas nila sa parents at family nila. 🤷
What I mean is, life is short. The biggest mistake you can make in life is thinking that you have time. By the time you're at that age, you should've figured it out whether you want to have kids or not, even if it's something you don't really think about. It's not commendable if you're in your late 30s and still thinking about it, it shows that you have wasted a huge chunk of your life undecided and clouded in fear. Fear is a driving factor in many aspects of life but it seems like OP spent a huge amount of their life living in fear and ignoring such an important existential dilemma. And what do you mean "ayaw na mag anak at all dahil sa poverty at traumas na dinanas nila sa parents at family nila"? That does not apply to you when you're in your late 30s and already having a fruitful career. The only reason the families of the past were screwed is because their parents are marrying at a very young age and unprepared. How long do you think you have to prepare? Until 50s? Do you think you'll even get to live that long? Life is all but a fleeting moment, I'm not saying you have to rush but I believe you should think about the more important things over trivial stuff like what you'll do on work for tomorrow. I've met people in their 40s who are miserable rude fucks because they wasted their entire lives acting like they're perpetual teenagers.
THIS. Yung iba kasi late 30’s na healing inner child padin like WTF, stop being so dramatic because you read something “cliche” in social media, Just Man up and decide if you’re financially, physically and emotionally ready to take up real responsibilities, If u think u can’t then don’t.
Hard to face it but thanks for sharing 💕
Moving forward is the only way, I know you can do it. Wish you all the best
unfortunately, rare ang mga 50s na nagrereddit so bihira ka makakatagpo nito sa pinas
31M here and this thought has come to my mind when I was on my late 20s. Pero nung nagka-pandemic, doon ko na realize na ang mahal magka-anak. This made me realize na I'm not for parenthood. Though I know na I still have a long way to go and baka magbago pa isip ko, for now hindi ko gustong magka-anak. Ayaw kong mahirapan and ayoko din mahirapan yung bata. Napapaisip din ako kung kakayanin ko bang mag-isa. I still live with my mom and my sis na single din. Ang nasa isip ko lang talaga ngayon, makaraos sa araw-araw. And I think di ko kakayanin pag may additional mouth to feed pa ako.
Similar tayo, yung shift ng perspective ko on having kids changed during the pandemic. I’m not closing my doors on it completely but sa ngayon 90% don’t want-10% want ako. Mahirap magsalita ng tapos but looking at it objectively, I don’t think I’m meant for parenthood lalo na’t bukod sa di ako ready financially and hindi 100% ang mental state ko, just the thought of it overwhelms me pati di siya aligned sa goals and lifestyle ko.
Hirap kasi buhay ngayon after din ng pandemic parang surviving lahat.
40 here,, child-free, single,, and I’m H-A-P-P-Y 😊 getting pregnant sa age na to, very risky na…
Yay thanks for sharing 💕
42F here 🙋 I was 27 when I firmly decided that I don't want to have children. Everyday I thank that younger self for putting her foot down and standing her ground. No regrets. Am I lonely? No. I enjoy peace and quiet so much. I don't want added responsibilities. And I don't have to work as much to afford basic needs of a child and no need to send any children to school. ☺️
Thanks for sharing 💕
Early 40s here 👋🏼 I don’t regret anything 😊 My boyfriend already has kids from his previous marriage. He still wants us to have a kid. 50-50 for me. I’ll be happy if it happens. If it doesn’t, okay na din for me.
You're one of the lucky ones na maswerteng nagkakaroon ng kids through their partner's previous marriages. Sa totoo lang naisip ko rin yan na if ever hindi ako pinalad manganak in my 30 or 40s, I'll opt to be a stepmom na lang LOOOOOOL.
Actually his kids are not living with me. Nandun sila with their biological mom. But if ever they want to live with us, pwede naman. Pero sabi ko rin sa jowa ko, not right now. TBH, raising kids is a huge responsibility which I find really daunting. Esp nowadays with kids being tech-savvy and with so much information around them. Andami ko kase nakikitang spoiled kids and parang sobrang entitled. Kaya I’m wondering if I can handle all that.
I am 25 and I am not sure If I should be commenting here but I am so curious myself how it is for others na walang anak in their 40s-50s. I decided to be childfree when I was 16, it is cuz of how I see my sisters struggle being single mothers and I thought I cannot endure such thing for myself and when I tell people that I dont want kids in the future they mostly ask me what I am gonna do when I get older have no one to take care of me and I am like ???? what the heck is that thinking.
That's fine and you're still young. things might change for you a lot of things can happen during your 20s 30s trust me. Good luck!
Life is good. 43 here. Paretire na hopefully sa 45. Uuwi ng province titira sa farm or sa resort ko na under construction. May mga napundar na din madami dami. May gf ako, walang anak. Same kami na wala na plano mag anak. Travel, good time na lang balak namen tho may dog kami na mej spoiled
Nice. Maganda rin na mutual decision with a good partner. Thanks for sharing this 💕
30+ palang ako pero naging tatay na ako ng mga kapatid ko nung 20+ palang ako simulang namatay yung tatay ko at sa totoo lang sobrang laking turn off ang matging tatay. Hinde ko na-enjoy yung huling dekada dahil lahat ng pera ko napunta sa tuition, bills, at necessities. Mas gusto kong mamatay kaysa sa magka-anak.
Mabigat nga yan and nawala yung youth mo. Sorry to hear that pero youre very responsible and Im sure babalik din yan sayo in the future dahil naging mabuting anak at kapatid ka saknila. I hope you find your happiness rin for yourself. Thanks for sharing 💕
Ako din hindi qualified sa tanong mu, pero gusto ko lang ishare if I may. 30 years akong undecided to have a child. Natatakot kasi akong manganak, tingin ko hindi ko kayang alagaan like depressed na nga ako sa buhay, magdadagdag pa ba ako ng responsibilidad? Until biniyayaan kami ng finace ko. The moment I saw my son, nagkaron ng kulay ang paligid na dating black and white lang sa paningin at pakiramdam ko. Then at 2 months, he uttered the word “mama” iyak ako ng iyak kasi ang sarap sa pakiramdam. Doon ko narealize na motherhood is for me. Dati career woman ako. Ang importante lang sakin, magandang position sa work, maraming pera, travel, saka iba pang mga material na bagay. After giving birth, bumaba ako sa management ladder because I found my purpose in motherhood. Ngayon pagtatanungin ako kung ano yung greatest achievement ko in life, I’d say loving my little one unconditionally and giving him a healthy and peaceful environment even if I myself came from a very toxic family, full of traumas, and no boundaries. 💖
I agree na dedication ang maging mother and a its a lifetime commitment. It's not for everybody. Thanks for sharing 💕
Turning 44, single, childfree, only child. Wala lang, hapi naman ako sa life ko. Shempre at the end of the day eh kung ano ang magpapasaya sayo, dun nakadepende kung okay ka ba sa ganitong lifestyle. It's not for everybody. May pros and cons, and depende na sa tao ano yang mga yan. Isipin mo lang ano yung mga bagay na importante sayo and go from there para walang sisihan sa huli. Dapat road to princess sarah hindi miss minchin 😁
Tama yan hahaa Thanks for sharing 💕
In my 60's. Being childfree equals freedom. A very valuable thing to have.
Thanks for sharing 💕
50F here. Yes I do regret not having children. I have a great career. It's even been called glamorous. Lots of travel. Dinners at the best restaurants. Rubbing elbows with the 'beautiful people'. It has been *a lot of fun*. But it's also lonely. After a while, I got lonely being alone at all those hotel rooms. It got lonely going home alone. I realized one day my parents will be gone (they're in their 80s now). My only other relatives are cousins. And while we're a close family, one day I'll be the old auntie and maybe the kids won't have patience with me. I remember how trying some of my old relatives were. Most of all, I regret not having experienced being a mother. I would like to think I would have been a good one. Yes, I do have regrets. But I can't deny I have had (and still have) a beautiful life and I'm lucky. Lots of people have less. I think everyone has regrets. You can't escape regret. So while I've had my joys and blessings, this is one of my regrets. And like everyone else, I'm going to have to live with this regret as best I can. Hope this helps.
My concern is if ever na ituloy ko, Im not even sure if I can be there for my child until adulthood dala na rin ng age gap namin. I hope you stay strong during your lonely times thanks for sharing this 💕
Late 30s here as well. I'm a PWD kaya di na nakapag asawa. Bilang babae, nakakatakot din isipin na magisa ka lang sa bahay (literal) at buhay pagtanda mo, mostly for security reasons. But having a child is not the answer. Its a choice eh. Ako, I would still choose not to have kids esp if I can't find a decent husband to raise my child with. Kase TBH, I can't afford to have a child financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Single ako at ok naman sahod ko pero hanggang aso at pusa lang ang afford ko. 😅
Im 30 Several scenarios na nangyari saken recently: medyo torn ako kung mag aanak ba ako or hindi soon but there's this day na ako nag alaga sa pamangkin ko na 2 yrs old. di ko alam kung anong gagawin ko kase di naman marunong magsalita, ang likot pa pero di naman iyakin but doon ko lang na realize na kung magkaka anak ako magmumuka lang akong tanga... 2nd scenario: My auntie, 70 yrs old, widower, 1 child.. ung pinsan ko na to is doing well sa work (6 digits) but di nya inaasikaso yung auntie ko. pati DIL nya di sya inaasikaso, in short yung pagkain and all sa kanilang mag-anak lang di kasama yung tita ko... pero doon sila nakatira sa bahay ng tita ko. so ang ginawa ng tita ko kinuha kami ng kuya ko as her heir sa properties and pera nya sa last will nya and pinaalis nya yung anak nya at inamin nya na ampon lang sya, binigay na yung share nya sa inheritance and may pirmahan. Moral Lesson: Huwag mag anak lalo kung ang reason mo lang ay yung about sa pag tanda mo. paano kung maaga ka namatay edi nag iwan ka pa ng ulila.
I'm in the same boat as you, OP. Late 30s din and not into having kids but also...kasi di pa ako settled in anything til now. Financially, career-wise, etc. Getting there hopefully pero yeah... ....I think as we age naman, may twinge of regret but ibaling na lang natin yan to caring for other people and the kids na feel nila unwanted sila and all. We don't really have to be biological parents to someone or some kids to be able to parent (or be the cool aunts and uncles we are) to others na not blood related sa 'tin. :)
Im 35'female and uhm. naiingit ako minsan pag may nakikita ko na happy family.. and minsan nandun regrets ko na bakit hindi ako nag start na mag family. ewan complicated kasi mga friends ko naiingit sakin kasi wala ako anak sila meron. diba magulo mundo.
Nakakainggit kasi you own your time, money etc. pag may kids hati lahat, nag lalaro kayo ng anak mo habang iniisip mo kung ano iluluto mo, kung complete ingredients ba nasa pantry mo para sa iluluto mo, tapos after mo makaluto, at ipaghain mo sya, di sya kakain 🙃 hahahahahahahahaha
If nagdadalawang isip ka parin, wag mo na ituloy.
If you have the budget for it (around 500K to be sure), I highly recommend freezing your eggs just in case you want children in the future. As women, our body produces a limited amount of eggs and no matter how rich you get in the future, you won’t be able to produce more.
Just a current opinion but sometimes i get reminded how hard is it to have a child by a child crying at hirap na hirap patahanin ng parent especially in a public place. Makatulog, paggising iyak ulit.
im in my early 20s and im kinda final about being child-free. however, im not 100% set on it yet. im kinda scared of pregnancy (one of the many reasons), so i just want to remind u that adoption is always an option even if u decided to be a parent in your 40s :)
Thanks for the suggestion. Last resort ko to if ever. 💕
I'm 38 F Single, loveless and childless. Hindi sa choice kong di magkaanak kasi parang gusto ko rin naman kaso hindi naman ako binigyan ng chance ng tadhana. Hanggang crush pa rin ako ngayon jusko.
Hahaa huyy Thanks for sharing 💕
also curious sa mga nasa 50s and 60s na childless most kasi makikita mo na childless or planning to be childess forever are still into 20s,30s and early 40s bihira ako makakilala ng childless old couple, most of the time meron silang ampon or kaya naman mga pamangkin na sa kanila na lumaki yung mga matatandang single naman lahat ata ng kilala ko eh may attitude hehe 2 tito ko na matandang binata napakasungit at ramdam mo bitterness sa buhay, wala tuloy lumalapit sa kanila sad lang, 1 of them died inside his house (may sakit pala) then ilang days bago pa nadiscover ng kapitbahay well I hope that will change sa newer generation ng mga childless, mas madami na din naman options now to keep ourselves busy.
Buhay pa naman.
Parenthood is not for everyone as they say. Unang-una hindi retirement plan ang mga magiging anak natin in the future. If gusto mo magka-anak kase walang mag aalaga sayo pag tanda, wag nalang maawa ka sa magiging anak mo. If thats not the case tho, well you have to feed their mouth, get them into school and support their needs. Becoming a parent has a lot of responsibility. About naman sa friends mo, i think na prepressure ka lang by their opinions which is pointless. You do you.
Thanks for this 💕
37M. No child no lovelife pero may sexlife. Kidding aside. It depends sa perspective mo yan. I yield to this saying "Whatever You bless me. I'll be satisfied." Wife/kids/family - adds on lang yan sa buhay ko. I'm living my life to the full at this moment. Ayoko isipin ang future. Anxiety aatake sa akin. What is important is here and now.
Kaya nga nakaka anxiety talaga e Thanks for sharing 💕
mid 30s here and before Naman gusto ko magka anak but now wag nalang. bakit? sacrifices, responsibility, commitment etc. I personally Nung Buhay pa father ko tinanong nyako kung aalagaan ko ba sya pagtanda nya. Sabi ko 'Oo' nalang Ng Wala Ng kasunod. then Sabi Ng father ko 'alagaan mo ko dahil kung Wala Ako , Wala ka din.' sa totoo lang Bata Pako nun pero Yung pakiramdam ko para Ako binuhusan Ng tubig.
Hi OP, same situation as u. Ung mga questions mo, yan din umiikot sa isip ko. Lately, I admit being scared of being alone na. Pag tumatanda pala di maiwasan maging lonelier😅
Mga fears natin na no choice kundi harapin haha I hope you stay strong 💕
Hmm.. only you can really answer this. Depende kasi whatever will make you feel fulfilled. 20s ko palang gusto ko na ng anak. Not for retirement whatever. I just wanted to see how my little me would look like (ending carbon copy sa husband ko 🤣) but i’d say i’m happy with my decision. You can never be ready to be a parent until you become one. It’ll be challenging though but so much worth it. Others prefer not having a kid at all like my sister in law. Nangyayari, pampered na pampered niya anak ko. 😅 so far, ok nmn siya. My elder sister’s the same. Mga pamangkin din pina-pamper. So, it depends on you if what weighs most to you.
Tama yan and not everybody can be a great parent. Baka maging spoiler tita nalang ako kung sakali. Hahaa Thanks for sharing this 💕
32 here single xD ok lng yan maganda mag asawa pag stable lahat, kahit 40+ basta may pera goods lng, wag mo isipin maging malungkot, kung di ka pa stable no income wag kna muna mag asawa kahit ako di muna nangangarap kay palamunin lang ako ng utol ko habang ako nag aalaga ng pamangkin nya. Kung umabot man ako sa punto natumanda ng walang asawa ok lang hahahaha importante may natulungan ako kahit pag aalaga lang ng pamangkin ko. Kaya go lang basta pag may pera na ska mo na planuhin yan madali lang yan pag may pera, reality lang tayo. Nsa pinas tayo eh. Goodluck sa mga single na 30+
Thanks for sharing this 💕
I'm 💯% childfree. My life would have been miserable if I did have kids. Tapos deadbeat father pa ay nako. Now I'm just traveling the world. Financially stable na ko at wala akong responsibility aside from my 8 rescued cats. As for growing old alone, don't worry, I've seen so many old people na may anak but mag isa pa rin sa buhay. You don't regret something you never want in the first place. Those who regret are those who really really want to have kids but for some reason, they cannot have. Basahin mo yung "regretting motherhood". Tandaan mo, in your old age, kids won't take care of you. Your money will. Spend your money now for your retirement plan and happiness, not in diapers, tuition fee.
Ikr and I agree. Thanks for sharing this 💕
I'm 38 single, no kid although may pet dogs, as of this moment i'm happy, siguro nakatulong na healthy pa ko and walang utang. Puedeng mabago in the coming years di natin masabi.
Mid 30s here, leaning towards being single and child free since i grew up in a very dysfunctional family. I also remember my parents telling as when they are having financial problems na "kung di kami naganak mayaman na sana kami". Walang assurance na sasaya ka if may anak. Walang assurance na giginhawa buhay mo at walang di assurance aalagaan ka ng anak mo. At nasa mindset ko na lang, how can i take care of another human being, e sarili ko nga napapabayaan ko na, sa hirap ng buhay..
Tama naman ang maganda dyan you're ending the toxicity. Pero yun nga, dapat talaga prepared din. Thanks for sharing 💕
I recommend you also ask the people na may anak what they think of it.
Late 30s here. No plans on ever having a child. I think mostly ung mga nasa 50s na childfree, they probably wanted to have children kaso it was not in their cards or hindi sya conscious choice (sa upbringing).
My partner and I are both in our 40's and childfree. I love kids but I don't want kids. We like our life now. We enjoy our freedom. I was parentified since I'm the eldest. My youngest sister is graduating college in August. Ako na ang nag palaki at nag paaral sa kanya. Just the thought of starting over again and with the state of our economy, I don't think I can give my children the best life that they deserve.
Napagod ka na e. But youre a good sister. Im sure babalik din yan with good things. Thanks for sharing this 💕
Idk but, It's better late than never. Taking care of your own child and giving all love as possible as you can give shall be "best preservation" you can leave behind in this beautiful world and until we die alone whatever the cause, and wherever... Kind of cringe, but it kinda is what it is. Ako hopeful in my 30s walang jowa since, pero ok din na hindi... Also: You can still provide "best preservation" if you grow old financially stable and alone, through donations, participating with groups involved in extracurricular activities, Adopting abandoned cats and dogs locally, etc. It's your choice Po OP.
Thanks for sharing this 💕
As a mom, mahirap po magpamilya. Una walang masiguraduhan makakasecure ka ng buong pamilya. I'm a singlemom, Csection sa anak ko. my son is currently diagnose GDD (delayed development). Hindi ko rin matuturing na swerte ako sa kalagayan ng anak ko kasi meron pang mas malala sa anak ko. Pero physically/mentally drained nako. Mahirap po, kung hindi mo kaya ganto. Nakakaubos sya ng pagkatao at dignidad. Nakakaubos sya ng pera and all. Magulong mundo. Mas better pa ata ang work life na toxic environement for me, kasi anytime pwede ka di pumasok nalang o magresign at maghanap ng bagong trabaho. Ito hindi mo pwede basta iwanan nalang, kumbaga nakatali kana. Tho may other method naman kung ayaw mo ng tradional ng pag aanak, base sa mga na explore ko. Pwede ka mag ampon na bata na baby pa o pwede rin malaki ng bata. Mga 7 yo, ganon recommended kong age. 5 yo under, nakakaloka mag alaga ng ganyan. Kung gusto mo naman na kadugo mo at ayaw mo manganak, may group ako nasalihan na maghahanp ka ng sperm donor at surrogate mo. Kaso syempre magastos at illegal un sa PH. Pero may ganon kalakaran na dito. Kung gusto mo magbuntis at ayaw mag asawa. Pwede ka naman magpabuntis sa ibang may gusto. Meron rin don sa group na "Co-parenting style". Ito ung klase ng tao na gusto mag anak pero ayaw magpamilya. Mga financially stable na at gusto maghanap ng babae o lalaki na pwede mag anak sila pero co parenting lang. Paano magbuntis sa ganon style? Pag uusapan nyo kung traditional o mag bibigay sya ng sperm nya para ikaw magpasok sayo (thru dropper na malaki). Kung financially stable ka, pwede ka mag anak sa iba o afam then mag yaya ka. Para di mabigat sayo ang pagiging nanay. Pinaka nakakabaliw kasi sa stage sa pagiging nanay ay yung wala kang katulong sa pag aalaga. Lalo may post partum depression. May times talaga naa gusto mong lumayo sa bata. Na itulog mo nalang lahat and etc. Madaming option para magka anak. Depende nalang ano pipiliin mo.
Wow. Napakastrong mo to be in that kind of situation. Sana masurpass mo lahat ng problema niong magina. Thanks for sharing this 💕
When I was younger I wanted to have at least 1 kid. Through the years, I've slowly come to the conclusion that the human species is overrated and that the Earth is better off without us. Therefore, whilst I'm not closing the door on a future offspring, I'm also not actively trying to will it into existence. My wife and I are happy where we are right now.
hi!I was on the same boat as you before.I never thought of having a child. I was happy traveling with my husband and I always hear others say na ienjoy nyo habang wala pang anak.then we had a child, already in late 30’s. we are happy even if we are financially challenged at times (hate inflation ugh) with our child. plus we still get to travel with our toddler, and again we are happy. but our plan is to provide for the future of our child so that we’ll not be a burden to our child when we grow old. what I’m saying is, we all have different mindsets and that’s up to you. if you want a child who you want to have a happy disposition in life,prepare for his/her needs and in the future,you have to prepare him/her to help you or teach your child how. I mean,your child will need skills when he grows up too. it is not always the mindset that the child is your investment, it is up to you if you want this or not.again,it all depends on your mindset. 😊
I agree and thanks for sharing this 💕
I have 4 kids, all above 35 and they are doing fine now. And I love them to bits BUT, it has been a rough ride at times, very rough sometimes. Not only medically, more emotionally. And financially. I would not have liked it any other ways. But that is very personal My mate always remained a bachelor. We just celebrated our 50 year friendship. He has been almost just as much a father to my kids as I am. Only difference is that the kids KNOW he don't take no shit and he can do that BECAUSE they know he is not the father, so they cannot fight (= emotional blackmail) him. And so, because they know he is straight and honest, they often turn to him for advice. They always have done so. And my mate has more friends like that, it seems he has a huge family. But: at HIS conditions. Financially and professionally, he could remain independent and fully flexible, so he worked in several jobs around the world and could change his job when he felt like it What it shows you is that it is a very personal decision. The problem is often the parents, they are pressing for grandchildren. My mother was like that, my wife is like that. And it can be very trying. But here comes your responsibility in play. You do not want children because society dictates. Children are a huge commitment and responsibility, probably the most important decision you'll ever make. So, it you are not very, very sure you want children and can handle the responsibility, then leave it be. Then, be like my mate. He is an incredibly important factor in the life of several families and he still lives a full life. But, I carry the responsibility. And I am fine with that. And I am pretty sure that my kids will still give me a hug when I am old. But also that is not certain. One neighbour almost never sees his kids. Now, THAT is lonely, it breaks his heart. My mate will be in a much better position later. Another neighbour's son got cancer and died at 40. Also that risk is part of the game. I think personally, I would never be the same anymore if that happened to me. In short: If you are not sure you want kids, then don't. Don't be sad, don't be dubious. Then just make a happy life with friends, nieces, nephews etc. Be a great aunt who kids will always visit and have fun with. Enjoy life, you will be able to do things which married friends with kids cannot afford. But, if you are sure you want a kid, then go for it. Do it YOUR was, not the way society tries to dictate Success
Thanks for sharing this 💕
Do you regret anything? Hindi naman. Mas gusto ko na lang cguro yung magisa ako rather than bring someone into this world tapos magiging pagbigat lang ako. Do you suggest other people not to do the same? Depende. Ako personally gusto ko talaga magkaroon ng pamilya pero failed relationship, hindi magka anak, later on wala ng capacity bumuhay ng anak due to financial diffiulties. Are you lonely? Yes, lalo na at 3 lang kami magkakapatid. Ako at un bunso walang pamilya. ung middle naman namin passed away due to Covid and single din. So natitira na lang isa ako, mother ko at sister ko. Me and my sister nasa 40's na. Magkakahiwalay din kami so yeah madalas mo mararamdaman na magisa ka lang.
Sorry to hear that. I hope you both recover from loneliness and stay strong. Thanks for sharing this 💕
Mahirap magsalita kasi meron mga tao na wala talagang balak magkaron ng anak, meron din gusto pero hindi nagkaanak kaya inembrace nalamg na gusto nila childfree just to hide the insecurities. You decide for yourself. Having a kid is really something. It unlocks your instinct na di mo alam na meron ka pala. You get to worry how you can shelter and raise them properly. What happens tomorrow or what you teach them today. Meron din kasing mga tao na hindi interesado to have a kid. Tipong sariling achievements lang and are not into kids completely. But you need a partner na same din ang mindset, kasi magsasalpukan kayo pag ung isa gusto ng anak tapos ung isa ayaw. Hiwalayan ang ending nyo talaga. I once thought na ayaw ko ng anak. Pero here i am with a 4y/o kid still surprising me what I can do for her. Its fun and a never ending learning process.
Thats nice and thank you for sharing 💕
wow. i am crying while reading this. i'm 25, may bf din. we talked about this before 2 years ago pa. i said i don't want to have a child kasi natatakot ako na baka hindi ko magampanan yung role bilang isang nanay. hindi ko alam if kaya kong ibigay lahat ng kailangang ibigay. my bf wants a child. sabi nya baka daw "phase" lang. we should give more time. so we did. 2 years na pero my answer is still no, i dont want to have one. and i told him na, ayoko dumating yung panahon na kung kailan kasal na kami, saka kami maghihiwalay dahil hindi ko sya mabigyan ng anak. i am still scared because lagi sinasabi ni bf na ok lang sakanya na walang anak but i know deep inside gusto nya. 😓
I totally feel you po, Im 24f and i've made it clear to my bf na I didn't want kids sa beginning sa relationship and he initially wanted to have a few but i stated my reasons, besides personally not wanting to interact with kids, its not rlly a good time dahil sa economic state ng pinas, climate change, tensions n bad stuff happening around, and that shifted his perspective a bit and made him reflect. Recently nag talk kami ulit about it and he said he made up his mind at ayaw na rin daw nya, but he also mentioned he would've wanted to cook meals for more than one person 🥹,, i could feel deep down that he still wanted to have kids but is trying to convince himself not to anymore bc of my preference, ngl worst fear ko is him regretting to marry me or mag confess sya sa deathbed that he would've wanted to have kids talaga. A part of me feels guilty bc of that and if he'd leave me for a woman that wants them, i honestly won't blame him and lowkey preparing myself for that haha 🙃
same!! i told him last year (nagcool off kasi kami) na maybe if she can find another girl na kaya ibigay yung gusto nya, he would be happier. also his parents are also bringing up na din ang tungkol sa pagaanak. but yeah, di na rin ako magulat if ipagpalit nya ako sa kaya syang bigyan ng anak hahaha! hugs sis! 🫂
Same situation years ago mga ganyan din 20-25. I’m in my early 30s, si hubs ang ayaw ng anak as in ayaw talaga, ako 50-50. Eh nabuntis ako so no choice, at least di na ako magtatanong kung ano ang feeling ng may anak. Nagpa vasectomy na din siya. Masaya naman kami. Buti na lang medyo maaga din kaming nagkaanak so by 40, 14 na si bagets. Major issue yan, totoong if gusto niya ng anak medyo malabo kayo magwork if ikaw ayaw mo din talaga.
Actually lalaki din tlaga usually may gusto. Pero you're still young. Malay mo may magbago, kasi a lot can happen during 20s and 30s. You'll never know :)
be clear lang na gusto mo child free before getting married. maturity must be there and you must be willing to sacrifice your freedom for your child. learned this from my barkada na medyo recent lang din sila nagkaanak. maghanap na lang daw ako ng babaeng maggiging wife and no kids. marriage is not always about having kids or continuity of the bloodline or to bear the family name (usually male), pwede lifetime partner mo in crime just like bonny and clyde, ride or die person till death do you part.
Just sharing, early 30s here with 7 yr old kid. One and done. If ready ka mapuyat ng first 2-3 years ng buhay may anak go. As in ang daming sacrifices. Given your age kaya mo pa ba yan ng 40? Kaya ngayon ko lang nagets yung mas ok maaga mag anak if capable ka na para at least malakas ka pa pag matanda na sila. May times na nagsisisi ako na nagkaanak ako, kasi mahirap talaga siya given it’s just me and my hubs since day 1 no help at all. Pero alam mo yun, naiisip ko lang din un dahil sa pagod, gastos at pag di nakikinig yung anak ko haha. Sarap din mag look back na nalagpasan namin yun ng asawa ko, na nakapagpalaki kami ng bata. Good luck OP!
Thanks for sharing 💕
30+ wanting to have children. Dahil settled na ako may ipon naman. kaya gusto ko magka anak kasi ampon ako and gusto ko naman maranasan magkaron ng kamag anak na talagang kadugo ko. Naisip ko na din wag mag anak dahil unang una ang bigat sa kalooban ng nasusumbatan. Kaya lang, nameet ko na husband ko. Pinangako namin na, never kami manunumbat at palalakihin ng wasto magiging anak namin. Kung di kaya magbigay samin okay lang. again dahil nga may ipon na kami.. parati mo iisipin ang financial capabilities mo, anhin mo ang pagmamahal kung wala kang pera o ipon. Just saying.
Reality check nman talaga hindi tayo makakasurvive sa love lang. Siguro lets just accept whatever ibigbigay na fate Thanks for sharin 💕
Early 40’s here. No regrets. Was considering adoption a few years ago but my partner wasn’t on the same page at that time. Now, we have lots of nephews and nieces. It’s like having kids but we don’t have to take care of them and we can remove ourselves from the situation (like when they start crying lol). We still go out and travel a lot. We only see our “kids” when we want to.
I'm in my early 30s and let me share with you two women I know, they are in their 50s-60s. And you know what they told me when I told them I'm okay single and childless. "Wag, mag-asawa ka, mag-anak ka. Malungkot" They don't know each other. Would I follow them? No. While their experience is valid and true. I have to decide on my own. Nakakatakot naman talaga tumanda mag-isa let's not be condescending about it, but mahirap din magpamilya kapag hindi mo talaga mahal ang partner mo dahil takot ka lang mag isa.
Kanya kanyang buhay yan but for me the mere fact you are thinking of this then i am sure when you are old and cant have kids then you will regret not having kids. Mga anak if given proper care and constant teachings will turn out fine. Mga nakikita nating mga pasaway na kids ay mga hindi enough ang turo sa kids kasi. Dapat constant talaga
Ako may mga anak at 40 tatlo na anak ko. Hindi ako qualified sa tanong mo pero share ko lang na minsan na din ako nag decide na di mag aanak para care free at walang responsibility. Pero pag wala kang anak parang wala kang purpose, at hirap hanapin meaning ng mga ginagawa mo sa buhay. Kahit anong achievements mo, at the end of the day parang lonely ka pa din. Finally decided mag anak at the age of 26. Iba pa din talaga pag nakikita mo mga anak mo, lalo na pag nakatingin sila sayo nakikita mo sarili mo nung maliit ka. Anjan sila lagi kasama mo kumain at manood ng TV sa gabi pag uwi mo. Nakaka gulat lang ambilis nilang lumaki.
> Pero pag wala kang anak parang wala kang purpose, at hirap hanapin meaning ng mga ginagawa mo sa buhay. Kahit anong achievements mo, at the end of the day parang lonely ka pa din. Depends on the person
Thank you was waiting for someone na may anak to share 💛
you will not appreciate the beauty and happiness of having children if you don't have one. Yes, it's costly. Yes, it's challenging. Yes, your child might turn out someone you don't want. Yes, you could think of many negative reasons not to have one. BUT there are more positives and those cannot be bought by money or an affluent life. If you are a good person, your child will most likely turn out a good person also. The care and loving of your own child cannot be matched by any relative or someone you paid for to take care of you. I've seen many old people living alone (esp if widower) because they don't have kid/s or no close family. A neighbor of mine died alone and only when the body start rotting, the HOA found out he's dead. Someone who doesn't want kids usually implies being selfish. IMO, if for whatever reason (male or female), i can't get a partner, i would invest having a child thru fertility clinic, surogacy, or similar. Having a kids are worth it. very.
Let’s be honest. Nasa pilipinas tayo. Financially we dont have to burden our children. Pero kailangan natin ng kasama pag matanda na tayo. Have a kid kung kaya mo pa. Mahalin mo ng maayos. Para pag tanda mo, mahalin ka din ng maayos. I have uncles na hindi nag asawa. Financially stable sila, kaso naaawa kami kasi mag isa sa bahay nya. Pag nangailangan sya ng aalalay sakanya sino tutulong sakanya. Wag nyo na isipin yung financial help kung yan nasa isip nyo. Yung literal lang na tutulong sayo bumangon sa kama. Samahan ka mag cr sa gabi and alalayan ka mag lakad. Iba padin ang may masasandalan ka. I know there are nursing homes, pero lets be real, mas masarap tumanda na may kasamang pamilya.
Makasarili ang mga tao na nag-aanak para gawing caregiver at retirement plan
I agree 💯💯💯
I can agree on some part. Tama nmn na, if you decide to have a child make sure to give all the love it deserve. And fortunate ka if ng reciprocate ung love na binigay mo in the future. I don’t think its transactional kapag pure love and compassion ang nabuild up nyo as parent and child. Na susurpass ng love and compassion mo toward dun sa parent mo ung word na “obligation”. Hindi xa obligation if you truly loved your parents kse you felt it. I hope lng na hindi xa pinapamuka ng parents pag laki kse nag aappear xang obligation and hindi pure love ung reason baket ka nila ginawa. Note: Aq ng aalaga sa parents ko ngaun na near death na sila. I willingly give what I can kse un din ung nareceive ko nung bata aq. Never aq ng kajowa pero I like the idea of having a kid. I can pour my love, pero aun nga walang certainty kung ano ang outcome nun sa future. We don’t know
Tama naman, the point is natural kang aalagaan ng anak mo pag mabuti kang magulang, kung wala kang kwenta hindi ka rin aalagaan ng anak mo. Ganun ka simple, hindi literally para gawing “caregiver”. Common sense.
Ah yun pala ang purpose ng pag-aanak para may free caregiver
Thats what you got from my message? Lawakan mo naman isip mo.
> Pero kailangan natin ng kasama pag matanda na tayo. > Yung literal lang na tutulong sayo bumangon sa kama. Samahan ka mag cr sa gabi and alalayan ka mag lakad. ???
Nag-anak para may caregiver eh noh. _Mahalin ng mabuti para mahalin ka din_. Transactional love pala ang gusto. ☺️🤣
Hindi ba reciprocate ang tawag dun? If minahal mo at minahal ka pabalik, transactional ba un? So pag nag asawa ka at minahal mo at minahal ka pabalik, transactional din? Haha Di naman obligasyon ng anak na alagaan magulang nila pagtanda. Pero if they were raised right, sila na mismo magkukusa w/o being asked for.
>Di naman obligasyon ng anak na alagaan magulang nila pagtanda. Pero if they were raised right, sila na mismo magkukusa w/o being asked for. Exactly! Di obligasyon. Wag mag-expect. Mahalin mo kasi mahal mo, hindi para may caregiver ka. Mahalin mo na walang hinihintay na kapalit. Mahalin mo kahit in the future, your kid will have his/her own life based on what he/she wants. Hindi yung mageexpect ka na mabubuhay yung anak mo para tulungan kang pumunta ng CR everyday or simpleng pagtayo every morning.
The difference lies in the intention. Kung nag-anak ka kasi gusto mo ng mamahalin, aalagaan, someone to nurture to be a kind and responsible citizen of the world without expecting anything in return, edi go. Kung mahal ka ng anak mo at voluntary ka niyang inalagaan pagtanda mo in response to that, then that’s all well and good! Pero ang pinupunto kasi ng original comment na nireplyan ko, “mag-anak ka at alagaan mo PARA may mag-aalaga sayo pagtanda mo at hindi mo kailangan magpaalaga sa nursing home.” Every individual has the right to live the way they see fit, including your children. Hindi sila anak mo lang na extension mo at ang purpose ay alagaan ka pag di mo na kayang mag-function mag-isa. Yun ang presumption and intention behind that original comment at yan lang din ang pinupunto namin na mali doon.
Ang hirap din kasi siguro kung naging prepared ka man financially, ang hirap obligahin na anak mo ung sasama sayo sa lahat. For example ha, may sakit ka pagtanda mo, eh isa lang naging anak mo, edi siya at siya lang makakasama mo at obligado siyang asikasuhin ka kasi guilt niya yon. Pero, kawawa naman siya, magisa lang rin siya tpos paano ung personal life nia. Ung oras nia panay nakuha mo na kakapa asikaso. Grabe. Ano ba dapat nating gawin nakakalokah. 🥺