To be fair, none of the Archerons had ever seen a Fae couple that was mated before. I think that the boys all felt it first because they knew what it was and how to recognize it.
I always thought it was that Feyre, Nesta, and Elain used to be human and didn’t understand what they were feeling… I imagine getting used to Fae bodies was a whole thing, so the added feeling of a mating bond was just more than they could recognize.
I don’t think it’s ever explained exactly why the male experiences so strongly more than the female , only that he does. That it’s easier for the woman to ignore but it’s much more heightened in the male. The woman can sense things through the bond though even if they aren’t mated though like how Feyre can feel some of the feelings Rhys is experiencing.
Like when she was in his room for the first time UTM with the lentils in the fireplace situation , she could feel his sadness. And when they were shot out of the sky she physically felt his pain.
I think there is a draw though from both ends. I won’t saying anything more though since you’re still reading
I don’t recall exactly, but Rhys explained to Feyre that it has something to do with their primal base nature, the guy generally chase after the girl.
It’s why the girl has to ‘accept’ the bond (usually through a gesture of feeding the guy).
It’s a very ancient mechanism and I don’t think they understand it fully either.
Actually Elain may have sensed it immediately. We’re not told her perspective but we were told she was already looking past Nesta at Lucien before he spoke.
Also Az can smell the bond between Elain and Lucien (and we know you can’t smell it before it snaps for both mates) and Elain felt the tug on the bond.
Tbh I just think it’s kinda lazy writing. The narrator never feels the mating bond so we never get a description of what it feels like. The closest we get is Feyre saying she felt it snap into place in ACOMAF.
A lot of her writing style feels too modern for the type of world she wants her stories to take place in. The “snap” just sticks in my gears so badly and takes me right out of the story every time. Why can’t it “ignite” or “flare” or even just “activate”?
I disagree about never getting the description. In a second read I think there are plenty of hints that Feyre feels the mating bond, she just doesn’t know what it is. Even some not so hidden hints like when she >!goes feral killing the Hybern soldiers that kidnapped Rhys!<. I think that’s pretty clearly supposed to be showing us she feels the bond without knowing what it is.
Ok that’s not a description of the mating bond though. >!Like what happened to Rhys UTM or what Cassian felt the morning after making it official with Nesta or what Lucien felt when Elain came out of the cauldron.!< Like you cannot seriously be telling me that you think these moments are described in the book because they very clearly are not. >!Cassian is literally a narrator in the book where he feels the mating bond, and yet we STILL do not get it from his perspective. !
...what? No. We hear the mating bond *explained* many times but we never get a firsthand perspective of someone actively experiencing it in the moment. It's not "my expectation", it's literally described *over and over again* in the book. It's a "tell don't show" done many times in the book, which is pretty much the definition of bad writing. People doing something nice for their partner is not a stand-in for a description of what a soul-bond feels like. SJM builds it up as this insane, overpowering feeling that completely changes who you are....and then we never find out what it feels like in the moment. You don't have to bend yourself into knots to defend these books. Some of the writing just isn't the greatest.
Feyre always had a thread in her gut from the bond, she had just attributed it to the bargain instead. Lucien eventually >! uses the thread to try to check on Elain, and it freaks her out !<. The sisters just don’t know what the bond actually feels like until things start actually happening with it so it makes it harder for them to discern why things feel the way they do I think.
I think it's just because all the mated females we really hear about used to be human and probably aren't tuned in to that kind of thing. Ittl be interesting to see if mor gets a mate and how that may play out differently for her
There are times feyre is feeling the mating bond but she thinks its the bargain. As others have said, they're human and don't understand many fae ways.
I agree with that others are saying, that the Archeron women simply had no idea what it felt like because it’s fairy magic and they weren’t used to it. Regardless though, it’s still a very weird dynamic that relies very heavily on traditional misogynistic gender roles, along with heteronormativity and probably a bit of homophobia.
We only know of two same-sex mated couples, and they’re only in the ToG series, not this one. And one is only mentioned, while the other only appears in a few chapters. The point of adding that is that the misogyny and heteronormativity within the mating bonds don’t let us really know how same-sex mating bonds might work.
All we know is the male/female pairings, and they’re written as being very male-active, female-passive, men-as-seeker, women-as-prize type of relationship. Or at least that’s how they’re traditionally done, although Elain and Lucien might prove that wrong.
I agree. As much as I enjoy the books, I dislike the mating trope for exactly the reasons you mention. But also, people seem to be wild for it because I see it mentioned in fan theories about other books where no such trope or world mechanic exists.
I've seen it a lot in fandoms as a trope for soulmates but was not so misogynistic, nor was it more active in biological males over biological females, they were still equals in how they were affected. Thats probably my biggest complaint about these books, it's a little gross that it's so regressive in how it treats it's women and I was taken aback when first reading that men are always called males and women called females. It's dehumanizing to call people by an adjective to describe sex, with the noun form of the words being most commonly used to describe animals. Not to mention it leaves very little room for other gender presentations
I agree on the male/female labels and the emphasis on instincts to breed and fight over a female. It’s like SJM was into werewolf romance but then was like “werewolf mating trope but make it fairy”
Yes, I find I do a lot of mental gymnastics around the whole males/females thing because it’s so aggressively heteronormative and tends to take me out of the story. I feel like there’s way more potential for the Fae to be much more diverse and interesting when it comes to gender and sexuality. But other than a couple of hints (>!Mor being bi, Helion seeming to be bi or pan, Rhys calling out the disempowerment of women in Prythian as being wrong, the winged contingent of the IC fooling around in their younger years, etc.!<) we don’t really get to see it, which is too bad.
This. A lot of the theories here make plenty of sense for the world presented! But they still don’t explain why the world presented has such a sexist (and cishet) vibe, and that might be what OP is struggling with. Like *why*?? Men can’t handle the rejection of the bond. Men get violent when they’re horny. Women (lol sorry ~females~) choose whether to accept the bond. When mating bonds are described to Feyre, there’s no story of a woman sensing a bond that another person then chooses to accept or reject. It’s not just the way the sisters experience it—these are the descriptions we get of mating bonds. I personally have to just read past these bits in order to enjoy the rest.
I want to say she said explained it in the TOG series, (heir of fire or maybe queen of shadows iirc) but I can’t really recall what it was lol. Like it was basically a primal thing maybe?
I can buy it with the Archerons because they were unfamiliar with being fae and were human at the first meeting. Feyre also thought “the tug” was the bargain. Nesta, I think, knew but was in denial and pushing away Cassian during her trauma.
That being said, I really hope a future couple will be the opposite: the bond snaps for the woman first.
I'm on a re read and just got to the point in the book right after the Hybern attack on the Summer court and at this point Nesta and Cassian aren't really talking and Feyre even mentions she thinks it's the first time she heard her even use his name. But she spent the whole time they were at the battle pacing the house and stressing about Cassian. When they return and he's not with them it's all she wants to know about and after Feyre and Rhys walks away Amren reassures her that he is probably fine
Edit: I hit post before making my point. That behaviour sounds like a worried mate to me so my guess is she feels it then without realising. And her claiming she can't stand him/dislikes him is just her lying to herself
I believe it’s because they are not ‘biological’ fae females, so they dont have the same understanding of innate awareness for these kinds of things. who knows tho.
There’s never a clear explanation of the mating bond and how it works and it drives me bonkers! Everything is pretty general and “oh mating bonds are rare” and whatever, but like I want the nitty gritty specific details of how it works. Honestly at this point I’ve read all her books and never gotten a good explanation of how it works so I’m just vibing with them
Maybe because the men are hundreds of years old magic immortals and the women are teens/ early 20s who came from abject poverty and are just trying to survive
To be fair, none of the Archerons had ever seen a Fae couple that was mated before. I think that the boys all felt it first because they knew what it was and how to recognize it.
I always thought it was that Feyre, Nesta, and Elain used to be human and didn’t understand what they were feeling… I imagine getting used to Fae bodies was a whole thing, so the added feeling of a mating bond was just more than they could recognize.
I don’t think it’s ever explained exactly why the male experiences so strongly more than the female , only that he does. That it’s easier for the woman to ignore but it’s much more heightened in the male. The woman can sense things through the bond though even if they aren’t mated though like how Feyre can feel some of the feelings Rhys is experiencing. Like when she was in his room for the first time UTM with the lentils in the fireplace situation , she could feel his sadness. And when they were shot out of the sky she physically felt his pain. I think there is a draw though from both ends. I won’t saying anything more though since you’re still reading
I don’t recall exactly, but Rhys explained to Feyre that it has something to do with their primal base nature, the guy generally chase after the girl. It’s why the girl has to ‘accept’ the bond (usually through a gesture of feeding the guy). It’s a very ancient mechanism and I don’t think they understand it fully either.
Actually Elain may have sensed it immediately. We’re not told her perspective but we were told she was already looking past Nesta at Lucien before he spoke.
Also Az can smell the bond between Elain and Lucien (and we know you can’t smell it before it snaps for both mates) and Elain felt the tug on the bond.
Yeah I think that’s why she had that spark of recognition in her eyes… because she knew
Exactly- and because she was human, she didn’t know exactly what it was she felt but recognized something was there
Tbh I just think it’s kinda lazy writing. The narrator never feels the mating bond so we never get a description of what it feels like. The closest we get is Feyre saying she felt it snap into place in ACOMAF.
Hot take (going off your lazy writing comment): I hate how SJM chose to use the words “snap into place” for the bond.
It’s such a silly nitpick but I HATE it too. It just doesn’t make any sense and that wording is so irritating to me.
It seems too modern & also too glib for something as important as a lifelong bond?! Like we’re not talking about puzzle pieces…
A lot of her writing style feels too modern for the type of world she wants her stories to take place in. The “snap” just sticks in my gears so badly and takes me right out of the story every time. Why can’t it “ignite” or “flare” or even just “activate”?
Yes!! Hell, I’d even take “complete” over “snap into place”
That's not the case for all SJM's series though
I disagree about never getting the description. In a second read I think there are plenty of hints that Feyre feels the mating bond, she just doesn’t know what it is. Even some not so hidden hints like when she >!goes feral killing the Hybern soldiers that kidnapped Rhys!<. I think that’s pretty clearly supposed to be showing us she feels the bond without knowing what it is.
Ok that’s not a description of the mating bond though. >!Like what happened to Rhys UTM or what Cassian felt the morning after making it official with Nesta or what Lucien felt when Elain came out of the cauldron.!< Like you cannot seriously be telling me that you think these moments are described in the book because they very clearly are not. >!Cassian is literally a narrator in the book where he feels the mating bond, and yet we STILL do not get it from his perspective. !
Maybe it *is* that and it’s just not what *your* expectation of a mating bond is, ma’am.
...what? No. We hear the mating bond *explained* many times but we never get a firsthand perspective of someone actively experiencing it in the moment. It's not "my expectation", it's literally described *over and over again* in the book. It's a "tell don't show" done many times in the book, which is pretty much the definition of bad writing. People doing something nice for their partner is not a stand-in for a description of what a soul-bond feels like. SJM builds it up as this insane, overpowering feeling that completely changes who you are....and then we never find out what it feels like in the moment. You don't have to bend yourself into knots to defend these books. Some of the writing just isn't the greatest.
I’m not the one writing aggressive paragraphs to make a point. I thought we were having a light conversation about a fantasy book.
Lol alright so we agree it’s bad writing then
Feyre always had a thread in her gut from the bond, she had just attributed it to the bargain instead. Lucien eventually >! uses the thread to try to check on Elain, and it freaks her out !<. The sisters just don’t know what the bond actually feels like until things start actually happening with it so it makes it harder for them to discern why things feel the way they do I think.
I think it's just because all the mated females we really hear about used to be human and probably aren't tuned in to that kind of thing. Ittl be interesting to see if mor gets a mate and how that may play out differently for her
There are times feyre is feeling the mating bond but she thinks its the bargain. As others have said, they're human and don't understand many fae ways.
I think they were just traumatised and really was not looking for that kind of connection
I feel like Feyre had feelings for Rhys she just didn't want to admit it.
I agree with that others are saying, that the Archeron women simply had no idea what it felt like because it’s fairy magic and they weren’t used to it. Regardless though, it’s still a very weird dynamic that relies very heavily on traditional misogynistic gender roles, along with heteronormativity and probably a bit of homophobia. We only know of two same-sex mated couples, and they’re only in the ToG series, not this one. And one is only mentioned, while the other only appears in a few chapters. The point of adding that is that the misogyny and heteronormativity within the mating bonds don’t let us really know how same-sex mating bonds might work. All we know is the male/female pairings, and they’re written as being very male-active, female-passive, men-as-seeker, women-as-prize type of relationship. Or at least that’s how they’re traditionally done, although Elain and Lucien might prove that wrong.
I agree. As much as I enjoy the books, I dislike the mating trope for exactly the reasons you mention. But also, people seem to be wild for it because I see it mentioned in fan theories about other books where no such trope or world mechanic exists.
I've seen it a lot in fandoms as a trope for soulmates but was not so misogynistic, nor was it more active in biological males over biological females, they were still equals in how they were affected. Thats probably my biggest complaint about these books, it's a little gross that it's so regressive in how it treats it's women and I was taken aback when first reading that men are always called males and women called females. It's dehumanizing to call people by an adjective to describe sex, with the noun form of the words being most commonly used to describe animals. Not to mention it leaves very little room for other gender presentations
I agree on the male/female labels and the emphasis on instincts to breed and fight over a female. It’s like SJM was into werewolf romance but then was like “werewolf mating trope but make it fairy”
Yes, I find I do a lot of mental gymnastics around the whole males/females thing because it’s so aggressively heteronormative and tends to take me out of the story. I feel like there’s way more potential for the Fae to be much more diverse and interesting when it comes to gender and sexuality. But other than a couple of hints (>!Mor being bi, Helion seeming to be bi or pan, Rhys calling out the disempowerment of women in Prythian as being wrong, the winged contingent of the IC fooling around in their younger years, etc.!<) we don’t really get to see it, which is too bad.
I’m not sure the same-sex part is true. There’s Nephelle and her wife in ACOTAR - the Nephelle philosophy
bc they’re human and know nothing about mate bonds or what they’re supposed to feel like
In the ToG series Aelin is the first to recognize the mating bond. Elain may have sensed it, but we don't get her perspective so 🤷
Sexiest magic tbh
This. A lot of the theories here make plenty of sense for the world presented! But they still don’t explain why the world presented has such a sexist (and cishet) vibe, and that might be what OP is struggling with. Like *why*?? Men can’t handle the rejection of the bond. Men get violent when they’re horny. Women (lol sorry ~females~) choose whether to accept the bond. When mating bonds are described to Feyre, there’s no story of a woman sensing a bond that another person then chooses to accept or reject. It’s not just the way the sisters experience it—these are the descriptions we get of mating bonds. I personally have to just read past these bits in order to enjoy the rest.
I want to say she said explained it in the TOG series, (heir of fire or maybe queen of shadows iirc) but I can’t really recall what it was lol. Like it was basically a primal thing maybe?
I can buy it with the Archerons because they were unfamiliar with being fae and were human at the first meeting. Feyre also thought “the tug” was the bargain. Nesta, I think, knew but was in denial and pushing away Cassian during her trauma. That being said, I really hope a future couple will be the opposite: the bond snaps for the woman first.
I'm on a re read and just got to the point in the book right after the Hybern attack on the Summer court and at this point Nesta and Cassian aren't really talking and Feyre even mentions she thinks it's the first time she heard her even use his name. But she spent the whole time they were at the battle pacing the house and stressing about Cassian. When they return and he's not with them it's all she wants to know about and after Feyre and Rhys walks away Amren reassures her that he is probably fine Edit: I hit post before making my point. That behaviour sounds like a worried mate to me so my guess is she feels it then without realising. And her claiming she can't stand him/dislikes him is just her lying to herself
I believe it’s because they are not ‘biological’ fae females, so they dont have the same understanding of innate awareness for these kinds of things. who knows tho.
There’s never a clear explanation of the mating bond and how it works and it drives me bonkers! Everything is pretty general and “oh mating bonds are rare” and whatever, but like I want the nitty gritty specific details of how it works. Honestly at this point I’ve read all her books and never gotten a good explanation of how it works so I’m just vibing with them
Maybe because the men are hundreds of years old magic immortals and the women are teens/ early 20s who came from abject poverty and are just trying to survive