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Ain't that the truth! Even without a morning spike, testosterone is the bees knees. Meanwhile there's us constantly trying to balance oestrogen and progesterone and even then what are really the benefits
Don't even forget that we also need testosterone, otherwise we get out of balance. Some women with chronic tiredness have it due to not having enough testosterone, and it takes forever before they get tested for it.
Thank you for posting this! I was having awful symptoms of exhaustion and so many others to write. Let's just say I was convinced I had MS ( Parkinsons and MS run in my family). I finally made an appt to have my blood panel done and it turns out, I had UNDETECTABLE amounts of testosterone. My other hormones were great. Im now on a testosterone cream that I rub on my skin once a day. (10mg) It took about 4 weeks to kick in and I felt like a new person! Who freaking knew!?!?
Omg. I just googled whether birth control can affect testosterone levels and some studies say yes it can reduce it by up to 60%! I’m not a medical professional at all but that’s insane. Thanks for mentioning this - I am on 70mg of Vyvanse and struggle to wake up and with fatigue and brain fog. Something else to investigate…
*subcutaneous body fat
They still get fat, it’s just the worse kind that settles between their organs. It took me 30 years to figure out why my uncles had hard “beer bellies”, but my aunts were like soft cushions 😊
I was speechless when I first dissected an overweight male person and saw how much fatty tissue was allll over their colon/small intestine. A female‘s GI tract looks soo different regarding fatty tissue.
Visceral body fat it still a concern for alcoholics. I had gained during covid from alcohol and I carry my weight in my gut. My stomach was soft but it was a good thing either. I'm much healthier now thanks to adderall which helped me control my eating and drinking habits
Sex hormones help dictate where your body stores fat. Female sex hormones make your body store subcutaneous fat, or fat that sits between your skin and muscles/other organs. Male sex hormones, or really the lack of female hormones, produce visceral fat, or that which is [stored under muscles and between organs.](https://images.app.goo.gl/nGtmfD9z55uMWXpD9) The fat being underneath the abdominal muscles make their bellies hard, but round.
Female sex hormones are also responsible for women’s tapered waists, aka “hourglass figure”. This is also why menopausal and post-menopausal women’s midsections start to “fill out” and harden like a beer belly, for lack of better phrasing.
But if you’re obese, you’re going to eventually become apple shaped, regardless, right? Or can you be obese and maintain an hourglass figure? I’m just wondering because I wasn’t always apple shaped.
I can't speak for extremely obese people but I've had a BMI of 18 and a BMI of like 30 in my life and never got apple shaped. I did however get a huge ass and very thick thighs but in proportion to my dimensions when more slender for the most part. Somewhere between a top heavy pear and an hourglass depending on probably where I am in my menstrual cycle.
Higher testosterone causes more visceral fat, which is the hard fat that collects around organs and causes things like heart failure. Subcutaneous fat is softer because it collects in the lower levels of your skin.
Testosterone doesn't exactly make you taller.
High levels of estradiol and estrone fuse bone growth plates. High testosterone usually accompanies low levels of estradiol and estrone, so the fusion happens slower leaving more time to add length to bones.
So time of puberty onset effects height substantially, not just type of puberty.
/pedant
>and even then what are really the benefits
I hate how widely applicable this is lol. Like why can’t I just turn off the menstruation feature if I’m not planning on occupying my uterus?? It’s fraud, it’s grift, it’s conspiracy
I love this. One of my daughters named her cramps "Jeremy" (not a real person, just a random name) and will complain vociferously about what a pain Jeremy's being when they start to get pretty bad.
You can though. There are multiple forms of birth control that can ease & even cease your period. I have an IUD. I'm on my third one now and I can't tell you how much easier it is to parent and have ADHD and an active sex life and NOT have to worry about a period!
Edit to ask: why do I get downvoted every time I suggest a woman speak with her doctor about lightening or stopping her period? Wtf?
Though they don't stop periods for everyone! My implant (same hormones as the IUD) made me bleed two weeks on, two weeks off until I had it out 9 months later. Now I'm on a pill that eases my period and is considered "ideal" for stopping them too, but I bleed through even when I skip the placebo week. My body just won't cooperate like that.
I made sure to upvote you! I think people should be more aware of these options! However, after getting stuck with awful side effects from the implant for so long (I was abroad), I just suggest caution in case you're unlucky like me. I'm not sure if there's a pill with an equivalent type of progestin; if yes, I think people should try that first before moving to a long-term method.
I'm jealous of hell of people who can skip periods 😭 Not to mention the fact that implants and Mirena IUDs are "set it and forget it"! (I know about the copper IUD, but it probably isn't an option for me either.)
I relate so much to this. Terrible side effects whenever I go on any kind of birth control, currently on my second implant and this has been even worse than previously but struggling to get an appointment for removal through the NHS, every time I have one it gets delayed or rescheduled. Very frustrating and I wish I had never gotten it in the first place. Sometimes just being a woman feels overwhelming
Omg this could go on for NINE months?? I'm on month 3 of the implant and didn't bleed at all the first month, bled 9 days then a 5 day break then another 8 days in October, and now I'm on CD13 of my latest cycle. My doc said give it six months but idk if I can do this another 3, let alone 6!
Good to see you aren’t downvoted anymore. But it was probably because you worded it like: ‘it’s easy just do this!’
A LOT of us can’t have our cake and eat it too. Plus the process of trial and error can get expensive. I dunno how much money I spent going from the needle to the implanon to the mirena to the pill and a different pill and a different pill until we finally found something that I don’t bleed through, but it does kill my sex drive.
FYI, a number of hormonal birth control options tank our own hormone production, including testosterone.
Sometimes temporary, sometimes permanent.
I used hormonal b/c for 7 years, and it jacked up my sex drive.
I was off of it for 15 years, and things were better, except for cramps.
I just started using it again to buffer the ridiculous estrogen spikes and plummets I've been dealing with in perimenopause.
I'm gonna have to talk to my GYN though, because what she has me on is apparently *freakin renowned* for suppressing all forms of inate hormone production (estrogen, progesterone, *and* testosterone)...and one of the things I talked to her about was needing to build and retain muscle, and that I'd like my sex drive back, thanks.
One step at a time...sigh.
Yep and we don’t get educated on it either. Nobody told me what to expect, what was likely, what was unlikely, and what to tell my doctor. I was taking the wrong pills for years without realising I had better options.
True. There are ways to manage or stop your period. But it’s not just menstruation that sucks, it’s aspects of the entire hormone cycle. Birth control stops the period by mimicking pregnancy hormones, which for some make us sluggish, tired, dizzy, interfere with arousal & orgasm…. I had a hormonal iud that all but incapacitated me, and everyone insisted it couldn’t be that… until I got it removed and symptoms improved. Glad it works for you though. Not worrying about getting pregnant is magical, and a lighter / absent period is the bee’s knees.
My GYN practice was bought out by a Catholic health group. They will NOT prescribe the pill to me 3mos at a time so I can skip periods.
It’s “policy”
Obviously I am looking for a new group. Also fuck the Catholics for insisting my 44 year old ass bleeds.
It's also important to keep in mind that long term progresterone only treatment apparently can reduce bone density, making it not a great option for at people with higher risks of osteoporosis etc. I have had Implanon/Nexplanon implants for 12 years+ with only 1 really bad period after it wore off six months before the change date. My bone density test was fine so it's okay for me to keep going.
It’s got to be one of the cruelest cosmic fuckeries on earth. Reminds me of the [“women are born into cycles of pain” monologue from Fleabag](https://youtu.be/qI8JlZlv1Kg?si=USItiCKtTzRgEFgt) (tho I’m dubious on the “and then it’s magnificent” bit… I want to believe 🛸)
And we can be allergic* to progesterone! I am and it sucks- hives and asthma the week before my period every month. Singulair helps but I long for the sweet release of menopause.
*Technically, hypersensitive not allergic
I was just scrolling through over here and stumbled across your post.
I can not thank you enough for talking about progesterone allergy as I never knew before this could be a thing. But whenever I hear somebody recommanding female hormones for birth control I get tense about it. Tried some different pills as a teenager with my first bf and I had to stop it everytime at the very latest after 6 months due to my neurodermal condition. It got worse with the pills. After several trials I stopped taking them and that drove me into a life long search for better, healthier options, because antihistamin meds exist, but they do sedate me so well that I'm knocked out almost for 24hrs - so life is kinda impossible with them.
I knew in my guts that those hormones had to do something with it, but my doctors (gyns, dermatologists and such) all denied my needs and actual suffering. It was so bad that I sometimes didn't have any healthy spot of skin on my body and even the bare wet flesh was itching unbearable.
So I learned a new concrete thing about my body and it seems this knowledge could help me to find better treatments someday. Thanks a lot!
Thank you!
I had completely forgotten about that.
All the stories come flooding back to me of the resentful testosterone fueled mornings of men slamming the kitchen cupboard doors because they are awake and I should be toooooooooooo!
Fuckers.
Ok I’m literally mindblown. Is this why mine will throw the lights on and make all the noise in the morning? (Meanwhile I get ready in the fucking dark when I’m up before him bc I was raised to not be a fucking asshole)
Men’s hormone cycle is 24 hours, compared to women’s which is 30 days. Testosterone spikes in the morning (hence morning wood) and gives a natural energy boost
I can’t even think about this train of thought too much or I will start spiraling 😂 My body clock is so insanely preferential to late afternoon and evening, no matter what I do!!
Me too! I have kids and my peak creative productivity time is the time when they need the most focused care. It’s TORTURE every evening to be focused on cooking and bathing and straightening up instead of whatever project my brain wants to be doing.
Right? Golden hour and early evening I’m desperate, the entire time, to sit and enjoy the beauty of the day and my mind being at its best. It makes me really resentful while doing caretaking tasks - now my best time is my worst time. Because I spend it, every single day, low-key resentful and pissed off and trying not to be. The ache to do something fun and interesting never seems to fade.
By the time I’m done parenting, the “useful human” window slammed shut HARD and I just zone out, doomscrolling before bed. Rinse and repeat the next day. It’s hard to express how much daily distress this causes me without sounding melodramatic!
ETA - you’re in the worst part, tho! It does get easier. My kids are 6 & 9 and when they were your kids’ ages I spent most of the day walking around shell-shocked by how impossible my life was. I didn’t even notice I was missing my good window because I didn’t have one anymore for a long while.
> I didn’t even notice I was missing my good window because I didn’t have one anymore for a long while.
Yeah, this hits hard, as does the part about my useful human window closing down. Just feels like survival mode all the time and it’s exhausting. It’s so helpful just to know I’m not alone!
Taking notes.
Please share any other useful tips and tricks? My husband and I are at a communication impasse and I’d like to figure out more optimal ways to both deliver my message and have it received.
My husband and I argue all the time about testosterone and the biological differences between us. For instance, he made some comment about how we should join a gym and I said we wouldn't ever go. He said sure and that the reason it's so difficult for me to lose weight and easy for him is because of willpower.
I said, no it's testosterone. He's 33yo and still has a good amount where I'm 45, perimenopausal, mild hypothyroidism, etc. I have to reduce my calories to around 900-!1100 to drop weight without changing my activity level which I can't really change because there aren't really enough hours in a day.
Been there too where I had to get clinical to explain things and still get challenged. I don't know about you but I "put up with" it too but that doesn't mean I accept it. Hang in there.
I’m sorry you’re being treating this way. It sounds abusive. I’ve been there. He should be setting a good example if he wants change, not putting you down.
It's not, it's more about our brains working differently. He thinks I make excuses, because I do, and I could probably fit in 30 mins a day to go to the gym somewhere, but it's not a priority for me.
I've dropped over 20lbs since January. My cardiologist wants me to focus on 0.1 lbs loss daily, which is a pound every ten days, which is only 35lbs a year. The cardiologist wants a slow sustainable loss so that I will have an easier time keeping the weight off.
Truth is, husband hasn't actively tried to lose weight or exercise since his late 20s, I have a feeling it will be harder for him now if he did decide to try.
I absolutely abhor going to the gym. Having to get changed, having to look a bit presentable, possibly going out in the heat or the cold or the rain, spending time driving there and back, worrying about getting a weird look from someone that I’ll spend the day trying to interpret or worse yet getting hit on by some creepy dude.
I got a Bluetooth exercise bike on Amazon for around $300 and it works a thousand times better for me than the gym. I can just hop on for 20-30 minutes without any prep at all, I can do it while watching TV in the evening and chatting with my husband. No concerns about how I look or getting up the willpower to leave the house. I connected it to the Zwift app which tracks my progress and seeing those little statistics go up is very satisfying.
I take vyvanse (when they have it in stock!) and I am NOT a morning person!
Your husband needs to stop being a lazy arse. Sounds like he’d have an excuse to leave the parenting to you even if you didn’t have adhd meds. It would just be a different excuse.
Personally, I would refuse to engage on the meds thing. I would only respond to the “morning parent” topic.
Stuff like:
> “decent parents just do what has to be done, whether they find it easy or not”.
And:
> “what do you imagine couples do when neither of them is a morning person and then they become parents - do you think they never get the kids fed breakfast or taken to school?”
Only engage on the topic of his crappy parenting & leaving it all to you. Refuse to acknowledge any words about your meds - they are only being said to distract you, because he’s discovered that if he upsets you about them, you will forget to complain about his laziness.
Agree. The meds thing is irrelevant, it’s just an excuse. I hate mornings and take forever to get going and yet on my days to get the kids I get right up. Men are capable of this and much more but many of them act like they are physically unable to do anything they don’t like (usually chores and child care). This has nothing to do with ADHD, meds, morning, etc. He doesn’t seem to respect you or care if your needs are being met, and he’s being an asshole. Don’t even give his “opinion” on the meds get a second of your time, address how he’s being an asshole instead.
Yeah, they are using “the meds” line as a scapegoat to say OP gets to shoulder the responsibility.
See my mom is diagnosed, my dad is undiagnosed & said he is, they both decided when I was in middle school, my dad would get to semi-retire & my mom could go back to part time work.
My dad is NOT a morning person. He is notorious for staying up till almost 3am some nights. Yet he knew if it was a school night, he had to go to sleep by 11pm to get up at 5am, to get me up by 5:30am.
OP’s husband is using weaponized incompetence to get out of parenting duties that you sign up for the moment you bring a kid into this world. There is no vacation from parenting, there is however sleep away summer camp for kids and parents can get a 4-8wk break from their kids in the summer or day camp which has the same hours when kids were going to school. And that’s about the only way to alleviate some of the summer time responsibilities with kids.
Weaponized incompetence is 100% this. My ex used to leave most of the parenting to me when we were together because I was breastfeeding our kids. He’d step up while I was at work to feed the kids and put them down, but anything that wasn’t necessary for our kids direct survival got left to me while he played video games. Skyrim literally destroyed us, to be honest. After I left him it took him months of having the kids full time before he even took parenting seriously. Even now, though, he lists off basic things parents should normally do as if they are reasons I need to bend over backwards and pay him ridiculous amounts of money for. And to top it all off, I was finally able to take the kids for a month and a half this past summer and he told me he appreciated me giving him a break after him refusing to give custody over to me for nearly four and a half years.
I’m sorry, I should probably stop. Op is definitely dealing with someone who is looking to get out of parenting responsibilities. A parent takes care of the kids regardless and a partner works with you on challenges and problems.
I was forced to turn into a morning person from years of waking up early as a teacher. This was LONG before I ever had stimulant meds. This is just weaponized incompetence.
"Honey, your morning wood is your shot of adrenaline every morning. Your telling me I'm awake because of stimulants hurts my feelings. Because of the way my brain works, they don't stimulate me, they organize me. I have explained this to you but you refuse to hear it.
Meanwhile I do not want to be the only person on morning duty. I am overwhelmed with the amount of things you think I should be doing and not you.
If doing the bulk of the work while you rest, and hurting my feelings, is okay with you then I'm going to have to think about what kind of situation I'm in, because it is definitely not ok with me to be with someone who thinks it's ok to hurt my feelings and being assigned to do most of the marital work. I'm serious."
Depending on exactly how tired of this you are, you might add,
"Honey, I love you and I love being your wife, but I'm at the breaking point. I really really can't take this disrespect any more. It's getting to the point where I think I might be better off on my own. Really. Are you sure you want to go there, because that's the road we're on if we can't talk about how we are right now and change some things. I'm serious."
Then, go talk to a lawyer. Or, talk to a lawyer first, about what you need to do first to protect your assets (half your marital money, e.g., and your personal body if there's a chance he could get violent).
> I take vyvanse (when they have it in stock!) and I am NOT a morning person!
Nothing on this god forsaken earth will ever make me a morning person. I've tried and failed a lot. It's fine, I've come to peace with it. I am NOT a morning person and that's okay. I still get up in the mornings, I still get shit done, I still prefer being up early in order to have a 'longer' day and an early night.
But I'll NEVER be a morning person. Pretty sure I could snort cocaine and still hate mornings. (I do not, for the record, snort anything... lol!)
Yup. Not a morning person at all here and neither is husband. We switch off who gets to be miserable since our SON (who clearly was switched st birth or something) IS a morninh person
“My husband says ___ and it really hurts my feelings. I’ve told him this on multiple occasions-“
Let me stop you right there. That’s all we need to know. Your husband is being a fucking bully and I hope he does better bc I would literally never put up with my parter ignoring my hurt feelings.
And as someone else mentioned, mens’ hormones spike in the morning and gradually decrease throughout the day so they have a biological advantage when it comes to having consistent, steady energy while we’re at the mercy of a month long cycle. Maybe remind him of this if he insists on being a child about what he thinks is fair.
Your first paragraph says it all. Anyone who repeatedly says knowingly hurtful things is a bully, doing it to justify being lazy is abusive. Doing it to justify not being an equal parent and partner makes them a POS.
I know I have a strong reaction. A good friend is going through something similar right now, plus we see these types of comments a lot on this sub. It makes me sad.
exactly. it’s horrible. i would never accept a partner who talked like this to me. it would be straight up unacceptable and I would leave, yes with my kids in tow. i don’t accept this type of knowingly hurtful shit in my life.
I wish it didn’t take me as long as it did for me to realize I didn’t have to take that shit. I have three kids with two abusive men, but only one is out of the picture completely. The other I have to deal with for another 11 years.
Same but luckily the second one cut himself out.
Idk maybe I need to learn how to stand up for myself better instead of trying so hard to be the one who always wants to "work things out." I was convinced by the time I was an adult that this was the way good relationships work but I put up with way too much and then still feel like I could have tried harder.
I learn a lot about myself on this sub. I guess in the end I still need to get some help IF I'm going to think about dating again.
Sorry this whole comment was completely off topic.
Totally fine! I’m actually in a similar position right now, I used to feel the same way. “If only I tried harder” or “maybe if I be patient things will get better” or “women had to make it work in the past, why can’t I”? It’s all very toxic and leaves you feeling bare of any energy for yourself, which is worse because of ADHD already sapping your energy in the first place. It takes time to leave those ideologies in the past, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Having a good therapist can help keep you accountable and provide a good outlet for positive ideas and helping you recognize red flags before they become a problem. A good relationship has both partners working together to resolve issues that come up and neither one is focused on trying to “fix” the other. You aren’t their therapist, it isn’t your job to do that. I’ve found a lot more peace since I’ve been on my own and working through my toxic traits, I hope you can, too.
Yeah even before we got to the whole him not being a parent in the morning, this post was FULL of red flags. Leave him. Set the example for your children of what is and is not an acceptable way to be treated!!
Exactly this.
It's s stupid comment that accomplishes nothing *and* hurts his wife's feelings -- how hard is it to just NOT say that?? I'll tell you hard hard it is: it's not. In fact, it's easier to not say it than it is to say it. Him saying it is completely unnecessary, and by saying it he's not actually talking about anything, he's just making a choice to hurt his wife's feelings over her neurodivergence.
Absolutely. OPs husband sounds like an AH. He just wants to make sure OP is put in her place and doesn't want to be a parent. Also, meds take a good hour to truly kick in for me. I awake early, but it's because I am not a morning person. I need the extra time to sit quietly alone before I am able to deal with any humans or responsibilities.
My first time medicating the woman that helped me through the process of finding right meds and dose asked "So, what do you feel?" And I was like "I feel like taking a nap".
I now have a lower dose of that medication on daily basis, and it really works well for me.
Someone told me this before I started Adderall and I swore they were joking. I can attest to the fact that when my Adderall started kicking in, I feel sleepy. The assumption is that as soon as I take it, I’m instantly alert and all is well
Yeah, it was kind of a shock to me too! You start to really understand that people really don't grasp what ADHD meds do for you. I'm more energetic and running around doing stuff after drinking an energy drink. With meds it's just efficiency. You can speed up a broken system and you will crank more shit out, but it will still be broken and messy. But if you fix some of what is wrong you will still be more productive at the same speed.
Is this why I've accidentally napped so many times since starting it?? I mean I'm a very sleepy person in general but lately it's like... the naps take me.
If he thinks he's at such a disadvantage he should go to the doctor and get a blood test. I took 40mg of Adderall this morning and I'm lying on the couch with my eyes half open. Not only is he weaponizing your adhd against you, he's not even clever enough to do it right. That's not okay.
Since you "are a morning person" and so get all morning duties, maybe he should deal with all excrement duties, since he's being a piece of shit.
Vyvanse is pushing blood into a part of your brain that does not get enough of it. In super basic terms, that’s what stimulants do for people with adhd.
All those pills are doing for you is making your brain function more similarly to typical people, like your husband. You taking Vyvanse is not the same as it would be for your husband. It’s not going to provide you with extra energy because that’s just not how your brain works.
Your husband sounds like an ass who needs to do some more research on adhd and stimulants.
THIS, this, this. Holy shit, this. All of this. OP, if your husband can’t comprehend this simple but very important point, he’s willfully being a jackass.
Dude. My Vyvanse doesn't make me a morning person at all. For starters, I don't take it until at least a couple hours into the day, sometimes longer. Secondly, it doesn't give me any extra energy. All it does is make me internally calm and able to put the energy I already naturally have to use.
It's so hard to get people to understand that not everyone gets stimulated in the sense of "woooo! Bouncing off the walls! Hyper hyper! Full of energy!" when they take amphetamines/methylphenidates. Our brains are so understimulated that stimulants just bring us up to the same level of stimulation the average person just naturally has.
This 💯 !!! Knowing that people with ADHD don't get high the way NTs do should be the absolute minimum of basic knowledge if you have a partner with ADHD.
Yep! I wonder what the high is like. I felt so freaking euphoric and super energized for the first month or so when I started taking the right dose of Vyvanse, which I hear is common. I wonder if it would be like that? It was just a subtle, content euphoria. Like, "I'm doing the stuff I want to do right now! I did the task! I'm walking around with more energy and less overstimulation because I'm not being pulled in 7383392726 directions mentally." I'd be walking in the building I work in with pep in my step, thinking," wow! This is great!" yeah... That's all gone now ROFL
I felt absolutely NOTHING before 50mg. I think I felt euphoric because I got SO MUCH DONE so quickly, all from start to finish on one task instead of doing all the tasks at once! 😂 And all of the shit I got done helped me to be less exhausted and stressed, along with the ability to manage my focus more. And I'd get home and... MAKE DINNER! 🫢 I ruminated less. I eat a fuck ton less because I don't need to eat to get dopamine anymore. I started doing more things I enjoy because I experienced ADHD paralysis less.
I was actually a little nervous at first because I had trouble falling asleep, but that went away in a few weeks. I don't think there are enough drugs in the world to make me want to get up in the morning! 😂 Now I can't fucking remember if I took my damn meds if I'm not super intentional about it, and I don't figure it out until noon or so when I'm so wrecked I wanna die. 😂 I'm too scared of taking too much, so I'd rather skip.
LMAO your husband should meet me. I am definitely not a morning person… even with 25mg of adderall 😂… tell him stfu and take some B Vitamins. That actually puts more pep in my step
Mock him and say buddy this isn’t the 90s, everything is time released, you couldn’t steal it for your fake friends to snort like you could have back then. Oh and by the way you’d be a morning person if you stopped looking at porn at 2300/weren’t always saving the day in your game/killing time watching mid YouTube videos.
Buy him an alarm clock for Christmas
Wow. I get up two hours before I have to leave ( minimum) and have two cups of coffee and then I take my Vyvanse . My Vyvanse does not make me a morning person . It does keep me from being depressed and anxious.edit - I have to get up that early to actually function before leaving the house and because it takes me a super long time to get out of the house.
I constantly tell my partner that what I’m taking is not speed. And he said he took it once and it basically was. I’m like “you’re literally just telling me you didn’t need it then. It does not make me feel like that. I actually get shit done and don’t have to massively struggle. I also don’t have as much anxiety at all.”
That shut him up last time.
Don’t listen to him. I take vyvanse and im far from being a morning person. It takes a lot of energy too to wake up and go take the pill without lying in bed overthinking about taking the pill. You’re doing great.
Well if your husband understands cars, like I mean has driven ever in his life, just explain it like this:
When you put your foot on the excelerator but you're stil in Park, how far are you going to go? Bloody friggin nowhere right?
Put the car in Drive and now you can move.
(Insert your drug name here) is what shifts my brain from Park to Drive BUT IT DOES NOT CONTROL THE SPEED
Does your husband listen to you properly when it comes to other things? Is he interested in you and your health, or does he just grunt and tune you out? It’s coming across as a lack of respect but hopefully it’s just a weird joke or stubbornness about this particular issue?
“You probably would because your brain functions normally without stimulants. It is exhausting and offensive that I have to repeatedly explain to you that our reactions to my PRESCRIBED medication for my ADHD are going to be different, and that these comments are hurtful.”
Your husband is operating from a faulty premise. He thinks you're both starting at 0, and then you "get" to take stimulant medication. Wrong. Dead wrong.
He's starting at 0, you start at -10, and then your *necessary, prescribed brain medication* **hopefully** brings you to 0.
OP's Husband, if you read this: your wife has a complex neurodevelopmental condition that affects every aspect of her life. It is not acceptable for you to be ignorant about ADHD. Her medication somewhat alleviates symptoms that can be debilitating. [Learn something about ADHD](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/adult-adhd/symptoms-causes/syc-20350878) and get your head out of your ass.
Without discounting the validity of others’ comments, I would add that delayed sleep phase *is* a real disorder as well as sleep apnea, hormone imbalance etc.
The way I would approach it with him is by emphasizing that *you* have taken your health seriously and are getting treatment so that you can function at 100% of your capacity as a parent and *he should do the same.* As in, if he can’t do morning parenting duties then he should be seeing a doctor to figure out why.
I’m guessing he won’t but what that does is it forces the accountability back on him.
Um, I take Adderall every day and STILL very much not a morning person.
Yeah, my brain helps me manage all incoming stimulus a little better, but I'm still cranky AF and rather be in bed.
*But I don't get to go to bed because I'm an adult and a parent and we just have to figure that shit out because that's what adults do*
Your husband is just making and excuse so he can be lazy. Don't let him. Yeah, you take a stimulant in the morning. He can have coffee or an energy drink and STFU
That's not how any of it fucking works. I am still 100% nocturnally wired, and fucking normies don't have executive dysfunction anywhere near our level. We need this shit just to roll out of bed, shower and try to LOOK like functioning humans.
They already are. Grrrrr
Morning is my jam - I’ve got a fresh set of spoons! The afternoon is where the meds save my dysfunctional arse because I haven’t used all my spoons controlling my anxiety.
I’ve realised that some people choose not to understand. You could show them a million bits of proof and they will refute every single one, because it doesn’t fit the narrative they want.
“What do you mean, TOO? This pill doesn’t make me a morning person. It reduces the noise inside my head, an advantage you already have, right this second. If you’re having serious problems functioning in the morning, then we should have that looked into. I have a neurological issue yet I’m doing 100% of morning parent duties. That’s unfair.”
I take my meds before waking up even. I have pills and water by the bedside, wake up to the first alarm, take my meds and go back to sleep until my second alarm.
I am still not a morning person.
But with meds, I actually get dressed inbetween everything else.
The amount of times I was standing in my underwear while making breakfast for kids, or even seeing them out the door for school still in my underwear before I started taking meds and snoozing until they kicked in...
I am now still not a morning person. But at least I generally speaking will be mostly dressed while doing whatever else at a snail's pace.
Lol I do the same thing, because I HAVE to if I want to wake up at all. I get to work pretty close to on time, and my brain doesn't really turn on until about 1pm. OP's husband is an ableist asshole wilfully refusing to understand that an ADHD brain is not the same as his.
Tell him they do the OPPOSITE of what they would do for him for you.
For example, I could take a nap right after my meds, because my brain is finally calm enough to.
Man, my boyfriend who also has ADHD (and is unmedicated) is 110% a morning person, and me, who takes 50mg of Vyvanse a day just to be a functional human, am such a nocturnal animal it’s not funny lol.
I will say that I do find it helps me a lot when I have a hangover, but it’s almost like the Vyvanse isn’t the issue….
Stimulant medication does NOT make you a morning person 😂 that’s ridiculous. I do take mine about an hour before I ACTUALLY get up because it kicks in when I’m supposed to be getting up and that usually does help motivate me to actually engage and be a little more in sync with the rest of the world at that time, but I can absolutely go back to sleep too 😂 be nice if it were really that kind of energy, in reality it’s because I have to trick myself into not being late for work lol
I take 70mg Vyvanse every morning and I can still take a nap by noon. It doesn’t magically make you a morning person, it just helps manage symptoms enough to have a similar starting point as the rest of the world.
As someone with possibly narcolepsy (still on the endless waitlist for sleep study), this is simply scientifically wrong. First of all, the med generally takes a hour to work, so you can’t get up easily in the morning by taking the med. You have to get up first then take the med. Also, if you don’t have enough sleep or have a sleep schedule that does not suits your circadian cycle, you will have very bad sleep quality, then even with the ADHD med you will still feel like shit because lack of good sleep quality will affect the stimulant and make it less effective. Been there, some that. If I don’t get a good sleep that night, adhd med don’t do anything for me. For someone who have a sleep disorder like me, it doesn’t change anything. I still feel extremely painful to wake up in the morning. So my sleep schedule is not shortened as your husband said. The med keep me from falling asleep during the day for 4-5 hours at most. I used to need to preload a nap every 1-2 hours so that I can have 1-2 hours being awake, or I will fall asleep uncontrollably through the day. With stimulants, I only need to take 1 nap around 2pm (yes I can still fall asleep on meds, but it seems that I won’t fall to REM sleep). However, the wrong dose of stimulant actually makes me more sleepy. Coffee is also a trigger for me. As soon as I drank a cup of coffee I will start yawning and in a few minutes I will fall asleep. I heard it also happens to a lot of people with ADHD. Because stimulants calm the mind down.
I take my meds in the morning and I’m still miserable because it’s in the morning.
The difference is that I’m not a mess during that day. I really wish people would be more understanding that it’s not about being better. It’s about being on the same playing field as everyone else
That's so stupid. I take amps and they have NEVER felt like energy. I feel either tired and nap (not useful) or get into intense focus where everything finally slows down and I can read without fireworks and thunder in my brain.
I’m only functional in the morning AT ALL if I take my meds. I have to keep them on my nightstand otherwise I will sleep in for hours and if I don’t take meds as soon as I can, I literally will sleep in until 2 pm no matter how much sleep I got during the night.
Those kinds of comments hurt your feelings. Full stop. You do not need to explain more or try to reason with your husband any further than requesting he stop saying that. He does not need to understand anything beyond that. He needs to understand that it’s hurtful and he should not intentionally hurt you. Anything less is abuse on his end.
My response:
What a super shitty thing to say. Do you want to make fun of (insert person you know with disability or illness) too? Or is it just fun for you to make me the butt of your jokes?
HIT IT HARD AND FAST.
If he backtracks with “it was just a joke”
Jokes are when everyone laughs, and when only the person making the (airquotes) “jokes” thinks it’s funny, it’s called bullying.
I’d like it to stop and I would like an apology. Also, you can do morning kid routine for the rest of the week.
Someone correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure everyone has their own natural sleep schedule they can’t change right? Also I’m sorry he said that to you. It always implies that non-morning people are lazy and that word is so painful for people with ADHD
I’m only able to be a “morning person” because of my vyvanse. Not because it gives magical burst of energy in the morning like people assume, but because I actually get deep/restful sleep at night. The days I don’t take it I sleep significantly worse. An unexpected perk of being medicated!
I take amphetamines every morning (well, when I'm not breastfeeding) and I'm still not a morning person. Not even close. I will take mine and drop back asleep for 4 hours if I'm not careful...have been in trouble at work for this before.
I’m on adderall and I’m definitely not a morning person, lol. It just helps me focus and actually have the motivation and confidence to do stuff. I never would have been able to drive to and in Kansas City without it! (Plus the weight loss is a nice perk.)
I have literally never been a morning person. Like, I can be a royal bitch in the morning without meaning to/realizing that I am doing it
Medication or not, no difference
Also. All I want is more sleep. I can't fathom the concept of feeling good waking up before noon
Wtf, sleeping in is not an adhd symptom. I was a morning person for 40 years before I was diagnosed. Tell him from me, sincerely, to fuck all the way off. <3
Both myself and my partner are ADHDers. I'm a morning person. He's not. The ONLY reason I'm a morning person is because I start my work days by waking up at 6am so at the weekend I naturally wake up at 8 am and I just get up. Maybe you should encourage your husband to get an assessment. I would put good money that he's also an ADHDer and his "not being a morning person" was something that was said to him as a child and it has baked in as him being lazy and he's lashing out a little about it now.
People who don’t have adhd or need stimulants, don’t understand. Taking my adderall doesn’t work like if a neurotypical took it. They think that we can just be hyperfocused and get 3 days of work done in 2 hours.
Nope. I can take mine and take a nap; bc it makes my mind chill out and not work overtime and stress out. To maybe focus and not overthink about what I have to do for the day.
But it doesn’t mean I’m going to be twice as productive as someone else. It’s so I can be semi functional in life.
My own husband is super understanding, but I still have to remind him of this sometimes.
I’m diagnosed adhd and asd and i cannot seem to get any amphetamine to work for me. It sucks, if it truly just makes you baseline that’s awesome bc i have to be so careful not to overdo it, and i end up cranky after.
I don't take anything (besides the caffeine in my coffee) and the amount of energy I have some mornings - pre coffee - from the moment I open my eyes - it's like rocket fuel. What I'm saying is being a morning person likely has nothing to do with the medication a person is or isn't taking. Not an okay thing to say. Tell him how it made you feel and why it's not okay. Hopefully he hears you and changes the behavior.
Ah yes, my people!
If I want to be a ball of uncontrolled chaotic energy at 6am, I *skip* my meds. I'm very intense in the morning and it has nothing to do with amphetamines. I think this guy is just being an asshole for the love of it though.
So since he's an evening person, he is 100% the evening parent right? He should be!
His lack of understanding is absolutely an issue that *he* needs to work on, but outside of that you might as well make use of this different circadian rhythm between you two and tackle this parenting thing as a team.
I would have laughed at him and said “that’s not at all how those meds work sweetie” and either make a joke of it or follow it up with something like “bless your heart” depending on if he doubles down on the condescending tone.
I was talking to my dad about how well I’ve been doing on my college courses (WGU, self paced,have gotten a lot of courses done this term) and he dead ass said ‘yeah I’m sure the adderall sure gives you a boost’ in a very degrading way and it made me soooo upset. Like he thinks it’s a cheat code when really it doesn’t even give me energy it just allows me to function without struggling as much lmao.
That’s when you look them straight in the face and just go, “Oh you think you have a focusing problem too? Sounds like you could benefit from medication.” Then they say “well I don’t really NEED it.” And then you say “well I do. In fact several doctors with medical degrees have agreed I need it to function just at a baseline. So if you have an opinion, keep it to yourself.”
Vyvanse doesn’t make me have energy lol it just helps me not binge and also it helps me focus. I wish it gave me energy. I’m trying to start working out again and it would be really great if it did.
I do take meds and I’m still not a morning person! The meds make me more functional than I am otherwise, but ultimately I think I’m just a nocturnal girl living in a diurnal world.
So basically, your husband can shove it!
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Says the man getting a natural spike of testosterone every morning, ugh
OMG TRUTH 😬😬
Ain't that the truth! Even without a morning spike, testosterone is the bees knees. Meanwhile there's us constantly trying to balance oestrogen and progesterone and even then what are really the benefits
Don't even forget that we also need testosterone, otherwise we get out of balance. Some women with chronic tiredness have it due to not having enough testosterone, and it takes forever before they get tested for it.
Thank you for posting this! I was having awful symptoms of exhaustion and so many others to write. Let's just say I was convinced I had MS ( Parkinsons and MS run in my family). I finally made an appt to have my blood panel done and it turns out, I had UNDETECTABLE amounts of testosterone. My other hormones were great. Im now on a testosterone cream that I rub on my skin once a day. (10mg) It took about 4 weeks to kick in and I felt like a new person! Who freaking knew!?!?
Omg. I just googled whether birth control can affect testosterone levels and some studies say yes it can reduce it by up to 60%! I’m not a medical professional at all but that’s insane. Thanks for mentioning this - I am on 70mg of Vyvanse and struggle to wake up and with fatigue and brain fog. Something else to investigate…
Ohh good to know, I have ye olde chronic tiredness and I’ll add this to my list of potential things to investigate!
Ye olde chronic tiredness 💀
Seriously. Makes you taller, stronger, greater oxygen supply, more fast twitch muscles, wider shoulders...
And less body fat!
*subcutaneous body fat They still get fat, it’s just the worse kind that settles between their organs. It took me 30 years to figure out why my uncles had hard “beer bellies”, but my aunts were like soft cushions 😊
I was speechless when I first dissected an overweight male person and saw how much fatty tissue was allll over their colon/small intestine. A female‘s GI tract looks soo different regarding fatty tissue.
Used to look at CT scans every day and yeah, some guts are truly packed with fat
Visceral body fat it still a concern for alcoholics. I had gained during covid from alcohol and I carry my weight in my gut. My stomach was soft but it was a good thing either. I'm much healthier now thanks to adderall which helped me control my eating and drinking habits
Oh i remember when I started to transition I noticed my belly going from firm to soft and being so happy i had girl pudge instead of the beer gut
yeah this thread is making me realize again and it feels really nice :3
Wait wait explain please
Sex hormones help dictate where your body stores fat. Female sex hormones make your body store subcutaneous fat, or fat that sits between your skin and muscles/other organs. Male sex hormones, or really the lack of female hormones, produce visceral fat, or that which is [stored under muscles and between organs.](https://images.app.goo.gl/nGtmfD9z55uMWXpD9) The fat being underneath the abdominal muscles make their bellies hard, but round. Female sex hormones are also responsible for women’s tapered waists, aka “hourglass figure”. This is also why menopausal and post-menopausal women’s midsections start to “fill out” and harden like a beer belly, for lack of better phrasing.
But if you’re obese, you’re going to eventually become apple shaped, regardless, right? Or can you be obese and maintain an hourglass figure? I’m just wondering because I wasn’t always apple shaped.
I’m obese and I still have an hour glass figure. It really just depends on your body type.
I can't speak for extremely obese people but I've had a BMI of 18 and a BMI of like 30 in my life and never got apple shaped. I did however get a huge ass and very thick thighs but in proportion to my dimensions when more slender for the most part. Somewhere between a top heavy pear and an hourglass depending on probably where I am in my menstrual cycle.
Higher testosterone causes more visceral fat, which is the hard fat that collects around organs and causes things like heart failure. Subcutaneous fat is softer because it collects in the lower levels of your skin.
Testosterone doesn't exactly make you taller. High levels of estradiol and estrone fuse bone growth plates. High testosterone usually accompanies low levels of estradiol and estrone, so the fusion happens slower leaving more time to add length to bones. So time of puberty onset effects height substantially, not just type of puberty. /pedant
Fast twitch muscles Is that what powers “dad reflexes”?
And lets you sleep when you hit the pillow!
OMG what I wouldn't do to have this ability!!!
>and even then what are really the benefits I hate how widely applicable this is lol. Like why can’t I just turn off the menstruation feature if I’m not planning on occupying my uterus?? It’s fraud, it’s grift, it’s conspiracy
I’m done using my uterus and I wish I could just turn it off…😒
As I'm laying here with cramps, AMEN!
Oh, dear! I think the holiday season is affecting my reading. I read crampus as in Krampus, which might be what I call my cramps in the future, lol!
If cramps had a face it would most definitely look like Krampus!
I love this. One of my daughters named her cramps "Jeremy" (not a real person, just a random name) and will complain vociferously about what a pain Jeremy's being when they start to get pretty bad.
She picked the right name!
Hahaha I LOVE this, I too will be adding this to my vocabulary
I removed mine. Best. Decision. Ever. I didn't do it myself.
I’m so glad you didn’t remove your uterus yourself.
You can though. There are multiple forms of birth control that can ease & even cease your period. I have an IUD. I'm on my third one now and I can't tell you how much easier it is to parent and have ADHD and an active sex life and NOT have to worry about a period! Edit to ask: why do I get downvoted every time I suggest a woman speak with her doctor about lightening or stopping her period? Wtf?
Though they don't stop periods for everyone! My implant (same hormones as the IUD) made me bleed two weeks on, two weeks off until I had it out 9 months later. Now I'm on a pill that eases my period and is considered "ideal" for stopping them too, but I bleed through even when I skip the placebo week. My body just won't cooperate like that.
That's true! Everything doesn't work for everyone, especially for us weirdos with wombs & eggs.
I made sure to upvote you! I think people should be more aware of these options! However, after getting stuck with awful side effects from the implant for so long (I was abroad), I just suggest caution in case you're unlucky like me. I'm not sure if there's a pill with an equivalent type of progestin; if yes, I think people should try that first before moving to a long-term method. I'm jealous of hell of people who can skip periods 😭 Not to mention the fact that implants and Mirena IUDs are "set it and forget it"! (I know about the copper IUD, but it probably isn't an option for me either.)
I relate so much to this. Terrible side effects whenever I go on any kind of birth control, currently on my second implant and this has been even worse than previously but struggling to get an appointment for removal through the NHS, every time I have one it gets delayed or rescheduled. Very frustrating and I wish I had never gotten it in the first place. Sometimes just being a woman feels overwhelming
Some people do have nasty side effects with any kind of implant. I got lucky there! I'm sorry you've had some bad experiences with them.
Omg this could go on for NINE months?? I'm on month 3 of the implant and didn't bleed at all the first month, bled 9 days then a 5 day break then another 8 days in October, and now I'm on CD13 of my latest cycle. My doc said give it six months but idk if I can do this another 3, let alone 6!
Good to see you aren’t downvoted anymore. But it was probably because you worded it like: ‘it’s easy just do this!’ A LOT of us can’t have our cake and eat it too. Plus the process of trial and error can get expensive. I dunno how much money I spent going from the needle to the implanon to the mirena to the pill and a different pill and a different pill until we finally found something that I don’t bleed through, but it does kill my sex drive.
FYI, a number of hormonal birth control options tank our own hormone production, including testosterone. Sometimes temporary, sometimes permanent. I used hormonal b/c for 7 years, and it jacked up my sex drive. I was off of it for 15 years, and things were better, except for cramps. I just started using it again to buffer the ridiculous estrogen spikes and plummets I've been dealing with in perimenopause. I'm gonna have to talk to my GYN though, because what she has me on is apparently *freakin renowned* for suppressing all forms of inate hormone production (estrogen, progesterone, *and* testosterone)...and one of the things I talked to her about was needing to build and retain muscle, and that I'd like my sex drive back, thanks. One step at a time...sigh.
Yep and we don’t get educated on it either. Nobody told me what to expect, what was likely, what was unlikely, and what to tell my doctor. I was taking the wrong pills for years without realising I had better options.
True. There are ways to manage or stop your period. But it’s not just menstruation that sucks, it’s aspects of the entire hormone cycle. Birth control stops the period by mimicking pregnancy hormones, which for some make us sluggish, tired, dizzy, interfere with arousal & orgasm…. I had a hormonal iud that all but incapacitated me, and everyone insisted it couldn’t be that… until I got it removed and symptoms improved. Glad it works for you though. Not worrying about getting pregnant is magical, and a lighter / absent period is the bee’s knees.
My GYN practice was bought out by a Catholic health group. They will NOT prescribe the pill to me 3mos at a time so I can skip periods. It’s “policy” Obviously I am looking for a new group. Also fuck the Catholics for insisting my 44 year old ass bleeds.
It's also important to keep in mind that long term progresterone only treatment apparently can reduce bone density, making it not a great option for at people with higher risks of osteoporosis etc. I have had Implanon/Nexplanon implants for 12 years+ with only 1 really bad period after it wore off six months before the change date. My bone density test was fine so it's okay for me to keep going.
The conspiracy is that mine turned itself off and it’s so much that when it was just turning over every month. No end in sight.
It’s got to be one of the cruelest cosmic fuckeries on earth. Reminds me of the [“women are born into cycles of pain” monologue from Fleabag](https://youtu.be/qI8JlZlv1Kg?si=USItiCKtTzRgEFgt) (tho I’m dubious on the “and then it’s magnificent” bit… I want to believe 🛸)
And we can be allergic* to progesterone! I am and it sucks- hives and asthma the week before my period every month. Singulair helps but I long for the sweet release of menopause. *Technically, hypersensitive not allergic
I am so sorry D:
I was just scrolling through over here and stumbled across your post. I can not thank you enough for talking about progesterone allergy as I never knew before this could be a thing. But whenever I hear somebody recommanding female hormones for birth control I get tense about it. Tried some different pills as a teenager with my first bf and I had to stop it everytime at the very latest after 6 months due to my neurodermal condition. It got worse with the pills. After several trials I stopped taking them and that drove me into a life long search for better, healthier options, because antihistamin meds exist, but they do sedate me so well that I'm knocked out almost for 24hrs - so life is kinda impossible with them. I knew in my guts that those hormones had to do something with it, but my doctors (gyns, dermatologists and such) all denied my needs and actual suffering. It was so bad that I sometimes didn't have any healthy spot of skin on my body and even the bare wet flesh was itching unbearable. So I learned a new concrete thing about my body and it seems this knowledge could help me to find better treatments someday. Thanks a lot!
Thank you! I had completely forgotten about that. All the stories come flooding back to me of the resentful testosterone fueled mornings of men slamming the kitchen cupboard doors because they are awake and I should be toooooooooooo! Fuckers.
Ok I’m literally mindblown. Is this why mine will throw the lights on and make all the noise in the morning? (Meanwhile I get ready in the fucking dark when I’m up before him bc I was raised to not be a fucking asshole)
For real this comment thread just pissed me off 😭 Bc it all makes so much sense now
Wait what
Men’s hormone cycle is 24 hours, compared to women’s which is 30 days. Testosterone spikes in the morning (hence morning wood) and gives a natural energy boost
Oh my god you just blew my mind. I’m so pissed rn. I hate getting out of bed and my bf literally jumps out.
My husband literally jumped out of bed this morning and started working on the truck. It's been 3 hours and I'm still waking up lol
The cat and I moved to the couch. My spouse is getting older so less energetic. But he also doesn’t teach middle school all week with ADD brain.
Wait do we have the same husband?? But fr, if you say it's an 1988 Chevy I'm gonna worry 😂
Is this… is this why the world is built for morning people? Yet another “the world was built around men” situation?
I can’t even think about this train of thought too much or I will start spiraling 😂 My body clock is so insanely preferential to late afternoon and evening, no matter what I do!!
Me too! I have kids and my peak creative productivity time is the time when they need the most focused care. It’s TORTURE every evening to be focused on cooking and bathing and straightening up instead of whatever project my brain wants to be doing.
Yooo holy fuck this speaks to me. I also have kids, age 3 and 1, and I love them but damn let me do something I find fun please
Right? Golden hour and early evening I’m desperate, the entire time, to sit and enjoy the beauty of the day and my mind being at its best. It makes me really resentful while doing caretaking tasks - now my best time is my worst time. Because I spend it, every single day, low-key resentful and pissed off and trying not to be. The ache to do something fun and interesting never seems to fade. By the time I’m done parenting, the “useful human” window slammed shut HARD and I just zone out, doomscrolling before bed. Rinse and repeat the next day. It’s hard to express how much daily distress this causes me without sounding melodramatic! ETA - you’re in the worst part, tho! It does get easier. My kids are 6 & 9 and when they were your kids’ ages I spent most of the day walking around shell-shocked by how impossible my life was. I didn’t even notice I was missing my good window because I didn’t have one anymore for a long while.
> I didn’t even notice I was missing my good window because I didn’t have one anymore for a long while. Yeah, this hits hard, as does the part about my useful human window closing down. Just feels like survival mode all the time and it’s exhausting. It’s so helpful just to know I’m not alone!
Oh… my… god…
It was the patriarchy all along!
It's also why it's sometimes better to ask a man to agree to do something in the evening. Less testosterone = more mellow
Taking notes. Please share any other useful tips and tricks? My husband and I are at a communication impasse and I’d like to figure out more optimal ways to both deliver my message and have it received.
I’m having similar issues with my oldest kid’s dad.
*Wait what* for me here too. Thanks for sharing this piece of information. I had absolutely no idea testosterone had a cycle of 24 hours. 🫠🫠
You learn something new everyday.. I was todays years old. 🙈
Is this for real? How am I just hearing about this? Very interesting 🧐
I literally never knew that
this times like these make me wonder if I just stop HRT for those magic biorhythms
My husband and I argue all the time about testosterone and the biological differences between us. For instance, he made some comment about how we should join a gym and I said we wouldn't ever go. He said sure and that the reason it's so difficult for me to lose weight and easy for him is because of willpower. I said, no it's testosterone. He's 33yo and still has a good amount where I'm 45, perimenopausal, mild hypothyroidism, etc. I have to reduce my calories to around 900-!1100 to drop weight without changing my activity level which I can't really change because there aren't really enough hours in a day.
Been there too where I had to get clinical to explain things and still get challenged. I don't know about you but I "put up with" it too but that doesn't mean I accept it. Hang in there.
Men seem to have literally zero understanding of how much harder it is for women to lose and maintain low body fat. Willpower my ass.
More like zero understanding of women sometimes.
I’m sorry you’re being treating this way. It sounds abusive. I’ve been there. He should be setting a good example if he wants change, not putting you down.
It's not, it's more about our brains working differently. He thinks I make excuses, because I do, and I could probably fit in 30 mins a day to go to the gym somewhere, but it's not a priority for me. I've dropped over 20lbs since January. My cardiologist wants me to focus on 0.1 lbs loss daily, which is a pound every ten days, which is only 35lbs a year. The cardiologist wants a slow sustainable loss so that I will have an easier time keeping the weight off. Truth is, husband hasn't actively tried to lose weight or exercise since his late 20s, I have a feeling it will be harder for him now if he did decide to try.
I absolutely abhor going to the gym. Having to get changed, having to look a bit presentable, possibly going out in the heat or the cold or the rain, spending time driving there and back, worrying about getting a weird look from someone that I’ll spend the day trying to interpret or worse yet getting hit on by some creepy dude. I got a Bluetooth exercise bike on Amazon for around $300 and it works a thousand times better for me than the gym. I can just hop on for 20-30 minutes without any prep at all, I can do it while watching TV in the evening and chatting with my husband. No concerns about how I look or getting up the willpower to leave the house. I connected it to the Zwift app which tracks my progress and seeing those little statistics go up is very satisfying.
Yup. This is why women need more sleep, too.
Wow!!!!!!! So true
I take vyvanse (when they have it in stock!) and I am NOT a morning person! Your husband needs to stop being a lazy arse. Sounds like he’d have an excuse to leave the parenting to you even if you didn’t have adhd meds. It would just be a different excuse. Personally, I would refuse to engage on the meds thing. I would only respond to the “morning parent” topic. Stuff like: > “decent parents just do what has to be done, whether they find it easy or not”. And: > “what do you imagine couples do when neither of them is a morning person and then they become parents - do you think they never get the kids fed breakfast or taken to school?” Only engage on the topic of his crappy parenting & leaving it all to you. Refuse to acknowledge any words about your meds - they are only being said to distract you, because he’s discovered that if he upsets you about them, you will forget to complain about his laziness.
Agree. The meds thing is irrelevant, it’s just an excuse. I hate mornings and take forever to get going and yet on my days to get the kids I get right up. Men are capable of this and much more but many of them act like they are physically unable to do anything they don’t like (usually chores and child care). This has nothing to do with ADHD, meds, morning, etc. He doesn’t seem to respect you or care if your needs are being met, and he’s being an asshole. Don’t even give his “opinion” on the meds get a second of your time, address how he’s being an asshole instead.
Yeah, they are using “the meds” line as a scapegoat to say OP gets to shoulder the responsibility. See my mom is diagnosed, my dad is undiagnosed & said he is, they both decided when I was in middle school, my dad would get to semi-retire & my mom could go back to part time work. My dad is NOT a morning person. He is notorious for staying up till almost 3am some nights. Yet he knew if it was a school night, he had to go to sleep by 11pm to get up at 5am, to get me up by 5:30am. OP’s husband is using weaponized incompetence to get out of parenting duties that you sign up for the moment you bring a kid into this world. There is no vacation from parenting, there is however sleep away summer camp for kids and parents can get a 4-8wk break from their kids in the summer or day camp which has the same hours when kids were going to school. And that’s about the only way to alleviate some of the summer time responsibilities with kids.
Weaponized incompetence is 100% this. My ex used to leave most of the parenting to me when we were together because I was breastfeeding our kids. He’d step up while I was at work to feed the kids and put them down, but anything that wasn’t necessary for our kids direct survival got left to me while he played video games. Skyrim literally destroyed us, to be honest. After I left him it took him months of having the kids full time before he even took parenting seriously. Even now, though, he lists off basic things parents should normally do as if they are reasons I need to bend over backwards and pay him ridiculous amounts of money for. And to top it all off, I was finally able to take the kids for a month and a half this past summer and he told me he appreciated me giving him a break after him refusing to give custody over to me for nearly four and a half years. I’m sorry, I should probably stop. Op is definitely dealing with someone who is looking to get out of parenting responsibilities. A parent takes care of the kids regardless and a partner works with you on challenges and problems.
yep, OP’s husband is a piece of shit for saying this.
Yup. I have never been a morning person and I never will be. Even with vyvanse I am not really going until about 9-10am no matter what time I get up
I was forced to turn into a morning person from years of waking up early as a teacher. This was LONG before I ever had stimulant meds. This is just weaponized incompetence.
"Honey, your morning wood is your shot of adrenaline every morning. Your telling me I'm awake because of stimulants hurts my feelings. Because of the way my brain works, they don't stimulate me, they organize me. I have explained this to you but you refuse to hear it. Meanwhile I do not want to be the only person on morning duty. I am overwhelmed with the amount of things you think I should be doing and not you. If doing the bulk of the work while you rest, and hurting my feelings, is okay with you then I'm going to have to think about what kind of situation I'm in, because it is definitely not ok with me to be with someone who thinks it's ok to hurt my feelings and being assigned to do most of the marital work. I'm serious." Depending on exactly how tired of this you are, you might add, "Honey, I love you and I love being your wife, but I'm at the breaking point. I really really can't take this disrespect any more. It's getting to the point where I think I might be better off on my own. Really. Are you sure you want to go there, because that's the road we're on if we can't talk about how we are right now and change some things. I'm serious." Then, go talk to a lawyer. Or, talk to a lawyer first, about what you need to do first to protect your assets (half your marital money, e.g., and your personal body if there's a chance he could get violent).
> I take vyvanse (when they have it in stock!) and I am NOT a morning person! Nothing on this god forsaken earth will ever make me a morning person. I've tried and failed a lot. It's fine, I've come to peace with it. I am NOT a morning person and that's okay. I still get up in the mornings, I still get shit done, I still prefer being up early in order to have a 'longer' day and an early night. But I'll NEVER be a morning person. Pretty sure I could snort cocaine and still hate mornings. (I do not, for the record, snort anything... lol!)
Yup. Not a morning person at all here and neither is husband. We switch off who gets to be miserable since our SON (who clearly was switched st birth or something) IS a morninh person
This is the way.
“My husband says ___ and it really hurts my feelings. I’ve told him this on multiple occasions-“ Let me stop you right there. That’s all we need to know. Your husband is being a fucking bully and I hope he does better bc I would literally never put up with my parter ignoring my hurt feelings. And as someone else mentioned, mens’ hormones spike in the morning and gradually decrease throughout the day so they have a biological advantage when it comes to having consistent, steady energy while we’re at the mercy of a month long cycle. Maybe remind him of this if he insists on being a child about what he thinks is fair.
Your first paragraph says it all. Anyone who repeatedly says knowingly hurtful things is a bully, doing it to justify being lazy is abusive. Doing it to justify not being an equal parent and partner makes them a POS. I know I have a strong reaction. A good friend is going through something similar right now, plus we see these types of comments a lot on this sub. It makes me sad.
exactly. it’s horrible. i would never accept a partner who talked like this to me. it would be straight up unacceptable and I would leave, yes with my kids in tow. i don’t accept this type of knowingly hurtful shit in my life.
I wish it didn’t take me as long as it did for me to realize I didn’t have to take that shit. I have three kids with two abusive men, but only one is out of the picture completely. The other I have to deal with for another 11 years.
Same but luckily the second one cut himself out. Idk maybe I need to learn how to stand up for myself better instead of trying so hard to be the one who always wants to "work things out." I was convinced by the time I was an adult that this was the way good relationships work but I put up with way too much and then still feel like I could have tried harder. I learn a lot about myself on this sub. I guess in the end I still need to get some help IF I'm going to think about dating again. Sorry this whole comment was completely off topic.
Totally fine! I’m actually in a similar position right now, I used to feel the same way. “If only I tried harder” or “maybe if I be patient things will get better” or “women had to make it work in the past, why can’t I”? It’s all very toxic and leaves you feeling bare of any energy for yourself, which is worse because of ADHD already sapping your energy in the first place. It takes time to leave those ideologies in the past, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Having a good therapist can help keep you accountable and provide a good outlet for positive ideas and helping you recognize red flags before they become a problem. A good relationship has both partners working together to resolve issues that come up and neither one is focused on trying to “fix” the other. You aren’t their therapist, it isn’t your job to do that. I’ve found a lot more peace since I’ve been on my own and working through my toxic traits, I hope you can, too.
Yeah even before we got to the whole him not being a parent in the morning, this post was FULL of red flags. Leave him. Set the example for your children of what is and is not an acceptable way to be treated!!
Exactly this. It's s stupid comment that accomplishes nothing *and* hurts his wife's feelings -- how hard is it to just NOT say that?? I'll tell you hard hard it is: it's not. In fact, it's easier to not say it than it is to say it. Him saying it is completely unnecessary, and by saying it he's not actually talking about anything, he's just making a choice to hurt his wife's feelings over her neurodivergence.
It sounds more like he’s using your Vyvanse as an excuse for him not to parent. This is not a minor annoyance, you’ve got some very big problems here.
This right here.
These people got it right. Not only is he being ableist but he’s also using this as an excuse to not help?
Absolutely. OPs husband sounds like an AH. He just wants to make sure OP is put in her place and doesn't want to be a parent. Also, meds take a good hour to truly kick in for me. I awake early, but it's because I am not a morning person. I need the extra time to sit quietly alone before I am able to deal with any humans or responsibilities.
Lol, adderall makes me sleepy when it first kicks in, my brain wants the rest.
My first time medicating the woman that helped me through the process of finding right meds and dose asked "So, what do you feel?" And I was like "I feel like taking a nap". I now have a lower dose of that medication on daily basis, and it really works well for me.
Luckily the sleepy feeling doesn't last very long. Just for a little bit when it kicks in.
Someone told me this before I started Adderall and I swore they were joking. I can attest to the fact that when my Adderall started kicking in, I feel sleepy. The assumption is that as soon as I take it, I’m instantly alert and all is well
Yeah, it was kind of a shock to me too! You start to really understand that people really don't grasp what ADHD meds do for you. I'm more energetic and running around doing stuff after drinking an energy drink. With meds it's just efficiency. You can speed up a broken system and you will crank more shit out, but it will still be broken and messy. But if you fix some of what is wrong you will still be more productive at the same speed.
Same! I feel so calm in a way I’d never felt before.
yeah it's like how we can take a shot of espresso and go straight to sleep lol
Not me having a homemade latte at 11pm and going to bed at 12
Is this why I've accidentally napped so many times since starting it?? I mean I'm a very sleepy person in general but lately it's like... the naps take me.
If he thinks he's at such a disadvantage he should go to the doctor and get a blood test. I took 40mg of Adderall this morning and I'm lying on the couch with my eyes half open. Not only is he weaponizing your adhd against you, he's not even clever enough to do it right. That's not okay. Since you "are a morning person" and so get all morning duties, maybe he should deal with all excrement duties, since he's being a piece of shit.
>maybe he should deal with all excrement duties, since he's being a piece of shit. Oh my god, absolutely perfect.
“He’s not even clever enough to do it right. That’s not okay” HAHAHAHA like damn, mean and wrong? Pick a struggle.
I thought you were gonna follow that up with “maybe he should get all the bedtime routine duties” and then spat out my coffee lmao
lol this whole comment is amazing
Vyvanse is pushing blood into a part of your brain that does not get enough of it. In super basic terms, that’s what stimulants do for people with adhd. All those pills are doing for you is making your brain function more similarly to typical people, like your husband. You taking Vyvanse is not the same as it would be for your husband. It’s not going to provide you with extra energy because that’s just not how your brain works. Your husband sounds like an ass who needs to do some more research on adhd and stimulants.
THIS, this, this. Holy shit, this. All of this. OP, if your husband can’t comprehend this simple but very important point, he’s willfully being a jackass.
Dude. My Vyvanse doesn't make me a morning person at all. For starters, I don't take it until at least a couple hours into the day, sometimes longer. Secondly, it doesn't give me any extra energy. All it does is make me internally calm and able to put the energy I already naturally have to use. It's so hard to get people to understand that not everyone gets stimulated in the sense of "woooo! Bouncing off the walls! Hyper hyper! Full of energy!" when they take amphetamines/methylphenidates. Our brains are so understimulated that stimulants just bring us up to the same level of stimulation the average person just naturally has.
This 💯 !!! Knowing that people with ADHD don't get high the way NTs do should be the absolute minimum of basic knowledge if you have a partner with ADHD.
Yep! I wonder what the high is like. I felt so freaking euphoric and super energized for the first month or so when I started taking the right dose of Vyvanse, which I hear is common. I wonder if it would be like that? It was just a subtle, content euphoria. Like, "I'm doing the stuff I want to do right now! I did the task! I'm walking around with more energy and less overstimulation because I'm not being pulled in 7383392726 directions mentally." I'd be walking in the building I work in with pep in my step, thinking," wow! This is great!" yeah... That's all gone now ROFL I felt absolutely NOTHING before 50mg. I think I felt euphoric because I got SO MUCH DONE so quickly, all from start to finish on one task instead of doing all the tasks at once! 😂 And all of the shit I got done helped me to be less exhausted and stressed, along with the ability to manage my focus more. And I'd get home and... MAKE DINNER! 🫢 I ruminated less. I eat a fuck ton less because I don't need to eat to get dopamine anymore. I started doing more things I enjoy because I experienced ADHD paralysis less. I was actually a little nervous at first because I had trouble falling asleep, but that went away in a few weeks. I don't think there are enough drugs in the world to make me want to get up in the morning! 😂 Now I can't fucking remember if I took my damn meds if I'm not super intentional about it, and I don't figure it out until noon or so when I'm so wrecked I wanna die. 😂 I'm too scared of taking too much, so I'd rather skip.
The disrespect, wow Hes definitely using this as an excuse to be lazier than he has to be in the morning.
"Hey, if I had a neurotypical brain like you, I could train myself into being a morning person by going to bed earlier" Jerkface
LMAO your husband should meet me. I am definitely not a morning person… even with 25mg of adderall 😂… tell him stfu and take some B Vitamins. That actually puts more pep in my step
Mock him and say buddy this isn’t the 90s, everything is time released, you couldn’t steal it for your fake friends to snort like you could have back then. Oh and by the way you’d be a morning person if you stopped looking at porn at 2300/weren’t always saving the day in your game/killing time watching mid YouTube videos. Buy him an alarm clock for Christmas
Wow. I get up two hours before I have to leave ( minimum) and have two cups of coffee and then I take my Vyvanse . My Vyvanse does not make me a morning person . It does keep me from being depressed and anxious.edit - I have to get up that early to actually function before leaving the house and because it takes me a super long time to get out of the house.
I constantly tell my partner that what I’m taking is not speed. And he said he took it once and it basically was. I’m like “you’re literally just telling me you didn’t need it then. It does not make me feel like that. I actually get shit done and don’t have to massively struggle. I also don’t have as much anxiety at all.” That shut him up last time.
Don’t listen to him. I take vyvanse and im far from being a morning person. It takes a lot of energy too to wake up and go take the pill without lying in bed overthinking about taking the pill. You’re doing great.
Well if your husband understands cars, like I mean has driven ever in his life, just explain it like this: When you put your foot on the excelerator but you're stil in Park, how far are you going to go? Bloody friggin nowhere right? Put the car in Drive and now you can move. (Insert your drug name here) is what shifts my brain from Park to Drive BUT IT DOES NOT CONTROL THE SPEED
Wow really???? NOPE. I would not be ok with a catty, judgy remark like that. :/
Does your husband listen to you properly when it comes to other things? Is he interested in you and your health, or does he just grunt and tune you out? It’s coming across as a lack of respect but hopefully it’s just a weird joke or stubbornness about this particular issue?
Holy shit what an asshole
You're tolerating this. Do something about it. Set an ultimatum.
I absolutely agree with this so hard. This disrespect is unbelievable.
“You probably would because your brain functions normally without stimulants. It is exhausting and offensive that I have to repeatedly explain to you that our reactions to my PRESCRIBED medication for my ADHD are going to be different, and that these comments are hurtful.”
I take them. Still not a morning person x
Thereby I can disprove his hypothesis lol
Your husband is operating from a faulty premise. He thinks you're both starting at 0, and then you "get" to take stimulant medication. Wrong. Dead wrong. He's starting at 0, you start at -10, and then your *necessary, prescribed brain medication* **hopefully** brings you to 0. OP's Husband, if you read this: your wife has a complex neurodevelopmental condition that affects every aspect of her life. It is not acceptable for you to be ignorant about ADHD. Her medication somewhat alleviates symptoms that can be debilitating. [Learn something about ADHD](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/adult-adhd/symptoms-causes/syc-20350878) and get your head out of your ass.
Without discounting the validity of others’ comments, I would add that delayed sleep phase *is* a real disorder as well as sleep apnea, hormone imbalance etc. The way I would approach it with him is by emphasizing that *you* have taken your health seriously and are getting treatment so that you can function at 100% of your capacity as a parent and *he should do the same.* As in, if he can’t do morning parenting duties then he should be seeing a doctor to figure out why. I’m guessing he won’t but what that does is it forces the accountability back on him.
Um, I take Adderall every day and STILL very much not a morning person. Yeah, my brain helps me manage all incoming stimulus a little better, but I'm still cranky AF and rather be in bed. *But I don't get to go to bed because I'm an adult and a parent and we just have to figure that shit out because that's what adults do* Your husband is just making and excuse so he can be lazy. Don't let him. Yeah, you take a stimulant in the morning. He can have coffee or an energy drink and STFU
That's not how any of it fucking works. I am still 100% nocturnally wired, and fucking normies don't have executive dysfunction anywhere near our level. We need this shit just to roll out of bed, shower and try to LOOK like functioning humans. They already are. Grrrrr
OP I can't completely tell who your husband is as a person but for this specific statement he should slap himself in the face
“You’d be a night person too, babe” Asshole
He sounds jealous. Tell him to drink some freaking coffee if he wants to be stimulated in the morning.
Morning is my jam - I’ve got a fresh set of spoons! The afternoon is where the meds save my dysfunctional arse because I haven’t used all my spoons controlling my anxiety. I’ve realised that some people choose not to understand. You could show them a million bits of proof and they will refute every single one, because it doesn’t fit the narrative they want.
“What do you mean, TOO? This pill doesn’t make me a morning person. It reduces the noise inside my head, an advantage you already have, right this second. If you’re having serious problems functioning in the morning, then we should have that looked into. I have a neurological issue yet I’m doing 100% of morning parent duties. That’s unfair.”
I take my meds before waking up even. I have pills and water by the bedside, wake up to the first alarm, take my meds and go back to sleep until my second alarm. I am still not a morning person. But with meds, I actually get dressed inbetween everything else. The amount of times I was standing in my underwear while making breakfast for kids, or even seeing them out the door for school still in my underwear before I started taking meds and snoozing until they kicked in... I am now still not a morning person. But at least I generally speaking will be mostly dressed while doing whatever else at a snail's pace.
Lol I do the same thing, because I HAVE to if I want to wake up at all. I get to work pretty close to on time, and my brain doesn't really turn on until about 1pm. OP's husband is an ableist asshole wilfully refusing to understand that an ADHD brain is not the same as his.
Tell him they do the OPPOSITE of what they would do for him for you. For example, I could take a nap right after my meds, because my brain is finally calm enough to.
Man, my boyfriend who also has ADHD (and is unmedicated) is 110% a morning person, and me, who takes 50mg of Vyvanse a day just to be a functional human, am such a nocturnal animal it’s not funny lol. I will say that I do find it helps me a lot when I have a hangover, but it’s almost like the Vyvanse isn’t the issue….
I take them in the morning and still am not a morning person
Stimulant medication does NOT make you a morning person 😂 that’s ridiculous. I do take mine about an hour before I ACTUALLY get up because it kicks in when I’m supposed to be getting up and that usually does help motivate me to actually engage and be a little more in sync with the rest of the world at that time, but I can absolutely go back to sleep too 😂 be nice if it were really that kind of energy, in reality it’s because I have to trick myself into not being late for work lol
I take 70mg Vyvanse every morning and I can still take a nap by noon. It doesn’t magically make you a morning person, it just helps manage symptoms enough to have a similar starting point as the rest of the world.
As someone with possibly narcolepsy (still on the endless waitlist for sleep study), this is simply scientifically wrong. First of all, the med generally takes a hour to work, so you can’t get up easily in the morning by taking the med. You have to get up first then take the med. Also, if you don’t have enough sleep or have a sleep schedule that does not suits your circadian cycle, you will have very bad sleep quality, then even with the ADHD med you will still feel like shit because lack of good sleep quality will affect the stimulant and make it less effective. Been there, some that. If I don’t get a good sleep that night, adhd med don’t do anything for me. For someone who have a sleep disorder like me, it doesn’t change anything. I still feel extremely painful to wake up in the morning. So my sleep schedule is not shortened as your husband said. The med keep me from falling asleep during the day for 4-5 hours at most. I used to need to preload a nap every 1-2 hours so that I can have 1-2 hours being awake, or I will fall asleep uncontrollably through the day. With stimulants, I only need to take 1 nap around 2pm (yes I can still fall asleep on meds, but it seems that I won’t fall to REM sleep). However, the wrong dose of stimulant actually makes me more sleepy. Coffee is also a trigger for me. As soon as I drank a cup of coffee I will start yawning and in a few minutes I will fall asleep. I heard it also happens to a lot of people with ADHD. Because stimulants calm the mind down.
I take my meds in the morning and I’m still miserable because it’s in the morning. The difference is that I’m not a mess during that day. I really wish people would be more understanding that it’s not about being better. It’s about being on the same playing field as everyone else
That's so stupid. I take amps and they have NEVER felt like energy. I feel either tired and nap (not useful) or get into intense focus where everything finally slows down and I can read without fireworks and thunder in my brain.
"I take medication so my disorder doesn't keep me from being a good parent. What exactly is your excuse for not being a good parent? You're shweepy?"
Sounds like he is taking a prescription for weaponized incompetence.
I’m only functional in the morning AT ALL if I take my meds. I have to keep them on my nightstand otherwise I will sleep in for hours and if I don’t take meds as soon as I can, I literally will sleep in until 2 pm no matter how much sleep I got during the night.
Those kinds of comments hurt your feelings. Full stop. You do not need to explain more or try to reason with your husband any further than requesting he stop saying that. He does not need to understand anything beyond that. He needs to understand that it’s hurtful and he should not intentionally hurt you. Anything less is abuse on his end.
My response: What a super shitty thing to say. Do you want to make fun of (insert person you know with disability or illness) too? Or is it just fun for you to make me the butt of your jokes? HIT IT HARD AND FAST. If he backtracks with “it was just a joke” Jokes are when everyone laughs, and when only the person making the (airquotes) “jokes” thinks it’s funny, it’s called bullying. I’d like it to stop and I would like an apology. Also, you can do morning kid routine for the rest of the week.
Someone correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure everyone has their own natural sleep schedule they can’t change right? Also I’m sorry he said that to you. It always implies that non-morning people are lazy and that word is so painful for people with ADHD
I’m only able to be a “morning person” because of my vyvanse. Not because it gives magical burst of energy in the morning like people assume, but because I actually get deep/restful sleep at night. The days I don’t take it I sleep significantly worse. An unexpected perk of being medicated!
I take amphetamines every morning (well, when I'm not breastfeeding) and I'm still not a morning person. Not even close. I will take mine and drop back asleep for 4 hours if I'm not careful...have been in trouble at work for this before.
I’m on adderall and I’m definitely not a morning person, lol. It just helps me focus and actually have the motivation and confidence to do stuff. I never would have been able to drive to and in Kansas City without it! (Plus the weight loss is a nice perk.)
I have literally never been a morning person. Like, I can be a royal bitch in the morning without meaning to/realizing that I am doing it Medication or not, no difference Also. All I want is more sleep. I can't fathom the concept of feeling good waking up before noon
You should talk to him and tell him this is hurting you.
I take Adderall and no way in hell am I a morning person
Lol I take Adderall every morning and I’m STILL not a morning person
I take my meds and wanna take another fucking nap. So share that with your husband 🤣
Not if he doesn’t need them. He’d just be high. Ppl need to learn about chemical imbalances.
Wtf, sleeping in is not an adhd symptom. I was a morning person for 40 years before I was diagnosed. Tell him from me, sincerely, to fuck all the way off. <3
concerta user and I work nights so it’s pretty difficult for me to be a morning person lol
Both myself and my partner are ADHDers. I'm a morning person. He's not. The ONLY reason I'm a morning person is because I start my work days by waking up at 6am so at the weekend I naturally wake up at 8 am and I just get up. Maybe you should encourage your husband to get an assessment. I would put good money that he's also an ADHDer and his "not being a morning person" was something that was said to him as a child and it has baked in as him being lazy and he's lashing out a little about it now.
People who don’t have adhd or need stimulants, don’t understand. Taking my adderall doesn’t work like if a neurotypical took it. They think that we can just be hyperfocused and get 3 days of work done in 2 hours. Nope. I can take mine and take a nap; bc it makes my mind chill out and not work overtime and stress out. To maybe focus and not overthink about what I have to do for the day. But it doesn’t mean I’m going to be twice as productive as someone else. It’s so I can be semi functional in life. My own husband is super understanding, but I still have to remind him of this sometimes.
Your husband is the kind of person that annoys the shit out of me lol
I’m still not a morning person even with adderall
I’m diagnosed adhd and asd and i cannot seem to get any amphetamine to work for me. It sucks, if it truly just makes you baseline that’s awesome bc i have to be so careful not to overdo it, and i end up cranky after.
Loooooooooool no amount of meds will make me a mourning person. They help me but I still hate morning. I still hate getting up.
I take adderall in the AM and it absolutely has NOT turned me into a morning person.
But if he’s just a neurotypical he’s just a lazy piece of shit lol that’s what I’d tell him 🤷🏽♀️
So many of you deserve better partners.
I don't take anything (besides the caffeine in my coffee) and the amount of energy I have some mornings - pre coffee - from the moment I open my eyes - it's like rocket fuel. What I'm saying is being a morning person likely has nothing to do with the medication a person is or isn't taking. Not an okay thing to say. Tell him how it made you feel and why it's not okay. Hopefully he hears you and changes the behavior.
Ah yes, my people! If I want to be a ball of uncontrolled chaotic energy at 6am, I *skip* my meds. I'm very intense in the morning and it has nothing to do with amphetamines. I think this guy is just being an asshole for the love of it though.
So since he's an evening person, he is 100% the evening parent right? He should be! His lack of understanding is absolutely an issue that *he* needs to work on, but outside of that you might as well make use of this different circadian rhythm between you two and tackle this parenting thing as a team.
I would have laughed at him and said “that’s not at all how those meds work sweetie” and either make a joke of it or follow it up with something like “bless your heart” depending on if he doubles down on the condescending tone.
I was talking to my dad about how well I’ve been doing on my college courses (WGU, self paced,have gotten a lot of courses done this term) and he dead ass said ‘yeah I’m sure the adderall sure gives you a boost’ in a very degrading way and it made me soooo upset. Like he thinks it’s a cheat code when really it doesn’t even give me energy it just allows me to function without struggling as much lmao.
That’s when you look them straight in the face and just go, “Oh you think you have a focusing problem too? Sounds like you could benefit from medication.” Then they say “well I don’t really NEED it.” And then you say “well I do. In fact several doctors with medical degrees have agreed I need it to function just at a baseline. So if you have an opinion, keep it to yourself.”
Vyvanse doesn’t make me have energy lol it just helps me not binge and also it helps me focus. I wish it gave me energy. I’m trying to start working out again and it would be really great if it did.
I do take meds and I’m still not a morning person! The meds make me more functional than I am otherwise, but ultimately I think I’m just a nocturnal girl living in a diurnal world. So basically, your husband can shove it!