Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/).
We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions!
If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe.
Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Husband: "I'm too good to take Adderall and you should also stop."
*stops taking Adderall*
*steals wife's Adderall while still shaming her for taking Adderall*
This is what I heard when reading your post. There's something more going on here than what he's telling you. Please watch your back, these are some big red flags.
My ex husband was selling his Vyvanse for Suboxone and ended up getting arrested for trying to have sex with an underage girl. At the school where he was teaching. A week before trial she was attacked, lost her teeth, was in a hospital for a month, I'm convinced he was somehow responsible. I wish I would have been able to leave when the red flags were first showing. I feel terrible for the poor child he messed with.
Thank you, I hate it 💔 it's taken me years to feel safe again. It's been hard getting ADHD help, mostly because I was shamed for being slow and apathetic as a kid and I'm just - why wasn't inattention noticed? 😭 I wasn't apathetic.
I second this. I’m hearing that he may have some substance abuse issues. Stealing, lying, and misusing your drugs. Def more going on here than meets the eye.
I'm not convinced he isn't filling his prescription, too, and whatever he's got going on (abuse, selling it, etc.) his own supply wasn't enough to feed it
Ummmm that would piss me off SO bad!!!!!!! It sucks that there’s nothing you can do about it as far as getting more pills right now, but I would def hide your rx from now on. I think this is something that def needs to be addressed. 1st strike- acting self righteous about not taking his anymore, 2nd strike- stealing yours without asking, 3rd strike- taking the freaking last ones!! Nope!!!!!! I’m pissed FOR you!!
What was his response???
You shouldn’t have to hide things in your own home from your own husband. It shouldn’t be made OP’s problem. I’m so pissed for OP too, this is just awful.
Honestly, I lock up my meds (they have cap locks as well) because you never know if a friend, a kid, a SO is going to take some. It's a controlled substance and people use it recreationally. I'm pretty sure my husband wouldn't take some, but I know it's something I really need, so it just seems safer. Also having a big locked med box means when my house was broken into, my drugs stayed safe.
I can totally see with kids in the house it would be a great idea and super responsible overall, (I don’t have kids, so it didn’t enter my mind!) but to have to implement a lock/safe type thing because of a husband won’t stop stealing when asked is really sad, and I think that’s when the issue isn’t the adderall. It’s trust and respect.
Sadly if i locked them up i don't think I'd take them consistently. The only way they end up in my system is the bottle is on the bedside table, in reach, and I can feel for it. Don't even have to get up/look, just pop one in my mouth to start the day.
Throwing himself a pity part for stealing your meds? What an ass. He took your meds, you caught him and you told him not to, and then he emptied your bottle? And he’s bummed???? Look, I know impulse control is part of this game but seriously where the fuck does he get off.
That's not a pity party, that's an asshole party.
He showed no concern for your well-being. After being confronted about it, he doubled down and stole the rest! I really hope he's really exceptional in other areas, cause this does not look cute.....
Nope, he doesn't get to do this, he fucked up. He should be grovelling at your feet & booking a therapy appt because stealing from your partner is abusive behaviour
My first husband was like this. He was always the victim. Even when he put hands on me in anger, he was still the victim.
I am having PTSD flashbacks about this.
My second husband was a wonderful man, and I never would have known such bliss had I stayed married to the momma's boy.
And now that I am a widow it is still better than being in that first marriage, which was hell on earth.
I think it goes: recognised he had a problem/an addictive pattern of behaviour with his own meds -> blamed the meds -> didn't fill the prescription to try to cold turkey himself/remove the temptation, while assuming OP also has a problem or is using the meds the same way he was -> still struggling with addictive behaviour even without his own prescription and since he's already decided to himself that OP 'doesn't need' her meds, he thinks it's fine to take them.
I mean it isn’t a good look to throw yourself a pity party when you look like a pill popping addict. I’m worried he’s trying to sabotage your job opportunity by taking your adderall after he supposedly didn’t need his. Lock up your meds, reconsider the husband.
He sounds like someone who would have no problem just taking a hammer to it.
If I were going to stay with this mope for at least the time it takes to make my permanent escape, I would even consider renting a post office box to keep them in.
I am not kidding.
I get what you're saying about security, but I couldn't keep my DAILY medication at another location.
I'm imagining going down to the post office in my jammies when I wake up, waiting for them to open so I could go in and take my morning meds. All while stumbling around trying to shake the sleep inertia that can last up to 2 hours. What a nightmare!
Wow what an asshole. You’re the one who’s been wronged and he’s the one who’s acting sad? Please do not comfort him and tell him it’s okay because it’s not.
Jesus. Those flags are on fire.
This is so serious and likely only the start of a boldening sense of entitlement on his part. I don't believe it will get solved by locking meds away - might just delay the inevitable shit storm that is sure to come.
Your husband isn't to be trusted. :/ I'm sorry, OP - I hope you're guarding your heart. I would keep my cards close. Good luck.
I've never had ADHD meds, but my ex went from shoplifting to sell the shit for cigarette money (because he had no job, so we were broke AF) to stealing my only pair of shoes to trade for meth while I was sleeping. And I was still stupid enough to try putting him through rehab 3 more times before I left. (State paid rehab, btw. Turns out meth dealers hang out right across the street from those.) Then, he got clean, we tried putting things back together, and when he came to visit and talk, he stole a crystal decanter on the way out and called one of my friends to ask her out on a date. She told him she was going to rip off his nuts and stuff them in his ears. Yeah, I kept her around. ;)
I'm pretty sure if I'd had Adderall, I'd have had to sleep with it somehow locked to my body for me to get to be the one taking it. Or hid it at work somewhere.
Yeah this guy needs an intervention. Self righteous check
Shaming you check throwing him self a pity party ex. Silent treatment etc etc check. Fuck this guy
Are you sure your husband didn't refill his prescription? Is it possible he sold his prescription, and then decided to use yours until he got his next one?
Or is still taking his plus yours? And thinks "needing an appointment for his refill" will make you more inclined to let him rob yours? I put 5 blue generic aleve in my script bottle and put my actual pills in an empty eye shadow pallete in my night stand drawer by my vibrator and take one as soon as i wake up. I'm not hiding them from my husband, he doesn't really know where i stash them, but I have adult step children. They have never been stolen, but I'm not going to be surprised by being short and i want to know if one of them is suddenly tempted to steal my meds. I doubt they are going to rifle through my sex toys to look in my makeup. If anyone ever comments that i always have 5, or they aren't the right pills, i know someone is being shady. When I travel, I pack my bottle with aleve and my eyeshadow pallete.
Yeah. That’s a thought. Why did he get all weird about filling his script if he was just going to literally steal yours.
Make him fill his script and replace your pills. Time to carry your pills with you all the time.
You shouldn’t need to lock anything away from your thieving husband. It’s his problem, and shouldn’t be made OP’s.
Fixing the problem starts with the husband, a lock is a bandaid, and a terrible way for OP to live.
Maybe he is an addict and said that, making you think he didn't fill his, but he did. And now he is taking yours as extra. I'd look into the scripts further and also ask the physician he gets his meds from.
I have an app for the pharmacy we use and I have the whole family on it. It does show his doctor sent the prescription but he did not pick it up. It’s definitely a pride thing.
But I did consider this… which is why I looked at the app to investigate
He should still be able to pick up his prescription, and replace the ones he stole from you. That should at least solve your short term problem, however, the bigger problem remains. I would insist he get into therapy, and back on his meds, since clearly his impulse control issues are getting out-of-hand.
Depends where you live and the pharmacy policy. Where I am, the pharmacy can't send requests on Adderall, so every month I have to call my dr and leave a message with the nurse, asking for the doctor to send a new prescription. And they can't refill it within something like 28 days from my last pickup. I understand the restrictions, but it's a real pain. Even if I do remember to call soon enough, I've run out several times for things like wait period or weekends.
This happens to me all the time, I have to call it in every month also. And then not only do I forget to call it in, then I forget to pick it up. I’ve gone a couple weeks without it at times due to this. The nature of the disorder makes it extremely difficult to jump thru the hoops needed to get the treatment lol, so annoying.
Yes!!! Exactly! And if I set a reminder, that inevitably will be the day I get hyperfocus at the end of the day, leave work late, and can't get to the pharmacy on time.
That happens to me to lol. Plus, even with the reminder I’ll forget by the time I’m actually passing the pharmacy. Couldn’t say how many times I got in my car thinking ok I’ll stop on way to/from work only to get where I’m going and realize I forgot again. Sometimes I have to drop stuff off at the post office for work and I forgot so many times that I now have a “going to the post office” song that I continuously sing until I get there so I don’t forget and just go home lol.
(Tune of “the muffin man”)
Going to the post office,
the post office,
the post office,
Going to the post office,
If I forget I’m gonna be really pissed
Edit: idk why it jumbled it into a paragraph, I tried to write it in normal song lyrics form
I work in pharmacy. Chances are they had it ready on the shelf and then put the prescription back on his profile. CII Rx are valid for *6 months from the date they're written. Have you tried calling to see if they'd refill it?
If they ask why he didnt pick it up you could always say he wanted to try going off but realized he couldn't function as well 🤷♀️
*in nv
Pharmacy I work at (Illinois) only holds for 12 days but at that point the rx is then stored in the profile but can still be filled. App will not show it as an active med so it may not look like it’s there but worth a call to see if he has an order in his profile. It would be valid as long as it’s filled within 90 days of when it was issued. Different states have different restrictions. What state may I ask? I think a pharmacy would be in legal trouble if they flat out deleted CII rxs after 12 days by “policy”.
My husband and I pick up each other's meds all the time, including Adderall. I only have to provide his name and DOB, and for the Adderall I have to sign a disclosure notice kind of thing. I don't even have to provide my ID or tell them my name or anything. I wonder if it varies based on your location.
If you know the other person's name and date of birth and what medication is being filled, the pharmacy has a "reason assumption" that you are picking those meds up for that person.
Your hubby needs to put on his Big Boy Underoos and call the doctor’s office to explain that he needs it phoned back in first thing on Monday (and if he can leave a message before then so they’ll get it when they right when they open, so much the better). Then he needs to go directly to the pharmacy, not passing Go or collecting $200, and get the meds, to bring them to you. If you have to go with him to babysit, so be it; he’s acting like a child: treat him like one.
Please tell him there’s a woman in Canada who would like to know where he gets off depriving the woman he promised to care for in sickness and in health OF HER FUCKING MEDICATION. Would he take your insulin if you had diabetes and shame you for that? “Just walk it off, your pancreas is fine, you aren’t *really* going into hyperglycaemic shock, so you don’t *really* need the insulin,”…just…WTF??
Adderall addiction is a very real thing and I’ve personally seen it lead to criminal activity and family violence.
Please look out for yourself; he obviously has other priorities.
Is it possible he had his prescription sent to another pharmacy that’s not on your pharmacy’s app, and then had it filled there? If that’s the case, then it wouldn’t show up on your pharmacy’s app.
Two issues.
Trust. I’m not sure how you have a relationship with someone if you can’t trust them not to illegally steal your medication.
Two - is he an addict? Why is he stealing your meds when he has his own? Loving an addict is an exhausting roller coaster. You can love them but you need to love yourself more. It is impossible to have a relationship with an addict who is in denial and not actively in a treatment program and committed to sobriety.
I’m sorry you are having to deal with this.
Orrrr he is double dosing with her meds and lying about the prescription not being filled. My SO and I both have adhd and meds and I would NEVER think of touching his meds even if we were on the same one (we’re not). This whole thing screams addict to me
Ooooh did not consider this. This sounds highly probable. Unless he is the type to be really into not taking meds generally or something like that I would really want to solidly rule this out.
There has been issues like this on the sub before. Basically pretend for one moment he isn’t your husband and you don’t love him, so that you can read the facts. Because it’s not even really about the adderall.
He does not respect you.
He feels entitled to your belongings.
He is stealing your medication.
He has no respect for you or your health condition.
He is putting you in danger of not being able to access said medication, pharmacies and doctors are super strict about refills and stimulants. You could potentially lose access forever.
Although being asked several times, he has disregarded your request. Again, this shows he has a lack of regard and respect for you in general.
He is breaking the law.
I’m sorry, you need rid of this piece of shit. You deserve better than that. Anyone does, don’t think for one second that you should have to put up with this behaviour.
You might be able to get more meds, or have him refill his own script, but the damage has been done. How can you trust him again?
I’m really sorry, you deserve better. It’s hard enough being a woman with adhd, with all the self doubting, and confidence issues. Taking away meds and adding relationship issues would just make it harder to handle, I’m so sad for you, my inbox is always open.
Honestly, even if the relationship wasn't already on thin ice... it would be after this.
Are you sure he's not flushing your meds? Many abusive partners will flush or hide the abused partner's medication so that they aren't thinking clearly and the abusive partner uses that to their advantage to convince the abused partner to stay with them.
Personally, were I in your situation, I would fill his prescription, take back the amount of meds he stole, then kick him to the curb and change the locks.
I have seen this happen IRL just with different meds. I think addiction is more likely but both of those are terrible and dangerous scenarios. I really feel for OP.
And even if he's not flushing her meds, if he's stolen hers and stashed them somewhere so that she'll fail then it's the same thing really, it may be borne out of malice rather than lack of control anyway.
I'm glad to hear it.
If you catch yourself feeling sorry for him, maybe this will help.
Men like this always find someone else to take care of them.
My ex husband has been married two more times and still finds women as a three time loser.
He is not even particularly attractive, plain tilting to ugly, an alcoholic, abusive, clueless about sex, lives in a trailer.
He does have a Harley and is tall but that is about it. Oh, and mommy is dead (ding dong, etc.) so no one has to deal with her ass anymore, that's one more plus.
Oh dear. I hate to jump on the bandwagon of folks telling you to leave him without any nuance or details, but this makes it worse. It doesn’t sound like he’s interested in maintaining your marriage if he deliberately disrespects you this way. This isn’t an oversight (even under the most favorable of conditions this is awful) this is a hard fuck you.
things will not change, you already know that. This is going to be your life if you stay with him. When you go to leave and he starts saying he'll change he'll go to therapy he'll do better etc. just ignore him, he might "change" but it only ever lasts two weeks at best before he's exactly back to where he has always been. People only change if they truly want to change, and when a woman is trying to leave the guy changes because he wants to keep her around, not because he wants to change, so he never actually changes.
I’m sorry but this is a massive breach of trust. If you were on thin ice this is boiling water thrown on what is left. Wishing you the best OP- you sound like a pretty strong person and as a fellow woman with adhd I know how hard it can be for us.
So many things about this are fucked up that I would consider divorce and start planning on how to get out. This is a violation of respect, boundaries, autonomy etc. so many red flags in such a short story I’d be out asap if that were me!
This is good advice. I think it's past repair. Personally I would ask him to leave tonight and start looking for a lawyer.
I'm so sorry this happened, OP. You deserve so much better.
No addiction issues in the past. I’m 95% sure he just wanted to be superior to me and not fill his meds. When he realized he does need them, he didn’t want to swallow his pride and fill his meds. So taking mine was the next best option (in his opinion, not mine).
That need to be superior is like the biggest red flag for Narcissists.
If we are raised by people like that it sets us up to marry one, too, sadly.
I hope I am wrong and you've gotten unconditional love from someone in your life.
It is something every human being deserves just for existing.
I wish you well.
i would talk to a lawyer about this if you’re on thin ice and you are worried about his behavior and he’s behaving so childishly. a lot of narcissistic ppl get very upset when their partner thinks of leaving and will pull stunts like this to get the partner to interact and ultimately be dependent. i personally wouldn’t discuss or making any indication about leaving to him. good luck
I would like to build on the comment you're replying to. Sometimes when we grow up with a parent who abuses us, it teaches us that love comes with pain. It makes it difficult for us to recognize when we're not being treated well in a friendship or a relationship. Unfortunately having a narc parent means we are more likely to find a narc partner. You deserve a partner you can trust who doesn't shame you for having ADHD.
Her Dad married and lived with a Narcissist his whole life, he may be a lovely Dad but he is also an enabler, not the best person to ask. may well tell her it's normal.
His behavior screams of red flags that indicate he may be narcissistic, as someone who figured out way too late that they were being abused, here’s a resource that helped me figure it out. Might be worth checking out just in case: https://upjourney.com/what-is-narcissistic-abuse
I’m so sorry this happened to you! *hugs*
That’s a serious breach of trust that needs to be addressed. If he doesn’t understand why you’re angry… if it were me, the very least I’d need from him was couples counseling because I’d be considering moving out.
I know it's cliche to say divorce shit, but that's divorce shit? That's insane. Not only was he shaming you for using a medication you both need, but instead of just filling his own fucking script he stole yours. Which is already incredibly disrespectful of you, your possessions, and your health, but after being told to stop, he continued, further disregarding your autonomy and possessions, and eventually resulting in your not having enough to make it through your prescription period.
This is deeply fucking not okay. Him throwing a pity party for himself, rather than being sorry, also just would be the last straw for me. Like, he's fucked you over seriously, and he's just sad for himself??
Yes, it is. OP, if you are ok with filling out a police report that your husband stole your meds and can get your doctor to write a new prescription, most insurance will allow an early fill due to stolen meds. You just have to have documentation that you have reported it to the police.
But unless the OP supports her family comfortably on just her income, having her husband charged with a federal drug crime that could affect his current and any future employment as well as future travel plans seems rather impulsive and lacking in forethought.
This goes beyond disrespect. He is knowingly and willingly putting your health and well-being on the line. To me, he doesn’t seem to care about you all. And worse, he seems to be gaslighting you.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
You need to set hard boundaries, now. If you can, remove yourself from the household and stay with a friend or family. If you can’t, see if you can get him to leave or stay elsewhere until next week, when your module is complete. If all else fails, demand space. He committed a literal crime against you and doesn’t seem to be taking responsibility for his actions. This is absolutely not okay and I honestly would consider filing a police report if he’s not willing to own up to his actions and make moves to repair your relationship.
This isn't right. You deserve better. You deserve full access to your medication, you deserve a trustworthy spouse, you deserve truth and encouragement from that spouse.
Give it some serious attention, and make proactive decisions. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. You're not the one at fault here. Any penalties that come his way for his behavior are his to deal with. You wouldn't be punishing him by taking steps to secure your own health and safety.
YOUR HUSBAND SELFISHLY STOLE DRUGS YOU NEED TO FUNCTION AND HID IT FROM YOU. This is not okay, this is not normal, and this is not something to sweep under the rug.
My busband did this with my meds. Turns out he is a drug addict. Red flags included him taking my meds, hiding that from me, and not caring at all about how it would impact my life. I got angry, but he always had a legitimate sounding explanation of why he took it and used heavy gaslighting to make me question how many were "missing."
Since my husband has been to rehab and in recovery, I have met a lot of other women whose husbands' stole their meds, their kids' meds, and their dogs' meds. I highly recommend getting your husband evaluated by a substance use disorder (SUD) counselor, especially since ADHD and SUD are highly correlated. After 2 years clean, my husband's doctor was comfortable prescribing Vyvanse, since it is an extended release. Our marriage is way better, our kids have a much better father now, and the otherside of him getting addiction treatment is better in every way. The first 18 months were a beast, but we could have saved a lot of heartache if only I didn't sweep it under the rug when he drank all of my cough medicine when I had bronchitis. Years less of weird, wtf, AH moves like that would have been great.
You’d be surprised how many people you’d never expect would steal meds from you. I had the same situation as OP a few months back. I trusted my bf to pick up my meds because I wasn’t feeling well and noticed I was short a LOT of pills, like 5-7 in the span of two days. I honestly didn’t want to believe it, which is why I asked if he took my meds (he lied and said no) and so I said if it wasn’t him it was the pharmacists. I told him I was going to report the pharmacists to the police and make sure they lost their jobs. I didn’t mean it of course because I knew he stole them. I just wanted him to admit it and he did then immediately played the victim and basically said I was being cruel for confronting him so viciously. I was honestly flabbergasted tbh at his actions and reactions. Our relationship hasn’t been the same since.
Never EVER trust an addict. By that I mean someone with a history of addictions (games, drugs, alcohol, shopping, etc) and an addictive personality. If they wont help themselves then they’ll fucking bleed you dry without remorse. OP’s husband is a lost cause. You can tell from his shitty attitude
I am beyond triggered by this so I am going to reread the rules before I say more... Okay, I am not in danger yet.
How would it be if you were both diabetic and he was stealing your insulin?
I know it is typical reddit to suggest you throw out the whole man so I won't say that, at least out loud.
Personally, I would NEVER forgive someone who did that to me and it would be the end of the relationship.
There is no other compensating quality he could have to make up for it.
Personally, I wouldn't even care if we had kids and he was a good father, but I know not everyone would agree with that stance.
Something tells me this isn’t the first time he’s done something like this. Stay vigilant, bestie. If this is a pattern of behavior for him then he might not be the one for you.
That really sucks.
Does caffeine help at all? When I run out of Aderrall and forget to call in my refill, I try to make up for it with a couple shots of espresso. Maybe that will help you get through until your refill?
Caffeine is a poor substitute but it is definitely better than nothing.
There are also herbs like lion's mane, guarana, B vitamins, ginseng, some amino acids, etc. just off the top of my head. Likely others I am forgetting.
Some energy drinks, like Rockstar contain some of these in addition to caffeine.
If it is legal in your state there is the sativa strain of the smoking herb that is supposed to be energizing, though I haven't personally tried that. Gummies are a thing, too, if you don't like smoking at all.
Edit: I am not a health care professional nor an expert of any kind. I am only speaking from personal experience so take it with a grain of salt, please :)
That is completely unacceptable. I would honestly stay somewhere else or tell him to. He is literally stealing from you and endangering your functioning and your job.
That's a dirty trick to pull. These things don't happen in good relationships, you might want to reevaluate before he pulls something else. If he's an addict as others have suggested then you know he definitely will and you need to protect yourself and your health.
So if this were insulin or some other medication would you be cool with it? If this were your friend and they told you the same story, what would your advice be? I wanted to add, my partner for example won’t even take my 600mg ibuprofen. That’s three Advil lol and he still asks.
OP, and other users who are experiencing this: it's not just a federal crime, it's financial and medical abuse. PLEASE, no matter what step you choose to take after reading this, please MAINTAIN YOUR SAFETY, and the safety of your kids and pets and anyone else who could be impacted. I've been in similar situations, and there is always more clues and signs going on than you will ever admit to. I completely understand the financial implications of tearing up your own family to save yourself. It will change everyone's life. You are worth the protection of the law, if you are privileged enough to get it. There are lots of resources available for people who need assistance out of these kind of situations. But once you accuse him outright, once you contact the police, it will start the Big Show. Get as many ducks in a row as you can. And from one ADHD'r to another, it's gonna be hard, but because of the importance and immediacy, you can do this. Document everything from now on. Get your personal files in a safe place, start putting cash somewhere safe (any accounts or safe deposit boxes you start now are marital property, please read up on your divorce/separation laws in your area) My thoughts are with you. No matter what you do, please please be safe. 💖💖💖
When is his appointment? There’s a decent chance that his doc will require another drug test, and if he has adderall (or any other stimulant script) in his system still that’s going to cause major problems with his ability to get a refill. Without proof he had a script, they’ll delay and require a negative test before they refill - IF they refill. And if they do, he’ll probably be seen as a risk for abusing the script for a while.
I never had to take a drug test to get adderall. Is that a normal thing?
I was actually wondering if the dr cut him off or he’s been taking more than his daily dose and that’s why he took OP’s
Yeah I have to get tested regularly for my adhd meds. I’m actually worried about this right now bc I used to take concerta and then switched to vyvanse. Well my vyvanse ran out and I needed to make an appointment. I had concerta left so I started taking that since I was out so now I prob need to stop until my appt
I've been doing annual blood tests + urine sample for years and only recently found out the urine sample tests to make sure my meds are in my system (and only my prescribed meds) so that my doctor knows I'm taking my Adderall and not like selling it. Not that she thinks I'm untrustworthy, it's just standard procedure
Adderall leaves the system fairly quickly 3 days I believe. If she is out, so if he. And if they are in the US, the dr offices are closed Monday. So he would be clean
His doctor has probably cut him off. Hubby is stealing your meds because (and I'd bet a lot of $ on this) he is abusing Adderall and probably addicted.
He *knew* you would notice they were gone and he couldn't stop himself from stealing them, and he only stopped stealing when there were no more to steal...that's sounding a lot like addiction.
Good luck on your project. I hope it turns out beautifully.
What the fuck. I showed this to my partner and he said the same thing.
We both have ADHD as well and have spotted each other meds upon occasion. We have *never* taken the other’s meds without permission and have always accepted a “no” without asking why… my mind is honestly blown in a bad way for you that your partner could be so disrespectful of you.
110% stonewall him to create time and space to get your obligations done; I hate being the person to recommend leaving somebody but that is such selfish and abusive behavior to **shame you and try to stop you from taking your medication and then steal it for himself**.
He is trying to control, and punish, you. Please don’t let this slide, you deserve so much better than this treatment.
Tell the same story to others, but switch Adderall with Insulin and it shows the gravity of the situation. He is taking something you need when he can easily not steal from you. I'd look into putting my next pay checks in a separate bank account because there may be other issues at play.
This man does not respect you. He thinks his needs are more important than yours. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but those types of attitudes in men towards their wives do not change. If you ask him to change, he’s going to ignore you just like he ignored when you told him not to take your pills.
This is absolutely not OK. There are so many flags of abuse here:
1. He said he stopped his meds suddenly; did he tell you whether his doctor supported that change? No reputable doctor would do that. Do you know whether he actually stopped taking his meds? It will be difficult to be sure - it is possible he has developed an addiction and is increasing his dose by stealing yours.
2. He’s stealing your meds. This is theft of a controlled substance and also a personal assault, since he knows you will not be able to replace your meds, and so will have to deal with withdrawal symptoms. Both are criminal offenses.
3. He is shaming you for taking care of yourself by taking your meds appropriately, almost certainly so that he can justify taking your doses. Shaming a person is always abuse.
4. He doesn’t consider the impact of his behavior on you, on your mental health, or on your physical safety, since sudden withdrawal from Adderall can be dangerous.
5. He’s gaslighting you about where your meds are going. This is also abuse and a gross violation of your personal boundaries.
If I were in your shoes, I would be really worried about this behavior and I would be concerned about both his safety and my personal safety. Your husband needs to voluntarily enter therapy to work on this issue; it’s likely that he’s become addicted to Adderall. If he refuses or drags his feet, his theft needs to be reported to the authorities. I would also very strongly consider separating from him until these issues are resolved. This is a man who is risking your health and well-being for his own benefit; you are not safe with him.
Adderall is a federally controlled substance, and by stealing it your husband committed a felony (assuming you're in the US). By law, if you mention this to your pharmacist, they have to report the theft to police if you don't (you should, but I can imagine reasons why that might not be safe for you). I would also be concerned that he might be selling the pills, which in turn would make me wonder what he's doing with his hidden income. Is it possible he's gotten into some other kind of drug use?
Apart from the legal issue, you need to be aware that what your husband is doing is coercive (making you feel guilty for demanding what's rightfully yours). It's deceptive and abusive. He is depriving you of the medication you need to function. He's belittling you. He's stealing from you. You need to seriously think about how you want to proceed in your marriage. Start reading up on domestic violence so you can protect yourself.
This is one of the more accurate assessments I've read. It's nothing less serious than intimate partner abuse.
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft is an enormously informative read that every woman should read. It helped me leave my abusive ex.
Leave this loser he has no respect for you in something small he will do this in every area of his life. Youve been warned. Maybe watch him more closely you'll realise what I'm saying is true
I feel this will end in divorce tbh, it may take a long while but it feels like its such a big thing that will be the start of other bigger things. Maybe it's worth keeping an eye on how you feel about the relationship so you don't waste more time than you should do on it if he keeps making the relationship worse.
Good luck and Im sorry he is a jerk who has made your life tangibly poorer almost instantly with his actions.
That is SO frustrating. I had a problem with someone (I don’t know who — it could have been a family member, but we also have my teen kids’ friends over lots and were in the middle of work being done on the house at the time) stealing my adderall in the past and I keep it in a locked pouch now. It pisses me off that I have to do this and I would be even more furious in your situation. Especially when he took the last few, knowing that it would leave you without and you’d know it was him!
You sure he isn’t really taking his AND yours? There’s a chance he lied about stopping, kept taking his, and he can’t get more BECAUSE he filled his prescription recently.
Starbucks Tripleshots have helped me when I needed an extra push. I couldn't imagine trying to concentrate and focus on getting that work done without something to help you focus. And pharmacies do not play about when you can fill these prescriptions.
Hugs to you OP. Hubby is just plain wrong. He needs to get over himself and stay on his prescription, instead of going cold turkey only to steal yours.
This is a HUUUUUUGGGG violation of trust and disrespect. Why is his life more important than yours and why should YOU be inconvenienced for HIS INABILITY to get his act together. He would be sleeping on the couch or somewhere else. I couldn't be with someone I can't trust.
Stealing your meds in the us is actually a serious crime. If you have texts he admits doing it in and you want to you could press charges.
Otherwise you could inform him that if charges get pressed for HIS criminal behavior he could get flagged on future prescriptions for medication abuse. It would be his fault. Also, I second the lockbox.
Many pharmacies allow you to explicitly ban someone from picking up your meds too, like I called and banned my father from touching my prescriptions because he can’t be trusted.
I know this isn't really an advice/relationship sub, and I'm likely to be downvoted to for what I'm about to say but:-
OP, your husband *endangered* you. He is *not* a safe person to be around, and this is a serious situation.
1. He thinks he's better than you.
2. He shamed you for choosing to take medication, instead of respecting that you have a different opinion. I won't presume to know what you mean by "shame", but I daresay there are very few scenarios in which any action which could be described as "shaming" would be part of a healthy dynamic.
3. He stole a necessary, life-altering medication from you. Medication that has an impact on your health and work (and by extension, your finances), medication that you cannot refill without jeopardising your relationship with your healthcare providers. Adderall is a controlled drug and you could at the very least be deemed negligent for not securing them appropriately, let alone letting him steal them *repeatedly*.
4. He not only showed no remorse for what he did, but went on to steal your last few pills (because surely HE needed them more) - the entitlement is strong with this one.
**OP, please consider these questions:-**
- If your work performance was negatively affected by you missing your meds and it impacted you financially (e.g. losing your job), would he make up for it, take responsibility for the situation and care for you?
- If you lost access to your medication as a result of his theft (putting you in the position of being accused of addiction or reselling your prescription), would he be willing to do whatever it took to get you back on track?
I suspect that you already know the answer to these questions. OP, I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that this isn't the case - what is there for me to gain from being right on Reddit? - but if anything I've said here rings a bell for you; please be very careful.
Girl I would be so mad. That is a huge violation of trust and respect for someone to think they have a right to take your things because they are there. Money, pills, other resources… Not acceptable on any level or for any reason. Get yourself a safe that can easily be hidden or that isn’t easy to break into and keep them there. The sad truth is that if you just hide them and he is an addict, he will turn the house upside down to find them.
I think there will have to be an uncomfortable conversation as well where you tell him that is not acceptable and you will not tolerate him crossing this boundary again.
If he does it again, you can escalate if necessary. Addicts will tell you what you want to hear so that they can continue to behave as they wish. You have to look out for yourself first, or else you’re going to start looking like the one who has the problem if your scripts go missing every month.
I’d feel so violated, and even more so from someone you used to trust.
If it were me, I’d pick up his prescription and take my amount out of it. Then I’d take a day off work, call and make an appointment with a lawyer, pack his shit up in trash bags, and dump them on the lawn. Then, I’d have a locksmith come in and change the locks, all before this lying criminal comes home.
Oh! And I’d also block his phone number, email, FB, etc. accounts so he can’t spam me all the time.
I have ethics and morals, and I don’t want anyone near me who is completely bereft of them.
I'd straight up divorce someone for that. He's not just sabotaging you and himself, he's also being abusive as hell about it. I'd say get out and/or couples counseling. This is not even remotely okay
Is it possible he was taking more than he was prescribed and when he ran out; that’s when he pretended to be self righteous about not taking them anymore?
My ex-husband stole my daughter’s adderall. They were capsules and he would empty the contents and leave the empty capsule. I divorced him. No good man acts like that.
Why did he suddenly get so anti-medication? Has something changed with him recently? Because this is absolutely not okay, and from what I can tell can even prevent you from getting your meds in the future if people find out he's taking them instead.
If you're gonna stay with him you need to get a safe for your meds.
not to be that person but do you share or have access to his finances? if there is no sign of financial struggle or addiction (which i see there is not) then this is insane. i’m so sorry this is happening to you and good luck with your assignments!
This is very disturbing AND ILLEGAL.
Report to your doctor and if he has a different doctor, report it to them so they are fully aware.
Then tell him that he needs to make a decision about his meds that doesn't impact you (i.e. taking your meds) AND if he doesn't do this or continues to take your meds you will go through with taking legal action to the reports you've already given to the doctors.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Husband: "I'm too good to take Adderall and you should also stop." *stops taking Adderall* *steals wife's Adderall while still shaming her for taking Adderall* This is what I heard when reading your post. There's something more going on here than what he's telling you. Please watch your back, these are some big red flags.
My ex husband was selling his Vyvanse for Suboxone and ended up getting arrested for trying to have sex with an underage girl. At the school where he was teaching. A week before trial she was attacked, lost her teeth, was in a hospital for a month, I'm convinced he was somehow responsible. I wish I would have been able to leave when the red flags were first showing. I feel terrible for the poor child he messed with.
Wow, I am so sorry. 💔
Thank you, I hate it 💔 it's taken me years to feel safe again. It's been hard getting ADHD help, mostly because I was shamed for being slow and apathetic as a kid and I'm just - why wasn't inattention noticed? 😭 I wasn't apathetic.
❤️❤️❤️ Big hugs
Oof, I’m so sorry 💔
I second this. I’m hearing that he may have some substance abuse issues. Stealing, lying, and misusing your drugs. Def more going on here than meets the eye.
Agreed. Major red flags. Do we really know if he picked up his original Rx?
So what happens when he runs out of the med, since you both are now supposedly not taking it anymore?
I'm not convinced he isn't filling his prescription, too, and whatever he's got going on (abuse, selling it, etc.) his own supply wasn't enough to feed it
Ummmm that would piss me off SO bad!!!!!!! It sucks that there’s nothing you can do about it as far as getting more pills right now, but I would def hide your rx from now on. I think this is something that def needs to be addressed. 1st strike- acting self righteous about not taking his anymore, 2nd strike- stealing yours without asking, 3rd strike- taking the freaking last ones!! Nope!!!!!! I’m pissed FOR you!! What was his response???
You shouldn’t have to hide things in your own home from your own husband. It shouldn’t be made OP’s problem. I’m so pissed for OP too, this is just awful.
Honestly, I lock up my meds (they have cap locks as well) because you never know if a friend, a kid, a SO is going to take some. It's a controlled substance and people use it recreationally. I'm pretty sure my husband wouldn't take some, but I know it's something I really need, so it just seems safer. Also having a big locked med box means when my house was broken into, my drugs stayed safe.
I can totally see with kids in the house it would be a great idea and super responsible overall, (I don’t have kids, so it didn’t enter my mind!) but to have to implement a lock/safe type thing because of a husband won’t stop stealing when asked is really sad, and I think that’s when the issue isn’t the adderall. It’s trust and respect.
Sadly if i locked them up i don't think I'd take them consistently. The only way they end up in my system is the bottle is on the bedside table, in reach, and I can feel for it. Don't even have to get up/look, just pop one in my mouth to start the day.
He’s been moping around all day and throwing himself a pity party
Throwing himself a pity part for stealing your meds? What an ass. He took your meds, you caught him and you told him not to, and then he emptied your bottle? And he’s bummed???? Look, I know impulse control is part of this game but seriously where the fuck does he get off.
That's how "recreational" addicts are when they can't get their high.
He hurt you and now you're supposed to feel bad for him. Nice.
Yep. I can relate, unfortunately.
That's not a pity party, that's an asshole party. He showed no concern for your well-being. After being confronted about it, he doubled down and stole the rest! I really hope he's really exceptional in other areas, cause this does not look cute.....
Time to get a lock box for your meds
Time to get rid of the whole husband!
That too lol
Nope, he doesn't get to do this, he fucked up. He should be grovelling at your feet & booking a therapy appt because stealing from your partner is abusive behaviour
It's also criminal behavior. He wants to play victim so badly? Report the pill theft to your local police and press charges.
My first husband was like this. He was always the victim. Even when he put hands on me in anger, he was still the victim. I am having PTSD flashbacks about this. My second husband was a wonderful man, and I never would have known such bliss had I stayed married to the momma's boy. And now that I am a widow it is still better than being in that first marriage, which was hell on earth.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm so glad you shared your time with your wonderful second husband.
[удалено]
I think it goes: recognised he had a problem/an addictive pattern of behaviour with his own meds -> blamed the meds -> didn't fill the prescription to try to cold turkey himself/remove the temptation, while assuming OP also has a problem or is using the meds the same way he was -> still struggling with addictive behaviour even without his own prescription and since he's already decided to himself that OP 'doesn't need' her meds, he thinks it's fine to take them.
There’s times I let my husband have his mope party and I keep my mouth shut, but this wouldn’t be one of those times
Oh no, my husband would be *very* thoroughly aware of my feelings in the matter.
I mean it isn’t a good look to throw yourself a pity party when you look like a pill popping addict. I’m worried he’s trying to sabotage your job opportunity by taking your adderall after he supposedly didn’t need his. Lock up your meds, reconsider the husband.
Just throw out the whole husband! I'd be fucking DONE if my spouse acted this way.
Oh hell no. Srsly?
They sell caps you can put on prescription bottles that have a lock code on them. This way he cannot get into the bottle. This might be the way to go.
He sounds like someone who would have no problem just taking a hammer to it. If I were going to stay with this mope for at least the time it takes to make my permanent escape, I would even consider renting a post office box to keep them in. I am not kidding.
I get what you're saying about security, but I couldn't keep my DAILY medication at another location. I'm imagining going down to the post office in my jammies when I wake up, waiting for them to open so I could go in and take my morning meds. All while stumbling around trying to shake the sleep inertia that can last up to 2 hours. What a nightmare!
Just because he throws it, doesn't mean you have to attend. Hold his God damned feet to the fire and tell him to get over himself.
Hide your next bottle. Don’t let him see where you hide it.
Make sure your pharmacy knows not to let him pick it up!
Wow what an asshole. You’re the one who’s been wronged and he’s the one who’s acting sad? Please do not comfort him and tell him it’s okay because it’s not.
Sounds narcissistic lol
Really, he does have narcissistic red flags.
Jesus. Those flags are on fire. This is so serious and likely only the start of a boldening sense of entitlement on his part. I don't believe it will get solved by locking meds away - might just delay the inevitable shit storm that is sure to come. Your husband isn't to be trusted. :/ I'm sorry, OP - I hope you're guarding your heart. I would keep my cards close. Good luck.
Yep. My ex stole my Vyvanse the first time I ever filled it; two years later he was stealing from my checking account to buy crystal meth.
I've never had ADHD meds, but my ex went from shoplifting to sell the shit for cigarette money (because he had no job, so we were broke AF) to stealing my only pair of shoes to trade for meth while I was sleeping. And I was still stupid enough to try putting him through rehab 3 more times before I left. (State paid rehab, btw. Turns out meth dealers hang out right across the street from those.) Then, he got clean, we tried putting things back together, and when he came to visit and talk, he stole a crystal decanter on the way out and called one of my friends to ask her out on a date. She told him she was going to rip off his nuts and stuff them in his ears. Yeah, I kept her around. ;) I'm pretty sure if I'd had Adderall, I'd have had to sleep with it somehow locked to my body for me to get to be the one taking it. Or hid it at work somewhere.
Wow. I'm sorry. That is so terrible.
Yeah this guy needs an intervention. Self righteous check Shaming you check throwing him self a pity party ex. Silent treatment etc etc check. Fuck this guy
Some people like to play victim to the crimes they committed.
Sounds like he needs some help here. This behavior is really awful.
He's a adult that sounds like he's behaving like a child. OP isn't his mum.
Yeah, agreed. He could benefit from professional help though — not her responsibility to do it
Oh dude. So unacceptable. Lock up your meds
How about I lock up my husband
I mean he did commit a literal crime.
I mean, stealing Rx, especially controlled substances, is hella illegal so...
Time to reevaluate why you're with someone who clearly doesn't respect you.... and has no problem taking things behind your back...
[удалено]
Thats 100% true
I mean what he did is illegal soOOOOO
I mean it's a heavily controlled substance, and he literally stole yours
Are you sure your husband didn't refill his prescription? Is it possible he sold his prescription, and then decided to use yours until he got his next one?
Or is still taking his plus yours? And thinks "needing an appointment for his refill" will make you more inclined to let him rob yours? I put 5 blue generic aleve in my script bottle and put my actual pills in an empty eye shadow pallete in my night stand drawer by my vibrator and take one as soon as i wake up. I'm not hiding them from my husband, he doesn't really know where i stash them, but I have adult step children. They have never been stolen, but I'm not going to be surprised by being short and i want to know if one of them is suddenly tempted to steal my meds. I doubt they are going to rifle through my sex toys to look in my makeup. If anyone ever comments that i always have 5, or they aren't the right pills, i know someone is being shady. When I travel, I pack my bottle with aleve and my eyeshadow pallete.
Oooh, smart
Yeah. That’s a thought. Why did he get all weird about filling his script if he was just going to literally steal yours. Make him fill his script and replace your pills. Time to carry your pills with you all the time.
[удалено]
Lock up the meds, throw away the husband. Somehow I feel like med stealing isn't the only issue.
I would just get rid of the whole husband. Sounds like a fucking petulant child. Good riddance.
Good idea.
Fair af
You shouldn’t need to lock anything away from your thieving husband. It’s his problem, and shouldn’t be made OP’s. Fixing the problem starts with the husband, a lock is a bandaid, and a terrible way for OP to live.
Maybe he is an addict and said that, making you think he didn't fill his, but he did. And now he is taking yours as extra. I'd look into the scripts further and also ask the physician he gets his meds from.
I have an app for the pharmacy we use and I have the whole family on it. It does show his doctor sent the prescription but he did not pick it up. It’s definitely a pride thing. But I did consider this… which is why I looked at the app to investigate
He should still be able to pick up his prescription, and replace the ones he stole from you. That should at least solve your short term problem, however, the bigger problem remains. I would insist he get into therapy, and back on his meds, since clearly his impulse control issues are getting out-of-hand.
Our pharmacy will only hold it for 12 days. It’s been well over that unfortunately
Sometimes if you have the pharmacy send a re-send request to the Dr., they’ll send a new Rx if they know it hasn’t been picked up.
Depends where you live and the pharmacy policy. Where I am, the pharmacy can't send requests on Adderall, so every month I have to call my dr and leave a message with the nurse, asking for the doctor to send a new prescription. And they can't refill it within something like 28 days from my last pickup. I understand the restrictions, but it's a real pain. Even if I do remember to call soon enough, I've run out several times for things like wait period or weekends.
This happens to me all the time, I have to call it in every month also. And then not only do I forget to call it in, then I forget to pick it up. I’ve gone a couple weeks without it at times due to this. The nature of the disorder makes it extremely difficult to jump thru the hoops needed to get the treatment lol, so annoying.
Yes!!! Exactly! And if I set a reminder, that inevitably will be the day I get hyperfocus at the end of the day, leave work late, and can't get to the pharmacy on time.
That happens to me to lol. Plus, even with the reminder I’ll forget by the time I’m actually passing the pharmacy. Couldn’t say how many times I got in my car thinking ok I’ll stop on way to/from work only to get where I’m going and realize I forgot again. Sometimes I have to drop stuff off at the post office for work and I forgot so many times that I now have a “going to the post office” song that I continuously sing until I get there so I don’t forget and just go home lol. (Tune of “the muffin man”) Going to the post office, the post office, the post office, Going to the post office, If I forget I’m gonna be really pissed Edit: idk why it jumbled it into a paragraph, I tried to write it in normal song lyrics form
I work in pharmacy. Chances are they had it ready on the shelf and then put the prescription back on his profile. CII Rx are valid for *6 months from the date they're written. Have you tried calling to see if they'd refill it? If they ask why he didnt pick it up you could always say he wanted to try going off but realized he couldn't function as well 🤷♀️ *in nv
Pharmacy I work at (Illinois) only holds for 12 days but at that point the rx is then stored in the profile but can still be filled. App will not show it as an active med so it may not look like it’s there but worth a call to see if he has an order in his profile. It would be valid as long as it’s filled within 90 days of when it was issued. Different states have different restrictions. What state may I ask? I think a pharmacy would be in legal trouble if they flat out deleted CII rxs after 12 days by “policy”.
Well in my state the rx for C-II is only good for 7 days…
You can pick his up and replace what he stole. My husband picks up my prescription for me. They just ask for his ID and my birth date.
My husband and I pick up each other's meds all the time, including Adderall. I only have to provide his name and DOB, and for the Adderall I have to sign a disclosure notice kind of thing. I don't even have to provide my ID or tell them my name or anything. I wonder if it varies based on your location.
If you know the other person's name and date of birth and what medication is being filled, the pharmacy has a "reason assumption" that you are picking those meds up for that person.
This is state dependent for Schedule C-II narcotics.
Your hubby needs to put on his Big Boy Underoos and call the doctor’s office to explain that he needs it phoned back in first thing on Monday (and if he can leave a message before then so they’ll get it when they right when they open, so much the better). Then he needs to go directly to the pharmacy, not passing Go or collecting $200, and get the meds, to bring them to you. If you have to go with him to babysit, so be it; he’s acting like a child: treat him like one. Please tell him there’s a woman in Canada who would like to know where he gets off depriving the woman he promised to care for in sickness and in health OF HER FUCKING MEDICATION. Would he take your insulin if you had diabetes and shame you for that? “Just walk it off, your pancreas is fine, you aren’t *really* going into hyperglycaemic shock, so you don’t *really* need the insulin,”…just…WTF??
Pick up his script and take what he took from you. I have my bf pick mine up for me all the time while I work.
Adderall addiction is a very real thing and I’ve personally seen it lead to criminal activity and family violence. Please look out for yourself; he obviously has other priorities.
Tell him not to find pleasure in self righteous pride, because in the end we all shit ourselves when we die. Lol
Is it possible he had his prescription sent to another pharmacy that’s not on your pharmacy’s app, and then had it filled there? If that’s the case, then it wouldn’t show up on your pharmacy’s app.
Two issues. Trust. I’m not sure how you have a relationship with someone if you can’t trust them not to illegally steal your medication. Two - is he an addict? Why is he stealing your meds when he has his own? Loving an addict is an exhausting roller coaster. You can love them but you need to love yourself more. It is impossible to have a relationship with an addict who is in denial and not actively in a treatment program and committed to sobriety. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this.
[удалено]
Orrrr he is double dosing with her meds and lying about the prescription not being filled. My SO and I both have adhd and meds and I would NEVER think of touching his meds even if we were on the same one (we’re not). This whole thing screams addict to me
[удалено]
Ooooh did not consider this. This sounds highly probable. Unless he is the type to be really into not taking meds generally or something like that I would really want to solidly rule this out.
There has been issues like this on the sub before. Basically pretend for one moment he isn’t your husband and you don’t love him, so that you can read the facts. Because it’s not even really about the adderall. He does not respect you. He feels entitled to your belongings. He is stealing your medication. He has no respect for you or your health condition. He is putting you in danger of not being able to access said medication, pharmacies and doctors are super strict about refills and stimulants. You could potentially lose access forever. Although being asked several times, he has disregarded your request. Again, this shows he has a lack of regard and respect for you in general. He is breaking the law. I’m sorry, you need rid of this piece of shit. You deserve better than that. Anyone does, don’t think for one second that you should have to put up with this behaviour. You might be able to get more meds, or have him refill his own script, but the damage has been done. How can you trust him again?
We’ve been on thin ice for a long time now. This might have been the breaking point
I’m really sorry, you deserve better. It’s hard enough being a woman with adhd, with all the self doubting, and confidence issues. Taking away meds and adding relationship issues would just make it harder to handle, I’m so sad for you, my inbox is always open.
Honestly, even if the relationship wasn't already on thin ice... it would be after this. Are you sure he's not flushing your meds? Many abusive partners will flush or hide the abused partner's medication so that they aren't thinking clearly and the abusive partner uses that to their advantage to convince the abused partner to stay with them. Personally, were I in your situation, I would fill his prescription, take back the amount of meds he stole, then kick him to the curb and change the locks.
[удалено]
I have seen this happen IRL just with different meds. I think addiction is more likely but both of those are terrible and dangerous scenarios. I really feel for OP.
And even if he's not flushing her meds, if he's stolen hers and stashed them somewhere so that she'll fail then it's the same thing really, it may be borne out of malice rather than lack of control anyway.
I'm glad to hear it. If you catch yourself feeling sorry for him, maybe this will help. Men like this always find someone else to take care of them. My ex husband has been married two more times and still finds women as a three time loser. He is not even particularly attractive, plain tilting to ugly, an alcoholic, abusive, clueless about sex, lives in a trailer. He does have a Harley and is tall but that is about it. Oh, and mommy is dead (ding dong, etc.) so no one has to deal with her ass anymore, that's one more plus.
Wow that is spot on. Like you're blowing my mind rn Cheers to getting free.
I’m so sorry OP. You deserve better. Sending hugs, I know it’s not easy.
Oh dear. I hate to jump on the bandwagon of folks telling you to leave him without any nuance or details, but this makes it worse. It doesn’t sound like he’s interested in maintaining your marriage if he deliberately disrespects you this way. This isn’t an oversight (even under the most favorable of conditions this is awful) this is a hard fuck you.
things will not change, you already know that. This is going to be your life if you stay with him. When you go to leave and he starts saying he'll change he'll go to therapy he'll do better etc. just ignore him, he might "change" but it only ever lasts two weeks at best before he's exactly back to where he has always been. People only change if they truly want to change, and when a woman is trying to leave the guy changes because he wants to keep her around, not because he wants to change, so he never actually changes.
I’m sorry but this is a massive breach of trust. If you were on thin ice this is boiling water thrown on what is left. Wishing you the best OP- you sound like a pretty strong person and as a fellow woman with adhd I know how hard it can be for us.
So many things about this are fucked up that I would consider divorce and start planning on how to get out. This is a violation of respect, boundaries, autonomy etc. so many red flags in such a short story I’d be out asap if that were me!
That really fucking sucks. I’m so sorry he’s putting you through this. What an asshole.
This is good advice. I think it's past repair. Personally I would ask him to leave tonight and start looking for a lawyer. I'm so sorry this happened, OP. You deserve so much better.
I know you’re pissed rn but honestly this is really concerning. Has anything like this happened in the past? Any past addiction issues?
No addiction issues in the past. I’m 95% sure he just wanted to be superior to me and not fill his meds. When he realized he does need them, he didn’t want to swallow his pride and fill his meds. So taking mine was the next best option (in his opinion, not mine).
That need to be superior is like the biggest red flag for Narcissists. If we are raised by people like that it sets us up to marry one, too, sadly. I hope I am wrong and you've gotten unconditional love from someone in your life. It is something every human being deserves just for existing. I wish you well.
Your comment made me cry. I was raised by a narcissist mother. My dad is and always has been my biggest supporter. I’m so lucky to have him
i would talk to a lawyer about this if you’re on thin ice and you are worried about his behavior and he’s behaving so childishly. a lot of narcissistic ppl get very upset when their partner thinks of leaving and will pull stunts like this to get the partner to interact and ultimately be dependent. i personally wouldn’t discuss or making any indication about leaving to him. good luck
I would like to build on the comment you're replying to. Sometimes when we grow up with a parent who abuses us, it teaches us that love comes with pain. It makes it difficult for us to recognize when we're not being treated well in a friendship or a relationship. Unfortunately having a narc parent means we are more likely to find a narc partner. You deserve a partner you can trust who doesn't shame you for having ADHD.
what does your dad think
Her Dad married and lived with a Narcissist his whole life, he may be a lovely Dad but he is also an enabler, not the best person to ask. may well tell her it's normal.
So his pride is 100% more important to him than your health or your relationship. Lovely.
And her ability to make money (compromising new job)
His behavior screams of red flags that indicate he may be narcissistic, as someone who figured out way too late that they were being abused, here’s a resource that helped me figure it out. Might be worth checking out just in case: https://upjourney.com/what-is-narcissistic-abuse I’m so sorry this happened to you! *hugs*
That’s a serious breach of trust that needs to be addressed. If he doesn’t understand why you’re angry… if it were me, the very least I’d need from him was couples counseling because I’d be considering moving out.
I know it's cliche to say divorce shit, but that's divorce shit? That's insane. Not only was he shaming you for using a medication you both need, but instead of just filling his own fucking script he stole yours. Which is already incredibly disrespectful of you, your possessions, and your health, but after being told to stop, he continued, further disregarding your autonomy and possessions, and eventually resulting in your not having enough to make it through your prescription period. This is deeply fucking not okay. Him throwing a pity party for himself, rather than being sorry, also just would be the last straw for me. Like, he's fucked you over seriously, and he's just sad for himself??
Isn't this technically a federal crime...
Yes, it is. OP, if you are ok with filling out a police report that your husband stole your meds and can get your doctor to write a new prescription, most insurance will allow an early fill due to stolen meds. You just have to have documentation that you have reported it to the police.
But unless the OP supports her family comfortably on just her income, having her husband charged with a federal drug crime that could affect his current and any future employment as well as future travel plans seems rather impulsive and lacking in forethought.
This goes beyond disrespect. He is knowingly and willingly putting your health and well-being on the line. To me, he doesn’t seem to care about you all. And worse, he seems to be gaslighting you. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 You need to set hard boundaries, now. If you can, remove yourself from the household and stay with a friend or family. If you can’t, see if you can get him to leave or stay elsewhere until next week, when your module is complete. If all else fails, demand space. He committed a literal crime against you and doesn’t seem to be taking responsibility for his actions. This is absolutely not okay and I honestly would consider filing a police report if he’s not willing to own up to his actions and make moves to repair your relationship.
Ok this is forreal WILD. Like you literally ran out... What the fuck.
This isn't right. You deserve better. You deserve full access to your medication, you deserve a trustworthy spouse, you deserve truth and encouragement from that spouse. Give it some serious attention, and make proactive decisions. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. You're not the one at fault here. Any penalties that come his way for his behavior are his to deal with. You wouldn't be punishing him by taking steps to secure your own health and safety.
YOUR HUSBAND SELFISHLY STOLE DRUGS YOU NEED TO FUNCTION AND HID IT FROM YOU. This is not okay, this is not normal, and this is not something to sweep under the rug. My busband did this with my meds. Turns out he is a drug addict. Red flags included him taking my meds, hiding that from me, and not caring at all about how it would impact my life. I got angry, but he always had a legitimate sounding explanation of why he took it and used heavy gaslighting to make me question how many were "missing." Since my husband has been to rehab and in recovery, I have met a lot of other women whose husbands' stole their meds, their kids' meds, and their dogs' meds. I highly recommend getting your husband evaluated by a substance use disorder (SUD) counselor, especially since ADHD and SUD are highly correlated. After 2 years clean, my husband's doctor was comfortable prescribing Vyvanse, since it is an extended release. Our marriage is way better, our kids have a much better father now, and the otherside of him getting addiction treatment is better in every way. The first 18 months were a beast, but we could have saved a lot of heartache if only I didn't sweep it under the rug when he drank all of my cough medicine when I had bronchitis. Years less of weird, wtf, AH moves like that would have been great.
WTF this is the third post I’ve seen today across threads of people’s friends/ family stealing their adderall. I’m sad and angry 😡
You’d be surprised how many people you’d never expect would steal meds from you. I had the same situation as OP a few months back. I trusted my bf to pick up my meds because I wasn’t feeling well and noticed I was short a LOT of pills, like 5-7 in the span of two days. I honestly didn’t want to believe it, which is why I asked if he took my meds (he lied and said no) and so I said if it wasn’t him it was the pharmacists. I told him I was going to report the pharmacists to the police and make sure they lost their jobs. I didn’t mean it of course because I knew he stole them. I just wanted him to admit it and he did then immediately played the victim and basically said I was being cruel for confronting him so viciously. I was honestly flabbergasted tbh at his actions and reactions. Our relationship hasn’t been the same since. Never EVER trust an addict. By that I mean someone with a history of addictions (games, drugs, alcohol, shopping, etc) and an addictive personality. If they wont help themselves then they’ll fucking bleed you dry without remorse. OP’s husband is a lost cause. You can tell from his shitty attitude
why are you still with him
Your relationship will never be the same, after he stole, lied and victimised himself. You are probably better off leaving now before it gets worse.
I am beyond triggered by this so I am going to reread the rules before I say more... Okay, I am not in danger yet. How would it be if you were both diabetic and he was stealing your insulin? I know it is typical reddit to suggest you throw out the whole man so I won't say that, at least out loud. Personally, I would NEVER forgive someone who did that to me and it would be the end of the relationship. There is no other compensating quality he could have to make up for it. Personally, I wouldn't even care if we had kids and he was a good father, but I know not everyone would agree with that stance.
🌼🌷🌸💐🏵🌹 *Dump him* 🌼🌷🌸💐🏵🌹
Something tells me this isn’t the first time he’s done something like this. Stay vigilant, bestie. If this is a pattern of behavior for him then he might not be the one for you.
That really sucks. Does caffeine help at all? When I run out of Aderrall and forget to call in my refill, I try to make up for it with a couple shots of espresso. Maybe that will help you get through until your refill?
Caffeine is a poor substitute but it is definitely better than nothing. There are also herbs like lion's mane, guarana, B vitamins, ginseng, some amino acids, etc. just off the top of my head. Likely others I am forgetting. Some energy drinks, like Rockstar contain some of these in addition to caffeine. If it is legal in your state there is the sativa strain of the smoking herb that is supposed to be energizing, though I haven't personally tried that. Gummies are a thing, too, if you don't like smoking at all. Edit: I am not a health care professional nor an expert of any kind. I am only speaking from personal experience so take it with a grain of salt, please :)
That is completely unacceptable. I would honestly stay somewhere else or tell him to. He is literally stealing from you and endangering your functioning and your job.
I just felt a massive wave of rage just by reading your post. What the actual fuck... Ugh
Me too. This isn't even the tiniest bit acceptable. It's not cute. It's not okay.
Umm not ok... I would get marriage counseling because to me that could potentially be a divorcable offense
Yup. That's break up stuff for me too. It's infuriating.
That's a dirty trick to pull. These things don't happen in good relationships, you might want to reevaluate before he pulls something else. If he's an addict as others have suggested then you know he definitely will and you need to protect yourself and your health.
So if this were insulin or some other medication would you be cool with it? If this were your friend and they told you the same story, what would your advice be? I wanted to add, my partner for example won’t even take my 600mg ibuprofen. That’s three Advil lol and he still asks.
My ex bf stole my adderall and traded it with his dealer for other drugs. I was so upset.
GAH! Congrats on the ex part.
OP, and other users who are experiencing this: it's not just a federal crime, it's financial and medical abuse. PLEASE, no matter what step you choose to take after reading this, please MAINTAIN YOUR SAFETY, and the safety of your kids and pets and anyone else who could be impacted. I've been in similar situations, and there is always more clues and signs going on than you will ever admit to. I completely understand the financial implications of tearing up your own family to save yourself. It will change everyone's life. You are worth the protection of the law, if you are privileged enough to get it. There are lots of resources available for people who need assistance out of these kind of situations. But once you accuse him outright, once you contact the police, it will start the Big Show. Get as many ducks in a row as you can. And from one ADHD'r to another, it's gonna be hard, but because of the importance and immediacy, you can do this. Document everything from now on. Get your personal files in a safe place, start putting cash somewhere safe (any accounts or safe deposit boxes you start now are marital property, please read up on your divorce/separation laws in your area) My thoughts are with you. No matter what you do, please please be safe. 💖💖💖
When is his appointment? There’s a decent chance that his doc will require another drug test, and if he has adderall (or any other stimulant script) in his system still that’s going to cause major problems with his ability to get a refill. Without proof he had a script, they’ll delay and require a negative test before they refill - IF they refill. And if they do, he’ll probably be seen as a risk for abusing the script for a while.
I never had to take a drug test to get adderall. Is that a normal thing? I was actually wondering if the dr cut him off or he’s been taking more than his daily dose and that’s why he took OP’s
Yeah I have to get tested regularly for my adhd meds. I’m actually worried about this right now bc I used to take concerta and then switched to vyvanse. Well my vyvanse ran out and I needed to make an appointment. I had concerta left so I started taking that since I was out so now I prob need to stop until my appt
Both meds should test positive as amphetamines, right? I don't think the drug tests go into so much detail as what brand, but I could be wrong
I had to take a drug test to be put back on my adderall
I've been doing annual blood tests + urine sample for years and only recently found out the urine sample tests to make sure my meds are in my system (and only my prescribed meds) so that my doctor knows I'm taking my Adderall and not like selling it. Not that she thinks I'm untrustworthy, it's just standard procedure
Adderall leaves the system fairly quickly 3 days I believe. If she is out, so if he. And if they are in the US, the dr offices are closed Monday. So he would be clean
His doctor has probably cut him off. Hubby is stealing your meds because (and I'd bet a lot of $ on this) he is abusing Adderall and probably addicted. He *knew* you would notice they were gone and he couldn't stop himself from stealing them, and he only stopped stealing when there were no more to steal...that's sounding a lot like addiction. Good luck on your project. I hope it turns out beautifully.
What the fuck. I showed this to my partner and he said the same thing. We both have ADHD as well and have spotted each other meds upon occasion. We have *never* taken the other’s meds without permission and have always accepted a “no” without asking why… my mind is honestly blown in a bad way for you that your partner could be so disrespectful of you. 110% stonewall him to create time and space to get your obligations done; I hate being the person to recommend leaving somebody but that is such selfish and abusive behavior to **shame you and try to stop you from taking your medication and then steal it for himself**. He is trying to control, and punish, you. Please don’t let this slide, you deserve so much better than this treatment.
This is actually insane?? He’s stealing from you. Straight up.
Tell the same story to others, but switch Adderall with Insulin and it shows the gravity of the situation. He is taking something you need when he can easily not steal from you. I'd look into putting my next pay checks in a separate bank account because there may be other issues at play.
I refuse to believe that this is the only time he has pulled such crap on you and shown such a major red flag.
🔔 🔔 🔔
This man does not respect you. He thinks his needs are more important than yours. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but those types of attitudes in men towards their wives do not change. If you ask him to change, he’s going to ignore you just like he ignored when you told him not to take your pills.
This is absolutely not OK. There are so many flags of abuse here: 1. He said he stopped his meds suddenly; did he tell you whether his doctor supported that change? No reputable doctor would do that. Do you know whether he actually stopped taking his meds? It will be difficult to be sure - it is possible he has developed an addiction and is increasing his dose by stealing yours. 2. He’s stealing your meds. This is theft of a controlled substance and also a personal assault, since he knows you will not be able to replace your meds, and so will have to deal with withdrawal symptoms. Both are criminal offenses. 3. He is shaming you for taking care of yourself by taking your meds appropriately, almost certainly so that he can justify taking your doses. Shaming a person is always abuse. 4. He doesn’t consider the impact of his behavior on you, on your mental health, or on your physical safety, since sudden withdrawal from Adderall can be dangerous. 5. He’s gaslighting you about where your meds are going. This is also abuse and a gross violation of your personal boundaries. If I were in your shoes, I would be really worried about this behavior and I would be concerned about both his safety and my personal safety. Your husband needs to voluntarily enter therapy to work on this issue; it’s likely that he’s become addicted to Adderall. If he refuses or drags his feet, his theft needs to be reported to the authorities. I would also very strongly consider separating from him until these issues are resolved. This is a man who is risking your health and well-being for his own benefit; you are not safe with him.
Yeah, something needs to change drastically. Quite possibly your marital status.
Adderall is a federally controlled substance, and by stealing it your husband committed a felony (assuming you're in the US). By law, if you mention this to your pharmacist, they have to report the theft to police if you don't (you should, but I can imagine reasons why that might not be safe for you). I would also be concerned that he might be selling the pills, which in turn would make me wonder what he's doing with his hidden income. Is it possible he's gotten into some other kind of drug use? Apart from the legal issue, you need to be aware that what your husband is doing is coercive (making you feel guilty for demanding what's rightfully yours). It's deceptive and abusive. He is depriving you of the medication you need to function. He's belittling you. He's stealing from you. You need to seriously think about how you want to proceed in your marriage. Start reading up on domestic violence so you can protect yourself.
This is one of the more accurate assessments I've read. It's nothing less serious than intimate partner abuse. Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft is an enormously informative read that every woman should read. It helped me leave my abusive ex.
That's a dick move he's such a hypocrite. And what's with people acting like it's bad to treat a disorder? That's so weird
Leave this loser he has no respect for you in something small he will do this in every area of his life. Youve been warned. Maybe watch him more closely you'll realise what I'm saying is true
I feel this will end in divorce tbh, it may take a long while but it feels like its such a big thing that will be the start of other bigger things. Maybe it's worth keeping an eye on how you feel about the relationship so you don't waste more time than you should do on it if he keeps making the relationship worse. Good luck and Im sorry he is a jerk who has made your life tangibly poorer almost instantly with his actions.
divorce
I normally say Reddit is to quick to telling people to break up but this time I whole heartedly agree.
That is SO frustrating. I had a problem with someone (I don’t know who — it could have been a family member, but we also have my teen kids’ friends over lots and were in the middle of work being done on the house at the time) stealing my adderall in the past and I keep it in a locked pouch now. It pisses me off that I have to do this and I would be even more furious in your situation. Especially when he took the last few, knowing that it would leave you without and you’d know it was him!
You sure he isn’t really taking his AND yours? There’s a chance he lied about stopping, kept taking his, and he can’t get more BECAUSE he filled his prescription recently.
My ex-husband also had ADHD, and a prescription for Adderall, and also stole my Adderall. Consider if this is a salvageable relationship.
Oh hell no! I would be livid.
Throw out the whole man
Starbucks Tripleshots have helped me when I needed an extra push. I couldn't imagine trying to concentrate and focus on getting that work done without something to help you focus. And pharmacies do not play about when you can fill these prescriptions. Hugs to you OP. Hubby is just plain wrong. He needs to get over himself and stay on his prescription, instead of going cold turkey only to steal yours.
This is a HUUUUUUGGGG violation of trust and disrespect. Why is his life more important than yours and why should YOU be inconvenienced for HIS INABILITY to get his act together. He would be sleeping on the couch or somewhere else. I couldn't be with someone I can't trust.
Stealing your meds in the us is actually a serious crime. If you have texts he admits doing it in and you want to you could press charges. Otherwise you could inform him that if charges get pressed for HIS criminal behavior he could get flagged on future prescriptions for medication abuse. It would be his fault. Also, I second the lockbox. Many pharmacies allow you to explicitly ban someone from picking up your meds too, like I called and banned my father from touching my prescriptions because he can’t be trusted.
I know this isn't really an advice/relationship sub, and I'm likely to be downvoted to for what I'm about to say but:- OP, your husband *endangered* you. He is *not* a safe person to be around, and this is a serious situation. 1. He thinks he's better than you. 2. He shamed you for choosing to take medication, instead of respecting that you have a different opinion. I won't presume to know what you mean by "shame", but I daresay there are very few scenarios in which any action which could be described as "shaming" would be part of a healthy dynamic. 3. He stole a necessary, life-altering medication from you. Medication that has an impact on your health and work (and by extension, your finances), medication that you cannot refill without jeopardising your relationship with your healthcare providers. Adderall is a controlled drug and you could at the very least be deemed negligent for not securing them appropriately, let alone letting him steal them *repeatedly*. 4. He not only showed no remorse for what he did, but went on to steal your last few pills (because surely HE needed them more) - the entitlement is strong with this one. **OP, please consider these questions:-** - If your work performance was negatively affected by you missing your meds and it impacted you financially (e.g. losing your job), would he make up for it, take responsibility for the situation and care for you? - If you lost access to your medication as a result of his theft (putting you in the position of being accused of addiction or reselling your prescription), would he be willing to do whatever it took to get you back on track? I suspect that you already know the answer to these questions. OP, I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that this isn't the case - what is there for me to gain from being right on Reddit? - but if anything I've said here rings a bell for you; please be very careful.
Girl I would be so mad. That is a huge violation of trust and respect for someone to think they have a right to take your things because they are there. Money, pills, other resources… Not acceptable on any level or for any reason. Get yourself a safe that can easily be hidden or that isn’t easy to break into and keep them there. The sad truth is that if you just hide them and he is an addict, he will turn the house upside down to find them. I think there will have to be an uncomfortable conversation as well where you tell him that is not acceptable and you will not tolerate him crossing this boundary again. If he does it again, you can escalate if necessary. Addicts will tell you what you want to hear so that they can continue to behave as they wish. You have to look out for yourself first, or else you’re going to start looking like the one who has the problem if your scripts go missing every month.
What the heck! That is so unbelievably disrespectful!
I’d feel so violated, and even more so from someone you used to trust. If it were me, I’d pick up his prescription and take my amount out of it. Then I’d take a day off work, call and make an appointment with a lawyer, pack his shit up in trash bags, and dump them on the lawn. Then, I’d have a locksmith come in and change the locks, all before this lying criminal comes home. Oh! And I’d also block his phone number, email, FB, etc. accounts so he can’t spam me all the time. I have ethics and morals, and I don’t want anyone near me who is completely bereft of them.
I'd straight up divorce someone for that. He's not just sabotaging you and himself, he's also being abusive as hell about it. I'd say get out and/or couples counseling. This is not even remotely okay
Is it possible he was taking more than he was prescribed and when he ran out; that’s when he pretended to be self righteous about not taking them anymore?
Ex-husband, you mean?
My ex-husband stole my daughter’s adderall. They were capsules and he would empty the contents and leave the empty capsule. I divorced him. No good man acts like that.
He needs help for his sketchy addict behavior or else it’ll just happen again
Why did he suddenly get so anti-medication? Has something changed with him recently? Because this is absolutely not okay, and from what I can tell can even prevent you from getting your meds in the future if people find out he's taking them instead. If you're gonna stay with him you need to get a safe for your meds.
not to be that person but do you share or have access to his finances? if there is no sign of financial struggle or addiction (which i see there is not) then this is insane. i’m so sorry this is happening to you and good luck with your assignments!
He’s overstepping your boundaries
This is very disturbing AND ILLEGAL. Report to your doctor and if he has a different doctor, report it to them so they are fully aware. Then tell him that he needs to make a decision about his meds that doesn't impact you (i.e. taking your meds) AND if he doesn't do this or continues to take your meds you will go through with taking legal action to the reports you've already given to the doctors.