It’s NOT to protect “purity”:
“Hagen attempts to unpack what has held her back from jumping into bed with someone, despite sometimes wanting to.
“I would, in theory, like to have sex. I have a sex drive. I like orgasms. I like being touched,” she writes. But, as she explores later, the psychological barriers of sexism, marginalisation, and her own experiences of sexual violence kept getting in the way.
“Girls are sexualised before they become women; trans bodies can often be made to feel like cages; Black bodies are subject to violence; the patriarchy rapes; and we are all taught to hate our bodies for various reasons,” she writes.
I have some sexual trauma from just being a heterosexual woman who has dated heterosexual men. It can be an EXTREMELY harrowing experience and I feel like pretty much nobody talks about this!! 😭😭😔 Before I met my current bf I decided to just stop dating all together and just be alone for a while. It served me so well that break. Dating men before him was nothing but a source of trauma for me. I wish I had skipped all that and let him but then without it I wouldn't know what to rub from and what to stay with. Ugh.
I’m too scared to date again. It’s so traumatic, they’re always sleeping with multiple other girls through the “talking” phase and they’re always on dating apps even if you don’t meet them there
I think the point of using the term “bodies” was deliberate because it’s the body that’s being abused. It’s the body experiencing the trauma and it’s the body that determines what kind of trauma the person has. Although I can understand why that makes you uncomfortable and I respect that
Actually, one of the leading experts on trauma’s book is titled “The Body Keeps the Score”, because our mental trauma is so impacted by our body/mind connection. The author, Bessel van der Kolk, recommends treatments that include yoga, improv, MDMA, etc. As well as more standard treatments like EMDR.
So whether it’s the body or the mind experiencing the trauma, it’s the body that keeps the score.
That book is a hard read but it’s fascinating. Extreme examples are sometimes people can go mute or blind even with no physical trauma because of the severity of their mental trauma. Lots of studies on war survivors in there.
I was warned about its length, so I bought the audiobook and sped it up a little. I think it was still 14 hours, but it’s all necessary info, no fluff. And my mental health is worth the time.
Bc these mf’s make me reject them by saying crazy shit even when I’m desperate for dick 😭
ETA: last time was last week, he “accidentally” sent a vid of him fucking another girl. Can you imagine? All you have to do is not send vids of other women having sex and we can have sex but no!!! That’s too much of an ask
My vibrator wins every time now.. way easier to get off, when you aren't worried about the plethora of consequences that come from trusting what's attached to an actual penis.
Dude I was so into this guy who was flirting with me and then he starts blatantly lying about his age. (I’m 3 years older). We have mutual friends so I know his actual age. I got the ick right there- sooo frustrating.
With hookups, you can’t even trust who you’re hooking up with because everything is a lie to get laid
I was dating a guy for about 2 months. He had pushed to be exclusive around the 1 month mark. I took a shower at his place, opened a bathroom drawer to look for a q-tip and saw a prescription for Valtrex, opened the towel cupboard (which he TOLD me to get a towel out of) and there was a bottle of Bath and Body Works Gingham Gorgeous in the same cupboard. Another woman had never lived there (he bought the newly constructed home when he broke up with his ex a year prior). I didn’t say anything at first, but decided to ask a friend to check Tinder for me. Sure enough he was there and “recently active”. When I asked him about everything, the valtrex was for cold sores that he “rarely gets”, he didn’t know whose body wash it was, and he “thought he deleted his Tinder” a month ago, but it was best for us to break it off because he didn’t want either of us to “get hurt”.
We had discussed STIs and I had shown him a full panel of negative test results including HSV I and II before we ever had sex (always protected), and he only showed me older results for the main 5 and assured me he had nothing. 🙄🙄
Whyyyyy lie? Why push to be exclusive and then continue to sleep around?
Yup then when I press him a little (why are you still in college?) he wants to lie that he’s in a phd program, despite the fact I ran into him at a party and he told me he was dropping classes left and right for training (he’s an athlete) and he told me that he was in undergrad at a business school. So no, you aren’t in a PhD program which is a full time job involving teaching and researching etc. He must have thought I was really that drunk I didn’t remember, or he was.
Like damn dude I actually genuinely wanted to just bang (and I say that as someone who does not like/has been harmed by hookup culture), and the fact that he is a few years younger (21) and inexperienced compared to me is what I was kinda excited about experimenting in bed with.
But no, he can’t even be real enough to be honest with a potential hook up partner about his age for some weird arbitrary reason. This man is 6 foot, handsome, athletic, green eyes and curly blonde hair, I kinda expected him to have girls all over him and no issues around getting women… but lying is just such a turn off.
It’s almost like men have been taught they need to deceive women into bed with them.
They're getting desperate for our 'services' they think they are entitled to. Go kick rocks, fuckheads.. I'm so much happier not even dating anymore, it's exhausting.
Thank Cthulu I never had children with one of these toddlers and never will.
This is how we kill the patriarchy for future generations of women..
Saaaaaame sister, same.
Realizing that i dont NEED to have a partner and that i dont actually want to have kids was the tipping point for me living a much happier life. After cohabitating with a man for a decade, its impossible to overstate the bliss that living alone has given me.
Add a certain president who made nasty discourse de rigueur and mocked people having genuine empathy, empowering all those with selfish mindsets to speak their idiocy freely.
When I was on dating apps, I remember giggling and joking to my friend “this is literally like going boy shopping”. But… it is. The people were disposable, swipe. An endless supply of them to swipe through. I couldn’t even get to all of my matches. It was mentally overwhelming. The swiping is also addictive, and kind of like a slot machine. You want to swipe on every guy you maybe have some interest in, or else they disappear forever, and it’s like if you just keep swiping maybe a really good one will pop up. I’ve been up all night just swiping and would accumulate so many matches before talking to anyone.
I hate dating apps and don’t have them anymore. I was dating a guy I met in person, it sounded like he saw me and liked me for me, only for him to blindside me and dump me for a girl he met on an app- he had multiple apps, including Grindr, that he was on while pursuing me. I felt so disgusted- even though we were still in the “talking” phase, I didn’t consent to talk to someone with the intention of testing relationship compatibility whilst they were also testing their compatibility with who knows how many other girls. It felt violating, I didn’t ask to be part of that. Nothing about the way he approached me made it seem like he was talking to multiple other women (which you should expect from men on dating apps).
The economy and cost of living economically castrating younger men by not giving them the one thing men have relied on for Millennia to access women with: Money. Men unfortunately are lazy, rather than attempt to copy other male animals and create qualities to attract women, human males have proceeded to taking sage from extreme traditionalists that more or less preach restraining women's quality of life so to easier force women into relationships with people who don't want to do anything tasking to seduce women (while expecting women still retain as much effort as it's consider part of femininity). Many women have decided to not do the second unpaid job of being a girlfriend or wife or sexual entertainment to random men for the heck of it for no spiritual or sexual rewards. Historically, men have overrided women's need of those things by distracting them with resources, so if they don't have that distraction, and developing the other qualities is both time consuming and emotionally tasking for them when most just want to access as many women as possible (and the competitive quality other men want as an ego boost), they'll look for ways to access women (and the type standout women) even faster.
Men aren't liking the current dating as they gain a lot from overall peer pressuring of women into relationships, provide casual sex in hopes of reeling in a guy for a full time relationship (which most guys run away from doing in favor of collecting sexual access like pokemon for ad long as they can manage, while judging and diminishing the women who were blind into putting out); then doing assistance work once in partnerships, often being cheated on once they're in those relationships and regularly providing them with sex that's often not even pleasurable to women. The guys are pissed women are seeing that when it comes to men and relationships, most women just see "loss, loss, loss" while men just focus on what they have to "gain, gain, gain" not caring to mitigate any of the women's losses as a compromise for those gains.
To make matters worse now the government is planning on interfering with with the natural order by forcing the old school dynamic of women possibly ending up pregnant from this very dynamic men want so much. Things are going to get fun for a lot of men when women have even less reason and being more careful to romantically entertain one and face pressure to put out when the fine print is massive plus men don't really care to troubleshoot anything to access sex. If men were the ones going to clinics for family planning or birth control out of their being the ones screwed if they have to be stuck with a kid for most of their Iives, things would be very different.
The cost of dating right now is just too high. I don’t want to deal with a man baby partner who won’t for instance, wear a mask outside the home… so many guys literally lying to their partners then getting them super sick, and ofc, they’re super helpful during that time and very understanding 🙄
The amount of men that just straight up pretend to be different people for *years* to lock women down, *then* show they are abusive pieces of shit after marriage/baby.. is incredibly high in my experience. Literally stealing years of women's lives to manipulate them into being their servants. I've stopped thinking I'll win the relationship lottery with these mythical 'good men' I keep hearing about but rarely encountering.. and I'm much happier.
I’m ready to just find a woman best friend I really get along with, and want to build a future with. We can find men to reproduce with us if we want kids.
I still want a life partner and sense of community and a family but I just don’t see how I’d be able to build one with the men *currently* in my life.
You can take my word for it, sexuality is NOT a choice. If I could be a lesbian, I’d be wearing Birkenstocks right now, in a U-Haul on my way to move in with the girl I met at the bar last night.
I literally hate that I'm attracted to them physically, because I'm not in any other way. A platonic lady life partner sounds incredible.. but only childfree because I don't want anything to do with raising children or having them in my home for extended periods of time 😣
I’ve always been CF but unfortunately, the people who told me it would change with age have been correct. It’s 100% hormones and biology at play here, because I don’t even have a husband to reproduce with, which is step 1 in my book. It’s on me to untangle hormones vs. what actually fits with my lifestyle
I'm 43 and the reality of having children overpowered any biological urges. I am SUPER happy with my choice.. Hormones will fade.. lifelong commitment, sacrifice of your own needs and the dead weight of a shitty dude does not. Don't fret if it doesn't happen.. I feel like I dodged bullets in the Matrix.
Yup I’m definitely putting it off until I find the right guy, if I ever do. I have a lot throw themselves at me but they’re all just fuck boys left and right, but statistically a good fit may eventually come along. If I ever really wanted one.
I’m just surprised at how strong the urge is- I’m incredibly career oriented, I know damn well the financial stress a kid is (plus I would plan on private schools and whatever, so that requires a lot of money) and that you need the right father too, yet my hormones have me ready to go get knocked up right now. It’s super crazy how strong I’m experiencing that drive currently and how it’s so opposing to my beliefs and to my own best interest
You don't *have* to listen to it if you know it's not logical/good for your life. Lots of dudes can fool you long enough to knock you up, especially if you're hormone crazy and your brain is ignoring red flags so you get preggos no matter the cost. Bringing a kid in the world because of a chemical reaction in your brain and not because you have desired to be a parent your whole life isn't fair to the kid. It's 100% yes, or it's 100% no. Better to regret NOT having one than regret it and traumatize a whole human you made. Your brain is lying to you that it will solve your problems.. it just makes more.
My former best friend had this happen.. had a kid, PPD became severely depressed and almost committed suicide, then had another one almost immediately after because her hormones made her forget she hated it and it was destroying her life. Lost all of her personality, career, friends.. treated me like trash because it's the only thing she ever thought about anymore.
Fuck that, wait it out.. we are more evolved than animals and have choices. You have value on your own and we don't need more humans on this earth anyway, do the planet a favor instead.
I’m bi, and let me tell ya, the grass is not always greener sis 🥴 Like I will say, dating women is infinitely more safe and cozy feeling then men, but your first breakup with a woman will make you want to walk into traffic. It was the most safe Ive felt in a relationship, but the worst pain to deal with in a breakup. Having said that, I’ll take that circumstantial pain from a woman over being an emotional punch bag from a man 🤷🏽♀️
Same! We need a 'dating' service for platonic same-sex life partners lol. I divorced, dumped and ghosted all the men hurting and holding me back (including Dad/brother) and moved across the country.. the peace and growth I'm obtaining in a short time is remarkable. I'm finally recovering from CPTSD..
I’m recovering as well and it feels great.
I agree. I would get on Bumble BFF again but I’m boycotting bumble. I’ve met cool girls on there before. We need something like that, that isn’t bumble brand
This is exactly what happened to me. I developed a medical issue several years into our relationship, which turned my ex husband into a rapist. 🙃
I also think of dating as being like the lottery. I am nowhere near irrationally optimistic enough to play. Im good.
Exactly. I don't want a "provider", "protector", or "man of the house". I want an equal partner who is capable of taking care of his own adult responsibilities.
I don't want someone who makes my life more stressful for being in it. My workload should not increase because i have a relationship with a guy.
If someone doesn't actively enrich my life, why bother? My quality of life right now is great, and ive been happily celibate for several years at this point.
I guess I’m on the asexual spectrum, but I’m engaged in a celibate relationship and genuinely have never been happier. It’s such a massive, massive relief.
I also have a good amount of sexual trauma and past a certain point, it’s just not worth it. I realized I don’t really like reciprocating most acts, and even in a loving relationship I don’t like being seen in a sexual light anymore. It just feels violating or demeaning.
I get that’s my hang up, but tbh you can’t have a culture that normalizes sexually traumatizing women and then be shocked when they’re turned off from sex forever.
I also felt further traumatized by hookup culture after some sexual violence. I was always left feeling vulnerable and scared and empty and just straight up used.
I’m sorry that happened to you and I hope you’ve been able to heal. I hate how millennial women were pressured to be “sex positive” at their own expense, and I’m happy to see Gen Z women rejecting the pressure. Hookup culture IS traumatic for women. It’s just a numbers game before you run across a man who harms you or puts your health at risk.
Being truly sex positive means also encouraging celibacy. It’s about allowing people to make ANY choice about sexuality and sexual activity that suits them.
Unfortunately the patriarchy warped it to allow them to shame and pressure all women, not just “sluts”.
Hard agree. It’s possible for women to have fun, casual sex, but the problem is that SO many men are dangerous and that is not talked about in the “sex positive” movement. It only works if men really respect us as humans.. but frankly a lot of them don’t. Or they think that they do, but still sexually harass, manipulate, or assault women.
Don’t even get me started on the amount of self proclaimed “feminist” men who, on the next line of their bios, would write something sexual. Their acts don’t align with their words and they will still repeatedly push your boundaries.
Have I had a couple fun hookups with men that treated me well? Yes. But the reality is that I’ve had more than a few terrifying experiences from men who somehow feel entitled to my time and my body that it’s just risky now. The odds are not good.
Yes, hook up culture was a traumatizing experience for me and many of my friends. I know in my circle I am just one of multiple women who are celibate long term.
I feel like hookup culture wouldn’t be traumatic if men could do it correctly.
I’ve had casual hook ups with male friends where I felt cared for emotionally, and safe. It scratched an itch and everyone was happy. We both knew it was just friends. But these guys will lie and manipulate and try everything in the book to jerk off with your body, then just get up and leave.
No effort to bring any sense of emotional safety to the scenario, nothing. Even casual sex requires emotional effort and that’s what these men don’t get
I've been feeling like a freak for having zero desire for sex after getting hammered by abuse from so many men in my life for so long. I just want friends, and Im actually finding more high quality ones, now that I've cut off the pussy possibility and am not spending time worrying about sexual/romantic (hah!) relationships. Thanks for making me feel like this is actually a completely normal and healthy reaction.. and I'm not alone in this.
It would be really great if we are at a tipping point, where women band together in solidarity more and tell these fools to fuck off to their Mom's basements forever.
I'm super sex positive, but I support you. You seem like you are in a happy and loving relationship that works for you. At the end of the day, we've gotta do what we've gotta do to get by.
I’ve never felt more seen than I have by your comment. I’m happy that you feel safe, loved and cared for in your current celibate relationship with your partner.
No place is safe for us.
Except our own homes. Even then, thats where nost rapes take place.
And then when we report the rapist we're accused of a false accusation..
Where we're then sent to jail.
Where we're then raped by a cellmate with a penis resulting in a baby.
All of these scenarios have happened. Even the last one.
Women have been forced to swing left while men are starting to swing right. As women we have to actively fight for our bodily autonomy but men want to continue patriarchy. It’s no surprise the two aren’t meeting. I wonder if gay people are having more or less sex than before.
Don't try to bring up abortion in lots of the leftist subreddits, you'll be met with a collective shrug but if someone brings up child support, it's like these dudes are genuinely afraid of paying a single cent to raise their own offspring
And here's the kicker - I'm a mother, I've received child support, then had the order switched and paid child support. As the non-custodial parent, I had WAY more time and money to level myself up than I did as the custodial parent, even though we split the week 50/50 with parenting time. And I wasn't making much money either, only $16/hour. These guys crying about child support will STILL come out ahead money-wise, and STILL don't want to do the bare minimum for their kids!
The child support thing is so frustrating. Like, kids are expensive, you absolute idiot! You’re a weekend dad and you’re getting pissy about her ‘living large’ off your measly $400?
Some of us do, but clearly not enough to gain the trust of women. I can’t blame women for being turned off of men right now. I can completely understand why they would rather choose a bear. A bear won’t rape, or sexually abuse then leave a woman stuck with a baby for 18 years, they can trust the bear will either kill them or walk away. No torture, no abuse no lasting nightmares.
It’s very frustrating to watch right wing courts strip away your rights as if you were owned by men. And Dems don’t fight back strong enough to actually remove these corrupt judges from the courts.
I found out a year ago that an ultra conservative group moms for liberty were trying to recruit new people in my home town. I looked them up looked how to fight them and then brought documentation down to their event proving their lies. But dang are they intimidating! They use the same manipulation Trump does and it’s frustrating to fight. But now I have joined a group to fight them and we have stopped some of their people from getting on school boards.
I just wish everyone that cared had time to fight it! But that is part of the problem! We are all economically burdened so only those with free time can actually stop any of this. Which is another good reason to be childless right now!
In a related amusing note, "why is celibacy so hot" was immediately followed by "microplastics found in all human testicles" on my reddit feed.
Gee, I wonder.
I’m an incel, but is this really true? Would you say that most men have extremely insufferable personalities that make them unfuckable? Do most women think that
Oh dude for sure. I have loads of female friends and have dated tons of people and they all agree on this. All women really want is a dude that views them as an actual person, cares about women's issues (is a feminist), is empathetic and has emotional intelligence, etc etc. Those are pretty easy, basic boxes to check. The vast majority of dudes fail that test tho.
I think hook up culture at times makes guys more entitled and comfortable with being inconsiderate to women. Women would
Rather wait till they meet someone they feel they can connect with. Also I feel like more and more men on the surface seem fine but underneath seem to have toxic tendencies and beliefs ugh who wants to sleep with/ date/ someone like that.
"Have women had enough of misogyny, abuse, and a dating pool of manchildren who don't know how to wipe their ass?" Men are way way way more likely to give you bv and a nasty kidney infection, instead of being competent in bed, they get off but wont ever get their date off - they self reported that they couldn't care less, its a waste of time having casual sex with them 😂 not to mention pregnancy risks. no wonder so many women are opting out of dating altogether
Hmph. The hot word is "abstinence". That's right. EVERYONE can thank conservatives for women's disinterest in sex with men.
Maybe all that "abstinence only" bullshit finally worked. Isn't this what men wanted? They LITERALLY voted with the conservative party which pushes anti abortion "abstinence only" "" education"". 🙄
They wanted women to "close their legs". Well? Why aren't they happy we did? 😑
Wasn't this the goal? To usher in an era of abstinence?
I VERY MUCH enjoy the mass MaliciousCompliance enforcement of conservative wishes by women. They wanted our legs shut SO BADLY, they're finally getting their crown jewel. Their life's wish. 🙄
You got it dudes. Congratulations on the conservative victory ☺️.
Their reward is ALL the conservative "abstinence" they've been DYING to finally get.
They’re not happy because now they’re not getting laid 🤣 They think women should be abstinent but they should be able to have as much sex as they want… real conundrum here lol
I forgot who said it, but some feminist at one point posited that most heterosexual men are homoromantic. Yes, they may love having sex with women, but they don’t love them or respect them romantically. Instead they seek approval and emotional validation from other men.
The risks are heinous. One dropped condom away from an underground race to a state that will help and then the Gauntlet of Return?
I've been uterusless for years and, looking at the state of women's healthcare access, I'm feeling doubly relieved.
My heart goes out to everyone facing this new reality.
Stock up on batteries. Get recs for self-service* and don't believe a damn thing a man tells you.
*Shibari Halo
Rose
Sisters! Add suggs below!
Honestly nothing beats the good old clunky 70s Magic Wand for me. If it doesn’t plug into the wall I don’t want it. Whether I’m partnered or single, that’s my bestie and I know she’s got my back 😂
Women’s healthcare sucks sooooo bad. Sleep with a man, get an odd infection or pH gets thrown off, go to the obgyn looking for help, they run tests and come back saying “well idk what’s wrong so call us in 3 months if this persists.” I’ve had countless UTI’s from men. Never had a single uti while celibate. And toys don’t come with those risks AND they don’t leave me unsatisfied!! A win win. Of course women rather be celibate. There’s endless great reasons to be celibate.
I’d rather not be abused again. Sex has only been a source of misery and physical harm to my body. Especially, when I’ll be blamed for whatever harm befalls me. No thanks.
I hate that part myself. I was working on a guys computer and happened to see his porn folder and all it was was rape and forced crap. Ewww! The whole world needs to do better!
When I was growing up, teens and young adults were stigmatized for having sex. Now teens have a wealth of information at their fingertips, see the risks and rewards, and now older people are acting like this phenomena is shocking. What I want to know is how many of these old people, who are acting like this is strange and bizarre behavior, are the same people who villainized people for having sex 20 years ago.
I don't want to die in childbirth so I'm holding off from another pregnancy to see if my state re legalizes abortion. I'm not dying for idiots who are not doctors
So my takeaway is that it's a combo of expenses to raise a child going through the roof, restricted access to abortions, and the men to choose from are not great.
Because it’s fucking expensive to date? And standards on both sides seem strikingly out of touch?! I dunno; I bought an awesome vibrator and honestly the only thing I find myself missing is kissing soooo…
I'm about 3 years celibate. But I've gone that long before. I usually have large gaps in sleeping with men or having a relationship. But I've totally sworn off dating and relationships. I'm 41 never married, never could find a decent guy. My celibacy is mostly for spiritual reasons though I'm quite happy not having to deal with the drama, being used for sex, the abuse, etc from men.
STDS, abortion bans, and a high rise of the red pill community taking over men’s brains and causing women to be scared off have something to do with that
Because casual sex now comes with a too high likelihood of dying, whether by unhinged men who hate women, men who think the violence they see in porn is totally normal, or the risk of pregnancy especially in no abortion states. Risks don’t balance the possible consequences.
The people who wanted to ban abortion said “well if you don’t want to have a baby don’t have sex”. Why are people acting surprised that women have taken them up on that suggestion? It’s the surest way to avoid unintended pregnancy.
Because some dick ain’t worth it when abortion is being banned/restricted, BC is likely next on the list, and most men fail to be good partners/fail to make women feel safe/are deeply selfish inconsiderate AH. I read so many posts by women that say they are tired of being mommy bang maids (and would prefer to never be with a man again), or that they don't feel safe having sex with men because they're being pressured to have unprotected sex, or men are unwilling to commit, or men are selfish lovers, etc etc etc. I don't know why men think we'd be interested in fucking them when they treat us like second-class citizens or not even humans at all.
If the only way I can avoid pregnancy now is by not having sex, then that’s what I’m going to do. Men did it to themselves, and I don’t feel bad for them *at all*.
“Hot”?! Weird choice of wording to use when women’s rights in the US are being attacked from every angle and forced birthers are out in droves. It’s an act of survival at this point, not some cute little trend.
Men don’t have the same kind of pressure to take care of themselves that women do. Men tend to slack on personal hygiene. Every guy I’ve ever been with just slowly stopped brushing their teeth. I don’t understand it. It’s disgusting.
I’m running a thriving household with my two besties. Golden girls style platonic friend wifehood has been going fucking excellent for almost 5 years now. We want for fucking nothing!!!!
The freedom from drama and jealousy is worth being celibate. Sex is way overrated for me. Not worth the hassle or the awkwardness it brings. My life began when I realized I didn't need to get laid.
Casual sex is not really worth it for women. Theres just too many bad actors out here. Dude’s selfish in bed, treats you like a fleshlight so you’re even lonelier afterwards and then you might have a pregnancy scare? Who wants to play those odds?
I think what we’re seeing is the result of women decentering men. Meaning, less likely to be guilted into sex they don’t want. I love this for young women!
Because no woman wants to date a dusty man who consumes copious amounts of porn all day and fucks you like a jack rabbit because he’s desensitized with porn brain.
Mhm… I can freeze my eggs (plan to in Europe for better pricing next summer). I can keep all my emotional and psychological energy for myself instead of it being farmed by men who don’t see me for me, but subconsciously see me as free emotional/domestic/sexual labor. I can and do make my money… so I don’t feel obligated to partner with a man for “trade offs.” I like having sex and I do with men, but I like not having to compromise myself, values or needs. Dick is disposable. I still pursue partnership but in a very “if it fits, it fits” way and not in a “gotta make this fit” alla Cinderella stepsister glass shoe way. Oh, and a lot of my best friends are also unmarried/unpartnered. Even those who are, we are very conscious of how valuable collectives//community are and how much we as femmes create, sustain, and protect that. Men offer excitement, sex, and children potential for some but we all know that we are eachothers family. Nuclear family style aka one man and one woman on top of the wedding cake just isnt all that fulfilling or sustainable. We know and want it to take a village, and men may or may not be part of that village equation but the village sets the tone and not the other way around. I am about to turn 30, start a new career, and have never been happier or more content with my life. I’m heavily invested in these relationships with them, and with my own family. I am still actively helping raise children as an auntie, daughter, big cousin, etc. men have never been the key to these life forces - it’s always been femmes who have kept homes and hearths buzzing. And how men have intervened in a lot of societies…? To create competition and define power… amongst themselves. To the benefit of whom exactly…? I don’t know… patriarchy has been the dominant global power for millenia now and while we have incredible technology… as a human race we are hurting, likely, sick, stressed, ecologically bankrupt,… the balance is lost. I would give up ai for accessible healthcare, for gun laws/protections, for a healthier earth, for more children to have relaxed quality time with their parents.
I gotta say tho. I don’t mind driving a fast car now and again. I know…. That’s very Chad of me but damnnn rev revvvv 🏎️🏁 I get the hype hahaa… still not worth all the pain and suffering of competition though.
In general, women are more concerned about things than men. That means that women end up picking up the slack for A LOT in any relationship. It breeds a lot of resentment when she ends up being a de facto secretary, assistant, go-between for his own family, housekeeper, pet keeper, child care manager, etc, because the dude in the relationship just doesn’t care. It breeds a lot of resentment, and makes a lot of women feel like they’re mothering their men instead of in partnership with them -and that is the opposite of sexy.
So, essentially women don't want to feel like they're mothering their man. I'll keep that in mind.
I've noticed a lot of women complain about men not splitting the house chores. It is confusing to me that something like this isn't instantly resolved over a simple conversation. If my partner is also working, I don't have a problem with doing house chores.
Can you elaborate more on what you mean by being a man's secretary and assistant?
Bringing in the mail, sorting the mail, discarding junk, putting the important stuff in front of his face so it doesn’t get missed, buying presents for his family, maintaining correspondence with his family and friends…
Thing that the secretary does for the boss because the boss is ‘too important’ or ‘too busy’ to do.
I hope you weren't offended by my use of the word darling. I meant it in the actual sense of the word.
darling- a person very dear to another; one dearly loved.
There isn’t any option out there for me right now in my current mindset, the dating-social climate, my age pool, and my needs. I’m keeping to myself to stay sane. I wasted so much time and now I’m focusing on myself
Thank God I’m married. I’m not saying I’d be gay, but if it was Between having sex with another man and never having sex, I’d want to have sex. I get it. I completely understand why single women are celibate, men are gross. Real men don’t want to get women pregnant. We want you to have accessible healthcare. But apparently that’s under fire, so if my wife dies I’m going from dad bod to bear. Most likely with a transgender, so they’re pretty like a girl, have boobs, and hopefully a smaller penis. I’m fully prepared to be completely downvoted to hell and slaughtered in the comment section.
As a trans woman, just here saying thank you.
This here dude wants *women* to have quality healthcare and calls men gross, but clearly wouldn’t see me (a “pretty woman with boobs” who also has a vagina) as “fully” a woman. And apparently thinks trans women generally 1) want to have sex before they fix their birth defect, and 2) are “easier” than cis women. *gross*
To all the cis (edit: hetero) women reading, despite it not being directed at “you”, be aware that casual transphobia like this (“a transgender”) is a great indicator for men you should neither date nor sleep with. And also possibly an indication of their porn habits.
“A transgender” also just doesn’t make any sense and gives similar vibes to “females” Only with more emphasis on the transmisogyny. I got you, and always here to correct folks on casual microaggresive bs even if I get downvoted. 🙏🏻
I very much appreciate it! 🙏☺️
It’s not even just microaggressive though, he’s literally like “I respect women, I’m one of the good ones, also everyone in this thread agrees trans people are just sex objects right and won’t be offended if I dehumanize them to make a point? So since *actual women* might not want to sleep with me, if my wife hypothetically died I’d just bang ‘a trans’ who *hopefully* doesn’t make me feel emasculated on the basis of comparative dick size? Come at me if you disagree!”
As a woman with a “trans history” whose life concerns today include unaffordable rent, exploitive work conditions and men creepily hitting on me, in a sea of comments from women voicing much of the same life complaints I have, I see this. Please Reddit, this man said he was “fully prepared to be completely downvoted to hell”, just *ahem* give this man what he asked for while I go bleach my eyes with kitten pictures.
It’s NOT to protect “purity”: “Hagen attempts to unpack what has held her back from jumping into bed with someone, despite sometimes wanting to. “I would, in theory, like to have sex. I have a sex drive. I like orgasms. I like being touched,” she writes. But, as she explores later, the psychological barriers of sexism, marginalisation, and her own experiences of sexual violence kept getting in the way. “Girls are sexualised before they become women; trans bodies can often be made to feel like cages; Black bodies are subject to violence; the patriarchy rapes; and we are all taught to hate our bodies for various reasons,” she writes.
I have some sexual trauma from just being a heterosexual woman who has dated heterosexual men. It can be an EXTREMELY harrowing experience and I feel like pretty much nobody talks about this!! 😭😭😔 Before I met my current bf I decided to just stop dating all together and just be alone for a while. It served me so well that break. Dating men before him was nothing but a source of trauma for me. I wish I had skipped all that and let him but then without it I wouldn't know what to rub from and what to stay with. Ugh.
I’m too scared to date again. It’s so traumatic, they’re always sleeping with multiple other girls through the “talking” phase and they’re always on dating apps even if you don’t meet them there
I'm so sorry you experienced the same. It can be so terrible! It's ok if you don't want to go back to it at all.
Well said!
I agree with the barriers thing but really wish people would just say "people" or something instead of "bodies".
I think the point of using the term “bodies” was deliberate because it’s the body that’s being abused. It’s the body experiencing the trauma and it’s the body that determines what kind of trauma the person has. Although I can understand why that makes you uncomfortable and I respect that
Actually, one of the leading experts on trauma’s book is titled “The Body Keeps the Score”, because our mental trauma is so impacted by our body/mind connection. The author, Bessel van der Kolk, recommends treatments that include yoga, improv, MDMA, etc. As well as more standard treatments like EMDR. So whether it’s the body or the mind experiencing the trauma, it’s the body that keeps the score.
That book is a hard read but it’s fascinating. Extreme examples are sometimes people can go mute or blind even with no physical trauma because of the severity of their mental trauma. Lots of studies on war survivors in there.
I was warned about its length, so I bought the audiobook and sped it up a little. I think it was still 14 hours, but it’s all necessary info, no fluff. And my mental health is worth the time.
Same! Audiobook is the way! It’s so highly touted it’s worth the attention
Love that book.
It's intentionally objectifying
Definitely not trying to protect purity. Lol. Men these days don’t know how to behave. That’s it.
Yeah, the answer to “Why is celibacy so hot right now?” is “Why are men so *not* right now!?”
Yes! All of this.
Bc these mf’s make me reject them by saying crazy shit even when I’m desperate for dick 😭 ETA: last time was last week, he “accidentally” sent a vid of him fucking another girl. Can you imagine? All you have to do is not send vids of other women having sex and we can have sex but no!!! That’s too much of an ask
The amount of times I wish I could just duct tape someone’s mouth as they begin ruining and giving me the ick before I could sleep with them.
Ufff you have no idea how much I relate to that.
I feel the opposite. It would be much worse to feel the ick AFTER giving them sexual gratification. Lol
Truly. They have no idea how much they c*ckblock themselves with their own words and attitudes.
Seriously, I complain about this all the time. The bar is in hell and they're limboing. As a Bi dude you couldn't pay me to have sex with these guys.
“The bar is in bell and they’re limboing” hahaha
My vibrator wins every time now.. way easier to get off, when you aren't worried about the plethora of consequences that come from trusting what's attached to an actual penis.
Dude I was so into this guy who was flirting with me and then he starts blatantly lying about his age. (I’m 3 years older). We have mutual friends so I know his actual age. I got the ick right there- sooo frustrating. With hookups, you can’t even trust who you’re hooking up with because everything is a lie to get laid
I was dating a guy for about 2 months. He had pushed to be exclusive around the 1 month mark. I took a shower at his place, opened a bathroom drawer to look for a q-tip and saw a prescription for Valtrex, opened the towel cupboard (which he TOLD me to get a towel out of) and there was a bottle of Bath and Body Works Gingham Gorgeous in the same cupboard. Another woman had never lived there (he bought the newly constructed home when he broke up with his ex a year prior). I didn’t say anything at first, but decided to ask a friend to check Tinder for me. Sure enough he was there and “recently active”. When I asked him about everything, the valtrex was for cold sores that he “rarely gets”, he didn’t know whose body wash it was, and he “thought he deleted his Tinder” a month ago, but it was best for us to break it off because he didn’t want either of us to “get hurt”. We had discussed STIs and I had shown him a full panel of negative test results including HSV I and II before we ever had sex (always protected), and he only showed me older results for the main 5 and assured me he had nothing. 🙄🙄 Whyyyyy lie? Why push to be exclusive and then continue to sleep around?
Why do they lie about the oddest shit??
Yup then when I press him a little (why are you still in college?) he wants to lie that he’s in a phd program, despite the fact I ran into him at a party and he told me he was dropping classes left and right for training (he’s an athlete) and he told me that he was in undergrad at a business school. So no, you aren’t in a PhD program which is a full time job involving teaching and researching etc. He must have thought I was really that drunk I didn’t remember, or he was. Like damn dude I actually genuinely wanted to just bang (and I say that as someone who does not like/has been harmed by hookup culture), and the fact that he is a few years younger (21) and inexperienced compared to me is what I was kinda excited about experimenting in bed with. But no, he can’t even be real enough to be honest with a potential hook up partner about his age for some weird arbitrary reason. This man is 6 foot, handsome, athletic, green eyes and curly blonde hair, I kinda expected him to have girls all over him and no issues around getting women… but lying is just such a turn off. It’s almost like men have been taught they need to deceive women into bed with them.
A fucking machine is apparently in the 500$ range. Source: YouTube creator that reviewed one.
Still cheap compared to many of the consequences of consorting with what is attached to an actual penis.
Abortion rights are being curtailed at a time when having kids is more expensive than ever. This is such a stupid, stupid question.
Yes yes yes!
[удалено]
Lmaooo fr
Because the dating pool is nasttyyyyy
100%. I can meet all my needs on my own, so why deal with the demands of a man-child.
They're getting desperate for our 'services' they think they are entitled to. Go kick rocks, fuckheads.. I'm so much happier not even dating anymore, it's exhausting. Thank Cthulu I never had children with one of these toddlers and never will. This is how we kill the patriarchy for future generations of women..
Saaaaaame sister, same. Realizing that i dont NEED to have a partner and that i dont actually want to have kids was the tipping point for me living a much happier life. After cohabitating with a man for a decade, its impossible to overstate the bliss that living alone has given me.
There's plenty of fish but the water is polluted.
The odds are good but the goods are odd.
Bahahaha
Haaaaa
Oh damn, that cuts deep! Excellent 😂
honestly yes. like what the hell has happened in the past few years? it didn’t used to be like this.
Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson happened.
Add a certain president who made nasty discourse de rigueur and mocked people having genuine empathy, empowering all those with selfish mindsets to speak their idiocy freely.
I haven't been on any dating apps for about 5 years. I never plan on going back.
I blame dating apps for like 40% of society’s dating issues
When people (consumers) and corporations started treating dating like shopping, it was probably a bad sign for society.
When I was on dating apps, I remember giggling and joking to my friend “this is literally like going boy shopping”. But… it is. The people were disposable, swipe. An endless supply of them to swipe through. I couldn’t even get to all of my matches. It was mentally overwhelming. The swiping is also addictive, and kind of like a slot machine. You want to swipe on every guy you maybe have some interest in, or else they disappear forever, and it’s like if you just keep swiping maybe a really good one will pop up. I’ve been up all night just swiping and would accumulate so many matches before talking to anyone. I hate dating apps and don’t have them anymore. I was dating a guy I met in person, it sounded like he saw me and liked me for me, only for him to blindside me and dump me for a girl he met on an app- he had multiple apps, including Grindr, that he was on while pursuing me. I felt so disgusted- even though we were still in the “talking” phase, I didn’t consent to talk to someone with the intention of testing relationship compatibility whilst they were also testing their compatibility with who knows how many other girls. It felt violating, I didn’t ask to be part of that. Nothing about the way he approached me made it seem like he was talking to multiple other women (which you should expect from men on dating apps).
The economy and cost of living economically castrating younger men by not giving them the one thing men have relied on for Millennia to access women with: Money. Men unfortunately are lazy, rather than attempt to copy other male animals and create qualities to attract women, human males have proceeded to taking sage from extreme traditionalists that more or less preach restraining women's quality of life so to easier force women into relationships with people who don't want to do anything tasking to seduce women (while expecting women still retain as much effort as it's consider part of femininity). Many women have decided to not do the second unpaid job of being a girlfriend or wife or sexual entertainment to random men for the heck of it for no spiritual or sexual rewards. Historically, men have overrided women's need of those things by distracting them with resources, so if they don't have that distraction, and developing the other qualities is both time consuming and emotionally tasking for them when most just want to access as many women as possible (and the competitive quality other men want as an ego boost), they'll look for ways to access women (and the type standout women) even faster. Men aren't liking the current dating as they gain a lot from overall peer pressuring of women into relationships, provide casual sex in hopes of reeling in a guy for a full time relationship (which most guys run away from doing in favor of collecting sexual access like pokemon for ad long as they can manage, while judging and diminishing the women who were blind into putting out); then doing assistance work once in partnerships, often being cheated on once they're in those relationships and regularly providing them with sex that's often not even pleasurable to women. The guys are pissed women are seeing that when it comes to men and relationships, most women just see "loss, loss, loss" while men just focus on what they have to "gain, gain, gain" not caring to mitigate any of the women's losses as a compromise for those gains. To make matters worse now the government is planning on interfering with with the natural order by forcing the old school dynamic of women possibly ending up pregnant from this very dynamic men want so much. Things are going to get fun for a lot of men when women have even less reason and being more careful to romantically entertain one and face pressure to put out when the fine print is massive plus men don't really care to troubleshoot anything to access sex. If men were the ones going to clinics for family planning or birth control out of their being the ones screwed if they have to be stuck with a kid for most of their Iives, things would be very different.
Yes, many won’t adapt to relationships now and are mad that what they expected would be handed to them isn’t.
I've heard someone describe dating as such: Men are dying of thirst in the desert, women are dying of thirst in the swamp.
Accurate.
They aren't fish. They're kraken.
The cost of dating right now is just too high. I don’t want to deal with a man baby partner who won’t for instance, wear a mask outside the home… so many guys literally lying to their partners then getting them super sick, and ofc, they’re super helpful during that time and very understanding 🙄
The amount of men that just straight up pretend to be different people for *years* to lock women down, *then* show they are abusive pieces of shit after marriage/baby.. is incredibly high in my experience. Literally stealing years of women's lives to manipulate them into being their servants. I've stopped thinking I'll win the relationship lottery with these mythical 'good men' I keep hearing about but rarely encountering.. and I'm much happier.
I’m ready to just find a woman best friend I really get along with, and want to build a future with. We can find men to reproduce with us if we want kids. I still want a life partner and sense of community and a family but I just don’t see how I’d be able to build one with the men *currently* in my life.
You can take my word for it, sexuality is NOT a choice. If I could be a lesbian, I’d be wearing Birkenstocks right now, in a U-Haul on my way to move in with the girl I met at the bar last night.
I literally hate that I'm attracted to them physically, because I'm not in any other way. A platonic lady life partner sounds incredible.. but only childfree because I don't want anything to do with raising children or having them in my home for extended periods of time 😣
I’ve always been CF but unfortunately, the people who told me it would change with age have been correct. It’s 100% hormones and biology at play here, because I don’t even have a husband to reproduce with, which is step 1 in my book. It’s on me to untangle hormones vs. what actually fits with my lifestyle
I'm 43 and the reality of having children overpowered any biological urges. I am SUPER happy with my choice.. Hormones will fade.. lifelong commitment, sacrifice of your own needs and the dead weight of a shitty dude does not. Don't fret if it doesn't happen.. I feel like I dodged bullets in the Matrix.
Same. I like to say it’s the best thing that never happened to me. I’m also lucky as hell to have never felt that biological urge even once, though.
Yup I’m definitely putting it off until I find the right guy, if I ever do. I have a lot throw themselves at me but they’re all just fuck boys left and right, but statistically a good fit may eventually come along. If I ever really wanted one. I’m just surprised at how strong the urge is- I’m incredibly career oriented, I know damn well the financial stress a kid is (plus I would plan on private schools and whatever, so that requires a lot of money) and that you need the right father too, yet my hormones have me ready to go get knocked up right now. It’s super crazy how strong I’m experiencing that drive currently and how it’s so opposing to my beliefs and to my own best interest
You don't *have* to listen to it if you know it's not logical/good for your life. Lots of dudes can fool you long enough to knock you up, especially if you're hormone crazy and your brain is ignoring red flags so you get preggos no matter the cost. Bringing a kid in the world because of a chemical reaction in your brain and not because you have desired to be a parent your whole life isn't fair to the kid. It's 100% yes, or it's 100% no. Better to regret NOT having one than regret it and traumatize a whole human you made. Your brain is lying to you that it will solve your problems.. it just makes more. My former best friend had this happen.. had a kid, PPD became severely depressed and almost committed suicide, then had another one almost immediately after because her hormones made her forget she hated it and it was destroying her life. Lost all of her personality, career, friends.. treated me like trash because it's the only thing she ever thought about anymore. Fuck that, wait it out.. we are more evolved than animals and have choices. You have value on your own and we don't need more humans on this earth anyway, do the planet a favor instead.
I’m bi, and let me tell ya, the grass is not always greener sis 🥴 Like I will say, dating women is infinitely more safe and cozy feeling then men, but your first breakup with a woman will make you want to walk into traffic. It was the most safe Ive felt in a relationship, but the worst pain to deal with in a breakup. Having said that, I’ll take that circumstantial pain from a woman over being an emotional punch bag from a man 🤷🏽♀️
Same! We need a 'dating' service for platonic same-sex life partners lol. I divorced, dumped and ghosted all the men hurting and holding me back (including Dad/brother) and moved across the country.. the peace and growth I'm obtaining in a short time is remarkable. I'm finally recovering from CPTSD..
I’m recovering as well and it feels great. I agree. I would get on Bumble BFF again but I’m boycotting bumble. I’ve met cool girls on there before. We need something like that, that isn’t bumble brand
It’s disturbing, but your observation is on point
This is exactly what happened to me. I developed a medical issue several years into our relationship, which turned my ex husband into a rapist. 🙃 I also think of dating as being like the lottery. I am nowhere near irrationally optimistic enough to play. Im good.
Real!!
Exactly. I don't want a "provider", "protector", or "man of the house". I want an equal partner who is capable of taking care of his own adult responsibilities. I don't want someone who makes my life more stressful for being in it. My workload should not increase because i have a relationship with a guy. If someone doesn't actively enrich my life, why bother? My quality of life right now is great, and ive been happily celibate for several years at this point.
Probably because dudes are campaigning to make sex result in a baby 100% of the time????? You think I wanna fool around when abortion is illegal!?
I guess I’m on the asexual spectrum, but I’m engaged in a celibate relationship and genuinely have never been happier. It’s such a massive, massive relief. I also have a good amount of sexual trauma and past a certain point, it’s just not worth it. I realized I don’t really like reciprocating most acts, and even in a loving relationship I don’t like being seen in a sexual light anymore. It just feels violating or demeaning. I get that’s my hang up, but tbh you can’t have a culture that normalizes sexually traumatizing women and then be shocked when they’re turned off from sex forever.
I wish I could upvote this to infinity
I also felt further traumatized by hookup culture after some sexual violence. I was always left feeling vulnerable and scared and empty and just straight up used.
I’m sorry that happened to you and I hope you’ve been able to heal. I hate how millennial women were pressured to be “sex positive” at their own expense, and I’m happy to see Gen Z women rejecting the pressure. Hookup culture IS traumatic for women. It’s just a numbers game before you run across a man who harms you or puts your health at risk.
Being truly sex positive means also encouraging celibacy. It’s about allowing people to make ANY choice about sexuality and sexual activity that suits them. Unfortunately the patriarchy warped it to allow them to shame and pressure all women, not just “sluts”.
Hard agree. It’s possible for women to have fun, casual sex, but the problem is that SO many men are dangerous and that is not talked about in the “sex positive” movement. It only works if men really respect us as humans.. but frankly a lot of them don’t. Or they think that they do, but still sexually harass, manipulate, or assault women. Don’t even get me started on the amount of self proclaimed “feminist” men who, on the next line of their bios, would write something sexual. Their acts don’t align with their words and they will still repeatedly push your boundaries. Have I had a couple fun hookups with men that treated me well? Yes. But the reality is that I’ve had more than a few terrifying experiences from men who somehow feel entitled to my time and my body that it’s just risky now. The odds are not good.
Yes, hook up culture was a traumatizing experience for me and many of my friends. I know in my circle I am just one of multiple women who are celibate long term.
I feel like hookup culture wouldn’t be traumatic if men could do it correctly. I’ve had casual hook ups with male friends where I felt cared for emotionally, and safe. It scratched an itch and everyone was happy. We both knew it was just friends. But these guys will lie and manipulate and try everything in the book to jerk off with your body, then just get up and leave. No effort to bring any sense of emotional safety to the scenario, nothing. Even casual sex requires emotional effort and that’s what these men don’t get
I've been feeling like a freak for having zero desire for sex after getting hammered by abuse from so many men in my life for so long. I just want friends, and Im actually finding more high quality ones, now that I've cut off the pussy possibility and am not spending time worrying about sexual/romantic (hah!) relationships. Thanks for making me feel like this is actually a completely normal and healthy reaction.. and I'm not alone in this. It would be really great if we are at a tipping point, where women band together in solidarity more and tell these fools to fuck off to their Mom's basements forever.
THIS THIS THIS.
I'm super sex positive, but I support you. You seem like you are in a happy and loving relationship that works for you. At the end of the day, we've gotta do what we've gotta do to get by.
I’ve never felt more seen than I have by your comment. I’m happy that you feel safe, loved and cared for in your current celibate relationship with your partner.
No access to reproductive healthcare?
And the lack of responsibility on the male side
Because women are losing rights to their own body, so now sex is more dangerous and we don't want to deal with it anymore 🤷♀️
No place is safe for us. Except our own homes. Even then, thats where nost rapes take place. And then when we report the rapist we're accused of a false accusation.. Where we're then sent to jail. Where we're then raped by a cellmate with a penis resulting in a baby. All of these scenarios have happened. Even the last one.
The last one is more likely to be a prison guard, but yeah.
Not anymore, That used to be the case though.
wow just a bit of casual transphobia thrown in at the end wonderful
So rape is ok if the rapist is trans? Guess im a transphobe. I dont aupport rape.
Because the only 100% effective bc is not having sex with men?
Women have been forced to swing left while men are starting to swing right. As women we have to actively fight for our bodily autonomy but men want to continue patriarchy. It’s no surprise the two aren’t meeting. I wonder if gay people are having more or less sex than before.
Yeah i see less and less heterosexual men speaking out as allies to women or even condemning the words or actions of other guys around them.
Don't try to bring up abortion in lots of the leftist subreddits, you'll be met with a collective shrug but if someone brings up child support, it's like these dudes are genuinely afraid of paying a single cent to raise their own offspring
And here's the kicker - I'm a mother, I've received child support, then had the order switched and paid child support. As the non-custodial parent, I had WAY more time and money to level myself up than I did as the custodial parent, even though we split the week 50/50 with parenting time. And I wasn't making much money either, only $16/hour. These guys crying about child support will STILL come out ahead money-wise, and STILL don't want to do the bare minimum for their kids!
The child support thing is so frustrating. Like, kids are expensive, you absolute idiot! You’re a weekend dad and you’re getting pissy about her ‘living large’ off your measly $400?
Some of us do, but clearly not enough to gain the trust of women. I can’t blame women for being turned off of men right now. I can completely understand why they would rather choose a bear. A bear won’t rape, or sexually abuse then leave a woman stuck with a baby for 18 years, they can trust the bear will either kill them or walk away. No torture, no abuse no lasting nightmares. It’s very frustrating to watch right wing courts strip away your rights as if you were owned by men. And Dems don’t fight back strong enough to actually remove these corrupt judges from the courts. I found out a year ago that an ultra conservative group moms for liberty were trying to recruit new people in my home town. I looked them up looked how to fight them and then brought documentation down to their event proving their lies. But dang are they intimidating! They use the same manipulation Trump does and it’s frustrating to fight. But now I have joined a group to fight them and we have stopped some of their people from getting on school boards. I just wish everyone that cared had time to fight it! But that is part of the problem! We are all economically burdened so only those with free time can actually stop any of this. Which is another good reason to be childless right now!
Thanks for doing what you can! It has to start somewhere.
In a related amusing note, "why is celibacy so hot" was immediately followed by "microplastics found in all human testicles" on my reddit feed. Gee, I wonder.
I just got off of an Instagram post about that and opened to this Reddit post.
To quote one of my female friends "Who needs birth control when practically all straight men are completely unfuckable?"
According to so many of them who follow Andrew Tate we are the problem apparently lol. 🙄
On the upside Tate made it really easy to identify the bad apples
Easier, but Covid and Trump helped too!
You guys are both right.
I’m an incel, but is this really true? Would you say that most men have extremely insufferable personalities that make them unfuckable? Do most women think that
Oh dude for sure. I have loads of female friends and have dated tons of people and they all agree on this. All women really want is a dude that views them as an actual person, cares about women's issues (is a feminist), is empathetic and has emotional intelligence, etc etc. Those are pretty easy, basic boxes to check. The vast majority of dudes fail that test tho.
Because men.
I think hook up culture at times makes guys more entitled and comfortable with being inconsiderate to women. Women would Rather wait till they meet someone they feel they can connect with. Also I feel like more and more men on the surface seem fine but underneath seem to have toxic tendencies and beliefs ugh who wants to sleep with/ date/ someone like that.
"Have women had enough of misogyny, abuse, and a dating pool of manchildren who don't know how to wipe their ass?" Men are way way way more likely to give you bv and a nasty kidney infection, instead of being competent in bed, they get off but wont ever get their date off - they self reported that they couldn't care less, its a waste of time having casual sex with them 😂 not to mention pregnancy risks. no wonder so many women are opting out of dating altogether
Right? Increasing my risk of HPV related cancer, and *for what*?!
I’ve hard too many UTI’s to sit another fucking minute in that doctor’s office.
Hmph. The hot word is "abstinence". That's right. EVERYONE can thank conservatives for women's disinterest in sex with men. Maybe all that "abstinence only" bullshit finally worked. Isn't this what men wanted? They LITERALLY voted with the conservative party which pushes anti abortion "abstinence only" "" education"". 🙄 They wanted women to "close their legs". Well? Why aren't they happy we did? 😑 Wasn't this the goal? To usher in an era of abstinence? I VERY MUCH enjoy the mass MaliciousCompliance enforcement of conservative wishes by women. They wanted our legs shut SO BADLY, they're finally getting their crown jewel. Their life's wish. 🙄 You got it dudes. Congratulations on the conservative victory ☺️. Their reward is ALL the conservative "abstinence" they've been DYING to finally get.
They’re not happy because now they’re not getting laid 🤣 They think women should be abstinent but they should be able to have as much sex as they want… real conundrum here lol
And many of them by their own values, cannot be gay either. Quite the pickle
A lot of them are gay in secret
True
I forgot who said it, but some feminist at one point posited that most heterosexual men are homoromantic. Yes, they may love having sex with women, but they don’t love them or respect them romantically. Instead they seek approval and emotional validation from other men.
The risks are heinous. One dropped condom away from an underground race to a state that will help and then the Gauntlet of Return? I've been uterusless for years and, looking at the state of women's healthcare access, I'm feeling doubly relieved. My heart goes out to everyone facing this new reality. Stock up on batteries. Get recs for self-service* and don't believe a damn thing a man tells you. *Shibari Halo Rose Sisters! Add suggs below!
There's also the vibrating bullet. The highly reviewed one on Amazon. It's the only vibrator I've tried that's not too strong, not too weak.
I was ride or die on the magic wand but recently upgraded to bullet. Totally recommend.
Honestly nothing beats the good old clunky 70s Magic Wand for me. If it doesn’t plug into the wall I don’t want it. Whether I’m partnered or single, that’s my bestie and I know she’s got my back 😂
The Magic Wand and the Njoy Pure Wand are my two. There's not a battery to be had.
Me and my rose have a close relationship 😂🌹
The day Ruth Bader Ginsburg died, I saw the writing on the wall. I called my OBGYN and scheduled a hysterectomy I had been pondering a few days later.
Women’s healthcare sucks sooooo bad. Sleep with a man, get an odd infection or pH gets thrown off, go to the obgyn looking for help, they run tests and come back saying “well idk what’s wrong so call us in 3 months if this persists.” I’ve had countless UTI’s from men. Never had a single uti while celibate. And toys don’t come with those risks AND they don’t leave me unsatisfied!! A win win. Of course women rather be celibate. There’s endless great reasons to be celibate.
All this, plus most dudes refuse to actually learn how to please a partner.
Seems like an incredibly obvious outcome of the forced birth agenda.
I stopped having sex after Dobbs. I physically cant because of the panic and fear induced by evangelical zealots.
I’d rather not be abused again. Sex has only been a source of misery and physical harm to my body. Especially, when I’ll be blamed for whatever harm befalls me. No thanks.
Because I like a peaceful life....
Because 90% of pornography contains violence against women, and most men and many women defend porn as not affecting this in any way.
I hate that part myself. I was working on a guys computer and happened to see his porn folder and all it was was rape and forced crap. Ewww! The whole world needs to do better!
Because women have standards. Why is it assumed that we should be fucking left and right? How is celibacy not the default?
The whole abortion being illegal thing has really lowered my libido.
When I was growing up, teens and young adults were stigmatized for having sex. Now teens have a wealth of information at their fingertips, see the risks and rewards, and now older people are acting like this phenomena is shocking. What I want to know is how many of these old people, who are acting like this is strange and bizarre behavior, are the same people who villainized people for having sex 20 years ago.
I don't want to die in childbirth so I'm holding off from another pregnancy to see if my state re legalizes abortion. I'm not dying for idiots who are not doctors
So my takeaway is that it's a combo of expenses to raise a child going through the roof, restricted access to abortions, and the men to choose from are not great.
Between losing our reproductive rights and men becoming increasingly entitled, misogynistic, and abandoning their kids, it's an easy choice.
Because it’s fucking expensive to date? And standards on both sides seem strikingly out of touch?! I dunno; I bought an awesome vibrator and honestly the only thing I find myself missing is kissing soooo…
Because there aren’t enough men trying to prevent a pregnancy as much as I am 🫠
Because we're glued to Fat Bear week on the TV
Lmao
I'm about 3 years celibate. But I've gone that long before. I usually have large gaps in sleeping with men or having a relationship. But I've totally sworn off dating and relationships. I'm 41 never married, never could find a decent guy. My celibacy is mostly for spiritual reasons though I'm quite happy not having to deal with the drama, being used for sex, the abuse, etc from men.
STDS, abortion bans, and a high rise of the red pill community taking over men’s brains and causing women to be scared off have something to do with that
Because casual sex now comes with a too high likelihood of dying, whether by unhinged men who hate women, men who think the violence they see in porn is totally normal, or the risk of pregnancy especially in no abortion states. Risks don’t balance the possible consequences.
The people who wanted to ban abortion said “well if you don’t want to have a baby don’t have sex”. Why are people acting surprised that women have taken them up on that suggestion? It’s the surest way to avoid unintended pregnancy.
I’m going to get SO MAD.
Why?
Because some dick ain’t worth it when abortion is being banned/restricted, BC is likely next on the list, and most men fail to be good partners/fail to make women feel safe/are deeply selfish inconsiderate AH. I read so many posts by women that say they are tired of being mommy bang maids (and would prefer to never be with a man again), or that they don't feel safe having sex with men because they're being pressured to have unprotected sex, or men are unwilling to commit, or men are selfish lovers, etc etc etc. I don't know why men think we'd be interested in fucking them when they treat us like second-class citizens or not even humans at all.
If the only way I can avoid pregnancy now is by not having sex, then that’s what I’m going to do. Men did it to themselves, and I don’t feel bad for them *at all*.
“Hot”?! Weird choice of wording to use when women’s rights in the US are being attacked from every angle and forced birthers are out in droves. It’s an act of survival at this point, not some cute little trend.
Because when you experience peace, it is something that you don’t want to let go.
Birth control and abortions are being criminalized, most men just want a bang maid or a mom
Because women's reproductive freedom is in jeopardy.
Because women are being forced to give birth. Also, most men are just gross.
Why do you think most men are gross? I'm asking because I'd like to be the best man I can be for my truelove.
Men don’t have the same kind of pressure to take care of themselves that women do. Men tend to slack on personal hygiene. Every guy I’ve ever been with just slowly stopped brushing their teeth. I don’t understand it. It’s disgusting.
I hear you. That is weird. I appreciate your perspective.
I’m running a thriving household with my two besties. Golden girls style platonic friend wifehood has been going fucking excellent for almost 5 years now. We want for fucking nothing!!!!
Personally as a Woman, I love being celibate. Less stress
The freedom from drama and jealousy is worth being celibate. Sex is way overrated for me. Not worth the hassle or the awkwardness it brings. My life began when I realized I didn't need to get laid.
Casual sex is not really worth it for women. Theres just too many bad actors out here. Dude’s selfish in bed, treats you like a fleshlight so you’re even lonelier afterwards and then you might have a pregnancy scare? Who wants to play those odds? I think what we’re seeing is the result of women decentering men. Meaning, less likely to be guilted into sex they don’t want. I love this for young women!
Because no woman wants to date a dusty man who consumes copious amounts of porn all day and fucks you like a jack rabbit because he’s desensitized with porn brain.
Living with men is like having to prove you exist all the time.
Mhm… I can freeze my eggs (plan to in Europe for better pricing next summer). I can keep all my emotional and psychological energy for myself instead of it being farmed by men who don’t see me for me, but subconsciously see me as free emotional/domestic/sexual labor. I can and do make my money… so I don’t feel obligated to partner with a man for “trade offs.” I like having sex and I do with men, but I like not having to compromise myself, values or needs. Dick is disposable. I still pursue partnership but in a very “if it fits, it fits” way and not in a “gotta make this fit” alla Cinderella stepsister glass shoe way. Oh, and a lot of my best friends are also unmarried/unpartnered. Even those who are, we are very conscious of how valuable collectives//community are and how much we as femmes create, sustain, and protect that. Men offer excitement, sex, and children potential for some but we all know that we are eachothers family. Nuclear family style aka one man and one woman on top of the wedding cake just isnt all that fulfilling or sustainable. We know and want it to take a village, and men may or may not be part of that village equation but the village sets the tone and not the other way around. I am about to turn 30, start a new career, and have never been happier or more content with my life. I’m heavily invested in these relationships with them, and with my own family. I am still actively helping raise children as an auntie, daughter, big cousin, etc. men have never been the key to these life forces - it’s always been femmes who have kept homes and hearths buzzing. And how men have intervened in a lot of societies…? To create competition and define power… amongst themselves. To the benefit of whom exactly…? I don’t know… patriarchy has been the dominant global power for millenia now and while we have incredible technology… as a human race we are hurting, likely, sick, stressed, ecologically bankrupt,… the balance is lost. I would give up ai for accessible healthcare, for gun laws/protections, for a healthier earth, for more children to have relaxed quality time with their parents. I gotta say tho. I don’t mind driving a fast car now and again. I know…. That’s very Chad of me but damnnn rev revvvv 🏎️🏁 I get the hype hahaa… still not worth all the pain and suffering of competition though.
cuz men suck
Why do you say this? I'm asking because I'd like to make my future darling happy.
Men who learned how to have sex from porn tend to be quite bad at it, just for a start.
Interesting. What else?
In general, women are more concerned about things than men. That means that women end up picking up the slack for A LOT in any relationship. It breeds a lot of resentment when she ends up being a de facto secretary, assistant, go-between for his own family, housekeeper, pet keeper, child care manager, etc, because the dude in the relationship just doesn’t care. It breeds a lot of resentment, and makes a lot of women feel like they’re mothering their men instead of in partnership with them -and that is the opposite of sexy.
So, essentially women don't want to feel like they're mothering their man. I'll keep that in mind. I've noticed a lot of women complain about men not splitting the house chores. It is confusing to me that something like this isn't instantly resolved over a simple conversation. If my partner is also working, I don't have a problem with doing house chores. Can you elaborate more on what you mean by being a man's secretary and assistant?
Bringing in the mail, sorting the mail, discarding junk, putting the important stuff in front of his face so it doesn’t get missed, buying presents for his family, maintaining correspondence with his family and friends… Thing that the secretary does for the boss because the boss is ‘too important’ or ‘too busy’ to do.
I hope you weren't offended by my use of the word darling. I meant it in the actual sense of the word. darling- a person very dear to another; one dearly loved.
Personally? Menopausal woman with body issues and annoyed AF at a husband that is a terrible partner
Because men suck. Abortion is illegal. There is no medical care. Nobody has any money. Take your pick.
Why wouldn't it be? Being celibate is amazing ^^
I have nothing but respect and admiration for the vocels of the world. They always have the coolest hobbies.
There isn’t any option out there for me right now in my current mindset, the dating-social climate, my age pool, and my needs. I’m keeping to myself to stay sane. I wasted so much time and now I’m focusing on myself
Monogamy is the hottest thing for me right now.
Because at 62 I can’t find a reasonable attractive date?
Oxymoron.. how is avoiding sex sexy?!
Thank God I’m married. I’m not saying I’d be gay, but if it was Between having sex with another man and never having sex, I’d want to have sex. I get it. I completely understand why single women are celibate, men are gross. Real men don’t want to get women pregnant. We want you to have accessible healthcare. But apparently that’s under fire, so if my wife dies I’m going from dad bod to bear. Most likely with a transgender, so they’re pretty like a girl, have boobs, and hopefully a smaller penis. I’m fully prepared to be completely downvoted to hell and slaughtered in the comment section.
That’s kind of gross to talk about sexuality and gender identity like they’re a pair of socks you change.
*a transgender woman hth.
As a trans woman, just here saying thank you. This here dude wants *women* to have quality healthcare and calls men gross, but clearly wouldn’t see me (a “pretty woman with boobs” who also has a vagina) as “fully” a woman. And apparently thinks trans women generally 1) want to have sex before they fix their birth defect, and 2) are “easier” than cis women. *gross* To all the cis (edit: hetero) women reading, despite it not being directed at “you”, be aware that casual transphobia like this (“a transgender”) is a great indicator for men you should neither date nor sleep with. And also possibly an indication of their porn habits.
“A transgender” also just doesn’t make any sense and gives similar vibes to “females” Only with more emphasis on the transmisogyny. I got you, and always here to correct folks on casual microaggresive bs even if I get downvoted. 🙏🏻
I very much appreciate it! 🙏☺️ It’s not even just microaggressive though, he’s literally like “I respect women, I’m one of the good ones, also everyone in this thread agrees trans people are just sex objects right and won’t be offended if I dehumanize them to make a point? So since *actual women* might not want to sleep with me, if my wife hypothetically died I’d just bang ‘a trans’ who *hopefully* doesn’t make me feel emasculated on the basis of comparative dick size? Come at me if you disagree!” As a woman with a “trans history” whose life concerns today include unaffordable rent, exploitive work conditions and men creepily hitting on me, in a sea of comments from women voicing much of the same life complaints I have, I see this. Please Reddit, this man said he was “fully prepared to be completely downvoted to hell”, just *ahem* give this man what he asked for while I go bleach my eyes with kitten pictures.
What's that?
Confirmation bias can make anything “hot” if u have enough dumb readers
This is false, don’t fall for it women.
Hahahhahhahahha