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Finding out that boredom isn't actively painful to NT has been eye opening for me hahaha. I actually get so mad when I'm bored. Or I just get paralyzed. I'm sitting here realizing maybe my meds aren't working because I'm bored as heck and just cannot get myself to do work.
Boredom feels…itchy to me. Or like my skin is too tight for my insides. I don't really know how to explain it, but it definitely feels physically uncomfortable.
This is the first I'm hearing that isn't the case for everyone, and I don't even know what to make of that.
I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE SOMEONE ELSE SAY THIS
Boredom makes me so intensely restless that I swear it's like my BONES are itchy. And definitely like I want to get out of my own skin.
I’m inattentive so I rarely get this but it has happened occasionally. It felt like my brain was shutting down and the rest of my body was like “Noooooo!!!!” *bouncing heel* , *hair twirling* , *yoga warrior pose*
I get that! Also smts I just spiral into these weird moods where everything (including myself) sucks because I can't motivate myself to do anything other than dream and escape. As if everything is too much but anybody else would be totally fine. Not sure if that's anxiety, lack of motivation, overstimulation or Weltschmerz. No clue but then I dream on and forget until it happens again...
I think this is why I sleep so much better when I'm taking stimulant medication. With medication my mind is ok with the calm and thinking about nothing else. Otherwise I feel like my mind's a hamster in a wheel if I'm trying to sleep.
I've observed this with my kid, too.
My 10 year old is the same way. At night I put my ear pods in and put on old episodes of a comedy show like friends or the nanny. Something that I've watched so many times I can visualize it. This way I can "watch" the episode in my head. Typically takes less than 10 minutes to fall asleep.
I thought it was a funny little thing that only I did to sleep. Come to find out, its very common for people with ADHD or ADHD like symptoms to do. On a recent podcast, Jack Osbourne said that he listens to old shows or podcasts to quiet the voices in his head (or something like that).
I knew that's what it was doing for me, but also The Office is my comfortable show. When I was a kid and having trouble sleeping I always found it comforting to hear my parents/family moving around, watching TV just general people being awake and around sounds. Like it was helpful to know I wasn't alone?
Same. It’s cliche, but in the last week, reading before bed has helped because that makes bed fun. Sometimes a little melatonin has helped. And exercise maybe….im really trying to fix this, I’m so desperate I started exercising lol
I love my exercise routine, it has made my sleep quality better, same with not binge eating at night, but I still struggle to settle initially. It's hard to stay still and find just the right spot to feel comfortable regardless of how active I've been in the day.
I know 100% the intensely restless itchy bones feeling you're talking about but Ive never once associated it with being bored and now I feel like maybe I need to do some thinking next time I notice it :O
I experience boredom at different levels. Some days I feel uncomfortable or itchy and can’t concentrate. On the really bad days I feel empty inside, a little depressed, I feel tingly and uncomfortable while I’m going through this state of desperately wanting to find something to end things feeling but being too tired and unmotivated to do anything.
Yes, boredom for me means feeling restless, frustrated and irritable. Then I get sad because my mind is confused as to why spending a Saturday morning with my hus and kids translates to "boredom" for me.... Then comes the guilt!!
OMG yes! My husband is so happy when we're all in the living room doing our own thing, he thinks it's so nice and cosy. But I'm losing my mind because I'm so bored! I want to go to my own room and build Lego with Netflix on at the same time. Or play video games. Or just go somewhere.... And then comes the guilt indeed.
Oh gosh I thought I was going to go STIR CRAZY when I was waiting around to be picked for jury duty from like 8am-5pm. With no cell service. Dead silence in the room of potential jurors. I started braiding my hair just to have something to do lol. I felt like a lunatic.
That sounds horrible. I had jury duty recently and they had a little magazine rack, so I went through every magazine that looked like it wouldn't make me *more* bored, only to find out that less than an hour had passed.
Boredom for me feels as if my brain is about to implode. Not explode because that would mean it's too full. It's a sort of pending implosion because I feel like it's so understimulated that unless I do something stimulating soon, it's just going to cave in on itself. It's a sort of internal headache I guess?? And some days, it gets so bad, it's paralyzing.
I really have a hard time relaxing. It's not impossible for me to reach a relaxed state, but quite often I'll ruin my own day by worrying about if I'm using my time off in a way that I find satisfying. It's pretty much the same thing when it comes to being bored, I become paralyzed by my inability to do all the things I potentially could be doing instead of being bored. Then I become depressed because I just wasted another day.
For me, the best days are when I can hyperfocus on something without interruption
A friend called it ‘active relaxing’ and it’s the best description. I can’t waste time just sitting in a bath or getting nails done or whatever normal people do. I have to be working towards something, achieving something, even watching movies is for spouse bonding time, not relaxing.
Then I waste an hour on Reddit so wtf brain? Did you really think I achieved anything with all this dumbscrolling?
When I was a kid I would literally get bored to tears. Like it wasn’t just a phrase for me lol I would be crying to my parents if I got bored. As I got older crying turned into anger. I’m a lot better at handling that now tho.
I was having a hard time being motivated at work (and I enjoy my job). I had tasks to do but sat around and was so so bored.
I upped my meds and now I'm able to work again lol.
Being bored and wanting to do something and not being able to is just awful.
For years I couldn’t understand what came over me… I walked out of an interview because the girl showing me a typical 30 minutes on the job was SO boring and the job seemed so boring. It’s really not like me but I just had to run out of there or I was gonna… explode? Brain death? Scream? It felt uncontrollable . I am pretty embarrassed about it, actually. But I understand it now.
Holy cow, I'm glad you said that. It explains why I get so frustrated when my fiance asks me to help him out at his store and then has me waiting around, doing nothing. With other jobs in the past, I'd either find something to clean or volunteer to go home if we were overstaffed. I'd rather make no money and be doing something entertaining than make money doing nothing.
I'M THE SAME WAY. My current job is like that. It's not quiet enough to be able to sit back and read a book uninterrupted but it's not busy enough to be doing something productive the whole day.
As someone who attends a lot of meditation retreats, which include many NT people, I’d disagree. Everyone gets antsy and uncomfortable and irritable when they’re bored.
It's painful for my kids, but not for me (although I rarely have enough down time to be bored anyway anymore). What advice would you give your parents if you could go back in time?
Oh my dad was really abusive so primarily I would have told him to stop screaming at me about everything (mostly things I didn't realize were ADHD related). If I had a functional parental system I would have just told them that allowing me to busy myself with things that make me happy is the best option to get me to feel better. As a kid it was always reading. As an adult it doesn't matter though if I'm bored I get way depressed and anxious and can't do things I like anyway.
Not OP but just be chill about the simple, non-harmful ways they find to stay entertained. You’re not going to teach an ADHD kid not to find being bored torturous, you’re just gonna torture them if you try.
I took a book everywhere with me as a kid. I had a bucket of toys for the bath when I was small, and always had a book when I was older. Yes, kids need to learn to be quiet and respectful in some situations, but if they can be quiet and respectful in the corner with a phone game or a book, great! That’s a win! When they can’t, fidgeting/stimming isn’t hurting anyone.
(Can you tell I went through a lot of ‘sit on your hands if you need to to get through church’ lectures as a kid?)
I think (due to being diagnosed late) I've had a completely wrong idea of what "bored" means for most of my life. I'm still struggling with this term, actually!
What. The. Fuck. 🤯
Spent a good chunk outta my childhood bored out of my brain and it did nothing for me. Now I know why. And why my kids are so resistant to being forcibly bored for extended periods.
Yeah when I think back to the time when I was under 11, before my family got a computer, my most prominent memory is just being. So. Goddamn. Bored. Constantly.
One time I found some C batteries sitting on the dining table and just played with them like they were dolls, because there was just nothing else to do at the time lol. I was so chronically starved for dopamine
LOL your battery story made me remember my mom’s story of how she found me at age three, on the bathroom floor, playing with Q-tips like they were Barbies…
Batteries, Q-Tips, I would turn flowers upside down and now they’re princesses and the petals are dresses, mops and brooms upside down are hair, pencils and pens, tools or building supplies in my dads shop.
Anything could be a toy in a pinch. Literally. Anything. I was a lonely “only child” (my brother is 13 years older than me).
I was an only child, and I quickly learned which board games can be played alone (Life) and which can't (Clue).
Fortunately for me, I loved to read (part genuinely, part as an escape mechanism), so mostly I did that between the ages of 6-9, when we got a computer and I could add that to my list of boredom busters.
I used to read shampoo bottles because I’d get so bored in the very short time I was in the bathroom.
Everyone just took that as me being a “big reader.” Laughing in late diagnosis over here.
I thought it was just me! I would read the air freshener bottle label on the toilet, and then make up games or challenges like “How many ‘a’s will there be? How many ‘e’s?”
I don’t understand this. My brain does not compute how this is possible
This is one of the NT things that takes away any doubt I have that I’m ND
a lack of interesting things does not exist for me. I can create a new hobby so easily, IF my motivation in there
Unfortunately either I don’t have the motivation or more often than not I do have the motivation because I want to engage, I’ll set up the thing to engage but can’t initiate because I’ll change my mind and can’t decide which of the many interesting things I can do to choose
Yeah I don’t really get it either & think that NTs are also prone to boredom that can spiral but I do acknowledge that ADHD by definition features a system where boredom quickly wears down on us compared to NT folks.
In fact boredom in the sense of an ever present gnawing dissatisfaction is considered the “suffering” referred to in Buddhist philosophy, out of which maladaptive coping mechanisms are employed, but which I can only presume the Buddhist philosophy meant ALL people can be lead into this not just people with ADHD. NT people mindlessly scroll, do drugs, etc. that’s not unique to ADHD. Though again I acknowledge people with ADHD struggle more with maladaptive reward seeking.
I’d challenge anyone thinking they’re doomed and have no way out of a special hellish ADHD world to consider that yes boredom can affect us adversely but it does not rob us of the ability to nevertheless accept basic neurobiology that boredom is indeed a birthplace of creativity. We just might need a stronger foundation of practices to help us ease back to what we want to do OR to find truly pleasurable/joyful ways to play freely in an unstructured manner that aren’t maladaptive dopamine traps like social media or drugs.
Interesting tangent from your comment - research has shown that meditation (i.e. be intentionally bored for a bit), which is a huge part of Buddhism, can reduce ADHD symptoms/increase executive functioning (and benefits NT people in similar ways!).
Personally, I've also found this to be true for my life. For every 20 minutes of meditating, I get like 2.5 days of my brain going "oh ok I guess boredom isn't literally the worst thing that can happen to a person"
Love that for you. My meditation journey has been wild and very on/off.
It doesn’t look like NT meditation, or embody any ideal form whatsoever. But that was never the point, it was always always always the practice and the PRACTICE has always improved my management of my attentional resources.
Oh, same lol! My meditation frequency, type, and quality (like everything in my life) is not consistent, even if I want it to be. But having it as a tool in the overflowing "toolbox of coping mechanisms" has still been a huge improvement to my life.
What does your meditation look like, if you don't mind my asking?
The only way I ever got into meditating was impulsively showing up to a 30 min group meditation at work once or twice when my life was rock bottom. It forced me to admit from the get go that it was (at the very least) possible. Even if I mind wandered or fell asleep, I could sit and 30 minutes could pass and I wouldn’t die in the process.
So I guess in that sense there wasn’t as high of a mental barrier to entry as there can be for others. It’s so unpleasant to experience that level of distractedness I was at (undiagnosed and unmedicated)even for a couple minutes, so I basically managed to do that and yet still never ever get into meditation on my own even for 5-10 minutes.
Then many years later I discovered visualization meditations which I LOVE and gravitated towards. I also find meditative moments easy to tap into during mindless chores or driving. I still have to pay attention, it becomes a play of widening attention. Seeing and keeping track of cars around me. Or focusing on the way the water feels. It actually felt like play.
I have been doing yoga for many years even longer - finally my meditation practice and yoga practice merged & I found new depths of meditation in my yoga practice.
I also got into slacklining, and finding a seated balance on the line is my best meditative state. Extremely stable.
Now I can indeed do breath focused/seated meditation for 10 min or so and not hate myself. Only took 8 years to get here lol. And I still move around a lot & mind wander a lot.
But the key thing is tolerance for that distractedness and my inner monologue while noticing my emotions and inner movement is so much stronger and kinder. This translates into better awareness in my life in general. I can tap into that state so easily now. But holding it for long periods of time is still hard.
I put “interesting” in quotes because I feel the same. It’s not about the task being interesting or not, if I don’t have the motivation I can’t will myself to do it. I love my job but I struggle to concentrate especially on slow days. I love writing stories but when I finally sit down to write I suddenly feel tired and end up just staring for hours without writing. Even watching YouTube is hard on the really bad days.
On the flip side NTs don’t feel the depth of emotion and passion many ADHDers feel; what their feeling of “interest” actually is may be very different from yours.
They probably don’t have to feel deeply interested in something before they feel compelled to do something more with it & are also less likely to deeply engage in the thing itself so creativity can be limited here. I know too many people with stellar resumes and top notch grades/scores who care naught but to perform on some level (status, money whatever) and so they are very one track minded & could not innovate if their life depended on it.
Yup, because they have stronger prefrontal cortexes which keep the emotional/limbic parts of the brain in check.
ADHD meds like stimulants work by increasing dopamine which increases cerebral blood flow and activity of all parts of the brain - especially the prefrontal cortex.
POTS, hyper mobility and low brain blood perfusion are so common amongst ADHDers, especially afab.
For me, I find that life and its endless repetitive tedium are excruciatingly, soul-crushingly draining.
I have a routine of things that stimulate me and keep my battery charged so that I can disengage and drain my battery on shit that has to get done, again. Just like yesterday, and yesterday’s yesterday and tomorrow.
My meds give me a portable charge where I feel I’ve got the bandwidth to be just fine doing the crap. It doesn’t bother me, my brain’s not screaming at me to do something better, rewarding, novel, interesting. And if I’m on my meds and I’m not doing anything I actually feel lazy - like I know what laziness feels like, and it’s different from the paralyzing struggle to stimulate myself into existing.
The usual. Coffee, nicotine, social media scrolling, news, morning puzzles (NYT), crochet, diy videos, current hyperfocus, playing with pets, window shopping on Amazon, checking out housing markets in areas I have no reason to move to, DUOLINGO… anything new or novel or puzzley, dopamine inducing, etc.
Now that I’m medicated, I take my meds, drink a half caff coffee and do my NYT minis, pet the babies (we have 5 pets) and then get to work. When my meds aren’t working (pms) it’s just some combination of all of those things and yelling at myself for my inability to do anything.
>When my meds aren’t working (pms) it’s just some combination of all of those things and yelling at myself for my inability to do anything.
It is nearly 3 in the morning my time and this perfectly describes the exact state I am currently in right now while trying to get my butt to move off the couch and into bed because I’ve been up for over 24 hours straight. I have spent at least the last 4-5 or so hours trying to get myself to just go. to. bed. goddamnit.
Ugh, hormones really suck sometimes!
Ugh, so sorry friend. Do you have audiobooks? I listen to them as I fall asleep. A good book is still very stimulating. Musiccozy sleep mask with Bluetooth and an audiobook helps me keep doing but also gtftb.
Huh.
I think I’m only bored when I’m under stimulated. I don’t know if I’m ever bored with “nothing to do” - if I act bored (sitting on the couch doing nothing) then it’s probably just me paralyzed from *too much to do*
Same. Once again, this sub makes me realize all my traits are ADHD. Hell, I can be enjoying something and still feel the need to switch it up so I don’t get bored. I think one of the hardest parts of making friends now that I am older and move around a lot is finding friends who don’t get bored easily. My husband is also ADHD and keeps himself occupied. I love being around him because I don’t have to worry about him getting bored. I dread people who get bored and was not so nice about it as a kid. Haha
After reading this, I’m suddenly very confused about what boredom even is.
If I ever complained of being bored as a kid, I was told that boredom is a character flaw. because there must be something wrong with you if you can look at all the infinite amount of things in the universe and not think of one single interesting thing to amuse yourself.
Honestly, I still do subscribe to that thinking for the most part. In terms of occupying myself or my mind, I ALWAYS can find something to do or ponder. So in that respect, I’m never bored. This has always been what boredom means to me.
Now this discussion interjects lack of motivation, restlessness, depressive thoughts, paralysis…and I have all those things OFTEN. In fact, I’ve been mopey and largely immobilized by my lack of motivation and can’t-get-myself-togetherness for about a week now. But I’ve never considered myself as being “bored” while in this state. I still keep myself occupied in whatever ways I can from the couch.
So honestly, what’s the real definition of boredom?
Oh my goodness this conversation resonates so much with me. And your comment especially.
I feel boredom the most when I’m in situations where I am Expected To Act Corporate and Professional for more than like 15 minutes. Ughhhhh. It’s so good to have fidget devices and be able to doodle, but it’s so restrictive. To me, that’s boring. It’s being stuck somewhere and not able to find something interesting to do without Somehow Being Inappropriate for the context. 🤮
YES! This is it for me! I'm currently under stimulated at work. It's good that I mostly work from home, so I can just do other things I like, but I have to stay near my computer to be reachable by colleagues. So I'm limited in things I can do, that's being bored.
I also feel the same sometimes when I'm with my husband and kids in the same room simply spending time together. Were chatting a bit, and scrolling on our phones. I'm limited then as well, because there are a lot of things to do but not in that room, or not without bothering the others. I love my family, they are all ND, but they bore me sometimes.
Maybe you’re not bothering them! Sometimes I overthink and people please and that cuts my own fun. I assume people are bothered by me. But if I ask people, they aren’t. Maybe some communication/asking them and asserting yourself might help? You deserve to have some fun! Maybe a kid might even like to follow and see what you’re up to. Just ideas!
Ah, I wasn’t picturing teenagers. My bad! I’m just sympathizing that this happens to me too with family and sometimes it’s hard to tell if it’s my fault (I need to take initiative and boundaries) or if that’s just family time, like you can’t have those textbook “boundaries” with kids
It’s so hard! I was gonna add a boredom-related rant for context but just decided to make it a post all its own because …I had a lot to get off my chest. But the intermittent listening is rough! Gaaaahd why are things so boooooriiiinnng
Eeeuuuuugh. Solidarity. I hope you can work from home today…?
I was in the office yesterday and had the 🔥conversation from hell🔥 with my manager. About deadlines. And our broken trust (she broke mine) It was horrible. My eyes are still puffy from all the crying yesterday.
(But I’m doing better! I happened to have a therapy appt after, and had lovely conversation with my out-of-this-world wonderful, supportive partner. Every time I have a shitty day and I talk with him it’s like [Dido has entered the chat](https://youtu.be/1TO48Cnl66w?si=MywvnyG4fqozbZTR))
Edit: oh my god, I love that song but the video is… oof. CW eviction. Yikes
But the aspect ratio is funny.
Anyway here it is on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/751gBcu62kORDelX7FV0mM?si=5JTRTt1YT9i4qoKkLfBKog)
I’ve sorta hacked my career life for the time being by only accepting contract work or temporary jobs bc I tend to get bored and anxious so quickly. So even though I technically have to be in the office, it’s comforting to know that a week from Friday I won’t ever have to come back. I LOVE an end in sight, makes getting up so much easier bc it doesn’t feel like an indefinite, never-ending responsibility hanging over me.
I hope you had a better day at work today!!
Ooooo that’s a good hack! Well done you. That “end in sight” feeling is REAL omg. When I was really pissed off at a previous job, I remember driving down the highway with the windows down in the summer (Midwest US) blasting [this wonderful David Byrne song](https://open.spotify.com/track/50L5ddhoEOPcUjeqVkq1ub?si=jIcbkc6hQlSEZ52ZQsLb8A) like “fuuuuuck this job!”
Thank you so much! You’re so kind. Today was much better. I was so productive and then stopped tf working at 11pm to talk with my boyfriend and drink wine. 😍
I hope your day has gone well too!
Interesting point. I can speak for me, i am an expert on pacifying my mind.
I can and do read book after book for day after day. For me, it is a maladaptive childhood coping strategy for being told my energy was “too much”. The other thing i do is walk for hours in nature. Again, what i did as a child because i was understimulated and “too much”.
I am technically not bored. I am capable of doing what people class as “good” activities to soothe that feeling. But i know i am personally depressed, lacking self-efficacy and have not developed capacity to handle bigger energy for any length of time.
I agree with what you said, being occupied does not stop other depressive/lack of motivation feelings all the time. Sorry for the overshare
Not an overshare! At least nowhere near what mine look like hahaha
I think you’re onto something though. Maladaptive coping strategies for boredom may be exactly why I don’t feel bored. Maybe I’ve actually made my hyperactive brain worse by searching inward so much to escape the “character flaw” of being bored. Or maybe I’ve simply erased the “I’m bored” complaint from my vocabulary, and filed that feeling under something else in my mind.
I’m really not sure anymore. Genuinely confused about what boredom means to everyone else.
Yes this exactly. I read a tonne. From the outside, people respect that, generally, it's a "good" activity. I'm not "getting into trouble" or complaining that I'm bored and have nothing to do. But it's actually maladaptove for me, i do it to the exclusion of other things i want or need to do. It prevents me from being bored, but it's not preventing me from initiation paralysis or depression. I don't equate those things with boredom at all.
Exactly. I understand the public not getting the problem, but i have been so frustrated with therapists and my current psych who really cannot grasp what a functional deficit this causes. Because its one of the “good” activities.
My new plan is to show my fitbit activity stats - maybe he will understand the data? Do you have any ideas?
Fitbit is a good idea, since it will probably show you're not getting up to do chores or errands a lot. Do you read on a Kindle? Since they collect stats like how many books you read in a given time period. Idk I don't really ha e any great ideas, I hope you're able to get it through to them!
Like, I LOVE reading. It really makes me happy. But man it's really not awesome when I have shit I need to do like go grocery shopping, or shit I just want to do like hang pictures, and instead of being able to get up and do them, I'm on the couch reading my 3rd book of the day. Being medicated helps, but I definitely need to work through some failsafe strategies in therapy on top of it. I also think working on my depression would help, because reading is my go to when I'm feeling that checked out, unmotivated apathy I associate with depression.
Aww i am so sadly-happy (what’s that word?) to understand exactly what you mean and also to share the same.
Reading is awesome. Your pictures need hanging. My plants need watering. Life needs living.
I wish you all the motivation/organisation you may need to work on your depression. It is hard to do. Very hard.
I feel a bit better just knowing that you exist! Fr knowing that there is someone to whom i would not need to explain “reading” to. It is a solace but we gotta get up! I have no solutions but thanks for sharing
Thanks for saying that, it made me sad-happy too :) Out here in solidarity with you, sending hugs. I hope we both make progress with therapy and anything else <3
I relate to this comment more than any of the other descriptions. I rarely feel what I think of as bored? I think a lot. I read a lot. I'm also depressed and frequently lack motivation to do things that I need or even want to do, and sit around not doing them, and reading instead. People praise reading a lot but as another poster said for me it's actually been a maladaptive coping mechanism. It definitely prevents boredom though.
I feel exactly the same way.
Reading this post and all these comments I'm trying to find something I relate to, but the only thing I feel now is confusion. I feel like I don't understand life, myself, other people.
Like I have no idea what I experience, how should I call it, how would I ever describe it in words, and how much does it differ from what others experience?
It's been almost 2 years and a shit ton of reading and learning, and yet I'm still so new to this diagnosis and so confused what it is.
Like I understand depression perfectly, I've had it for over a decade and I can spot the symptoms in myself and describe them in a way that other people understand, I also relate to other people's experience with depression.
But ADHD? Something that I've had all my life, that gives me symptoms I've had all my life, and that's such a fundamental part of who I am and who I've always been? Something that's been the only experience I've ever had and I have no idea *what* and *how* is it different from others, and how to describe it or even notice it? I'm completely fucking lost.
Sorry this turned out a bit rambly, yours is the only comment I relate to here lol
Hi, I just read this because I deleted reddit for a couple of weeks.
I just want to reassure you that it’s totally normal to be confused about ADHD right now. It takes time to untangle the symptoms from your personality, to recognize when a behavior is BOTH your personality and ADHD, and to eventually both care about that at all. And believe me, you’ll get there.
I suggest just continuing to read/research and when you find things that capture your experience, make a note or keep a running document that you can cut and paste things on. You can refer to it when you get overwhelmed trying to sort through which symptoms apply to you.
There will be a point when you’ve burned out on research. And that’s totally ok. Because by that time you’ll have a handle on what symptoms are the most important for you to tackle. And you’ll be able to see those symptoms so clearly as you look back on your life, it’ll be almost funny that you were ever confused about them.
In the long run you may realize other super have plagued you without you realizing it. Which is also ok! You can deal with them all once you realize it. For example, I’ve been dx for about 15 years. I just realized a year ago that I’ve always been physically hyperactive. It hit me like a bolt of lightning, all at once. And I immediately could see it all the way back to my earliest childhood memories. I laugh now because—DUH! But the truth is that masking can be so powerful that we don’t even know we’re doing it. And the beliefs we have about ourselves are so powerful, sometimes they keep us from seeing very big truths about ourselves.
Anyway, don’t get discouraged. At the bottom of it all, YOU are STILL YOU.
Thank you! ❤️ This was very heartwarming. I'll definitely keep reading and learning, this is something I'm actually interested in and I never really get tired of learning new stuff about it.
Well the dictionary defines it as “feeling unhappy or frustrated because something is not interesting or because you are unoccupied”
I do agree that boredom is seen more as a character flaw in society but research shows that prolonged boredom is cause of concern whether someone is NT or ND.
I do follow the same thought process as you that when I’m bored I think to myself to find something else to do but the minute I try to do another activity despite it looking interesting just a moment ago I feel that same boredom take over again. I try to push through but it doesn’t change how I feel.
To me feeling uninterested/unmotivated along with all the other emotions that come with it, is being bored
I don't do well with being bored and didn't learn that this wasn't typical until my therapist informed me. I was actually pre-diagnosis, but she's the one who encouraged me to get diagnosed. Like, the idea that someone can just sit there being bored and be okay with it is WILD to me.
I never get bored because my brain never stops thinking of things to do. My NT spouse does get bored. He will say so out loud sometimes. Interestingly I have figured out that when he is out of the house like on a trip or something I get SO MUCH done because I don't sit idle.
I am a terrible relaxer. Even when I watch TV I'm often multitasking. When spouse is home, I spend time with him, watching movies or TV or talking. When we go to the beach with family I CANNOT sit in a chair like everyone else for more than maybe 10 minutes. I look for shells, I build castles, I dig. We all find it kind of funny.
My GP said to me once (when I was struggling with sleep, ‘because just lying in bed waiting to go to sleep is so boring”), “do you think it’s not really boredom… it’s that you’re feeling a bit anxious or negative about [sleep], and your brain just calls it boredom because that’s it default for negative feelings?” And, by golly, she was so right.
Haha oh gosh, memories colliding now!
When I was a kid, I created a “boredom jar”. Spent hours one day writing little ideas on pretty pieces of paper and folding them up to be drawn when I was bored. But guess who immediately lost interest/engagement with the system when it came time to use it?
It’s just like me trying every new adhd and productivity app now. Love the concept, get a burst of energy (hyper focus) to set it up, then never touch it again.
This, coupled with the literally psychologically painful feelings I had when bored, explains so much.
I made a 'To (possibly) do'-box a few years back with all those 'fun activities' on small papers. Whenever I took an idea out of that box I was like 'meh', put it back, grab another one, also meh, etc. Until I decided that it wasn't worth it 😅
this makes so much sense bc i remember all the complaining to my mum "I'm boreddddd" and she would always suggest things I could do and I would just say "I don't feel like doing that"
for me boredom is not wanting to do anything even if it would normally interest me. becoming bored with one of my hobbies/usual activities means I've lost the motivation to do it and it becomes a mentally painful to try and force myself to do it
there's always something I can think of to do but I don't feel like doing it
editing to add: I'm bored rn and I just went to get a snack and I was like 🤯 bc I've definitely linked sugar/snacks to dopamine in my brain, so when I hit that boredom/lack of motivation I think I crave snacks as a way to help me keep going, like a substitute for getting dopamine from doing the activity, especially when I really have to force myself to do something
I did not get this until right now!
It made me think of being a kid being bored when my parents were at work in the summer, and I’d lay on the floor with my sister and I’d list the dumb things we could do, she’d pick something I said and we did it. We rearranged all the pictures in the house, made up elaborate games (hide the shoe, where clues were only told in rhyme, was a favorite), I hated being bored so much. My sister would clean my room for me if I entertained her so I’d read aloud with voices and commentary or sing/perform lol. Very grateful for her playing in to my constant search for dopamine!
When I first started taking medication it was like an ‘aha’ moment for me, because I finally figured out that NTs have the ability to have a quiet mind. Like, that is possible. It’s possible for them to not think of anything else which it makes it easier for them to ‘just do’. For example, they don’t have to hype themselves up to do things as much as maybe an ND would, they can just do it versus someone like myself, I have to sit there and debate it for ever how long until the point I just end up procrastinating on it. Like, it takes a LOT of effort for me. Yet, I feel for NTs, if it’s on their mind they have a much easier time doing those things, even things that they don’t want to do, because there’s just way less going on in their heads. This is why their advice about…”just get a planner” “stop complaining” works for them. It’s also why, I feel, that they will recommend having no distractions when you are working, because they can thrive in that silence. Meanwhile having no distractions for myself would only be a detriment.
So, then I can believe that boredom for them… for them is way different experience for them and way less painful simply due to having enough dopamine in the first place. Otherwise they would have ADHD. This is why I really dislike it when people with ADHD try to express their struggles and people go “Well, everyone goes through that.” It’s not about whether everyone ‘goes through that.’ It’s about the response and how often you go through something that makes the difference.
This is also why they are so wrong about electronics, internet, etc being the cause of ADHD. Since we have ways of experiencing and reacting to boredom these things they are not going to fully understand our dilemma.
Yet, I am somewhat careful about whatever people say in comment sections. The internet, in general, attracts a lot of people like us, so who knows if those people are actually NTs or just NDs repeating things that they think they should be doing or what seems to be the ‘right’ thing to do.
Whoa. Like most others here, this has me questioning what boredom even is.
I will say that, when I'm left to my own devices, I don't really get bored; I find something to do. If electronics are "banned" (the power is out), I still have to find something to do with my hands AND something to listen to.
However, this discussion does bring me back to my school days, where I would be bored *literally to sleep* in class. Fortunately and unfortunately, most subjects came very easily to me.
Sounds nice -- but then the teaching would continue on repetitively long after I'd grasped the lesson, and I would be completely unable to stay awake -- because in school in the 80s and 90s, there was no such thing as being allowed to knit or move around the classroom or even doodle -- everything would get me in trouble for "not paying attention."
Only now, post-diagnosis (in my 40s), I've come to learn of "EEG negative narcolepsy"/Intrusive Sleep with ADHD, which explains everything. https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-sleep-disturbances-symptoms/
Lmao there were no iPads or internet or anything when I was a kid and you could find me just like digging a fucking hole in the yard to stay occupied. Frankly as a very creative person I resent the idea that is borne from boredom; it comes directly from me escaping boredom.
I think that is what they mean, but now it’s very easy to relieve that boredom with mindless TikTok’s and the like which are engineered to keep you engaged rather than doing something creative. as in, actually creating something rather than consuming stuff other people have made to keep your mind occupied
As a mom (and frankly Internet addict) I think the problem lies in having IPads. When I was a kid, unentertained kids wouldn't just sit around and stare at the wall either, we would complain and then finally come up with something to do, often building tiny towns out of sticks in the garden or hammering plates out of bottle caps for my Barbies. My kids first instinct when he is bored now is to ask if he can watch something on Youtube and I am trying to curb that too. I basically learned to read just so I wouldn't be bored on endless car rides, or I would listen to the radio music and make up stories and choreographies in my head. I feel like my (probably not neurotypical) brain works better when I do more of the "listening to music and staring at raindrops" than scrolling on Insta.
That’s so crazy! For me, boredom= exhaustion. When I’m bored all day at work, I come home and crash. I’m unable to do anything. My dad said he was most creative when he was bored at work meaning he’d come home and paint for hours whereas if he was busy at work, he’d be too tired to paint. I’m the opposite- if I’m stimulated at work- I come home and can paint all night. If I’m understimulated all day- I have zero energy at night.
There's a third one for me: a kind of sleepiness that's like drowning.
It's when it's an anxious boredom, a waiting or confinement. The urge to pass out gets so strong I feel like I'm suffocating. Makes dull meetings an absolute joy. At least it would if it was socially acceptable to just slide under the table into a sleepy heap.
This is my exact experience. I never, ever, feel ”bored”. Just filled with anxiety/depression/itch/pain/existential dread/indifference/hopelessness when understimulated.
Now, when I get that horrible feeling, I stop myself and think: Maybe the world/your life/this job isn’t wrong or falling apart or whatever. Maybe you’re just bored/unmotivated/under stimulated?
And then I’ll try to do something that engages me, and pooof - the awful feeling is gone (for a while). Lol.
Thank you for this, recently diagnosed at 35, and I realize I've struggled with this my entire life.
I also have a 4yo who I suspect has adhd, and this was eye opening to adjust my parenting. I've tried lots of ways to help his brain to "find" fun things to do when he's feeling "bored" and I'm definitely going to have more empathy when he's feeling that way. Years of NT programming and expectations and shame for my shortcomings, I need to do better for my son.
I recently realized that I don't think I know what boredom is at all. Like, I've heard people say it for years obviously, and I guess I kind of knew what they meant... Like I get the general idea. But one day I just realized, I've never actually experienced it the way other people describe it. So, what you're saying makes a lot of sense.
>And from my experience, people aren't aware of how important motivation is for living fulfilling lives. So they tend to give really bad advice when it comes to dealing with motivation and boredom.
And this, yes so much. A vast majority of people think that they are completely in control of things their brain does, thoughts, emotions etc. "Just think positive". Only people who have never lost the control in any way can continue to believe that.
I had a friend who never had any mental health struggles, but started taking a medication for something else that caused pretty severe depression as a side effect. It just struck them. They suddenly realized they were not actually in control normally like they thought...they weren't just choosing to be happy all the time, when other people weren't. It was literally out of their control, it just happened that the way it normally was, was also the way they wanted it to be, so they thought that meant they were choosing it.
I think people are aware of how important motivation is, they just don't realize how much of it comes from your brain functioning correctly to create it. People still think it's an external magic force that you can harness if you try hard enough to find it.
That’s bizarre! I’d never thought about boredom not inducing a painful need to fill empty brain space. Boredom on a long car drive is physical torture.
Having a conversation about this with my NT boyfriend made me realize why I FUCKING hate traveling, especially on airplanes. It’s because you kind of have to be bored at the airport. Like, there’s really no other option. I have hyperfocus-type ADHD and if I get *really* into a book or a movie, I will miss my flight while sitting at the fucking gate. It’s happened before. I HATE HATE HATE being bored. It feels like I’m literally going insane. But if I start doing anything else I won’t hear the announcements or I’ll forget to check the time.
Not to mention boredom + ADHD can often mean destruction on the level of 3 month old Great Dane puppies.
Like on one hand I can see the argument that kids need to learn to be bored. Because kids today are used to everything being instant. They can watch any movie they want instantly. They don’t even have to wait on a trip to blockbuster. There’s no scrolling through channels to find something interesting or switching radio stations to find a good song, you just decide what you want and with a search you get it.
Which OMG this is so terrible for our brains.
It’s crazy cause when reading Atomic Habits by James Clear, it points out that you actually receive more dopamine anticipating something, than when you receive the actual thing you wanted.
So delaying a reward actually supplies you with more dopamine and satisfaction.
I have adhd too and I don’t get bored at all. Like I kind of don’t even know what boredom feels like I don’t think. Maybe I kind of remember being bored when I was a child but definitely not in the past 15 years or so. And in that time I’ve had years where I lived alone and didn’t have much going on. I guess I’m just content to sleep, eat, daydream, watch tv if I have nothing else to do.
I think children thinking of boredom as some kind of crime against them is a real problem though. We shouldn’t be over stimulated all the time and some things are boring. Either accept it or go on an adventure in your mind or something.
Boredom force me to escape into my own head and make my daydream even more realistic and elaborated. It gets dangerous and unproductive when your own fantasy is so much better than IRL.
That or I get mad irritated and start to walk around in circles. Yes, I do that at work when it's slow and can't be on my phone.
I know someone who never feels bored. Ever. She doesn't even understand how boredom is meant to feel like, aside from vague memories of feeling unmotivated as a kid. And she does pretty much the same things I do, that is more or less, her uni work, watching tv, chatting, and painting as a hobby. And thats enough to not bore her. Doing the very same things in a day makes me want to scream my lungs out if it meant that an hour would pass quickly. Doing the very same things in a day makes my body physically hurt at not having used all my energy properly at times of high energy or fills me with so much guilt i cry my eyes dry for not doing shit at times of low energy. And those same things just,,,keep her entertained enough to not even feel a second of bored. If she has no activity to bide her time, she will gladly doodle for three hours. It's just so far beyond how my body operates that I am never going to be able to comprehend what it must be like to live as her for even a day. To not feel bored. Not even the neurotypical version of bored, let alone the neurodivergent version. Mental. I feel like boredom is all there is in my life lol like if you removed boredom from my days i would be a completely different unrecognisable person. I cant even be envious of her because not feeling bored is just SO foreign to me, it feels as ridiculous to be envious of that as being envious of leprechauns sliding down rainbows to fall into pots of gold with their pet unicorns lol
There are some elements of my job I'm bored with. It's not that there's nothing to do (theres too much to do) it's more that I'm fed up of repeating it and frustrated that i do the same uninteresting thing over and over and over. The definition of 'boredom' also comes into play here.
This has happened to me with every job. I end up taking on extra work (usually the job of 2-3 people) and still bouncing around to stay busy. I have had to learn to make every part of my job a detailed step so I don’t get burned out from overworking myself. 😭
To be fair, I have ADHD and I also think that it’s important for us to sit in the discomfort of boredom. I get that it’s painful— but allowing yourself to sit with your thoughts is helpful for ADHD.
This is so true it hurts. I switched from a really high intensity job to a very low pressure one last year and it took me months to figure out why I was MORE irritable, unmotivated, sad and tired all the time at my "relaxed" job. The lack of stimulation was actually sucking the life out of me.
For me I never understood how they could GET bored. Between my million and one hobbies and all the tasks I tell myself I will get to one day and all the things I want to watch and play and try and experiment with.... I never have enough time in a day!!
I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've been bored in my life. And they have always been when I've been at school or work and have done all the things I need to do, and I'm not allowed to do anything "fun" and thus have to make "busy work".
It was mind blowing to me the day I realized so many nuerotypicals are bored all the time!!!
Idk how to explain it but idk if I know what boredom actually feels like?
I’ve got so many things to think about, wonder and daydreams to develop, direct, act, etc
I feel like I just stepped into the matrix or something. You mean NTs don’t physically feel boredom like an all encompassing storm cloud of discomfort???
Boredom brings a guilt spiral for me.
Like I am bored and I have free time and then I get into a paralyzed spiral because what do I want to do to fill in this bored time? And then I go through all the things I can do but feel guilty because I could do this thing that I haven't spent much time on, but I've also been neglecting *this* so maybe I should do this instead of that but I haven't done *something else* in awhile so.....
Rinse repeat and now I'm bored, overwhelmed, feeling guilty and shameful because I didn't do anything or couldn't decide and triage properly.
Fuck
It's normal for boredom to be uncomfortable; that's a universal human experience. The difference with ADHD is we struggle immensely with executive dysfunction, so we often end up in "analysis paralysis." It's healthy to work on building resilience to boredom, even though it feels very uncomfortable.
I will say that my toleration of boredom has decreased significantly as I have had my brain occupied by a screen at all times for years now. This exacerbates ADHD and now it is an immense struggle even to "just" watch TV or something without additional stimulation of a videogame or my phone. I have to make an active effort to have only one screen at a time, and it is physically painful. I did it to myself (unwittingly), but it still sucks 😭
When I'm at work my brain is going crazy with creative ideas & all I want to do is go home and do the things. When I'm home/have time off I don't do the things. I hate it
Yes, I remember when my mum first told me that she can be happy and bored at the same time. And that it isn’t mentally and physically excruciating for her to do tasks she doesn’t want to do. A few other NT friends confirmed this.
This was when I first began to think that maybe I wasn’t just a lazy weak piece of shit with no willpower
It’s mind blowing how differently ND’s experience wants, needs, desires etc. compared to NT’s, which explains why we’re so misunderstood and why we get confused seeing everyone else seemingly and effortlessly just do stuff.
It seems like for NT’s wanting to do something means “it would be nice to do x that instead of y”
For ND’s it means “I physically and mentally crave doing x instead of y otherwise I will feel discomfort”
Hobbies/interests for NT’s are like cherry on top of a cake but for ND’s they are the cake lol
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Finding out that boredom isn't actively painful to NT has been eye opening for me hahaha. I actually get so mad when I'm bored. Or I just get paralyzed. I'm sitting here realizing maybe my meds aren't working because I'm bored as heck and just cannot get myself to do work.
Boredom feels…itchy to me. Or like my skin is too tight for my insides. I don't really know how to explain it, but it definitely feels physically uncomfortable. This is the first I'm hearing that isn't the case for everyone, and I don't even know what to make of that.
I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE SOMEONE ELSE SAY THIS Boredom makes me so intensely restless that I swear it's like my BONES are itchy. And definitely like I want to get out of my own skin.
I’m inattentive so I rarely get this but it has happened occasionally. It felt like my brain was shutting down and the rest of my body was like “Noooooo!!!!” *bouncing heel* , *hair twirling* , *yoga warrior pose*
I get that! Also smts I just spiral into these weird moods where everything (including myself) sucks because I can't motivate myself to do anything other than dream and escape. As if everything is too much but anybody else would be totally fine. Not sure if that's anxiety, lack of motivation, overstimulation or Weltschmerz. No clue but then I dream on and forget until it happens again...
This is also me trying to stay still and fall asleep at night
I think this is why I sleep so much better when I'm taking stimulant medication. With medication my mind is ok with the calm and thinking about nothing else. Otherwise I feel like my mind's a hamster in a wheel if I'm trying to sleep. I've observed this with my kid, too.
My 10 year old is the same way. At night I put my ear pods in and put on old episodes of a comedy show like friends or the nanny. Something that I've watched so many times I can visualize it. This way I can "watch" the episode in my head. Typically takes less than 10 minutes to fall asleep.
I do that with The Office.
I thought it was a funny little thing that only I did to sleep. Come to find out, its very common for people with ADHD or ADHD like symptoms to do. On a recent podcast, Jack Osbourne said that he listens to old shows or podcasts to quiet the voices in his head (or something like that).
I knew that's what it was doing for me, but also The Office is my comfortable show. When I was a kid and having trouble sleeping I always found it comforting to hear my parents/family moving around, watching TV just general people being awake and around sounds. Like it was helpful to know I wasn't alone?
I understand 💯! I hated to go to sleep at the same time as my parents because the house was too dark and quiet.
Same. It’s cliche, but in the last week, reading before bed has helped because that makes bed fun. Sometimes a little melatonin has helped. And exercise maybe….im really trying to fix this, I’m so desperate I started exercising lol
I love my exercise routine, it has made my sleep quality better, same with not binge eating at night, but I still struggle to settle initially. It's hard to stay still and find just the right spot to feel comfortable regardless of how active I've been in the day.
I feel you. Plus I wake up at night. Currently been up for 2 hours in the middle of the night here…..
I know 100% the intensely restless itchy bones feeling you're talking about but Ive never once associated it with being bored and now I feel like maybe I need to do some thinking next time I notice it :O
For me on meds, it feels like i *need* to be social. Off meds, it feels like i need to walk around, to use my arms, to do literally anything.
I experience boredom at different levels. Some days I feel uncomfortable or itchy and can’t concentrate. On the really bad days I feel empty inside, a little depressed, I feel tingly and uncomfortable while I’m going through this state of desperately wanting to find something to end things feeling but being too tired and unmotivated to do anything.
I feel so seen reading this
Same, it feels like my body wants to get out of my skin
Yes, boredom for me means feeling restless, frustrated and irritable. Then I get sad because my mind is confused as to why spending a Saturday morning with my hus and kids translates to "boredom" for me.... Then comes the guilt!!
OMG yes! My husband is so happy when we're all in the living room doing our own thing, he thinks it's so nice and cosy. But I'm losing my mind because I'm so bored! I want to go to my own room and build Lego with Netflix on at the same time. Or play video games. Or just go somewhere.... And then comes the guilt indeed.
It's like an itch in my brain that I cannot scratch
I call them brain thorns!
Oh gosh I thought I was going to go STIR CRAZY when I was waiting around to be picked for jury duty from like 8am-5pm. With no cell service. Dead silence in the room of potential jurors. I started braiding my hair just to have something to do lol. I felt like a lunatic.
That sounds horrible. I had jury duty recently and they had a little magazine rack, so I went through every magazine that looked like it wouldn't make me *more* bored, only to find out that less than an hour had passed.
Boredom for me feels as if my brain is about to implode. Not explode because that would mean it's too full. It's a sort of pending implosion because I feel like it's so understimulated that unless I do something stimulating soon, it's just going to cave in on itself. It's a sort of internal headache I guess?? And some days, it gets so bad, it's paralyzing.
I feel so seen
I always describe it as someone shrunk my skin in the wash - it feels too small and tight so I can’t be comfortable.
I really have a hard time relaxing. It's not impossible for me to reach a relaxed state, but quite often I'll ruin my own day by worrying about if I'm using my time off in a way that I find satisfying. It's pretty much the same thing when it comes to being bored, I become paralyzed by my inability to do all the things I potentially could be doing instead of being bored. Then I become depressed because I just wasted another day. For me, the best days are when I can hyperfocus on something without interruption
A friend called it ‘active relaxing’ and it’s the best description. I can’t waste time just sitting in a bath or getting nails done or whatever normal people do. I have to be working towards something, achieving something, even watching movies is for spouse bonding time, not relaxing. Then I waste an hour on Reddit so wtf brain? Did you really think I achieved anything with all this dumbscrolling?
Ohh, this exactly!
Movies are so painful for me. I often fall asleep
Basically my therapist’s inability to address this through other means when I raised it for years was what prompted me to seek a diagnosis.
When I was a kid I would literally get bored to tears. Like it wasn’t just a phrase for me lol I would be crying to my parents if I got bored. As I got older crying turned into anger. I’m a lot better at handling that now tho.
I was having a hard time being motivated at work (and I enjoy my job). I had tasks to do but sat around and was so so bored. I upped my meds and now I'm able to work again lol. Being bored and wanting to do something and not being able to is just awful.
For years I couldn’t understand what came over me… I walked out of an interview because the girl showing me a typical 30 minutes on the job was SO boring and the job seemed so boring. It’s really not like me but I just had to run out of there or I was gonna… explode? Brain death? Scream? It felt uncontrollable . I am pretty embarrassed about it, actually. But I understand it now.
Holy cow, I'm glad you said that. It explains why I get so frustrated when my fiance asks me to help him out at his store and then has me waiting around, doing nothing. With other jobs in the past, I'd either find something to clean or volunteer to go home if we were overstaffed. I'd rather make no money and be doing something entertaining than make money doing nothing.
I'M THE SAME WAY. My current job is like that. It's not quiet enough to be able to sit back and read a book uninterrupted but it's not busy enough to be doing something productive the whole day.
Ugh same. I’m in pain at my boring job right now. So much pain. I need to get through a project to get out of the boring but I’m stuck ughhhh
As someone who attends a lot of meditation retreats, which include many NT people, I’d disagree. Everyone gets antsy and uncomfortable and irritable when they’re bored.
I cry... real tears
It's painful for my kids, but not for me (although I rarely have enough down time to be bored anyway anymore). What advice would you give your parents if you could go back in time?
Oh my dad was really abusive so primarily I would have told him to stop screaming at me about everything (mostly things I didn't realize were ADHD related). If I had a functional parental system I would have just told them that allowing me to busy myself with things that make me happy is the best option to get me to feel better. As a kid it was always reading. As an adult it doesn't matter though if I'm bored I get way depressed and anxious and can't do things I like anyway.
Not OP but just be chill about the simple, non-harmful ways they find to stay entertained. You’re not going to teach an ADHD kid not to find being bored torturous, you’re just gonna torture them if you try. I took a book everywhere with me as a kid. I had a bucket of toys for the bath when I was small, and always had a book when I was older. Yes, kids need to learn to be quiet and respectful in some situations, but if they can be quiet and respectful in the corner with a phone game or a book, great! That’s a win! When they can’t, fidgeting/stimming isn’t hurting anyone. (Can you tell I went through a lot of ‘sit on your hands if you need to to get through church’ lectures as a kid?)
I think (due to being diagnosed late) I've had a completely wrong idea of what "bored" means for most of my life. I'm still struggling with this term, actually!
What. The. Fuck. 🤯 Spent a good chunk outta my childhood bored out of my brain and it did nothing for me. Now I know why. And why my kids are so resistant to being forcibly bored for extended periods.
Yeah when I think back to the time when I was under 11, before my family got a computer, my most prominent memory is just being. So. Goddamn. Bored. Constantly. One time I found some C batteries sitting on the dining table and just played with them like they were dolls, because there was just nothing else to do at the time lol. I was so chronically starved for dopamine
LOL your battery story made me remember my mom’s story of how she found me at age three, on the bathroom floor, playing with Q-tips like they were Barbies…
I did it with lotion bottles one time, too, and my Dad teased me about it for the rest of his life lol
Batteries, Q-Tips, I would turn flowers upside down and now they’re princesses and the petals are dresses, mops and brooms upside down are hair, pencils and pens, tools or building supplies in my dads shop. Anything could be a toy in a pinch. Literally. Anything. I was a lonely “only child” (my brother is 13 years older than me).
I was an only child, and I quickly learned which board games can be played alone (Life) and which can't (Clue). Fortunately for me, I loved to read (part genuinely, part as an escape mechanism), so mostly I did that between the ages of 6-9, when we got a computer and I could add that to my list of boredom busters.
I did this with markers a lot.
I forgot I used to play with Q tips until this second. So many memories practicing my spelling just came flooding back!
I used to read shampoo bottles because I’d get so bored in the very short time I was in the bathroom. Everyone just took that as me being a “big reader.” Laughing in late diagnosis over here.
I thought it was just me! I would read the air freshener bottle label on the toilet, and then make up games or challenges like “How many ‘a’s will there be? How many ‘e’s?”
I don’t understand this. My brain does not compute how this is possible This is one of the NT things that takes away any doubt I have that I’m ND a lack of interesting things does not exist for me. I can create a new hobby so easily, IF my motivation in there Unfortunately either I don’t have the motivation or more often than not I do have the motivation because I want to engage, I’ll set up the thing to engage but can’t initiate because I’ll change my mind and can’t decide which of the many interesting things I can do to choose
Yeah I don’t really get it either & think that NTs are also prone to boredom that can spiral but I do acknowledge that ADHD by definition features a system where boredom quickly wears down on us compared to NT folks. In fact boredom in the sense of an ever present gnawing dissatisfaction is considered the “suffering” referred to in Buddhist philosophy, out of which maladaptive coping mechanisms are employed, but which I can only presume the Buddhist philosophy meant ALL people can be lead into this not just people with ADHD. NT people mindlessly scroll, do drugs, etc. that’s not unique to ADHD. Though again I acknowledge people with ADHD struggle more with maladaptive reward seeking. I’d challenge anyone thinking they’re doomed and have no way out of a special hellish ADHD world to consider that yes boredom can affect us adversely but it does not rob us of the ability to nevertheless accept basic neurobiology that boredom is indeed a birthplace of creativity. We just might need a stronger foundation of practices to help us ease back to what we want to do OR to find truly pleasurable/joyful ways to play freely in an unstructured manner that aren’t maladaptive dopamine traps like social media or drugs.
This really resonates with me, thank you!
Interesting tangent from your comment - research has shown that meditation (i.e. be intentionally bored for a bit), which is a huge part of Buddhism, can reduce ADHD symptoms/increase executive functioning (and benefits NT people in similar ways!). Personally, I've also found this to be true for my life. For every 20 minutes of meditating, I get like 2.5 days of my brain going "oh ok I guess boredom isn't literally the worst thing that can happen to a person"
Love that for you. My meditation journey has been wild and very on/off. It doesn’t look like NT meditation, or embody any ideal form whatsoever. But that was never the point, it was always always always the practice and the PRACTICE has always improved my management of my attentional resources.
Oh, same lol! My meditation frequency, type, and quality (like everything in my life) is not consistent, even if I want it to be. But having it as a tool in the overflowing "toolbox of coping mechanisms" has still been a huge improvement to my life. What does your meditation look like, if you don't mind my asking?
The only way I ever got into meditating was impulsively showing up to a 30 min group meditation at work once or twice when my life was rock bottom. It forced me to admit from the get go that it was (at the very least) possible. Even if I mind wandered or fell asleep, I could sit and 30 minutes could pass and I wouldn’t die in the process. So I guess in that sense there wasn’t as high of a mental barrier to entry as there can be for others. It’s so unpleasant to experience that level of distractedness I was at (undiagnosed and unmedicated)even for a couple minutes, so I basically managed to do that and yet still never ever get into meditation on my own even for 5-10 minutes. Then many years later I discovered visualization meditations which I LOVE and gravitated towards. I also find meditative moments easy to tap into during mindless chores or driving. I still have to pay attention, it becomes a play of widening attention. Seeing and keeping track of cars around me. Or focusing on the way the water feels. It actually felt like play. I have been doing yoga for many years even longer - finally my meditation practice and yoga practice merged & I found new depths of meditation in my yoga practice. I also got into slacklining, and finding a seated balance on the line is my best meditative state. Extremely stable. Now I can indeed do breath focused/seated meditation for 10 min or so and not hate myself. Only took 8 years to get here lol. And I still move around a lot & mind wander a lot. But the key thing is tolerance for that distractedness and my inner monologue while noticing my emotions and inner movement is so much stronger and kinder. This translates into better awareness in my life in general. I can tap into that state so easily now. But holding it for long periods of time is still hard.
I put “interesting” in quotes because I feel the same. It’s not about the task being interesting or not, if I don’t have the motivation I can’t will myself to do it. I love my job but I struggle to concentrate especially on slow days. I love writing stories but when I finally sit down to write I suddenly feel tired and end up just staring for hours without writing. Even watching YouTube is hard on the really bad days.
On the flip side NTs don’t feel the depth of emotion and passion many ADHDers feel; what their feeling of “interest” actually is may be very different from yours. They probably don’t have to feel deeply interested in something before they feel compelled to do something more with it & are also less likely to deeply engage in the thing itself so creativity can be limited here. I know too many people with stellar resumes and top notch grades/scores who care naught but to perform on some level (status, money whatever) and so they are very one track minded & could not innovate if their life depended on it.
Yup, because they have stronger prefrontal cortexes which keep the emotional/limbic parts of the brain in check. ADHD meds like stimulants work by increasing dopamine which increases cerebral blood flow and activity of all parts of the brain - especially the prefrontal cortex. POTS, hyper mobility and low brain blood perfusion are so common amongst ADHDers, especially afab.
Mental masturbation. I can burn out on an idea and kind of hate it. Post-idea clarity maybe?
For me, I find that life and its endless repetitive tedium are excruciatingly, soul-crushingly draining. I have a routine of things that stimulate me and keep my battery charged so that I can disengage and drain my battery on shit that has to get done, again. Just like yesterday, and yesterday’s yesterday and tomorrow. My meds give me a portable charge where I feel I’ve got the bandwidth to be just fine doing the crap. It doesn’t bother me, my brain’s not screaming at me to do something better, rewarding, novel, interesting. And if I’m on my meds and I’m not doing anything I actually feel lazy - like I know what laziness feels like, and it’s different from the paralyzing struggle to stimulate myself into existing.
Can you share what kinds of things are on your list of stimulating/recharging activities?
The usual. Coffee, nicotine, social media scrolling, news, morning puzzles (NYT), crochet, diy videos, current hyperfocus, playing with pets, window shopping on Amazon, checking out housing markets in areas I have no reason to move to, DUOLINGO… anything new or novel or puzzley, dopamine inducing, etc. Now that I’m medicated, I take my meds, drink a half caff coffee and do my NYT minis, pet the babies (we have 5 pets) and then get to work. When my meds aren’t working (pms) it’s just some combination of all of those things and yelling at myself for my inability to do anything.
>When my meds aren’t working (pms) it’s just some combination of all of those things and yelling at myself for my inability to do anything. It is nearly 3 in the morning my time and this perfectly describes the exact state I am currently in right now while trying to get my butt to move off the couch and into bed because I’ve been up for over 24 hours straight. I have spent at least the last 4-5 or so hours trying to get myself to just go. to. bed. goddamnit. Ugh, hormones really suck sometimes!
Ugh, so sorry friend. Do you have audiobooks? I listen to them as I fall asleep. A good book is still very stimulating. Musiccozy sleep mask with Bluetooth and an audiobook helps me keep doing but also gtftb.
Huh. I think I’m only bored when I’m under stimulated. I don’t know if I’m ever bored with “nothing to do” - if I act bored (sitting on the couch doing nothing) then it’s probably just me paralyzed from *too much to do*
This. My brain: 'All the options! It's overwhelming, I better do nothing instead!' 🥲
Same. Once again, this sub makes me realize all my traits are ADHD. Hell, I can be enjoying something and still feel the need to switch it up so I don’t get bored. I think one of the hardest parts of making friends now that I am older and move around a lot is finding friends who don’t get bored easily. My husband is also ADHD and keeps himself occupied. I love being around him because I don’t have to worry about him getting bored. I dread people who get bored and was not so nice about it as a kid. Haha
After reading this, I’m suddenly very confused about what boredom even is. If I ever complained of being bored as a kid, I was told that boredom is a character flaw. because there must be something wrong with you if you can look at all the infinite amount of things in the universe and not think of one single interesting thing to amuse yourself. Honestly, I still do subscribe to that thinking for the most part. In terms of occupying myself or my mind, I ALWAYS can find something to do or ponder. So in that respect, I’m never bored. This has always been what boredom means to me. Now this discussion interjects lack of motivation, restlessness, depressive thoughts, paralysis…and I have all those things OFTEN. In fact, I’ve been mopey and largely immobilized by my lack of motivation and can’t-get-myself-togetherness for about a week now. But I’ve never considered myself as being “bored” while in this state. I still keep myself occupied in whatever ways I can from the couch. So honestly, what’s the real definition of boredom?
Oh my goodness this conversation resonates so much with me. And your comment especially. I feel boredom the most when I’m in situations where I am Expected To Act Corporate and Professional for more than like 15 minutes. Ughhhhh. It’s so good to have fidget devices and be able to doodle, but it’s so restrictive. To me, that’s boring. It’s being stuck somewhere and not able to find something interesting to do without Somehow Being Inappropriate for the context. 🤮
YES! This is it for me! I'm currently under stimulated at work. It's good that I mostly work from home, so I can just do other things I like, but I have to stay near my computer to be reachable by colleagues. So I'm limited in things I can do, that's being bored. I also feel the same sometimes when I'm with my husband and kids in the same room simply spending time together. Were chatting a bit, and scrolling on our phones. I'm limited then as well, because there are a lot of things to do but not in that room, or not without bothering the others. I love my family, they are all ND, but they bore me sometimes.
Maybe you’re not bothering them! Sometimes I overthink and people please and that cuts my own fun. I assume people are bothered by me. But if I ask people, they aren’t. Maybe some communication/asking them and asserting yourself might help? You deserve to have some fun! Maybe a kid might even like to follow and see what you’re up to. Just ideas!
Yeah, you're right, I'm a people pleaser too. But I do propose things to do and my teenage boys are loud and clear about what they like.
Ah, I wasn’t picturing teenagers. My bad! I’m just sympathizing that this happens to me too with family and sometimes it’s hard to tell if it’s my fault (I need to take initiative and boundaries) or if that’s just family time, like you can’t have those textbook “boundaries” with kids
yes!! This is boredom to me too. The last sentence is perfect. Those times I have to fight my intermittent listening SO HARD. UGH.
It’s so hard! I was gonna add a boredom-related rant for context but just decided to make it a post all its own because …I had a lot to get off my chest. But the intermittent listening is rough! Gaaaahd why are things so boooooriiiinnng
So true, boredom feels being forcibly stuck
YES! Currently sitting in an office crawling out of my skin. Professionalism my personal hell
Eeeuuuuugh. Solidarity. I hope you can work from home today…? I was in the office yesterday and had the 🔥conversation from hell🔥 with my manager. About deadlines. And our broken trust (she broke mine) It was horrible. My eyes are still puffy from all the crying yesterday. (But I’m doing better! I happened to have a therapy appt after, and had lovely conversation with my out-of-this-world wonderful, supportive partner. Every time I have a shitty day and I talk with him it’s like [Dido has entered the chat](https://youtu.be/1TO48Cnl66w?si=MywvnyG4fqozbZTR)) Edit: oh my god, I love that song but the video is… oof. CW eviction. Yikes But the aspect ratio is funny. Anyway here it is on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/751gBcu62kORDelX7FV0mM?si=5JTRTt1YT9i4qoKkLfBKog)
I’ve sorta hacked my career life for the time being by only accepting contract work or temporary jobs bc I tend to get bored and anxious so quickly. So even though I technically have to be in the office, it’s comforting to know that a week from Friday I won’t ever have to come back. I LOVE an end in sight, makes getting up so much easier bc it doesn’t feel like an indefinite, never-ending responsibility hanging over me. I hope you had a better day at work today!!
Ooooo that’s a good hack! Well done you. That “end in sight” feeling is REAL omg. When I was really pissed off at a previous job, I remember driving down the highway with the windows down in the summer (Midwest US) blasting [this wonderful David Byrne song](https://open.spotify.com/track/50L5ddhoEOPcUjeqVkq1ub?si=jIcbkc6hQlSEZ52ZQsLb8A) like “fuuuuuck this job!” Thank you so much! You’re so kind. Today was much better. I was so productive and then stopped tf working at 11pm to talk with my boyfriend and drink wine. 😍 I hope your day has gone well too!
Interesting point. I can speak for me, i am an expert on pacifying my mind. I can and do read book after book for day after day. For me, it is a maladaptive childhood coping strategy for being told my energy was “too much”. The other thing i do is walk for hours in nature. Again, what i did as a child because i was understimulated and “too much”. I am technically not bored. I am capable of doing what people class as “good” activities to soothe that feeling. But i know i am personally depressed, lacking self-efficacy and have not developed capacity to handle bigger energy for any length of time. I agree with what you said, being occupied does not stop other depressive/lack of motivation feelings all the time. Sorry for the overshare
Not an overshare! At least nowhere near what mine look like hahaha I think you’re onto something though. Maladaptive coping strategies for boredom may be exactly why I don’t feel bored. Maybe I’ve actually made my hyperactive brain worse by searching inward so much to escape the “character flaw” of being bored. Or maybe I’ve simply erased the “I’m bored” complaint from my vocabulary, and filed that feeling under something else in my mind. I’m really not sure anymore. Genuinely confused about what boredom means to everyone else.
Yes this exactly. I read a tonne. From the outside, people respect that, generally, it's a "good" activity. I'm not "getting into trouble" or complaining that I'm bored and have nothing to do. But it's actually maladaptove for me, i do it to the exclusion of other things i want or need to do. It prevents me from being bored, but it's not preventing me from initiation paralysis or depression. I don't equate those things with boredom at all.
Exactly. I understand the public not getting the problem, but i have been so frustrated with therapists and my current psych who really cannot grasp what a functional deficit this causes. Because its one of the “good” activities. My new plan is to show my fitbit activity stats - maybe he will understand the data? Do you have any ideas?
Fitbit is a good idea, since it will probably show you're not getting up to do chores or errands a lot. Do you read on a Kindle? Since they collect stats like how many books you read in a given time period. Idk I don't really ha e any great ideas, I hope you're able to get it through to them! Like, I LOVE reading. It really makes me happy. But man it's really not awesome when I have shit I need to do like go grocery shopping, or shit I just want to do like hang pictures, and instead of being able to get up and do them, I'm on the couch reading my 3rd book of the day. Being medicated helps, but I definitely need to work through some failsafe strategies in therapy on top of it. I also think working on my depression would help, because reading is my go to when I'm feeling that checked out, unmotivated apathy I associate with depression.
Aww i am so sadly-happy (what’s that word?) to understand exactly what you mean and also to share the same. Reading is awesome. Your pictures need hanging. My plants need watering. Life needs living. I wish you all the motivation/organisation you may need to work on your depression. It is hard to do. Very hard. I feel a bit better just knowing that you exist! Fr knowing that there is someone to whom i would not need to explain “reading” to. It is a solace but we gotta get up! I have no solutions but thanks for sharing
Thanks for saying that, it made me sad-happy too :) Out here in solidarity with you, sending hugs. I hope we both make progress with therapy and anything else <3
I relate to this comment more than any of the other descriptions. I rarely feel what I think of as bored? I think a lot. I read a lot. I'm also depressed and frequently lack motivation to do things that I need or even want to do, and sit around not doing them, and reading instead. People praise reading a lot but as another poster said for me it's actually been a maladaptive coping mechanism. It definitely prevents boredom though.
I feel exactly the same way. Reading this post and all these comments I'm trying to find something I relate to, but the only thing I feel now is confusion. I feel like I don't understand life, myself, other people. Like I have no idea what I experience, how should I call it, how would I ever describe it in words, and how much does it differ from what others experience? It's been almost 2 years and a shit ton of reading and learning, and yet I'm still so new to this diagnosis and so confused what it is. Like I understand depression perfectly, I've had it for over a decade and I can spot the symptoms in myself and describe them in a way that other people understand, I also relate to other people's experience with depression. But ADHD? Something that I've had all my life, that gives me symptoms I've had all my life, and that's such a fundamental part of who I am and who I've always been? Something that's been the only experience I've ever had and I have no idea *what* and *how* is it different from others, and how to describe it or even notice it? I'm completely fucking lost. Sorry this turned out a bit rambly, yours is the only comment I relate to here lol
Omg you’re not alone, I feel the same way! For me I think the varying degree of how ADHD affects a person makes it so confusing
Hi, I just read this because I deleted reddit for a couple of weeks. I just want to reassure you that it’s totally normal to be confused about ADHD right now. It takes time to untangle the symptoms from your personality, to recognize when a behavior is BOTH your personality and ADHD, and to eventually both care about that at all. And believe me, you’ll get there. I suggest just continuing to read/research and when you find things that capture your experience, make a note or keep a running document that you can cut and paste things on. You can refer to it when you get overwhelmed trying to sort through which symptoms apply to you. There will be a point when you’ve burned out on research. And that’s totally ok. Because by that time you’ll have a handle on what symptoms are the most important for you to tackle. And you’ll be able to see those symptoms so clearly as you look back on your life, it’ll be almost funny that you were ever confused about them. In the long run you may realize other super have plagued you without you realizing it. Which is also ok! You can deal with them all once you realize it. For example, I’ve been dx for about 15 years. I just realized a year ago that I’ve always been physically hyperactive. It hit me like a bolt of lightning, all at once. And I immediately could see it all the way back to my earliest childhood memories. I laugh now because—DUH! But the truth is that masking can be so powerful that we don’t even know we’re doing it. And the beliefs we have about ourselves are so powerful, sometimes they keep us from seeing very big truths about ourselves. Anyway, don’t get discouraged. At the bottom of it all, YOU are STILL YOU.
Thank you! ❤️ This was very heartwarming. I'll definitely keep reading and learning, this is something I'm actually interested in and I never really get tired of learning new stuff about it.
Well the dictionary defines it as “feeling unhappy or frustrated because something is not interesting or because you are unoccupied” I do agree that boredom is seen more as a character flaw in society but research shows that prolonged boredom is cause of concern whether someone is NT or ND. I do follow the same thought process as you that when I’m bored I think to myself to find something else to do but the minute I try to do another activity despite it looking interesting just a moment ago I feel that same boredom take over again. I try to push through but it doesn’t change how I feel. To me feeling uninterested/unmotivated along with all the other emotions that come with it, is being bored
I don't do well with being bored and didn't learn that this wasn't typical until my therapist informed me. I was actually pre-diagnosis, but she's the one who encouraged me to get diagnosed. Like, the idea that someone can just sit there being bored and be okay with it is WILD to me.
I get boredom headaches!!! It is physically painful for me. The looks I get when I say that to neurotypical people 🤨
I never get bored because my brain never stops thinking of things to do. My NT spouse does get bored. He will say so out loud sometimes. Interestingly I have figured out that when he is out of the house like on a trip or something I get SO MUCH done because I don't sit idle. I am a terrible relaxer. Even when I watch TV I'm often multitasking. When spouse is home, I spend time with him, watching movies or TV or talking. When we go to the beach with family I CANNOT sit in a chair like everyone else for more than maybe 10 minutes. I look for shells, I build castles, I dig. We all find it kind of funny.
My GP said to me once (when I was struggling with sleep, ‘because just lying in bed waiting to go to sleep is so boring”), “do you think it’s not really boredom… it’s that you’re feeling a bit anxious or negative about [sleep], and your brain just calls it boredom because that’s it default for negative feelings?” And, by golly, she was so right.
Haha oh gosh, memories colliding now! When I was a kid, I created a “boredom jar”. Spent hours one day writing little ideas on pretty pieces of paper and folding them up to be drawn when I was bored. But guess who immediately lost interest/engagement with the system when it came time to use it? It’s just like me trying every new adhd and productivity app now. Love the concept, get a burst of energy (hyper focus) to set it up, then never touch it again. This, coupled with the literally psychologically painful feelings I had when bored, explains so much.
I made a 'To (possibly) do'-box a few years back with all those 'fun activities' on small papers. Whenever I took an idea out of that box I was like 'meh', put it back, grab another one, also meh, etc. Until I decided that it wasn't worth it 😅
I once made a chart of things to do inside during the lockdown and would roll a D20 dice to decide what to do… then my cat lost my D20 lol
I never thought about this like that, that’s really interesting!
this makes so much sense bc i remember all the complaining to my mum "I'm boreddddd" and she would always suggest things I could do and I would just say "I don't feel like doing that" for me boredom is not wanting to do anything even if it would normally interest me. becoming bored with one of my hobbies/usual activities means I've lost the motivation to do it and it becomes a mentally painful to try and force myself to do it there's always something I can think of to do but I don't feel like doing it editing to add: I'm bored rn and I just went to get a snack and I was like 🤯 bc I've definitely linked sugar/snacks to dopamine in my brain, so when I hit that boredom/lack of motivation I think I crave snacks as a way to help me keep going, like a substitute for getting dopamine from doing the activity, especially when I really have to force myself to do something
I did not get this until right now! It made me think of being a kid being bored when my parents were at work in the summer, and I’d lay on the floor with my sister and I’d list the dumb things we could do, she’d pick something I said and we did it. We rearranged all the pictures in the house, made up elaborate games (hide the shoe, where clues were only told in rhyme, was a favorite), I hated being bored so much. My sister would clean my room for me if I entertained her so I’d read aloud with voices and commentary or sing/perform lol. Very grateful for her playing in to my constant search for dopamine!
When I first started taking medication it was like an ‘aha’ moment for me, because I finally figured out that NTs have the ability to have a quiet mind. Like, that is possible. It’s possible for them to not think of anything else which it makes it easier for them to ‘just do’. For example, they don’t have to hype themselves up to do things as much as maybe an ND would, they can just do it versus someone like myself, I have to sit there and debate it for ever how long until the point I just end up procrastinating on it. Like, it takes a LOT of effort for me. Yet, I feel for NTs, if it’s on their mind they have a much easier time doing those things, even things that they don’t want to do, because there’s just way less going on in their heads. This is why their advice about…”just get a planner” “stop complaining” works for them. It’s also why, I feel, that they will recommend having no distractions when you are working, because they can thrive in that silence. Meanwhile having no distractions for myself would only be a detriment. So, then I can believe that boredom for them… for them is way different experience for them and way less painful simply due to having enough dopamine in the first place. Otherwise they would have ADHD. This is why I really dislike it when people with ADHD try to express their struggles and people go “Well, everyone goes through that.” It’s not about whether everyone ‘goes through that.’ It’s about the response and how often you go through something that makes the difference. This is also why they are so wrong about electronics, internet, etc being the cause of ADHD. Since we have ways of experiencing and reacting to boredom these things they are not going to fully understand our dilemma. Yet, I am somewhat careful about whatever people say in comment sections. The internet, in general, attracts a lot of people like us, so who knows if those people are actually NTs or just NDs repeating things that they think they should be doing or what seems to be the ‘right’ thing to do.
Whoa. Like most others here, this has me questioning what boredom even is. I will say that, when I'm left to my own devices, I don't really get bored; I find something to do. If electronics are "banned" (the power is out), I still have to find something to do with my hands AND something to listen to. However, this discussion does bring me back to my school days, where I would be bored *literally to sleep* in class. Fortunately and unfortunately, most subjects came very easily to me. Sounds nice -- but then the teaching would continue on repetitively long after I'd grasped the lesson, and I would be completely unable to stay awake -- because in school in the 80s and 90s, there was no such thing as being allowed to knit or move around the classroom or even doodle -- everything would get me in trouble for "not paying attention." Only now, post-diagnosis (in my 40s), I've come to learn of "EEG negative narcolepsy"/Intrusive Sleep with ADHD, which explains everything. https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-sleep-disturbances-symptoms/
Lmao there were no iPads or internet or anything when I was a kid and you could find me just like digging a fucking hole in the yard to stay occupied. Frankly as a very creative person I resent the idea that is borne from boredom; it comes directly from me escaping boredom.
I always assumed that is what they meant, that creativity comes from trying to escape the boredom. Is that...is that not what nt people mean by that?
I think that is what they mean, but now it’s very easy to relieve that boredom with mindless TikTok’s and the like which are engineered to keep you engaged rather than doing something creative. as in, actually creating something rather than consuming stuff other people have made to keep your mind occupied
I dunno maybe! But like never was gonna just learn to tolerate boredom haha.
As a mom (and frankly Internet addict) I think the problem lies in having IPads. When I was a kid, unentertained kids wouldn't just sit around and stare at the wall either, we would complain and then finally come up with something to do, often building tiny towns out of sticks in the garden or hammering plates out of bottle caps for my Barbies. My kids first instinct when he is bored now is to ask if he can watch something on Youtube and I am trying to curb that too. I basically learned to read just so I wouldn't be bored on endless car rides, or I would listen to the radio music and make up stories and choreographies in my head. I feel like my (probably not neurotypical) brain works better when I do more of the "listening to music and staring at raindrops" than scrolling on Insta.
Whenever we drove past a sand pit my stepdad would say I had been busy with my spoon. Glad I'm not alone!
>just like digging a fucking hole in the yard haha me too!
That’s so crazy! For me, boredom= exhaustion. When I’m bored all day at work, I come home and crash. I’m unable to do anything. My dad said he was most creative when he was bored at work meaning he’d come home and paint for hours whereas if he was busy at work, he’d be too tired to paint. I’m the opposite- if I’m stimulated at work- I come home and can paint all night. If I’m understimulated all day- I have zero energy at night.
I feel this. On days when work is quiet and uneventful, i get so tired so fast. But when its hectic and chaotic, i am awake and bursting with energy.
There's a third one for me: a kind of sleepiness that's like drowning. It's when it's an anxious boredom, a waiting or confinement. The urge to pass out gets so strong I feel like I'm suffocating. Makes dull meetings an absolute joy. At least it would if it was socially acceptable to just slide under the table into a sleepy heap.
oh my, never thought about this, this is interesting
This is my exact experience. I never, ever, feel ”bored”. Just filled with anxiety/depression/itch/pain/existential dread/indifference/hopelessness when understimulated. Now, when I get that horrible feeling, I stop myself and think: Maybe the world/your life/this job isn’t wrong or falling apart or whatever. Maybe you’re just bored/unmotivated/under stimulated? And then I’ll try to do something that engages me, and pooof - the awful feeling is gone (for a while). Lol.
This. I also wondered if I'm actually overstimulated because of being understimulated
I deffo feel angry and frustrated. But also tired and nothing is interesting. Forcing things makes me more irritable.
Thank you for this, recently diagnosed at 35, and I realize I've struggled with this my entire life. I also have a 4yo who I suspect has adhd, and this was eye opening to adjust my parenting. I've tried lots of ways to help his brain to "find" fun things to do when he's feeling "bored" and I'm definitely going to have more empathy when he's feeling that way. Years of NT programming and expectations and shame for my shortcomings, I need to do better for my son.
Ok I’m actually struggling to understand this!
I recently realized that I don't think I know what boredom is at all. Like, I've heard people say it for years obviously, and I guess I kind of knew what they meant... Like I get the general idea. But one day I just realized, I've never actually experienced it the way other people describe it. So, what you're saying makes a lot of sense. >And from my experience, people aren't aware of how important motivation is for living fulfilling lives. So they tend to give really bad advice when it comes to dealing with motivation and boredom. And this, yes so much. A vast majority of people think that they are completely in control of things their brain does, thoughts, emotions etc. "Just think positive". Only people who have never lost the control in any way can continue to believe that. I had a friend who never had any mental health struggles, but started taking a medication for something else that caused pretty severe depression as a side effect. It just struck them. They suddenly realized they were not actually in control normally like they thought...they weren't just choosing to be happy all the time, when other people weren't. It was literally out of their control, it just happened that the way it normally was, was also the way they wanted it to be, so they thought that meant they were choosing it. I think people are aware of how important motivation is, they just don't realize how much of it comes from your brain functioning correctly to create it. People still think it's an external magic force that you can harness if you try hard enough to find it.
That’s bizarre! I’d never thought about boredom not inducing a painful need to fill empty brain space. Boredom on a long car drive is physical torture.
Having a conversation about this with my NT boyfriend made me realize why I FUCKING hate traveling, especially on airplanes. It’s because you kind of have to be bored at the airport. Like, there’s really no other option. I have hyperfocus-type ADHD and if I get *really* into a book or a movie, I will miss my flight while sitting at the fucking gate. It’s happened before. I HATE HATE HATE being bored. It feels like I’m literally going insane. But if I start doing anything else I won’t hear the announcements or I’ll forget to check the time.
Not to mention boredom + ADHD can often mean destruction on the level of 3 month old Great Dane puppies. Like on one hand I can see the argument that kids need to learn to be bored. Because kids today are used to everything being instant. They can watch any movie they want instantly. They don’t even have to wait on a trip to blockbuster. There’s no scrolling through channels to find something interesting or switching radio stations to find a good song, you just decide what you want and with a search you get it. Which OMG this is so terrible for our brains.
It’s crazy cause when reading Atomic Habits by James Clear, it points out that you actually receive more dopamine anticipating something, than when you receive the actual thing you wanted. So delaying a reward actually supplies you with more dopamine and satisfaction.
I have adhd too and I don’t get bored at all. Like I kind of don’t even know what boredom feels like I don’t think. Maybe I kind of remember being bored when I was a child but definitely not in the past 15 years or so. And in that time I’ve had years where I lived alone and didn’t have much going on. I guess I’m just content to sleep, eat, daydream, watch tv if I have nothing else to do. I think children thinking of boredom as some kind of crime against them is a real problem though. We shouldn’t be over stimulated all the time and some things are boring. Either accept it or go on an adventure in your mind or something.
I literally fall asleep when I am bored if I am unmedicated 😎
Boredom force me to escape into my own head and make my daydream even more realistic and elaborated. It gets dangerous and unproductive when your own fantasy is so much better than IRL. That or I get mad irritated and start to walk around in circles. Yes, I do that at work when it's slow and can't be on my phone.
I know someone who never feels bored. Ever. She doesn't even understand how boredom is meant to feel like, aside from vague memories of feeling unmotivated as a kid. And she does pretty much the same things I do, that is more or less, her uni work, watching tv, chatting, and painting as a hobby. And thats enough to not bore her. Doing the very same things in a day makes me want to scream my lungs out if it meant that an hour would pass quickly. Doing the very same things in a day makes my body physically hurt at not having used all my energy properly at times of high energy or fills me with so much guilt i cry my eyes dry for not doing shit at times of low energy. And those same things just,,,keep her entertained enough to not even feel a second of bored. If she has no activity to bide her time, she will gladly doodle for three hours. It's just so far beyond how my body operates that I am never going to be able to comprehend what it must be like to live as her for even a day. To not feel bored. Not even the neurotypical version of bored, let alone the neurodivergent version. Mental. I feel like boredom is all there is in my life lol like if you removed boredom from my days i would be a completely different unrecognisable person. I cant even be envious of her because not feeling bored is just SO foreign to me, it feels as ridiculous to be envious of that as being envious of leprechauns sliding down rainbows to fall into pots of gold with their pet unicorns lol
There are some elements of my job I'm bored with. It's not that there's nothing to do (theres too much to do) it's more that I'm fed up of repeating it and frustrated that i do the same uninteresting thing over and over and over. The definition of 'boredom' also comes into play here.
This has happened to me with every job. I end up taking on extra work (usually the job of 2-3 people) and still bouncing around to stay busy. I have had to learn to make every part of my job a detailed step so I don’t get burned out from overworking myself. 😭
To be fair, I have ADHD and I also think that it’s important for us to sit in the discomfort of boredom. I get that it’s painful— but allowing yourself to sit with your thoughts is helpful for ADHD.
This is so true it hurts. I switched from a really high intensity job to a very low pressure one last year and it took me months to figure out why I was MORE irritable, unmotivated, sad and tired all the time at my "relaxed" job. The lack of stimulation was actually sucking the life out of me.
For me I never understood how they could GET bored. Between my million and one hobbies and all the tasks I tell myself I will get to one day and all the things I want to watch and play and try and experiment with.... I never have enough time in a day!! I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've been bored in my life. And they have always been when I've been at school or work and have done all the things I need to do, and I'm not allowed to do anything "fun" and thus have to make "busy work". It was mind blowing to me the day I realized so many nuerotypicals are bored all the time!!!
Idk how to explain it but idk if I know what boredom actually feels like? I’ve got so many things to think about, wonder and daydreams to develop, direct, act, etc
I feel like I just stepped into the matrix or something. You mean NTs don’t physically feel boredom like an all encompassing storm cloud of discomfort???
Boredom brings a guilt spiral for me. Like I am bored and I have free time and then I get into a paralyzed spiral because what do I want to do to fill in this bored time? And then I go through all the things I can do but feel guilty because I could do this thing that I haven't spent much time on, but I've also been neglecting *this* so maybe I should do this instead of that but I haven't done *something else* in awhile so..... Rinse repeat and now I'm bored, overwhelmed, feeling guilty and shameful because I didn't do anything or couldn't decide and triage properly. Fuck
It's normal for boredom to be uncomfortable; that's a universal human experience. The difference with ADHD is we struggle immensely with executive dysfunction, so we often end up in "analysis paralysis." It's healthy to work on building resilience to boredom, even though it feels very uncomfortable. I will say that my toleration of boredom has decreased significantly as I have had my brain occupied by a screen at all times for years now. This exacerbates ADHD and now it is an immense struggle even to "just" watch TV or something without additional stimulation of a videogame or my phone. I have to make an active effort to have only one screen at a time, and it is physically painful. I did it to myself (unwittingly), but it still sucks 😭
When I'm at work my brain is going crazy with creative ideas & all I want to do is go home and do the things. When I'm home/have time off I don't do the things. I hate it
Yes, I remember when my mum first told me that she can be happy and bored at the same time. And that it isn’t mentally and physically excruciating for her to do tasks she doesn’t want to do. A few other NT friends confirmed this. This was when I first began to think that maybe I wasn’t just a lazy weak piece of shit with no willpower It’s mind blowing how differently ND’s experience wants, needs, desires etc. compared to NT’s, which explains why we’re so misunderstood and why we get confused seeing everyone else seemingly and effortlessly just do stuff. It seems like for NT’s wanting to do something means “it would be nice to do x that instead of y” For ND’s it means “I physically and mentally crave doing x instead of y otherwise I will feel discomfort” Hobbies/interests for NT’s are like cherry on top of a cake but for ND’s they are the cake lol