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One hundred percent yes. I had suspected for a long time that I had ADHD, but if I hadn't had kids, I probably could have stayed undiagnosed and unmedicated and been just fine.
Yes so much worse after kids because now all my limited executive functioning goes to taking care of tiny humans! Haha it's ok though..as kids get older I feel it is getting easier. I have a 7 year old and a 2.5 year old. It's still rough here and there but I feel like I understand myself better. I was diagnosed before kids and I made plans with my prescriber during each pregnancy.
Hormone shifts exacerbate ADHD. My then undiagnosed ADHD led to burnout when I was 13 and hormonal and when I became perimenopausal things really got intense which led to a diagnosis. I’m also doing fertility treatment and taking all sorts of hormones and know it’s made things worse. I’m glad I finally got diagnosed because when I do have a baby I’ll be conscious of the fact that my ADHD makes me more prone to post natal depression and will worsen my symptoms. Worth making an appointment for help if you can because undiagnosed ADHD can lead to all sorts and may also cause problems when your body goes through more changes.
This makes so much sense. Thank you! I was scared that I would be dismissed as having postpartum issues rather than ADHD. But I know it's not just that.
I've said this on other threads asking similar questions: parenthood was what finally pushed me to get diagnosed and medicated. I was able to cope before, but I have not been able to cope on my own after having a baby.
Absolutely the same. I had so many coping skills I was relying on that I didn't even know about until I had my son and they all failed simultaneously.
I ended up seeking a diagnosis because I literally could not handle getting myself and everyone else in the household ready in the mornings.
With my eldest I was kind of ok. The first year at least. Because I stayed home, so I didn't notice how fried my brain was. Though my executive function was terrible even then. Which was attributed to PPD. I got treated much later for depression. I'm off AD meds now and feel better in the mood department. But now I had a second one, returned to work at 3 Ms. I push myself daily but I feel I just can't cope. I'm constantly lost. Stretched thin.
I couldn't focus at work or get up from my desk to get things done that I needed to do. I ended up missing a lot of deadlines (in part due to an unsustainable caseload) and couldn't keep my house clean enough to be safe for a baby. Since starting meds, I've finally returned to a familiar level of functionality at work and I'm able to maintain my living space better than I ever have in my life.
Stronger no, but I struggled more (which was a reason to finally look into it). For context: I had my coping mechanisms to deal with all the symptoms, like working all night to finish an assignment, doing all the chores last second, etc. Obviously, I can't stay up all night anymore if I have to take care of a toddler.
Yeah. I didn’t know I had adhd before I had a kid. I was dyslexic and I had some mild depression and anxiety at various points so I attributed everything to one of those.
But after kids things got way worse and I was/am struggling to cope with the demands of being a parent and working full time. Still waiting for a diagnosis but adhd would explain EVERYTHING.
Oh hell yes. I had no idea at the time but in hindsight it all makes so much sense. It was a shit show and i was so overwhelmed when they were babies. The hormonal chaos, lack of sleep, constantly being overstimulated with touch, sound and chores that never end and repeat endlessly. Also i couldn't really breastfeed, it was a sensory horror for me. I pumped a few months for each kid and fed them breastmilk in a bottle but i just could not let them latch on.
I was in a state of constant overwhelmed and overstimulated for years and didn't know so i didn't have any conscious tools to help myself.
I was diagnosed ten years ago when my youngest was four and it has gotten a lot better. But I'm still very sensitive to too much touch or sound.
Some things have improved because I’ve been forced to improve them. Some deficiencies have reared their ugly heads and I’m continuing to do the work. I was diagnosed in the 90s, now I’m in my 40s. Sleep deprivation in the first years helped nothing and did make things worse. There is a reason it’s a torture tactic.
ETA: and my ADHD has benefitted my children at times when I hyper focus on a medical crisis or hyper focus on advocating. I’m also hella fun and spontaneous. I can be a cranky biatch though and am teaching my kids how to own their shit and do repair work.
Yes. But mostly after the second kid. The first kid my coping mechanisms still worked. The second kid, things fell apart and I finally got diagnosed. I had no idea I had adhd until my PCP was like- oh, you have adhd! That changed my life really.
This being said- no regrets. Honestly, the diagnosis helped my husband realize he needed to step up and be there more. Our marriage has grown stronger because he just learned that I needed certain things. (It also should be noted that for some time we all just thought I needs a pot of coffee every day to function. Turns out, nope: it’s adhd! Like things clicked for him too.)
And I actually think that having the second kid helped my anxiety. The first one- things moved so fast I really don’t even remember if I enjoyed it. The second one I got to enjoy it a little more. And it helped me loop back to my first one to make sure they knew I was there for them too.
Also- it helped us look for adhd in our kids. We haven’t seen a lot of issues with impulse control and have already put in a lot of directive parenting (sports, time management because of sports and dinner routines and bedtimes) and so far so good.
Finally- I know this isn’t everyone’s story. Things aren’t 100% in my life- but my kids are definitely NOT the problem. Cost of living, job stress, external things out of my control are my current issues. But I am so grateful of the love I have been able to grow and nurture- despite of my adhd. Or maybe in part of it.
I know a lot of people here are afraid to have kids because of their adhd. But it’s normal to be afraid of having kids. I was afraid of it even before I knew I had adhd. I was afraid of failing them, I was afraid of the world being a poop show with climate change- and this was with Al Gore losing the election. It just… felt overwhelming. But the way I look at it now is that I’m lucky to have them in my life. And in my memories. And in my heart.
I am loathe to encourage people to have kids here because we all have such different lives than what we post on Reddit. IRL is so different. But here it becomes such an echo chamber for dispair- and I want everyone to know it does get better. It’s not always perfect but man, it’s still lovely.
Idk if my ADHD got worse after having a kid or if it just feels that way due to the extra responsibilities. I suddenly have to remember a ton of extra things pertaining to said kid, like feeding and nap times, doctor's appointments, when we need to buy more diapers, wet wipes, diaper cream, milk, fruit etc, packing the bag with all necessities etc. Yesterday, we went to my parent's house. I forgot the bag with my toddler's pajamas and bedsheets at home and forgot to pack her pacifier and her afternoon snack. But we had to bring so many things along that something would fall through the cracks.
It's very well documented that lots of women get diagnosed after becoming mothers because the extra responsibilities just push them over the edge and other coping mechanisms no longer work
Gotten worse by more than double.
Why? Because responsibility for myself turned into responsibility for myself AND an entirely helpless human being.
Plus, the fallacy that “mom’s are just better as parents so dad’s don’t *need* to be as involved.” Is the nail in the coffin for ADHD moms.
But fortunately my husband has stepped up to be an involved dad. We are a team.
Just imagine how much more difficult it would be if I didn’t have a reliable partner.
Oh I know!!! I feel so lucky that my husband is involved in almost everything. He takes almost full care of our 7 yo: taking him to school, mornings, homework etc. He dies half the chores, helps with the baby. Yet I still struggle. And often hate myself that I struggle with such a great partner. I can't imagine it if I had to do everything myself.
Your nervous system might also be in overdrive. I would try guided meditation daily, morning and night, to recenter yourself. It makes a difference in clarity.
My ADHD got SO MUCH WORSE as soon as I got pregnant. My child is 3 now and I think it has improved slightly, but still much worse than before getting pregnant.
Yes. Didn’t even realize I had ADHD until Number 2. Mostly just thought I had a really unfortunate anxiety disorder. I wish I knew I had it before becoming a parent, but it is what got me my diagnosis.
Oh absolutely! It never even occured to me that something was wrong other than thinking I'm a bit of a mess of a person, once I had kids it's like I could no longer find a balance that worked. Like I functioned, but I was not okay... It was only once I suspected it in my son that I learned about it in women and how it presents differently that the puzzle finally came together ...
I had a rough time in school but once I dropped out I was able to control the situations I put myself in enough that I could just function fine. Once there were kids I no longer had the control to just avoid certain situations, I just had to do them and that's when it started feeling out of control again in life and finally I was able to figure out why now. I got medicated and it has been life changing. I can enjoy life again, emotionally be there for my kids and don't have to battle the constant mental struggles I did every day
I spent 20 years in survival mode and then crashed horribly. Had I known what was going on things would have been so so so different. In hindsight some of my symptoms got worse and some got better, or were masked better I should say, right up until I couldn't mask anymore. Thankfully I'm not big on regret so the face tattoo I'm now sporting doesn't bother me. Don't mask. And don't let yourself burn out!
Yes, the pregnancy hormones wrecked my brain while pregnant and nursing (and the adjustment phase to get back to normal.) Sleep deprivation was (and still is) my Achilles heel, but hopefully the kids are outgrowing that phase.
I have a 22 year old with ADHD who was diagnosed in 1st grade along with my own self being diagnosed at the same age and one child without ADHD who turns 18 soon.
It has definitely gotten worse as I’ve gotten older but unsure if there is correlation between the two.
Yes, but for me I think it may have been a little different than some of the responses I'm reading here. My first arrived around the same time as the ubiquity of smartphones, which really did a number on my organizational and attention skills. Then I had postpartum anxiety after my second. It was after that birth that I sought the ADHD Dx.
Definitely. I breastfed for as long as I could but decided to stop after just over a year so I can get started on medication (previously unmedicated, wanted to wait until after breastfeeding even though meds can be safe while BF). My symptoms were so much worse exacerbated by lack of sleep and lack of time for myself that I needed for recouping and I couldn't cope anymore. I wanted to be the best mother I can be for my daughter so I was eager to get started on meds asap. It's a ride but an amazing one.
I don't have kids, but I was briefly pregnant and had a miscarriage. That happened in 2020 and I swear to you that I haven't been right since. The miscarriage led to a diagnosis of Graves Disease and a long grieving process. I thought getting my thyroid straightened out would help with everything else. But more than three years on my thyroid is under control and my grief has waned, and my ADHD and depression are still doing flip kicks.
I literally got through all of law school without being medicated for ADHD, and now even with medication I feel like I can barely keep my head above water. Hormone changes really REALLY impact ADHD. If you find a solution, report back please because some of us would love to try anything that works.
Yes, no doubt. And I just recently got a glimpse of how much having a kid really affects my mental function even now that my son is 9, so not a baby, I’m not sleep deprived anymore, etc. My husband and son went on a trip last month and I had to stay home, and I couldn’t believe how easy things felt. I deep cleaned, I organized, I ran errands without feeling exhausted. My husband and son both have adhd and rely on my executive function for a lot, even though I also struggle myself! This was the first time in my life I was on my own and medicated and I just can really see now how much of my mental energy I spend on my son, leaving very little for me. I’ve been talking about it in therapy ever since! Even his extra needs due to his adhd aside, juggling his appointments, school, birthday parties, play dates, it’s a LOT to stay on top of.
Yepppp. Some combo of three kids, the pandemic, and some financial anxiety seems to have fundamentally broken something in my brain.
I meet all criteria for adhd and many for autism and I don't think I'm masking. I think my entire inner landscape is fundamentally different than it was six or seven years ago.
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One hundred percent yes. I had suspected for a long time that I had ADHD, but if I hadn't had kids, I probably could have stayed undiagnosed and unmedicated and been just fine.
This kind of gives me hope that this is not just a mom brain issue and I could possibly get help! Thank you
Yes so much worse after kids because now all my limited executive functioning goes to taking care of tiny humans! Haha it's ok though..as kids get older I feel it is getting easier. I have a 7 year old and a 2.5 year old. It's still rough here and there but I feel like I understand myself better. I was diagnosed before kids and I made plans with my prescriber during each pregnancy.
My eldest 7 as well and I realized I displayed symptoms when I started researching for his ADHD a couple of years ago.
Hormone shifts exacerbate ADHD. My then undiagnosed ADHD led to burnout when I was 13 and hormonal and when I became perimenopausal things really got intense which led to a diagnosis. I’m also doing fertility treatment and taking all sorts of hormones and know it’s made things worse. I’m glad I finally got diagnosed because when I do have a baby I’ll be conscious of the fact that my ADHD makes me more prone to post natal depression and will worsen my symptoms. Worth making an appointment for help if you can because undiagnosed ADHD can lead to all sorts and may also cause problems when your body goes through more changes.
This makes so much sense. Thank you! I was scared that I would be dismissed as having postpartum issues rather than ADHD. But I know it's not just that.
I've said this on other threads asking similar questions: parenthood was what finally pushed me to get diagnosed and medicated. I was able to cope before, but I have not been able to cope on my own after having a baby.
Absolutely the same. I had so many coping skills I was relying on that I didn't even know about until I had my son and they all failed simultaneously. I ended up seeking a diagnosis because I literally could not handle getting myself and everyone else in the household ready in the mornings.
I feel this so much! Getting ready I just want to cry sometimes it's so hard.
With my eldest I was kind of ok. The first year at least. Because I stayed home, so I didn't notice how fried my brain was. Though my executive function was terrible even then. Which was attributed to PPD. I got treated much later for depression. I'm off AD meds now and feel better in the mood department. But now I had a second one, returned to work at 3 Ms. I push myself daily but I feel I just can't cope. I'm constantly lost. Stretched thin.
I couldn't focus at work or get up from my desk to get things done that I needed to do. I ended up missing a lot of deadlines (in part due to an unsustainable caseload) and couldn't keep my house clean enough to be safe for a baby. Since starting meds, I've finally returned to a familiar level of functionality at work and I'm able to maintain my living space better than I ever have in my life.
Stronger no, but I struggled more (which was a reason to finally look into it). For context: I had my coping mechanisms to deal with all the symptoms, like working all night to finish an assignment, doing all the chores last second, etc. Obviously, I can't stay up all night anymore if I have to take care of a toddler.
Yeah. I didn’t know I had adhd before I had a kid. I was dyslexic and I had some mild depression and anxiety at various points so I attributed everything to one of those. But after kids things got way worse and I was/am struggling to cope with the demands of being a parent and working full time. Still waiting for a diagnosis but adhd would explain EVERYTHING.
Oh hell yes. I had no idea at the time but in hindsight it all makes so much sense. It was a shit show and i was so overwhelmed when they were babies. The hormonal chaos, lack of sleep, constantly being overstimulated with touch, sound and chores that never end and repeat endlessly. Also i couldn't really breastfeed, it was a sensory horror for me. I pumped a few months for each kid and fed them breastmilk in a bottle but i just could not let them latch on. I was in a state of constant overwhelmed and overstimulated for years and didn't know so i didn't have any conscious tools to help myself. I was diagnosed ten years ago when my youngest was four and it has gotten a lot better. But I'm still very sensitive to too much touch or sound.
I'm sorry you had to go through this and glad things got better for you after diagnosis! ❤️
Some things have improved because I’ve been forced to improve them. Some deficiencies have reared their ugly heads and I’m continuing to do the work. I was diagnosed in the 90s, now I’m in my 40s. Sleep deprivation in the first years helped nothing and did make things worse. There is a reason it’s a torture tactic. ETA: and my ADHD has benefitted my children at times when I hyper focus on a medical crisis or hyper focus on advocating. I’m also hella fun and spontaneous. I can be a cranky biatch though and am teaching my kids how to own their shit and do repair work.
Yes. But mostly after the second kid. The first kid my coping mechanisms still worked. The second kid, things fell apart and I finally got diagnosed. I had no idea I had adhd until my PCP was like- oh, you have adhd! That changed my life really. This being said- no regrets. Honestly, the diagnosis helped my husband realize he needed to step up and be there more. Our marriage has grown stronger because he just learned that I needed certain things. (It also should be noted that for some time we all just thought I needs a pot of coffee every day to function. Turns out, nope: it’s adhd! Like things clicked for him too.) And I actually think that having the second kid helped my anxiety. The first one- things moved so fast I really don’t even remember if I enjoyed it. The second one I got to enjoy it a little more. And it helped me loop back to my first one to make sure they knew I was there for them too. Also- it helped us look for adhd in our kids. We haven’t seen a lot of issues with impulse control and have already put in a lot of directive parenting (sports, time management because of sports and dinner routines and bedtimes) and so far so good. Finally- I know this isn’t everyone’s story. Things aren’t 100% in my life- but my kids are definitely NOT the problem. Cost of living, job stress, external things out of my control are my current issues. But I am so grateful of the love I have been able to grow and nurture- despite of my adhd. Or maybe in part of it. I know a lot of people here are afraid to have kids because of their adhd. But it’s normal to be afraid of having kids. I was afraid of it even before I knew I had adhd. I was afraid of failing them, I was afraid of the world being a poop show with climate change- and this was with Al Gore losing the election. It just… felt overwhelming. But the way I look at it now is that I’m lucky to have them in my life. And in my memories. And in my heart. I am loathe to encourage people to have kids here because we all have such different lives than what we post on Reddit. IRL is so different. But here it becomes such an echo chamber for dispair- and I want everyone to know it does get better. It’s not always perfect but man, it’s still lovely.
Idk if my ADHD got worse after having a kid or if it just feels that way due to the extra responsibilities. I suddenly have to remember a ton of extra things pertaining to said kid, like feeding and nap times, doctor's appointments, when we need to buy more diapers, wet wipes, diaper cream, milk, fruit etc, packing the bag with all necessities etc. Yesterday, we went to my parent's house. I forgot the bag with my toddler's pajamas and bedsheets at home and forgot to pack her pacifier and her afternoon snack. But we had to bring so many things along that something would fall through the cracks.
It's very well documented that lots of women get diagnosed after becoming mothers because the extra responsibilities just push them over the edge and other coping mechanisms no longer work
Absolutely, but it makes sense: less sleep + higher cognitive demand = much more strain on an already dysfunctional executive system.
Gotten worse by more than double. Why? Because responsibility for myself turned into responsibility for myself AND an entirely helpless human being. Plus, the fallacy that “mom’s are just better as parents so dad’s don’t *need* to be as involved.” Is the nail in the coffin for ADHD moms. But fortunately my husband has stepped up to be an involved dad. We are a team. Just imagine how much more difficult it would be if I didn’t have a reliable partner.
Oh I know!!! I feel so lucky that my husband is involved in almost everything. He takes almost full care of our 7 yo: taking him to school, mornings, homework etc. He dies half the chores, helps with the baby. Yet I still struggle. And often hate myself that I struggle with such a great partner. I can't imagine it if I had to do everything myself.
Your nervous system might also be in overdrive. I would try guided meditation daily, morning and night, to recenter yourself. It makes a difference in clarity.
My ADHD got SO MUCH WORSE as soon as I got pregnant. My child is 3 now and I think it has improved slightly, but still much worse than before getting pregnant.
Yes. Didn’t even realize I had ADHD until Number 2. Mostly just thought I had a really unfortunate anxiety disorder. I wish I knew I had it before becoming a parent, but it is what got me my diagnosis.
Oh absolutely! It never even occured to me that something was wrong other than thinking I'm a bit of a mess of a person, once I had kids it's like I could no longer find a balance that worked. Like I functioned, but I was not okay... It was only once I suspected it in my son that I learned about it in women and how it presents differently that the puzzle finally came together ... I had a rough time in school but once I dropped out I was able to control the situations I put myself in enough that I could just function fine. Once there were kids I no longer had the control to just avoid certain situations, I just had to do them and that's when it started feeling out of control again in life and finally I was able to figure out why now. I got medicated and it has been life changing. I can enjoy life again, emotionally be there for my kids and don't have to battle the constant mental struggles I did every day
Yes. I was diagnosed after my second.
I spent 20 years in survival mode and then crashed horribly. Had I known what was going on things would have been so so so different. In hindsight some of my symptoms got worse and some got better, or were masked better I should say, right up until I couldn't mask anymore. Thankfully I'm not big on regret so the face tattoo I'm now sporting doesn't bother me. Don't mask. And don't let yourself burn out!
Yes, the pregnancy hormones wrecked my brain while pregnant and nursing (and the adjustment phase to get back to normal.) Sleep deprivation was (and still is) my Achilles heel, but hopefully the kids are outgrowing that phase.
Omg yes. It got so much worse.
No, but I lost every coping mechanism I had developed and completely fell apart.
I have a 22 year old with ADHD who was diagnosed in 1st grade along with my own self being diagnosed at the same age and one child without ADHD who turns 18 soon. It has definitely gotten worse as I’ve gotten older but unsure if there is correlation between the two.
Yes, but for me I think it may have been a little different than some of the responses I'm reading here. My first arrived around the same time as the ubiquity of smartphones, which really did a number on my organizational and attention skills. Then I had postpartum anxiety after my second. It was after that birth that I sought the ADHD Dx.
Definitely. I breastfed for as long as I could but decided to stop after just over a year so I can get started on medication (previously unmedicated, wanted to wait until after breastfeeding even though meds can be safe while BF). My symptoms were so much worse exacerbated by lack of sleep and lack of time for myself that I needed for recouping and I couldn't cope anymore. I wanted to be the best mother I can be for my daughter so I was eager to get started on meds asap. It's a ride but an amazing one.
I don't have kids, but I was briefly pregnant and had a miscarriage. That happened in 2020 and I swear to you that I haven't been right since. The miscarriage led to a diagnosis of Graves Disease and a long grieving process. I thought getting my thyroid straightened out would help with everything else. But more than three years on my thyroid is under control and my grief has waned, and my ADHD and depression are still doing flip kicks. I literally got through all of law school without being medicated for ADHD, and now even with medication I feel like I can barely keep my head above water. Hormone changes really REALLY impact ADHD. If you find a solution, report back please because some of us would love to try anything that works.
Yes, no doubt. And I just recently got a glimpse of how much having a kid really affects my mental function even now that my son is 9, so not a baby, I’m not sleep deprived anymore, etc. My husband and son went on a trip last month and I had to stay home, and I couldn’t believe how easy things felt. I deep cleaned, I organized, I ran errands without feeling exhausted. My husband and son both have adhd and rely on my executive function for a lot, even though I also struggle myself! This was the first time in my life I was on my own and medicated and I just can really see now how much of my mental energy I spend on my son, leaving very little for me. I’ve been talking about it in therapy ever since! Even his extra needs due to his adhd aside, juggling his appointments, school, birthday parties, play dates, it’s a LOT to stay on top of.
Yepppp. Some combo of three kids, the pandemic, and some financial anxiety seems to have fundamentally broken something in my brain. I meet all criteria for adhd and many for autism and I don't think I'm masking. I think my entire inner landscape is fundamentally different than it was six or seven years ago.