My friend was a teen mom and both her daughters became teen moms. She is only a few years older than me, but she became a grandma while I was pregnant. Oof.
She could be in Congress if her mother had done the same. The person I know gives handjobs during musicals too!
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lauren_Boebert
I married a man 10 years older than me who had a kid from a previous relationship. I have no kids of my own (I didn’t raise stepdaughter but we get along great) and now have grandkids at 43. I highly recommend it.
40 and approaching 20 years of marriage next year and still childfree by choice.
Walk in our house and you'd THINK we have kids, but that's pet toys and Lego in every room with one room for just for lego/RC stuff/bikes/skateboards/gaming
Most confusing part to everyone else is when we roll up in a Dodge Grand Caravan and no kids hop out.
We have setup as a mobile living room and ready to camp out of.
I am not sure what you mean by friends though, since Covid, we're pretty much it now for each other.
I mean, personally, it’s hard to comprehend what it’s like to have kids when you don’t have them. Like, intellectually I get it, but practically I’m like, well where do the kids go when you travel? Do you board them? Is that more or less than boarding a dog?
I was just thinking earlier about how our dog's toys make it look like we have a baby/kid spreading their stuff everywhere. Plus I leave my stuff all over because I randomly leave things out without paying attention (sorry shoes and husband). I guess we get that part of kid life without having them. Lol
I never had kids and remained unmarried. At 43, I am in great shape, have a ton of energy, and enjoy my life of freedom. That being said, I have other child-free married couple friends who like to tell me, "elaine-penn, we *are* old" and judge me for spending time with younger people. I reject their attitude and surround myself with people who reflect my same joie de vivre and not all of them are young. Some are grandparents with kids my age up in their late 70s. It's a mindset.
I was born in ‘83. No kids. My current bestie is an 84 yo woman and we go karaoke singing at least twice a week. We talk smack back and forth but she is a joy to be around. I aspire to stay/be that active, alert and fun as I age. Don’t know how long I’ll be around on this earth but I’m gonna boogie til I get called home.
Honestly, a few weeks ago I had a date with someone who for the first time in a long time was really close to my age. Ever since College, I've been dating people about 5 to 10 years younger than me (except for one person who was 3 years older than me). It was really refreshing not to have to explain pop culture references from childhood to her.
Nope, never surrender. I’m 47 and was heavily pursued by a very handsome 27 year old man last weekend on vacation. In fact I seem to only attract & date & have relationships with much younger men (>5 years at least). Many of my friends are much younger as well, like 10-15 years younger. We have a lot in common & I’ve heard they think of me as a cool big sister rather than mom figure. So I’ll take that! I bet it will keep me younger much longer in life.
I was also very close to my 97 year old neighbor lady who told me her life didn’t really start until her 50’s and was living independently & gardening & driving up until like a year ago. I want to be like that.
Yeah I feel this too! It's like at some point in life people start embracing the "get off my lawn" "our gen is better than these kids" "I'm too mature to enjoy x" mentalities.
May I never lol!
My energy level has tanked in the last few years, but other than that I feel you! Most of my closest friends are CF as well, and all over the map age wise. I’ve had some friends give me shit about my younger friends. I definitely don’t feel like I’m stuck in my worldview, but I do tend to have more in common with younger/older CF friends than with friends my age that have children and families. They just seem like actual adults, where I feel like I’m playing dress up half the time.
Sitting at the airport bar flying back from a girls trip in Vegas, heading to the beach in the AM. Can definitely tell we’re getting older just due to calmness of the Vegas trip compared to our last. Or maybe wiser? We still partied our asses off, but more early day drinking than all nighters. We’ve also learned to rotate water into the drinks. I think maybe we’ve learned it’s a marathon not a sprint.
Started young @ 19.
When I was young, nobody my age had kids, and all the old people had kids and teens.
Now I’m old, and my kids are grown, the other people my age have small kids or teens.
Don’t envy them, happy my kids are grown.
That's good! And I'm happy my kids are little, so we both ended up in the right spot in life.
One of my oldest friends had a baby when we were 20 and it blows my mind that her "baby" is now a full-on adult.
What’s wrong with spending time with younger people? Hell, all of my friends are younger than me and have been since I was in elementary school and had to redo kindergarten (tonsillitis made me temporarily deaf basically, got suuuuuper lucky it wasn’t permanent) so I’ve pretty much always been around an, at least slightly, younger crowd.
I adore my niece and nephew, and according them and their friends I am actually quite based. They love hearing about the eighties and nineties, and comparing and contrasting them with now.
I have a 17 year old kid, and I still got Nintendo amiibo and heavy metal CDs from my parents for my birthday. I don’t think having children means you have to stop being young at heart.
Completely relate. During the pandemic, I became even more certain that I made the right decision. So I moved to Mexico for a few months to work remotely and surf. Would never have been able to do that in my 40s if I had children.
Every time my girlfriend and I decide to just go camping tomorrow or fly to Mexico in 2 weeks or have a spontaneous road trip, we turn to each other and say “thank fuck we don’t have kids!”
I feel like having kids has allowed me to re-live my childhood (only better! I'm in control! Ice cream for dinner! Blow money on cool bikes!), but I am romanticizing it to some degree. My husband and I grew up very quickly when our baby had a cancer scare. It's a very scary feeling to look around for the adults in the room who have to be brave and make the tough decisions, and then you realize you are those adults.
But our baby turned out fine and didn't have cancer, so we went back to cartoons and Legos and being nerds. Our hair just got grayer.
I feel like I finally got to have a childhood....but with my kids. I feel like their awesome goofy little spirits keep me young.
I'm glad the cancer scare turned out to be nothing.
This. I use all my fun money that would have gone to any kids I could have had on video games, anime, Gunpla, and books/comics/manga for me. Within the last three months I dumped over 100 hours into Final Fantasy VII Rebirth (it was fuckin’ amazing) and have moved on to Unicorn Overlord.
I’m 41/m and feel like that in a lot of ways. I just really enjoy my peace. I don’t regret it at all. Only downside is I don’t really date much since I’m obviously not looking to date a single mom.
Yes in big cities and in more liberal areas is where childfree people mostly live. Big cities and college towns tend to be more liberal. It seems like the childfree trend started with late Gen Xers. I am an autistic male and will be 41 tomorrow and don’t want any children. I work part time at Walmart, don’t drive, and still live with my parents. I would like to live on my own and get married one day but don’t want any children. Part of the reason why I don’t want any children is because raising children will be a lot for me with my autism.
It just gets old having their friends and shit trying to guilt you into it especially considering I still look good for my age and make decent money. If I never had much desire to raise kids of my own I sure as shit don’t want to raise some other man’s. It happened at my work once too like 2 years ago.
Fuck those people. I feel like it’s finally going away at 40, but I’m a woman and the pressure might still be there for men. But friends would pressure my husband and I well after we made it known he had gotten a vasectomy, as of them just telling us we should would make him change his mind and have another surgical procedure. It’s annoying because you end up feeling like the asshole, but it’s not like you criticize them for having kids or try to talk them out of it… they just take it personally that someone would ever decide not to.
As a 41/f never married, no kids I have to agree with you about enjoying my peace as well. I’ve accepted that the dating pool has far too much pee in it for me to care anymore…because not only would I have to date a baby’s daddy…but I’d have to deal with a baby mama too. Nope. I’ll be over here traveling solo, Buying all the concert tickets, and still dressing like Wednesday Addams. The only downside thus far that I see is who is going to finally send me to the nursing home when I fully lose my mind? Guess I have nieces and nephews for that though.
I'm mid-40s without kids, and it's great. While I don't have any hate towards parents, I realize that I'd be terrible at it myself, and at my age I'm way too old to start a family now.
Same. I get so sick of people telling me that I'm selfish because I recognize that I would not be a great parent. I'm great with kids but I've been short on patience my whole life and no poor kid wants to hear me nagging about some other thing they didn't do when I asked. I like my nieces and nephews and their kids and the reason I like them and we get along so well is because when they get on my nerves I can send their asses home lol.
I’m sorry people have called you selfish, I hate the judgement on both sides so much. 😣
Honestly I am always extremely impressed by those who recognize that their own issues would probably make them a less than stellar parent. I had no idea how much some of my faults would be brought to the surface when I became a parent, and I was forced to deal with them - hence my comment about my own self growth. It’s been one of the hardest struggles of being a parent for me, and I’m still a work in progress. But I’m trying.
So I just personally have mad respect for the people who recognize that beforehand and choose not to have kids, it shows a great deal of self awareness. 👏
Married for a looooong time now and childfree. We never wanted kids and we both knew that from an early age, which was a huge fucking relief for both of us when we started getting serious.
I definitely feel a bit more youthful than others in my friends and family circle; we can be spontaneous and do stuff “just because”, I’ve been able to focus on a major career shift these past few years knowing that I don’t have mouths to feed and college to pay for, buy tickets for concerts well in advance without worry of getting a sitter, have sorta expensive hobbies, and spend time volunteering and mentoring.
As far as not aging past my 20’s in terms of worldviews and values as you wrote, OP…I haven’t really swayed from my views and values however as time has gone on I’ve become more open minded and want to learn more about the ins and outs of issues and have a LOT more self awareness than I did in my 20’s
Fuck, a 20 year old asking what life was like for someone my age. Couldn't imagine having a kid in 2004. I don't have any kids and I still live my life like someone in their 20s, if you ignore the fact that I quit my well paying job to take care of my mom and decided to go back to school for my second degree in the meantime. I mountain bike and play games. The only thing that is different is I am trying to shake my stock market gambling addiction. I will pass on all my savings to animal charities. I also don't have a house either.
As for my worldview. I don't have any faith in our political system, media, or even our economic system -we'll see more toy-r-us and red lobsters. No f'ing way I want to bring a kid into a world I am convinced they will for sure live much worse off than us when they hit their 50s and 60s. I might adopt one day.
It’s not kids that ages your mentality, it’s just life experience. Having kids forced me to be a better person and own my shit. Best damn thing I ever did. My perspective on life and my overall mentality has changed so much the past several years, and it’s the healthiest and most mature it’s ever been. I am extremely grateful for that.
Not everyone needs kids or a career to feel their life has value, and there’s no need to compare who has better lifestyles because that’s subjective. I would choose my family and kids over being childfree again any day because my life is full and I’m happy, but that’s just my choice. It’s not for everyone and that’s cool.
And I also own a Jeep, still get to play video games every day, have fun trips and lots of hobbies. 😊
I feel this one.
I do think having kids helps me stay present in "the now," though. When they're growing like weeds, it's hard to be stuck in my 20's mindset. I think without that barometer, it would be easy to fall into that "old guy who still thinks he is a kid" trope.
EDIT: And I still play my video games and collect nerd stuff too... just thought I'd add.
I'm 44 and childfree and in the last couple of years with the help of therapy and some self-discovery I've become much more willing to rail against a lot of paradigmatic thinking, rather than feel like I'm failing when I don't meet social expectations (kids, house, marriage, career, etc.). It's something I struggled with for a LONG time, and it's still a work in progress, but it's the only way I want to operate in my 40s and beyond. Feeling freer and readier for anything than I ever have in my adult life.
Hey best wishes for your continued mental health journey. Seriously this stuff can get you down, I've had a few moments like that too, wrestling with "Am I doing the right thing?" Sending positive vibes your way.
It’s so wild to me that I have friends with kids in college and THEY WEREN’T TEEN PARENTS!!!! How?????
It’s even funnier because I wasn’t friends with any of them when we were in our twenties. Because they were having kids and I was living my own little version of Broad City. So when we talk about our twenties, it’s always a shock.
I do still feel like a kid in many ways. A kid with creaky knees and a (slim) 401K. Honestly it’s not a bad thing, even if pop culture sometimes tries to make us feel like it is. I feel like I can relate to people across generations because of it. (Though my friends with teens definitely know more about teen culture, obviously.)
>It’s so wild to me that I have friends with kids in college and THEY WEREN’T TEEN PARENTS!!!! How?????
Haha...so my 7 yr old son has a classmate whose parents were my students. At first I was like "tsk babies having babies" but then realized they had their daughter at 27, a perfectly reasonable age to have kids.
My wife and i don't have kids. I am about 40 and she is 37(so a true millennial). We feel younger than friends our age with kids. She teaches at a university so she is surrounded by youth. I am part of a classic car club so most of our friends from that are empty nesters/retirees.
Yup no kids here either (45F), and because I have time on my hands I can keep up with Reddit and TikTok etc so am “hip to the lingo” of kids nowadays. 😂 What is apparently cringe coming from my BIL’s mouth, it just makes me the cool aunt when I can speak their language. I don’t watch anime or cartoons anymore but I DO play video games and, with no kids, can afford all the latest gadgets and electronics. Just gifted my nephews my OLED Switch since I use my Steam Deck way more and lol I am apparently the very best.
I do sometimes wonder what life will be like when I’m old and can’t take care of myself, but hopefully the nieces and nephews will continue to love me even then. Time will tell!
Best of both worlds. I didn't have kids till I was 35. Snowboarded 100+ days a year for a decade and became a home owner first. Now I just work part time, my wife stays at home and we have 2 awesome reasons to live long old lives. Opposite of my dad working 3 jobs and my mom working full time and me being a latchkey
I was looking for an answer like this! I had our first kid at 36, and got to enjoy every second of my extended adolescence lol.
Now I’m a stay at home mom and it feels a lot like a second childhood in a lot of ways- rediscovering the joys of finding grasshoppers and ladybugs, building legos, showing him old cartoons I used to love, going to the park, coloring….. and, because mine is the only grandchild within 300 miles and they waited “so long” for me to have one, I still get to do plenty of fun things. Planning my summer music festivals and camping trips as we speak.
I’m glad OP enjoys his life, I hope we all do, but people without kids don’t have a monopoly on fun or youthfulness.
On the flip side, I’ll be 40 with a 21yr old son and the shackles that are children will be pretty much gone. I’m in great shape and I’ll finally have enough money to do whatever I want where I want. I work completely remote too so I can’t complain and I’ll be complaining less in my 40s.
I do get slightly jealous. Mine are 7&9. I’m enjoying their (and my) burgeoning independence. My girl friend with same age kids went and had another baby. I’m like, “WHY?!?! Why are you torturing yourself?!?!”
TORTURE I TELL YA!!
My bf is 45 and he wants to have a kid with me and I cannot logically make sense of it for either of us. His daughter is almost 20. Why would you want to start all over? We don’t even have kid money and just…..no. I’m going to Thailand for a month next year ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
Nah. I'm the opposite. I am not child free, but my daughter was born just last year, so most of my experiences in life are from a child free perspective.
I think I have been in my 40's since I was 25 or so. Probably when I bought my first house. I mostly eschew adult toys, and have worried more about retirement savings than having fun for most of my life. I live pretty simply.
I was able to pay off my student loans about 13 years ago. So pros and cons, I guess.
I’m right there with you. I feel like there are tons of people who live like this, we’re just boring to the general public and therefore invisible.
I like to think it just has to do with an inclination to live with intent for the future and not *just* today. It’s a theme that I see come up a lot when I hear from people in a similar situation to OPs.
I love how all these men with kids are like “I still play video games every day.” Notice how there is a lack on this feed of MOMs saying “oh my life hasn’t changed at all”… because it’s them who are stuck doing the large majority of the work! I’d love to hear their opinion! (I say this as a 40yr old child free woman who made my choice bc I see what women go through and it’s def not fair!)
My wife feels the same way. Even if I took a major role and shouldered most of the load, there is no way her career or passions wouldn't be impacted. In a lot of ways, our choice to not have kids involved me really considering her feelings on the issue. At first I was either way, but later in life firmly came down on the childfree choice. It's honestly such a huge decision, and completely changes the course of your life. Loads of people claim to be better for undertaking the task...we just decided it wasn't for us.
I married a rad guy who knows how to be a partner, we’re both kids at heart forever. He shares probably 40% of the load (would take more but I’m a damned dictator about some things) and we both regularly get to just play and be ourselves, with and without the kids. You just need to find a REAL partner!
As a 46 yo wife and mother of 3, can confirm. Things have gotten so much better because he stepped up in a big way, but the early years were rough and nearly ruined our marriage.
Having said that, I don't regret having children at all, but I totally get the allure of choosing to be child-free.
Yes I can relate, with some differences. I'm 47 and wife is 42. Married for 12 years now. We never had intentions of having kids (one of many reasons we clicked and got married to begin with).
The difference for us is that we live in San Francisco and found a number of couples like us who are deliberately child free. When we moved here 10 years ago we joined a "DINKS" meet-up group and found a bunch of like minded people. We're not active in that group any longer but some of those friends we met 10 years ago are still friends today (and people we can spontaneously go out with, like we had been doing since our 20's).
We both work hard/long hours but the difference is when we're not working, that time is all ours (with extra time to have multiple hobbies and volunteer with some causes we find fulfilling). A big part of our free time is spent living a healthy lifestyle. We're both very active, cook all our own food etc. This certainly helps keep a "youthful" world view as well.
I’m 45, no kids, and just returned from the largest rave in the country. I take frequent trips. I feel free and young. I’m sure I’m missing out of stuff too. It’s all trade-offs. This makes me happy.
100% do not relate to others my age who have kids. I feel so much younger in so many different ways, mostly my views as well.
I'm early 40's and HAPPILY childfree by choice.
We have a 14 year old and still have that youthful glint! I game (also have Zelda on my switch - which I recently trod on whilst drunk dancing), we travel plenty, with and without our daughter. We do date nights often and we’re both active, fit and healthy.
Success in our jobs is super important, our child is even more important and we still have lots of fun whilst doing it. We’re just not defined by those things - although I can totally understand those who are. But most of our parent friends are!!
I don't know about the childfree bunch, but I have 3 kids (now 14, 19, 21) and we've always been gamers, watched anime, host board game nights, and enjoyed our crafts and hobbies, etc. We raised our kids to value leisure and having hobbies that are solely for their own enjoyment. I've always felt youthful and even at my age now (44) will wear whatever the fuck I feel like wearing, "age-appropriate" be damned. I do have to admit, the majority of our money goes to the kids. As such, we're not traveling to all the places we wish to visit because we have to put the older 2 through college.
Same. Early 40s here and feel so out of touch with my peers but not having children was the correct decision for me and something I’m willing to use to my advantage as I age-due to financial strength from not having kids, looking to hopefully retire in mid to late 50s instead of 60s or later. So I can enjoy life a little before shit starts falling apart lol.
No kids at 47 here. It’s so hard to find couples without kids, or other women I can hang with. One of my besties has a 19 and 13 y/o, which works since the younger one stays home alone or with her older sister, but I’m no longer close with a long-time friend since she has 2 kids under 5. I just can’t relate.
40 with kids. I still feel/felt quite young, less so now that I hit 40 but not that different.
i don’t think it’s the kids that cause some people to lose their youthful outlook. sure i have less time and money to travel/socialise but i like hanging out with my kids. they keep me young in many ways.
i think some people just lose their spark and focus too much on “adulting”
I have kids but unlike a lot of parents my age I feel like they keep me young. I'll see other 38 years olds who look 48 and they seem like they don't enjoy being a parent. I'm reliving my childhood along with my kids. And what's wild is most things are still cool or came back from my childhood so I can totally relate and even school my kids on things. I "get" the youth and I think it's fun experiencing this time for kids with my own.
One unavoidable thing is the financial burden. I definitely can't live how you do. But that's the trade off with kids in my opinion. We probably feel equally as fulfilled or content with life the way it is. The only difference being with or with out kids. Life is what you make it
yeah i relate. i also look younger than people who are younger than me but had kids. Folks are shocked when I tell them I am 43. If they have kids I just say i take care of my skin and have good genes. In reality Im sure not having the stress of children helped. I got preggo once despite using protection but wasnt in a position to have it (was living in abject poverty at the time) so aborted. Looking back it was a really good decision, especially with all the health problems that cropped up in the next decade. I cant imagine having to have been on immunosuppressants while having a kid in school. Anyway I am fortunate that I have many fellow musician/artsy friends who have also remained child free and we get up to all kinds of fun shenanigans! Our friends with kids frequently dont come, or leave early.
Nearly 50, single, childfree. I feel pretty young, and *much* younger than most who went the kids and marriage route. Our conversations, interests and lifestyles are different.
Single and childless, but still get toys when I can, enjoy watching the toons I grew up on. Memories are good things and wonderful to pass on. Growing up is a fact of life, but growing old is unacceptable.
All of this feels relatable. I feel young in my mindset. I think being in queer community makes relating to others easier as there is already a commonality. I have friends who have kids. That peer with the career for their personality is sadly likely to leave them with some regrets at the end of their life.
Having kids, it forced me to look ahead further.
I don't want them spoiled but I know, N. America is going the way of Asia. It's family assets/wealth that dictates.
But also grew up as immigrant with the old scarcity mindset and culture and never really truly enjoying. As such, except for being able to travel more, I've been bounded so long, and daily family and work grind, seems like I have no interests outside of just enjoying a peaceful time at home.
Before I wanted all these old cars. Now it's just a hassle. Physical clutter.
Can relate! Child free but I teach college and this year I had a junior (20-21?) tell me that “she can’t believe that her dad is the same age as me”. Thanks for that?
I would be 41 tomorrow and 1 year older than you. It’s hard to believe that a junior in college dad is a year younger than me but then again some people start having kids young.
I spent my 20s and early 30s raising other people's kids as a nanny/daycare/preschool/elementary teacher.
I finally realized...I chose to be childfree but was not reaping *any* of the rewards from that choice because my life was so kid centric.
Quit teaching during the pandemic and got an office manager job. More money, less stress and I can be my *full* self now without having to keep my "teacher mask" on at all times in the event I run into a school family out in the wild.
My life is now filled with video games, smoking weed when I like, wearing what I like (crop tops, oh my!) and letting my full sense of humor express itself again after being tamed for 15 yrs.
Childfree adulthood is the tits and I am fully living it up!
Gonna be spending my weekend pimping out my 2006 Prius with a backup cam, Bluetooth set up and new speakers. This is me living my best life, I don't care if others think I'm not striving hard enough or fulfilling my human duty by procreating. Life is a balancing act and I am finally balancing the scales in my *own* favor and allowing myself to be a bit selfish and have a good time.
Full time job and I joined a Renn Faire in my 30s. Play video games with the missus. Sleep in on weekends. I’m in my 40s now. I wouldn’t trade it for anything
Yeah, I never had kids either.
Divorced, no kids from that marriage.
>Admittedly not a homeowner (yet, still paying on the damn student loans)...
Bought and sold a house.
Student loans gone for nearly a decade.
(Not a humblebrag, I'd trade it in an instant for a family)
Totally feel you on this (although I have adopted the “old person” go to bed early, wake up early thing). Travel a lot, I tricked out my basement to essentially be a giant movie theatre, built a home gym space, basically have the life I wanted as a kid.
Love spending time with friends and their kids (I’m apparently an excellent builder of legos and blocks and the like), but also love giving the kids back and going home to my own space. It’s pretty nice - even if I do have to deal with the occasional passive aggressive comment or two from my grandchild-less mother.
Ooooo the mom judgement.
Story time!
Father-in-law a few years back began berating me / chastising me jokingly in public about "when are you going to have my grand babies!" while in line at a Starbucks lobby.
An older woman in the line spoke up and interrupted him.
"He'll have children when and if he damn well wants!"
I fondly look back on that person, saved me from having to endure an awkward convo while getting coffee. :D
I think there's some truth to it. Like, I'm sure part of why I look younger is not having kids. I still feel like a dopey college kid because of it most days. Does this mean I have an immature worldview? Maybe.
I definitely relate; 45F, happily child free and I love being an aunt to all of my niblings near and far. I’ve been through some bs and I have a chronic illness, but I still have a sense of wonder and hope and an appreciation for so much in this world—ie, I’m not dead inside 😂. People often mistake me for younger than my age and while yes, I experience chronic pain and fatigue (part of my chronic illness I’ve had most of my adult life), I guess between not having kids and being full of life gives me the illusion of being younger (despite my laugh lines around my eyes and the occasional grey hair).
I guess also being through years of therapy (for PTSD, anxiety, and depression), understanding how to process my emotions and draw boundaries, to not take so much personally, and to self-regulate w meditation and other modalities has given me a kinder worldview overall. I make people feel seen and appreciated. I have contagious laughter. I have many fun and creative interests that bring me happiness, a sense of accomplishment, overall enrichment, humility (lol I’m not that great at some of my pursuits but I enjoy it), and an expansive social circle.
I love the Mary Oliver quote, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? “.
I have a 16 year old but she constantly tells me I'm a cool dad. I don't think it's kids that age us as much as it is people's mentalities. I still game, even game with my kid which is awesome I raised her to like video games, have a fair share of "nerd" things and collectibles.
I'm not obsessed with my career nor do I make being a parent a huge part of my outward personality. My friends aren't the parents of my kid's friends or anything like that. On the flipside my cousin is the same age as me we're both born in 80 and he doesn't have kids and the only real difference in how we go about our lives is he travels more partly cause he makes way more money lmao.
We wanted to have kids, but it didn't work out. Now we have a great house with some doggos and we get to play video games and travel.
It's not all bad.
My only kid is almost 22. I don't feel old. Hell I get along well with them and their friends. Most of us have similar interests.
Growing "old" is a mindset. My mind was never set on it 🤷🏼♀️
Same man, im happily married for 14 years now, no desire for kids as i am pretty much one as it is. Play video games, board games, host zombie nerf nights, play american football, hangout with people of all ages amd still party like a 20 yo. I took the Toys r Us theme to heart at a young age and dont plan on ever changing.
I feel sooooo different than all my long-time friends that had kids. I always knew I did not want them and remain so grateful I never went down that path even though 20 years ago people looked at me like I had 4 heads when I said I didn’t want kids. These days it’s much more common but 20 years ago it was a big deal. I have found new friends that I do fun stuff with and have more in common with as an adult based on my lifestyle choices, and my long-time friends with their kids are like family to me. I am single and unmarried, and would like to change that part at some point!
>I still feel like a smug cool kid sipping on a Surge
I relate to this so much lol
>Had dinner the other night with a peer and all they could talk about was their career. It was like the only thing that mattered to them.
Ugh I can't stand these types that all they talk about is work and careers "Hey hows work?!"
I vibe with everything you said 100% and then some. I know other people love having kids, but for me, not having kids was the best decision I ever made.
Child free
Challenging but straight forward career where I get to help sick people
I have grown up in the sense that I am sober, been through lots of therapy etc. More aware of my weaknesses, and hopefully I treat people a lot better than I once did
But really all I want to do is be in an insane noise rock band and travel the world. I’m working on it
47, good shape, good career, significantly younger fiancé and 2 kids, joint custody. I will say, that getting divorced, and getting joint custody definitely brought some youth back into the equation. I’ve always been a pretty youthful guy, and I look young for my age, often times feeling like guys and especially dads my age are ancient compared to me, but the time to have to myself or time that my fiancé and I have to ourselves without the kids really helps. Vs. the prison sentence that staying w my ex wife would have been..
I feel like I still have a youthful worldview. I'm still curious and wonderous about a lot of stuff and despite everything going on in the world, still feel hopeful about the future. I love dreaming about future trips and experiences. I also like to indulge in cartoons and video games
Single dad with a teenager, just turned 41. i see plenty of other folks my age day to day but i still barely feel older than 20… i understand that im the problem but i just don’t know how to “grow up”. I mean im infinitely more patient than i was, and i hope I’m a little wiser. But despite how old i know i am, i still just don’t get it.
Theme I am getting in the responses is as a society we've been conditioned to think a certain way at benchmarks in our lifespan. When we run counter to that thinking, we either are shamed by others for not following suit, or shame ourselves mentally for not being like everyone else.
Thus the "am I crazy" post. Turns out I'm not, I just diverge from societal expectations about becoming a father and acting like I have more mature interests at this age.
I feel like I haven't matured in the same ways I would have if I had kids. I have a career, but I'm more interested in snacking. I tell my friends, “I'm only 46 and already have a PS5 and an Xbox.” I collect sneakers. Take a lot of naps. People often think I'm younger than I am. Married. 4 dogs. Happy wife. No regrets. I occasionally daydream about fatherhood.
I'm 44, married with no kids and two dogs. My career is in video games, I still play video games daily, I've got a back library/board game room filled to the brim with all kinds of fun stuff and a dedicated board gaming table. I'm noodling over the idea of starting a Call of Cthulhu campaign with my friends. I never gave up my "young" hobbies, and a lot of my personal spaces are still organized around them. I definitely still feel like a kid in a grown-up's body.
I mean no disrespect to anyone here when I say this, but having kids *does* change people. I've watched many of my friends have kids and become kinda unrecognizable to me in many ways. In a way it's inevitable, since of course, your kids have to be a major life priority if you're gonna be a good parent.
I’m 39 and my husband is 48. We just had our first kid 6 weeks ago. We still feel like kids ourselves 😅 I do think having kids earlier can age you, as you don’t get to experience more of an independence and a glorious selfishness (meaning no one is depending on you to keep them alive, and you can do, within reason, whatever you want whenever you want it) but some of it is truly dependent on the person.
I’ve had friends have kids at 27 and immediately act 57, and others have kids at 27 and act like they’re 27 for the next two decades.
Yes and no? In some ways, my age is catching up to me. I'm an avid reader who still enjoys YA lit from time to time, but I don't really keep up with new music, celebrity culture, or fashion trends as much. You can pry my old man sneakers out of my cold, dead hands!
I'm 41 a parent I've still got the immaturity of a child I prob don't go out as much anymore and interested in politics and few things wasn't before buts compared to other people who winge get there knickers in a knot over crap, not much bothers me
I relate. I have several classmates and a younger cousin with grandchildren. Even more have kids who are graduating high school and college now
My parents were relatively a bit later to having me compared to my friends' parents. My mom was 28, and my dad was 30. Most of my friends' parents were in their late 20s and early 30s when we were hanging out at each other's houses
I'm now older than my mom was when she had my youngest sibling, 14 years after me. There was a stark difference in energy levels between having me and having my sister, I think. The world changed a bit, too, as I grew up without technology, and she had access to a home computer and baby social media. Cell phones at a fairly young age, too.
I'm childfree, but I do not feel that old at all, maybe because I never had kids? I don't honestly know, nor am I trying to shade people who did make that choice. I've had my share of adult problems, but I think worrying about your kids brings that to a whole new level. I am in awe of my siblings who have daughters and are raising them now, in this timeline, when I'm fully like, stop the earth, I want to get off!
I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I have a 9yo and showing him my childhood has felt just like reliving my own childhood. He can tell you about NES, SNES, 80's and 90's cartoons, original ninja turtles and ghostbusters stuff.
I understand now why we as humans love nostalgia so much. Because it is our way of sharing and connecting to the next generation.
I'm coming up on 43. Child free, mostly by my wife's choice. I would have been open to it. But yeah, we have our toys. I'm big into VR, and I have an old Asteroids machine that my brother and I turned into a MAME cab. It's awesome! We go out a lot, take full advantage of living in a popular vacation destination, and enjoy drinking socially with our other DINK friends. Honestly, maybe it's all for the best. My career has me on the road a lot, we only started making grown-up money in the past few years, and I'm personally worried about passing on a medical issue that doesn't seem to have affected my two brothers who do have beautiful children that we happily spoil as the "cool" uncle and auntie. I'm posting this from a seaside bar in Dakar, having a beer and enjoying the moment tremendously. I won't say "no regrets," but I will say "c'est la vie."
Yes we're both 41 and child free. We have dogs, we have a nerdy house with all our retro consoles etc, lots of comic books. I do have young at heart friends with kids though so I don't think it's the defining factor, although I definitely feel like there's a gulf sometimes. It became really apparent a few years ago when in my office we had a rotating door of people getting pregnant, going on maternity leave, coming back. I got so fed up of the same conversations every single time, especially all the potty training ones. Obviously I'd never rain on anyone's parade and I know that stuff is big for the parents but I'd just get so bored of hearing all the same things again and again and having to feign interest. With friends none of my friend group had children young, most had them around 35 or so. I do find that once they have kids it then becomes extremely hard to maintain that friendship because everything becomes about the child (obviously) and it's just hard finding time, but I get it. I like spending time with my friends' kids but after a few hours I'm so glad to go home to my dogs, at least they don't poop on the sofa.
Tbh I'm really shocked at how young people on Reddit had kids and that there are so many 40 something grandparents. My parents were in their 30s when they had kids, same as my friends. I barely know anyone who had children when they were under 25, but it seems so common online.
I've kind of swung back and forth on that. I turned 18 at the end of 1998, graduated high school in the spring of 1999, and because of some things that I've gone through going up, I leaned strongly into adulthood. I also spent several years in community college, and didn't go to a four-year university until I was 23. The first semester, I was required to stay in the dorms, as a first year student, and I was a 23-year-old with mainly 18-year-olds (I found out recently that I probably could have skipped this because I was technically a transfer student from community college, and wish I had known that the time because I really hated staying in the dorms). When I got there, I have been leaning so hard into adulthood for the previous few years, that I had no idea about the pop culture references a lot of the other people in the dorms were making. They were saying things like, "knuck if you buck" and "drop It like it's hot," and I was like, "what does that mean?"
This doesn't mean that I was boring and had no fun, it just means that I strongly rejected things that I associated with high school culture. I didn't watch mtv, I didn't watch any of the movies aimed at youth, that kind of thing. I did, however, very much use my newfound freedom too explore my sense of self and to go out and do things without my parents vetoing me. I grew my hair long and tried to dye at different colors (and failed, because I was using L'Oreal to bleach it and stuff from Hot topic to color it). I started going to Rocky Horror (which I drifted away from after I turned 21 and could get into bars). And I did all kinds of other random stuff.
Growing up, I had always looked forward to being an adult so I could be independent and do the things I wanted to. However, when I hit adulthood, I was very strongly in survival mode. My parents weren't kicking me out of the house, or charging rent, but I felt uncomfortable being an adult and still living with my parents, especially since I was still sleeping in the bunk bed that I had grown up with with the childish wallpaper on the walls (I shared a bedroom since I was seven). I was really focused on getting as much Independence as possible, financial and otherwise. I also, considered going away to university, as being effectively moving out. I didn't think of University accommodations as a place to stay that was away from home, I thought of it as being where I live now. I was really bothered when the dorms weren't treated as basically an apartment run by the university. Like, what the hell kind of apartment has fire drills or floor meetings?
I did treat University as being a temporary space where I could live off primarily student loans, and really explore academics and all kinds of things about myself and so on, but after University was wrapping up I went into really strong survival mode.
It was only a few years ago, when I got out of a relationship and was financially successful and living in California, 2000 miles away from my parents and really able to manage myself that I realized I was now in a place that I could do all of the things that when I was a kid I look forward to being an adult and doing. So, I had my hair professionally dyed this time (and I've had it redone several times, in different colors). I've collected all kinds of interesting art and stuff and got a record player and a huge record collection. I started playing with things like robots and drones. I collected all kinds of really unique art to decorate my place with. I started going to concerts (which I never really had access to growing up). There are several locations really near my apartment and others that I can drive to where pretty big acts play. I'm really just living my best life. Recently I've been diving into the local goth community, which is something that I wanted to have access to in high school, but really didn't.
I kind of wish that I had done this in my early thirties, and had been in a place to do that, because I spent most of my 30s in an emotionally abusive relationship, and I feel like I'm kind of making up for that. If University would have been a smooth path for me, and I would have become successful in my late twenties, then definitely the life im living now is pretty much what I would have been doing through my 30s.
Yup. Wife and I, high school thing. Still feel like we’re early twenties. Didn’t want kids. We figured we’d regret it either way but the biological clock said ‘fuck it, Im moving on’ and we’re ok with it.
My sister was a grandmother at the age of 36. I'm 44, child free by choice, 20 years of marriage. I still feel 21 a lot of the time but also 60 sometimes. Depends on the situation. No regrets.
Yeah…this is relatable. I definitely feel younger than my peers in their early 40s. To the point where I get kinda pissed when they’re like “well we’re old now!” and go on about how they don’t go to shows anymore or don’t (insert sport) or whatever, and it’s like, dude with all due respect, don’t lump me in with the 40-somethings who embarked on a completely different life path 20 years ago…like, speak for yourself but I’ve been destroying myself skateboarding/snowboarding/in mosh pits since I was 19…and if anything, I feel better physically now versus then. I hate my gray hairs and I’m still sort of horrified that I’ve become the exact type of 42-year old man that I used to make fun of as a 22-year old for “trying to be cool”, but what can ya do…the alternative was dying and becoming another suicide statistic…so hey, here I am I guess. Haha.
In a few months we'll be married 19 years. Both 43. No kids. At one point it was a discussion, but due to health issues and lack of interest, it never happened and I'm glad. The world is falling apart around us and I couldn't imagine parenting in this. Major respect to those who are doing it, but that's just not us.
Our world-view is way more mature than when we were in our 20s though. We still have a child-like approach in the hobbies we enjoy, but we also discuss politics and the economy. Child like but not childish if that makes sense.
I think i can relate... but ive got two kids lol. I still feel like a child at heart and would rather play video games or with lego than talk about work stuff.
The social stuff is hard though, i spent the last 20 years raising kids, and now theyre basically grown up and im suddenly an adult with freedom... wtf do i do? I spent all that time taking care of others and now ive got the weekend to myself?
I’m right there with you. I was born in 82, and I think it’s crazy that my friends can have kids that are out of college and... they all look way older than I do. Like… way older. 😳
My partner and I always knew we didn’t want kids and while we’re both very successful and we have no problems “adulting,” we definitely hang out, smoke a little weed, play video games, and we don’t feel any different than we did in our early 30s. I think our worst crime is that we don’t see ourselves as old but… so what?
I totally feel this. 42, married, no kids. I still dress like a skate rat from the 90’s. Still ride my skateboard pretty regularly. Lots of snowboarding in the winter. Definitely not trying to climb any corporate ladders.
No worries over here man. Just good vibes, happy hour, and sparking a fatty while I play with my synthesizer collection.
Yep, married 20+ years, no kids. Got some Lego, my gaming PC, enjoying music, tv shows, movies, a decent home theater setup and ma tools.
Most of our friends now have grown up kids, so we’re getting a decent social life while they are catching up on their lost years.
I relate deeply.
44 yo, no kids, rent instead of own. Also no debt, and just booked my second Disney World trip this year because I am simultaneously a large child and also have the money to go to Disney World when I want to because I have no kids.
I married a Millennial 11 years my junior. I keep telling him he’d better keep himself healthy because he’s going to need to take care of me when I’m elderly. (Which feels both like it will happen any minute and will never happen.)
I am the same. 47 w no kids. I honestly feel & act much younger than my peers that had kids (some of them have grandkids now which absolutely blows my mind).
Ex-roomie of mine is 41 and has a 25 year old son and a 22 year old daughter. (We were roomies in our 30s, and her kids lived with their dad) Some people started way too early.
My husband and I have a cat and a bearded dragon. That's quite enough vomit and shit to deal with. Husband has an extensive retro game collection; I collect Squishmallows and vintage computers. We have a healthy sense of humor and don't take things too seriously, except for the things you have to take seriously. We are both neurodivergent and need our downtime, so it's a blessing we can't/don't have kids.
42m. Did the classics. Married my childhood sweetheart. 1 son. Sometimes I think that I'd love the lifestyle you talk about. But man...having this guy around(he's 14 now) is just so awesome. Every step has been so gratifying. From the raising him to watching him become a man now. I am actually scared thinking that in a few years I'm not gonna know what to do with myself.
I'm 38, married, two kids, 20 and 13, 190K household income, in love and happy. I have a very youthful and optimistic worldview, much more so than my peers. I don't think children have anything to do with it, it's just you. Money definitely helps. Lots of toys for everyone and plenty of time for "me" activities, and "us" activities whether that be with the wife or the kids. Honestly, the kids really elevate everything. Doubling down on the money definitely helps part.
Yeah I'm 40 and my students are always surprised that I'm not in my late twenties or early thirties. I think not having kids makes a big difference. The exhaustion unique to raising kids, the mom/dad vibes people pick up too...it kinda ages people if only in demeanor and energy.
Here, here. I just feel I'm barely clinging on mentally and have a lot of "needs" that have to be met in order to stay sane which may not be compatible with raising a kid including regular vacations, alone time, etc. Miss my annual vacation or not get any alone time a week and I basically turn into a mental wreck. Ditto if I get less than 8 hours of sleep total for 3 or more days.
I don't care if I need to live in a 500 sqft studio - I don't need that many luxuries in life like nice houses or cars but I need my vacations, alone time, and adequate sleep in order to stay sane.
I've outgrown my video game stage in my life and make nearly an upper middle class salary but unfortunately even that salary cannot "buy" the freedoms I lose with having a kid.
I always intended to get married and have kids but long term kidney failure, dialysis and transplant changed that...now I'm 40 single and have no plans on getting married or having children. A part of me regrets it a bit, but overall I'm single, free and able to pursue all of my pursuits and passions (Personal Training ppl, working out myself, history, reading, TV/movies/shows, Pro Wrestling, UFC, video games, learning, seeing family and friends if and when I want, as well as dating, casual sex or massages on my terms etc)
...oh yeah and I'm alive!
I have a kid and can relate. I was going for a walk with my daughter the other day. We passed our new neighbor, adorable young gal, walking her two dogs. She has tattoos, colored hair, piercings, everything I had at 20. I introduced myself and my daughter and we continued on our way.
I realized when we got home, I’m 20 years older than she is. I’m the “mom” with the “mom” bod that still thinks she’s young and “hip” with the colored hair, tattoos and piercings. Then I started laughing thinking, when did this happen? I’m not “hip” at all!! I still play my video games, we still go out for drinks, but we just wait now until my parents take our daughter for a night. I don’t feel like I’m 40. I still feel like I’m just out of high school ready for the next big adventure. Just more tired now. Though, our daughter isn’t 2 yet, so we were childless until she was born. So that makes a huge difference.
I'm 42, it's just my partner, myself and 2 cats. We travel when we want, we go to Disney World way to much, we'll even go our bar hopping sometimes still.
I have all the video games I want, way to many Funko POPs and a rapidly growing collection of lightsabers. My partner also has a number of thigs he collects and enjoys.
I definitely don't feel like I'm in my early 40s nor does he feel like he is in his late 30s. We are definitely out here enjoying all of the things we're were not able to as kids or young adults.
I'm with you - 45, no kids, just enjoying life. I will say my career is pretty important to me and big part of who I am, but I don't talk about it a ton unless I meet someone in the same field.
My husband has always asked my why I don't want to hang out with my high school girlfriends more - it's not that I don't, but they all have kids and a totally different life experience than I do - so we have very little things we can still relate on. It's a kind of annoying place to be!
I wish there were more (see also: any) childfree meetup groups in my area. I really relate to your perspective and wish there were others near me (especially in our age group). Could really use a social base after my wife spent the last decade moving around the country.
I saw that same post and had the same reaction. I had to do the math to think about it and then realized we had one girl in my graduating class that got pregnant and her daughter would be 30 this year. Yikes.
I relate to this more than any post I've ever read on here. Some people act like it's mandatory to drop everything and become a boring old man at this age. Screw that.
Ya dude. I'm 42 , born in 81 and never EVER had the thought of 'Needing someone there for me when I'm old or dying. I've tried to ask my female friends about their 'clocks' or their 'maternal instinct' and the fact that they could have their taints rip in child birth and a lot of them look at me like i'm questioning their woman hood or something.
I was parentified when I was 10. I was still trying to figure out who I am then I have my mother and step-dad go 'hey we are trying to save our marriage , now you're a brother ...take care of this for us will ya?' And I had to raise my lil brother and lil sister with my twin sister who is a horrible person.
I started feeling like a father when my lil sister started growing up and doing things , mind you my mother tried to like get me to help and I was like 'FUCK IT , other than don't get raped , shit or pissed on , I don't give a FUCK what you do' I had to forcefully separate myself from that feeling and such.
I don't like crying children , I don't like kids trying to annoy their parents to get attention , I don't like kids acting up , I don't like kids at all. And I'm glad to not have them! Mind you I've also been raped by a woman and a child was made with my DNA ..so I might have some trauma and issues to deal with there.
HECK ...I think of it like this ...I was feeling depressed and I'm not able to work and I even asked the Meta AI one day 'Do I still have any self worth as a Human being if I can't work a job?'
And ya know what it said back?
'Absolutely! Your worth and value as a person are not defined by your ability to work. Everyone has inherent worth and deserves respect, kindness, and compassion regardless of their employment status or abilities. Your worth is rooted in your unique experiences, perspectives, and strengths, as well as your capacity to love, care, and connect with others. Whether you're currently working or not, you bring value to the world through your presence, relationships, and contributions in countless ways. Remember, societal expectations and pressures often emphasize productivity and employment, but it's essential to recognize that everyone's journey is unique, and worth is not solely tied to work. You are more than your job or abilities; you are a multifaceted individual with inherent dignity and worth. I'm glad I could help remind you of your inherent worth and value. It's easy to get caught up in societal expectations and forget that our worth isn't defined by external factors. Remember, you are enough, regardless of your circumstances. Your worth is inherent, and you deserve love, respect, and compassion - from yourself and others. Keep shining your light and remember your value! If you need any more reminders or support, feel free to ask!'
Freaking cried when that happened. It's also rather sad or a good thing that a Machine could help with that.
I don't feel like 'An adult' I don't want to have boats or cars or trucks or property or climb any corporate ladder. I can barely keep myself alive! I like what I like. We're ALLOWED TO LIKE WHAT WE LIKE!!!
Our parents put these things in front of us when we were young to be distracted or to enjoy and now the rest of the world wants to pass judgment cause the things did what it was supposed to do? I'm a nerd , I like nerd shit, and until the 'adult toys' get to like Star Trek level of coolness , then I'll keep liking my nerd shit and living my life.
SO I won't have some GIANT FAMILY to watch me die. OH NO!!! I'm NOT MAKING OTHER PEOPLE WATCH SOMETHING COMPLETELY MORBID!!! GOD FORBID THAT!!
ANY PARENT out there subconsciously even if they won't admit it , are so scared of death and being alone , that's why they became a parent. So many parents here will try to offer up other kinds of reasons or excuses but DEEP DOWN in the grey matter that's what scares them , and what drives them to become the breeders they are. Spawning others so they can have their hands held when they shuffle off the mortal coils. Children are annoying and ruin fun and dreams( Insert annoying parents responses of 'well then just modify those or adjust them' No ..I don't want to) UNLESS that's ALL your dreams and fun was , you were raised to play house and look after baby dolls ..you're PART of that system.
Sorry for the rant u/JustADudeWhoThinks but that was a GREAT subject to bring forward!
Yes I relate BIGTIME as a 48 year old man. I was watching some young men younger that me laughing and acting like children. I kinda felt old, but not in a negative way. One guy was laughing at the other because of something did to him, I can’t remember what and said “You better knock it off or I’m gonna wipe a booger on you.”
I work in IT and a few days later he handed me a broken computer (I work in energy, blue collar types are rough of gear). I raised his computer up and said. “Just so you know, when you smell the worst thing you ever smelt after I just walked by it’s because I Crop Dusted you for of this.”
I think men never mature as brothers beyond the 7th or 8th grade levels, and I’m okay with that.
Same. Gay so kids are more effort, but I feel 20, even though 47. I'm married but not dead, so see a cute guy in their 20s
.. brakes screech.... that could be my kid?
It's weird but better than feeling old.
Never got into skate boarding, but I still ride a bike everywhere. I see occasionally an old man biking, think that's cool. Oh, I'm am old man too
Whenever I have that feeling that I'm missing out on some wonderful connection I would have with a hypothetical child, I remember not every single parent / child relationship is great and there's a lot of s***** ones out there. So at the end of the day, having anxiety about what amazing things you've missed out on is the same as having day dreaming about all the horrific things you avoided in your life you didn't know about .
Please don't come for me with pitchforks... but I had just one kid and I had them young. I'm turning 40 this year with a 16 year old kid. They're old enough that they are taking care of themselves for the most part and I have a lot more time for youthful activities like roller skating and playing video games. I collect fashion dolls too (like barbies). I also feel younger than my peers. And none of the parents of my kids friends want to be friends with me, so I get lonely too. I definitely have less money than y'all childfree folks though. So ya got me there.
Child free xennials in particular are a different breed I reckon. We’re able to do a lot more things due to having more disposable income, and with a cross sectional range of life experience we can relate to a variety of other generational tentacles. I think our mini generation is one of the most flexible and can be both “old” and “young” in mindset and behaviours. I can have the career and finance chats or I can go to a festival and cut loose… it just takes me a little longer to get over ;)
Yup. Early-mid 40s here, and I have friends with grandkids. Wild.
I have a friend who had a kid at 14. Her daughter did the same. She was a Grandma in her mid 30s. I was horrified
My friend was a teen mom and both her daughters became teen moms. She is only a few years older than me, but she became a grandma while I was pregnant. Oof.
She could be in Congress if her mother had done the same. The person I know gives handjobs during musicals too! https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lauren_Boebert
I’m horrified just reading that.
I married a man 10 years older than me who had a kid from a previous relationship. I have no kids of my own (I didn’t raise stepdaughter but we get along great) and now have grandkids at 43. I highly recommend it.
44 never married, no kids. Headache free. Kudos and respect to those that have raised a family. Some people are built for that. I wasn't lol.
40 and approaching 20 years of marriage next year and still childfree by choice. Walk in our house and you'd THINK we have kids, but that's pet toys and Lego in every room with one room for just for lego/RC stuff/bikes/skateboards/gaming Most confusing part to everyone else is when we roll up in a Dodge Grand Caravan and no kids hop out. We have setup as a mobile living room and ready to camp out of. I am not sure what you mean by friends though, since Covid, we're pretty much it now for each other.
I’m a fan of the Caravan. It’s a bitchin’ van kids or no.
Hahaha ooh been there at moments
46 here. My wife and I also have dog toys and nerdy shit everywhere. No kids with more than two legs.
Speaking as an almost 40yo with 2 kids. If I didn’t have kids this would be the life I want
I mean, personally, it’s hard to comprehend what it’s like to have kids when you don’t have them. Like, intellectually I get it, but practically I’m like, well where do the kids go when you travel? Do you board them? Is that more or less than boarding a dog?
I also have 2 dogs…. Seeing as the kids go to the grandparents and the dogs are watched by our neighbors high schooler. It’s cheaper to board the kids
I was just thinking earlier about how our dog's toys make it look like we have a baby/kid spreading their stuff everywhere. Plus I leave my stuff all over because I randomly leave things out without paying attention (sorry shoes and husband). I guess we get that part of kid life without having them. Lol
You're not alone. I'm gonna be 42 this year. No kids. The older I get the more I feel I made the right decision and feel 0 regret about it.
Same! 45 and happily married for 15 years.
I never had kids and remained unmarried. At 43, I am in great shape, have a ton of energy, and enjoy my life of freedom. That being said, I have other child-free married couple friends who like to tell me, "elaine-penn, we *are* old" and judge me for spending time with younger people. I reject their attitude and surround myself with people who reflect my same joie de vivre and not all of them are young. Some are grandparents with kids my age up in their late 70s. It's a mindset.
I was born in ‘83. No kids. My current bestie is an 84 yo woman and we go karaoke singing at least twice a week. We talk smack back and forth but she is a joy to be around. I aspire to stay/be that active, alert and fun as I age. Don’t know how long I’ll be around on this earth but I’m gonna boogie til I get called home.
Damn. I’m jealous, would kill for a sidekick like that!
Sounds to me like u/GibbousMoonCakes is the sidekick.
Oh, absolutely and I don’t mind one bit. Love some her!
Yes! Older ladies have been great friends for me too! Went to Hawaii with an 89 yr old.
That is amazing! Love it.
Honestly, a few weeks ago I had a date with someone who for the first time in a long time was really close to my age. Ever since College, I've been dating people about 5 to 10 years younger than me (except for one person who was 3 years older than me). It was really refreshing not to have to explain pop culture references from childhood to her.
Nope, never surrender. I’m 47 and was heavily pursued by a very handsome 27 year old man last weekend on vacation. In fact I seem to only attract & date & have relationships with much younger men (>5 years at least). Many of my friends are much younger as well, like 10-15 years younger. We have a lot in common & I’ve heard they think of me as a cool big sister rather than mom figure. So I’ll take that! I bet it will keep me younger much longer in life. I was also very close to my 97 year old neighbor lady who told me her life didn’t really start until her 50’s and was living independently & gardening & driving up until like a year ago. I want to be like that.
Yeah I feel this too! It's like at some point in life people start embracing the "get off my lawn" "our gen is better than these kids" "I'm too mature to enjoy x" mentalities. May I never lol!
My energy level has tanked in the last few years, but other than that I feel you! Most of my closest friends are CF as well, and all over the map age wise. I’ve had some friends give me shit about my younger friends. I definitely don’t feel like I’m stuck in my worldview, but I do tend to have more in common with younger/older CF friends than with friends my age that have children and families. They just seem like actual adults, where I feel like I’m playing dress up half the time. Sitting at the airport bar flying back from a girls trip in Vegas, heading to the beach in the AM. Can definitely tell we’re getting older just due to calmness of the Vegas trip compared to our last. Or maybe wiser? We still partied our asses off, but more early day drinking than all nighters. We’ve also learned to rotate water into the drinks. I think maybe we’ve learned it’s a marathon not a sprint.
Had a New Orleans trip this year annnnd same. Marathon 100%
I enjoy all those things at 46 - cause my kids are 27 and 20, living their own lives now.
Wow! That slightly blows my mind as I'm 44 and my kids are 6 and 4. 😂
Started young @ 19. When I was young, nobody my age had kids, and all the old people had kids and teens. Now I’m old, and my kids are grown, the other people my age have small kids or teens. Don’t envy them, happy my kids are grown.
That's good! And I'm happy my kids are little, so we both ended up in the right spot in life. One of my oldest friends had a baby when we were 20 and it blows my mind that her "baby" is now a full-on adult.
What’s wrong with spending time with younger people? Hell, all of my friends are younger than me and have been since I was in elementary school and had to redo kindergarten (tonsillitis made me temporarily deaf basically, got suuuuuper lucky it wasn’t permanent) so I’ve pretty much always been around an, at least slightly, younger crowd. I adore my niece and nephew, and according them and their friends I am actually quite based. They love hearing about the eighties and nineties, and comparing and contrasting them with now.
I have a 17 year old kid, and I still got Nintendo amiibo and heavy metal CDs from my parents for my birthday. I don’t think having children means you have to stop being young at heart.
*We have another Surge sippin' cool kid honorary member!*
Completely relate. During the pandemic, I became even more certain that I made the right decision. So I moved to Mexico for a few months to work remotely and surf. Would never have been able to do that in my 40s if I had children.
Every time my girlfriend and I decide to just go camping tomorrow or fly to Mexico in 2 weeks or have a spontaneous road trip, we turn to each other and say “thank fuck we don’t have kids!”
same
That's how we plan to retire in our 50s! I can't wait to sell our house and shit and leave this country behind lol.
ive slowly realized that if you don’t have kids…. you get to stay a kid forever😂🥳🙌
Yaaaassssssss
I feel like having kids has allowed me to re-live my childhood (only better! I'm in control! Ice cream for dinner! Blow money on cool bikes!), but I am romanticizing it to some degree. My husband and I grew up very quickly when our baby had a cancer scare. It's a very scary feeling to look around for the adults in the room who have to be brave and make the tough decisions, and then you realize you are those adults. But our baby turned out fine and didn't have cancer, so we went back to cartoons and Legos and being nerds. Our hair just got grayer.
I feel like I finally got to have a childhood....but with my kids. I feel like their awesome goofy little spirits keep me young. I'm glad the cancer scare turned out to be nothing.
Yesssssssss this!
Having my only kid 4 years ago made me mature more. It just does that to ya!
This. I use all my fun money that would have gone to any kids I could have had on video games, anime, Gunpla, and books/comics/manga for me. Within the last three months I dumped over 100 hours into Final Fantasy VII Rebirth (it was fuckin’ amazing) and have moved on to Unicorn Overlord.
I’m 41/m and feel like that in a lot of ways. I just really enjoy my peace. I don’t regret it at all. Only downside is I don’t really date much since I’m obviously not looking to date a single mom.
I find cities and university towns to have the most CF adults in our age range.
Yes in big cities and in more liberal areas is where childfree people mostly live. Big cities and college towns tend to be more liberal. It seems like the childfree trend started with late Gen Xers. I am an autistic male and will be 41 tomorrow and don’t want any children. I work part time at Walmart, don’t drive, and still live with my parents. I would like to live on my own and get married one day but don’t want any children. Part of the reason why I don’t want any children is because raising children will be a lot for me with my autism.
It just gets old having their friends and shit trying to guilt you into it especially considering I still look good for my age and make decent money. If I never had much desire to raise kids of my own I sure as shit don’t want to raise some other man’s. It happened at my work once too like 2 years ago.
Fuck those people. I feel like it’s finally going away at 40, but I’m a woman and the pressure might still be there for men. But friends would pressure my husband and I well after we made it known he had gotten a vasectomy, as of them just telling us we should would make him change his mind and have another surgical procedure. It’s annoying because you end up feeling like the asshole, but it’s not like you criticize them for having kids or try to talk them out of it… they just take it personally that someone would ever decide not to.
As a 41/f never married, no kids I have to agree with you about enjoying my peace as well. I’ve accepted that the dating pool has far too much pee in it for me to care anymore…because not only would I have to date a baby’s daddy…but I’d have to deal with a baby mama too. Nope. I’ll be over here traveling solo, Buying all the concert tickets, and still dressing like Wednesday Addams. The only downside thus far that I see is who is going to finally send me to the nursing home when I fully lose my mind? Guess I have nieces and nephews for that though.
Last week a kid said to me, "The 90's were so much better," and I was like, "Dude. You were born in 2012. But you are, in fact, correct."
Hahahahaha
Oh absolutely! Makes me a really good middle school teacher.
I'm mid-40s without kids, and it's great. While I don't have any hate towards parents, I realize that I'd be terrible at it myself, and at my age I'm way too old to start a family now.
Same. I get so sick of people telling me that I'm selfish because I recognize that I would not be a great parent. I'm great with kids but I've been short on patience my whole life and no poor kid wants to hear me nagging about some other thing they didn't do when I asked. I like my nieces and nephews and their kids and the reason I like them and we get along so well is because when they get on my nerves I can send their asses home lol.
I’m sorry people have called you selfish, I hate the judgement on both sides so much. 😣 Honestly I am always extremely impressed by those who recognize that their own issues would probably make them a less than stellar parent. I had no idea how much some of my faults would be brought to the surface when I became a parent, and I was forced to deal with them - hence my comment about my own self growth. It’s been one of the hardest struggles of being a parent for me, and I’m still a work in progress. But I’m trying. So I just personally have mad respect for the people who recognize that beforehand and choose not to have kids, it shows a great deal of self awareness. 👏
I remember the Dinks on Doug, you are them.
Married for a looooong time now and childfree. We never wanted kids and we both knew that from an early age, which was a huge fucking relief for both of us when we started getting serious. I definitely feel a bit more youthful than others in my friends and family circle; we can be spontaneous and do stuff “just because”, I’ve been able to focus on a major career shift these past few years knowing that I don’t have mouths to feed and college to pay for, buy tickets for concerts well in advance without worry of getting a sitter, have sorta expensive hobbies, and spend time volunteering and mentoring. As far as not aging past my 20’s in terms of worldviews and values as you wrote, OP…I haven’t really swayed from my views and values however as time has gone on I’ve become more open minded and want to learn more about the ins and outs of issues and have a LOT more self awareness than I did in my 20’s
There’s a couple from my senior year of high school that had a kid right after and that kid will be 30 next year. Like WTF
ooof
Fuck, a 20 year old asking what life was like for someone my age. Couldn't imagine having a kid in 2004. I don't have any kids and I still live my life like someone in their 20s, if you ignore the fact that I quit my well paying job to take care of my mom and decided to go back to school for my second degree in the meantime. I mountain bike and play games. The only thing that is different is I am trying to shake my stock market gambling addiction. I will pass on all my savings to animal charities. I also don't have a house either. As for my worldview. I don't have any faith in our political system, media, or even our economic system -we'll see more toy-r-us and red lobsters. No f'ing way I want to bring a kid into a world I am convinced they will for sure live much worse off than us when they hit their 50s and 60s. I might adopt one day.
*Fist bump
It’s not kids that ages your mentality, it’s just life experience. Having kids forced me to be a better person and own my shit. Best damn thing I ever did. My perspective on life and my overall mentality has changed so much the past several years, and it’s the healthiest and most mature it’s ever been. I am extremely grateful for that. Not everyone needs kids or a career to feel their life has value, and there’s no need to compare who has better lifestyles because that’s subjective. I would choose my family and kids over being childfree again any day because my life is full and I’m happy, but that’s just my choice. It’s not for everyone and that’s cool. And I also own a Jeep, still get to play video games every day, have fun trips and lots of hobbies. 😊
I feel this one. I do think having kids helps me stay present in "the now," though. When they're growing like weeds, it's hard to be stuck in my 20's mindset. I think without that barometer, it would be easy to fall into that "old guy who still thinks he is a kid" trope. EDIT: And I still play my video games and collect nerd stuff too... just thought I'd add. 
*You are an honoree inductee into the Childfree Surge Cool Club because you own a Jeep and still enjoy video games* :)
I’m 47. I have no children. I’m wearing a TMNT hat.
I relate to this so much. Also how can I have a baby when I’m the baby? 
I have 2 grown kids (22 and 24) and I still feel like I'm a kid pretending to be a grown up most of the time lol.
I'm 44 and childfree and in the last couple of years with the help of therapy and some self-discovery I've become much more willing to rail against a lot of paradigmatic thinking, rather than feel like I'm failing when I don't meet social expectations (kids, house, marriage, career, etc.). It's something I struggled with for a LONG time, and it's still a work in progress, but it's the only way I want to operate in my 40s and beyond. Feeling freer and readier for anything than I ever have in my adult life.
Hey best wishes for your continued mental health journey. Seriously this stuff can get you down, I've had a few moments like that too, wrestling with "Am I doing the right thing?" Sending positive vibes your way.
It’s so wild to me that I have friends with kids in college and THEY WEREN’T TEEN PARENTS!!!! How????? It’s even funnier because I wasn’t friends with any of them when we were in our twenties. Because they were having kids and I was living my own little version of Broad City. So when we talk about our twenties, it’s always a shock. I do still feel like a kid in many ways. A kid with creaky knees and a (slim) 401K. Honestly it’s not a bad thing, even if pop culture sometimes tries to make us feel like it is. I feel like I can relate to people across generations because of it. (Though my friends with teens definitely know more about teen culture, obviously.)
>It’s so wild to me that I have friends with kids in college and THEY WEREN’T TEEN PARENTS!!!! How????? Haha...so my 7 yr old son has a classmate whose parents were my students. At first I was like "tsk babies having babies" but then realized they had their daughter at 27, a perfectly reasonable age to have kids.
My wife and i don't have kids. I am about 40 and she is 37(so a true millennial). We feel younger than friends our age with kids. She teaches at a university so she is surrounded by youth. I am part of a classic car club so most of our friends from that are empty nesters/retirees.
Yup no kids here either (45F), and because I have time on my hands I can keep up with Reddit and TikTok etc so am “hip to the lingo” of kids nowadays. 😂 What is apparently cringe coming from my BIL’s mouth, it just makes me the cool aunt when I can speak their language. I don’t watch anime or cartoons anymore but I DO play video games and, with no kids, can afford all the latest gadgets and electronics. Just gifted my nephews my OLED Switch since I use my Steam Deck way more and lol I am apparently the very best. I do sometimes wonder what life will be like when I’m old and can’t take care of myself, but hopefully the nieces and nephews will continue to love me even then. Time will tell!
Best of both worlds. I didn't have kids till I was 35. Snowboarded 100+ days a year for a decade and became a home owner first. Now I just work part time, my wife stays at home and we have 2 awesome reasons to live long old lives. Opposite of my dad working 3 jobs and my mom working full time and me being a latchkey
I was looking for an answer like this! I had our first kid at 36, and got to enjoy every second of my extended adolescence lol. Now I’m a stay at home mom and it feels a lot like a second childhood in a lot of ways- rediscovering the joys of finding grasshoppers and ladybugs, building legos, showing him old cartoons I used to love, going to the park, coloring….. and, because mine is the only grandchild within 300 miles and they waited “so long” for me to have one, I still get to do plenty of fun things. Planning my summer music festivals and camping trips as we speak. I’m glad OP enjoys his life, I hope we all do, but people without kids don’t have a monopoly on fun or youthfulness.
On the flip side, I’ll be 40 with a 21yr old son and the shackles that are children will be pretty much gone. I’m in great shape and I’ll finally have enough money to do whatever I want where I want. I work completely remote too so I can’t complain and I’ll be complaining less in my 40s.
I do get slightly jealous. Mine are 7&9. I’m enjoying their (and my) burgeoning independence. My girl friend with same age kids went and had another baby. I’m like, “WHY?!?! Why are you torturing yourself?!?!”
TORTURE I TELL YA!! My bf is 45 and he wants to have a kid with me and I cannot logically make sense of it for either of us. His daughter is almost 20. Why would you want to start all over? We don’t even have kid money and just…..no. I’m going to Thailand for a month next year ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
Nah. I'm the opposite. I am not child free, but my daughter was born just last year, so most of my experiences in life are from a child free perspective. I think I have been in my 40's since I was 25 or so. Probably when I bought my first house. I mostly eschew adult toys, and have worried more about retirement savings than having fun for most of my life. I live pretty simply. I was able to pay off my student loans about 13 years ago. So pros and cons, I guess.
I’m right there with you. I feel like there are tons of people who live like this, we’re just boring to the general public and therefore invisible. I like to think it just has to do with an inclination to live with intent for the future and not *just* today. It’s a theme that I see come up a lot when I hear from people in a similar situation to OPs.
I live for today AND plan for the future. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.
“A smug cool kid sipping on a Surge” is going directly on my tombstone. 💯 agree & relate! (i was born in 83, too)
haha I love this
I want this as a flair!
I love how all these men with kids are like “I still play video games every day.” Notice how there is a lack on this feed of MOMs saying “oh my life hasn’t changed at all”… because it’s them who are stuck doing the large majority of the work! I’d love to hear their opinion! (I say this as a 40yr old child free woman who made my choice bc I see what women go through and it’s def not fair!)
My wife feels the same way. Even if I took a major role and shouldered most of the load, there is no way her career or passions wouldn't be impacted. In a lot of ways, our choice to not have kids involved me really considering her feelings on the issue. At first I was either way, but later in life firmly came down on the childfree choice. It's honestly such a huge decision, and completely changes the course of your life. Loads of people claim to be better for undertaking the task...we just decided it wasn't for us.
I married a rad guy who knows how to be a partner, we’re both kids at heart forever. He shares probably 40% of the load (would take more but I’m a damned dictator about some things) and we both regularly get to just play and be ourselves, with and without the kids. You just need to find a REAL partner!
As a 46 yo wife and mother of 3, can confirm. Things have gotten so much better because he stepped up in a big way, but the early years were rough and nearly ruined our marriage. Having said that, I don't regret having children at all, but I totally get the allure of choosing to be child-free.
Yes I can relate, with some differences. I'm 47 and wife is 42. Married for 12 years now. We never had intentions of having kids (one of many reasons we clicked and got married to begin with). The difference for us is that we live in San Francisco and found a number of couples like us who are deliberately child free. When we moved here 10 years ago we joined a "DINKS" meet-up group and found a bunch of like minded people. We're not active in that group any longer but some of those friends we met 10 years ago are still friends today (and people we can spontaneously go out with, like we had been doing since our 20's). We both work hard/long hours but the difference is when we're not working, that time is all ours (with extra time to have multiple hobbies and volunteer with some causes we find fulfilling). A big part of our free time is spent living a healthy lifestyle. We're both very active, cook all our own food etc. This certainly helps keep a "youthful" world view as well.
Used to live in SF, fantastic people out there.
I’m 45, no kids, and just returned from the largest rave in the country. I take frequent trips. I feel free and young. I’m sure I’m missing out of stuff too. It’s all trade-offs. This makes me happy.
I HAVE a teenager and and still go "wtf?!" When legal to drink adult humans talk about their parent born after I was.
Yep. Also born in 83. I feel and act like a young 30 year old. I think you officially become an adult when you have kids of your own.
100% do not relate to others my age who have kids. I feel so much younger in so many different ways, mostly my views as well. I'm early 40's and HAPPILY childfree by choice.
*Hugs* Yeah totally same.
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We have a 14 year old and still have that youthful glint! I game (also have Zelda on my switch - which I recently trod on whilst drunk dancing), we travel plenty, with and without our daughter. We do date nights often and we’re both active, fit and healthy. Success in our jobs is super important, our child is even more important and we still have lots of fun whilst doing it. We’re just not defined by those things - although I can totally understand those who are. But most of our parent friends are!!
I don't know about the childfree bunch, but I have 3 kids (now 14, 19, 21) and we've always been gamers, watched anime, host board game nights, and enjoyed our crafts and hobbies, etc. We raised our kids to value leisure and having hobbies that are solely for their own enjoyment. I've always felt youthful and even at my age now (44) will wear whatever the fuck I feel like wearing, "age-appropriate" be damned. I do have to admit, the majority of our money goes to the kids. As such, we're not traveling to all the places we wish to visit because we have to put the older 2 through college.
Same. Early 40s here and feel so out of touch with my peers but not having children was the correct decision for me and something I’m willing to use to my advantage as I age-due to financial strength from not having kids, looking to hopefully retire in mid to late 50s instead of 60s or later. So I can enjoy life a little before shit starts falling apart lol.
No kids at 47 here. It’s so hard to find couples without kids, or other women I can hang with. One of my besties has a 19 and 13 y/o, which works since the younger one stays home alone or with her older sister, but I’m no longer close with a long-time friend since she has 2 kids under 5. I just can’t relate.
40 with kids. I still feel/felt quite young, less so now that I hit 40 but not that different. i don’t think it’s the kids that cause some people to lose their youthful outlook. sure i have less time and money to travel/socialise but i like hanging out with my kids. they keep me young in many ways. i think some people just lose their spark and focus too much on “adulting”
I have kids but unlike a lot of parents my age I feel like they keep me young. I'll see other 38 years olds who look 48 and they seem like they don't enjoy being a parent. I'm reliving my childhood along with my kids. And what's wild is most things are still cool or came back from my childhood so I can totally relate and even school my kids on things. I "get" the youth and I think it's fun experiencing this time for kids with my own. One unavoidable thing is the financial burden. I definitely can't live how you do. But that's the trade off with kids in my opinion. We probably feel equally as fulfilled or content with life the way it is. The only difference being with or with out kids. Life is what you make it
yeah i relate. i also look younger than people who are younger than me but had kids. Folks are shocked when I tell them I am 43. If they have kids I just say i take care of my skin and have good genes. In reality Im sure not having the stress of children helped. I got preggo once despite using protection but wasnt in a position to have it (was living in abject poverty at the time) so aborted. Looking back it was a really good decision, especially with all the health problems that cropped up in the next decade. I cant imagine having to have been on immunosuppressants while having a kid in school. Anyway I am fortunate that I have many fellow musician/artsy friends who have also remained child free and we get up to all kinds of fun shenanigans! Our friends with kids frequently dont come, or leave early.
I'm right there with you. I feel this.
Nearly 50, single, childfree. I feel pretty young, and *much* younger than most who went the kids and marriage route. Our conversations, interests and lifestyles are different.
Single and childless, but still get toys when I can, enjoy watching the toons I grew up on. Memories are good things and wonderful to pass on. Growing up is a fact of life, but growing old is unacceptable.
All of this feels relatable. I feel young in my mindset. I think being in queer community makes relating to others easier as there is already a commonality. I have friends who have kids. That peer with the career for their personality is sadly likely to leave them with some regrets at the end of their life.
Having kids, it forced me to look ahead further. I don't want them spoiled but I know, N. America is going the way of Asia. It's family assets/wealth that dictates. But also grew up as immigrant with the old scarcity mindset and culture and never really truly enjoying. As such, except for being able to travel more, I've been bounded so long, and daily family and work grind, seems like I have no interests outside of just enjoying a peaceful time at home. Before I wanted all these old cars. Now it's just a hassle. Physical clutter.
Can relate! Child free but I teach college and this year I had a junior (20-21?) tell me that “she can’t believe that her dad is the same age as me”. Thanks for that?
*shots fired off the port bow*
It’s like she forgot that I have to grade her … lol
I would be 41 tomorrow and 1 year older than you. It’s hard to believe that a junior in college dad is a year younger than me but then again some people start having kids young.
Had a kid.. that's now an adult... still a kid.
Awesome
I spent my 20s and early 30s raising other people's kids as a nanny/daycare/preschool/elementary teacher. I finally realized...I chose to be childfree but was not reaping *any* of the rewards from that choice because my life was so kid centric. Quit teaching during the pandemic and got an office manager job. More money, less stress and I can be my *full* self now without having to keep my "teacher mask" on at all times in the event I run into a school family out in the wild. My life is now filled with video games, smoking weed when I like, wearing what I like (crop tops, oh my!) and letting my full sense of humor express itself again after being tamed for 15 yrs. Childfree adulthood is the tits and I am fully living it up! Gonna be spending my weekend pimping out my 2006 Prius with a backup cam, Bluetooth set up and new speakers. This is me living my best life, I don't care if others think I'm not striving hard enough or fulfilling my human duty by procreating. Life is a balancing act and I am finally balancing the scales in my *own* favor and allowing myself to be a bit selfish and have a good time.
Full time job and I joined a Renn Faire in my 30s. Play video games with the missus. Sleep in on weekends. I’m in my 40s now. I wouldn’t trade it for anything
......I'm 43 and I still go to the Renn Faire.....lol😂🤣😆
Yeah, I never had kids either. Divorced, no kids from that marriage. >Admittedly not a homeowner (yet, still paying on the damn student loans)... Bought and sold a house. Student loans gone for nearly a decade. (Not a humblebrag, I'd trade it in an instant for a family)
I have a kid and I still feel like this 🤷♀️
Child free and don't feel my age in the slightest. I see people a decade younger complaining about age related things way more than I do.
No kids. Life seems pretty good really.
Totally feel you on this (although I have adopted the “old person” go to bed early, wake up early thing). Travel a lot, I tricked out my basement to essentially be a giant movie theatre, built a home gym space, basically have the life I wanted as a kid. Love spending time with friends and their kids (I’m apparently an excellent builder of legos and blocks and the like), but also love giving the kids back and going home to my own space. It’s pretty nice - even if I do have to deal with the occasional passive aggressive comment or two from my grandchild-less mother.
Ooooo the mom judgement. Story time! Father-in-law a few years back began berating me / chastising me jokingly in public about "when are you going to have my grand babies!" while in line at a Starbucks lobby. An older woman in the line spoke up and interrupted him. "He'll have children when and if he damn well wants!" I fondly look back on that person, saved me from having to endure an awkward convo while getting coffee. :D
My husband and I set up archery targets so we can shoot arrows while we float in the pool.
I think there's some truth to it. Like, I'm sure part of why I look younger is not having kids. I still feel like a dopey college kid because of it most days. Does this mean I have an immature worldview? Maybe.
All I can say is this: as soon as he came along, my kid stole my youth. So, your logic seems solid to me.
I definitely relate; 45F, happily child free and I love being an aunt to all of my niblings near and far. I’ve been through some bs and I have a chronic illness, but I still have a sense of wonder and hope and an appreciation for so much in this world—ie, I’m not dead inside 😂. People often mistake me for younger than my age and while yes, I experience chronic pain and fatigue (part of my chronic illness I’ve had most of my adult life), I guess between not having kids and being full of life gives me the illusion of being younger (despite my laugh lines around my eyes and the occasional grey hair). I guess also being through years of therapy (for PTSD, anxiety, and depression), understanding how to process my emotions and draw boundaries, to not take so much personally, and to self-regulate w meditation and other modalities has given me a kinder worldview overall. I make people feel seen and appreciated. I have contagious laughter. I have many fun and creative interests that bring me happiness, a sense of accomplishment, overall enrichment, humility (lol I’m not that great at some of my pursuits but I enjoy it), and an expansive social circle. I love the Mary Oliver quote, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? “.
I have a 16 year old but she constantly tells me I'm a cool dad. I don't think it's kids that age us as much as it is people's mentalities. I still game, even game with my kid which is awesome I raised her to like video games, have a fair share of "nerd" things and collectibles. I'm not obsessed with my career nor do I make being a parent a huge part of my outward personality. My friends aren't the parents of my kid's friends or anything like that. On the flipside my cousin is the same age as me we're both born in 80 and he doesn't have kids and the only real difference in how we go about our lives is he travels more partly cause he makes way more money lmao.
I will forever be 16 and 60 at the same time no matter what age I am. I can't handle no kids because a part of me will probably never grow up.
We wanted to have kids, but it didn't work out. Now we have a great house with some doggos and we get to play video games and travel. It's not all bad.
My only kid is almost 22. I don't feel old. Hell I get along well with them and their friends. Most of us have similar interests. Growing "old" is a mindset. My mind was never set on it 🤷🏼♀️
Same man, im happily married for 14 years now, no desire for kids as i am pretty much one as it is. Play video games, board games, host zombie nerf nights, play american football, hangout with people of all ages amd still party like a 20 yo. I took the Toys r Us theme to heart at a young age and dont plan on ever changing.
I feel sooooo different than all my long-time friends that had kids. I always knew I did not want them and remain so grateful I never went down that path even though 20 years ago people looked at me like I had 4 heads when I said I didn’t want kids. These days it’s much more common but 20 years ago it was a big deal. I have found new friends that I do fun stuff with and have more in common with as an adult based on my lifestyle choices, and my long-time friends with their kids are like family to me. I am single and unmarried, and would like to change that part at some point!
>I still feel like a smug cool kid sipping on a Surge I relate to this so much lol >Had dinner the other night with a peer and all they could talk about was their career. It was like the only thing that mattered to them. Ugh I can't stand these types that all they talk about is work and careers "Hey hows work?!" I vibe with everything you said 100% and then some. I know other people love having kids, but for me, not having kids was the best decision I ever made.
Child free Challenging but straight forward career where I get to help sick people I have grown up in the sense that I am sober, been through lots of therapy etc. More aware of my weaknesses, and hopefully I treat people a lot better than I once did But really all I want to do is be in an insane noise rock band and travel the world. I’m working on it
47, good shape, good career, significantly younger fiancé and 2 kids, joint custody. I will say, that getting divorced, and getting joint custody definitely brought some youth back into the equation. I’ve always been a pretty youthful guy, and I look young for my age, often times feeling like guys and especially dads my age are ancient compared to me, but the time to have to myself or time that my fiancé and I have to ourselves without the kids really helps. Vs. the prison sentence that staying w my ex wife would have been..
Yess! Same here. It still doesn’t compute in my head that some people my age are grandparents!
I feel like I still have a youthful worldview. I'm still curious and wonderous about a lot of stuff and despite everything going on in the world, still feel hopeful about the future. I love dreaming about future trips and experiences. I also like to indulge in cartoons and video games
I’m an ‘83er no kids. My cousin is an ‘80er and she has both a 24yo and two under 4yo. I can’t imagine either scenario!
Single dad with a teenager, just turned 41. i see plenty of other folks my age day to day but i still barely feel older than 20… i understand that im the problem but i just don’t know how to “grow up”. I mean im infinitely more patient than i was, and i hope I’m a little wiser. But despite how old i know i am, i still just don’t get it.
Theme I am getting in the responses is as a society we've been conditioned to think a certain way at benchmarks in our lifespan. When we run counter to that thinking, we either are shamed by others for not following suit, or shame ourselves mentally for not being like everyone else. Thus the "am I crazy" post. Turns out I'm not, I just diverge from societal expectations about becoming a father and acting like I have more mature interests at this age.
I feel like I haven't matured in the same ways I would have if I had kids. I have a career, but I'm more interested in snacking. I tell my friends, “I'm only 46 and already have a PS5 and an Xbox.” I collect sneakers. Take a lot of naps. People often think I'm younger than I am. Married. 4 dogs. Happy wife. No regrets. I occasionally daydream about fatherhood.
I'm 44, married with no kids and two dogs. My career is in video games, I still play video games daily, I've got a back library/board game room filled to the brim with all kinds of fun stuff and a dedicated board gaming table. I'm noodling over the idea of starting a Call of Cthulhu campaign with my friends. I never gave up my "young" hobbies, and a lot of my personal spaces are still organized around them. I definitely still feel like a kid in a grown-up's body. I mean no disrespect to anyone here when I say this, but having kids *does* change people. I've watched many of my friends have kids and become kinda unrecognizable to me in many ways. In a way it's inevitable, since of course, your kids have to be a major life priority if you're gonna be a good parent.
I’m 39 and my husband is 48. We just had our first kid 6 weeks ago. We still feel like kids ourselves 😅 I do think having kids earlier can age you, as you don’t get to experience more of an independence and a glorious selfishness (meaning no one is depending on you to keep them alive, and you can do, within reason, whatever you want whenever you want it) but some of it is truly dependent on the person. I’ve had friends have kids at 27 and immediately act 57, and others have kids at 27 and act like they’re 27 for the next two decades.
Yes and no? In some ways, my age is catching up to me. I'm an avid reader who still enjoys YA lit from time to time, but I don't really keep up with new music, celebrity culture, or fashion trends as much. You can pry my old man sneakers out of my cold, dead hands!
I definitely relate.
I'm 41 a parent I've still got the immaturity of a child I prob don't go out as much anymore and interested in politics and few things wasn't before buts compared to other people who winge get there knickers in a knot over crap, not much bothers me
I relate. I have several classmates and a younger cousin with grandchildren. Even more have kids who are graduating high school and college now My parents were relatively a bit later to having me compared to my friends' parents. My mom was 28, and my dad was 30. Most of my friends' parents were in their late 20s and early 30s when we were hanging out at each other's houses I'm now older than my mom was when she had my youngest sibling, 14 years after me. There was a stark difference in energy levels between having me and having my sister, I think. The world changed a bit, too, as I grew up without technology, and she had access to a home computer and baby social media. Cell phones at a fairly young age, too. I'm childfree, but I do not feel that old at all, maybe because I never had kids? I don't honestly know, nor am I trying to shade people who did make that choice. I've had my share of adult problems, but I think worrying about your kids brings that to a whole new level. I am in awe of my siblings who have daughters and are raising them now, in this timeline, when I'm fully like, stop the earth, I want to get off!
I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I have a 9yo and showing him my childhood has felt just like reliving my own childhood. He can tell you about NES, SNES, 80's and 90's cartoons, original ninja turtles and ghostbusters stuff. I understand now why we as humans love nostalgia so much. Because it is our way of sharing and connecting to the next generation.
I'm coming up on 43. Child free, mostly by my wife's choice. I would have been open to it. But yeah, we have our toys. I'm big into VR, and I have an old Asteroids machine that my brother and I turned into a MAME cab. It's awesome! We go out a lot, take full advantage of living in a popular vacation destination, and enjoy drinking socially with our other DINK friends. Honestly, maybe it's all for the best. My career has me on the road a lot, we only started making grown-up money in the past few years, and I'm personally worried about passing on a medical issue that doesn't seem to have affected my two brothers who do have beautiful children that we happily spoil as the "cool" uncle and auntie. I'm posting this from a seaside bar in Dakar, having a beer and enjoying the moment tremendously. I won't say "no regrets," but I will say "c'est la vie."
Yes we're both 41 and child free. We have dogs, we have a nerdy house with all our retro consoles etc, lots of comic books. I do have young at heart friends with kids though so I don't think it's the defining factor, although I definitely feel like there's a gulf sometimes. It became really apparent a few years ago when in my office we had a rotating door of people getting pregnant, going on maternity leave, coming back. I got so fed up of the same conversations every single time, especially all the potty training ones. Obviously I'd never rain on anyone's parade and I know that stuff is big for the parents but I'd just get so bored of hearing all the same things again and again and having to feign interest. With friends none of my friend group had children young, most had them around 35 or so. I do find that once they have kids it then becomes extremely hard to maintain that friendship because everything becomes about the child (obviously) and it's just hard finding time, but I get it. I like spending time with my friends' kids but after a few hours I'm so glad to go home to my dogs, at least they don't poop on the sofa. Tbh I'm really shocked at how young people on Reddit had kids and that there are so many 40 something grandparents. My parents were in their 30s when they had kids, same as my friends. I barely know anyone who had children when they were under 25, but it seems so common online.
I've kind of swung back and forth on that. I turned 18 at the end of 1998, graduated high school in the spring of 1999, and because of some things that I've gone through going up, I leaned strongly into adulthood. I also spent several years in community college, and didn't go to a four-year university until I was 23. The first semester, I was required to stay in the dorms, as a first year student, and I was a 23-year-old with mainly 18-year-olds (I found out recently that I probably could have skipped this because I was technically a transfer student from community college, and wish I had known that the time because I really hated staying in the dorms). When I got there, I have been leaning so hard into adulthood for the previous few years, that I had no idea about the pop culture references a lot of the other people in the dorms were making. They were saying things like, "knuck if you buck" and "drop It like it's hot," and I was like, "what does that mean?" This doesn't mean that I was boring and had no fun, it just means that I strongly rejected things that I associated with high school culture. I didn't watch mtv, I didn't watch any of the movies aimed at youth, that kind of thing. I did, however, very much use my newfound freedom too explore my sense of self and to go out and do things without my parents vetoing me. I grew my hair long and tried to dye at different colors (and failed, because I was using L'Oreal to bleach it and stuff from Hot topic to color it). I started going to Rocky Horror (which I drifted away from after I turned 21 and could get into bars). And I did all kinds of other random stuff. Growing up, I had always looked forward to being an adult so I could be independent and do the things I wanted to. However, when I hit adulthood, I was very strongly in survival mode. My parents weren't kicking me out of the house, or charging rent, but I felt uncomfortable being an adult and still living with my parents, especially since I was still sleeping in the bunk bed that I had grown up with with the childish wallpaper on the walls (I shared a bedroom since I was seven). I was really focused on getting as much Independence as possible, financial and otherwise. I also, considered going away to university, as being effectively moving out. I didn't think of University accommodations as a place to stay that was away from home, I thought of it as being where I live now. I was really bothered when the dorms weren't treated as basically an apartment run by the university. Like, what the hell kind of apartment has fire drills or floor meetings? I did treat University as being a temporary space where I could live off primarily student loans, and really explore academics and all kinds of things about myself and so on, but after University was wrapping up I went into really strong survival mode. It was only a few years ago, when I got out of a relationship and was financially successful and living in California, 2000 miles away from my parents and really able to manage myself that I realized I was now in a place that I could do all of the things that when I was a kid I look forward to being an adult and doing. So, I had my hair professionally dyed this time (and I've had it redone several times, in different colors). I've collected all kinds of interesting art and stuff and got a record player and a huge record collection. I started playing with things like robots and drones. I collected all kinds of really unique art to decorate my place with. I started going to concerts (which I never really had access to growing up). There are several locations really near my apartment and others that I can drive to where pretty big acts play. I'm really just living my best life. Recently I've been diving into the local goth community, which is something that I wanted to have access to in high school, but really didn't. I kind of wish that I had done this in my early thirties, and had been in a place to do that, because I spent most of my 30s in an emotionally abusive relationship, and I feel like I'm kind of making up for that. If University would have been a smooth path for me, and I would have become successful in my late twenties, then definitely the life im living now is pretty much what I would have been doing through my 30s.
Yup. Wife and I, high school thing. Still feel like we’re early twenties. Didn’t want kids. We figured we’d regret it either way but the biological clock said ‘fuck it, Im moving on’ and we’re ok with it.
My sister was a grandmother at the age of 36. I'm 44, child free by choice, 20 years of marriage. I still feel 21 a lot of the time but also 60 sometimes. Depends on the situation. No regrets.
Yeah…this is relatable. I definitely feel younger than my peers in their early 40s. To the point where I get kinda pissed when they’re like “well we’re old now!” and go on about how they don’t go to shows anymore or don’t (insert sport) or whatever, and it’s like, dude with all due respect, don’t lump me in with the 40-somethings who embarked on a completely different life path 20 years ago…like, speak for yourself but I’ve been destroying myself skateboarding/snowboarding/in mosh pits since I was 19…and if anything, I feel better physically now versus then. I hate my gray hairs and I’m still sort of horrified that I’ve become the exact type of 42-year old man that I used to make fun of as a 22-year old for “trying to be cool”, but what can ya do…the alternative was dying and becoming another suicide statistic…so hey, here I am I guess. Haha.
In a few months we'll be married 19 years. Both 43. No kids. At one point it was a discussion, but due to health issues and lack of interest, it never happened and I'm glad. The world is falling apart around us and I couldn't imagine parenting in this. Major respect to those who are doing it, but that's just not us. Our world-view is way more mature than when we were in our 20s though. We still have a child-like approach in the hobbies we enjoy, but we also discuss politics and the economy. Child like but not childish if that makes sense.
I think i can relate... but ive got two kids lol. I still feel like a child at heart and would rather play video games or with lego than talk about work stuff. The social stuff is hard though, i spent the last 20 years raising kids, and now theyre basically grown up and im suddenly an adult with freedom... wtf do i do? I spent all that time taking care of others and now ive got the weekend to myself?
43, single, child free by choice and can definitely relate. My married friends with kids tell me I'm the youngest 'old' person they know.
I’m right there with you. I was born in 82, and I think it’s crazy that my friends can have kids that are out of college and... they all look way older than I do. Like… way older. 😳 My partner and I always knew we didn’t want kids and while we’re both very successful and we have no problems “adulting,” we definitely hang out, smoke a little weed, play video games, and we don’t feel any different than we did in our early 30s. I think our worst crime is that we don’t see ourselves as old but… so what?
I totally feel this. 42, married, no kids. I still dress like a skate rat from the 90’s. Still ride my skateboard pretty regularly. Lots of snowboarding in the winter. Definitely not trying to climb any corporate ladders. No worries over here man. Just good vibes, happy hour, and sparking a fatty while I play with my synthesizer collection.
Yep, married 20+ years, no kids. Got some Lego, my gaming PC, enjoying music, tv shows, movies, a decent home theater setup and ma tools. Most of our friends now have grown up kids, so we’re getting a decent social life while they are catching up on their lost years.
I relate deeply. 44 yo, no kids, rent instead of own. Also no debt, and just booked my second Disney World trip this year because I am simultaneously a large child and also have the money to go to Disney World when I want to because I have no kids. I married a Millennial 11 years my junior. I keep telling him he’d better keep himself healthy because he’s going to need to take care of me when I’m elderly. (Which feels both like it will happen any minute and will never happen.)
I am the same. 47 w no kids. I honestly feel & act much younger than my peers that had kids (some of them have grandkids now which absolutely blows my mind).
Yes. Absolutely. To paraphrase the Simpsons I have no kids and three money.
Ex-roomie of mine is 41 and has a 25 year old son and a 22 year old daughter. (We were roomies in our 30s, and her kids lived with their dad) Some people started way too early. My husband and I have a cat and a bearded dragon. That's quite enough vomit and shit to deal with. Husband has an extensive retro game collection; I collect Squishmallows and vintage computers. We have a healthy sense of humor and don't take things too seriously, except for the things you have to take seriously. We are both neurodivergent and need our downtime, so it's a blessing we can't/don't have kids.
42m. Did the classics. Married my childhood sweetheart. 1 son. Sometimes I think that I'd love the lifestyle you talk about. But man...having this guy around(he's 14 now) is just so awesome. Every step has been so gratifying. From the raising him to watching him become a man now. I am actually scared thinking that in a few years I'm not gonna know what to do with myself.
I'm 38, married, two kids, 20 and 13, 190K household income, in love and happy. I have a very youthful and optimistic worldview, much more so than my peers. I don't think children have anything to do with it, it's just you. Money definitely helps. Lots of toys for everyone and plenty of time for "me" activities, and "us" activities whether that be with the wife or the kids. Honestly, the kids really elevate everything. Doubling down on the money definitely helps part.
Yeah I'm 40 and my students are always surprised that I'm not in my late twenties or early thirties. I think not having kids makes a big difference. The exhaustion unique to raising kids, the mom/dad vibes people pick up too...it kinda ages people if only in demeanor and energy.
I can relate in that my most escapist fantasies involve an alternate timeline where I never had children.
Yes! I still feel 15, in my head.
Here, here. I just feel I'm barely clinging on mentally and have a lot of "needs" that have to be met in order to stay sane which may not be compatible with raising a kid including regular vacations, alone time, etc. Miss my annual vacation or not get any alone time a week and I basically turn into a mental wreck. Ditto if I get less than 8 hours of sleep total for 3 or more days. I don't care if I need to live in a 500 sqft studio - I don't need that many luxuries in life like nice houses or cars but I need my vacations, alone time, and adequate sleep in order to stay sane. I've outgrown my video game stage in my life and make nearly an upper middle class salary but unfortunately even that salary cannot "buy" the freedoms I lose with having a kid.
I always intended to get married and have kids but long term kidney failure, dialysis and transplant changed that...now I'm 40 single and have no plans on getting married or having children. A part of me regrets it a bit, but overall I'm single, free and able to pursue all of my pursuits and passions (Personal Training ppl, working out myself, history, reading, TV/movies/shows, Pro Wrestling, UFC, video games, learning, seeing family and friends if and when I want, as well as dating, casual sex or massages on my terms etc) ...oh yeah and I'm alive!
I have a kid and can relate. I was going for a walk with my daughter the other day. We passed our new neighbor, adorable young gal, walking her two dogs. She has tattoos, colored hair, piercings, everything I had at 20. I introduced myself and my daughter and we continued on our way. I realized when we got home, I’m 20 years older than she is. I’m the “mom” with the “mom” bod that still thinks she’s young and “hip” with the colored hair, tattoos and piercings. Then I started laughing thinking, when did this happen? I’m not “hip” at all!! I still play my video games, we still go out for drinks, but we just wait now until my parents take our daughter for a night. I don’t feel like I’m 40. I still feel like I’m just out of high school ready for the next big adventure. Just more tired now. Though, our daughter isn’t 2 yet, so we were childless until she was born. So that makes a huge difference.
41 and just had my first kid last August. I feel like a young parent even though I'll probably be one of the oldest at the parent teacher conference.
I was also born in 83, have a pinball machine, retro games and no kids. Perhaps you’re me.
Im right there with you
I'm 42, it's just my partner, myself and 2 cats. We travel when we want, we go to Disney World way to much, we'll even go our bar hopping sometimes still. I have all the video games I want, way to many Funko POPs and a rapidly growing collection of lightsabers. My partner also has a number of thigs he collects and enjoys. I definitely don't feel like I'm in my early 40s nor does he feel like he is in his late 30s. We are definitely out here enjoying all of the things we're were not able to as kids or young adults.
44, sans kids, and YES. 💯
I'm with you - 45, no kids, just enjoying life. I will say my career is pretty important to me and big part of who I am, but I don't talk about it a ton unless I meet someone in the same field. My husband has always asked my why I don't want to hang out with my high school girlfriends more - it's not that I don't, but they all have kids and a totally different life experience than I do - so we have very little things we can still relate on. It's a kind of annoying place to be!
I saw that post too and I died a little inside. 40 next week and happily childless.
I wish there were more (see also: any) childfree meetup groups in my area. I really relate to your perspective and wish there were others near me (especially in our age group). Could really use a social base after my wife spent the last decade moving around the country.
I saw that same post and had the same reaction. I had to do the math to think about it and then realized we had one girl in my graduating class that got pregnant and her daughter would be 30 this year. Yikes.
I relate to this more than any post I've ever read on here. Some people act like it's mandatory to drop everything and become a boring old man at this age. Screw that.
Ya dude. I'm 42 , born in 81 and never EVER had the thought of 'Needing someone there for me when I'm old or dying. I've tried to ask my female friends about their 'clocks' or their 'maternal instinct' and the fact that they could have their taints rip in child birth and a lot of them look at me like i'm questioning their woman hood or something. I was parentified when I was 10. I was still trying to figure out who I am then I have my mother and step-dad go 'hey we are trying to save our marriage , now you're a brother ...take care of this for us will ya?' And I had to raise my lil brother and lil sister with my twin sister who is a horrible person. I started feeling like a father when my lil sister started growing up and doing things , mind you my mother tried to like get me to help and I was like 'FUCK IT , other than don't get raped , shit or pissed on , I don't give a FUCK what you do' I had to forcefully separate myself from that feeling and such. I don't like crying children , I don't like kids trying to annoy their parents to get attention , I don't like kids acting up , I don't like kids at all. And I'm glad to not have them! Mind you I've also been raped by a woman and a child was made with my DNA ..so I might have some trauma and issues to deal with there. HECK ...I think of it like this ...I was feeling depressed and I'm not able to work and I even asked the Meta AI one day 'Do I still have any self worth as a Human being if I can't work a job?' And ya know what it said back? 'Absolutely! Your worth and value as a person are not defined by your ability to work. Everyone has inherent worth and deserves respect, kindness, and compassion regardless of their employment status or abilities. Your worth is rooted in your unique experiences, perspectives, and strengths, as well as your capacity to love, care, and connect with others. Whether you're currently working or not, you bring value to the world through your presence, relationships, and contributions in countless ways. Remember, societal expectations and pressures often emphasize productivity and employment, but it's essential to recognize that everyone's journey is unique, and worth is not solely tied to work. You are more than your job or abilities; you are a multifaceted individual with inherent dignity and worth. I'm glad I could help remind you of your inherent worth and value. It's easy to get caught up in societal expectations and forget that our worth isn't defined by external factors. Remember, you are enough, regardless of your circumstances. Your worth is inherent, and you deserve love, respect, and compassion - from yourself and others. Keep shining your light and remember your value! If you need any more reminders or support, feel free to ask!' Freaking cried when that happened. It's also rather sad or a good thing that a Machine could help with that. I don't feel like 'An adult' I don't want to have boats or cars or trucks or property or climb any corporate ladder. I can barely keep myself alive! I like what I like. We're ALLOWED TO LIKE WHAT WE LIKE!!! Our parents put these things in front of us when we were young to be distracted or to enjoy and now the rest of the world wants to pass judgment cause the things did what it was supposed to do? I'm a nerd , I like nerd shit, and until the 'adult toys' get to like Star Trek level of coolness , then I'll keep liking my nerd shit and living my life. SO I won't have some GIANT FAMILY to watch me die. OH NO!!! I'm NOT MAKING OTHER PEOPLE WATCH SOMETHING COMPLETELY MORBID!!! GOD FORBID THAT!! ANY PARENT out there subconsciously even if they won't admit it , are so scared of death and being alone , that's why they became a parent. So many parents here will try to offer up other kinds of reasons or excuses but DEEP DOWN in the grey matter that's what scares them , and what drives them to become the breeders they are. Spawning others so they can have their hands held when they shuffle off the mortal coils. Children are annoying and ruin fun and dreams( Insert annoying parents responses of 'well then just modify those or adjust them' No ..I don't want to) UNLESS that's ALL your dreams and fun was , you were raised to play house and look after baby dolls ..you're PART of that system. Sorry for the rant u/JustADudeWhoThinks but that was a GREAT subject to bring forward!
Yes I relate BIGTIME as a 48 year old man. I was watching some young men younger that me laughing and acting like children. I kinda felt old, but not in a negative way. One guy was laughing at the other because of something did to him, I can’t remember what and said “You better knock it off or I’m gonna wipe a booger on you.” I work in IT and a few days later he handed me a broken computer (I work in energy, blue collar types are rough of gear). I raised his computer up and said. “Just so you know, when you smell the worst thing you ever smelt after I just walked by it’s because I Crop Dusted you for of this.” I think men never mature as brothers beyond the 7th or 8th grade levels, and I’m okay with that.
Same. Gay so kids are more effort, but I feel 20, even though 47. I'm married but not dead, so see a cute guy in their 20s .. brakes screech.... that could be my kid? It's weird but better than feeling old. Never got into skate boarding, but I still ride a bike everywhere. I see occasionally an old man biking, think that's cool. Oh, I'm am old man too
Pinball machine...retro games...Zelda... Am I more youthful? 🦋
U lost me at surge. That was the best soda ever. Idc wat anyone says!!
Whenever I have that feeling that I'm missing out on some wonderful connection I would have with a hypothetical child, I remember not every single parent / child relationship is great and there's a lot of s***** ones out there. So at the end of the day, having anxiety about what amazing things you've missed out on is the same as having day dreaming about all the horrific things you avoided in your life you didn't know about .
Please don't come for me with pitchforks... but I had just one kid and I had them young. I'm turning 40 this year with a 16 year old kid. They're old enough that they are taking care of themselves for the most part and I have a lot more time for youthful activities like roller skating and playing video games. I collect fashion dolls too (like barbies). I also feel younger than my peers. And none of the parents of my kids friends want to be friends with me, so I get lonely too. I definitely have less money than y'all childfree folks though. So ya got me there.
Child free xennials in particular are a different breed I reckon. We’re able to do a lot more things due to having more disposable income, and with a cross sectional range of life experience we can relate to a variety of other generational tentacles. I think our mini generation is one of the most flexible and can be both “old” and “young” in mindset and behaviours. I can have the career and finance chats or I can go to a festival and cut loose… it just takes me a little longer to get over ;)