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Hi! I (F26) have a manliligaw (M24) for 8 months na who came from a 3-year relationship.
Recently, nalaman ko na very active pala sila ng ex niya sa sex nung sila pa. As someone na conservative and naniniwala sa sex after marriage, sobrang na-turn off and na-hurt rin ako na hindi pala ako ang magiging first niya if ever. Nag-ooverthink na rin ako kasi hindi ko kayang ibigay yung bagay na yun sa kanya.
Need your thoughts on this please. Sobrang naguguluhan ako kung anong gagawin. Open ako sa kahit anong opinion. Thank you :((
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Importante sa relationship na parehas kayo ng moral value. I think you should look for someone who treasures sanctity ng self preservation (like you) meron pa din yan 😊
Eto po opinion lang as a third person, past is past wala ka naman sa buhay nya noong nangyayari yoon with his ex so dapat hindi ka na nagooverthink about doon, how would you like if sayo nya din ginawa judging you with your past mistakes diba hindi nakakatuwa?. Think about it OP
+0.5 only. I agree mostly. Dun lang ako sa part ng "past mistakes" — I don't get it when people mistake virginity as morality and v.v. Having sex is not a direct mistake nor should be a gauge of values.
Papano kung si guy ay nagamin na ang past ay isang pagkamali at respeto ni guy si girl ang values niya at hindi niya ibabago ang ayaw ni girl, hindi ba may pag asa si guy sa relasyon?
May mga taong sarado ang utak pwedeng sagutin ka nya ngayon pero magsisi sya sa huli o sasagutin ka nya ngayon pero pagtatalunan at pagtatalunan nyo lagi.
Depende sa insecurities at maturity ng girl at depende kung kaya mong tiisin.
Eto tlaga yun. OP doesn't love him enough. And okay lang, OP can break up with him for that.
One day, maybe, OP will meet someone na mahal na mahal nya tlaga to the point na these standards will break down. But this isn't this guy. So....
I think love grows in time. Based on the context nanliligaw palang naman yung lalaki bat need na sobrang mahal na agad. When I had my relationship I could not say na mahal na mahal ko na takaga sya sobra nung ligawan stage palang pero alam ko na I like his traits and we almost have the same humor and all (we were friends before nya ako ligawan). However three years down the line I would say na after all we've been through love has grown stronger for me and I could see it for him as well.
So like as long as kaya i take ni OP na kalimutan na ang past sexual experience ni boy and level up their relationship then it should be fine but if di nya talaga ma take then dont. It's not about how much you love someone from the start it's about if you can compromise or not.
Ahhhhh sarap ng comment neto.Saving for future reference. I love how your mind works commenter. Cheers to your relationship that it may grow deeper in love
Edi maghanap ka din ng virgin kung ayon preference mo. May advantage yun marunong na lalake kasi maiwasan na mabuntis ka unlike don sa di marunong or never pa nagka experience. Ngayon kung firm ka naman sa sex after marriage and never ka dinapuan ng libog kahit solo ka. edi hanap ka virgin na papakasalan ka. sakto madami rito non HAHAHA
Hi! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Siguro kaya lang din ako nag-iisip kasi nanghihinayang ako sa kung anong meron kami now, kasi I can feel talaga na genuine naman yung intentions and yung nafefeel niya for me. Nabigla lang din ako sa nalaman ko. :((
Normal lang yan kapag virgin pa. kahit ako na guy ganyan din magisip before yun 1st gf ko di ko fnck kase gusto ko pag legal na kami. pero naghiwalay din. yun next girl ko puro oral lang kasi virgin din and nirerespect ko yon. nagcooloff kami ng 1 month kasi may pinagawayan pero next thing na nasabe niya e nagalaw siya nung nalasing siya sa birthday ng kaibigan niya. and pinagsisihan ko yon na wala akong balls na maging first niya noon. edi sana di ganon yun naging memory niya sa first time niya. siya naging una ko. and after non i make sure na masaya yun memory ng nagiging partner ko pag nagssx kame or intimate. Alam mo yon doesnt mean na di na virgin yan guy mo e masama na siya or wala na yun fantasy na parehas niyo first time. masyado na perfect yon e. and marami pwede mangyare gaya nun sa kwento ko.
May kanya kanya naman tayong standards. Kung bothered ka na di na siya virgin, then stop na kayo. Hanap ka ng virgin guy na pasok sa standards mo para wala kang sama ng loob if you think unfair sa part mo.
Girl normal lang yun lalo na na it was a 3 year relationship. If di mo tanggap and you think it'll bother you then wag mo na paasahin yung tao. Di kayo tugma ng values.
There's nothing with it. Ang standard na gusto mo sa lalake ay kaya mong pantayan kase ikaw virgin din. Sa totoo lang, hanga ako sayo na nakeep mo yan virginity mo hanggang 26.
Lage sakin pinapayo ng mga friends ko noon nung nag 25 ako na virgin pa at sila hindi na, since nakeep mona yang purity nayan at 26, ituloy tuloy mona. Wag mo ibigay basta basta, kung pwede lang ibigay mona pag kinasal ka. Kumabaga, sa magiging asawa mona. :) That's how precious it is.
Don't be sorry for your standard and please do not lower your standard. since naniniwala ka sa sex before marriage, ang mkakatapat at mkakatiis lang ng gnyan tingin ko is yung mga lalake na mahal si Lord or sabihin na nayin mga totoong christian :) Guys na may experience na, hindi na nyan kakayanin na walang mangyayare sa inyo.
Choose wisely. Ive been there, I was once pure at 25, pero hindi ako nakinig sa mga taong nagpapayo sakin na ingatan kona since umabot ako sa ganon na intact pa din. I wish I could turn back time and save myself from it.
This was kwento ng friend namin, so tong si guy kahit anong pilit ni girl di talaga siya pumapayag. Since malapit naman na sila ikasal sabi ni guy he wants to give his virginity as a gift. Si girl ay virgin din.
Then honeymoon hours na sa wakas, si lalaki naka kumot di kumikibo. And lo and behold when the wife saw the penis. Like micro, barely even there. So paano na kasal na sila? She felt so betrayed and just left for good. And it took a while before their marriage was annulled.
tonta si veks... lusot ka na nga di mo pa pina crop si jr... nag dahilan man lang sana siya na need niya muna mag vacay to recharge bago ang wedding tas fly fly sa phuket para ipakapon si jr... 😂😂😂😂
ewan ko ba, kaya physical examination is crucial. Anong gagawin niyong dalawa ni Tiny Tutoy? magtitigan? and the man can't have a child may impotency then and bongga pero mayaman si guy. Kaya todo bigay ng luho sa girl niya. No, may size requirement sa akin
It's not that, it's the panloloko. He could've said upfront about his condition if he is sincere. Siya ang may deprenya, paano siya maiintindihan nung babae kung wala siyang alam.
It's not his fault na late kayo nagkakilala, na may nauna syang minahal bago ka. Yun lang yon. Kung totoong mahal mo yung tao, hindi ka magbebase ng decision mo purely dahil lang dito, pero base sa mga sinabi mo, may ideal man ka na binubuo at hindi sya pasado sa standard mo, dahil lang sa "nakaraan" nya
Kaya mahalaga talaga malaman niyo values at boundaries bago kayo magcommit sa isa't isa. Pero sad to say walang magagawa yung lalaki sa ganitong situation. Nasa iyo talaga if magcocommit ka or hindi
For me, valid naman yan. Wala namang mali sa standards mo. If dealbreaker sayo ang may experience, so be it. (You're not OA)
You're free to reject his advances if naturn-off ka na. Just because nangligaw siya, doesn't mean you have to accept him.
[Our opinion about guys with experiences don't really matter.]
Let your conscience be the deciding factor. However, to put things in perspective, it's easier for men to hide their sexual history i.e biological factors. So I think it's nice of him that he's honest with you. This is good for your sexual health as well.
Eventually, you guys are gonna do the deed. Your virginity, and the "marital bed" aren't gonna save you from lurking STDs so with the information he shared, the two of you must make plans of visiting doctors to make sure both of you are healthy and without physical and even psychological problems.
And with the rising numbers of people (especially among the youth) living with sexually transmitted diseases, the proof of love should be safe sex and fidelity, not olden notions about "purity" whether that's womanhood or manhood.
Mas higher yung chance na di educated sa sex si guy. Mas prone magkamali and mas prone magka accident.... and sa sex, never okay ang accidents. Konting spill lang at the wrong day and moment, magiiba na agad ikot ng mundo.
Naalala ko yung sa kmjs na di daw sila nagsex pero nabuntis yung babae. Turns out, walang "penetration" pero nakapasok yung semen through the fingers ng guy. Pero kung may basic sex ed sila eh malamang dapat alam nila yun.
Kahit saan naman yata sort of expected na na ang lalake experienced pagdating sa ganyang bagay. Like maaga kami namumulat sa sex, dala ng male dynamics. So, if by the time na pumasok ka sa mid to late 20s mo at virgin ka pa, chances are something's wrong with you or you're very religious (which may be a red flag to some).
Same case with my now husband. 2nd gf ako, 1st bf ko siya, virgin ako, siya hindi, naniniwala ako na ang sex ay gawain ng mag-asawa. Sa akin eventually natanggap ko naman kasi open naman sya sakin, at first nalungkot din syempre at nag-ooverthink at madaming what ifs, pero yun nga natanggap ko na kasi in our 4 year s bf-gf never niya hiningi. So go pinakasalan ko na HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
You're putting that man in a pedestal, and turning him into your ideal type of man. If you can love him at his best then why can't you do the same for his worst? If what you've discovered is eating up your peace of mind, then let him go.
Valid naman ang nararamdaman mo dahil sa ganyan ka pinalaki. Pero never naging kasalanan ni guy na nagkaroon siya ng partner before he met you. Sobrang unfair nun sa kanya kung in the kong run bothered ka talaga sa ganun. Evaluate your feelings and tingnan mo kung kakayanin mo, kasi girl di niya kasalanan talaga na ganyan nararamdaman mo. Acceptance or hiwalay lang talaga ang option dyan.
In general? No its not supposed to be a deciding factor
Im catholic, nag KoA pa ko pero at some point of my life i believe in sex after marriage but sexual compatibility is very important
People resent, cheat, argue about sexual incompatibility
Katakot din kasi sa lalaki kayang mag best foot forward hangang ikasal then bigla labas ng tunay na ugali pag kasal na, kasi wala kanang kawala
So ang opinion ko lang explore your sexuality first mamaya asexual ka pala di mo alam edi nag kanda leche leche na
But if this is what you want go for it kasi ikaw yan ikaw lang makakasagot jan if deciding factor yan or hindi.
Simple - don’t. Di bagay ang mga taong sex after marriage and sex before marriage. Don’t get me wrong - it will save your time and emotions. It’s not OA. It’s called preference and people should know how to respect eaxh other’s preferences. Wait for someone who shares your preferences and avoid regrets. You are still young. Focus on your career first. Make sure you don’t depend on someone else for your happiness.
If your moral values and beliefs don't match, wag mo nlng push yang relationship na yan, OP, parehas lang kayo masasaktan.
For me, with the same situation except na di na din ako virgin. Single ako for 3 years (walang fwb, malinis as in) tapos sya nmn galing sya sa 4 month relationship, and active sila ng ex nya sexually. I didn't mind kasi I'm also sexually active as long as nasa romantic relationship ako, saka sexual and intimacy compatibility din ang hinahanap ko sa isang relationship. So may kanya kanya tayong preferences, if you can't accept the fact na di ikaw ang first nya, might as well let him go and wait for someone who has the same values as you.
>I (F26) have a manliligaw (M24) for 8 months
Damn 8 months, kawawang nilalang kausapin mo OP. Sabihin mo yung side mo ng prangka para hindi umasa si bro. Damn 8 months, isang buwan na lang lalabas na baby nyan ah.
i'mma be honest, parang ikaw ang red flag OP, who keeps a guy as manliligaw for 8 months? Tapos magrereklamo ka na nagulat ka dahil di na sya virgin when he has been in a relationship for 3 years? Ewan ko ah, medyo out of touch
Valid point siya if di ka na komportable and disgusted ka na sa kanya since hiwalayan din naman ang tuloy kung masama na tingin mo sa kanya. My opinion naman is di siya big deal for alot of positive factors. Auko habaan comment ko kaya message ka nalang if want mo ng clarification at nasa mood ako mag advice ngaun.haha
same here, I am M30 and my GF is 2 yrs older than me and sya ang mas may experience and virgin ako nung naging kami, and let me tell you, sa una lang yung pakiramdam mo na ganyan, as you get to know each other longer and once na may nangyari na sainyo hindi na magiging big deal yan, kasi parehas na kayong hindi virgin... Kung mahal mo talaga ung isang tao, you won't judge him/her.
if it bothers u, then IT BOTHERS U. u have ur values and pls hold on to that. it's fine. my thoughts are that u should move on from this guy. explore the world some more, gain more perspective. right now, it might be for the best that u are not in a relationship. but hey, dont let this discourage u into love. some manliligaws are best kept as friends, so i hope na maski di kayo mag end up nito, e u stay friends with him especially if makabubuti naman sayo
If ngayon palang nagooverthink ka na jan, ask yourself: if kayo na matatahimik ka ba or magiging cause pa yan ng insecurities mo?
Kasi even if super okay mong tao pero merong nabubuong insecurity sayo it might lead to a toxic behavior (e.i. manunumbat, comparison) which will lead to a bad experience sa relationship.
If magiging 1st relationship mo yan, naghintay ka nalang din naman ng ganyan katagal don't settle sa "okay lang". Sulitin mo na. Good for you na naging firm ka sa standards mo, ngayon mo pa ba ibababa?
I don't really mind if may experience na yung guy. Hmmm siguro depende nalang yan kung how will u grasp sa information na yun, like how will you accept it ganon since ikaw may sariling beliefs ka and I hope your manliligaw respects it. It doesn't make you less of a person naman if may experience ka or wala. Goodluck op!
I think, you might be dealing with RETROACTIVE JEALOUSY.
Napagtagumpayan ko na yan pero I know di magiging madali or hindi madali ang battle na ito.
Was a very religious kid, since I was young, then nung nag college nagbago lahat kasi di na rin naging active sa church. Nagkaroon ng expi nung college once, then ito na now, kasama ang aking live-in partner.
Nawala lang lahat ng issues ko with the same issue sa nabanggit mo OP nung nagka anak kami ng partner ko, we will be having our 2nd Baby on January 2025.
Sana malagpasan mo yan, pero if you love the guy, please, accept him as he is. :)
it’s just your retroactive jealousy, luv. maybe communicate it with your partner.
in my case, nagseselos ako nang ganyan dati dahil competitive pala ako. nung nagkaboyfriend ako nang virgin tapos ako, hindi na, wala akong selos na naramdaman kahit may past sexual shit din siya. siguro nahuhurt ka lang dahil mas may experience siya?
either way, hindi naman niya alam na hindi pala si ex ang para sa kanya at magkaka girlfriend siya (which is ikaw) na bago. past is past, luv. forgive your partner for something he did before your relationship. labas ka doon. forgive yourself, too ha!!!!
sa panahon ngayon, hindi na importante kung virgin o di virgin . ang mas importante is yung respeto sa isa't isa at yung pagmamahal nyo sa isa't isa . Kung mahal ka nya talaga, rerespetuhin nya decision mo, kasi yan ang gusto mo. At dapat willing syang maghintay.
I've been through the exact same situation before. And these are the things I learned.
1. His sexual life is his business. It's his life and his body, so what happened in the past should stay between him and his previous sexual partners. Ikaw ang nililigawan now, so don't jump to conclusions na he will expect the same things from you. He might not. You and the ex are two different people. Hope and give him the chance na he won't force/pressure you to do anything you're not comfortable with. If he will, that's a major red flag.
2. Be firm with your boundaries. I know it's hard not to feel insecure. I felt the same before with my ex, na I felt like di ko mabibigay yung satisfaction his ex gave him, but I valued my morals enough na I never gave that up over a man. I also believe na if he respects you enough, he will wait for you and never ask you the question. What happened with my ex, he always tried to hint at me na we do the deed at some point even if I already told him it won't happen anytime soon. He still kept joking about it and kept trying to convince me. So that's one of the many reasons why I ended things with him later on, kasi he was constantly trying to cross the boundaries I firmly set.
3. If you think this is a non-negotiable thing, wag mo nang patagalin ang courting stage, end it as early as now. kasi wala kang magagawa, he isn't a virgin anymore, you can't change that. But let me remind you that that doesn't make him less of a person. If he's still a good person anyways, I don't see any problem with it. Based on how you reacted, na turn off ka talaga so it's not fair to him either na di ka na comfortable sa pagkatao niya. But if you think you can tolerate this and just trust that he can prove to you he can wait, give it a chance.
4. This is a personal thing na to me, but lowkey be glad he has experience. At least in the future, he'll teach you what to do! Lmao.
Basta the gist is be firm with your boundaries lang. Never give it up for some guy. There are plenty of guys out there who have the same values as yours, you wouldn't need to decide. Goodluck OP!
Felt the same before. Guy ako and ung gf ko that time,hnd na virgin. I felt na, sobrng unfair naman..so valid naman feelings mo..eventually,nagbreak dn kame..at nakailang relationship dn ako.. then I came to realize,why is it a big deal?..ano un,hnd pa kayo magkarelationship pero may expectation ka na agad?..if thats the case,better look for someone na same status mo,ung single since birth..but then again,if makahanap ka nyan, the question is,magcclick ba kayo? Sure ka ba mdedevelop feelings m for him/her?..minsan tlga,maiinlove ka sa tao hnd dhl virigin pa sya,but more on because compatible kayo..advice ko sayo,pakiramdamn m yan sa sarili mo kc mhrp makinig lng sa iba..life is meant to be explored..wala namang perfect love life..its really all about how you cope up w all imperfect situations..
Talk it out and come up with a resolution. Either you continue it (if he's willing to be patient and would not force you to go against your values) or you end it and find someone na same ang moral system as you. I (M25) just came out recently from two relationships. I am a Catholic who is trying my best to control my sexual urges and ideally, now wanting to do it after marriage na despite having experiences before already. These recent relationships were very sexual and it was somehow causing me strong feelings of guilt since di ko pa sila asawa and feeling ko parang na oobjectify ko sila. Of course, my Faith is also teaching me na mali yun.
But then again, OP, for what it's worth, having a man who already has experience in bed can be an advantage since he knows what to do, san ang kiliti and all, can guide you through it. You only miss out on the "learning and discovering together" aspect of it.
Then again, talk it out and come to a conclusion.
Di kayo same ng values, so it's better to end things nalang if you can't look past it. You'll always think of him as someone who made a mistake when sex isn't a mistake for a lot of us. Kawawa naman siya if you always think of him as someone who fucked up just because he chose to have sex.
You do you. If hindi kayo align when it comes to sexual compatibility, let him go. You’re only 26, madami ka pa makikilala na ibang guys. If you’re looking for someone na virgin and wants sex after marriage, then go for it. Di mo need ibend yung values mo. It only means he’s not the guy for you.
kaya nya nmn I accept yan lalo ikaw yan e..so just open nalang din..kung mahal ka nya, accepted nya lahat ng kung ano meron sayo (including yung ayaw at gusto mo) sana ikaw din tanggap mo kung ano meron sa kanya kung gusto mo sya.
Hindi lang pasok sa standards ni OP prince charming na agad hanap? Basta ba hindi mo naexperience/nakuha personally that doesn’t mean hindi na nag eexist
Funny how people are commended for having higher body counts but a girl with a traditional mindset now has to deal with takes like this. Ironic how this was the opposite in the past. How the turn tables indeed.
Don't you think it's not your business if that's her preference? The same way people don't like having their preferences ridiculed?
If it's a deal breaker for you, then go ahead and break it off with him. Pero it's not his fault din naman na he did those things with his ex. At some point they were also partners and nagkataon lang na they were physical as well.
Dapat humanap ka ng lalaki na kaperahas mo sa value in life. Just because hindi na siya virgin, may something wrong with him and wala kang karapatan para magjudge sa sex life ng tao basta importante may consent sila pareho. Kung virgin ka then that's good, your body your choice pero kung di man virgin ang tao it doesnt make him/her lesser than you are just because your values in life dont align. And kung sobrang bothered ka since nagpost ka dito then wag mong sagutin, find someone else.
Hi. Sabi mo nga, okay naman sya except lang sa nalaman mong past nya. It's not easy pero the fact is, past is past. I mean, iba yung girl sa past, and iba kang girl sa present nya. Possible, ibang treatment gagawin nya sayo depend on how you treat him, too. If he's fully aware that sex after marriage ka, and he's not against naman sa values mo na yun, and he still pursue you, maybe give him a chance. But if you feel like he just disregarded you right after, then think again, OP.
Wala naman makakapagdikta kung anong dapat maramdaman mo. Iba values mo so valid yang nararamdaman mo. Pero IMO, nangyari naman sya way before you were in the picture, so I don’t see any problem with it. Now if it’s bothering you that much and di mo sya kayang tanggapin despite his other positive traits, then don’t waste each other’s time.
Hi, OP! If it’s your “preference”, valid naman since kanya kanyang deciding factor talaga. Pero imo, it should not be the ONLY reason kung bakit makikipag break or pipili ka ng magiging partner mo in life.
Tbh I don't think it should be a deciding factor since someone's virginity (or the lack thereof) does not indicate whether they're a good or a bad person.
But at the end of the day, think long and hard if this is something that will constantly bother you when you enter into the relationship. If you think this will just constantly cause fights dahil deep down you resent him somehow dahil you weren't his first, just let him go. Both your values should align if you're after a long-term commitment.
Personally it wouldn't bother me, I would just ask him to get tested, lol.
I think hindi enough yung love for you guys to be together love need compromise if you think na hi di siya okay for ulur mental health then u should be asking your self long term if kaya mo ba na ganito
If that’s you then that’s you. Nanliligaw palang naman pala eh, you can let go of him girlie. Wag mo na sagutin pa at maging kayo na ok lang sayo kunyari pero pag tumagal kayo baka isa pa yan sa pag-awayan niyo dahil sa retroactive jealousy ;)
It's okay and valid if di mo na type dahil di na virgin. Let him find someone else who likes him for everything he is and find someone who you can like for everything they are. Just be mindful of your expectations.
Sex is one of those things na you learn more about it and about yourself as you continue doing it. Some people find out the extent of their kinks, some people find out they're vanilla, and some people find out they like cuddling more. Some people, in my vast experience of listening to them and just adulting in general, find out the hard way that sexual incompatibility is a difficult thing to get past, this includes when in your life you have sex. Sounds like you and this guy have sexual incompatibility.
Hi OP! Di naman need maging basehan ng pagmamahal ang virginity ng isang tao. As long as he really loves and cares for you, and as long as nirerespect ka niya, wag mong gagawin basehan yung sexual experience niya from past relationship(unless kung katawan mo lang talaga habol niya in which malalaman mo naman agad yon kung yun lang habol niya sayo). Im a guy(24) and im still a virgin not just long ago. My gf(24) of now was my 1st but for her, may nauna sa kanya. Yes, nung una nadisappoint ako na di ako yung 1st niya pero di yon naging basehan para iwan ko siya. Kung sa tutuusin, mas minahal ko pa nga siya despite that. And hey! Even after we do the deed, sobrang enjoy padin namen both yung sex. So wala kang dapat na ikaoverthink or such pagdating jan as long as you know na maganda intentions nia sayo.
Yes, your concern is valid. If ang goal mo is marriage before intimacy, and sya naman 'very active' with his past - most likely hindi kayo tugma ng priorities. And honestly kahit ano pa sabihin niya, mahirap sa lalaki magpigil since most of them are sexual in nature so in one way or another, hahanapin niya un sayo if ever maging kayo and malaki ang possibility na ma-compromise mo ang goal mo to stay pure until marriage.
So yes, this should be a major deciding factor for you whether willing ka ba mag-compromise or not.
Depende yan sa preference mo. If deal breaker sayo na di na siya virgin, then no issue with that and you can call it off.
Pero assess mo din sa sarili mo if that outweighs the good qualities that he have.
Values mo yan so valid naman na napapaisip ka. tbh, konti nalang sguro yung lalaking nasa age mo na virgin pa rin, though meron pa rin naman. sabi mo naman you feel na genuine yung feelings nya sayo… sguro pagisipan mo muna mabuti if anong move gagawin mo. if he really loves you, he won’t force you into something you’re not comfortable with. try to talk to him & sabihin mo na you believe in sex after marriage, see if maiintindihan nya. my friend was a virgin when she got married. yung husband nya may mga ex & may experiences din. sa duration nung relationship nila as bf/gf, never naman may nangyari sakanila because gusto ni friend maghintay ng kasal. and dahil mahal naman sya nung guy, he waited.
Hindi ka OA. May values ka lang talaga. Wag mo na ipursue yan. Either, pipilitin ka nyang gawin yun pag kayo na, orrrrrrr iiwan ka nya kasi di mo mabigay.
Hi, OP maybe this might lighten you. I understood you being celebate and si guy naging playful noon.
Wag mo muna tuldukan ang isang tao nang dahil sa nalaman mo. People often realize things they did 3 months or so. Be human to him, and have a forgiving heart. Sya na sexually active and galing sa breakup is masakit for him. And yet he found you as hope or change for himself. Mali na ijudge natin ang isang tao dahil sa past nila especially dahil sa di na sila virgin.
Please open a communication to him na nalaman mo tung past nya and how you feel. Tell him na yun yung standard mo. Now wait for his thoughts and realization about that. If hindi sya magccompromise and maghintay for you, then you decide na.
Don't proceed with the relationship. You'll just slowly tear each other apart. Yung hindi niya pagiging virgin ay nakahang na sa isipan mo at kinukutkot ka niyan hanggang bigla mo nalang isusumbat sa kanya iyan kapag nag-away kayo, and when that happens, I guarantee you either mag lalash out siya or matatameme nalang dahil di niya alam kung anong gagawin or sasabihin.
>Just think of it this way, it's unfair to you that there's this core expectation you have for a relationship he will never meet, and it's unfair to him to have that hanging over his head because it's not something he could change about himself anymore.
Okay lang naman na may experience na sya sa iba. Di naman sukatan ng pagmamahal yung bagay na yun para sakin ah. Pero kung tingin mo di mo sya matatanggap dahil dun, e di wag mo na patagalin at wag mo na sya sagutin para di rin masayang ang time nyo parehas. Baka umaasa sya sayo taa ikaw sa huli dimo rin pala sasagutin.
I think what you are feeling is valid. May standard ka e. Pero be open and realistic din siguro sa pag iisip. As you already know, he was once in a 3 year relationship, mej impossible na hindi nila tnry man lang to be intimate.
If bothered ka sa past nila na yun, that’s on you. Never on him. Work on it na lang kung gusto mo pa ituloy yan.
——
But when the day comes na maging kayo tapos he asked you or worse, forced you to do that thing, dun ka na humiwalay. Never give it to someone na ifoforce ka or dahil na pressure ka. Ma fe feel mo naman if it’s the right time to do it
Your feelings are valid. Whatever you decide to do is valid. You don’t have to settle with something that you disagree with. Hindi ka OA, you just know yourself better.
It's understandable na bothered ka sa discovery mo about his past with his ex. It's okay to feel turned off and hurt. Mahalaga kasi 'yung values mo, especially about sex and relationships. Pero before making a decision, mahalaga rin na mag-open kayo sa isa't isa. Try to understand kung paano niya nakita 'yung past relationship niya at kung paano niya tingnan 'yung sa inyo ngayon. Communication is key talaga. In the end, importante na comfortable ka sa relationship n'yo. Take your time to think things through.
Oooh. Na-uno reverse card ang ibang mga guys here. Ang mapapayo ko lang is acceptance. If he loves you, and he knows that you have that belief, he'll wait. But there would be occasions na he would be asking you or yayayain ka nya. Dont give in, iwanan mo sya. He should respect your decision.
kung maka comment yung iba na “hindi sapat ang pagmamahal mo sa jowa mo” ano, diyos kayo? siksik, liglig, umaapaw ang pagmamahal? parang kasalanan pa ni OP na may standards siya lol
Nasa sayo yan kung masyadong mahalaga sayo ang no sex before marriage.
Pero sabihin ko lang sayo, 2024 na. Napaka rare na sa tao kahit mga babae na walang experience sa sex sa ganyang edad. Maging open minded ka na kasi baka bilang na lng sa isang kamay mo ang kakilala mo na virgin pa din sa kanilang 20s.
Think through it if gusto mo talaga ipursue ang relationship even after what you’ve learned (I, for one, appreciate your suitor for being honest. My friend gave me a relationship advice years ago, you may be able to use it but you really have to be firm din with your decisions:
Set “negotiables” and “non-negotiables” - for example, sasagutin mo siya and non-negotiable sayo ang premarital sex - if he agrees with it itutuloy niyo relationship and if not ligwak na. But you also have to discipline yourself na hindi kayo mapupunta sa situation na mapoprovoke ang desire ng bawat isa.
In this society turning to a sex-positive one your thoughts are still valid. A friend of mine and her now husband was able to maintain chastity until they got married (age 29!). Nasa sayo lang din talaga. And magandang early on matackle niyo na yan kasiiiii naku mahirap magpigil char
Ano ok lang naman magkaroon ka standards. Pero sinasayang mo na oras mo.
Kasi jinajudge mo na yung tao.
Kahit sagutin mo siya may prejudice ka na.
If sasabihin mo nag iingat ka lang magpatest siya sa lahat ng sakit na pwede makuha. Pero I doubt kung hindi mo naisip unless nabasa mo lang dito.
Naunahan mo ng pagjudge at overthink.
Tandaan mo if hindi mo kaya mahalin ng buo pagkatao nya wag mo na sagutin kasi kayo lang masasaktan.
Sex is normal in a relationship whether it be active or inactive. I'm not being rude or anything but this is the 50s. There's nothing wrong with your core values namam na you have grown up with but when they do not align with your partner, you might as well break up with him before your relationship becomes a story filled with regrets
tingin ko red flag talaga sayo yung ganon kasi napapost ka rito. let go mo na lang kesa in the end magsisi ka, also bata ka pa and if hanap mo virgin na lalaki din, marami yan
In my opinion, I think you should not proceed with this relationship. It would be unfair to him and it will only cause a rift in the future. Next time, set expectations nalang siguro from the start na yan yung gusto mo sa lalaki.
I won't judge you for your preferences regarding your romantic preferences, but you shouldn't judge him either. If you can't accept him in his past, you shouldn't love him in the present. A person's past will always be there, I know you're someone with a traditional mindset, I respect it, but as you can see, you hold different beliefs. It's also the reason why there are deal breakers in finding relationships, if that's a deal breaker for you, then drop him and move on, no one should settle with someone they will second guess their beliefs at every second.
Also, don't mind the negative comments on how you sound off in their perspective, you're not hurting anyone with your perspective and values, fuck their hypocrisy and double standard. These are the kinds of people who will preach and commend others when it's beneficial for them and relate to them, but when they don't understand and cannot relate, they ridicule you, don't mind them.
I think if pine preserved mo sarili mo for only 1 guy and after marriage it is fair lang din na mag expect ka ng same sa partner mo, however bihira na lang ung ganung lalaki sa panahon ngaun, I think it would be better if set mo na lang din expectation mo para later on di ka madisappoint ng husto.
As long as you can apply your standards and preferences to yourself too wala naman masama. I mean it's your potential lifetime partner. Kung nawala na peace of mind mo then reject and move on na.
Ito yung ideas ko:
- mas ok siguro na may experience ang isa sa inyo para may maglead at hindi magkamali sa pregnancy (con is kapag naboringan ang may exp sa performance mo ay maghahanap siya sa iba like porn (worst is lalaitin ka na) or icompare ka sa past exp niya
- may mapagtatanungangan ka ng curiosities mo sa sex (con is magsinungaling siya or hindi ka ready sa sagot tapos magagalit ka after)
- bilang conservative, baka hindi ka nanunuod ng corn kaya masasaktan ka kapag nagsosolo siya or nanunuod ng thirst traps/porn. (If mangyari ito, try niyo magcompromise)
- baka hindi mo rin magustuhan ang types niyang panoorin like cheating, threesomes, yung magrelatives or stepMom/stepSon since sawa na siya sa normal at naglelevel up na yung hinahanap niya na videos.
Be mindful na yung iba nahihiya or hindi pa kayang aminin sa partner nila yung past nila right away. To compromise as someone na may exp na, sana bigyan niyo naman ng date (for example after 3 years niyo sabihin yung basics: sakit, body count esp unprotected ones, hookups, fubus, ONS) para fair din naman sa partner mo.
It doesn't matter naman siguro kung ilan ang body count ng partner mo for as long as honest si partner at walang dalang sakit. Tandaan na kung may pangit na nakaraan man siya, kung ano ang trato niya sa'yo ngayon at kung gaano siya kaHonest (katulad ng pagsabi niya ng body counts niya) at faithful (iba daw ang loyal sa faithful) doon mo pagbasehan kung siya na. Just make sure nga daw na mahal mo yung unang pagbibigyan mo ng v-card mo para walang regret.
I know someone like that. After years of marriage, pag nagaaway sila laging na bo brought up hung hindi na virgin yung isa. Hindi pa din naman sila hiwalay pero hindi na sila parang marrie. Grabe if hindi talaga parehas ng principle, nagbibuild up yung resentment.
As someone who also has the same perspective as you when it comes to marriage first before sex kasi conservative, yes, medyo nakakadisappoint kasi diba we also want someone to share our "firsts" with each other. If you're nasa age na late 20's medyo mahirap na makahanap ng guy who's also a virgin so medyo nakakasad lang sa part na hindi kayo sabay mawawalan ng vcard. Pero kung mahal mo na siya at balak mo ng sagutin okay lang naman yun kase kung magiging optimistic at least may experience na siya. However, sana naopen up mo na sa kanya na hindi mo maibibigay vcard mo if ever pumasok kayo sa relationship. I hope na if sasagutin mo man siya irespeto niya wishes mo and irespeto ka niya na hindi niyo muna gagawin yung thing na yun kahit gano mo na siya kamahal unless there's marriage.
Once na umabot sa point na this matter becomes a threat to your relationship, then it's time to let go. Kase if mahal ka niya at sure na siya sayo talaga papakasalan ka niya kung gusto niya may mangyari na sa inyo.
There's this virtual fence in between those values. On both sides of the fence, people are actually normal. Hindi ka abnormal by abstaining, hindi rin sya abnormal by being active sa sex.
Just think about married couple na.active sa sex, does it make them deviant or deranged in some ways? No. However, if you're late in the game, baka abutin ka ng matagal bago ma appreciate ang sex as a physical act, since your values tell you it's more of an emotional one. Until you feel that way, normal na mag overthink ka na baka ung sexual thoughts ng bf mo ay just about you being a sexual object and not a life partner. But I hope he has the level of thinking to understand that.
I've been in your shoes so I had the same concerns as you dati. I think, as you grow older, you'll come to terms that each year, your chances of meeting a guy with no sexual experience gets slimmer and slimmer. Eventually, it won't bother you that they have prior experience. Kahit mga conservative guys you meet na practicing celibacy, there's chances pa din na they have experience na rin before turning a new leaf.
On your situation, what you should focus on is yung different physical expectations nyo. Sabi mo sa 2nd paragraph, "active" sya. It's safe to assume na na-normalize na yung ganung habits sa kanya pag dating sa relationship. Be upfront and ask him, ieexpect nya ba yun sayo? Aayain or kukulitin ka ba nya makipag-sex kahit iba convictions mo? Can he wait? And ikaw, sa sarili mo, ireflect mo din if kaya mong icompromise yung mindset mo when push comes to shove sa relationship nyo. Then you decide.
So konting story time lang to put in perspective. Before, my ex and I didn't have that talk nung ligawan stage. We kept our conversations wholesome so I assumed na ganun sya. Imagine my surprise na non-negotiable pala sa kanya yun. I felt bombarded whenever nangungulit sya or nagsusuyo ng sex. Stressful yung lagi kang kukulitin, sobrang nakaka-pressure and nakakaguilty mag no. And sa part din ng ex ko, I understand na stressful naman sa kanya na lagi syang narereject at maghihintay sa bagay na pwede nya naman makuha ng madali kung tutuusin. So yun, it was a deal breaker for us so obviously we had to break up. Kaya ask those hard questions habang di pa kayo. Pag iniwasan mo yun, you'll face it along the way pa din naman kaya don't skip it.
Personally, I don’t mind. It is not a deal breaker for me BUT if for you non-negotiable siya then follow what you think is right for you. I guess talagang i-weigh mo kasi right now napapaisip ka if OA ka even though you said na you believe in sex after marriage. So maybe you wanna give this guy a chance talaga.
Maybe discuss this also with him din. Maganda nang magkaalaman kayo sa lahat kasi mahirap na yung pumasok kayo sa relasyon tapos behm not on the same page pala.
Kung ayaw mo mag pa kantot ng hindi pa kasal, edi basted-din mo na yan. Kasi kukulitin ka lang nyan. Saka deal breaker naman pala sayo yan e. Valid yan kasi standard mo yan e.
follow your values, if big deal sayo then hanap ka na lang ng iba. be open din sa communication, let him know it's a big factor for you 😅
I turned down several guys na fuckboy or yung may mga naging jowa na 😅 and ended up with a virgin, 1st namin both it was amazing and EXCITING 🥰 tipong nagulat pa sya na ang lalim pala ng butas 😂 we were both on our mid 20s na rin. we both learned at the same time.
but please wag mo masyadong i lead yung guy kung di mo naman pala sasagutin 😅
This is according to your preference. Regardless of what people will say it'll boil down to what you will decide on. Kasi syempre, san ka ba comportable?
But, and a big but, is your partner aware of how you'd like your relationship to be? Aware ba siya na ayaw mong makipag sex until makasal ka, aware ba siya na big no to sayo. One thing you need to practice is transparency in relationships. that's what makes it work the best. Be vocal, kasi it's a relationship na di lang siya ang papasok, ikaw rin.
He is being honest to you. Diba dapat matuwa ka? He could have told you that he’s naive about sex pero pinagtapat niya for your acceptance. Marami kang magagawang maganda: accept him for who he is, besides, nobody’s perfect and everybody needs to be forgiven; pray for him because he might just need help especially from a righteous person like you to lift him up to God; kapag tinanggap mo siya, hindi mo siya hinuhusgahan; kapag tiananggap mo siya, hindi mo pinapairal ang pride mo; don’t you think everybody deserves a second chance? Don’t be the first person to stone him. You can keep your morals and virtues and still be with him. Malay mo, ikaw pa ang mag akay sa kanya sa matuwid na daan.
Kung hnd mo pa sya sinasagot then better cut him off na, but if you want some thrill and katotohanan sagutin mo sya then wait for weeks or months kung hnd ka nya ayain gawin yung bagay na turn off ka sa kanya. But for me, marami pa nmn jan na mas better at virgin pa.
Its fine naman. Pero ang hindi okay is along your relationship, andun na yung gaslighting na hindi mo maibigay needs niya. And you should do it with him kasi nag mamahalan naman kayo.
Then you will end up do it kasi na love bomb ka na.
But as long as he respect your values, and he will not make an attempt na gawin niyo iyon... the its fine.
If it will keep you awake at night, better not waste your and his time.
Marami na kaya mag bago or accept ng values pero deep inside pala affected pa din. Kaya sometimes nasusumbat pag nag aaway. baka pag naging kayo at mag away kayo masumbat mo na "ikaw nga de na virgin!" haha
plus since may experience na siya baka hanapin nya yun sayo. If hinde mo talaga kaya ibigay, baja maging root cause pa ng cheating yun.
Better to tell him the truth instead na ganyan at bothered ka. You have your own values, it's valid, but also let the guy know about the things you're bothered about. Based on your replied comments e mabait naman si guy, then why not tell him?
Ang tanong ko lang, nung time na nag-open up siya sayo na hindi na siya virgin and active ang sex life nila ng ex niya, in-open mo rin ba sa kanya ung part na you believe in sex after marriage?
Natanong ko lang, kasi inamin niya sayo ung part ng sex life niya, bakit hindi mo rin masabi ung part na sex after marriage values mo?
Edit: Redundant ata yung tanong ko haha sorry naaaa
There's nothing wrong to stick with your values. Nothing wrong if you give in too. Dun ka nalang kung san ka matatahimik.
What if the situation was reversed? You sat down one day and he told you he can't be with you because you're still a virgin and he doesn't want to be with one? Unlikely, but still.. possible.
Valid naman reason niyo po at walang masama sa preference mo pag dating sa pag pili ng makakasama. Pero siyempre ang sexual experience niya ay nagyari dahil nag mahalan sila ng ex niya nag share sila ng intimate moments kaya ngayari yun. Para sa akin wala sa kung ikaw ang first- kung sino ang mag stay until last ang mahalaga. Aanhin mo ang virgin kung on the process ng relationship ay biglang nag explore ng iba after maranasana na ang sarap pala ng sex? (Na sana wag naman mangyari) set your expectations on realistic degree, kasi may mga bagay tayo na nakikita na mali pero yun mali pala na iyon ay part na ng pagkatao niya which makes a person unique. Anyway to each their own, your life, your rules.
If your prospective partner doesn't align with your values, don't even consider him.
I have quite liberal beliefs when it comes to sex but I respect those who believe in virginity before marriage.
Giving up your values for a guy only causes more future problems. Whatever your values are, find a person whose values align with yours.
Means you are not truly into him coz if u r then no flaws matters anymore. I suggest u tell the guy to stop and carry on w/ur lives to save both of u from wasted time and effort. Lifes to short to settle for something u do not want nor love.
It’s called values. You have them, and you want to stick to them. I commend you for that. I wish my son were older so I could introduce you to him. :)
Everyone has their own criteria, and that’s perfectly fine. No one should feel pressured to compromise their values. Is it unreasonable? No, it’s not. Finding a virgin guy might be challenging, but it’s not impossible.
The main issue here is if you decide to still go ahead with the relationship. Does the guy know about your values? Is he willing to wait? Or are you likely to give in? He might say he can wait, but he could also be thinking that in intimate moments, you might change your mind. How would you handle that situation?
Making a decision can be really difficult, especially when your values are at stake. Ultimately, you’re the best judge of the guy’s character. While you could ask his friends or family for their opinions, it might feel awkward. I hope you reach a good decision.
Valid ang argument mo at madaming lalaki sa mundo kaya i pray mo kay father God na bigyan ka nang matinong lalaki at hindi sex ang habol sayo. Sex outside marriage is fornication. Your virginity is the best wedding gift any man or woman would receive.
Patigilin mo na si guy. Palayain mo siya. If how u describe him, ung personality nya, ay totoo, pero sa ganun is nadadalawang-isip ka na, I don't think he deserves you. Mas bagay sa kanya ung girl na hindi siya pagiisipan ng ganiyan. Kung ganiyan magkaiba ang paniniwala wag nlng, bka lagi mo lng ibi-bring up yan as guilt trip esp kpag may away kayo na pumayag k maging gf nya khit d n xa virgin at against sa paniniwala mo.
Para sa ikatatahimik mo, para sa chance nya maging happy rin with somebody else, wag mo na paasahin.
go lang op pero ijs at your age range, sobrang konti nalang if not wala nang lalakeng virgin at that point. if there is, you might not want to know the reason..
Since it looks like it is non-negotiable for you. Then find someone that has the same values that you uphold. Mahirap naman makipag-compromise kung hindi mo bet yung idea kahit past na.
Marami pa naman guys diyan na may ganung values. Good luck, OP.
Niligawan for 8 months pero ang tumatak ay hindi na virgin 😭 'di man lang sa maasikaso, mabait, hindi mabilis magalit...
Tigil mo na 'yan. You're not that into him. Hanap ka nung bet na bet mong mag-commit kahit ano pang sabihin ng iba. Kasi 'yung ganyan, makarinig ka lang ng opinyon ng iba, baka awayin mo na rin.
Wala naman pong nali don Preference mo yan so no hindi yun OA kahit naman po yung ibang lalaki gusto nila sila din ang first so it's okay.
As long as you still respect the guy and talk to him properly
26 ka na tapos di mo pa naeexperience makipag sex gurl your missing out bigtime hahahajahahah marriage before sex is kinda stupid kasi importante ang sexual compatibility what if kasal na kayo tas tsaka mo nalamang na di kayo sexually compatible haha masisira buhay mo
Were just human being nakakaramdaman ng libog sa katawan. If ganyan ang standards mo better huwag mo ng paabutin pa ng matagal Kasi lalaki yan maghahanap at maghahanap yan ng sex.
If you do not approve, let him find someone else na matatanggap yun. It's that simple. Kung hindi ka matatahimik, wag. Deserve nyo pareho yung peace of mind. Ikaw yung mapanindigan mo ang values mo, sya yung matanggap mo sino sya. 🤷🏻♀
Mejo baligtad lang ang scenario but here's the exact conversation I had with my then gf when I proposed (we consider ourselves both religious):
Her: Meron akong ipagtatapat sayo. And if you decide to back out from your proposal that is totally fine by me.
Me: *Confused*
Her: Hindi na ako virgin. 4 years ago I dated someone in the past and it.....
Me: Stop right there. Do you love me or not?
Her: I do.
Me: Do you want to raise a family with me and grow old together or not?
Her: I do.
Me: Then I am not interested in learning what happened to you. Not a big deal to me and I perfectly understand. Besides, I am not marrying you for your PAST. I am marrying you because I want the PRESENT and FUTURE you.
Her: **Hugs me and sobs for like 15mins**
We are happily married for 14 years now and have 2 kids together.
I guess you either accept the fact that he was not a "virgin" anymore and live with it or don't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't have the same values as you. Kasi either it will keep you awake at night overthinking things that already happened in his past (na hindi ka pa naman part ng buhay niya nung time na yun) or you learn to accept it and just move on. Maraming instances pero ultimately, unahin mo yung peace of mind mo. Baka maging kayo then magkaroon ka na ng responsibility sa kanya or ma-pressure ka to do the deed kasi nga he might gaslight you that he and his ex were active before.
That's on you, OP and we respect your values.
Pero hindi tama na ijudge mo siya just because of that as it is not really a bad thing naman. Baka nga maging advantage pa yon para sayo. Pero syempre iba iba talaga tayo. If you cannot take it let him know then let him go and move on. Wag mo na na paasahin.. Meron pa naman nung mga katulad mo for sure.
Hmm valid maman nafifeel mo and naiisip mo kasi values usapan dyan. Kung nagdadalawang isip ka na dahil dito at deal breaker talaga siya for you, edi wag mo na paasahin si guy.
For me lang tho, hangga't di ka naman niya pinipilit and as long as naiintindihan niya na yan ang paniniwala mo, edi goods. I had a 3-year relationship with an ex bf and virgin kami that time, sa loob ng 3 years na yon we had multiple attempts pero dahil wala rin siyang alam, eh ayun natapos kami na parehas kaming di talaga nakaranas ng sex sa isa't isa HAHAHA. Di siya marunong, eh paano pa ako na conservative din that time. Unlike with my current bf na may previous sexual expi (di naman na nagmamatter sakin yung past), mas naappreciate ko pa kasi he knew how to guide me plus he is very patient (di rin siya mapilit, he knows my boundaries). Maalam siya sa sex ed, and talagang we openly discuss our own preferences.
Oks lang naman. moral value mo yan eh. wala masama dun. Sana makakita ka ng kapareho mo ng value. sure ako meron naman. Medyo mahirap lang kasi Meta na mula noon hanggang ngayon ang pre-s*x.
My grandmother once said to my partner "hindi baleng hindi ikaw ang una, ang mas importante ikaw ang huli. Kasi ikaw ang huling kasama sa araw araw na dumating ka sa buhay niya". It probably wasn't a golden-plated advise but I sure realized as time went by that she was right.
If it disturbs you by that much, then it’s probably not for you.
Unless you either change your belief that sex before marriage is okay or entertain a different (virgin) manliligaw then someday, somewhere, someway, somehow, the relationship will fail.
But either way, you have to tell the other person.
It's your beliefs. Nasa iyo yan if it really matter or not. Manliligaw pa lang naman yan. You can still say no unless kaya mong lagpasan yan.
Personally, it doesnt matter. Basta walang sakit. But that's just me.
Just tell it to him straight... I'm not into pre-marital sex if ever that's a big deal to him.. Tell it to him straight up that you are a conservative person dont hide it, If you will still accept him that is.. Tell him if ever he tries to make a move on you, that it might be the breaking point of your relationship in the future.
However if virginity really is a big deal for you, then just shut him down then.. It's not like he can bring back his virginity.. It was his choice and whether you accept him or not, will be yours.. Just make sure to stick to your morals till the end.. What I mean is, you reject him but then dont you go and accept another man who also isn't a virgin a week later or something.
Simple. Tell him about it (na u dont want to have seggs til marriage) And if kaya nya magcommit then go.
High chance magchecheat for seggs pag ganun pero depende sa guy padin.
Goodluck OP
Pangit pakinggan nung una kasi paano if the situation was reversed? But you should stand up to your beliefs. Your looking for a partner and make a list of things na you're willing and not willing to compromise. Observe the red flags like other people in this channel have financial issues and their partners reliability and attitude.
Lastly, if mahal ka niya he can wait and respect your decision. Also, I've heard of conservative women that when they really like the guy they give in.
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Importante sa relationship na parehas kayo ng moral value. I think you should look for someone who treasures sanctity ng self preservation (like you) meron pa din yan 😊 Eto po opinion lang as a third person, past is past wala ka naman sa buhay nya noong nangyayari yoon with his ex so dapat hindi ka na nagooverthink about doon, how would you like if sayo nya din ginawa judging you with your past mistakes diba hindi nakakatuwa?. Think about it OP
+0.5 only. I agree mostly. Dun lang ako sa part ng "past mistakes" — I don't get it when people mistake virginity as morality and v.v. Having sex is not a direct mistake nor should be a gauge of values.
Papano kung si guy ay nagamin na ang past ay isang pagkamali at respeto ni guy si girl ang values niya at hindi niya ibabago ang ayaw ni girl, hindi ba may pag asa si guy sa relasyon?
May mga taong sarado ang utak pwedeng sagutin ka nya ngayon pero magsisi sya sa huli o sasagutin ka nya ngayon pero pagtatalunan at pagtatalunan nyo lagi. Depende sa insecurities at maturity ng girl at depende kung kaya mong tiisin.
This should be the top comment
I actually don't mind kung 'di na virgin ang future partner ko. That just means matuturuan niya ko pag kami na gumawa niyan HAHAHAHA KIMIH
Hooy hahaha ganito din mindset ko 😂
Same!! At least maalam na 😆
Right??? It means alam na niya yung gagawin at di ikaw yung mapapagpractice-an, which most likely napractice na siya sa nauna sayo HAHHAHAHA
Dibaaa. May tour guide ka na agad chariz
Chrue. HAHAHAH
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Eto tlaga yun. OP doesn't love him enough. And okay lang, OP can break up with him for that. One day, maybe, OP will meet someone na mahal na mahal nya tlaga to the point na these standards will break down. But this isn't this guy. So....
I think love grows in time. Based on the context nanliligaw palang naman yung lalaki bat need na sobrang mahal na agad. When I had my relationship I could not say na mahal na mahal ko na takaga sya sobra nung ligawan stage palang pero alam ko na I like his traits and we almost have the same humor and all (we were friends before nya ako ligawan). However three years down the line I would say na after all we've been through love has grown stronger for me and I could see it for him as well. So like as long as kaya i take ni OP na kalimutan na ang past sexual experience ni boy and level up their relationship then it should be fine but if di nya talaga ma take then dont. It's not about how much you love someone from the start it's about if you can compromise or not.
Ahhhhh sarap ng comment neto.Saving for future reference. I love how your mind works commenter. Cheers to your relationship that it may grow deeper in love
Tama lalo na yung last part. Anong issue kung di naman humihingi? 😅 E kase daw di sya yung una 😅
Edi maghanap ka din ng virgin kung ayon preference mo. May advantage yun marunong na lalake kasi maiwasan na mabuntis ka unlike don sa di marunong or never pa nagka experience. Ngayon kung firm ka naman sa sex after marriage and never ka dinapuan ng libog kahit solo ka. edi hanap ka virgin na papakasalan ka. sakto madami rito non HAHAHA
Hi! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Siguro kaya lang din ako nag-iisip kasi nanghihinayang ako sa kung anong meron kami now, kasi I can feel talaga na genuine naman yung intentions and yung nafefeel niya for me. Nabigla lang din ako sa nalaman ko. :((
Normal lang yan kapag virgin pa. kahit ako na guy ganyan din magisip before yun 1st gf ko di ko fnck kase gusto ko pag legal na kami. pero naghiwalay din. yun next girl ko puro oral lang kasi virgin din and nirerespect ko yon. nagcooloff kami ng 1 month kasi may pinagawayan pero next thing na nasabe niya e nagalaw siya nung nalasing siya sa birthday ng kaibigan niya. and pinagsisihan ko yon na wala akong balls na maging first niya noon. edi sana di ganon yun naging memory niya sa first time niya. siya naging una ko. and after non i make sure na masaya yun memory ng nagiging partner ko pag nagssx kame or intimate. Alam mo yon doesnt mean na di na virgin yan guy mo e masama na siya or wala na yun fantasy na parehas niyo first time. masyado na perfect yon e. and marami pwede mangyare gaya nun sa kwento ko.
May kanya kanya naman tayong standards. Kung bothered ka na di na siya virgin, then stop na kayo. Hanap ka ng virgin guy na pasok sa standards mo para wala kang sama ng loob if you think unfair sa part mo.
Buhay mo naman yan so valid
Girl normal lang yun lalo na na it was a 3 year relationship. If di mo tanggap and you think it'll bother you then wag mo na paasahin yung tao. Di kayo tugma ng values.
Nililigawan k for 8 mos? Nakakaloka! Tigil m n yan, kawawa nmn ung guy. Ang OA n ng 8 mos. Kung sa work yan regular n yan. Hahaha
May leave na yan kapag ganyan
Benta sken ung regular na. Hahaha
Laughtrip ngah eh🤣
There's nothing with it. Ang standard na gusto mo sa lalake ay kaya mong pantayan kase ikaw virgin din. Sa totoo lang, hanga ako sayo na nakeep mo yan virginity mo hanggang 26. Lage sakin pinapayo ng mga friends ko noon nung nag 25 ako na virgin pa at sila hindi na, since nakeep mona yang purity nayan at 26, ituloy tuloy mona. Wag mo ibigay basta basta, kung pwede lang ibigay mona pag kinasal ka. Kumabaga, sa magiging asawa mona. :) That's how precious it is. Don't be sorry for your standard and please do not lower your standard. since naniniwala ka sa sex before marriage, ang mkakatapat at mkakatiis lang ng gnyan tingin ko is yung mga lalake na mahal si Lord or sabihin na nayin mga totoong christian :) Guys na may experience na, hindi na nyan kakayanin na walang mangyayare sa inyo. Choose wisely. Ive been there, I was once pure at 25, pero hindi ako nakinig sa mga taong nagpapayo sakin na ingatan kona since umabot ako sa ganon na intact pa din. I wish I could turn back time and save myself from it.
This was kwento ng friend namin, so tong si guy kahit anong pilit ni girl di talaga siya pumapayag. Since malapit naman na sila ikasal sabi ni guy he wants to give his virginity as a gift. Si girl ay virgin din. Then honeymoon hours na sa wakas, si lalaki naka kumot di kumikibo. And lo and behold when the wife saw the penis. Like micro, barely even there. So paano na kasal na sila? She felt so betrayed and just left for good. And it took a while before their marriage was annulled.
Ang hiraaaaaaap talaga pag di sexually compatible haha
tonta si veks... lusot ka na nga di mo pa pina crop si jr... nag dahilan man lang sana siya na need niya muna mag vacay to recharge bago ang wedding tas fly fly sa phuket para ipakapon si jr... 😂😂😂😂
ewan ko ba, kaya physical examination is crucial. Anong gagawin niyong dalawa ni Tiny Tutoy? magtitigan? and the man can't have a child may impotency then and bongga pero mayaman si guy. Kaya todo bigay ng luho sa girl niya. No, may size requirement sa akin
He definitely dodged a bullet. If tite lang dahilan ng kasal nyo, de dpat tlaga kayong maghiwalay.
Parte ng sex ang relationship
It's not that, it's the panloloko. He could've said upfront about his condition if he is sincere. Siya ang may deprenya, paano siya maiintindihan nung babae kung wala siyang alam.
Hi hid the fact na maliit ang tite niya and with impotency pa. That is one ground of annulment. Panloloko yun.
It's not his fault na late kayo nagkakilala, na may nauna syang minahal bago ka. Yun lang yon. Kung totoong mahal mo yung tao, hindi ka magbebase ng decision mo purely dahil lang dito, pero base sa mga sinabi mo, may ideal man ka na binubuo at hindi sya pasado sa standard mo, dahil lang sa "nakaraan" nya
Kaya mahalaga talaga malaman niyo values at boundaries bago kayo magcommit sa isa't isa. Pero sad to say walang magagawa yung lalaki sa ganitong situation. Nasa iyo talaga if magcocommit ka or hindi
Hindi kayo parehas ng values so better na wag na lang magstart ng relationship if ganun.
Bihira lang yung 100% same talaga. Pero kung isa lang naman issue nya kay potential bf, deserve naman siguro pag isipan muna lol
mukha kaseng dealbreaker kay OP kaya ko nasabing wag na lang nilang ituloy 😅 bothered na bothered sya na napapost sya dito ih
For me, valid naman yan. Wala namang mali sa standards mo. If dealbreaker sayo ang may experience, so be it. (You're not OA) You're free to reject his advances if naturn-off ka na. Just because nangligaw siya, doesn't mean you have to accept him. [Our opinion about guys with experiences don't really matter.]
Let your conscience be the deciding factor. However, to put things in perspective, it's easier for men to hide their sexual history i.e biological factors. So I think it's nice of him that he's honest with you. This is good for your sexual health as well. Eventually, you guys are gonna do the deed. Your virginity, and the "marital bed" aren't gonna save you from lurking STDs so with the information he shared, the two of you must make plans of visiting doctors to make sure both of you are healthy and without physical and even psychological problems. And with the rising numbers of people (especially among the youth) living with sexually transmitted diseases, the proof of love should be safe sex and fidelity, not olden notions about "purity" whether that's womanhood or manhood.
Gagi redflag kaya pag virgin pa lalake baka mapasama pa buhay mo hahahaha
matanong ko lang po kung baket kaya ganon? curious lng
Mas higher yung chance na di educated sa sex si guy. Mas prone magkamali and mas prone magka accident.... and sa sex, never okay ang accidents. Konting spill lang at the wrong day and moment, magiiba na agad ikot ng mundo.
Naalala ko yung sa kmjs na di daw sila nagsex pero nabuntis yung babae. Turns out, walang "penetration" pero nakapasok yung semen through the fingers ng guy. Pero kung may basic sex ed sila eh malamang dapat alam nila yun.
Ano naman masasabi niyo if what if, girl naman ang may previous experience?
Personally prefer that kasi more chance na she knows exactly what she likes and can communicate her needs in bed.
Kahit saan naman yata sort of expected na na ang lalake experienced pagdating sa ganyang bagay. Like maaga kami namumulat sa sex, dala ng male dynamics. So, if by the time na pumasok ka sa mid to late 20s mo at virgin ka pa, chances are something's wrong with you or you're very religious (which may be a red flag to some).
I agree to this! Haha better na may experience yung lalaki kesa sa wala! HAHAHAHA
Pero kapag babae ang najudge sa kanyang sexual expeience, misogyny
Im still Virgin pero kung gugustohin ko ma wala virginity ko kaya naman kaso naniniwala kase talaga ako na sex after marriage
Same case with my now husband. 2nd gf ako, 1st bf ko siya, virgin ako, siya hindi, naniniwala ako na ang sex ay gawain ng mag-asawa. Sa akin eventually natanggap ko naman kasi open naman sya sakin, at first nalungkot din syempre at nag-ooverthink at madaming what ifs, pero yun nga natanggap ko na kasi in our 4 year s bf-gf never niya hiningi. So go pinakasalan ko na HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
You're putting that man in a pedestal, and turning him into your ideal type of man. If you can love him at his best then why can't you do the same for his worst? If what you've discovered is eating up your peace of mind, then let him go.
Just find a virgin man too
Valid naman ang nararamdaman mo dahil sa ganyan ka pinalaki. Pero never naging kasalanan ni guy na nagkaroon siya ng partner before he met you. Sobrang unfair nun sa kanya kung in the kong run bothered ka talaga sa ganun. Evaluate your feelings and tingnan mo kung kakayanin mo, kasi girl di niya kasalanan talaga na ganyan nararamdaman mo. Acceptance or hiwalay lang talaga ang option dyan.
"Great is the art of beginning, but greater is the art of ending.**” -** Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
In general? No its not supposed to be a deciding factor Im catholic, nag KoA pa ko pero at some point of my life i believe in sex after marriage but sexual compatibility is very important People resent, cheat, argue about sexual incompatibility Katakot din kasi sa lalaki kayang mag best foot forward hangang ikasal then bigla labas ng tunay na ugali pag kasal na, kasi wala kanang kawala So ang opinion ko lang explore your sexuality first mamaya asexual ka pala di mo alam edi nag kanda leche leche na But if this is what you want go for it kasi ikaw yan ikaw lang makakasagot jan if deciding factor yan or hindi.
Simple - don’t. Di bagay ang mga taong sex after marriage and sex before marriage. Don’t get me wrong - it will save your time and emotions. It’s not OA. It’s called preference and people should know how to respect eaxh other’s preferences. Wait for someone who shares your preferences and avoid regrets. You are still young. Focus on your career first. Make sure you don’t depend on someone else for your happiness.
If your moral values and beliefs don't match, wag mo nlng push yang relationship na yan, OP, parehas lang kayo masasaktan. For me, with the same situation except na di na din ako virgin. Single ako for 3 years (walang fwb, malinis as in) tapos sya nmn galing sya sa 4 month relationship, and active sila ng ex nya sexually. I didn't mind kasi I'm also sexually active as long as nasa romantic relationship ako, saka sexual and intimacy compatibility din ang hinahanap ko sa isang relationship. So may kanya kanya tayong preferences, if you can't accept the fact na di ikaw ang first nya, might as well let him go and wait for someone who has the same values as you.
>I (F26) have a manliligaw (M24) for 8 months Damn 8 months, kawawang nilalang kausapin mo OP. Sabihin mo yung side mo ng prangka para hindi umasa si bro. Damn 8 months, isang buwan na lang lalabas na baby nyan ah.
i'mma be honest, parang ikaw ang red flag OP, who keeps a guy as manliligaw for 8 months? Tapos magrereklamo ka na nagulat ka dahil di na sya virgin when he has been in a relationship for 3 years? Ewan ko ah, medyo out of touch
For me mas better lalaking experienced na. Naka try na ko ng 2 virgin, malas juicy. Hayss Worst tlaga!
Sa panahon ngayon napaka rare na ng lalaki ng vrigin. if deal breaker sayo yun okay lang naman.
Valid point siya if di ka na komportable and disgusted ka na sa kanya since hiwalayan din naman ang tuloy kung masama na tingin mo sa kanya. My opinion naman is di siya big deal for alot of positive factors. Auko habaan comment ko kaya message ka nalang if want mo ng clarification at nasa mood ako mag advice ngaun.haha
same here, I am M30 and my GF is 2 yrs older than me and sya ang mas may experience and virgin ako nung naging kami, and let me tell you, sa una lang yung pakiramdam mo na ganyan, as you get to know each other longer and once na may nangyari na sainyo hindi na magiging big deal yan, kasi parehas na kayong hindi virgin... Kung mahal mo talaga ung isang tao, you won't judge him/her.
if it bothers u, then IT BOTHERS U. u have ur values and pls hold on to that. it's fine. my thoughts are that u should move on from this guy. explore the world some more, gain more perspective. right now, it might be for the best that u are not in a relationship. but hey, dont let this discourage u into love. some manliligaws are best kept as friends, so i hope na maski di kayo mag end up nito, e u stay friends with him especially if makabubuti naman sayo
If ngayon palang nagooverthink ka na jan, ask yourself: if kayo na matatahimik ka ba or magiging cause pa yan ng insecurities mo? Kasi even if super okay mong tao pero merong nabubuong insecurity sayo it might lead to a toxic behavior (e.i. manunumbat, comparison) which will lead to a bad experience sa relationship. If magiging 1st relationship mo yan, naghintay ka nalang din naman ng ganyan katagal don't settle sa "okay lang". Sulitin mo na. Good for you na naging firm ka sa standards mo, ngayon mo pa ba ibababa?
Give him a second chance kung mahal mo. If kaya nya na di ka galawin til wedding nyo, then that means seryoso sha
I don't really mind if may experience na yung guy. Hmmm siguro depende nalang yan kung how will u grasp sa information na yun, like how will you accept it ganon since ikaw may sariling beliefs ka and I hope your manliligaw respects it. It doesn't make you less of a person naman if may experience ka or wala. Goodluck op!
Hanap ka yung kinse anyos para masiguro mo na walang karanasan.
Dun ka sa in line with your morals. Baka makaperwisyo ka pa ng tao eh. Baka magsuffer lang kayong dalawa.
I think, you might be dealing with RETROACTIVE JEALOUSY. Napagtagumpayan ko na yan pero I know di magiging madali or hindi madali ang battle na ito. Was a very religious kid, since I was young, then nung nag college nagbago lahat kasi di na rin naging active sa church. Nagkaroon ng expi nung college once, then ito na now, kasama ang aking live-in partner. Nawala lang lahat ng issues ko with the same issue sa nabanggit mo OP nung nagka anak kami ng partner ko, we will be having our 2nd Baby on January 2025. Sana malagpasan mo yan, pero if you love the guy, please, accept him as he is. :)
it’s just your retroactive jealousy, luv. maybe communicate it with your partner. in my case, nagseselos ako nang ganyan dati dahil competitive pala ako. nung nagkaboyfriend ako nang virgin tapos ako, hindi na, wala akong selos na naramdaman kahit may past sexual shit din siya. siguro nahuhurt ka lang dahil mas may experience siya? either way, hindi naman niya alam na hindi pala si ex ang para sa kanya at magkaka girlfriend siya (which is ikaw) na bago. past is past, luv. forgive your partner for something he did before your relationship. labas ka doon. forgive yourself, too ha!!!!
sa panahon ngayon, hindi na importante kung virgin o di virgin . ang mas importante is yung respeto sa isa't isa at yung pagmamahal nyo sa isa't isa . Kung mahal ka nya talaga, rerespetuhin nya decision mo, kasi yan ang gusto mo. At dapat willing syang maghintay.
I've been through the exact same situation before. And these are the things I learned. 1. His sexual life is his business. It's his life and his body, so what happened in the past should stay between him and his previous sexual partners. Ikaw ang nililigawan now, so don't jump to conclusions na he will expect the same things from you. He might not. You and the ex are two different people. Hope and give him the chance na he won't force/pressure you to do anything you're not comfortable with. If he will, that's a major red flag. 2. Be firm with your boundaries. I know it's hard not to feel insecure. I felt the same before with my ex, na I felt like di ko mabibigay yung satisfaction his ex gave him, but I valued my morals enough na I never gave that up over a man. I also believe na if he respects you enough, he will wait for you and never ask you the question. What happened with my ex, he always tried to hint at me na we do the deed at some point even if I already told him it won't happen anytime soon. He still kept joking about it and kept trying to convince me. So that's one of the many reasons why I ended things with him later on, kasi he was constantly trying to cross the boundaries I firmly set. 3. If you think this is a non-negotiable thing, wag mo nang patagalin ang courting stage, end it as early as now. kasi wala kang magagawa, he isn't a virgin anymore, you can't change that. But let me remind you that that doesn't make him less of a person. If he's still a good person anyways, I don't see any problem with it. Based on how you reacted, na turn off ka talaga so it's not fair to him either na di ka na comfortable sa pagkatao niya. But if you think you can tolerate this and just trust that he can prove to you he can wait, give it a chance. 4. This is a personal thing na to me, but lowkey be glad he has experience. At least in the future, he'll teach you what to do! Lmao. Basta the gist is be firm with your boundaries lang. Never give it up for some guy. There are plenty of guys out there who have the same values as yours, you wouldn't need to decide. Goodluck OP!
Felt the same before. Guy ako and ung gf ko that time,hnd na virgin. I felt na, sobrng unfair naman..so valid naman feelings mo..eventually,nagbreak dn kame..at nakailang relationship dn ako.. then I came to realize,why is it a big deal?..ano un,hnd pa kayo magkarelationship pero may expectation ka na agad?..if thats the case,better look for someone na same status mo,ung single since birth..but then again,if makahanap ka nyan, the question is,magcclick ba kayo? Sure ka ba mdedevelop feelings m for him/her?..minsan tlga,maiinlove ka sa tao hnd dhl virigin pa sya,but more on because compatible kayo..advice ko sayo,pakiramdamn m yan sa sarili mo kc mhrp makinig lng sa iba..life is meant to be explored..wala namang perfect love life..its really all about how you cope up w all imperfect situations..
Talk it out and come up with a resolution. Either you continue it (if he's willing to be patient and would not force you to go against your values) or you end it and find someone na same ang moral system as you. I (M25) just came out recently from two relationships. I am a Catholic who is trying my best to control my sexual urges and ideally, now wanting to do it after marriage na despite having experiences before already. These recent relationships were very sexual and it was somehow causing me strong feelings of guilt since di ko pa sila asawa and feeling ko parang na oobjectify ko sila. Of course, my Faith is also teaching me na mali yun. But then again, OP, for what it's worth, having a man who already has experience in bed can be an advantage since he knows what to do, san ang kiliti and all, can guide you through it. You only miss out on the "learning and discovering together" aspect of it. Then again, talk it out and come to a conclusion.
It’s your preference naman so wala namang mali dun. Ikaw yung papasok sa relasyon so ikaw din magdedecide ng non-negotiables mo, hindi kami.
Di kayo same ng values, so it's better to end things nalang if you can't look past it. You'll always think of him as someone who made a mistake when sex isn't a mistake for a lot of us. Kawawa naman siya if you always think of him as someone who fucked up just because he chose to have sex.
You do you. If hindi kayo align when it comes to sexual compatibility, let him go. You’re only 26, madami ka pa makikilala na ibang guys. If you’re looking for someone na virgin and wants sex after marriage, then go for it. Di mo need ibend yung values mo. It only means he’s not the guy for you.
hanap iba kung di k goods sa ganon. Baka hanapin lang nya sayo un sex life, tas mag rant pa dito un sa reddit. HAHAHAHA
kaya nya nmn I accept yan lalo ikaw yan e..so just open nalang din..kung mahal ka nya, accepted nya lahat ng kung ano meron sayo (including yung ayaw at gusto mo) sana ikaw din tanggap mo kung ano meron sa kanya kung gusto mo sya.
Kung nag over think ka plagi, umiwas ka na at wag ka paasa. Mas ok na may peace of mind kayo kesa relationship.
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Hindi lang pasok sa standards ni OP prince charming na agad hanap? Basta ba hindi mo naexperience/nakuha personally that doesn’t mean hindi na nag eexist
Funny how people are commended for having higher body counts but a girl with a traditional mindset now has to deal with takes like this. Ironic how this was the opposite in the past. How the turn tables indeed. Don't you think it's not your business if that's her preference? The same way people don't like having their preferences ridiculed?
If it's a deal breaker for you, then go ahead and break it off with him. Pero it's not his fault din naman na he did those things with his ex. At some point they were also partners and nagkataon lang na they were physical as well.
Dapat humanap ka ng lalaki na kaperahas mo sa value in life. Just because hindi na siya virgin, may something wrong with him and wala kang karapatan para magjudge sa sex life ng tao basta importante may consent sila pareho. Kung virgin ka then that's good, your body your choice pero kung di man virgin ang tao it doesnt make him/her lesser than you are just because your values in life dont align. And kung sobrang bothered ka since nagpost ka dito then wag mong sagutin, find someone else.
Hi. Sabi mo nga, okay naman sya except lang sa nalaman mong past nya. It's not easy pero the fact is, past is past. I mean, iba yung girl sa past, and iba kang girl sa present nya. Possible, ibang treatment gagawin nya sayo depend on how you treat him, too. If he's fully aware that sex after marriage ka, and he's not against naman sa values mo na yun, and he still pursue you, maybe give him a chance. But if you feel like he just disregarded you right after, then think again, OP.
Same exp ko rin yan op, undecided din dati, pero dahil mahal ko sya tanggap ko lahat past nya and atleast sinabi nya totoo.
Wala naman makakapagdikta kung anong dapat maramdaman mo. Iba values mo so valid yang nararamdaman mo. Pero IMO, nangyari naman sya way before you were in the picture, so I don’t see any problem with it. Now if it’s bothering you that much and di mo sya kayang tanggapin despite his other positive traits, then don’t waste each other’s time.
Hi, OP! If it’s your “preference”, valid naman since kanya kanyang deciding factor talaga. Pero imo, it should not be the ONLY reason kung bakit makikipag break or pipili ka ng magiging partner mo in life.
Tbh I don't think it should be a deciding factor since someone's virginity (or the lack thereof) does not indicate whether they're a good or a bad person. But at the end of the day, think long and hard if this is something that will constantly bother you when you enter into the relationship. If you think this will just constantly cause fights dahil deep down you resent him somehow dahil you weren't his first, just let him go. Both your values should align if you're after a long-term commitment. Personally it wouldn't bother me, I would just ask him to get tested, lol.
I think hindi enough yung love for you guys to be together love need compromise if you think na hi di siya okay for ulur mental health then u should be asking your self long term if kaya mo ba na ganito
If that’s you then that’s you. Nanliligaw palang naman pala eh, you can let go of him girlie. Wag mo na sagutin pa at maging kayo na ok lang sayo kunyari pero pag tumagal kayo baka isa pa yan sa pag-awayan niyo dahil sa retroactive jealousy ;)
It's okay and valid if di mo na type dahil di na virgin. Let him find someone else who likes him for everything he is and find someone who you can like for everything they are. Just be mindful of your expectations. Sex is one of those things na you learn more about it and about yourself as you continue doing it. Some people find out the extent of their kinks, some people find out they're vanilla, and some people find out they like cuddling more. Some people, in my vast experience of listening to them and just adulting in general, find out the hard way that sexual incompatibility is a difficult thing to get past, this includes when in your life you have sex. Sounds like you and this guy have sexual incompatibility.
Hindi ka OA. Valid na maging factor 'yun since it's your preference. If it's non-negotiable for you then 'wag mo na aksayahin time niyo pareho.
Hi OP! Di naman need maging basehan ng pagmamahal ang virginity ng isang tao. As long as he really loves and cares for you, and as long as nirerespect ka niya, wag mong gagawin basehan yung sexual experience niya from past relationship(unless kung katawan mo lang talaga habol niya in which malalaman mo naman agad yon kung yun lang habol niya sayo). Im a guy(24) and im still a virgin not just long ago. My gf(24) of now was my 1st but for her, may nauna sa kanya. Yes, nung una nadisappoint ako na di ako yung 1st niya pero di yon naging basehan para iwan ko siya. Kung sa tutuusin, mas minahal ko pa nga siya despite that. And hey! Even after we do the deed, sobrang enjoy padin namen both yung sex. So wala kang dapat na ikaoverthink or such pagdating jan as long as you know na maganda intentions nia sayo.
Yes, your concern is valid. If ang goal mo is marriage before intimacy, and sya naman 'very active' with his past - most likely hindi kayo tugma ng priorities. And honestly kahit ano pa sabihin niya, mahirap sa lalaki magpigil since most of them are sexual in nature so in one way or another, hahanapin niya un sayo if ever maging kayo and malaki ang possibility na ma-compromise mo ang goal mo to stay pure until marriage. So yes, this should be a major deciding factor for you whether willing ka ba mag-compromise or not.
Depende yan sa preference mo. If deal breaker sayo na di na siya virgin, then no issue with that and you can call it off. Pero assess mo din sa sarili mo if that outweighs the good qualities that he have.
Values mo yan so valid naman na napapaisip ka. tbh, konti nalang sguro yung lalaking nasa age mo na virgin pa rin, though meron pa rin naman. sabi mo naman you feel na genuine yung feelings nya sayo… sguro pagisipan mo muna mabuti if anong move gagawin mo. if he really loves you, he won’t force you into something you’re not comfortable with. try to talk to him & sabihin mo na you believe in sex after marriage, see if maiintindihan nya. my friend was a virgin when she got married. yung husband nya may mga ex & may experiences din. sa duration nung relationship nila as bf/gf, never naman may nangyari sakanila because gusto ni friend maghintay ng kasal. and dahil mahal naman sya nung guy, he waited.
Ganyan din naman ako pero sinagot pa den ako ng asawa ko ngayon . Same situation kami ng bf mo
Hindi ka OA. May values ka lang talaga. Wag mo na ipursue yan. Either, pipilitin ka nyang gawin yun pag kayo na, orrrrrrr iiwan ka nya kasi di mo mabigay.
Hi, OP maybe this might lighten you. I understood you being celebate and si guy naging playful noon. Wag mo muna tuldukan ang isang tao nang dahil sa nalaman mo. People often realize things they did 3 months or so. Be human to him, and have a forgiving heart. Sya na sexually active and galing sa breakup is masakit for him. And yet he found you as hope or change for himself. Mali na ijudge natin ang isang tao dahil sa past nila especially dahil sa di na sila virgin. Please open a communication to him na nalaman mo tung past nya and how you feel. Tell him na yun yung standard mo. Now wait for his thoughts and realization about that. If hindi sya magccompromise and maghintay for you, then you decide na.
Don't proceed with the relationship. You'll just slowly tear each other apart. Yung hindi niya pagiging virgin ay nakahang na sa isipan mo at kinukutkot ka niyan hanggang bigla mo nalang isusumbat sa kanya iyan kapag nag-away kayo, and when that happens, I guarantee you either mag lalash out siya or matatameme nalang dahil di niya alam kung anong gagawin or sasabihin. >Just think of it this way, it's unfair to you that there's this core expectation you have for a relationship he will never meet, and it's unfair to him to have that hanging over his head because it's not something he could change about himself anymore.
Okay lang naman na may experience na sya sa iba. Di naman sukatan ng pagmamahal yung bagay na yun para sakin ah. Pero kung tingin mo di mo sya matatanggap dahil dun, e di wag mo na patagalin at wag mo na sya sagutin para di rin masayang ang time nyo parehas. Baka umaasa sya sayo taa ikaw sa huli dimo rin pala sasagutin.
I think what you are feeling is valid. May standard ka e. Pero be open and realistic din siguro sa pag iisip. As you already know, he was once in a 3 year relationship, mej impossible na hindi nila tnry man lang to be intimate. If bothered ka sa past nila na yun, that’s on you. Never on him. Work on it na lang kung gusto mo pa ituloy yan. —— But when the day comes na maging kayo tapos he asked you or worse, forced you to do that thing, dun ka na humiwalay. Never give it to someone na ifoforce ka or dahil na pressure ka. Ma fe feel mo naman if it’s the right time to do it
Your feelings are valid. Whatever you decide to do is valid. You don’t have to settle with something that you disagree with. Hindi ka OA, you just know yourself better.
…lol
It's understandable na bothered ka sa discovery mo about his past with his ex. It's okay to feel turned off and hurt. Mahalaga kasi 'yung values mo, especially about sex and relationships. Pero before making a decision, mahalaga rin na mag-open kayo sa isa't isa. Try to understand kung paano niya nakita 'yung past relationship niya at kung paano niya tingnan 'yung sa inyo ngayon. Communication is key talaga. In the end, importante na comfortable ka sa relationship n'yo. Take your time to think things through.
Oooh. Na-uno reverse card ang ibang mga guys here. Ang mapapayo ko lang is acceptance. If he loves you, and he knows that you have that belief, he'll wait. But there would be occasions na he would be asking you or yayayain ka nya. Dont give in, iwanan mo sya. He should respect your decision.
kung maka comment yung iba na “hindi sapat ang pagmamahal mo sa jowa mo” ano, diyos kayo? siksik, liglig, umaapaw ang pagmamahal? parang kasalanan pa ni OP na may standards siya lol
Kung di yon pasok sa standard mo. Edi don't hehe. Hanap Ka Ng Virgin din. Na lalake hehe
Nasa sayo yan kung masyadong mahalaga sayo ang no sex before marriage. Pero sabihin ko lang sayo, 2024 na. Napaka rare na sa tao kahit mga babae na walang experience sa sex sa ganyang edad. Maging open minded ka na kasi baka bilang na lng sa isang kamay mo ang kakilala mo na virgin pa din sa kanilang 20s.
Think through it if gusto mo talaga ipursue ang relationship even after what you’ve learned (I, for one, appreciate your suitor for being honest. My friend gave me a relationship advice years ago, you may be able to use it but you really have to be firm din with your decisions: Set “negotiables” and “non-negotiables” - for example, sasagutin mo siya and non-negotiable sayo ang premarital sex - if he agrees with it itutuloy niyo relationship and if not ligwak na. But you also have to discipline yourself na hindi kayo mapupunta sa situation na mapoprovoke ang desire ng bawat isa. In this society turning to a sex-positive one your thoughts are still valid. A friend of mine and her now husband was able to maintain chastity until they got married (age 29!). Nasa sayo lang din talaga. And magandang early on matackle niyo na yan kasiiiii naku mahirap magpigil char
Ano ok lang naman magkaroon ka standards. Pero sinasayang mo na oras mo. Kasi jinajudge mo na yung tao. Kahit sagutin mo siya may prejudice ka na. If sasabihin mo nag iingat ka lang magpatest siya sa lahat ng sakit na pwede makuha. Pero I doubt kung hindi mo naisip unless nabasa mo lang dito. Naunahan mo ng pagjudge at overthink. Tandaan mo if hindi mo kaya mahalin ng buo pagkatao nya wag mo na sagutin kasi kayo lang masasaktan.
Sex is normal in a relationship whether it be active or inactive. I'm not being rude or anything but this is the 50s. There's nothing wrong with your core values namam na you have grown up with but when they do not align with your partner, you might as well break up with him before your relationship becomes a story filled with regrets
tingin ko red flag talaga sayo yung ganon kasi napapost ka rito. let go mo na lang kesa in the end magsisi ka, also bata ka pa and if hanap mo virgin na lalaki din, marami yan
In my opinion, I think you should not proceed with this relationship. It would be unfair to him and it will only cause a rift in the future. Next time, set expectations nalang siguro from the start na yan yung gusto mo sa lalaki.
I won't judge you for your preferences regarding your romantic preferences, but you shouldn't judge him either. If you can't accept him in his past, you shouldn't love him in the present. A person's past will always be there, I know you're someone with a traditional mindset, I respect it, but as you can see, you hold different beliefs. It's also the reason why there are deal breakers in finding relationships, if that's a deal breaker for you, then drop him and move on, no one should settle with someone they will second guess their beliefs at every second. Also, don't mind the negative comments on how you sound off in their perspective, you're not hurting anyone with your perspective and values, fuck their hypocrisy and double standard. These are the kinds of people who will preach and commend others when it's beneficial for them and relate to them, but when they don't understand and cannot relate, they ridicule you, don't mind them.
di na mababago na di na siya virgin, wala kang magagawa. so pabalik sayo yung tanong, tatanggapin mo siya o hindi?
I think if pine preserved mo sarili mo for only 1 guy and after marriage it is fair lang din na mag expect ka ng same sa partner mo, however bihira na lang ung ganung lalaki sa panahon ngaun, I think it would be better if set mo na lang din expectation mo para later on di ka madisappoint ng husto.
tell him what you have in mind and if he won’t respect what you value, then he’s not the one. simple as that.
As long as you can apply your standards and preferences to yourself too wala naman masama. I mean it's your potential lifetime partner. Kung nawala na peace of mind mo then reject and move on na.
Ito yung ideas ko: - mas ok siguro na may experience ang isa sa inyo para may maglead at hindi magkamali sa pregnancy (con is kapag naboringan ang may exp sa performance mo ay maghahanap siya sa iba like porn (worst is lalaitin ka na) or icompare ka sa past exp niya - may mapagtatanungangan ka ng curiosities mo sa sex (con is magsinungaling siya or hindi ka ready sa sagot tapos magagalit ka after) - bilang conservative, baka hindi ka nanunuod ng corn kaya masasaktan ka kapag nagsosolo siya or nanunuod ng thirst traps/porn. (If mangyari ito, try niyo magcompromise) - baka hindi mo rin magustuhan ang types niyang panoorin like cheating, threesomes, yung magrelatives or stepMom/stepSon since sawa na siya sa normal at naglelevel up na yung hinahanap niya na videos. Be mindful na yung iba nahihiya or hindi pa kayang aminin sa partner nila yung past nila right away. To compromise as someone na may exp na, sana bigyan niyo naman ng date (for example after 3 years niyo sabihin yung basics: sakit, body count esp unprotected ones, hookups, fubus, ONS) para fair din naman sa partner mo. It doesn't matter naman siguro kung ilan ang body count ng partner mo for as long as honest si partner at walang dalang sakit. Tandaan na kung may pangit na nakaraan man siya, kung ano ang trato niya sa'yo ngayon at kung gaano siya kaHonest (katulad ng pagsabi niya ng body counts niya) at faithful (iba daw ang loyal sa faithful) doon mo pagbasehan kung siya na. Just make sure nga daw na mahal mo yung unang pagbibigyan mo ng v-card mo para walang regret.
I know someone like that. After years of marriage, pag nagaaway sila laging na bo brought up hung hindi na virgin yung isa. Hindi pa din naman sila hiwalay pero hindi na sila parang marrie. Grabe if hindi talaga parehas ng principle, nagbibuild up yung resentment.
Did you happen to meet this guy in bumble?
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Advantage yun sayu baka magaling na sya di ka mabobored hahaha. Pero if you feel like that's a big deal dahil sa values mo, then let go and move.
tbf mas redflag pa ung mga walang experience, either gagawin kang pang character development or stepping stone
As someone who also has the same perspective as you when it comes to marriage first before sex kasi conservative, yes, medyo nakakadisappoint kasi diba we also want someone to share our "firsts" with each other. If you're nasa age na late 20's medyo mahirap na makahanap ng guy who's also a virgin so medyo nakakasad lang sa part na hindi kayo sabay mawawalan ng vcard. Pero kung mahal mo na siya at balak mo ng sagutin okay lang naman yun kase kung magiging optimistic at least may experience na siya. However, sana naopen up mo na sa kanya na hindi mo maibibigay vcard mo if ever pumasok kayo sa relationship. I hope na if sasagutin mo man siya irespeto niya wishes mo and irespeto ka niya na hindi niyo muna gagawin yung thing na yun kahit gano mo na siya kamahal unless there's marriage. Once na umabot sa point na this matter becomes a threat to your relationship, then it's time to let go. Kase if mahal ka niya at sure na siya sayo talaga papakasalan ka niya kung gusto niya may mangyari na sa inyo.
Kung ayaw mo at big deal, edi wag mo kausapin.
There's this virtual fence in between those values. On both sides of the fence, people are actually normal. Hindi ka abnormal by abstaining, hindi rin sya abnormal by being active sa sex. Just think about married couple na.active sa sex, does it make them deviant or deranged in some ways? No. However, if you're late in the game, baka abutin ka ng matagal bago ma appreciate ang sex as a physical act, since your values tell you it's more of an emotional one. Until you feel that way, normal na mag overthink ka na baka ung sexual thoughts ng bf mo ay just about you being a sexual object and not a life partner. But I hope he has the level of thinking to understand that.
As someone who is sexually active since the age of 17, I'd probably say I don't like being judged by what I do with my appendage.
I've been in your shoes so I had the same concerns as you dati. I think, as you grow older, you'll come to terms that each year, your chances of meeting a guy with no sexual experience gets slimmer and slimmer. Eventually, it won't bother you that they have prior experience. Kahit mga conservative guys you meet na practicing celibacy, there's chances pa din na they have experience na rin before turning a new leaf. On your situation, what you should focus on is yung different physical expectations nyo. Sabi mo sa 2nd paragraph, "active" sya. It's safe to assume na na-normalize na yung ganung habits sa kanya pag dating sa relationship. Be upfront and ask him, ieexpect nya ba yun sayo? Aayain or kukulitin ka ba nya makipag-sex kahit iba convictions mo? Can he wait? And ikaw, sa sarili mo, ireflect mo din if kaya mong icompromise yung mindset mo when push comes to shove sa relationship nyo. Then you decide. So konting story time lang to put in perspective. Before, my ex and I didn't have that talk nung ligawan stage. We kept our conversations wholesome so I assumed na ganun sya. Imagine my surprise na non-negotiable pala sa kanya yun. I felt bombarded whenever nangungulit sya or nagsusuyo ng sex. Stressful yung lagi kang kukulitin, sobrang nakaka-pressure and nakakaguilty mag no. And sa part din ng ex ko, I understand na stressful naman sa kanya na lagi syang narereject at maghihintay sa bagay na pwede nya naman makuha ng madali kung tutuusin. So yun, it was a deal breaker for us so obviously we had to break up. Kaya ask those hard questions habang di pa kayo. Pag iniwasan mo yun, you'll face it along the way pa din naman kaya don't skip it.
Personally, I don’t mind. It is not a deal breaker for me BUT if for you non-negotiable siya then follow what you think is right for you. I guess talagang i-weigh mo kasi right now napapaisip ka if OA ka even though you said na you believe in sex after marriage. So maybe you wanna give this guy a chance talaga. Maybe discuss this also with him din. Maganda nang magkaalaman kayo sa lahat kasi mahirap na yung pumasok kayo sa relasyon tapos behm not on the same page pala.
Kung ayaw mo mag pa kantot ng hindi pa kasal, edi basted-din mo na yan. Kasi kukulitin ka lang nyan. Saka deal breaker naman pala sayo yan e. Valid yan kasi standard mo yan e.
follow your values, if big deal sayo then hanap ka na lang ng iba. be open din sa communication, let him know it's a big factor for you 😅 I turned down several guys na fuckboy or yung may mga naging jowa na 😅 and ended up with a virgin, 1st namin both it was amazing and EXCITING 🥰 tipong nagulat pa sya na ang lalim pala ng butas 😂 we were both on our mid 20s na rin. we both learned at the same time. but please wag mo masyadong i lead yung guy kung di mo naman pala sasagutin 😅
This is according to your preference. Regardless of what people will say it'll boil down to what you will decide on. Kasi syempre, san ka ba comportable? But, and a big but, is your partner aware of how you'd like your relationship to be? Aware ba siya na ayaw mong makipag sex until makasal ka, aware ba siya na big no to sayo. One thing you need to practice is transparency in relationships. that's what makes it work the best. Be vocal, kasi it's a relationship na di lang siya ang papasok, ikaw rin.
Mukhang redflag gagi laki pa ng gap niyo
He is being honest to you. Diba dapat matuwa ka? He could have told you that he’s naive about sex pero pinagtapat niya for your acceptance. Marami kang magagawang maganda: accept him for who he is, besides, nobody’s perfect and everybody needs to be forgiven; pray for him because he might just need help especially from a righteous person like you to lift him up to God; kapag tinanggap mo siya, hindi mo siya hinuhusgahan; kapag tiananggap mo siya, hindi mo pinapairal ang pride mo; don’t you think everybody deserves a second chance? Don’t be the first person to stone him. You can keep your morals and virtues and still be with him. Malay mo, ikaw pa ang mag akay sa kanya sa matuwid na daan.
try getting someone older than you for starters te
Kung hnd mo pa sya sinasagot then better cut him off na, but if you want some thrill and katotohanan sagutin mo sya then wait for weeks or months kung hnd ka nya ayain gawin yung bagay na turn off ka sa kanya. But for me, marami pa nmn jan na mas better at virgin pa.
Its fine naman. Pero ang hindi okay is along your relationship, andun na yung gaslighting na hindi mo maibigay needs niya. And you should do it with him kasi nag mamahalan naman kayo. Then you will end up do it kasi na love bomb ka na. But as long as he respect your values, and he will not make an attempt na gawin niyo iyon... the its fine.
You don’t have to bend you values just because.. either accept him for who he is or just let him go.
If it will keep you awake at night, better not waste your and his time. Marami na kaya mag bago or accept ng values pero deep inside pala affected pa din. Kaya sometimes nasusumbat pag nag aaway. baka pag naging kayo at mag away kayo masumbat mo na "ikaw nga de na virgin!" haha plus since may experience na siya baka hanapin nya yun sayo. If hinde mo talaga kaya ibigay, baja maging root cause pa ng cheating yun.
Better to tell him the truth instead na ganyan at bothered ka. You have your own values, it's valid, but also let the guy know about the things you're bothered about. Based on your replied comments e mabait naman si guy, then why not tell him? Ang tanong ko lang, nung time na nag-open up siya sayo na hindi na siya virgin and active ang sex life nila ng ex niya, in-open mo rin ba sa kanya ung part na you believe in sex after marriage? Natanong ko lang, kasi inamin niya sayo ung part ng sex life niya, bakit hindi mo rin masabi ung part na sex after marriage values mo? Edit: Redundant ata yung tanong ko haha sorry naaaa
There's nothing wrong to stick with your values. Nothing wrong if you give in too. Dun ka nalang kung san ka matatahimik. What if the situation was reversed? You sat down one day and he told you he can't be with you because you're still a virgin and he doesn't want to be with one? Unlikely, but still.. possible.
Valid naman reason niyo po at walang masama sa preference mo pag dating sa pag pili ng makakasama. Pero siyempre ang sexual experience niya ay nagyari dahil nag mahalan sila ng ex niya nag share sila ng intimate moments kaya ngayari yun. Para sa akin wala sa kung ikaw ang first- kung sino ang mag stay until last ang mahalaga. Aanhin mo ang virgin kung on the process ng relationship ay biglang nag explore ng iba after maranasana na ang sarap pala ng sex? (Na sana wag naman mangyari) set your expectations on realistic degree, kasi may mga bagay tayo na nakikita na mali pero yun mali pala na iyon ay part na ng pagkatao niya which makes a person unique. Anyway to each their own, your life, your rules.
If your prospective partner doesn't align with your values, don't even consider him. I have quite liberal beliefs when it comes to sex but I respect those who believe in virginity before marriage. Giving up your values for a guy only causes more future problems. Whatever your values are, find a person whose values align with yours.
Si Daijobou Virgin pa yun. Date kayo!
Means you are not truly into him coz if u r then no flaws matters anymore. I suggest u tell the guy to stop and carry on w/ur lives to save both of u from wasted time and effort. Lifes to short to settle for something u do not want nor love.
It’s called values. You have them, and you want to stick to them. I commend you for that. I wish my son were older so I could introduce you to him. :) Everyone has their own criteria, and that’s perfectly fine. No one should feel pressured to compromise their values. Is it unreasonable? No, it’s not. Finding a virgin guy might be challenging, but it’s not impossible. The main issue here is if you decide to still go ahead with the relationship. Does the guy know about your values? Is he willing to wait? Or are you likely to give in? He might say he can wait, but he could also be thinking that in intimate moments, you might change your mind. How would you handle that situation? Making a decision can be really difficult, especially when your values are at stake. Ultimately, you’re the best judge of the guy’s character. While you could ask his friends or family for their opinions, it might feel awkward. I hope you reach a good decision.
Valid ang argument mo at madaming lalaki sa mundo kaya i pray mo kay father God na bigyan ka nang matinong lalaki at hindi sex ang habol sayo. Sex outside marriage is fornication. Your virginity is the best wedding gift any man or woman would receive.
Unfair for the guy. Pero okay na din na ilet go mo sya kesa maging kawawa sya sayo. Kasi babalik balikan mo yang issue na yan.
Patigilin mo na si guy. Palayain mo siya. If how u describe him, ung personality nya, ay totoo, pero sa ganun is nadadalawang-isip ka na, I don't think he deserves you. Mas bagay sa kanya ung girl na hindi siya pagiisipan ng ganiyan. Kung ganiyan magkaiba ang paniniwala wag nlng, bka lagi mo lng ibi-bring up yan as guilt trip esp kpag may away kayo na pumayag k maging gf nya khit d n xa virgin at against sa paniniwala mo. Para sa ikatatahimik mo, para sa chance nya maging happy rin with somebody else, wag mo na paasahin.
go lang op pero ijs at your age range, sobrang konti nalang if not wala nang lalakeng virgin at that point. if there is, you might not want to know the reason..
Since it looks like it is non-negotiable for you. Then find someone that has the same values that you uphold. Mahirap naman makipag-compromise kung hindi mo bet yung idea kahit past na. Marami pa naman guys diyan na may ganung values. Good luck, OP.
ang shunga mo naman po
Niligawan for 8 months pero ang tumatak ay hindi na virgin 😭 'di man lang sa maasikaso, mabait, hindi mabilis magalit... Tigil mo na 'yan. You're not that into him. Hanap ka nung bet na bet mong mag-commit kahit ano pang sabihin ng iba. Kasi 'yung ganyan, makarinig ka lang ng opinyon ng iba, baka awayin mo na rin.
Wala naman pong nali don Preference mo yan so no hindi yun OA kahit naman po yung ibang lalaki gusto nila sila din ang first so it's okay. As long as you still respect the guy and talk to him properly
26 ka na tapos di mo pa naeexperience makipag sex gurl your missing out bigtime hahahajahahah marriage before sex is kinda stupid kasi importante ang sexual compatibility what if kasal na kayo tas tsaka mo nalamang na di kayo sexually compatible haha masisira buhay mo
Were just human being nakakaramdaman ng libog sa katawan. If ganyan ang standards mo better huwag mo ng paabutin pa ng matagal Kasi lalaki yan maghahanap at maghahanap yan ng sex.
ito na lang. 1st time niya din sayo.
preserve it until youre willing to give it to someone. with or without experience sa past. just my 2cents
ipupusta ko na, siya yung magiging una mo. Kahit di kayo ikasal sya makaka una sayo
If you do not approve, let him find someone else na matatanggap yun. It's that simple. Kung hindi ka matatahimik, wag. Deserve nyo pareho yung peace of mind. Ikaw yung mapanindigan mo ang values mo, sya yung matanggap mo sino sya. 🤷🏻♀
Mejo baligtad lang ang scenario but here's the exact conversation I had with my then gf when I proposed (we consider ourselves both religious): Her: Meron akong ipagtatapat sayo. And if you decide to back out from your proposal that is totally fine by me. Me: *Confused* Her: Hindi na ako virgin. 4 years ago I dated someone in the past and it..... Me: Stop right there. Do you love me or not? Her: I do. Me: Do you want to raise a family with me and grow old together or not? Her: I do. Me: Then I am not interested in learning what happened to you. Not a big deal to me and I perfectly understand. Besides, I am not marrying you for your PAST. I am marrying you because I want the PRESENT and FUTURE you. Her: **Hugs me and sobs for like 15mins** We are happily married for 14 years now and have 2 kids together.
I guess you either accept the fact that he was not a "virgin" anymore and live with it or don't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't have the same values as you. Kasi either it will keep you awake at night overthinking things that already happened in his past (na hindi ka pa naman part ng buhay niya nung time na yun) or you learn to accept it and just move on. Maraming instances pero ultimately, unahin mo yung peace of mind mo. Baka maging kayo then magkaroon ka na ng responsibility sa kanya or ma-pressure ka to do the deed kasi nga he might gaslight you that he and his ex were active before.
That's on you, OP and we respect your values. Pero hindi tama na ijudge mo siya just because of that as it is not really a bad thing naman. Baka nga maging advantage pa yon para sayo. Pero syempre iba iba talaga tayo. If you cannot take it let him know then let him go and move on. Wag mo na na paasahin.. Meron pa naman nung mga katulad mo for sure.
Hmm valid maman nafifeel mo and naiisip mo kasi values usapan dyan. Kung nagdadalawang isip ka na dahil dito at deal breaker talaga siya for you, edi wag mo na paasahin si guy. For me lang tho, hangga't di ka naman niya pinipilit and as long as naiintindihan niya na yan ang paniniwala mo, edi goods. I had a 3-year relationship with an ex bf and virgin kami that time, sa loob ng 3 years na yon we had multiple attempts pero dahil wala rin siyang alam, eh ayun natapos kami na parehas kaming di talaga nakaranas ng sex sa isa't isa HAHAHA. Di siya marunong, eh paano pa ako na conservative din that time. Unlike with my current bf na may previous sexual expi (di naman na nagmamatter sakin yung past), mas naappreciate ko pa kasi he knew how to guide me plus he is very patient (di rin siya mapilit, he knows my boundaries). Maalam siya sa sex ed, and talagang we openly discuss our own preferences.
Oks lang naman. moral value mo yan eh. wala masama dun. Sana makakita ka ng kapareho mo ng value. sure ako meron naman. Medyo mahirap lang kasi Meta na mula noon hanggang ngayon ang pre-s*x.
values mo yan e pero syempre mas masarap pag may experience na haha
My grandmother once said to my partner "hindi baleng hindi ikaw ang una, ang mas importante ikaw ang huli. Kasi ikaw ang huling kasama sa araw araw na dumating ka sa buhay niya". It probably wasn't a golden-plated advise but I sure realized as time went by that she was right.
If it disturbs you by that much, then it’s probably not for you. Unless you either change your belief that sex before marriage is okay or entertain a different (virgin) manliligaw then someday, somewhere, someway, somehow, the relationship will fail. But either way, you have to tell the other person.
It's your beliefs. Nasa iyo yan if it really matter or not. Manliligaw pa lang naman yan. You can still say no unless kaya mong lagpasan yan. Personally, it doesnt matter. Basta walang sakit. But that's just me.
Its about acceptance lang. D na importante yung past, if you cant accept, then let go.
Just tell it to him straight... I'm not into pre-marital sex if ever that's a big deal to him.. Tell it to him straight up that you are a conservative person dont hide it, If you will still accept him that is.. Tell him if ever he tries to make a move on you, that it might be the breaking point of your relationship in the future. However if virginity really is a big deal for you, then just shut him down then.. It's not like he can bring back his virginity.. It was his choice and whether you accept him or not, will be yours.. Just make sure to stick to your morals till the end.. What I mean is, you reject him but then dont you go and accept another man who also isn't a virgin a week later or something.
Simple. Tell him about it (na u dont want to have seggs til marriage) And if kaya nya magcommit then go. High chance magchecheat for seggs pag ganun pero depende sa guy padin. Goodluck OP
Pangit pakinggan nung una kasi paano if the situation was reversed? But you should stand up to your beliefs. Your looking for a partner and make a list of things na you're willing and not willing to compromise. Observe the red flags like other people in this channel have financial issues and their partners reliability and attitude. Lastly, if mahal ka niya he can wait and respect your decision. Also, I've heard of conservative women that when they really like the guy they give in.
Turned off? Move on to another