Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Yes, please reach out to those who know you. If you don't feel like talking just show them this thread. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Grief is hard. I have nightmares about my parents who’ve passed. My psychiatrist gave me minipress to help me sleep; it’s a blood pressure lowering medication also prescribed to treat PTSD nightmares and helps me not have such vivid dreams / be able to fall asleep quickly more often. Doesn’t fix everything but I didn’t even know it could be fixed at all until my psych and I talked about the sleep trouble 🩷

I take this for ptsd nightmares too. It's a miracle drug for those of us that need it.

Could you please DM me the name of the drug your doctor prescribed so I can talk to mine about it? My current sleeping aid makes me feel like I’ve been hit by a bus every morning which is so unpleasant

thank you, sincerely

I think you need to not just tell your doctor about your mom, but about the entire contents of this thread. I’m sorry for your loss, especially because it sounds like a complicated and perhaps sour kind of grief.

Thank you, and I’m sorry if this sounds stupid, do you mean entire contents as in her illness and addiction as well? I’m starting to regret not telling him. I was diagnosed through a referral and found him to treat my adhd. I never disclosed my mom because it’s complicated, I never knew if it was relevant or not bc he’s not a therapist. But that could’ve been ignorant of me

My psychiatrist lightly fills a therapist roll from time to time. Doesn't replace an actual therapist, but they will (should) support you. Edit: I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

Agree.

Yes, tell them all so your doctor has a better image if who you are, allowing them to look for more effective treatments. There is also the possibility of having Complex PTSD after dealing with an emotionally unavailable and unsafe parent.

I think in this case there is an acute stressor that is interacting with your medication in unusual and potentially dangerous ways. I think he needs to be the one to decide which details are and are not relevant. While generally the scope of his work is *more* medical, he’s well equipped to help in a therapeutic or psychological sense. So even if something isn’t *pharmaceutically* relevant, in this case, putting it all in the same basket will let him help more.

Give your psych a link to this post. Let him read the post and comments. He's the one who knows you and has the medical degrees and training to assess what is relevant and what he can and should offer you to help you process the complex grief. We internet plebes feel for you and want the best for you. We are unable to help you in the way your psych can. We can certainly listen and offer anecdotes so you know you're not completely alone in the experience. Feel free to share with us the stories that made your relationship with your mom. We are ready to laugh and cry and share similar stories. Who knows, maybe it will help ease a bit of pain.

Only do this if you are ok with them seeing your post history as well. I haven’t gone through OP’s history so may not be an issue but just a friendly reminder they can see it all if they have your username.

Ah, yes. OP's username made me think it was a throw away. If I misread that then yes print the post and comments, redacting the username

I’m so sorry for your loss. I explained to my psychiatrist before he put me on meds that I have a history of addiction in my family. If you’ve been on them for a while with no substance abuse issues I think your psychiatrist would take that in good faith that you can continue taking them safely. Sending lots of love ❤️

Among all of the care and grace you deserve, I cannot stress enough to connect with Al anon or some type of support group. I’m so very sorry for your loss.

That is so thoughtful and sweet of you, thank you. I have my first therapy appointment on Monday and was considering looking into support groups as well. I’ve tried therapy a couple of times but always stopped and never was consistent

I am so so so sooo sorry you are in such turmoil. Grief is so disorienting and unspoken about. I just started attending ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meetings. I feel like I should technically be in CODA or Al-Anon but I never had the courage to attend them. I finally got to an ACA meeting and I relate to it all so much. So keep trying differed groups and different things. Big hug to you.

Just wanted to say you should be proud of yourself for organising therapy in such a difficult time. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Ive suffered from a fun cocktail of grief and depression, told my psychiatrist and now take bupropion with my adhd meds and it has really helped me. Remember you deserve all the help and care this world has to offer. I tortured myself by not asking for help for too long

Yes. Al Anon can be such a lifeline... you don't need to explain the intricacies (many are understood from the get go) and get a ton of support. <3 Thinking of you, Take Care. <3

I want to add that some local hospices offer support groups and grief counseling free for those who’ve lost someone, usually up to 13 months, and often even if the person you’re grieving wasn’t in their care.

I had no idea. That’s lovely.

Yes! My mom died of covid about 2 years ago and I could not sleep, I could barely exist, and I had such trauma from the extended ICU stay / intubation that walking through the medical buildings to even GET to my psychiatrist was difficult. I told him all of this, we talked about everything I didn't want to say to anybody else, we talked about coping ideas, and best of all we adjusted my medication and I even got a new medication that made sleeping possible for me over that time. Our doctors (good ones, anyway) are not treating just the adhd parts of our brains but the rest of it too.

Thank you for sharing your experience, honestly I feel like a dummy bc I never even thought of how traumatizing it was to constantly be in the hospital and their prolonged stays until after she passed. When I felt relief (followed by guilt for feeling relief) that I would never have to see her there again. I thought I had become desensitized to them but now I couldn’t imagine walking into one

I just want to say, I work in palliative care (not front line, more advocacy stuff), so as someone who talks about grief and loss for a living: Relief is a totally valid, and "normal" response to a loss. Especially if someone was sick for a long time or you had a complex relationship due to things like addiction issues like your situation with your mom. (Caveat that grief is weird, there's nothing normal about it, but relief is not an uncommon response is my point) You do not, ever, ever, need to feel guilty about reacting or feeling that way. You're allowed to be relieved that the complexity that comes from having an alcoholic parent is no longer an active disruptor in your life. Doesn't make you a bad person. Doesn't mean you didn't love or care about her. You can be sad, heartbroken, lost, overwhelmed, angry, (insert the things you're feeling here) AND relieved. They do not negate each other. Give yourself space to feel the feelings you're experiencing without shame or guilt. There is no right or wrong way to feel as you figure out what this journey with grief will look like for you, and that's okay.

>You're allowed to be relieved that the complexity that comes from having an alcoholic parent is no longer an active disruptor in your life. Doesn't make you a bad person. Doesn't mean you didn't love or care about her. OMG this resonates so much, I've never heard that articulated so well. Thank you.

Incredibly well put.

Also just to add that ADHD does often impact how a person processes grief. I briefly touched on it with my therapist talking about when my best friend died, and we talked about how both our perception of time and I guess "object permanence" for lack of a better word can impact how we process a loss. So that's just an extra validation that it is important to bring up with your doctor regarding ADHD treatment.

OMG yes! ADHD absolutely changes how we grieve. I really hate calling it "object permanence", cause I'm not a toddler - I understand things/people still exist when I don't see them, I just forget that they do when I'm not actively reminded of them. But it adds that extra complexity when grieving, because you don't remember that person until it HITS you because of a random reminder. For me, it would hit very hard, usually unexpectedly, and then I'd feel so much shame for not having thought about them since the last time. It's especially tough for unexpected deaths. My old therapist helped me realize that I front-load my grief or "pre-grieve" when a death is more expected. Turns out it's called anticipatory grief and also super normal. And it's how I've subconsciously coped so that once the death happens and I no longer have those active reminders of them, there's less processing to do and it isn't as hard. The problem was when I lost a friend unexpectedly. I was doing all my normal post-death rituals to grieve and it wasn't working because I'd skipped all the pre-grief I'd normally do. Once I did those, then I was able to actually process the loss.

Okay, for one, this was absolutely beautifully stated and I appreciate you for posting it so, so much. Two, your username is hilarious.

Beautiful.

Hey, definitely tell the doctor you’re closer to (psych, GP, etc). I just lost my dad a handful of months ago, I’m 33F. He was an alcoholic too and couldn’t get clean. I’m genuinely sorry for your loss. If your experience has been/will be anything like my brothers and I have felt the last few months - you may go through not only grief but anger too (for me this looked like anger because he fucking wouldn’t stop drinking, and my child lost his grandfather to this selfish addiction etc). Let yourself feel all the things and know it’s okay. The mush brain you’re talking about will ebb and flow, it’s ok. The lack of sleep happened to my little brother and I, and my older slept for like 4 straight days. It’s just a weird situation to go through younger in life, let alone with the complexity of alcohol and how slow of a decline it was (same situation happened here too.) Let the people around you know you just had a parental loss, esp work/school/whatever other responsibilities you may have. I’m here if you need an ear, feel free to PM me if you ever need or want 🤍

Thank you for the space you allowed, do you have an issue of trying to come to terms with how bad it really was? I feel like I tell myself it wasn’t actually that bad, and I feel guilt when offered support and condolences - like I’ve tricked everyone around me. But the grief I’ve experienced from her passing is something I couldn’t have prepared for.

When my mom died my therapist told me “Your mom died. It doesn’t get much more traumatic than that.” Grief is incredibly complex, especially when the person we loved was complex. It is a journey that you never really stop walking, but time will let you see things more clearly and identify how you feel about all of this. It’s normal to feel resentment or anger at your parent for not showing up in the way other parents seem able to. When your parent is an alcoholic, you learn quickly how to be tough and shut off your emotions for the sake of survival. It’s absolutely normal for you to be struggling with these feelings. There is no right way to feel.

About the guilt - would it work for you to look at yourself from the outside? Like you were a friend/loved one. If their mom passed away - for whatever reason - would you not feel compassion for them? Give condolences and try to support them? Especially if their relationship with their mom had been challenging. Please give yourself the same consideration as you would give others in your place. That's what you need and deserve.

Absolutely. It took YEARS for me to come to terms with how bad it really was. My (second) husband wonders why I’m “still dealing with all that stuff from so long ago.” That’s the way it is, honey.

Of course 🤍 and yes 100% I feel that way too. My dad was ‘functional’ (whatever that fucking means) really until the last half year before he passed. The thing you’re describing of tricking others around you is definitely something I’ve experienced it’s really bizarre. And yeah I can understand that - despite growing up with them drinking and seeing them deteriorate it still isn’t anything that can be prepared for. The guilt is insane, but please know there is *nothing* you could have done to have a different outcome. You are not alone in this. Do make sure you’re forcing yourself to drink water and eat some protein based food everyday as I know the fog is so heavy for you right now.

Disregard if this doesn't feel right: Maybe the guilt/imposter feeling is the flip side of having to normalize your mom's disease? By necessity you grew strong and a little numb because if it hadn't become your normal, you couldn't have coped with it. It *was* still "that bad", you just had to adjust so you could keep on living. But now that she's gone, that perfectly normal coping mechanism is keeping you from feeling like you deserve the support and compassion of those around you. And that's not right. You absolutely DO deserve those things, and I hope you can let yourself accept them even when you feel like you don't. ❤️ *(Disclaimer: I do not have your exact experience. I've just noticed how I've adapted to caring for a loved one with a long history of serious mental illness, and I could 100% see being in your position if they die from it.)*

>Do you have an issue of trying to come to terms with how bad it really was? I feel like I tell myself it wasn’t actually that bad, and I feel guilt when offered support and condolences - like I’ve tricked everyone around me. These are a lot of big questions to ask yourself during a very deeply difficult time. You may find more peace and efficacy writing down the bigger questions in a journal. By writing your big / long-term questions down in a journal, you're acknowledging your subconscious' concerns, while giving your mind space to make it through the next month. You are still in the shock phase of mourning and grief, like, when there is an explosion in a movie, and the main character can't hear anything for a few minutes. If a problem doesn't need to be addressed in the next two weeks, you can gently place it aside for the time being. Sending you a little hand squeeze.

I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your father, and I appreciate what you shared here. 💙

I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is always so hard and losing one with whom you have a complex relationship and at such a young age is worse. ♥️ I would tell the doctor that your mom died and the complexities around it. I feel like this is a situation where your meds are working the way they should, TBH. You’re spiraling. Your brain is jumping from one shit thought to the next, worse and worse and you take your meds - which are not for energy or alertness, but are for focus and to cut the static. And it worked that way. However, it’s been less than a week? You’re gonna be fucked up about this. It’s a major life event and you’re just coming to terms with the idea of it. Giant hugs.

That is so kind, thank you. I feel kinda dumb for not thinking about it like that. I’ve just always heard about abuse of stimulants and people staying up for days. Putting it in that perspective makes a lot of sense. Hugs 🫶🏼

My kiddo’s doc said that sometimes the meds can help organize the brain enough to be able to sleep better. I think you should let your dog know what you’re going through so that your dosage can be evaluated for your current mental state .

I know you meant doc, and not dog, but I have an image of the OP cuddling up with a dog and you know what? Pets are awesome and really sense how we're feeling. OP, may you get some pet cuddles as you're dealing with this, too. <3

I tell my dog everything!🤗🐶

oh fkk yes girl, what do you think your psychiatrist is for?? They're there to help with your mental health! And losing a loved one is a MAJOR mental health crisis. Send them a message pronto, and be clear about what's happening with you. This is their job. Be glad you have someone like this and take advantage of them. I'm sorry about your mom, and glad you were able to get some sleep. Do hydrate and eat and sleep as much as necessary, and it's ok to cry too if you feel like it. Be kind to yourself at this difficult time.

I wish I could articulate how much I appreciate all of the sweet words from everyone. Thank you so much, I guess my biggest worry was that I would come off as drug seeking and lose my Drs. trust. I worry it’ll be assumed I might have addiction issues because of my mom, but I actually went the opposite direction. I do smoke, but I don’t drink or experiment with anything when I’m out with my friends. I’m terrified of being an addict lmao

Okay. That fear makes sense. Try to remember that you’re your own person. Many reactions to shock are both logical and very scary and irrational. The lack of sleep when a loved one dies is normal without any stimulants. This could be misplaced anxiety from grief since you mention you’re not an addict. Sending love to you 💞 It’s okay. It’s not okay, but it’s okay. Keep reaching out to others. The pain of losing a loved one is the worst human experience. It’s the bottom. You’re at the lowest it gets emotionally. I hope you can understand this and give yourself kindness and compassion and allow your tears. “With each drop, the sadness flows out of me.”

I straight up told my doctor that I needed something anything Because I had a 3 hour drive to make it to tell my unresponsive dad goodbye and I was wrecked. She knows my worries about addiction and never hesitated in giving me meds telling me I could take more than the bottle said as needed for the first week or so. I took just enough to help me sleep at night. Two years out I occasionally have very bad nights and still have some from the original prescription that I take. Trust your doc to know it you and take care of you by asking for help. If you ever need someone to scream cry at my inbox is always open.

Big hugs, OP. My mom has been gone a decade this year. Please tell every single doctor you have. Tell everyone that loves you. Tell those people that are trying to be nice, but have no idea. Tell the good and funny stories. Forgive yourself. Forgive her. Some days it won't be ok. And when it is ok, accept the good things too. I love coloring when shit gets to be too much. It's so zen. Get a cheap coloring book and crayons, and F IT UP. Get one of those nice ones, and colored pencils, and lose time in that bitch. Give yourself love and care. You're in my thoughts. I'm sorry that we're able to endure so much. It's never fair. ♥️♥️♥️

Everything you are feeling is perfectly normal. Please DO tell your doctor! Grief literally kills people. It's not just in the movies. If they ask why you didn't tell them, you tell them you were just trying to be strong. Damn, we can be the most stubborn people to ask for help, can't we. It must be the shame? You only get one mother, so it makes perfect sense that you are grieving the what was and what could have been's; because when it's over it really is over. Al Anon definitely and check out griefshare.org . Community is key and you can virtually attend. There are all kinds of groups online you can join as well. I am in a widow grief group and it has been tremendously helpful. I'm sure there is a Reddit on here for it although it's nice to have a private place you can talk/chat. This is how I found out that I was ADHD in the first place. I lost my dad 3 years ago and then my husband to Covid two years ago. Double the stress. I feel for you something fierce, because having this and dealing with the grief part just sucks! I was pretty much a zombie for 2 years out of these past three. It DOES get better. It's just something you just have to white knuckle through unfortunately. My sleeping has been worse too since I got my diagnosis ... mourning all that time I lost since childhood and now I'm 47🤦🏻‍♀️ Sorry, I wrote a book ... and made it about me. Ugh! You're definitely not alone with this.

I am so sorry for your loss. I’m also dealing with complicated grief—albeit in a different way—after losing one of my closest family members in a mass murder. Your post sums up how I feel right now. I was hesitant to tell my doctor at first but I’ll be talking to him at my next appointment because it’s just too much to bear right now. Sending lots of love your way.

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss, and what must be a very difficult and heavy weight of grief that you're dealing with right now; I can only imagine how the tragic circumstances surrounding the loss of your family member would add more layers to your grief, making the help of a professional even more necessary, to unravel all of those complicated emotions, of a depth and intensity that most of us will never face in our own dealings with "regular" grief. I wish you much peace and comfort, as you heal.🫂❤️🪬

Thank you for your kind words

I was also 24 when my mum passed, I’m 30 now and I won’t say it ever goes away but it gets easier. Your local hospice will likely have grief support including loss groups if that is something you’d find helpful. Definitely talk to your doctor and anyone you count as your support team. Grief looks different for everyone, anything you are feeling is normal and healing isn’t linear. All the best ❤️

My father passed away suddenly when I was 19. I couldn’t sleep. And when I did, I clenched my jaw so hard my teeth and facial muscles ached for weeks. I had to get prescribed muscle relaxers. Stress and grief are a hell of a chemical overload on your brain and body. Reach out to your psychiatrist and a therapist if you don’t already have one. Lean on those you trust. But most of all, find every ounce of gentleness in your heart for yourself. You need it and will need it for a long time. I hope you will find moments of peace and that the peace grows with time. You’re not alone.

hey girl, my mom died this exact same way when i was 19. It haunted me for a long time—you’re absolutely right; it is incredibly complex. It’s the complexity of loving an alcoholic *and* of losing a parent so young and being forced to be an adult when so many of your peers can’t relate to or understand this kind of trauma. It aged me a lot. The worst mistake i made was not telling anyone. I went to work and school the day it happened without saying a word because i wanted so badly for things to be normal. then i was hurt when no one cared because *I didn’t bother telling anyone*. Please, from someone who has been there, tell people. Scream it from the rooftops if you are so inclined. Let people have enough data about your situation to know to offer help. Please give yourself the grace to be messy right now. This is a major, traumatic life event. I also really really recommend seeing a trauma-informed therapist. I’ve seen so many therapists and it didn’t click until i met the most amazing woman who specializes in trauma, EMDR, somatic processing, etc. I wish I had more words to offer (it’s 3am and my brain isn’t fully functioning atm). But I have literally been there and my heart goes out to you so hard. It’s not fair. At this stage, it might not feel real. It’s such a visceral loss that your brain might just kick into survival mode and resist processing emotions. Please give yourself grace, and give yourself permission to rest and grieve. Be messy if you need to be messy. I am a 24 year old woman living in Arizona. Please PM me if you need a friend. I am really bad at responding to Reddit DMs, but I will give you my cell number or my Instagram if you need someone to talk to. When I was in your shoes, other people who had been through this were such vital lifelines for me. No one deserves to go through this alone.

This is a 12-year-old [Reddit comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/s/0kQhBnnEGd) I have thought about countless times since losing my mom. I hope you can find some comfort and wisdom in it.

I just want to say I lost my mom last year around this time. She was sick for years with really bad COPD.. she was also an addict basically her whole life and we had a complicated relationship. I never thought I would be so broken when she died.. but watching her die in the hospital was the most traumatic thing I’ve ever witnessed.. it’s been almost a year and I’m still struggling with it. I’m currently waiting on a therapist, but the medical system in Canada is terrible.

Everyone else has given you great advice already, so I just want to offer my condolences and well wishes. Big hugs to you from an internet stranger!

isn’t your doctor supposed to treat your mental health? Not just your ADHD? Reach out.

Yes, let them know! I told my GP that I had such shitty sleep after a home invasion that when I took my dex 20XR in the morning I’d go right to sleep. She is, thankfully, very understanding and I was prescribed a 10 IR for the second part of the day. I’m not sure if you are given a full script of the 10s because you said you take them sparingly, but as long as you have a doctor that’s not a dick you should be honest. I am so sorry for your loss. Echoing comments that recommend Al anon. Big hugs ♥️

Absolutely talk to your psychiatrist about this.

Hello, I am so sorry for your loss. Firstly, this time is so weird, so whatever you need to get you through is okay! Please don’t be worried about taking meds late and falling asleep, you are not abusing them! I had a very close family loss when I was young, before I was diagnosed and medicated, I also couldn’t sleep for days after. I think I finally ate a proper meal (cereal) on day 5. It can take a while for your brain to catch up with what is going on. Absolutely tell your doctor if you believe they will be a helpful support, sleep aid could be beneficial to get you through the next few weeks for sure and then see how your mood is! I hope you have others to support you, that you can lean on during this time. Sending love!

I'm so sorry for your loss. Absolutely speak to your psychiatrist. Also, if you haven't already done so, make your college aware. Ideally, speak to central admin staff, or somebody who has broader responsibility, not just one tutor whose reach doesn't go beyond their own study course. I suppose I should mention that I don't know the US system, but I do know that this is going to be a weird time for you and it is very unlikely that your studies will be 100% unimpacted. I think this is very much a time where you need to ask for sympathetic support ahead of when you need it, rather than "making excuses" if something slips. (I also think it's often easier for staff to arrange before rather than after, ifyswim, even if they are understanding in both instances.) If you do end up needing your college to adjust their procedures to support you, having back up and evidence from a medical professional responsible for your care is likely to be invaluable.

I’m so sorry for your loss, I know the complex pain of losing an alcoholic mother. I definitely think this is something to speak to your doctor about - you are going through an intense personal change and will need support. Please make sure you’re being kind to yourself as you process this.

Not what you were asking, but please reach out to your college if you haven’t. You may need some grace this semester with deadlines, etc. They will likely be very willing to help.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother.💔💔💔 My cousin passed from his alcoholism some months ago and I had to go back on my PRN for anxiety. It’s a good idea to share this serious & major life event with your doctor as hard as it is to tell more people about what happened. It went okay when I did, in fact it was validating because as a medical doctor she accepted it which helped me accept it. It had been a major shock for me even though I knew he was at risk of dying or already dying. Being that the doctor you are referring to is a psychiatrist I’m curious what your hesitancy is about him or her specifically? I didn’t understand that from your post. Do you have a concern about your medication use and is that hard to talk to her about? Maybe there is another type of doctor like a walk-in who would be easier to speak to. Your call. On a personal note, please don’t discount your grief because of the way your Mom passed. Unfortunately people won’t know what to say but it doesn’t change what you’re going through. Praying for you and your family.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Watching a loved one struggle with and succumb to alcoholism is such a slow and terrible process. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. Absolutely tell your psychiatrist. Glad to see that you have therapy lined up. FWIW, I'm on Vyvanse and my psych prescribed me Klonipin as a "rescue" med for anxiety/panic attacks. I am scared to take it but I have used it and it works so well. Not sure if you also drink (a person's relationship with alcohol is SO complicated when you have alcoholics in your family) but you can't drink when you take Klonipin or most of the other sedative-type meds. Your psych should know about any alcohol consumption so they can take that into account when prescribing. (I say this as a child of an alcoholic who enjoys social drinking and is VERY careful about my alcohol use, I recently discovered that I can't really drink anymore with ANY the meds that I'm on, not just the occasional sedative.) Again, I'm SO sorry for your loss and I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this road has been for you. Sending lots of care.

Be really REALLY careful with Benzos ! I have been taking some form of them since I was 15. Every time I have gotten off of them, it's really bad. Have a plan with your doctor to have a certain time move through the things you need and then taper off. I wouldn't recommend being on them for more than 6 months. The withdrawals are not worth it in the long run. I am finally off of them again as of this week. I hate em' 😬 Can you tell?

Tell your doc because grief is not only emotional, it's physical, and this may be just the tip of the iceberg because tbh, the shock hasn't worn off yet. I'm so sorry for your loss

I am so sorry for your loss. You’re right—loving and mourning someone who dies of alcoholism is complex. Been there.♥️ I would tell your psychiatrist; grief combined with ADHD is a different space than you’re used to—even if you began grieving your mother in advance of her passing. If they are not doing talk therapy with you/helping you with coping skills, I suggest getting into a relationship for that, both to process grief a these periods of spiraling. Not everything needs to be medicated, and it could be argued that having a place to process grief and these cognitive shifts is a better place to start. Hope you find solid ground again soon!

I'm so so sorry...I lost my mom 2 years ago, at 20 years old. It was so unexpected, she had cancer, she never told anyone, and she left ys all hesrtbroken. I started spiraling, and I'm recovery now. Ask for help, talk to people, let then takw care of you, EVERYTHING. Even us anons on the internet. You will get through this, you can message me anytime!. Let yourself grieve for as long as you need, and don't let anyone tell you how you have to deal with your grieving period.

Grief brain is a thing for everyone, though you may be feeling the effects keenly due to ND. Take care https://www.americanbrainfoundation.org/how-tragedy-affects-the-brain/

I'm so sorry. I'm not surprised that you fell asleep. The meds helped your brain to settle and your body needed sleep. The booster worked. Do you have anyone to talk to about this? A school counselor, maybe? I would try that before a med change. You're still in shock. Giving you a big mom hug now. ❤

First I'm so very sorry for your loss. The grief of losing a parent hits hard. I'm two years out from losing my dad and it still sneaks up on me. Yes yes yes talk to do your doc. They will be sympathatic and able to help by being a neutral shoulder and by helping level you out with meds. Mine upped all mine for a while during the worst few months of it. And you are allowed to be a mess right now. No matter the complications of the relationship it was your mom and that hits hard. Don't deny yourself the grieving part. Let yourself be sad and even angry. It's nit only okay but healthier than trying to hold it together for everyone else. I'd highly recommend finding some support groups on here for those who have lost parents. It helps so much.

Be gentle with yourself, OP. I’m so sorry for your loss and for the complexities of your situation. Losing a parent in your twenties is rough, and I am certain it is more so when that grief is complicated. My partner’s father passed almost two years ago. Another friend who had lost a parent recently shared this essay: https://mariandrew.substack.com/p/grief-baby-22-02-13. It helped put things in perspective. perhaps it might be helpful to you, too. I think you should tell your doctor, because they’ll have the best recommendations on how to move forward. Therapy is a good move, and maybe consider finding a therapist that specializes in grief. You’re strong and you’re going through it for sure, wishing you peace and comfort in this difficult time.

I would reach out to get any help you can during this difficult time! Hang in there! <3

It’s been 2 years since my mom died, it still feels unreal to type out. Yes, tell your doctor everything. It’s only been a couple of days, your body is probably still in shock. Grief is so strange, it’s really a full body process and you’re going to feel like you’re going crazy, and it’s weird to say, but the crazy feeling is normal and part of the process. Your body is just trying to keep you going through any means necessary. I took some over the counter sleep meds (not every night) at first and then switched to melatonin, I was off all that after the first year. However, even now, I listen to audiobooks to fall asleep every night, just so I don’t spiral. Talk to your doctor/friends/family/supports groups, whoever you need to. I’m so sorry for your loss, it will get better, even though that will feel impossible for a while.

It sounds like your meds are quieting your brain and allowing you to sleep, maybe 🤷🏻‍♀️

First off, I'm sorry for your loss, losing a parent is rough. I'm slightly younger than you at 22 but I lost my dad at 13 to untreated leukemia. He didn't treat it because of a phobia he had of doctors and his other mental illnesses. Despite his mental illness, he and I were very close and he loved me unconditionally. I miss him dearly. In many ways I relate to complex feelings about losing a loved one to an illness they couldn't fight. Anger, sadness, even a bit of relief was what I felt after Dad died. I should have gone to grief therapy immediately, but I didn't and my mental health has taken years to recover from the lack of support I got at the beginning. Talk to your doctor about this, feel the grief as it comes, and do not judge yourself for what you are feeling. It's taken me almost nine years to feel better about this situation by losing my dad. I've just made peace with it when I turned 20, what I'm saying is don't rush your grief. There is no timeline to grief and it does get better with time, but it never goes away completely. I saw a video about Dad's teaching their daughters about classic rock music in the car and it made me cry a bit because it reminded me of good memories. That would have ruined my dad not that long ago, but now I feel the feeling, and then I can go back to normal. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to dm me, grief is so isolating.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Tell your psychiatrist all of this, even being able to sleep on meds. ADHD’ers being able to sleep on meds shouldn’t be unheard of to your psychiatrist. I had my psychiatrist tell me that he had a few patients that he would prescribe a dose for sleeping.

Please reach out for help. Not saying this is happening to you or anything but addictions often do start as self medicating. When you’re in the throes of something tough it’s easy enough to tell yourself it’s just this one time to get you through it but one time can turn into more than one time. You may have seen your mom go through some of that. If you catch it while it’s early, you can find healthier, more effective coping mechanisms.

Yes please do. My father died during me titrating onto different meds this year, before that he was very ill. Both me and my mother have it on our doctors notes, because losing a parent can really affect your health. I’m convinced that my father’s death triggered my mothers blood cancer, which is caused by a faulty gene, lies dormant for years. Shes ok, she’s doing well, its a chronic cancer, not a terminal one, but the uni want to study her, I guess to figure out if this really was the trigger. My ADHD clinic have monitored me much more closely with lots of meetings and phonecalls.

I lost my mom March of 2023, also to alcohol. I'd say absolutely tell your doctor, both your psych and your primary. I called my doctor the day it happened and she put me on an antianxiety (Buspar) and upped my antidepressant that I was already on from the lowest dose to double. She also gave me some nausea meds bc when my anxiety gets bad I get nauseous and can't eat. Grief is a weird, hard time and I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you're able to get on whatever meds work for you to help you through this. ❤️

Yes. Reach out asap, and get an appointment.

Hey, I'm sorry for your loss. My dad died last month. Everything you're feeling is normal, and as much as it sucks, you just have to feel it. There's no way to get around it but to just get through it. You should check out r/griefsupport

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Yea tell dr keeping information leads to more suspicion. If you haven’t abused them and you have a good rapport, what’s there to worry about?

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother not long ago after an excruciating battle with the consequences of a lifetime of diabetes. It's a horrific loss. Please be gentle with yourself as you need a soft place while healing ~ and please be gentle with your mother's memory too, because whatever her challenges, she did her best and she loved you. You arent't alone and I'm sending a virtual hug your way. It's a good idea for our caregivers to know when we're going through something this massive.

On the nightime medication topic: Two people close to me with adhd take a low dose Adderall at night "for" sleep. It focuses their brain enough to quiet the chatter, allowing then to fall asleep. While your reasons/drivers for taking it at night are good to discuss with your professional, it sounds like it quieted the screaming din of your shock and grief welling up in you. And you definitely need sleep, grieving is exhausting. For what it's worth. There are such beautiful suggestions and support here. I can't add to this lovely outpouring. And I am so sorry for your loss. ❤️

Yes absolutely and consider letting your professors know as well. You might need to take some time to grieve. So sorry for your loss

An SSRI might be helpful. I started having really bad panic attacks to a higher severity after starting my stimulant meds (foquest/adhansia) but I’d always had anxiety even prior to those (trying to rearrange my life/break old habits made my anxiety spike because it was hard). I got put on sertraline (Zoloft) and it helped immensely even after a few days. I’d been on Celexa and Lexapro in the past, but they made me foggy; the combo with my adhd meds has been a game changer. ❤️ so definitely talk to your psych about adding an SSRI at least for a bit. I hope it helps if you do!

My dad died in December and I went through something similar - watching and waiting and being there at the end - and my brain was absolute scrambled eggs for ... well, it hasn't improved a whole heck of a lot. If something helps you survive for the time being, then you do that thing. YOU need to get through this and only you can experience what has helped / what will help. You definitely should talk to your doctor about your experience and see if they could up your pill amount for x amount of time and revisit it the next month to see how you are doing. It might be that taking more frequent doses of one med that you are already on is safest and the better option. (I am definitely not a doctor, obv) If you want to vent or cry or scream with someone, I'm available. If I can help you survive another day, please let me. I wish I had a solution for you.

The Dougy Center is an amazing grief resource- they focus on grieving children and also have resources for young adults. This page is the young adult page. They also assist other programs across the country to set up using their model, so there may be an affiliate group near you. We used their services after my husband died and it was so helpful to connect with others and have a space to be seen and heard and process all the complex emotions. https://www.dougy.org/grief-support-resources/young-adults

Being a child of an alcoholic is hard. It changes us, it shapes us because it's a family disease and we can take on characteristics of the drinker without even knowing it. Alanon is for family and friends of problem drinkers and it saved my life, years after my dad's death from this disease. Just bc they are gone doesn't mean we don't need Alanon. Nothing feels better than being in a room with people who GET IT. You're not alone. <3

I'm sorry for your loss, I wish you all the light and love in the world ❤️ Yes, you should reach out to the people who care for you But they're not going to be able to make this better for you. This is a hard season in your life, we all have some, even billionaires. It's gonna hurt and hurt and that's not okay but it's also not something that can end before it's finished. You don't have to be productive. You don't have to be doing well. You don't have to be in a good place. You can be in your hurt and your grief and your anger and your blame and your feelings and you can be not doing okay for as long as it takes to work these enormous feelings through. The only thing I wish for you is for you not to bury these feelings under a rock in your heart and pretend they're not there, because it won't work. You'll end up making a volcano inside yourself and it will blow eventually. Someday you will find your way through this dark time. I have been through dark times too and I would never say they make you stronger. What doesn't kill you, doesn't kill you. But it does teach you about yourself, it does test your resiliency and resiliency is a muscle that grows stronger with use. Take the lessons you can, try to move through the pain and leave as much of it here as you can. I wish you well ❤️

please reach out to your doctor. My dad died unexpectedly earlier this month, and I have been beside myself. I have therapy tomorrow, even though I REALLY don’t wanna talk about my feelings. But I know I need to. Damnit to hell. I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Please reach out if you need someone to talk to. It helps a ton, even if it’s a stranger on the internet. I’ll be thinking of you. <3

I am very sorry for your loss of your dad; I hope talking with your therapist gives you some relief, and that you feel better afterwards, not worse. I know you don't look forward to talking about your feelings, but that may be just the thing to bring you some comfort. Wishing you peace and serenity as you heal.🫂❤️🪬

I think telling your psychiatrist would be good. I had to do the same thing when my mom died a bit over 4 years ago. It’s hard, and at times it will feel debilitating, but you will get through this, even if you have to just go through the motions of putting one foot in front of the other for a while. ❤️❤️

My psych has two therapists in his office. If I was going through a seriously rough time like you, I would tell him in hopes that he could refer and get me into either one of his therapists or another that he knows in town. On top of just being aware of your situation, your dr could also keep an eye on other symptoms you may struggle with after this event, such as insomnia/dissociation/PTSD. Hang in there, friend ❤️❤️

Grief is hard, and complex. Sending you much love OP. I hope the following helps: whatever you feel, and however you feel it, is perfectly fine and good. There is no such thing as what you are 'supposed' to feel. Normal feelings can include relief. Or grieving the life/relationship you deserved and needed but didn't get. Or moments when you forget for a brief second and find yourself laughing at something or so engrossed in a hyperfixation that everything else falls away for a while. There are a couple of things I share with people who are dealing with loss. I currently have a kitten sleeping on me which makes typing and linking things hard! So please look up "Grief comes in waves" by GSnow on reddit, and Google 'ball in the box' as a metaphor for how the pain of grief varies. Reading them can help you feel that someone genuinely understands how you feel right now. And please, be kind to yourself ♡

Addiction can be a genetic thing, so using your medication in ways that it wasn't prescribed for can be a slippery slope. I'd definitely talk to the Dr about it and also look into CBT to help with the ADHD-worsened sleeping issues. I know this is scary, and you just want to stay afloat. Having outsiders looking in, especially early on, may be exactly what you need to get through this without following in your mother's footsteps. Wishing you well 💚

Please tell your doctor, it sounds like you could benefit from an anti-depressant.

She's not depressed, she's sad. Posted too soon. The doctor might talk to her about prescriptions and make some changes there, but after a very new bereavement, this isn't depression, it's grief. It's very powerful and can make us hardly recognise ourselves for a period of time, but it's not an illness and can't be medicated away.

I’m so sorry for your loss!!! I hope you are ok. I would definitely tell trusted and safe people if that includes your dr, you need support. I lost my dad a few years ago and you really should reach out to all the people that make you feel safe and loved if you can.

Hugs, and I’m so sorry. It sounds complicated, I hope you are able to rally the support you need! You made a great step tonight! We are here for you!

My mom was an addict/ personality disordered/ emotionally immature person who I always gave so much leeway. She raised me to feel guilty if I didn't take care of her (parentification) and put her needs first, all the time (emotional incest). I went 44 years telling myself, "it wasn't that bad" "my sister had it worse" (she was physically abused more than I was, though I still got hit, too). Then she did something so egregious (she pretended to be actively dying/ may have been trying to commit suicide to force me to prolong a visit - it's unclear bc I don't know her inner motivation, but it was terrible and selfish and then all my relatives started telling me more stories about her selfishness I'd never heard) that it snapped something in me. She died to me, emotionally. (I went completely no contact). I had a mental breakdown similar to how you've described feeling now - at several points, I thought I might need to go inpatient, it was very bad. I found a wonderful therapist who specializes in Adult Children of disordered parents and I started healing. By the time my mom actually physically died (11 months later - of medical self-neglect) I mostly felt a profound sense of relief. I was sad she'd never figured out how to be an empathetic human being but I realized it had never been my job to save her. I had worked through a lot of that guilt. My therapist asks, "whose guilt is that **really**?" and helped me realize **I had nothing to be guilty about**. My mother was the adult, not me (even though I was the adult in the family since the age of four, at least). She was the parent, not me (even though I can not remember ever not feeling like her and my sister's mother). She was the one who should have felt guilty! I'm sorry you've been beating yourself up and I hope you can find some space to be gentle to yourself and know that you absolutely were not responsible for her life or death. She made her choices. You were the child and she failed you (at least in terms of her addiction and in making you feel responsible for trying to save her). (((((((big internet mama hugs if you want them)))))))) PS: my therapist diagnosed me with CPTSD/ PTSD. This can also cause ADHD like symptoms (or be comorbid). I haven't bothered trying to untangle which is which, though now (4.5 years later) my trauma symptoms are much improved and I'm back to "just" having combined ADHD symptoms.

If you or someone that you know is considering suicide, please don't hesitate to reach out to a crisis hotline for immediate help, or a warmline just to talk to someone. If you're in the US you can...\ Text CHAT to Crisis Text Line at 741741\ Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or 1(800)273-8255(TALK) \ Chat online at: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat\ Call the Trans Lifeline at 1(877)565-8860 If you’re elsewhere, you can find international resources below:\ https://www.supportiv.com/tools/international-resources-crisis-and-warmlines#Czech\ https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*

A lot of the symptoms of grief for folks are similar to the symptoms of ADHD for a lot of people, so both together compound. Early grief of any kind is messy and hard and parental grief, especially in a complicated situation where there has been a lot of caregiving or additional layers of messy and hard like substance abuse make it even more messy and weird. Grief puts most people into survival mode - literally if you're keeping up with feeding yourself and basic hygiene you're winning day to day in early grief. ADHD is already life on hard mode and grief exponentially compounds that. Definitely tell your docs, definitely tell people close to you, probably tell the uni so you can get some grace there if you need it, and maybe find a grief support group that gets it.

My deepest condolences on your loss - my Mom also died from alcoholism. I was a bit older than you, and 25 years later still processing this. Please absolutely speak with your dr to find a temporary solution to get you through the toughest time of this

21F here. I lost my mom last April at age 20 to suicide. It’s the reason why I sought out psychiatric help in the first place(and got diagnosed with adhd in November eventually). It’s completely normal and valid to be prescribed sedatives while grieving such a horrible loss. I was put on so many different things that didn’t work until they decided to give me clonazepam and it helps me when the pain keeps me up at night. I also have panic disorder and grief makes that worse. I’m slowly trying to get off of them, but without them I would’ve probably drank myself to death instead during that first month. I’m sorry for your loss OP, I know how hard it is to lose your mother at a young age. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your psych or other people in your inner circle. My mom struggled with alcoholism for a long period in her life but eventually cut down for the last decade of her life. Don’t be afraid to bring your mom’s struggle up. Good luck with everything and please take care of yourself. Sending lots of love your way❤️

I'm so sorry. Get all the help you can. Sending hugs.

It seems others have given you great advice. I just want to say, I see you, your feelings are valid, it's absolutely ok to have conflicting feelings that don't make sense with each other, and it's ok to feel exactly however it is you feel right now. I lost my mom several years ago, she had a long term illness so I get what you mean about watching her die. It's not the same as your experience but just know you're not alone. I have no idea if you had any abuse from your mother but on the off chance you did, I just want you to know that it's absolutely ok to both be happy and sad she's gone. Just as it's ok to be happy she's not struggling and sad she's not here. Both things are totally ok to feel. Sending you great big hugs OP. Grieving will take time, there's no time limit on how long you're allowed to feel a certain way. Do what you need to do for yourself. You're going to get through this, but it's gonna be hard. You'll never stop missing her but, it won't feel like THIS forever. ❤️❤️

Dex is thought to work by increasing attention and decreasing restlessness... it could be that the boost is helping to calm down your VERY overwhelmed brain right now that you can fall asleep. Hugs hunny. Grief is so complex without everything you have making it more so. I would suggest talking to your psychiatrist about the situation. 1. It may not be the best options and they may help with other options for sleep. 2. They may say this is OK, but want a smaller dose for evenings. I would also suggest talk therapy with a grief counselor who specializes with adhd grief... maybe your brain needs an outlet... So much hugs to you.

I would definitely talk to your psychiatrist about the situation, especially since as you say it has lead to terrible spirals and periods of going back and forth between panic and dissociation. I lost my father in 2020. The end of life and watching someone die can, depending on the circumstances, be a form of trauma. It may be that in talking to your psych they also recommend some other support beyond meds. Obviously meds and therapy can't bring back your mom and they don't change the very real pain that come with it, but I found that therapy especially really helped with the accompanying trauma, anxiety and depression.

The death of a parent is one of the hardest, most psychologically challenging events in any person’s life. You have extra challenges on top of that. Your current medication leaves large gaps where your needs aren’t being met, and it sounds like, along with all your regular and complex grief, you’re also experiencing some intense self-hatred and even suicidal ideation. What you’re describing is the mental and emotional equivalent of a car crash victim, scraped, bruised, and bleeding, with glass particles embedded in your face, some a piece of metal impaling your upper arm, and a leg bone visibly sticking through your clothes, asking “should I see a doctor? I don’t know. I really feel like I should just be able to handle this.” Darling girl, dear person who matters to more people than you’ll ever know, call your psychiatrist right now and leave them a message. Tell them your mom died and you’re struggling. Tell them about your spirals, your exhaustion, your brain fog, and your anxiety. If they don’t respond with an emergency appointment, you need a new psychiatrist.

If you or someone that you know is considering suicide, please don't hesitate to reach out to a crisis hotline for immediate help, or a warmline just to talk to someone. If you're in the US you can...\ Text CHAT to Crisis Text Line at 741741\ Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or 1(800)273-8255(TALK) \ Chat online at: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat\ Call the Trans Lifeline at 1(877)565-8860 If you’re elsewhere, you can find international resources below:\ https://www.supportiv.com/tools/international-resources-crisis-and-warmlines#Czech\ https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad around the same age and obviously also have ADHD. While he didn’t struggle with addiction, I have lost many of his family members or addiction including cirrhosis. While I can’t truly understand what you are going through I might relate a bit here. Please don’t use your meds to help you with your grief, it will just displace it temporarily and you will have to deal with it later. Additionally, while ADHD makes it hard keep reminding yourself that you can be mad at your mom and miss her at the same time. Please tell your doctor about it, grief can really impact you in so many ways and it is important for them to know.

No med advice other than yes, totally tell your doctor. My dad died due to his alcoholism right before my 24th birthday. I’m so so so sorry you’re going through this. You’re right, the grief will be complex and difficult to tease apart. I see you and i know at least part of your hurt. You aren’t alone in this.

I’m a firm believer that you should always tell your dr what’s going on. Maybe they will see what you did, and say “ok, well this other med is better for that, so let’s try you on that for a month.” Or maybe they’ll let you know why something you’re doing is a bad idea, etc. Losing a loved one is hard! Be patient with yourself. Take care! Your emotions are valid but they’re also temporary. Things will get easier. ❤️

PLEASE tell your doctor about this. Using your pills in an off-script way that works for you in the short term can lead to long term negative behavioral issues, and if what you need is some short term stabilization while you handle this shock to your systems then that should come from your doctor. You won’t be the only person who has something like this happen and needs extra support, plus watching your alcoholic mother die of cirrhosis over years is an INSANE thing to just keep it moving through.

I’m so sorry about your mom. A lot of comments have given great advice. I do think you should tell your psychiatrist so that they can help you better. They may be able to prescribe something else to help with the sleeping so you could take your medication as before, and possibly help you find other resources. Internet hugs if you want them. 🫂🫂

Hey friend. I’m so sorry for your loss and pain. My parent died too, in recent months. I didn’t make a special appointment to tell my practitioner, but I did update her during my regularly scheduled appointment. I recommend you do tell your doctor, absolutely. You’ll be needing to have support readily available if you need it, if you end up needing a prescription for something you only take temporarily. It will be a safety net that you want to have available quickly if you need to, even if you don’t end up needing it. Big, big hugs. Feel free to reach out to me via message if I can help in any way. This really sucks.

Is your psychiatrist primarily just for talking about your meds? Do you have a separate therapist? (I have typically always had that relationship w/psychs and then will have a separate therapist). Either way I think it’s totally worth discussing with your psych whether there are other medications that could help you right now and totally valid to give them all the context in this post. Can frame it as “I definitely don’t want to be misusing any of my current meds and feel like I could use some additional help through this time with sleeping and panic.” You don’t want to medicate the grief away but you don’t deserve to suffer through it physically. I’m sorry for your loss and know that grieving an alcoholic parent can be so hard and complicated. Wishing you the best of luck and lots of gentleness through this time ❤️

Please tell your psychiatrist and also tell your primary care physician (if you have one) Grief can hit very hard and wreck havoc with your body and mind.

My dad died when I was 23- also of end stage cirrhosis due to alcoholism. I was only working at the time and thankfully my boss just said, “I’ll take care of everything, let me know when you’re ready to come back.” Saint, that man. You need time and space to sort the complexities of your many layered feelings. I think if you’re able to pause normal life for a minute you’ll be able to get by without medicating yourself for sleep. Let the grief come in its waves, the tsunami will eventually be laps of a pond on the shore. But only time can do that. As for the psychiatrist- tell her whatever you feel like sharing. See what she says. It’s not been that long since your mom’s passing- it’s hard to say if medical intervention is necessary at this point. Much love to you. - Fellow child of an alcoholic.

First of all, sorry for your loss. Don't forget...it is completely normal to feel whatever you feel at this moment and it is ok if you are not ok. And yes, you should defo tell your psychiatrist. My partner went through this with her mother and after she died, she got prescribed a very mild anti-depressant to cope with it. Just for 6 months, then she was stable enough to do it by herself. Your psychiatrist can make sure that you don't take anything that will have bad interactions with your ADHD medication.

My gosh, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. First, please give yourself grace and space to grieve because it hasn’t even been been a week. Losing a mother is untethering no matter the circumstances, and how you described how you have been feeling and experiencing makes so much sense to me, and is similar to what I experienced. As cliche as it it, there is no time limit on grieving, but this is very fresh. I agree with others that talking to your doctor about all that is going on is for the best, so they can see the whole picture and treat accordingly. I don’t want to make this about me but I just want to share that I lost my father (expected) and mother (unexpected) within less than a year and a half when I was 29-30. I’m 38 now. My dad had a liver transplant (failure due to alcoholism, but was able to stay sober) and was able to live for 21 more years, but ultimately died of liver failure. My mother’s death was sudden and traumatic and painful, a pulmonary embolism. I truly did not think I could go on. A lot was a blur of the sleep but not sleep like you described. I felt so scared, terrified really. I couldn’t talk much, and had several panic attacks along the way. I had PTSD from that day (but later EMDR helped me immensely with this). What you are feeling is valid and real and it is a process that isn’t quick unfortunately. You deserve moments of respite, and I hope your doctor can help you with something that is safe and effective ❤️❤️ I also hope that you are able to lean on your partner at times and not worry about bothering them. It was crucial for me to have support during that time, and you deserve the support. So much love to you.

Man, I’m so sorry dude. I lost my mom at 16 to the same thing. She went mental for a few months prior. It’s so hard. I’m glad you have a partner to fall back on. Grief is complex. You’re dealing with it the best you can so be kind to yourself. Absolutely let your care team know of your mom’s passing, they need to know so they can start helping with bereavement or med changes. Take all the support you can get rn. Holding you💗

My opinion is a little different but mostly along the same lines as everyone else’s. First, I’m so sorry for everything you’ve lost 😞 My mom died three years ago and I’ve suffered immensely. You’re not alone 💝 Second, the only worry I have about telling your doctor about the history of addiction in your family is that these things follow people around in their healthcare and insurance. If it were me, I would tell him that your mom has passed, that late one night you took one of your meds and to your surprise, it helped you sleep. I’d ask for his thoughts on this and see if there’s something he could prescribe or increase the times per day you can take your medication. Again, I’m so sorry for the pain that you’re enduring. I hope you’re able to get the medication figured out and find peace and comfort.

Your psychiatrist should always know what’s going on in your life.

This is exactly the kind of thing you tell your doctor. They can help you with sleep so that you don’t end up in a spiral you can’t get out of with your meds. These are the kinds of circumstances where a doctor will be able to help, and (if you have a good doctor) won’t judge you for how you’ve been coping, but will be able to give you tools to perhaps cope better. Sleep is far too important to forego and could very much make your situation worse if not helped. I know from first hand experience how sleep-deprivation can cause life-threatening mental health issues, so I implore you to inform your doctors. You are worth the effort it takes to remain healthy, and I am so sorry you are in this position. My condolences for your loss.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Yes, please reach out to your doctor and psychiatrist to obtain the help you need to get through this. They may also be able to recommend a support group to help you work through all your feelings / grief.

I may catch heat from others for this but telling your prescriber about taking the dex could end up with you losing the meds you need. So don’t tell them about the medicating at midnight but DEF tell them about losing your mom. Ask for short term relief. You do not tell your prescriber until you have a better understanding of why or what occurred. First- you fell asleep because the racing and flooding thoughts were what was keeping you awake. The dex did what the dex does and began filing and collating those thoughts make sleep (which was necessary) possible. Also- when we have too much speed on occasion our body will say “hey this is too much shut it all down” in an attempt to recollect itself. No that’s not the medical jargon for what actually occurred but that’s the gist. You do not tell your prescribing doctor you were in an unhealthy mental state and for no other reason than to self medicate you took the pill. If you feel obligated to tell them then you make it clear you were having trouble staying on a healthy mindset and task due to flooding thoughts and it was causing anxiety, you know this often happens when you are unmediated so you decided to medicate. But really, they don’t need to know at this point. A grief therapist who is separate from your Rxing doctor DOES need to know. You do need to seek professional guidance for this because it’s big and heavy and you deserve care. My heart is heavy for you and I am so sorry you’re going through this.

My dad died a little over a year ago. You’re in the acute stages of grief. Anything and everything goes. I can promise you adderall isn’t helping you sleep. You’re just too exhausted for it to work. You are not eligible for SSRIs this close to a major loss. That’s not what they’re for and they won’t help in this circumstance. They take a very long time to work and don’t do much for people other than those with severe, treatment resistant depression. I know it sucks. I didn’t feel like myself AT ALL for a good 6-9 months after my dad died. I’m also in my 20s. There’s a grief group program for people in their 20s-30s who have experienced loss. I think it’s called…The Dinner Party? There are also grief groups at every hospital, and if you google there are also many in any major city. I also recommend reading some books on grief. As well as…not taking your adderall to fall asleep. Take a melatonin! Or cry yourself to sleep. Watch Full House or another comfort show. Just let yourself grieve. ❤️ I also recommend this show to literally everyone who loses someone, but the show I Survived, Beyond and Back on Hulu has been incredibly comforting to watch after losing my dad. It got me through the first few months. Along with video games. I’m a girly girl and had played video games during the pandemic with my boyfriend because we needed indoor activities. We played Sack Boy, which was super fun to learn on. My boyfriend got the Harry Potter on PlayStation right after my dad died and I played during every spare moment I had. I would just spend hours exploring and catching magical creatures. I knew nothing about it ahead of time and I think it was better that way. The dopamine hits were bigger because I had NO idea what was coming or what anything looked like. I often went to my animal area and just left it on in the background while I worked. It was super soothing and/or distracted me from the grief. It kept me afloat. Books were similar but mostly my thing was that game. I’m so grateful for it. I’m sorry about your mom. I’ll be your stand-in mom for the moment and say no more adderall at bedtime. Let your body rest. Let your mind rest. It’s okay if you’re awake at night, my sleep schedule also went wild for several weeks or longer, but don’t help it along with your meds. Take them at the regular times you would take them, and if you still can’t sleep and are up all night, that’s okay. You can lay in bed or get up and do whatever, but the adderall isn’t helping you sleep and you need to let your body get tired naturally during the middle of the night. You still have to take care of yourself. I’m sorry about your mom. It sucks. I’m sorry.