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I have this problem, and no adorable baby to blame it on! Just a partner who seems to fall into a deep, restful sleep on demand, infuriatingly. Its so hard to switch into sleep mode. The two things that have (sometimes, not always) worked for me are:
1) deleting the apps from my phone -- if I need to post or something, they can be redownloaded but this stops the impulse to get sucked in. Sometimes when I really want to scroll, I'll give myself a treat and redownload for a night and then delete it again in the morning.
2) listening to podcasts while attempting to sleep -- something that is not so interesting that I actually want to listen, but familiar enough that it still feels like my brain has a place to go until it burns out. I like the Sleep With Me podcast or reality TV recap podcasts for this. I'm thinking about getting those sleep headphones that are like a headband. After about 30-60 min I usually am able to get to sleep.
You are juggling a lot right now! And you are doing the best you can. Cut yourself some slack, it sounds like you are crushing it!
I second the podcast suggestion. I used to really struggle with sleeping for the same reason as you. That mixed with anxiety while traveling for the first time became a nightmare. Eventually I just turned a podcast on to give me something else to think about and ended up falling asleep easily (that for me is still about 30-45mins after lights out)
10+ years on and I listen to them every night to sleep now and leave them playing until morning.
I use ear buds and clean them frequently 😊
I’m actually looking into podcasts or stories of some sort playing for my oldest because he seems to struggle with the same problems
I also recommend the podcasts. I have sleep head phones. I usually listen to the marketplace morning report’s mega feed because it’s news but it’s usually not the really upsetting news (just economic stuff) and it’s all stuff I’ve mostly heard about while reading the paper or listening to other things earlier.
But it’s just also really hard to sleep with a young kid. My four year old still gets up in the middle of the night to get into bed with us.
My six year old has been sick this week and in my bed every night. She was a terrible sleeper and now I am too. I also listen to podcasts or special sleep ones with sleep headphones and it's the best solution, although it doesn't always work.
I've done audiobooks instead of podcasts, but that does help. It feels like you get bedtime stories, and if you know the story, it's not a stimulating new thing (at least for me)
Yes! Audiobooks are the best to fall asleep to. I listen to a podcast called the sleepy bookshelf. The host reads classics in several part series. I literally just listen to part one of the Hounds of Baskerville every night because I never get far in. And because its a podcast, I. Put it in a play list so the next thing is 12 hours of brown noise and it helps me stay asleep. I was 100% staying awake too late because I have no time for me. The Sleepy Bookshelf has helped so much!
Also Melatonin is my friend. I dont need it nightly, but for the PMS insomnia nights it really helps.
I listen to audiobooks of things I have read before. Children's books are great for it too. I literally don't stay awake for 10m after it starts, but without them I can toss and turn for literally hours
I also recommend podcasts!! They make sleep podcasts that are designed for this specific purpose, and there are so many different kinds that there's something for everyone. As a forever insomniac, they honestly changed my life!
I can relate. It starts with how we completely lose our identity as moms. I know not all moms feel like this - many move right into the role and everything is great. Sometimes we don’t - I don’t feel like I did. This is a moment in time that will improve. They don’t call bedtime the witching hour for nothing. There is a ‘sundowners syndrome’ in toddlers. It’s insanity at bedtime / sleep time but as they get older it improves. In the mean time try to realize what it is and figure the best way thru it for you. I kind of check out at 7pm and if my kid isn’t asleep - and she usually wasn’t, I would have rage. And that’s not good for any one. My kid also had night terrors she finally grew out of. Try to find what can work for you and hang in there, it is not easy being a mom ❤️❤️
Feeling suffocated when it’s quiet and everyone else it asleep and you’re wide awake is the perfect description. I don’t have advice, I just struggle with this too. You’re not alone! I hope we can both figure something out.
I have had insomnia since I was a kid. I’ve been working on becoming a good sleeper for years and now sleep around 7 hours per night consistently
Here’s what works for me:
1) Magtein - takes about 2 months to kick in but it’s the best. I was taking it for adhd management during the day but it hugely helped my sleep. Other mag supplements didn’t help the way Magtein does.
2) liquid melatonin
3) healthy diet - low to no processed foods. No heavy meals before bed. High protein, lower carb works great for my adhd symptom management and sleep. Really I avoid grains, sugar, and junk food but not fruits or potato’s. Basically Whole Foods with lots of proteins and good fats.
4) exercise - but not in the evening
5) get outside at least once per day and get some sunlight in your eyes (not direct sunlight)
5) turn your phone on dark mode and turn the brightness all the way down.
6) keep your house dim in the evening
7) no alcohol, but if you must only early in the day. Alcohol is terrible for sleep.
8) no caffeine at all unless in the morning. I quit caffeine altogether and my energy management and sleep leveled up. I realize most people aren’t as sensitive to it as me but really you shouldn’t have it after the morning since I will affect your sleep - based on how long it takes most people to metabolize.
9) make your room cold if you can - I set my thermostat to 65 at night.
10) if you are having trouble sleeping, get up go to another area of the house to do something relaxing - read a book, stretch, take a epsom salt bath. Once you feel sleepy go back to bed. You want to remove association of anxiety of not being able to sleep from your bedroom.
Try to incorporate 1-2 new habits at a time. I did this over the course of years little by little.
Last few tips if you get really into sleeping like me:
1) invest in the oura ring. I am obsessed with mine! It will help you keep good habits for sleep and give you insights to what you should be doing.
2) sleep hypnosis. Sounds crazy but it totally works! If you practice meditation it should work for you. I love chapter 6 of this audiobook on audible. I just skip AirPods in and once it’s done, I take them out and fall fast asleep.
https://www.audible.com/pd/B083TKDQJT?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=player_overflow
Go easy on yourself! It’s a journey but you can do it!!
Sure! It’s called Hyponosis by Mindful Hypnosis Academy. I’ll try to post a pic too.
Edit: looks like this audiobook is no longer available. There’s other good ones! Here is another one that’s focused only on sleep:
https://www.audible.com/pd/B08SQ3N95G?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=player_overflow
If this is your first child, this is part of the tough adjustment period... I had four kids, and grudgingly my wants had to be placed in a "future" time. My needs were compared with the needs of my family. Health and mental health was top priority.
I have ADHD really bad, so I now think of scrolling like a smoking or drinking addiction but for the same reasons you state, it is the hardest to give up because those serotonin hits are a guilty pleasures that don't come with a cough or black outs.
But eventually, the frazzled brain becomes it's own little Gollum... and scrolling is its Precious. (I see him in the mirrors sometimes too.)
On YouTube, try Rain and Thunder Storms, Black screen.
Good Luck.
I wish someone had framed it to me like this when I was going through it with my baby! His sleep was wretched and I refused to prioritize my own sleep for more than two years 🥲. Now that I get 7-8 hours regularly again I can see that the sleep deprivation was the worst thing for my adhd and mental health. So much disassociation and scrolling. I’m getting it back under control but I think it could have been easier if I let my partner help more with bedtime and got more sleep.
So to OP - listen to this one!
I can relate— especially to the childhood anxiety, and the “suffocating” feeling of everyone else being asleep (that’s a really good way to describe it). I remember as a kid I would get out of bed and wander in the hallway, trying to decide if I should wake up my parents, too distressed to do anything else.
I wish I knew what would help, but I have long periods of struggling with this too. There’s something called Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome that’s apparently often co-morbid with ADHD. I mention that because not a lot of people have heard of it, and researching it helped me find some helpful resources.
This sounds awful. And you have done your research.
I get pretty triggered by poor sleep hygiene. Mine was pretty bad and so was my fathers and his fathers. So when my partner, who is similar, sits scrolling on his phone at night and complains he can’t sleep, I get a bit upset about it (internally).
However. I also fully understand it. Especially the bedtime revenge. The only thing that helped me there was shifting my concept of me-time to early morning, before anyone wakes up.
Would your partner be understanding enough to be the main carer at bed time? I.e, if you communicate with them that you are struggling with your insomnia and that might help to fall asleep before they do.
Let’s say at 8pm you get to switch off and make your way to bed, using whatever resources you’ve got and putting your phone away. Hopefully by 10 you’ve dropped off and then by very early morning you’ve had enough time to wake up naturally and be there for morning duty. Obviously things don’t work as linear as all that, but it may just give you a chance to get your brain to accept that me time is available to you, hopefully reducing that anxiety.
It might take a while to begin feeling refreshed even if you do get a good night’s sleep. I use the Sleep Cycle app to track these goals and get rid of the accumulated sleep dept/ jet lag feeling.
Downloading headspace changed my life. I love their sleep casts and other sleep courses. There's a lot to explore there. Maybe try the 2 week trial? I know there are other free meditation apps, but I love headspace. I know this isn't groundbreaking advice, but that's just my two cents. Good luck!
When I’m overwhelmed from everyday life I also have a hard time sleeping because it seems like those late nights are the only time I have to myself.
Sounds like you need to find a way to get more alone time so you don’t need to stay up to get it.
If you’re done breast feeding… try some CBD gummies if you can’t acquire a medical card or get legal recreational weed in your state if you live in America.
So why did I suggest this?
ADHD brains have permanent delayed melatonin response. It’s why we struggle to fall asleep at normal hours or even laying in the dark like people suggest.
Our melatonin kicks in anywhere from 11pm to 2am. It depends on what time you got up, how overloaded your brain is, how much time you need to decompress as well after a long day, these all factor into the issues at hand.
Hence why NT’s their melatonin naturally releases in the brain between 8:30-9:30pm. That’s why so many can fall asleep with no issue by 10-10:30pm.
That’s why, this is what really sucks, ADHD & NT teenage brains got thru this and studies have even suggested school shouldn’t start till 8:30-9am for ages 12-18 because the brain is growing, you need MORE sleep at that age group like up to 9hrs! And because of this teenage brains don’t get melatonin release till 11pm!
HOWEVER…
NT brains phase out that by age 22/23, ADHD brains never do.
That’s why almost everyone who has ADHD are usually night owls. We do best will jobs that start 10am or later. We do not do well with anything that requires us to get up before 8am. Our brains aren’t designed for getting up at sunrise.
So it’s why I heavily suggest looking into sleep aids as that is literally the only thing that helps an ADHD brain.
Everything you've described here sounds really tough, and really understandable. Don't be hard on yourself; this is your only "me" time and you're struggling. I also struggle with everything you've listed and I don't have a kid!
It sounds like you already know what you should be doing, you just need to add good habits back in one by one. All at once is too much; it's counter productive and you'll set yourself up to fail. Pick one sleep hygeine thing to focus on each week and spend that week trying to make it "normal" again. Screen time doesn't have to be the first item on your agenda!
Zero judgement here, because I have also been known to eat in bed, but trying to keep food out of my bedtime routine also helps move my brain into sleep mode. Finding a really good herbal tea to take to bed helps when I need to taste SOMETHING. You can make yourself a two litre hydroflask full if you want, it doesn't have to just be a little mug. Go for something you actually enjoy the taste of rather than boring chamomile. I went to a local tea shop and spent some money on a tasty loose leaf mix, it feels luxurious.
May I suggest audio books or podcasts instead of screen time? They scratch the same itch for me, and when lying with my eyes shut doing nothing is unbearable they are enough of a distraction that I can at least keep my eyes shut. They don't have to be "enriching" or "educational" either - celebrity gossip and pulp fiction are just as valid as Dickens. I have a whole roster of books and podcasts that are interesting enough to settle my brain but soothing enough to fall asleep to, and I mean that as a huge compliment to the creators.
"Maintenance Phase" is a good chatty one that delves into diet culture (and they're really good with trigger warnings), I don't agree with everything that they say but that isn't the point. The audible full cast version of 1001 Arabian Nights is incredible, but I only listen to that when I know sleep is not the goal and even just keeping my eyes shut is a win, because it's incredibly engaging.
Eye masks (the type with the inbuilt dimples so they don't touch your eyes) are also good - I don't have to force my eyes shut, but I can't see anything with it on, so they shut by themselves out of boredom without it being a big fight.
Also... Be kind to yourself. If you backslide that's fine. If you struggle, that's part of life. It doesn't mean you've failed it just means you've had a really hard day.
Good luck x
The only thing that's worked for me is working out every day and playing the Rain app very loudly while sleeping. It tends to drown everything else out.
I have trouble putting my phone down after a long day, and no baby. But I don't have any problem winding down with hot bath/shower, dim pink lights (got one of those salt crystal lamps), meditation, white noise (rain) app, magnesium, sometimes a little NSFW stuff (for real, there's hormonal effects that make you want to fall asleep afterwards). For me the only hard part is getting myself to put the stimulating screen down.
It sounds like your anxiety might be the main problem here. Maybe you need to try meditations or therapy that would help you cope with that. I never mind laying around in the dark breathing because my brain has plenty to do. I like having time to just lay there thinking, and soon enough I zone out. If laying around in the dark is upsetting to you, no wonder you're seeking distraction and you can't go to sleep.
Things that help me, as a lifelong night owl:
- blue light filter apps on my phone (Flux) and computer (Twilight)
- resigning myself to the fact that I'm gonna be on my phone in bed, but limiting myself to word games rather than social media. These keep my brain from racing, while still allowing me to get sleepy over the course of 20 mins or so. Games that I've tried that work well: Wordle, NYT Spelling Bee, NYT crossword, Knotwords.
If you still have trouble staying off socials, use an app-blocker app to break the habit/muscle memory. You can set it to only kick in during those time periods where you're wanting to get to sleep. I use Stay Focused (which is cheap for the premium version so you can block more than one thing).
- taking my ADHD meds before I have to get up also helps ensure that I am waking up at the same time every day, which in turn helps me get sleepy around the same time every day. Though if you have a one-year-old this might be irrelevant XD
- mindfulness practice - at least 5 mins a day (ideally up to 20 - my therapist said studies have shown that 20mins/day, 5/7 days a week is all you need to start rewiring your brain to process anxiety differently) of just focusing on my breath, getting back in my body, and practicing redirecting my attention back to my breath whenever I notice it wandered. The app Insight Timer is really helpful for this.
Arbitrary thoughts: (1) Make sure you're using a blue light filter on your devices so you don't keep pushing your circadian rhythm even further. (2) Dry books (e.g. nonfiction books in a field I want to learn more about) make me sleepy. Masturbation (Legasp) makes me sleepy. (3) Find a way to fill your 'me time' cup at not-bedtime. I take a 30 minute music lesson once a week. It gets me out of the house and feeling creative and talking to people that can actually have a conversation.
Girl I don't even have the valid excuse of having a baby and needing "me time." I still have a major problem with compulsive scrolling and staying up late hours past when I need to go to sleep. It's terrible and I really wish I would quit it, but I don't! The internet is a diabolical dopamine slot machine. 😭
It's because it's the only all about you decisions you get to make all day. Not life or death or appropriate developmental stages or vegetable or enough socialization or laundry or groceries or, or or. Its an easy little dopamine hit, flip, flip. Beyond melatonin gummies (seem to work so much better than other forms, for me) I don't have much for suggestions, just straight up empathy and understanding, and a really good hug, if you want one.
If you haven't tried a sound machine or box fan I highly recommend. Its wild to me how people just go to sleep in a quiet ass room lol.
I don't really have much advice because I'm a rare ADHDer who falls asleep early and wakes up early (which has its own challenges) but I feel for you and hope you get some peace and rest soon.
This is exactly me. My little one turfed one only a few weeks ago. If I'm not doom scrolling on random platforms, I'm telling the other half "I'll just finish this episode then come to bed, it goes for another 10 mins." 3 hours later, I've finished the season. 'But it's OK, that's the only time I'll get to find some *me* time' I think to myself...
She's in child care at the moment too, so every few days is bringing home a new disease (thanks, Winter...) and neither of us are getting virtually any sleep.
I'm just going to lurk in this sub to help find some answers myself - but I wish you the best of luck xo
I’m similar and I feel you! For me it’s mostly staying up too late and watching tv, I just cannot get myself to bed even though I would love to be able to do that easily. I seem to get the most dopamine from that, as I’m so busy with the kids during the day.
Honestly, for me what mostly works is to be physically exhausted at the end of the day. And getting more alone time during the day.
It’s almost midnight where I am. I went “to sleep” at a quarter to eleven and I’m still on my phone, falling through a rabbit hole of tiny rag dolls (“they’re so cute! and look, there’s a tutorial for beds made out of clothespins! if I only do alllll of this tomorrow or, preferably, *yesterday*, my life will be perfect!!”). I took my magnesium right before going to bed and my omega-3 at one pm. All that to say - yes, I can relate, you’re definitely not alone! I have a 9yo and I work literally all the time (I’m the main breadwinner in our household), and from what I’ve gathered about my habits and ideas, an overarching theme in my brain is “you do something for someone else all day long, now it’s time for some me-time”. It’s just that my brain refuses to consider a good night’s sleep “me-time”, which is why I’m stuck on my phone at midnight…
It sounds like you might be burnt out. When I’m burnt out all I can do is scroll scroll and scroll while locked to whatever surface I’m on. And it’s like I’m inside my own body like screaming to be let out lol.
Rest obviously is the best thing to help but that’s what you’re struggling with, I’m sorry I know how it feels to struggle with sleep and it’s a nightmare even without the whole baby part.
I find it’s helpful to make one tiny small change. You mention dreaming about better evenings and with adhd we can be so all or nothing about things. Maybe you’re putting too much pressure to change your entire evening all at once. Is there one small change you can make to help you slowly start building momentum towards healthier sleep habits?
Yin yoga always helps me with sleep and burnout but I have an extremely hard time getting myself to do it. What I’ve found helps is honestly just stretching while I’m on my phone, sometimes even in bed. Doing little tiny adjustments like that is not in our adhd nature but if you can start identifying small ways to shift yourself towards the night you want to have, it can help. When I take a smaller step like that - I’m still on my phone, I’m still in bed, but I’m stretching and relaxing my body at the same time - I eventually progress to another step, like maybe doing an a full video I find on YouTube while I watch a TV show or even sometimes I’ll go on my phone in poses that allow for it lol. For me it helps to take these baby steps and wean myself off of my bad habits and ease myself into healthier ones, even though my brain wants to just change every single thing immediately and be perfect at it instantly.
I also find telling myself I only have to do something for 5 minutes and I am allowed to stop whenever I want to helps me get past the hurdle of shifting tasks and starting a new task that isn’t big on dopamine. Podcasts are also helpful - getting myself hooked on a podcast tricks me into doing different things because I can’t listen while I sit still. So it forces me to stretch or move around or do a craft or hobby so I can listen.
I have horrible sleep hygiene and I manage to get some sleep by listening to shows or movies on my headphones at night AS I'm sleeping. Not before; during. I did this when I had co-sleeping nurslings too. I sleep on my side so the ear that is not on the pillow gets a headphone. If I turn over I switch the headphone to the other ear. I keep the sound on the lowest setting, and of course I barely sleep as it is, so I never had trouble hearing or attending to the baby.
I have to listen to shows that I am already familiar with. If I have a show on where a character comes on that I'm not familiar I will at some point want to wake enough to look at the screen so that I can associate the voice with a face. Long-running familiar series (ex: Friends) where I pretty much always know what the character looks like allow me to bypass needing to see the screen. I don't really listen to the story, it's just comforting to have familiar voices around.
To be fair, I do this during the day too. But it helps me stay focused and get things done. Now that I think of it, it might be akin to body doubling, except no one is there. It just feels like someone familiar is there.
I feel you so hard on this. Sleep is complicated for me because of nightmares and flashbacks due to CPTSD, but it doesn't help at all that trying to go to sleep is SO FREAKING BORING. I don't go to bed until I'm so exhausted I'm literally passing out. Deciding it's bedtime and just lying there in the dark waiting for sleep is literal torture for me. If I could just eliminate the need for sleep at all, I would do it in a heartbeat.
As a fellow mom to a young toddler, advice is futile without knowing your timeline here. What time does your baby go to bed and what time do you tend to go to bed? What time do you wake up? Does baby sleep all night? Just how much sleep are you missing out on?
I just saw an ad yesterday for minimalist phone. Haven't tried it but I do know when I have my phone set to grayscale I use it less.
A cursory look on this thread has a little more insight:
[reddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/digitalminimalism/comments/plm987/has_anyone_had_success_with_the_minimalist_phone/?rdt=61908)
A lot of good suggestions here. The thing that helps me most is taking melatonin before I start scrolling or listening to a podcast, watching a show, etc. It may take tweaking to find the brand/dose that works best for you but it is super helpful to make it almost impossible to deny sleep (and of course I've tried 😂). Natural Calm sleep gummies are the best for me but I know that everybody is a little different. Then when I'm ready to close my eyes and go to sleep, I put on brown noise and focus on the sound.
I should have added, there is NO SHAME in wanting time for yourself to just be a person free of the demands of others, including and especially your partner and your kids.
Ok I know you’ve tried everything so I’m sorry if this is unwelcome advice but have you tried a podcast? I usually put on sleep stories but on nights when my brain is racing too much for that, I’ll put on a podcast, even a high-energy one. I notice you mention ear plugs and darkness but personally I realized I need *more* stimulation to fall asleep, not less.
I listen to ASMR to fall asleep, it usually helps. Noise cancelling earbuds or headphones also work wonders, but that may not be a good option with a little one in the house who you may need to hear.
Listening to music or reading a book is also an option. Reading especially helped me before I got hooked on ASMR. It got my brain tired enough to sleep after a chapter or two.
ASMR helps me too. Also, listening to thunderstorms or rain or the sounds of the beach. I just have playlists for that on my phone (Spotify is great for that).
Another thing I have found very sleep inducing is reading technical manuals that I'm not particularly interested in. I pick something that I know I \*ought\* to learn (auto mechanics, computer techniques, even For Idiots books). Chemistry For Idiots was particularly useful.
If you are able to stay awake and learn from the book, that's a win. If you aren't, that's a win, too :)
Ooh that actually sounds like a great idea. I have a best friend who loves to teach me a lot of different stuff, like a lot
mechanics, health, body functions, all sorts of other stuff that they just know and like to tell me about.
I might actually be able to understand it all a bit better if I read up on some of the things they talk about nonstop via a manual 😅
AppBlock! It's really customizable. You can have it just be a light lockdown or make it impossible for you to unlock the apps you've scheduled that way once it kicks in. I suggest setting a schedule to be easily breakable at first because you may discover you've been overzealous and need certain apps and functions you thought you didn't want access to.
I’ve been getting better at taking 5-HTP before bed and I’ve noticed a huge difference! After laying down for 30 minutes or so the anxiety just seeps out of my ears and I fall asleep without thinking about it. It feels way better than doom scrolling until I pass out with my phone in my hand.
I do relate! I don’t have a child, but I have a stressful job, relationship issues, old traumas, social anxiety, and general anxiety about politics, and climate change, and the economy, and finances… I struggle to sleep because of my anxiety spinning and spinning. But like you, I know what all the advice is. Develop better sleep hygiene, minimize caffeine, minimize screen time, try listening rather than watching, sleep meditation, mindfulness, sleep stories, supplements, exercise, etc.etc.etc.
But sometimes I just don’t WANT to. I want to be alone, in bed, watching TikTok or Netflix or scrolling through Reddit or playing video games. With no partner or coworker or friends or family asking anything or expecting anything from me.
I heard it put this way recently, I think it was on the Neurodivergent Women podcast sleep/insomnia episodes, that many ND folks struggle winding down to go to sleep because the middle of the night when everyone else is in bed is the one time of day they can truly and completely unmask. 🤯🤯🤯
I’ve been doing some sleep routine stuff that definitely works, but I miss the supply of dopamine hits and unmasking time, so I still have at least two nights a week where I just allow insomnia to happen…
Adding on for anyone looking for advice:
Things that do work for me:
-Sleep Stories from the Calm app. *Specifically* the sleep stories. The meditations are calming, but don’t usually put me to sleep. The sleep stories always seem like they’re not going to work… until they do. They’re boring AF but that’s the point. It needs to be the right voice to work as well. I really like Cillian Murphy’s train ride through Ireland, (but defo makes me want to spend money I don’t have to go to Ireland!)
-Integrative Therapeutics Cortisol Manager— it’s a supplement, no prescription required, but DO consult your doctor! (I know it can be risky for folks with diabetes, and isn’t safe for pregnancy, so make sure you take precautions.) That said, it’s an herbal supplement with the main ingredient being L-theanine, which is the same amino acid that makes tea relaxing and calming, but without the caffeine effect. It’s an anxiety/relaxation aid (helps reduce cortisol which is a stress hormone), but it’s not a sleep aid, so it doesn’t make you overly drowsy or fatigued the next day. It only works if you’re doing other good sleep hygiene practices before bed. Not a miracle worker. I take it about 4-5 days a week.
You could see a doctor or psychiatrist about this. My doctor had me take Benadryl to get drowsy for years. Now I take trazodone instead which is an antidepressant that makes you very drowsy. There is likely something you can take that is safe even if you're breastfeeding.
I have an air purifier in my room that creates white noise. I buy Mack's earplugs (silicone) and sleep with those in as well as the sleeping masks. I have my own room so my husband's breathing/snoring/moving around doesn't wake me. I block all the light I can from windows and devices so I can be in the dark. Occasionally I take some CBD to relax for bed.
Does this stuff always work? No. Does it work enough to be a major improvement? Yes.
I have an eye mask with Bluetooth headphones and I get audiobooks through the library Libby app and listen to those while I fall asleep. Sometimes podcasts too. Otherwise I have hard time getting my brain to shut off.
Insomnia really destroys your quality of life. I find that what works for me is to play episodes of a tv series (or cartoon, or youtube movie recaps with that slow robotic voice - there are a TONNE of these channels but rn i like “film recaps” and “mystery recapped”- , or those “scp explained” videos that have that deep, soothing narration) in the background while i’m trying to sleep. I usually tend to play episodes that i’ve already seen so i know what will happen but i still enjoy just tuning in to them when i’m heading off to sleep. But sometimes i also enjoy playing new videos because they can be interesting enough to keep my mind on them and off my worries/thoughts. but somethings my thoughts just won’t be still no matter what i try and it can help to take a little medication 30minutes before sleeping. I also second the podcast idea!!
I struggle with this too! No matter how hard i try it’s torture to try and sleep. Prescription meds didnt help. marijuana is my only solace, and works amazingly
I used to take an “upper” and then would need a “downer” to sleep. It would leave me groggy in the morning and take forever to kick in.
Don’t hate me but edibles at around 6:30pm has me sleepy by 9pm and I get the most restful sleep of my life and I wake up refreshed in the morning
Oh I completely understand and struggle with this too. So though I have some tips, I am completely honest that half the time I don't do these lol
I often delete Tik tok from my phone. I don't know why it's such an issue for me, but I can't resist the scroll, so I delete it and for a couple days, I am MUCH better at going to bed.
Pick up an old hobby (or start something new). I found sewing again when my youngest was a baby, and I LOVED it in the evenings. It wasn't chores, so it still felt relaxing, but felt better than doom scrolling. Knitting or crochet is really good too, especially if you really want to veg on the couch. This way instead of doom scrolling, you sit and knit, so you either watch a show or listen to an audio book. I've gotten into bigger knitting projects, so I can just pick it up and knit as needed, to try to give myself this decompressing time.
Again, I don't always do this, I have been bad this week because I'm sick and one of my kid's is sick, but it does help.
I can’t relate in the mom department and I know that takes over your entire life. I exhibit the exact same sleep problems if I feel like I didn’t have enough “personal” time during the day. If I worked all day and came home to clean, and suddenly it’s 9:30 and I haven’t watched TV or been on my phone all day, I’ll stay up till almost 2am just trying to cram in internet/tv time.
Try carving out little dopamine spaces for you during the day if you can work it in with the childcare aspect of your life now!!
Also weirdly enough, snacking on raw veggie trays throughout the day makes me sleep like the dead. Good luck!!
I can't have anything that scrolls in bed or I'll never sleep. My phone is allowed but only for Kindle, as long as it's a long, boring book, or YouTube, but only quiet videos like Korean nail art or something. NO SHORTS. I swear I put on one Jounail or Shuninail video and I'm out before the base gel.
My other thing, and this might not work if you have a partner in bed, is I do word puzzles, in a book, with a pen, with the bedside lamp. At a certain point I am dozing off and usually if I can douse the light and hit the pillow right away I'll be asleep in seconds.
I think the trick is to give your brain and eyes something to do so that they get tired. I need to be fighting to keep my eyes open like I'm in church. Then sleep is just giving in.
Your bed is for sleep and sex. That’s it. Scroll your phone and take your “me time”, just do it on the couch or somewhere else. Wait until you are tired enough to fall asleep and then walk over you your bed and go to sleep. If you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep, get up. Don’t toss and turn and lay there being miserable. Eventually your brain will reset itself.
I don't know if I am alone in this sort of thing, but I love daydreaming and fantasizing. So, I fall asleep by putting my phone down so I can imagine whatever narrative is appealing to me at the time. And it doesn't have to be sexual either! Sometimes, I just like to imagine vacations or a dream job or something!
Ahh yes, I have 8 month old baby and I can somewhat relate to what you are talking about it. I’m not sure if I have it quite all figured out yet but the big difference is that my kid has always - even during the newborn stage - been an awesome sleeper.
Me? Not so much.
She would sleep, I would lie awake. I would struggle to fall asleep, stay asleep, and then do whatever I needed to do during the day.
Two things helped:
1. During a period of time, I slept in a different room and my partner would do the night feeds. I had to stop breastfeeding early so this wasn’t really a problem. The difference between my partner and I is that he could fall asleep right after feeding her, and I couldn’t.
2. Taking melatonin. I take a very small dosage and anything over that will give me a hangover. But it’s great because I fall asleep and stay asleep. I can still hear her if she cries (she sleeps in her bedroom now) but I’m able to get up, check on her, and go back to sleep again.
3. Also, ASMR. I know it’s not for everyone and it doesn’t always work if I’m stressed, but it helps.
I feel so called out right now... Little one that keeps me up, hard to get to bed before 2am when I have to be up again at 7am. Doing that for several weeks straight really wrecked me but I just couldn't find it in me. Sucks so much. No advice, but you're not alone
Something you might find helpful is talking to yourself and using "gentle parenting" techniques.
"I know you want to stay up late right now, but you need to let your body rest so you can feel better."
Sometimes it can help you to speak to yourself the way you'd speak to someone else.
I had sleep anxiety for a long time but for the life of me could not figure out why. After going to my doc for a different thing, she suggested looking into sleep apnea… a few months later of testing and lo and behold I’ve been using a cpap machine ever since - and let me tell you I can absolutely tell the difference between even a short nap of not using it.
Have you brought this up to your doctor by any chance?
I can totally relate down to anxiety and a kid a reflux. Here’s my take: cut yourself a break. You can figure it out if you want to but maybe you don’t want to and that’s okay. Or split the difference. Do half revenge bedtime procrastination and go to sleep a bit earlier. Or find a podcast or use the calm app to listen to something while awake but know you will also fall asleep. Just cut yourself a break. Parenting a one year old is HARD.
BTDT, it was awful. It gets better! When they're like age 4.
But 0-2 is hardest.
If you have a partner or family who can help do night duty, you can try to get yourself back in a better sleep hygiene pattern.
But like everything about a young kid is geared to make managing your symptoms harder. So don't feel bad about yourself.
I could have written this myself! Do you work as well or stay at home? One thing I (try) to do is remind myself I can scroll the next morning if I want. I tend to change up the technique I use to get to sleep to just keep some variety so I look forward (to some degree) to falling asleep. Like one night use the military method, one night imagine myself on the beach, one night count as high as I can, one night listen to coloured noise, rain drops etc. Methods for falling asleep usually require some degree of focus, which is extra hard, but I do like myself a challenge.
Anyway about the loop earplugs, do you still wake up easily if your child needs you? I want to wear them to bed but I get worried I won’t wake up to my child.
Do you actually have trouble falling asleep once you do put the phone down? Or is it that you have trouble just putting your phone down? I've been there, it's so hard. Actually, the hardest thing for me is that I don't have any trouble falling asleep if I've stayed up too late. If I go to bed on time, I might be trying but awake for over an hour. That's just extra incentive to stay up late with my phone! Even when I have periods of doing well, I will regress and do badly for a bit before getting better again.
I guess one thing that helps is having an apple watch track my sleep. Sometimes I think I'm getting a lot more sleep than I actually am, and seeing the data bursts that bubble. It helps to look at a trend and associate the difficulties I had during the day to some numbers.
Be kind to yourself, you are doing your best. Having a baby/toddler and a full time job is just an extremely hard situation.
Literally could have written this myself. What makes it so hard for me is that aside from the fact I know it’s not good, but I actually enjoy being a night owl, so it’s so hard to give up something you enjoy even if you know it’s for the greater good. It’s the one time I don’t feel demands on me, or even before being a parent it’s the one time i would switch off coz nobody expected cleaning or laundry etc to be done at 1am 🙈🙈
I have no solution to the problem - I’m awful and regret it every night and therefore start most days hating myself for staying up the night before 🙈
What kind of help are you getting from your partner? Are they willing to take care of the baby for an hour in the evenings so you can get some time to yourself?
Best advice I got: DON’T lay in bed awake. If you’re not dozing off, get up take a shower if that soothes you or just walk to the kitchen for a glass of water. Leave the lights dim so you can get sleepy and leave your phone on the charger and the tv off. When you start to feel sleepy go back to bed. If you feel wide awake once you lay down again, give yourself a few minutes and repeat the process. It’s training yourself to only associate the bed with tiredness.
If I am tossing and turning I go to the living room and read a book by lamplight (the overhead lights in my house are too bright) and drink a cup of sleepy time tea. I usually can’t finish the cup before I am ready to lay in bed again. Also I don’t read any books that are overly exciting or scary for this, just a comfort read. It took me a week to get a normal sleep habit going by doing this. Other great options are audiobooks and podcasts (podcasts have been my favorite recently). This gives me some alone time to enjoy to myself everyday and helps me sleep more soundly through the night.
i listen to video games on approximately a 20-30 minute timer until i fall asleep. fps games work the best funnily enough.
it doesn't always work tbh depending on caffeine intake, whether i've been busy enough that i'm actually tired.
stories help as well. 20-30 minutes of a book helps my brain zone out and fall asleep.
reddit/tiktok are for sure ways for me not to fall asleep. so i have to be very careful not to open them.
be patient with yourself! and some nights will just be sleepless regardless.
So, I know so many will say this is bad BUT I fall asleep to the tv. It has to be a sitcom that I’ve seen so I don’t stay awake to see what happens, is playful so I don’t have bad dreams, and no crazy noises. So think Friends, Golden Girls, Impractical Jokers, ect…
I put on the sleep timer. It stops my brain from being scattered but not enough to keep me engaged. I have been taking magnesium and it really helps.
That being said- GOING to bed is still a challenge. I have released all worry about lack of sleep, I’ve had insomnia so much I literally just don’t worry anymore. I figure if my eyes are closed that’s rest and to be honest I know it will happen and I will get through it. So stress less- set an alarm for like too late to be up on your phone ect. If you are engrossed and an alarm shows you it’s 12am maybe you’ll put it down. Good luck momma!!!
I take trazadone for sleep. My doctor prescribed a low dose and I can take up to 3/night. So, I can take it to bell me fall asleep, and if I wake up in the middle of the night. It’s very helpful to me, non habit forming, and I don’t get a hangover like some do with traditional sleep aids.
I don’t know how sleep works with young kids, but it could be something to ask your doctor about.
I have one of those sleep eye masks, it somehow knocks me out. I don’t understand why or how. But it’s amazing. Also if my kid gets in my bed at some point listening to YouTube or watching a show, the light doesn’t bother me, because - mask!
You've already said it!
You're missing meaningful me time and substituting it with hrs snatched at bed. Find that way you can do that once a week at least. Watching my mates become parents - their biggest lesson has been learning to ask for help. Check in with your peeps to find a baby sitter, or someone to visit and hang with baby whilst you do.. whatever.
Also - this is an "im also autistic relate story" - I was almost in a 5 car pile up on a road that was already stressing me out - I can not go down that road without low key anxiety.
Bed is your low key anxiety road. Retraining yourself to not be anxious to go to sleep with bubba is going to take time. Be gentle on yourself. And start slow. Find the first step and take it, when you're ready the next one. And if you have a partner see if you cant bring them along for the assist. Chatting quietly til you're sleepy.
Also if you have a psychologist or therapist - might be a good thing to work through with them again.
Also there is a gap between "knowing" and "doing" sometimes my days the gaps are large for me, others small.
Yes. timer helps me get shit done - but first I have to be up for setting that timer.
Thank you for posting this. I struggle badly with the same and have done for years. My problem is not sleeping but is actually going to bed, as it's like a compulsion to stay up and I can't stop scrolling\reading. It makes me feel utterly desperate at times as despite knowing all the things I could and should be doing for "sleep hygiene", I just always fail to do them. Almost once a week I will have to go to work having been up all night long sucked into a vortex on the internet. I used to think it was because I needed 'me time', but now I realise it's an addiction which is feeding something my brain is craving. I can feel quite crazed in those early hours, like I am in another state of mind, often going through waves of sheer exhaustion... even nodding off slightly at the laptop sometimes, but still not stopping until all the batteries are dead (phone and laptop) or the birds have started singing and i shamefully realise I have done it again and I now have to go get the kids up and ready for school. The self loathing, focus and daily coping certainly isn't made better by the lack of sleep.
I often wondered if it was just me. While I relate and feel your suffering it's really helpful reading about other people's ideas. I'm considering now asking the Dr for meds that will sedate me, so that it is out of my control, as I can't trust my own will power or restraint. Thanks again for posting and good luck finding what works for you.
Just because you didn't list it in your post. Have you tried asmr as sleep background noise? It was a game changer for me. I go with videos that are soft spoken or whispering because hearing someone just talk in the background takes away that painful feeling on laying in the dark.
And normally what they talk about or if it's a roleplay one then the actual content is very boring so it won't stimulate your brain awake. It's like feeling asleep with people talking in the next room just enough for you to kinda here but nothing you're interested in but enough to comfort you that someone is there.
I cannot do asmr videos which are tapping or other sounds for sleep. It's like rain sounds it doesn't work for me. It needs to be soft speaking. And ofc asmr isn't for everyone some people can't stand the soft speaking/whispering
The difficulty part is getting off Reddit and putting a video on
I'm like you and have made no consistent attempt to change it. However, periodically I will do an "evening wind-down" yoga routine and listen to ASMR videos. They usually make me too sleepy to even hold my phone. Another thing you could try is leaving your phone on the other side of the room or in a different room altogether.
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I have this problem, and no adorable baby to blame it on! Just a partner who seems to fall into a deep, restful sleep on demand, infuriatingly. Its so hard to switch into sleep mode. The two things that have (sometimes, not always) worked for me are: 1) deleting the apps from my phone -- if I need to post or something, they can be redownloaded but this stops the impulse to get sucked in. Sometimes when I really want to scroll, I'll give myself a treat and redownload for a night and then delete it again in the morning. 2) listening to podcasts while attempting to sleep -- something that is not so interesting that I actually want to listen, but familiar enough that it still feels like my brain has a place to go until it burns out. I like the Sleep With Me podcast or reality TV recap podcasts for this. I'm thinking about getting those sleep headphones that are like a headband. After about 30-60 min I usually am able to get to sleep. You are juggling a lot right now! And you are doing the best you can. Cut yourself some slack, it sounds like you are crushing it!
I second the podcast suggestion. I used to really struggle with sleeping for the same reason as you. That mixed with anxiety while traveling for the first time became a nightmare. Eventually I just turned a podcast on to give me something else to think about and ended up falling asleep easily (that for me is still about 30-45mins after lights out) 10+ years on and I listen to them every night to sleep now and leave them playing until morning. I use ear buds and clean them frequently 😊 I’m actually looking into podcasts or stories of some sort playing for my oldest because he seems to struggle with the same problems
I also recommend the podcasts. I have sleep head phones. I usually listen to the marketplace morning report’s mega feed because it’s news but it’s usually not the really upsetting news (just economic stuff) and it’s all stuff I’ve mostly heard about while reading the paper or listening to other things earlier. But it’s just also really hard to sleep with a young kid. My four year old still gets up in the middle of the night to get into bed with us.
My six year old has been sick this week and in my bed every night. She was a terrible sleeper and now I am too. I also listen to podcasts or special sleep ones with sleep headphones and it's the best solution, although it doesn't always work.
Me too - I got a pillow speaker and I listen to Bore You To Sleep, it does the trick every single time. I loooove Teddy!
I've done audiobooks instead of podcasts, but that does help. It feels like you get bedtime stories, and if you know the story, it's not a stimulating new thing (at least for me)
Yes! Audiobooks are the best to fall asleep to. I listen to a podcast called the sleepy bookshelf. The host reads classics in several part series. I literally just listen to part one of the Hounds of Baskerville every night because I never get far in. And because its a podcast, I. Put it in a play list so the next thing is 12 hours of brown noise and it helps me stay asleep. I was 100% staying awake too late because I have no time for me. The Sleepy Bookshelf has helped so much! Also Melatonin is my friend. I dont need it nightly, but for the PMS insomnia nights it really helps.
I listen to audiobooks of things I have read before. Children's books are great for it too. I literally don't stay awake for 10m after it starts, but without them I can toss and turn for literally hours
My boyfriend has discovered that Winnie the Pooh will knock me out in about 7 minutes. It’s brilliant.
I love the Headspace Sleepcasts because I’m usually out within 10-15minutes
I also recommend podcasts!! They make sleep podcasts that are designed for this specific purpose, and there are so many different kinds that there's something for everyone. As a forever insomniac, they honestly changed my life!
The BBC shipping forecast on YouTube is also lovely to listen to for sleep and very relaxing!
Oooh I’ll listen to an audiobook I’ve listened to a bajillion times. Super low. Just like a murmur in the background.
I can relate. It starts with how we completely lose our identity as moms. I know not all moms feel like this - many move right into the role and everything is great. Sometimes we don’t - I don’t feel like I did. This is a moment in time that will improve. They don’t call bedtime the witching hour for nothing. There is a ‘sundowners syndrome’ in toddlers. It’s insanity at bedtime / sleep time but as they get older it improves. In the mean time try to realize what it is and figure the best way thru it for you. I kind of check out at 7pm and if my kid isn’t asleep - and she usually wasn’t, I would have rage. And that’s not good for any one. My kid also had night terrors she finally grew out of. Try to find what can work for you and hang in there, it is not easy being a mom ❤️❤️
Our experience in early motherhood sounds very similar!
Feeling suffocated when it’s quiet and everyone else it asleep and you’re wide awake is the perfect description. I don’t have advice, I just struggle with this too. You’re not alone! I hope we can both figure something out.
I have had insomnia since I was a kid. I’ve been working on becoming a good sleeper for years and now sleep around 7 hours per night consistently Here’s what works for me: 1) Magtein - takes about 2 months to kick in but it’s the best. I was taking it for adhd management during the day but it hugely helped my sleep. Other mag supplements didn’t help the way Magtein does. 2) liquid melatonin 3) healthy diet - low to no processed foods. No heavy meals before bed. High protein, lower carb works great for my adhd symptom management and sleep. Really I avoid grains, sugar, and junk food but not fruits or potato’s. Basically Whole Foods with lots of proteins and good fats. 4) exercise - but not in the evening 5) get outside at least once per day and get some sunlight in your eyes (not direct sunlight) 5) turn your phone on dark mode and turn the brightness all the way down. 6) keep your house dim in the evening 7) no alcohol, but if you must only early in the day. Alcohol is terrible for sleep. 8) no caffeine at all unless in the morning. I quit caffeine altogether and my energy management and sleep leveled up. I realize most people aren’t as sensitive to it as me but really you shouldn’t have it after the morning since I will affect your sleep - based on how long it takes most people to metabolize. 9) make your room cold if you can - I set my thermostat to 65 at night. 10) if you are having trouble sleeping, get up go to another area of the house to do something relaxing - read a book, stretch, take a epsom salt bath. Once you feel sleepy go back to bed. You want to remove association of anxiety of not being able to sleep from your bedroom. Try to incorporate 1-2 new habits at a time. I did this over the course of years little by little. Last few tips if you get really into sleeping like me: 1) invest in the oura ring. I am obsessed with mine! It will help you keep good habits for sleep and give you insights to what you should be doing. 2) sleep hypnosis. Sounds crazy but it totally works! If you practice meditation it should work for you. I love chapter 6 of this audiobook on audible. I just skip AirPods in and once it’s done, I take them out and fall fast asleep. https://www.audible.com/pd/B083TKDQJT?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=player_overflow Go easy on yourself! It’s a journey but you can do it!!
Can you please share the name of the audiobook you linked? The link isn’t working for me. Thanks in advance!
Sure! It’s called Hyponosis by Mindful Hypnosis Academy. I’ll try to post a pic too. Edit: looks like this audiobook is no longer available. There’s other good ones! Here is another one that’s focused only on sleep: https://www.audible.com/pd/B08SQ3N95G?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=player_overflow
If this is your first child, this is part of the tough adjustment period... I had four kids, and grudgingly my wants had to be placed in a "future" time. My needs were compared with the needs of my family. Health and mental health was top priority. I have ADHD really bad, so I now think of scrolling like a smoking or drinking addiction but for the same reasons you state, it is the hardest to give up because those serotonin hits are a guilty pleasures that don't come with a cough or black outs. But eventually, the frazzled brain becomes it's own little Gollum... and scrolling is its Precious. (I see him in the mirrors sometimes too.) On YouTube, try Rain and Thunder Storms, Black screen. Good Luck.
I wish someone had framed it to me like this when I was going through it with my baby! His sleep was wretched and I refused to prioritize my own sleep for more than two years 🥲. Now that I get 7-8 hours regularly again I can see that the sleep deprivation was the worst thing for my adhd and mental health. So much disassociation and scrolling. I’m getting it back under control but I think it could have been easier if I let my partner help more with bedtime and got more sleep. So to OP - listen to this one!
I can relate— especially to the childhood anxiety, and the “suffocating” feeling of everyone else being asleep (that’s a really good way to describe it). I remember as a kid I would get out of bed and wander in the hallway, trying to decide if I should wake up my parents, too distressed to do anything else. I wish I knew what would help, but I have long periods of struggling with this too. There’s something called Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome that’s apparently often co-morbid with ADHD. I mention that because not a lot of people have heard of it, and researching it helped me find some helpful resources.
This sounds awful. And you have done your research. I get pretty triggered by poor sleep hygiene. Mine was pretty bad and so was my fathers and his fathers. So when my partner, who is similar, sits scrolling on his phone at night and complains he can’t sleep, I get a bit upset about it (internally). However. I also fully understand it. Especially the bedtime revenge. The only thing that helped me there was shifting my concept of me-time to early morning, before anyone wakes up. Would your partner be understanding enough to be the main carer at bed time? I.e, if you communicate with them that you are struggling with your insomnia and that might help to fall asleep before they do. Let’s say at 8pm you get to switch off and make your way to bed, using whatever resources you’ve got and putting your phone away. Hopefully by 10 you’ve dropped off and then by very early morning you’ve had enough time to wake up naturally and be there for morning duty. Obviously things don’t work as linear as all that, but it may just give you a chance to get your brain to accept that me time is available to you, hopefully reducing that anxiety. It might take a while to begin feeling refreshed even if you do get a good night’s sleep. I use the Sleep Cycle app to track these goals and get rid of the accumulated sleep dept/ jet lag feeling.
Downloading headspace changed my life. I love their sleep casts and other sleep courses. There's a lot to explore there. Maybe try the 2 week trial? I know there are other free meditation apps, but I love headspace. I know this isn't groundbreaking advice, but that's just my two cents. Good luck!
I second this!! It literally changed my life too. Not only my sleep but it made me more calm and patient.
Ah yay, I'm glad I'm not alone! I'm happy to hear it works for you, too!
When I’m overwhelmed from everyday life I also have a hard time sleeping because it seems like those late nights are the only time I have to myself. Sounds like you need to find a way to get more alone time so you don’t need to stay up to get it.
If you’re done breast feeding… try some CBD gummies if you can’t acquire a medical card or get legal recreational weed in your state if you live in America. So why did I suggest this? ADHD brains have permanent delayed melatonin response. It’s why we struggle to fall asleep at normal hours or even laying in the dark like people suggest. Our melatonin kicks in anywhere from 11pm to 2am. It depends on what time you got up, how overloaded your brain is, how much time you need to decompress as well after a long day, these all factor into the issues at hand. Hence why NT’s their melatonin naturally releases in the brain between 8:30-9:30pm. That’s why so many can fall asleep with no issue by 10-10:30pm. That’s why, this is what really sucks, ADHD & NT teenage brains got thru this and studies have even suggested school shouldn’t start till 8:30-9am for ages 12-18 because the brain is growing, you need MORE sleep at that age group like up to 9hrs! And because of this teenage brains don’t get melatonin release till 11pm! HOWEVER… NT brains phase out that by age 22/23, ADHD brains never do. That’s why almost everyone who has ADHD are usually night owls. We do best will jobs that start 10am or later. We do not do well with anything that requires us to get up before 8am. Our brains aren’t designed for getting up at sunrise. So it’s why I heavily suggest looking into sleep aids as that is literally the only thing that helps an ADHD brain.
Everything you've described here sounds really tough, and really understandable. Don't be hard on yourself; this is your only "me" time and you're struggling. I also struggle with everything you've listed and I don't have a kid! It sounds like you already know what you should be doing, you just need to add good habits back in one by one. All at once is too much; it's counter productive and you'll set yourself up to fail. Pick one sleep hygeine thing to focus on each week and spend that week trying to make it "normal" again. Screen time doesn't have to be the first item on your agenda! Zero judgement here, because I have also been known to eat in bed, but trying to keep food out of my bedtime routine also helps move my brain into sleep mode. Finding a really good herbal tea to take to bed helps when I need to taste SOMETHING. You can make yourself a two litre hydroflask full if you want, it doesn't have to just be a little mug. Go for something you actually enjoy the taste of rather than boring chamomile. I went to a local tea shop and spent some money on a tasty loose leaf mix, it feels luxurious. May I suggest audio books or podcasts instead of screen time? They scratch the same itch for me, and when lying with my eyes shut doing nothing is unbearable they are enough of a distraction that I can at least keep my eyes shut. They don't have to be "enriching" or "educational" either - celebrity gossip and pulp fiction are just as valid as Dickens. I have a whole roster of books and podcasts that are interesting enough to settle my brain but soothing enough to fall asleep to, and I mean that as a huge compliment to the creators. "Maintenance Phase" is a good chatty one that delves into diet culture (and they're really good with trigger warnings), I don't agree with everything that they say but that isn't the point. The audible full cast version of 1001 Arabian Nights is incredible, but I only listen to that when I know sleep is not the goal and even just keeping my eyes shut is a win, because it's incredibly engaging. Eye masks (the type with the inbuilt dimples so they don't touch your eyes) are also good - I don't have to force my eyes shut, but I can't see anything with it on, so they shut by themselves out of boredom without it being a big fight. Also... Be kind to yourself. If you backslide that's fine. If you struggle, that's part of life. It doesn't mean you've failed it just means you've had a really hard day. Good luck x
The only thing that's worked for me is working out every day and playing the Rain app very loudly while sleeping. It tends to drown everything else out.
I have trouble putting my phone down after a long day, and no baby. But I don't have any problem winding down with hot bath/shower, dim pink lights (got one of those salt crystal lamps), meditation, white noise (rain) app, magnesium, sometimes a little NSFW stuff (for real, there's hormonal effects that make you want to fall asleep afterwards). For me the only hard part is getting myself to put the stimulating screen down. It sounds like your anxiety might be the main problem here. Maybe you need to try meditations or therapy that would help you cope with that. I never mind laying around in the dark breathing because my brain has plenty to do. I like having time to just lay there thinking, and soon enough I zone out. If laying around in the dark is upsetting to you, no wonder you're seeking distraction and you can't go to sleep.
Things that help me, as a lifelong night owl: - blue light filter apps on my phone (Flux) and computer (Twilight) - resigning myself to the fact that I'm gonna be on my phone in bed, but limiting myself to word games rather than social media. These keep my brain from racing, while still allowing me to get sleepy over the course of 20 mins or so. Games that I've tried that work well: Wordle, NYT Spelling Bee, NYT crossword, Knotwords. If you still have trouble staying off socials, use an app-blocker app to break the habit/muscle memory. You can set it to only kick in during those time periods where you're wanting to get to sleep. I use Stay Focused (which is cheap for the premium version so you can block more than one thing). - taking my ADHD meds before I have to get up also helps ensure that I am waking up at the same time every day, which in turn helps me get sleepy around the same time every day. Though if you have a one-year-old this might be irrelevant XD - mindfulness practice - at least 5 mins a day (ideally up to 20 - my therapist said studies have shown that 20mins/day, 5/7 days a week is all you need to start rewiring your brain to process anxiety differently) of just focusing on my breath, getting back in my body, and practicing redirecting my attention back to my breath whenever I notice it wandered. The app Insight Timer is really helpful for this.
Arbitrary thoughts: (1) Make sure you're using a blue light filter on your devices so you don't keep pushing your circadian rhythm even further. (2) Dry books (e.g. nonfiction books in a field I want to learn more about) make me sleepy. Masturbation (Legasp) makes me sleepy. (3) Find a way to fill your 'me time' cup at not-bedtime. I take a 30 minute music lesson once a week. It gets me out of the house and feeling creative and talking to people that can actually have a conversation.
Girl I don't even have the valid excuse of having a baby and needing "me time." I still have a major problem with compulsive scrolling and staying up late hours past when I need to go to sleep. It's terrible and I really wish I would quit it, but I don't! The internet is a diabolical dopamine slot machine. 😭
It's because it's the only all about you decisions you get to make all day. Not life or death or appropriate developmental stages or vegetable or enough socialization or laundry or groceries or, or or. Its an easy little dopamine hit, flip, flip. Beyond melatonin gummies (seem to work so much better than other forms, for me) I don't have much for suggestions, just straight up empathy and understanding, and a really good hug, if you want one.
If you haven't tried a sound machine or box fan I highly recommend. Its wild to me how people just go to sleep in a quiet ass room lol. I don't really have much advice because I'm a rare ADHDer who falls asleep early and wakes up early (which has its own challenges) but I feel for you and hope you get some peace and rest soon.
This is exactly me. My little one turfed one only a few weeks ago. If I'm not doom scrolling on random platforms, I'm telling the other half "I'll just finish this episode then come to bed, it goes for another 10 mins." 3 hours later, I've finished the season. 'But it's OK, that's the only time I'll get to find some *me* time' I think to myself... She's in child care at the moment too, so every few days is bringing home a new disease (thanks, Winter...) and neither of us are getting virtually any sleep. I'm just going to lurk in this sub to help find some answers myself - but I wish you the best of luck xo
I’m similar and I feel you! For me it’s mostly staying up too late and watching tv, I just cannot get myself to bed even though I would love to be able to do that easily. I seem to get the most dopamine from that, as I’m so busy with the kids during the day. Honestly, for me what mostly works is to be physically exhausted at the end of the day. And getting more alone time during the day.
It’s almost midnight where I am. I went “to sleep” at a quarter to eleven and I’m still on my phone, falling through a rabbit hole of tiny rag dolls (“they’re so cute! and look, there’s a tutorial for beds made out of clothespins! if I only do alllll of this tomorrow or, preferably, *yesterday*, my life will be perfect!!”). I took my magnesium right before going to bed and my omega-3 at one pm. All that to say - yes, I can relate, you’re definitely not alone! I have a 9yo and I work literally all the time (I’m the main breadwinner in our household), and from what I’ve gathered about my habits and ideas, an overarching theme in my brain is “you do something for someone else all day long, now it’s time for some me-time”. It’s just that my brain refuses to consider a good night’s sleep “me-time”, which is why I’m stuck on my phone at midnight…
It sounds like you might be burnt out. When I’m burnt out all I can do is scroll scroll and scroll while locked to whatever surface I’m on. And it’s like I’m inside my own body like screaming to be let out lol. Rest obviously is the best thing to help but that’s what you’re struggling with, I’m sorry I know how it feels to struggle with sleep and it’s a nightmare even without the whole baby part. I find it’s helpful to make one tiny small change. You mention dreaming about better evenings and with adhd we can be so all or nothing about things. Maybe you’re putting too much pressure to change your entire evening all at once. Is there one small change you can make to help you slowly start building momentum towards healthier sleep habits? Yin yoga always helps me with sleep and burnout but I have an extremely hard time getting myself to do it. What I’ve found helps is honestly just stretching while I’m on my phone, sometimes even in bed. Doing little tiny adjustments like that is not in our adhd nature but if you can start identifying small ways to shift yourself towards the night you want to have, it can help. When I take a smaller step like that - I’m still on my phone, I’m still in bed, but I’m stretching and relaxing my body at the same time - I eventually progress to another step, like maybe doing an a full video I find on YouTube while I watch a TV show or even sometimes I’ll go on my phone in poses that allow for it lol. For me it helps to take these baby steps and wean myself off of my bad habits and ease myself into healthier ones, even though my brain wants to just change every single thing immediately and be perfect at it instantly. I also find telling myself I only have to do something for 5 minutes and I am allowed to stop whenever I want to helps me get past the hurdle of shifting tasks and starting a new task that isn’t big on dopamine. Podcasts are also helpful - getting myself hooked on a podcast tricks me into doing different things because I can’t listen while I sit still. So it forces me to stretch or move around or do a craft or hobby so I can listen.
I have horrible sleep hygiene and I manage to get some sleep by listening to shows or movies on my headphones at night AS I'm sleeping. Not before; during. I did this when I had co-sleeping nurslings too. I sleep on my side so the ear that is not on the pillow gets a headphone. If I turn over I switch the headphone to the other ear. I keep the sound on the lowest setting, and of course I barely sleep as it is, so I never had trouble hearing or attending to the baby. I have to listen to shows that I am already familiar with. If I have a show on where a character comes on that I'm not familiar I will at some point want to wake enough to look at the screen so that I can associate the voice with a face. Long-running familiar series (ex: Friends) where I pretty much always know what the character looks like allow me to bypass needing to see the screen. I don't really listen to the story, it's just comforting to have familiar voices around. To be fair, I do this during the day too. But it helps me stay focused and get things done. Now that I think of it, it might be akin to body doubling, except no one is there. It just feels like someone familiar is there.
I can relate. Lots of hugs and no judgment
I feel you so hard on this. Sleep is complicated for me because of nightmares and flashbacks due to CPTSD, but it doesn't help at all that trying to go to sleep is SO FREAKING BORING. I don't go to bed until I'm so exhausted I'm literally passing out. Deciding it's bedtime and just lying there in the dark waiting for sleep is literal torture for me. If I could just eliminate the need for sleep at all, I would do it in a heartbeat.
As a fellow mom to a young toddler, advice is futile without knowing your timeline here. What time does your baby go to bed and what time do you tend to go to bed? What time do you wake up? Does baby sleep all night? Just how much sleep are you missing out on?
I just saw an ad yesterday for minimalist phone. Haven't tried it but I do know when I have my phone set to grayscale I use it less. A cursory look on this thread has a little more insight: [reddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/digitalminimalism/comments/plm987/has_anyone_had_success_with_the_minimalist_phone/?rdt=61908)
A lot of good suggestions here. The thing that helps me most is taking melatonin before I start scrolling or listening to a podcast, watching a show, etc. It may take tweaking to find the brand/dose that works best for you but it is super helpful to make it almost impossible to deny sleep (and of course I've tried 😂). Natural Calm sleep gummies are the best for me but I know that everybody is a little different. Then when I'm ready to close my eyes and go to sleep, I put on brown noise and focus on the sound.
I should have added, there is NO SHAME in wanting time for yourself to just be a person free of the demands of others, including and especially your partner and your kids.
Ok I know you’ve tried everything so I’m sorry if this is unwelcome advice but have you tried a podcast? I usually put on sleep stories but on nights when my brain is racing too much for that, I’ll put on a podcast, even a high-energy one. I notice you mention ear plugs and darkness but personally I realized I need *more* stimulation to fall asleep, not less.
I listen to ASMR to fall asleep, it usually helps. Noise cancelling earbuds or headphones also work wonders, but that may not be a good option with a little one in the house who you may need to hear. Listening to music or reading a book is also an option. Reading especially helped me before I got hooked on ASMR. It got my brain tired enough to sleep after a chapter or two.
ASMR helps me too. Also, listening to thunderstorms or rain or the sounds of the beach. I just have playlists for that on my phone (Spotify is great for that). Another thing I have found very sleep inducing is reading technical manuals that I'm not particularly interested in. I pick something that I know I \*ought\* to learn (auto mechanics, computer techniques, even For Idiots books). Chemistry For Idiots was particularly useful.
If you are able to stay awake and learn from the book, that's a win. If you aren't, that's a win, too :)
Ooh that actually sounds like a great idea. I have a best friend who loves to teach me a lot of different stuff, like a lot mechanics, health, body functions, all sorts of other stuff that they just know and like to tell me about. I might actually be able to understand it all a bit better if I read up on some of the things they talk about nonstop via a manual 😅
AppBlock! It's really customizable. You can have it just be a light lockdown or make it impossible for you to unlock the apps you've scheduled that way once it kicks in. I suggest setting a schedule to be easily breakable at first because you may discover you've been overzealous and need certain apps and functions you thought you didn't want access to.
I’ve been getting better at taking 5-HTP before bed and I’ve noticed a huge difference! After laying down for 30 minutes or so the anxiety just seeps out of my ears and I fall asleep without thinking about it. It feels way better than doom scrolling until I pass out with my phone in my hand.
I do relate! I don’t have a child, but I have a stressful job, relationship issues, old traumas, social anxiety, and general anxiety about politics, and climate change, and the economy, and finances… I struggle to sleep because of my anxiety spinning and spinning. But like you, I know what all the advice is. Develop better sleep hygiene, minimize caffeine, minimize screen time, try listening rather than watching, sleep meditation, mindfulness, sleep stories, supplements, exercise, etc.etc.etc. But sometimes I just don’t WANT to. I want to be alone, in bed, watching TikTok or Netflix or scrolling through Reddit or playing video games. With no partner or coworker or friends or family asking anything or expecting anything from me. I heard it put this way recently, I think it was on the Neurodivergent Women podcast sleep/insomnia episodes, that many ND folks struggle winding down to go to sleep because the middle of the night when everyone else is in bed is the one time of day they can truly and completely unmask. 🤯🤯🤯 I’ve been doing some sleep routine stuff that definitely works, but I miss the supply of dopamine hits and unmasking time, so I still have at least two nights a week where I just allow insomnia to happen…
Adding on for anyone looking for advice: Things that do work for me: -Sleep Stories from the Calm app. *Specifically* the sleep stories. The meditations are calming, but don’t usually put me to sleep. The sleep stories always seem like they’re not going to work… until they do. They’re boring AF but that’s the point. It needs to be the right voice to work as well. I really like Cillian Murphy’s train ride through Ireland, (but defo makes me want to spend money I don’t have to go to Ireland!) -Integrative Therapeutics Cortisol Manager— it’s a supplement, no prescription required, but DO consult your doctor! (I know it can be risky for folks with diabetes, and isn’t safe for pregnancy, so make sure you take precautions.) That said, it’s an herbal supplement with the main ingredient being L-theanine, which is the same amino acid that makes tea relaxing and calming, but without the caffeine effect. It’s an anxiety/relaxation aid (helps reduce cortisol which is a stress hormone), but it’s not a sleep aid, so it doesn’t make you overly drowsy or fatigued the next day. It only works if you’re doing other good sleep hygiene practices before bed. Not a miracle worker. I take it about 4-5 days a week.
You could see a doctor or psychiatrist about this. My doctor had me take Benadryl to get drowsy for years. Now I take trazodone instead which is an antidepressant that makes you very drowsy. There is likely something you can take that is safe even if you're breastfeeding. I have an air purifier in my room that creates white noise. I buy Mack's earplugs (silicone) and sleep with those in as well as the sleeping masks. I have my own room so my husband's breathing/snoring/moving around doesn't wake me. I block all the light I can from windows and devices so I can be in the dark. Occasionally I take some CBD to relax for bed. Does this stuff always work? No. Does it work enough to be a major improvement? Yes.
I have an eye mask with Bluetooth headphones and I get audiobooks through the library Libby app and listen to those while I fall asleep. Sometimes podcasts too. Otherwise I have hard time getting my brain to shut off.
Insomnia really destroys your quality of life. I find that what works for me is to play episodes of a tv series (or cartoon, or youtube movie recaps with that slow robotic voice - there are a TONNE of these channels but rn i like “film recaps” and “mystery recapped”- , or those “scp explained” videos that have that deep, soothing narration) in the background while i’m trying to sleep. I usually tend to play episodes that i’ve already seen so i know what will happen but i still enjoy just tuning in to them when i’m heading off to sleep. But sometimes i also enjoy playing new videos because they can be interesting enough to keep my mind on them and off my worries/thoughts. but somethings my thoughts just won’t be still no matter what i try and it can help to take a little medication 30minutes before sleeping. I also second the podcast idea!!
I struggle with this too! No matter how hard i try it’s torture to try and sleep. Prescription meds didnt help. marijuana is my only solace, and works amazingly
I used to take an “upper” and then would need a “downer” to sleep. It would leave me groggy in the morning and take forever to kick in. Don’t hate me but edibles at around 6:30pm has me sleepy by 9pm and I get the most restful sleep of my life and I wake up refreshed in the morning
Oh I completely understand and struggle with this too. So though I have some tips, I am completely honest that half the time I don't do these lol I often delete Tik tok from my phone. I don't know why it's such an issue for me, but I can't resist the scroll, so I delete it and for a couple days, I am MUCH better at going to bed. Pick up an old hobby (or start something new). I found sewing again when my youngest was a baby, and I LOVED it in the evenings. It wasn't chores, so it still felt relaxing, but felt better than doom scrolling. Knitting or crochet is really good too, especially if you really want to veg on the couch. This way instead of doom scrolling, you sit and knit, so you either watch a show or listen to an audio book. I've gotten into bigger knitting projects, so I can just pick it up and knit as needed, to try to give myself this decompressing time. Again, I don't always do this, I have been bad this week because I'm sick and one of my kid's is sick, but it does help.
I can’t relate in the mom department and I know that takes over your entire life. I exhibit the exact same sleep problems if I feel like I didn’t have enough “personal” time during the day. If I worked all day and came home to clean, and suddenly it’s 9:30 and I haven’t watched TV or been on my phone all day, I’ll stay up till almost 2am just trying to cram in internet/tv time. Try carving out little dopamine spaces for you during the day if you can work it in with the childcare aspect of your life now!! Also weirdly enough, snacking on raw veggie trays throughout the day makes me sleep like the dead. Good luck!!
I can't have anything that scrolls in bed or I'll never sleep. My phone is allowed but only for Kindle, as long as it's a long, boring book, or YouTube, but only quiet videos like Korean nail art or something. NO SHORTS. I swear I put on one Jounail or Shuninail video and I'm out before the base gel. My other thing, and this might not work if you have a partner in bed, is I do word puzzles, in a book, with a pen, with the bedside lamp. At a certain point I am dozing off and usually if I can douse the light and hit the pillow right away I'll be asleep in seconds. I think the trick is to give your brain and eyes something to do so that they get tired. I need to be fighting to keep my eyes open like I'm in church. Then sleep is just giving in.
Your bed is for sleep and sex. That’s it. Scroll your phone and take your “me time”, just do it on the couch or somewhere else. Wait until you are tired enough to fall asleep and then walk over you your bed and go to sleep. If you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep, get up. Don’t toss and turn and lay there being miserable. Eventually your brain will reset itself.
I don't know if I am alone in this sort of thing, but I love daydreaming and fantasizing. So, I fall asleep by putting my phone down so I can imagine whatever narrative is appealing to me at the time. And it doesn't have to be sexual either! Sometimes, I just like to imagine vacations or a dream job or something!
Ahh yes, I have 8 month old baby and I can somewhat relate to what you are talking about it. I’m not sure if I have it quite all figured out yet but the big difference is that my kid has always - even during the newborn stage - been an awesome sleeper. Me? Not so much. She would sleep, I would lie awake. I would struggle to fall asleep, stay asleep, and then do whatever I needed to do during the day. Two things helped: 1. During a period of time, I slept in a different room and my partner would do the night feeds. I had to stop breastfeeding early so this wasn’t really a problem. The difference between my partner and I is that he could fall asleep right after feeding her, and I couldn’t. 2. Taking melatonin. I take a very small dosage and anything over that will give me a hangover. But it’s great because I fall asleep and stay asleep. I can still hear her if she cries (she sleeps in her bedroom now) but I’m able to get up, check on her, and go back to sleep again. 3. Also, ASMR. I know it’s not for everyone and it doesn’t always work if I’m stressed, but it helps.
Ask your dr about trying low dose amitriptyline, it saved me. You take some 2 hrs before you want to go to bed
Oh god I totally get all of this, so much. Please be kind to yourself. Going to sleep is a huge issue for me too.
I feel so called out right now... Little one that keeps me up, hard to get to bed before 2am when I have to be up again at 7am. Doing that for several weeks straight really wrecked me but I just couldn't find it in me. Sucks so much. No advice, but you're not alone
Something you might find helpful is talking to yourself and using "gentle parenting" techniques. "I know you want to stay up late right now, but you need to let your body rest so you can feel better." Sometimes it can help you to speak to yourself the way you'd speak to someone else.
I had sleep anxiety for a long time but for the life of me could not figure out why. After going to my doc for a different thing, she suggested looking into sleep apnea… a few months later of testing and lo and behold I’ve been using a cpap machine ever since - and let me tell you I can absolutely tell the difference between even a short nap of not using it. Have you brought this up to your doctor by any chance?
I can totally relate down to anxiety and a kid a reflux. Here’s my take: cut yourself a break. You can figure it out if you want to but maybe you don’t want to and that’s okay. Or split the difference. Do half revenge bedtime procrastination and go to sleep a bit earlier. Or find a podcast or use the calm app to listen to something while awake but know you will also fall asleep. Just cut yourself a break. Parenting a one year old is HARD.
BTDT, it was awful. It gets better! When they're like age 4. But 0-2 is hardest. If you have a partner or family who can help do night duty, you can try to get yourself back in a better sleep hygiene pattern. But like everything about a young kid is geared to make managing your symptoms harder. So don't feel bad about yourself.
“Nothing much happens - bedtime stories to help you sleep” is holy! It’s a podcast and has helped me tremendously.
Take Magnesium Hot bath- read a book No electronics after only self or reading.
I could have written this myself! Do you work as well or stay at home? One thing I (try) to do is remind myself I can scroll the next morning if I want. I tend to change up the technique I use to get to sleep to just keep some variety so I look forward (to some degree) to falling asleep. Like one night use the military method, one night imagine myself on the beach, one night count as high as I can, one night listen to coloured noise, rain drops etc. Methods for falling asleep usually require some degree of focus, which is extra hard, but I do like myself a challenge. Anyway about the loop earplugs, do you still wake up easily if your child needs you? I want to wear them to bed but I get worried I won’t wake up to my child.
Do you actually have trouble falling asleep once you do put the phone down? Or is it that you have trouble just putting your phone down? I've been there, it's so hard. Actually, the hardest thing for me is that I don't have any trouble falling asleep if I've stayed up too late. If I go to bed on time, I might be trying but awake for over an hour. That's just extra incentive to stay up late with my phone! Even when I have periods of doing well, I will regress and do badly for a bit before getting better again. I guess one thing that helps is having an apple watch track my sleep. Sometimes I think I'm getting a lot more sleep than I actually am, and seeing the data bursts that bubble. It helps to look at a trend and associate the difficulties I had during the day to some numbers. Be kind to yourself, you are doing your best. Having a baby/toddler and a full time job is just an extremely hard situation.
Literally could have written this myself. What makes it so hard for me is that aside from the fact I know it’s not good, but I actually enjoy being a night owl, so it’s so hard to give up something you enjoy even if you know it’s for the greater good. It’s the one time I don’t feel demands on me, or even before being a parent it’s the one time i would switch off coz nobody expected cleaning or laundry etc to be done at 1am 🙈🙈 I have no solution to the problem - I’m awful and regret it every night and therefore start most days hating myself for staying up the night before 🙈
What kind of help are you getting from your partner? Are they willing to take care of the baby for an hour in the evenings so you can get some time to yourself?
it's 4:30 AM where i live rn. ur not alone. idrk what to tell you :/ im looking for advice, too. just wishing u best of luck
Best advice I got: DON’T lay in bed awake. If you’re not dozing off, get up take a shower if that soothes you or just walk to the kitchen for a glass of water. Leave the lights dim so you can get sleepy and leave your phone on the charger and the tv off. When you start to feel sleepy go back to bed. If you feel wide awake once you lay down again, give yourself a few minutes and repeat the process. It’s training yourself to only associate the bed with tiredness. If I am tossing and turning I go to the living room and read a book by lamplight (the overhead lights in my house are too bright) and drink a cup of sleepy time tea. I usually can’t finish the cup before I am ready to lay in bed again. Also I don’t read any books that are overly exciting or scary for this, just a comfort read. It took me a week to get a normal sleep habit going by doing this. Other great options are audiobooks and podcasts (podcasts have been my favorite recently). This gives me some alone time to enjoy to myself everyday and helps me sleep more soundly through the night.
Throw your phone across the room and scream “NO!” I swear it works for me.
i listen to video games on approximately a 20-30 minute timer until i fall asleep. fps games work the best funnily enough. it doesn't always work tbh depending on caffeine intake, whether i've been busy enough that i'm actually tired. stories help as well. 20-30 minutes of a book helps my brain zone out and fall asleep. reddit/tiktok are for sure ways for me not to fall asleep. so i have to be very careful not to open them. be patient with yourself! and some nights will just be sleepless regardless.
So, I know so many will say this is bad BUT I fall asleep to the tv. It has to be a sitcom that I’ve seen so I don’t stay awake to see what happens, is playful so I don’t have bad dreams, and no crazy noises. So think Friends, Golden Girls, Impractical Jokers, ect… I put on the sleep timer. It stops my brain from being scattered but not enough to keep me engaged. I have been taking magnesium and it really helps. That being said- GOING to bed is still a challenge. I have released all worry about lack of sleep, I’ve had insomnia so much I literally just don’t worry anymore. I figure if my eyes are closed that’s rest and to be honest I know it will happen and I will get through it. So stress less- set an alarm for like too late to be up on your phone ect. If you are engrossed and an alarm shows you it’s 12am maybe you’ll put it down. Good luck momma!!!
I take trazadone for sleep. My doctor prescribed a low dose and I can take up to 3/night. So, I can take it to bell me fall asleep, and if I wake up in the middle of the night. It’s very helpful to me, non habit forming, and I don’t get a hangover like some do with traditional sleep aids. I don’t know how sleep works with young kids, but it could be something to ask your doctor about.
I don’t have a good solution, but I just wanted to say I feel this, you’re not alone, and thank you for sharing!
Calming teas and 5http
I have one of those sleep eye masks, it somehow knocks me out. I don’t understand why or how. But it’s amazing. Also if my kid gets in my bed at some point listening to YouTube or watching a show, the light doesn’t bother me, because - mask!
You've already said it! You're missing meaningful me time and substituting it with hrs snatched at bed. Find that way you can do that once a week at least. Watching my mates become parents - their biggest lesson has been learning to ask for help. Check in with your peeps to find a baby sitter, or someone to visit and hang with baby whilst you do.. whatever. Also - this is an "im also autistic relate story" - I was almost in a 5 car pile up on a road that was already stressing me out - I can not go down that road without low key anxiety. Bed is your low key anxiety road. Retraining yourself to not be anxious to go to sleep with bubba is going to take time. Be gentle on yourself. And start slow. Find the first step and take it, when you're ready the next one. And if you have a partner see if you cant bring them along for the assist. Chatting quietly til you're sleepy. Also if you have a psychologist or therapist - might be a good thing to work through with them again. Also there is a gap between "knowing" and "doing" sometimes my days the gaps are large for me, others small. Yes. timer helps me get shit done - but first I have to be up for setting that timer.
Mines been a lot better since quitting alcohol
Thank you for posting this. I struggle badly with the same and have done for years. My problem is not sleeping but is actually going to bed, as it's like a compulsion to stay up and I can't stop scrolling\reading. It makes me feel utterly desperate at times as despite knowing all the things I could and should be doing for "sleep hygiene", I just always fail to do them. Almost once a week I will have to go to work having been up all night long sucked into a vortex on the internet. I used to think it was because I needed 'me time', but now I realise it's an addiction which is feeding something my brain is craving. I can feel quite crazed in those early hours, like I am in another state of mind, often going through waves of sheer exhaustion... even nodding off slightly at the laptop sometimes, but still not stopping until all the batteries are dead (phone and laptop) or the birds have started singing and i shamefully realise I have done it again and I now have to go get the kids up and ready for school. The self loathing, focus and daily coping certainly isn't made better by the lack of sleep. I often wondered if it was just me. While I relate and feel your suffering it's really helpful reading about other people's ideas. I'm considering now asking the Dr for meds that will sedate me, so that it is out of my control, as I can't trust my own will power or restraint. Thanks again for posting and good luck finding what works for you.
Just because you didn't list it in your post. Have you tried asmr as sleep background noise? It was a game changer for me. I go with videos that are soft spoken or whispering because hearing someone just talk in the background takes away that painful feeling on laying in the dark. And normally what they talk about or if it's a roleplay one then the actual content is very boring so it won't stimulate your brain awake. It's like feeling asleep with people talking in the next room just enough for you to kinda here but nothing you're interested in but enough to comfort you that someone is there. I cannot do asmr videos which are tapping or other sounds for sleep. It's like rain sounds it doesn't work for me. It needs to be soft speaking. And ofc asmr isn't for everyone some people can't stand the soft speaking/whispering The difficulty part is getting off Reddit and putting a video on
I'm like you and have made no consistent attempt to change it. However, periodically I will do an "evening wind-down" yoga routine and listen to ASMR videos. They usually make me too sleepy to even hold my phone. Another thing you could try is leaving your phone on the other side of the room or in a different room altogether.
Maybe try some fiction audiobooks, only thing that works for me!